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Dec. 17, 2023 - Tate Speech - Andrew Tate
51:52
PETER PAN PEANUT BUTTER ALERT | EPISODE 6
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Time Text
Oh, okay.
ください。 voodoo そう、そう、その there won't be one going 外コミカル We are live.
I'm going to play a little bit of the song.
We are live.
Thanks for coming.
I was no fun in Tokyo.
I'm going to play a little bit of the song.
Thanks for watching.
I'd rather be dressed in my typical suit.
Decided to wear a Christmas hat.
Resist to slay my t-shirt.
Of course, by now I collect British slippers.
That's how I do it.
Double British slippers. As long as you play poker, I decide to lose first on purpose.
And answer the super chance.
My last verse, on purpose, was the purposeful decision that I made.
To make sure I have time to answer superchance.
You know, when you used to play poker for real money, and you'd never win, but now you're going to play for nothing.
I've got my fucking peanut butter ready.
What's that you need? You don't need peanut butter.
You don't eat peanut butter if you watch the peanut butter.
Yes you do. Yes you do.
Yes you do.
You have my peanut butter long off.
I'm going to be talking about the next year.
I'm going to be talking about the next year.
I'm going to be talking about the next year.
I'm going to be talking about the next year.
I'm going to be talking about the next year.
I'm going to be talking about the next year.
I'm going to be talking about the next year.
I'm going to be talking about the next year.
I'm going to be talking about the next year.
I'm going to be talking about I don't remember the last year of Christmas when I took the Christmas tree over.
That was just my over excitement.
As you can see, the house is Christmas high now.
There's a Christmas tree that reaches my ceiling.
I don't want to see this.
Show me.
Show the epic size of my tree.
Oh.
I'm going to use a lot of sound and shit apparently.
Oh.
No, the casino is not for rum.
Shut the fuck up We're not playing for real money therefore this is all gambling Thanks Alex You're welcome bro Any time You're welcome You owe me a lot I'll wrap this up on my own And you're made to cry by the way I look Let's go home buddy Let's go to the pool Let's go home buddy I have the money I'll be the gold digger
I don't want you to check this Check this out, they sell premium car refreshments.
They're all gonna read there.
They want me to read their website after they sell car air fresheners.
They pay $10 for the Super Chat and they want me to say, hey guys!
Yo, this is a good Super Chat.
I'm going to cut it. Check out iseldukeairfresheners.com.
Bro. One advert.
We'll probably do it for free if you ask me nicely.
I don't care.
Nobody cares. Nice!
Very nice!
Good, good.
Okay, I'm going to need a key saving now.
Well done.
Oh shit.
Nine, ten, Jack, would you kill him?
Yeah.
Alright, cool.
Lucky bastard.
Yeah.
Hold on. He's the luckiest guy.
Tristan, he's done this about 50 times.
Whenever you showdown the baby, he wins.
It's the luckiest Bastard.
No skill. It's called laser vision.
It could be laser vision. If you penetrate the whole depth of the laser vision, then you can just flop, because you can count who's going to get what.
My class doesn't have 14 players, spread out over the whole game.
I like it when my players are playing high stakes.
You can't play high stakes. You can't play any poker. That's for real money.
If you want to play poker, you can play poker.
More than one.
Four plus three.
Bravo.
You know what I'm talking about? I'm going to cheat. I have to say I'm going to cheat.
I can decorate my house the way I want.
I'm a Christian. And also, these hats and those sweaters have nothing to do with Christianity or Islam.
Just shut up. It's a fucking rainstorm.
Put the animal rights after this.
Now we're talking super chats.
I'm watching this while stocking up the beer cooler at work.
Should I crack one open in the name of the fight against a witness?
Yes, Mark. That is a good super chat.
Do you want to do it? Crack a beer open in the name of the fight against the globalists, and I hope that you say stock of the beer cool, it's like a supermarket.
You'll be cooler then.
17 pounds after I first got pregnant and then my first child ever, it's a boy.
Any advice on being a father?
Yeah, don't be a bitch.
Don't be my name. Yeah, yeah.
Don't worry about him as a little bitch-ass kid.
He's a little bitch-ass punk himself.
He's a little bitch-ass child, crying his eyes out.
Don't be two, who cares?
No two. So don't be a little bitch-ass punk.
He said man art. So be the man, and if you are a man, you're a good man.
Being a dad is setting an example.
