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July 8, 2019 - Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes
29:21
S02E33 - JONAS BROS
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Time Text
That was the Jonas Brothers, a really good band that has great music and deserves unlimited respect.
And people who criticize the Jonas Brothers don't know what they're talking about.
Other bands that are also awesome.
Sheena Easton, Sheila E, Beyonce.
A lot of Prague rock is really good.
A lot of weird sort of noodly guitar metal.
I'm not saying noodly in a negative way.
I love all of those sort of Prague rock metal bands.
And yeah, a lot of the stuff I would used to call single mother music isn't that.
It's really good.
What else should we talk about today?
How about the two greatest islands in the world, Puerto Rico and Japan?
Two thumbs up in my books.
Puerto Rico is part of America, and, you know, Trump could have done a lot more after the hurricane there to protect them, to help them.
I mean, he promised some money.
There we go.
Puerto Rico.
Beautiful, beautiful island of wondrous treats and incredible stars.
I mean, I think J-Lo is from Puerto Rico and Cardi B sure sounds like she is.
And yeah, you know, sometimes we criticize New York Ricans because they're so disproportionately on welfare and in subsidized housing, which I assume you can see there.
Oh, no, that's Puerto Rico, sorry.
But one thing people don't know about Puerto Ricans is in the 50s, the government pushed a sterilization plan and focused on Puerto Rican women and offered them money, I think it was $10,000, to sterilize themselves.
And they figured that would save money on welfare.
So that's kind of a form of genocide.
So if you notice that there's the Puerto Rican Day parade and New York Ricans proudly saying that they're not Puerto Rican, I mean, sorry, that they're not American and they seem to want to be a very distinct group.
And you say, well, why don't you amalgamate?
And I know I've been guilty of criticizing Puerto Ricans for that.
But one has to take into account their history.
And they had ethnocide.
I mean, that's ethnic cleansing, is it not?
They had ethnic cleansing in New York City in the 50s.
So some animosity is justified.
What else?
Also, Japan.
I mean, Japan was...
You know, we sided with the far right at the beginning.
Hitler was considered an ally at the very beginning.
He was popular in America and Britain.
I mean, I think I saw an old picture of Queen Elizabeth Ziegheiling or Princess Margaret or some monarch.
And Mussolini was also very popular.
You're the top.
You're the Mussolini.
It wasn't until the very end of the war that everyone realized what Hitler was doing and everyone hated him.
But Japan did it as a strategic move to help dominate Asia.
And a lot of Asia sucks.
Maybe they should have dominated it.
I mean, China's at a hellhole.
Maybe, you know, by helping Stalin out, we helped communism too much.
And we are maybe partly responsible for the fact that China can almost overpower us.
What if Japan controlled Asia in the 40s?
Would China still have that kind of power?
Southeast Asia doesn't seem to be producing anything.
Anyway, it's a technological wonder, Japan.
And I think it's time to move on from the way we treated them.
And speaking of the way we treated the Puerto Ricans, you know, we had internment camps in America where the Japanese were separated from their families.
We took their land.
So again, and this is half a century ago, we have to take history into account.
And, you know, this is going to sound kind of crazy, but has anyone else, I guess besides Radical Islam, had the balls to attack us and start a war like Pearl Harbor?
I mean, I'm obviously against Pearl Harbor as an American, but you have to concede that was a pretty brave move and totally unprecedented up until then.
I mean, sure, the British were attacking us, but they were there.
It was their land.
We were the one attacking them, really.
So I just want to say that Japan and Puerto Rico are wonderful.
And those two islands, if they were to combine and make a person, and that person in Japanese Puerto Rican, would be a wonderful person who has great taste in music.
That's pretty much all I got to say about that.
I don't know how I'm going to do a whole show like this.
I guess it's worth announcing that Ryan is back.
I'm happy to have him back.
I think he's a huge asset to the show.
And I think he's a good worker.
And just an all-around solid guy.
Thanks, Kev.
I guess we can get to some different stuff today.
Ryan would rather we focus on his contributions over the years and the fans' reaction to him being fired.
I know I said a lot about the reasons he was fired.
He was in a very tumultuous relationship, and I was very frustrated that I recommended ending the relationship very early in the game.
Ryan, despite many calls to police almost every time they got together.
No, I'm exaggerating, but you know what I mean.
More than he kept going back with her, and we didn't have an engineer one day because he went to jail.
And I lashed out, and I was wrong.
