| Time | Text |
|---|---|
|
Never See A Festival Again
00:13:04
|
|
| Good shot there from Tate! | |
| A lot of people say girls love money and that's not entirely true. | |
| But I'm not a girl. | |
| I'm a girl. | |
| Thanks for watching! | |
| you All right, so we're going to never see. | |
| I've never been to a festival before in my life. | |
| Hey, we've got a VIP table. | |
| I said, are we going to be in the crowds with the worms? | |
| I don't like worms. I don't like people. | |
| He said, no, it's VIP. No worms. | |
| I don't like sweaty people jumping up and down, wormishly. | |
| So if I get pissed off, hit one, hit another, before you know it, it'll be murders. | |
| So he said, no, you'll be quarantined. | |
| We had to find three hotel rooms, one for me, one for Tristan, one for Mike. | |
| And for three days, that was like fucking four grand because the last room's available. | |
| And then we got a booze. | |
| So this fucking tables, VIP, blah, blah, blah. | |
| This weekend's going to cost 10,000, 15,000 euros at least. | |
| And people say, oh, Dave, you're greedy. | |
| Why do you need so much money? | |
| It costs 10,000 euros to go to a fucking crowd of idiots. | |
| That's how much it costs. I'm playing a war room member of chess and driving my car at the same time. | |
| If I lose, I'm gonna lose. | |
| Slowest car but the best drivers. | |
| Don't worry about it. We'll keep up. | |
| Should've been a cowboy. | |
| I bet you never heard from Marcel Taylor say, Now, cowboy! | |
| I said, I'm your brother on the ground. | |
| Bring my six to the right life on the young cat and drive. | |
| Stealing a young guy. | |
| I love when I talk to hear a man brag. | |
| Well, I love you waving a flag, but gone that bad. | |
| Cutting through on route. I'm chilling out with the juice and tea. I've got my jeans on. | |
| There's no need for the car to be this loud. | |
| There's no meat. It's pure just to piss everyone off. | |
| They say buy an expensive car if you want girls. | |
| It's not true. If you want eight-year-old boys, then you buy an expensive car. | |
| Girls don't care. Young boys are fascinating. | |
| I'm a ninja and I hope you've met that. Caught him in the air. | |
| There's about four hotels in Malaya that aren't shit, that weren't built during communism. | |
| This is one of them. | |
| But, for the price of staying here, it's twice as much as a Dubai hotel. | |
| Alright, let's go to 6106 first. | |
| I said badly that screwed me over. | |
| We randomly picked which room. | |
| You chose the better room, screw me over. | |
| I don't know which one's the better fucking room. | |
| Oh, what do we have here? | |
| Not bad. At least it's worth the money now. | |
| Like, I thought it was going to be a crappy little room. | |
| This is actually okay. I can sit here, two girls get jerked off, drink some champagne, you know. | |
| I'm going to go to my room, but if it isn't to this standard or better, you're in trouble. | |
| I'm in fucking trouble. You picked your own fucking room, dumbass. | |
| Right here. You fucked me. | |
| You said, here's your key. | |
| I said pick a fucking key. | |
| If your room is nicer, I'm kicking you in the nuts. | |
| I'm kicking you in the nuts. | |
| All in all, I'm pretty happy. | |
| Yeah. I'll let you off. | |
| You came this close. Let me off. | |
| You came this fucking close. | |
| Let's change fucking rooms, then. | |
| Where's the fucking booze? | |
| Here we go. I'll do the Jameson, you do the vodka. | |
| Ramazotti. Here you go, Mike. | |
| After this, we're going to see Mike's room, and I'm drinking from his menu. | |
| Now we're talking just for fucking things. | |
| Alright, let's go see Mike's room. See how badly Mike fucked us out of our money. | |
| Let me put this on my Instagram storage first so all the hoes are like, It's not your room! | |
| It's big! You should see my dick! | |
| Mike, what room number are you? 6102. | |
| Wrong room, bro. 6102. | |
| Plan to count numbers. You're late with every fucking episode. | |
| Yeah, every Friday. It's never been on a Friday. | |
| Every episode. Oh, sorry. | |
| I only had six days. | |
| I haven't managed to make the four-minute episode. | |
| Flying around the world. | |
| Living in luxury accommodation. | |
| Fucking hell, Mike. You're still taking the piss. | |
| It's still pretty fucking nice. | |
| It's great, man. Mr. | |
| Late episode. Yeah. | |
| It's alright. It's a nice big bed so you can sleep in and not get the edits done. | |
| Yeah, so you can just say, oh, sorry, Sunday, Sunday. | |
| Fucking Sunday. What is this? | |
| Nice fucking balcony as well? | |
| With two chairs? You can get your hips up on here when you're busy not fucking making the episode. | |
| Where is I'm atasi? Drink up, Mike. | |
| It's good for you. It's good for you, mate. | |
| It's strong. Why aren't all the redneck companies? | |
| Slovakia, Hungary, Romania. | |
| Because they eat corn. It's like a redneck thing. | |
| It's saying in a five-star hotel, 300 euros a night, you walk 10 meters... | |
| I really want some corn. This guy's selling corn. | |
| Not only did he get whooping... | |
| We got whooping while I ate corn. | |
| I was eating corn the whole time. | |
| With one hand, corn. | |
| Other hand, kick it in your ass. | |
| You will never recover from this embarrassment. | |
