Sept. 10, 2025 - The Joe Rogan Experience
02:47:19
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| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
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unidentified
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Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out. | |
| The Joe. | ||
| Rogan Experience. | ||
| Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day. | ||
| Hey, what's up? | ||
| What's up, Ryan? | ||
| Good to see you, my man. | ||
| Well, thanks for having me for that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Very, very good. | |
| It's very funny. | ||
| You're you brought a box of your stuff. | ||
| And one of them immediately started going off like it's an alarm. | ||
| What is that hell is it? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It was a it's a it's that commercial that runs for late-night uh Viagra Cialis and says, Hey, we'll send you your Cialis in Viagra and unmarked white envelopes. | ||
| And I would say, fuck that. | ||
| I don't I want just the opposite. | ||
| I want my neighbors to know I'm getting laid. | ||
| I want my neighbors to know I have a dick, a hard dick, so it's got sirens and whistles. | ||
| My dick's hard. | ||
| My dick is yeah. | ||
| And that's you know, six engineering. | ||
| We were just talking about you the other night at the comedy club. | ||
| We were like, he owns props. | ||
| Like you can't do props now. | ||
| When I was a kid, when I first started doing stand-up, and I'm sure you too, there were prop comics. | ||
| Sure. | ||
| There was a bunch of guys. | ||
| Yeah, the wid the width. | ||
| Quite a few guys that were really good. | ||
| Prop com. | ||
| But you became so successful as a prop comic, you kind of stole the market. | ||
| Oh. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah, yeah. | |
| There's no young comics coming up. | ||
| Nobody wants to be a caratom. | ||
| I think that's a good thing. | ||
| I think that's what it is. | ||
| Like, yeah, it's shit I I still get people looking for. | ||
| I don't think you get shit anymore. | ||
| No, I not as much. | ||
| No. | ||
| But I see but you still get the aftermath of it, like just on the plane today. | ||
| Some go like, I don't care what I no, what are you doing? | ||
| I said, I'm doing rogue, and they said, Oh man, I don't care what everybody else says, you're funny. | ||
| I'm like, well, who was everybody who's everybody else? | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| Well they get that I get that a lot. | ||
| You know, the people that all the people that you know pay you. | ||
| I I personally think you're funny. | ||
| That kind of stuff. | ||
| So yeah, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
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I'm I'm one of the rare I'm one of the rare ones that thinks you're good. | |
| Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Yeah, I can't, you know, I had to beg my mom to come. | ||
| She did not want to come. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Okay. | |
| Yeah, it's such a weird thing. | ||
| Well, we talked about that the last time. | ||
| Like, I think you took way too much shit from comedians, and I never understood it. | ||
| I did the the weird thing that comedians do where they hate on other comedians, like, good lord. | ||
| We live in a world that is filled with war and famine and disease and pollution and garbage and chaos and corruption. | ||
| And you want to concentrate on a prop comic. | ||
|
unidentified
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Is that is that really what the problem is in this world? | |
| Yeah, and it's almost always comics that are doing better than you. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| I think we tried breaking it down last time as to why. | ||
| And I think it was only because I think, one, I did get successful. | ||
| And it wasn't quick-quick, but it was quicker than maybe most. | ||
| Because I hit the scene right at the right time. | ||
| I had the act that was, you know... | ||
| It was a good for television, right? | ||
| Because it's visuals. | ||
| It's and it's it i and I got a little success, and I think people were like, you know, why they would ask Jay, you know, why do you why do you why do you have Caratop on like every month? | ||
| And Jay was like, you know, you know, yeah, brings the gun. | ||
| But uh But uh I do remember um the comedy uh the the evening at the improv and I you know I I I I played mostly that in the other one laugh uh uh the Cheesecake Factory was and then the uh the comedy store was more I admits he loved me, but I never really played there a lot. | ||
| So Bud loved me. | ||
| One night he uh he he I I came in, I said, you know, I I had my back. | ||
| Bud Friedman from the Improv Freeman. | ||
| Improv, sorry. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I had my box and stuff, and he always loved me. | ||
| You know, he says, Oh man, you know, there's no there's no spots tonight. | ||
| And I said, Um, I drug it all the way, you know, fuck. | ||
| And he's like, um let me let me I'll see if I can get you in somewhere. | ||
| So the tonight show book bookers were there that night. | ||
| They were the Jim McCauley and these people were there to to pick watch comics and pick them for the tonight show. | ||
| So he's like, hey, you know what? | ||
| I'm gonna slide you in. | ||
| Um they're gonna love you. | ||
| So I go up and I had the best set ever I've ever had. | ||
| It was just I magical night, and I I don't know if I was just I knew they were there. | ||
| Every comic was coming over going, Jesus, dude. | ||
| Fuck I mean, leveled it, right? | ||
| And Jim McConnelly walks up and he says, that was amazing. | ||
| I said, Oh, thanks. | ||
| Um I said, you booked the tonight show. | ||
| You think that maybe I I could get on? | ||
| And he said, not a chance in hell. | ||
| And I was like, I had just killed. | ||
| I go, wh why? | ||
| He says, You're not you're you're Johnny would never book you. | ||
| And I said, why? | ||
| I said, You b you but you book you booked the show, Right? | ||
| He goes, he would never he would never allow it. | ||
| I said, why? | ||
| Johnny Carson. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I said, why? | ||
|
unidentified
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He says he hates variety. | |
| What a weird thing. | ||
| And I stopped in the middle of my and I'm like, the whole fucking tonight shows variety. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| Carnak, the throwing the hatchets, every fucking thing they do. | ||
|
unidentified
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Right. | |
| Ed McMahon's a fucking prop, right? | ||
| The whole thing is. | ||
| They bring on animals. | ||
| Animals. | ||
| You think I'm kidding, right? | ||
| So I'm like, well, okay. | ||
| And then finally, I mean, I'm talking like two weeks after uh Johnny left, I was on with Jay. | ||
| And it was just like literally. | ||
| But the weird part about it was it still was the same studio. | ||
| You know, they had the blue sta you know the the gold stars. | ||
| You're standing right where Johnny was, and the same like Ed Decordova was still in the booth, and everyone was still like there. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So you felt like it was the the the tonight show, but uh how weird is that like no you know, don't like variety. | ||
| And then I would get you know singled out because uh I would do Leno so many times. | ||
| I'd ask if I could do lettering. | ||
| They said, No, you're uh you're your team Leno. | ||
| I'm like Oh it's like that Twilight movie. | ||
| I'm a team fucking whatever. | ||
| There's two teams. | ||
| Thank God that doesn't exist in podcasts that's disgusting fucking thing where if you were on one person's side, you're the enemy. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
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Ugh. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Probably M Leno. | ||
|
unidentified
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How stupid is that? | |
| I was, I guess. | ||
| Well, it was such famine thinking back then because you know there was only a certain amount of uh uh now you know it's not a wig sauce on there. | ||
| Well I never thought it was a wig. | ||
| No, people have that thing on straight. | ||
| Isn't it weird that like women can wear wigs? | ||
| No problem at all. | ||
| A man wears a wig, it's pretty good. | ||
| You're a loser, absolutely the man with a hair piece. | ||
| Nice hair pieced. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Or implants, you know, when I would I lived in LA. | ||
| This is true. | ||
| I lived in L. I'd go to Gold's gym, and my hair was even more out of out of control. | ||
| I had big ass hair. | ||
| Yeah, you had a giant frog on the city. | ||
| And these ladies were behind me, and they're like, oh my god, look at that those that woman's arms, right? | ||
| Seriously, makeup and the end of the whole nine yards. | ||
| And they were just amazed, and they came over late and said, How do you get your arms that big? | ||
| And I turned around, I said I don't know, you know, arm workout. | ||
| And she's like, Oh, and I could see their face turn, like it's a dude. | ||
| But I was kind of, you know, pretty that, you know, it's like, you know, the younger lot of hair, makeup, so and then that same gym one day, I'm I'm I'm working out, and this guy says, um, nice arms. | ||
| And I said, Thanks. | ||
| He's like uh who d who who did the work, right? | ||
| And I thought he's making I said, I didn't I put in the fucking work, you know, like who works out for me. | ||
| He's like, no, no, no. | ||
| I mean uh uh implants, right? | ||
| I'm like Only in LA would you have someone at the gym walk up and say, Oh yeah, implants? | ||
| Yeah, I have implants. | ||
| You you fucking go to the gym and you do it. | ||
| At the gym and you do curls out, assuming that someone has implants is pretty wild. | ||
| But I don't have that big of I mean this guy thought I, you know, I have to. | ||
| Well that's how gross LA is. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's uh that's like the default assumption is that everything's fake. | ||
| Yeah, yep, every no matter what. | ||
| Where'd you get your butt? | ||
| Who did your butt? | ||
| Who did your butt? | ||
| Where'd you get your nose done? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's always like no, it's true. | ||
| No one wants to believe. | ||
| Who does your plugs? | ||
| Yeah, no one wants to believe that you're natural. | ||
| That's a good idea. | ||
| Weird, I just had a guy uh this today at the airport. | ||
| Uh he said, uh, hey, you still working out? | ||
| And I'm like, you're supposed to say, I see you're still working out, right? | ||
| You don't ask him if you're still working out, that means you don't look like you work out. | ||
| Well, I think he's probably just trying to start a conversation with you. | ||
| Yeah, and we snow how to do it. | ||
| No, I did. | ||
| I said, You mean you mean I see you're still and he goes, Yeah, what did I say? | ||
| I said, You said do you still work out? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And what's the answer to that? | ||
| You just say yes. | ||
| I say, no, no, I'm uh I yeah. | ||
| No, I said I'm not feeling well. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm dying. | ||
| I'm dying, yeah. | ||
| Oh, you didn't hear? | ||
| Like, well, I it's radiation poisoning. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Something happened. | ||
| One of my toys. | ||
| Well, we say you lift like I hate that too. | ||
| I'm in the gym and like you always lift light. | ||
| I don't I guess it means I don't I don't lift I don't ever I do weights, I don't do heavy weights. | ||
| I don't have spotters, I just do cables and do some dumbbells, but people always do that. | ||
| You always work light. | ||
| Like, fucking. | ||
| I'm heavy for me. | ||
| People are silly. | ||
| There's a lot of people that just don't know what to say. | ||
| You know, they meet someone famously, they don't know what to say. | ||
| They just get weird. | ||
| They do. | ||
| And then they afterwards, they probably leave and go, why the fuck did I say that? | ||
| Jesus Christ, I feel so stupid. | ||
| I've done that before. | ||
| Meet famous people, act like an idiot, and you're like, what shit. | ||
|
unidentified
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So I try to give people grace. | |
| I'm so true. | ||
| So th true that. | ||
| If I see celebrity, I'm like, oh, I'm not gonna, I'm not a pan, I'm gonna fuck it up, really, right? | ||
| Do you get a lot of people coming to your shows that are famous? | ||
| You must have a lot of people. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We have um, we had a guy last night. | ||
| we had a guy here from uh Chris Jericho was at the show last night and he was uh he said decided you're gonna be a big thing. | ||
| The wrestler, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
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Oh, cool. | |
| Real nice guy. | ||
| Um you've been at the Luxor for how long now? | ||
| 19 uh coming up on 20. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Yeah, November. | ||
| You you probably have the longest residency of anybody in Vegas. | ||
| Other than like pen and they were just talking about it. | ||
| But they don't count because one only talks. | ||
|
unidentified
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So they've been there forever. | |
| They've been there forever. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I remember I saw them there in 94. | ||
| 94? | ||
| 98, 98. | ||
| I saw them there in 98. | ||
| Yeah, still at the Rio. | ||
| Back when the Rio was nice. | ||
| Yeah, right. | ||
| Now it's like you gotta wear a bulletproof vestival. | ||
| They should just light it up shithole. | ||
| It's a weird place. | ||
| It's weird how some of those places just they just fall off. | ||
| They just they just get tired and then no one wants to go there anymore. | ||
| But then if they they last long enough, then they become like circus circus where they're fun. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| It's fun to go there. | ||
| No, it is. | ||
| And and the Luxor, they just did a whole big revamp on it and nice. | ||
| It's it's it's a beautiful hotel. | ||
| Every time I walk in, it's just it's spectacular to see the the how they made that. | ||
| Well, I'm obsessed by Egypt. | ||
| So for me, it's like I wish I the Luxor was the best hotel. | ||
| I'd stay there every time. | ||
| Because it's you know, it's a fucking giant pyramid. | ||
|
unidentified
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We actually for you. | |
| We did a fear factor stunt where people had to slide down the Luxor once. | ||
| Oh wow. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They had to like grab flags on the way down. | ||
| They had a slide down. | ||
| Oh, I must see I'm not doing that. | ||
| Yeah, pretty crazy. | ||
| Pretty ridiculous. | ||
| Back in the day. | ||
| That is crazy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Twenty fucking years, man. | ||
| That's a long ass time to be uh doing a residency. | ||
| So before that you were doing colleges and you were touring and you know. | ||
| Do you miss any of that? | ||
| You do a little touring. | ||
| We do a little now. | ||
| We do a little touring now and then, but uh it it's only when I did oh when I get the time the the off time. | ||
| So if I get a week off, like I'm here, I could be home in my boat, but I'm here. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Um I do uh road shows, but you know, you can't always you gotta take a break here and there because you can't kill yourself. | ||
| But uh I like the you know, I like the the touring. | ||
| I like the bus. | ||
| you feel like a rock star. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You pull up on a bus and you got the big venue and there's a sound check and there's people We have the the luxer, but not like you know, people hanging out by the bus, you know. | ||
| I get people like hey, you fuck my mom. | ||
| I'm like, great. | ||
| Remember, you know you're getting old. | ||
| Fuck me now. | ||
| Hey, you fuck my mom. | ||
| Pretty soon it'll be you blew my grandpa. | ||
| You know, it'd be something it'll be something. | ||
| When uh Wait, his grandpa blew me. | ||
| Uh your grandpa blew me. | ||
| Let's get this straight. | ||
| Your grandpa's a liar. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| First of all, your grandpa's a liar. | ||
| He's dead, I'm sorry. | ||
| On his deathbed. | ||
| You know, carrot top blooming one. | ||
| Thank God he's dead. | ||
| You can't sound anybody. | ||
| The one thing that's good about not touring though, like because I mostly just work my club now, is I never feel tired. | ||
| I uh like the traveling tiredness is horrible. | ||
| You realize how bad it is to be flying all the time. | ||
| That is one great advantage of having the show every night at the at the Luxor because I leave my house. | ||
| Yeah, sleep in your own bed. | ||
| Oh yeah. | ||
| I'm home home by ten, thirty, eleven and latest. | ||
| That is a huge plus. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah, yeah. | |
| That's a huge plus. | ||
| Yeah, because the road is. | ||
| It's it can tear you up. | ||
| But then like I said, there's the ups and there's pluses and minuses of it. | ||
| It's fun, you're in a rock you're you're a rock band, you know. | ||
| There's pluses and minuses, but for me, um I mean this is the first time in my life where I haven't toured. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The last few years, last three, four years. | ||
| And it's nice. | ||
| Well, I guess four three years ago I was touring still. | ||
| Like two years. | ||
| The last two years. | ||
| I've just since the club opened. | ||
| I just stopped. | ||
| And it's been amazing. | ||
| I love it. | ||
| Perfect. | ||
| You know? | ||
| All my friends are doing arenas, they send me pictures. | ||
| Yeah, fun. | ||
|
unidentified
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Yeah. | |
| I don't want to do it. | ||
| I know. | ||
| I just fucking want to get out there. | ||
| I'll probably will uh once I make a new hour. | ||
| Because right now I'm at like 40 something minutes. | ||
| Once I get a a full new hour, I'll probably do some some tour dates just for the fuck of it. | ||
| But being at home has giant advantages. | ||
| It's uh you don't realize like how much you're destroying your body until you stop doing it. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Oh, it's yeah. | ||
| Yeah, they haven't the show is nice for that reason too. | ||
| I mean you can you have a normal day. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Uh I had a dog for a bit. | ||
| You can take a dog and go to work and come home and you're yeah, watching Sports Center at 10 30 in bed. | ||
| Do you uh do you feel weird living in Vegas? | ||
| Vegas is an odd place. | ||
| It's like you have to find Well, I live in the in the you know, in the Summerlin area where it's like normal suburby but then you go to work inside the devil's ball. | ||
| Then I go inside the devil's ball is a good way to put it. | ||
| And uh yeah. | ||
| And then I'm not like I leave the that down the shaft back to back to back to Summerlin. | ||
| It spits you right out the tip. | ||
| Whoo, we're home. | ||
| That was hell. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, I find it funny there's a college there and a big college, you know, UNLV. | ||
| I find that funny because you imagine asking your parents like, hey, I want to go to college, and they're like, oh, right on, where are you gonna go? | ||
| Michigan, Iowa? | ||
| You're like, um I'm thinking about Vegas. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's good college. | |
| My buddy Sam Triple went there. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's a good college. | ||
| I mean it's a good college, I'm just saying, you know, for weird for the joke purposes of the R. Well, it seems like Vegas has become more of a community now, right? | ||
| They have the Raiders now. | ||
| Aren't they getting a majority? | ||
| Golden Knights and the uh the golden nights. | ||
| Uh the hockey. | ||
| Hockey. | ||
| Right, that's right. | ||
| They've got a hockey team now. | ||
| Always have fights. | ||
| Fights almost every week. | ||
| Yeah, right. | ||
| Some kind of boxing or UFC event or something. | ||
| And there's talking of they're talking of building the baseball stadium, I think. | ||
| That's nice. | ||
| Well, it's gonna be the Vegas A's? | ||
| That's gonna be weird. | ||
| I I guess, yeah, I don't know. | ||
| It's is it the Vegas Raiders? | ||
| Is that what they call themselves? | ||
| Yeah, Las Vegas Raiders. | ||
| That's weird. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well, everyone, even the commentators like, yeah, Oakland's uh Oakland Raiders, you can't you know. | ||
| It takes a long time. | ||
| People still say Washington Redskins, every you know, just every Chris Collinsworth last week. | ||
| You know, the ki the Reds get what do they call themselves now, the Redskins? | ||
| The commanders. | ||
| And you're you're talking uh this is pretty good. | ||
| I'm like a sports guy. | ||
| I know this stuff, yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Commanders. | ||
| Yeah, Rentskids is a weird one, though. | ||
| Washington commanders. | ||
| That one's problematic. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know. | ||
| Well, there's a lot of I guess that though. | ||
| Maybe it was something there's some articles someone did it was really great. | ||
| It broke down everything that could be. | ||
| Like the Braves, the thing, the Chiefs, they went through all these different things. | ||
| We'd have to get rid of everything. | ||
| How about Notre Dame? | ||
| The only thing left was like the dolphins because they were just but you can't you know it's a dolphin. | ||
| You can't you can't hurt a dolphin. | ||
| Yeah, but then there's dolphins in captivity. | ||
| It's kind of gross that you're capitalizing on dolphins in captivity. | ||
| Right. | ||
| There was a there was a lot of people that were upset about the Notre Dame using the fighting Irish, using that little leprechaun guy. | ||
| Yeah, right. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I think they're gonna have a problem with everything. | ||
| I mean, you know, geez, Louise. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yep. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| That's all it is. | ||
| You ever get protested? | ||
| Uh no. | ||
| I no, but we seem shocked. | ||
| No, I I haven't, but I I thought um I had a nightmare when not that I did. | ||
| Like we just I you know, I'm I'm it'd just be people outside the looks or just mad about something. | ||
| Uh no, but I've thought about that. | ||
| Because I know people have been. | ||
| Have you you've been have you been? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| Oh, whatn't see that's so strange. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Minor. | ||
| Just a bunch of people like mad about something. | ||
| It's always something. | ||
| You know, it's whatever it is. | ||
| People just get upset. | ||
| It's always a small group of people. | ||
| Because it's actually organized by by actual humans versus like uh these crowdfunded ones. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Where like they show up on tour buses and they all have like professionally making signs and they hand up to them and they're all getting paid protests. | ||
| Those that's a weird thing that they're doing today. | ||
| Like paid protesters. | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
| I was watching a documentary on it on YouTube the other day that was uh they they followed this woman who is a professional paid protester. | ||
| And she goes from free Palestine to this to that, uh she's been doing it for years. | ||
| She goes from one protest to the next. | ||
| That's her job. | ||
| That's her job. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And she makes, you know, X amount of a hundred dollars a day. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| And they fly around. | ||
| Stays at the four seasons, maybe also. | ||
| I think that kind of should be illegal. | ||
| Yeah, it kind of. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because it's kind of a lie. | ||
| It's kind of fraud. | ||
| It's beyond fraud. | ||
| It's beyond fraud. | ||
| And the and the guy whoever's funding it is right. | ||
| I mean, who's paying them? | ||
| It's usually NGOs, non-government organizations that get uh taxpayer money, unfortunately. | ||
| But it's a weird thing that where you're pretending that these people are outraged when they really just want a sandwich. | ||
| Right, right, right, right. | ||
| You see them all the time in the news. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And people don't know the real, right? | ||
| They don't know they're not real. | ||
| No, but it's not a good idea. | ||
| Until someone points it out like you just did, and then they get exposed. | ||
| And then people are like, no. | ||
| You're just you're just listening to the hype of the what do you call the uh you know, the what do you call it? | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know Propaganda. | |
| Propag or the other one where they're like, oh, that's just you know, the world's flat and that kind of the the thick conspiracy theories. | ||
| Oh yeah. | ||
| So I love those because I, you know, with my dad working at NASA, I would always answer ask people like, what like what do you think? | ||
| What'd your dad do at NASA? | ||
| He was uh an engineer. | ||
| He uh he he uh trained the astronauts in uh in the simulation. | ||
| Did you just he'd punch you right now? | ||
| But he's oh yeah. | ||
| I'm gonna go to the body. | ||
