| Time | Text |
|---|---|
|
Spend More, Escaping Days
00:09:02
|
|
| Hey! Hey! | |
| Hey! Hey! | |
| Hey! So what's Harrods? | |
| We're going to Harrods. Spend loads and loads of money. | |
| More. Because we haven't spent enough money. It can't be around two. | |
| Yesterday we spent a million. Yesterday was a million pounds. | |
| We're going to spend more. We bought the rolls. | |
| We bought the new roof for the house. | |
| So we bought the rolls for us. | |
| And then we bought, how much did I spend on Armani? | |
| Eight? No, more. | |
| Eight, nine. Eight, nine, ten. | |
| Went shopping in a bunch of outlets. | |
| I bought a wallet. This doesn't work, doesn't it? | |
| Wait, wait, wait. I think it's no losers allowed, no babies allowed. | |
| Alright, Tristan? Tristan, do you want to get out? | |
| So you broke the lift. So now we're stuck in this hotel all day and there's no possible way- I'm taking the stairs. | |
| Tristan? As if that's possible? | |
| There's no possible way you can walk down three flights of stairs. | |
| I bet you, our entire network, that you can't get down to the bottom of these stairs. | |
| One, there's a trick. Two, I have control of most of our networks on my phone. | |
| There's no way on God's green earth you can walk down three flights of stairs. | |
| He was scared to take challenge. He was scared, wasn't he? | |
| To be fair though, Tristan did walk up that Dubai stair thing. | |
| Zero chance! | |
| Tristan, it's over. | |
| You have to walk back up. | |
| You're going to hold back up. | |
| I guarantee you. | |
| There's no way. There's no way you're there. | |
| There's no way you're there. | |
| Oh, you're done? | |
| Should've took the bat. Why didn't you take the bat? | |
| That was fucking stupid. | |
| Go to the rich! God, what's your new? | |
| Tristan, millions and millions of dollars! | |
| He's the loser. Not like that hotel. | |
| Why? It's okay, but you have to, you want your room clean, you have to press the room service button before you leave. | |
| There's good parking. There's no parking. | |
| There's no parking, you're getting tickets. | |
| How many tickets do you have? | |
| This isn't parking! Yeah, but you can stop the car outside. | |
| Yeah. But those aren't parking spaces. | |
| Those are taxiways. Listen, Tristan. | |
| I mean, he has been parking there. | |
| I've stopped. If I stop the car and get out, it's parking. | |
| Yeah, if the car stays there. | |
| What's really gone wrong? | |
| This doesn't make sense. | |
| The entrance is a hotel that has no parking. | |
| See, I like it because of its parking. | |
| Park me. The inflation indicator is bullshit. | |
| The reason it's absolute bullshit is because they're talking about a little basket of groceries. | |
| Is that what you want to dictate your life on? | |
| Is that what you want to base your life on? | |
| Well, I can afford groceries or not. | |
| That is the most bare level base life. | |
| Food to live, bread, eggs, crap, right? | |
| The real indication of inflation is the rich people's shit. | |
| Because I'm guessing if you're watching this, you want to be rich, right? | |
| You should want to be rich. You don't want to go through life thinking, I hope I can afford bread forever. | |
| You want to go through life thinking, I hope I can get a London penthouse next to Harrods. | |
| Hope I can buy a Rolls Royce. | |
| You want to be rich? Let me tell you something as a rich motherfucker who buys rich people's shit. | |
| The inflation on rich people shit is through the roof. | |
| The price of London penthouses and premium property and expensive cars and boats is through the roof. | |
| The inflation rate's like 50%, something ridiculous. | |
| You would not believe how much more expensive this stuff's getting. | |
| The only way you can truly measure inflation is measure against the lifestyle you want. | |
| So when the government's saying to you, oh no, inflation's only this much, you know it's a lie anyway, right? | |
| What you really need to consider is shit. | |
| I was making this much, hoping to have a Rolls that cost this much. | |
