| Time | Text |
|---|---|
|
Think Viral Trip
00:09:46
|
|
| Yeah. We should've got off the train half an hour ago. | |
| I'm now claustrophobic at this space. | |
| It doesn't feel right. I feel like the train is going off, driving towards a cliff. | |
| No. Straight into hell. We can go viral. | |
| Wait. That would probably go viral. | |
| Think about it. Camel riding here. | |
| I think Luke should kill himself. | |
| That's a good idea. Okay. | |
| All right. Well, live. | |
| Take confidential live. Take confidential live. | |
| Okay. Okay. I'd definitely do it in the tower thing. | |
| I think we go viral. Quick trip to that store. | |
| Cigarettes, alcohol, drinks at Prague Absinthe Center. | |
| Have the time of your life. But that wouldn't be the time of my life. | |
| So, Luke, if you care about the channel, you know you have to. | |
| Because it would cost nothing. It would cost zero, it's true. | |
| It's true. It costs zero dollars. | |
| All right, let's go find a place. | |
| All right. Andrew pissed me off yesterday. | |
| He's a nerd. Yesterday, we were celebrating New Year's Eve with a good friend of ours. | |
| And he left about 10 minutes before we did, but without saying goodbye. | |
| I said, why did you do that? | |
| Oh, I needed a separate taxi because blah, blah, blah. | |
| I said, yeah, but why did you just leave? | |
| So, I'm going to get him back, Luke. | |
| We are just going to leave. | |
| No, but we need to stop boozing. | |
| Tristan, I'm dying. I don't know how you're boozing now. | |
| What do you mean? Tay Confidential, you have no idea. | |
| You have no clue. You cannot fathom. | |
| No, genuinely. But, Tristan, Tay Confidential, they don't understand how much booze is consumed. | |
| Breakfast beer! So, anyway. | |
| After I have my breakfast beer, Luke. | |
| No, but what do you mean we're going to leave? | |
| Well, there are no flights. What do you mean flights? | |
| You mean actually leave the city. | |
| Listen, Andrew talked to me yesterday. | |
| He wants to be Mr. Independent. I'm leaving him here. | |
| I'm only here for him. | |
| He wanted to be here. So let's leave. | |
| Flights are booked. But luckily I have these. | |
| What are these? Train tickets. | |
| 31 hours by train. | |
| That means 31 hours of non-stop boozing with your cousin. | |
| The ultimate adventure for you, Luke. | |
| Sold. You in? | |
| What does it say on the top right-hand corner of the ticket? | |
| What does it say? It says my name. | |
| It says Luke. Let's go. | |
| I can't do it. | |
| I'll show you training. We're getting the fucking training out of here. | |
| I can't be convinced. | |
| He's literally not going to be able to wake up snore man. | |
| Wait, so the ticket guy is trying to wake up the snore man? | |
| Yeah. Exactly. | |
| He's tapping him. I know. | |
| No, he doesn't realize the man's out. | |
| Why didn't I just not buy tickets and just fall asleep? | |
| No, but actually, that's actually the trick, I think. | |
| Look, he's still trying. I know, but I think the trick is if you don't wake up, You win. | |
| Look at me, I'm short. I know. | |
| What a con. How could you be so passed out? | |
| Drugs. It must be drugs. | |
| It must be drug use. No one gets that drunk. | |
| Yeah, it must be drug use. A drug fan will always kind of stumble away. | |
| Yeah. And make no sense when you wake up. | |
| Yeah. It must be drug come down. | |
| That is a very cool thing hanging. | |
| What is that? Railroad? | |
| It's faxing. Railaxed? | |
| Railaxed. I get it. | |
| Ah, it's just gonna wake him up. Maybe if I gave the ticket guy my ceremonial dagger would help. | |
| Yeah, use this. | |
| here. Perform the ceremony. | |
| Anyway, I don't think I can record forever because I think it's literally going to take him hours. | |
| Thank you for watching. | |
| Potentially the whole train ride. | |
| Nice. So, we'll let people know. | |
| What happened? An update. | |