How about... I play the next round, but I can change my cards.
Each hand, you guys can play, but I need to pick my cards.
The two of my hands can see what they are.
200, 200.
It's not that bad.
Okay, perfect.
Perfect.
Nice.
Thanks.
You're welcome.
Try it.
That's why I didn't bet more.
200, 400 please.
around the place.
Let's play imaginary poker.
Hear me out. The dealer deals without the cards in his hand, just makes the motions, and we just...
Invent what we have. We invent what we have and what's on the flop.
What if we disagree with what's in the middle?
Boxing? The dealer picks what's in the middle, and we pick what we have.
Yeah, but then we'll just pick winning hands.
In fact, you're so shit at poker, you'd probably pick a losing hand.
Or we pick before the dealer picks what cards are limited.
I have a feeling I'll get pocket aces.
Or ace king suited.
I want everyone to know that the secret to my wealth is I'm actually an elf for Santo.
That is true. I'm a disadvantaged person of color who come from the south side of Chicago, then moved to Luton, England, grew up in a council estate, a single mother household.
So if you know any liberals at home, feel free to buy them a gift from TopG.com because they love to support people of color who are from disenfranchised areas and disadvantaged beginnings.
So feel free to get all of your liberal aunts and uncles TopG gear.
They'll be really happy about it.
That is true. Everyone wants TopG gear for Christmas.
Yeah, Alex. I just saw a motorcycle.
That might be that thing I told you to get.
Yeah, I saw a motorcycle pull up.
That might be the thing I told you to get earlier.
Oh, you did it already? Go on.
I think I'm the best player in the house.
I'm an elf. I'm one of Santa's elves, but I'm not just some pussy-ass elf.
I'm the elf enforcer.
I'm the biggest elf.
So if the elves don't produce presents on time, I teach the elves a lesson they'll never forget.
And I know what you're gonna say, but Andrew's only six foot three.
He's an elf with giantism.
If he was a human, he'd be eight foot four, but he's also an elf.
I'm an elf, but I make sure the elves behave.
No elves are misbehaving on my watch.
I'm an ice giant, but I'm a midget one.
So Andrew's an elf with giantism.
I'm a giant with dwarfism.
So I'm one inch taller.
That's the way it works.
It's science. Is Adderall bad?
Love from Mexico. If you take Adderall...
Stop it.
Just stop taking Adderall in Mexico, bro.
I can't think of anything worse to do with my Sunday than to be in Mexico taking Adderall.
Whoa! Wanna go?
Start in Mexico. Adderall?
You in? Ace. Check.
Check. 400.
400. It's folder all in for Bailey really.
Let's see if I can get lucky.
Not very much.
An extra. So when I was growing up in elf land, I went to the elf high school.
I was the biggest elf.
Had all the elf bitches. All the elf hoes.
King of the elf football team, obviously.
They grabbed my ankles, but they couldn't take me out.
Santa hired me and said, you look like a bad boy.
Who cares about this shit? I'm talking about elves.
Anyway, so I was in charge of enforcing all the elves, and I'm very fair.
I don't take shit. So if a certain amount of toys need making, a certain amount of toys must get made.
Otherwise, I take the elf workers' bitches.
I go to their elf homes, I take their elf wives, and I have all my elf wives in a line.
In a little row. And they sing me specific Christmas carols that I've made myself.
Oh Top G, oh Top G, you're so big and strong.
Oh Top G, oh Top G, your Johnson's very long.
Hey! And there's like 20 of them in a row.
And I have them organized by blonde elf hoes, brunette elf hoes, we've got big te elf hoes, we've got them all in like little organizations.
And then we have the ones who sing the high notes, the low notes.
That's my basic job.
That's the secret to my wealth.
But how big can elf titties really get if they're really small?
Bruh! Bruh!
400, 200. Wait till you see my harem of elf hoes.
Andrew, I'm your brother. If you had elf hoes and a harem of elf hoes, I would have seen them by now.
No, trust me. It's crazy.
It's not. You made that up.
200 to play? Playing heads up, yeah.
200. Check, raise.
You, my friend, made that up.
I didn't make that up. You think that story's made up?
679. You think I just made up that story?
679. Just fold with your fucking pussy.
Alex doesn't know how to fold.
I've only seen Alex fold when you body bunch him.
Ten.
Hmm.
Check or wait?
Check.
One thousand.
One thousand.
