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May 3, 2024 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes
29:48
S5E87 - PEDANTIC SEMANTICS (Free Part)

  Waxahatchee rocks, Night Beats rules, Fallout rots, Dusty slays, Eric Mays dies, whitey has had enough, and an ugly cripple is the most beautiful woman in the world.

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Time Text
Let me shout out Zaytovans.
You know this beat is barking loud as Beethoven.
Senior citizen, but my neck all golden.
I got the block hot, but my wrist all frozen.
Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McInnes.
The stupid band.
He want those rags, but for Trump, three bands for life.
Three bands.
Mar-naga with the gang, I do this every night.
Gang, gang, magga, magga, gang, gang.
Hey!
Let me shout out Zaytovans.
You know this beat is barking loud as Beethoven.
Senior citizen, but my neck all golden.
I got the block hot, but my wrist all frozen.
I'm rose.
You know grandma got that stupid swag.
Let me turn off the AC.
using my phone.
We had, what, like three days we didn't have to have heat or A.C.
That's New York City.
You can open your windows for three days a year.
That was some grandma rap, MAGUS themed, talking about fuck Joe Biden and stuff.
Is that kind of stuff good for us or bad for us?
Terrible, in my opinion.
Do we lose votes?
Does it help Trump?
I mean, it's viral.
But it's embarrassing.
But maybe it's funny.
I think the second lowest form of humor next to puns is, I'm a white guy and I'm rapping.
I live in the suburbs.
I'm a normal dude.
I'm not cool at all.
I'm a dumb white guy.
Hmm, I like to play golf and plant begonias.
You know that whole thing?
How many times have you seen that?
Done.
It's the dad rap, the suburban dad.
Oh, I am a grandma.
And even though I'm an old lady, I got bling.
And here's some black vernacular.
Verblacular.
It's amazing how much a woman's symbol is part of this montage.
Like, if I was like this, it wouldn't be so bad.
But it looks like a feminist talk show.
I feel bad when I play those novelty songs, because I like to show you cool music every day.
And only bad people don't like it.
So, what about my wife and my favorite new band, Waxahachie?
Bless you.
Do you know this?
No.
It's great if you're falling asleep drunk.
Put this in your headphones.
If I brought some shit like this to you, the amount of gays you would call me would be more than one.
You don't know.
If you can't differentiate between this and your garbage, then you have terrible taste in music.
She's from Alabama.
I think the Waxahachie is a river down there.
I think she's on that right now.
Katie Crutchfield is her name.
She's from the South.
And another great band, similar to Black Angels, also from Texas, are Nightbeats.
Kind of have a Hendrix-y vibe, if Jimi Hendrix was in an indie band.
It is beautiful.
What is that, fucking... Joshua Tree?
Imagine if Jimi Hendrix was alive, but he was like one of those celebrities that say like bass shit all the time.
Like, I don't like Jews very much, man.
I don't trust them.
Yeah, the drag queen story hour, man.
I am with it, man.
The color pink is for fags.
Turn it up a bit.
Similar kind of sound to Black Angels.
Could be 60's Psych.
Could be no better.
Cool pedals too when they do solos.
Jump ahead in the middle.
Night beats.
Yeah, just this big long bridge ding-a-doodle.
Okay, let's take a moment to say thank you to our sponsor, Purple Works Nutrition.
I'm on it right now.
Show the Purple Works background.
I have kind of an interesting story to tell you about.
So, I have a friend who's Irish, Irish-American.
There's a weird thing these days where Irish people are making fun of Irish-Americans and Italians are making fun of Italian-Americans.
When someone in New York says they're Italian, they're not trying to pretend anything about Italy.
They don't speak Italian, they never go there, ever.
They go to Florida for their vacation.
What it really means is, what kind of white person are you?
And when you say Irish, a whole picture of like, you didn't have steak for dinner, you didn't have good food as a young man, your dad is at the pub, like, I get, I can picture your culture.
And when you say Italian, it's like, don't drink as much, you don't have wine and stuff, you do your laundry at your parents' house.
You always had tons and tons of food around when you were a kid to munch on like just delicious food just on the table that wasn't even lunch or dinner and like all your snacks are homemade like that.
You have that trajectory.
You're not like, I'm actually from Italy.
So yeah, you don't get the joke.
What kind of white person are you?
Yeah, what kind of white person are you?
But anyway, this Irish dude, Irish American, he goes, I'm, this kind of contradicts what I just said, but he goes, I'm kind of getting into Irish culture, like from Ireland.
