| Time | Text |
|---|---|
|
Why Let the Flies In?
00:08:41
|
|
| You There are more guys here | |
| Bayley, someone? Nigel or Alex, who's there. | |
| Why can't I let flies in? You let flies in. You let flies in. | |
| No, you open the ceiling and the flies come. | |
| Flies don't fly up to the ceiling. | |
| They're called flies. | |
| What's the highest the fly can fly? | |
| No flies up there? | |
| I think you're letting them in. | |
| In the atmosphere, I'll put planes fly. | |
| There are extinct insects that don't actually exist anymore. | |
| Frozen, still stuck in the atmosphere because they got blown up their tails of talent. | |
| So who's playing? | |
| I see Serbia have the Serbian flag on their shirt. | |
| Transgender? Do they have a tranny flag on? | |
| I'm not sure. I think it's like a child molestation flag. | |
| They changed it. Where? I don't see it. | |
| Because the England flag is red. | |
| But this is purple and pink and gay. | |
| What was it? Intersex or something? | |
| Isn't that just the Euros logo? | |
| Oh, being gay faggot. | |
| Show me where they have the tranny flag. | |
| Look at the back of their necks. | |
| The back of their neck anger is supposed to be a red St. | |
| George's cross. But Nike updated the St. | |
| George's Cross for modern times, but it's almost the same as like the intersex flag or something. | |
| Look it up. So if you look at the back of their necks, they've ruined it. | |
| How can you say I'm updating a flag playfully for modern times and just change the colors? | |
| Because if you change the colors of the Romanian flag, it's the French flag or the Dutch flag. | |
| You can't just change the colours of a flag. | |
| The colours make the flag the fucking flag. | |
| No, I'm just saying, in the modern day... | |
| Is it modern? | |
| Like, now? You would never ever change the Jamaican flag and go to Jamaica. | |
| Yeah, but I wouldn't want to. | |
| I don't change flags. You would never go to Jamaica and change the Jamaican flag. | |
| I know, but Nike changed flags. | |
| I don't want to change anyone's flags. | |
| Grim, we pick you up in the airport. | |
| Admit it. Admit it. | |
| Why are we watching this? We have to see how England somehow let a goal in and lose their advantage. | |
| Roberto, maybe some popcorn, please. | |
| Oh, Christy, who's working? Christy. | |
| So you think England's going to lose still? | |
| Do we even know how many people we got here? | |
| One, two, three. Three on three football? | |
| I will fuck you up! | |
| I can't even play football, and I will fuck you up. | |
| Ball! Can I throw kicks at people? | |
| Yeah, no foul. I don't know why they don't just put the ball in the net. | |
| Because that's what I would do. | |
| Just kick it in the net. Well, they've done that once in 90 minutes. | |
| These are supposed to be pros. Fucking amateur hours, because they've got the fucking transgender flag. | |
| Three on three football. | |
| I guarantee I put the ball in the net more than any of you. | |
| Tell us because he used to play professional football, suddenly he can play football. | |
| You've never heard of the head kick. | |
| I've got the professional moves. | |
| Yes, but who's thrown more kicks in their lives? | |
| You. So I'm better at the game where you kick the ball. | |
| Every football game will be hilarious. | |
| It will be funny. Can you play football? | |
| We're talking about soccer. Shut the fuck up, baby! | |
| I'm actually on team Bayley, yeah. | |
| You can play soccer? Here's the thing. | |
| We do blacks versus whites. | |
| Me and Andrew flip a coin to decide which team we're playing for. | |
| I'm much blacker than you. Me, Bae, and Alex. | |
| Me, Bae, and Alex against you three niggers. | |
| Let's do it. Team NIG! Take them out! | |
| We ain't ready! You're not ready for us! | |
| We're not ready. We're strapped! | |
| You don't have a choice. | |
| I don't know. | |
| Why do you like? | |
| The race wars. | |
| White power. | |
| Let's go. | |
| Go now and say white power with me today. | |
| White ball. | |
| No. | |
| You're getting canceled. | |
| Cancel! | |
| Alex is getting cancelled! | |
| Black on whites this week, we're going to do it. | |
| All I'm saying is, there's nothing but white men on the screen right now. | |
| So Parker might be a white man who scored. | |
| Wait, no, no men fucking scored! | |
| Who won the World Cup last time? | |
| Was it France? Name a white French player. | |
| Name one. The French team is aggravating. | |
| Look at their names. | |
| It's not Pierre Michel, is it? | |
| Let's not lie. | |
| Maybe. Black on white football game. | |
| We're going to sort it out. We're going to stream it live. | |
| Alright, let's go. | |
| You don't know about my tactics. I'll be the goalkeeper. | |
| We don't need a goalkeeper. | |
| I'm just going to put the ball in the net. | |
| And Bailey used to be in the marching band, so he's going to do rap. | |