Two thousand.
Raise two thousand.
Call.
Call. Showdown please.
Two pair, sixes and nines.
I knew he had the ace and the ten.
I fucking knew he had ace-ten as well.
I said it in my mind, the only way I'm going to lose this is if he has ace-ten.
I thought one of you had an eight.
I literally said it in my brain.
I thought one of you would have had an ace. If he has ace ten, that's the only way I'm going to lose his hand.
An eight would have lost you the hand.
He ain't got no eight. So it's more likely that he has an ace and a ten than an eight.
Absolutely correct. That isn't true though.
How much am I? You made that up.
You made that up? I don't make things up.
So who made that up, you or me? Marcel, did he make it up, yes or no?
He made it up? Andrew made it up.
Ah, and I gotta use specific names, huh?
That's your attempt.
Andrew made it up. What's that song that came on earlier?
I really liked it. Dreaming of a White Christmas.
It's a good song. I feel like the vibe's off now.
Can't wait to be sitting next to you soon.
Soon's a big word, my friend.
Soon is a big word.
Andrew David says my dog's name is Peter Pan and he likes to lick peanut butter off.
Nothing. How do I have something?
I have fucking ace four.
No filth on my podcast.
Do not send me filthy super chats because I will block you.
In fact, I'm blocking this guy. Admin, block that guy.
Being alone.
The fear of being alone.
So anyway, all my elf girls, what they do is, they sit around seeing the elf Andrew Tate Christmas carols.
And then also, what I do sometimes, I make them make Christmas carols about you.
So you can't get real women and you have to resort to elves.
Bro, they are real women.
They're not. They do. They made me little toys.
They made my Bugatti. Elves did.
And then I make them make Christmas carols about how much everyone who's ever met you since the dawn of human time, even when you're a child, up till now, everybody has had a strong dislike for you.
Nobody has ever liked you, ever.
And we make up Christmas carols about that and we sing that.
Name three of the carols.
Bro, I don't want to hurt your feelings. You can't even name them.
I can name the carols.
Name them. Tristan smells.
Tristan smells. Tristan smells.
He smells all the way.
Nobody likes to talk to him because he is.
You're never financially recover from that.
Ever. Financially.
Remember last night playing Uno.
We got him. We got you, Andrew.
We got you. Little did we know that it was just Bailey trying to get you, trying to compensate for his own sins and crimes.
Sorry, we're live on the internet. I'm not going to mention what crimes you committed, Bailey.
Bailey is a criminal.
He was found guilty.
Jason Dodger, I recently acquired a vape.
Does that mean I'm gay? Nine high.
Nine high? Yes. Seven, eight, nine, ten.
Almost. Yes, it does mean you're gay.
Enjoy your vape. I love Andrew so much.
I can't wait to marry him. His heart is so pure.
Unlike... Is she an elf? I love him so much.
He's the last real man. Is she an elf?
I can't wait to be with him here after.
Is she an elf? I don't want no tall bitches. Is she an elf?
It's a dude. 400, 800.
That's also another discriminatory factor.
Lucy Ward. 800 now!
People are trying to write Christmas carols in the chat and they're crap.
No one is imaginative.
I'm dreaming of a shite Christmas.
My father was a professional poker player.
That's interesting. How come your super chat's only ten bucks in?
This all goes to charity. If you were so good you'd be rich.
Just saying. Pair of threes, is that your elf girls?
Excuse me, I have more than a pair of threes, thank you very much.
I have a harem of threes.
Harem of threes. You guys, if personally you changed my life, I wish the best for you both.
No problem, Michael. Have you ever heard that, um...
A Christmas Carol called, uh, Tristan's a dickhead.
Yeah, I know it. It's mainly about his brother.
And how great he is compared to his dickhead, Tristan.
Yeah, that's true. Have you ever heard that one?
What's that? What's it called? Jingmar Smells.
Ever heard it? Yeah.
What's my favorite one? 400?
Yes, sir. 400 more to call.
Oh, this is long.
Why are you doing it that way?
Because I don't know what to do. I'm not going to end the game.
I have infinitely more chips than you.
Check it out.
What do you mean? Stop putting it on the table.
You don't know what to do. If the table falls over, it's your fault.
Check. You know what Marcel's favorite card game is?
Stroker.
Do you want to know how it's played?
Will you and Andrew come to my wedding next year in America?
Maybe. If I know you, maybe.
