Free Booze, Good Times
00:14:57
► 00:00:02
And here I am. Look, I'm a fucking dickhead.
► 00:00:03
Look at me. Peer pressure. Why the fuck am I around you?
► 00:00:07
I hate you. You're the worst people in the world.
► 00:00:09
I literally hate all of you.
► 00:00:11
Good shot, man, for 10!
► 00:00:13
Good shot, man, for 10!
► 00:00:23
I think I'm gonna take that.
► 00:00:30
Two.
► 00:00:40
Andrew, who am I doing an impression of?
► 00:00:42
Oh, no.
► 00:00:45
What do you mean? Luke?
► 00:00:47
Yeah, Luke. Wait, what? You can't just dance.
► 00:00:59
Why are we here? What do you got?
► 00:01:00
I got us these. I don't like the United States.
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What are they? They don't have them anywhere else.
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Four toothbrushes for three dollars.
► 00:01:06
And you're telling me why you're asking me why we can- Just by- This is the reason.
► 00:01:09
You don't need four toothbrushes.
► 00:01:10
Tristan, they have these.
► 00:01:12
This is the reason we came to Miami. They don't have these anywhere else.
► 00:01:15
We don't like Miami. Listen, Tristan, you said you wanted to stay in Romania, but you lost the card game, the card trick.
► 00:01:21
I famosed you, I bamboozled you, and I predicted your card perfectly.
► 00:01:24
It was amazing. You didn't.
► 00:01:26
You're making that up. No, no, no.
► 00:01:27
It was amazing. It was amazing. They're making this up.
► 00:01:29
And Tristan, genuinely, think about it.
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Where else could we get these?
► 00:01:32
I'm a magician. Oh.
► 00:01:35
That's not what you are. No means yes.
► 00:01:37
Am I a magician? Because he knows.
► 00:01:45
So you got two toothbrushes.
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Why do you get two toothbrushes? You actually don't know why we came to Miami.
► 00:01:54
Those are yours? We came to work on our cookie business.
► 00:01:59
What do you mean cookie business?
► 00:02:01
We have a cookie business named after you.
► 00:02:03
We don't have a cookie business. What's the number one word people use to describe you?
► 00:02:07
Loser. Talisman. Geek.
► 00:02:10
Besides loser. There's no one...
► 00:02:12
Tiny. No one...
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Tiny? I'm bigger than both of you.
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He is tiny, is he? Ah!
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Tiny cookies. Tiny Tate.
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Tiny Tate's cookies!
► 00:02:24
You need to grow the fuck up while I fly home by myself.
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Do you admit it? Do you admit we have a cookie?
► 00:02:28
No. Do you admit you have a cookie?
► 00:02:29
Ah, so every time we buy these we get profit.
► 00:02:34
What are you doing? We're helping our business.
► 00:02:38
We can't just buy Cheetos.
► 00:02:43
We're going to eat the Cheetos.
► 00:02:44
We're going to eat the fucking cookies. Yeah, we are.
► 00:02:46
You think we don't eat all the...
► 00:02:48
We make the best cookies. I bet they're awful.
► 00:02:49
I bet they're the best. We're buying them because it's our business.
► 00:02:52
It's our business. Pure profit.
► 00:02:58
Oh, it's definitely poison. Yeah, wait, why'd you get that one?
► 00:03:00
Get this one. Extra strength.
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Those are extra strength, too. Yeah, but the red one.
► 00:03:06
So listen, five hour energy.
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If I drink five of these, then I'll have 25 hours of energy for a day.
► 00:03:12
Here, I need five. I'll drink it for five.
► 00:03:15
25 hours of energy.
► 00:03:17
I've effectively eliminated sleep and doubled my lifespan.
► 00:03:19
And you think you're the smart one.
► 00:03:21
I'm the brains of this outfit, clearly.
► 00:03:24
Enjoy sleeping.
► 00:03:26
Enjoy sleeping.
► 00:03:28
Tristan, it's not funny at all.
► 00:03:33
Listen! You ever heard of the term Miami insane?
► 00:03:37
No. It's not a term.
► 00:03:39
I'm going Miami insane.
► 00:03:43
That's not a term. Yes, it is.
► 00:03:45
No. Yes, it is.
► 00:03:46
You're lying. Throw chairs off balconies.
► 00:03:49
Don't do that. Aikido. It's my chair.
► 00:03:51
Champagne. Your room.
► 00:03:52
I don't care about your room. Listen.
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Miami is for rich people.
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And we are rich.
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Rick. So, we need to go Miami insane.
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You don't have math.
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It's a basic equation. It's smart.
► 00:04:10
We need to do boat Aikido.
