| Time | Text |
|---|---|
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Hammer Time
00:12:57
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| Good shot there from Tate! | |
| A lot of people say girls love money and that's not entirely true. | |
| I'm not sure if that's true. | |
| I'm not sure if that's true. | |
| Action! | |
| I'm gonna go get my bag. | |
| Yeah. And there needs to be a way in. | |
| However, I need some sort of massive hammer. | |
| And we don't have a hammer. | |
| And also this gap isn't that big. | |
| Ah, okay. | |
| How am I going to do this with a spicy message? | |
| I can hold it. | |
| I think it seems so sharp. | |
| Alright, hold that. Let me go find some sort of hammer. | |
| If I can hammer that solid right here, it should break the wall. | |
| I mean, I can't be much closer than that. | |
| You don't think you can push kick it? | |
| The question is, do we have a hammer? | |
| T, you don't think you can kick it? | |
| Put your boots on? No. | |
| It's going to end a hit in your arm. | |
| Huh? It's going to end a hit in your arm. | |
| Nah, you won't miss. This ain't going to end nice. | |
| Look, my foals. I'm from Marsh Farm. | |
| I'm an expert for breaking this shit. | |
| Yeah, this is one time I wish my stereotype was true. | |
| I could have got you guys in there ASAP. Okay. | |
| The key is, it has to be nice and level. | |
| Not tilted up or tilted down. | |
| I'm kidding. Oh, this is not going to end well. | |
| Please Damn it Oh Yep Oh Oh, look at your head. | |
| Oh, shit. | |
| Okay. Alright. | |
| This isn't gonna end well. | |
| I'm sorry. | |
| I'm sorry. Has it come off? | |
| Duct tape? | |
| I said this was gonna end bad. | |
| Look, blood everywhere. God damn it. | |
| How bad is it? | |
| Where is it? | |
| Oh shit! | |
| Yeah. This is stitches. | |
| Yeah. It's okay. | |
| I can take the pain. To be fair. | |
| Front keeping the machete. It was. | |
| No, this is 100% my fault. | |
| It was a bad idea. | |
| I will accept this is 100% my fault. | |
| Look, if I get the Wuhan virus from this open cup... | |
| Okay. Now it's stopped bleeding. | |
| It has. Good. | |
| There. The bleeding's stopped. | |
| Step one. Now you're definitely nothing done. | |
| There's too many tape in this house. | |
| Okay. So, I can't put liquor. | |
| Stop bleeding. You're not lightheaded. | |
| Trust me. I've lost far more blood in far better scenarios. | |
| To be fair, I think we should take Luke for a nice pint right now. | |
| A pint of Guinness. Yeah, a pint of Guinness. | |
| A pint of Guinness will help you, bro. | |
| A glass of wine. What do you think? | |
| You are making a mess. | |
| I'm making a mess. And there you are, ready to party. | |
| Shall I book a table? No. | |
| Why not? No, I don't care where those are at. | |
| Just dumb shit. Getting locked out was Tristan's dumb shit. | |
| I still blame Tristan 100%. | |
| Luke was brave, but still just dumb. | |
| Just dumb. | |
| Unprofessionalism. It's not how I roll. | |
| I'm professional. I like to get my shit, do my things right. | |
| Locked out. People fucking around with keys. | |
| Amateur hour, man. | |
| Amateur hour. Now we've got injuries. | |
| What's going on? Gruesome. | |
| Gruesome, bro. Lost his fucking finger. | |
| Why? Why? | |
| Can we build some music? | |
| I'd love some music. Alright, sure, man. | |
| There you go. This is nice. | |
| And some KFC. And now I don't have to work out tomorrow. | |
| No burpees tomorrow. No burpees. | |
| Oh, I see. This is all a plan. | |
| Miles made me laugh. He goes, poor Luke. | |
| When he's around you, his life is a disaster. | |
| He should go back to his house in California. | |
| I didn't have a house! | |
| I didn't have a house. What do you mean house? | |
| Here he gets the Wuhan virus, he gets his finger cut open, but it's better than being homeless. | |
| It's much better than being homeless. | |
| ...workings of a Romanian hospital. | |
| So here's how they work. | |
| They're not as good as most hospitals in Europe. | |
| They're underfunded. | |
| Everyone's too busy. There are massive lines to wait in, but everyone takes bribes. | |
| A little bribe, you jump to the front of the queue. | |
| Luke will be in and out of the A&E room within 15 minutes. | |
| In England it would be four hours. | |
| Why? No bribes. That's the problem with the NHS. They should bring back bribery. | |
| Bribe your way to the front of the queue, bribe the doctors, bribe the guy doing the stitches. | |
| I'm gonna get some bribe money before I go, and we're good. | |
| Luke will survive. I will survive. | |
| It's a pinky, too. I don't really need it. | |
| If it wasn't for my bribe money, Luke might die. | |
| I don't think I'd die. Don't worry. | |
| I'll bribe your way to safety. | |
| I'll bribe your way back to good health. | |
| Oh, I forgot my mask, bro. | |
| Oh, your Wuhan mask. We're going to get Wuhan. | |
| Shit, that would be shit. | |
| Now we're going to get Wuhan. Yeah, now I get Wuhan after. | |
| Alright, then your death will be my fault. | |
| Yeah. Again, I hope you don't, you shouldn't blame yourself for this at all. | |
| This was my idea. You know, the thing is, it's a cocky finger. | |
| It's not like you lost your hand. | |
| Yeah, it's true. It could have been much worse. | |
| I cut myself that much and then I stopped the bleeding by tying my finger off and I kept drinking for five hours and went to sleep. | |