| I slip, I move. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| No, because we had a we had a we just had a discussion backstage. | ||
| Oh god dang, a couple days ago. | ||
| I don't know what uh something had something happened about a flag or something. | ||
| Something flag. | ||
| A flag waving on the moon. | ||
| No, it was something about a flag like burning flag, something. | ||
| And I said, uh my friend said, That's an interesting question. | ||
| I wonder if the the the m if the flag is still on the moon. | ||
| And I said that's a great question. | ||
| Like it's one of the you had to break it down, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So I'd say, well, my dad would know, and I guess I'm and I'm not the brightest guy, but I would I would do like an engineer and would break it down. | ||
| Well, there's not you know, it's there's no wind on the moon. | ||
| I mean, there might be cosmic something wind up there, but it's not right. | ||
| It's so and there's nothing that's gonna deteriorate the flag, so it's probably still there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
If unless it got hit by micrometeorites, that's something other than that it would be right. | |
| There's no atmosphere on the moon, so well, a very, very thin atmosphere. | ||
| So it gets pelted all the time. | ||
| That's what I'm saying. | ||
| The only thing that would probably right, but it's it unless how deep the motherfucker's put in. | ||
| And but my dad trained them to drive that little lunar rover. | ||
| Oh the joke I was gonna put in the show, I said, you know, NASA can now uh can get they're good. | ||
| They can zoom in and look at it. | ||
| So here's the NASA zoom in on the they have a on the moon. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| You see the flag. | ||
| See, I told you the fucking moon's still there. | ||
| And then we pan over and there's the Land Rover, uh, but it's it's up on blocks, and they've taken they've looted it and taken all the wheels off of it. | ||
| Said, see, the fucking thing they've already stole it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They've already teared They did take photos. | |
| I think it was India. | ||
| Was it India or China? | ||
| One of the satellites that they had hovering the moon took appropriately blurry, ambiguous photos of what they claim was the landing site. | ||
| Like where the the lunar module was and where the buggy is. | ||
| Well that was that would be the punchline. | ||
| You go, of course it's still there in some sound stage in LA, you know. | ||
| I think the sound stage is probably in Vegas. | ||
| I think it was out in the desert. | ||
| It might be near my house. | ||
| Could be. | ||
| I think it's out where they film where they do like uh UFO back engineering. | ||
| Yeah, maybe. | ||
| That's another weird thing. | ||
| You're you're right where where the uh Luxor is right across the street from where those guys take off to go to the area fifty one. | ||
| My brother flew those. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Really? | |
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whoa. | |
| Here's the crazy thing, and I probably know my brother uh was Air Force, and so he retired Air Force. | ||
| F-16 fighter jet pile, and now he he for for about three years he flew those red striped planes. | ||
| And the weird thing is I'm in the Luxor when I first got the gig and I was in the in my room was at the top of the not with the lot on the light, that'd be a horrible room to be in. | ||
| People like, is it your room with the light on it? | ||
| Yeah, my room was with the light in it. | ||
| For people that don't know, there's a giant spotlight off. | ||
| But they actually had a toned down. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It was indeed. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's three things you can see from outer space, by the way. | ||
| The Great Wall of China, the Luxor Light, and my cock. | ||
| Um Thank you. | ||
| I'm here all week, try to win. | ||
| I'm actually here all all week. | ||
|
unidentified
|
All week. | |
| Um oh so I'm looking out the window, right? | ||
| I thought they were the some private guy, you know, is a big mil billionaire that has all these jets out there. | ||
| They were blue, so I thought, oh, this is another billion of red jets. | ||
| And so then there's four channels on my TV. | ||
| It was like when I was a kid, right? | ||
| And the Luxor was just the Luxor channel and then the you know. | ||
| So the Luxor channel would have on a loop every day, this goddamn thing about the red striped planes. | ||
| And this is real, right? | ||
| So I'm watching it and they're like, no one in the world knows where these red striped planes are. | ||
| They fly out of a d uh a a secret location. | ||
| I swear to God, in the West and I'm like, I'm looking out my window like I they're fucking right there. | ||
| And it's serious. | ||
| Like no one knows for years. | ||
| People try to discover where the red planes fly in and out of. | ||
| And like, this is a joke. | ||
| So I called my brother and I said, you know, he flies I said, you this thing says that you're you're like top secret, you don't fly anywhere. | ||
| Yeah, I don't even know what you're talking about. | ||
| You know, my brother can't tell me he wouldn't tell me. | ||
| I just thought that was so crazy. | ||
| I'm like this whole show saying there's no red planes and they and there's a mystery to if you could find them. | ||
| And I'm like, everybody knows where they are. | ||
| That's ridiculous. | ||
| Everybody literally knows where they are. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Unless they are fake ones. | ||
| They're the ones that the deploy see they the decoy. | ||
| The decoy. | ||
| Yeah, just like the 747, then they have the other 747. | ||
| Yeah, when Bob Lazar was working on back engineering UFOs, allegedly, that's where he used to fly out of. | ||
| They'd pick him up there and he'd fly over to Area S4. | ||
| Quick quick little flight. | ||
| Out into the middle of uh groom lake. | ||
| Quick layover and get out, and they'd say, figure this thing out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jeez. | |
| Allegedly. | ||
| Allegedly. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Supposedly it looks like that. | ||
| That one right there. | ||
| Right. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's the same thing. | |
| Doesn't it? | ||
| It looks a little bit like that. | ||
| No, it's this that's the sport model. | ||
| That's what Bob supposedly was working on in the area fifty-one. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, who knows. | ||
| It's fun. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| But when you're looking at those actual planes. | ||
| I'd like to talk to one of those guys. | ||
| They tell you though that then they're fucked. | ||
| Oh, yeah, like my brother's like, we talking about it. | ||
| He would not no, he says, I I uh you know, work it in and out. | ||
| No, you don't. | ||
| You fly this planes. | ||
| Tell me more. | ||
| He wouldn't tell you nothing? | ||
| No. | ||
| Even if they put the phones down and go for a walk. | ||
| No, no. | ||
| Nothing? | ||
| Your own brother? | ||
| Yep. | ||
| If you were my brother, I'd tell you everything. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Would you? | |
| Fuck yeah. | ||
| I would too. | ||
| I don't think I can't keep a secret. | ||
| That's probably why I was like a. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's why you're not why they wouldn't hire you. | |
| People always ask me, like, does anybody ever tell you like secret top secret information? | ||
| Like, no, I have a big fucking mouth. | ||
| Exactly right. | ||
| They told me that UFOs are real, I'd be I'd be like, look, I'm sorry, maybe they're gonna put me in jail, but I have to tell you people. | ||
| I always have that question too, honestly, about about people that have had sort of security clearances and that. | ||
| And then they revoke them and they get rid of me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| My biggest I have those. | ||
| I know these things are not working. | ||
| Yeah, these aren't working. | ||
| Something about your hair. | ||
| Yeah, my physique. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Let's just let's just go ahead set less. | |
| We don't feel like feel better. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| It was a struggle. | ||
| Can I take my pants off too? | ||
| This is a pants for the colour. | ||
| No headphone, no pants wearing his own. | ||
| You probably have extra pants in there anyway. | ||
| I might do probably have something in there. | ||
| I know I used to be able to do that. | ||
| Do you even know it's in there? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Like not just show, or do you just like reach in and see what's going on? | |
| The show is structured, um, but when I come and do like little thing that there's not at all. | ||
| There's not nothing zero. | ||
| Do you ever do guess sets like at a comedy club? | ||
| Where you bring the I used to do it. | ||
| I used to make a thing. | ||
| Did you do it these days now? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| No? | ||
| I mean, to kind of do like this is what I'm doing today with Tony. | ||
| I bring a little a little bit. | ||
| Tony. | ||
| Last time you did it. | ||
| It was very fun. | ||
| I saw some. | ||
| Yeah, he said he said to me, I was at home, I said, I don't really want to do props. | ||
| You know, I want to talk. | ||
| I'm gonna do I want to be, you know, not Terra Top. | ||
| He says, but that's what I want. | ||
| I want you to be that. | ||
| And he was right. | ||
| Uh, because it was really he was right, because a lot of his it was both, right. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It was fun to talk, be funny without doing props, and then go in and show some of the stuff, and he he was beside himself. | ||
| He said, Are you here tomorrow night? | ||
| I'm here. | ||
| Uh no. | ||
| No. | ||
| Tonight and I have a show there tomorrow night. | ||
| Ah shit I was. | ||
| Oh, that would be pulled the box up. | ||
| Oh man, I would have done that in a heartbeat. | ||
| Another time. | ||
| He'll be back. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Next time I was playing on that. | ||
| Yeah, that would be fun. | ||
| Absolutely. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I just had Ron White come up on on stage um just last Friday. | ||
| Oh, he was in Vegas. | ||
| He was in Vegas uh and he came out and you know Ron's just a hoot. | ||
| He says uh he he comes in and I said, you know, what I said, Well, I I thought you know, what do you want me to do? | ||
| I said, Well you just just do what I you know, don't you not do stress out, don't come out and do 20 minutes. | ||
| Just I think just poke your head out. | ||
| I I have a I had a I have a bit in my act where I talk about my dad working at NASA and training astronauts, and it says like Neil Armstrong and John Glenn. | ||
| They all these pictures come up and Katie Perry, and everybody goes, ah and so if my dad was alive, you could hear him right now. | ||
| He goes, What the fuck? | ||
| And I got Ron White to do the voice for it, right? | ||
| So the crowd they already know it. | ||
| You just hear his voice. | ||
| What the fuck? | ||
| And everybody's like, Ron, why? | ||
| So I said, That sounds like Ron White. | ||
| I said, Fucking sounds a lot like Ron White. | ||
| And he he walks out and he goes, Well, no shit, Sherlock. | ||
| And the crowd loses it, right? | ||
| And he's so nice. | ||
| He's I was gonna come out here and say something, but you're fucking I was having a good set. | ||
| Fucking blowing the roof all of the fucking place. | ||
| And so he says, uh, do you saw him in it? | ||
| I said, No, dude, I joke, all right, I'll do and he did some joke. | ||
| And it was great, 'cause he he's he was in I'm watching the whole show. | ||
| He's like one of my men, you know, heroes in life. | ||
| He's sitting there watching the show. | ||
| Then he's gone for like I don't know, I'm his bit's coming up. | ||
| I don't know where he is. | ||
| And you could smell pot, the whole the whole theater. | ||
| So I smell like it's not a joke. | ||
| And I'm like, oh fuck. | ||
| I hope it's I mean, Ron, you can't like smoke weed in here. | ||
| So he I go off after get we comes out and he says he just it comes. | ||
| So I said, All right, no hand for Ron White, and I said some kind of j I said, and uh if you smell weed, it's probably he's back, he goes back in my dress. | ||
| Now there's another show back that's back down in there, all these stripper girls, and he's they're all like, Hey, I didn't know you partied. | ||
| I'm like, What? | ||
| Like, I didn't know you party. | ||
| I've been there nineteen years. | ||
| I'm like, I don't party. | ||
| They're like, no, that's I oh that's my friend Ron. | ||
| He's smoking weed. | ||
| They're like, holy she's got good shit. | ||
| I mean it was it would just bellow through the whole lobby out into the lobby. | ||
| Yeah, he can go hard. | ||
| Oh, he goes and I smoked weed with him and then done a set and be like, Oh my god, what am I talking about? | ||
| Yeah, no. | ||
| He was so bliterate. | ||
| He and then he left his weed and his wallet in my dressing room. | ||
| Oh no, did you see his wallet? | ||
| Yeah, fuck guys of his wallet. | ||
| And his weed. | ||
| He's here. | ||
| He lives here. | ||
| He does I know, he's he was said he might surprise me today at uh later. | ||
| Oh nice. | ||
| Um and you've done with I I don't know if I thought I do shows with him every week. | ||
| I think it's not great. | ||
| He's he's he's he's the best. | ||
| He's just uh he's one of the main reasons why I moved here. | ||
| Oh, that's crazy. | ||
| Yeah, when um he moved here in two thousand, I think, seventeen or eighteen, I think eighteen. | ||
| And uh I was like, Well, where are you, man? | ||
| I miss you. | ||
| He's like, I moved back to Austin. | ||
| I fucking love it. | ||
| It's in the middle of the country. | ||
| I can fly here from everywhere. | ||
| It's like three hours no matter where you go, three hours to New York, three hours to LA, perfectly centrally located, people are nice, food's great. | ||
| I was like, All right. | ||
| He's right. | ||
| He meant he got me thinking about Austin. | ||
| And then when the pandemic hit, I was like, Well, if I move to Austin, at the very least, Ron's gonna be there. | ||
| I'm like, there's a good comedy club there, but the comedy club had already closed. | ||
| Um I'm like, but at least Ron's there, you know. | ||
| I'll have a friend. | ||
| I just had to get out of LA. | ||
| And he was just raving about how good come on down, man. | ||
| Austin's fucking awesome. | ||
| Weed. | ||
| He's also the one who talked me into opening up a club. | ||
| Awesome. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It was it was totally Ron. | ||
| He hadn't done sta it's a really funny story. | ||
| He hadn't done stand-up in like eight months. | ||
| He goes, I'm fucking retired. | ||
| Because it was the pandemic and all the chaos. | ||
| I'm fucking retired, I'm done, I got plenty of money, I'm just gonna enjoy life and this and that. | ||
| I'm like, okay. | ||
| Come on, man. | ||
| Really? | ||
| I'm like, you're so funny. | ||
| Like I just can't believe that. | ||
| And so then uh Tony put on a show at the Vulcan. | ||
| Tony had done uh like one or two shows indoors. | ||
| I'm like, which was crazy. | ||
| Like, oh my god, we're doing shows indoors in 2020. | ||
| This is madness. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And in LA people are freaking out, you're killing Green! | ||
| Yeah, exactly. | ||
| So uh Ron um was like, Oh fucking, I don't even know if I'm gonna do a set. | ||
| And then uh he decided to go on stage. | ||
| He went on stage, the audience went fucking bananas. | ||
| He got a huge standing ovation the moment he went on stage, murdered. | ||
| I mean murdered for 15 minutes. | ||
| And then he came off stage and he grabbed me by my shoulders. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And he goes, Whatever the fuck we have to do, we're gonna keep doing this. | |
| You gotta open that club. | ||
| I'm like, okay, okay, we're gonna go. | ||
| That's great. | ||
| That was uh the beginning of the comedy mothership. | ||
| It was Ron White. | ||
| How great is that? | ||
| Yeah, he's the he was the original. | ||
| He was the the Christopher Columbus, but that's a bad example because that guy was a real piece of shit. | ||
| Uh, you know, he was the original pioneer that came here. | ||
| Yeah, crazy. | ||
| We went out, um that's I'll do one more Ron White story because it's it's it's just incredible. | ||
| I go, I go, he go we go out, there's a little fancy, like uh one of these posh little bars down somewhere in the fancy hotel. | ||
| And I even said, Where do you want to go? | ||
| And he says, This is kind of like, you know, little I thought we go to a bar. | ||
| He said, Let's go with the one at the area or whatever. | ||
| So we go and it's it's real fancy and we sit down and the waitress walks over to us and it's there's three of us, his wife is his girlfriend, me, my friend, and I said, Um, I'll let's do a crown the rocks and she's I'll have a glass of wine and and uh as I look over to his wife, I said, Would you like a damn someone smoking weed? | ||
| And Ron's is literally he looked at he's like, Well, no fucking shit. | ||
| And I go, Ron, you you can't s you can't smoke pot in here. | ||
| He goes, Well the hell again. | ||
| Who the hell's gonna throw Ron White and Caratop out of a fucking bar? | ||
| And within seconds, Metro is standing there going, You guys get the fuck out of here. | ||
| And Ron's like, You gotta be fucking shit. | ||
| I said, Ron, you can't like he just he the cops are there, and he's like Well, they're good, they're good. | ||
| I said, No, we're not good. | ||
| We gotta go. | ||
| He just thought he you who's gonna he did that in my backstage this last week. | ||
| I said, You can't smoke pot back here. | ||
| He's it's your fucking dressing room. | ||
| What does that mean? | ||
| It means you can't because I've got other no, because I've got the other people, the girls, the show. | ||
| Oh, the next is a lot of the other people back to these that I can't do. | ||
| The next show is like strippers. | ||
| It's called fantasy, yeah. | ||
| It's like my lot like my show, except it's it's funnier and there's naked people. | ||
| So yeah. | ||
| What is it? | ||
| It's just a girls' dancing review show. | ||
| Oh they used to have something like that. | ||
| It was called Crazy Girls. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There was like comedians would host it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That was kind of like this one. | ||
| They have a they can have it have a comic in the middle and then the girls. | ||
| Yeah, it's a good show. | ||
| They've been there for a while. | ||
| It's for people that want an excuse to see strippers, but they don't want to go to a strip club. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| So they try to exactly take a date to a show. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Right. | ||
| See some titties. | ||
| I think that it's smart, isn't it? | ||
| So you wouldn't go to a strip club, honey. | ||
| Went to a fancy titty bar. | ||
| Vegas is such an odd place. | ||
| There's nothing like that place. | ||
| It's so strange. | ||
| It's just got such a history. | ||
| First of all, the beginning of it, right? | ||
| It's founded by the mob. | ||
| Like they literally want a place where they can get gambling. | ||
| And then in order to have legal gambling, there's probably some sort of a deal where they let the government blow nukes off in the middle of the fucking mountains. | ||
| So there's spots out there where you really can't even visit because they detonated 50-60 nukes. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It's crazy. | ||
| That's a killed John Wayne, you know. | ||
| Uh Vegas? | ||
| John Wayne was doing a movie in Nevada about Genghis Khan. | ||
| It's a terrible movie. | ||
| Uh and uh he did that movie, and uh a giant percentage of the people that worked on the movie got cancer from it. | ||
| Oh shit. | ||
| Because they were literally like right down the road from one of the test sites. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| It's fucked, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But I I always thought that's probably one of the reasons why they allowed them to do the gambling thing there. | ||
| They probably made some sort of a deal. | ||
| Like, yeah, you can have gambling, but this is what we want to do. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| We want to blow off nukes. | ||
| Jesus. | ||
| I feel like that sometimes on when I'm on stage of Luxor, something something comes down. | ||
| And it you can the crowd can see it, just particle of something. | ||
| It's always like, Oh, that's nice. | ||
| You know, the place is fine. | ||
| Asbestos. | ||
| Well, it's not nukes. | ||
| Luxor was built in like what the early 2000s? | ||
| Yeah, no, it would be new, it wouldn't be nuclear stuff. | ||
| When was that place built? | ||
| Yeah, something like that. | ||
| Well, 2000 or something like that? | ||
| Because when we filmed Fear Factor, there was like two thousand dollars. | ||
| So, yeah, two thousand. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So I don't think they'll use asbestos, but it's just such a weird place. | ||
| Ninety-three. | ||
| Oh, wow. | ||
| No kidding. | ||
| Oh shit, we're way I'm way off. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| And I work there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck. | |
| Not too far off, ten years. | ||
| Oh. | ||
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| It was a great idea. | ||
| Yeah, it's still phenomenal. | ||
| You walk inside it. | ||
| I was there recently. | ||
| I went to see what the bodies of it. | ||
| You walk in, it's like you do a joke like that. | ||
| Yeah, I got I had sex on a really hot chicken and then they finally they threw me out of the bodies exhibit or something if you have a joke and something stupid. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That bodies exhibit is fucking creepy. | |
| Do you know the story behind that place? | ||
| I look well a little bit, I mean, yeah, that kind of. | ||
| They're mostly well. | ||
| They don't really know like where they're getting the bodies, but they do know that a lot of them are political prisoners. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So it's basically like people that ran afoul of the Chinese government, so they whack 'em and turn them into statues. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| That's creepy. | ||
| It's right outside my theater. | ||
| Yeah, well a lot of them they they call like unidentified bodies. | ||
| But the the real problem is like to be unidentified body, you have to be unidentified for 30 days. | ||
| But then in order to do the plastination process where they turn you into a statue, it has to take place within 48 hours of death. | ||
| So someone's lying. | ||
| Fuck. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Someone's lying. | ||
| Makes a lot more sense now. | ||
| A lot of them are bullet holes. | ||
| What a great place to have a comedy club right next to like the Titanic Museum and dead fucking bodies, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And then get you more in a mood for a show. | ||
| I saw that too. | ||
| The Titanic Museum. | ||
| Yeah, Titanic Museum. | ||
| That's pretty dope. | ||
| They have actually have a big chunk of the Titanic on display there. | ||
| Yeah, I've been in there. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But it wasn't what a wild time where people would just get on a fucking boat and travel across the ocean with no YouTube, no GPS, hope they didn't hit an iceberg. | ||
| And that was like super fancy high tech travel. | ||
| Imagine the people that traveled 30, 40 years before that. | ||
| Wooden boats. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Not having any idea. | ||
| Just going on a uh a promise that you had a job waiting on the other side of the fucking ocean. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So my grandparents got here. | ||
| There are probably comics on those cruise ships working on it. | ||
| Oh, terrible comics on those cruise ships. | ||
| That's the worst job in comedy. | ||
| Ever, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ever. | |
| I did one. | ||
| That's my only one. | ||
| It's one of those things where a guy, you know, there's some guys that like it. | ||
| Like I know Alonzo Bowden does like jazz cruises. | ||
| Like Alonzo Bowden is a he's a great comic, but he's also like a giant jazz fan. | ||
| Loves jazz music. | ||
| So he'll go on jazz cruises, and it's it's probably perfect for him because like it's like if I went on an MMA cruise. | ||
| You know, I could talk about it's like you can talk about subjects that most people in a regular crowd be like, what the fuck is he talking about? | ||
| If you're talking about obscure jazz music, you know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| No, that would work. | ||
| I have a lot of friends. | ||
| Love cruise ships. | ||
| I just don't know. | ||
| Have you heard what they're doing with AI music, speaking of judges? | ||
| Yes. | ||
| They they did fifty, I sent it to Jamie today. | ||
| They took fifty cents many men and made it like a soulful song that seems like it's from the 50s or 60s. | ||
| Have you heard them? | ||
| No, but I heard I've heard a few other ones, not the 50 cent one. | ||
| Dude, you want to listen to it? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's so fucking good. | ||
| I I sent it to Brian Simpson and he said, that is the best fucking thing you've ever sent me. | ||
| So they just they just they just did that. | ||
| Yes, through AI. | ||
| It's not even a real human being's voice. | ||
| And it's fucking good, dude. | ||