► 00:04:13
Jet ski martinis.
► 00:04:16
I don't think you're listening to it. I don't think you're listening to it.
► 00:04:19
What does this mean? Drunk driving.
► 00:04:23
Things! Action!
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Action! There's action in Miami.
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We need to spend lots of money and have lots of fun.
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Although this hotel, we're spending $10,000 for a couple days, and it is actually terrible.
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This hotel is substandard.
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So what we need to do is up the budgets, increase expenditure.
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The more money we throw out into Miami, the more fun will come into my soul.
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That's cause and effect.
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So you're telling me we should spend as much money as possible and plan the most crazy, fun activities we can possibly find in Miami?
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Yes. I say we just stay in the hotel room.
► 00:05:00
Your cousin is disabled. Let's go in the metaverse.
► 00:05:06
Aren't there NFT places here?
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You're in charge of fun. Miami's NFT land.
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Do something fun. I'm in charge of fun.
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I'm going to plan for us the most crazy activities.
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NFT party. Should we just add your intake to our drive?
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Just grabbing this food and buy it.
► 00:05:23
The ultimate end. Last episode.
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No more uploads. Just watch.
► 00:05:26
Yeah. Last episode.
► 00:05:28
Salvage the phone out of the ocean though.
► 00:05:31
Nah, we can just wrestle off in the fall.
► 00:05:33
Good point. Last scene.
► 00:05:35
See you later, Luke. Nah, that doesn't sound as good.
► 00:05:38
My son, you're in charge of fun.
► 00:05:40
You sound terrible. Keep me entertained.
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You made me come here. Keep me entertained.
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I've got an idea. Okay.
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I'm in. You look like a cultured man.
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I am. Leave it to me.
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NFTs? Can't flip me off.
► 00:05:57
We need to go back into that verse.
► 00:06:00
You're not. Breakfast.
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You just finished the night of boozing.
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You went for the pancakes, yeah? Cool.
► 00:06:09
Good choice. It's not for the gin and tart.
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Yeah. Oh, the gin and tea. That wasn't one of the breakfast meals.
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It wasn't all the options.
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I ordered it from the same waitress you ordered your breakfast from.
► 00:06:28
Why do you do these things? What things?
► 00:06:30
Keep the buzz going, you know?
► 00:06:32
Why do you want the buzz to keep going?
► 00:06:34
Keep the buzz. Carry the buzz over.
► 00:06:36
Until the next day. So you're a bumblebee?
► 00:06:39
Yes. Okay, I cracked it.
► 00:06:44
Banana smoothie? Nice.
► 00:06:50
Can I have another gin and tonic, please?
► 00:06:52
Thank you. And can I have a banana smoothie, please?
► 00:06:54
Sure. Thanks. You can't actually want gin tonics.
► 00:06:58
They're refreshing. No, they're not.
► 00:07:00
They're not. They're actually not.
► 00:07:02
They're not. And I bet you Take Confidential's psyops into believing that they're actually rejuvenating and refreshing.
► 00:07:07
They are refreshing. But they're not.
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Lou, Andrew, you get the final say.
► 00:07:11
Are gin tonics refreshing?
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They're not. It's a lie.
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It's a psyop.
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I hope someone on Take Confidential actually tries to drink as much as you do.
► 00:07:23
All right. Yeah, they'll just feel.
► 00:07:26
They'll feel what it is.
► 00:07:28
They'll realize quickly it's not refreshing.
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It's not rejuvenating. Why are we in Miami?
► 00:07:41
He did.
► 00:07:47
Man, that was such a good card trick.
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Man, it was fucking good though.
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I'm serious. I really wish I recorded it.
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I might have to do it again for the cameras.
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I know. No, it was really, really, really good.
► 00:07:58
I might do it again if you fall for it twice. No way.
► 00:08:00
He probably will. Alright, what do we do if he falls for it twice?
► 00:08:05
We would have to go nuts, wouldn't we?
► 00:08:07
We would have to go nuts, wouldn't we?
► 00:08:08
Not going back to Romania until you stop falling for that card trick.
► 00:08:11
Yeah, that's fair. That's fair.
► 00:08:13
So from now on, whenever you want to go back to Romania, do a card trick.
► 00:08:17
If you fall for it, we don't go back.
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We go somewhere else. I'm never going to remain again.
► 00:08:25
So he knows. He's admitted defeat.
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He can't beat the car trick. No, I just don't.
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You've accepted it. So it's my birthday.
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It's my birthday, and I'm going to spend my money.
► 00:08:41
It is your birthday. Tristan, you said spend money, so that's the plan.
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Yeah, good. Just woke up.
