Tate Speech - Andrew Tate - THE BEST COOKIES IN MIAMI | Tate Confidential Ep. 126
Aired: 2022-07-26
Duration: 16:05


=== Free Booze, Good Times (14:57) ===

[00:00:02]  And here I am. Look, I'm a fucking dickhead.
[00:00:03]  Look at me. Peer pressure. Why the fuck am I around you?
[00:00:07]  I hate you. You're the worst people in the world.
[00:00:09]  I literally hate all of you.
[00:00:11]  Good shot, man, for 10!
[00:00:13]  Good shot, man, for 10!
[00:00:23]  I think I'm gonna take that.
[00:00:30]  Two.
[00:00:40]  Andrew, who am I doing an impression of?
[00:00:42]  Oh, no.
[00:00:45]  What do you mean? Luke?
[00:00:47]  Yeah, Luke. Wait, what? You can't just dance.
[00:00:59]  Why are we here? What do you got?
[00:01:00]  I got us these. I don't like the United States.
[00:01:02]  What are they? They don't have them anywhere else.
[00:01:04]  Four toothbrushes for three dollars.
[00:01:06]  And you're telling me why you're asking me why we can- Just by- This is the reason.
[00:01:09]  You don't need four toothbrushes.
[00:01:10]  Tristan, they have these.
[00:01:12]  This is the reason we came to Miami. They don't have these anywhere else.
[00:01:15]  We don't like Miami. Listen, Tristan, you said you wanted to stay in Romania, but you lost the card game, the card trick.
[00:01:21]  I famosed you, I bamboozled you, and I predicted your card perfectly.
[00:01:24]  It was amazing. You didn't.
[00:01:26]  You're making that up. No, no, no.
[00:01:27]  It was amazing. It was amazing. They're making this up.
[00:01:29]  And Tristan, genuinely, think about it.
[00:01:30]  Where else could we get these?
[00:01:32]  I'm a magician. Oh.
[00:01:35]  That's not what you are. No means yes.
[00:01:37]  Am I a magician? Because he knows.
[00:01:45]  So you got two toothbrushes.
[00:01:47]  Why do you get two toothbrushes? You actually don't know why we came to Miami.
[00:01:54]  Those are yours? We came to work on our cookie business.
[00:01:59]  What do you mean cookie business?
[00:02:01]  We have a cookie business named after you.
[00:02:03]  We don't have a cookie business. What's the number one word people use to describe you?
[00:02:07]  Loser. Talisman. Geek.
[00:02:10]  Besides loser. There's no one...
[00:02:12]  Tiny. No one...
[00:02:13]  Tiny? I'm bigger than both of you.
[00:02:17]  He is tiny, is he? Ah!
[00:02:20]  Tiny cookies. Tiny Tate.
[00:02:22]  Tiny Tate's cookies!
[00:02:24]  You need to grow the fuck up while I fly home by myself.
[00:02:26]  Do you admit it? Do you admit we have a cookie?
[00:02:28]  No. Do you admit you have a cookie?
[00:02:29]  Ah, so every time we buy these we get profit.
[00:02:34]  What are you doing? We're helping our business.
[00:02:38]  We can't just buy Cheetos.
[00:02:43]  We're going to eat the Cheetos.
[00:02:44]  We're going to eat the fucking cookies. Yeah, we are.
[00:02:46]  You think we don't eat all the...
[00:02:48]  We make the best cookies. I bet they're awful.
[00:02:49]  I bet they're the best. We're buying them because it's our business.
[00:02:52]  It's our business. Pure profit.
[00:02:58]  Oh, it's definitely poison. Yeah, wait, why'd you get that one?
[00:03:00]  Get this one. Extra strength.
[00:03:02]  Those are extra strength, too. Yeah, but the red one.
[00:03:06]  So listen, five hour energy.
[00:03:07]  If I drink five of these, then I'll have 25 hours of energy for a day.
[00:03:12]  Here, I need five. I'll drink it for five.
[00:03:15]  25 hours of energy.
