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July 26, 2022 - Tate Speech - Andrew Tate
16:05
THE BEST COOKIES IN MIAMI | Tate Confidential Ep. 126
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Time Text
And here I am. Look, I'm a fucking dickhead.
Look at me. Peer pressure. Why the fuck am I around you?
I hate you. You're the worst people in the world.
I literally hate all of you.
Good shot, man, for 10!
Good shot, man, for 10!
I think I'm gonna take that.
Two.
Andrew, who am I doing an impression of?
Oh, no.
What do you mean? Luke?
Yeah, Luke. Wait, what? You can't just dance.
Why are we here? What do you got?
I got us these. I don't like the United States.
What are they? They don't have them anywhere else.
Four toothbrushes for three dollars.
And you're telling me why you're asking me why we can- Just by- This is the reason.
You don't need four toothbrushes.
Tristan, they have these.
This is the reason we came to Miami. They don't have these anywhere else.
We don't like Miami. Listen, Tristan, you said you wanted to stay in Romania, but you lost the card game, the card trick.
I famosed you, I bamboozled you, and I predicted your card perfectly.
It was amazing. You didn't.
You're making that up. No, no, no.
It was amazing. It was amazing. They're making this up.
And Tristan, genuinely, think about it.
Where else could we get these?
I'm a magician. Oh.
That's not what you are. No means yes.
Am I a magician? Because he knows.
So you got two toothbrushes.
Why do you get two toothbrushes? You actually don't know why we came to Miami.
Those are yours? We came to work on our cookie business.
What do you mean cookie business?
We have a cookie business named after you.
We don't have a cookie business. What's the number one word people use to describe you?
Loser. Talisman. Geek.
Besides loser. There's no one...
Tiny. No one...
Tiny? I'm bigger than both of you.
He is tiny, is he? Ah!
Tiny cookies. Tiny Tate.
Tiny Tate's cookies!
You need to grow the fuck up while I fly home by myself.
Do you admit it? Do you admit we have a cookie?
No. Do you admit you have a cookie?
Ah, so every time we buy these we get profit.
What are you doing? We're helping our business.
We can't just buy Cheetos.
We're going to eat the Cheetos.
We're going to eat the fucking cookies. Yeah, we are.
You think we don't eat all the...
We make the best cookies. I bet they're awful.
I bet they're the best. We're buying them because it's our business.
It's our business. Pure profit.
Oh, it's definitely poison. Yeah, wait, why'd you get that one?
Get this one. Extra strength.
Those are extra strength, too. Yeah, but the red one.
So listen, five hour energy.
If I drink five of these, then I'll have 25 hours of energy for a day.
Here, I need five. I'll drink it for five.
25 hours of energy.
I've effectively eliminated sleep and doubled my lifespan.
And you think you're the smart one.
I'm the brains of this outfit, clearly.
Enjoy sleeping.
Enjoy sleeping.
Tristan, it's not funny at all.
Listen! You ever heard of the term Miami insane?
No. It's not a term.
I'm going Miami insane.
That's not a term. Yes, it is.
No. Yes, it is.
You're lying. Throw chairs off balconies.
Don't do that. Aikido. It's my chair.
Champagne. Your room.
I don't care about your room. Listen.
Miami is for rich people.
And we are rich.
Rick. So, we need to go Miami insane.
You don't have math.
It's a basic equation. It's smart.
We need to do boat Aikido.
Jet ski martinis.
I don't think you're listening to it. I don't think you're listening to it.
What does this mean? Drunk driving.
Things! Action!
Action! There's action in Miami.
We need to spend lots of money and have lots of fun.
Although this hotel, we're spending $10,000 for a couple days, and it is actually terrible.
This hotel is substandard.
So what we need to do is up the budgets, increase expenditure.
The more money we throw out into Miami, the more fun will come into my soul.
That's cause and effect.
So you're telling me we should spend as much money as possible and plan the most crazy, fun activities we can possibly find in Miami?
Yes. I say we just stay in the hotel room.
Your cousin is disabled. Let's go in the metaverse.
Aren't there NFT places here?
You're in charge of fun. Miami's NFT land.
Do something fun. I'm in charge of fun.
I'm going to plan for us the most crazy activities.
NFT party. Should we just add your intake to our drive?
Just grabbing this food and buy it.
The ultimate end. Last episode.
No more uploads. Just watch.
Yeah. Last episode.
Salvage the phone out of the ocean though.
