| Time | Text |
|---|---|
|
Private Cinema Night
00:06:43
|
|
| What? You see what's wrong, right? | |
| It's not just me. I'm not going crazy. | |
| Sushi! You're sushi! | |
| Good show, man! | |
| Good show, man! | |
| Take one for the trip, man. | |
| Good show, man! | |
| Are we watching our life back? | |
| We're watching Take Confidential in a private cinema. | |
| Yeah. Best show ever. | |
| Take Confidential, Take Confidential, Matrix inside of Inception Aikido. | |
| And then one day we'll watch this episode of Take Confidential watching Take Confidential. | |
| While doing Aikido in a Take Confidential. | |
| We're starring Inception. | |
| Now. We're in a five-star hotel. | |
| There's a private cinema, deep underground London. | |
| All the stabbing is above us. | |
| We're down here. And they asked us, what movie do we want to watch? | |
| And we said, the greatest movie in history. | |
| Ah, it's Burger King! | |
| You're boring. I'm in Romania. | |
| You know what? | |
| I'm eating nothing but Burger King. | |
| Yeah, for COVID. No way. | |
| That's a bad idea. Is Burger King shot? | |
| It is. Shit. | |
| Nice. So we go to London, and because we can't go on the street anymore... | |
| Guys, I want to say something to take on that joke. | |
| We are now so famous, we cannot walk the streets of London. | |
| Everyone recognizes us instantly. | |
| Yep. And, like, just comes up to us in huge groups, might get stabbed, whatever. | |
| So now we have to hide. | |
| So we're hiding Kensington's above us. | |
| And we're hiding deep in a private cinema we've rented for a thousand pounds an hour to watch our own YouTube series. | |
| Because we're too famous to go on the street. | |
| Tristan, do you admit this is all your fault? | |
| I might have to agree, Tristan. | |
| Is this you on the TV right now? | |
| That'd be mine. So who follows it? | |
| Mine. Female. Yeah. | |
| At least he admits it. So anyway, booze. | |
| No, we don't need more booze. | |
| So once you get an episode where I'm trying to convince you to booze. | |
| And while you're filming, I'm trying to convince you to booze. | |
| Ah, I remember this. | |
| Yeah. We fucking got him! | |
| We got him, didn't we? We fucking got you. | |
| Andrew, we got you. Admit we got you. | |
| This was a good episode. | |
| This was a good episode. You know what? | |
| This actually shows how much our life has changed. | |
| Because back then, we were loser peasant brokies who made about 200,000 euro a month. | |
| Literally. And now we make about three and a half million euros. | |
| That was before I had the shoulder surgery. | |
| Look at my Facebook. No, no. | |
| That was before we flew on private jets. | |
| Yeah. Look at you in the airport with a brokie. | |
| I know. Flying first class. | |
| First class like a brokie. | |
| Like a fucking dork. | |
| First class. Oh, business lounge. | |
| Oh, business lounge. | |
| Wait, is this booze? I bet you this is fucking booze. | |
| Where's the booze? You were here. Welcome to the real world, Lucifer. | |
| Yeah, I can. | |
| Alright. Play it so I can tell myself off. | |
| This is true. I caught myself saying something stupid. | |
| Going to France. I said it's not whack, but it is. | |
| It is whack. France is very whack. | |
| I was naive. | |
| I didn't know anything about business class. | |
| Me being you. I was correct about booze, though. | |
| Booze is actually ass, so he knows that. | |
| And you know what? | |
| To be honest, Tristan is more French than me. | |
| To be honest, I was all wrong. | |
| I'm more French than you. | |
| You know what? | |
| We're lucky. We're lucky that we can look back at our past selves. | |
| And you can admit it. I can admit it. | |
| You admit it. I admit it. Finally. | |
| I admit it. After all these years, I've always been more friends. | |
| Yeah, because we don't film enough. | |
