Get Off My Lawn - Gavin McInnes - S02E33 - JONAS BROS
Aired: 2019-07-08
Duration: 29:21


=== Japan And Puerto Rico (05:45) ===

[00:00:50]  That was the Jonas Brothers, a really good band that has great music and deserves unlimited respect.
[00:00:59]  And people who criticize the Jonas Brothers don't know what they're talking about.
[00:01:05]  Other bands that are also awesome.
[00:01:08]  Sheena Easton, Sheila E, Beyonce.
[00:01:15]  A lot of Prague rock is really good.
[00:01:19]  A lot of weird sort of noodly guitar metal.
[00:01:22]  I'm not saying noodly in a negative way.
[00:01:25]  I love all of those sort of Prague rock metal bands.
[00:01:30]  And yeah, a lot of the stuff I would used to call single mother music isn't that.
[00:01:37]  It's really good.
[00:01:41]  What else should we talk about today?
[00:01:44]  How about the two greatest islands in the world, Puerto Rico and Japan?
[00:01:51]  Two thumbs up in my books.
[00:01:54]  Puerto Rico is part of America, and, you know, Trump could have done a lot more after the hurricane there to protect them, to help them.
[00:02:07]  I mean, he promised some money.
[00:02:09]  There we go.
[00:02:09]  Puerto Rico.
[00:02:12]  Beautiful, beautiful island of wondrous treats and incredible stars.
[00:02:18]  I mean, I think J-Lo is from Puerto Rico and Cardi B sure sounds like she is.
[00:02:26]  And yeah, you know, sometimes we criticize New York Ricans because they're so disproportionately on welfare and in subsidized housing, which I assume you can see there.
[00:02:37]  Oh, no, that's Puerto Rico, sorry.
[00:02:40]  But one thing people don't know about Puerto Ricans is in the 50s, the government pushed a sterilization plan and focused on Puerto Rican women and offered them money, I think it was $10,000, to sterilize themselves.
[00:02:56]  And they figured that would save money on welfare.
[00:03:00]  So that's kind of a form of genocide.
[00:03:03]  So if you notice that there's the Puerto Rican Day parade and New York Ricans proudly saying that they're not Puerto Rican, I mean, sorry, that they're not American and they seem to want to be a very distinct group.
[00:03:14]  And you say, well, why don't you amalgamate?
[00:03:16]  And I know I've been guilty of criticizing Puerto Ricans for that.
[00:03:20]  But one has to take into account their history.
[00:03:23]  And they had ethnocide.
[00:03:25]  I mean, that's ethnic cleansing, is it not?
[00:03:28]  They had ethnic cleansing in New York City in the 50s.
[00:03:31]  So some animosity is justified.
[00:03:38]  What else?
[00:03:42]  Also, Japan.
[00:03:43]  I mean, Japan was...
[00:03:52]  You know, we sided with the far right at the beginning.
[00:03:58]  Hitler was considered an ally at the very beginning.
[00:04:02]  He was popular in America and Britain.
[00:04:05]  I mean, I think I saw an old picture of Queen Elizabeth Ziegheiling or Princess Margaret or some monarch.
[00:04:12]  And Mussolini was also very popular.
[00:04:15]  You're the top.
[00:04:16]  You're the Mussolini.
[00:04:18]  It wasn't until the very end of the war that everyone realized what Hitler was doing and everyone hated him.
[00:04:24]  But Japan did it as a strategic move to help dominate Asia.
[00:04:27]  And a lot of Asia sucks.
[00:04:29]  Maybe they should have dominated it.
[00:04:30]  I mean, China's at a hellhole.
[00:04:33]  Maybe, you know, by helping Stalin out, we helped communism too much.
[00:04:37]  And we are maybe partly responsible for the fact that China can almost overpower us.
[00:04:43]  What if Japan controlled Asia in the 40s?
[00:04:46]  Would China still have that kind of power?
[00:04:49]  Southeast Asia doesn't seem to be producing anything.
[00:04:51]  Anyway, it's a technological wonder, Japan.
[00:04:56]  And I think it's time to move on from the way we treated them.
[00:04:59]  And speaking of the way we treated the Puerto Ricans, you know, we had internment camps in America where the Japanese were separated from their families.
[00:05:08]  We took their land.
[00:05:10]  So again, and this is half a century ago, we have to take history into account.
