Will Neff celebrates his 24th birthday on The After Wedding Show amidst chaotic gift exchanges, including a Darrell Rivas jersey and Benson Boone album. The episode details his controversial self-invitation to a wedding despite his brother Murat's COVID status, a harrowing panic attack en route causing a melted cake, and a "Best Friend Quiz" covering obscure Twitch slang and his Michigan Barn Preservation Network award. Explicit discussions range from dendrophilia to uncomfortable garter toss traditions, concluding with a story about teenager Owen's harassment and subsequent betrayal, highlighting the show's blend of personal trauma and absurd humor. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Celebrating Will Neff's Birthday00:04:04
That's what I'm saying.
Yeah.
Oh, no.
Not this celebration.
He's giving me Toby Joy.
Not this celebration.
We're three questions in.
It feels like you're celebrating early.
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to another episode of the Fear and Podcast where we celebrate Will Neff's birthday.
Yay!
Happy birthday to you.
Happy birthday to you.
Happy birthday, dear Will Neff.
Will Neff.
Happy birthday to you.
He's gonna blow up.
He's gonna blow.
We need to stop this before he commits Sudoku on camera.
Hey, Will.
Sudoku is a math puzzle.
How are you?
See, I said that deliberately and he didn't even pick that up.
Oh, how are you, Will?
24 years young.
24 years old.
Celebrating his birthday.
And cutie has brought you a key lime pie.
My favorite.
I got you presents.
Oh, wow.
So many people.
You guys don't know.
Will hates his birthday.
He's not a big fan of his birthday.
Also, probably not helped by the fact that he made a minute drive from a faraway distance because we were all at my...
This is so cool.
There's the Darrell Rivas jersey.
I'm going to get this framed.
This is so awesome.
It's got a signature on it.
This one isn't from me.
This one's from Benson Boone.
Benson Boone directly was like, give this a bunch of people.
I told them that you stole my Benson Boone shirt.
And they said, all right, well, here's this.
So Benson Boone's team.
But I don't like to say Benson Boone.
Benson Boone sent it on over just for you.
It specifically said for Will.
That's awesome.
That's for you.
And then...
He looks so hot.
One surprise?
Well, that was a surprise, but that was from Benson.
And then you knew about this one.
But this was a surprise from me.
Oh, my gosh.
I'm actually measuring the worth of all the gifts that you got to Will and comparing it to the gifts that I've gotten.
What did I get?
I don't think I got this.
I don't think you got this on anything.
Did I?
But you have, what can you get a man that has everything?
Yeah.
Will has everything too?
What the hell?
Well, truly, I got me something.
Yeah, I'm sure you did.
I got you one thing once.
Yeah, probably.
It's cute.
That's good.
I'll have somewhere to put all this stuff.
It's a little China container and it says drugs.
Oh, that's amazing.
Does it have any in this?
Is that from your store?
No.
No, it's just from this.
This is cute.
Cute.
I saw it in the window.
Will you actually put them in there?
I don't think I have enough drugs.
You could call like your grandma's ashes.
But if it, yeah.
If a cop shows up, if a cop shows up and he, he's not going to think.
He's not going to think that's drugs.
He's going to think it's like, come on, officer.
There's no way I'd put that in there.
That's the last thing they'd expect.
Yeah, exactly.
That's what I'm saying.
I just think you'd need so many drugs.
Yeah, but that's like basically what she's saying is like, you know, now you have something to work towards.
I'm not swear to.
Okay.
Horses are going to go without tranquilizer if I fill that thing up.
Yeah.
Well, they don't need it.
Yeah.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
This is dope.
I have a guy that I frame stuff with that I'm going to immediately frame this with.
This is awesome.
I'll put it up to my next to my Broadway Joe.
This is cool.
The Heart Attack Decision00:15:14
Darrell Rivas.
I wonder why he signed it, number 29 out of 24.
That's interesting.
Oh, that's cool.
That's cool.
That is weird.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
I also love the Benson Boone album.
Thanks, Benson.
Shouts out.
Why are you such a Benson hater?
I'm not.
No, say it.
Benson's watching this because he wanted to know what Will was going to say on this album.
So say what you want to say about Benson.
Say it out loud.
I have nothing negative to say about him.
I don't know.
I don't know Benson.
Feels like you got something to say.
Say it.
No, I just don't know anything about him.
I became more of a fan after I saw his cover of it.
Well, cover of Adele and his beautiful singing.
He's hot.
Yeah, he's hot, but like, there's a lot of hot guys out there.
I, well, he's the hottest.
And you like them all.
I know.
I'm looking at a couple of them right now, but just because they're hot.
Wow.
Speaking of hot guys.
Interesting.
What's going on?
Well, what's crazy?
You really.
So we were at this wedding last night.
Okay, first of all, we got to talk about that.
What?
Okay, go on.
Because we were at the wedding.
My brother's wedding.
Yeah.
And then you invited yourself.
He had COVID.
So, well, here's, well, I don't know.
Now, here's the deal.
I hope you don't have COVID.
I will let the folks at home decide what you can be on your own island this week.
I'll let the folks at home decide what was right.
No, no, he's gotten tested for the record.
Leave him alone.
His partner had COVID.
We didn't know.
Thank you.
So, this is what happened.
I was sick for about a week and a half, and I don't know what I had.
But then Christian comes home the night before the wedding and tests positive for COVID.
For those of you who are in doubt about that diagnosis, I have the picture of the test, and also I have a photo of the COVID test on FaceTime with Caroline.
We are there now that we have to keep our fucking COVID tests to prove.
Yes, I still have the COVID test.
I still, the COVID is attached to the test.
We can send it to the lab if that's what we think is necessary.
I even called Caroline.
I said, Hassad is not going to believe this.
Hassad is not going to believe it.
I still don't.
Yeah, he's not going to believe it.
So I said, Okay, I have COVID.
What is the responsible decision to make?
You don't have COVID.
If you had COVID, you wouldn't be here.
No, I know.
I don't have COVID.
I have been testing negative for COVID, but out of an abundance of caution, where there was a very large group gathering of old-ass people.
Of older people, I said, in the off chance that I do have COVID.
Guys, I'm not that old.
Right?
In the off chance that I do have COVID, it would be smart to stay back.
Now, I just still don't.
In the case of my podcast co-hosts, you know, you guys are youthful with good working immune systems, and I have tested negative.
We were a couple days away.
Thank you.
You have been, you have tested negative routinely.
Yes.
And you tested negative before the event as well.
I did.
I did.
And my thing is, you know.
Okay.
What's your thing?
You invited yourself.
Hold on, hold on, hold on.
To my brother's wedding.
Okay.
You forgot my brother's wife's name.
Well, at the time, further, hey, Your Honor, at the time, it was just his fiancé.
That's right.
You imagine.
I forgot my brother's now wife.
Well, but at the time, fiancé's name.
Yeah.
Right.
After invite, I just, I want to, I want to stress this one more time.
You invited yourself.
