| Time | Text |
|---|---|
|
Por Favor, No Molesting
00:02:32
|
|
| Good shot there from Tate! | |
| A lot of people say girls love money and that's not entirely true. | |
| But I'm not a girl. | |
| I'm a girl. | |
| Thanks for watching! | |
| I should be in Valencia. | |
| This morning Andrew said, would you like to take a little... | |
| Por favor, no molesting. | |
| No molesting. I thought everything was supposed to be free in this socialist shit hole. | |
| They can pay to drive. | |
| Yeah, don't worry, I'll talk to the guy who speaks Spanish. | |
| España es una sociedad falida. | |
| We should give something back. | |
| Listen, no need to be a little baby Mike. | |
| Snacks. | |
| What does it say on the box? | |
| Right here. | |
| Which one is it? | |
| It's in the fucking snacks room. | |
| Snack it up. I need more of these. | |
|
Drink Up, Mike
00:11:27
|
|
| I'm going to teach you a new lesson by taking the opposite of the drivers. | |
| It's called a... | |
| Now we're talking. | |
| A screwdriver, some more, some more. | |
| It's really funny. | |
| Oh Oh Hey, bye dude. Hello? No. Oh wait. | |
| Oh no... | |
| I'm going to get a new camera. | |
| That's not fair, Chios. Just a member of all your fucking bitches. | |
| Forget the eyeball fucking gin and tonics. | |
| Here, Mike, you're drinking with me. | |
| Can't drink alone is bad luck. | |
| Can't have a gin and tonic or I'll have a whiskey and cola. | |
| What coke? Cola. | |
| Cheers, Mike. Cheers, man. | |
| Enjoy your drive, Andrew. It's fantastic. | |
| Isn't that crime? Not bad, I don't like whiskey. | |
| I know, it's perfectly mixed, isn't it? | |
| Fucking hell. Splash of lemon. | |
| I'll crack you open a G&T. Are you scared of that happening? | |
| That you're gonna drink this drink and you're gonna crash and die because of the drink. | |
| Have a fucking drink. | |
| I don't want a drink. I wanted one. | |
| I would drink it. So you don't want a nice cold gin and tonic. | |
| Let me review it. Let's see how refreshing it is every day. | |
| Oh, that's a beautiful mix of G&T. Try a sip of that. | |
| Oh, you don't want it, do you? | |
| It's about refreshing, actually. Don't lie to yourself. | |
| I'll never tell her. We're going to kill us because we're hydrogen and tonic. | |
| It's impossible. What better beverage to drink while driving across Spain than a hydrogen and tonic? | |
| I know! Keep it sharp, keep it focused. | |
| I can't think of any drink which would be encouraged by the Spanish police force to a higher regard than a refreshing cold GMT. I know. | |
| It's the Spanish way, it's the continental way. | |
| Absolutely. Cheers. Drink up, Mike. | |
| There's no free pass on this one. | |
| And the Benidorm. The height of class. | |
| And you can drink and drive. You can drink and film. | |
| Booze and cruise. Exactly. | |
| I like to drive my booze and cruise. | |
| Hello. Hi. | |
| España es una sociedad falida. | |
| Thank you. See? | |
| See my fucking balls. | |
| I'm sure. | |
| That's the chat where I command you on. | |
| Tap. Tap. Use the tick-tock to tap the gears in. | |
| That's how all the pros do it. That's how they do it in the F1. | |
| Real private. | |
| I'm gonna go pay for my waste. | |
| España es un sociedad falida. | |
| I'm pronouncing it right. | |
| So I guess after the big chunks of pints. | |
| Go to www.Flydreamers.com Go cart. Google go cart and find a way. | |
| Closed Sunday. Same as the spa was closed. | |
| Failed society. | |
| That's on Sunday things are closed. | |
| And this famous spa hotel had to be closed on Sunday. | |
| On all days, Sunday's the day we want to go to the fucking spa. | |
| Failed society. | |
| Actually quite nice. | |
| Little baby. | |
| Good girl. | |
| Okay, so what did you say? | |
| Hello, I'm interested in the Segway tour for four people. | |
| Sorry, only available tomorrow. | |
| Also on Wednesday. | |
| I'll respond to him, don't worry. | |
| I know Spanish. | |
| I hope he gets the message. | |
| I'm walking. | |
| Can we go upstairs? | |
| Yeah. | |
| Upstairs in the restaurant. | |
