| Time | Text |
|---|---|
|
Murderous Plans Revealed
00:02:44
|
|
| Are you doing what I think you're doing? | |
| Thank you. | |
| I'm eating Hello Kitty cereal. | |
| Hello Kitty cereal? | |
| You know, I've been thinking because there's so many full grown men in this house. | |
| How would I murder you all? | |
| Because if you all attacked me at once, it'd be extremely difficult. | |
| And if one of you found the first body, you'd realize something's afoot. | |
| So I'm thinking, during the day in the garden when everyone's outside, perhaps I could lock the doors and wait for you to come in one by one to take a piss and then murder you. | |
| You know? If I get you one by one because you're unsuspecting and my knife is large, I have a pretty good chance of getting a quick kill. | |
| My concern is you finding out what I'm doing before I've managed to kill all of you. | |
| Who's your mate? | |
| Is it good at least? | |
| Fucking bet. | |
| Tee, I know you want Hello Kitty cereal. | |
| Admit it. You definitely want some. | |
| Baby, I would starve to death before I ate Hello Kitty cereal. | |
| I would eat G, my dog, before I turned to Hello Kitty cereal. | |
| No fucking way in hell will you ever catch me dead or alive eating Hello Kitty cereal | |
| All right, I'm eating some of the jalapeño that's actually banging, but I got a serious question | |
| We're in Romania. Where on earth did you get Hello Kitty cereal in Romania? | |
| I think you'd trust me the most. | |
| Even if I was covered in blood holding a knife. | |
| You'd be like, well... | |
| Hey, Andrew, you're having a little accident? | |
| Do you want to read the Bible? I think he'd be the most trusting, and therefore the easiest to kill. | |
| Sure. Who'd be the most paranoid? | |
| Maybe Tristan. Yeah, I'd be super paranoid. | |
| He'd be like, hmm, I know you're my brother, but something isn't right here. | |
| You, I'd just say, oh, sorry, Bailey. | |
| I must have cut my finger. | |
| Let's read the Bible together. | |
| Just look down at the book exposing the back of your neck. | |
| I just wanted to know where you got the Hello Kitty cereal. | |
| I don't know why we're going down this train of thought right now. | |
| I'll take the camera at the end and film my own episode with all the dead bodies and blood everywhere. | |
| I'm bloated for the suicide, yeah. | |
|
Let's Do It
00:11:16
|
|
| Just me. How do you use the camera? | |
| Don't worry about it. | |
| 8.01 PM. Ready? | |
| Oh! Bowling? | |
| Yeah, put the bowling alley. Let's go bowling. | |
| That's when you go fucking bowling. | |
| I take bowling very seriously, and we're going bowling. | |
| Get in the fucking cars. Why are you in a suit? | |
| My bowling suit. | |
| You don't have a bowling suit. | |
| I have owned this suit for three years, and when I got it tailored at my Savile Row tailor, I said to you, this suit is specifically for... | |
| You never said any of this. | |
| This is all made up. Everything about this is imaginary. | |
| I said, I'm ordering this suit for bowling. | |
| Three years ago. Yeah, and everyone knows that $13,000 alligator skin boots are the original bowling shoes if you can afford them. | |
| People just wear the weird colored ones because they're broke. | |
| But why did it take you three years for us to go bowling if any of this story is true? | |
| No, I go bowling all the time. | |
| This is the first time I go bowling with you. | |
| I personally bowl every night. | |
| I don't have a suit, so I can't come. | |
| You've got a bowling suit, bro. | |
| I'm not wearing a fucking suit to go bowling. | |
| Well, I'm not going bowling unless you wear a suit with me. | |
| I refuse to look like the only professional in a realm of amateurs. | |
| So you either step up to the fucking plate and get this ball rolling or you bitch out. | |
| Nice. Nice. No. | |
| No! This is not nice. | |
| Nice. | |
| Come on losers, time to lose. | |
| I'm the best at this game. | |
| At pool? | |
| Yeah. Alright, we'll play pool. | |
| Who's the best? Me. | |
| How the fuck are you going to challenge Nigel when you're dressed in a leather jacket and jeans? | |
| Look at this man. You can't beat this man dressed like that. | |
| I'm getting my money on Alex. | |
| I came to play Bali. | |
| Bali. Your bet? | |
| 100 euros. I know. Let's go Alex. | |
| Not being a little bit. He's scared to beg. | |
| He's scared. At my university, because I am from Texas, I took a bowling class. | |
| So you are going down. | |
| I don't think you realize. | |
| I'm as American as they come. | |
| Bowling class. You're not ready. | |
| Why do you always manage to surprise me with something new each day about what a dork you are? | |
| Here you go, mate. They sell booze. | |
| We're driving. Nice. | |
| Max Fun Cocktail. | |
| Give me ten of these. Ten. | |
| Max Fun Cocktail. That's what we're drinking. Max of them fun. | |
| I'm living my best life. Ain't going back and forth with you niggas. I'm living my best life. Ain't going back and | |
| forth with you niggas. I'm living my best life. Ain't going back and forth with you niggas. I'm living my best life. | |