But your screen name is Racigs.
It's like cigarettes and racism mixed into one word.
Those are both things.
I've got to say something really important. Pussy!
Sorry. Who?
The guy with the super chair or Alex?
Alex Folded. Alex Folded.
I don't even fold under questioning.
That's why I always lose.
I've got the greens back, so we're back in action, so I can use the greens again.
Stop doing that. 400, yeah?
800. 800?
Small blind. Or am I big blind again?
Big blind. I'm big blind now.
Loser has to get vaccinated for COVID. All in.
What's the most expensive Christmas gift y'all have gotten for a family member?
Said y'all, I'm not talking to him. All right, I'm not talking to you because you said y'all.
We take care of everyone all year round, to be honest.
Yeah, all year round we buy everyone everything they want all the time.
So at Christmas, I don't buy anyone anything.
Just the same crap I always buy them.
9 pin king, checkerboard.
Check for a bet.
Check. How much do I need to perform?
800. All in to play.
Okay. That's 800.
Where did you even get that swear?
Oh, your mom made it for me?
Oh, she didn't make you one. Oh, I guess she said favorites, I guess.
If I was mom, you would not be my favorite.
Why? You're not even my favorite brother.
You're my least favorite brother.
800. Yes, sir.
No, a thousand.
A thousand.
Call.
Revert card.
Nine.
A thousand.
A thousand, but...
Okay, one thousand.
Call.
Let's go. Pair of Queens.
Queens with 5 high.
Queens with 6 high. Split pop.
Yeah, split pop. No one's got anything higher.
Well, that was gay and anticlimactic.
I'm gonna see her drink coffee and ignore everybody.
How many people are watching us? 15,000?
Hi guys, I'm gonna start ignoring you.
Coffee. Usually when I play poker, I drink.
So also with all my elf chicks, we have to do synchronized dances.
Do you choreograph the dances?
I do, as you can tell.
Maybe a little jig. While singing the Christmas Carol, all at the same time.
But the perfect synchronization.
The dance doesn't look much on its own, but we have all the Haughty Elves doing it in perfect synchronization.
You understand? Marcel, look.
Wait, wait. Are they Elves by race or height?
Height. I've got all different kinds of races.
The South Pole, where do I live?
South Pole or North Pole? Doesn't matter.
It's not racist. We have all races there.
The earth is hollow, and from one pole you can actually walk through the earth to the other.
Exactly. That's where I live with the lizard people.
Remember when I thought Andrew was a lizard person, it turns out I was the real lizard person.
So it's lizards versus elves in the final showdown.
I'm inside the hollow earth. 400?
With my lizard friends Tristan I cheated on my girlfriend and I regret it She's a very strong Christian with great morals.
I broke up with her and haven't told her.
Do you think I should try to fix it or walk away?
Bro, at least admit it.
Or break up with her because you feel bad.
She doesn't even know why. At least say, look, I cheated on you.
See how she feels. Be a man.
Own up. Pussy, what are you scared?
You got hands? Is she a professional boxer?
I don't think she is, is she?
No, she's not. So her head movement, footwork, all of it, zero.
You won't even admit your mistake.
You just break up and run away. What are you scared of?
A slap. You need to be able to Aikido slaps away.
I've Aikido'd away so many slaps in my life.
400, 800 please.
800. Hi, Merry Christmas.
I cheated on you. I do that with my valentine.
Listen, you need to change the vernacular.
It's not cheating. Something happened, but I'm glad it happened because it made me know how much more I love you.
It's touch and go. You're not seeing the bigger picture.
See the bigger picture. We love each other.
Don't ruin us over nothing.
How am I ruining nothing? You cheated.
No, you're ruining us because you're reacting bad.
Just calm down.
It's Christmas! Bitch, have some eggnog.
True. What is it?
Stop doing that.
Andrew, just fucking count chips out like normal.
Stop doing it. I'm serious.
This is going to be my life. I'm not going to play with you if you're going to do this, because it takes forever.
Oh, that'd be terrible. We're usually out by the second hand everywhere.
Or I do exceptionally well until the end when I get wiped out.
Stop doing that. Check, raise.
I have no more greens, so I'm going to check.
Or I would raise. I'm going to start looking at Andrew's cards and telling Alex.
Spice the game up a bit, you know?
Check. You're going to play honest.
Here's a pair of jokers.
Check. You got the flush?