| It's good where you're like, woo. | ||
| Listen to this. | ||
| It seems weird hearing these lyrics with this kind of singing, You know, because it's like hardcore gangster rap music, but with listen to this though. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's kind of crazy that they're doing Miniman. | |
| wish death upon me guitar solo Blood and light dog and I can't see. | ||
| I'm trying to be what I'm destined to be. | ||
| And Nick was trying to take my life away. | ||
| Isn't that great? | ||
| It gets better. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'll put a hole in a nickel. | |
| For fucking with me. | ||
| My back on the wall. | ||
| Now you gonna see. | ||
| Better watch how you talk. | ||
| When you talk about me Cause I'll come and take your life away Woo! | ||
| Isn't that great? | ||
| How incredible. | ||
| Nobody sings lyrics like that with those kind of lyrics. | ||
| It's gangster rap lyrics with an incredible voice. | ||
| AI is fucking scary, man. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's so good. | ||
| If that was a dude, if that was a dude who sang that, I was like, who's this guy? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| You know, I'm like, this guy is fire. | ||
| That's the kind of stuff we're gonna be, yeah. | ||
| But I mean, uh the first time I heard about it was uh Randy Travis had a song out, and I love Randy Travis, so I was like, he has a new album, he's not doing well. | ||
| He can't, you know, he hasn't that's right. | ||
| They used AI, but that was his decision, right? | ||
| Yes, yeah. | ||
| I think he wrote the music. | ||
| Yeah, I think he did. | ||
| But it just it blew me away. | ||
| We had a whole fight with my crew, like it's AI, it's not fucking AI, it's AI. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It is. | |
| But the difference is like this is not a real person's voice. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| Um it's probably a conglomeration of multiple different singers for at least I'm guessing. | ||
| I'm looking at it is it actually a guy? | ||
| I don't know where this started, but I'm looking at the one that I'm looking at. | ||
| They are trying to sell this like it's a they tried to make it seem like 50 cent covered this song from some guy named Shifty Brent. | ||
| Oh, yeah, but they do that stuff. | ||
| They did that with the Chris Rock thing when Chris Rock got slapped by Will Smith. | ||
| They tried to pretend that it was an old television show. | ||
| Yeah, and they did an AI version of this old television show where a guy goes on stage and slaps the comedian. | ||
| It's really funny. | ||
| It's AI is so squirrely. | ||
| They're probably just trying to make money. | ||
| That's why they did it. | ||
| But goddamn, it's the Randy Travis one, you're his voice. | ||
| But I don't think so. | ||
| No, no, it is. | ||
| So what they do is like it's my voice too. | ||
| Like they they use AI with my there's a there's a whole podcast with me and Steve Jobs. | ||
| I never met Steve Jobs. | ||
| Oh god, there's a whole podcast that somebody made with AI. | ||
| AI because you have Steve Jobs' voice and you have my voice, thousands and thousands of hours. | ||
| Every sound that I can make with my voice is already been made. | ||
| So all the computer has to do that weird noises. | ||
| Weird noises. | ||
| Um, but all the computer has to do is just take uh a giant amount of your noise, sure, and then apply it and then apply it differently, emotionally, slowly, somberly, angrily, and you can just put it all together. | ||
| They just had one with me, something. | ||
| And it was like what the f and it was me doing something uh, you know, they do ransom phone calls where people call people and say, Well, I've been kidnapped, I need money. | ||
| That's what it was. | ||
| It was not it was uh, hey, it's it's it's me. | ||
| I'm listening if you could uh help me out. | ||
| I need um and it was like I was broke and I was down and out, I needed uh money and they stopped sucking my dick and we're in the desert. | ||
| Send money. | ||
| Yeah, there's it's it's weird, it's real weird because it's super good now. | ||
| It in the beginning when we first started hearing it was kind of obvious because the inflections were off, like the way you would say something, like like the inflections in that's amazing was insane. | ||
| Yeah, you know that's that I'll take that I'll take your life. | ||
| Watch how you're talking about me, ow, take your life away. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's great. | |
| Ooh, you hear it? | ||
| You're like, damn. | ||
| So that means that that we we associate with uh a soulful, incredibly creative person with an amazing God-given talent of a voice, but it's not. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| That's what's crazy. | ||
| Like they nailed it. | ||
| Even though I know it's fake, I love it. | ||
| Yeah, and you love it too. | ||
| Like we're listening like this. | ||
| No, that was great. | ||
| that was beautiful. | ||
| But we know it's fake. | ||
| That's kind of crazy. | ||
| The Randy Travis thing is different because what they just did is he wrote it, and then he can't sing anymore, but they have thousands of hours of him singing. | ||
| They take that and then just turn it into him singing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's amazing. | |
| It is him singing. | ||
| It's actually his voice. | ||
| It's just not coming out of his mouth. | ||
| It's coming out of technology, but it is his voice. | ||
| And it's his writing. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So it's like it really is a Randy Travis album. | ||
| It's just Randy Trav like you can enjoy someone that can't do it anymore, but it's still alive. | ||
| Right, sure. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Like that guy had so many great songs. | ||
| Oh man. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| That guy is. | ||
| I could go on forever and ever and ever and ever and ever, ever and ever. | ||
| Well, you have to have. | ||
| No, he's got so many. | ||
| I love I'm my first uh big country says Kenny Rogers, and my dad would go see Kenny Rogers every goddamn every concert my dad went to is Kenny Rogers. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Literally. | ||
| That's hilarious. | ||
| And then he goes Oh, we put the head to the city. | ||
| No, I couldn't. | ||
| I'm off because it's yeah, I I feel more animated. | ||
| Yeah, there you go. | ||
| The uh This is weird. | ||
| So we get he goes to see Kenny Rogers, and I'm I'm just like twelve or something, thirteen. | ||
| He says, You want to go? | ||
| So my dad's, I said I'll go to Kenny. | ||
| First concert, Kenny Rogers. | ||
| It's like huge. | ||
| He was playing like arenas. | ||
| It was him and Tammy Wynette, and then it was great. | ||
| You gotta know how we write all the hits. | ||
| No, and we go total. | ||
| Yeah, no, and then the second concert I go to was Kenny Rogers, right? | ||
| So I'm like, geez, all right. | ||
| I don't think there's anything else but Kenny Rogers, right? | ||
| Third time I go to this fucking thing. | ||
| I'm like, Dad, is it can we go to like Alabama? | ||
| Can we go do another another concert? | ||
| Because he loved Alabama, he loved his No Kenny Rogers is So then I meet Kenny Rogers in an elevator in LA. | ||
| Like it's just the weirdest thing. | ||
| Bing, doors open. | ||
| And he gets standing, he gets on. | ||
| I said, I said, Oh man, I don't bother you're legend. | ||
| He's like, Thank you. | ||
| I said, Do you know the first concert I ever went to? | ||
| He says, Um, I'm gonna say me. | ||
| I said, Yep. | ||
| That's awesome. | ||
| I said, You know what? | ||
| The second concert I went to? | ||
| He says, Nope. | ||
| I said, you. | ||
| He says, Wow, that's awesome. | ||
| I said, You want to know the third? | ||
| He goes, All right, fuck off. | ||
| He goes, fuck off. | ||
| Where are we going with this? | ||
| I said, My dad took me to your concert three times in a row. | ||
| He goes, Well, you had a you have a great dad. | ||
| And I and then it was just kind of awkward. | ||
| He was just, we're just I kind of ran out of it. | ||
| That's exactly what we were talking about. | ||
| Yeah, act weird in front of the celebrities. | ||
| And I did right, and we're looking we're just looking at the numbers and we're going up and finally I said, Oh, and you know what? | ||
| You have great chicken. | ||
| And I'm like, what the fuck? | ||
| I didn't know what else to say. | ||
| And but he really did have this great chicken roadsters thing. | ||
| And that's what I said. | ||
| And he went like he looked at me like fuck off. | ||
| I said, No, I and the sides are great too. | ||
| The chicken that m that song The Gambler, how many people did that turn into gambling junkies? | ||
| Right. | ||
| Romanticized gambling. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It made it seem so you gotta know when to hold I'm doing I do, I know when. | |
| But you gotta know when to vote. | ||
| I know when to run. | ||
| I know what I'm doing. | ||
| I got it. | ||
| Did they make a make a TV movie about that? | ||
| Wasn't there like a TV movie? | ||
| Yeah, called the Gambl. | ||
| I think there's a TV movie called The Gambler. | ||
| We'll find out in seconds. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, there's something about there's something about music that was created before the the internet. | ||
| The gambler, here you go. | ||
| What year is this? | ||
|
unidentified
|
1980. | |
| There's something about stuff that was created before the internet that's so fascinating. | ||
| It's like an archaeological dig, you know? | ||
| Like this is that. | ||
| That's just great. | ||
| Like that even looks great. | ||
| It's like you want to watch it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Can I say it? | |
| Can I listen to it's like an archaeological dig. | ||
| Like you're you're looking at the way people used to behave and talk before the internet. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know, it's weird. | ||
| It's like oddly fake. | ||
| You know? | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's like oddly like interesting how you you analyze that way. | |
| That's what now I want to see what you're talking about. | ||
| Yeah, like I'm being uh I'm an amateur archaeologist here. | ||
| This is a different time human beings from 1980 were like a different thing. | ||
| Everybody would just leave the house. | ||
| Everyone had a key. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nobody knew where anybody was at any given time. | |
| You left the house, you were gone. | ||
| We didn't even have answering machines yet. | ||
| No, right. | ||
| People were basically wild animals who lived in houses. | ||
| And they only knew how to behave from movies and TV. | ||
| Give me some of this. | ||
| Oh, is it still playing the music? | ||
| Oh, okay. | ||
| Is this the theme song? | ||
| It's playing the song the gambler. | ||
| I wanted yeah. | ||
| That's great. | ||
| That's so funny. | ||
| Look at it, even in the way it looks. | ||
| The way it looks, it looks so cord ball. | ||
| It's just kind of amazing. | ||
| You know? | ||
|
unidentified
|
How about it? | |
| People just kind of accepted I love the fact that how you put it, there's the there was not even having uh self recall. | ||
| Yeah, answer to the show. | ||
| Answer machines. | ||
| We were wild animals. | ||
| People in 1980 were essentially wild animals. | ||
| They were wild animals who had children. | ||
| No one knew what was going on in the world. | ||
| Everybody was completely uninformed. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's crazy. | ||
| We were all worried that Russia was gonna blow us up. | ||
| That was every day. | ||
| Everybody's worried about Russia blowing us up. | ||
| And no one knew what was going on, and everybody lived in bliss. | ||
| And you only knew the people in your neighborhood. | ||
| Didn't know anybody else. | ||
| No. | ||
| You didn't know like people there wasn't even one one hundredth of the amount of famous people back then. | ||
| There was a tiny amount of famous people. | ||
| There was Elvis and a few other folks. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Just a few rock stars. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| A few comics. | ||
| There's like Richard Probey. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Or the TV shows that you find, you know. | ||
| Uh dude, animals. | ||
| We were looking at Kenny Rogers. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Selling. | |
| These are wild animals that have just been introduced to technology and they're aping what it's like to be a grown-up. | ||
| Like they're just figuring it out. | ||
| And now here we are. | ||
| We're like the teenagers. | ||
| We're the adolescents of civilization. | ||
| So we realize that's kind of silly. | ||
| And everything there's a but there's stuff from then that's better than stuff that's today for for whatever weird reason. | ||
| There's some music back then that hits you because like you realize like how special this really like Prince, for instance. | ||
| Like I remember the first time I listened to Prince, I listened to uh I was delivering newspapers at the time, and I listened to uh I wanna be your lover. | ||
| And I was like, who the fuck is this guy, man? | ||
| Like this guy was coming out of nowhere. | ||
| He was like uh androgynous. | ||
| Like be he was a beautiful man with this long flowing hair, and the first album is him with his shirt off, just staring at you like, what the fuck is going on? | ||
| And then I want to be your lover. | ||
| I heard that. | ||
| I was like, oh my god, this guy's talented. | ||
| But he was like out of nowhere talented. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Like w who the fuck was like that guy before him? | ||
| Right. | ||
| He was completely different than anybody that came before. | ||
| He was very different too. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| But that hit, because I remember when Prince came out, I'm like, oh, he's trying to be Michael Jackson. | ||
| Or no, yeah. | ||
| But he could he wasn't. | ||
| What year is this? | ||
| Is it this is his first performance? | ||
| Oh, let me see this. | ||
| Let me hear some of this. | ||
| There you go. | ||
| There's your song. | ||
| What a song. | ||
| Look at him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, he's legitimate. | |
| Bro. | ||
| This this this video, you take if you took the sound off this and you put in like Cinderella, it would probably match his Aerosmith. | ||
| But it looked how he's doing it, but he's like, What is my head? | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| He's got it. | ||
| It looks like compelling. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| was so compelling. | ||
|
unidentified
|
All I ever wanted to do I want to be a brother. | |
| I bet women were so confused why they wanted to fuck him. | ||
| Like, why do I want to fuck that woman? | ||
|
unidentified
|
They wanted to fucking dig like he cracked the code. | |
| He figures something out. | ||
| Like when you're a five foot three dude with insane amount of talent, and you're wearing stiletto heels on stage, and everybody wants to fuck you. | ||
| Because he was that fucking talented. | ||
| He was that talented. | ||
| And then it was also his music was so wild. | ||
| Like that song Head. | ||
| I remember that song. | ||
| I that was like, what year was head? | ||
| Is that like 86 or something like that? | ||
| Like what year was that? | ||
| Not my music. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I know the thing because 1980. | |
| So this was then before I was in high school, son. | ||
| This is before I was in high school. | ||
| You had a song about blowjobs. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Morning, noon, and night, I'll give you a head. | ||
| Yep. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Till you burn it up, head, do you love his red head, love you till you're dead. | |
| Ow. | ||
| You know, Prince people Prince people reached out to R R people one night and asked if they could come to the show when he was at the Rio. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| And we said, Well, fuck yeah. | ||
| What do you mean? | ||
| Of course we would. | ||
| And then they said there's only one one caveat. | ||
| I said, What is that? | ||
| You can't curse. | ||
| Prince hates cursing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| For real. | ||
| For real. | ||
| Well, yeah. | ||
| Maybe we just wanted to fuck with you. | ||
| How much power do I have? | ||
| Yeah, I do tell me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Well, I don't think I want to hear swear stuff. | |
| I would tell my my people I said, I said, hold on a second. | ||
| He's talking like I can't curse. | ||
| I said, Yeah, that's the only thing. | ||
| I said, But I his he has a song called Cream, get off. | ||
| Cream right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And they're like, Yeah, I'm like, no, I'm not gonna change my whole thing. | ||
| Oh, he became a j devoted Jehovah's Witness. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And as a result, stopped. | ||
| Even implementing a cash swear jar at his Paisley Park studio to enforce his no-swearing policy. | ||
| Witnesses believe that using blasphemous or foul language is a sin, and Prince adhered to this tenant by removing swear words from his music and charging people for any foul language spoken at his compound. | ||
| Well I'm already down like two hundred bucks. | ||
| I'm already fine two hundred bucks today, I think. | ||
| As much as I love that guy, I would not visit him. | ||
| I would be like, I can't do that. | ||
| Well, that's what I said. | ||
| Maybe I would. | ||
| Maybe I'd visit him once. | ||
| Maybe I'd talk to him once. | ||
| I would just like like if I'm gonna go talk to a priest, I'm not gonna go swear. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Right. | ||
| I'm gonna try to be nice. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But like at a certain point in time, like I don't want to perpetuate this really stupid idea that different sounds that you make with your mouth are uniquely offensive. | ||
| It's what you're s you're saying. | ||
| It's supposed to be a sound that I make so you know what I'm thinking. | ||
| And if you have words that you could substitute for these thoughts that are compl if you have a thought that is only expressed through fuck you. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Like we know what fuck you means. | ||
| And everybody says fuck you. | ||
| Do you for you to say that you can't say that anymore, you're manipulating language to make it have less nuance. | ||
| That's never good. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like it's already not nuanced enough. | ||
| Like it still doesn't quite grasp exactly what you're thinking or what you're saying. | ||
| And the worst case scenario of it is when someone writes down what you're saying instead of like hearing you say it in context with the conversation that you're having, right? | ||
| Right. | ||
| So it's like anybody who says don't use certain words like stop being a baby. | ||
| Stop being a baby. | ||
| These are just noises you make so that you we can understand all that shit is nonsense. | ||
| It's stupid. | ||
| It's stupid, and it was mostly created, I think. | ||
| First of all, on television, right? | ||
| Television, you had advertising. | ||
| And that was the only place where there was advertising. | ||
| And so that was the only place that had a proven audience. | ||
| But to keep that proven audience on NBC and CBS, you had to institute laws. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Where you're you literally would get fined, like a serious amount of money if you swore on TV. | ||
| And then cable came acqua along, and everybody, you know, Sam Kinison was like HBO. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Like and you're like, what this is way better. | ||
| Like, why can't we just talk? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| But again, this is cave people. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| Kinison on HPA was 86. | ||
| Right. | ||
| No one knew what the fuck was going on, dude. | ||
| No one knew what the fuck was going on back then. | ||
| Prior. | ||
| It was just amazing. | ||
| When I was a kid, I was at my friend Jimmy Lawless's house and we watched Eddie Murphy Delirious. | ||
| I think we were all like what year was that? | ||
| I want to say I was fifteen, maybe. | ||
| Delirious. | ||
| 86. | ||
| I want to say I was like 15 or 16. | ||
| I couldn't believe how funny it was. | ||
| I was like, this is insane. | ||
| Oh no. | ||
| He's talking about the the the honeymooners fucking each other in the ass. | ||
| Oh no, it's like what? | ||
| Jackie Gleason is fucking Ed Norton in the ass. | ||
| I've been looking at you. | ||
| Like, this is insane. | ||
| How is this on TV? | ||
| 86. | ||
| 83. | ||
| 83? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Wow. | ||
| Unbelievable. | ||
| So one of the best messages. | ||
| I think. | ||
| No, you have to write it. | ||
| It makes me like 15. | ||
| Fucking crazy. | ||
| It was so good, dude. | ||
| And it was new. | ||
| It was like all of a sudden you're seeing you're Hearing someone just swearing on TV. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like this is crazy. | ||
| How am I even watching this? | ||
| Right. | ||
| That's well, what it was that was a big change in every cable. | ||
| Well, cable and then VHS tapes. | ||
| Where you can go and like you could rent Delirious. | ||
| Yeah, you go home and put it in. | ||
| You get popcorn out and watch delirix. | ||
| We were gay people. | ||
| We were cave people. | ||
| We were telling stories by the fire. | ||
| Yeah, literally. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And then that was our form of entertainment. | |
| Isn't that weird? | ||
| Because I'm about your age and that we didn't have any of that. | ||
| We didn't, like you said, we didn't have an answering machine. | ||
| Yeah, we had nothing. | ||
| We had nothing. | ||
| We had nothing. | ||
| I think we are the perfect we were the perfect people to like really understand the change the society's gone through and how spectacular that changes. | ||
| Because we we were there when there was none. | ||
| Where there was nothing. | ||
| Where walkie talkies were crazy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That was huge. | |
| You can talk to your friend in the bedroom. | ||
| Bro, what's going on over there? | ||
| Over. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, right. | ||
| It was the craziest thing in the world. | ||
| You could talk at a walkie-talkie. | ||
| Or I knew a dude who had a C B in his car. | ||
| He would just have random conversations with people. | ||
| Bro, they would just start talking about stuff. | ||
| Breaker one. | ||
| Yeah, breaker one nine, what you up to. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| Yeah, and they would just have conversations and people would meet people. | ||
| Like you said, and the smoking the bandit. | ||
| That was that was that but that that is the about the time you're talking about too, where they were we had CBs, but they're also like the cavemen. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They were just it was it was it was But you were the cool guy if you had a C D in your truck. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| If you had a C B in your truck, you were cool. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Didn't Burt Reynolds have a C B in his transams? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Of course he did. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Did he? | |
| Yeah, he had to. | ||
| Yeah, he had talked to Bert. | ||
| Yeah, he did, hey, hey big nine uh what's up, Burr Boss. | ||
| We're gonna pull over here and feed the dog and ten four good buddy. | ||
| That is the ultimate cool guy. | ||
| He's got a walkie talkie in his transam with a cowboy hat on. | ||
| By the way, that's it is one of my only movies that I own on my iPod. | ||
| Bro, it is another archaeological site. | ||
| It's a dig. | ||
| They've dug down to another time of human beings where this is the coolest guy in the world. | ||
| A guy runs from the cops in a transam with a fire bird on the fucking hood. | ||
| And he's talking on a C B with a cowboy hat on. | ||
| And that was the first movie that's like Greek theater. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Fir first movie they broke the camera. | ||
| The third, what do you call that? | ||
| Were they looking at the Oh the third wall? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That was the first one. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fourth wall? | |
| Fourth wall. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fourth wall. | |
| It's right when he's when he first being chased. | ||
| Yeah, thank God Jim. | ||
| He's going down the he's going he's he he he loses him in the alley in the very beginning chase scene, and he's going like he's backing in like this, and he looks at the camera and he goes, It's like that was fucking awesome. | ||
| Like he just he just gave that look and went. | ||
| Oh, Bert Reynolds had so much charisma. | ||
| It's great. | ||
| He was so fucking sheriff. | ||
| I mean, god damn it, how great is that whole thing. | ||
| Give me a dabble sandwich and a Dr. Pepper maybe quick. | ||
| I'm in a goddamn hurry. | ||
| Where are you at? | ||
| Who's chasing you? | ||
| No one's chasing me. | ||
| I'm sheriff. | ||
| No one's chasing me. | ||
| You stay here and you le you think about it, but don't do it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Dude, Jackie Gleason was amazing in that. | ||
| That's an attention getter. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| He was so good at the game. | ||
| That's called an intention getter. | ||
| Do you remember um Bert Reynolds in Deliverance? | ||