| Yeah. | |
| In the restaurant, it's from 7 o'clock. | |
| Open for 7? | |
| Yeah. | |
| Failed society. | |
| Yeah, we have a bar if you want to do something, it's okay. | |
| A bar? | |
| Alright, just say the bar will come back in 20 minutes. | |
| Yeah? | |
| Yeah, right here. | |
| Alright, tell you tomorrow. I'm not gonna come in. | |
| 20 minutes ago, we went to check in. | |
| She said it's going to take a little bit to check in three minutes. | |
| Let me see. 22 minutes, I went over there. | |
| Are you ready? Not yet. | |
| still frantically pressing buttons on a computer. | |
| We finished our work, which is classified. | |
| We're in Benidorm, which is obviously famous for its top quality nightclub. | |
| In 1975. | |
| The best of Britain come here. | |
| They don't. They're scum of England. | |
| I think we go out and make Mike drink until he throws up. | |
| Mike is my bad luck charm. | |
| In a place like Benidorm, as terrible as it is, it's going to be far worse than Mike. | |
| Sorry, Mike. As you know, Andrew and myself are classy guys. | |
| Classy millennials are hanging out in the finest places. | |
| However, English people have a reputation for when they go on holiday, becoming the biggest scumbags on Earth. | |
| And we're in scumbag-centric. | |
| So tonight, I'm going to show you how English people do holidays in Bellador. | |
| I'm not a millionaire tonight. | |
| I'm not just a tape. | |
| I'm not classy. I'm English. | |
| Prepare yourself. That looks scary. | |
| Remember this move from the EasyJet flight. | |
| Works so well in New England. | |
| Spain's failed society. | |
| Back in the day, EasyJet didn't use to issue seat numbers. | |
| You used to have to get on the plane and just sit down where you liked. | |
| So me and Andrew would sit in the back with a seat in between us and look big and mean like this. | |
| And every single time, unless the flight was totally fully booked, no one would sit in the middle of us and we got extra space. | |
| That was our move. | |
| We're poor today. | |
| 300 euros alcohol. | |
| I'm going to get a drink. | |
| He does think he's boss. He's stuck up. | |
| He's stuck up. He looks a bit stuck up. | |
| He's only boss from Romania. | |
| He's stuck up. That's a big one. | |
| We want that one. No one's married, but he's married. | |
| I know, but I am too. That one's stuck up. | |
| We need to wake up. I don't fucking have to say anything. | |
| I bought the 50. | |
| I have the 50 cent. | |
| I do worry. Get your ass out! | |
| I'm gonna get your ass out! | |
| Thank you, thank you. He understood it was time to get a tick. | |
| He used to give me what I desire. | |
| Don't worry, don't worry, I am worried. | |
| Germany is a failed society. | |
| I've never been to Germany. | |
| Don't go, that's it. Worst history in Europe. | |
| Who do you get in the next year? I'm not in the next year. | |
| I'm just putting this anywhere. | |
| I see you later. | |
| See you and it's Tuesday. | |
| I'm coming, I'm coming. | |
| Well, dream more or I'm gonna fit in. | |
| Why don't you ladies finish your puns? | |
| You're getting embarrassing. | |
| I voted against this shit. | |
| Just on the fucking record shit. | |
| The worst night of my life. | |
| Horrible. Mike's having a good time. | |
| At least... | |
| I'm visiting the fuck man zoo. | |
| What a break he's making. | |
| No, those things look like they're sliding around. | |
| There's a single metal bar running from top to bottom. | |
| Guaranteed, those things just made to the illusion of... | |
| Oh, there's a circle. Oh, really? | |
| I'm not a walker. | |
| I'm a waver. | |
| That's it. That's it. | |
| Thank you. | |
| Thank you. | |
| We're the Magic Spaniards. | |
| Are you afraid? | |
| He's afraid | |
| Oh | |
|
Five Minutes Of Irony
00:00:20
|
|
| Play the funny For five minutes I had fun in there. | |
| For five minutes. Very ironically. | |
| Everyone else was there actually having a good time. | |
| It was like a joke. | |
| But they're all like, actually enjoying it. | |
| Jesus Christ. | |