Who has the higher flush? Let's go.
Alex! You didn't have anything.
Of course I didn't! I had fucking nothing.
Fucking zero! Fucking zero!
Zero! Got the greens back.
Zero is the number of elf hoes you have.
Bruv, you don't know about my elf game.
Andrew, what are you buying Piers Morgan for Christmas?
I'm gonna get him a mask.
Because he keeps getting COVID even though he's had 18 injections.
That's fair. Poor guy.
I think you should get him blood pressure medicine.
Ivermectin. Ventilator.
Am I big blind or small blind?
Small blind, sir. Give him 400.
I need to keep my greens.
Currently, I live in a house with brokies.
The rent is very cheap. It's allowed me to elevate my life in other ways.
Do I stay and practice discipline or get out because you are who you hang out with?
You can live with people and not hang out with them.
You can live in a house full of people that you don't like and don't hang out with.
You can hang out with better people. You can join the fucking war room.
I'm tired of these stupid questions. They know what to do.
Oh, I live in a house of brokies.
I'm rich. Then join a network of people you can actually make money with.
Oh no, I don't want to invest in myself.
Then why don't you just fuck off?
You'll find a better house, mates. Bye.
Go stay a loser. There's no winners without losers.
You think I give a shit if you stay a loser?
800? I want to explain the story behind my Christmas lights.
What you have to understand is every single person, whether they're a good person or a bad person, has a little fire, a little flame inside of their soul.
So what I did was I murdered thousands of people and stole their fire and each little Christmas light you see is powered by the soul of one of my dead enemies.
This is a confession.
Count the lights, count the bodies.
You'll never find the bodies. That's what powers my Christmas lights.
That's what gives me the festive spirit.
This is a confession. Thanks.
Take me to jail. Thanks.
Thanks. Appreciate that, Alex.
Thanks. Thank you.
Question for Marcel.
Hi Marcel. Yes, sir.
It's very obvious from the body language at the table that everyone that you're sitting with hates you.
How do you feel about that?
It's from Tristan.
Tristan. How do you feel?
It makes me feel good. Does it feel good?
Your pain and misery makes me feel good.
All right. Got another super chat here for Bailey.
Hi, Bailey. In the years we've been watching the Magnificent Tate Brothers, we've seen some real losers by their side.
How does it feel to clinch the title as the biggest loser ever seen with the Tate Brothers?
That's a question from AndrewTate99.
Question here for Alex. Oh, question for Alex.
Alex, why do you prolong this stupid game when Andrew's clearly going to beat you?
5. Check out a bit.
Check. Check. Shut down, please.
How did you not see your second pair?
I think Alex is in the lead.
I'm typing the lead now.
Yeah, you might be.
400, 800 piece.
For Christmas, could you ask Elon if he can review my NeuroLink waiting list application?
I don't understand Neuralink that well, and I also have only very, very briefly acquainted myself with Elon.
I can't ask him anything. But I wish you luck, and I wish you a Merry Christmas.
So, Tristan, now I have almost all the greens and I will keep them.
Good. Nice.
You guys should do a comedy show.
I love the dynamic between you two.
I don't love the dynamic between us two.
I think Andrew is a loser.
No one likes him. He's a misogynist and he's toxic.
Check it. Check.
Flop.
Three King Jack, also dead.
Interesting.
Check.
If we had a comedy show, what would we name it?
Check.
Bad one.
What am I? Thousand is the minimum bet now?
Yes, sir. Well, you can't afford it.
No, I can't. Where is Tate's interest?
Or Tanju 8? Well, where are they?
Home of their families. Yeah, that's true.
It's the kind of thing those losers would do, isn't it?
How much? Question for Andrew.
How does it feel to be top G number two since Tristan is now officially top G number one?
Mario Sigma, I feel like that's a dig at my brother, so I know you're trying to compliment me, but I'm banning you.
Banned. Loser.
Can I ask you guys a question? Yeah, you can ask questions, Marcel.
Okay. Yeah, you gotta donate money, though.
Each question online is $10.
Cool. Okay.
You owe me $10. I won't forget that.
Andrew, how does it feel to be top G number two that I'm interested in top G number one?
Sure. Paraforce.
Paraforce. That's a good question.
You know, sometimes at night I do feel sad about it and I just go home to all my elf bitches.
No one has elf bitches.
Get them all in a line. Get them all in a line.
They start doing the dance.