| Oh, yeah, absolutely. | ||
| That was that was an insane role. | ||
| That was an insane role. | ||
| That was when you get to see him as an actual actor. | ||
| You're like, oh, this guy was good. | ||
| He was a good actor. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Like it wasn't just smoking the bandit. | ||
| Right, sure, no. | ||
| The guy having a good time, super charming, great mustache, super hair. | ||
| He was fun, man. | ||
| Like in deliverance, man. | ||
| It was like right out of him uh right when he was done playing football. | ||
| Yep. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, that's right. | |
| He kills a guy with a bow, doesn't he? | ||
| Crazy movie. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| It was a good movie. | ||
| That was a good movie. | ||
| I got to meet him. | ||
| He's cool as hell. | ||
| That's a very intense. | ||
| You had a pie fight with Burt Reynolds? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| I was on the Tonight Show. | ||
| Bert Reynolds. | ||
| This is crazy. | ||
| Burt Reynolds was a guest was the lead guest. | ||
| He came out and talked about being married like nine times. | ||
| Mark Summers, who who hosted the um game show, whatever it was. | ||
| Mark Summers. | ||
| He came out and Bert's moves down to the second chair and and Mark's here's Jay. | ||
| And he he he puts his back to Bert and he starts telling him, you know, um being, you know, I I've only been married once and Bert's over there, you know, kind of getting a little first he's got his back to him. | ||
| Then he he takes the cup, the mug and he says he went to take it. | ||
| He says, is this mine? | ||
| He says I don't give a shit. | ||
| And he says well you've been married five times. | ||
| I don't want to say he was trying to be funny like I don't drink after you've been married five times he's kind of hurt. | ||
| They got oh here it is. | ||
| Now here's the best part I'm watching Whoa. | ||
| Oh no this is real shit. | ||
| I'm I'm a guest I'm gonna get through a drink on him. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Does this plan? | ||
| No. | ||
| And who's the other dude? | ||
| Mark Summers. | ||
| And who's Mark Summers? | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's the host of Double Dare Double Dare thank you. | |
| Now watch now watch how angry Bert watch it look he's look watch him watch he's they didn't have this plan by the way Oh but he Bert hits him hard. | ||
| Yo that hurt look at the torque he got in that right hand. | ||
| I want you to watch this again he got hip into that no he was fucking at the end if you watch it he'll go well hey Caratov will be here tomorrow night let's look look at this frame by frame. | ||
| Well he's a fucking football player too look at bro bro he clocked that dude look at his face look at that freeze frame that guy should be ashamed of that look for the rest of his life how dare you how dare that right there scary if I was friends with that dude I'd be like no you're not gonna do that. | ||
| He's gonna hit he's gonna kill you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Bro the look at the torque he got in there well I say he's a football player. | |
| Bro that was like and I'm backstage going am I going on like no we're gonna we're gonna be we're gonna cut you actually I just told say that guy's got a great chin. | ||
| He's smiling. | ||
| Yeah he better smile. | ||
| He just got bitch laughing he took a great shot I wanna say he says we'll be right back with K no tomorrow now Karen fucking shit. | ||
| We'll be right back right after this message that was salt and pepper Jay. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Another guy took way too much shit. | ||
| They they gave him so so much of a hard time. | ||
| It's just like when Larry Holmes became the heavyweight champ of the world after Muhammad Ali got yeah he got a lot of grief for no reason no reason because they would put on group great shows too super nice guy. | ||
| The writing was great there is great no I always had a good time talking to him always a nice guy. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He's a nice guy and like what he should have been doing all along is really what he's doing now. | ||
| Is his car shows right 'cause like that guy if you talk to him about cars. | ||
| He's so entertaining. | ||
| He loves cars. | ||
| Like he loves them. | ||
| I mean he knows more about cars probably than anybody I've ever met in my life. | ||
| He's got an insane collection and he likes everything. | ||
| He likes dots he said a fire truck. | ||
| Yep yep yep he's just jet bike a genuine fan of automobiles and the way he talks about is so entertaining. | ||
| Yep no because that's really what he wants to do. | ||
| And he's also crazy right because he's he's he's um unstoppable. | ||
| So he he fell off that cliff or whatever the fuck it was right you heard about this what happened to him. | ||
| I just talked to him at in Vegas and he went and went and saw him and I said how you doing he goes you know I said you could still see like a uh you know a little bit of bruising because it was right it was about two weeks after he had he'd had the fall oh Jesus he was out and about two weeks later what do you mean he did the show that night what he fell did he get a concussion he said he uh how he says he says he's there was a you know uh golden corral next to the you know la quinta I said first thing I said to him I said are you okay? | ||
| He's I said my question what the fuck are you staying at La Quinta? | ||
| And he goes ah you know we all can't have stay the fourth eating I said no but really what what what happened? | ||
| He said he walked out of the La Quinta and he it was a little hill like not even like a He went hiking. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He went hiking with like slippery shoes on probably he said the golden crowd he's probably wearing dress shoes. | |
| I'm gonna go right and his denim and that so he went he just it looked it was a little deeper than he thought and he slipped fell ooh and hit his eye you know right in the thing where it's bad. | ||
| So he went into the got his golden crowd. | ||
| Oh yeah Jay Lennon thinking of thing. | ||
| Went got his food, went to the club, and went on stage, bleeding. | ||
| That's so crazy. | ||
| And I said, What do you mean? | ||
| I said, What do you say what do you mean? | ||
| The show must go on. | ||
| He's a young guy. | ||
| I just I just held it, you know, the mic with the thin, the habit married guy, that married guy in the ground. | ||
| And I'm like, I uh it's just amazing to me. | ||
| He told my nail I'd cancel. | ||
| He told this insane show, uh insane story rather of a show that he have had to do with uh a priest and a mob guy where the mob guy was yelling at the priest and swearing and Jay's like yelling and swearing, uh like doing the same you know like saying what the mob guy said. | ||
| I was like seeing Jay Leno talk like that was like what? | ||
| Right. | ||
| Right, right. | ||
| Dang you know, dang dang it. | ||
| Uh what are you gonna do? | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Oh yeah, he was doing this like super hyper violent Italian mob guy, like screaming obscenities at this priest and Jay Leno's yelling it out. | ||
| It's a fucking amazing story. | ||
| And was it a show? | ||
| Yeah, it was a show that he was doing like you know, before he made it. | ||
| It was like back in the day. | ||
| He did some sort of a show where you know, I think it was like a benefit or something like that, where there was a priest involved and then the mob guy got mad at the priest and was yelling at him, it's a fucking hilarious story. | ||
| But that guy doesn't spend any of his tonight show money. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He lives all entirely off of standup money. | ||
| Which is crazy. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So he's just stockpiling it all at the La Quinta Inn. | ||
| La quinta, that's right. | ||
| Like someone needs to tell him. | ||
| Like you money's fun coupons. | ||
| You shouldn't be just squirreling and fun with them. | ||
| Have fun with them. | ||
| But people that started out poor, which is like basically most comics. | ||
| Once you start making money, it's hard to believe that you're ever gonna keep making money. | ||
| You start panicking. | ||
| Yeah, they're going, Oh my god, I gotta save this. | ||
| Yeah, I gotta save it. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| And then if you carry that into your seventies and eighties, somebody should sit you down and have a talk with you. | ||
| Like, yeah. | ||
| I'm your financial advisor, and now's the time to go crazy. | ||
| Yeah, you're you're good. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You should be looking into cocaine, you should be probably buy more cars. | |
| Like, let's spend something. | ||
| I think you should start spending shit. | ||
| As your advisor, get you in a drug habit, let's get you in a nice car. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Let's do something. | ||
| You need to start buying stuff. | ||
| You should uh you should have way more cars. | ||
| That's great. | ||
| You're right. | ||
| What are you saving up for, bro? | ||
| This is the end times. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| This is that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Family, uh you know that. | ||
| It's like I know a lot of people that have a lot of kids and a lot of that you save up for them, but even them, like giving kids a ton of money. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Giving kids a ton of money is not necessarily good for them. | ||
| No. | ||
| Like if you look historically at people that got trust funds, it's it's a weird road to go down and not have any ambition or not have to have any ambition. | ||
| Maybe you do have it like inherently, but for a lot of them, it's like they don't have to make it. | ||
| They don't have and I think that's unfortunately in this society that we live in, that doesn't seem to work. | ||
| Like in this society, it's very difficult to not be self-sustainable, not be able to take care of yourself. | ||
| And if you can't take care of yourself, you gotta kind of learn how to do it. | ||
| You can't just be constantly relying on other people because I think it hinders your growth as a person. | ||
| Well, absolutely. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| I think it like fucks with you. | ||
| Like every guy that I've ever met that comes from a family that like gives them t not every guy, but a lot of guys that I've met that come I've met some cool ones. | ||
| They come from a family with a lot of money and they've never had to worry, and they have trust funds, and they never really have found out a job. | ||
| They're all weird. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| They're all weird. | ||
| It's like cement that didn't get the amount of water that it needs when you're mixing it. | ||
| It's always like weird. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It seems like a weird I know too. | ||
| Every comic or artist, whatever, everyone uh they're all their stories are the same that they came from nothing, and that's in if you think about it. | ||
| Almost every comic and artist I know, they they weren't they didn't have money, but nothing. | ||
| Yeah, but it's not mutually exclusive. | ||
| No, no, right. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's not there are people that have come from great families and great backgrounds that just happen to be funny. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's a weird thing, man. | ||
| Like talent is an odd thing. | ||
| Really is a very weird thing. | ||
| Like there's certain universal truths, like you're gonna find more talent probably in in harder communities, like you're gonna have better rock and roll in like the the dingy fucking outskirts of town, like those guys are gonna be nirvana, right? | ||
| But I love hearing like a Billy Joel story where where you can relate to it. | ||
| Like, you know, I started cutting lawns at eight years old. | ||
| I'm like, I said I started cutting lawns at eight years old. | ||
| You know, I literally and you know nowadays no kids kids don't do anything. | ||
| And I'm like, yeah, I did that. | ||
| I I I Billy Joel is office buildings and I did everything, you know. | ||
| He was a boxer? | ||
| Yeah, Billy Joel was a boxer. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I did not know that shit. | ||
| I don't know how many fights that he had. | ||
| I think he lost. | ||
| Are you being funny? | ||
| Really? | ||
| Billy Joel's a boxer. | ||
| Billy Joe was a boxer. | ||
| I did not know that. | ||
| Yeah, I think he was good. | ||
| I think it was pretty good. | ||
| I mean, I I think it was a good amateur level. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Twenty two and two. | |
| Twenty-two and two. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Gosh, how I didn't know that. | ||
| Was that professional? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Golden Loves. | |
| Golden Gloves. | ||
| So amateur level. | ||
| So I didn't know that. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Legit boxer. | ||
| I just know that he was bro. | ||
| Ah, did not know that. | ||
| No. | ||
| He's a guy whose music changed radically. | ||
| Like if you go back and listen to Captain Jack. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| It like from Captain Jack to Uptown Girls. | ||
| Like, oh. | ||
| It's like you like it's great music. | ||
| It was a huge hit, but it's a different vibe. | ||
| It's like a guy who's in love now and he's got a supermodel for a wife and he's worth a billion dollars. | ||
| Oh, right, yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Captain Jack was his gritty low island. | |
| It's like, fuck, that's a good song. | ||
| That's a great great song. | ||
| But you're you're right. | ||
| You can see it, you know, how their their life changes and their music changes. | ||
| So like you said, now he's got a you know, up down girl. | ||
| Got money, I got a heard the song Billy the Kid. | ||
| Uh yeah. | ||
| He's got he's got some great fucking songs. | ||
| Well, the one that that was special I just saw was uh was it wasn't it Billy the Kid? | ||
| Is that the the name of that song? | ||
| It's a great listen to the show was the entertainer. | ||
| I thought that was interesting because it was ripping on it was ripping on show business. | ||
| Yeah, the battle of Billy Kid. | ||
| That is a great fucking song. | ||
| My parents had that album on vinyl when I was a kid. | ||
| I listened to what year was that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
73. | |
| 73, son. | ||
| I listened to that and I was like, I like this is again, this is an archaeological dig, you know? | ||
| Like going to like the the beginnings of certain genres of music and certain kinds of music. | ||
| And back then, that's how you got it. | ||
| You heard it on the radio, and you went out and bought an album. | ||
| Yeah, and looked at it and the needle goes over the thing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, weird. | ||
| But the entertainment one was interesting because he they the the record label had asked him to come up with a a hit. | ||
| Uh-huh. | ||
| Oh, that's why he wrote it that way. | ||
| No, I don't know. | ||
| They just it was just on a I just watched, I remember exactly how it went down, but he said, Yeah, you know, they were they were saying they're gonna they're gonna they need to hit off this album and to make this big hit. | ||
| So he he wrote that, and when they he played it to them, they're like fuck you, we're getting rid of you. | ||
| So they they got rid of him when the label dropped him because he's it's all about that. | ||
| So they get the money, then they take all your money and and where they don't care about you and f and I'm like, that's ballsy, right? | ||
| They want to hit and you basically say how much, you know, like the Luxers, it's 20 years. | ||
| Could you do something special for me? | ||
| And I have this big roast and how horrible the Luxor is and how much they you know it just shit. | ||
| They're like, what? | ||
| That is a real album, like a real song, and they were like, no, you're done. | ||
| They should have just took it on the chin. | ||
| Look, the guy became huge after that stupid. | ||
| Yeah, we'll see. | ||
| You fucking dumbasses. | ||
| You got rid of him. | ||
| Now they say that. | ||
| You got rid of him. | ||
| He sold a billion albums. | ||
| Now the dance. | ||
| Yeah, he's got some great fuck the just the piano man, the piano man. | ||
| Alone great for that. | ||
| That one song alone is right. | ||
| Oh, uh how about scenes from an Italian restaurant? | ||
| All right. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| That is a fantastic song. | ||
| And it's another, it's a story. | ||
| It's a story of people's lives. | ||
| You know, and it's it's a relatable. | ||
| It's like it's real, it's raw. | ||
| It's and again, it's a like a window into it. | ||
| No, and I was used to make a joke about that in my show. | ||
| It's a bottle of red. | ||
| And it says bottles of white. | ||
| So apparently he didn't like red as much as whites. | ||
| He has plural in the He said, bottle of red. | ||
| Bottles of White. | ||
| Does he say that? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| And I'm like, oh, he he must have had he liked more white wine than red. | ||
| That's how I've pick up shit like that. | ||
| Are you sure that's the lyrics or did you just say that? | ||
| No, I think I think it's the show. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| No, I think it says bottle of red. | ||
| Bottles of white. | ||
| You can now you gotta look it up. | ||
| I thought he said a bottle of white. | ||
| Whatever kind of mood you're into. | ||
| Oh, fuck. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I thought it meet you any time you want. | |
| Maybe I I could be wrong. | ||
| Fuck it. | ||
| No, that is a great fucking song. | ||
| That's a great song. | ||
| Bottle of red. | ||
| It's just bottle of whites. | ||
| You're right. | ||
| A bottle of whites. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
|
unidentified
|
See? | |
| I knew it was a big thing. | ||
| But it's still a bottle. | ||
| It's a bottles of white. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| So that's a weird way to write. | ||
| I a bottle of whites. | ||
| It could be a wine, so it could be multiple kinds of white wine in one bottle. | ||
| What did Jamie get in text with a lot of sort of serve that shit? | ||
| I mean what I'm trying to say. | ||
| So blend with that would be a bottle of whites. | ||
| So I was onto something there, right? | ||
| Isn't that funny that some people don't like their grapes mixed? | ||
| Don't you dare serve me a blend. | ||
| Some people don't want to blend. | ||
| Is that a blend of a cabernet Merlot, you fucking eye? | ||
| That served me a goddamn blend. | ||
| I don't want to blend. | ||
| How weird are people. | ||
| I'm gonna give you a little bit of this bird and a little bit of that bird, okay? | ||
| Fuck off. | ||
| It's a blend. | ||
| People that like it super down with wine. | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| I got a m I got a buddy who's a wine a lit like a legit wine connoisseur. | ||
| Oh, is that my buddy Matt? | ||
| So I I I could call him up out of nowhere. | ||
| Like I'd be at a restaurant and I'd send him a picture of the wine list. | ||
| Tell me what to get. | ||
| And he'd like look at it for like three seconds. | ||
|
unidentified
|
This is great. | |
| What do you guys eating? | ||
| Steak bread. | ||
| And he would tell you how to do it. | ||
| But um he got scammed. | ||
| Well, he didn't get scammed. | ||
| But there was a guy that he was friends with that was a gigantic scammer. | ||
| And uh I don't think this guy ever got him. | ||
| But what this guy was doing was they were all these wine connoisseurs, and this guy was selling really rare wine that was counterfeit. | ||
| It was fake. | ||
| So he had infiltrated this thing, this like wine group, and he was a con man. | ||
| And what he was doing was taking a bunch of different wines and mixing them and then trying to sell it as this like 1970 impossible bottle from Bordeaux. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Like and so he would age the paper on the bottles and shit, and like and they raided his house, they found empty bottles everywhere, and he was taking labels off of things and copying them and printing them and I have that with uh lube. | ||
| You gotta get the real stuff. | ||
| It's hard. | ||
| You gotta get it from Portugal. | ||
| Jesus Christ. | ||
| But this uh this documentally highlighted in my eyes, at least for some of those people, that it's kind of bullshit. | ||
| Like all this you you think you know the difference between really good old wine. | ||
| But this guy just tricked you. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And he tricked a lot of them. | ||
| A couple guys he didn't trick. | ||
| There was one guy in particular. | ||
| Yeah, one guy was like, This is trash. | ||
| But the other guy was just raving about it, and all of a sudden his opinion you questioned, like what? | ||
| I just thought this was great. | ||
| I thought it was crazy. | ||
| Like, no, that's just terrible. | ||
| Uh he's a scuff piss. | ||
| Like it was weird. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| But what was the wine movie that I the that uh uh uh what was the with the wine? | ||
| Well, this was a wine documentary because it's a big one. | ||
| No, no, I'm trying to think of the guy who said no more fucking Merlot. | ||
| What was he? | ||
| Oh yeah, it was that one. | ||
| What was that? | ||
| Sideways. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| That guy came to my drinking fucking Merlot. | ||
| That guy came to my show. | ||
| Um he's a brilliantly nice sweet guy. | ||
| Oh, that's awesome. | ||
| Oh great guy. | ||
| Just like in the movie. | ||
| He's just so nice. | ||
| And he came with uh um Kieran Colkin, uh Macaulay Kulkin's brother. | ||
| He's great in great. | ||
| They they were filming a Audi commercial or something. | ||
| What's that guy's name again? | ||
| Uh um, Paul Giamatti. | ||
| Paul Giamatti. | ||
| You come back. | ||
| He's amazing in everything. | ||
| I said, could would you could you would you would no I could they want to drink and want a drink? | ||
| And they're like, Yeah, I'll take whatever you got. | ||
| I said we have a whole bar. | ||
| I said, You want to I said, You want to go to Merlot? | ||
| I'm gonna have a Merlot. | ||
| And just his face, he was so funny. | ||
| He's like I just said it, but I didn't say it like I was trying to be funny. | ||
| I said, We have this, we have we have Malow. | ||
| And he's like, uh I said, Oh, I'm just fucking he said no. | ||
| And then so we did a video together. | ||
| I said, trying to think if I find somebody I could find a share Melow with it kept hands over to him. | ||
| He's like, not in fucking hell. | ||
| It was just it was such a great he's such a great guy. | ||
| They say he was great in that Howard Stern movie. | ||
| He was, wasn't he? | ||
| Yeah, private parts. | ||
| I mean NBC. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Yeah, he was really good in that. | ||
| I'm saying it, WNBC. | ||
| No, NBC. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, he's a good good guy on top of that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Great guy. | |
| Merlot. | ||
| Merlot got a bad name after that movie. | ||
| If I was in the Merlot business, I would have been furious. | ||
| Yes, no doubt. | ||
| These motherfuckers, they're downplaying Merlot. | ||
| I always like Merlot, and then all of a sudden I had a shady opinion of it. | ||
| Well they did that with me on South Park, you know. | ||
| It said that I was junk. | ||
| I'm like, fuck. | ||
| Did they know in a roundabout way, you know? | ||
| South Park. | ||
| They were do they everyone's parodied me and it's always been something stupid. | ||
| it's just amazing how long it's an Indian casino and it said like carrot scalp you know tonight playing at the showroom Who says that? | ||
| It's like it was in like Simpsons or Family Guy. | ||
| Just for jokes. | ||
| Just for jokes. | ||
| South Park has been around longer than anything ever that's still good. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Like, how do they do it? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Brilliant. | ||
| I it's just weird that they're still so on top of it. | ||
| It's it's they're so driven to like still push the boundaries and make it really funny. | ||
| And it's been going on since how many years. | ||
| Like the first video, I think, was ninety-five or ninety-six or something like that. | ||
| The one that they were passing around, the VHS one with Brian Boitano. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| What year was that? | ||
| Uh I think it was ninety five or ninety five or ninety-six. | ||
| Because I remember people on news radio were passing it around. | ||
| And we were like, what the fuck is this? | ||
| This is crazy. | ||
| 95. | ||
| 95. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Everybody was passing around. | ||
| We're like, this is insanity. | ||
| This is so insane. | ||
| And it I don't think it had a home yet. | ||
| I don't think it was on Comedy Central yet. | ||
| The first one they made was in 92. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| Which one was that? | ||
| Which one was that? | ||
| Trying to see which it says. | ||
| Which is the Brian Boitano? | ||
| Which would Brian Boitano do? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh, that wasn't an episode. | |
| That's what we ever say. | ||
| We'd be walking around the news radio set going, What would Brian Boitano do? | ||
| And it's fucking Jesus there. | ||
| And it's just it's so ridiculous. | ||
| That was actually in their first movie in 99. | ||
| Which that came quick. | ||
