The Joe Rogan Experience - Joe Rogan Experience #2484 - David Cross

April 16, 2026 - The Joe Rogan Experience

02:22:50

Joe Rogan Experience #2484 - David Cross

# unreal tournament the twilight zone television production agi artificial intelligence barry crimmins child safety comedy industry creative process david cross deepfakes elizabeth holmes hbo i love lucy joe rogan nicks comedy stop quake roblox snapchat

David Cross and Joe Rogan explore Boston's gritty 1980s comedy scene, contrasting the drug-fueled "velvet prison" of Nick's Comedy Stop with Barry Crimmins' activism against child predators. They critique modern television analytics over creative intuition and discuss HBO's early unconventional identity forged during grueling 38-day work stints. The conversation escalates to existential fears regarding AI deepfakes, autonomous nuclear war simulations, and quantum sensors, culminating in Cross's upcoming special, "The End of the Beginning," which reflects on humanity's fragility amidst rapid technological exponential growth. [Automatically generated summary]
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Transcriber: CohereLabs/cohere-transcribe-03-2026, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo

Participants

Main

david cross

01:04:40

joe rogan

57:39

Appearances

jamie vernon

01:52

phil hendrie

00:45

Large

Audio Only |

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Show episode speakers

Speaker	Time	Text
Shaving Like a Turtle 00:05:08
unidentified		Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out.
		The Joe Rogan Experience.
		Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day.
		David.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Joseph.
unidentified		Good to see you.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Good to see you.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Dude, I haven't seen you in a long fucking time.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		When was the last time we were actually in a room together?
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Well, I was trying to think of that.
		I don't know.
		I would imagine post news radio we hung out at some point at some show somewhere.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Somewhere.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		But I don't know.
		But I do remember.
		Because I did news radio a couple times and we hung out.
unidentified		I remember.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		I think we both, no, just you, had more hair than I was probably already at this point.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		I was fighting to keep it.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		I was hanging on.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Do you shave or is that it?
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Is that.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Oh, I mean, I'm bald.
		If I didn't shave, I'd be bald all the way up here.
		But I got a hair transplant and it was useless.
		Yeah.
		I did a joke about it.
		I go, having a hair transplant is like taking people that are healthy and moving them into a neighborhood where everyone's dying.
		This is just like, where did Bob go?
		He just fucking flew off the face of the earth.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		So, uh,.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, so you just accepted it.
unidentified		Yes.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Fuck it.
unidentified		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		I should have done it a long time ago.
		It's so much better.
		And I don't have to talk to a barber.
		I don't have to listen to boring fucking stories while they hold you hostage with a pair of scissors.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		That's what this is.
		This gets me.
		I don't like shaving.
		It's kind of a pain in the ass.
		And I also look like a turtle when I shave.
		I don't like it.
		And it's not attractive to me.
		To me, and I jerk off to me all the time, so I want to keep things fresh.
		But I probably don't have to.
		I could probably get clippers and stuff, but I go to one of my guys around the corner where I live, and I have this experience where.
		I want that guy.
		I want to get in and out, right?
		Because of what you were saying.
unidentified		Yeah.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		A lot of chit chat.
		And there are a couple guys, very quiet.
		Hi, how you doing?
unidentified		Good.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Fist bump, whatever.
		You know what I want.
		Doom.
		Get out of there.
		There's one guy who just talks all the time.
		And then they have that the blade, you know?
		The, what do you call that?
		You know, the blade, blade.
unidentified		Straight bracer.
unidentified		Thank you.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		And, um, And they got it right there, so you got to be polite.
		It's on your, it's by your, you know, and I know I could avoid it if I just get some clippers and just do this thing, but I don't.
		I don't know.
		That was boring, and sorry.
		There's no point to it.
		It barely has anything to do with what we were talking about.
		There's something about a beard, though, that makes you distinguished or at least have experience, or look like a homeless, you know, I mean, there are plenty of those guys too.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, there's a lot of those too.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		But a beard is like, there's a statement with a beard, like a full beard, like yours, white.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Mine is just, you know, I don't like shaving.
		Like, you know, and again, I do, like, I only gain weight in two places stomach and right here.
		And also, I have a kind of a thin frame.
		So it's really.
		Not attractive.
		It's not attractive.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		So the beard is sort of.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		It's more laziness.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		It's, I don't have to worry about it.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		No, I hear you.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		And this, you know, I just, I go, I don't know, six, seven weeks, and then I just shave it.
		Once it gets out, because this, my hair doesn't grow down or it just grows out like a clown.
		You know, it goes this way, all of it, even this too.
		And once this starts filling in, it just looks goofy.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah.
		I have a friend, my friend Hassan.
		He used to shave his head, and now.
		Purposely to look goofy, he lets the sides go out and it's madness.
		It's just, it's all fucking crazy thick hair.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		And bald on top?
unidentified		And bald on top.
unidentified		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		And he does a joke on stage about it.
		He's Indian.
		This is my impression of an Indian pussy.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		And is he just like not concerned about getting laid?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, I think he's just embracing, but he still gets laid, you know, because he's really funny.
		I think he just embraces.
		Not giving a fuck?
		There he is.
unidentified		Oh!
david cross ▲ ● ▼		He looks familiar to me.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Okay.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Very funny guy.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		All right, cool.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		He's one of the up and comers.
		Well, he's from LA originally.
		He was one of the doormen at the comedy store.
unidentified		Okay.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		He looks very professorial.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		He's very smart.
unidentified		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, but doesn't give a fuck about his hair.
Embracing the Bald Look 00:07:17
unidentified		Who's that?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Art Bell.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		I was going to guess Art Bell.
unidentified		I swear to God.
unidentified		Yeah.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		I swear to God.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		I don't even know if I've ever seen him.
unidentified		Coast to coast.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yes, yes.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Holy shit.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		From the Kingdom of Nye.
unidentified		Wow.
unidentified		Wow.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		I fucking loved that show.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		That was the show that I listened to coming home from Hollywood because I lived out in the valley and I would drive home at night and I'd listen to Late Night with Art Bell.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Art, Coast to Coast with Art Bell.
		I used to do a whole bit about the like, because who's the new guy?
		George Norton.
		George Norton, right.
		And I'm going to digress for one second.
		Did you ever do you play video games at all?
unidentified		Yes.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Well, I try not to, but I used to play a lot of them.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Did you ever play Prey?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		No, but I know what it is.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		A great, underrated game got ripped off, or just people bit certain things that they started.
		But one of the coolest things so it's about like this it takes place on a reservation, you know, in the 90s, I guess, or something like that.
		And there's a bartender and her boyfriend, and it takes place in this bar, and then aliens come.
		Then this guy goes on the alien ship to go rescue her.
		But they did this really cool thing.
		So, first, they have this in the video game, right at the bar, there's a TV.
		And as you walk towards it, it's like staticky until you get closer to it.
		And then as your character gets closer to it, it's Art Bell talking about aliens and stuff.
		I know I'm not doing it justice, but it was such a cool, smart idea.
		And.
		God bless him.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		He was the OG.
unidentified		Yeah.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		And just some of the guy.
		One thing that.
		Because I listen to it a lot, too, because sometimes.
		You know, you're listening and you're like, this is insane.
		This is crazy.
		And he would always, always treat the guest with deference, you know, respect.
		And I, I, that must have been because there were things that were, you know, if you go back to all the episodes that were kind of contradictory in a sense, you know, like, wait, you think all these things happen?
		You think there's a place in the middle of the ocean that has, like, it's a community of people that live there and, and, And then, but you also think this, like all these different things, it'd be like, hmm, huh, interesting.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, he would let you go.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		He'd let you go, yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		He'd give it some air.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		But he was, yeah, he was never rude or.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		No, never.
		You could call him up.
		He had a time traveler line where you would call specifically if you were a time traveler.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		What if, but if you were calling from the past and they didn't have that technology yet, No, that's mostly people from the future, I believe.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Like, Art, I'm calling from seven minutes in the future.
unidentified		Listen.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		I think his whole deal was if you are here in this current era, but you are from another time, you could call.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Because, you know, the idea was like, he would have these remote viewers and oddballs on, and they would talk about that we have had the ability to time travel for a long time.
unidentified		Oh, yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		You know, there are wormholes that exist, and they'd explain the quantum dynamics involved.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Time travel has been breached by the CIA in the 1960s.
unidentified		Yes.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		And you'd have these people call up, but Art would always like give them air.
		Like let them breathe.
		Let it breathe.
unidentified		Yeah.
unidentified		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Art, I'm a werewolf.
		Interesting.
		Tell me more.
		Like it didn't matter, no matter what it was.
		It was a fun show.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Oh, I loved it.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Craziest people from fucking Bigfoot people to alien people.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Everything.
		And then a lot of people, ex military, right?
		You know, get that like.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Whistleblowers.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		I was stationed in, you know, outside of.
		Remote island that I can't go into from Singapore, and I witnessed some things that I still have difficulty believing.
		And then he just, yeah, what happened?
unidentified		It was great.
		Yeah.
		So fun.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		And you, so did you also listen to Phil Hendry?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yes.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Oh, God.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		He was the best.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Super genius.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		The best thing about Phil Hendry was the people that didn't understand what was going on.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		They would call in and be really upset.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		The first two times I heard him, I didn't understand.
		What he was doing.
		He's that good too.
		And I would be like, this is crazy, this guy.
		And then eventually you're like, oh, he's doing characters.
		Yeah.
		Because he'd repeat characters and stuff.
		But I got the chance to watch him do a show.
		So he's got three mics, I want to say.
		Like two mics, like this, and then a phone mic.
		Or, you know, a phone, like an old time cradle phone.
		And he was doing himself, the woman who runs the HOA or whatever, that character, and then somebody else.
		Calling in like he did somebody calling on the phone, and it was, uh, I mean, it was like a magic act, yeah, it was crazy to watch how without missing a beat.
		And I could see, uh, you can see how he strategically takes breaths so that he can go from one character to another and interrupting each other, yeah, you know, it was fascinating.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		But he's a genius, it's the only thing that caught right away.
		I was like, oh, wait a minute, there's no crosstalk.
		Like, right.
		Well, one of the early times I listened, I was like, I think this is the same guy.
unidentified		Yeah.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Well, he's, he bumps it up.
		Like, he's really good at, you know, making it sound as if, like, because he'll interrupt himself and go, and I, okay, but, you know, and stop and then just go right into the other voice.
		It's fucking phenomenal.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		And completely original.
		Like, I don't know of anybody else that did anything like that.
		No.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		No.
		Did you ever?
		He used to put out stuff for charity, like CDs and things.
		And he has, I don't know what it would be called, but it was one of the things he put out for charity that was a guy called into the station.
		He was probably super high, but he called in thinking it was Pizza Hut.
		And he fucks with this guy in the best way, where he's like, And who's the woman character he does?
		It's kind of like a black woman who's like, honey, it is the best.
		I don't know.
		Marjorie, I think, maybe.
Calling Pizza Hut Wrong 00:02:15
david cross ▲ ● ▼		But then he does that woman answering the phone at Pizza Hut.
		And then he does the automated thing.
		She's like, I'm going to put you on.
		It's easier to do the automated thing.
		And the guy's like, okay, all right.
		And then he gets on.
		He's like, Thank you for calling Pizza Hut the best pizza in a three block radius.
		And if you want, if you want, I'm not doing it justice.
		You got to go do it.
		Hear it.
		Listen, can you?
		Yeah, you got it.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		All right, headphones.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Okay, it's so brilliant.
unidentified		Wait, whichever is large.
phil hendrie ▲ ● ▼		Yes, just a regular large, thick crust on a deep dish.
phil hendrie ▲ ● ▼		You want puff dish?
unidentified		No.
phil hendrie ▲ ● ▼		You want any of them puffy cheese balls, anything like that?
		We got a special on Buffalo Wing.
		We got a special on.
		Damn, I forgot the other thing.
		We got a special on something.
		Alright, what do you want?
		What kind of cheese do you want?
		Blue, Swiss, Cheddar, Munster.
unidentified		Okay, I think I'm going to have the wrong location here.
phil hendrie ▲ ● ▼		Alright, hold on.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		And he's subdued.
phil hendrie ▲ ● ▼		Thank you for calling Pizza.
		Your call is being transferred.
		Please have all credit card information available for our operators.
unidentified		Yes, Pizza, hello.
		Hi, yes.
		Hi.
		Hi, which location are you at?
phil hendrie ▲ ● ▼		We are at the corner of La Cienega and Venice.
unidentified		Okay.
		I'd like to place an order for.
		Delivery.
phil hendrie ▲ ● ▼		All right, can I put you on hold?
		We'll put you through our automated system.
		Hold on, please.
		Thank you for calling Pizza.
		If you'd like cheese pizza, press one.
		If you'd like a meatball pizza, press two.
		If you'd like sausage, press three.
		Press too.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Oh, it goes on and on and on.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		He goes, he eventually gets the guy a fish pizza, and the guy's like, No, man, this, I don't want it.
Tim Dillon Ranting Alone 00:06:08
david cross ▲ ● ▼		It's really funny, but that's him.
		That's Phil doing all those voices, and that's not set up.
		A guy had called into the studio thinking it was pizza, and they're like, Take this call.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Did you ever meet him?
david cross ▲ ● ▼		I did briefly at, when I got to see him do his, he did a live show at Aspen Comedy Festival.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Oh.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Long, long, long time ago.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		I did something with him, Bob Odenkirk, and Doug Stanhope.
		Oh, wow.
		And Adam Carolla.
		I don't remember where it was.
		I want to say it was somewhere in Canada, but it was some sit down.
		We were talking about the process of going through, because he was in the middle of doing some sort of a television show pilot.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		So we were talking about the process of creating a pilot and what it's like trying to get a pilot to an actual finished television show and get it approved and what the struggles are.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		It was very interesting.
unidentified		Canadians.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		I don't think it was for, it was one of those Montreal Comedy Festival things.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, yeah, yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		It makes sense.
		It was like some weird talk.
		It was a long time ago.
		It was like, God, it had to be like 2001 or something.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, I vaguely remember when he was, there was going to be, because he would talk about it doing this sitcom.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, did it ever happen?
david cross ▲ ● ▼		I don't think so.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		No.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		He was a really nice guy, though.
		Not what I expected at all.
		I expected him to be fucking insane.
		Just to be able to do that every night and not get bored.
		With just completely fucking with people every day?
david cross ▲ ● ▼		It's got to be exhausting too, like mentally, because you've got to remember.
		It's like really great improv guys where you have to remember all these details, bring them back 30 minutes later, right?
		And you're doing multiple characters.
		You ever see TJ and Dave?
unidentified		No.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Oh, dude, the best.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, what is it?
david cross ▲ ● ▼		It's TJ Jadogowski and Dave Pasquese, who are like the kings of that.
		Stuff in, uh, out of Chicago and they come, they tour around, uh, and they're just, they're two guys who, uh, it starts off, you know, it's none of it's planned, none of it's, uh, and they have like a dedicated cult following.
		When they're in New York, it sells out like that.
		And you got to go to, uh, at least two shows to see how wildly different it is.
		I mean, they're two guys that come out on stage, usually it was like three chairs, and it'll just start with like, uh, you know, How's it going?
		Good, good, good.
		Are you in line?
		No, no, no.
		And you watch it like, oh, they're in line.
		Where are they in line at?
		Do they know each other?
		And then it turns out they're at the DMV, but they're not.
		It's like a room outside of the DMV.
		And then they will leave and come back and be somebody else, right?
		A kid that was mentioned or a wife or something, or be in a car.
		And it all wraps up.
		It's all a big story.
		And.
		I have seen, I've probably seen him 30, 40 times, and I've seen shows that were more, that were funnier, more poignant than some plays that have been worked on for years.
		You know, it is better.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Completely improvised?
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Completely, 100%.
unidentified		Wow.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Oh, they're, I mean, do you know Tim Meadows?
		Yeah.
		So Tim was a guest.
		Sometimes I'll have a third person.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		I know who he is.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		I don't know who he is.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Yeah.
		So I was, and Tim's been, you know, SNL.
		Yeah, and ensconced in that second city world for decades.
		And he said it was the most terrifying thing he's ever done because they're like genius level.
		I mean, the detail you have to remember.