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Nice sunny morning in Miami.
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Nice cup of booze. It's booze.
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No. I hate booze.
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Paper cup booze. Yeah.
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Because this is America. It's my birthday, and you have to drink booze.
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Don't worry, I can improve this booze.
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I'll be back in a second. I'll be back in a second.
► 00:09:03
Back in a second. What do you mean?
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Nothing can improve booze.
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Everyone knows that. Booze is horrible.
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We'll see. It's horrible no matter what.
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There's nothing you can possibly do to make it better.
► 00:09:13
What's he gonna do? Hold on fire!
► 00:09:21
Alright, you'll go fire. Alright, it's midday.
► 00:09:25
Yeah. What's Luke's usual bedtime?
► 00:09:28
5pm? 5pm, correct.
► 00:09:30
5pm, because he's a little sleepyhead.
► 00:09:31
Well, these is an amazing American potion that I've discovered.
► 00:09:36
I've had four already. What do you mean?
► 00:09:38
So if I drink my fifth one, then I'll be up for 25 hours.
► 00:09:42
5 hour energy. That doesn't make sense.
► 00:09:43
So now, you can't sleep until 10.
► 00:09:47
5 hour energy. Yeah.
► 00:09:48
That makes you Luke doesn't go to sleep. Is that how it works?
► 00:09:52
It's science, Luke.
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America is leading the world in scientific innovation.
► 00:09:57
I don't think we actually do.
► 00:09:59
Got the COVID-19 jab.
► 00:10:01
Now this. It's all good.
► 00:10:04
Wait, so it's nasty as well?
► 00:10:06
It's horrible. Delicious.
► 00:10:10
It's not delicious. I saw it on your face.
► 00:10:13
It was so tasty. Drink your thing.
► 00:10:16
Wash it down with some booze. Yeah.
► 00:10:19
Sorry, let me help you. So you gave me something horrible to go with my horrible booze.
► 00:10:25
Get the booze in, yeah. It will energize the booze.
► 00:10:28
Will it? Yeah. Booze times two, booze squared.
► 00:10:31
That's right. It's a good system.
► 00:10:34
It's literally like cough medicine.
► 00:10:35
Nice, nice. Five hour energy.
► 00:10:40
Alright, so at least this will keep me awake until 10, yeah?
► 00:10:43
Yeah, I'll get you another one later. And you're awake till three.
► 00:10:46
Never sleeping again. Just keep every five hours.
► 00:10:49
So why does everyone do this?
► 00:10:50
Keep pumping it up. I don't know.
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Never sleeping again.
► 00:10:53
I've discovered it. So wait.
► 00:10:56
So we finally cracked the fucking code.
► 00:10:58
Yeah. We've just doubled our lifespan effectively.
► 00:11:00
We already cracked the code to never sleep.
► 00:11:01
We're just trying to help you out now.
► 00:11:03
So this is a cheat code.
► 00:11:04
Yeah. All right.
► 00:11:08
Good day, good day.
► 00:11:10
How you going?
► 00:11:12
What do you know?
► 00:11:14
Well, strike a light.
► 00:11:15
Good day, good day.
► 00:11:17
And how you going?
► 00:11:20
Just say good day, good day, good day, and you'll be right.
► 00:11:27
Okay, so we get in the car.
► 00:11:28
Justin and Sterling, pick us up.
► 00:11:31
Well, nice road beers.
► 00:11:32
Isn't this illegal in the United States?
► 00:11:33
No, it's not. Well, open a container of alcohol.
► 00:11:36
Illegal if you're a pussy.
► 00:11:39
That's not how laws work.
► 00:11:40
Oh, sick nasty! What are we doing?
► 00:11:44
How you going? What is this?
► 00:11:46
No. You'll strike a lot.
► 00:11:52
How you going?
► 00:11:53
You say g'day, g'day, g'day, and you'll be right.
► 00:11:57
Isn't it right?
► 00:11:59
To have a birthday!
► 00:12:01
Taking a walk along the street.
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Woo! Woo!
► 00:12:10
I love tequila.
► 00:12:14
No, no. Actually, why is booze a gift?
► 00:12:17
Well, I actually don't get that idea.
► 00:12:18
These guys know the management here, so they sent us some free shots of tequila.
► 00:12:23
I, even though it's my birthday, I'm not drinking tequila before I'm supposed to eat.
► 00:12:26
I'm going to feel sick if I drink that tequila and I eat food on top and I feel like shit all day.
► 00:12:30
I would say... It smells bad as well.
► 00:12:34
You can literally smell it. That's the thing.
► 00:12:36
I couldn't hear you over the sound of me drinking.