I was going to be invited anyway.
Invited your son.
I was going to be invited anyway.
To my brother's wedding.
Your honor, that's a leading question.
Yeah, thank you.
Well, he did invite him, so I don't know what that is.
Is it not true?
I don't recall.
He definitely did.
He was 100% invited.
I don't even think Murat fucks with you for real, for real.
No, no, no.
Cutie Cinderella was not.
Like, Cutie Cinderella just basically threw it out there that she would make the cake.
Like, that was her involvement.
Respectfully didn't want to go.
I'll be honest with you.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say I may talk to Murat on the phone more than you do.
Whoa.
No, you don't.
On the phone.
No, you don't.
I call him.
We talk.
I talk to my brother on the phone every day.
Okay, well, then maybe you're right.
You talk to him more than I did.
I'm not insane.
I was just, I thought maybe I had something there, but evidently.
You have nothing.
You have nothing?
Again, I called Murat to let him know.
You know who you disappointed the most?
Who?
My father.
I did not.
Yes, but.
Really?
Why are you trying to hurt him?
Wait, because I'm hurt.
Wait.
Wait, your father was disappointed?
Yes.
What did he say?
He said, well.
Why did he get a bigger piece?
I used to, I used to.
Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.
Austin made me understand people.
No, no.
Now I'm reconsidering.
No, no, no, no.
You got to tell me, what did your father say?
Did he not understand?
Did he think I was lying?
He just went.
Is that what he?
He didn't think I was telling the truth.
I was advised by Caroline in particular.
Don't try to shift the blame over to other people.
Are you trying to throw my girlfriend on?
No, she made the right decision.
She made the right call, right?
I think.
I don't know.
I don't know.
Maybe I could go back and leave him alone.
Maybe next time.
No.
I don't know.
I thought it was a response.
He's indigestion.
Look at him.
He's stressed.
You get married multiple times throughout your life, right?
It's not that significant.
I talked to Murat and he told me, make the decision that you think is the right one.
I won't hold it against you.
And make it up to me by getting your pilot's license is what he told me.
You've known Murat for, what, 15 years?
What do you think that means?
You make the right decision.
What do you think that means?
Leave him alone.
Do you want to know?
Yeah.
Oh, he's so pissed.
No, I shouldn't.
Yeah, but you made the right decision.
Okay.
He's mad?
He's like his brother.
They're both totally unfair when it comes to this.
No, I don't care.
He's pissed?
I wouldn't say he was pissed.
He was just like.
What?
You're not invited to the next one.
You said you wanted to know.
I'm the one sticking up for you.
It's fine.
You made the right decision.
Dude, this is delicious.
I mean, did he want me?
What if I would have gone and given everybody COVID?
Would that have been worth it?
You want to know the funniest thing?
The house you rented was fucking gigantic.
Yeah.
And it was Caroline and I in a four-bedroom house.
And we couldn't convince anybody to leave the wedding grounds because I can't.
Because, so it was a trailer park.
Yeah.
That you stayed at?
Yes.
Yes.
That was the venue.
Okay.
And we stayed in trailers.
And this is very morat, but like, he likes to universalize the experience of adventure for people who don't want to potentially do things like that, myself included.
So the struggle is a part of the appeal for him.
And therefore, I tried to communicate the will, despite the fact that it would have been very nice to stay at the four-story mansion that Austin had.
Well, I'm forward to it.
Okay, well, however many stories it is, I heard.
I had every intention of going to that wedding.
Austin, you made the right decision.
But I can't believe Murat is disappointed in me.
Sometimes you can't have your cake and eat it too.
So what is he?
How could I alleviate his disappointment?
What could I tell him?
You should buy everything off his wedding registry.
I've done that.
You've already done that?
Not for him.
Oh.
No, I'm saying in general, I've done that in the past.
Well, I'll take a look at it.
They had a crock pot on there.
Oh my god, I'm already there.
And you love crock pots?
I love a crock pot.
Yeah, so saved.
I'm already on it.
You're clear.
Everybody knows that every not one.
You got to get multiple stuff.
No, I'm going.
I'm going to.
It needs to be significant enough that they take notice of it and go, oh, Austin.
You're going to.
Everybody knows that you have one year from the wedding game.
He was disappointed in the sense that he likes you and he knows that you and Christian would have brought a lot of levity.
But Christian, definitely.
Sorry, what the frick?
My phone won't stop making noise.
Jesus, stop.
I recorded a podcast.
What was that?
It was Emmys.
Who are you talking about?
It was my, it was the Emmys.
I was trying to pull up.
I took a picture of your name thing.
It's a good, it's a good disappointment.
It's good to be missed, is what I'm saying.
Can you imagine if you didn't go and Murat was like, I'm glad he's not here.
Well, no, but like, disappointed in a way that like you made a mistake, disappointed or disappointed as no, like sad.
Oh, like that's sad that you're not there.
Well, look, Murat, if you're listening right now, I'm going to take you out to a very nice deal.
Oh, he'll listen.
Here, I'm going to listen.
Cute.
Oh, it's Austin's little.
I sat in your seat.
Oh, thank you.
Thank you so much.
By the way, Cutie Cinderella's cake was fabulous at the wedding.
Oh, my God.
I have to give Caroline Kwan credit for the most athletic thing I've ever seen Caroline do in her entire life.
Cutie, uncharacteristic to her.
Full of adrenaline from racing out to the desert.
Tip the cake over.
Wait, really?
Caroline caught it one-handed, brought it back to vertical without damaging at all, and then went like that.
And we were all like, oh, my God.
It was the most athletic thing I've ever seen.
Caroline, Caroline was in charge of holding the cake stand.
And when you put it on the cake stand, it can be wobbly.
Sure.
I was using this wooding cake stand that I haven't used in a long time.
It was in fact very wobbly.
So I have the cake like this, and I set it and I overcompensate with my push.
And so then it just starts going towards Caroline.
And she has one hand on the stand and the other, she goes and just kind of keeps it up straight.
Now, how do you transport a cake?
Dude, she had a whole, she had like a bank vault for it.
Oh my god.
She had something called a cake safe.
Yeah, it's called a cake safe.
I don't know if I recommend it.
It's, it was my first time using it.
But it worked.
It worked, but it, it shouldn't, I shouldn't have.
I usually don't have to do as much cleanup.
The reason I had to do a lot of cleanup because it was like a very long drive and it was hot.
And so the cake was like melting.
But it's a $400 box.
It was this cake safe.
We can't see Gabe.
It made you look very official.
But I just don't know if it's worth is what I learned.
So I don't know.
It's up in the air if it's worth it.
Don't buy it yet.
But yeah.
Jerry's out on that one.
Well, it looked like a cake.
The TV is still showing the cameras, all the cameras.
Sorry.
Now.
Look, it looked like a beautiful cake.
And I'm so happy that everybody got to enjoy it.
You also missed on Cutie being officially inaugurated as an Ottoman.
Huh?
Like a chicken.