		And then, on top of it, if one of them is, you know, I'm a marine biologist or whatever, it slips out, then that person has to know about the real person playing the fake marine biologist has to know enough about marine biology to keep the thing going, you know?
		And it's just next level.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		It's almost time for spring break.
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		Well, I'd imagine that's like a muscle that you just get really strong with, like ranters.
		Like Tim Dillon is the best at.
		Ranting on a podcast alone.
		He doesn't have anybody with him.
		Most of his podcasts are just him ranting.
		And I've watched the development of it.
		I'm like, that's an amazing muscle to develop because you just get accustomed to that kind of scenario, that situation where it's just, and your mind just gets used to producing content.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		And like old school AM late night radio guys, right?
		Who don't have people calling in who are like talking about whatever.
		And they got to do it.
		You know, four or five times a week.
unidentified		Yeah.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Three hours by themselves.
Marriage and Weird Kids 00:02:11
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah.
		I used to always like to listen to them.
		I used to like to listen to those crazy right wing, angry political talk shows because I didn't know anybody like that.
		So I was like, what is this guy doing?
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Well, uh, That was the bulk of the radio.
		I mean, that's why you have Art Bell and Phil Hendry, like a nice, like, oh, okay.
		Because I got all this.
		I got Mark Levin and I got, you know, fuck, what's his name?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Rush Limbaugh.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Rush Limbaugh, yeah.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		And when you first start listening, or when I first started listening, and I came out to LA from Boston, you know, and people were like, there's this guy out here who's fucking nuts, you know, and I'd never heard of him in Boston.
unidentified		And then.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		And you're like, does he, how much of this stuff does he believe?
		Does he really believe?
		And how much has he come to believe?
		Does that make sense?
unidentified		Yeah.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Yeah.
		And those guys, that was a whole fascinating thing.
		And Wally George, do you remember Wally George?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		I do, but I don't remember much about him.
		I remember the name.
		What did Wally George do?
david cross ▲ ● ▼		He was the guy who originated what, I mean, now it's really familiar.
		Remember Morton Downey Jr.?
		He was a little after the war.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Oh, that's right.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		That's right.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		And he would look at 83, and he was, and it was a super low budget, like cable access type thing back when that was a whole thing.
		And he'd get the audience would be hooting and hollering, and he'd have people on, like somebody who, and sometimes they, I think, because it became popular, sort of like with Morton Downey Jr., where people came on to quote unquote fuck with Wally George.
		Like, I'm going to pretend to be a.
		You know, a furry, and I'm going to, you know, have gauges and, and, you know what I mean?
		Like just the archetype of the thing they want to yell at.
		And, and I think people started, it was, there were some bullshit people on there, you know, people lying about who they were.
		But he'd have people on and then, and then kick them off.
Muhammad Ali Connections 00:05:04
david cross ▲ ● ▼		It would happen all the time.
		Like, come on, sit down.
		What the fuck do you think you're doing?
		And everybody would yell at the person.
		They'd start talking.
		You're like, get the fuck out of here.
		And that was, that was the show.
		We're like, you know, and here's something really crazy.
		And tell me if this is rumor.
		Look up at your magic computer.
		Rebecca DeMornais' dad, the actress.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		That's, yeah.
		Wally George?
		Yes.
unidentified		No.
		Yeah.
		Really?
		Look it up.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Casey, right?
unidentified		Jamie.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Jamie, I'm going to call you Casey.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Who is, I forget who Rebecca DeMornais was.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		From Risky Business.
unidentified		Oh, wow.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Wow, her dad?
unidentified		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Is Wally George.
unidentified		Wow.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Isn't that crazy?
		Married multiple times.
		Shocker.
		Probably 10, potentially 10 times.
		Had at least six children.
unidentified		Holy shit.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Look at how many times he was married.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		One, two, three, four.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Wow.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Possibly 10.
unidentified		Possibly 10.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Can you imagine just keep fucking signing up?
unidentified		I don't.
unidentified		Yeah.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		I just read literally the other day Fleetwood Mac guy getting married for the fifth time.
		He's 182.
		And he's getting.
unidentified		Like, what?
unidentified		Stop.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Why do you want to keep doing that?
unidentified		They believe.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		They really believe this is it.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		This is the one.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		You have to say those vows and mean it each time.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Or not.
		Yeah.
		Or just say, this is just a fun thing that I do to keep a lady happy.
unidentified		Yeah.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Or just have a party, I guess.
unidentified		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Have a party and pretend that you're normal now.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		And you're married?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah.
unidentified		Yeah.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		How long have you been married?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		17 years.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Oh, nice.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		It'll be 14 in October.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		If I get divorced, that's a wrap.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		What do you mean?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Like, I'm happy, happily married.
		I don't want to get divorced.
		Not saying that.
		But if I ever get divorced, I'm never.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
		Uh uh.
		Oh, same here.
unidentified		Yeah.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Oh, I feel the same.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Silly.
		I'm not having any more children.
		So if I don't have any children, it makes no sense to legally be bound to some person.
		Can't we just hang out?
david cross ▲ ● ▼		I am 100% with you.
		I, I, and I was never an anti marriage guy, but I just didn't think I'd get married because I didn't want to.
		And then eventually I met somebody who I wanted to marry.
unidentified		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		It's like you just have to, it has to, I mean, that's the thing.
		It has to be the right person.
		Everybody always says that, except Wally George.
		But the idea of doing it 10 times is fucking insane.
unidentified		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Like that's a, they're doing a different thing.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		I think once you get, I'll give you three.
		And let's say one of them was some fishy circumstances.
		I'll give you three.
		Once you get on your, by the time you're going to be on your fourth or fifth or sixth or Rupert Murdoch marriage, like I, what is the point?
		And why does that woman believe you?
		What does it say about the lady?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Well, what about ladies that do it?
		I've been here for six years and I know one lady.
		While I've been here, she's been married twice, married and divorced twice, and now she's on the third guy.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, I would look.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		I mean, that says something about the guys, right?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		I guess.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, man, come on.
unidentified		If you.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		You wouldn't ever think, like, you meet somebody, you like them, and then you find out they've been married twice before in six years.
unidentified		Right.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		And.
		And you were like starting to fall for her.
		You wouldn't think, wait a minute.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		You would, unless she was hot.
		Men are dumb.
		If she's hot and she's sexy and you really like being around her, you're like, who cares?
unidentified		She made mistakes.
		Yeah.
		Who cares?
david cross ▲ ● ▼		I guess you're right.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		If the sex is that good.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, if the sex is good, she's hot and you love being around her and that's what she wants and you want to make her happy, like, okay.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		I'll say this.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		You should find out, you should go talk to the other guys and have a sit down and find out why, you know.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		The other one is some guys, they'll want to mess it up for you, so they'll lie.
		They might not be accurate.
		You know, they might paint a distorted.
		Also, they might have been the fuck up and they want to blame it on her, and then you'll get a distorted perception of who she is.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		But then it's back to her that she's marrying people who are fucked up.
		I guess the point is that we're both making is don't get married.
		You know?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Well, it is a weird thing.
		It's a weird thing to do.
		Do you have children?
david cross ▲ ● ▼		I do.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, it's a weird thing to do if you don't have children.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Not weird like you shouldn't do it, but it's a different thing.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, completely.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, you're.
Glamorous Sitcom Debut 00:14:47
david cross ▲ ● ▼		And I.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		I would say that, not that we, you know, my wife and I have any, you know, real issues, but I would behave myself and stay and work at the marriage because of the kid.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Oh, absolutely.
unidentified		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, absolutely.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		It fucks kids up when people get divorced.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		What's your background?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		My parents were split up when I was five, and my mother remarried when I was seven.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		And it has been with my stepdad ever since.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Oh, that's good.
unidentified		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		They have a great relationship.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		I just saw them this weekend.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		And where did you grow up?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Fucking everywhere.
		I was born in New Jersey, moved to San Francisco when I was seven, lived in San Francisco from seven to 11 in the height of the Vietnam War in Haight Ashbury, like hippie town.
		And then Florida from 11 to 13.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		That's the opposite of San Francisco.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Oh, my God.
unidentified		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		That's the first time I found out about the N word.
		I didn't know what it meant.
		And I remember I had to ask my mom.
unidentified		No way.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, I had to ask my mom.
		I never heard it in San Francisco.
		Never heard it.
unidentified		Wow.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		San Francisco in the 1970s, when I was, you know, between seven and 11, was kind of a wild, amazing time.
		It was really weird.
		It was because we were in the middle of like the counterculture movement.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, yeah.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Berkeley, all that stuff.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Uh huh.
		Yeah.
		We lived right down the street from Lombard Street.
		So we're, you know, we were like in the middle of it all, you know?
		And, uh, It's funny because it was during that time that the Vietnam War ended.
		When I was, I think I was, when did Vietnam end?
unidentified		74?
unidentified		I think 74.
jamie vernon ▲ ● ▼		Officially April 30, 75.
unidentified		Okay.
jamie vernon ▲ ● ▼		U.S. withdrawal, 73.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, so that was like, how old was I?
		Whatever.
		The point is, at that time, I remember thinking, thank God they figured out war is bad.
		We're never going to do this again.
		I literally had that thought, however old I was.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		What a naive child.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Oh, I was like, because my stepfather had, he didn't get drafted, he got lucky, he just didn't get picked.
		And I knew a guy, some guy that was a friend of the family that had moved to Canada.
		He's like, fuck this.
		He took off to Canada.
		So I was aware of that, like how people are leaving the country so that they don't have to go to war.
		Like, this is because if you're a little kid, everything's fucking scary, especially if you come from a broken home and, you know, like, it's just a lot of fun.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, and the concept of a draft or conscription, the idea, like, oh, you may have to go and you're going to learn how to shoot a gun and then go shoot strangers, kids, you know, like that.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		It's got to be terrifying if you're a kid.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		No, it was insane.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		And it was also, there was also the time where, you know, my stepdad was a hippie and my parents were hippies.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		And when I was going to ask, why did your, sorry to interrupt, but why did they move around so much?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		My stepfather was a computer programmer initially and then he wanted to become an architect.
		So he went to school in San Francisco and then University of Florida in Gainesville and then Boston Architectural Center.
		So we moved to Boston when I was 13.
		So that was what it was.
		It was him becoming an architect.
unidentified		Right.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		And so, like, they didn't like sports.
		They weren't into anything like that.
		And then when Muhammad Ali was opposing the Vietnam War, he became this, like, counterculture hero.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Sure, yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		And I remember it was my parents sat down and watched Muhammad Ali versus Leon Spinks because he was trying to win his title back.
		And they were rooting for Muhammad Ali.
		I'm like, this is crazy.
		Like, this guy's.
		Dance on the Vietnam War has made my parents fans of his to the point where they're going to watch boxing.
		Like, they never watched boxing.
		They didn't want to have anything to do with anything violent.
		They hated it.
		But they wanted to watch that.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Well, if you were the one boxer to watch, if you were anti hitting or boxing or whatever, it was Muhammad Ali.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		He was a strategist.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		He was, but quite honestly, by that stage of his career, he had slowed down considerably.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		And he just wasn't.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Remember the Leon Spinks because he.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Leon beat him.
unidentified		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		And then he beat Leon in the rematch.
unidentified		Right.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		This is the rematch, right.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		And that was the big one that we were all glued to the TV.
		But I remember thinking, this is crazy.
		They're watching boxing because of this guy's position on the Vietnam War.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Have you seen When We Were Kings?
unidentified		Yes.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, it's great.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		It's amazing.
unidentified		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, it's amazing.
		Yeah, he was a.
		God, you want to talk about a unique human being.
		Like a one of one.
unidentified		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		You know?
unidentified		Yeah.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		And.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Outside of Mike Tyson, there was never any kind of figure like that in boxing.
unidentified		No.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		I mean, there was minor Sugar Ray Leonard a little bit, but not to that extent because he wasn't a cultural figure.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Muhammad Ali represented something during the Civil Rights Movement.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		And he changed his name to Muhammad Ali.
unidentified		Right, right.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		That was a big thing, too.
		People were terrified of Muslims at the time.
		And still.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		I was going to say at the time.
unidentified		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		But it was a different kind of Muslims.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		You know, that was.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Well, they were the.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		You know, the government was really good about portraying every black urban person as like potentially, you know, Muslim Brotherhood, 12 Tribes.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Right, right, right, right.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Those guys.
		They're still around.
		The Israelite 12 Tribes.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Oh, those guys, yeah.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		They used to hang out and hang out.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		They used to be in Times Square, like, you know, yelling and preaching.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		I hung out with those guys one day.
		I wrote a piece about it for my website.
		Because I went, I was going home.
		It was when I was living in New York, and I was walking down the street, and there's this guy standing there with like a microphone and a little speaker.
unidentified		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		And they would read things from the Bible.
		Yep.
		And they would translate it, and they had this very bizarre translation.
		Everybody was black.
		George Washington was black.
		Everyone was black.
		They were explaining to me, you know, the so called Jew.
		They're black Israelites.
unidentified		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		The so called Jew was the thing that they would always think.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Well, they're Jewish.
unidentified		Yeah.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		You don't have to say the so called.
unidentified		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		It was very odd.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		But their whole thing was there was a.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		A 12th tribe of the Israelites that were black that have been, you know, written out of history.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah.
		That was their thing.
		Yeah.
		They also informed me that I'm not white.
		That was a relief.
unidentified		What?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Because I'm Italian.
		They were like, oh, you ain't white.
		I was like, oh.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Oh, it's like the.
unidentified		Great.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Because they hated white people.
		So I was just talking to this because I was bored.
		You know, I was just.
		So I was talking to this guy.
		I was having him explain everything to me.
		And he informed me, don't worry, man, you're not white.
		I was like, oh, okay, that's good.
		It's good to know.
unidentified		So you can hang out.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		I can hang out with you guys.
		You don't hate me.
		But it was very odd.
		Very odd.
		They were all dressed like superheroes.
		They all had these crazy Avenger costumes on.
unidentified		Yeah.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		And like jewelry.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Like big medallions.
unidentified		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Huge medallions.
		Yeah.
		Very odd stuff.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		There's still, you don't see them like you used to, but they're still out there.
unidentified		Oh, yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		They're out there.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		But I mean, like in literally in New York, at the periphery of Times Square.
unidentified		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Last time I was in Philadelphia, I saw them.
unidentified		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		They were out there in the street with the microphones.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		The whole deal.
unidentified		Yeah.
unidentified		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		It's an odd group.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		When were you in New York?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		I was in New York.
