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Aug. 4, 2023 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes
50:34
S4E279 - BABY AL CAPONES (Part 1)

Academia is falling apart as diversity hires make it to leadership positions, women are still under the impression they can fight, Joe Biden has completely lost the ability to speak, and white people still hate themselves. Oh well, there's always your family.

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Live from New York, it's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McInnes. it's Get Off My Lawn with Gavin McInnes.
The crone death of an empire, roll a trick and dice, you're all vampires, roll a trick and dice, you're all vampires, have a good life, have a good life.
Oops.
What does that remind me of?
It's not cake.
It's not pavement or Weezer or... Wait, kind of Weezer-y.
It is kind of Weezer-y.
Maybe it's Weezer.
Yeah.
The guitar is especially like that.
Play Weezer.
That guy's name's Tobias.
He's a fellow hoser.
North Vancouver dude.
Lived in L.A.
for a while.
He's a great singer-songwriter.
He's like a wonder kid.
writes for Adele and all kinds of pop stars.
I think the bass is playing chords.
Not in this one, but... So maybe it's like, uh, Built to Spill or something?
Built to Spill... The fuzz is really... You don't know Smashing Pumpkins?
Any of that?
No.
I mean, not saying that you love it, but it reminds you of it.
No, it's the vocals that sound like the same.
Oh.
I don't want to know.
Yeah, really impressive guy, award-winning songwriter.
He could be rich as shit and live in LA, but he prefers to hang out with his Australian wife and kid in Hosier Town.
Do you think he's good because she's Australian and he's getting some of the magic?
Cheating, are we?
No, he's been a successful singer-songwriter and musician for a long time.
Um, I don't know if this is going to be a good show.
Don't get your hopes up.
Why don't we try to make it bad?
That's kind of funny.
That's a new angle here.
It's the shitty episode.
Ah, fuck.
F-A-O, bro, bra.
See, even that was shitty.
What was that?
I've never seen that drop before.
Yeah, yeah, look.
L-O-L-L-M-F-A-O, bro, bra, dude.
Was he anti-slang?
You're not allowed to use acronyms?
Yeah, step on the crack, break your mother's back.
Yeah, I don't think so.
It's called a lie.
Are you coming for my bro, bro?
I love bro and dude.
He does it with racial epithets?
When someone sends you some, like cop goes into mall and shoots 10 people for no reason.
If someone sent me that as a news thing, I would respond, dude.
Or even some perfect naked lady?
Dude.
Bro.
Holy crap.
I remember when I moved from the Bronx to Hudson Valley, New York.
That's the first time I ever heard dude besides like a surfer in a cartoon.
And they were like, what's up, dude?
And they were riding skateboards and shit.
Yeah, my neighbors.
And I was like, you guys say dude.
And I don't even remember what we said before that.
I guess it was just yo.
Instead of dude, we'd be like, yo.
Well, if you're coming from the Bronx, you were probably using an N phrase.
I don't think.
No, I only heard that last year.
Purpleworks.
For a sponsor.
It's my pre-workout energy drink.
I noticed I'm a real chatty Cathy at the gym.
Cause I take it at nine.
I go to the gym at nine 30.
You're supposed to take it half an hour before.
I I've also quit coffee because there's caffeine in this.
And I find if I don't work out, I don't take this, right?
My caffeine tolerance goes down.
So when I take this, it's an extra zing zingy McDoodle.
Don't have coffee.
If you've had purple works.
But this is my stuff.
No artificial dyes, sweeteners, or preservatives.
Contains high-quality creatine, carnosine, beta-alanine, caffeine, green tea extract, and vitamins.
I also am getting ripped.
Okay, not ripped.
I'll never be ripped.
But I used to have Grover shoulders, and now I have actual shoulders.
Nothing to write home about.
But definitely the most muscular I've ever been in my entire life.
Besides, you know, being a bike messenger and a tree planter as a young man.
Move over, Grover.
Shoulders are taking over.
It's the shitty show.
They now have fine Italian coffee, including instant coffee, two types of ground coffee, and a big-ass 2.2-pound bag of organic coffee.
Look at that.
We have all that here.
Sure.
This isn't a dropship product that they've slapped their name on.
This is a real deal imported from Italy.
So go to purpleworksnutrition.com, enter promo code GAVIN for 15% off your entire order.
Yeah, organic?
You want to go organic?
These guys know what's up.
They're fans of the show.
It's FDA approved too.
Unlike many other things.
And I can tell you firsthand, I take it every time I work out.
I haven't been going to the gym every day in the summer, by the way.
Uh-oh.
The heat in that gym is just... The only way to survive it is to bring a cooler with ice and a rag, pour water in that, and then, in between rounds, put the cold thing on your neck.
That's the only way to survive.