| Ain't going back and forth with you niggas. You got a lot to be smiling for. | |
| So what the fuck you did? | |
| That's not, that's not, that's not a thing. | |
| Now, we can bowl. | |
| What can I say? What can I say? | |
| What can I say? You're going down! | |
| You're not ready! | |
| I'm not ready to go to bowling school. | |
| Look at these children's balls. | |
| I can't play with children's balls so I don't work for the BBC. Nice. | |
| I have big hands. I have skin on the neck like baby. | |
| Things don't fit in the fucking ball. | |
| Yeah, I hate games where my physical power doesn't help me. | |
| So I'm feeling I'm just going to send it as fast as I can now we are. | |
| We're physical power men. | |
| We just go as hard as possible and we win. | |
| This is all game. I told you I would win. | |
| But you have a skinny neck for everyone I am. | |
| It was too strong. | |
| It was too much power. I told you what would happen. | |
| I told you. | |
| I went to bowling class. | |
| I had a class in college dedicated to this game. | |
| You don't stand a chance. | |
| It's a wrap. | |
| It's a wrap. Game over. | |
| No way. No way! | |
| Right here, buddy. More here, buddy. | |
| The more crooked the vision, the straighter the throw. | |
| Exactly. If you keep throwing off, if you make your vision crooked, it's straight and draining. | |
| Science. | |
| It is science. | |
| Max power is the only way to do anything. | |
| Thank you. | |
| Bye! | |
| Okay. | |
| The tie's off, the jacket's off. | |
| I'm feeling I'm in trouble. | |
| I'm just saying. If your girl isn't happy with your sexual art, fuck! | |
| There's no way you're not! | |
| I found PlayStation Rudeau. | |
| We can throw this bowling shit away. | |
| And that's what I'm gonna do. | |
| No way. | |
| We'll pay the price. | |
| I have never lost a game. | |
| Five, six, seven. | |
| Seven hundred leg. Come on, Bailey! | |
| Bring it home! I'm taking your money, Alex. | |
| Poor Tristan. Alex loses his money. | |
| I just want you to win so Alex loses his money. | |
| All right, Bailey. | |
| If I do this, we beat Alex and we take all of the money in his wallet. | |
| Let's do it. I need one thing. | |
| That's my guy. You know, Bailey, sometimes I can't explain why I'm friends with you. | |
| Come on baby. | |
| You got it baby. | |
| Watch it! | |
| Nice! Nice! | |
| It's enough. It's enough. It's enough. | |
| It's enough. It's enough. | |
| Don't worry, the last goes where it counts, though. | |
| Envision. | |
| Believe. | |
| Manifest. You're going down, Alex. | |
| You're going down! | |
| We're taking all the money out of your wallet. | |
| Let's go! | |
| So you knock down all the pins and you get another turn because it's the last go, yeah. | |
| I feel great. | |
| Let's go. Strike me! | |
| Yes! Let's go, Alex! | |
| Let's go! Let's go! | |
| Give me your money, Alex. | |
| Give me your money. Who do you think you are? | |
| Who do you think you are? | |
| I am! A strike to claim it. | |
| A strike to claim it, and he got it! | |
| God damn it, Jeff! | |
| Who do you think you are? I am! | |
| You understand, I'm not gambling the benefits. | |
| He's already in debt to me on $6,000. | |
| For losing it to Coker, losing it to me. | |
| All the money in his wallet. | |
| Today, I'm going to take him back to the bank. | |
| in his wallet. | |
| Oh Guys! Guys, it's time! | |
| Andrew you gotta support Alex. | |
| A double strike win! | |
| Don't let it go to your side! | |
| Alright, alright. | |
| Oh, there's no way. | |
| Okay, that's it. We'll see the score in a minute. | |
| Alex, it's not done until you believe it's done. | |
| Oh, wait, wait! | |
| He's still in it! He's still in it! | |
| One more down, one more down. | |
| Strike on six, on six. | |
| Let's go. | |
| He's still alive. | |
| he's still alive why? | |
| he's not dead! | |
| he's not dead! | |
| everybody get inside get inside | |
| what? | |
| That's it! Give me the damn fucking money! | |
| All the money! | |
| All the money, Alex! | |
| I thought you quit gambling! | |
| Mmm! Bayley! | |
| Bayley! Gone! | |
| You know, Bayley, Bayley, happiness for you! | |
| Oh, thank you! Thank you! | |
| Happiness for you! You deserve it, bro! | |
| Drinks on me! Drinks on me! | |
| Let's go! True going to college doesn't guarantee us a good job? | |
| Correct! Correct! | |
| Okay, no fat in this conversation. | |
| Well, I can tell you that inflation has doubled in the last 40 years, while the price of college has quadrupled. | |
| And this is what's actually dangerous to society as a whole. | |
| As inflation continues to destroy everybody's wage, people are getting more and more desperate. | |
| The average salary of a graduate with a four-year degree was actually more in 1982. | |
| What it is today. That is the underlying reason why everything is fucked. | |
| So you're saying college is a waste of time? | |
|
College Debt Desperation
00:00:16
|
|
| Correct. I'm just saying not all knowledge comes from college, and there's lots of ways to get educated. | |
| That is why I'm opening a portal to the real world. | |
| I will teach you how to make money online. | |
| You can escape the matrix, you can be geographically free. | |