| For the rest of your human years, you will suffer. | |
| You'll always be illusory. | |
| There's nothing you can do to turn back the ball. | |
| Corn in one hand, ass whooping in the other. | |
| Fifty percent of my powers, and you're still lost. | |
| Oh, just another day in the life of a loser. | |
| Lost again, didn't ya? What next? | |
| Anything else you're gonna lose at here? | |
| Or you don't? Anything else? | |
| Your failure, failure of a man. | |
| We didn't start. | |
| Yeah, yeah, right. | |
| Hi! This is Abby. | |
| See, good names. | |
| Well, it's a good name for men, Abby. | |
| Abigail's Oh I Love you I Love you I Love you | |
| No, go tell this dickhead we were in here before. | |
| Go talk to him, Mike. In Romania. | |
| Tell him that he's not going on. | |
| Oh, wait, wait. He's just giving him some money. | |
| Fucking Romania. Go around, go around, go around. | |
| Tristan Hansen, 50, lady. | |
| Jesus. | |
| To bribe everyone to do everything here. | |
| When I'm in the Aston, Tristan can never lose me. | |
| When I'm in the Lambo, he'll stand a fucking chance. | |
| She's miles, she's gone. | |
| Yeah, I'm sorry. | |
| I'm sorry. | |
| I'm out. | |
| Cacio, ea, ea, ea. Ea? | |
| Igor, lasa te rog camera aia de filmat. | |
| Dacă nu vrei să te iau. | |
| Lasă camera aia de filmat. | |
| If I'm filming, I'm going to get my accord. | |
| Yes? Some of the Bucharest are coming now with the other numbers. | |
| They'll be here in two hours. And you, if you are the same, change the number. | |
| Yeah, he told you that if it's the same case in your car, in your Lamborghini, change it. | |
| How are you? | |
| My colleague was telling the public back home that we were supposed to see your brand new car. | |
| Three methods how to pick up girls when you are the Tate brothers. | |
| How do you pick up girls? Is it enough just to show up? | |
| Bro, I don't know what you're talking about. | |
| You have the wrong impression. | |
| I mean, tonight's Saturday. | |
| I'm going to bed early. Church tomorrow. | |
| Here you go. We eat, then we go. | |
| Oh, I see. I'm going to read your own messages to you. | |
| Because you're pretending that I'm the idiot. | |
| Let me just explain to you. No, I just didn't want... | |
| 12 hours booze fest. | |
| 8pm to 8am. | |
| Pussies. You're a cunt. | |
| Shots on the beach. Now. | |
| Oh, I'm tired. My vagina's tired. | |
| What is this faggot shit? | |
| That was you 15 minutes ago. | |
| I'll have to... I cannot hear you over the sound of being a real man. | |
| The adrenaline and testosterone is pumping through my body so loudly that my ears can't hear your whining. | |
| I don't have this shit. | |
| Yeah, that's actually fucking terrible. | |
| Destroyed me last night. Vodka, drink up. | |
| What the fuck is that? | |
| We're all gonna die when we're like 45. | |
| Let's fucking get at it. I need to make sure I had enough cigars. | |
| One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven. | |
| I've got eleven cigars. | |
| Bruno. Hello. Bruno. | |
| Again. So beautiful, the Never-See boy. | |
| I'm no Never-See boy. | |
| He is a Never-See boy. | |
| No, I'm no Never-See boy. | |
| He's going to Never-See. | |
| He's not beautiful, though. | |
| Oh, your boy goes to Never-See. | |
| I will tell him hello. | |
| You should come to Never-See. | |
| Party. We could fall in love. | |
| You could be my Cinderella. | |
| First you're cleaning up. | |
| I'm gonna be sucking this dick! | |
| I'm gonna see if I can get some of this. | |
| How did you get these without waiting in line? | |
| Some guy. Some guy who was in line. | |
| Gave the money to the guy who was in line. | |
| So wait, he waits in line, buys tickets, and sells them for more. | |
| No, no, no. He was already in line buying his own tickets. | |
| They went over and said, yo, bro, I'll give you a bit of extra money. | |
| I'll buy five. You've been waiting in the queue for an hour. | |
| Time is money. Time is money. | |
| Yeah, time is money. Two hours of my time. | |
| I can't wait. Why are you so small? | |
| Eat your vegetables and grow bigger. | |
| We'll have fun. | |
| Big Socket Mike. | |
| Big Socket Mike. | |
| One, two, three, four. | |
| Singing in my head. | |
|
Caffeine Lethal Dose
00:02:19
|
|
| Singing in my head. | |
| Here's the device that's in there. | |
| Here's the only one. | |
| Singing in my head. | |
| Ask her to marry me, please. | |
| Marry me, please. | |
| I'm looking for a wife. | |
| Does she have a boyfriend? No. | |
| She does me I don't like fun. I don't like fun. I like a double espresso in one go. | |
| This is my first legitimate suicide attempt. | |
| All right, let me deal with this. Caffeine lethal dose. | |
| The lethal dose of caffeine for most people is around 10 grams. | |
| A cup of coffee has between 100 and 200 milligrams. | |
| That's 400 milligrams per coffee. | |
| I'm only about 40% at lethal dose if I drink these. | |
| It's about 65% if you do them all. | |
| 65% of a lethal dose of caffeine. | |
| I'm just kidding. | |
| I do love coffee. | |
| It's not too hot. | |
| It's wet. | |
| you you Are you happy with this stuff? | |
| Yeah. I feel rejuvenated. | |
| Awake. I have a stuff in here. | |
| And my ice. Now stick on top of these. | |
| I know. One minute of double-sided tape. | |
| That will stick till we get back to the hotel, bro. | |