| Give me one! | |
| Give me one! You're the last man who needs a do rap. | |
| Give me one! If I play Jermaine Kim Music, there's no way you can beat me. | |
| If I drink 20 pints of beer first and attack you, well that's how English people do football. | |
| Come on you whites! | |
| Yeah, we have an Algerian ref and camera guy. | |
| I bet if you got the Serbian coach to fight the English coach, the Serbian coach would | |
| win. | |
| He's old. He's in the Yugoslav world. | |
| Five minutes. Come on, Serbia! | |
| So now I can't say that. Oh, a black guy's sword. | |
| He's at least half a black guy. | |
| No matter whether it's UNO, football, boxing, no matter what it is, it ends up racial. | |
| It's always racial. | |
| Why is racism involved in everything we do? | |
| Because racism is hilarious. | |
| And if you have a group of friends, a multi-racial group of friends is good, but a multi-racial racist group of friends is fine. | |
| Best meme I ever saw was that racists are the least racist people ever. | |
| They don't care if you're white, black, brown. | |
| As long as you're racist, you can be part of the friends. | |
| Racists are the least racist, as long as you're racist. | |
| I like racists of all colors. | |
| As long as you're racist. | |
|
Try To Blow The Trumpet
00:08:08
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|
| Thank you. | |
| Free kick to Serbia, come on. | |
| This winning then drops the ball. | |
| This winning then slip up and lose. | |
| Nah, I can't say Serbia. | |
| England. England. You little faggot. | |
| I'll show you super aggressive. | |
| We're going to do this in a few seconds. | |
| I'm going to do this in a few seconds. | |
| I want to see it too. | |
| Bailey, get the trumpet out! | |
| Thank you, God. | |
| Let's go, Bailey. | |
| Have a great time. | |
| Bailey. How did you play this shit game for fucking so many years? | |
| What are you? | |
| It's very easy. | |
| It's shit! | |
| I'm quite impressed with it though. | |
| It's a bit better. | |
| I think it's only won in the last ten, isn't it? | |
| Same sort of way. | |
| Tristan, if Bailey plays trumper right now, you have to admit that you lost. | |
| I'm not. I'm lost. Bayley can go first. | |
| I'm gonna get you. Get us some ice G. Come on baby. Trumpet beach. He's oiling valves. You don't even know how that | |
| works. Oh I've oiled a few valves. Why am I playing the trumpet? Because it opens up your pants. | |
| Because this series on the internet makes no sense. | |
| Oh, we're watching him play Serbia and it ends with our cameraman in front of the camera playing a trumpet. | |
| Is the trumpet hard? | |
| Oh my gosh, yeah. | |
| Yeah? | |
| Yeah. | |
| It's actually hard. | |
| Bro, I've not touched a trumpet in at least five years. | |
| But I played it, but I played it for ten. | |
| You just got down, babe. | |
| You just got down, babe. | |
| He just trumpet-devil you. | |
| What are you going to do about that? | |
| Maybe a noise- Stay over there, stay over there. | |
| And then he got you. | |
| And he got me. | |
| I got you. | |
| Go on, what can you do back? | |
| Tie your shoelaces. | |
| No, I can't do it. | |
| Skiddoot. | |
| I'm a Skiddoot. | |
| I'm going to learn how to do it again. | |
| I'm going to play it at you all the time. | |
| You should play drum bat twisting well. | |
| I'll do it. I will annoy him. | |
| To the end of the earth. Good. | |
| I'm furious. Try to blow the trumpet. | |
| You'll see what I mean. Instrument him back. | |
| Try it. It's easy. | |
| You just make noise, don't you? Actually, you know what? You thought it was just gonna sound like fresh air. | |
| Can you admit that I knew the technique to blow the trumpet? | |
| No! Admit it! | |
| Because you thought it would just be fresh air. | |
| You didn't know that I knew how to actually make a trumpet make noise. | |
| With five minutes practice, Bailey would be destroying it. | |
| Nah, give me ten minutes warm up. | |
| Go on, blow the trumpet. Make it make any noise. | |
| I want to go clear, sorry. I blow the trumpet. | |
| Oh, you're good. | |
| I'm actually going to learn this all. | |
| I'm going to play it in like a week. | |
| See, I told you. That's what you expected me to do, right? | |
| Right? | |
| Oh, hello there. | |
| See? Bailey, admit that you're impressed that I knew how to make it make sound. | |
| I'm kind of impressed. Why would they make it hard? | |
| No, I'm not going to do it. | |
| But why don't you just blow it normally? | |
| You're lying on the internet. | |
| Just blow the trumpet. Blow the fucking trumpet, you pussy. | |
| No, sir. So you're scared? | |
| No. I know what I'm good at, and I know what I'm not good at. | |
| And I'm not good at blowing my own trumpet. | |
| Because I'm a humble man. | |
| You don't ever toot your own... | |
| I think I impressed Bailey. Bailey's the trumpet role. | |
