| Time | Text |
|---|---|
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First Bite of Whale
00:06:19
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|
| And here's the chef in the back, preparing for dinner. | |
| And the reason he's preparing for dinner is this. | |
| On X, I recently posted that I'd rather eat whales and pandas than crickets and worms. | |
| And someone who's been following me for a very long time, don't know her very well, said, look, I'll bring whale meat to Romania. | |
| So I told her if she can get whale meat to Romania, there's a cash bonus. | |
| So I've hired the chef today. | |
| She's landed. She has the whale meat in tow. | |
| She's on her way here right now. | |
| And I'm about to eat whales. | |
| One, because I want to try whale meat. | |
| Looks delicious. Two, Because I've got to hook my boys up with some whale meat every once in a while. | |
| Get whale power. And three, because it's going to really, really piss off the environmentalists. | |
| So it's whale for dinner tonight Hello | |
| How are you? | |
| Dinner has arrived guys This is my whale choreo. | |
| We're going to blur her face for the sake of the internet. | |
| But she's bought me whale meat all the way from Norway. | |
| I do, actually. Hey, you want me to meet you? | |
| I'd like to meet you, too. | |
| So I do have the... | |
| This is like a tiny surprise, a little gift. | |
| Oh, a little gift. Like whale salami. | |
| And this is the whale meat. | |
| Beautiful. Here we go. | |
| Let me deliver it to the chefs. | |
| And then I owe you some money I believe So I'm gonna share the whale with everyone | |
| This is whale salami. | |
| Come here. Some of the guys are here. | |
| Alright guys. Whale salami. | |
| Nice. Is it like a... | |
| Right here. It's made of whale. | |
| Hello. Hello, gentlemen. | |
| Nice to meet you. Thank you. Is it banging? | |
| I can't eat that. Bro! | |
| You can only guess this is three countries in the whole world. | |
| We need whales, bro. | |
| No, we don't. Fuck whales. | |
| This whale's not needed. | |
| Name one whale you're friends with. | |
| If I eat that... Did you miss this guy? | |
| Eat the fucking whale. Eat the whale. | |
| It's alright. It tastes like salami. | |
| It's an interesting taste. | |
| Bro, I will gladly take some whale. | |
| You got them. Say like four. | |
| No. Bro, it just tastes like salami. | |
| No, wait for the aftertaste. That's what I'm saying. | |
| It just tastes like salami. No, there is an aftertaste. | |
| Yo. The aftertaste is unique. | |
| That's something that's not in... | |
| I've never tasted that before. I don't eat pork, so... | |
| What the fuck does a whale have to do with a pig? | |
| Because they said it tastes like pork. | |
| I don't know if it tastes like pork. | |
| Oh, shit, this is pork. | |
| I mixed them up. Fuck. Whales are the most overrated animal. | |
| Everyone's like, oh, the whales, the whales. | |
| Whales don't pay your rent. | |
| Whales aren't cute. They're not small. | |
| They're not fluffy. You've never even stroked a whale. | |
| You love puppies or whatever. | |
| Cool. You've never even probably seen a whale. | |
| If you have, it's been in SeaWorld or far in the distance, considering whether it eats you and your entire family. | |
| Everyone says they live on plankton. | |
| There's no fucking way something that big lives on plankton. | |
| That's a conspiracy. Definitely eats humans. | |
| 100%. Now we eat them back. | |
| First bite of whale. That's beef. | |
| Fuck well. Why are you making a weird taste? | |
| It's good, it's a new taste though. | |
| It's a new type of meat, yeah. | |
| It doesn't taste like beef or anything else, it tastes unique. | |
| It tastes gamey. | |
| Yeah, it tastes gamey. | |
| Tastes like liver. There you go. | |
| The most similar meat, venison, is a bit like whale. | |
| Tastes like liver. Whale's interesting. | |
| Alright, so, what's the verdict? | |
| I'm super happy that I'm eating a whale. | |
| Because I know people on the internet are going to be mad at me for this. | |
| And be like, you're setting a bad example because we need to preserve the whales. | |
| We don't. We need to preserve just enough whales to eat. | |
| Maybe we should start farming whales. | |
| How big would a whale farm have to be? | |
| But I'm down for keeping them in small underwater cages, you know. | |
| I'm not against those kind of farming methods. | |