And that's hell.
Very unpleasant.
And it stinks.
Boxing gyms in August are the stinkiest places in the world.
I'm not selling Purple Works very well, but it is the shitty show.
Speaking of the shitty show, you know that ridiculous homosexual who gets on to talk about pronouns?
He's so excited.
I think gays got mad when we said we're fine with you.
Because they're like, what?
But I'm a freak.
I'm scary and I'm unusual.
No, you're not.
You're just a gay.
And they went, OK, guess what I am now?
What?
A new thing.
What are you?
It's new.
OK, I get it.
It's new.
What is it?
It's a woman.
No, it's not a woman.
It's kind of a woman.
What?
Yeah, there's a whole bunch of letters involved and there's a plus sign for things I didn't remember.
We have a new flag.
You have a new flag?
Your flag was the rainbow.
It said, I am everything.
Well, there's more stuff than the rainbow now.
What?
What are you talking about?
There's sort of like, go look up half wits.
The SCTV sketch.
It was a sketch Catherine O'Hara wrote.
And it's about a quiz show where everyone is a complete imbecile.
And Lawrence is awesome.
John Kennedy's great.
But go to Joe Flaherty with his big fake nose.
Yeah, him.
You are in medical research.
Would you care to tell us a little about that?
I lied.
I'm sorry?
I lied.
I thought it would sound good on TV.
Well, what exactly do you do for a living, Arthur?
Well, it's a job.
It's nothing special.
What kind of a job?
Just a job, you know, a normal job.
What do you do for a living?
I work.
Where?
Oh, around.
Alright, I don't have time for this.
See, that is, that in a nutshell, is the gay experience in America.
We're asking you what's going on, you keep moving the goalposts, and now I guess you've achieved what you were trying to achieve, which is I'm annoying you again.
It's like if you're punk and your parents are like, oh, that's cute.
Yeah, exactly.
And then you get a facial tattoo and your parents are like, all right, now I'm mad.
Good work.
So this guy has achieved.
I'm homophobic again.
You did it.
Congratulations.
I wish I could give him a face tattoo so bad.
Xeno pronouns.
Perhaps one of the most beautiful concepts refers to any pronoun a person has that is unspeakable.
What are your pronouns?
He's not joking.
I don't think you know what effervescent means.
would be a word I can't I can't even say it right that's the point and sort of effervescent and unknowable kind of like a person's gender I don't think you know what effervescent means in a riddle
you know you're real pronoun would contain a set of letters that is a pronunciation that a human being can't pronounce understanding where non-binary people come from can sometimes take us into very lofty, beautiful, spiritual, powerful, Weird.
I'm weird.
I don't know about all that.
Xeno pronouns.
Imagine his poor dad.
There's a Vietnam vet who was in the shit.
What do they call them?
The grunts?
The guys who had to carry their packs for three days?
OK, there's those guys.
Thank you for your service.
And then there's this guy's dad.
I think on Veterans Day, that should be the only exception.
It's all veterans.
And then this guy's dad is also standing with them.
And we all like, thank you for your service, dude.
You poor bastard.
That's worse than Gigi Gorgeous's dad at the wedding where she was the bride.
They always seem very supportive.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Gigi Gorgeous.
His husband was I saw pictures.
He was ecstatic at the wedding.
Maybe he's on Xanax or something.
I don't quite get it.
Natty and Getty.
Also in the news.
Kind of exciting.
Oh, yeah.
Well, his son was marrying a millionaire.
I mean, if the gay thing is inevitable, then at least you're about to be rich.
We're here at Gigi and Nat's wedding.
It's a real who's who of what's that?
The cane?
It's a mentally ill convention.
Oh, that's the groom!
That's Nat Getty.
That's their IT guy.
Is that?
That's not Justin Bieber.
That's Jared Leto Bieber.
It's a combo.
He's a trans celebrity.
Oh my god.
You can tell these weddings are fake by the way they ham it up.
The black thing going on.
Justin Bieber. - That's Jared Leto Bieber.
It's a combo, he's trans celebrity.
- Oh my God. - I'm about to love you until the end of time. - You can tell these weddings are fake by the way they ham it up.
The black thing going on.
Look at that.
That's not how wet, you've been to weddings?
Yeah, no.
The bride is like... And the dad's there, he might shed a tear later.
And then the groom is just like... Wow, it was great.
Yeah, yeah.
They don't do these theatrics.
It's like Solemn almost sometimes.
And I did see one where the guy was like... Crying, I was like, you're gay.
You're not straight.
Speaking of gay, I think these two are gay.
The Satanist to the Stars, Marina Abramovic and Early.
No, it's 1-5, sorry.
Check this out.
What they did was they were together as a couple.
One would start at the end of the Great Wall of China, and the other started at the other end.