And I go, cool.
And he goes, I want to learn how to river dance.
And I go, I know a way you can just basically take a river dance pill.
And he goes, no, no, it takes years and years of practice to get good enough.
And I said, take Purpleworks Nutrition, an entire scoop, but I keep repeating, I don't do scoops.
I do like half a scoop.
But I said, do an entire scoop of Purpleworks and then just put on Irish music and just try it.
Guess what happened?
This is the first time he's ever tried river dancing.
I think they put on the wrong music, but he worked through it anyway.
Yeah, he wasn't even supposed to be there, right?
Yeah.
No, he crashed the stage.
This was a ballet.
The number he has on him, he just printed out at home.
That's really resourceful.
Yeah.
Right now, the backstage people are freaking out.
What the fuck is going on?
Who is that guy?
And then the head guy is like, shh, shh, shh.
Just watch.
Don't worry, I'll take care of it.
No, no, no.
What?
Boss, he's not supposed to be there!
Shut up!
Anyway, I wouldn't lie to you. - Bye.
Purpleworks also does coffee, delicious ground coffee.
We have it here at the office.
It's a wild ride.
And as I keep telling you, Purpleworks, it sets a timer.
And as soon as you do a scoop, your body starts going... And then the tingles start, and you better get to the gym.
It's like having to go pee.
What is that?
This.
Yes.
What is this?
How did they find that?
But what did you make this for?
for our workout show?
I did not.
I think this is just a commercial.
Oh.
Brought to you by Purple Work.
Good stuff. - So sign up to get Purpleworks delivered to your home.
At least try one container.
I'm on like my tenth.
And what's the promo code?
Is it RyanSucks?
Is that a different one?
I don't think any of them should be RyanSucks.
Come on.
So I hope that answers that.
Hello, hello.
Go to the normal background for the ad.
No.
The ad background.
No.
Showing all your emails there, genius.
But what's the thing that's usually along the bottom?
Oh, here we go.
There we go.
The promo code is Gavin, 15% off.
We're going to cut you off soon, freeloaders.
This is the Friday show, the free show, but it's only free for the first half.
And then we screw you back into our little tunnel and we become as sexist, racist, and homophobic as we want to be.
A little less Islamophobic than we want to be because we're scared of getting killed by terrorists.
Um, someone sent in a video of Ryan- a sex tape of Ryan fucking a girl.
Is this true?
Well, I would consider that to be an impossibility.
It must have been from before you were married.
Well, yeah, yeah, but I also have never taped myself doing such a thing.
No, this is someone else capturing you fucking some chick on a- Whoops.
On a- what is the matter with you?
What the fuck is this?
Oh, okay.
I see what's going on.
What's going on?
I had last night's cop sittings.
She seems to have a foreign object lodged in her... V-A-G-I-N-A.
Vagina?
Come on, let's get this shit over with.
Where's the foreign object?
Is that you?
Luckily, he's considered a foreign object.
He's a human being.
That is the joke.
But he's a human being with a real soul and humanity.
Terrible thing to say.
Someone sent this in as some advice for me.
I don't know what it is.
But I'm not gonna like it.
Um... Actually, oh that link... I don't think that works.
Oh well.
Skip it.
No, it's what they send in.
I want to see.
Well, I think it's wrong is the thing.
They probably sent the wrong thing.
Just let's see the clip, Ryan.
Oh, this is wild.
I didn't know you could go buy you a chin.
Yeah.
So y'all really out here getting whole chin implants?
I told you.
Oh, that's crazy.
That did it for him.
That did it for him.
Great job, guys.
I don't know what it's like not having no chin, but a chin really makes a difference.
When will you people learn?
He's hurt!
What's a chin?
I know what a jelly bean is, I don't know what a chin is.
In the end of that video he goes, but then you're gonna get in trouble when you have a kid and they don't have no chin.
The kid's gonna be like, hey pops where my chin at?
But that's true.
That's an actual thing I think about all the time.
There was a case in China where this guy married a pretty lady and she'd actually had tons of plastic surgery.
So when the daughter was born, she was ugly.
And he sued her.
And it's one of those Weekly World News kooky story things.
But, like, what is beauty?
Like, why are you attracted to beauty?
Because you want to, genetically, you want to make more of that.
So if you're, if you're, you want to marry someone more beautiful than you, so you'll have beautiful children and you'll continue this beautiful lineage.
It's fucking gay, but it's in our DNA.
That could be the title of today's show.
Feng and his daughter.