| I'm gonna add some taste. Tristan's Free Range Whale Farm. | |
| Buy some ocean and just make it one big track where they have to swim around in circles all day. | |
| Sprinkle a bit of plankton on top. | |
| Nice. Business genius. | |
| Andrew, do you have any final words about the whales? | |
| No. Save the whales. | |
| Marcel, what do you think of the whales? | |
| They're the most majestic animal in the animal kingdom. | |
| What you guys are doing is outrageous. | |
| I can't believe it. I can't believe it. | |
| You're shocked in awe. It doesn't even taste good, but I'm gonna eat it all to upset some environmentalists. | |
| Yeah, I'm gonna eat as much whale as possible. | |
| Tastes like liver. Exactly like liver, that's what it tastes like. | |
| I bet it makes you strong. Whales can't make you weak. | |
| You may hate them, but they are objectively probably, this is probably the strongest animal I've ever eaten. | |
| Normally I'd agree with you, but you just had a bite and you look weak, so... | |
| You just had a bite and you look weak. | |
|
Never Lost A Game
00:03:50
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|
| Well, I've built this one. I've never lost a game. | |
| I've never lost a game. Ask them. | |
| Never lost a game, not one. | |
| Are you talking about Uno? Never lost a game. | |
| Built different. | |
| Why would I not talk about Uno? | |
| Go on. If you think you're a bad man, say something. | |
| We'll play right after this. | |
| Right after this! | |
| That's right, shake your head. | |
| Walk away! | |
| Why are you drinking coffee at midnight? | |
| I'm built different. Perhaps you didn't know that, Bailey, but you should. | |
| When they built everybody, he decided to build me differently. | |
| So I need coffee so I have the energy to relax. | |
| You understand? No, it's not a thing. | |
| I can't sleep without the caffeine boost required. | |
| You never sleep, and this is probably why you never sleep. | |
| This is not okay. Sounds to me like you're fucking up then. | |
| Because you're sleeping, and I don't need to. | |
| Wasting your life away, aren't you, Bailey? | |
| Sleeping in bed, sitting around, being a nerd, wearing glasses. | |
| Not me. Feel different. | |
| If I started drinking coffee at midnight, you think it'd heal my eyes? | |
| Might fix your neck. Admit it! | |
| Admit it! I've never lost a game of Uno. | |
| It's impossible for me to lose. | |
| The math doesn't add up. | |
| What is six plus nine? | |
| Fifteen. One and five. | |
| Think about it. | |
| One and five. | |
| All bases covered. | |
| One and five sounds like your record. | |
| One to five. | |
| One win, five losses. | |
| I have never lost a game of Uno. | |
| Name a game I lost. | |
| You were all playing Uno, sitting around, having fun. | |
| I turned up and said, don't give me cards. | |
| You gave me cards. I said, guys, don't let me win. | |
| I said it. First game was kind of hard. | |
| Dodger put up a good fight. You too. | |
| Bro, easy. | |
| Easy street. Easy street. | |
| Admit it. Bailey, admit it. | |
| Maybe it's the coffee. No, maybe you need to go read the Bible again and learn something about yourself. | |
| On what page does it say Bailey's a loser? | |
| Which page? Which chapter? | |
| I don't think it says that in the Bible. | |
| Well, maybe you need to decipher it like the Da Vinci Code. | |
| One, five, work it out somewhere. | |
| It's there somewhere. Shit glasses. | |
| Can't play Uno. Top G. Never lost a game. | |
| Undefeated. I'll do it again. | |
| You think I'm scared of you? We'll play again right now. | |
| And I will win again. | |
| All on the line. Let's go! | |
| Let's do it. I'm Bill Differin. | |
| That's all I think, man. | |
| Don't make that a thing. | |
| This is a thing. No, it's not. | |
| This is a thing for women's. | |
| I got to the final. Is this a thing? | |
| Look at me. I can't. | |
| Look at me doing this move. | |
| I can't. I lost the final. | |
| I'm upset. I'm upset. | |
| First time in history I've ever... | |
| Well, I came first. | |
| But you won. But I came first. | |
| Did you lose that game? I've never lost a game. | |
| He won, but I came first. I like that move. | |
| Can you show it to me again? | |
| One more time. One more time. | |
| Can you see? | |
| You can double it up. | |
| Why is Uno a thing? | |
| Who balled Uno? He's the real boss. | |