And they decided to break up.
So they met in the middle, and then they kissed for the last time.
She's the Satanist that has all the rituals that politicians are into.
Yeah, the spirit cooking and all that.
Surround and walked off that was it for the relationship 30 years later Okay, stop.
So you break up and you make a big to-do of it and you go around the Great Wall of China then meet on the other side You're gay They're both gay.
...to run this exhibition, sort of in-person life exhibition at one of the main museums.
Her exhibition is anybody who wants to line up can stand in line and then sit down at a table for two in the middle of a big room and stare into this person's eyes.
So he decides to line up.
Oh!
He's wearing the worst shoes for a girl.
Black chucks.
Look into each other's eyes.
I guess that's what you call an ugly cry?
I don't know if she's got the option.
I actually kind of like this.
this exhibition and the two of them look into each other's eyes and both just start crying and then after five minutes of the two of them sitting there I guess that's what you call an ugly cry I don't know if she's got the option and walks away again I actually kind of like never knowing when the next time you're retarded I think that's I mean like it's so pretentious it's It's so gay.
I hate her.
I won't say hate.
I dislike her very strongly.
I think she's cringe.
I think she's satanic.
I don't think she has kids either.
So she's a lesbian and he's a homo and they had a relationship for like nine or ten years.
They're just doing a parody of relationships.
She makes everything so awkward and pretentious and shitty.
But yeah, no, the concept of not seeing somebody for that long and then you see them is that's pretty moving.
I like that.
But it's with trash people that are garbage.
Yeah, well, it's just a hustle.
She's just a great snake oil salesman to the rich.
I'll tell you what is kind of romantic, though, and I am very excited about back to one three.
So, you know, Christian Montenegro was was had that girlfriend, Natalia.
They are married now and he has three kids.
So if you scroll down, there's the wedding.
They got the cake on each other.
And that's the honeymoon.
What a fun wedding.
I wish I could have been at that one.
That's a little more... That's similar in sincerity to the Gigi Gorgeous wedding.
But we have footage of them.
If you go down, you can see he's Colombian.
There's his beautiful wife.
She's very petite.
Nice smile.
She's got good teeth.
Keep going.
So there they are at home with their kid Sammy.
That's nice.
He's got her hair and most of her features, really.
Yeah, he really strongly resembles the mom.
You have mom's eyelids.
Oh, there, there.
He gets a little too... That's a little TMI.
Yeah.
There, Christian.
I guess he was horny and she was reading?
Yeah.
I think she always wears glasses.
Oh.
And she's not... Oh, this is the actual birth.
Oh, I guess they had a relative come in and... Yeah, the doctor.
Healthy baby born with pink underpants on.
That's a good sign.
It shows he's going to be modest.
Where did they meet?
It's a small world?
We met at Disney.
She's pretty.
Oh, look, he got choked up.
If you go to that second one, 1-4, you can see Sammy himself, though.
That's their child.
Oh, this is video from the delivery room.
So that's cute.
Oh, here's their wedding song.
That's crazy.
- I can't hear you. - - So that's cute.
- Oh, here's their wedding song. - That's crazy.
That was a weird laugh I just did.
Let's, so you know I love the competence crisis and how dumb everyone has become.
There's a lot of reasons behind it.
One of the main reasons is now our newest, biggest selling shirt.
Diversity, inclusion and equity.
That's for sale at the shop at censored.tv.
Yeah, we just submitted photos of us modeling them and we look nice.
I don't know if it's been put up yet, but here we go.
There it is.
It's quality.
I know you see the price and you say, what the?
Dude, this will last forever.
And the more you wear it, the better it'll be.
But like, it's like a nice thick, but breathable.
It's nice in the summer too.
I was wearing it yesterday and the print is great.
And it looks like a, I don't know, like you're a volunteer for some community service thing.
Yeah, I love those kind of jokes where people like it at first, and then they go, I think it's D-E-I.
You go, no it's not.
Nope, not mine.
So one thing I always emphasize with the competence crisis is it's not just, you could change the background I guess, it's not just diversity.
It's because the rut people get into is they go, oh you have to hire a black woman.
And it's not just that, it's also greed.
It's also lazy zoomers.
It's also screen addiction.
The death of education.
The lack of discipline.
Lack of grit.
Mobility.
It's a million.
It's the perfect storm.
The perfect shit storm.
But anyway, here's an example where it's just diversity.
And we just had this guy fired.
A very storied career this man had.
And he made his bones on the supposition that White people saw lynching happen, and yes, a disproportionate number of blacks were lynched.
They were also disproportionately represented in the crime stats, and plenty of whites were lynched.
Back in the day, all you needed was 12 people to agree that this guy sucks, and he got hanged.
But I guess he's under the impression only black people were hanged.