He's not exactly a looker himself, Captain Frog Face.
You don't think you participated in that?
I'm blaming you.
Is that the case I was just talking about?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Ugly wife lawsuit.
But I I know it sounds mental but there is and then like Jews in on Long Island every Jewish girl gets a nose job at her 18th birthday and you're like so I guess in that case with the no chin you have the kid with no chin and you go don't worry about it son just get a chin job and we'll just continue this our legacy of lies.
There's some new airline seats that have been invented very Friday's always got the important news This is the stupidest invention in the world, I don't immediately see a problem with that What plane is this Have you been on a plane, dude?
If you stand up and you're not in the aisle, you have to go like this.
Where's all this extra five feet of headroom coming from?
We now have to redesign planes.
Here's another major problem.
Someone's ass is in your face.
Yeah.
That's not pleasant.
It just takes one hungover fatty, one Darryl Lamont Jenkins, with some Taco Bell in him, to destroy your life.
Look at that, I'm up, and I just don't like the... I would never take one of those lower seats.
Like, when I take the train to the city and from the city, I always make sure I'm in the seats facing the direction.
I'd rather stand than sit on a seat that's backwards.
Sitting in a seat below someone when you're literally below someone?
No way.
The fart thing is crazy.
Cause I had farts this morning from Taco Bell last night.
I mean, um, White Castle last night.
That smelt like an old friend's house.
Like, you know how some people's houses have like a smell to them?
Yeah, so you have friends with 80 year olds?
No.
Well, it was a trailer.
So it's like everybody lived on one floor and it's like everybody's odor ruminates.
So my farts smelt like an entire trailer household of people this morning.
So you wouldn't want to fly with me.
I have a Proud Boys announcement I have to make.
Where is that now?
I guess this is a place where you can air your grievances.
Okay, here it is.
This is the Pacific Northwest.
Proud Boys are having a split.
They've disavowed a chapter.
The Spokane chapter has been disavowed by the entire Pacific Northwest.
The collective vote of all P&W chapters voted to disavow the Spokane-Washington Proud Boys chapter for behavior unbecoming.
On more than one occasion, they're going to chance to reconcile this issue.
And it didn't work.
So we have had to take extreme actions.
We believe that their behavior was unbecoming of the Brotherhood and unacceptable.
We are to maintain a level of trust and security that will ensure the future of our fraternity.
The entirety of the investigation was done with the majority of the West Coast chapters in order to have full transparency.
I don't know what you've done, Spokane, but you've done pissed off the brothers.
Is this official like gavel official?
Yep, let me just get out the gavel here.
According to the Pacific Northwest Divisions of the Proud Boys, Spokane has been disavowed.
Um... Okay, got that.
Okay, this is kind of fun.
I, uh...
I started too many shows with my fucking bitch wife and she's such a fucking squaw who does get up early with the kids and drive them to school.
So my bedtime, I cannot get a wink before midnight.
And she needs her nine hours, all Indians do, so she's gotta go to bed at like 10, right?
She's up at seven, eight, nine, yeah.
And then sometimes she'll read in bed with my littlest boy and he's in bed at like 9.30, so sometimes she'll fall asleep at 9.30.
So I can't watch Shogun without the fucking bitch, without cheating, and then I can't watch The Gentleman We managed to pull off that shitty gay rape show, Baby Reindeer, about being a weak man.
So now I'm like, I started Master of the Year, that's pretty good.
And then I just thought, at one point I was watching Person of Interest, because I had to watch something that no one else would want to see.
And it's just, it's action meets lifetime network.
And I'm not exaggerating.
It's the Tyler Perry of white male action movies, TV series.
But then I go, oh, what's this fallout here?
I clicked on it, and it's got that guy we have a crush on, the one who goes, you seen these spiders around?
I mean, I'm counting the legs there.
One leg, two leg, three leg.
Remember that guy?
No.
Yes, you do.
It's like five, and he looks in the eyes and goes, I'm not done.
Six leg, seven.
Eight legs?
How many legs does this fucking thing need?
Jimmy Pemberton, I think his name is.
You don't remember this, Ryan?
No.
What a garbage brain you have.
Jimmy Pemberton.
Johnny Pemberton.
How can you not remember that?
It's one of the funniest Sprinkles guys we had on.
Oh, you know what?
I recognize his face, but what does he do?
He's doing an Italian guy as a joke, and he's talking about how many legs spiders have.
Did we show him once?
Yes.
Okay.
But I'm guessing you went on a rabbit hole.