[00:05:15]  And, you know, this is going to sound kind of crazy, but has anyone else, I guess besides Radical Islam, had the balls to attack us and start a war like Pearl Harbor?
[00:05:26]  I mean, I'm obviously against Pearl Harbor as an American, but you have to concede that was a pretty brave move and totally unprecedented up until then.
[00:05:36]  I mean, sure, the British were attacking us, but they were there.
[00:05:41]  It was their land.
[00:05:42]  We were the one attacking them, really.
[00:05:46]  So I just want to say that Japan and Puerto Rico are wonderful.
[00:05:51]  And those two islands, if they were to combine and make a person, and that person in Japanese Puerto Rican, would be a wonderful person who has great taste in music.
[00:06:05]  That's pretty much all I got to say about that.
[00:06:09]  I don't know how I'm going to do a whole show like this.
[00:06:13]  I guess it's worth announcing that Ryan is back.
[00:06:18]  I'm happy to have him back.

=== Reasons Behind Firings (02:26) ===

[00:06:20]  I think he's a huge asset to the show.
[00:06:24]  And I think he's a good worker.
[00:06:31]  And just an all-around solid guy.
[00:06:38]  Thanks, Kev.
[00:06:50]  I guess we can get to some different stuff today.
[00:06:54]  Ryan would rather we focus on his contributions over the years and the fans' reaction to him being fired.
[00:07:03]  I know I said a lot about the reasons he was fired.
[00:07:07]  He was in a very tumultuous relationship, and I was very frustrated that I recommended ending the relationship very early in the game.
[00:07:18]  Ryan, despite many calls to police almost every time they got together.
[00:07:23]  No, I'm exaggerating, but you know what I mean.
[00:07:25]  More than he kept going back with her, and we didn't have an engineer one day because he went to jail.
[00:07:35]  And I lashed out, and I was wrong.
[00:07:38]  I'm openly admitting that, that I was wrong.
[00:07:42]  It was a double injustice.
[00:07:44]  Yeah.
[00:07:47]  And on the show, I say get fired all the time.
[00:07:49]  And then here I am firing people.
[00:07:51]  What a hypocrite I am.
[00:07:53]  No, to your credit, though, one can't get fired without you firing them.
[00:07:58]  So you actually, you helped me take your advice.
[00:08:01]  So I, you know, no harm, no foul there.
[00:08:05]  And can't get fired without you.
[00:08:09]  Yeah.
[00:08:11]  All right.
[00:08:14]  So I guess the next step.
[00:08:18]  Oh, you're vaping at work, which is great.
[00:08:21]  Yep, vaping.
[00:08:23]  Another announcement.
[00:08:24]  Do you want to try something?
[00:08:25]  No, thank you.
[00:08:27]  Are you shooting?
[00:08:28]  Yes, sure.
[00:08:28]  I love vape.
[00:08:29]  I love vape.

=== Let Ryan Decide (15:51) ===

[00:08:38]  It's really not that bad.
[00:08:38]  You have to kick some in the mouth and then throw it in the throat.
[00:08:45]  All right.
[00:08:46]  Well, that's great.
[00:08:47]  You can vape whenever you want.
[00:08:48]  I love the smell at the office, in the studio, in my mouth.
[00:08:53]  Burnt raspberries in my mouth.
[00:08:55]  I thought you would enjoy it.
[00:08:56]  I would not hand that to you thinking that you would spit and cough and do weird.
[00:09:00]  Yeah, it's great.
[00:09:01]  Yeah.
[00:09:02]  I'm not an asshole.
[00:09:02]  Maybe we should...
[00:09:09]  We could hit the mailbag.
[00:09:11]  We'll jump right into the mailbag.
[00:09:13]  Okay, let's have a look at the mailbag, and I'll let Ryan decide, obviously, what letters we read.
[00:09:23]  Oh, one second.
[00:09:24]  Sorry about that.
[00:09:27]  Just click that.
[00:09:33]  I'm very sorry.
[00:09:34]  Oh, no problem.
[00:09:37]  No problem at all.
[00:09:38]  Gotta pull it up.
[00:09:39]  Usually I have these all ready to go, but all right.
[00:09:42]  Here we are.
[00:09:44]  Ryan is great.
[00:09:45]  He's handsome and rad.
[00:09:48]  Now that he's back, let's take a look at Polly's Pluto from Mailback.