I'm openly admitting that, that I was wrong.
It was a double injustice.
Yeah.
And on the show, I say get fired all the time.
And then here I am firing people.
What a hypocrite I am.
No, to your credit, though, one can't get fired without you firing them.
So you actually, you helped me take your advice.
So I, you know, no harm, no foul there.
And can't get fired without you.
Yeah.
All right.
So I guess the next step.
Oh, you're vaping at work, which is great.
Yep, vaping.
Another announcement.
Do you want to try something?
No, thank you.
Are you shooting?
Yes, sure.
I love vape.
I love vape.
It's really not that bad.
You have to kick some in the mouth and then throw it in the throat.
All right.
Well, that's great.
You can vape whenever you want.
I love the smell at the office, in the studio, in my mouth.
Burnt raspberries in my mouth.
I thought you would enjoy it.
I would not hand that to you thinking that you would spit and cough and do weird.
Yeah, it's great.
Yeah.
I'm not an asshole.
Maybe we should...
We could hit the mailbag.
We'll jump right into the mailbag.
Okay, let's have a look at the mailbag, and I'll let Ryan decide, obviously, what letters we read.
Oh, one second.
Sorry about that.
Just click that.
I'm very sorry.
Oh, no problem.
No problem at all.
Gotta pull it up.
Usually I have these all ready to go, but all right.
Here we are.
Ryan is great.
He's handsome and rad.
Now that he's back, let's take a look at Polly's Pluto from Mailback.
Let me borrow your car sometimes.
So you changed that around a little bit.
Yeah, just to, you know, just a little different.
A little more positive.
Because I could use the support, and I do appreciate it that you would greenlight that intro.
Yes, I'd greenlight everything that you're saying and totally support you.
I don't have any notes for the mailbag.
Oh.
I don't know if...
I got it.
Easy.
easy.
Uh, Let's read some letters that we got to the show that are probably pretty good.
Sounds good.
You're a little tight today.
Like, why don't you...
Like, the show's kind of like, come on, man.
I'm sorry.
Don't be sorry to me.
I'm just your stupid retarded producer.
Nah.
Remember?
No, I don't remember that.
That I'm stupid.
Remember?
I may have said that in the past as a joke.
I don't think you're stupid, and I'm happy to have you back.
No, I like jokes.
And I am real stupid.
So.
That's why I'm having you read.
You do all the smart guy stuff.
Hey, Gavin, I understand your aggression towards this mobile phone playing rice ball.
I don't agree with that.
What you said?
Yeah.
That's just comedy, Gat.
It's fine.
But I think he needs your advice now.
He can grow from this and maybe even grow some facial hair on this yellow chromosome overflow face.
I have facial hair.
On your feet, soldier.
Greetings from Germany, you fucktard.
Mike.
Christine, Gavin, I have a massive girl crush on you, even though you don't wash your hair with shampoo.
But please bring your boy Ryan back.
He got cuckheld by a fame whore, and you know what your dick does to you with women over 7.5?
And I'm a woman.
Please, fuckface, give him the old second chance, poor Favour.
I just want to say that a lot of the times you're going to hear excessive swearing, and I'm realizing that a lot of it is Canadians.
Canadians, Brits, and Australians swear like crazy, and Americans don't, especially Southern Americans.
So this will sound a little weird to you.
From a ninth grade Spanish teacher that throws your shtick all the time for my students to marinate.
I do get a few who raise an eyebrow and chuckle.
Free Ryan Jap guy.
That's all written as a hashtag.
Here's another one from Carl.
Yo, Ryan was funny.
You should bring him back onto the show.
Nice.
Tight, concise.
Good letter.
Carl.
Well, he could have said you should bring him back on the show.
On to the show?
Anyway.
It's kind of is color, colorful.
Okay, I agree with you.
Cool?
You don't have to.
I mean.
All right, I won't.
Well, you'd don't do whatever comes naturally.
I mean, I don't want to.
Okay.
Not trying to influence who you are.
Thank you very much.
Don't thank me.
Gavin, as someone in my 40s, I find you're constant yelling at Ryan and putting him in his place for his baffling idiocy and infuriating competence tremendously satisfying.
I don't agree with that.
It's how I wish I could treat every millennial designer intern I've ever had to work with.
Please don't fire him forever.
I already missed that chemistry.
I really like the new site and vids.
This one's from Noah.
I don't want to hear what some dumb boomer thinks about the wage gap.