Then I say, think of a Christmas carol about Marcel.
And then they sit down with all the little pens and papers, little ones, miniature ones, little handwriting, and they start writing.
Okay, I'm going to ask you guys them a question.
BLM, BLM. Everybody hates Marcel.
I'm big blind, yeah? Marcel, how much of your income do you donate to the Black Lives Matter organization?
What percentage? 100%.
Yeah, 100% of his money.
There we go. That's still 100%.
Well, baby, you can't do math.
Is that still taking seriously?
Uh, yeah. What it is, is if you want to buy a bunch of dumb people mansions who hustle you, you give them your money.
Oh It's a good scheme. Like, if you want to be hustled by people who are dumb, who pay all their family huge salaries to do nothing and buy mansions, you give money to that organization.
Guys, can we talk about the things people care about, please?
You're going to say elf bitches again.
I'm just saying. How many elf bitches there?
Give us a number, while since I've counted.
A while since I've counted.
I can actually see through the cards.
When you guys come to Switzerland, we need to bring the war room here for a drink.
You've been in Switzerland three times.
I've been switching loads of times, and if you were in the war room, like a member worth talking to, I would definitely have met you already, so I think you might be making things up.
Five pounds in one thousand. Matt, greens.
Good. I'll trade you all my yellows for greens.
Don't, don't, don't. All right, one yellow per one green?
Yeah. That's a good swap.
I'm unemployed.
What kind of message is that?
Good for you?
That message was from Marcel Bollings.
Laughter.
Thank you.
What did Andrew Twisted think of Albanians?
I don't think anything of Albanians.
If I like you, I like you and I don't care what nationality you are.
I'll tell you what though, the other day I was walking around and some Maiz came up to me, we're from Albania, we're from Albania, screaming it at me and followed me for about five or six minutes.
Let me tell you something. No man is worth following in the street for the hope of getting a picture with.
Not me, not Andrew, nobody.
I do like Albania though. And Albanian people are cool.
They are cool, I agree. But when we're with our chicks, it's intimidating to be followed.
We don't like it. Yeah, why follow me?
me. It's weird. Go on. That was good. That was quite good.
Check raise. Five ten queen. Check. Thousand. Four. Three.
Two. One. Check. Check. Check.
I can't show you on camera because they'll work out my secrets, the secrets of my magic.
2,000. Bad 2,000.
He's bluffing, he's got pocket queens.
What? That's a bluff.
You could have four 10s.
2,000, huh? Yeah.
Okay. For this 2,000, I will...
I will...
Who sends a super chat just to be racist against Indians?
Ban this guy, admin.
Two pair, fives and queens.
What you got?
Two pairs. Queens and tens.
Well played. Not bad.
Not bad for a loser.
Five hundred and a thousand, please.
I know, bro. I need them back.
Look at you dorks wearing your Christmas hats.
Why are you wearing Santa hats, dorks?
You look like a bunch of geeks in those hats.
I'm not wearing a hat. Marcel's wearing a do-rag.
That is not a do-rag. That is a Santa hat.
What the fuck are you full-grown men wearing Santa hats for?
You should be ashamed of yourself. He's got a do-rag under his hat.
He's definitely more gangster. You should be embarrassed.
He's 100% more gangster than you.
I'm scared of the hat actually touching his physical head.
Sounds more like a move someone else here would pull.
Take a raise. Raise.
Why is Andrew the only one with the Christmas spirit?
6-9-8. Andrew, why are you the only one with the Christmas spirit?
Because Christmas is great.
If you had a bunch of elf women singing to you...
Shut up! Shut the fuck up!
You can sing the Christmas carols in July.
I mean, you can, but it doesn't fit the same.
But around Christmas, they're like, Tristan's males, Tristan's males.
Shut up. Do you want an elf bitch?
Pussy! Pussy!
Pussy! Yeah, good choice.
Pussy! I'm 46, with no boyfriend or no husband, and I'd like to have a baby.
How much? 100. Do whatever you can, and I wish you the best of luck, but you waited way too long.
Serve as an example to young women out there.
Or maybe adopt. Adopt a baby from Palestine or somewhere sad.
I think that's a better move than actually trying to have one at 46.
That's my genuine advice. Should I send...
I will send personalized...
If you can prove to me that any member of your family is super-duper liberal, like super-duper full, Trump derangement syndrome, hates me, I'm a human trafficker, whatever.