| Play more trumpet. It makes him sad. | |
| Come on, Bailey. Look at the devastation on his face. | |
| Get him! Get him! | |
| Alright, I'll get him. If I could play trumpet, bro, you guys would never sleep again. | |
| I'd wake up a rewarding... | |
| Why are you doing that? | |
| You know I would. | |
| Bailey, you underuse your talents. | |
| Trumpet him. He has no rebuttal. | |
| He has no possible retort to your trumpet powers. | |
| We're done with the trumpet. | |
| You can play the trumpet. | |
| Yes, for sure. Give him the trumpet. | |
| You can play the trumpet, Marcel. I can make it make it sound like this. | |
| Make it make it sound. We'll see. | |
| Oh, Marcel! That's good enough. | |
| It was something. At least you made it make noise. | |
| Play vibes. Play vibes. | |
| Start up. You know Shaggy, it wasn't me. | |
| You know Britney Spears. | |
| Play Britney Spears. Talks it, bro. | |
| Talks it. Play the American National Anthem. | |
| I know you know that. Come on, baby. | |
| I'm going deep into my brain right now. | |
| Play any song you remember. | |
| That's the problem. I don't remember. | |
| Let me see if I remember our school song. | |
| You went to band camp all those years at the door. | |
| I played in college, huh? It's kind of nerdy, I'm not gonna lie. | |
| It's some nerd shit. I was so proud of those. | |
| Why were you playing trumpet in college? | |
| I don't know. | |
| If I had a time machine, I'd bring us all back, besides Bailey, to Bailey's school years, and we'd sit in the crowd, | |
| us lot, to disguise as people from, you know, 2009, and watch Bailey marching around playing the trumpet. | |
| That would be sick. | |
| Why are these five random black guys beating me up after bandwagon? | |
| Time machine, bitch! | |
|
Control the Game Position
00:04:10
|
|
| England won, I don't believe it. | |
| I'm on a... | |
| Go on. | |
| It's just got live, real energy. | |
| I'm following you, baby. | |
| We need to drive around in the ladder, while you pick the truck up. | |
| Start the game. | |
| Football coming home? | |
| We seem to lack a bit of composure in the moments, and it did get a little bit hairy at times. | |
| But I think you have to take what you can from the final game. | |
| Clean sheet, a new third, back pair in, and a defensive third. | |
| That's going to be what the one group get in that clean sheet. | |
| And it really is a win. It's not a game finish. | |
| That is England versus Romania in the final. | |
| And we get the England shirts, we hit the city south, we drink 400 beers each, and we get ready to fight. | |
| The Romanians count out hooligan me. | |
| I don't drink. Yeah, I know, but I fucking do. | |
| And if England and Romania are in the final, if you try and stop me from drinking, then you're on their team. | |
| They were good. They were pressing high, doing exactly what they were doing, the rotation was good. | |
| Because sometimes, I'm so conscious that we are doing it. | |
| When you've got a lead, he's trying to take it out. | |
| I think that's just the negative side in what we're seeing today. | |
| Aw, that suck. | |
| We have to be able to control the game better, even when we're not pushing for another goal. | |
| I think control the game, yeah, just the position. | |
| I think if it takes a gap, it's gonna have to get out of the way. | |
| Yeah, yeah, get more to the legs. | |
| Marcel does have eight. | |
| The internet. AIDS is not a laughing matter. | |
| AIDS is a very serious disease that affects many people like Marcel worldwide. | |
| All of your super chats you donate to this will go to the Marcel H foundation | |
| To give him the medicine of the treatment And the therapy to stay off grinder that you're so pretty | |
| means the champion | |
| That was so bad. | |
| Why do we have one? | |
| I'm going to play it all day, every day. | |
| I'm going to get super good again. Every morning you need to wake us up with trumpet sounds. | |
| I will. Do it. And the American military. | |
| Annoy us with it. You're far too nice. | |
| As the owner of this house, I put no limits at any time of night on the trumpeting. | |
| I support you And I will never stop you even if you're outside Andrew's door at 6am after he got to bed at 4am. | |
| I have no problem with you practicing the trumpet anywhere you like. | |
| Deal. Make bad tough games. | |
| Let's teach you all how to march. | |
| All right, England won. | |
| I expected them to fuck it up, they didn't. | |
| Maybe the next game will fuck that one up. | |
| Where the fuck I'm eventually? Why do I want them to win? | |
| It's not coming home, that's the thing. | |
| But I want them to win, but it's not coming home. | |
| It's coming home. | |
| It's coming. Right, well that football game is shit. | |
| I'm going to sleep. I'm not going to sleep yet. | |
| But I'm sleeping. I'm going to get back to work. | |
| Baby, drop it. I'm looking at the end. | |