I did briefly at, when I got to see him do his, he did a live show at Aspen Comedy Festival.

He requested the last spot. Oh, he loved that. Wanted to go on late, wanted to stay on as long as he wanted, and would fuck with you if you tried to get up.

And his wife was in the balcony giving him lines through a wireless earwig. And if you went up top, you would hear her say, I don't get no respect.

Opening for musicians is a different kind of comedy because, like, they're not there to see you. And that's what I found to be the challenge. It's like, I'm going to make you motherfuckers who don't know me and are mad because a lot of people would look at you like, that ain't one of the temptations. Right. You know, I got to get them. And I liked that challenge. It is a real challenge because there's a lot of people like, boo! Yeah. Bring on Metallica! Yeah. Yeah, they don't want to see you. They want to see the music act.

I opened for Blood, Sweat, and Tears once. Wow. And they really did not want to see me. You think the Johnny Guitar Watson audience didn't want to see me? Them motherfuckers for Blood, Sweat, and Tears, not fucking with me.

I opened up for Bon Jovi once. I opened up for Bon Jovi for VH1. They had a theater in the round show, like a performance in the round. My job was to open up for Bon Jovi and then get the pretty girls and move them to the front so that they could be on camera. That's what they told me to do.

And JS Jeff says that, and Dave says, he says, yeah, I knew something happened because my printer stopped working. And for some reason, like this joke makes people so many people laughed at this joke because it's so insanely like impulsive, right? I knew Stephen Hawking died because my printer stopped working.

And the next night, he did a different version of it where he said, oh, because my computer stopped working, and it got no laughs at all.

So it was like it was a good thing because a lot of people want the opposite. They want the guy going on before them to suck so that they look like a hero.

And this lady, she had never done stand-up before. This was her first time. This guy fucked her over. He thought he was doing something nice for her. She sat there for all the 20 minutes and read out of a giant notebook and just fucking completely in horrific, like a first time stand-up doing 20 minutes, completely bombed.

Like, there are people. There are people who have gone on for their first time ever in Madison Square Garden to a sold-out arena of 16,000 people.

Just like the, there was, I'd see people go who would like, you know, everyone bombs when you're starting out at open mics, but there are people that bomb every time for like years and they keep doing it. And you're like, bro, how are you?

Some people just don't see it. And that's also, they don't address it. And that's also where they don't get any better. They don't have any self-awareness.

Like some guys who do a lot of like New York City clubs, they have a really good 15 minutes. Let's fucking crush for 15 minutes. But when they have to do an hour, then things get weird because they can't keep the same energy for an hour.

Yeah, that's what when I first moved here, that was when I, that's how I figured out where all the open mics. But they're not even accusing us.

He's not a dumb guy. He's got some really good points. But the problem is if you try too hard and you're doing it all the time, then the good points miss me. Right. They miss me because you're already lost. You're connected to all that other silly shit. They're just lost in the sea. Like, yeah, yeah. Which is good and bad, depending on whether or not you want to be taken seriously. Right. I don't want to be taken seriously. So like if I do UFO shows or Bigfoot shows, like, good. Oh, he believes in dragons.

His name was Otto and George. And he was a ventriloquist comedy act. And George was the dummy, and Otto was the guy.

You know, so they offered Shane a bag. They offered Chain a bag.

Because I think what comedy is, is you're performing, but you're also hypnotizing people. What you're doing is you're getting them to think the way you think. You're putting people into your mindset.

And it was at the stage of Rodney's life where he only wore a bathrobe on stage, buck naked with slippers and a bathrobe. And I saw Rodney when I was working there. I was like by the backstage area. I saw Rodney walking in the hallway, pacing with his fucking bathrobe on. I'm like, this is the greatest thing of all time. This guy's just going to go out there in a bathrobe. This was 1986. Wow. Yeah. And so he went out there with his fucking bathrobe and just murdered.

The first time I ever did it, I was still fighting, and I'd done nothing but martial arts competition, like literally eight hours a day for my whole life for six years. And then I was more scared going on stage at an open mic night than I had ever been fighting ever.

Brian Holtzman. Okay? So if you know Brian Holtzman's act, it's a character he plays that's a complete maniac. And everyone he goes on, he went after Kim Congdon the other night. Kim Congdon has this great set. She's in the little boys, great set, very funny. He goes on and he goes, and amazing watching women try to do things men do. What are you doing? Get in the kitchen. Get in the kitchen. It's a character he plays. Make me a sandwich. He's the sweetest human being. The sweetest human being. So he did this with Justin Martin. Justin Martindale doesn't care. Justin Martindale became as good as he. Fucking said he like commented on it when this girl was talking shit about it. Like, yeah, that happened. Like, yeah, that happened with Brian Holtzman, you fucking asshole. You know what he's doing. He does that with me. He does that with everybody. Every single person he goes on after, he shits on them to set the tone, and then he shits on everything. He shits on the tech guys walking around with South by Southwest. He goes crazy. He's funny as shit, too. He's a legend. Like, you know what he's doing.

Yeah, well, because it is kind of a mental battle. Right. There's a weird battle of control, and there's always a lot of drunk people in the audience that don't want you taking control. They want to take control of you.

Tom Seguro, who looks totally white, speaks fluent Spanish and does stand-up in Spanish.