| Time | Text |
|---|---|
|
Finally We Start Drinking
00:14:23
|
|
| What are these? Train tickets. | |
| 31 hours by train. | |
| That means 31 hours of non-stop boozing with your cousin. | |
| No! | |
| They confident in that. | |
| I'm going to get the camera. | |
| I got the hot switches. | |
| Thank you. | |
| This is Genesis Fourth Street. | |
| Finally! | |
| Finally! Finally we start drinking. | |
| Jesus Christ. I need a drink. | |
| Pones have been four hours. | |
| I mean me, ten minutes. | |
| We need to stop drinking. Oh, I need to stop drinking. | |
| I'm not going to take confidential why, but I have now become, next week and a half, the world's worst alcoholic. | |
| Hello. Hi. Welcome on board. | |
| Thank you. My name is Andrea. I see you all on Instagram. | |
| It's Christmas. You're chilling with your family. | |
| You're drinking. You're getting fat. | |
| And you're waiting for the new year to make any significant changes in your life. | |
| And let me tell you something. That is absolutely and utterly amateur. | |
| That is what amateurs do. | |
| And the reason I can say that's what amateurs do is because that's what everyone does, and everybody's a fucking amateur. | |
| This week in between Christmas and New Year is perhaps the most wasted week of the year. | |
| Nobody does anything significant. | |
| You're sitting around, it's just been Christmas, and you just want to wait, etc., etc., etc. | |
| If you start at the same time as everybody else, You don't have an advantage over everybody else. | |
| You're going to run a race. You want to go first, don't you? | |
| Right? So do you have to wait for the calendar to reset because you really need that little bit of extra motivation to not be a lazy piece of shit? | |
| Do you need to see a number one on the calendar to get up and get your work done? | |
| It's the day after Christmas. | |
| The jet's fueled, jumping on the plane, and I'm going out into the streets to make money. | |
| And I have a bunch of money. | |
| And I'm up working. | |
| So I don't know how you can stay at home with no money and think, oh, I don't need to go work right now. | |
| I can wait for the new year. No, you fucking cannot wait. | |
| You absolutely cannot wait for the new year. | |
| Whatever your resolutions are, they should have been fixed before Christmas. | |
| Before Christmas, the second best time is now. | |
| It's not when the new year comes. | |
| Don't be an amateur. Be a professional. | |
| This is a message to everyone out there whose brain is capable of resonating with my genius. | |
| If you wait for the new year, you're the same as everybody else. | |
| You're an amateur. If you get up and you get it done today, the new year is now. | |
| Christmas is over. It's all finished. | |
| You don't need to drink on that night. | |
| It's the worst night to party anyway. | |
| Everyone's an amateur. Start today, fuck New Year off, and have the best year of your life. | |
| Let me say one more thing. These last two years of the enslavement of humankind in which we've endured, I don't think this is ending. | |
| I don't think this is ending anytime soon. | |
| I think things are going to get harder and harder. | |
| And you need money to protect yourself. | |
| I'm insulated from clown world because there's a huge... | |
| Pile of money in the way. | |
| It's hard to get to me. | |
| But you people, you don't have the insulation. | |
| So you need more passports, you need more cash, you need a better network, you need to get your life together, and you certainly don't have a fucking week to waste. | |
| Thank you very much. | |
| Thank you. | |
| Enjoy your meal. Thank you. | |
| You know, Luke, three years ago, what were you doing for life? | |
| In Chipotle. You were working in Chipotle. | |
| Yep, correct. And your cousin messaged you on Facebook and said, I'm starting an outlier. | |