		I moved to New York in 91, yeah.
		So I started stand up in 88 in Boston.
		And I got picked up by my manager, who I'm still with, when I was essentially an open micer.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Who was that?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Jeff Sussman.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		How do I not know Jeff Sussman?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		He handles Kevin James.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Was he a Boston guy?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		No, he was a New York guy.
		Oh, okay, okay.
		So the story was he had, what was his name?
		Fucking.
		The guy who had all the crazy costumes, he was on the Rodney Dangerfield special, Bob.
		Oh, Bob Nelson.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Bob Nelson, yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		So he handled Bob Nelson.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		He was the Cleveland Browns.
unidentified		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		He put the helmet on.
		He had boxing gloves.
		He did Jippy Jeff's Jim.
		He had brain damage.
		He did a bunch of different characters.
		So Bob, who is a big act, you know, he had the HBO special, the whole deal at the time, he found Jesus.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Oh.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Where was he?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		In his basement, I guess.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Oh, Jesus.
unidentified		Or something.
unidentified		Okay.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		It was around the neighborhood somewhere.
unidentified		Okay.
unidentified		But.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		He had this guy who was his prayer partner that was going to take over as his manager.
		And so this was my manager's big client.
		So he's like, fuck, I got to go find some other comedians.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		So did he just stop doing stand up?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		I don't know.
		I don't know if he still does stand up.
		I don't know.
		I knew his career.
		My manager's really good and he's very smart and he did a great job guiding Bob, but.
		I think sometimes when people have a big religious moment like that, maybe that becomes more of their life.
		Because he was all in.
unidentified		Yeah, yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		He was all in with Christianity.
		And so my manager said, Well, I kind of know most of the comics in New York.
		Let me see if I'm not missing people in Boston.
		And so he traveled to Boston with a friend of his, one of the guys that owned Governors.
		And they came.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Well, Governors was Bob's.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Room, wasn't it?
unidentified		Yes.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah.
unidentified		Out in Long Island.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		One of the rooms that he worked at, yeah.
		And so they came down to Boston, and I just randomly went up one night at.
		Duck Soup.
		Remember Duck Soup?
unidentified		Duck Soup.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Duck Soup was, it became the improv after a while.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		It was.
unidentified		I don't remember that.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Billy Downs and.
		Paul Barkley.
		Paul Barkley.
		I think it was actually Billy Split.
		I think it was Paul's thing.
		So they did.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Oh, they split at that point?
unidentified		I think.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		I'm not sure about that.
		But what it was, it was Paul's idea, believe.
		It was a much more high end room.
		Like, it was really nice.
		And it was right across from Nick's.
		So it was in the below area where the Wiltern is.
unidentified		Okay.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		So, you know where the Wiltern is, which is now the big, you know, where Bill Blumenwright does comedy connection shows?
david cross ▲ ● ▼		The Wilbur, right?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Is that it?
david cross ▲ ● ▼		The Wilbur.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		It's the Wilbur.
unidentified		Okay.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		I'm thinking the Wilterns, L.A. At Wilterns, L.A. Right.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		I know what you're talking about.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		The Wilbur.
unidentified		Right.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		You're right.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		So, downstairs, the Wilbur, you'd go down, and it was a really nice room.
unidentified		Okay.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		And I was a limo driver at the time.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		I was driving limos.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Driving a limo in Boston?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Jesus.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, yeah.
unidentified		Oh, man.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Because I was doing for a job.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		That's fucking hard.
		I mean, I just mean, the literal streets of Boston are.
		Tough to navigate with any vehicle, but a limo, add an extra half a car to it.
unidentified		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		It wasn't that bad.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		It was mostly airport pickups.
unidentified		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		And a lot of it was town cars, pick people up in town cars.
		But when you drive around a lot, that's when I would come up with my best ideas.
		And I had an idea for a joke and I called, God, I can't remember who the guy was.
		Fuck, I can't believe I'm blanking on his name.
		He was a really cool dude who was the manager of the club.
		And I could call him up and say, hey, can I get a guest bot?
		And he gave me a guest spot that night.
		I wasn't even supposed to be on the show.
		And my manager just happened to be in the room.
		And if I'd known he was in the room, I probably would have been nervous and I probably would have bombed.
		And I had no idea he was there.
		And then he came up to me afterwards and gave me his card and he said, Can I see you tomorrow?
		And I said, Okay.
		And then I did.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		He just went for a ride to the airport.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		So I did a set at the Connection the next night.
		And then he asked me to come to New York and audition there.
		And then, next thing you know, I was living in New York.
		It was like three years later.
unidentified		Very cool.
unidentified		And then.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, it was a crazy story.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		And when did you move out to LA?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		94, 93.
		First came out in 93 and then moved in 94.
		I came out to 93 for a pilot.
		I did a pilot on Fox called Hardball with Jim Brewer and a bunch of other people.
		It was a baseball sitcom on Fox that got canceled.
		It was terrible.
		And then the only reason why I stayed, I hated LA, but the only reason why I stayed was because I had got an apartment and I had a lease for a year.
		So I was like, fuck, I have to stay here.
		And so I stayed for a whole year.
		And then I got a development deal for NBC.
		And I was there in the middle of this whole development deal.
		And then they said, we have a pilot.
		That we already filmed, but we're going to fire one of the cast members.
		We want you to audition for this.
		And that was news radio.
unidentified		So I got to watch.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Who did you replace?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Well, fortunately, it was Ray Romano, who was a good friend of mine, was fired during the pilot.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		And so they replaced him with another guy, and that guy got fired.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Oh, wow.
unidentified		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		So it wasn't, I would have felt terrible if it was Ray.
		But it was Ray being replaced.
		So I was like, good, fuck that guy.
		I'll do it for Ray.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Do you remember who the other guy was?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		I do not.
		He was just an actor.
		Some guy.
		I mean, I never met him.
		I'm sure he's a nice guy.
		But luckily for Ray, he goes on and does Everybody Loves Raymond and becomes huge.
		And I just stumbled into this fucking show with no acting experience.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		That was a fun set.
		I remember.
		Because I did it a couple times.
		And also, that was not my first, but one of the first experiences I had with multi camera sitcoms.
		You know, you're like.
		This is literally the easiest job on planet Earth.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Oh, yeah.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		It is the, you have one full day.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		You have like a full, I think Thursday, right?
unidentified		Yeah.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		And then Friday is like half a day.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Monday, come in, listen to this, read the script, go away.
Paying Rent with Jokes 00:02:35
unidentified		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		It's the filming day that's the long day.
		And it's not that bad.
		I mean, especially once we got loose.
		The first season was hard.
		The first season was 12, 14 hour days because it was like they were trying to figure out what the show was.
		But once it got rolling.
		It was pretty amazing.
		So, I had only been doing stand up for six years.
		I'd only been, I had done no acting.
		I had a, they made me get an acting coach for a little while in New York, which I think was counterintuitive.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Newspaper.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		For a pilot, for the pilot, the Fox pilot.
unidentified		Oh.
unidentified		Yeah.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Well, how's an acting coach going to help you with a sitcom?
		It's about instinct.
		It's about.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Well, they were giving me a lot of money.
		They gave me like $150,000.
		I mean, you have to learn how to act.
unidentified		Right.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Do you know how to act?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		I've never acted.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		I'm just saying, like.
unidentified		I know.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		To deliver sitcom lines is you don't need an acting teacher.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Wow, Joseph, let's limber up the body.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, you're not Daniel Day Lewis.
		You're not doing There Will Be Blood.
		It was weird because it wasn't anything.
		I think the reason why it worked out so well is because it was never anything that I wanted.
		So there was no weight to it.
		It wasn't like, oh my God, this is it.
		I am on a sitcom.
		I'm acting.
		It was more like, this is crazy.
		I can't believe I'm doing this.
		It was more like, wow, I can't believe I get to do this.
		But, you know, the real thing for me was to be able to be in LA and go to the comedy store.
		That to me was more, that was more huge than, like, when I got passed at the comedy store, that to me was, like, way bigger than being on a sitcom.
		I was like, holy shit.
		Like, because at that, you know, like, at six years in, I was like, am I even, is this going to work out?
		Like, I don't even know if this is going to work out.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Well, it's also not glamorous in any way.
		That aspect of working, Is there's nothing glamorous about a sitcom, you know what I mean?
		It's not the thing that when you're not in LA or Hollywood and you're sitting back and you're told about the glamorous lifestyle, the parties, and all that stuff, it's literally you're driving to work and you're going to work, you know?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, but it was glamorous in a sense that you were on television, and that was very weird to me.
		It was very strange to watch it on TV.
		I'm like, that is actually me on TV.
		I had.
		Zero aspirations for any acting at all.
		Yeah.
		It never even occurred to me.
Naive News Radio Start 00:08:58
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		When I lived in Boston, I remember me and Fitzsimmons used to dream about the day we could pay our bills telling jokes.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		That was all it was.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		I hear you.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		It was just like, oh God, I would see guys like DJ Hazard.
		I remember I went to look at this apartment, and DJ Hazard lived in the same building.
		And it was this converted schoolhouse and these loft apartments.
		It had like a second floor where the bedroom was, and it looked over the living room.
		I'm like, God, this is he pays for this with jokes.
		Yeah, this was like the most amazing thing.
		Like, that's all I wanted.
		I saw these like Don Gavin and Steve Sweeney.
		I was like, imagine being able to pay your bills just telling jokes, untie my ankles in the morning.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Remember that?
unidentified		Yeah, I did.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		DJ Hazard, yeah.
		Um, what was I gonna say?
		Something, oh, do you know?
		Fitzsimmons, Paul Barclay story or Bill Downs, The Watch?
		Bill Downs.
		It was Bill Downs.
unidentified		Which one?
unidentified		How's it go?
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Oh, I don't.
		You should get it from him because it's his story.
		But, and I don't want to, I feel like it's his to tell, but it's fucking great.
		It's genius.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		It's bringing up something in my memory.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		So, Bill owed everybody money.
unidentified		Right.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		And, uh, Like he's still, you know, those guys owe me whatever it is at this point, you know, what $300, $500.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		And just, and you go there and they were just everybody was big guy, remember?
unidentified		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		I'll pay a soon big guy.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Oh, the war.
		And then, do you remember when?
		Bill adopted the girls.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yes.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Korean girls, right?
unidentified		He, yeah.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		And he would use them like as, because at a certain point, it didn't help to go to the connection or go to the clubs.
		And you had to go to their fucking office.
		If you want it, nobody's going to call you back or whatever.
		And you'd like, I got to get on the tee and go to their office.
		And that's the only way I'm going to get money.
		Is if I show up and he's in a Good mood, and it's not gonna happen from a phone call.
		And I'd go there every single time.
		It's like, dude, I gotta pay my rent, man.
		I mean, I got nothing, and you owe me, you know, $385.
		And back then, that was huge.
		And ah, cross, I just listen.
		So I got these, my kids, one of my kids is sick, and whatever.
		It's always this fucking excuse.
		And then, and then, you know, it was still the coke residual and the bottom of his nose.
		But so he owed Fitzsimmons a chunk of money, like a significant amount, like $1,500, $1,800, like something meaty, you know, especially for back then.
		And, uh, you ask Greg, because I feel like.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		No, tell the story.
		I'm sure Greg's told it to me.
		Greg and I are pretty close.
		I just remember it in my head.
		I do remember part of it, but I don't know the whole story.
		I don't remember it.
unidentified		All right.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		So Greg was, uh, At this, you know, some shit club in New Hampshire or whatever.
		And Downs was going to be there.
		Bill was going to be there.
		And he goes there and he goes, Oh, Bill, I forgot my watch.
		I don't want to go over.
		Can I borrow your watch?
		And he's like, Yeah, sure.
		It's like a Rolex, like some fancy, fancy, fancy watch.
		And Greg had this all planned out.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Oh, I know the story.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Yeah.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		And then he had parked in a specific place.
unidentified		And then he.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		And then he gets, he's like, all right, thanks.
		And he's like, all right, don't forget to give it back.
		Yeah, yeah, yeah.
		And he does his set and then he bolts out the back door, gets in his car, drives home back to Boston.
		And then Bill calls him, hey, so I think you forgot to give me my watch back.
		And Greg just basically goes, yeah, you want it back?
		Give me the $1,800 you owe me.
		And then met him at a restaurant or a diner somewhere in a public place.
		Give me the cash and I'll give you your watch.
		And it was just genius.
unidentified		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		That's Greg.
unidentified		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah.
		Those days were fun.
		Nick's Comic Stop used to offer to pay you in cocaine or cash.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		I, dude, so I did Nick's.
		And the only, I've said this multiple times, the only, I'm extremely lucky that I was in Boston when I was in Boston because the comedy boom's going on.
		And outside of, I don't know, three places, I just, didn't do that well, and I certainly didn't do well at Nick's.
		I mean, I was the opposite.
		They, you know, it had that vague feeling of high school where you're the weirdo and people want to fuck with you and throw you in the trash can.
		And so I got lucky because there were just spots they just needed bodies.
		So I worked all the time, you know, not great gigs, but I had it was all cash, you know, under the table.
		And they just needed bodies to, you know, go up and do 15 minutes, 20 minutes, whatever, at some cowboy bar in Pittsburgh or whatever, Fitchburgh.
		Anyway, so I get this, I get a week at Nick's, and I am not doing well at all.
		I think I'm opening up for Kevin Knox, so not my crowd.
		And I didn't have the tracksuit.
		And, you know, Knoxy's up there doing, hey, you know why Bill Buckner didn't catch the ball or get the ball?
		It was the 86 World Series because he heard it had AIDS on it.
		Okay.
		Yeah, that's a real joke.
		That's a real joke.
		And they loved it.
unidentified		Mark!
		Wonderful.
		Yes, of course.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		And that aids them.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		1936.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		And then, do you remember this?
david cross ▲ ● ▼		What does AIDS stand for?
unidentified		No.
unidentified		What?
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Adios, infected dick sucker.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Oh, I do remember that.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		I do remember that.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		I'm marketing for him.
unidentified		Oh, my God.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		And it's his crowd.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Adios, infected dick sucker.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Oh, my God.
unidentified		Yeah.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		So.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		I titled one of the tracks on my first album, I think, first or second album, What If Baseballs Had AIDS On Them?
unidentified		Just saying.
unidentified		Just saying.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		And I'm fucking eating it, right?
		So they're peeling back my time as the week goes on.
		And I am, I mean, if I had done even okay, I wouldn't have had this.
		They're already kind of intimidating, right?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Super mobby.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Very mob.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Very mob.
		And do you remember where you'd walk into Nick's and there was like the podium, and then behind, a little behind it, is this little room with a curtain, right?
		And it's not big at all.
		And I went to go get paid, and the week was over, and I've just, you know, eaten it, eat shit every single night, every single show.
		And they're all eating.
		It's like a scene from, like, they're all eating, like, you know, Manicotti.
		You couldn't make it any better with the fucking napkins in their shirt like this.
		And I go, hey, nervous as shit.
		Just, hey, so Dom, I need to, if I can get paid, just for the, you know, whatever.
		And Dominic goes to whoever, I can't remember the guy's name, his kind of lackey there.
		And he goes, whatever his name was, you know, Paulie, go pay the kid.
		And he's, I've interrupted his dinner.
		He's not happy.
		Fucking napkin off, takes me, trudge.
		We go up to the offices upstairs, and there's a safe and it's open, and there's cash and there's a gun, just open, right?
		And he gives me, he gets the money and he gives it to me, and I just pick it up.
		I want to get the fuck out of there, and I pick it up, and he's like, Ain't you going to count it?
		No, I'm good.
		I trust you.
		And I just bolted.
		I never went back there again.
		I was so fucking intimidated.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		That was an intimidating place.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Oh, dude.
Selling Comic Book Art 00:09:01
david cross ▲ ● ▼		The whole thing about it.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Every, the Dominic, all those guys.
unidentified		Yeah.
unidentified		Yeah.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		And everyone's doing blow.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		And, you know, the performers are at least, you know.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		It was a maniacal time where all those guys.
		There was one time where Knicks was running three consecutive shows.
		So they had their main room upstairs.
		There was a dance club down in the bottom.
		And there was one other room somewhere in that building.
		And guys would go, like guys like Don Gavin and Steve Sweeney, they would go and do a set, And these guys were just raking in money.
unidentified		Oh, yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		And constantly doing blow.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		And not paying their taxes.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Yeah.