| I can't get my camera. Tristan just walks from his seat there, span in circles like that, and then downed his drink and shook it at us. | |
| Why would I make that up? | |
| You're a liar. My imagination is not that good. | |
| It is. It's just what happened. | |
| Wild imagination. Why are we drinking and eating popcorn on a private seminar on Tuesday night? | |
| You two are losers. Is it Tuesday? | |
| Some fucking broke-y day. | |
| Yeah, I know it's a broke-y day, isn't it? | |
| Definitely a broke-y day, but I feel like... | |
| Is it Monday? Tristan, what do you... | |
| Tristan, is it Monday or Tuesday? | |
| It's not an answer. So we'll forever not know. | |
| Isn't it sweetie? What do you think? | |
| I'm guessing. What do you say Luke? | |
| What do you say Luke? What is this? | |
| Why are there shots here? | |
| It's definitely a human mind. | |
| It's 8 a.m. in the morning. You'd punch me. | |
| The tooth bag has to make it any more lethal. | |
| I mean, I can cure you with this ball. | |
| Hold the ball in one hand, stab you with this ball. | |
| Okay, how about this? I mean, I can cure you with this napkin. | |
| The napkin doesn't add anything to it. | |
|
Admit It All
00:03:56
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|
| Yeah, welcome on board. | |
| Thank you. Good news, Luke. | |
| What? What's your favorite? | |
| Body. It's not my favorite. | |
| I don't like booze. I don't like any booze. | |
| You don't like? Maybe we should spend this whole flight all sitting as far away from each other as possible. | |
| One of us there, one of us here, one of us way back. | |
| So we don't have to talk. So I don't want to talk to anyone. | |
| Luke can go back to the Metaverse. | |
| I could. But the Metaverse is $2,000 for 225 megabytes. | |
| What are you, 4? That's literally unbelievable. | |
| 200 megabytes you can use in like two minutes. | |
| Yeah, literally. We can afford to do that. | |
| Yeah, but we're all going to have a hundred grand Wi-Fi bill. | |
| Aikido. A hundred grand Wi-Fi bill Aikido. | |
| A hundred grand Wi-Fi bill Aikido. | |
| Fine. I'm connected to the Wi-Fi. | |
| We're playing music the whole time. | |
| Did Justin just make you admit it and he has none? | |
| I admit you have made cigars. | |
| I know your briefcase is in this trunk. | |
| I know your briefcase is in this trunk. | |
| No matter what, if I didn't want to open it, you'd never be able to get inside. | |
| I know your briefcase is in this trunk. | |
| I bet everything you want is in your trunk. | |
| I bet everything you want is in your trunk. | |
| We have three genetomics. | |
| I have two aloe veras and three phenotics. | |
| I have sushi for you. You ordered sushi, so I should... | |
| I'm actually happy not to eat any food. | |
| You'll have sushi. | |
| And three genetomics. | |
| Thank you. | |
| You're welcome. | |
| You have to pick which one you think is the most important. | |
| One or less. | |
| I have two things to tell you, Tom. | |
| One is less. | |
| One is silent. | |
| The other is most important. | |
| And the other is gay. | |
| Ha ha ha ha ha! | |
| I'm a cosmo. | |
| I'm going to go get a drink. | |
| I admit I've never liked my brother. | |
| I admit that. | |
| Cigar? | |
| Nah, I'm fine. | |
| You're right. | |
| You don't want a cigar, do you? | |
| We just go on giant jets. | |
| We don't need a jet of this size. | |
| It's literally, people don't realize how big it is because they think it's just this little section. | |
| They don't realize just how big this thing is. | |
| So there's cigars in both cases. | |
| Yes, and a bunch of cigars in the back. | |
| You got them. Basically all cigars. | |
| In my indestructible briefcase. | |
| It's not indestructible. It is. | |
| Admit it. Admit you don't want cigars. | |
| I admit I don't want cigars. You admit it. | |
| What do you mean? Yeah, Tristan also does have a... | |
| I admit it all. I admit it all. | |