If you can prove it to me that they're totally psycho and you promise to play the message at Christmas dinner and record it, you can go to livechat on copretate.com and request a personal message from me and I'll say their name.
And I'll cuss them out. No problem.
But you have to play it at Christmas dinner with the turkey, with the family, and you have to cause a big mess and you have to ruin Christmas for everyone.
I'll do a message for you. Yeah.
How much? Hello, this is a personal shout out to the Mullings family.
That's Marcel's last name, by the way.
If you're wondering why he's choking on his smoke like a little bitch.
It's not just because he is, in fact, a little bitch who chokes on smoke.
It's because I'm funny.
Alex only bets when he has something.
and culture.
Yeah, he only bets when he has good cards.
Never trust a man who only bets when he has good cards.
How much? 500? 1,000.
1,000? Ever. Last time, that was your advice.
Only bet when he has good cards.
No, it wasn't. I said never trust a man who only bets when he has good cards.
That's my advice. You trust me last night, remember?
I didn't trust you at all. You and you are traitors to my cause.
And a house full of traders I know you're not gonna read this because you didn't read my last one so can I get a refund?
I'm broke. Here's my cash app.
It's not a joke. Don't ban.
If I didn't read your last one, I've skipped a few Super Chats.
There's a reason I didn't read your last one, but that one was actually very funny.
So how about this? If you donate another 2,000, I'll refund you.
And then Marcel. Play poker with it.
Yeah, stop sending Superchats if you're broke.
Stop it. No, I'm not going to refund you.
I don't even have Cash App. I don't even have a bank account.
Cash App's an American thing. Yeah, I don't have Cash App.
Who is the house record on bench right now?
For a 100-kilo bench, I still hold the record at 17 reps.
Tomorrow? Try again.
Four. Four.
Aye, aye, aye. You can't play poker when your mom looks like Joker.
Have you ever heard that saying?
5,000.
Cool.
Thank you.
500.
Thank you.
I think we'll see who's going to win this now.
Go on, who's going to win?
We'll see who's gonna win this now.
Either Alex or Andrew? I'll tell you after they win.
Yeah, fair. Make a bet.
You want to make a bet, Tristan?
100 push-ups. 100.
That's not that. 1,000.
Take it.
How's one? My elf women, because they have little tiny hands, like 20 of them can massage my huge back at once, little hands, and they're massaging away.
You're so big, you're so strong.
Thank you for protecting us, lord of the elves, elf god, elf lord.
Hi, Andrew. We met in Romania. All the other little elf men try and get some puss puss.
I'm like, bruv. I guess the small hands are useful for your small Johnson.
No, my Johnson's long. I didn't listen to the song.
Long and must be skinny, though, for the small hands.
We met in Romania. I want to thank you for helping my friend who had cancer.
He said, do you know what that means?
You're welcome. 1,000.
Cool. Two.
Check it out. Because I'm just all in.
What is this shit? All in showdown.
Get this shit over with. Tired of poker.
I'm tired of you. Tired of Christmas.
Tired of pretending that you guys are my friends.
Tired of being civil. Tired of everything.
Tristan, Tristan, Tristan, Tristan, Tristan.
What even is this? Oh, so it's Tristan Tau who put the Santa hat on. Tristan, Tristan, Tristan, Tristan, Tristan, Tristan, Tristan, Tristan, Tristan.
Showdown. Bear jacks. Two bears. Nice, very well. Well, nice played. Actually, it's more like a straight. What is?
Me? One, two, three, four, five, yeah. One, two, three, four, five.
Yeah, I had a straight. Wow. And the pair of jacks. And the pair of jacks. Get fucked. To be fair, Alex, I watched you getting fucked.
So you didn't know that? Bro, you think I didn't know? Of course I knew.
Why am I betting so hard if I don't know my hand?
I'm just fucking with his head a little bit.
He's like, oh, he doesn't know what he's doing. He's just betting on nothing.
That's all I do.
I got him.
Can I have one thousand please?
Tristan, there'll be a negative Nancy.
There'll be a Debbie Downer. Chicks hate that.
Don't be a Debbie Downer. All right, Debbie.
Chill out, Debbie. You fucked this bitch.
Chill out, Debbie. No, I didn't.
500 to play? Yes, sir.
Check. I actually think the house shisha is the best one.
Yeah, same. It's good.