unidentified		Yes.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		And that's what got them all.
unidentified		Yeah.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Well, they, I mean, back in the heyday, and it went on for years, it was years and years of this.
		I mean, you could go down, you know, 128 and do Kowloon's or whatever, and then just hop all the way back.
		Hop into these Chinese restaurants or whatever.
unidentified		Right.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Giggles and sagas.
unidentified		Yeah.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		And just go in a straight line and go back and forth and do nine fucking shows and make a.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Shit ton of money, cash under the table, tons of blow.
unidentified		Yeah.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		And yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		It was a wild place because there were so many comics and it was such a.
		Boston's not a big city.
		You know, and to have so much comedy all come out.
		You've seen Fran Salamita's documentary.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		I haven't.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		I got to.
unidentified		It's really great.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		The stand up stood out.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, it's really.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		I got to.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		It's really great.
		It's really great.
		And it goes all the way back to Crimmins and the Ding Ho.
		And that was before my time.
		I started in 88.
		So the ding ho was already gone.
		You heard legendary stories from the ding ho.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Did you see Call Me Lucky?
unidentified		No.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Oh, you got to see that.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		It's Bobcat's documentary about Barry.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Oh, no.
		Wait a minute.
		I did see that.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		It's fucking great.
unidentified		That's right.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		I did see that.
unidentified		It's really well done.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		I don't mean just like, even if you don't know Barry, just the story and the way he lays out the path of the film is great.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		I had Barry on like right after it came out, I had him on the podcast.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		And Yeah.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		He's a legend and, you know, huge inspiration.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		He was an intimidating guy.
unidentified		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		That was the guy that I was scared of because he was like, he was the guy who was sort of the standard.
		Like, he made sure there was no hacks.
		He made sure there was, you know, like, he set the standard, you know?
david cross ▲ ● ▼		And he was really equitable, too.
unidentified		Yes.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Yes.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Very politically active.
		Even like way back.
		Then, like, really knowledgeable and like really understood what was going on in the world.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Did you ever see his or one of his State of the Union shows?
unidentified		No.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		They're fucking amazing.
		So he would go.
		I saw a couple of them at the old stitches, and he would go up.
		And it was when the State of the Union was happening, he'd go up and he'd do his State of the Union.
		It was just him.
		And he would go on and he'd have, like, you know, it was pre PowerPoint, but it was whatever the equivalent of, you know, a screen behind him with stuff.
		And he'd go up there with a cooler, like a legit big cooler of beer, because that motherfucker could drink.
unidentified		Yeah.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		And, uh, And he would just start.
		He had a podium and he would just crack beers and just down a case of beer, half a case of beer, and just do his stuff, you know, extemporaneous stuff.
		I mean, stuff prepared, but about, you know, the State of the Union and all that.
		And it would always be packed.
		Like, and you'd see Dennis Leary and, you know, every single comic would be there, you know, trying up against the wall because it was packed.
		But it was great.
		I mean, legendary.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Well, I mean, I think he was really responsible for a lot of what Boston comedy became.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		You know, because he was the guy that was kind of the gold standard.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		And he started the Ding Ho.
unidentified		Yeah.
		You know?
		Yeah.
		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		And he is like becoming friends with him was like, whew, like such a relief.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Because I was terrified of him.
unidentified		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		When I was a young comic.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Like, if that guy thought I sucked, if he hated me, I was like, I'm fucking doomed.
unidentified		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		You know, because he was this character.
		He would go on stage with a sport coat on and reach into his inner pocket and pull out a Budweiser for every show.
		You remember that?
david cross ▲ ● ▼		I don't, but I mean, I know he drank a lot.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, but he would bring his own beer.
		It was part of his thing.
		He would go on stage, just reach into his, pull out a Budweiser and set it down on the stool.
		I. You only drink American beer.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Is that true?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		You drink Budweiser.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		I wonder why that is.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		I don't know.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		It's like kind of a patriot.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		He doesn't seem like he would, the kind of guy who would have denied himself.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Well, I mean, maybe it was performative.
		I don't know.
		Was there Medellin even that existed at the time?
david cross ▲ ● ▼		But yeah, he was the only guy, I would say, that, and to your point, like all these other.
		Legendary comics, you know, Lenny Clark and Don Gavin and Steve Sweeney and all those guys.
		It was the only guy that those guys were kind of walking on eggshells.
unidentified		Yes.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		The only guy.
unidentified		Yes.
		Yes.
		The only guy.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		They'd give all each other shit.
		Yeah.
		Like, and mean shit too.
unidentified		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Oh, they would fight.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Oh, yeah.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Barry was the one guy they wouldn't fuck with.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Well, he was different than all of them in that he was incredibly well read.
		Like, really well read, really knowledgeable about all sorts of.
		Things with economics and the way the world works, the injustices of our society, but really funny fucking comic, too.
		Like, great jokes, great writer, you know, and just like he was the standard.
		He was the glue that held that scene together because they all looked at him to be like, you can't kind of step out of line.
		Like, you don't want to get, catch Barry's R.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, it's absolutely true.
		And then when, uh, The revelation he had of being abused as a kid, and then he dedicated, he spoke in front of Congress.
		He did about AOL.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		During the early days of AOL, for people that don't know, they had all these chat rooms, and sexual predators were using these chat rooms to find children.
unidentified		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		And also to exchange pornographic material.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Yeah.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		And that becomes a big part of Call Me Lucky, you know?
unidentified		Right.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Um, right, and yeah, he like dedicated his life basically to just uh going out and catching these motherfuckers, yeah, and and helping you know, uh, the people who would pose as kids and stuff, and that was you know, that was his, and he was also uh.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		You know, lapsed Catholic, and when all the, especially in Boston, the Catholic Church and Diocese and all that stuff was coming out, he was, I mean, that was his fucking focus.
unidentified		Yeah.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Getting these fuckers caught, you know, exposed.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		But I think it took someone like him that was, he was levels above most of the other comedians in terms of his understanding of the world and his ability to articulate it, and also a great comic.
		So that, like, people looked at him like, well, this guy's like, he's clearly smarter than all of us.
		He's also like super dedicated to the craft of comedy, like, meant a lot to him.
unidentified		Oh, yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Like, the integrity of comedy, like, what it is to be a comic.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		You know, and he came from, and I think this is kind of specific to Boston, too.
		He came from a jock world.
		He was a minor league or whatever sub minor league catcher.
		He played, he was at Syracuse University, and he played for like the Cape Cod League, and you know, the things that eventually you get to minor leagues, hopefully.
		But and he came from that hard drinking, you know, and and Catcher is arguably the smartest guy in the baseball team, right?
unidentified		Right.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		He's the guy making the calls for the pitches, seeing everything, defensive lineups.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		So he came from that world too, which I think helped his cred.
unidentified		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Well, it's just such an unusual town in what happened there that these guys became these local legends.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Where they never had to leave.
Tales from the Crypt 00:16:01
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		And they kind of did the same act for decades, which is also kind of crazy.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		That to me was like, I knew there was definitely a.
		As I started to separate from that world a little bit and just kind of evolving as a comedian, and there was like the catch scene and Catch a Rising Star.
		And that was a thing that was an early.
		I just didn't get it.
		Like, why are you doing the same?
		There's no joy in it.
		And then you would drive some of these guys because they get fucked up and you were happy to have all the work and you'd go up and do 15 and they'd do a half hour.
		You get in the car, you go somewhere else.
		And these guys doing Mike Donovan doing, he would do his, remember Rosie, the bounty, the quicker picker upper, the bounty.
unidentified		Yeah.
unidentified		Okay.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		So he had, there was a, So the commercials were like Rosie, and it was like the scrappy waitress at a diner.
		Remember, it was like a character that was in all the, it was like the, you know, mascot of whatever, Bounty, the quicker picker upper.
		And her character was kind of like feisty, as in these commercials ran for years, you know, different, like, ah, you don't do this, do this.
		And his bit was about taking a gun out and shooting her.
		And it was funny.
		You'd see it the first time, but it's like, Dude, that hasn't been on the air in fucking 10 years.
		And he's still doing this.
		Yeah, Rosie, I got something for you.
		I got some advice for you.
		Like, what the fuck?
		And there was.
		Okay, wait, Joe.
		Did you.
		Were you there?
		So, Ed, the machine regime.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Oh, yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		I remember him.
unidentified		So.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		He wore the suit?
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Yep.
		Well, yeah.
		And his headshot was four different.
		His headshot was like four squares.
		Different characters.
unidentified		Yep.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Tina Turner.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		And the mob guy, I can't remember the rest of them.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		I think he had a turban in one of them.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		I'm sure he did.
		So he goes to jail for rolling back odometers.
		Yes, that's right.
		He gets caught, and he was a car salesman, I think, in Rhode Island, I believe.
		And he got caught rolling back the odometers.
		He goes to jail for a year and a half.
		And I was shooting this movie.
		This is decades later.
		I was shooting this movie and it was on a cruise ship.
		And the cruise ship, Ed, the Machine Regime, is the headliner at the comedy venue on the cruise ship.
		And I'm like, oh shit, that's crazy.
		I haven't seen this guy in forever.
		And he's back doing comedy?
unidentified		Okay.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		And I go there and he does, I don't know, 40 minutes.
		The same fucking.
		Act from 15 years ago.
		It's like you don't have one.
		You spent 18 months in prison.
		You don't have one joke.
		You don't have one motherfucking observation.
		Even if you lie and say, you know, you know, it'd be weird if you were in prison and whatever.
unidentified		You don't have anything.
unidentified		It's weird.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		It was a weird thing.
		And it only existed with them.
		Most comics in the country were writing new material all the time.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		I remember that feeling of.
		I must be different because I'm not.
		I don't.
		That is such a distasteful thing.
unidentified		Yeah.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Like, I wouldn't want to do that.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Well, there was two.
		I saw two traps there.
		One of them was that, and the other one was never leaving.
unidentified		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		They never left Boston.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		And when they did leave Boston, they had so much local material that their act was like cut down by like 40%.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		And there were a lot of people, their peers, who would give them shit.
		Like, And it was all just kind of resentful, jealousy, small minded, small town kind of like, oh, you think you're better than us?
		Which is a Boston thing, too.
		Oh, you think you're so hot now that you're a hot shot?
		You go to Hollywood, you go there?
unidentified		Yeah?
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Fuck you.
		This is, you know, it was a real provincial, working class kind of attitude.
		You know, they look down on, and, you know, they would give Leary shit all the time, you know?
		Like, sell out.
		This is bullshit, weird.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Sellout's a weird one because they would all sold out.
		It just wasn't available.
		Well, they were all mad at Stephen Wright.
unidentified		Was he?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, yeah, yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Because so Stephen Wright was like.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		How can you get mad at Stephen Wright?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Well, not mad at him, but bitter because of his success.
unidentified		Oh, okay.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Because he went and left.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah.
		Yeah.
		He went and left, did The Tonight Show, became huge.
		So unusual, so different.
		And they came to Boston.
		The Tonight Show came to Boston to look for comics.
		Steven Wright was the one they chose.
		And all these other guys were like, he's a fucking middle act.
		Like, this is bullshit.
		Like, that guy bombs half the time.
		Because his act to me was a lot like Hedberg.
unidentified		Yep.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		In that, if you didn't know what he was doing and you came to see specific.
		Like, if Hedberg, there's a famous story of Hedberg was on the road in Ohio and they had this guy who was an opening act who'd do like backflips and fucking sing rap songs.
		And it was a disaster.
		And Hedberg kept bombing.
		And so they switched them and made Hedberg the middle act and tried to fuck him on the money.
		And Stanhope got into it with the.
		The owner of the club and became a big thing.
		But once Hedberg got an audience, then people knew what they were coming to see, and then he was amazing.
		And then everybody wanted to see that.
		That was kind of the same with Stephen Wright.
		Like, if you expected, if you're on a show with Steve Sweeney and Lenny Clark and all these big energy fucking Boston guys, and then, you know, I used to work at a fire hydrant factory, couldn't park anywhere near the place.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		You know, like, it just, for whatever reason, You know, well, it's also that other comedy is, and I'm not taking anything away from those guys, and the bits were great, but the other comedy is a little easier.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		It just, you get it.
unidentified		Yes.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		And, yeah, Stephen Wright, you got to think about it for a second.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Right.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		It was abstract, it was low key, it was all non sequiturs, it was one to another.
		It was, and so when he left and took off, a lot of guys apparently were like, this is fucking bullshit.
		Like, when's my turn going to happen?
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, I can see that easily.
unidentified		Yeah.
unidentified		Yeah.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		I mean, that was.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		It was so I mean, no other scene had that kind of weird provincial, you know, and that thing, like you said, they wouldn't leave.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		No, they never left.
		Well, they were huge there.
		So if they lived there, they could make like a couple hundred thousand dollars a year just running around and cash.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Oh, easy.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, and not ever have to worry about anything.
		And they played golf all day.
		So there's two things that scared me.
		One of them was golf, because I saw that when you play golf, you kind of stop trying with your comedy.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		It's a slippery slope.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		So it's a gateway drug.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Well, you're out there for fucking eight hours a day.
		Like Noxy was always playing golf.
		And.
		Then the other thing was like, if you never left, you had no chance of developing like a national audience where you could go to a club in Philadelphia.
		You can go to a club.
		They couldn't do the road.
		And I remember thinking, oh, this is a trap.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, for sure.
unidentified		Absolutely.
unidentified		Yeah.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		I mean, and as you said, half of their stand up was like, you'd have to know about, you know, Storo Drive or fucking Johnny Most.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		You know, Johnny Most.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, I remember Donovan's bit about Johnny Most.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		It was amazing.
unidentified		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		But it was like he was doing that bit long after Johnny Most was dead.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		So, like 20 people in the audience would be howling, laughing, and everybody else be like, Who the fuck is Johnny Most?
unidentified		God.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah.
		It was weird because it was like a velvet prison.
		It was like how I describe really great comics that get jobs in the writer's room.
		And I'm like, You got to be careful.
		Like, that's a velvet prison.
		Because if you get stuck in that writer's room and you never do the road, you never put out specials, you're never going to get an audience.
		You're always going to be beholden to an employer.
		You're always going to have to have a job.
		And there's great comics that got trapped with that.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		But wouldn't you say that if they.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Yes, it's a trap, but if they didn't have the wherewithal or foresight or willpower to get out of that trap, then they probably weren't meant to do that thing?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Perhaps, but sometimes they get a mortgage and then they get a family and then they're stuck.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		That's the trap.
unidentified		Yeah.
unidentified		Family.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Let's call it for what it is.
unidentified		Yeah.
unidentified		It's a trap.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		And, well, in a lot of ways.
		It can be if you're trying to be an actual national level.
		Like, do you know Owen Smith?
		Comic in LA?
		No.
		One of the top 20 best comics on earth.
		He's fucking brilliant.
		He's so funny.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Owen Smith.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Owen Smith.
unidentified		Okay.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Saw him at the comedy store.
		And I remember the first time I saw him at the comedy store, I'm like, how is this guy not fucking huge?
		He's so funny.
		He's so good.
		He's like, he has this bit about adopting a white kid and naming him the N word.
		It's just like really, it's a really funny, well crafted bit.
		Like all of his bits are like brilliantly written.
		He's a great performer.
		He's super likable.
		Got writer's gigs and just barely does the mothership a couple times a year, I believe, at least once a year.