| Do you want to come help me? | |
| Correct. And I did. | |
| And now we're eating pizza on private planes. | |
| In the sky. Yeah. | |
| So I'm basically Jesus. | |
| I saved your life. Might be. | |
| I'm actually basically Jesus. | |
| You're Morpheus. You're certainly Morpheus. | |
| I'm Morpheus and I got you out. | |
| Yeah, you certainly got me out. | |
| It was the wake up, Luke. | |
| He's Morph Jesus. I got you out of the Matrix, didn't I? Yeah. | |
| Morph Jesus. I am Morpheus. | |
| I can fight as well. Do you think that you not being able to drink that glass of booze has anything to do with your liver in this place? | |
| I don't know. Are we actually rich, guys? | |
| Yes. Are we actually rich? | |
| Yes. Yes. | |
| I'm from a council state. | |
| How did this happen? I have no clue. | |
| I did work at StreamYard, and what we've created is brilliant. | |
| So, we do completely deserve it, but... | |
| At the same time we've just gone back, he's just a shitty joke, you know? | |
| Keep boozing. | |
| Drink a roof. | |
| Booze. Poison. | |
| Who's drank oldest booze? | |
| Why himself? You did. | |
| I don't know why. Because fuck you, that's why. | |
| Because for one hour and 20 minutes, I'm sitting in a private fucking jet. | |
| I see her fucking jerking off, am I? No, let's enjoy it. | |
| A fucking beluga mulga. | |
| But alcohol's not enjoyable. | |
| Luke, I need to maximize this experience. | |
| Pizza, chocolate, don't even like chocolate. | |
| Akito, broken hand. | |
| What's this? A little slink you've been working on. | |
| That could work. You understand? | |
| I have to do moves to pay credit to the severity of the situation. | |
| Let's just sleep. Tristan, if you were blind, how would you signal to someone that you were helping? | |
| Just tell them. That's what I do as well. | |
| Why would you not tell them? | |
| I understand. I wasn't gonna tell him. | |
| What did Luke do? Luke, if you were blind and you had to tell someone you were hungry, what would you do? | |
| That? That's what? | |
| Do you know what I'd do if I was blind and I'd tell someone I was hungry? | |
| What? I'd say, hey, I'm hungry. | |
| Okay, you got me. | |
| I got two for God. | |
| Sweet, sweet. | |
| Sweet red wine. | |
| Alright, eat that fine. | |
| Thank you very much. | |
| Amazing. | |
| Just like magic. | |
| More boots please. More? | |
| Yes, please. Stupid. | |
| It's stupid. Fuck off before I attack you. | |
| Pilots aren't going to stop me. | |
| I don't wrestle them. You can't wrestle your pilots. | |
| Can't I? I bet I can. | |
| How will you land? How would I land? | |
| Jump. You're a wrestler, you learn how to fall. | |
| Thank you very much. I love wine. | |
| It's my favorite. He hates wine. | |
| He hates wine. | |
| He's lying. He never orders wine, ever. | |
| I would put the bottle here. | |
| More booze, please. Ah, wunderbar. | |
| Love wine. You speak German? | |
| Uh, a little bit. | |
| What language do you speak? | |
| German, English, Spanish, Portuguese. | |
| I speak Romanian, Polish, and Slovakian. | |
| And where are you from? Transylvania. | |
| I'm a vampire. I'm 700 years old. | |
| Oh, that's why you like mine. | |
| Exactly. Mine's in human blood. | |
| Thank you. I'm not a vampire. | |
| And I only speak English. | |
| Thank you. | |
| Do you want one? Huh? | |
| Do you want one this one? No. | |
| Yeah, he does. No, thank you. | |
| Yes. Do you want to try one? | |
| Sure. No, more of one. | |
| Thank you. Yeah. I'm going to try it here, won't worry. | |
| Thank you. Delicious. Thanks. | |
| I love whiten. Bye, nice to see you. | |
| So... | |
| Thank you for coming to my fair show. | |
| Thank you so much. | |
| Thank you. | |
| Why don't you have a jacket? | |
| Because I have my turtleneck. | |
| Turtleneck? Yeah. It's not that cold. | |