| Yeah. Luke, imagine having that little self-awareness. | |
| You're on a train, by yourself. | |
| Giant dudes are sitting nearby. | |
| And you're so asleep, you can't wake up. | |
| And you're snoring super loud. | |
| I tapped this dude on the arm. | |
| I tapped him and said, bro, he is out. | |
| I could murder him, take all this shit. | |
| That's how easy it would be. | |
| I'm fucking huge. | |
| I could kill this guy. It's out of his fucking mind. | |
| Who does that, Luke? Who goes to sleep like that on a fucking train? | |
| Someone should murder him. | |
| I'm not going to do it, but somebody should. | |
| So. I'm a genius. | |
| This is genius. Tristan, we're fucking train men. | |
| It's the best thing I've ever done. Look, we've quadruple locked it. | |
| Super ultra locked. | |
| Maximum locking. Just stop. | |
| I need a savings. Yeah. | |
| Like Spectre. Got my knife. | |
| Oh yeah, got my ceremonial dagger back, please. | |
| Oh, you can have your ceremony with a dagger. | |
| Thank you. Thank you. | |
| Yeah, I feel naked without it. | |
| Yeah. Just in case they try and come in. | |
| Just in case. Yeah. I'll be able to dagger them in the back. | |
| Exactly. You wait up there. | |
| Exactly. Oh, trust me. | |
| They come in. Trusted. Trusted. | |
| No one can get in here. That'd be super hard. | |
| Through the collarbone into the lung. | |
| And then pull. Move them. | |
| Exactly. Move them around. | |
| And we have our Burger King and our stuff. | |
| Burger King. So we have enough food and water to last forever. | |
| Forever. We live on this train. | |
| So we could hide out... Tristan, what if we never left the train? | |
| We just never leave. | |
| What? Continuously bought every back and forth ticket that exists for the next year. | |
| Every time they come, they give them a new ticket. | |
| And we leave on the train. We could live on the train. | |
| We have a... You know what? | |
| It's true. It's like hotels we do. | |
| It's like a month of training. | |
| It's true. I live here. | |
| I live on the train now. | |
| I really think we should. | |
| In fact, I'm a train man. | |
| You're not the train man. I've decided not leaving. | |
| You cannot ever get me outside of that door right there. | |
| Impossible. It's going to take a minute to stop and skip to you leaving the train. | |
| No, it's not. It is. | |
| You will never get me off the train. | |
| It is not. Okay, you live on the train. | |
| Good for you. You can stay on the fucking train with your burger cake. | |
| Sorry, Take Confidential viewers, but this is going to be the scene for Take Confidential for a very long time. | |
| Unless they get a new cameraman. | |
| We will easily get a new cameraman. | |
| Yeah, but it won't be as good. | |
| And I bet you'll always be wondering what's Luke doing on the train. | |
| No, I won't because I know what you're doing. | |
| You're sitting on your phone. Thinks that's all I do on the train. | |
| Tristan, I'm a pirate. You're a pirate. | |
| Tristan, I am. I'm sailing the seven seas. | |
| You've been on this train. It hasn't been started moving. | |
| I've been on this train for 30 minutes. | |
| You're pissing me off already. What are you talking about? | |
| You're not sailing the seven seas. This is a train. | |
| Nah, this is like shit. | |
| Look at that. I've got the fucking high ground and the dagger. | |
| You've lost your mind. | |
| No, I haven't. I think you live on a train. | |
| I do live on a train. Sailing the high seas. | |
| Like a fucking pirate. I need a eye patch. | |
| If I stab your eye out, you're gonna need a fucking eye patch. | |
| True, but I have the high ground. | |
| I mean, I can't wait to hear this, you're asleep. | |
| Ambush. | |
| Pirates don't sleep. | |
| Known. What statistic? | |
| It's known. No, it's not. | |
| No pirates ever slept. | |
| You're making things up. I'm not. | |
| I'm not talking to you anymore. I fucking love the train. | |