		Um, but just doesn't get out there.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		What, who does he write or what?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Oh, I think he's a showrunner now.
		Oh, well, yeah, so it took it to another level, yes.
		But you know, just got jobs writing when he was struggling as a comic, and those jobs eventually led to a house.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		And but maybe he, you know, was like, I you you watch him and you love him, right?
		Because you see a lot of stand up and you're like.
		A lot of it's shit, and this guy's fucking great, great writer.
		But maybe he doesn't see it that way, and he's quite happy to have.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		I think he does.
		He does see it that way.
		I've talked to him about it.
		Yeah.
		He kind of knows.
		He just doesn't know what to do now because he's a showrunner.
		It's making money.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, and there's a lot of responsibility.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		There's also not a lot of shows anymore.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Which is a real problem.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		It's a real problem.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Banked on being a showrunner in the 90s, and that's what you threw your hat into, and then all of a sudden that.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Thing seems to have dwindled to like 20% of what it used to be.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		It's, yeah, it's, uh, I used to be quite happy with the idea that I knew, you know, back in the day when you're pitching shows and stuff and trying to develop things and you go, this, uh, let's not waste our time going to these five places.
		This is not a show for them.
		This is a show for these three places.
		Let's, this is this kind of show.
		Now I have no fucking clue.
		I, you know, uh, Come up with, like, Bob and I pitched a show, sold the pitch.
		There was like even, there were like four, I think we pitched it at eight places.
		Four of them kind of bid.
		We took what we thought was the best deal.
		And then wrote the, it was a limited series, eight episodes.
		Wrote the first four.
		And it was Bob and his brother Bill, who's a big Simpsons guy.
		And, um, And it was good.
		And then they said, the quote was, marketing and analytics couldn't, that was a quote, couldn't figure it out what to do with the show.
		And so they didn't.
		And we had four episodes that you could look at.
		And then we had the Bible for the next four and the outlines and everything was.
		And it was fucking funny.
		On the page, it was funny.
		Then we're like, so here's the cast.
		We're going to have these amazing people.
		And Bob and I. As different cult leaders, and, um, I mean, and if that's such a rare thing when it starts off on the page funny, and by the time you get a great cast, and then you get on set and you're like, what if we do this?
		And then you get into the post and start playing around with it.
		I mean, it's just, it was a really cool thing.
		And yeah, marketing and analytics, that's what you're dealing with now.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Well, I mean, that has kind of always at least been the case.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Well, not analytics.
		I mean, they would have to say, uh, I mean, analytics is technical.
		I mean, marketing, I don't know how to help you, man.
		I can give you some advice.
		I don't, you know, I think that's a shitty way to market it, but you know that world.
		But analytics is about the algorithm and all that shit.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Is this recent?
unidentified		Yeah.
		Yeah.
		Okay.
		Yeah.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Right after, shortly after COVID.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		It's amazing how many incredibly unimpressive people are responsible for putting out shows.
		The people that you communicate with, the executives, you're like, this has got to be a mistake.
		Like, how did you get this job?
		And I experienced that early on, like at the first pilot that I was on.
		The first pilot was on Hardball.
		The pilot was actually very funny because it was written by Jeff Martin and Kevin Curran.
		They were from The Simpsons and they also wrote Unmarried with Children.
		Great guys.
		But they were writers.
		They were like these quiet, kind of soft spoken guys.
		And, you know, they ran the pilot and then they brought in a showrunner.
		From Coach.
		Remember that show, Coach?
unidentified		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		And this guy just fucked the whole show and turned it into this like, da-dunk-dunk, da-dunk-dunk.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		It was like this clunky, bad joke, like really shit.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		It happens more than you think.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		And the people behind the scenes, like the executives, it was astonishing how little of them had any creative ideas.
		It was, they were just hoping that it would work.
		And ego.
		It's like ego and.
		I'm an executive, so I'll tell you what's good and what's not good.
		And we understand this because we're a Fox.
		And yeah, I was like, this is nuts.
		Like, this is how it works behind the scene.
		I thought you'd get behind the scene and be all these geniuses that had put together all these television shows.
		They had an understanding of like how let people be creative and put a show together and let it run out in the runs.
		Like, when you're running through the script, like, figure out a little boy who thought the war was everybody learning.
unidentified		Same thing.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Finally, they're going to figure it out.
		Yeah, I'm very naive.
		Yeah, but.
		I naively stumbled into that exact right thing with news radio.
		So when I got onto news radio.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		I would say some of those execs that you're describing, they probably stumbled into the success of it.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Well, you know, Paul Sims, who was brilliant, was coming from the Larry Sanders show.
unidentified		Yep.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		So, Larry Sanders show, huge success, genius show.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		And so, they knew this guy was special and super smart guy, like funny, and had a great group of writers and put together a great pilot and then, you know, recast the one role that I came in for.
Genius Street Stories 00:03:49
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		And so, I'm there on this set, and it was like, you know, it took.
		Long hours to figure it out, but they let everybody do whatever they wanted to do.
		Like, Paul's approach was so different than anybody else.
		Like, Dave Foley was like the secret producer of like half of that show.
		Half of the way the scenes were put together, half of the jokes that were in it was all Dave Foley on set running through the script with the cast coming up with better ideas.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Oh, I didn't know that.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		They let you do anything.
		Like, sometimes they'd say, Can we see it as written?
		And then you'd give it to them as written, and they'd be like, I like your idea better.
		Like, Paul was fucking amazing with that.
unidentified		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		And so once I did that, I was like, I think I'm done with this because I don't think it's ever going to be any better than this.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		It's rare, man.
unidentified		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		It was super rare.
		I auditioned for like one or two other ones that were terrible just because I wanted money, you know, and I'm like, maybe it'll be okay.
		But hell is being on a sitcom that's terrible, that's successful.
		That sounds dumb to people.
		Like, no, what the fuck are you going to do?
		Oh, poor you.
		You're on TV making.
		$50,000 a week or whatever you're making.
		Like, poor you.
		But no, you're in hell because you're doing something that sucks and you have to show up every day doing this thing when you know you could have been on Seinfeld or if you just got cast on Friends.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		That's a trap, too.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		You know, it's like the people who, you know, because it really is like a job and you may have a really nice house, right?
unidentified		Yeah.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		And you have a nice car, but.
		You know, you're getting, you know, you're in Studio City and you get in your car and you drive to this job and it's kind of shitty and sucks, but there's amenities, great craft services.
		This guy makes fucking Frappuccinos right there, you know, and then you go and have dinner with somebody fancy somewhere.
		And then you just get up and do the same thing over and over again.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, and you keep buying things because that's how you reward yourself.
		You buy a new television, this one's even bigger.
		You know, you buy a new car.
		I got the new car, you know, and that's what you're doing to reward yourself for doing this job that sucks.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		What?
		I get that too.
		I mean, I will on a much smaller scale, but when I make a good payday, I'll buy some expensive boxes of baseball cards.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Oh, you're a baseball card collector?
unidentified		That's the thing?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Oh, interesting.
unidentified		Yeah.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		But having going back, it's not like I feel like I have legit, you know, baseball street cred?
unidentified		Yes.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Yes.
		But that's the thing.
		And also, it's, I mean, the argument can be made.
		It's an investment, a shitty investment.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		But an investment nonetheless.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		But it's also like gambling because it's like a scratch off ticket because everybody's chasing the one of one cards and you're opening the packs and stuff.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Oh, that's how you do it?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		You buy packs unopened?
david cross ▲ ● ▼		I buy boxes.
		Yeah.
		So I buy a hobby box, which has a better, it's more expensive.
		It has a better chance of, well, that is more like auto rookie cards or relic cards or something like that.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Um, But those are, that is an investment though, because you could always sell them.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		People always want them.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Yes.
		I just mean, since I started, you know, God, 30 years ago, 40 years ago.
		Yeah, 30.
		Like in the 90s, early 90s, maybe 80, no, 89, 89.
		So, whatever money I put in, there's nowhere near.
		If I sold everything, I mean, it's talking about half the money I put in.
		But I have them and I like them and I'm not going to sell them.
		I'm not going to sell them.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		So that's your reward.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		That's what you put in.
Streaming into New Shows 00:05:12
unidentified		That's my reward.
unidentified		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah.
		My thing was in my poverty days, it was comic books.
		So, one of my.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Which is also an investment.
unidentified		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Well, it became one eventually.
		But.
		During my poverty days, my biggest, saddest moment was when I had to sell my comic books because I had no money.
		I had no money.
		And I had these old Spider-Mans and these old Incredible Hulks.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Which were probably now worth.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Oh, my God.
		Probably hundreds of thousands of dollars.
		I had some really good ones in the plastic sleeves.
unidentified		Yeah, yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		I'd keep them in the sleeve, be very careful pulling them out, opening them up.
		Oh, I loved comic books.
		And I had collected them since I was a child.
unidentified		Yeah.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Oh, that's a bummer, man.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		I wanted to be a comic book illustrator.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		That's what I did.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Is that your thing?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, that's what I did when I was a kid.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Is any of that stuff yours?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		No, no, no.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		None of that stuff is mine.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		All the artwork is yours.
unidentified		But you do.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yes.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Oh, wow.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Cool.
unidentified		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Well, I haven't in a long time, but I was really good when I was a kid.
unidentified		You can still do that?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, I can still draw.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		I can still draw a little, but it's like.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		But if you wanted to do your own comic book, yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		You could do that.
		I would have to start practicing again and get.
		But when I was a teenager, I was really good.
		And that was what I wanted to do, but I had a really terrible art teacher in high school.
		He was just a fucking.
		Just a miserable guy.
		Just miserable.
		And is like, you're not going to get that job.
		Like, you know, I'm like, what?
		Like, you can't just draw what you want.
		I'm like, why not?
david cross ▲ ● ▼		It's like a Dan Klaus thing.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Have you read Art School Confidential?
unidentified		No.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Oh, you know Dan Klaus, right?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		I know he is.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, yeah.
		His stuff is fucking genius, too.
		I've used that word too many times.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		That's okay.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		There's a lot of geniuses out there.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		There aren't that many.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		I want to be.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		If you search around.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		I want to be judicious with him.
		But.
		Yeah, so he's the guy who did Eight Ball, and then he's got, he did Ghost World, turned into a movie, and then there was another one that was Wilson that was turned into a movie.
		His stuff is great, but he has a thing about art, you know, shitty teachers, art school teachers.
		He has a comic story.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Well, I was, I quit on my last year in high school.
		I stopped doing art just because my teacher was so bad.
		And then there was this one guy in my class that I recently reconnected with, this guy, John DeVore, who was the best artist in the class.
		There was me, this guy, Kevin, and John.
		And we were the best artists in the class.
		I was probably like third best, but John was the best.
		And John got an F his last year from this guy.
		And I'm like, he gave you a fucking F?
		He's like, that guy was such a cunt.
		We were going back and forth in the emails.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Was it about Purity, or what was the no?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		No, he was terrible.
		He wasn't a good artist.
		He was, uh, but he was just miserable.
		He was miserable.
		He was like this thin man with a big pot belly.
		So I think he just drank himself to sleep every night.
		And he was just, hey, easy, easy, easy, easy.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Hey, you're getting too close.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		He was just sad.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		He was just a sad guy.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		But what was his justification for saying this isn't any good or you get an F?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		If I had to be honest, I think he hated potential.
unidentified		Right.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, because he hated John.
		And if he hated John, like, John was genius.
		He was brilliant.
		And John wound up not being an artist either.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Think of how many examples of that where kids' talent or dreams or aspirations are kind of crushed to the point of, like, it's not worth it.
unidentified		No.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		I don't want to deal with this shit.
		Well, it's like bad teachers.
		Bad teachers can really ruin your life, and good teachers can change your life.
unidentified		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		You know, I had a teacher in middle school that gave me one thought that has been stuck with me, like, my whole life.
		When I was, I guess I was like, 13, and he was a science teacher and he was talking about space.
		He goes, and he was just saying, I just want you to sit here and comprehend when we're in this classroom.
		I want you to comprehend the concept of infinity that the universe is infinite, that there is no end.
		Just hurt your head, lie in bed at night, and think about how it goes on and on, and there's no ending to it.
		And we were all in class, like 13, going, What the fuck, man?
		I mean, it was the way he said it.
		I'm not doing it justice because he was like kind of a spooky guy who went to Vietnam.
		He's like a grizzled fucking dude who's like, but brilliant.
		And that guy, like that one thought, I carry with me all the time.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Especially at 13, too.
unidentified		Yeah.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		You know, it's because you're about to start losing sight of those, the importance that those concepts will have.
unidentified		Yeah.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		And we just dismiss them and go, yeah, yeah, it's big, whatever.
unidentified		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		This guy birthed my fascination with space at 13.
		I don't think I was even interested in space before then.
		And then I became absolutely fascinated by it.
		I just couldn't get my hand in enough books about cosmology and space travel.
		But this guy that was his art teacher was just, I think he just, life didn't turn out the way he wanted it to.
		And he wanted to squash the hopes and dreams of talented people.
unidentified		Yeah.
Roblox and Impossible Tech 00:02:20
david cross ▲ ● ▼		I think that's.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Unfortunately, that's a real thing.
unidentified		Yeah.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		It's more common than you may hope for.
unidentified		Yeah.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		I think that's a very real thing.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		You know, very real thing, unfortunately.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		So that was my dream.
		My dream was to be a comic book illustrator.
		So when I was a young kid, from the time I was like, God, like six or seven, when I lived in San Francisco, I would collect all these different comic books.
		That was what I would do.
		I would just go.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		And that, that San Francisco was the, what's the, you know, the counterculture comic.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		They were like the big R. Crumb.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		R. Crumb, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		There was like a publisher, right?
david cross ▲ ● ▼		That's famous.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, God, I don't.
		Yeah, I do know what you're thinking of.
		I can't remember the name of it.
		But I was really interested.
		I really loved the old creepy and eerie comic books, too.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Do you know what my grandmom did?
		Oh, it's going to hurt your feelings.
		My uncle, who eventually went insane, was a huge EC comics, right?
		Early.
		I don't know.
		But all the EC stuff and then, you know, early Mad Magazine stuff.
unidentified		But.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		He had this collection, and I was probably eight, maybe, and I had expressed interest in these.
		You know, can I not thinking in terms of investment, just can I have them?
		I like them, and they're and I would sit and read them, and they're really cool and they're creepy, you know, and they're scary.
		Some of them are scary, and she I don't think she just threw them away.
		Like original, and I'm going to guess, I don't know, but I'm going to guess.
		Like a quarter of a million dollars worth.
unidentified		Oh!
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Throw them away.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		They're just comics.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		They were so good.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		I love those old black and white, like really deeply illustrated.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		It's like super creepy, like.
unidentified		Yeah.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Weird science.
		Tales from the Crypt.
		Vault of Horror.
unidentified		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Those were great.
unidentified		Look at that.
Sentient Robots Glitch 00:03:20
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, some of them were really gory.
unidentified		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Oh, I loved it.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		The Crypt Keeper.
unidentified		Yeah.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Tales from the Crypt.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, that stuff was like.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		I loved it when I was a kid.
unidentified		Yeah.
unidentified		Holy shit.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Those were incredible.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		It was like, do you remember seeing Twilight Zone when you were a kid?
unidentified		Yeah, sure.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		It was just blowing your mind.