[00:09:54]  Let me borrow your car sometimes.
[00:09:58]  So you changed that around a little bit.
[00:10:01]  Yeah, just to, you know, just a little different.
[00:10:05]  A little more positive.
[00:10:06]  Because I could use the support, and I do appreciate it that you would greenlight that intro.
[00:10:13]  Yes, I'd greenlight everything that you're saying and totally support you.
[00:10:19]  I don't have any notes for the mailbag.
[00:10:21]  Oh.
[00:10:22]  I don't know if...
[00:10:29]  I got it.
[00:10:29]  Easy.
[00:10:31]  easy.
[00:10:39]  Uh, Let's read some letters that we got to the show that are probably pretty good.
[00:10:49]  Sounds good.
[00:10:52]  You're a little tight today.
[00:10:53]  Like, why don't you...
[00:10:55]  Like, the show's kind of like, come on, man.
[00:10:57]  I'm sorry.
[00:10:58]  Don't be sorry to me.
[00:10:59]  I'm just your stupid retarded producer.
[00:11:02]  Nah.
[00:11:03]  Remember?
[00:11:04]  No, I don't remember that.
[00:11:05]  That I'm stupid.
[00:11:07]  Remember?
[00:11:07]  I may have said that in the past as a joke.
[00:11:09]  I don't think you're stupid, and I'm happy to have you back.
[00:11:12]  No, I like jokes.
[00:11:13]  And I am real stupid.
[00:11:15]  So.
[00:11:16]  That's why I'm having you read.
[00:11:17]  You do all the smart guy stuff.
[00:11:22]  Hey, Gavin, I understand your aggression towards this mobile phone playing rice ball.
[00:11:26]  I don't agree with that.
[00:11:28]  What you said?
[00:11:29]  Yeah.
[00:11:29]  That's just comedy, Gat.
[00:11:30]  It's fine.
[00:11:31]  But I think he needs your advice now.
[00:11:33]  He can grow from this and maybe even grow some facial hair on this yellow chromosome overflow face.
[00:11:39]  I have facial hair.
[00:11:41]  On your feet, soldier.
[00:11:42]  Greetings from Germany, you fucktard.
[00:11:44]  Mike.
[00:11:47]  Christine, Gavin, I have a massive girl crush on you, even though you don't wash your hair with shampoo.
[00:11:53]  But please bring your boy Ryan back.
[00:11:55]  He got cuckheld by a fame whore, and you know what your dick does to you with women over 7.5?
[00:12:01]  And I'm a woman.
[00:12:03]  Please, fuckface, give him the old second chance, poor Favour.
[00:12:06]  I just want to say that a lot of the times you're going to hear excessive swearing, and I'm realizing that a lot of it is Canadians.
[00:12:14]  Canadians, Brits, and Australians swear like crazy, and Americans don't, especially Southern Americans.
[00:12:22]  So this will sound a little weird to you.
[00:12:25]  From a ninth grade Spanish teacher that throws your shtick all the time for my students to marinate.
[00:12:30]  I do get a few who raise an eyebrow and chuckle.
[00:12:34]  Free Ryan Jap guy.
[00:12:35]  That's all written as a hashtag.
[00:12:38]  Here's another one from Carl.
[00:12:40]  Yo, Ryan was funny.
[00:12:41]  You should bring him back onto the show.
[00:12:44]  Nice.
[00:12:45]  Tight, concise.
[00:12:46]  Good letter.
[00:12:47]  Carl.
[00:12:48]  Well, he could have said you should bring him back on the show.
[00:12:52]  On to the show?
[00:12:53]  Anyway.
[00:12:54]  It's kind of is color, colorful.
[00:12:56]  Okay, I agree with you.
[00:12:58]  Cool?
[00:12:59]  You don't have to.
[00:13:00]  I mean.
[00:13:00]  All right, I won't.
[00:13:02]  Well, you'd don't do whatever comes naturally.
[00:13:05]  I mean, I don't want to.
[00:13:06]  Okay.
[00:13:07]  Not trying to influence who you are.
[00:13:09]  Thank you very much.
[00:13:10]  Don't thank me.
[00:13:11]  Gavin, as someone in my 40s, I find you're constant yelling at Ryan and putting him in his place for his baffling idiocy and infuriating competence tremendously satisfying.