Will you stop wasting the show with not remembering things?
Like, this isn't here to help you remember things.
It's not a memory game.
You just hung up a meme not remembering him.
I don't know the words exactly.
Anyway, he's great.
And then he ends the spider bit where he goes, then a fucking snake comes in the room.
about on deck.
Oh, give me the rock.
Don't you do.
Don't you forget about you.
Anyway, he's great.
And then he ends the spider bit with, he goes, then a fucking snake comes in the room.
No legs.
So I go, I like looking at his stupid face and I go, And the fact that he was that funny is fun too.
So I go, okay, I'll tune in.
And it's 250 years after the apocalypse.
Some people, rich people live underground and they have a pretty reasonable system.
Then the outside is just total and utter fucking chaos.
Radioactive monsters and everyone's dying and there's tribes, blah, blah, blah.
And one of the things they have is a system just like the monarchy with knights and a squire.
And the knights are in these big robot costumes, and the squires run around with a bag of things, just like real knights and squires.
And of course, there's a whole pecking order where the knights treat the squires like shit, and then the squires will bully the new squires.
Normal, healthy stuff.
But the series is written by a chick.
So, I'm like, okay, again, what do we do with fiction as non-woke people?
You take it on the chin.
And you're like, all right, black female lead, whatever.
All right.
All right.
And some punches are just like, I'm out.
I got knocked out.
And there's a scene in it where I don't think I can handle it.
The rookies are picking on the new rookie.
Normal.
But he's black.
Oh, great.
So they have this black dude, it's based on a video game this show, and he's like getting kicked and stuff, and you're supposed to feel, I guess the white woman who wrote it does, you're supposed to feel more sympathy.
And be like, what the fuck?
250 years after today, and we're still in the 1950s.
I'm like, I don't care.
All the rookies get beat up.
And Johnny Pemberton, why aren't you showing footage of the show Fallout?
Why are you showing me a fucking black and white clip?
I have the rap report clip.
Okay.
So he's fighting a monster there.
And he's being a bitch, of course.
A Yagwai.
Turn it up.
What was that weird piano music you were playing?
It's a theme to Fallout.
I take it you've played this video game?
I love that game.
They go jump forward a bit more.
So the black guy shoots the monster werewolf guy.
Fuck.
Fuck.
Fuck this.
Fuck.
Where were you?
Okay, so he's upset.
- You're supposed to be abusive. - Fucking place, there's always something to ruin your fucking day.
This wasteland fucking sucks.
- Okay, so he's upset.
He's bleeding. - The clerics too, with their bullshit, sending me stupid missions for remnants that turned out to be a fucking toaster. - Okay.
You know what you could do with a fucking toaster oven?
So jump ahead.
The guy's upset here, right?
And then he starts saying, you fucked up.
You're the shittiest cleric ever.
And he's saying, I think you take that so you don't get radiated.
And he goes, give me that.
And he's like, you fucked up.
You know what they do to assholes like you that fuck up?
They kill you.
You're dead when we get back.
They don't do their fucking job.
If they string you up, Maximus, buy your lungs and they hang you and let the vultures come get you.
That's what they're gonna do to you.
This maybe changes it a bit.
I kind of missed that part.
Where he said you're definitely going to die if we go back.
I thought he was just insulting him.
But anyway, he clearly kills him.
And it's a sympathetic thing.
In fact, it's kind of heroic.
Oh, you're definitely.
Yeah.
You're made to feel like he's making the right decision.
So you've seen this?
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's kind of noble.
And I'm like, this is a white woman writing a show where the black guy kills his evil white boss.
and it's applauded.
You think you do?
But they make him to be like an idiot.
So he has this moment here, but if you keep watching, he's like, like a goofy idiot.
And my friend who watched the entire series was like, yeah, it never gets better.
He's just always the worst.
And oh, the girl.
So the protagonist of this show, she's really weird looking half Asian chick with eyes that it looks good on a science fiction show because she looks like a bug from Dr. Seuss.
But in real life, I bet it's weird being around her.
Hi, Jen.
What are you looking at?
She sees him and it's just like, ah, just madly in love.
That's her.
Isn't that a weird face?
It's so cartoony.
Anyway, I don't know if I can get past this black guy killing his white boss and it being awesome and her being madly in love with the black murderer.
So you haven't watched the whole thing?
No, I think we're two episodes away from the end.
Okay, why are you being weird?
It's alright.
I have complex feelings about it because I've played the video game for like 12 years ago or something like that.