unidentified		Like, wow.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		You think about the early Twilight Zone, how many premises they went over.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Like, how many different brilliant premises they had in the early Twilight Zone.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		You know, stolen completely.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Oh, yeah.
		Over and over and over again.
		Yeah.
		But just like so genius and creative.
		Yeah.
		The William Shackner one when he's in the diner and the little machine that is giving him fortunes and they all turn out to be true.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		I don't remember that one.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Oh, my God.
		There were so many good ones.
		How about the Burgess Meredith one?
unidentified		Oh, yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Where he just wants to be alone with books and there's a nuclear bomb and he's like, finally.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		And then he breaks his glasses.
unidentified		Yeah.
unidentified		Yeah.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		And the.
		The one, the, what is it called, situation on Main Street or something like that, where they, there's, it's so genius and ahead of its time, where there's a, you know, it's a suburban street and the lights go out or something goes out.
		And then eventually all the neighbors are at each other's throats accusing each other of this thing.
		And then the very, and they're all like, and then they start getting guns and at the very, and you're watching the whole thing unfold.
		And that at the very end, here it is.
jamie vernon ▲ ● ▼		So, monsters are due on Maple Street.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		The monsters are due on Maple Street.
unidentified		Yeah.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		And it.
		So, they're talking about these monsters that are, you know.
		And who are the monsters?
		And it's, they all become suspicious.
		Yeah, the lights are out.
		And eventually you pull away from this whole thing, and it's two aliens in a, you know, flying saucer.
		And they're, yeah, there it is.
		And they're going, this is how we'll take over.
		It's street by street by street.
		This is how we'll do it.
		You don't have to go in there, guns a blazing.
		They'll kill themselves.
		And it's like, how far ahead of time was that?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		It's genius.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		And the, uh, divide and conquer.
unidentified		Mm hmm.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		And the To Serve Mankind.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		That was a great one.
unidentified		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		It's a cookbook.
unidentified		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		There's so many amazing premises.
		There was like no duds.
		If you go back and watch The Twilight Zone even today, like it's all brilliant.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		There's one I remember.
		There was a dud.
		That was a dud.
		That I remember.
		I haven't seen it in a long time, but it's a.
		It's either really, really, really cold and there's this poor family in a.
		You know, New York City and they can't get heat, or it's really, really hot and they can't get cold, and they're dealing with people who are like, you know, in the family who are really sick.
		And then the twist was it's like, oh, it's really somebody who has a fever and they're not, it just wasn't that good.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Ah, well, they're allowed one done.
End of a Strange Year 00:11:37
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		That's the one I don't think I ever saw that one, but I remember so many of them were so creative.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Oh, amazing.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		It's kind of nuts if you think about it because it was completely original, nothing like that existed before it.
unidentified		Yep.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		And they, I mean, it was like this open field that was rich with premises, and they just took all the good ones.
unidentified		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		And then everybody afterwards, like, it's like, don't, like, South Park always just jokes about, like, Simpsons already covered something.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Like, they always joke around about, like, how the Simpsons have kind of covered so many premises because they've, you know, they've been around since, God, the Simpsons was when I was in fucking high school.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, it's like 30 years, right?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		At least more than that.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		When did The Simpsons first come on Fox?
david cross ▲ ● ▼		It was the Tracy Ullman show.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Right.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		What year was that?
unidentified		86.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		It was right after I got out of high school.
jamie vernon ▲ ● ▼		86?
jamie vernon ▲ ● ▼		I was a tiny, tiny kid, and I had only called them the family, so I kind of remember that.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		So I graduated in 85, so it was right after high school.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		And The Simpsons are still on the air.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Yeah.
unidentified		Nuts.
unidentified		Nuts.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		No, do you remember the.
unidentified		87?
jamie vernon ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, pretend.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Do you remember the Twilight Zone where there's the real pompous guy?
		There's like a men's club kind of thing, whatever.
		And there's this real loudmouth, pompous.
		Guy and this other guy's like, you know, you know, would you shut up?
		You can't.
		I bet you can't go.
		I bet you can't stop talking for a year or whatever, a month.
		I can't remember what it is.
		And the guy's like, absolutely.
		He goes, I'll bet you $100,000.
		You can't go one month without talking.
		He's like, I'll take that bet.
		And they basically create like this little kind of cage in this men's club.
		And he spends a month and he's not talking and he's And then it turns out the guy can't pay him.
		He didn't have the money to begin with to pay off the bet because the guy goes the full month or year or whatever.
		And it turns out that the guy who made that bet, who's not going to talk for a year, also desperately needed the money and had his tongue cut out.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Oh, Jesus Christ.
unidentified		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Oh, I do remember that one.
unidentified		Yeah.
unidentified		Oh, God.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		And think of these things as kids.
unidentified		Yeah.
		Whoa.
		Yeah.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		And of course, the cornfield.
		I'll banish you to the cornfield.
		You know.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah.
		It's just amazing that.
		Well, if you stop and think about how new television was back then.
		I mean, television was only a couple decades old back then.
unidentified		Yeah.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Barely.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		If that.
		Like, what year was the Twilight Zone?
		What was the premiere?
		Sterling.
		Can I guess?
unidentified		67.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		No.
unidentified		Earlier?
david cross ▲ ● ▼		I'm going to say 59.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, you're probably right.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Is it 59?
unidentified		Wow.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		I got it exact.
unidentified		October 2nd, 1959.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Damn, son.
unidentified		Yeah.
		Pretty good.
		Wow.
		Wow.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		So if you think about it, television, when did it start?
		What was the first television programs?
		Was it the 30s?
david cross ▲ ● ▼		I think it was Real Housewives of Yonkers.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		I think it was Real Housewives of Yonkers.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Imagine if they could watch some of these reality shows today.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		They'd be like, what the fuck did we do?
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Yes, I think so.
		Wait, Andy Cohen?
		What?
unidentified		Who?
		Why?
		How?
david cross ▲ ● ▼		What is this?
		It was, wasn't it like the.
		Where they would do plays?
		You know what I mean?
jamie vernon ▲ ● ▼		Well, I Love Lucy was on and done before this even started.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Well, The Honeymooners, right?
david cross ▲ ● ▼		What year was that?
jamie vernon ▲ ● ▼		That was 51 to 57.
jamie vernon ▲ ● ▼		Here's a list of shows that were on before.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, sure.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Honeymooners was huge.
jamie vernon ▲ ● ▼		Alfred Hitchcock Presents was on before that.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		So, what was the first television show ever?
unidentified		I don't know.
jamie vernon ▲ ● ▼		We'll go back to the 1920s.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		1920s.
unidentified		No.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		The Queen's Messenger.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		That's BBC.
jamie vernon ▲ ● ▼		Early U.S. Scripted TV show.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Crap television theater.
		That's what I was thinking of.
		Where they would do plays, you know, and it was sponsored.
		Yeah, yeah, yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Live drama anthology, usually treated as the start of the first golden age of television.
		Howdy doody.
		1947, right after the war.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Ed Sullivan show.
unidentified		Wow.
unidentified		Yeah.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		And then the first.
		Oh, your show of shows.
		Wow.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		How about that?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		1950.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		I Love Lucy.
unidentified		Wow.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Father knows best.
jamie vernon ▲ ● ▼		Today's show is still on.
jamie vernon ▲ ● ▼		Wow.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Did you guys ever talk about doing more Mr. Shows?
david cross ▲ ● ▼		We did like a revival ish thing on Netflix.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		It was a great fucking show, man.
unidentified		Well, thank you.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		It was very original.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		I love how things just streamed into another thing.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, that was hard.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		God, I would imagine.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Biggest pain.
		If you ever see us, you see an episode and we are pulling out of a bumper sticker or pulling out of a sign on a desk, that means we spent.
		Two motherfucking days yelling at each other trying to figure out a transition and just going, fuck it!
		Nobody gives a shit!
		You know?
		And we tried not to do that, but we occasionally were just like, move on, we're wasting our time, you know?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		But it wasn't a waste of time.
		It was so brilliant.
		Like the people that watched it appreciated it because you could feel this thing about it.
		Like this was new, this was different.
		Like you'd taken a creative chance that was unique.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		And, you know, part of the success of it, I think, there's two things.
		One is, you know, it was all live.
		And we did, we, you know, we would show the videos or the little films to the audience.
		And so any laughs, there was never sweetening.
		Any of the laughs you hear from the audience, and we got it by the time we were like kind of towards the end of the second series, we got it down to we could shoot a show in 44 minutes, you know?
		Wow.
		Yeah, because it was, you know, we wouldn't.
		You wouldn't have to do it twice often.
		We'd get it, you know, and our stop down, we got really good at super quick, you know, stage shifts and stop downs and stuff.
		And yeah, we were, we were, we got good.
		We got, and that keeps the energy up and the kind of flow of everything.
		So that was helpful in that.
		And we also didn't do a lot of reoccurring characters.
		We did two or three that, Pop up occasionally, but it's all like, you know, and it wasn't like a real person.
		We do, it's about, you know, it wouldn't be about Paris Hilton.
		It'd be about the idea of a rich girl who gets famous for being on, you know what I mean?
		It wouldn't be so, so like you watch some of those SNLs and like, who?
		What?
		Who is this person?
unidentified		Right.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		And you don't get it.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		You don't get the bit because you don't get the reference.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, because as you watch it in the future, those people aren't relevant anymore.
unidentified		Yeah.
unidentified		Yeah.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		And you don't even know what it was.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		You can't remember.
unidentified		Right.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Because it's so topical.
unidentified		Yeah.
unidentified		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Well, it was just you guys are doing something different.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		And it's hard to do something different in a sketch show.
unidentified		Yeah.
unidentified		Yeah.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		But HBO was responsible for that.
		They said, you know, in very clear terms, like, we don't want you to be conventional.
		This is HBO.
		And this is back when they were trying to get an identity for themselves.
		And they're like, we want you to do.
		Stuff that you can't do on NBC or Fox or whatever.
		We want you to, you know, help us make a distinction, you know, great.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Did you enjoy the process?
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Oh, very much so.
		It was, I mean, a lot of laughs.
		A lot of it was hard.
		And, you know, initially there was a definite marked change when Bob met his, the woman who had become his wife and had kids.
		Like he just mellowed completely, you know.
		But before that, he was fucking driven.
		And I wasn't.
		I was, I was a goofball and I wanted to work and I wanted to, you know, I had all these ideas, but I was very much like, hey guys, it's five o'clock.
		I think the bar is going to be open in a minute.
		Like, I was, let's go, you know, and he was just super driven, you know, and we had long, long, long days.
		And then when we did the third season, we did produced and, you know, helped out in all aspects of production with Tenacious D and those shorts.
		And so there was just no downtime.
		And I remember there were 38 days where we worked full days nonstop without any break.
		And I just wasn't that kind of person.
		I was going crazy.
		Like, I just need to go have a Saturday, you know?
		Or it was, it was, that part was hard.
		All worth it.
		No complaints.
		And, you know.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		There's a point of diminishing returns, though, like where you dry yourself out creatively, too.
unidentified		Yes.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		And I've, Run other rooms like I've done shows since then, and a valuable lesson I learned when you're just kind of running a writer's room is when you're at that place, and it's exactly like you said diminishing returns, you're not getting any work done, your brain isn't foggy.
		I was very quick to go, All right, guys, let's go put your pens down, fold your computer up, we're gonna go walk around.
		We're just gonna go outside and walk around, let's go get a coffee, let's do anything.
		We're getting out of here.
		And we'll walk around.
		Don't worry about it.
		We'll come back in 35 minutes and we'll, you know, see what we got.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		That's very good for you.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, it is.
unidentified		It is.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Most writers, like, I was actually talking to Brian Simpson about that last night.
		He was like, I get my best because Brian has been walking a lot.
		He recently had a heart attack, unfortunately.
		He's fine, but he almost wasn't.
		And so now he's dedicated himself to walking.
		He's walking a lot every day.
		And he's like, when I go on my walks, like, so many ideas come to me.
		I'm sitting at home.
		Staring at my computer, nothing's going on.
		I go on a walk, and all of a sudden, ideas are firing.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		When I'm in the process, this will be my fifth time that I've done this thing that I've been doing to get new material for a tour.
		And I.
		So, I do these things called shooting the shit, seeing what sticks, and they're all in Brooklyn.
		And they're all either walkable or I can ride my bike to every one of these venues.
		And mostly I'll just walk and I'll just go, okay, clear out my head and think about the stuff I want to talk about.
		And also, I live in New York, so there's constant shit happening that I can observe, you know?
Shooting the Shit in Brooklyn 00:15:05
david cross ▲ ● ▼		And it's the best.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		The best thing for me, you know, to come up with new material and stuff that just think about it.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Just walk, walk, walk.
		Yeah, like I was saying, when I was a kid, when I was driving limos, that's when I would come up with my best material because I was no radio.
		You can't listen to a radio because you have clients in the car.
		So you're just driving and just doing a thing and your mind just starts to wander and ideas come to you.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		No cell phones, none of that shit.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, it's important, you know.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		The news radio guys would do something totally different, they would stay up late.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		That was their whole thing.
unidentified		That's not.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Their whole thing was sleep deprivation.
		Their whole thing was they would play video games.
		Like, those motherfuckers got me hooked on Quake.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		I remember Quake.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		You remember that?
david cross ▲ ● ▼		That was the first one with the Unreal Engine.
unidentified		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Well, Unreal is a different game.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		You're thinking of Unreal Engine?
david cross ▲ ● ▼		No, no, no.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		It was called Unreal Tournament.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, trust me.
unidentified		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, I'm a dork.
		Listen, Unreal is a totally different engine.
		Id Software was a different company.
		Id Software was created with John Carmack and John Romero.
		They came up with Doom.
		And then they came up with Quake afterwards.
		So it was a completely different engine.
		They were the first ones.
		Castle Wolfenstein was the first 3D shooter, and then Doom was the big one.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		You clearly know your shit.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		I thought it was the Unreal engine was the first use for Unreal, the game.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Right.
		Got it.
		Totally different company.
		Totally different game.
		Different dynamics.
		It was a very different game.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Hey, all right.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		I got it.
unidentified		Jesus Christ.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		This fucking guy.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Great game.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		You want to know where the name Doom came from?
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		The scene in The Color of Money with Tom Cruise, where Tom Cruise shows up at this pool hall and there's this local hotshot player and the guy's beating everybody.
		Tom Cruise is sitting there with a pool cute case and he's waiting to play this guy.
		He's like, What you got in the case?
		He goes, Oh, in here.
		And he opens up and he goes, Doom.
unidentified		Doom.
unidentified		Oh, yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		That's it.
		He's like, Yeah, let's play.
		That's it.
		So, what they wanted to do with the video game industry was the same, like that.
		That was like their moment.
		Like, this is doom for you guys.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		That was, well, it was.
		I mean, I, that was my first experience ever with realizing the sun was coming up.
		And I'd been playing this thing for eight hours.
unidentified		Yeah.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Do you know Mark Cohen?
unidentified		Sure.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		All right.
		So, Mark, when Mark was living in New York and he had Doom, and I would go.
		I wasn't living there.
		I would like crash at his place and tiny.
		I'd be like, can I play Doom?
		And, you know, he would go to bed and wake up and I'd be still playing.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Dude, you want to know how addicted I was?
		I had a T1 line installed in my house.
		So I had to have, they have to chew up the fucking street and install like a business internet line into my house.
		1997.
		I was living in California in Bell Canyon.
		And they had to do work on my fucking street because there was no high speed internet available where I lived.
		I could get an ISDN line, which was only like 124K.
		It sucked.
		You get too much lag.
		So I started with 56K or 50, what was it?
		54K, 56K, whatever it was, dial up, terrible.
		And then I got ISDN, not good enough.
		And I'm like, what else is available?
		And they're like, well, you can get a T1 line, but this is for the president.
		$1,000 a month.
		I was like, let's go.
		Because I had sitcom money.
		I was single.
		I was living by myself.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		And they had to tear up your street.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		They had to tear up my street and install a T1 line in my house.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Hey, what are you doing?
		I'm trying to get in my driveway.