[00:13:19]  I don't agree with that.
[00:13:21]  It's how I wish I could treat every millennial designer intern I've ever had to work with.
[00:13:25]  Please don't fire him forever.
[00:13:27]  I already missed that chemistry.
[00:13:29]  I really like the new site and vids.
[00:13:32]  This one's from Noah.
[00:13:34]  I don't want to hear what some dumb boomer thinks about the wage gap.
[00:13:38]  We want to hear you and Ryan riffing.
[00:13:40]  That means you're going to have to bring back Ryan also.
[00:13:43]  Really pretty bad spelling here.
[00:13:45]  Hear H-E-R-E.
[00:13:49]  I think we're getting lost in the weeds, though, but the sentiment.
[00:13:54]  You're going to have to bring back Ryan also.
[00:13:56]  In Love You Like a Son, Love His Father, mostly because I don't have one.
[00:14:01]  Maybe his father could have made sure he went to school.
[00:14:06]  It's like a parental substitution.
[00:14:09]  Gavin, I know you are the boss, and a lot probably happened behind the scenes, but on behalf of your loyal base, we want Ryan.
[00:14:17]  Thanks, guys.
[00:14:18]  If this happens to be read, please know that I've followed your work for years and I've always enjoyed you.
[00:14:23]  However, since Ryan came along, I fucking crave the content.
[00:14:26]  GML and the podcast apps have all been so enjoyable for the last year.
[00:14:30]  You guys have such a great back and forth.
[00:14:31]  If Ryan really is as much of a retard as you claim, doesn't he deserve another chance?
[00:14:37]  Ain't nobody got time for that!
[00:14:40]  Just to be clear, that it was about his 10th chance.
[00:14:45]  Instead of 38th?
[00:14:48]  Okay.
[00:14:48]  Did I say 37?
[00:14:50]  Yes.
[00:14:51]  You did.
[00:14:52]  Hey, Gavin and Ryan.
[00:14:54]  You guys make an amazing team.
[00:14:56]  I've never laughed so much during podcasts.
[00:14:57]  I stopped listening to others and completely just relied on yours.
[00:15:00]  Please bring back Ryan, dude.
[00:15:02]  I know he's a shithead sometimes, but he needs you.
[00:15:05]  I missed that sound effect.
[00:15:06]  I apologize.
[00:15:07]  What's that supposed to mean?
[00:15:08]  Oh.
[00:15:10]  Gavin, without Ryan, there are no checks and balances for your low IQ geriatric ramblings.
[00:15:17]  Now, hold on.
[00:15:18]  I don't agree with that.
[00:15:19]  Thank you very much.
[00:15:20]  That's mean.
[00:15:21]  We're buddies.
[00:15:23]  You know, and I don't want anything to be obscured here.
[00:15:25]  Listen, Gavin is...
[00:15:29]  Also, I've always wanted to ask you where you come up with your ideas.
[00:15:32]  And then he adds, go fuck yourself.
[00:15:33]  I like you more than a friend.
[00:15:37]  This one's from Mark.
[00:15:38]  As one 48-year-old coffin dodger to another, you need to bring him back.
[00:15:42]  The combination of you two together is funnier than just you on your own or you and that random drone you stuck in on Thursday.
[00:15:49]  I realize he's a bit of a fuck-up.
[00:15:51]  I don't agree with that.
[00:15:52]  But even when he fucks up, it's funny.
[00:15:54]  P.S., your new sunglasses are shit.
[00:15:57]  Hello.
[00:15:59]  Okay.
[00:16:00]  Doing sound effects now.
[00:16:02]  That's great.
[00:16:03]  And I have no problem with the fact that you bought new shoes, even though you're deeply in debt because your finances are none of my business.
[00:16:10]  Well, that raise that we're shop away is keep on shopping.
[00:16:17]  That bonus for my emotional damages.
[00:16:19]  Oh, wait.
[00:16:20]  I'm sorry.
[00:16:20]  Let's see.
[00:16:21]  Soundboard.
[00:16:23]  That's okay.
[00:16:24]  People make mistakes.
[00:16:25]  That's natural.
[00:16:26]  I'm trying not to, though.
[00:16:28]  Last thing I want to do is stink up the joint with my mistakes and stuff like that.
[00:16:33]  No, sir.
[00:16:34]  You don't have mistakes.
[00:16:35]  You have deliberate, fun little pranks.