| The Brian Boitano thing was? | ||
| Yeah, that was in the movie. | ||
| South Park Bigger, Longer, Uncut. | ||
| Really? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Mm-hmm. | |
| So what was the 95 one or the 94 one? | ||
| Uh so they made fun of Brian Boitano in The Spirit of Christmas. | ||
| So that came out in 99. | ||
| So I could I wasn't that was like the last year of news radio. | ||
| I don't even know if I have a false memory now. | ||
| Huh. | ||
| What um that was the one that was Jesus for Santa fighting? | ||
| That's the night. | ||
| That's the first one. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's no Brian Boitano in that one. | ||
| He says what would Brian Boitano do in that, but that's not the song, is it until later. | ||
| Oh, right. | ||
| But that's what when he says it's okay. | ||
| I thought it was going crazy. | ||
| I thought I had a fake memory. | ||
| Stan Marsh says to Cartman, what would Brian Boitano do as Jesus battles Santa? | ||
| That's right. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| You had you thought you had me thinking I was crazy. | ||
| Oh the song was way bigger than Right. | ||
| But the show went where he says it, it was on the show. | ||
| So that was the verse. | ||
| I was like, am I losing my fucking mind? | ||
| Like, no, I know it was on the first one. | ||
| But it was just so uh groundbreaking. | ||
| And what and the brilliance of it was that you don't have to have it look realistic. | ||
| So you can get away with so much more. | ||
| Like when when he stuffs uh what's her face up his ass? | ||
| Who did he uh Pariselton? | ||
| Paris, not right when he had a slut off and stuffs Paris Hilton up his ass. | ||
| It's like you can do that if it doesn't look real. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| Like if it's like super realistic and 3D, you can't do that. | ||
| It has to look like South Park. | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| They can get away with so much. | ||
| They can kill kids. | ||
| They kill Kenny every week. | ||
| No one complains. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Poor fucker dies every week. | ||
| It's like imagine if this is like a graphic 3D video, you know, that looks hyper realistic. | ||
| You can do it. | ||
| It has to look like complete nonsense, and then we'll let you get away with almost anything. | ||
| That's probably how they how they sold it that way. | ||
| Well, if you think about it. | ||
| There's like levels of r realism that what will will allow you to get away with more if it's like less realistic, right? | ||
| Right. | ||
| Like that's why we used to allow like Roadrunner. | ||
| Like and you know, Wily Coyote and Roadrunner would like drop dynamite on him. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Shit was always happening. | ||
| He was always getting fucked up. | ||
| that was okay because it was cartoons. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But you couldn't have blood. | ||
| Like blood all over the place. | ||
| But if you make them look so goofy that they're their head's just a big circle. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| And they have like a little stick on. | ||
| Then you get blood all over the place and nobody complains. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Exactly. | |
| Weird, right? | ||
| It's kind of weird. | ||
| It's like the less realistic, but we know what it is. | ||
| They killed a kid. | ||
| We're like, well, you kill a kenny, you bastards. | ||
| And no one has a problem with it. | ||
| Which is because it's unrealistic. | ||
| It's kind of weird, right? | ||
| I think it's exactly how you put it. | ||
| It's kind of like unrealistic. | ||
| It's a perfect cheat code. | ||
| It makes it everything more funny because you never feel guilty laughing. | ||
| No matter what. | ||
| When Cartman was in bed with Saddam Hussein, or when Satan rather was in bed. | ||
| There's just so many scenes where you're like, there's no way to do this unless you have cartoons. | ||
| It's brilliant. | ||
| Because you you wouldn't never be able to get away with it. | ||
| No. | ||
| Like the one when they skirted around drawing Mohammed. | ||
| They kind of skirted around. | ||
| They never drew him. | ||
| There was this like oh, there's a truck and he's inside the truck in a bear suit. | ||
| You can do things in cartoons that you just can't do in any other realm. | ||
| It's per it's a perfect medium for comedy. | ||
| And you can keep the kids young forever. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know, they're always going to be in high school. | ||
| Like nobody questions the fact they've been in high school for 40 years. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| No. | ||
| It's just they're in high school. | ||
| That's how it goes. | ||
| That's true. | ||
| They don't have to grow up. | ||
| Shut the fuck up. | ||
| Why are they gonna why do they have to grow up? | ||
| See if they made no what if they did make a cartoon where they aged. | ||
| Ugh. | ||
| God damn it. | ||
| No, but you want to see him where they always look good. | ||
| It'll be sad. | ||
| That would be a fucking loser in a trailer park. | ||
| It's fun when he's the way he is now and he's like a little kid. | ||
| It's fun. | ||
| I like throwing hissy fits. | ||
| It's fun. | ||
| Because he's still a little kid. | ||
| You know? | ||
| There's certain people you don't want to see them when they get full grown. | ||
| Or when they're over the other side of it. | ||
| Right. | ||
| When things the wheels start falling off. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You know. | ||
| That's what I mean, though, for the special their end episode, they should do it. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| When it's all done, this is the final. | ||
| They're all aged and they didn't have the voice quite still. | ||
| What they should do is do a 3D uh like like hyper-realistic version of the show. | ||
| Like just do it all through AI for the last episode and just have it the most violent, most ridiculous. | ||
| And see how people deal with it, like, bro, this is exactly what we've been showing you for 40 years. | ||
| That will be uh it. | ||
| They wouldn't be allowed to. | ||
| Uh coffee? | ||
| Yeah, have some daddy. | ||
| Thank you. | ||
| Sure, sir. | ||
| All right, cheers to you. | ||
| Uh bum bum. | ||
| Thank you for having me. | ||
| My pleasure. | ||
| I'm looking forward to seeing you on Tiltoni too. | ||
| That's gonna be really fun. | ||
| Yeah, that's fun. | ||
| I you know, last time I done I last time I did it once. | ||
| Um Did you do it at the club or did you do it at a big place? | ||
| At the club. | ||
| At the club? | ||
| Nice. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It was fun and it was loud and intimate and and the it was just you know, I I told him before I did, I said, I'm not into critiquing uh people because I've been shit on my whole career. | ||
| I don't want to I don't want to tell these comments what they're doing right or wrong. | ||
| Coming from me, I really he said no, no, no, that's not how it works. | ||
| You just play, you just be you, just be yourself. | ||
| And it was great. | ||
| Because I could just that I thought was kind of wrong or off, I could say it in a you know very nice way. | ||
| But most of them were they're good. | ||
| This guy's come out and they got their minutes, they pop them out. | ||
| You know, of course you'd see a couple, right? | ||
| You know, the first ten seconds in, you're like, okay. | ||
| It's already not funny, you know, whether or they're just so nervous, they're just you can see the mic shaking, you know. | ||
| Um would have really quality written jokes. | ||
| Oh, yeah, there's a lot of fun. | ||
| And there's also because of Kill Tony, people realize that if they can put together a minute, it can change their whole fucking life. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Your whole fucking life. | ||
| Look at Cam Patterson just got on Saturday Night Live. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, look at these guys. | ||
| They're killing William Montgomery's killing it, uh you know. | ||
| There was a couple there out that night that they were really good. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I think Tony tapped me onto the chair at one point, it's next guy, you know. | ||
| He came out and I was like, holy shit, he was solid. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Ari Maddie's killing it. | ||
| There's a lot of these guys that do that show. | ||
| They do one minute and then they go, we'd love to have you back. | ||
| And then they come back, they do another minute, the crowd remembers them from the old show. | ||
| All of a sudden they have like 25,000 Instagram followers, then it's a hundred, and then it's 150, like this things start rolling. | ||
| It's like, oh, you have a real pathway. | ||
| If you work hard, if you really fucking focus and really just really dial it in, really work on your material, really working, do as many sets around town as you can. | ||
| You might be able to do this for a living. | ||
| And if you can, it's the greatest fucking job in the world. | ||
| So there's already a couple that I've been watching. | ||
| They are they're there's more now than ever before. | ||
| It used to be it was like there was a bunch of like bad people, and every now and then someone would come on with promise. | ||
| Now it seems to me to be more slanted towards people that are good. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's like a s a high level uh or high percentage rather of people that are. | ||
| Then I thought I was there. | ||
| They were really good. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| A lot of them are really good. | ||
| And it's again, it there's a pathway. | ||
| And there was one that came out and I said uh and I think it was it was kind of funny how he he the microphone was up high because the guy before him was like six five or something. | ||
| This guy comes out, he's like four feet. | ||
| So it's already funny, because they'd bring him out, and he he goes to grab the mic and he just he takes it and puts it behind him and takes the mic and goes into his bed. | ||
| And I'm like So it got all done, he said, um I said that was great. | ||
| I said the only thing I would have done in the beginning, you already had a laugh. | ||
| The microphone was, you know, so f reference it, at least reference it. | ||
| Don't you know to do a thing. | ||
| He said he goes, Yeah, well that that'd be a prop. | ||
| And I said, No, it's already a fucking prop. | ||
| It's not you didn't bring it, he didn't make it, it's there. | ||
| It's a prop that's usable. | ||
| I mean, every comic uses it for the you know, everything from a guitar to short for sh change on the beach, every comic is done there. | ||
| Everybody. | ||
| So I said, No, no, no, you don't have to make a prop joke. | ||
| I said, just reference it. | ||
| You should at least reference to like this is already not going well. | ||
| Something. | ||
| And cause the crowd was waiting for something, and he didn't do it, and then after the show he said, I'm gonna use that. | ||
| That's good. | ||
| I said, Well, you have to follow a tall guy every time for it to work. | ||
| Yeah, don't they set the microphone really high from my first time? | ||
| That's what I said. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| It only worked because it was improv it it happened. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And then he goes, and I told him that. | ||
| I said, You don't don't do it unless it happens. | ||
| You don't want to just have it set that way, right? | ||
| And it's dumb. | ||
| Well, I think for some people they don't know how to start, you know, and they're doing something like that, and it's the the Well, the starting is hard for everyone. | ||
| It's not just that, it's like this overwhelming anxiety. | ||
| You have one minute and you can't believe you're on a stage in front of this all like a lot of them, it's their first show. | ||
| Some of them first show Madison Square Garden. | ||
| Oh, Jesus. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Imagine first time on stage. | ||
| No, no. | ||
| Madison Square Garden Garden and your bombing. | ||
| I didn't know that. | ||
| So they do it, they do that same format with the Madison Square Garden. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Uh-huh. | |
| And it's a hundred percent random. | ||
| He people have tried to get people on and Tony won't do it. | ||
| He's like, No, no, no, that's not how it works. | ||
| No, what we do is we everybody just signs up and I reach into that bucket and I pull out names, and you can't rig it. | ||
| You can't rig it. | ||
| And so I knew that part of it, but I didn't know they did it in Madison Square Garden. | ||
| They do it that way everywhere. | ||
| In Massive Square. | ||
| Well, one thing they do in Massive Square Garden is they have uh like a legends bucket. | ||
| So they have a bunch of people backstage, like Jim Norton, you know, uh big Jay Oakerson, a lot of a lot of people did it when I was there. | ||
| David Tell. | ||
| And then they'll pull it out, and then David Tell come up and do a minute of stand up and everybody goes crazy. | ||
| Or do five minutes or whatever. | ||
| But he he makes it so that even if someone is terrible for the first time, it's only a minute, and then you have Shane Gillis and whoever else is next to him making fun of it for you know the next 15, 20 minutes, it's gonna be fucking hilarious. | ||
| And it's also you get to see like, oh, this is a crazy thing to do, like this this idea you're just gonna stand up in front of people and talk and hopefully it'll be entertaining. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And sometimes it just goes horribly wrong. | ||
| And everybody's like, boo. | ||
| You're like, ah, yeah. | ||
| Oh god. | ||
| Yeah, and that's not I was there, everyone was pretty cordial, but but I could see it going bad. | ||
| Bro, those New Yorkers don't fuck around, man. | ||
| If you start you start bombing a little bit, they smell blood. | ||
| Yeah, no. | ||
| I did I did a uh my very first time ever in New York City was at uh catch a rising star. | ||
| It was you know, old, old, old school club. | ||
| I go there and I had it was like it was pouring down rain or snowing, sleety Snow rain. | ||
| I can I remember I took my trunk in a taxi and I I I never been to New York City in a club. | ||
| And I go in, there's like eight people. | ||
| And oh fuck. | ||
| And so the guy's like, you know, what do you bring me up? | ||
| I I wheel my shit up. | ||
| I go I don't even bombing. | ||
| It's worse than bombing. | ||
| It's just like never have nothing from a laugh. | ||
| Nothing. | ||
| Really? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And I'm doing like my A shit, you know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Literally. | |
| I promise God. | ||
| I mean, I've got like, you know, the ice tray with the level, so you don't put you know, and it kills everywhere, you know. | ||
| Uh nothing. | ||
| Fucking nothing. | ||
| And I just go, all right. | ||
| Um I still I I think my opening line was I have more props in people, which I did. | ||
| So that got that got a little lap, but not even right. | ||
| So, gee, I've got more props in fucking people here. | ||
| Nothing. | ||
| I get done. | ||
| I I don't even know what to do. | ||
| I'm shaking so bad. | ||
| I and they said, just there was no comic, so I just went, all right, enjoy the next comic. | ||
| And I I put the guy to I own my own mic on a thing because I had that anyway. | ||
| I'm like just tearful walking. | ||
| I just didn't I was gonna leave the shit. | ||
| I'm gonna get out of business, right? | ||
| Am I gonna go into comedy? | ||
| This guy walks by, he goes, uh he goes, um no. | ||
| Uh leave your shit there, it's good. | ||
| And he goes up and he like you said, murders, you know, just absolutely murders. | ||
| Eight people. | ||
| It was like a stadium of people laughing. | ||
| And I'm like watching this guy, I'm like, holy fuck. | ||
| It was Dennis Leary. | ||
| Uh and he I mean leveled eight people. | ||
| I couldn't believe it. | ||
| And I walked off and he came we walked off and he said, Um, hey man, I said that was unbelievable. | ||
| He goes, No, that shit, you that fuck your shit's fucking amazing. | ||
| But the thing with the he was serious. | ||
| He said that whatever, the you know, cowboy boot with the kickstand, fuck, that's great. | ||
| Whatever it was I was doing. | ||
| And I'm like, is he like fucking with me? | ||
| Because I ate shit and he was no. | ||
| But I've never gotten to tell him that again. | ||
| If Dennis Leary watches this show, that was the most coolest thing a comic ever did to me. | ||
| Just gave me a big hug. | ||
| You were fucking great. | ||
| They that crowd sucked. | ||
| I said the crowd didn't suck, you just murdered them. | ||
| They didn't like me. | ||
| Well, you were great. | ||
| Eight people. | ||
| You're bombing in front of eight people. | ||
| Yeah, it's pretty easy to bomb in front of eight people. | ||
| It was horrible. | ||
| It happens. | ||
| That was one of the great things about the store is that you would get those eight people crowd sometimes. | ||
| The early days of the store, you could you would go up, you know, if you got like 1130 spot on a Tuesday night, you might go up in front of eight people. | ||
| That can happen. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because you probably won't really get on at 11 30 because a bunch of people stop in and do sets. | ||
| So by the time you get up, it's probably like closer to one. | ||
| I've been there. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But those shows show you what's bullshit. | ||
| They show you there's something about a small crowd shows you what what you're saying is nonsense. | ||
| You know, like sometimes you have to like figure it out. | ||
| You have to and the brutal thing about comedy is you kind of really have to figure it out in front of people with the openness of failing, right? | ||
| Like, here's the thing. | ||
| It's like one of the things about jujitsu, when you learn jujitsu, it's really important to not be afraid to tap. | ||
| Because if you can just open your game up and not be afraid to tap and tap. | ||
| You can learn more because you you don't do it tense and you do it more playfully, and it doesn't mean as much to you when you get tapped. | ||
| It sounds totally counterintuitive. | ||
| But if you can just relax and not use your ego, not try to win every session. | ||
| Just try to figure out why you're getting caught and figure out how to avoid it. | ||
| And but but don't be worried about tapping. | ||
| Just tap. | ||
| Tap whenever you get caught, and then just let your ego deal with it and then learn and move on. | ||
| But you have to experience that. | ||
| You have to get tapped. | ||
| You have to get dominated. | ||
| Like you have to figure out like what's good and what's bad. | ||
| And I think that's the same thing. | ||
| Kind of there's a element of that in comedy too. | ||
| You gotta like possibly fail with this idea. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Like I'm gonna throw this out. | ||
| I have this is half cooked. | ||
| This is a ha this is a weird idea that I have. | ||
| I'm like, am I crazy? | ||
| Like, do you think is this where we're going as a society? | ||
| Is this where we're going as human beings? | ||
| And there's something there, and I'm trying to find it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But I gotta risk not finding it. | ||
| That's the only way you find it. | ||
| Because there's writing on stage that you only get you there's certain lines that only come to you when you're willing to step out on stage. | ||
| But you gotta f you might fucking bomb. | ||
| You might eat shit. | ||
| You might have to transfer out of that. | ||
| Like it's like you have to it's a balancing act. | ||
| You might this bit might not work at all. | ||
| And then you might have to immediately figure out how to segue into something guaranteed so you can get them back. | ||
| Oh yeah. | ||
| I do the same, absolutely. | ||
| But I I can all my shit I think is full cooked. | ||
| I think I I'm out there that this is good. | ||
| This has been marinating for a while. | ||
| And then I'm gonna eat shit. | ||
| You're like, fuck. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That was a good bit. | ||
| Damn it. | ||
| For me, it's or one night it worked right, and then the next night. | ||
| I just did a joke last night. | ||
| They killed the night before. | ||
| Nothing. | ||
| Crickets. | ||
| I'm like it was the same fucking. | ||
| Do you say it the same way? | ||
| Do you record yourself? | ||
| Yeah, I never listened to it though. | ||
| Yeah, but that's the that's the thing. | ||
| I said it a little differently. | ||
| I fucked up before what I didn't realize I fucked up, and I said something wrong, and I didn't realize I said it wrong until I listened to the recording. | ||
| I'm like, oh, I couldn't because I'll fuck words up sometimes. | ||
| And just like I did I talk too much. | ||
| You know, I really do. | ||
| I talk way, way too much. | ||
| So my brain is just like on autopilot talking sometimes. | ||
| And well, I know it's different if I if I don't say it right. | ||
| I'm saying if I say it the same one night it gets a great laugh, some next night it doesn't. | ||
| I'm like, I don't I didn't do anything differently. | ||
| Yeah, but I mean that's what I'm saying is like you you you gotta listen to it. | ||
| You gotta listen to it to to really hear because there's a lot of times where you'll say something just slightly different, and that's slightly different makes all the fucking Well, but then I had one this is one last week. | ||
| It's a brand new joke. | ||
| There's a big big billboard in Vegas, and it's for the Sahara pool. | ||
| And it's got this beautiful woman on it. | ||
| It's big beautiful hot chick, and it says, Meet me at the pool. | ||
| So I put it up on the big screen. | ||
| I said, This is my favorite billboard. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
| Look at Meet Me at the Pool's hot girl. | ||
| And so then you get there and it changes to a big gay pool party with like seventy-five thousand dudes in a it's just a great picture. | ||
| So I did it last night. | ||
| Got a laugh, but not like it should have gotten more, because it's like then you get there and you're like, Ava? | ||
| Is anyone Ava, have you seen you know, she was here earlier, she's probably buried under all that cock or something. | ||
| Last night it it just killed. | ||
| I mean, almost for a minute, they're still laughing and applauding. | ||
| I'm like, I did I it didn't do anything different. | ||
| It was just the mood of that audience. | ||
| That does happen too. | ||
| Maybe it was like you were doing better before that, so you had more momentum. | ||
| Yeah, maybe. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Sometimes it's that I never I'm I'm just I don't have any momentum. | ||
| I've seen your show. | ||
| Your show in Luxor was really fun. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| I saw it, God, it's been it's been a few years. | ||
| I gotta check it check it out now. | ||
| But I've had a bunch of my friends come to Vegas and see your show. | ||
| It's very fun. | ||
| On Tuesdays, I do it in Spanish. | ||
| It's actually Oh, do you really speak Spanish? | ||
| No. | ||
| How dare you, son of a bitch? | ||
| They I come like, hey, it's an audio. | ||
| Uh Tom Segura, who looks totally white. | ||
| Uh speaks fluent Spanish and does stand-up in Spanish. | ||
| Yeah, so he'll do a lot of things. | ||
| I'm gonna see him. | ||
| I'm gonna see him. | ||
| How many dates did he do where he did um you're gonna do your mom's house? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Or two bears one K. Which one are you doing? | ||
| I'm doing with this one. | ||
| Oh, yeah, that's your mom's house. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They're both real fun. | ||
| Bird is Bert's bird's a great example. | ||
| Like this Bert's a great example of what we were talking about. | ||
| One time we were at the improv and Bert did this joke, this new joke. | ||
| The first set, it fucking killed. | ||
| And the second set, it didn't do nearly as well, and he was confused. | ||
| And I had seen both sets, and I said, Oh no, it's because in the first set, you said like he was at the um excuse me, he was at the supermarket. | ||
| But this is already on a special or something. | ||
| And uh he was standing there talking to his wife, he's like, God, it's so cold in here. | ||
| And she looks at him and she goes, You are so fat. | ||
| And he's like, What she goes, your dick is hanging out. | ||
| Like he didn't realize that his fly was open. | ||
| He goes raw dog everywhere. | ||
| He goes raw dog, he's got no underwear on, and his zippers undone. | ||
| It's like but the joke was the the way it was like she had said it that way. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Like, you are so fat. | ||
| Like that's because you can't see your dick. | ||
| So it's like the first show he nailed it. | ||
| He nailed the cadence. | ||
| When the second show, like something was off, and he forgot to say one part of it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| But I had remembered it from the first show. | ||
| Like it's weird. | ||
| You know, you gotta listen. | ||
| You gotta listen because you it's painful, you you hate listening to your own voice. | ||
| It's gross. | ||
| You you already know the jokes. | ||
| You're like, shut up or shut the fuck up. | ||
| I'm so tired of listening to you talk. | ||
| But you have to listen to it because if you don't, you're not gonna like you're not gonna figure out how to do it the the best way you can. | ||
| I think. | ||
| No, I think that's a great I just but there's a lot of people funnier than me that don't do it that way. | ||
| Um, you know this whole thing. | ||