| Bro. Can't be that cold. Czech Republic is cold. | |
| Can't be. Can't be. | |
| You check the temperature. | |
| No. So you didn't check the weather. | |
| Can't be that cold. No way. | |
| So where are we going? Dinner. | |
| Alright, what type of dinner? | |
| Kind of like Caribbean. | |
| It's like Cuban food. | |
| Yeah, Cuban food. They have Cuban food here? | |
| Why? Why would they have Cubans here? | |
| It's a plant they grow in Cuba. | |
| I think it's so strong. | |
| No, I'm actually very hungry. | |
| We're actually going for Cuban food. | |
| No, I think I know what's going to happen. | |
| Yeah, because I just said it myself. | |
| And I know you guys are- it's not food, is it? | |
| It's not edible, is it? Okay, does anyone chew on it and eat it? | |
| Alright, well, it could be a soup, but I doubt it. | |
| Sounds like it's a Cuban. Cuban cigar. | |
| So I'm just gonna starve. | |
| Yeah. No, I'm starting to think that that's exactly what's happening. | |
| As you guys keep talking, I'm more and more convinced that that's what's gonna happen. | |
| So, this is the worst club sandwich I've ever had in my life, and it's all they serve here. | |
| What do you expect from a cigar bottle? | |
| I told you they specialize in Cuban. | |
| I'm starving, and then I end up eating the club sandwich. | |
| Here's some tobacco. I doubt they have chewable tobacco. | |
| Luke? You should eat that crap. | |
| It's very unhealthy. You drink old fashioned with a slice of orange and vitamin C. It's not vitamin C. You're lying. | |
| He's a liar. I know. | |
| Wake up. So I've been super tricked. | |
| You tricked yourself. I didn't trick myself. | |
| You guys said we're going to go for nice cute. | |
| You weren't there. | |
| Why? I didn't invite you. | |
| It's not our fault. Whose fault is that? | |
| Who can we blame for your personality? | |
| Him? Her? | |
| You? Alright. | |
| It's my fault. It's my fault that I've got a super shit club sandwich. | |
| Yeah, I guess the chips are okay I don't really know what to talk about. | |
| I don't really love you. | |
| I'm sorry. | |
| HAHA, go hard on me That's just how it is now | |
| Moreе, then a weapon | |
|
Ceremonial Dagger and Cold Beer
00:14:19
|
|
| I'm gonna get you some sleep. | |
| It's right here, Austin University. | |
| It's right here. | |
| I'll be back. | |
| All we do is booze. | |
| And I super notice this because I'm the one who films everything. | |
| I send everything to the editor. | |
| Do I look like a boozer or do I look like a guy who's in Fantastic Four? | |
| You look like a guy in Fantastic Four, but you also have the beer, so you kind of look like a boozer as well. | |
| Because it's midday and some random day. | |
| Do you understand that I look better than most people who live in the jail? | |
| Yes. Do you know why? | |
| Fear isn't booze. No, it's not from the booze. | |
| No. All we do is booze. | |
| We can go to Antarctica. We can do all this crazy stuff. | |
| We can do loads of cool things. We can go to space. | |
| No, but why booze? | |
| We can go to space and stuff. | |
| Like, things. | |
| Things. We can do things. | |
| We just keep boozing. | |
| You're gonna see stars like a spaceman. | |
| You're gonna shut up. I need to work to make more space for my booze. | |
| This is shit. Decided. | |
| What kind of store? What? | |
| We're going to change everything about takeoff potential. | |
| Okay. Okay. I have this idea. | |
| Simple to implement, but I think it's going to make us go by, okay? | |
| Because our channel, we spent, I guarantee there's not a YouTube channel online that spent more money than us and has less followers. | |
| We get to London, he literally literally spends like 50 G's on fucking clothes. | |
| 50 G's yesterday, I'll take your clothing for the rest of the day. | |
| Can I ask how much it is per glass? | |