And then it's not hung asshole.
And then he went further and said, yeah, they they're so used to seeing that that they want stricter sentences for blacks and Hispanics.
And I think someone actually I think it was four years earlier, a student of his went, that's not true.
And I looked at your data and it's made up.
So go to the movie at the top movie.
It's a movie!
He's been fired on extreme negligence that he fudged data on racism studies.
This seems to be a pattern here.
Remember we saw that woman last week who was fired?
He had six of his studies retracted.
But the studies are amazing.
Yes, scrutiny, fabricated data, gotcha, gotcha.
That's how long it took.
Okay.
Oh, they retroactively lynched him.
He falsifies data about lynching and they go, he goes, this is actually a lynching.
Yeah, that's the pattern.
You lying about lynching.
But blow up that thing.
Oh, yeah.
Florida State University criminology professor Eric Stewart was a guru of the claim that systemic racism infests America's policy.
I mean, police and American society fired after 20 years of his data including figures used in an explosive study which claimed the legacy of lynchings made whites perceive blacks as criminals It's such a weird hypothesis.
Hypothesis.
Like we're sitting there going, I know them Negroes.
I saw them hanging.
They all get hanged.
People don't like lynching.
So they don't want to talk about it.
It's not in the forefront of their mind.
It's like the Holocaust.
It's something where you just go, I don't want to talk about it.
9-11.
It doesn't constantly influence your behavior.
Yeah.
And that the problem was worse among conservatives.
Oh, yeah, he also he talked about conservatives in low-income neighborhoods.
Basically, white rednecks are all racist because they're still stuck in the South and the lynching era.
I mean, I just out of sheer instinct would go, yeah, that sounds like horseshit.
Not true.
And it reminds me of Stanford.
Remember that Diversity Dean 1-7?
She had that Trump judge on and she was screaming at him and the whole school was yelling at him.
Stanford is such a joke.
All academia is toast now, by the way.
It's all over.
You go to school, you go $250,000 in debt to become retarded.
You're paying to get dumber.
And 100% of students outside of STEM come out of school dumber than when they went in.
So she was yelling at him and stuff, and they were all screaming, and there was protests, because he's racist, right?
He's a Trump-appointed judge.
He must be racist.
That's the way it works with them.
And then she stepped down, she resigned.
But people assume it's because she was such a bitch.
No, she resigned for the crime of allowing him to speak at her school.
Yeah.
In the video she was actually trying to say, listen, we need to hear him talk because he's disgusting.
Yeah, that was her crime.
Right, right, right.
Like just that little concession of trying to be fair even a little bit.
Yeah.
She has to now step down.
You're done.
1-8.
But there's a good... So the Stanford president, he was a French-Canadian dude.
Completely woke, loser, moron.
He resigned yesterday after being exposed as a research fraud.
There's a diversity dean I just mentioned.
The word is out on their anti-fund crusade in the insane woke bureaucracy at Stanford, thanks to G. Riley's work.
I think that's the guy at the beacon, free beacon.
They suppressed scientific freedom during the pandemic by allowing faculty persecutions against my friends.
The word is out how the Stanford Internet Observatory was egging the U.S.
government to censor Americans based on politics, political viewpoint, in flagrant violation of our Constitution.
Yeah.
So that's a Stanford alumni pissed off.
And the last incompetence before we start the show, this is, I don't know why I love this so much.
The mayor of Chicago is worse than Lori Lightfoot.
First of all, look at his fucking hair.
And the way his hair works with his nose, works with his goatee, he looks like a Rorschach drawing.
I see an incompetent mayor.
What do you see?
So this guy is another academic bureaucrat, you know, lied his way through academia, probably falsifying studies.
He got some dumb degree like sociology and education or one of these fake degrees and then he started teaching and he bureaucrated his way up.
He is so stupid that when you talk about mob And mob action and mobs of kids, he thinks of Al Capone.
So if you said a swarm of teenagers raided this 7-Eleven, he'd be like, well, we don't need to talk about kids like they're wasps.
Actually, that's better because swarm is an analogy, but there's different types of mobs.
There's the mafia, and then there's a mob of people, my friend.
Look how dumb he is.
Oh, you're not aware of some of these large gatherings?
You're talking about the mob actions?
No, that's not appropriate.
We're not talking about mob actions.
I didn't say that.
Okay, what I'm...
Hold on a second, okay?
Respectfully, these large gatherings...
These large gatherings, just hold on a second, y'all.
First of all...
I promise you.
We have time?
First of all, he is offended that you're criticizing a mob of teenagers who are destroying everything in their pack.
Like, besides the mob typo, why are you so worried about them being criticized?
They're bad.
They're doing bad things?
No?
This is like that mayor in Baltimore who wanted to give the rioters room to riot.
Remember that?
