| Time | Text |
|---|---|
|
Why We Fear the Ocean
00:08:57
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|
| *Music* Are you jacuzzi man now? | |
| I haven't seen you in this jacuzzi in like a year. | |
| You never get in the water. | |
| You're scared of the water. | |
| I'm not scared of water. | |
| Since when? | |
| I said I don't like oceans. | |
| Doesn't mean I'm scared of water. | |
| I'm a very good swimmer. | |
| I don't operate from a realm of fear. | |
| Oceans are the biggest source of water in the world, Andrew, so... | |
| I'm not scared of oceans. | |
| Just fuck oceans. | |
| It's different. | |
| There's no need to get in the ocean when you have a jacuzzi. | |
| What if I put ocean water in the jacuzzi, not the water? | |
| Oceans are just swimming pools for poor people. | |
| Remember that. | |
| It's the sharks. | |
| Sharks and I have a deal. | |
| And I'm sticking to my end of the deal. | |
| You wouldn't understand, but when you're a man of honor, if you say something, you stick to your word. | |
| Okay. | |
| And I promised the sharks they would never catch me in their house. | |
| And they promised me I'd never catch them in mine. | |
| The day I walk in the living room and there's a shark there, then it's fine, it's war. | |
| But otherwise... | |
| Peace treaty. | |
| It's a peace treaty, yeah. | |
| So, I'm just sticking to my end of the deal, being a good person. | |
| I don't know why that's so controversial to you. | |
| I guess maybe because you're a piece of shit? | |
| That's funny. | |
| I don't know, that was fun. | |
| You're a piece of shit person who doesn't stick to his deals. | |
| So why the fuck would I go in the ocean? | |
| I got a jacuzzi, I got a pool. | |
| Andrew has no business in oceans. | |
| The man's 96 kilograms. | |
| I have no business in oceans. | |
| There's no money in oceans. | |
| There's no business. | |
| Nothing. | |
| What am I going to do there? | |
| There's no emergency meeting. | |
| There's nothing to do there. | |
| There's no work. | |
| What am I in the ocean for besides to break the peace treaty? | |
| And make a deal with the fucking mermaids. | |
| And fuck whales. | |
| And fuck dolphins. | |
| And fuck turtles. | |
| And fuck penguins. | |
| What do penguins do to you? | |
| Everyone loves them for some reason. | |
| I don't get it. | |
| They're retarded and they waddle. | |
| If I was alone on Antarctica, and I'm sure it's illegal for some reason, but if I was alone on Antarctica, the amount of running and football kicking of penguins, that would happen. | |
| I'd just kick them clean across the fucking ice. | |
| Watch them all die of internal hemorrhage. | |
| If you just ate penguins and melted ice, you could survive forever. | |
| Penguins and melted ice. | |
| You could survive forever. | |
| I wouldn't even eat them. | |
| I'd just kick them. | |
| I didn't realize you had beef with penguins. | |
| Kick them like footballs. | |
| Stomp their nests out. | |
| Never paid my bills. | |
| We did eat whale one time. | |
| Should we eat penguin meat? | |
| Whales never paid my bills either. | |
| None of these niggers ever paid my bills. | |
| So, fuck them. | |
| Fuck them all. | |
| Dogs are the only animal that matter. | |
| Fuck horses. | |
| I'd happily eat horses. | |
| Don't care. | |
| Can't eat dogs. | |
| Dogs are good. | |
| I'm Haitian enough. | |
| I'm black enough. | |
| I'll eat a cat. | |
| I don't give a fuck. | |
| I don't like cats. | |
| Yeah, fuck cats. | |
| Fuck cats. | |
| Can't eat dogs though. | |
| That's a crime. | |
| I know some PETA motherfuckers are going to be like, what's the difference between a dog and a horse? | |
| Everything dipshit. | |
| And you know it too. | |
| Dog is man's best friend. | |
| Why, if you eat a cow, why won't you eat a dog? | |
| How about you get the fucked? | |
| How about you take your vegetarian bullshit talking points and fuck off? | |
| How about I don't have to explain myself to you? | |
| How about I'm allowed to be hypocritical if I want because I can strangle you to death with my bare hands? | |
| How about that as an answer next time vegetarians say, well, you wouldn't eat a dog? | |
| No, I wouldn't eat a dog. | |
| But I would eat a fucking cow and basically everything else. | |
| Fuck you. | |
| You're a faggot. | |
| That's my argument. | |
| I don't explain myself anymore because you're gay. | |
| But you know what else I don't do? | |
| If a Chinese man wants to eat a dog, I ain't gonna go protest in China. | |