| That goes for 350 pounds. | |
| 350 pounds per glass? | |
| Yes. | |
| I'll take three glasses of that for the rest of the day. | |
| You go with this? | |
| Yes. | |
| Please. | |
| Thank you. | |
| True. We spent 10 million dollars this year. | |
| Yep. The money per follower is terrible. | |
| Yes. So I have an idea and I think what we're going to do is we're here in Prague and we're going to start by increasing how much we spend. | |
| No. My idea is actually going to work. | |
| That would work. No, that wouldn't work. | |
| My idea is camel riding through Prague. | |
| Important camels. Wouldn't go viral. | |
| Wait. That would probably go viral. | |
| Think about it. Camel riding here. | |
| I think Luke should kill himself. | |
| That's a good idea. Okay, all right. | |
| Well, take Covenantial Live? | |
| Take Covenantial Live. Okay. | |
| Okay. I'd definitely do it in the tower thing. | |
| I think we'd go back. Quick trip to that store. | |
| Cigarettes, alcohol, drinks at Prague Absinthe Center. | |
| Have the time of your life. But that wouldn't be the time of my life. | |
| So, Luke, if you care about the channel, you know you have to. | |
| Because it would cost nothing. It would cost zero, it's true. | |
| It's true. It costs zero dollars. | |
| It really increased our... All right, let's go find a place. | |
| All right. Funny joke though guys, so... | |
| Wait, what do you mean? | |
| What's up? I thought we were going for coffee. | |
| The final coffee. | |
| No, just a coffee. The last espresso. | |
| Oh, the final coffee. No, just a one. | |
| Like, you know, just like... What would you like to eat? | |
| Anything you'd like to eat, you can have. | |
| Anything. Anything in the world you'd like to eat for dinner. | |
| Tristan, you're being too nice. This is scary. | |
| You're worrisome now. No, it's normal. | |
| It's your final meal. No, what do you mean final? | |
| Why final? It's a joke, though. | |
| We're joking. Ha ha. | |
| Sure we are. Yesterday, he's a nerd. Yesterday, it was celebrating New Year's Eve with a good friend of ours. | |
| And he left about ten minutes before we did, but without saying goodbye. | |
| I said, why did you do that? | |
| Oh, I needed a separate taxi, you could blah, blah, blah. | |
| I said, yeah, but why did you just leave? | |
| So I'm going to get him back, Luke. | |
| We are just going to leave. | |
| No, but we need to stop boozing. | |
| Tristan, I'm dying. I don't know how you're boozing now. | |
| What do you mean? Take Confidential. | |
| You have no idea. | |
| You have no clue. You cannot fathom. | |
| No, genuinely. But, Tristan, take Confidential. | |
| They don't understand how much booze is consumed. | |
| Breakfast beer! So, anyway. | |
| After I have my breakfast beer, Luke. | |
| No, but what do you mean we're gonna leave? | |
| Well, there are no flights. What do you mean flights? | |
| You mean actually leave the city. | |
| Listen, Andrew talked to me yesterday. | |
| He wants to be Mr. Independent. I'm leaving him here. | |
| I'm only here for him. | |
| He wanted to be here. So let's leave. | |
| Flights are booked. Luckily I have these. | |
| What are these? Train tickets. | |
| 31 hours by train. | |
| That means 31 hours of non-stop boozing with your cousin. | |
| The ultimate adventure for you, Luke. | |
| Sold. You in? | |
| What does it say on the top right-hand corner of the ticket? | |
| What does it say? It says my name. | |
| It says Luke. Let's go! | |
| I can't do it. | |
| I'll show you training. We're getting the fucking training out of here. | |
| I can't be convinced. | |
| Luke, you feel bad and we're going to be drinking on the train. | |
| So I'm going to go to the shop. Our Uber's here in 7 minutes. | |
| There's a shop around the corner. What do you want? | |
| What will make you feel better? Coconut water. | |