[00:16:40]  Thanks.
[00:16:42]  CR, I've been involved in making videocasts for three years now.
[00:16:45]  I've been following you just as long.
[00:16:46]  I know your style.
[00:16:47]  I knew from day one that Ryan would disappoint you.
[00:16:51]  Don't agree with that.
[00:16:52]  Sorry about that.
[00:16:53]  I do live in Austin, so I'm used to being around a bunch of lefties.
[00:16:55]  Trust me, you won't have to yell at me like I was a retarded Asian baba buoy.
[00:16:59]  I make a video and audio cast called Emergency Exit, which I've been making for three years.
[00:17:03]  I'm a whisker warrior, which means I'm a nerd.
[00:17:07]  I'm a nerd.
[00:17:07]  I travel the country to compete in facial hairstyling.
[00:17:13]  Okay.
[00:17:14]  Yes, I don't get no respect.
[00:17:19]  Fuck, man.
[00:17:20]  Working for you would be a dream.
[00:17:20]  It's a long shot, but I'm willing to quit my espresso machine technician job, move to New York City, and get started in a new city.
[00:17:26]  Unlike your previous producer, I'm an adult.
[00:17:28]  Even more important, I'm dedicated and a real hard worker.
[00:17:30]  I also don't fear wearing a red MAGA hat in Austin.
[00:17:33]  That's fucking courageous.
[00:17:35]  I was sort of doxxed for messing with Che-loving cocksuckers complaining about gentrification.
[00:17:40]  Anyway, please consider me if you're looking for a real producer.
[00:17:43]  And then he says he includes a video with this resume.
[00:17:50]  Which I guess is sad.
[00:17:54]  Do you want to play the video, sir?
[00:17:56]  Yeah.
[00:17:57]  Okay.
[00:17:57]  You just...
[00:18:05]  You can't leave a gun just laying around.
[00:18:10]  Alright, and here we go.
[00:18:12]  It's called Emergency Exit.
[00:18:15]  Okay.
[00:18:16]  So this is the guy who wants to replace Ryan.
[00:18:21]  I can't.
[00:18:22]  There's an ad going on here.
[00:18:28]  It's very blown up.
[00:18:30]  Not that there's anything wrong with that, but I would think that maybe the people at home might want to see the screen.
[00:18:34]  I don't mind fixing it.
[00:18:36]  Okay, there we go.
[00:18:37]  He's playing closing time and the opening of a podcast.
[00:18:40]  Let me just skip here to four.
[00:18:41]  Oh, wait.
[00:18:41]  I just want to...
[00:18:45]  Oddly enough, he starts vaping.
[00:18:49]  So he didn't shit on my vaping, probably because he's a vapist himself.
[00:18:51]  Let's get this show on the road.
[00:18:55]  Hold on.
[00:18:55]  This is three years of...
[00:18:59]  You have to, like, replace the coils and you have to, like, build the coils and worry about ohms and stuff.
[00:19:04]  Mine is just practical.
[00:19:06]  Why would anyone have such a big vape?
[00:19:09]  I don't know.
[00:19:10]  But the show doesn't start until about 7 minutes.
[00:19:12]  But is it seen as a status thing to have a bigger vape?
[00:19:16]  Maybe.
[00:19:17]  You blow bigger clouds.
[00:19:18]  See, I do it practically.
[00:19:20]  As much as you hate it.
[00:19:22]  I don't have a problem with it.
[00:19:23]  Or used to hate it.
[00:19:25]  It's super practical, it's a little bit of, It's not for clouds.
[00:19:29]  It's just to get my nicotine in.
[00:19:31]  Okay, let's just see this guy.
[00:19:34]  I'm not very excited about it.
[00:19:35]  The guy from breast cancer or something.
[00:19:36]  Wow.
[00:19:37]  So he's just playing clips and reacting to them.
[00:19:39]  And then about seven minutes in, he starts.
[00:19:40]  We're having a good Monday evening.
[00:19:44]  It's been another Monday.
[00:19:45]  His mustache looks like Asian pupes.
[00:19:47]  He's after having a weekend.
[00:19:50]  Just a weekend.
[00:19:51]  Maybe he is just a weekend.
[00:19:52]  Maybe he's Asian genitals.
[00:19:54]  He's on his weekend.
[00:19:55]  A man and his weekend.