| It's his business. | |
| I don't agree with it, but fucking let him live, you know? | |
| Vegans are trying to protest my eating of meat. | |
| I'm not going to go to China until the Chinese man not eat a dog. | |
| Like, if he wants to be weird, fine, you know? | |
| People do weird shit all the time. | |
| I cut myself this morning on a machete. | |
| I was there, I did witness that. | |
| I cut myself on a machete. | |
| And I repeat. | |
| Fucking cunt. | |
| That's what I said when I cut myself. | |
| Leave the self-harm for the bedroom, yeah? | |
| Ha ha ha. | |
| This is finished. | |
| Huh? | |
| I'm gonna say I didn't even use it. | |
| Yeah, yeah, that's been our ages. | |
| I just never used it. | |
| You good? | |
| Good, man, you? | |
| A lot of trash. | |
| Are y'all battling today? | |
| We're waiting for the blacks to stop robbing people and then we're gonna have a fight. | |
| I think they're gonna come back. | |
| The blacks need to slug it out. | |
| For official ref, or I'll be ref. | |
| Ruby sunglasses, please. | |
| Funny thing, Luke, when they go at it, they both lose. | |
| I'm here to fuck Andrew up. | |
| That's why I'm here. | |
| He keeps calling me in to fight, and I keep getting beaten up. | |
| But today is my day. | |
| Today I'm going to beat the fuck out of him. | |
| No problem. | |
| No stress. | |
| I was drinking last night, and it gives me power. | |
| So I'm extra powerful today. | |
| Extra power. | |
| The power of tequila. | |
| I've got an extra 10 kilos on me right now. | |
| So I'm going to throw him around and just throw wild shit at him. | |
| Can't wait. | |
| Alright, famous last words. | |
| I'll ask Andrew what his last words are going to be. | |
| Andrew, what do you have to say? | |
| We'll see. | |
| I'm working on my stamina now. | |
| It's nice to hydrate a jacuzzi in the hot sun and a cigar to get you warmed up for sparring. | |
| That was a good point. | |
| Ever since you cut your hand this morning, you've kind of been in a foul mood, but I have a feeling that when you beat Barnett up, you're going to but I have a feeling that when you beat Barnett up, you're going I might not beat him up. | |
| He's a lot bigger than me. | |
| Andrew. | |
| It's an unfair competition. | |
| You and I both know that fighting makes you so happy. | |
| Like, you're smiling now just thinking about the pain that you're going to inflict on Luke Barnett. | |
| Yeah. | |
| Perhaps I'm ready to absorb endless pain as long as I get to give pain to others. | |
| It's worth it. | |
| Even if I take more than I give, it's still worth it. | |
| Just to spread misery. | |
| You heard it, Luke. | |
| Must be some kind of personality defect. | |
| You'll get hit ten times, but you get to hit him once. | |
| Fine. | |
| I don't think spreading misery is a good thing. | |
| Fine. | |
| It just doesn't seem like a good thing to do. | |
| Don't call it misery. | |
| Call it justice. | |
| That sounds better. | |
| Luke deserves every bit of pain that comes into his life. | |
| My life's good, bro. | |
| My life's too good. | |
| His life's great, and he's a cunt. | |
| So he deserves it. | |
| He deserves everything that happens to him. | |
| So do I. 100% deserve jail. | |
| 100%. | |
| 100% all the shit I've done in my life. | |
| Fucking hell, I deserve a lot more jail. | |
| I'm going to cut that. | |
| Don't cut it. | |
| No, it's true. | |
| They locked me up for some dumb shit, but the actual shit I have done... | |
| 10 year stretch. | |
| I walked into my room and saw Min installing bulletproof glass windows. | |
| And I can't tell if this is the most badass thing ever or complete overkill. | |
| We started with the doors. | |
| Now we've moved on to glass. | |
| There's no way anyone's getting to this house. | |
| Does this make you happy? | |
| I told you the glass was the weak point of this whole operation, and you fixed that. | |
| We had the shutters, but then when they started cutting the steel shutters after 30 minutes outside the door, they started trying to penetrate the glass, I thought. | |
| Steel shutters and bulletproof glass behind it. | |
| Blast-proof doors, bullet-proof glass, and then these steel shutters. | |
| Everyone makes fun of my house. | |
| You know, they go, oh, he's so rich, why don't you live in a different house? | |
| Why would I want to live in one of those big mansions with a fancy glass and fancy gardens when police could raid it? | |
| Any real man knows you want a house with a gym, with a podcast studio, with a cigar room, with your boys, bullet-proof glass, blast-proof doors. | |