| Coconut water? Yeah. | |
| I don't know. Coconut water. | |
| Coconut water. Anything else? I don't know. | |
| I don't know. Coconut water will make you feel better. | |
| Water. Water and coconut. | |
| Yeah. Uber's here, almost missed it, but I got your drink. | |
| What do you mean, my drink? Listen, the way you said it, I have a strong feeling. | |
| So, I got everything on your list. | |
| Coconut water, yeah? | |
| No, so, snow globe. I forgot exactly what you wanted, but I got lots of things. | |
| Ceremonial dagger. I believe that was on your list, wasn't it? | |
| No, no. This is the toy monkey you asked for. | |
| And I know you're thirsty, so put your bottle of Absinthe. | |
| Absinthe, and the toy monkey will crunch your thirst. | |
| Backup beer. But not just the beer. | |
| I also, because, I mean, how are you going to open the beer without a ceremonial pipe-smoking beer opening widget? | |
| That's exactly what you asked for, isn't it? | |
| I asked for water. Beer, absinthe, toy monkey, the ceremonial dagger, the bottle opener, the snow globe. | |
| That was everything on your list. | |
| No, I wanted water. Take off it, reviewers. | |
| Pack me up. It's a matter of record. | |
| It's on film, you asking me for all of those items. | |
| I wanted water. I gave you exactly what you wanted. | |
| I didn't want a snow globe, a toy monkey, ceremonial dagger. | |
| Good luck carrying them. 31 hour train journey. | |
| They're all yours now. I'm not carrying them. | |
| I don't want that. Sorry, sorry, I went to the shop and bought you things. | |
| That's cool, that's cool. We're multi-millionaires, so they look like homeless gypsy people. | |
| Yes, prepared for the train journey. | |
| Tristan, why am I, I'm just ready to money people. | |
| When I get happy on the train, it's like this, it's like pow, two beers. | |
| You know what fucks with me, it's like ceremonial dagger. | |
| I'm ready all the time. | |
| Seriously, we can't just berate of money. | |
| We just can't fucking... | |
| I can't. From the stupid convenience stores that they sell. | |
| Exactly. Frog's weird because they sell this stuff. | |
| Ceremonial daggers. Why? | |
| Because that's the way things are. | |
| It's a cold world out there. | |
| And then on New Year's Day, multi-millionaires might be taking a train and they might need a fucking knuckle spike to spike your enemies, you know? | |
| Knuckle spike. They're coming at me. | |
| Bang. Doesn't stop them. | |
| Ceremonial dagger in this hand. | |
| Unsheathed. That's the way it is, Luke. | |
| There's a whole world out there. | |
| We're crazy people. | |
| This is not how multi-millionaires... | |
| We could literally have a limousine take us to a jet. | |
| Why are we doing this? | |
| How was my mind? You know what, Luke? | |
| I'm beginning to sober up, and I realize I'm still too heavy. | |
| But knuckle spikes are good for lots of things. | |
| You can also widget open your beers with a fucking... | |
| Ah! | |
| Ah! | |
| I'm so grump I might not get on the train. | |
| I might call a private jet. Why are we doing this? | |
| We're insane. We're insane people. | |
| We're just leaving. Happy New Year! | |
| We're literally leaving because Andrew just left before us. | |
| 10 minutes. Fuck him! That's what he gets! | |
| Why am I getting convinced? | |
| It's a cerebral dagger. Although, I really couldn't let you go on the train alone. | |
| Exactly. I really couldn't. | |
| Andy's going to wake up and try to find us, but he won't be aware of our... | |
| Presence. | |
| Luke, imagine having that little self-awareness. | |
| You're on a train by yourself. | |
| Giant dudes are sitting nearby. | |
| And you're so asleep, you can't wake up. | |
| And you're snoring super loud. | |
| I tapped this dude on the arm. | |
| I tapped him and said, bro, he is out. | |