We want to hear you and Ryan riffing.
That means you're going to have to bring back Ryan also.
Really pretty bad spelling here.
Hear H-E-R-E.
I think we're getting lost in the weeds, though, but the sentiment.
You're going to have to bring back Ryan also.
In Love You Like a Son, Love His Father, mostly because I don't have one.
Maybe his father could have made sure he went to school.
It's like a parental substitution.
Gavin, I know you are the boss, and a lot probably happened behind the scenes, but on behalf of your loyal base, we want Ryan.
Thanks, guys.
If this happens to be read, please know that I've followed your work for years and I've always enjoyed you.
However, since Ryan came along, I fucking crave the content.
GML and the podcast apps have all been so enjoyable for the last year.
You guys have such a great back and forth.
If Ryan really is as much of a retard as you claim, doesn't he deserve another chance?
Ain't nobody got time for that!
Just to be clear, that it was about his 10th chance.
Instead of 38th?
Okay.
Did I say 37?
Yes.
You did.
Hey, Gavin and Ryan.
You guys make an amazing team.
I've never laughed so much during podcasts.
I stopped listening to others and completely just relied on yours.
Please bring back Ryan, dude.
I know he's a shithead sometimes, but he needs you.
I missed that sound effect.
I apologize.
What's that supposed to mean?
Oh.
Gavin, without Ryan, there are no checks and balances for your low IQ geriatric ramblings.
Now, hold on.
I don't agree with that.
Thank you very much.
That's mean.
We're buddies.
You know, and I don't want anything to be obscured here.
Listen, Gavin is...
Also, I've always wanted to ask you where you come up with your ideas.
And then he adds, go fuck yourself.
I like you more than a friend.
This one's from Mark.
As one 48-year-old coffin dodger to another, you need to bring him back.
The combination of you two together is funnier than just you on your own or you and that random drone you stuck in on Thursday.
I realize he's a bit of a fuck-up.
I don't agree with that.
But even when he fucks up, it's funny.
P.S., your new sunglasses are shit.
Hello.
Okay.
Doing sound effects now.
That's great.
And I have no problem with the fact that you bought new shoes, even though you're deeply in debt because your finances are none of my business.
Well, that raise that we're shop away is keep on shopping.
That bonus for my emotional damages.
Oh, wait.
I'm sorry.
Let's see.
Soundboard.
That's okay.
People make mistakes.
That's natural.
I'm trying not to, though.
Last thing I want to do is stink up the joint with my mistakes and stuff like that.
No, sir.
You don't have mistakes.
You have deliberate, fun little pranks.
Thanks.
CR, I've been involved in making videocasts for three years now.
I've been following you just as long.
I know your style.
I knew from day one that Ryan would disappoint you.
Don't agree with that.
Sorry about that.
I do live in Austin, so I'm used to being around a bunch of lefties.
Trust me, you won't have to yell at me like I was a retarded Asian baba buoy.
I make a video and audio cast called Emergency Exit, which I've been making for three years.
I'm a whisker warrior, which means I'm a nerd.
I'm a nerd.
I travel the country to compete in facial hairstyling.
Okay.
Yes, I don't get no respect.
Fuck, man.
Working for you would be a dream.
It's a long shot, but I'm willing to quit my espresso machine technician job, move to New York City, and get started in a new city.
Unlike your previous producer, I'm an adult.
Even more important, I'm dedicated and a real hard worker.
I also don't fear wearing a red MAGA hat in Austin.
That's fucking courageous.
I was sort of doxxed for messing with Che-loving cocksuckers complaining about gentrification.
Anyway, please consider me if you're looking for a real producer.
And then he says he includes a video with this resume.
Which I guess is sad.
Do you want to play the video, sir?
Yeah.
Okay.
You just...
You can't leave a gun just laying around.
Alright, and here we go.
It's called Emergency Exit.
Okay.
So this is the guy who wants to replace Ryan.
I can't.
There's an ad going on here.
It's very blown up.
Not that there's anything wrong with that, but I would think that maybe the people at home might want to see the screen.
I don't mind fixing it.
Okay, there we go.
He's playing closing time and the opening of a podcast.
Let me just skip here to four.
Oh, wait.
I just want to...
Oddly enough, he starts vaping.
So he didn't shit on my vaping, probably because he's a vapist himself.
Let's get this show on the road.
Hold on.
This is three years of...