| And my finger formed back weird because it didn't sit together right. | |
| Yeah. So, wham. | |
| These things happen. I wasn't going to leave a party at my house, was I? Go get my bride bunny. | |
| Save my cousin's life. | |
| You bribe money to bribe everyone. | |
| I'm not sure you can film the bribes. | |
| Try to be low-key. Yeah. | |
| Don't show their faces. Yeah. | |
| Yeah. You're going to be the favorite by taking bribes. | |
| I'm going to snitch on them. No. | |
| So, I know how to fix the NHS in one simple step. | |
| Ready? Forrest Johnson, if you're watching this, I know this blog's getting popular. | |
| Here's how you fix the NHS. Every hospital, the problem is, because there's no bribes and shit, you've got to wait in all these massive-ass lines and wait with all these people who, like, sprained their ankle playing football or, like, their thumb's a bit swollen because they opened a fucking tin of sardines wrong. | |
| Here's what you do. You hire one doctor in each hospital and he is the go-home man. | |
| Now the go home man's job is to walk around the fucking waiting room, look at them motherfuckers and say, you, go home. | |
| You, go home. You don't need to be here. | |
| I was in hospital with Andrew. | |
| He had a break on his hand after a kickboxing fight. | |
| He needed surgery. You're waiting behind the queue of a guy who's too drunk, calling his wife names, waiting behind a guy who's sprained his ankle, playing football, sitting there with his shoe off, and he gets up and hobbles to the vending machine. | |
| Go home! Why are you in the hospital? | |
| Everyone leave! And the go home man is to get rid of these motherfuckers in the waiting room. | |
| Then, there's a nice, fast, speedy service, and the time wasters get to leave. | |
| Make sense horse jumps write that down That is good. | |
| It's good. | |
| Very bad for you. I've hired a translator who we will censor out. | |
| I've hired a Romanian translator. | |
| I know you guys could do a mask on scratch here in the United States. | |
| Told you, everyone's got a mops brush. | |
| So, apparently, Luke has sliced a tendon on his finger, and he needs surgery on his pinky finger, so he's going to be in hospital until tomorrow. | |
| But that's whack, and I don't really trust these Romanian hospitals, so right now I'm going to take him to a private hospital and spend loads of money to fix his finger, because I'm a good cousin. | |
| Shit, man. So, because I'm a good cousin, I'm going to a private hospital. | |
| It's going to cost me thousands of euros to get your tent in and your picture. | |
| But I also did kick your hand into a reception. | |
| So, I feel I kind of owe you. | |
| Not really. I shouldn't have gotten along before I was. | |
| It wasn't better. The door didn't get open. | |
| We didn't even succeed. | |
| And you know what's happened now? Georgiana's called locksmith. | |
| Alright, you go in and pay for the gas then. | |
| What? No. Oh, I see. | |
| You don't have hands. Yeah, I don't have hands. | |
| Opening doors. Me and Andrew have a rule. | |
| One of us pumps the gas. | |
| The other one goes inside to pay for it. | |
| You told him to pump the gas. Yeah, but I didn't know he was here. | |
| I could have told him to pump the gas. | |
| I chose pumping before I knew that guy was pumping gas for me. | |
| I can't get it. Do you want anything? | |
| Do you want a beer? No. | |
| Are you sure? No. Red Bull? | |
| Maybe a Red Bull. Wine? | |
| No. So you don't want a beer or any wine? | |
| No, I want a sandwich. | |
| Whatever. | |
| The filling ruffled. | |
| Here's that beer you asked for. | |
| I didn't want a beer. Don't worry, I'll open it for you. | |
| You just put it between your wrists. | |
| There you go. Nice, nice cold beer. | |
| Thank you. Enjoy. I got your sandwich. | |
| Alright, you put the beer away. | |
| Alright, so you don't want the beer, then? | |
| No, I don't. But the beer will make you strong. | |
| No, it won't. Ah, this sandwich is cold. | |
| I didn't realize it was cold. It's fine. | |
| I'll take the cold one. Are you sure? | |
| It's all the same, bro. Yeah, I don't care. | |
| Somehow, you need the sandwich. | |
| Now, the good news is, I'm busy. | |
| So Georgiana is taking you to the hospital? | |
| Mm. | |
| No, it's not quite hospital. | |
| Okay. | |
| Where are you going? | |
| Right. | |
| We can't leave them. We can't leave them. | |
| We should take them back to Floresta, where we were, when they abandoned Tanta. | |
|
Giving Anesthetic in Efficiency
00:01:12
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|
| And tell them to give them the surgery. | |
| Here's money for bribes, etc. | |
| You can't bribe hospital people. | |
| I know it's hard, but if you need money for the surgery, first thing you do, find out if it's local anesthetic or general anesthetic. | |
| It's like a tiny cut here and here. | |
| And they were saying anesthetic, and you said, oh, it's anesthetic. | |
| But I don't know if it's the normal one that numbs your hands or like the one when you go to sleep. | |
| Surely it's not that normal. It's kind of what you expect. | |
| The people aren't that nice. | |
| They're all efficient and there's – or not efficient. | |
| You wait for hours, but they'll do the surgery. | |
| They'll give you a bed, but the bed's with like five other people. | |
| They'll give you food, but the food's like a hard-boiled egg and bread with cheese. | |
| I can't open hard-boiled eggs. | |