Nah, we can just wrestle off in the fall.
Good point. Last scene.
See you later, Luke. Nah, that doesn't sound as good.
My son, you're in charge of fun.
You sound terrible. Keep me entertained.
You made me come here. Keep me entertained.
I've got an idea. Okay.
I'm in. You look like a cultured man.
I am. Leave it to me.
NFTs? Can't flip me off.
We need to go back into that verse.
You're not. Breakfast.
You just finished the night of boozing.
You went for the pancakes, yeah? Cool.
Good choice. It's not for the gin and tart.
Yeah. Oh, the gin and tea. That wasn't one of the breakfast meals.
It wasn't all the options.
I ordered it from the same waitress you ordered your breakfast from.
Why do you do these things? What things?
Keep the buzz going, you know?
Why do you want the buzz to keep going?
Keep the buzz. Carry the buzz over.
Until the next day. So you're a bumblebee?
Yes. Okay, I cracked it.
Banana smoothie? Nice.
Can I have another gin and tonic, please?
Thank you. And can I have a banana smoothie, please?
Sure. Thanks. You can't actually want gin tonics.
They're refreshing. No, they're not.
They're not. They're actually not.
They're not. And I bet you Take Confidential's psyops into believing that they're actually rejuvenating and refreshing.
They are refreshing. But they're not.
Lou, Andrew, you get the final say.
Are gin tonics refreshing?
They're not. It's a lie.
It's a psyop.
I hope someone on Take Confidential actually tries to drink as much as you do.
All right. Yeah, they'll just feel.
They'll feel what it is.
They'll realize quickly it's not refreshing.
It's not rejuvenating. Why are we in Miami?
He did.
Man, that was such a good card trick.
Man, it was fucking good though.
I'm serious. I really wish I recorded it.
I might have to do it again for the cameras.
I know. No, it was really, really, really good.
I might do it again if you fall for it twice. No way.
He probably will. Alright, what do we do if he falls for it twice?
We would have to go nuts, wouldn't we?
We would have to go nuts, wouldn't we?
Not going back to Romania until you stop falling for that card trick.
Yeah, that's fair. That's fair.
So from now on, whenever you want to go back to Romania, do a card trick.
If you fall for it, we don't go back.
We go somewhere else. I'm never going to remain again.
So he knows. He's admitted defeat.
He can't beat the car trick. No, I just don't.
You've accepted it. So it's my birthday.
It's my birthday, and I'm going to spend my money.
It is your birthday. Tristan, you said spend money, so that's the plan.
Yeah, good. Just woke up.
Nice sunny morning in Miami.
Nice cup of booze. It's booze.
No. I hate booze.
Paper cup booze. Yeah.
Because this is America. It's my birthday, and you have to drink booze.
Don't worry, I can improve this booze.
I'll be back in a second. I'll be back in a second.
Back in a second. What do you mean?
Nothing can improve booze.
Everyone knows that. Booze is horrible.
We'll see. It's horrible no matter what.
There's nothing you can possibly do to make it better.
What's he gonna do? Hold on fire!
Alright, you'll go fire. Alright, it's midday.
Yeah. What's Luke's usual bedtime?
5pm? 5pm, correct.
5pm, because he's a little sleepyhead.
Well, these is an amazing American potion that I've discovered.
I've had four already. What do you mean?
So if I drink my fifth one, then I'll be up for 25 hours.
5 hour energy. That doesn't make sense.
So now, you can't sleep until 10.
5 hour energy. Yeah.
That makes you Luke doesn't go to sleep. Is that how it works?
It's science, Luke.
America is leading the world in scientific innovation.
I don't think we actually do.
Got the COVID-19 jab.
Now this. It's all good.
Wait, so it's nasty as well?
It's horrible. Delicious.
It's not delicious. I saw it on your face.
It was so tasty. Drink your thing.
Wash it down with some booze. Yeah.
Sorry, let me help you. So you gave me something horrible to go with my horrible booze.
Get the booze in, yeah. It will energize the booze.
Will it? Yeah. Booze times two, booze squared.
That's right. It's a good system.
It's literally like cough medicine.
Nice, nice. Five hour energy.
Alright, so at least this will keep me awake until 10, yeah?
Yeah, I'll get you another one later. And you're awake till three.
Never sleeping again. Just keep every five hours.
So why does everyone do this?
Keep pumping it up. I don't know.
Never sleeping again.
I've discovered it. So wait.