Is the black guy like a hero who kills his white boss in the video game?
No, those are not characters.
So the way that Fallout works is it takes place in different, like, each game takes place in different areas.
One of them is, like, post-apocalyptic DC.
One of them is, like, New Vegas.
And what do you do?
You just go around shooting people?
Yeah, and you loot, you collect stuff, you build weapons.
Like, ammo is very scarce and you have to, like, be careful with the radiation stuff.
It's a lot of, like, It's very... I don't know.
I tried to pick it up again.
You know what you would need in a situation like that?
You'd need a jump medic, I would guess.
You'd need a jump medic hard shell case.
We've shown you the soft case.
But today in the mail, we have... Oh, check this out.
Narcan.
Everyone should have this in their home.
Oh yeah, my kids don't do drugs.
You don't know that, A. And B, what about your kid's friends?
What about some idiot comes over and someone runs up and says, Dad!
Dad!
Josie's freaking out!
And you go, oh fuck.
And then you can run over and save their life.
I think they're free at a lot of places, but they're on Amazon for nothing.
Anyway, we have just received the Jump Medic hard shell case.
I've been taking care of everything in my life this week.
Getting all the cars registered, insured, all the engine warning lights taken care of, all deep clean, super detailed.
All right, that's done.
The generator, it wasn't hooked up to the fuse box.
I got an electrician in, he put a big plug outside.
Now that's ready.
Now I got to fix the generator.
The battery's low.
I'm going to charge that.
The power's never gone out of my house, like, for decades before I lived there.
In our old place, a squirrel would go on the transformer and boom, we're out of power for two days.
But, uh, I don't think the power's ever gonna go out, but now I know I'm safe if it does.
And once you get all those ducks in a row, you can relax and you're a real man.
So one of the things you absolutely have to have is rations in case food runs out, water in case we lose water, a plan in case your basement floods, sump pump and all that, and a first aid kit.
A quality first aid kit.
Let's open this up, shall we?
I've never used one of these before.
You twist it, I guess?
That comes off easy enough.
And then it's got this valve that you can open and close and not worry about it getting wet.
Okay, so we open that up and then we go pop, pop.
Kaboom!
Look at that.
It's got an inventory list.
It's got the mini to-go bag for your little hikes when you're going to find water.
And then just all of your basics from arm splint, finger splint, trauma shears, transparent dressing, bleed stop, 4x4 gauze, 2x2 gauze.
Basically, this is everything that we gave Iran in that $7 million deal, right?
They said it's just going to be for medical emergencies.
Yeah, right.
So then you get that, and it's in your RV, or it's in your garage, or it's in your boat, and now that's handled.
You know what I mean?
The next thing you know, you're prepared for anything.
And when there's an issue, there's an emergency, oh my God, someone's cut, someone's ODing.
You go, I got it, I got it, I have a plan for that.
That's the thing, that's why I said you're a real man, if you have all these ducks in a row, because what do women do when they walk down the street, they go, We have seven things going at once.
Some of them I'm not proud of.
Some of them are like, I wonder what she'd be like to fuck.
Yeah, she'd probably do this.
If I was to fuck her, I'd probably do this and this, and then maybe make her wear little red socks, blah blah blah.
That's one trajectory going at all times.
And then there's the other one of, okay, if that guy attacks it, why is that guy walking so close to me?
There's no reason for that.
I'm gonna turn, see if he turns.
Okay, what's going on over here?
Oh, he turned the other way.
Okay, he's not following me.
What about this guy?
Could I take that guy?
What if someone started shooting right now?
I guess I could go under that.
We have that going.
So, the ducks are there.
All I'm saying is, get them in a row with JumpMedic.com.
Promo code, best promo code we've ever had on the show, RyanSucks.
And that gets you 10% off.
And that's it.
For the freeloaders, we gotta get back to the fun stuff where we can speak uncensored.
And yeah, some of these jokes can get a little raunchy.
Some of them can have rape in the words.
Some of them even include the n-word.
But that's the way things used to be before the woke-op-a-licks-piss-piss.
Apocalypse?
Woke-op-a-lip?
Woke-op?
Woke-apocalypse?
Watch this!
Nick...
Before the woke apocalypse, you could make offensive jokes, and that's the beauty of censored.tv, folks.
You have a hard day, you come home, you think, I'm insane.
The world's left me.
I'm the only person who is normal in the world.
Then, just like in Fallout, you get a signal on your reclaimed TV from 250 years ago, and there we are, saying the same things you're thinking, but funnier.
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