| I know some guys who are really funny that don't record any of their shows and they don't write at all. | ||
| They just go up a lot and they have ideas and they work them out on stage. | ||
| And they're really, really funny. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I I I am kind of in that with my with more of my stand-up than the the prop shit I built. | ||
| But the stand up I kind of just I have like a little bullet point. | ||
| I don't write it out. | ||
| When you do prop stuff, like how do you even come up with ideas? | ||
| Like what do you do you do you like sit down with like a a whiteboard and go, what can we do with it? | ||
| No, I'd never have written um I've never sat down and said I'm gonna write today. | ||
| So how do the gags like come to the Um they come just like a lot of like I a lot of them happen by just uh uh in a conversation or a story or something. | ||
| Um sometimes I'll see a prop and I'll or a prop meaning not it's not a prop yet, it's just a thing. | ||
| Toilet seat. | ||
| Or I'll see a thing and I'll go, there's something funny about that. | ||
| You know. | ||
| And I think about it. | ||
| And then I go, uh there was I was at a home depot. | ||
| I mean, I made this like yesterday. | ||
| I haven't even done it yet. | ||
| I've never even tried this yet. | ||
| I'm gonna do it on Tony tonight. | ||
| I never done it ever, but I think it's funny. | ||
| Guys get drunk and they punch walls all the time, right? | ||
| Because my friend I had a friend backstage, I said, What happened to your hand? | ||
| He's like, Oh, yeah, fuck. | ||
| I said, What'd you do? | ||
| He's like, uh I punched a wall. | ||
| I said, You punched a wall? | ||
| I'm like, Who the fuck? | ||
| And I just thought I said you sh I thought this should be a a stud finder, like he hit he had a stuff I said this should be a beer with a stud finder on so you can find out for your drunk. | ||
| You fucking bitch. | ||
| And you yeah. | ||
| So I made it, so it's it looks incredible, but it's it's so it's so silly, but it's it's it will be a crowd pleaser because it's beep, beep, beep, and yeah, you fucking bitch, you wait, you uh yeah, if you have a hesitate. | ||
| You can fuck your hand up. | ||
| But so that sometimes they're that way. | ||
| Sometimes I just uh it'll come to me. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| I had a I was watching a cartoon, I think, years ago. | ||
| There was uh there was these pap paper cups and string in the telephone and they were on a in a in a tree. | ||
| Hey Susie, and she goes, What's going on, Bobby? | ||
| And I'm watching it and I'm like this is an old version of the pup cups. | ||
| We need a new version, right? | ||
| Because that's just two cups. | ||
| So I said we have to have another cup that comes out for call waiting. | ||
| And it was like that was my free bird. | ||
| I mean, I I I did that, I came up with it was my closing bit. | ||
| You know, I I'd hold someone in the front row, uh, what's your name? | ||
| And they go, Hey. | ||
| And I said I you seem so close. | ||
| You know, the strings and she's holding it. | ||
| And I said, What's your name? | ||
| And she say your name, and I say, Hold on, I have another call. | ||
| Hello? | ||
| I gotta call you back. | ||
| I'm talking to whoever she was, Tracy. | ||
| And it would just murder, 'cause then no one would expect you know, call waiting to come out. | ||
| But it was, you know, right when call waiting came out. | ||
| So you had a second cup. | ||
| And then I had a three cups for conference calling that came out of that. | ||
| So it was like boom, boom, conference calling. | ||
| Then I'd throw it, I'd say call forwarding and I'd throw it. | ||
| And then I had a clear cup that was for caller ID. | ||
| I'd said, I know you're there, pick up, I can see you. | ||
| So it was like it was like a bam bam bam bam, you know, really good prop that turned into like a uh like a routine. | ||
| It would be funny if you tried to say those things today. | ||
| People would be like, What? | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| That's right. | ||
| Isn't that what you're doing? | ||
| Yeah, that's a c no. | ||
| That's uh that's not that long. | ||
| That's a carrot classic, I call them ones that are like, you know. | ||
| I do the I do uh things sometimes in the show where I do care classics. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I said this is stuff for people that grew up with me in the 90s. | ||
| This is you'll remember some of these. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Uh-huh. | |
| And I do like the ice tray that has a level, and it's great. | ||
| The biggest laugh comes when I go, half the crowd doesn't know what a fucking ice tray is. | ||
| I mean, that gets the biggest laugh because no one has an ice tray. | ||
| But the the thing's still funny. | ||
| They're like, oh, that's I get it's clever. | ||
| Don't people still have ice trays? | ||
| Well, if you live in a yeah, if you live in like a trailer. | ||
| No, very regular house. | ||
| Like ice train streaks. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Well, you put it on the case. | ||
| Well, they might well have the new ones now with the big cube ones. | ||
| Yeah, if you don't want an ice machine in your refreezer thing, you can just still relevant. | ||
| I think it's I have fucking ice trays. | ||
| I have ice trays too. | ||
| I use them sometimes, I think. | ||
| But see, when you're gonna when you go and put it back in, you gotta leave it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Um but there's certain things that people just like pagers make a pager joke today. | ||
| They're like, what? | ||
| That's great. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, I mean, I remember when I I technological jokes, like if you think about like jokes about technology, when you date them, it's so weird. | ||
| I used to have a joke about texting. | ||
| I'm like, why are you making me read? | ||
| I'm like, call me. | ||
| You're on a phone. | ||
| It's the best way to communicate. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Call me. | ||
| Like, why are you making me fucking read? | ||
| This is so weird. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm like, it takes you four presses to get an S. That was back when they sent you a text message on a file phone. | |
| Right, which had yeah. | ||
| On a flip phone, rather. | ||
| Yeah, well, you had to make a seven upside down and a pager. | ||
| Hello? | ||
| It was the most annoying people that would want to say. | ||
| That's so great. | ||
| Why are you making why are we doing this? | ||
| It's so dumb. | ||
| And I would just call them back. | ||
| You couldn't text Joey Diaz, he would yell at you. | ||
| It would fucking scream. | ||
| He'll text you now. | ||
| But dude, for like seven, eight years, Joey would fucking yell at you. | ||
| Joey was the last one to get a cell phone. | ||
| He had a page. | ||
| I was the last one to get a phone, too. | ||
| I didn't get one. | ||
| Joey had a pager until like the year two thousand. | ||
| That's great. | ||
| I was a little more than that. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I wasn't, I guess. | |
| He fucking kept that page forever, man. | ||
| And you would have to you have to call his fucking pager. | ||
| That's great. | ||
| He was a wild boy. | ||
| He was fun. | ||
| He was just such a fun dude. | ||
| But he if you call if you did not call him, he would get angry. | ||
| He goes, I'm insecure. | ||
| I want to hear your fucking voice. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Why you fucking read like text messages? | |
| Making me fucking text you like a little girl. | ||
| What are you doing? | ||
| Him and Red Band would get into it, because Red Band loves texting. | ||
| So Red Van was like one of the first guys to text. | ||
| He would text you back in the days. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| You know, when you have to press it four times to get an S. And then I remember people got those those sidekicks. | ||
| You remember you're the coolest sidekick because it had a keyboard. | ||
| You remember that? | ||
| And some of their sidekicks got hacked. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Didn't like uh Paris Hilton again, didn't uh some cooter pictures pop up because her sidekick got hacked? | ||
| Something along those lines. | ||
| Something like that. | ||
| It was something it's probably from that. | ||
| Or something happened where people like stole their sidekicks and got something happened. | ||
| Wasn't there something about that? | ||
| some sort of a privacy concern with the sidekicks back in the day? | ||
| I mean, I don't know about... | ||
| There was a group that claimed they broke an air... | ||
| or a sidekick, yeah. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| There's also there was like strategic releases of stuff back then, like when they would accidentally have a photographer looking at their vagina as they get out of a car. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You don't notice that photographer on his knees. | |
| With a camera pointing. | ||
| That's so crazy. | ||
| Nobody has a camera pointing on it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Like, come on. | ||
| That guy would go to jail. | ||
| That's probably illegal. | ||
| Probably. | ||
| Illegal. | ||
| And meanwhile, you all you don't have any underwear on. | ||
| That seems crazy. | ||
| Like why why do they have pictures of your pussy on the internet on purpose? | ||
| You do that on purpose? | ||
|
unidentified
|
You did. | |
| But it's really it's smart. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I mean, if you want to market yourself and just get more popular, so more people know your name. | ||
| It worked. | ||
| Right. | ||
| We're talking about them right now. | ||
| But that was like a brief moment. | ||
| People don't remember. | ||
| PussyGate. | ||
| Because there was a time where these uh high level celebrity type people were accidentally showing their pussy. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Whoopsies. | ||
| Here's my pussy. | ||
| Out there in the breeze. | ||
| Just nothing but a curtain. | ||
| So weird over raw pussy. | ||
| Out there in the wild. | ||
| Wild pussy. | ||
| I never say that word on stage. | ||
| Pussy? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because of Prince, out of respect. | ||
| Out of respect for Prince. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| No, I just never have. | ||
| And I I think it was last night. | ||
| No, not last night. | ||
| Night for last. | ||
| I don't know what the crowd was just I don't know. | ||
| They were crazy. | ||
| And I don't know. | ||
| Someone yelled something out, and I I said, Well, wait, I I got I'm gonna just do I did a horrible pro it was a it was a Bud Light bottle. | ||
| You know, but you know, like one of those metal ones. | ||
| Mm-hmm. | ||
| I had these these legs put on it like that. | ||
| And it's hilarious looking. | ||
| I said, I made a Bud Light so guys will drink it again. | ||
| Uh and the guys the guy was like, someone yelled, uh, I don't get it. | ||
| I said, it's pussy. | ||
| Like i how do you not get the joke? | ||
| It's two legs spread. | ||
| The beer goes like this and the legs go. | ||
| I said, see, you're eating pussy. | ||
| And it was just like the crowd was like, a carrotop can't say pussy. | ||
| Like what? | ||
| They just didn't. | ||
| I I said, No, it's okay. | ||
| I said, put it on. | ||
| Are there kids in the crowd? | ||
| And don't say it again. | ||
| No, no. | ||
| No. | ||
| Don't say it again. | ||
| No, they could. | ||
| I said, no, don't no, no. | ||
| And so they're thinking, don't say it again. | ||
| I said, no, but you can say it. | ||
| But I said, now that I've said that, though, we we've topped it. | ||
| I mean, right? | ||
| You can't top once you say pussy, you can't top it. | ||
| So they're like, no, they laughed. | ||
| I'm like, you know, now fucks nothing. | ||
| I said, Pussies, we're we've reached the plateau of raunchy uh at the show. | ||
| Caratop show. | ||
| Yeah, it's more silly. | ||
| I mean, there's an edge. | ||
| But do you an edge to it? | ||
| But you swear whenever you feel like it. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| He just. | ||
| But I do it for some parts that I don't need to. | ||
| No, but I never say buzzy. | ||
| Fun. | ||
| Swearing's fun. | ||
| People that don't want you to swear. | ||
| That that always makes me that was like the Bill Cosby thing. | ||
| He was always angry at people swearing. | ||
| I remember that Richard Burns. | ||
| Richard. | ||
| Yeah, with the Eddie? | ||
| Eddie Murphy. | ||
| That's one of the greatest bits. | ||
| He says Do the people laugh. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Do you get paid? | |
| Tell Bill down Copic smile and shut the fuck up. | ||
| No, yeah. | ||
| Great. | ||
| That's yeah. | ||
| He's brilliant, right? | ||
| Rick Pryor. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| My parents took me to see him uh live in the Sunset Strip when it was in the movie theater. | ||
| I was like 15, 16 years old. | ||
| That's great. | ||
| It was incredible. | ||
| I couldn't believe how funny it was. | ||
| I will never forget this. | ||
| It was the first moment where I realized like what stand-up can do. | ||
| Because this guy was on stage and just talking, it was the funniest thing I'd ever heard in my life. | ||
| Ever. | ||
| I thought about all the movies that I had seen that were really funny movies, and I was like, there's nothing that's this funny. | ||
| And this guy's just talking. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I was looking around the theater. | ||
| I'll never forget this man. | ||
| And there was people just going like this, just throwing their body up and down while they're laughing, holding their body. | ||
| Like, oh my gosh. | ||
| Oh my god, just dying laughing. | ||
| I was like, this is incredible. | ||
| He's just talking. | ||
| It's incredible how funny this is. | ||
| Yeah, he was that that's a groundbreaking special. | ||
| Yeah, when you're 15, you're like, no way. | ||
| And you're right. | ||
| And seeing people like you said, physically laughing like that. | ||
| Falling down. | ||
| You don't see that often. | ||
| Dying. | ||
| Like they couldn't handle it. | ||
| Like, I did a I opened for Steve Harvey one time in Birmingham, Alabama. | ||
| And uh I get there, I set up all my stuff and I I'd never met him. | ||
| This is a years and years ago. | ||
| I had like a trunk. | ||
| You know, I didn't have I had like 30 props and a third of them were really good. | ||
| You know, I kind of just opened it. | ||
| I get there and I do I do the first thing. | ||
| And they oh and Steve says to me, Hey, you know, you ever worked a black crowd? | ||
| I was like, no. | ||
| I mean, like all black crowd. | ||
| I said, No. | ||
| I'm just performing in front of black people. | ||
| He said, No, no, all black crowd. | ||
| I said, Well, it'll be all black crowds. | ||
| He said, Oh, yeah, all black crowd. | ||
| I didn't know. | ||
| I they would go one way or the other. | ||
| He just said if they stand up but they start going like they're not leaving. | ||
| They're standing up for to tell when they laugh. | ||
| I was like, uh Anyway, I go out there and I I do okay for a bit, and then I did one, I don't know what it was, but they all got up and they were like it looked like they were leaving, but they were that's that's how they they were like you said, they were just rejoicing in their like ah and I just I never I couldn't believe it. | ||
| I and I I came off and he's like, nice, nice set. | ||
| And I'm like, that was so much fun. | ||
| They were so into the show. | ||
| And I said, I don't know how he's gonna follow that. | ||
| Because I did really sort of got I did really good. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's his crowd. | |
| I really did grab it. | ||
| I I thought to myself, he he's not gonna uh you know. | ||
| That fucker, that guy, you know well, Steve is sure. | ||
| I know it was his crowd, but paint was peeling off the club. | ||
| It was so loud. | ||
| It was so piercing loud in there. | ||
| And that's another guy. | ||
| I thought, I'm not in comedy. | ||
| Uh uh, whatever I'm in, I'm not in that that kings of comedy with Bernie Mac. | ||
| That was like Bernie Mac and his prime. | ||
| Bernie Mac, brilliant. | ||
| Oh my god, Bray Mac. | ||
| Bernie Mac was so funny. | ||
| He was so powerful on stage. | ||
| It's like sometimes you see someone performing, it's like, whoa. | ||
| Yeah, everything, his eyes alone just punch lines charisma. | ||
| Just pop. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Yeah, pop. | ||
| He just was funny. | ||
| There's some dudes that just know how to just uh hit it just right. | ||
| Yep. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Yeah, he was that way. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| It was so funny. | ||
| I mean, that whole era tour, that's kind of interesting that no one's done that since, right? | ||
| There's been like the kings of comedy and then there's blue collar. | ||
| Right. | ||
| There haven't been really a lot of those movie tours like that. | ||
| There hasn't been. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Right? | ||
| Kings of Comedy. | ||
| How many films did they make? | ||
| They made at least one, right? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| How many Kings of Comedy Comedy specials did Kings of Comedy make? | ||
| So then Blue Collar did a couple, right? | ||
| Two or how many did they do? | ||
| I mean, actual specials, yeah, but they toured like crazy. | ||
| And um they all went on to tour too. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| But there hasn't been like one. | ||
| There hasn't been you're right. | ||
| No. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
| It's funny. | ||
| But it's also like everybody's already touring. | ||
| This is like there's more people doing arenas now than I think have ever. | ||
| I mean, not even close. | ||
| It's unbelievable. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| It's but it's what we're talking about. | ||
| Joe Coi's killing it. | ||
| Uh he's always doing gigantic. | ||
| He just said to me, um, he was just backstage with his family. | ||
| And he said, um, just casually. | ||
| He said, he said, What do you do? | ||
| What are you doing on you know, m February or something? | ||
| I said, uh, probably working. | ||
| He goes, Ah, have you come so fi? 'Cause I'm like, Oh, what's going on at Sofi? | ||
| He's like Me. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| I said, You What do you go in there for? | ||
| He's like Me, like to perform. | ||
| I just it just blew me away. | ||
| I'm like, You're playing Sofi? | ||
| He's like Yeah, he's been doing a reasonable. | ||
| Yeah, yeah, it's hard. | ||
| It's already it's already sold out. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm like he's so casual. | ||
| Yeah, I'm just so five. | ||
| Like he's gonna go see the stones. | ||
| He's like, No, I'm going to see me. | ||
| Nate Bargazi's another one like that. | ||
| He's doing arenas everywhere. | ||
| It's just super normal, casual. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Hang out with him. | ||
| Stadium. | ||
| Football stadium. | ||
| Which one's doing the football stadium? | ||
| Joe Coy and Gabriel. | ||
| Dang, yeah. | ||
| Oh, that's a great one too combination. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| That's a great one too. | ||
| Yeah, you can't go wrong. | ||
| Fluffy does LA by himself, right? | ||
| Doesn't he do the Dodge Stadium by himself? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So insane. | ||
| Insane. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Fluffy is a giant following. | ||
| I remember when we were at the ice house, he had the record for the most amount of shows sold out in a row. | ||
| And like they had a plaque on the wall. | ||
| There, look at these guys. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
| So Fi Stadium. | ||
| God damn. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Jesus. | |
| That's nuts. | ||
| Yeah, man. | ||
| They're killing it. | ||
| This is the same thing. | ||
| I'll be playing crackers on uh. | ||
| Shane Gillis is killing it like that. | ||
| Tony's killing it like that. | ||
| It's pretty the Notre Dame Stadium last night. | ||
| Shane did the other night. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Who did? | |
| Shane O'Connor is that Brian at Notre Dame. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| Oh my God. | ||
| That's incredible. | ||
| That's incredible. | ||
| Holy shit. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Woo. | |
| It's fun time. | ||
| Fun time for comedy. | ||
| Burt's doing giant places. | ||
| Segura is doing giant places. | ||
| It's really wild. | ||
| It's wild to see. | ||
| Yeah, I'm gonna meet him on Monday. | ||
| Which one? | ||
| Tuesday. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Which one? | |
| Tar. | ||
| Oh, you never met him? | ||
| I don't think so. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Oh. | |
| I don't think so. | ||
| You'll love him. | ||
| I don't know if I'd think I've met him or not. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| But he's like a hundred and eighty-seven pounds now. | ||
| Oh really? | ||
| Dude, he was at the co the club. | ||
| Did you see him? | ||
| I can just tell from the photos. | ||
| He looks so skinny. | ||
| Dude, he looks great. | ||
| He looks great. | ||
| He was at the club the other night. | ||
| I'm like, dude, you look fucking great. | ||
| I go, what do you weigh? | ||
| He goes 187. | ||
| He has been 187 since he was like in high school. | ||
| Oh, good for him. | ||
| Yeah, but he's like healthy. | ||
| He's not like uh Ozempic. | ||
| Yeah, that was was had a good joke, uh gaffigan. | ||
| He he he makes me laugh. | ||
| He said, I don't want my meeting greet, and my fan said to me, Oh, you look you look uh are you okay? | ||
| I get that I'm okay. | ||
| Yeah, you okay? | ||
| He says, Yeah, I'm fine. | ||
| Why? | ||
| He says, You look sick. | ||
| He's like, No, I no, I just lost weight. | ||
| And she goes, Oh, is empic? | ||
| He goes, No, not Ozempic, I'm on the other one. | ||
| But he did it's like if you if you if you're if you're if you have muscles, you're on steroids. | ||
| If you're if you're skinny, you're on a Zempic. | ||
| Can anyone be happy with anybody just looking good? | ||
| You know? | ||
| No one. | ||
| No one's happy with that. | ||
| God, you look good. | ||
| What are you on? | ||
| No, I'm not nothing. | ||
| The only time you're gonna find people that are happy When you're doing good is if they're doing good. | ||
| So if they're doing good, then they get to say, hey, carrot's app. | ||
| You're looking great, man. | ||
| You're looking great. | ||
| Because they don't they don't feel threatened. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You look good. | ||
| So some people do. | ||
| They feel threatened by other people doing well. | ||
| And so they they don't they want uh oh zebic. | ||
| Yeah, doing ozempic. | ||
| I mean, I would die if I took a thing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
There's no fucking way that guy has the willpower to lose that weight. | |
| Right, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
He's a pussy. | |
| And then they feel better. | ||
| They feel better about themselves. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Because their life sucks. | ||
| Interesting. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| That's a lot of people. | ||
| That's a giant chunk of the population. | ||
| That's why you're not supposed to read social media. | ||
| And you I hear my friends down. | ||
| Like, I look at her. | ||
| Yeah, she's gotta be. | ||
| Maybe she's just taking care of herself. | ||
| Maybe she's doing She's eating apples and doing yoga. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Also, some people, it's really gonna help them. | ||
| You know, if you're 600 pounds, it's probably a good idea. | ||
| And what my friend was telling me, my friend Brigham was telling me, uh, who actually runs a pharmacy, he's like, the issue is the dosage, first of all, that people are getting these enormous doses and you know, variable by body weight, it should be they should probably be getting a much lower dose. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| And he's saying they're showing now that if you mix it with certain peptides, I think it was IGF one, is that what he said? | ||
| I think he said IGF one that if you mix it with certain peptides, it eliminates the muscle loss and the bone loss. | ||
| And so what you do is you if you get on one of these things, if you're overweight, you're really struggling and you just need something to just get you back on track. | ||
| The idea is that you could get on this and then use it as like a kick start to a healthy lifestyle. | ||
| Okay, now you've dropped 30 pounds, you feel much better, right? | ||
| Okay, you've been eating really good, right? | ||
| Now let's get off this fucking nonsense that you're on that's making you lose your appetite, and let's now just maintain your body weight and just keep eating healthy and it'll go off. | ||
| Like if you just do it the right way, it'll you'll continue to progress. | ||
| You know, you don't have to stay on that stuff. | ||
| No, it's long term is kind of sketchy. | ||
| Like, I don't know what are you what are you doing to it's like what is what is the actual GLP one uh chemical, like what or whatever you want to call it, medication, what does it actually do? | ||
| What is this peptide actually do that makes you lose your appetite? | ||
| Because that's essentially what it's using. | ||
| Which is the last thing I ever want to hear about. | ||
| I fucking love appetite. | ||
| I love it, yeah. | ||