95. Shisha.
One in the chat if shisha's gay.
Check. Two if shisha's good.
1,000. This is not even a joke.
Lucy Ward 2000 literally wrote, why is Marcel black?
You couldn't even read that on YouTube.
That's a real question. A pair of fives.
So, why? A pair of fives.
Nice. Thousand to thousand, guys.
I'm two thousand? Yes, sir.
Nice. Everyone thinks she's just gay.
It's more ones than twos. Tristan, when I win, you're my debt collector.
You have to get the money off everyone. Break fingers, break legs.
You know what to do. Kidnapping human trafficking people's families.
Oh wait, shit. Can't say that on the internet.
Pay up or you'll never see your family.
I am the world's biggest elf.
I don't know, bro. Raise.
How much can I raise by?
A thousand more.
A thousand. A thousand more?
Yep. Tristan, where are all your elf hoes?
He has none. I'm not into elves.
My Johnson's too big.
1,000. Here we go in one end and out the other.
2,000 minimum. You've got a teeny little PP. 2,000 is the minimum bet now?
You're going to hang out with elves. Jesus Christ.
Andrew's the world's biggest elf.
Stop giving him credit.
I am the world's biggest elf.
2,000 is the minimum bet. You can raise the blind by 1,000.
Say again?
I was wrong on that one. Ah, so it's 2,000 to raise for everything.
Yeah. How am I going to use my greens?
Shut up. 1,000, 2,000, please.
Tristan, the earth's flat, isn't it?
Yes. Yes.
It's not actually flat. What it is, is it's hollow.
And the sun is in the middle.
And we live on the inside.
So you look up and you see the sun.
But if you looked past the sun, you'd see China.
It's basic cosmology.
And the lizard people live in my house.
Check.
Hold on, please.
Can I?
What happened to Andrew's head?
I know what you mean. I know what you mean there.
When you took off his hat, you had a bunch of Christmas hat fluff.
That wasn't Christmas spirit.
That was Christmas spirit, bro.
So is your do-rag to protect you from Christmas spirit?
How much am I? So you're wearing protection because you're scared.
You're like someone else I know.
Someone else you know. Andrew is a misogynist.
True. It's not true.
It is. The moon doesn't rotate though.
The moon is actually made of cheese.
All the cheese the humans made years ago, the moon doesn't rotate was a question.
The moon made of cheese is something I just said.
Wait, am I big blind or small blind?
Big blind. And he's called me.
Are you small? Yeah.
You just call it and just look at the cards and just check.
Okay. You put the money already.
Alright, so raise. I can only raise by 2,000, yeah?
Yes, sir. See, it's the screen names that I like.
What are your thoughts on having exotic animals?
No, no, it's the screen names that fuck with me.
Someone asked, what are your thoughts on having exotic animals?
Adolf is king.
Sixth green king. That's actually his...
What's the minimum bet? Two goals.
Two goals.
Someone's wrote you the world's shittest poem.
I'm not reading it out. Do you know what it is?
I don't like being challenged.
I challenge you to the world's longest stream.
What's the streaming world record?
I could break out. I don't need to sleep.
I'm an insane person.
You've got to be very careful with what you do.
If you play pro, they won't let you get away with this shit.
What did he do? Are you all in?
What has he got? Everything he's got.
2,000. You call?
It's all in. All in?
Full house. Nice.
All right, Andy wins. All right, talk for five minutes on the Peter Pan peanut butter alert and do the more ending.
Money, please? Oh, no, don't shake your hand.
I'm sorry. Money. There's no money.
Money, please? Money, please? Stop saying money because people are going to sound cool at you and try and haram-polish you.
Oh, take a joke.
I'm just telling you, people on the internet are dorks.
The internet's full of geeks.
Get this. Some geek who wouldn't stop saying that we were criminals when I was in jail is now begging me to do a podcast with them.
Big as well, like 700,000 followers.
Hey man, we should cut it up on its spaces.
What the fuck? These people have no integrity.
No balls. Losers.
Who would be a bigger loser? Gentlemen, on a very serious note, as we sign out for this Peter Pan peanut butter alert, most of you are losers.
You're going to stay losers, and there's no intention of you ever becoming important or genuinely influential in the world today without a network, which is important.
You know how to meet us. Don't come to our fucking gate.
Don't try and come up to us in the street. Don't tell us what country you're from.
We do not care. We only speak to people inside the war room.
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