She doesn't even know it yet.
Like, no, like a Turk.
She's Turkish.
In her blood and in her soul.
I ate so much baklava.
She literally went.
She had like six baklava.
I had like 14.
It was awesome.
I was so stoked.
She just kept going back and being like, hmm, I'm just going to have another baklava.
And then she just kept dipping out.
She was more honey than woman.
That would be mid-sentence.
I'd be like, I got to go grab another baklava.
Yeah.
But yeah, you did a phenomenal job.
And I know that the journey was treacherous.
I had an anxiety attack on my drive then.
Yes.
Oh, my God.
And Ludwig didn't answer because he was in New York.
Why didn't you call me?
Well, you were putting on my list, but how far down the list?
Well, you're probably after Caroline.
Caroline was at the venue.
And so I knew I was, I was staring at my phone, and I started having this panic attack.
You're a little bit, you're, you've, you've now developed like, um, you're just known as like unreliable kind of thing.
No, no, no, you've got, no, no, no, that's not it.
It was just an evil man.
I tell you, he's an evil man.
He's an evil man.
I knew it.
No matter what I said to him, I knew.
I think he's more disappointed in me than Murat.
Truly.
I knew that.
Probably.
For sure.
So I was like driving and I had all those.
If you're a panic attack, girly pop, you know the feeling where all of a sudden I'm like, wait, my heart is stopping.
Yeah.
Like I was like, oh my God.
Like I kept having like these subtle chest pains like right here.
And then all of a sudden it got so intense and I was like, yeah.
And I was like, I'm going to die.
Like I'm going to die.
And so then I called Caroline.
I called Ludwig.
He doesn't answer.
And then I called Caroline.
So I was like, okay, I'm going to start looking up hospitals.
Like I literally thought I was having a heart attack.
Were you?
Yeah.
So I'm like, I'm going to start looking up hospitals, but the cake needs to get there.
So I called Caroline.
I'm like, Caroline, I'm dying.
I need to go to the hospital.
You need to come get the cake for me because I have to go to the hospital.
And she was like, what?
And I was like, I'm dying.
I'm dying.
I'm dying.
Like, I know it's just a panic attack, but also maybe it's not.
And this is the time I'm dying.
That's the problem with panic attacks: you never know when it's the big one.
Yeah.
You never know when it's just a heart attack.
You never know when your heart's exploding.
Like, how would you know?
I don't know.
They probably feel very similar.
That's what I would think.
Right?
I mean, as you were saying.
So then I'm freaking out.
They don't get it.
The call drops with Caroline.
Oh.
Because I go into like this canyon and I'm like, oh my God, oh my God.
Will calls back.
He's like, hello.
And I'm like, I was like, crying.
Oh, my God.
I'm free now.
I'm in my heart this morning.
Will's like, what did you say, Will?
It's okay.
I said I was coming to get her.
Yeah.
He's like, well, come get you.
Just stay where you are.
Where are you?
And then I go, wait, I'm fine.
See, and then it all came back down to normal.
Yeah.
You just needed to get it out.
And then I stopped.
I stopped at a 7-Eleven and I got an aspirin just in case I was having a heart attack.
Good.
Just in case.
See?
And then I went to my car and I took the aspirin.
That's why you were like, oh, I took aspirin.
I was like, what?
Why?
Yeah.
Yeah.
You need to go.
In case I was having a heart attack.
She needs to get through the wedding before she goes to the hospital.
But then I go inside my car and I take the aspirin.
And then I go, well, what if I'm allergic to the aspirin?
So I go inside and I buy a Benadryl just in case I'm allergic to the aspirin.
I just knew I was going to spiral down the.
Yep.
You need to be check all the boxes.
Have you ever taken aspirin before?
Yes.
Okay.
But you never know.
You never know when you develop into one of the babies.
Yeah, I did take a baby aspirin, but you know, you got to just, yeah, you just got it.
You know, it's like one of those things.
Yeah, it's like cutting off the hydra.
You know, you just got it.
I had to get there to see if it was there or the cake wasn't there, you know.
100%.
So I get there, but it's been a long drive.
So the cake is melty-melty.
Like, fuck.
It's just buttercream everywhere.
And they wanted a desert-esque cake.
So it's red buttercream.
So I'm just like, it looks like gore.
Like I'm just setting it up in the corner.
And I'm, and I was also late because it was really far away and traffic just became a human centipede of issues.
But anyway, but my biggest regret is that I didn't get a photo with in sunset lighting.
And it's like a very deserty cake.
And I know we got a photo of the cake.
No, but I know, but it's dark.
Gore Cake Regrets00:15:41
Can you send it to Marsh's Discord so Gabe can pull it up?
It's not sunset.
Oh, that's the fucking picture we got.
Yeah, send it to, send it.
Oh, I saw that.
That would have been beautiful if I would have been done with the stupid florals while the sun was like that.
But instead, you showed the humping photo.
Yes, you showed the humping photo.
Instead, we had that.
Gabe will have that pulled up on the screen for those of you watching at home.
I'll send it to you now, but we'll edit it in there.
Yeah.
So, anyway, if anyone could please, if you find the photo on social media, if you could please edit it to look like a sunset and not dark, I would really appreciate that.
Okay.
Because I'm really sad about it.
But it's my fault for being late.
You made a beautiful cake and I'm happy you made it.
Thanks.
Yes, we had a grand old time.
I ate food.
I ate mostly baklava.
I cut the cake and then I didn't stay to dance.
I did leave.
Yeah.
I'm not a dancer.
I'm not either, but I was out there tearing the rug.
Yes, he was.
Will Neff.
You were.
You were.
He made me do it.
I saw it on Instagram.
Oh, don't be mean to him.
I'm not.
What sort of Turkish apology could I give to your father?
Because I've disappointed him so much.
It's just some sort of straight.
Is there some sort of woman?
It would be so awesome if your dad took him to a Turkish ball.
Yeah, you got to go to a Turkish bathroom.
What's the Turkish bathroom?
Oh, God, get your fucking nude ass whipped with spruce.
By the burliest, hairiest.
I mean, I would do it if it meant her not disappointed.
Was your dad that disappointed?
What about your mother?
That's really what.
Oh, so you care about my mother's opinion?
Yes, of course.
Well, they were not disappointed.
Did they think it was like irrational?
They saw you like a son.
No, no, no.
In the past tense.
Why would you ask these questions?
Look, I'm going to take you and your whole family to a nice dinner.
Well, and separately, will I.
I won't hold my breath.
Oh.
Because I might die in the process of waiting.
No, Well, look, I've got to do that.
If you could just clear your busy schedule and make time for me because you clearly don't have much for me anymore.
I did.
I did clearly schedule, clear my schedule for two days for my brother's wife.
Well, I'm going to take you and, well, Murat separately.
Oh, can't say her name.
Sorry.
That's crazy.
Murat and his beautiful wife separately.
And then I will take your parents separately.
Just me and them.
He's doing it.
He's watching football.