| Look at my fucking dagger. I'm just ready to fucking... | |
| I guess it doesn't work that well, but it looks cool. | |
| Because it is... | |
| I've enjoyed this. Did the creek stop? | |
| They stopped as soon as I filmed, didn't they? | |
| They uh... | |
| Oh, there they are. | |
| I told you we're fucking pirates. | |
| This is exactly what a pirate ship would sound like. | |
| You're talking shit. No, tell me this isn't exactly how a pirate ship would sound like. | |
| What, like a train? | |
| No, it fucking wouldn't. No, it would. | |
| You, my friend. The creaky walls. | |
| The creaky walls, ceremonial dagger on the wall. | |
| Don't be talking shit. | |
| Sorry, guys. | |
| Dude, I thought we were assassinated. | |
| You admit that I would have assassinated you? | |
| I admit it. I was gone. | |
| You're not ready for the assassination. | |
| I fully admit that I was gone. | |
| Tristan, you've gone train soon. | |
| It's only been 13 minutes that we're late. | |
| We're late. Yeah. We should've got off the train half an hour ago. | |
| Now claustrophobic in this space. | |
| It doesn't feel right. I feel like the train is going off, driving towards a cliff. | |
| No. Straight to hell. No, we're fine. | |
| There's a train to hell. | |
| It is a bit misty, though. | |
| It's quite weird. It's misty. | |
| We're in mist land. Yeah, we're in mist land. | |
| That's not where we're supposed to be. | |
| No, it's not, is it? No. | |
| Maybe the train missed its destination. | |
| No, people, he's been making stupid jokes for the past 13 minutes ever since we've missed our time. | |
| Listen, my jokes are not stupid. | |
| I'm losing my mind. | |
|
Train to Hell
00:04:27
|
|
| I know. I might cut my own face off. | |
| No. With a knife. No, don't do that. | |
| Why not? Because there's no need. | |
| Why? Because there's no need to cut your own face off. | |
| There's no need, Tristan. | |
| I could. Cut your face off. | |
| I've got my cereal dagger bag. | |
| Night fight on the train! | |
| I'm going to be late! | |
| I'm late! | |
| Listen, and those who are not like Listen, stay in harm's rescue Listen, and those who don't know them Listen, and don't bother being too橋 | |
| I'm not a fan of the way you talk, but I'm not a fan of the way you talk, no. | |
| Listen, and those who don't know them Listen, and don't You know I'm not a fan of the way you talk, but I'm not a fan of the way you talk, no. | |
| I'm not a fan of the way you talk, but I'm not a fan of the way you talk, no. | |
| I'm not a fan of the way you talk, but I'm not a fan of the way you talk, no. | |
| I'm not a fan of the way you talk, but I'm not a fan of the way you talk, no. | |
| I'm not a fan of the way you talk, but I'm not a fan of the way you talk, no. | |
| I'm not a fan of the way you talk, but I'm not a fan of the way you talk, no. | |
| I'm not a fan of the way you talk, but I'm not a fan of the way you talk, no. | |
| I'm not a fan of the way you talk, but I'm not a fan of the way you talk, no. | |
| I'm not a fan of the way you talk, but I'm not a fan of the way you talk, no. | |
| I'm not a fan of the way you talk, but I'm not a fan of the way you talk, no. | |
| I'm not a fan of the way you talk, but I'm not a fan of the way you talk, no. | |
| I'm not a fan of the way you talk, but I'm not a fan of the way you talk, no. | |
| I'm not a fan of the way you talk, but I'm not a fan of the way you talk, no. | |
| I'm not a fan of the way you talk, but I'm not a fan of the way you talk, no. | |
| I'm not a fan of the way you talk, but I'm not a fan of the way you talk, no. | |
| I'm not a fan of the way you talk, but I'm not a fan of the way you talk, no. | |
| Hold on tight, we're about to get rich. | |
| Right here, at Hawthorne University. | |
| This is the first time I've ever seen a real dinosaur. | |
| This is a real dinosaur. | |
|
45 Minutes In Dubai
00:00:04
|
|
| What do you mean Drake? No. | |
| How long have you been in Dubai? 45 minutes now? | |