| I am appetite. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| We got them in the airport here, it's all people thought my sister would say where's where's the best barbecue place? | ||
| Barbie. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, dude. | |
| I don't want to hear lose my appetite. | ||
| You can go fuck yourself. | ||
| I love appetite. | ||
| Um so it regulates appetite by acting on the brain's hypothalamus to promote feelings of fullness and sate satiety. | ||
| And by slowing down the rate of which food leaves the stomach, gastric emptying. | ||
| It also influences the brain's reward system, reduces cravings for high calorie food, and dampening the motivation to eat. | ||
| These combined effects contribute to a reduced overall energy intake and a longer lasting feeling of fullness after meals. | ||
| I think it's like everything else, man. | ||
| Like you could probably use it responsibly and it can probably help you if you're really obese. | ||
| But I think there's way too many people that are hopping on it that just need a little discipline. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Just get a little disposable. | ||
| But that doesn't mean that some people shouldn't use it, right? | ||
| And if they can figure out how to do it right with like peptides, then okay, maybe maybe it's a healthy way for you to get into a good lifestyle. | ||
| But the real thing is get in get healthy. | ||
| That's the real thing. | ||
| Right. | ||
| It's like It's predominantly made for people with diabetes, I think, but then they found out it was Exactly. | ||
| Exactly. | ||
| Which, like you said, no, and it's a huge moneymaker. | ||
| Oh, it's gonna be some money. | ||
| Making some money off of this stuff. | ||
| I just eat and throw up, that's what I do. | ||
| But see, that's not a lot easier. | ||
| That's one that I don't have a problem with people making money off of. | ||
| It's like I don't have a problem with them making money off of any of them. | ||
| Let me be real clear. | ||
| But this one's like maybe like overall benefit if done correctly, for pe if there's so many people out there that are fucked, man. | ||
| They're 500 fucking pounds and they don't know how to stop. | ||
|
unidentified
|
And they they go to counseling, see the shows, they have to do it. | |
| They think about getting their stomach stapled, and it is an addiction, just like gambling, just like anything else. | ||
| You need some help sometimes. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And maybe that's what they need. | ||
| Just something. | ||
| Something to fucking get you out of this terrible state and move you into a place of healthy. | ||
| And then you'll be you'll feel better. | ||
| This is a problem with like you'll you'll think better. | ||
| You'll be nicer, you'll you'll you'll have a better life. | ||
| You'll have more energy to do the things you like to do. | ||
| There's no downsides to being healthy. | ||
| There's zero downsides. | ||
| No. | ||
| You know, the only downside is it sucks. | ||
| It's a lot of hard work. | ||
| But once you get there, once you get there, the feeling of satisfaction of having accomplished something, like getting your body into a condition where it's like healthy and you can do stuff. | ||
| You can, you know, t take a fucking yoga class. | ||
| You can do crossfit. | ||
| You can you can do stuff. | ||
| It's physical. | ||
| It works well. | ||
| Or just get implants like I did. | ||
| It's a lot. | ||
| There was this one guy who got like the most implants. | ||
| Oh, I know that. | ||
| Have you seen that guy? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No, it's that's really creepy, isn't it? | ||
| Someone needed to talk to him a long time ago. | ||
| Like Mike. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Whatever you're doing, slow down like that. | |
| You look crazy. | ||
| I don't know if you got a mirror in your fucking house. | ||
| Yeah, no, god damn. | ||
| But that's the thing with with people when they start doing that kind of stuff, they don't know when to stop. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No. | ||
| And it becomes addictive. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Just like eating becomes addictive or gambling because you get get addicted to just fucking with your face. | ||
| That guy. | ||
| There he is. | ||
| Oh, he's got a back implant tight. | ||
| Twenty one G's. | ||
| Twenty-one thousand dollars to do a back implant. | ||
| It does look like he's got crazy lats. | ||
| I'd be like, that guy must be a rock climber. | ||
| Right? | ||
| If you saw that, I'd be like, that guy's jacked. | ||
| Look how jacked he is. | ||
| All the way down to his wrists. | ||
| And you're like, hey, why are those wrists on that body? | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Something's wrong. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You know what I mean? | |
| It's like he looks great for like whatever it is. | ||
| The boobs are odd. | ||
| Uh but there's some some part of your brain is like, what is going on? | ||
| Does he have fake abs too? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| Those are great fake abs. | ||
| If those are fake abs, let me see that again. | ||
| No, well, there it looks real. | ||
| That looks normal. | ||
| But one of the ones that you just showed earlier look like, okay. | ||
| Are those as real abs? | ||
| Because if you if you could get those abs, if those are real, like you could have done the whole thing. | ||
| You could have done the whole thing, fella. | ||
| Like somebody just needs to get you lifted away. | ||
| You didn't have to do that. | ||
| Oh no, he totally admits to it, right? | ||
| Oh, yeah. | ||
| I think I think that's his whole thing. | ||
| Yeah, he's letting everybody know. | ||
| It's not like he's like, nope. | ||
| No, no, no. | ||
| God just keeps blessing me. | ||
| Under the knife more than 190 times. | ||
| Oh, that's normal. | ||
| For over 340 procedures. | ||
| Well, that seems totally sane. | ||
| Hey, but just how many what is it like to f what kind of damage are you doing to your body just going under 190 times. | ||
| 190 times you went under? | ||
| Starting at age 18. | ||
| Whoa. | ||
| Soon as he got out of the house. | ||
| Fuck you, Mom and Dad. | ||
| Yeah, I'm gonna I'm got orange cones around his back. | ||
| I'm getting lats. | ||
| He doesn't, but he looks like he's a small frame guy. | ||
| He doesn't have to be a good thing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Exactly. | |
| You get down to his wrist. | ||
| You're like, that guy's burger. | ||
| This is insane. | ||
| The wrist was weird. | ||
| It's not admitting abs, saying it did everything else. | ||
| Oh. | ||
| Okay, well, if that's true, and it may be true, they might not be able to do abs back then. | ||
| I don't think they're not somebody else. | ||
| I know they do absorb. | ||
| I know they do that sculpting thing. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Where they sculpt the fat away and it makes it look like more. | ||
| I have a guy those look pretty good. | ||
| But that the other guy's. | ||
| Oh, that's that crazy guy. | ||
| That guy's had a lot of those things too. | ||
| So that's fake abs. | ||
| Yeah, those look real. | ||
| A little more real. | ||
| But that that like I'm saying, like if somebody just talked that dude into lifting weights, hooked on the look. | ||
| What is it? | ||
| I think those are his real abs. | ||
| Which are pretty good. | ||
| Like he could have got a tight swimmer's body instead of uh what he did. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Ooh, Jesus Christ. | |
| Yeah, they expose, they cut all the fat away, so it exposes more of the abdominal area. | ||
| Abdominal sculpting keratin. | ||
| I think I had that tomorrow before Sigura. | ||
| Tight. | ||
| You're gonna have to get drained though. | ||
| You know, have these tubes on the body leaking push because you just had a wound. | ||
| They cut your fat away. | ||
| You want to look better in bikini. | ||
| I like I yeah, no. | ||
| All you have to do is just work out. | ||
| Jesus Christ, people. | ||
| Do a crunch. | ||
| Your body is who you are, right? | ||
| If you have like a little bit of a gut, it's because you've been fucking off. | ||
| That's just it. | ||
| You live a good thing. | ||
| Show it to the world. | ||
| This is who you are. | ||
| Let it go. | ||
| You're living good. | ||
| You got a little gut. | ||
| If you don't like it, lose weight. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I just don't know if uh you need Ozempic. | ||
| Maybe somebody does. | ||
| Like you said, someone that's really obese probably would help them. | ||
| Dude, we're just about four or five years away from their being able to genetically engineer you anyway. | ||
| They're gonna be able to like eliminate obesity. | ||
| Obesity is gonna be out the window, probably. | ||
| Well at least with people who have the money for the procedure. | ||
| They'll probably just fucking lay paste around your body. | ||
| Fat will burn away and you'll fucking come and out look like Chris Evans. | ||
| Captain America. | ||
| That's gonna happen, dude. | ||
| It's gonna happen. | ||
| Yeah, it will. | ||
| They're already doing weird stuff that's beneficial to people. | ||
| They're already figuring out how to splice genes and turn off like gene expressions that cause certain diseases, and they're they're getting involved in some really wild research when it comes to like manipulating your genome. | ||
| And once once it really gets good, once they really start, you know, curing certain diseases and figuring stuff out and they ratchet up and they can start they'll they'll start going who wants to be good looking. | ||
| Who wants a giant dick who wants the biggest ass? | ||
| That's right. | ||
| Yeah, it's just gonna 100% people are gonna all look like cartoons. | ||
| We're all gonna be cartooning. | ||
| It's gonna be yeah. | ||
| It will all look like that. | ||
| We're all gonna look like Thor and the woman look like prime Jennifer Lopez. | ||
| The whole world's hot. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I mean, if it's fun times fun times, everybody gets to play. | |
| Everybody's yeah, with you meant how much it must suck to just unfortunately be born really unattractive. | ||
| You know, like there's people that got a terrible roll of the dice in life. | ||
| You know, they got weird. | ||
| I'm right here for God's sake. | ||
| You're a normal looking guy, dude. | ||
| You're normal looking guy who's done some stuff. | ||
| But there's normal looking people like you and I, like elephant Titus man, that guy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah, yeah. | |
| Remember that guy? | ||
| Of course. | ||
| Imagine something like that where you can just completely change it and all of a sudden he looks like Ken. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Why wouldn't you do that? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| No. | ||
| Why wouldn't everybody get a chance to be hot? | ||
| Well, it's gonna be like if everybody's hot. | ||
| Fun. | ||
| It's gonna be fucking fun, dude. | ||
| It's gonna be awesome. | ||
| Everybody gets to play. | ||
| I like that. | ||
| Yeah, it's gonna be fun. | ||
| Everybody's hot. | ||
| It's gonna be great. | ||
| And uh what if they figure out what's wrong with people's brains? | ||
| Like, oh, we thought that you just had to go let people experience life and figure out their issues and make mistakes and maybe go to jail and then get out. | ||
| No, no, no, no, no. | ||
| We can just rewire brains. | ||
| Yeah, rewire everybody's brain so everybody's like really calm and peaceful and kind and compassionate, and you have to sign up for it. | ||
| It's the compassionate program, and everybody has to get get the updated software. | ||
| That's great. | ||
| We're gonna have to do it. | ||
| You have his top or a software update tonight, as in the case. | ||
| Everyone's gonna be hot and everyone's gonna be nice. | ||
| It's gonna be a human horse. | ||
| And then all inventions will cease. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Instantaneously. | ||
| We will never invent a single thing after that. | ||
| There will be no more music. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Everyone's gonna be hot. | ||
| There's there'll be no motivation whatsoever for you to ever like be like Prince. | ||
| Right. | ||
| You know? | ||
| Like Prince became Prince because he was five foot three, and that was the way to get women to love him to be so fucking talented. | ||
| Like that people just are blown away. | ||
| And you're acting like a woman, they don't even understand it, but they're so hot for you. | ||
| Like he hacked the system. | ||
| But you're not gonna get that if everybody's like. | ||
| I met Prince a couple times. | ||
| One time I met him, he he was still cursing. | ||
| Uh, because I was on the tonight show and I was back in that little hallway getting my makeup uh done or whatever. | ||
| And but I already came in makeup, so I don't know why that you know I was always ready. | ||
| So I I I just walk out of the makeup thing, and Prince was on the show, his door's right there, and mine is down here. | ||
| So I walked over to Jay and I said, he walk in. | ||
| I said, Can I could you introduce me to Prince? | ||
| He said, Well, you're in you're in the phone, it's gonna knock on the door. | ||
| I said, Well, no, I'd I'm protocol, I'd rather you you walk me in. | ||
| It's Prince, and just say, Hey, you know, he said, I haven't even said hi to him yet either. | ||
| So come with me. | ||
| So he said, Well, go after this. | ||
| I he goes to his makeup, I'm just standing there. | ||
| Prince comes out of his dress room, and he says, Where's my fucking tea? | ||
| And I'm like was that he's my fucking tea. | ||
| And I was like, Oh, I'll I'll make I'll go get it. | ||
| And he cl he slow closed the door and uh and Jay was right there in the thing. | ||
| I said, Where is where's Prince's fucking tea? | ||
| And she's like, What? | ||
| I said, he just yelled at me to get his fucking tea. | ||
| He's like, Did he does he know you're in the No, he doesn't normally show he probably doesn't know you're on the show. | ||
| So I went and got tea, and I walked in and knocked on the door and he opened it, and and he he his assistant opened the door. | ||
| I said, This is this is Prince's tea. | ||
| And he says, He doesn't drink tea. | ||
| I was like, Okay. | ||
| Uh no. | ||
| And Prince is looking, he's like, Close the door to the thing. | ||
| What the fuck was that about? | ||
| So listen. | ||
| That seems insane. | ||
| That's insane. | ||
| I it but it was it was just awkward. | ||
| I didn't I didn't know what I was supposed to do. | ||
| So the next time I'm in Vegas, I'm going to my own room. | ||
| You didn't talk to him at all after that? | ||
| No. | ||
| You were on the show together? | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| Jay brings us all on at the end. | ||
| This is thanks, Prince and Caratop and Prince declined to to to go out for the closing. | ||
| But you can see it. | ||
| He was see, he was like, We had Prince Carat. | ||
| Do you think he was a embarrassed that he told you to get his tea? | ||
| No, I think he was just out of his mind. | ||
| No, maybe. | ||
| Maybe he thought, Oh shit, I asked for no. | ||
| But he would have said thank you for my tea. | ||
| The girl's like, he doesn't want tea. | ||
| I'm like, he just asked me for fucking tea. | ||
| All right. | ||
| That follows along with my theory about that kind of talent. | ||
| I always think you have to be at least somewhat insane. | ||
| Or have a relationship. | ||
| You have to have a relationship with insanity. | ||
| Which is probably why I joined Jehovah's Witness. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| And decided to stop swearing. | ||
| It's like he wanted some structure, right? | ||
| He's probably had a relationship with insanity. | ||
| Probably. | ||
| I mean he was definitely had a I mean he had a troubled, you know, we all know that. | ||
| He was rough patch there for him. | ||
| But um he the best one was I was going to my room at the MGM Grand at the top suites, whatever the hell they're called. | ||
| It's after the show, and they have the little girls at the end of the, you know, the check you in at the top. | ||
| Oh morning, Mr. Thompson. | ||
| How's your show? | ||
| Awful. | ||
| And I I start walking down the hall, and there's this big, big I mean, big black guy just standing right in the center of the hallway. | ||
| So I'm walking towards him and I'm like, you know, I'm getting closer to him, so I said, Hey, how's it going? | ||
| And I saw him go like, you know, I can't go by him. | ||
| So I said, Oh, oh, I'm sorry. | ||
| I need to go to my he's you you can't go to you can't go past here. | ||
| I said, Oh no, I have to go to my room. | ||
| He says, You're not going by you're not going by me. | ||
| He wasn't mean about it, but he says, You're not you're not gonna go by me. | ||
| And I and I made a joke like so. | ||
| I can I can probably get by you. | ||
| Being funny. | ||
| I said, I said, I can I could probably get by you pretty quick. | ||
| Didn't laugh. | ||
| So I said, Alright, I went back to the girl at the front down. | ||
| I said, Is that guy work here? | ||
| She's like, Who? | ||
| I said, The guy in the hallway. | ||
| No, what? | ||
| What guy? | ||
| I said, That guy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| I said, Well then what you won't let me go by him. | ||
| She's like, I'll go with you. | ||
| So she walks with me. | ||
| I said, I I brought back up. | ||
| I mean, I get this little old lady. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| I brought back up, we're getting through you. | ||
| And he's like, uh, sir, he needs to go to his room. | ||
| He's like, I'm sorry, you can't, you can't, you he can't come by me. | ||
| And I just kind of I figured there's gotta be something behind him. | ||
| And I kind of just do one of these like, well, I just gotta get and it's Prince, and he's standing, he's only, you know, he's this this guy's three times his size, and Prince is standing behind him. | ||
| So I just I say, Prince. | ||
| And he goes, Hey, I said, Can I go to my room? | ||
|
unidentified
|
He goes, Yeah. | |
| I said, Can you tell him? | ||
| And he goes, To who? | ||
| I said, the guy. | ||
| Like he's not with him. | ||
| I he says, he said, yeah, let Caratop go to his room. | ||
| And he goes, he goes one of these, and I walked by him and he's just Prince is just standing, just standing behind this guy in the hallway. | ||
| I don't know what he was doing even. | ||
| He was just standing there. | ||
| I he just standing. | ||
| Probably writing a new song in his head. | ||
| Maybe he was right, I don't know, but it was just weirdest, and he just said, Hey, and I said, Thanks, Prince. | ||
| He said, No problem. | ||
| Bro, he's a weird guy. | ||
| That why that's why he's so good. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I just never forget that. | ||
| I was like, I don't think anybody gets that good without being really out of their mind. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| You know? | ||
| You gotta be out there, man. | ||
| He is standing there behind this guy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's funny. | |
| It wasn't like it wasn't a phone. | ||
| It's a funny thing to do. | ||
| That's a funny thing to do. | ||
| Stand out there with a giant dude in front of you. | ||
| Maybe he was waiting on a girl to come out of the room, that's all I could think of. | ||
| Maybe just felt like that. | ||
| He would just stand there. | ||
| Thanks, Prince. | ||
| No problem, Carrie. | ||
| Remember when he had to use a symbol? | ||
| Because he didn't have the rights to use that. | ||
| Right, the record label. | ||
| That's so insane. | ||
| You go back to Billy Joel's song, I am the Entertainer. | ||
| Like this is that too. | ||
| It's the same thing. | ||
| Music business. | ||
| Fucking with one of the all-time greats. | ||
| I was just reading about Billy Joel, his first record deal, he almost fucked everything up. | ||
| He signed everything away for 15 years. | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| 1973. | ||
| Some guy saw him perform that song you're talking about, and he was like, I gotta we gotta figure this out. | ||
| Wow, Captain Jack. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Oh wow. | ||
| Captain Jack is a great fucking song. | ||
| Have you ever seen him do it live? | ||
| No. | ||
| Oh yeah. | ||
| God damn. | ||
| See if you can find an old version. | ||
| We can't really play this side. | ||
| Can we play it and like cut it out? | ||
| I mean we can. | ||
| Yeah, let's play it and cut it out. | ||
| That's the one. | ||
| Find an old version of him doing it live from like the 1970s, if you can, if it's possible. | ||
| Yeah, there's a whole thing in the documentary right now about Billy Joel where he's look at this. | ||
| How quick is this? | ||
| 1976, Captain Jack uh from Connecticut Live, 1976. | ||
| We'll come back, ladies and gentlemen. | ||
| Now we're back. | ||
| Oh going back to we were talking about music earlier about how good was that song? | ||
| Oh I'm saying though. | ||
| We have this but you I'm sure everyone has the same discussion about music and da da da and I you know these songs uh everything from that area 60, 70s, 80s, it's still relevant and amazing. | ||
| But there's I I it's hard to find I don't know if they just don't play it too. | ||
| It's you gotta find artists, man. | ||
| You gotta find the artist. | ||
| Go back and I I'd you know who didn't there's a lot of artists. | ||
| I still listen to you know Yeah, but there's great guys right now, man. | ||
| You know, there's Jelly Roll right now. | ||
| No, he's amazing. | ||
| Oliver Anthony, he's amazing. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Um Teddy swims. | |
| That dude. | ||
| Do you know who that guy is? | ||
| Oh my god. | ||
| Play the door by Teddy Swims. | ||
| Same problem. | ||
| What's that? | ||
| We can't play music anymore. | ||
| Just like we'll cut it out. | ||
| We'll cut it out. | ||
| I'll just say that. | ||
| We can do that. | ||
| We'll cut it out. | ||
| Sorry. | ||
| But I just want you to listen to this. | ||
| Here's a, you fuck with your crowd. | ||
| You say, okay, now here, this is one of the best songs I've ever heard. | ||
| Yeah, but then you come back and listen to it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, you come back and you go, right? | |
| Listen to this song. | ||
| Great. | ||
| That's great. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Beautiful. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| See, they're they're out there, man. | ||
| Yeah, no, I know. | ||
| I guess when I'm old like me, I just get stubborn. | ||
| I go, Oh, what do you listen to? | ||
| I'm like, oh, Elton John. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What the fuck? | |
| I'll give you some shit to listen to. | ||
| There's some great shit out there. | ||
| I try to. | ||
| I just get so I'm old, so s uh. | ||
| You listen to Zach Bryant. | ||
| George Joe. | ||
| I love Zach Brown. | ||
| Yeah, I love Zach Brown. | ||
| Zach Bryant. | ||
| I love Zach Brown too, but Zach Bryant. | ||
| Oh, Zach Bryant. | ||
| He's the guy that was at the uh arena with Shane Gillis. | ||
| Yeah, you don't know him? | ||
| No, I don't know. | ||
| Wait, wait, do I not know him? | ||
| Phenomenal. | ||
| He's phenomenal. | ||
| Phenomenal. | ||
| And another one of those guys is just like super, super talented, an incredible voice. | ||
| He was in the military, man. | ||
| He was making songs on like TikTok in the military or one of those things, like Vine or something like that. | ||
| And that's how he popped. | ||
| Just like right out of nowhere. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Superstar. | ||
| I think he was in the Navy. | ||
| Um where what what what arena were they at? | ||
| Uh Notre Dame. | ||
| Notre Dame Stadium, football stadium. | ||
| How many people is in that? | ||
| I'll show you. | ||
| I mean, it's a hundred. | ||
| Is there a picture of them on stage? | ||
| A lot, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I want to see a picture of him on stage. | |
| That's so surreal. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Those numbers are so surreal. | ||
| Like, look at this. | ||
| Look at the size of that. | ||
| That's so crazy. | ||
| It's like the looks or every night. | ||
| There's nothing different. | ||
| Basically the same. | ||
| It's the same. | ||
| What's the biggest show you've ever done? | ||
| Uh stadium in uh Florida. | ||
| What is that? | ||
| But that was for uh it was for their homecoming. | ||
| It wasn't a it wasn't a Garatop show. | ||
| I was the headliner, but it was it was uh it was a uh look at that. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Wow. | |
| He was so nervous about doing it too. | ||
| I can't wait to see. | ||
| Oh, I imagine how could you not be? | ||
| Yeah, but he's Well, I my my thing with the stadium, because you know, we we do they do a sound trick there with uh but this the stadium's empty. | ||
| And it's it was you know a hundred thousand people. | ||
| Uh this side was gonna be the alumni, this side was the the kids, you know. | ||
| All ages. | ||
| Now that they had a rules you couldn't say you couldn't curse. | ||
| You couldn't uh definitely couldn't say anything sexual. | ||
| So Mike, thank God I brought all this stupid shit. | ||
| It was just, you know, meant for Kyle is a bong with you know the open guy goes out, and his first joke is like, Yeah, I mean this chick out, right? | ||
| My my guy comes running in like dude, Michael, he's like, his opening line was I mean this girl and I said, No, he goes, Yeah. | ||
| I'm like, well second guy goes out, same thing. | ||
| He's just they're the the beyond rotten, gross, dirty, right? | ||
| And I'm getting ready to go up, and I'm like, Well, I'm gonna eat shit now, because they're they're you know, they went here. | ||
| But the crowd wanted Goofy. | ||
| They they they had heard all this, it was actually worked in my advantage. | ||
