| Time | Text |
|---|---|
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Suspicious Climb in Influence
00:06:39
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| I've called you here for a very important reason. | |
| There's been questions about you, online. | |
| Thank you. | |
| People are wondering, you know, what's actually behind the top G persona? | |
| Who is Andrew Tate underneath it all? | |
| And as your brother who's lived with you for 34 years, I've decided to do some investigations on my own and I'm beginning to have suspicions. | |
| You're very influential nowadays, true or false? | |
| Millions and millions of impressions every single day all over the internet. | |
| Everyone's watching. Everyone knows who you are. | |
| So I've been looking at your climb in influence over the world. | |
| And I've come to a conclusion. | |
| You're caught, firstly. | |
| You got that cough from the universe, the talking shit. | |
| No. No, no, no. It's because I didn't dilute my shisha with a cigarette. | |
| Sorry. I need to... | |
| Strengthen my lungs. | |
| Okay. So I'm having a suspicious about you, and you know, Andrew, if I'm right, you shouldn't really come out to me sooner and be honest about who you really are. | |
| Because I'm beginning to think that you're one of the lizard men. | |
| The lizard men who secretly control the world and influence everybody. | |
| I have promised our fans on Twitter that I am going to investigate truly whether you are or are not a lizard man. | |
| I'm not going to lie. | |
| I've seen clues. | |
| I'm getting suspicious. | |
| I was locked in jail for three months. | |
| Half of which I was locked in a room about the size of a bathroom. | |
| And I've been locked in a house You need to think, what if the tattoo isn't the scales on your arm, but all of the human-colored flesh that isn't the tattoo? | |
| That is possible. | |
| That you've humified your skin via tattoo, but you left lizard man clues on your right arm. | |
| Do you have scales on your right arm or not? | |
| Let me just first of all start there. | |
| Yes or no? Is your right arm permanently green with scales in some parts? | |
| Yes or no? Because that's a red flag, Andrew. | |
| I heard the conspiracy that you might be one of the lizard men. | |
| My own brother. | |
| And here I am feeding you pull the wool over my eyes. | |
| You scaly, slimy piece of shit. | |
| I'm on to you, mate. And I'm going to expose you to the fucking world. | |
| Okay, so the theory that evil lizard people rule Earth, and you're saying because I'm so influential, I have to run the lizard people. | |
| That's what you believe. Yes, that is currently, that is my working theory right now. | |
| Is the world round? I think the world is flat, and Antarctica is an ice wall with lands beyond it. | |
| Where you and your lizard friends secretly control the world from. | |
| If the world is flat, how come it's the globe when we take pictures from space? | |
| Oh, space is fake. You don't know? | |
| You don't know space is fake. | |
| If I catch you being a fucking lizard, I swear to God, I'm gonna buy a giant cat to come and hunt your lizard ass down. | |
| Are there any insects in this room? | |
| That's the camera guy. Baby, do you see any insects in this room? | |
| No, no flies, no mosquitoes. | |
| Suspicious, right? It's spring in Europe. | |
| Why are there no insects here? | |
| Maybe someone has been eating them. | |
| Someone with scales on their right arm? | |
| Can you pull his right arm, please? | |
| Why are there scales there? | |
| I promise, along with every other Federal authority, which is currently investigating me, to fully comply with your investigation, answer any and all questions, and prove my innocence. | |
| I think you're a fucking loser, mate. | |
| We're gonna see. | |
| I'm gonna prove it. | |
| Good morning, brother. How are you feeling? | |
| You having a good day? | |
| BANG! | |
| you you Well, are you okay? Fine. | |
| How are you feeling? Good? Nothing's upset you, no? | |
| You're not upset about anything. | |
| No. You seem upset. | |
| What is it? Is it the shoes? | |
| How upset are you on a scale of one to ten by my footwear? | |
| Are you offended in any way? | |
| No. I think you might be. | |
| You look mad at me. | |
| I just woke up. And I think it might be the shoes. | |
| Is it the choice of outfit? | |
| Is it the training shorts with these particular shoes? | |
| No, it's the fact you pull on the emergency meeting alarm three minutes ago and woke me up from bed. | |
| Or is it the material? Lizard skin. | |
| On these days, someone's going to turn you into a fucking pair of shoes, you sneaky lizard cunt. | |
| I know the shoes are annoying you. | |
| I'm getting to them. You'll crack. | |
| Don't worry. Who told you to do that? | |
| You got a robot? | |
| Who told you to do that? | |
| Tristan? Go get him. | |
| Go get Tristan. What do you mean go? | |
| Go get Tristan. | |
|
Cannot Explain Superhero
00:02:23
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| Why not? You'll hit daddy, but you won't hit Tristan. | |
| Why? Oh, so you don't want to hit Tristan. | |
| Great. He's your favorite. | |
| Uncle Tristan can't be hit, right? | |
| Put your mask on. | |
| Be super... | |
| No? You want to keep it up? | |
| Yeah, superhero too. | |
| Did you know that your dad is a superhero too? | |
| Do you know how I'm a superhero? | |
| Lizard man. | |
| I'm such a little girl. | |