| And what's gonna happen next year is, you're gonna be making this much, and the Rolls is gonna cost that much! | |
| Do you understand? You're gonna get your shit together today! | |
| Now! I say to people all the time about speed. | |
| I think I'm making it up. You need to act quicker. | |
| Anything that's in your brain that you're half considering is a fuck up. | |
| I live my entire life with instant action. | |
| I look at shit and go, boom, three seconds of analysis, yes, bang, done. | |
| That's how I got fucking rich. | |
| You're gonna sit around and wait for inflation to eat your ass like a dumbo. | |
| Get it together. | |
| This is the best steak in the world. | |
| I love it. | |
| The middle one. | |
| And the chicken as well. | |
| And the broccoli. | |
| The ketchup as well. | |
| Eat it. | |
| I just... | |
| It is fucking good. | |
| So Tristan, you think you're gonna find a way out of Harrods? | |
| Yeah. No, you're not. | |
| I am. It's like Dubai Mall all over again. | |
| It leads downstairs to the place that we came in from this mall. | |
| You've been saying this for three days. | |
| It hasn't been three days. | |
| It has. No one watching this is gonna believe that we've been in here. | |
| You've been saying this for three days. | |
| And how have we been in this mall? Three days. | |
| Three days you've been trapped. | |
| We're gonna spend three days in here. | |
| I know the way. Good thing we won't get hungry. | |
| I think I know where the food is. | |
| Andrew, he thinks we're going to get out. | |
| He doesn't realize how these places are built. | |
| They're built like a maze to get lost so that you spend all your money. | |
| Three days later, you finally get out, find the car. | |
| I want to talk to you. | |
| You have so much confidence, just like Dubai. | |
| Tristan, how many days did it take us to get out of Dubai all? | |
| Ten minutes. No, it took us three days. | |
| I distinctly remember. We just didn't film at all. | |
| Many hours later. | |
| So, we couldn't find the stairs, we asked someone. | |
| They definitely told us the wrong way to go. | |
| Keep us in the infinite loop. | |
| Tristan, I think we're going to be lost forever. | |
| We are! Tristan thinks he knows his way out. | |
| I think we've passed this shot three times now. | |
| It's been four hours. | |
| It's been four hours. | |
| Oh, I'm taking another turn. | |
| Oh, I gotta try right instead of straight this time. | |
| After time number four. | |
| Yeah, we're lost forever. I accept it. | |
| Yeah. I live in Harris. | |
| At least they have food. Yeah, at least let's try and find the food section instead of trying to find the exit. | |
| I feel like if you try and find something to buy, it's extremely fast and easy. | |
| They have food and we have money. We'll be fine. | |
| Yeah. Okay, Tristan, have you ever lost now? | |
| Going through the Eagles again. | |
| Third time going through the Eagles. | |
| It is true. Justin, you've already looked at this a few times now. | |
| I mean, if we're going to buy it, we're going to buy it. | |
| I haven't. So after his fifth time looking at these gloves, he's finally decided maybe he actually wants them. | |
| I haven't looked at these five times. | |
| Yes, you have. We've been here loads of times. | |
| It's not true. Two days later. | |
| I think this way to the stairs. | |
| Day two. | |
| Yeah, day two. We still haven't gotten off this floor. | |
| So Luke, you admit Harrod sells good things. | |
| Yes, they do. Can you admit you're jealous of this? | |
| Can you admit you're very, very jealous of my sterling silver lined crocodile skin cigarillo case? | |
| Not really. Huh? | |
| Not really. You don't want one? | |
| No, not really. Ask me for one. | |
| You're just gonna say the same thing again. | |
| Just ask me for one. Alright, can I have one? | |
|
Admitting Jealousy
00:04:00
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|
| You want a drink with your smoke? No. | |
| Where does the Pope shit? | |
| We all know where he shits. | |