| They they did all this horrible, dirty stuff that the the the crowd was kind of like, let's get Keratop, and I came up and I was like, you know, I did my exact thing I was supposed to do. | ||
| Silly goofy, you know, for but both sides, they loved it. | ||
| But the weirdest thing, I'd love to ask him that because you say, you know, hey, and it goes, hey, hey, hey, hey, four times as a backslap, whatever they call that. | ||
| Oh, echo? | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| So I didn't in in sound check, it wasn't doing that. | ||
| So I went out and I said, I said, uh something like, you know, Florida. | ||
| I'm from Florida. | ||
| I was like, oh, Florida, my hometown. | ||
| I said, Florida, my hometown, Florida, my hometown. | ||
| Oh no. | ||
| And I went, oh sh like in my head, I I didn't know what I was gonna do in that split second. | ||
| And I said, um, I said, Wow, wow, wow. | ||
| One thing cool about playing in the stadium, stadium, stadium, every time every joke that's gonna bomb is gonna bomb four times, four times, four times. | ||
| And the crowd went like crazy. | ||
| And I said, No, seriously, that ate shit, a shit. | ||
| And it just worked off that echo was great. | ||
| Well, you figured out how to work with it. | ||
| Right, right, right. | ||
| In a split second. | ||
| I'm like, yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's the way to do it. | |
| Suck, suck, for example. | ||
| God, imagine not just ignoring the fact that you hear yourself four times. | ||
| No, I know, and you have to time out your right. | ||
| It was the weirdest thing ever. | ||
| You're holding up a thing and you're like, it's a thing with the thing and thing you have to hold it longer till they see it to put it down. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| I remember when uh I used to work at Great Woods Center for the Performing Arts. | ||
| It was like uh like a concert venue. | ||
| And uh I was there when uh Bill Cosby was there. | ||
| And the the problem with comedy in that place is that it was outdoors, so the inside of it was all covered. | ||
| Like there was like an inside space. | ||
| It was open air, right? | ||
| There was a roof over it and it was all covered, and then there was a lawn area and the meadowbrook kind of thing. | ||
| And they sold tickets for the lawn, but you could only hear the show inside the the roofed area. | ||
| Because once it got out, all the echo fucked it up so bad when it made it out into the lawn. | ||
| You couldn't understand what the fuck anybody said. | ||
| You had to be in there where the speakers were. | ||
| And so everybody was furious. | ||
| They were all complaining, like, oh, they never checked. | ||
| Like no one checked to see if you could hear someone talk outside. | ||
| That's crazy. | ||
| Crazy. | ||
| These kids today. | ||
| Yeah, no one knew what he was saying. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Dennis coming there. | ||
| I saw Dangerfield there. | ||
| He was backstage. | ||
| So backstage when Dangerfield would do shows. | ||
| He would get high as fuck. | ||
| He would take off all of his clothes. | ||
| And he would put a robe on. | ||
| That's where you go on stage with a bathrobe on, just raw dick and a bathrobe. | ||
| And with slippers on. | ||
| And dude, he fucking murdered. | ||
| I was, I guess I was like 19 years old when I was working there. | ||
| And he went up there and I was I was not even thinking about doing stand-up comedy yet. | ||
| So I was just loving it, just as a pure fan. | ||
| I was like, I can't believe Roddy J. And that's hanging out with a bathroom on the street. | ||
| Even Vegas he'd go around the casino in his robe and slipper his neck. | ||
| I saw something. | ||
| I didn't see his dick, but I saw him in a bathrobe and I saw him go on stage in the bathrobe. | ||
| And that was his move. | ||
| No, I no, uh he did he I saw it. | ||
| He he's he walked up uh in his dress room on purpose with it on done. | ||
| I swear to God. | ||
| I said, I said, hey, I said, Rodney. | ||
| He's like, Yeah, it's my mom. | ||
| He goes, Hey mom. | ||
| And he just stands there. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| My mom's like crazy, right? | ||
| And he meant to. | ||
| He meant to he was like looked at me like, how's mom doing? | ||
| I'm like, great. | ||
| And she's like, you're your thing is hanging. | ||
| In our dressing room at the club, his wife uh donated his notes from an appearance on the night show. | ||
| So it's his handwritten notes and they're all framed with a with a photo. | ||
| Rodney. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| It's pretty cool. | ||
| He would I one of the things I loved about him, man, is that he uh introduced the world to a lot of other great comics. | ||
| He introduced the world to Kinnison, Hicks, right? | ||
| Robert Schimmel, Dom Myrera, Jerry Seinfeld, like a lot of comics did a lot of comics did those HBO young comedian specials. | ||
| Well, that's what you're doing as well. | ||
| And Tony is doing that because you give all the comics time on your show, which most shows don't have that anymore, right? | ||
| No, a lot of the comics do. | ||
| A lot of shows don't. | ||
| But comics that have podcasts all do this. | ||
| Right. | ||
| But I mean but you but you made a lot of people uh have podcasts now. | ||
| You you're powerful person behind. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I think people were gonna have podcasts where I can't. | |
| Like fucking I'm on oh, you got me on here. | ||
| But you know, I th the other shows like the late night shows don't have comics anymore. | ||
| They don't. | ||
| Well that's silly. | ||
| But also they're just hampered anyway. | ||
| Because it's all it the whole show was uh it's not uh not to knock late night shows because some of them are fun to watch, but w it's basically it's publicity for a bunch of stuff, right? | ||
| It's like someone's coming on to promote an album, someone's coming on to promote a movie. | ||
| Nothing wrong with that, right? | ||
| But the problem is it's not what the host is interested in, right? | ||
| And to I think the the way that those shows are, you're handicapped in a way. | ||
| Well, you have to get on the famous people, you have to get on the rock star, you have to you can't just have weird people come on. | ||
| You can't have some guy who work for the CIA come on tell you about a aliens. | ||
| This is what I know so far. | ||
| But that would be the whatever guest, like the third middle guy. | ||
| You can do that though. | ||
| You can't do it. | ||
| You first of all, you only have ten minutes. | ||
| Each guest is like in and out real quick. | ||
| You have barely enough time to scratch a surface of like one or two stories. | ||
| You don't get it you don't get a big thing. | ||
| Well, I guess I guess what I used to do it, I used to I do it. | ||
| Uh I did it, I don't know how many times I did the tonight, but they it was always I never was promoting anything. | ||
| In fact, the only time I had something to actually promote, they didn't wouldn't put me on. | ||
| I said, I'm trying to promote chairman of the board, this movie, and they're like, That's hilarious. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| The one time you wanted out. | ||
| I really did. | ||
| No, I did. | ||
| I have this this movie coming out. | ||
| Yeah, I remember that movie. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| They're like, nah, I'm like, I'm I got a movie, Jay. | ||
| I gotta, you know, I got I'm in a movie. | ||
| Now the weirdest one, I'm gonna ask you, I was gonna reverse this to you. | ||
| If ca uh who's the strangest you said strange guest, maybe think of this, that you've had to do in front of uh I'll tell you mine real quick. | ||
| So I I was on the tonight show and Dick Cheney was on. | ||
| Oh and I mean I've nothing against I mean it's just it's a king. | ||
| Well, I had five maybe six props. | ||
| Dick Cheney props on purpose, right? 'Cause Dick Cheney was there. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No. | |
| I I had like three just because I'm topical all the time in the show. | ||
| So I'd have I already have them in my show, but then when they said Dick, you're gonna be on with Dick Cheney, I said, Oh shit, can I do and so I started writing more. | ||
| So I had like six, and I opened with him, right? | ||
| So but the weird part was I get there and we're rehearsal at a secret service, everybody's there that you know I can't I can't get to my own room. | ||
| Princess guys that you can't go by again. | ||
| No. | ||
| So I I I finally rehearsed it and they're like the people are like, you know, he's gonna be a guest. | ||
| I said, Well, no, it's just why I'm doing it, right? | ||
| And they're like, Jay's like, you know, I I don't know. | ||
| I said, Well uh you know, it's very topical. | ||
| It's it's and I think it's funny that he's there, right? | ||
| So Jay come this is right for the show. | ||
| He said, Um, uh is he gonna stay or is he gonna leave? | ||
| Because he could sort of just surrounding me like gonna go grab him and go. | ||
| And Jay's like, well, I I don't know. | ||
| Well, what I mean, I can ask him, and I'm thinking, Well just between you and me, I mean this is like behind the curtain. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| What do what do you think? | ||
| Is it better if he's there and I do it and they keep cutting over to him, or if he's gone and I do it and I keep looking like, thank God he's gone. | ||
| What's funnier? | ||
| And he's like I don't know. | ||
| I mean, I I if you're fine. | ||
| I said, I think it if he could stay, it would be better. | ||
| So they said, okay. | ||
| So they go back, he talks against the back. | ||
| He says, Okay, he's he thing. | ||
| So he goes back to the desk and they're laden, please welcome me in a phone. | ||
| The thing top. | ||
| And he came out. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Good friend of the though. | ||
| Wacky guy from Vangus. | ||
| And so I walk out and I go right off. | ||
| I get I said I look over, I said, hey. | ||
| I had funny that you're here. | ||
| And I I pull out probably can find this. | ||
| We pull it out and I have a Dick Cheney gun and it's a it's a rifle with a the the thing goes this way because he shot the guy in the head. | ||
| And I mean it's already like, holy fuck, right? | ||
| And they look like I found your gun. | ||
| Oh, sorry, Bill. | ||
| And it's like it didn't the crowd didn't know at first because they're all looking at him. | ||
| They're looking at him. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Didn't you? | |
| And he you got that, you know. | ||
| Just pissed, right? | ||
| So I I I go, right? | ||
| I do another one. | ||
| I had an operation game, you know, the operation. | ||
| It had his his face on it, because they he's always getting operation. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Right. | |
| I had a book where the thing it was just like five or six Dick Cheney jokes. | ||
| Finally I I keep looking over and I'm like, you know, we're good. | ||
| You're not gonna have me. | ||
| You're not gonna have me audited or I'm gonna be killed here. | ||
| And you know, Jay's uh now the crowd's really getting and now the Chenies look at me like, how many more fucking He even says, How many more do we I said I got one more and then we'll move on. | ||
| So I do one more Cheney joke. | ||
| Now he's kinda he's kinda laughing, but still kinda like this is aggravating. | ||
| Then I go and I do um a a piggy bank for gay guys and it's a it's a piggy bank where the slot is in the asshole instead of the top of the thing, right? | ||
| It's a great prop. | ||
| Hey, it's a piggy bank for gay guys. | ||
| Murders. | ||
| I mean, I did a great great set. | ||
| I get done, I walk over, I sit down, and there's something going on. | ||
| Like the the the the there's a ruckus, there's like secret service something going the writers, the producers, and Jay Jay gets up and he le and I'm just sitting there with Dick Cheney, and the lady comes over and she goes, Oh my god, that was that was that was the best set you've ever done. | ||
| I said, Thank you, Tracy. | ||
| And she said, Um I look over and said, Thank you for being good sport. | ||
| Yeah, it was where do you find all this stuff? | ||
| I said, No, I make it. | ||
| He thought I'd found it all. | ||
| No, I I make where do you find all this stuff? | ||
| I said, I made it. | ||
| You made that. | ||
| It's pretty clever. | ||
| His daughter is there. | ||
| And apparently all this Dick Cheney jokes were fine. | ||
| But when I did the gay piggy bank, she lost her mind. | ||
| Like You can't do that? | ||
| No, I don't know. | ||
| I she she uh lost her man like really mad that I did a gay piggy bank joke on the show. | ||
| Forget I just did five jokes about her father. | ||
| So the everyone t was taking her out of the studio. | ||
| She was losing her she was screaming and so they took her out of the studio. | ||
| It was like, I can't believe that you that that in front of my father and I thought you were making fun of me because I'm doing a Dick Cheney. | ||
| Yeah, he shot your dad joke. | ||
| The gay piggy bank is what's set up. | ||
| It was the gay piggy bank. | ||
| Is this Liz Cheney? | ||
| I think. | ||
| I don't know. | ||
| How many daughters do you have? | ||
| I don't know. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's why I think it might have been one of the daughters. | |
| One of the daughters, I don't think it was allegedly. | ||
| Could have been an imposter. | ||
| It was uh crazy person, pretend to be one of the daughters. | ||
| Dick Cheney's daughter Liz uh are are both staunchly against Donald Trump despite being Republicans, but why are Liz and Mary once feuding over same-sex marriage? | ||
| How how are they feuding over that? | ||
| Let's find out. | ||
| What's that? | ||
| I just was trying to address it. | ||
| When was this? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know. | |
| I know you're trying to add, but now I'm curious. | ||
| Like what this article is from a year ago. | ||
| What? | ||
| A year ago, someone's upset about same-sex marriage? | ||
| What are they saying? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Uh well, this I mean the election. | |
| I had a I had another prop that's what's going on. | ||
| The election was a year ago, so it wasn't it was how to do with that. | ||
| That's why they mentioned Donald Trump and that. | ||
| Right. | ||
| Well, what is uh what is the same sex marriage dispute between I don't know. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Some people are still arguing about that until we're not gonna be okay. | ||
| Okay, and they believe in same sex marriage, The other one doesn't? | ||
| It'd be funny if it was the other way around. | ||
| I don't know which one. | ||
| We don't know I don't know which daughter would be. | ||
| I don't I don't either. | ||
| I'm assuming it was probably the one that was gay, maybe then. | ||
| Maybe it's just two daughters to just hating on each other. | ||
| I had a I had another one that was kind of strange because uh it was a dumb joke. | ||
| You maybe think if you said same sex marriage. | ||
| So right when gay marriage became legal in certain states, it was like four states. | ||
| I had a big map, a big map that I'd hold up, and I'd say, hey, gay marriage is now legal. | ||
| Uh and this is a map to to exp show people, and it would have these um right with the states where there were these little penises on springs, whatever. | ||
| And it was it was so it was just dumb, right? | ||
| So I rehearse it and i i the cr you know, the crew's fucking going crazy. | ||
| They're like, ah, sky fucking dildos, and you know, you can't do a dildos on NBC and so lady comes over and she goes, You can't I said, I know. | ||
| I I d I I mean I think it's silly enough, you know, they're not they're just on springs, and she she's I would always fight with her. | ||
| She said, No, so I said, if I come up with a different idea without dicks on it, can I do it? | ||
| She's like, Yeah. | ||
| So I thought I don't know, I'll do. | ||
| I'll just I took the springs off and I had the the guys back there at the tonight show print out Ryan Seacrest faces, you know, like four of 'em. | ||
| Right. | ||
| And I put 'em where the gay marriages now Ryan Seeker is is a good friend of mine, and everyone was making fun of him, right? | ||
| Bake back then, oh he's gay, and they freaking not. | ||
| Clearly, but the joke would be, and it killed, right? | ||
| It's funny. | ||
| So I I come back and I go, How about this? | ||
| And she's like, Oh my God, that's I said, I know him. | ||
| He's not gonna he he'll he'll probably text me and say, Why would you do that? | ||
| Jay comes over and goes, Oh, you know, he's really a good friend of mine. | ||
| I said, No Jay, I said he's a friend of mine too. | ||
| He's it's funny. | ||
| It's not it's not anything. | ||
| He's like, Yeah, if you if you if you if you really if you couldn't just do that, that dude does not seem to do that. | ||
| Is he? | ||
| No. | ||
| No. | ||
| And J but Jay was very protective of I said, No, it's he's no, you know, the MB theme, that's my friend uh I don't think it's an eth ethereum. | ||
| I said, Well, yeah. | ||
| I can put like you want me to put like I said, like dick, you know, Richard Nix at dicks or something. | ||
| He's like, No, just get rid of it. | ||
| I said it's funny. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Fuck. | |
| Yeah, what's fighting over Ryan Crisis is that's the problem with you know, having uh editorial access to someone's act when they're doing a tonight show set. | ||
| It should be like, no. | ||
| It should be like, look, if you want fucking the black crows to play, they sing their song, you know what the song is, the you know what the lyrics are, that's fine. | ||
| But with a comic You can't you can't tell them they can't do something. | ||
| Well, they have to think they asked nicely, and I of course I I had I had 40 other props, I didn't need to do that. | ||
| You're even swearing, like what are you doing? | ||
| You're being silly. | ||
| It's silly. | ||
| Like, come on. | ||
| I did break the law with them once. | ||
| What'd you do? | ||
| I I was doing a bill a podium for Bill Clinton. | ||
| And it it it was the closing bit. | ||
| And I would do the stupid voice too, like I did not and there was this you know presidential seal on this podium. | ||
| And it had a true false buzzer button, it would go bing, bang. | ||
| And it would be it was just so stupid. | ||
| You know, like I did not have and you hit the button, I did not have I will not raise to e and then you know, I fucked her ding ding ding. | ||
| Something I forgot the joke now. | ||
| But the the the closing punch of the whole thing was right after I'm doing the podium, that would kill. | ||
| I did I could just stop on that. | ||
| I had a foot pedal where uh Monet Gewinsky's head would come up like a little on a beret. | ||
| Literally, this is great. | ||
| It took a hard took engineering to do this. | ||
| And so I'd go, I did not, and then I hit the foot pedal and the the woman, the beret would come up and I'd go, not now. | ||
| It's just that's all I had just not now. | ||
| It in the rehearsal, it was just it was the they were like, That's the best thing you've ever brought here. | ||
| You might and I said, Yeah, great. | ||
| Here's here comes my lady with her new pad, and I said, No, fuck. | ||
| She goes, Everything is good. | ||
| Stan Standardson practice. | ||
| I said, uh I said, Oh, and I give her a hug. | ||
| I said, This is the first time I've come and I everything got approved. | ||
| And she says, Yeah. | ||
| And I went back to my dressing room, like, I can't believe I get to do that. | ||
| That's my closing bed, the fucking it's gonna kill. | ||
| Right before. | ||
| I'm talking a minute before I come in. | ||
| She walks in. | ||
| She's like, okay, you can do the podium, but you can't you can't put her head down. | ||
| And I said, Why you can't use your hand to force her head down. | ||
| It can come up. | ||
| You just can't force it down. | ||
| I run to the prop department. | ||
| I said, Is there a way you can because I'd made it. | ||
| They don't know my they're looking at it like I don't know. | ||
| I made it. | ||
| I didn't. | ||
| Is there a way I can it can release and go down without me touching it? | ||
| And they're like, I don't know. | ||
| They looked at it and I'm on in five minutes. | ||
| I said, fuck it. | ||
| So I I do the whole thing. | ||
| I said, I did not. | ||
| And the head comes up and I said, not now. | ||
| And I use my elbow to put it down. | ||
| And of course the crowd, it killed. | ||
| And I it would have better if I did this, but I said, not now. | ||
| I get done. | ||
| I come over and I can see her fucking fuming. | ||
| She comes running over me. | ||
| Because they always come and say, What a great set. | ||
| Oh, you did so good. | ||
| Tracy Fist did. | ||
| She said, that was phenomenal. | ||
| I said, uh I said, I that was Jay's like, I don't think I get that. | ||
| And I said the stands and practice lady coming over. | ||
| Ah fuck. | ||
| And I said, Am I in trouble? | ||
|
unidentified
|
She's like I said, I didn't do that. | |
| Tomorrow night and then she comes over. | ||
| Okay. | ||
| If I get fired over this, I said, you're not gonna get fired over this. | ||
| Oh no, they've already bleeped it out on the on the West Coast, uh the East Coast, uh it went live. | ||
| I said, believe at what? | ||
| You can't force her head. | ||
| I said, I didn't force it, I didn't use my hand, I used my elbow. | ||
| She just looked at me like, you fucking like so clever. | ||
| I said, Well, you said don't use my hand. | ||
| So everything was fine after that. | ||
| But it did get bleeped out and the and uh the it just it went, you know, fucked the joke up because they went, I did not, and then you know the Western right to just good night. | ||
| Like it wasn't a punchline. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Well you ever get in trouble for something? | ||
| Not like that, no. | ||
| Well that this is when I got in trouble. | ||
| I got banned from Fox uh I think for life uh for this. | ||
| And this is for something else? | ||
| This is really weird, yeah. | ||
| I was in the country no Billboard Music Awards, and they asked me to do uh a little bit with Chris Rock. | ||
| It was Chris Rock and me, and he he he you know it's it was such great together because he's like, you know, top, you know, and then I'm out there stupid, and but Chris Rock is you know. | ||
| So he and I go out, we do our rehearsal, and I had like four props or something. | ||
| And the guy came over like in a panic, right middle of the show. | ||
| It's already happened, or our bit's coming up in about 40 minutes. | ||
| He says, I need you guys to go longer. | ||
| And Chris Rock's like, um, by what I what do you want? | ||
| He said, just come up with something. | ||
| And I said, Well, I can go, I can I can have my guy go back to the MGM and grab a few more props. | ||
| That'd be awesome. | ||
| Chris was like, Yeah, perfect. | ||
| You know, we'll kill the time without having to change too much. | ||
| And I can just pull out more shit. | ||
| I go and I tell my guy, go get TV clean, get get like this, get the uh the thing, the towel with the misspelled thing, and then they uh one of the seat uh the toilet seats. | ||
| So I added it was a it was a it was a and it was a great joke. | ||
| It was a toilet seat with a seatbelt, so when you eat a taco bell, right? | ||
| You sit on it and I put it on and I'd uh and the sound uh sound effect in the show would say, Houston, we have a problem, and it would it's a great stupid little bit. | ||
| But there's about 20 toilet seats leading up to that one. | ||
| I was like, I'm not kidding. | ||
| Like 30 toilet seats. | ||
| And one that held hold women's hair when they throw up. | ||
| I had one that lights up, I had one with spikes on it. | ||
| It was so many. | ||
| So the last one was the seatbelt, right? | ||
| So it it's very clean, right? | ||
| It does great. | ||
| We walk back, and I'm thinking they're gonna come high-five me because we just saved the show. | ||
| We added it, you know, we added time they needed. | ||
| The guy's like they they they banned me because I said Taco Bell because it was sponsored by Taco Bell. | ||
| How the fuck am I supposed to know it's sponsored by Taco Bell? | ||
| That's real shit. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| I'm like, I didn't say fuck. | ||
| They said, no, you said Taco Bell. | ||
| I'm like, Oh my god, how do I get fined for that? | ||
| You're banned for life. | ||
| That's hilarious, dude. | ||
| Because I said Taco Bell. | ||
| I didn't know. | ||
| I mean, I'm not the guy. | ||
| They should have come to me and said, Don't do anything with Taco Bell. | ||
| 100%. | ||
| That's not on you. | ||
| No. | ||
| That's a normal reference for a college. | ||
| No. | ||
| That's funny. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Not funny, really. | ||
| I mean, funny now. | ||
| They would have been pumped if you said Del Taco. | ||
| All right. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| See, if they told me that, I would. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Easy. | ||
| Hey, brother, this was a lot of fun. | ||
| Thank you for doing this again. | ||
| It was a lot of fun. | ||
| And I'm looking forward to seeing you on Kiltony. | ||
| And anybody wants to check him out. | ||
| Caratop is at the Luxor in Las Vegas, Nevada on a regular basis. | ||
|
unidentified
|
What's the best way to find out when just text me, yeah. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Uh yeah, there's a Las Vegas. | ||
| I mean uh Caratop.com or uh Las Vegas. | ||
| Uh beautiful. | ||
|
unidentified
|
All right, my man. | |
| Thank you. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Thank you. | |
| It was a lot of fun. | ||
| That was it. |
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