| It's a bunker. | |
| It doesn't get better. | |
| I've got the best house in the world. | |
| You can't get into this house. | |
| And now, I'm even going to change the roof. | |
| That's all going to be bullet-proof glass. | |
|
Hold On One More Minute
00:03:50
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|
| Wow. Wow. | |
| Wow. | |
| We'll be right back. | |
| Three, two, one, run. run. | |
| Very impressive. | |
| That's impressive. | |
| Alright, five, four, three, two, one. One, two, one. One, two, one. One, two, one. One, two, two, one. | |
| one. One, two, one. One, one. One, two, one. | |
| Time. | |
| You were frowning this morning, now I see that big ol' smile on your face. | |
| Hey! | |
| Punch of Barnett, ultimate joy. | |
| - Yeah, that's all right. - Come on, come on. - Come on, come on. - Come on. - Come on. - Come on. - Come on. - Come on. - Come on. - Come on. - Come on. - Come on. - Come on. - He's getting tired, baby. - Yeah. - He's getting tired, baby. - He's getting tired, baby. - He's getting tired, baby. baby. - Yeah. - He's getting tired, baby. - He's getting tired, baby. - He's getting tired, baby. - He's getting tired, baby. - He's getting tired, baby. - He's getting tired, baby. - He's getting tired, baby. - He's getting tired, baby. - He's getting tired, baby. - He's getting tired, baby. - He's getting tired, baby. - He's | |
| He's getting tired baby Is he getting tired? | |
| He's getting tired. | |
| Two rounds. | |
| Are you getting tired? | |
| Never One minute | |
| One minute One minute One minute One minute One minute One minute Time | |
| Hold One minute One minute One minute One minute One minute Let's go last now | |
| Yep 30 30 | |
|
Basic Info Cards Please
00:02:42
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|
| 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 31 31 32 33 33 Is that the hangover, Kuro? | |
| That's the way to Kuro. | |
| Hangover. | |
| Kuro. | |
| Hold on bro. | |
| I get love letters every single day, but they're getting more elaborate. | |
| Usually I get presents along with my love letters. | |
| But, you know, because I'm a rich man, sometimes it's not all about the presents they give me. | |
| Sometimes it's about the effort they put in. | |
| So, she made it nice and succinct. | |
| Basic info, where she's from, how much she weighs, confirming she's not married with no kids. | |
| That's nice. | |
| And then we have her resume, qualifications, that she can cook and all these things. | |
| I have her whole resume here. | |
| I'm going to hide her picture because I don't want her to get dogs. | |
| We have here who she is and all her qualifications, God-fearing, religious, etc., etc., her contact details. | |
| Then we have the letter. | |
| We have a bunch of religious things in here. | |
| And the thing that's good about this letter is, I don't want anyone to read it, I just want you guys to see how neat her handwriting is. | |
| Look how neat. | |
| I'm just going to show a line. | |
| Look how neat that writing is. | |
| Isn't that neat? | |
| Super neat handwriting, which is impressive. | |
| On and on about how I'm the best man in the world. | |
| Blah blah blah. | |
| I think, because I get so many of these love letters, it's now become a competition between who has the nicest writing. | |
| But girls, as you continue to send me letters, I like this basic info thing. | |
| This is very smart what she's done. | |
| Keep it short and succinct because I'm very busy. | |
| I want to get all the basic info cards every day and look through. | |
| You know, if I want a blonde, I'd take the blonde and see who's fat, who's not. | |
| I want basic info cards of every single love letter from now on because a lot of you girls make the mistake of sending me love letters and it's just large gibberish about how great I am. | |
| You haven't told me if your tits are big. | |
| You haven't told me what color your hair is. | |
| I'm just reading all this stuff. | |
| I'm great. | |
| I'm great. | |
| Duh. | |
| I know. | |
| But I need the info. | |
| So this is good. | |
| So please send basic info cards with your love letters from now on so I can save myself and you time. | |
| I mean, let's be honest. | |
| You don't want to keep sending me love letters when you've sent 20 or 30 letters. | |
| And it's just so much blabbering on about how great I am. | |
| I still don't know the size of your tits. | |
| That's why I'm not replying. | |