► 00:12:39
And actually, you can smell it super badly.
► 00:12:42
Trust me, do you want mine? No.
► 00:12:44
You want yours. I don't.
► 00:12:45
I don't. I super don't.
► 00:12:47
I want yours. I super hate booze.
► 00:12:48
Buy you. I figured it out.
► 00:12:50
I super, super hate booze.
► 00:12:51
I don't even understand how it's a gift.
► 00:12:52
Can you hear him crying too?
► 00:12:54
Just give him a few minutes.
► 00:12:55
A little smallest violin that's playing.
► 00:13:00
Booze is a gift because it gives you the gift.
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What's the gift? The gift it gives you is numbness.
► 00:13:07
I don't want numbness. It numbs you from other people's bullshit.
► 00:13:10
I don't want that. Like people being a pussy.
► 00:13:12
You can hate yourself in silence.
► 00:13:16
We love ourselves.
► 00:13:18
Free booze. You guys are right.
► 00:13:36
What can I do?
► 00:13:38
What can I say? You're right. And my hand's itching.
► 00:13:43
I'm going to grab it and shoot it right now.
► 00:13:45
My hand's itching. The proof's on point.
► 00:13:47
And I'm going to feel sick all day.
► 00:13:48
I'm going to eat the food on top.
► 00:13:50
It's horrible. Tequila's the one alcohol I can't drink.
► 00:13:52
I fucking hate it. And here I am.
► 00:13:53
Look, I'm a fucking dickhead. Look at me.
► 00:13:55
Peer pressure. Why the fuck are I around with you?
► 00:13:58
I hate you. You're the worst people in the world.
► 00:14:00
I literally hate all of you. I want you to know that I hope my next birthday I see none of you.
► 00:14:04
I hope it's the last birthday I see any of you fucks ever again.
► 00:14:06
I hate all of you. Lies.
► 00:14:08
Fucking digs. Well, speaking of peer pressure, that's four out of five.
► 00:14:11
That's four out of five, Luke. Oh, yeah.
► 00:14:13
What's that, Luke? Give me the camera. Yeah, Luke.
► 00:14:15
Sorry. Turn it over, bro. I was the last bastard.
► 00:14:18
I know. I tried to save you.
► 00:14:20
He was holding the line for you, Luke.
► 00:14:22
He was praying you were going to...
► 00:14:23
The line is broken. I'm actually...
► 00:14:24
The enemy are at the gates. My body actually hates me.
► 00:14:27
So... My body literally hates me.
► 00:14:29
What do you want? Therapy? You're going to keep crying?
► 00:14:31
Keep talking? Call that a body?
► 00:14:33
What body? Here's the gym.
► 00:14:35
Okay. And Andrew's birthday.
► 00:14:48
Luke? Welcome to the real world.
► 00:14:53
Let's go, Luke. Booze is pure poison.
► 00:14:57
Welcome to the real world, Luke. Welcome to the real world, Luke.
I Don't Want In
00:01:06
► 00:14:59
Welcome to the big school. I don't want to be part of the friendship circle.
► 00:15:08
I don't want to be part of the friendship circle.
► 00:15:10
I don't like any of you.
► 00:15:14
Everyone's jealous of the friendship circle.
► 00:15:16
Everyone's jealous. We have the power of friendship.
► 00:15:18
We're shooting lasers out of our hearts.
► 00:15:20
The magical power. Yeah, I don't need any of that.
► 00:15:21
I don't care. I don't know why I'm here.
► 00:15:24
I'm here because it's my cousin's birthday.
► 00:15:25
I don't even really like him.
► 00:15:26
Who's cousin? Is he your cousin?
► 00:15:28
No, my cousin. I'm my fucking cousin.
► 00:15:29
Who's birthday? I'm leaving.
► 00:15:31
I'm not a cousin of mine. That's an idiot.
► 00:15:33
We're not leaving. We're super drunk.
► 00:15:36
We're doing all the dumb shit that's not planned.
► 00:15:37
That's what it is. We're doing it all drunk.
► 00:15:39
There's dumb shit planned.
► 00:15:41
Of course there's dumb shit planned. No, no, no.
► 00:15:42
We planned it. Of course there's dumb shit planned.
► 00:15:44
It was a ladies brunch and now we're finished.
► 00:15:47
Yeah, on a Wednesday. Now it's drum circles in sleep.
► 00:15:50
Yeah. End of the day.
► 00:15:52
Cut the episode. Jet ski hose.
► 00:15:58
Remember me on the ferry. Don't check.
► 00:16:01
Wow. You think I can't get a hose on her jet ski?
► 00:16:03
She doesn't know me. I'm from the streets, bro.