[00:19:56]  I wrote the show, which is quite a show we have.
[00:19:59]  Oh, my goodness.
[00:20:00]  Oh, my goodness.
[00:20:02]  Well, why don't I tell you guys about what's going on today?
[00:20:04]  You're probably anxious.
[00:20:05]  On today's program, it's the first of three episodes on speech.
[00:20:11]  Freedom of speech more specifically.
[00:20:13]  Right.
[00:20:13]  Well, he does a show.
[00:20:14]  So that's three years of that he could replace me as a grown man and mustache and whiskey.
[00:20:19]  No, he's a whisker warrior, meaning whisker.
[00:20:22]  Right.
[00:20:23]  Not whiskey.
[00:20:25]  The implication there would be that he would maintain my facial hair, I think.
[00:20:29]  Oh, I gotcha.
[00:20:30]  Or at least that's in the cards.
[00:20:33]  Which I don't think you need.
[00:20:34]  I think your facial hair is perfect.
[00:20:35]  Thank you very much.
[00:20:36]  You have great facial hair, too.
[00:20:38]  Thanks.
[00:20:38]  But your discipline, on the other hand, sometimes is a little uncouth.
[00:20:42]  But that's fine.
[00:20:43]  It's for comedy.
[00:20:45]  Yeah.
[00:20:49]  You want to watch that video from Disney?
[00:20:52]  No, I have more letters here.
[00:20:54]  Sure.
[00:20:54]  That sounds good to me.
[00:20:55]  You also told me that you want to show a video of a fanmate called Morning Private Ryan or something.
[00:21:03]  Sure.
[00:21:04]  Yeah, I could pull it up.
[00:21:05]  I'll continue reading letters.
[00:21:07]  This is from Jeff Dorward.
[00:21:08]  I do appreciate you and your message, but at the same time, if you fire and or abandon Ryan, I do not...
[00:21:18]  I realize I'm drunk and incoherent.
[00:21:19]  I am drunk, but pussy blinds us all.
[00:21:22]  You'd give him life advice as a father figure, but when rubber hit road, he ends up as another trampled underfoot.
[00:21:29]  I know this sounds faggy, but fuck it.
[00:21:31]  Ryan is retarded, but is a good addition to the show.
[00:21:34]  It's interesting that he spelled addition wrong right after calling someone retarded.
[00:21:39]  Namaste, Jeff Dorward.
[00:21:41]  I am Jack's wasted life.
[00:21:43]  What does that mean?
[00:21:44]  I don't know.
[00:21:45]  It sounds like an inside joke.
[00:21:47]  I'm not privy to.
[00:21:49]  This is from Roland Swift.
[00:21:50]  Buddy, I feel for Ryan.
[00:21:52]  He got wrapped up with a crazy bitch.
[00:21:53]  That shit happens.
[00:21:54]  He's an asset to the show, though.
[00:21:55]  You guys have a great dynamic.
[00:21:57]  If you're Seinfeld, he's George.
[00:21:58]  And Seinfeld ain't Seinfeld without George.
[00:22:00]  I don't know if they had Seinfeld in Canadia.
[00:22:02]  Great show.
[00:22:03]  Any who's ears?
[00:22:04]  Bring the Japarikin back.
[00:22:06]  Forgive and forget.
[00:22:07]  He screwed the pooch with this crazy broad.
[00:22:08]  Let him live and learn.
[00:22:10]  But he's kind of a co-host.
[00:22:12]  It's a very difficult situation.
[00:22:14]  He got wrapped up with a whackadoo.
[00:22:17]  Happens to the best of us.
[00:22:18]  I'm noticing a lot of repetition with these points.
[00:22:20]  Yes.
[00:22:21]  I'm not sure I'm not with a whackadoo now.
[00:22:24]  You never know.
[00:22:24]  Keep us updated with the SPLC.
[00:22:26]  Eat their lunch from Portland, Oregon.
[00:22:28]  Proud of your boy.
[00:22:29]  By the way, see the headlines from this liberal shithole?
[00:22:32]  National coverage.
[00:22:32]  Antifa violence.
[00:22:33]  Not a good look.
[00:22:34]  You know who they're talking about.
[00:22:35]  I hope we see some action up north against Wheeler.
[00:22:38]  I hope we flush the Kate Brown.
[00:22:41]  Of course, he's referring to Andy No.