Space to get their ya-ya's out.
It's important that we speak of these dynamics in an appropriate way.
This is not to obfuscate what is actually taking place.
Ooh, obfuscate.
We have to be very careful when we use language to describe certain behavior.
Okay.
There's history in this city.
Stop.
But you're not aware.
So there's history in the city.
He's talking about the mafia in Chicago and prohibition and what?
What a moron.
It's not to obfuscate what is actually taking place.
We have to be very careful when we use language to describe certain behavior.
There's history in this city.
I mean, to refer to children as like baby Al Capone's is not appropriate.
So just let me finish, please, okay?
What I'm saying is... They call a mob of teenagers, mob action, which is dictionary definition, and he says, no, no, they're children, and I'm not going to let you call them baby Al Capone's.
Al Capone had goals.
Yeah, Al Capone was way better than these people.
He had a code.
He had parameters.
And syphilis.
And a deaf son.
You asked for very specific examples.
And syphilis.
There have been other attempts to have large gatherings.
And a deaf son.
It's just a large gathering, by the way, that happens to involve some handbags.
Those attempts.
Specific examples.
There have been other attempts to have large gatherings, and we've intercepted those attempts.
Marianne, do you have a question?
I just had to follow up.
Wow.
Before we start the show, don't worry, I'm not going to go behind the paywall just yet.
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Now let's get back to the show.
We've got some racism here.
We've got some My Pet Biden.
But we haven't checked in on broads in a while.
Let's do some feminism, shall we?
Who here identifies as a feminist?
We are the storm.
The very form of change that the world has been waiting for.
He said I was too pretty to fight.
That's toxic masculinity.
You don't realize how your behavior is harmful.
I feel like if I heard that Amanda Gorman thing, if like she was doing some poetry thing and I heard it and she was like, wee out of the storm, I'd be like, ooh, she's doing the thing.
The one that the change in the form, like I'm a fan of it now because I've heard it so much.
It's a drop in your mind.
Also the gay bumper that we have, there's a rap song.
I was watching like the Nate Diaz, Jake Paul lead up to the fight and they used that, some rap song.
I'm like, why do I like this?
Like I don't like rap.
And I realized it's the gang gang gang.
I'll be reppin' gay, gay.
It's the song from the gay thing.
Gay, gay.
That's why I like it.
Gay, gay, gay, gay.
It's Stockholm Syndrome.
When I work out and I take my Purple Works, they, I've told you this before, they blare all this music like...
And there's posters all over the world, all over the world, all over the room that say things like, I'm driven by the need not to be regular or something like that.
And like, build and burn and like, I'm unstoppable.
And I'm like, meanwhile I'm dry heaving because I'm hungover.
And I'm not unstoppable.
And this is, and then there's that song, this is how legends are made!
And I'm like, ow!
And this is similar.
This unstoppable broad who just, you cannot hold her down.
down.
Can you even imagine trying to physically do this?
I feel like you're never on, so you are, so I'm my young man.
Wow.
The poles aren't shaking.
I mean, she hasn't fallen.
She's unstoppable!
Look at that.
That must be at least six inches of water.
Maybe more.
Maybe more.
Almost hitting the knee.
She's almost made it.
Wow.
What a beast.
I couldn't imagine getting a soaker.
That'd be funny if some eight-year-olds just walked by her catching crawfish.
Excuse me, man.
I told you about that other song they play that says, "Big energy, big, big energy." Yeah.
It's like you wrote a song called Big Dick Energy and just took the dick out.
It's weird how like Imagine Dragons is now inspiring music.
Yeah.
Who knew that taking it would be gay to take the dick out?
Yeah.
Uh, here's an example of women not belonging in combat sports.
I don't think they understand the tradition.
And it's, the only ones who are good are lesbians.
In other words, the ones who have more testosterone.
Oh yeah, so we say... NSFW?
Yes.
Eh, no.
Okay.
You did it!
You get boxing.
I mean, I like it.
They're nice tits.
But that's like getting a grand slam in the M.O.B.
and just pulling your dick out and waving to the crowd.
Yeah.
There's no place for that.
Here's another example of women in combat sports not getting it, not belonging there.
Here's another legend being made.
I've never seen this in a boxing or UFC or any kind of combat sport.
I've never seen this before.
You're not supposed to turn your back to your opponent, right?
She ran away!
You know you're locked in here.
Ow, this hurts.
Yeah, it's called a cage match for a reason.
Holy cow.
I gotta get out of here.
Where's the exit?
Wait, is that period blood?
Not even trying to be cute.
Let's see right after this for a flash.
Oh, I liked it.
What's that?
Uh, that's a... Some sort of blood.
Looks like some sort of... Maybe it's a tattoo.
Ah.
And here are the amateurs trying it.