So we finally cracked the fucking code.
Yeah. We've just doubled our lifespan effectively.
We already cracked the code to never sleep.
We're just trying to help you out now.
So this is a cheat code.
Yeah. All right.
Good day, good day.
How you going?
What do you know?
Well, strike a light.
Good day, good day.
And how you going?
Just say good day, good day, good day, and you'll be right.
Okay, so we get in the car.
Justin and Sterling, pick us up.
Well, nice road beers.
Isn't this illegal in the United States?
No, it's not. Well, open a container of alcohol.
Illegal if you're a pussy.
That's not how laws work.
Oh, sick nasty! What are we doing?
How you going? What is this?
No. You'll strike a lot.
How you going?
You say g'day, g'day, g'day, and you'll be right.
Isn't it right?
To have a birthday!
Taking a walk along the street.
Woo! Woo!
I love tequila.
No, no. Actually, why is booze a gift?
Well, I actually don't get that idea.
These guys know the management here, so they sent us some free shots of tequila.
I, even though it's my birthday, I'm not drinking tequila before I'm supposed to eat.
I'm going to feel sick if I drink that tequila and I eat food on top and I feel like shit all day.
I would say... It smells bad as well.
You can literally smell it. That's the thing.
I couldn't hear you over the sound of me drinking.
And actually, you can smell it super badly.
Trust me, do you want mine? No.
You want yours. I don't.
I don't. I super don't.
I want yours. I super hate booze.
Buy you. I figured it out.
I super, super hate booze.
I don't even understand how it's a gift.
Can you hear him crying too?
Just give him a few minutes.
A little smallest violin that's playing.
Booze is a gift because it gives you the gift.
What's the gift? The gift it gives you is numbness.
I don't want numbness. It numbs you from other people's bullshit.
I don't want that. Like people being a pussy.
You can hate yourself in silence.
We love ourselves.
Free booze. You guys are right.
What can I do?
What can I say? You're right. And my hand's itching.
I'm going to grab it and shoot it right now.
My hand's itching. The proof's on point.
And I'm going to feel sick all day.
I'm going to eat the food on top.
It's horrible. Tequila's the one alcohol I can't drink.
I fucking hate it. And here I am.
Look, I'm a fucking dickhead. Look at me.
Peer pressure. Why the fuck are I around with you?
I hate you. You're the worst people in the world.
I literally hate all of you. I want you to know that I hope my next birthday I see none of you.
I hope it's the last birthday I see any of you fucks ever again.
I hate all of you. Lies.
Fucking digs. Well, speaking of peer pressure, that's four out of five.
That's four out of five, Luke. Oh, yeah.
What's that, Luke? Give me the camera. Yeah, Luke.
Sorry. Turn it over, bro. I was the last bastard.
I know. I tried to save you.
He was holding the line for you, Luke.
He was praying you were going to...
The line is broken. I'm actually...
The enemy are at the gates. My body actually hates me.
So... My body literally hates me.
What do you want? Therapy? You're going to keep crying?
Keep talking? Call that a body?
What body? Here's the gym.
Okay. And Andrew's birthday.
Luke? Welcome to the real world.
Let's go, Luke. Booze is pure poison.
Welcome to the real world, Luke. Welcome to the real world, Luke.
Welcome to the big school. I don't want to be part of the friendship circle.
I don't want to be part of the friendship circle.
I don't like any of you.
Everyone's jealous of the friendship circle.
Everyone's jealous. We have the power of friendship.
We're shooting lasers out of our hearts.
The magical power. Yeah, I don't need any of that.
I don't care. I don't know why I'm here.
I'm here because it's my cousin's birthday.
I don't even really like him.
Who's cousin? Is he your cousin?
No, my cousin. I'm my fucking cousin.
Who's birthday? I'm leaving.
I'm not a cousin of mine. That's an idiot.
We're not leaving. We're super drunk.
We're doing all the dumb shit that's not planned.
That's what it is. We're doing it all drunk.
There's dumb shit planned.
Of course there's dumb shit planned. No, no, no.
We planned it. Of course there's dumb shit planned.
It was a ladies brunch and now we're finished.
Yeah, on a Wednesday. Now it's drum circles in sleep.
Yeah. End of the day.
Cut the episode. Jet ski hose.
Remember me on the ferry. Don't check.
Wow. You think I can't get a hose on her jet ski?
She doesn't know me. I'm from the streets, bro.
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