| Where? Where? We say it at least ten times a day. | |
| We let the world know. Where does the Pope shit? | |
| Yeah, where? In his hat. | |
| Exactly. Why else would he have that big-ass hat that wasn't particularly shit? | |
| It's true. It doesn't make much sense, does it? | |
| The hat is ridiculously big. | |
| Yeah, it's a little. But it could fit a lot of shit. | |
| Big Vatican turds. Exactly. | |
| So it's not actually ridiculously big. | |
| It's just very functional. Yeah. | |
| Do Take Off National know that that's where the Pope takes a shit? | |
| No, I don't think we've ever said this to Take Off National before. | |
| Take Off National is like 5% of our life. | |
| I know. People think our life is fun. | |
| It's 1%. It's less than 1%. | |
| Our life is so much more fun than we can possibly film. | |
| We forget. That's the problem. | |
| We forget or it would get banned on you. | |
| Yeah. Because it's us three, 25 girls in a hotel. | |
| It's just stupid. Can't put it. | |
| I can't record it. Anyway, is he allowed a cigarillo or not? | |
| No. So that's the new question. | |
| It's the drink one. And I'm always gonna lose to that one. | |
| Exactly. | |
| Telling the truth about the Pope was easy. | |
| Is that a coffee loop? | |
| It's not coffee. It's not. | |
| It's not espresso. Mine's not coffee. | |
| That's not coffee, but this is not pure coffee I don't like coffee, I don't like my food. | |
| No! | |
| I'm just gonna go to the bathroom. | |
| you Oh, my God! | |
| Hey! Hey! Hey! k All right, Hold still Fucking screw! | |
| Hey! Hey! Heyyy | |
| yeah my niggas | |
| I'm gonna get you in the air right now man feel this shit it's not coming yeah yeah Cali I see you niggas going long yeah what do you mean come on let's go What is this? Ferrari. | |
| You just bought a Rolls. | |
| And this Ferrari's for driving. | |
| They're driving this car to Spain. | |
| Then I'll come back and get the Rolls. | |
| The Rolls isn't ready, so I need something to drive in the meantime. | |
| Drive to Spain? Luke, get in the car. | |
| You can't just tell me to get in the Ferrari. | |
| I don't know this Ferrari. | |
| I mean, you're simply in a Ferrari, so... | |
| Yeah. The Rolls horse isn't ready, so... | |
| You can't just get Ferraris. | |
| I can. I have connections. | |
| Aikido. I didn't have a car. | |
| I will admit. And now I have a Ferrari. | |
| You did Aikido it. Andrew has the other car, so you got this car. | |
| Exactly. That is a bit of Aikido. | |
| It's Aikido, yeah. I told you I'd do an English lunch. | |
|
Welcome to the Real World
00:07:00
|
|
| You did? I'm fucking addicted to wheat crunchies. | |
| The pleb food. Food for plebs. | |
| Listen, wheat crunchies. | |
| Better sponsor this channel. | |
| I'm actually super addicted to wheat crunchies. | |
| I was just making fun of chips. | |
| These chips are for poor people. | |
| When you're rich, you get to eat, like, pure meat sticks. | |
| And we've eaten a bunch of them. It's literally, for American people, they don't know what these are. | |
| I don't believe we have them. Although I'm quite poor in America. | |
| It's just... Chicken on a stick. | |
| Literally chicken on a stick. | |
| From gas stations. So, that's what rich people eat. | |
| Poor people eat these, but now I understand why. | |
| Wheat crunchies are fucking addicting. | |
| They're fucking good. You're poor now. | |
| Yeah, I'm poor now. I'm gonna eat my wheat crunchies. | |
| Let me tell you something. I don't eat protein. | |
| When I used to be a traveling salesman, the highlight of my week was when I had a spare 10-15 pounds at a good little gas station and buy all the snacks. | |
| Now, I'm the snack man everywhere I go. | |
| Wow. Andrew, what is this? | |
| We're driving supercars. | |
| Come in. What are we doing? | |
| This game. Move in. | |
| Move. Welcome to the real world. | |
| We've been here. We've been here. | |
| We live here. We do this. | |
| We do this. My esteemed colleague here is going to drive us. | |
| Number one, this is the Ferrari, the big boy Ferrari. | |