| You always admit it so easy. | |
| Because I don't care. | |
| Why do you always admit it? It's a stupid joke. | |
| I would never admit it. | |
| You just did. You're on camera. | |
| A few moments ago. Andrew made it. | |
| Yes, I admit that. It's not admitting Aikido. | |
| No. False. | |
|
Admitting All
00:02:41
|
|
| We do, don't we? | |
| It's getting fucking insane. | |
| It's getting stupid now. | |
| Yep, no one realizes. | |
| We do fucking 12 hour days every fucking day. | |
| That's what wins. Seven days a week. | |
| That's what wins. Everyone else just finds a little hospital and they go get drugs with the girls. | |
| While we're drinking, the moosey bitch, making money, Aikido, no sleep, wake up, bench press while working. | |
| Aikido. They don't know Aikido. | |
| They don't know the Aikido. You can actually sleep and work and fuck at the same time. | |
| All three. At least don't run. | |
| At least don't run. Secret technique. | |
| Very tiny. | |
| Andrew, you need to stop now. | |
| We can play music forever. | |
| It's gonna be like a hundred thousand dollars. | |
| How much megabyte is each song? | |
| No, how many megabytes is each song though? | |
| Megabytes. Come here, man. | |
| Hey, here you go. I'm mega rich. | |
| No, but how many megabytes is each song? | |
| Oh, I think he's saying we're mega rich. | |
| No, megabytes. | |
| Megabytes. Oh, megabytes. | |
| No, not bite. | |
| Like, bite. No. No, no, no. | |
| Megabytes. If you won't spend a hundred thousand euro on wi-fi, you're a broki. | |
| Is that the definition of broki now? | |
| Oh, money! | |
| But it's just music, it's just sound waves. | |
| Are you scared of noise? Listen, if you're scared of playing your own music and you can't afford it, what does that make you? | |
| It might make you a broki. | |
| You guys can't just drink and spend a hundred thousand dollars on wi-fi. | |
| Whatever I like. No, but it's money! | |
| What is this? | |
| You can't just get giant private jet shake. | |
| This is stupid. | |
| This is stupid, but I have to do it, don't I? Welcome to the real world, Luke. Welcome to big school, Luke. | |
| This is stupid. You're stupid. | |
|
Something Terrible Happened
00:05:34
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|
| You see what's wrong, right? | |
| It's not just me. I'm not going crazy. | |
| Here we go. Something terrible's happened. | |
| I was at dinner. | |
| I sat at a table with a full-grown man at dinner. | |
| Full-grown man. He looked normal, looked like a normal dude. | |
| And we're going through the menu. | |
| What do we want to eat? What do we want to eat? | |
| Steak, veal, going through the menu. | |
| And he sits there and he says, hmm, I think I'll try the sushi. | |
| Sushi? You're a sushi eater. | |
| There's no power in sushi. | |
| Look at this power. | |
| This comes from the food I eat. | |
| You're telling me you're gonna get power from sushi? | |
| A little piece of floppy fish, some rice in a circle. | |
| Raw fish. | |
| What do you mean? He doesn't understand. | |
| It's about fried chicken, man. | |
| What the fuck is wrong with you? What kind of full-grown adult deliberately, not on accident, deliberately eats sushi? | |
| I caught my brother ordering sushi to the house. | |
| Listen, we're jet masters, and I demanded fried chicken. | |
| Yes. Here you are with fucking the weakest food. | |
| Do you know who eats sushi? Little fucking soy boys. | |
| Little fucking fucking Democrats. | |
| Oh, actually, I'd like a sushi. | |
| They do. They don't go out for fried fucking chicken. | |
| What the fuck is wrong with people? | |
| There's no power in sushi. | |
| Correct. Yes. | |
| Next. How the fuck do you think we paid for this jet, you piece of shit? | |
| Sumo wrestling. Fucking sumo wrestling. | |
| Sumo. I'll sumo you any day, any time. | |
| I'll still sumo you. Little sushi here. | |