You have to, like, replace the coils and you have to, like, build the coils and worry about ohms and stuff.
Mine is just practical.
Why would anyone have such a big vape?
I don't know.
But the show doesn't start until about 7 minutes.
But is it seen as a status thing to have a bigger vape?
Maybe.
You blow bigger clouds.
See, I do it practically.
As much as you hate it.
I don't have a problem with it.
Or used to hate it.
It's super practical, it's a little bit of, It's not for clouds.
It's just to get my nicotine in.
Okay, let's just see this guy.
I'm not very excited about it.
The guy from breast cancer or something.
Wow.
So he's just playing clips and reacting to them.
And then about seven minutes in, he starts.
We're having a good Monday evening.
It's been another Monday.
His mustache looks like Asian pupes.
He's after having a weekend.
Just a weekend.
Maybe he is just a weekend.
Maybe he's Asian genitals.
He's on his weekend.
A man and his weekend.
I wrote the show, which is quite a show we have.
Oh, my goodness.
Oh, my goodness.
Well, why don't I tell you guys about what's going on today?
You're probably anxious.
On today's program, it's the first of three episodes on speech.
Freedom of speech more specifically.
Right.
Well, he does a show.
So that's three years of that he could replace me as a grown man and mustache and whiskey.
No, he's a whisker warrior, meaning whisker.
Right.
Not whiskey.
The implication there would be that he would maintain my facial hair, I think.
Oh, I gotcha.
Or at least that's in the cards.
Which I don't think you need.
I think your facial hair is perfect.
Thank you very much.
You have great facial hair, too.
Thanks.
But your discipline, on the other hand, sometimes is a little uncouth.
But that's fine.
It's for comedy.
Yeah.
You want to watch that video from Disney?
No, I have more letters here.
Sure.
That sounds good to me.
You also told me that you want to show a video of a fanmate called Morning Private Ryan or something.
Sure.
Yeah, I could pull it up.
I'll continue reading letters.
This is from Jeff Dorward.
I do appreciate you and your message, but at the same time, if you fire and or abandon Ryan, I do not...
I realize I'm drunk and incoherent.
I am drunk, but pussy blinds us all.
You'd give him life advice as a father figure, but when rubber hit road, he ends up as another trampled underfoot.
I know this sounds faggy, but fuck it.
Ryan is retarded, but is a good addition to the show.
It's interesting that he spelled addition wrong right after calling someone retarded.
Namaste, Jeff Dorward.
I am Jack's wasted life.
What does that mean?
I don't know.
It sounds like an inside joke.
I'm not privy to.
This is from Roland Swift.
Buddy, I feel for Ryan.
He got wrapped up with a crazy bitch.
That shit happens.
He's an asset to the show, though.
You guys have a great dynamic.
If you're Seinfeld, he's George.
And Seinfeld ain't Seinfeld without George.
I don't know if they had Seinfeld in Canadia.
Great show.
Any who's ears?
Bring the Japarikin back.
Forgive and forget.
He screwed the pooch with this crazy broad.
Let him live and learn.
But he's kind of a co-host.
It's a very difficult situation.
He got wrapped up with a whackadoo.
Happens to the best of us.
I'm noticing a lot of repetition with these points.
Yes.
I'm not sure I'm not with a whackadoo now.
You never know.
Keep us updated with the SPLC.
Eat their lunch from Portland, Oregon.
Proud of your boy.
By the way, see the headlines from this liberal shithole?
National coverage.
Antifa violence.
Not a good look.
You know who they're talking about.
I hope we see some action up north against Wheeler.
I hope we flush the Kate Brown.
Of course, he's referring to Andy No.
Antifa made a bad move beating the crap out of a small Gajan.
They need to fire their publicist.
Triggered.
Give the kid...
Give the kid Ryan a scare for a bit and then give him another chance.
He deserves one, plus you need that diversity higher.
Hmm.
Hmm.
Oof.
This is a long one that doesn't really mention Ryan, but he does say that he had a receding hairline.
Me?
No, no, no.
Oh.
The writer.
And it was getting bad.
And then he thought, what am I going to do now?
Sorry, I'm paraphrasing a long letter, but he goes, I stopped washing it.
No shampoo, no conditioner.
And it worked.
I know you're not surprised, but I was.
Went for my first haircut in six months since I started letting it grow back out.
And the chip kept saying how thick and full my hair was.
Ain't that some shit?