[00:03:17]  I've effectively eliminated sleep and doubled my lifespan.
[00:03:19]  And you think you're the smart one.
[00:03:21]  I'm the brains of this outfit, clearly.
[00:03:24]  Enjoy sleeping.
[00:03:26]  Enjoy sleeping.
[00:03:28]  Tristan, it's not funny at all.
[00:03:33]  Listen! You ever heard of the term Miami insane?
[00:03:37]  No. It's not a term.
[00:03:39]  I'm going Miami insane.
[00:03:43]  That's not a term. Yes, it is.
[00:03:45]  No. Yes, it is.
[00:03:46]  You're lying. Throw chairs off balconies.
[00:03:49]  Don't do that. Aikido. It's my chair.
[00:03:51]  Champagne. Your room.
[00:03:52]  I don't care about your room. Listen.
[00:03:55]  Miami is for rich people.
[00:03:58]  And we are rich.
[00:04:01]  Rick. So, we need to go Miami insane.
[00:04:06]  You don't have math.
[00:04:08]  It's a basic equation. It's smart.
[00:04:10]  We need to do boat Aikido.
[00:04:13]  Jet ski martinis.
[00:04:16]  I don't think you're listening to it. I don't think you're listening to it.
[00:04:19]  What does this mean? Drunk driving.
[00:04:23]  Things! Action!
[00:04:24]  Action! There's action in Miami.
[00:04:26]  We need to spend lots of money and have lots of fun.
[00:04:30]  Although this hotel, we're spending $10,000 for a couple days, and it is actually terrible.
[00:04:35]  This hotel is substandard.
[00:04:37]  So what we need to do is up the budgets, increase expenditure.
[00:04:41]  The more money we throw out into Miami, the more fun will come into my soul.
[00:04:48]  That's cause and effect.
[00:04:50]  So you're telling me we should spend as much money as possible and plan the most crazy, fun activities we can possibly find in Miami?
[00:04:57]  Yes. I say we just stay in the hotel room.
[00:05:00]  Your cousin is disabled. Let's go in the metaverse.
[00:05:06]  Aren't there NFT places here?
[00:05:08]  You're in charge of fun. Miami's NFT land.
[00:05:10]  Do something fun. I'm in charge of fun.
[00:05:12]  I'm going to plan for us the most crazy activities.
[00:05:15]  NFT party. Should we just add your intake to our drive?
[00:05:20]  Just grabbing this food and buy it.
[00:05:23]  The ultimate end. Last episode.
[00:05:24]  No more uploads. Just watch.
[00:05:26]  Yeah. Last episode.
[00:05:28]  Salvage the phone out of the ocean though.
[00:05:31]  Nah, we can just wrestle off in the fall.
[00:05:33]  Good point. Last scene.
[00:05:35]  See you later, Luke. Nah, that doesn't sound as good.
[00:05:38]  My son, you're in charge of fun.
[00:05:40]  You sound terrible. Keep me entertained.
[00:05:42]  You made me come here. Keep me entertained.
[00:05:44]  I've got an idea. Okay.
[00:05:46]  I'm in. You look like a cultured man.
[00:05:48]  I am. Leave it to me.
[00:05:50]  NFTs? Can't flip me off.
[00:05:57]  We need to go back into that verse.
[00:06:00]  You're not. Breakfast.
[00:06:05]  You just finished the night of boozing.
[00:06:07]  You went for the pancakes, yeah? Cool.
[00:06:09]  Good choice. It's not for the gin and tart.
[00:06:16]  Yeah. Oh, the gin and tea. That wasn't one of the breakfast meals.
[00:06:20]  It wasn't all the options.
[00:06:21]  I ordered it from the same waitress you ordered your breakfast from.
[00:06:28]  Why do you do these things? What things?
[00:06:30]  Keep the buzz going, you know?
[00:06:32]  Why do you want the buzz to keep going?
[00:06:34]  Keep the buzz. Carry the buzz over.
[00:06:36]  Until the next day. So you're a bumblebee?