[00:22:47]  Antifa made a bad move beating the crap out of a small Gajan.
[00:22:52]  They need to fire their publicist.
[00:22:55]  Triggered.
[00:22:56]  Give the kid...
[00:23:03]  Give the kid Ryan a scare for a bit and then give him another chance.
[00:23:06]  He deserves one, plus you need that diversity higher.
[00:23:08]  Hmm.
[00:23:09]  Hmm.
[00:23:10]  Oof.
[00:23:14]  This is a long one that doesn't really mention Ryan, but he does say that he had a receding hairline.
[00:23:21]  Me?
[00:23:21]  No, no, no.
[00:23:22]  Oh.
[00:23:24]  The writer.
[00:23:25]  And it was getting bad.
[00:23:29]  And then he thought, what am I going to do now?
[00:23:34]  Sorry, I'm paraphrasing a long letter, but he goes, I stopped washing it.
[00:23:37]  No shampoo, no conditioner.
[00:23:38]  And it worked.
[00:23:39]  I know you're not surprised, but I was.
[00:23:41]  Went for my first haircut in six months since I started letting it grow back out.
[00:23:45]  And the chip kept saying how thick and full my hair was.
[00:23:47]  Ain't that some shit?
[00:23:48]  So he's telling me that I'm right to tell people not to use shampoo or conditioner.
[00:23:52]  I stopped using shampoo and conditioner too.
[00:23:55]  Because I live and learn.
[00:23:57]  That's great.
[00:23:59]  Also, I quit porn.
[00:24:00]  Still jerking off now and then, but just sticking to memories.
[00:24:03]  And that works too.
[00:24:06]  I got more confidence, more energy, more purpose.

=== Bloody Last Letter (05:14) ===

[00:24:08]  It's really nuts.
[00:24:09]  I was already a confident guy.
[00:24:10]  I run ultramarathons, but all that stuff has changed now.
[00:24:14]  More magnified.
[00:24:15]  I feel more motivation to go out and meet women.
[00:24:17]  Not that I've ever really struggled there either.
[00:24:18]  My point is, quitting porn has benefits for guys who don't suck.
[00:24:22]  Even if you aren't a basement dwelling beta loser, you should still quit porn and stop washing your hair.
[00:24:28]  I'm leaving out a lot of swear words in these letters because it's getting excessive.
[00:24:32]  I like you more than a friend.
[00:24:33]  Men's feet should only be illegal to display in public.
[00:24:36]  Nice sunglasses.
[00:24:37]  P.S. Here we go.
[00:24:39]  Unpopular opinion.
[00:24:40]  Ryan wasn't so bad.
[00:24:42]  I'm kind of going to miss him.
[00:24:43]  Would you hire him back if he quit fucking off and being so retarded?
[00:24:47]  I'm noticing the word retard is used quite a bit in these letters.
[00:24:51]  Oh, I haven't noticed that.
[00:24:52]  You have a mouse on your face.
[00:24:55]  Okay.
[00:24:56]  Which is fine.
[00:24:57]  It's a style point.
[00:24:58]  Yeah.
[00:24:59]  And people do things, sometimes they leave a mouse on the screen.
[00:25:02]  Why is he called Jim Gaffigan Jim Gaffigan?
[00:25:05]  Because he's got gaffes.
[00:25:06]  Yeah.
[00:25:08]  Oh, I like bacon.
[00:25:10]  That kind of thing.
[00:25:11]  Yeah.
[00:25:12]  Potato pockets.
[00:25:13]  Wow, they have a lot of pillows.
[00:25:18]  Tyler Klein.
[00:25:20]  This new guy sucks.
[00:25:21]  His voice is gay.
[00:25:22]  Ryan is funny, and I like his retarded quips.
[00:25:24]  It adds more variety.
[00:25:25]  Anyway, keep up the good work, bud, but fuck you for getting rid of Ryan.
[00:25:31]  from a guy named C Wines.
[00:25:32]  Can I have Ryan?
[00:25:33]  Can I have?
[00:25:35]  Who wrote?
[00:25:39]  I'm sorry.
[00:25:40]  No problem.
[00:25:42]  Thanks.
[00:25:44]  Can I have Ryan's job since he doesn't want it anymore?
[00:25:46]  And then he sends a second email that says, that was a joke.
[00:25:50]  I hope Ryan's okay.