I'm not watching it.
Yeah.
The Vikings, right?
I'm not watching it.
I've got it out of the corner of my mind.
Maybe they don't want to hang out with you.
Maybe that's right.
Maybe that would be worse.
Maybe that's right.
But you know what?
I am going to take happy birthday, Will.
I am a big believer in experiences.
So I would like to take you and Caroline out to a wonderful dinner.
For what?
For what?
For your birthday.
Why don't we just go to dinner tonight?
Fun.
I got work.
Oh, okay.
But I would like to, if you would like, let me know what day you're free, please.
God, I'd love to celebrate my birthday.
I know you don't, but that's why I'd like to celebrate.
Well, let's just celebrate the day that we're together having dinner.
Okay.
Would you please terrible?
Name the place.
Name the time name.
He's doing this so we can set it up to be like, I'm sorry.
I just can't make it.
That's not.
I'm sorry.
He says, I'm sorry.
The day I was going to be like, oh, just another COVID test.
Guys, for those second COVID tests hit the for those of you watching at home, I had an Airbnb.
I let them have it.
I didn't even cancel it.
That would have been so funny.
With three other people.
I didn't even cancel it.
If you had done the water heater.
The water heater was going out.
I was fielding phone calls from home, taking care of my sick boyfriend with COVID, rubbing his back, taking a phone call.
The water heater was out.
Hold on, let me handle it.
As I was...
What did he have?
Consumption?
He's like, fucking 23-year-old.
One might say.
Get in bed.
One might say he's the real hero of the story, and we caused him severe impositions.
Yeah, it was actually rude of us to ask him to come.
He was super busy.
I have one hand on holding him and taking a COVID test in the other hand.
I barely.
I was swaddling him.
I was holding the phone like this, right?
Because the water went out.
The water went out at the Airbnb.
Hot water.
It went the wrong way.
They couldn't figure out how to do it.
No, no, no.
I went both.
He had to turn something on.
He was just caping, so you wouldn't get a discount.
100%.
I turned the knob.
Do I need to call somebody?
Because I will.
Okay.
Austin would love to respond in any capacity.
I just don't like the insinuation that I didn't turn handle other direction.
Well, Caroline claimed that.
I tried three different showers.
I tried three different showers.
I turned them all the different.
This is Austin's second time throwing Caroline under the bus.
I love that.
Caroline likes to throw me under the bus a lot.
Caroline did tell me.
Uh-oh.
Uh-oh.
This is not.
Listen, we're going to say this lightly.
Okay.
But that Will Neff believes that his birthday is cursed.
And she told me some stories, and it might be cursed.
And so, Will, this is your time.
This is your floor for any stories you're comfortable with about how cursed your birthday is because it is zero.
Comfortable is zero.
Zero.
He's got.
Let's not.
Let's not get it.
A bad birthday.
My friend died playing football on my birthday.
On his birthday.
Yeah.
Well, I certainly think we could make new fun memories.
So I think I have this petition.
Why don't you choose a different favorite day and make a break?
That was Caroline's suggestion, too, which I think that's not how that works.
Okay, okay.
Weird.
You're not listening to women again.
So my suggestion.
Oh, weird.
That's awesome.
Hey, Twitter.
Hey, Twitter.
Twitter, get him.
Him specifically.
Not him.
Not him.
I like getting that birthday.
That's what I need right now.
I wasn't getting enough last night.
Oh, come on.
Come after me, but I'm gay.
Leave me alone, please.
Anyway, so just, you know.
Yeah, yeah, it's fine because I'm going to send you a link.
I think, you know, I think once you're ready, let us know the new date and we'll work around that.
I think I'm all about making this day better.
No.
Okay.
No, it's done.
I heard enough stories.
Unfortunately.
Unfortunately, he does have to simply choose a new day.
Okay.
I don't know what the math is.
Nine plus one plus four 14.
Honestly, in different countries, it's a different day.
Wait, what time were you born?
He's on to something.
See?
Wait.
Australia.
What time were you born?
Japan.
You love Japan.
You love Japanese.
Different day.
Different day in Japan.
Oh my God.
As in as the day prior in Japan.
Technically, you were born in Japan.
Day just said a different timeline.
No, but it's a different pan.
If you were celebrating your birthday in Japan, you would be celebrating it the day before.
If you were birthed in Japan.
It'd be the same day.
No, no, it's a different day.
No, it'd be a different day.
Even if you were in Hawaii, it could have been a different day, depending on what time you were doing.
Right now, it's just a still, if you're there, that's the 14th.
No.
No, if you're born, the 14th in Japan was yesterday.
On the 14th.
No.
Yes.
So, Will, let's say this.
What we're suggesting is if you were born in Japan on the 14th.
Time zones.
Whoa.
Work when the sun moves its way through the sky.
No, no, what they're suggesting is that.
It's that time zone.
And I still don't agree with you.
It is that day.
But I agree for you.
I love that you want Sui Power.
Here's what they're suggesting.
You celebrate it as though you were born in Japan and therefore do it on the 15th.
That's what I'm saying.
Yeah.
Because if you were born on the 14th, DMD Father fucking get your bathroom 14th.
No, but you were born in the United States on the 14th, but we're going to celebrate it like this.
We're saying, what time did he come out of your mom's vagina?
Oh, I see what he's saying.
I'm forgetting all the life decisions.
Shut up.
No, here.
No, I smoked my body.
I've got to explain it a little better.
So, what you do is, so you came out at that moment in time.
That moment in time is, you can't dispute that.
But that moment in time on earth was September 15th in Japan.
Yeah, your birthday's tomorrow.
So, technically, we are celebrating your birthday.
September 15th is your new birthday.
So, I'm going to call you tomorrow and I'm going to wish you a happy birthday.
I'm going to sing it to you on the phone.
Yeah, and that's a fun day.
Terrible things might befall you.
Okay, well, wait, just because I wished you happy birthday?
Wait, so we are now.
We sang happy birthday.
No, you're at risk.
Wait, don't tell him.
Hasan, these are for your birthday.
Hasan, these balloons are for you.
I forgot a gift, so I didn't.
Wait, no, wait, no, no.
I try and protect everybody every year.
And they all say that they want to celebrate my birthday and then they get hurt.
That was from Hudson.
Caroline got cyber attacked today.
That was her birthday.
She was trying to celebrate my birthday.
I called the heads of Google Security to help her out.
I called you and I got a blowjob.
Oh, wow.
Who knows?
From COVID.
From your COVID boyfriend.
You got COVID cock.
You got a COVID hit?
Oh, come on.
At least you're going to taste it.
Everybody knows this is a CDC.
You can't transmit it that way.
What about his poor throat?
It actually helps.
I'm joking.
I didn't get it.
But you were swaddling him.
I didn't.
You were making him suck your day.
He was doing this, but it wasn't on his back.
It was his head.
No.
He feels better today.
I didn't make him do it.
Am I wrong?
Was I wrong?
That was a bad thing, Drew Peel.