| I could murder him, take all this shit. | |
| That's how easy it would be. | |
| I'm fucking huge. | |
| I could kill this guy. | |
| He's out of his fucking mind. Who does that, Luke? | |
| Who goes to sleep like that on a fucking train? | |
| Someone should murder him. I'm not gonna do it, but somebody should. | |
| Bye, Andrew. Leave early, will ya? | |
| Oh, there's no flights. Is there? | |
| Good ol' fucking train. | |
| Worked for the Victorians. Railway. | |
| 31 action-packed hours. | |
| On the way to Bucharest. | |
| We got him, didn't we? | |
| Fucking got him. Nice cold beer? | |
| We fucking got him. | |
| Is he messaging me? | |
| He's calling me. Nah, I just ignore him. | |
| Swiss Army knife. | |
| Little cutting knifey. For pure opening. | |
| Oh shit, that's the wrong thing. | |
| Fuck. Ceremonial dagger. | |
| To keep me feel not boozy. | |
| Tristan, this gift really did make me feel better. | |
| Thank you. No, I don't want beers. | |
| But my ceremonial dagger does. | |
| Well, I only have one beer. You think I'm fucking offering it to you? | |
| Good, I don't want it. | |
| Oh, you don't want beer. | |
| I have one beer. Wait, you think I give it to you? | |
| After the shit you pull? | |
| I went and said to Luke, earlier Luke said, do you want juice? | |
| I said, yes. He said, give me some money. | |
| I gave you money. Went to the juice store, came back with one bucket. | |
| Listen, this is a psyop. | |
| This was a psyop. It's a psyop. | |
| You're a piece of shit. | |
| Now I'm a juice to drink a fucking beer. | |
| He said no. I distinctly remember asking. | |
| Why would I say no to juice? | |
| I thought it was weird. | |
| No, I agree. | |
| You are a liar. You're lying to yourself. | |
| Would a man with a ceremonial dagger lie to himself? | |
| I have a ceremonial dagger, mate. | |
|
Ceremonial Blade
00:02:16
|
|
| No, but it's for ceremony. | |
| Yeah, yeah, but mine's for ceremony. | |
| Yeah, I'm very happy with my ceremonial dagger. | |
| Don't stab it. There's computers in there. | |
| Scare to be stabbing through your trench of computers. | |
| Admit you're scared of my ceremonial knife. | |
| And you're jealous. It's true because this one is completely blunt. | |
| It's ceremonial. You can see. | |
| It is ceremonial. | |
| You can do a ceremony while I cut the enemy off. | |
| It's true. They wouldn't see that coming. | |
| And they would be scared of this. | |
| To see when you just see it. | |
| Yeah, you'd be like, ah! Yeah. | |
| But they don't realize it's just for ceremony. | |
| It's literally the worst shit in the world. | |
| But I'm very happy with it. | |
| He's gotten rid of my hangover. | |
| This is a trick, actually. | |
| I think everyone in take-home does should know that this gets rid of booze. | |
| Removes it from your system. | |
| You just need to perform the ceremony. | |
| You need the snow globe and the toy monkey. | |
| Let me tell you something. I paid 112 euros for a four hour train journey. | |
| I'm sitting in the first class. | |
| And there's some fucking sleepy, passed out, goofy cunt about two seats in front who will not stop fucking snoring. | |
| Came on the train by himself. | |
| Passed out snoring. I feel like robbing him. | |
| I'm going to bed. Literally. Look, can you go show that guy? | |
| I'm going to bed. Show the guys the guy. | |
| Show him this guy. He's super out of it. | |
| What level of goofy ass, no social awareness, dickhead cunt do you have to be to do that? | |
| If he keeps snoring, I swear to God with his hands. | |
| And we're gonna record it. I'm gonna tap him. | |
| Yo, you're snoring. Yeah. | |
| I'm losing my mind. | |
| I know. I might cut my own face off. | |
| No. With a knife. No, don't do that. | |
| Why not? Because there's no need. | |
| Why? Because there's no need to cut your own face off. | |