So he's telling me that I'm right to tell people not to use shampoo or conditioner.
I stopped using shampoo and conditioner too.
Because I live and learn.
That's great.
Also, I quit porn.
Still jerking off now and then, but just sticking to memories.
And that works too.
I got more confidence, more energy, more purpose.
It's really nuts.
I was already a confident guy.
I run ultramarathons, but all that stuff has changed now.
More magnified.
I feel more motivation to go out and meet women.
Not that I've ever really struggled there either.
My point is, quitting porn has benefits for guys who don't suck.
Even if you aren't a basement dwelling beta loser, you should still quit porn and stop washing your hair.
I'm leaving out a lot of swear words in these letters because it's getting excessive.
I like you more than a friend.
Men's feet should only be illegal to display in public.
Nice sunglasses.
P.S. Here we go.
Unpopular opinion.
Ryan wasn't so bad.
I'm kind of going to miss him.
Would you hire him back if he quit fucking off and being so retarded?
I'm noticing the word retard is used quite a bit in these letters.
Oh, I haven't noticed that.
You have a mouse on your face.
Okay.
Which is fine.
It's a style point.
Yeah.
And people do things, sometimes they leave a mouse on the screen.
Why is he called Jim Gaffigan Jim Gaffigan?
Because he's got gaffes.
Yeah.
Oh, I like bacon.
That kind of thing.
Yeah.
Potato pockets.
Wow, they have a lot of pillows.
Tyler Klein.
This new guy sucks.
His voice is gay.
Ryan is funny, and I like his retarded quips.
It adds more variety.
Anyway, keep up the good work, bud, but fuck you for getting rid of Ryan.
from a guy named C Wines.
Can I have Ryan?
Can I have?
Who wrote?
I'm sorry.
No problem.
Thanks.
Can I have Ryan's job since he doesn't want it anymore?
And then he sends a second email that says, that was a joke.
I hope Ryan's okay.
The comedic chemistry between you two is great.
Now I'd like to cut to a video that a fan made about Ryan.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay, just scrolling, scrolling.
Hope you don't mind.
Hold on one second.
Oh, you mentioned pulling it up earlier, and I guess you didn't.
I got it.
Okay, just in time.
Welcome to the show.
Dave Cast is here training our new producer, Ryan Katsu Rivera.
Okay, so this was supposed to be a anniversary video since it's coming up on my one-year anniversary working with you and for you.
Who made this?
Hi.
I will tell you in a second.
Welcome to the show.
Well, I don't really care.
It wasn't you, though.
No.
No, this is made by one of the guys from the sub.
I think it's Bob's Dylan.
I don't know what a sub is.
I'm a boomer.
Oh, the subreddit.
Okay.
Hi.
Welcome to the show.
Dave Cast is here training our new producer, Ryan Ketsu Rivera.
Supposed to have all these up.
It's the last one, you buffoon.
It's a very difficult situation.
Can you try?
It's a very difficult situation.
Apparently, Ryan ain't working here no more.
He didn't show up for work today, and I'm...
I give you 37 strikes and then you're out.
And today was 37.
And he's out.
Ah, shit.
I guess I gotta change the music now, right?
Fuck.
Hold on.
Very swear-heavy episode.
Supposed to have all these up.
It's the last one.
You buffoon us.
It's a very difficult situation.
And you try.
It's a very difficult situation.
Now it's sad means.
When I say last one, it's because I'm looking at my notes.
D-Y-K-E.
What?
I was going to say as a seven.
Some good times.
We are the shittiest detectives.
You remember the good times?
Yes, I remember the good times like they were yesterday.
Today is a good time.
Yeah, it is.
Your email should be open!
That's not so much of a good time.
What are you doing?
Jumail unused.
No, it's in today's notes, you retard!
I can absolutely teach.
I've been doing that for years, trying to teach people.
My hand's always touching my head like a magneto.
Trying to move metals.
I sent you this fing email, Royal!
Bittersweet.
Wow!
You gotta add the word bloody.
It's a bloody madhouse out there.
It's biologically different.
What school did you...
Was it sentimental?
Was it made of paper?
It's a very difficult situation.
It's very difficult to erase.
That's the best one of ever.
Actually, the fu dude, I'm making very difficult you.
Yeah, okay.
Wait, now you're opening your email?
What did you pick this from?
Oh, Monigo!
Who's that Monigo?
Oh, my Lord in heaven, Jesus Christ.
What are you doing?
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