I didn't.
Was I wrong?
Can I be honest?
I actually didn't receive it.
I was just doing a bit.
I will call him if you want, just to verify that that didn't happen.
We believe.
All right.
Call him.
I hope he doesn't wish him a happy birthday.
Well, I take it back.
It's not.
Those balloons are.
I swear I was doing a bit.
That didn't happen.
Probably.
Please don't call my mother.
Who would she know?
I don't know.
Oh, he's playing video games.
Damn it.
He's not going to answer.
Damn it.
Playing fucking rust.
He's in Discord right now.
I can get him on Discord.
Man.
I'll call him on Discord.
Come on.
Gen Z. He's on.
He's got his.
He's not.
He's in Discord.
He sure doesn't text anything.
Okay.
I'm watching his thingies.
He's not texting a thing.
What are you tapping on over there?
Nothing.
He started just reading his messages.
I'm trying to find.
He's got nothing in his mind.
What's his Discord name?
I don't even recognize one person in your DMs.
I'm going to.
Yeah, it's just really nobody.
I don't know who the fuck that is.
If your DMs open, no, but I just like added.
All right, you got to wait for this time.
No, hold on.
I got a...
He's in his Discord right now as we speak.
I just need to.
You guys talk, talk real quick.
Watch my phone, though.
Watch me.
Watch me.
Okay.
Watch me.
Watch me.
Oh, get that?
No.
We can cut around this.
Okay.
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
Audio listeners, he's panicking.
Give the phone a woo.
Just don't know why he's not.
Is my hair?
He hates you.
He just doesn't ever answer his fucking phone.
Because you made him give him a blowjob while he had discussed.
I did not.
Oh, that's it was a bit.
I was doing a bit.
That was a Kaya hair, just so you know.
Doing a bit.
I think it was Kaius.
Oh my God.
This fucking.
You got to bleep that out.
It is rough that he didn't answer.
What the fuck?
Oh, you guys end up at the game.
No!
I'm at the marsh right now.
No!
Watch out on Discord.
That was a horrific outfit.
Send it to Marsh right now.
We have to show cutie for the first time ever, and I want Gabe to pull it.
Okay, I went through a very.
Okay, I'm going to show you.
We might as well do this as a segment.
I went through a period of time in which I dressed horrifically.
Okay.
And I decided yesterday to pull up some of these photos from different years of time just to show how horrible I used to dress.
One day you're going to buzz your hair and we're going to look back at your current hairstyle in the same way.
No, take a look.
It is, but this is how I this is how I used to dress.
And I am, uh, it was, it was bad.
It was really bad.
This is a wedding that I. You sent it to Gabe or Marsh.
Oh, I sent it to Marsh.
Okay, I don't even know if I have you on Discord.
Oh, I don't have you either, actually.
Oh, no, I do.
Wait, Gabe, do I have you on Discord?
Will you just throw me in the group chat?
Awesome.
Yeah, yeah.
His friend requests are annoying.
Yeah, even Gabe is cringing.
As this is what I used to dress like, folks.
Yeah, pull that up for cutie.
Ooh.
That's fun.
No, it wasn't.
Oh, my God.
You look like my Lebanese friend.
Wow.
No.
Doesn't he look like Mo a little bit?
No, he looks like every old Navy ad.
This is.
Look at the.
Can I just say my outfit?
Fucking timeless.
Yeah, no, yours is timeless.
That's what I was wearing.
Oh, my God.
So that was her.
That was a meme from.
Wait, go back to that last one.
Oh, my God.
What the fuck were you thinking?
Okay, for the listeners.
Hey, you're going to be.
Check this is wearing white vans with ankle socks that are gray.
The vans are so white that if the light reflected off of them, you could blind a child with them.
Because I know he used to buy fresh pairs for every outing.
He's got the tightest pants on.
So tight his calves, his minuscule calves, if I'm right.
Oh my god.
I don't think my son likes you.
Are getting destroyed.
They're getting choked.
Yeah.
But the top.
Yeah.
The top is the piece of resistance.
This was something that I got at Buckle.
I don't even know what that is.
It's a department store.
Like it's rough.
Buckle's not a department store.
Well, it's like a department store.
It's a store in a department store.
It's like a department store.
It's a store.
I don't sell clothes there normally.
Yes.
A crazy question.
He thought it was a CVS.
But anyway, I went through a rough question.
Well, how would you explain what you're wearing to the listeners?
Oh, God.
And then there's.
Oh, that's the classic.
That's the classic.
That was his most redeemable jacket, and he wore that thing into the ground.
Baby blue, also skin tight, skinny jeans.
Black vans this time.
Buckle Store Confusion00:07:55
I know his ass has still got the ankle socks on.
I know I can't see from here exactly.
I used to go on a trip, and before the trip, I would go buy another pair of vans.
Yeah, I remember that.
Wow.
You were so proud of that.
I mean, that's flexing on him.
Yeah.
No, but I apologize.
Oh, this is when I dressed you in.
I know, but I still couldn't.
You couldn't get me out of the vans.
Yeah, but the pants were at least not as tight if you noticed.
No, no, not as tight.
It's because I made him wear normal size.
Not as tight.
That was the most comfortable he was.
Like, he wouldn't go beyond.
That was, this is the most uncomfortable at the time.
Yeah, you were uncomfortable at the time.
We made you, we made you wear.
I thought I looked like shit back then, and I should have listened to you.
I mean, there was still a lot that we needed to work.
You were right.
We still needed to work on a lot here.
You were right, though.
You were right.
You both of you, all of you.
Cutie never said anything.
Or what I had to say.
I was a lot more supportive.
Will was supportive, but you should have enabler is the word.
Will tried to take what I would do and try to pull me just a little bit into out of my comfort zone.
I was shopping with you.
Yeah, we went to half a dozen times.
Dress for less.
We went to, what's that, Ross?
Not Ross.
We went to Nordstrom Rack.
Nordstrom Rack.
Nordstrom Rack is not Ross dressed for less.
Sorry.
Jesus Christ.
Ross.
No, Nordstrom Rack.
We went shopping a half a dozen times and we would go shopping for hours and I would only get you to buy like one piece of clothing.
I would like to make it clear for the curse that I'm not celebrating Will's birthday.
However, I did bring something for us today.
Oh.
Okay.
So I know that's for you.
That's for you.
You don't get one, Will.
Jesus.
Oh, this is a friendship quiz.
I know that maybe all of us, if we had to choose who our best friend was, we would be like, oh, it's Will, obviously.
Like if we're all in this room.
Obviously.
So I figured it'd be good for us to compete for Will today.
I'm ready.
And how much we know Will.
I love that.
So, Gabe, I sent you a quiz and Haas made this.
Wow.
So we don't know how deep it's going to get.
Wow.
And if you'll just make it big so we don't see any answers.
Austin's already looking for answers.
Stop.
Stop.
Oh, I didn't see shit.
The slideshow.
Fucking liar.
There you go.