| I'm such a little girl. | |
| Are you half lizard? | |
| I'll give you a pass for this, sir. | |
| No, it isn't. | |
| No? So daddy's not a lizard, no? | |
| I think daddy is a lizard. | |
| Isn't he? Yeah. | |
| Yeah? Confirmation. | |
| The lizard offspring. | |
| 22nd of November, 1963. | |
| 1963, 22nd of November. | |
| Quick, where have you been? Where were you? | |
| I didn't exist. So you can't explain your whereabouts? | |
| No, I can't. I didn't exist. | |
| I didn't have whereabouts. | |
| I'm just saying, that's real convenient that you can't tell me exactly where you were. | |
| What was the date again? Known the grassy knoll, were you? | |
| JFK. Oh, so you do know it. | |
| I know what? Why did you just say JFK again? | |
| Because I know grassy knoll. | |
| Now, you're a world-traveled man. | |
| You've been around the world, I know. China. | |
| Yeah, Russia. China. | |
| Have you ever been to Antarctica? | |
| Have you? | |
| I'll just say, you tell everyone the intent. | |
| You've been around the world, you've been everywhere. | |
| How was Antarctica? | |
| Did you enjoy it there? | |
| In having the interior of her for the last 6,000 years? | |
| Yeah! Do you have any knowledge as to how the pyramids were built? | |
| I have been in this room all day. | |
| First hand knowledge. | |
| Yes or no? I've been in this room all day. | |
| I have managed to smoke 3,000 euros of the finest cigars on earth. | |
|
I'm Sure You're Lizard
00:05:01
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| Okay? None of them. Because all you do is accuse me of conspiracy theories on repeat. | |
| Different ones. I am not a lizard person. | |
| I'm not one of the most influential men on Earth. | |
| I understand it now. | |
| It's run by lizard people. | |
| I'm currently running Earth. I'm the most influential man on the internet. | |
| But I promise, I am not a lizard man. | |
| Okay? And you're not trying to turn the frogs down. | |
| What interest do you have on the sexual orientation of frogs? | |
| That's a strange way to tell me you love me. | |
| That's a strange way to tell me you love me. | |
| You know, you're putting up a cold wall. Cold. | |
| Reptilian. Refusing to answer my question. | |
| Why do we have a Nintendo? | |
| Tristan, I haven't played video games in maybe ten years. | |
| Because it's Mario Kart. And why are we playing on a quarter of a million dollars? | |
| Look how big this TV is. | |
| Look at this. Is this the way it is? | |
| I don't even know who these people are. | |
| Which one am I? Which thing on bottom left? | |
| Yeah. | |
| Bowser? | |
| I'll be Larry. | |
| One of Bowser's minions. | |
| Yeah, how do I choose a Larry? | |
| Who is in fact a reptile. | |
| I love the concentration. | |
| Bye! | |
| I'm enraged. It's not concentration, it's pure anger. | |
| Why? Because the shit I'm good at, I just hurt my enemies, and now they're all like... | |
| overtaking me and shit. | |
| What the fuck is this bullshit? | |
| Let me punch them in the face. | |
| We're sparring tomorrow, baby, and we're gonna pay the ultimate price. | |
| You make sure of it. | |
| The ultimate price. | |
| So gaming got more shit in the 20 years since I've played games. | |
| Bailey, what exactly is your excuse for this? | |
| What exactly is your excuse? | |
| Register a Nintendo account. | |
| Register a PayPal account. | |
| Link them together. Buy vouchers. | |
| Enter the voucher code. I fucked around for half an hour to get a game and I'm waiting for 45 minutes for it to fucking download. | |
| When you were out, why didn't you just buy all the fucking cartridges of all the games you wanted to play? | |
| Like we used to back in the old school. | |
| Twenty years later since I played a fucking video game and they've become worse. | |
| The fuck am I waiting for? | |
| I just was trying to do something nice for you. | |
| Explain this to me. Nice? | |
| 12 minutes of my life I'm about to waste. | |
| You can just leave the camera rolling and just show me sitting here completely unproductive for the next 12 minutes. | |
| Unforgivable. This is the worst thing that's ever been done to me, Bailey. | |
| This year, of all the trials and tribulations I've been through, this 12 minutes are by far the worst thing and you are responsible. | |
| You know who complains about download speeds? | |
| Who? Lizard people. | |
| I think he got you a tea. | |
| He might be a lizard. | |
| I'm not a lizard. Hey, don't try and turn this around on me. | |
| Twist in the story. Don't try and turn this around on me. | |
| Tristan's actually one of the lizard people. | |
| No, no, no. You are. Don't try to take your lizard-y ways and flip this around on me. | |
| Just because I'm onto you. I'm getting close to the truth. | |
| I'm close to the breakthrough. I think you're a lizard. | |
| I think you're a fucking lizard. | |
| I think you're a fucking lizard. I'm sure you're a lizard. | |
| I am certain. That you are a lizard. | |
| I swear on my life that you're a lizard. | |
| I like it! | |
| Get fucked! | |
| Nice cheap win. | |
| Fuck you. At least Bayley lost. | |
| Fuck Bayley. Alright. | |
| Fuck! One each. | |
| Now I've got to play one more. Best.3's me. | |
| Are we done? Best.3? | |
| We're talking about. Oh, one more. | |
| Last, last game. That was cheating. | |
| That's a patient cheat. Wow! | |
| Because I had ten Pokemon on the screen. | |
| What do you mean? That was fair. | |
| Want one more? Let's go. | |