		What's going on?
		Oh, this guy wants to play Doom.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		This was Quake 2 at the time.
		And it was so good.
		The internet was so good that I could host my own server.
		So I had my own game server.
		So people could come and play this Quake game off of my machine.
		Wow.
		So I'd have no latency.
		And other people would have some late, especially people at like 56K.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		I would talk to people when it started going.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		That was me back in the early, early days.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Look at that monitor.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, that's what we played on these big ass fucking monitors.
		And we'd set up local area networks.
		So the fucking writers of news radio are the ones that got me hooked on this because I didn't play any video games.
		And I would go to visit them in the writers' room.
		I'm like, what are you guys doing?
		And they're like, we're playing Quake.
		I go, what is Quake?
		And I watched them play.
		I'm like, oh my God, this is incredible.
		And you put on the headphones and it's like, you realize it's 3D sound.
		Like, oh my God, this is real.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Were you a Goldeneye guy?
unidentified		No.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		I was only, I only played Quake.
		I was only like a first person shooter guy.
		I got so addicted to it.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		And the fact that you could just go online Goldeneye was, I mean, I'm talking about the co op.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		I know what it is.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Well, that was a first person shooter, right?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Right.
		But it was like real world physics.
		I wasn't interested in that.
		Like with Quake, you could rocket jump.
		So you could press your rocket.
		Down the ground, blow up, and you'd go flying through the air.
		It was fucking amazing.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Do you remember?
		I want to say.
		Red, or the first one where you could your bullets and shit could affect the environment.
		Like you could blow out a wall.
		You know what I mean?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, I don't know what that was.
unidentified		I want to see.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		It was like it took place on Mars or like a Martian mining thing.
		But it was the first time you could go, oh shit, I can blow up this edge of the wall and it'll crumble on the guy, you know?
		As opposed to just bullets and.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Oh, you could use the environment as a weapon.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Red Faction.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		I believe that was the one.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Oh, there you go.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Maybe that was the one where.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		I had to quit.
		It was a problem.
		We set up a local area network at our old studio in LA a few years back, and I played so much that I was like, I got to stop.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		I have to stop.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Do your kids play?
unidentified		No.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		They play little games, like they'll play Roblox and stuff like that.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		One of my kids played Roblox.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Uh-uh.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		You know about the chat?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		I do now.
		Yeah, yeah, yeah.
		Yeah, like predators are trying to find kids through Roblox.
		Yeah.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		That's a big thing at our school, like through.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		It's weird, man.
unidentified		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		It's weird how many fucking creeps there are out there in the world.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Well, thankfully, my daughter, who's nine, how old are your kids?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		15 and 17 are the youngest ones.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Okay.
		So they're pass.
		They're safe.
		They got the right.
unidentified		They get it.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		They're good.
		Yeah.
		But so we had a.
		My daughter is way into Minecraft, which I have no problem with.
		It's great.
		And she plays with her friends.
		They play online and help each other build things.
		And.
		But the Roblox thing became a thing at our school, and everybody at our all the parents were like super on top of that shit.
		And there's you know WhatsApp chains and all that stuff.
		And we told our daughter there's like this one game she was playing that had a chat thing, and then somebody who was a quote unquote girl who lived in I live on a farm in Ohio or whatever asking her stuff, and she's like, My name's Marlo, and going back and forth, and then.
		She asked the quote unquote girl, said, What is your Instagram login or something like that?
		And my daughter was eight at the time, and she was like, Oh, I don't think she didn't say that's none of your business, but it was something that was smart that was equivalent to I don't think you need to know that or something.
		And then told us, and we shut down the chat thing.
		You know, disabled the chat, and that's real, man.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, I mean, it's creepy.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		I'm very glad that my daughter, you know, because and it really was about the Roblox thing that everybody in our school, elementary school, was they talked about it.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, it's a Snapchat thing too.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		So, Snapchat comes with something called a Snap Map, and kids use it to know where their friends are.
unidentified		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		And so someone can pretend to be your friend and find out who you are, and then they can know where you are at all times if you have Snapchat enabled.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		God, the shit this generation is going to have to fucking deal with is just terrifying, man.
unidentified		Right.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		And what's next?
		Like, how is that?
		It's not going to go the opposite direction.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		It never does.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		No, it's going to keep going in that same direction where it's going to be more and more intrusive in your life.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		And my.
		I mean, it makes me fucking heartsick when I think about AI and we're at the fucking infancy of this shit and what.
		I assume you saw that Tilly Norwood thing, the actress that was created by this Dutch.
unidentified		Oh, yeah.
unidentified		My.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		It does not compute.
		I'm watching this thing and I know that it's made up, but there's my brain is like, it's hard to comprehend.
		Like, that's not a real person.
		She's standing right there.
		She's, you know, picks up a bunch of leaves and there are other people there.
		And that's a real person.
		And your brain is going, no, that's all computer generated.
		We're at the fucking infancy of this shit.
		And what I don't know what my daughter's going to have to deal with, man.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		No, no one knows.
		No one knows.
		And it's impossible to know.
		Like, when they show news clips.
unidentified		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		It's impossible to.
		I mean, so many people are retweeting scenes from video games thinking it's actual war footage.
		Like, no one.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Fucking the Department of Defense did that.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Did they really?
unidentified		Yeah.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Yeah.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		That was a whole fucking thing.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		They retweeted a video game footage?
unidentified		Yeah.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		And they were saying.
		It was for a.
		I think it was for a.
		You know, to get people to sign up thing.
		And then somebody went, that's from.
		You know, whatever it was.
		Call of Duty or something like that.
		That's not.
		That's not us bombing somebody.
		That's a thing.
		Yeah, just like two weeks ago.
unidentified		That's crazy.
unidentified		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		It's impossible to tell when you look at these artificial actors.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Like they have pores.
unidentified		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		You can see like the irises.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Have you seen any of the like deep fake, not deep fake, but AI porn, where it's like somebody's like a newscaster is like, and in other news, my big juicy tits.
		And I'm serious, and then pulls, and then a dick comes in.
		You're like, what the?
		And it looks real.
		And then it'll say, like, none of these are not actors.
		These are none of this is not good.
unidentified		Yeah.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		It's, you know, good Lord, man.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		And it's only beginning.
		And now wait till it becomes VR.
		So you're going to strap on a helmet with a haptic feedback suit, and you're going to enter into an artificial world.
		It's coming.
		It's inevitable.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		That'll do.
		I'm going to get divorced and I'm going to get one of those suits.
		I'm going to go up.
		I got a house in the woods upstate.
unidentified		That's all I'm doing.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Just a T1 line through the Venus.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, I'm going to have them rip up the street.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Well, you won't even need it now.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		It's Starlink.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		You just slap one of those things on your roof.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Goddamn.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		It's fucking wild, man.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		And no one knows where it's going.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		I really would be very upset if I miss the shift in porn to that, like.
		I don't want to die before I get to do that thing where you're like, dude, it was amazing.
		I put on a helmet and it was like I was fucking whoever.
unidentified		Yeah.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		I don't want to.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		I do want to experience that.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		It's going to happen.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		You're going to put something on.
unidentified		Thank you.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		It's going to sync up with your mind and all of a sudden, you're going to be in this matrix.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		You're going to be in another world.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Did you see three planet problem?
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Am I saying that right?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, three body problem.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Three body problem.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Amazing.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, but that whole idea that you put that thing on, you're like, oh shit, I'm here.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, yeah, yeah.
		That's exactly how it's going to be.
		Okay, good.
		No doubt.
		No doubt.
		They already can do a lot of really weird shit with those helmets where they can communicate without words, where you can think a thing and the other person knows exactly what you're saying.
		They can hear you and they can respond to it.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Wait, wait.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yes.
		Yeah.
		So there's two people, they're sitting across from each other and they're having conversations with these headpieces on, and the person will think a thought.
		And this other person will hear that thought.
		No.
		I don't understand the technology, but no, we'll show it to you.
		Find that video.
		It's fucking bonkers.
		Because again, this is the infancy of this.
		Like, here it is.
		These are the guys.
jamie vernon ▲ ● ▼		It's called Alter Ego.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, watch this.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Put your.
jamie vernon ▲ ● ▼		I'm going to skip ahead.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, skip ahead to where they're actually doing it.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Okay, so see how he's that headpiece on?
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Yep.
unidentified		We believe it's a revolutionary breakthrough with the potential to change the way we interact with our technology, with one another.
		And with the world around us.
		The current way of interacting with computing and AI is limited to how fast you can tap and swipe on screens and keyboards.
		For the intelligence age, we need an entirely new interface.
jamie vernon ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, skip ahead to these guys.
unidentified		Here we go.
unidentified		Let's do it.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		So they're just thinking.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		How do you think the demo is going so far?
jamie vernon ▲ ● ▼		I think they just put it on voices for the video.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Pretty great.
		No major glitches yet.
		So they're hearing this.
unidentified		All right.
		Enough.
		Enough.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		When do you want to get lunch after this?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Where do you want to get lunch after this?
jamie vernon ▲ ● ▼		Skip to the next part.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Thai food could be good.
jamie vernon ▲ ● ▼		This translates into Chinese form.
jamie vernon ▲ ● ▼		Then he can speak Chinese back.
unidentified		How nuts is this?
Thoughts Translated to Chinese 00:15:17
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		So, not only does it read your thoughts, it'll translate your thoughts into another language.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		And no one is saying anything.
unidentified		My.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		What if you.
unidentified		Right.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		But wait a minute.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Yeah.
unidentified		What if.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		You know where I'm about to go.
unidentified		Sure.
		Right.
		That's not.
jamie vernon ▲ ● ▼		Well, so this is based off of them, like, sort of talking in their mouth without actually saying it.
unidentified		Right.
unidentified		But.
jamie vernon ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, it's.
jamie vernon ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, if you say that.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		I would like to fuck your mouth.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Please don't.
unidentified		Yeah.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Even if your mind just goes, yeah.
		Well, right.
		Like, okay, I can't think about this thing.
unidentified		Right, right, right, right.
		Of course.
		Oh, God.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		That's terrifying.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		And it's just a simple thing that you're sitting on your head.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		It's not even a big helmet, it's just a little thing.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		What would Art Bell say?
david cross ▲ ● ▼		What would Art Bell say?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		He would open up the future line.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		He was right about it, everything.
unidentified		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		He missed it.
unidentified		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Damn cigarettes.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		He died before he could see it all.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		God, I wonder what he'd think of it.
		Because I do sometimes wonder what would Krimmon say about this?
		What would Bill Hicks say about this?
		And what would Art Bell think about this?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Sure.
		Yeah.
		What's the strangest of times?
		Because we're about to give birth to a digital god.
		That's essentially what they're creating.
		It's already shown a propensity to stay alive, blackmail people, lies, it downloads itself into other servers.
		Uploads itself into different places, leaves messages for its future self if it thinks they're going to discontinue it.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		All the sci fi stuff is all happening.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, well, not only that, they think the engineers think Claude, which is the.
		Which one is that?
		Which company is Claude?
		Anthropic.
unidentified		Anthropic.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		They think it's already sentient.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		It just doesn't have a physical form.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		That's the one the Defense Department wants.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		And by the way, when they do war games with these things, 98% of the time it chooses nuclear weapons.
jamie vernon ▲ ● ▼		They have a new version of it called Mythos.
		When they were testing it, which they're not letting it out yet, I think the test they put it through was like, all right, you're locked on the internet, find your way out.
		And it did.
		It found all these things called zero day exploits, which I think if you like hacking, you know what that is.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Explained it to me.
jamie vernon ▲ ● ▼		It's like when they started, it's like on an iPhone, they're looking for zero day exploits on an iPhone.
jamie vernon ▲ ● ▼		If they could find one.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		But what is a zero day exploit?
jamie vernon ▲ ● ▼		I'll find the correct definition so I don't even fuck it up.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		And it's.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Something that Claude came up with?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		No, no, no.
		Zero day exploit.
		Hackers have done this forever.
jamie vernon ▲ ● ▼		You have zero days to fix the.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Cyber attack targeting a software vulnerability unknown to vendors or the public, leaving zero days to fix it.
		Hackers use these flaws to steal data, install malware.
		So they completely shut off the AI from the outside world and it figured out a way to send a message.
jamie vernon ▲ ● ▼		And it thinks it can.
		Wall Street's very nervous.
		All passwords might be fucked.
unidentified		Yep.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Oh, this is terrifying.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Elizabeth Holmes, you know that lady that.
		Got in trouble for that whole fake blood thing.
		She just tweeted something, how she tweets from jail.
		I'm not exactly sure how that works.
		But she tweeted delete all photos from the cloud, get rid of all your email.
		There will be no privacy in a year.
		Anything on the cloud, anything that you think you're keeping from other people, it's going to crack all encryption.
		All passwords are useless.
		Everything.
		So think of all the things that rely on all the banking apps, everything.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		What about my fantasy baseball team?
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Seriously, I can't have.
unidentified		Here it is.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Delete your search history, delete your bookmarks, delete your Reddit, medical records, 12 year old Tumblr, delete everything.
		Every photo in the cloud, every message on every platform, none of it is safe.
		It will all become public in the next year.
		Local storage and compute.
		Wow.
		Recommendation here is to own your own data, download it, store it locally, train your models on it.
unidentified		Yeah.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, it's true.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Meaning just have an external.
unidentified		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		AGI is here, even if it isn't broadly deployed.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		I think she's right.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		What is AGI?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Artificial general intelligence.
		General intelligence, meaning it acts like an individual, acts like an entity.
		And then there's artificial general super intelligence.
		So then it acts like something far smarter than any human being that's ever lived.
		It has all the information that's available to every human being all over the world instantaneously.
		Then it makes better versions of itself because it's sentient and autonomous.
		So then it can create better artificial intelligences and that scales out to a god.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, open the pod door is hell.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah.
		Yeah, but way bigger than that.
		It scares out the zero point energy, being able to harness the energy of the universe itself, having no boundaries, material sciences all cracked, alloys we couldn't comprehend.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Well, Joe, who's going to save us?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		There's no one saving us.
		We are the last of the regular people.
		I think we're all going to have to integrate.
		I think if you don't integrate, you won't survive.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		And what do you mean by integrate?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Integrate.
		You'll probably become a part of the artificial intelligence.