[00:25:51]  The comedic chemistry between you two is great.
[00:25:54]  Now I'd like to cut to a video that a fan made about Ryan.
[00:26:00]  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
[00:26:03]  Okay, just scrolling, scrolling.
[00:26:06]  Hope you don't mind.
[00:26:06]  Hold on one second.
[00:26:08]  Oh, you mentioned pulling it up earlier, and I guess you didn't.
[00:26:12]  I got it.
[00:26:13]  Okay, just in time.
[00:26:16]  Welcome to the show.
[00:26:18]  Dave Cast is here training our new producer, Ryan Katsu Rivera.
[00:26:21]  Okay, so this was supposed to be a anniversary video since it's coming up on my one-year anniversary working with you and for you.
[00:26:29]  Who made this?
[00:26:31]  Hi.
[00:26:31]  I will tell you in a second.
[00:26:32]  Welcome to the show.
[00:26:33]  Well, I don't really care.
[00:26:34]  It wasn't you, though.
[00:26:35]  No.
[00:26:36]  No, this is made by one of the guys from the sub.
[00:26:40]  I think it's Bob's Dylan.
[00:26:41]  I don't know what a sub is.
[00:26:42]  I'm a boomer.
[00:26:42]  Oh, the subreddit.
[00:26:44]  Okay.
[00:26:44]  Hi.
[00:26:45]  Welcome to the show.
[00:26:47]  Dave Cast is here training our new producer, Ryan Ketsu Rivera.
[00:26:56]  Supposed to have all these up.
[00:27:00]  It's the last one, you buffoon.
[00:27:03]  It's a very difficult situation.
[00:27:05]  Can you try?
[00:27:06]  It's a very difficult situation.
[00:27:10]  Apparently, Ryan ain't working here no more.
[00:27:13]  He didn't show up for work today, and I'm...
[00:27:19]  I give you 37 strikes and then you're out.
[00:27:22]  And today was 37.
[00:27:24]  And he's out.
[00:27:25]  Ah, shit.
[00:27:28]  I guess I gotta change the music now, right?
[00:27:31]  Fuck.
[00:27:32]  Hold on.
[00:27:33]  Very swear-heavy episode.
[00:27:39]  Supposed to have all these up.
[00:27:43]  It's the last one.
[00:27:44]  You buffoon us.
[00:27:46]  It's a very difficult situation.
[00:27:48]  And you try.
[00:27:49]  It's a very difficult situation.
[00:27:51]  Now it's sad means.
[00:27:52]  When I say last one, it's because I'm looking at my notes.
[00:27:55]  D-Y-K-E.
[00:27:58]  What?
[00:27:59]  I was going to say as a seven.
[00:28:03]  Some good times.
[00:28:05]  We are the shittiest detectives.
[00:28:08]  You remember the good times?
[00:28:10]  Yes, I remember the good times like they were yesterday.
[00:28:12]  Today is a good time.
[00:28:14]  Yeah, it is.
[00:28:15]  Your email should be open!
[00:28:16]  That's not so much of a good time.
[00:28:17]  What are you doing?
[00:28:18]  Jumail unused.
[00:28:20]  No, it's in today's notes, you retard!
[00:28:23]  I can absolutely teach.
[00:28:24]  I've been doing that for years, trying to teach people.
[00:28:28]  My hand's always touching my head like a magneto.
[00:28:31]  Trying to move metals.
[00:28:33]  I sent you this fing email, Royal!
[00:28:36]  Bittersweet.
[00:28:39]  Wow!
[00:28:40]  You gotta add the word bloody.
[00:28:43]  It's a bloody madhouse out there.
[00:28:45]  It's biologically different.
[00:28:47]  What school did you...
[00:28:52]  Was it sentimental?
[00:28:53]  Was it made of paper?
[00:28:55]  It's a very difficult situation.
[00:28:57]  It's very difficult to erase.
[00:29:00]  That's the best one of ever.
[00:29:01]  Actually, the fu dude, I'm making very difficult you.
[00:29:06]  Yeah, okay.
[00:29:07]  Wait, now you're opening your email?
[00:29:09]  What did you pick this from?
[00:29:12]  Oh, Monigo!
[00:29:13]  Who's that Monigo?
[00:29:17]  Oh, my Lord in heaven, Jesus Christ.
[00:29:21]  What are you doing?