Okay.
All right.
Who is Will Neff?
A best friend quiz.
Sure.
Okay.
I'm ready.
Ready.
The first question, of course.
And follow along at home.
How old is Will Neff?
So I'm just going to.
That's a tough one to start with.
Write down a number.
Ready?
Yeah.
Okay.
What did you put, Austin?
Ready?
Yeah.
36.
Wrong.
What is it?
He's 24 years young.
Good answer.
Good answer.
I put 35.
Wrong.
He's 24 years young.
Okay, so what's the inside?
What's the correct answer?
What do you mean inside?
But like, is there an inside joke there?
I don't know what you're talking about.
I'm saying what his actual age is, which would be that he is 24 years young.
You guys went way above.
How old is Will Neff?
Let's see what the answer is.
Let's see what the answer was.
It was 36.
That's weird that that's wrong.
That's wrong.
That's wrong.
That's a wrong date.
That's odd that.
So I guess, Will, who do you want to give the point to?
I'll give the point to Austin.
Okay, thank you.
Thank you.
Okay, that's strange.
I don't think you'll need skim points on this.
We'll see.
All right.
Next question.
Will?
Yes.
I know this next one.
You do have to close your eyes.
What color are Will Neff's eyes?
I'm going to give a hint.
It's a bizarre color.
Don't even.
Austin's erasing.
That's what I put.
Okay.
Okay.
Ready?
Hassan?
What did you?
Well, Austin, since you're in the lead, what did you put?
Hazel.
I put Hazel.
They are Hazel.
Okay.
Brown.
Hazel.
Haas.
Haas is incorrect.
Okay.
That's right.
Okay, so we all get a point.
We all get a point.
Okay.
Well, I wrote Brown and Hazel.
To be fair.
Everybody gets a point.
Everyone gets a point.
I'm just.
Okay, well, you know.
Okay.
Sounds like Hassan finally has something he's interested in.
I'm trying to.
I'm trying to get extra credit here.
No one is giving it to me.
Okay.
I'm in the league.
All right.
Next, what is Will Neff's middle name?
Oh, there's an opportunity for I'll give extra points here.
I have three tiers of points I'll give here.
Okay, one second.
No cheating, QD.
I'm not okay.
All right.
Ready?
Uh-huh.
Savage Ebers Neff.
I said Savage Wolfgang.
Okay.
Willard Ebers Savage Neff III.
But that's not his.
These are William Savage Ebers.
No!
Get fucked!
Get!
He didn't get the third, though!
Get!
That's not his.
They didn't ask for his name.
Bitch!
Gets Will better?
That's what he said.
Yeah.
He says, yeah, but.
Oh, no.
Not this cabinet.
He's giving me Toby Guy.
Not this celebration again.
We're three questions in.
It feels like you're celebrating early.
I can't believe it.
Okay, I gotta lock in.
He didn't get the third.
He didn't get the third.
That's the first thing.
That's just a middle name.
Why would that be the middle name?
You didn't give three tiers of criteria.
What was the three tiers?
Savage is spelled strangely.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, well, I was never going to get it.
Savage the normal way.
Wait, wait.
Who got the point?
I forgot about that.
That is not.
Austin Show.
All right.
Here we go.
Okay, wow.
We got a lot to catch up on.
Okay, all right.
Wow.
This feels neck and nap.
Okay.
All right.
All right.
Here we go.
Oh, good one.
How many nipples does Will Neff have?
Oh, my God.
Yes.
I mean, I don't know.
This is classic Will Neff.
Are you ready?
Three, two, one.
I said two.
Two.
Three.
I have one nipple.
What?
What?
I have two nipples.
Two nipples.
Son of a bitch.
What is the fucking nipple?
What is happening?
I don't know.
He's having a good time.
What is going on with you?
All right.
So that's a point to get back to that wolf cut.
That shit looked fire.
Okay.
What is the point now?
What are you four?
It's Austin's with four.
San has one and I have two.
That's crazy.
There we go.
That's a lot of nipples.
Very tiny nipples.
Okay.
If someone in Will's community says, oh, this is tough.
I don't know what this is.
How do you respond?
If anybody can tell me what it doed means, I'll give you the point.
I have no fucking idea.
I don't know what the answer is to this.
Okay.
It doed.
How would you respond, Austin?
That's how you would respond.
Closest as I can get.
I don't know.
I said it did in the past tense.
What Does Doed Mean00:12:24
Okay.
You said it did in the past tense.
I said it doughed wide this and then you do a dance.
Oh, close.
Close.
Okay, what is it?
Who got it right?
Megawatt.
Nobody.
What does that mean?
So there, go to the next slide.
There was one night that we had a chatter who was like a long time chatter.
And we thought he was an AI, but we're like, no, this guy's been subscribed for like four years.
And it turns out the person had just gotten out of surgery and was on painkillers and was just kind of typing like nonsense.
And they like halfway got that explanation to us and we're like, are you okay?
And he went, it does.
And then we went, okay, are you having a good time?
He went, megawatt.
And so it doaded is whenever someone types something on Twitch that makes no sense, you just respond with it doad.
Oh, okay.
But the idode has gone like everywhere.
Like really.
Anybody types like total gibberish, you'll see like four or five people write it doade.
That's funny.
Okay.
All right.
Next question.
No points.
No points for anybody.
Shit on that one.
No.
Marvel or DC?
Easiest question that actually is pertinent to.
Don't give away.
I'm not.
You need these points.
I know.
I know.
It's fucking bullshit.
Ready?
Okay.
Three, two, one, DC.
God damn it, dude.
I mean, he wore a Batman costume here.
That's true.
I honestly, that was 50-50 for me.
Where does your love of DC come?
Well, it still is a 50-50 question.
I mean, for me, like, where's my love of DC?
I used to be a comic book nerd back when that was not something that was very smiled upon.
I used to get the shit kicked out of me for reading comic books, but I would go to a comic book store in Princeton above a Burger King, and I would read a lot of comics there, and I would play Hero Clicks, which was like a game with superheroes.
But I just was always a big DC fan.
I thought you said, to me, at least, that you liked it because of the complex villains in the universe as opposed to more bad.
Yeah, I think, yeah, I would say that Batman probably has the best rogues gallery ever.
And they have some really great authors that wrote some really dark and crazy stuff.
All right.
Marvel's not bad, though.
I think a lot of people always mistake that.
Shall we?
Any fucking points, man?
Give me something good.
Give me something tough that's like.
What game did Will Neff spend September 11th playing?
Like, like.
Were you laughing, Jake?
I know.
Like a couple of.
Wait, what the fuck?
What do you why don't you ever pay attention to him?
I mean, is it wait?
This September 11th.
Yeah.
Okay.
I mean, I hope I'm right.
Ready?
Yeah.
You go.
What do you think, Austin?
Peak.
Okay.
Will, or Hassan?
Borderlands 4?
Oh.
What?
Which came out today.
I misunderstood.
I thought you beta.