[00:06:39]  Yes. Okay, I cracked it.
[00:06:44]  Banana smoothie? Nice.
[00:06:50]  Can I have another gin and tonic, please?
[00:06:52]  Thank you. And can I have a banana smoothie, please?
[00:06:54]  Sure. Thanks. You can't actually want gin tonics.
[00:06:58]  They're refreshing. No, they're not.
[00:07:00]  They're not. They're actually not.
[00:07:02]  They're not. And I bet you Take Confidential's psyops into believing that they're actually rejuvenating and refreshing.
[00:07:07]  They are refreshing. But they're not.
[00:07:08]  Lou, Andrew, you get the final say.
[00:07:11]  Are gin tonics refreshing?
[00:07:13]  They're not. It's a lie.
[00:07:16]  It's a psyop.
[00:07:19]  I hope someone on Take Confidential actually tries to drink as much as you do.
[00:07:23]  All right. Yeah, they'll just feel.
[00:07:26]  They'll feel what it is.
[00:07:28]  They'll realize quickly it's not refreshing.
[00:07:30]  It's not rejuvenating. Why are we in Miami?
[00:07:41]  He did.
[00:07:47]  Man, that was such a good card trick.
[00:07:49]  Man, it was fucking good though.
[00:07:52]  I'm serious. I really wish I recorded it.
[00:07:54]  I might have to do it again for the cameras.
[00:07:56]  I know. No, it was really, really, really good.
[00:07:58]  I might do it again if you fall for it twice. No way.
[00:08:00]  He probably will. Alright, what do we do if he falls for it twice?
[00:08:05]  We would have to go nuts, wouldn't we?
[00:08:07]  We would have to go nuts, wouldn't we?
[00:08:08]  Not going back to Romania until you stop falling for that card trick.
[00:08:11]  Yeah, that's fair. That's fair.
[00:08:13]  So from now on, whenever you want to go back to Romania, do a card trick.
[00:08:17]  If you fall for it, we don't go back.
[00:08:19]  We go somewhere else. I'm never going to remain again.
[00:08:25]  So he knows. He's admitted defeat.
[00:08:27]  He can't beat the car trick. No, I just don't.
[00:08:29]  You've accepted it. So it's my birthday.
[00:08:39]  It's my birthday, and I'm going to spend my money.
[00:08:41]  It is your birthday. Tristan, you said spend money, so that's the plan.
[00:08:44]  Yeah, good. Just woke up.
[00:08:47]  Nice sunny morning in Miami.
[00:08:49]  Nice cup of booze. It's booze.
[00:08:51]  No. I hate booze.
[00:08:53]  Paper cup booze. Yeah.
[00:08:54]  Because this is America. It's my birthday, and you have to drink booze.
[00:09:00]  Don't worry, I can improve this booze.
[00:09:01]  I'll be back in a second. I'll be back in a second.
[00:09:03]  Back in a second. What do you mean?
[00:09:04]  Nothing can improve booze.
[00:09:06]  Everyone knows that. Booze is horrible.
[00:09:08]  We'll see. It's horrible no matter what.
[00:09:10]  There's nothing you can possibly do to make it better.
[00:09:13]  What's he gonna do? Hold on fire!
[00:09:21]  Alright, you'll go fire. Alright, it's midday.
[00:09:25]  Yeah. What's Luke's usual bedtime?
[00:09:28]  5pm? 5pm, correct.
[00:09:30]  5pm, because he's a little sleepyhead.
[00:09:31]  Well, these is an amazing American potion that I've discovered.
[00:09:36]  I've had four already. What do you mean?
[00:09:38]  So if I drink my fifth one, then I'll be up for 25 hours.
[00:09:42]  5 hour energy. That doesn't make sense.
[00:09:43]  So now, you can't sleep until 10.
[00:09:47]  5 hour energy. Yeah.
[00:09:48]  That makes you Luke doesn't go to sleep. Is that how it works?
[00:09:52]  It's science, Luke.
[00:09:54]  America is leading the world in scientific innovation.