Some girls fighting.
Blond chick thinks she's got what it takes, but she clearly doesn't know what a punch feels like.
You talk about guys who've never been punched in the face, and then they sort of go, oh, okay, I understand what ramifications are.
But with women, it's even crazier.
Hello, my name is Jennifer Wright, two-time champion for Rough and Rowdy.
I've always liked the manly, tough stuff.
A man trapped in a woman's body.
With no teeth.
I'm 18 years old.
I've been a wrestler for four years now.
Maybe you should try to consider the ring girl contest, because that's the only way you're going to take home some money.
If I can wrestle men, I can fight a girl.
It's all about experience, folks.
And that redneck has been fighting for porridge in the back of the trailer park since she was two.
I don't think that pretty one's ever boxed.
Ever.
Although the good news is the punches don't really hurt.
Look, she's putting her hand on the back of her head.
- 36 year old rough and rowdy veteran.
- Whoa, whoa. - I got her get rocked. - And it's really showing.
- Although the good news is the punches don't really hurt.
- It is really showing.
- Like she's putting her, ha ha ha ha.
She's putting her hand on the back of her head. - Her hand on the back of her head.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I think Sam Hyde did that.
He's like, "If you can get away with it, do it." - He's a 36 year old rough and rowdy veteran.
Boom, boom, boom, boom.
Such a redneck fight.
Come on, bitch!
He's talking all sorts of shit.
I wish they miked her up, dude.
And finally, we have this.
Oh, there's more.
I've noticed too with fighting, oh, there's more?
Yeah.
Oh, I want to see more.
That's slow-mo.
This is Rough and Rowdy with Bar School, Dave Portnoy.
Oh boy!
Oof, that was a wallop.
That was like a hook uppercut.
She almost fell, like she almost punched her on her ass.
Not a knockout, but just punched her onto her ass.
I like her hairdo.
We got blood already.
She's swingin' a lot of guys in the blue.
Oh, I guess I gotta do a Dave Portnoy now.
Yeah, you could do Dave Portnoy.
That's attainable.
I gotta try it more.
It's like a little gay, but not too much.
Little Brooklyn, little Jew.
Yeah, little Brooklyn, little Jew.
We're gonna try some pizza.
That's garbage, but I'll try it.
Is that the end of that?
It is.
Okay, so they're not good at... We love women.
You're magical.
You can make babies.
We're nothing without you.
You made us.
So even comparing me to you is stupid.
You're magic.
You're up here.
You're a god.
That's like saying Jesus and I are going to have a race.
But what we're criticizing here is not women.
We're criticizing women trying to be something they're not.
That's when it becomes hysterical.
And I would argue that's actually a feminist thing to do, to mock women who don't embrace being a woman.
Fighting each other is not you, okay?
And you're not even good at arguing.
And I've noticed, to argue That's probably why Ann Coulter watches so much MSNBC.
You have to know what they're going to say so you can go, yes, that study was refuted in 1975.
It was a lie.
The study was falsified.
why Ann Coulter watches so much MSNBC.
You have to know what they're going to say so you can go, "Yes, that study was refuted in 1975.
"It was a lie.
"The study was falsified.
"That professor was fired for inventing data." But I find broads, they're not familiar with the arguments that totally decimate their side of things.
For example, if women get paid less than men, let's just hire all women.
We do that with illegals.
They get paid less than normal people, so companies hire them whenever they can.
Even though it's illegal and they can lose their license.
So why don't we do it with women?
Companies can pay women less, but why don't they hire all women?
Well, that's a whole other story.
Really?
I understand your argument.
And I understand that you're angry.
I'm not angry.
I can hear it in your voice.
Listen to your voice.
I'm hearing my voice and I sound pretty calm.
You have now shifted the quality of your voice.
And I thank you for that.
And you've just given me a condescending look.
And that's another reason why we need feminism.
And now I'm done.
And thank you so much.
That's a common retort.
Remember I told you I got in an argument with a woman who made me do her podcast, her husband's podcast, when we were at Lake George, which I never heard anything about.
I wonder if it ever aired.
And I go, a woman would be much happier out of the workforce.
And she goes, I'm a lawyer.
And I go, yeah, but you'd be better at home, I think, with your son, who you just bought an apple juice at a bar.
It's 11 p.m.
He appears to be about 10.
He should probably be in bed.
And she goes, I'm sorry if I intimidate you.
What?
Intimidate?
What are you going to do, beat me up?
Out-lawyer me?
I don't understand the intimidation, but that's just the out thing.
It's sort of like in high school where they go, I actually, I'm not even, I don't think she's a loser, I actually feel sorry for her.
There's certain degrees of how mean girls in high school would be bitches.
And it would start off like, she's fat, she's ugly.
And then they would get more advanced.