Babe 11th was three days ago.
I beta tested the game three months ago.
Oh, I thought you recently played it.
What was it?
I said plane simulator.
I don't know if that's crazy.
I didn't know if you were like...
You played Flight Simulator?
No.
Pokemon?
Landlady?
What is this?
He played Fresh Woman and completed 11 of the games.
What is achievements?
What?
Freshwoman?
I think this is a Haas joke.
It looks as though this is not in your Steam profile because it looks as though it is.
I think this is a Haas on Twitch.
Gotcha.
Okay.
Yeah, that's like to say.
It seems like you did play the landlady version, especially.
I actually know this is a gag because I was on set all day for Progressive on the 11th.
I was going to go with Pokemon because you got to play.
Yeah, you didn't stream on the 11th.
No, I was with you all day.
That's crazy that you put Peak.
Oh, yeah.
What the fuck?
Okay.
Trick, I should have said.
Some have described Wilnef as a dendrophile.
What does this mean?
Okay.
I think I have it, but we'll see.
You know what this is?
Well, I'll give you a hint.
No, All right.
Are you.
Austin, right?
I'm done.
I'm already.
I'm just adding additional stuff.
Okay.
Okay.
Reveal your answers.
Austin put fashion lover.
Okay.
I said scent hound.
He can smell peace.
Oh, Christian's calling me.
Okay.
Intermission.
Wait, what was your answer?
Hold on.
Ew, you can wait.
For context, give them context before.
Christian.
Without thinking, have you performed fellatio in the last three days?
Fallatio?
Blowjobs.
Like, what the fuck does that mean?
Have you performed a blowjob in the last 72 hours?
Oh, no.
Okay.
Thank you.
Thank you so much.
The Fear End podcast.
Thanks you.
Have you had any kind of sexual intimacy in the last 72 hours?
I've had COVID, so no.
The FearN podcast, thanks you for your time.
I told you I didn't.
I didn't make my boyfriend with COVID get me head.
Yeah.
He was just doing it really.
Wait, you can smell periods?
What?
Can you smell my period?
I wasn't trying to.
Oh.
I'm not on my period, but I was going to trick you.
I thought maybe you liked young dandruff, so I said a dandruff pedophile.
I do a dandruff pedophile.
Yeah.
Okay.
Let's see what the answer is.
What is sexual attraction to trees?
What the fuck?
What is this?
What is all of this?
I don't think we know you.
No, this is all like crazy.
Haas doing dumb stuff.
Why did you give this to Haas?
I did it.
No, not you.
I don't know.
Because I couldn't make it.
At least I'm giving like actual shit that's related to your person.
Listen, I saw Dendrophile and I knew he was going to do this.
I had a tree, okay?
I had a tree in my room, right?
And everybody kept asking me what it was.
And I went, it's a tree.
It's a tree.
It's a tree.
And I finally had a freak out.
I yelled at everybody.
I was like, it's a fucking tree.
And someone was like, you want to fuck your tree?
That was six months ago.
And they will not let it go.
Oh, you like to fuck trees?
I'm learning so much about you.
It's good that you told us.
I can't believe the first couple easy ones, Austin slammed points, and now I'm fucking behind you.
He'll catch up.
Now I'm fucking panicking.
Okay.
All right.
Next question.
What award?
What award did Will Neff win from Michigan Barn Preserve Preservation Network?
Yes.
Prestigious.
This is actually a real question.
Yeah.
He goes to the next one.
It's like barn fucker of the century.
Oh.
Okay.
Austin, what's your answer?
Best Barn of the Year.
I said best honey.
It's best barn restoration.
It's barn of the year.
I'm trying too hard.
I'm trying too hard.
Oh, God.
Come on.
There it is.
That's my barn.
Wow.
It's beautiful.
Thank you.
I'm so happy.
And guys, go and check out Michigan Bee Come Company Best Michigan Be Come.
I'm a bad test taker.
I'm a bad test taker.
I'm literally.
I'm thinking like, oh, we've always been so close, haven't we?
Will.
I'm trying to hit like extra angles because I'm thinking to myself, like, oh, it's just too easy.
It's just overthinking.
I'm starting to think maybe I shouldn't have gone to that wedding.
He's overthinking.
I don't know.
He should have.
I'm actually getting mad at this fucking stupid ass.
I mean, I don't know.
The stats.
I'm all, you know.
Did you not restore it?
You did.
I did.
That's how you win on Barnum.
Well, I thought it was like a specific subcategory that it was trying to.
I was trying to win extra points.
You see that thing on top?
That's called a cupola.
It looks like a penis.
No, that's a silo.
Did you build it on the line?
I know the silo looks like a penis.
That's true.
Did you guys know you can die in silos?
Yeah.
Yeah.
You can get crushed.
Yeah.
But the thing on the right, the little peak there, is called a cupelo.
I like that.
And we have one of the last original cupelos on a barn in the state of Michigan.
Why does a barn need a cupelo?
It's kind of like a little widow's watch.
I thought they were for witches.
That too.
I think you might be influenced by Hocus Pocus on that one.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's awesome.
And Halloween Town.
Well, no, it's not in Halloween Town.
It's just in Hocus Pocus.
Awesome.
Yeah, there you go.
All right, next question.
What is Will Nef's top-selling merch item of all time?
I don't even fucking know anymore because I'm going to fucking come up with an answer and merch or anything.
He said merch item.
Merch.
Hold on.
Austin.
I got it already, but I don't even fucking know anymore.
I'm giving up.
Okay, I don't know what it is, but can I nef like as a nun?
Like you as a nun.
Okay.
I said hot sauce.
Wait, wait, but merch.
That's a merchandise.
Yeah.
If it's your nun fucking shirt, I'm going to lose my goddamn.
You made up a point.
I'm going to fucking die.
Austin really needed that.
Wait, I was thinking of oh, merchant.
I was thinking of apparel.
Yeah.
So, nefsauce.com.
Welcome to my fucking life.
Fourth wall told me that we have more recurring customers than almost any like creator merch with nef sauce.
Like everybody.
Nef sauce is really good.
It's the best hot sauce in the world available right now on nefsauce.com.
I would love some wings.
You want me to?
I have bottles now again at my house.
Really?
Yeah.
Yeah, bring some.
I'm bringing some nef sauce.
Look at that beautiful bottle.
Nice.
Who made the art?
Matt Smith.
No, I don't the answer.
Bonus question.
All right, let's go to the next one.
Oh my god.
That's it.
That's it.
Oh, no.
That's it.
No, no, no.
Hold on, kitty.
Can you reveal the points?
That's bullshit.
That's in last place with three points.
Hassan Piker.
I hate this fucking game.
This is the dumbest fucking.
I hate Hawk now.
Second place is myself with four points.
In first place, with double the points of the person in last list is Austin.
He really dialed in.
This is the biggest bullshit game of all time.
Okay.
That's what a loser would say.
Yeah, this is the only game where you get punished for knowing more.
And what a loser would say, unfortunately.