[00:09:57]  I don't think we actually do.
[00:09:59]  Got the COVID-19 jab.
[00:10:01]  Now this. It's all good.
[00:10:04]  Wait, so it's nasty as well?
[00:10:06]  It's horrible. Delicious.
[00:10:10]  It's not delicious. I saw it on your face.
[00:10:13]  It was so tasty. Drink your thing.
[00:10:16]  Wash it down with some booze. Yeah.
[00:10:19]  Sorry, let me help you. So you gave me something horrible to go with my horrible booze.
[00:10:25]  Get the booze in, yeah. It will energize the booze.
[00:10:28]  Will it? Yeah. Booze times two, booze squared.
[00:10:31]  That's right. It's a good system.
[00:10:34]  It's literally like cough medicine.
[00:10:35]  Nice, nice. Five hour energy.
[00:10:40]  Alright, so at least this will keep me awake until 10, yeah?
[00:10:43]  Yeah, I'll get you another one later. And you're awake till three.
[00:10:46]  Never sleeping again. Just keep every five hours.
[00:10:49]  So why does everyone do this?
[00:10:50]  Keep pumping it up. I don't know.
[00:10:51]  Never sleeping again.
[00:10:53]  I've discovered it. So wait.
[00:10:56]  So we finally cracked the fucking code.
[00:10:58]  Yeah. We've just doubled our lifespan effectively.
[00:11:00]  We already cracked the code to never sleep.
[00:11:01]  We're just trying to help you out now.
[00:11:03]  So this is a cheat code.
[00:11:04]  Yeah. All right.
[00:11:08]  Good day, good day.
[00:11:10]  How you going?
[00:11:12]  What do you know?
[00:11:14]  Well, strike a light.
[00:11:15]  Good day, good day.
[00:11:17]  And how you going?
[00:11:20]  Just say good day, good day, good day, and you'll be right.
[00:11:27]  Okay, so we get in the car.
[00:11:28]  Justin and Sterling, pick us up.
[00:11:31]  Well, nice road beers.
[00:11:32]  Isn't this illegal in the United States?
[00:11:33]  No, it's not. Well, open a container of alcohol.
[00:11:36]  Illegal if you're a pussy.
[00:11:39]  That's not how laws work.
[00:11:40]  Oh, sick nasty! What are we doing?
[00:11:44]  How you going? What is this?
[00:11:46]  No. You'll strike a lot.
[00:11:52]  How you going?
[00:11:53]  You say g'day, g'day, g'day, and you'll be right.
[00:11:57]  Isn't it right?
[00:11:59]  To have a birthday!
[00:12:01]  Taking a walk along the street.
[00:12:05]  Woo! Woo!
[00:12:10]  I love tequila.
[00:12:14]  No, no. Actually, why is booze a gift?
[00:12:17]  Well, I actually don't get that idea.
[00:12:18]  These guys know the management here, so they sent us some free shots of tequila.
[00:12:23]  I, even though it's my birthday, I'm not drinking tequila before I'm supposed to eat.
[00:12:26]  I'm going to feel sick if I drink that tequila and I eat food on top and I feel like shit all day.
[00:12:30]  I would say... It smells bad as well.
[00:12:34]  You can literally smell it. That's the thing.
[00:12:36]  I couldn't hear you over the sound of me drinking.
[00:12:39]  And actually, you can smell it super badly.
[00:12:42]  Trust me, do you want mine? No.
[00:12:44]  You want yours. I don't.
[00:12:45]  I don't. I super don't.
[00:12:47]  I want yours. I super hate booze.
[00:12:48]  Buy you. I figured it out.
[00:12:50]  I super, super hate booze.
[00:12:51]  I don't even understand how it's a gift.
[00:12:52]  Can you hear him crying too?
[00:12:54]  Just give him a few minutes.
[00:12:55]  A little smallest violin that's playing.
[00:13:00]  Booze is a gift because it gives you the gift.
[00:13:03]  What's the gift? The gift it gives you is numbness.