And then they go, I actually feel really bad for her.
I think she's sweet, it's really sad.
That's more damning.
Alright, let's do my pet bide.
Oh, okay.
You guys in front of the paywall are getting some stuff today, let me tell you.
Yeah, getting a lot of free shit.
Biden.
Biden.
President.
Sleepy.
Biden.
Wait, what?
my pet biden a monster of a president he's big and blue and sleepy but a friendly monster too my pet biden wait what that doesn't rhyme in today's new york post we hear about a guy who faked protests in front of a bar because they didn't let him drink when he was a teenager the There's our fired prof. But there's just a great two-page spread.
Refuting what, I can't remember if it was you or someone else brought up, they said, Joe was just gonna say, no, no, Hunter said that I could back him up and I could guarantee deals and he could use my influence.
I didn't know he was doing that.
So, he's in trouble, yes, for lying.
But I never got involved in business deals.
Yeah, you did.
You were always there.
It was not, you were not a ghost that Hunter promised we could meet one day if you do this deal.
You were there at the deals.
We have you here with various politicians and businessmen, and Hunter's always there.
You were the big guy, so that lie's not gonna work.
Anyway, Gropes, friend of the show, they did a montage.
They said they went through hundreds of hours of Hunter's laptop and put together just him being a vain asshole.
And they took out all the, like, stuff you can't show on YouTube.
So we'll see if that's still up.
Is it still up?
It's not.
It's not?
No.
What about Gropes?
Is he up?
As a user?
I think he had some sex in it.
But, uh, it was, like, cropped such that you could only tell that there was fucking going on.
Damn it.
I'm looking on this Instagram.
I think Joe would call this revenge porn.
That's okay.
We got plenty of Joe.
Dang it.
I wanted to see that.
Um, this is kind of a funny AI story that someone put together of Joe talking about Coke.
You know what's messed up though?
When you search for even Hunter Biden gropes, just Biden groping kids and women comes up, so it's really hard to... Well, go to 3-0, speaking of him groping.
I have a new theory.
I think old Joe Biden, like pre-Obama, I think if he saw this Joe Biden, he would be disgusted.
What the fuck is that, man?
Come on.
That's too much.
What?
That's way too much.
Why?
Look, she's hating it.
Ew.
Why would that pop into your head?
I hate when the parents laugh.
That dad is just like, I'm going to hell.
I hate when the parents laugh.
That dad is just like, "I'm going to hell.
I just betrayed my daughter." Gross.
I almost understand the mom laughing because she's vulnerable and this is the leader of the free world, but the dad should be showing some instincts.
You shouldn't have the president's spit and breath on your shirt.
No matter what age.
Like, at the most, most, most, like, my own baby.
I might be like, mmm, what do we do?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like, you could- Like a little Eskimo kiss?
You're allowed to do that for, like, two little munchies.
- You can go like, - Just to make her laugh. - I want a bite of strangers.
You don't know that kid.
- No. - I'm biting your back.
That's sort of like when, remember when his wife was going like that?
He was behind her and he went, and licked her finger.
He's like a weird toad.
Imagine he's a toad.
He thinks he's a toad.
Go to 2-8.
He can't say the word recession.
It's very, it's a very easy word.
How many times you read that recession's coming?
People in Wall Street today said, no, they'll see a recession coming now.
I gotta see that again.
First he said, we session, and then he said, recession.
Maybe if I cut off half of it, it'll be good.
How many times you read that recession's coming?
Even Wall Street today said, no, they'll see recession coming now.
Recession coming now.
Recession coming now.
He talks like a drunk.
Recession coming now.
Here's a good montage, 2-9, of him being the most useless world leader in history.
I mean, I've heard there was some time in Rome where they had a horse who was head of the military as a gag.
And I think, was there a little Lord Fauntleroy?
Did he have any power?
Was he 12?
But with those two ridiculous exceptions, Joe Biden is the most incompetent politician in world history, folks.
We're going back to cave days.
He's worse than Org, who was the first caveman leader of the cave world.
Quick question about Israel because the President met with the President of Israel yesterday in the Oval Office.
This moment got him a bit of attention.
He fell asleep.
Have we shown this before?
So far not ringing a bell.
And I just want to play it for you.
And we brought Israelis and Palestinians together at a political level.
And as I affirmed to Prime Minister Netanyahu yesterday, America's commitment to Israel is firm.
John, this got a lot of attention.
It got picked up in a lot of places.
Why is it so hard to understand what the president is trying to say there?
I think he was very, very clear, Martha.
What?
You didn't think there was any problem to communicate there?
But this is a montage that includes other ones I don't think we have shown.
And as I The President was very clear in that clip.
Like Vera Wang, and Joan, Shing Gang, Shing Gang, Shinga, Ko... Koala.