I hate this.
I understand.
I know.
Hey, maybe you should spend more time with him.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I didn't know what fucking dermophile was or whatever the fuck.
I didn't either.
And I still won.
Yeah, I know.
I actually got all the meme ones wrong, and I still won by double digits.
Double digits.
Barn Restoration?
What the fuck is that?
Hating the Garter Game00:05:56
Yeah, I don't know.
It's like he's not even listening.
Man, that's tough.
Like, he's not even listening.
That's tough.
Oh, my gosh.
Well, at least I didn't.
Yeah, I may have.
At least I didn't disappoint my best friend.
Hassan, Austin will go to Will's wedding.
Yeah.
I will.
He'll be there.
I have missed a few weddings over the years.
What more is one, you know?
No, but I will.
Are you going to have a wedding soon?
Well, I don't know yet.
Okay, I made him panic.
I don't know yet.
Okay.
Wait, how do you know that?
Because he just gave him a complex.
I don't know.
Maybe he does want it.
Yeah.
No, he talks about all the time how he doesn't want it.
Okay.
Okay.
Great.
When are you guys getting married?
I don't know.
I don't know.
Unfortunately, I have this thing where I was like born and bred to get married at 18.
And then ever since I broke out of that cycle, part of me never wants to get married.
Really?
Yeah.
Yeah.
But you want a wedding?
No.
No, I'll just throw a party whenever I want.
I don't like that.
Yeah.
So I don't really care.
I don't like, I don't like, I've seen too many women be defined as being a wife.
That it like is a title that I don't necessarily like.
I'm not like keen to have.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I understand that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Especially.
Yeah, you don't need that.
Why do we need labels?
Why do we need freaking labels?
Call him whatever you want.
Boyfriend, life partner.
Yeah.
Don't stop.
God damn it.
Why did you have to touch it?
Well, I thought it was a good idea.
I just don't get it.
I just don't know why you had to reach over and touch my microphone and break it.
It's fun to fix it.
Well, you didn't have any.
There was no faux pas, though.
It was a good wedding.
There were no faux pas.
There was no garter toss.
People still do gar.
Guys, if you're doing a garter toss in 2025, we need to sit down, honey.
We've got to talk.
Wait, why?
What's the wrong thing?
Garter tosses where they like, she like takes off her like lace.
No, The flowers, right?
No, please.
Take the garter off with your teeth.
Yes.
So the woman will sit.
The bride will sit in a chair.
Wait, what the fuck?
The groom, we pull up a video.
The groom will go up her dress in front of everybody with his head, grab it with his teeth, pull it off her legs, and then flick it.
What the fuck?
Yes, that's good.
Wait.
Garter toss.
There you go.
That second little short right there.
And then the person's dressed bites onto something.
This is just a papal tradition in lots of Western weddings.
This piece of cloth is called a garter, and the groom uses his teeth to pull it off the bride's leg.
Once off, he then throws it into the crowd of single men behind.
And whoever catches it is legally required to marry next.
She dives into the bride's dress and so weird.
I mean, I don't think there's anything wrong with that.
It's so uncomfortable.
Bro, there's like children around.
Yeah, look at look at some of the some of these are weird.
Like okay, that run-up is crazy.
You know, just scroll, just give us another one.
Oh, wait, what did that say?
That was drama.
This dad was not impressed when his daughter was doing the garter toss at her wedding.
For those who don't know, the garter is a band of fabric around a woman's leg which gets tossed into the crowd of single men.
Here is the Dutch reaction.
Wait, oh, you throw it to the dudes?
Yeah, it's the equivalent of the bouquet.
So weird.
Yeah.
So, you know, they didn't do anything weird like that.
See, and then guys, other guys catch it, even though it's been on your girl's thigh the whole night.
The bride was about.
I told the bridesmaid.
That should be okay.
You couldn't have brought it up.
Well, yeah.
So I just want to sit down, all the girly pops listening, and just tell you you don't have to do the garter toss.
It's weird.
It's not woke.
It's so weird.
It's supposed to like represent like because usually you like lose your virginity wedding night, you know?
Yeah.
It's supposed to represent that.
And it's like, I see.
Yeah.
I see.
I see.
Yeah.
And this is my gripe with weddings in general.
Is like when I was a young kid, it was like strange to me to see adults like drunk.
You know what I mean?
Because I had never watched your family have fun though, man.
I don't know.
I know.
Now that I'm an adult, it's like it doesn't matter to me.
But when I was a kid, I was like, the fuck, these guys are like supposed to be like godlike figures in life.
I saw my mom drunk for the first time.
It was traumatizing.
Yeah, it fucked me up.
Like, I still remember this.
I watched my mom.
I was like, hi, mom.
And then she fell down the stairs.
I was like, that's awesome.
Oh, my God.
And then she got up and she's like, I'm okay, honey.
And I was like, what is wrong with mom?
Yeah, no, it fucked me up when I saw like adults drunk for the first time ever at a wedding when I was like super young.
And that's why.
You don't really have much of a relationship with the older people in your families, huh?
No one from my family drinks.
With them literally non-stop.
But you've never seen them drink.
No, at the time.
When he was a kid.
When I was a kid.
I've since.
I love when my mom gets drunk.
Yeah.
No.
No, it's funny.
Now it's awesome.
I'm saying, like, but when I was like, and it wasn't even just my mom, it was like random relatives.
You know what I mean?
How old were you?
I think it was like 14 or 13.
I get that.
And it's like, I'm old enough to like kind of comprehend what's going on, but also young enough where it's like, I still have this vision in my mind of like adults being a certain way, like adults in my family being a certain way.
So that it felt like that, that like we pierce through that veil all of a sudden.
And you're like, oh no, they're human beings that have moments of weakness.
Piercing Through Adult Veils00:01:19
Yeah.
Moments of weakness.
No, they're just having fun.
Yeah.
But that's how I thought about it as a kid.
Yeah.
Well, everybody.
We're going to talk more about Austin's moments of weakness on Patreon.
If you want to head over there.
All of my moments of weakness and they're going to bully me relentlessly for them.
Patreon.com.
Don't want to miss out.
Flash fear and see you there, y'all.
Bye-bye.
Smash your head into a wall.
You fucking suck, bitch.
No one would care less if you died.
Okay, I got the gist.
You get it?
Okay.
I got it.
Okay.
Torrent of harassment.
So this goes on for, I think, ends up being like two years.
They're like 14, 15.
And this is just never ending.
Never freaking ending.
Like, what is going on?
They're talking to the police.
They're talking to all these people.
Owen, Owen starts dating a new girl at a new school that is a town over an hour away.
What are you doing?
He moved on.
It's sad, right?
Yeah, what the hell?
Yeah, sad.
Yeah, she lives far away.
Yeah, she lives an hour away.
She lives.
Maybe it's fake.
Maybe he's like, oh, my girlfriend doesn't go here type.
No, because as soon as they start dating, the new girlfriend starts getting texts.