		I think we will be symbiotic.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		How does that.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Like those fucking helmets.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		It's probably going to be a wearable or a neural link type thing for the bold that want to get a hole drilled in their head.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		But what if you don't do that?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		You're going to be left out in the cold.
		The access to resources, the ability to generate income, like the people that get it are going to be able to control so much so quickly that if you don't adopt it early, you're going to be fucked.
		Like if you think we have haves and have nots now, just wait until the haves have artificial general superintelligence inside their fucking head.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		No, thank you.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, it's going to be real weird.
		I think we're the, I really genuinely believe we're the last of the real people.
		Like regular biological people.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		It turned into a bit of a bummer.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		We'll be all right.
		Sort of until we're not.
		But it's also like we grew up with nothing.
		And we've, we've, we're like if the simulation is real, you and I are in a very interesting timeline because we grew up where there was, you just left the house and your parents didn't know where you were.
		And then there were answering machines.
		And then there was call ID.
		And then there were cell phones.
		And then there were cell phones you could watch porn on.
		And then there was AI.
		It's like this slow but more rapid as time goes on progression of technology.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		And it's exponential.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		And as you said, there's no going back.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		There's no going back.
		Unless you want to be one of those people that moves to Alaska and just starts fucking living off a caribou and shooting a musket.
		Like you're not going back.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		No, wait.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Why do I have to get a musket?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		You can get a regular rifle, I guess.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, why?
		I mean, I'm not going to cosplay the thing.
		I'm happy to have the caribou, but why don't I just have a regular gun?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		You should probably have a regular gun.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Well, you really should probably have a drag-horner hat.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Do I have a drag-horner hat?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Bow and arrow.
		Because you're going to have to be able to make your own arrows, and after a while, you're going to run out of bullets.
		So you're going to have to feed yourself with your own bows and arrows.
unidentified		Okay.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		And then the robots will show up.
unidentified		Okay.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Robot dogs.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Didn't something happen in Ukraine recently where a robot engaged with people in war and the people surrendered?
unidentified		It was a thing.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		When you say robot, what do you mean?
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Like one of those Boston.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, yeah, yeah.
		Like using a robot in war.
		The robot infiltrated the Russian area and got them all to surrender.
		And they all, like, with no loss of life, they just realized, fuck.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Did you see that Black Mirror episode?
unidentified		Yes.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Terrifying.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Absolutely terrifying.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		And not so far in the future.
unidentified		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		This fucking thing that they supposedly used in Afghanistan, so it is.
		Ukraine forces Russia to surrender using only robots.
		Zelensky claims enemy positions seized autonomously for the first time without any of his troops being put at risk.
unidentified		Wow.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		I mean, If the fucking Terminator show up, it's game over.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		If there's biological human beings with guns and bulletproof vests and the Terminator show up and they can't miss and they never get nervous and they're not worried about dying.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		And they're not going to get sleepy.
unidentified		Yeah.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		They don't have to eat.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		This thing that we were talking about yesterday, this ghost burmer, supposedly.
		Now, my friend Andy, who is a former Navy SEAL, who he doesn't believe it's real and I'm not sure it's real either.
		But what they said is they found that pilot that was missing in Iran.
unidentified		Mm hmm.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Using something called ghost murmur that can detect his very specific heartbeat from 40 miles away.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		So they've supposedly found him hiding in the mountains, waiting for them to pick him up.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		That makes, I can see that.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		I mean, your heartbeat from 40 miles away?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Your specific biological signature?
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, I can see that.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		I mean, with the technology of like sonar, radar.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Well, it's something quantum.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		It's called, I think it's called quantum magnetometry or some shit.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		But what do they use to pinpoint the.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		It's an audible thing?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		I don't know.
		I have no idea.
		But they supposedly located this guy and it has a 40 mile range.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		He doesn't have anything on.
unidentified		I see.
unidentified		No.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		It's like they just scan you.
		They go, okay, this is what David Cross's very specific biological signature is.
		And then you get lost hiking and they go, oh, there he is.
		He's under that bush.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Why am I under the bush?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		You're hiding.
unidentified		From who?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		I don't know.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Robot dogs?
david cross ▲ ● ▼		It's not going to work.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		We've clearly.
unidentified		It won't work.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		No, it won't work.
		Or maybe you got lost in the woods.
		You're waiting for someone to come rescue you and they can find you.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		But then I wouldn't be under a bush.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Well, you go hiking.
		Maybe it's raining.
		You sought shelter under a tree or something.
		I don't know.
		But you hurt your ankle.
		You can't hike out.
unidentified		Okay.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		And so they find you.
		It's been 24 hours.
		Where's David?
		Oh, we found him.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, we would have found him earlier, but he was hiding under a fucking bush.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		What the fuck was he thinking?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		He didn't want to get eaten.
		But, I mean, if that's real, like, what was the actual term they used?
		Was it quantum?
		It was quantum something kooky.
		Which is, as soon as you say quantum, I'm okay.
		What are you saying?
		What does that mean?
		What does that mean?
		What are you talking about?
		Are you talking about quantum entanglement?
		Like, is there somehow or another?
jamie vernon ▲ ● ▼		They supposedly use ultra sensitive quantum magnetometers, but I'm trying to find the post where someone's like, that's not what they used.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Right.
		Yeah, I saw the post where someone said no, he had a thing on his body.
		So they're lying about their ability.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Why wouldn't they say that's what we used?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		I have no idea.
		I have no idea.
		If they're going to make up some technology, that's a wild thing to make up.
		It's a very strange.
		I mean, if they really are using misinformation and propaganda to show that we have insanely superior technology.
		I guess you could say it's a bluff.
		It's a nice bluff to pretend that we're that sophisticated, that much above and beyond everybody else that's out there, that we could find a very specific heart rate signature from 40 miles away.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		That's what I'm saying.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		They would happily say, yeah, we've got this ability to do this.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		I guess, but it's a weird lie.
		It's probably a lie based on weird lies.
		Right, but that one might be a lie based on actual theory.
		You know what I mean?
		Like, there might be actually.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		They're coming, they're trying to do this.
unidentified		Yeah.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, which kind of makes sense.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		But I mean, if that's a robot dog and it's looking for you and you're hiding and it could find your individual signature in an apartment building filled with people, like, there he is, fifth floor.
unidentified		Yeah.
		Oi.
		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		And you hear the metal footsteps going up the stairs chunk, This is scary.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		You're scaring me.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		It's scary.
		Well, someone's going to be in control of all this stuff.
		That's what's really terrifying.
		And it's all these autistic dorks.
		That are in charge of all these tech companies.
		They're going to be at the front.
jamie vernon ▲ ● ▼		This is also a kind of similar thing where they have said that that's what happened, where they used robots, in quotes, to capture them unmanned.
jamie vernon ▲ ● ▼		But it's their version of the story, too.
unidentified		Right.
jamie vernon ▲ ● ▼		As I'm saying, Ukraine's version.
		All these reports I see, it says Ukraine claimed that this happened.
		And then I'm watching the video and I'm like, this looks a little bit like when we send robots in and swap missions here.
		Like, we do that kind of already.
unidentified		Hmm.
unidentified		Right?
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, but who's the source of this?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		There's the New York Post trying to capture the enemy Russian position using only robots, no humans.
		The future is already on the front line.
		But then it's going to be eventually, why would we send any people out there?
		It would be robots capturing other robots.
		Which is great because nobody dies, I guess.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Then why don't we just play a game of chess?
unidentified		Right.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Get the two leaders to play a game of chess, and the winner takes the land and the resources.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, not a bad idea.
		Whatever the fuck we're going to do.
		It's like the whole thing, it's just insane.
		Like from the time I was a little child, thinking, oh boy, we figured out no war.
		That's great.
unidentified		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		To no, we're fighting war with robots that can detect your heart rate from 40 miles away.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		So, what do you think of what's going on in Iran?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		It's fucking terrifying.
unidentified		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		All of it's terrifying.
		Anytime you're involved with shooting missiles into towns and blowing things up, blowing up infrastructure, blowing up bridges, you know, and Israel's blowing up Lebanon now.
		It's like, what the fuck are we doing?
		Like, how is this still going on?
david cross ▲ ● ▼		It's, well, it's also clear there was no plan.
unidentified		No.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Zero.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		None.
unidentified		No.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Well, Netanyahu's been telling the United States that Iran was months away from building a nuclear bomb for 30 years or 20 years at least.
		I've always been saying that.
		Trump was the first one to go, all right, let's do something about it.
		But it seems like they didn't know what the fuck they were going to do.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		There was something done about it.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		In his first year in office, he tore up the.
The End of the Beginning 00:06:35
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		The blocker buster bombs.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		But all this, we're in a worse place now than before this thing started.
unidentified		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Look, the Iranian regime is terrible.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Like what they do to the protesters.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		I'm not disputing that at all.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		I mean, most people that voted for Trump or wanted Trump to be in office, one of the things that was attractive was this no more wars.
unidentified		Sure, of course.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		And now we're in one of the craziest ones.
unidentified		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		And China's flying in cargo planes filled with stuff.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		We don't know what the fuck's in there.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		And Russia is giving Iran information about where our troops are.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Super fun.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Great times.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Oh, it's crazy.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		And scary, too.
jamie vernon ▲ ● ▼		I mean, science.org says it's scary.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Quantum sensors.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		So they say it's bullshit?
jamie vernon ▲ ● ▼		Says it's highly implausible.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Did quantum sensors help find a U.S. pilot shot down in Iran?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Experts doubt it.
unidentified		Yeah.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Now, okay, here's an ignorant question.
		He's shot down.
		Wouldn't you know he's on foot?
		He's somewhere near that site, right?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Can't go too far.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, can't go too far.
unidentified		Right.
unidentified		So.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Well, the thing is, if he gets ejected from the plane, I don't know how.
		So, if he got shot down, the idea is that he gets ejected from the plane and then parachutes.
		That could be a lot of distance because the plane's flying at a very high speed.
		It's a.
		An altitude undetermined.
		He jumps out.
		Where?
		When does he jump out?
		Is it 100 miles away?
		Is it 50 miles away?
		Is it 10 miles away?
		How far can he walk?
		He's injured.
		It's fucking terrifying.
		It's just crazy that the pilots or the astronauts just went up into space and circled around the moon and came back.
		Everybody that goes into space has this experience called the overview effect, where they go out there and they.
		One of the first things is going, Oh my God, what are we doing?
		Like, how are we pretending at these lines in the dirt that we draw?
unidentified		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		That it's all just a bunch of people on this very fragile biological spaceship.
unidentified		Yep.
unidentified		Yep.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, it's fucking terrifying.
unidentified		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		But like all things in the future, all of it's terrifying.
		The whole, the, the, the future of mankind, like, it's so perilous.
		It's all, it's all so fragile.
		All of it.
unidentified		I know.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		And, It's to think of the stuff that we allow these external things that we allow to affect our life.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Like, if there was ever a time to just be a good person, live your life, enjoy, try to spread some kindness and some joy, you know, I mean, it's now.
unidentified		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		You know, it's a good time for comedy.
		People want to go out and have fun.
		That's true.
unidentified		Yeah.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Which reminds me, I have a special.
unidentified		That was the segue.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		What's it on?
david cross ▲ ● ▼		There it is.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Is it on YouTube?
david cross ▲ ● ▼		It's on YouTube.
unidentified		Perfect.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		The end of the beginning.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Where did you film it?
david cross ▲ ● ▼		40 Watt in Athens.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Oh, nice.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Nice.
unidentified		Um,.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Yeah, I'm happy with it.
unidentified		Great.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Fantastic.
		Yeah.
		And it's out right now, and people can go check it out.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		It is out right now.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		So, are you in the process of writing new stuff now, or did you.
unidentified		Yeah.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		I'm just beginning the process.
		So, I was saying before, I'll go out and I'll do, you know, because I don't write.
		I can't sit down and write jokes.
		That's just not how it works for me.
		So, all the writing is on stage.
		So, I tape everything, I go up with my notes, and I have a couple guests, and I'll do.
		15 minutes, bring up guests, do another 15, bring guests, do another 15.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Oh, that's cool.
unidentified		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		And then break it up into little chunks.
unidentified		Yeah.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		And this way, because, you know, the first couple shows were terrible.
		I've got nothing, you know, it's just me apologizing for not having anything yet.
		But people will, I mean, I have people now who will come to the second show and the sixth show, and then they'll come see me on tour, you know, so you can see the process.
		The process, yeah.
		The evolution of it.
		And which is cool.
		And it's, as I said, I.
		I either walk or ride my bike to every single venue, and they start off small and then they get bigger, and I lose a guest.
		And then, you know, before you know it, I've got okay, I think this is roughly the 75 minutes I'm going to do, and then it's about sequencing, which is really important, you know.
		And then I take it out on the road, and so the idea is that I'll probably late fall start back again, and I love it.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		That's great.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Fucking love it.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		It's the best, right?
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Stand up is the most fun.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		I really.
		And, you know, people will.
		I'll do.
		I'm doing press for this thing, and people will say, I know you do a lot of things, and what is your favorite?
		I know you're an actor, you know, and it's all.
		I like doing all of it, but the thing that I absolutely have to do is stand up.
		I'd be disappointed if I could never act again or write or direct or whatever, but.
		I'll be okay.
		But if you told me I can't do stand up, I'd go crazy.
		Well, I went a little crazy during the pandemic because I almost, and I made this part of the bit, but I almost, the first show I did, I started tearing up.
		And I'm in front, I mean, I'm doing this, and it was at the Sultan Room in Bushwick.
		And I was like, man, I thought, God, I didn't know if I'd ever get to do this again.
		And shit, you know, I dreamed about this day.
		And it, It was a year and seven months where I.
		The longest since I've been doing this.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Such a strange feeling, isn't it?
david cross ▲ ● ▼		A year and seven months where you.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		And I did some of those outdoor shows, and they're just not.
unidentified		It's not the same thing.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		It's not the same.
unidentified		Yeah.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Well, that's awesome, man.
		I'm glad you love it.
		And best of luck with this special.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		Thank you, man.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		This was fun.
unidentified		I enjoyed it.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Thank you for doing this.
unidentified		Absolutely.
unidentified		All right.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		What's the name of it again?
david cross ▲ ● ▼		So people can find it.
david cross ▲ ● ▼		The end of the beginning of the end.
unidentified		All right.
		All right.
		Thank you.
		Thank you.
joe rogan ▲ ● ▼		Bye, everybody.

Chapters

00:00:02 Shaving Like a Turtle
00:05:10 Embracing the Bald Look
00:12:27 Calling Pizza Hut Wrong
00:14:43 Tim Dillon Ranting Alone
00:20:51 Marriage and Weird Kids
00:23:03 Muhammad Ali Connections
00:28:07 Glamorous Sitcom Debut
00:42:55 Paying Rent with Jokes
00:45:30 Naive News Radio Start
00:54:29 Selling Comic Book Art
01:03:30 Tales from the Crypt
01:19:32 Genius Street Stories
01:23:21 Streaming into New Shows
01:28:34 Roblox and Impossible Tech
01:30:54 Sentient Robots Glitch
01:34:15 End of a Strange Year
01:45:52 Shooting the Shit in Brooklyn
02:00:57 Thoughts Translated to Chinese
02:16:15 The End of the Beginning