Koala.
Yeah, say Koala.
Why is it so hard to... You think the people in his earpiece were just like, fucking just say Koala.
Just Koala.
If you're working with Mr. Biden right now, can you just spell everything out phonetically from now on?
-Yeah. -Shingang. -Including recession. -Shingang. -Yeah, I'm gonna... - -Shingang. -Ko... -Ko... -Ko... -Ko... -Ko...
-Why is it so hard to understand what the president is trying to say there?
I think he was very, very clear, Martha.
And here comes the train that he tried to make sure didn't continue to run.
That's the commuter.
Remember when George W. Bush was embarrassing because he'd get a few colloquialisms wrong?
Yeah.
Nope.
That's nothing.
Folks, look!
What are you talking about?
I'm talking about a great white chief.
Oh, that's Dana.
That's Dana Carvey?
Damn.
No, it's Jamie Kennedy.
I think it's Jamie Kennedy.
No, it's Dana Carvey.
Man, look at the light in his eyes.
That's a young Dana Carvey.
Yeah, you're right.
Okay, keep going.
That's it.
Oh, that's it?
He needs cue cards.
Oh, we skipped this.
We skipped over this, right?
Yeah, no, I'm getting to that.
But go to 2-7.
He sits there with just having a meeting, dude.
It's general.
You don't have to get specific.
And he's got fucking cue cards.
This is the same one.
But look at his hands.
Well, Mr. President, welcome back.
Welcome back to Washington.
Welcome back to the White House.
Mr. President, welcome back.
You know, I was talking to Netanyahu.
That's not a real name, is it?
Why is the Martin Luther King statue like all smooth and pristine and the JFK one is like... It looks like Jeff Goldblum turning into the fly.
Yeah, doesn't that look like a shithole too?
Like if that was your Airbnb you'd go, oh fuck.
Kind of looks like an Italian Long Island home.
It looks like a 90 year old woman's home.
And it has a weird smell.
Oh, yeah.
I heard Trump say that.
He goes, this this place is a dump.
I don't think I've ever been inside.
No, I haven't been inside.
But I heard like when you feel the walls, everything feels like you could just go.
All right, let's lighten the load here with a story about Hunter bringing some magic powder.
Into the White House, and then we're going to go behind the paywall and get caught up on some racism.
Let me tell you about the smartest person in my life.
As you probably guessed, I'm talking about my son, Hunter, the magician.
Sometimes he wanders into the Oval Office late at night and waves his magic wand around in the air a few times.
Then he does a little spin and abracadabra, all of this wonderful magic powder appears on my desk.
I then said out loud, holy smokes, all of that powder belongs up my nose, doesn't it?
Hunter then looked at me with a twinkle in his eye and smiled.
This is so stupid.
Hey!
You don't have to make up shit.
Hunter Biden does do crack.
He did leave a bag of coke at the White House.
I don't believe that Joe Biden does cocaine.
more sniffs than a fourth.
Before I knew it, the Oval Office was transformed into this beautiful, dreamlike fantasy land.
- This is so stupid. - I was then surrounded by more-- - A, you don't have to make up shit.
Hunter Biden does do crack.
He did leave a bag of Coke at the White House.
I don't believe that Joe Biden does cocaine.
I don't think his heart could handle it.
Secondly, when you do cocaine, you don't start seeing beautiful shapes and colors and stuff.
You're thinking of MDMA or LSD.
So you've clearly never done drugs.
Stop showing that, it's annoying.
What a nerd.
You're a nerd, sir.
Alright, so we're just gonna...
Chop the show here.
We've got a bunch of examples of how white people are the only people who are called racist, and black people can't be racist.
We'll be explaining why after the break.
But that's for the people who pay.
And again, censored.tv is $10 a month.
It is growing exponentially.
Way more shows.
I think we're going to raise the price soon.
Because we've got like 50 times the content that we had.
We have Andrew Tate on the show regularly.
He's drinking a bottle of water or something?
Bottle of water.
Yeah.
Um, so yeah, it's a beer and a half a month for unlimited entertainment.
And I can't tell you how many people tell me that it makes them feel sane.
They get suicidal with the way shit is going.
And then when we get on the show and we laugh at everything, they go, Oh, okay.
So you've noticed that, too.
Oh, good, good.
All right.
And it's funny.
We don't nerd out on all the details.
Like, it gets really tiring.
Like, I don't consume any politics outside of the show, as you can tell, because this is how you have it with fun.
This is the spoonful of sugar.
Do you want to see us in person?
We're in Baltimore.
Oh, yeah.
August 18th, Baltimore.
So if you're in D.C., that's the closest you're going to get is Baltimore.
We're not going to be doing a show nearby anytime soon.
Nashville, Dallas, Vegas.
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