[00:13:07]  I don't want numbness. It numbs you from other people's bullshit.
[00:13:10]  I don't want that. Like people being a pussy.
[00:13:12]  You can hate yourself in silence.
[00:13:16]  We love ourselves.
[00:13:18]  Free booze. You guys are right.
[00:13:36]  What can I do?
[00:13:38]  What can I say? You're right. And my hand's itching.
[00:13:43]  I'm going to grab it and shoot it right now.
[00:13:45]  My hand's itching. The proof's on point.
[00:13:47]  And I'm going to feel sick all day.
[00:13:48]  I'm going to eat the food on top.
[00:13:50]  It's horrible. Tequila's the one alcohol I can't drink.
[00:13:52]  I fucking hate it. And here I am.
[00:13:53]  Look, I'm a fucking dickhead. Look at me.
[00:13:55]  Peer pressure. Why the fuck are I around with you?
[00:13:58]  I hate you. You're the worst people in the world.
[00:14:00]  I literally hate all of you. I want you to know that I hope my next birthday I see none of you.
[00:14:04]  I hope it's the last birthday I see any of you fucks ever again.
[00:14:06]  I hate all of you. Lies.
[00:14:08]  Fucking digs. Well, speaking of peer pressure, that's four out of five.
[00:14:11]  That's four out of five, Luke. Oh, yeah.
[00:14:13]  What's that, Luke? Give me the camera. Yeah, Luke.
[00:14:15]  Sorry. Turn it over, bro. I was the last bastard.
[00:14:18]  I know. I tried to save you.
[00:14:20]  He was holding the line for you, Luke.
[00:14:22]  He was praying you were going to...
[00:14:23]  The line is broken. I'm actually...
[00:14:24]  The enemy are at the gates. My body actually hates me.
[00:14:27]  So... My body literally hates me.
[00:14:29]  What do you want? Therapy? You're going to keep crying?
[00:14:31]  Keep talking? Call that a body?
[00:14:33]  What body? Here's the gym.
[00:14:35]  Okay. And Andrew's birthday.
[00:14:48]  Luke? Welcome to the real world.
[00:14:53]  Let's go, Luke. Booze is pure poison.
[00:14:57]  Welcome to the real world, Luke. Welcome to the real world, Luke.

=== I Don't Want In (01:06) ===

[00:14:59]  Welcome to the big school. I don't want to be part of the friendship circle.
[00:15:08]  I don't want to be part of the friendship circle.
[00:15:10]  I don't like any of you.
[00:15:14]  Everyone's jealous of the friendship circle.
[00:15:16]  Everyone's jealous. We have the power of friendship.
[00:15:18]  We're shooting lasers out of our hearts.
[00:15:20]  The magical power. Yeah, I don't need any of that.
[00:15:21]  I don't care. I don't know why I'm here.
[00:15:24]  I'm here because it's my cousin's birthday.
[00:15:25]  I don't even really like him.
[00:15:26]  Who's cousin? Is he your cousin?
[00:15:28]  No, my cousin. I'm my fucking cousin.
[00:15:29]  Who's birthday? I'm leaving.
[00:15:31]  I'm not a cousin of mine. That's an idiot.
[00:15:33]  We're not leaving. We're super drunk.
[00:15:36]  We're doing all the dumb shit that's not planned.
[00:15:37]  That's what it is. We're doing it all drunk.
[00:15:39]  There's dumb shit planned.
[00:15:41]  Of course there's dumb shit planned. No, no, no.
[00:15:42]  We planned it. Of course there's dumb shit planned.
[00:15:44]  It was a ladies brunch and now we're finished.
[00:15:47]  Yeah, on a Wednesday. Now it's drum circles in sleep.
[00:15:50]  Yeah. End of the day.
[00:15:52]  Cut the episode. Jet ski hose.
[00:15:58]  Remember me on the ferry. Don't check.
[00:16:01]  Wow. You think I can't get a hose on her jet ski?
[00:16:03]  She doesn't know me. I'm from the streets, bro.