| If you were to take the last ten people who ate fried chicken, the last ten people who ate sushi and put them in a battle to the death, admit the fried chicken. | |
| In America. Anywhere, bro. | |
| In the world. In the world. | |
| In the world. No, but that's not the last ten people, is it? | |
| Now... I want you to admit what you've done. | |
| Just admit it. It's fine if you admit it. | |
| Admit what you've done. If I admit it, give me some chicken. | |
| So he wants the power. | |
| He wants the power. So you realize after a few... | |
| If I admit it, can I have some chicken? | |
| After a few bites of sushi, you realize there's zero power in there. | |
| And you realize you made a grave mistake. | |
| What is this, Warren? | |
| I fucking hope not. | |
| Oh ****. Smells like G&T to me, Lou! | |
| Yeah, booze is poignant. | |
| Booze is ass. What's annoying about this? | |
| It's so cold. Yeah, it's so cold. | |
| No, what's annoying is, if I was a scumbag loser, This could be one, and no one would know. | |
| But, I'm a man of integrity. | |
| And I will down gin and tonics. | |
| How much it hurts my stomach. | |
| While eating. No matter. | |
| Disapprove a point. The easiest thing to fake online. | |
| We do it for real. | |
| We do it for real! No, but my lawsuit. | |
| I promise you guys, it's real. | |
| I'm not a very good actor. | |
| It's ass. Welcome to the real world, Luke. | |
| It's ass and it's real. | |
| I wish we just made it. | |
| I hate booze. Booze is pure poison. | |
| Take confidential fans, I'm telling you. | |
| You might think you like booze. | |
| Booze is poison. The amount of booze we drink. | |
| All the comments. I love the truth of you guys. | |
| No, no. They're wrong. | |
| They don't get it. I love when a flag comes together. | |
| When you dance with the devil, you wait for the music to stop. | |
| And it never stops. Let me tell you something about me. | |
| My blood is heavily caffeinated. | |
| All the time. I wake up and I have six coffees. | |
| But I have about three cigars. | |
| I'm heavily caffeinated. | |
| Heavily nicotined. Gotta get some clues down. | |
| Fried chicken. People always go, hey Tate, you look in such good shape, what's your meal plan? | |
| Meal plan? It's true. | |
| I'm naturally powerful. | |
| Lemon slices in the booze. | |
| Lemon slices, it's true. | |
| I fucking hate booze. | |
| Can we have three more G&Ts, please? | |
| Let the real world in. | |
| His ass. | |
| I'm going to get a coffee. | |
| Good. | |
| Give me a minute. If I load the gun, you're scared. | |
| I would genuinely be scared. | |
| If I load the gun, you're scared a minute. | |
| I would be scared if you load the gun. | |
| Boom. Boom. That would worry me. | |
| Boom. Wait. What? | |
| You see that move. | |
| You see that move. You see that move. | |
| Wait. You know them wants. What? | |
| You know them wants. Wait. | |
| Wait, what the f-? We're not on- Wait, they move- We're not on a pro-boy chat. | |
| Oh, sorry, nerd. I don't want to look at you. | |
| Wait! Wait! | |
| Wait a second, no! | |
| Can you hear me? You've just been welcome to big school. | |
| Big school has these chairs. | |
| Holy shit. This can't be real. | |
| Can't be real. No, it's time to turn the chair. | |
| No, but we don't need booze. We have chairs. | |
| We have chairs now. | |
|
Can't Be Real
00:01:09
|
|
| We figure it out. They lock as well. | |
| You can lock them. My heart hurts. | |
| My fucking body. | |
| My brain. At least you can have the vaccine. | |
| Send for that! I fucking hate booze. | |
| I don't know. Keep dreaming. | |
| Over to the real world! Tristan enjoys the booze, Andrew hates the booze, but does it anyway. | |
| And I just do it because both of them... | |
| I love it when a plan comes together. | |
| I wonder who will get that by us. | |
| I love it when a plan comes together. | |
| Only Ricks that... We might be Ricks. | |
| Are we finally rich? | |