| Yeah. Buggy man's driving us. | |
| Which is faster, your Ferrari or this car? | |
| We're on Spain. What do you mean? | |
| We're going to Spain. We're going to Spain, Luke. | |
| We're going to fucking Spain. We're in England. | |
| Yeah, we're in England now. | |
| We're about to go to Spain. So are we going to my home country? | |
| France? No. Fuck France. | |
| Fuck France. Fuck France. | |
| Fuck France. We're skipping France. | |
| Wait, how? Who's the poorest one on this buggy? | |
| Alright, got you. | |
| Are you French at all? | |
| Are you at all French? No. | |
| I've got 100 M's in respect. | |
| Exactly. We're skipping France. | |
| We're taking the boat directly to Spain. | |
| What do you mean boat? You can take a boat? | |
| You can take a boat to Spain. | |
| But we have cars! Welcome to the real world. | |
| What do you mean cars? That doesn't make sense. | |
| Welcome to the real world, Luke. | |
| Marcel is the champion. | |
| Take confidence you might not know this man. | |
| This man is a champion. | |
| You do not understand. I've known Marcel since before, take confidence you existed. | |
| No. Tristan, this man is a super champion. | |
| I told you. Tristan, he's... | |
| Ready to take lives. Ready to do what we've got to do. | |
| That's it, man. He is a super duper champion. | |
| They have no idea, Tristan. | |
| They have no idea what I just witnessed. | |
| They don't know. How many drinks have we had so far tonight? | |
| I don't know. You know what, Tristan? | |
| I wish I recorded the table as we left. | |
| I did a disservice to take confidential. | |
| Yeah. Yeah. | |
| Looked him straight in the face and drank it. | |
| I didn't do it. | |
| I'm not even lying. No. | |
| No. Marcel needs to take my place. | |
| Tristan. Tristan, this man is the super champion of the world. | |
| There's no replacing family, tell them. | |
| Exactly, so Luke, you could never take Marcel's place. | |
| It's true. This man. | |
| You can never replace Marcelo. | |
| He's the super champion of the world. | |
| We've been drinking forever. | |
| No one understands. | |
| I should have filmed it because it's not real otherwise. | |
| We've been forgetting we're drinking forever Okay, dude, you gotta turn that camera around This is my last one Tomorrow we gotta drive all day. | |
| I don't see the point in getting so drunk that I can't function. | |
| Oh wait, who's drunk Marcel? Who's drunk Marcel? | |
| Who's drunk? We're all drunk. | |
| Why are you standing up like you're gonna beat me up? | |
| Hey, six seconds. You're not six seconds. | |
| 700 pounds. No, you're not. | |
| Marcel, Marcel, take this back. | |
| Why? | |
| I don't know. | |
| Why are they doing this? | |
| Why? | |
| Why? | |
| We live in Dream Yacht. | |
| Now, I should have recorded the table we left. | |
| I didn't record it. | |
| No one understands. It's gonna hurt you inside. | |
| Yeah, for no reason. | |
| I need a stiff drink. I need one. | |
| I just need one. You don't need a stiff drink. | |
| You can't just dance. I just need one. | |
| Oh, no, no. By the way, by the way. | |
| No, no. You don't know this. | |
| Marcel's got the dance move. | |
| Andrew, don't even fuck around. | |
| Marcel's got the dance move. I ain't gonna help him when I beat him up. | |
| I ain't gonna help him. | |
| I'm not gonna get help from my people. | |
| I'm gonna be walking in the crowd. | |
| And I'm gonna be walking in the crowd. | |
| No! | |
| How did this drop? | |
| That was smooth. That was smooth. | |
| Andrew, Tristan, need to shoot off. | |
| Two minutes and we're rolling out. | |
| Make sure you're ready! What is this? | |
| Welcome to the real world. | |
| This isn't the real world. | |
| Take off it until you all know that this isn't the real world. | |
| This is the real world. Everyone looks like us, right? | |
| You can just buy supercars, drive around the world, just crash supercars. | |
| No, this isn't the real world. Buy a Rolls Royce. | |
| Didn't even drive it or sit in it. | |
| Forgot about it already. To be honest, I probably lost my mind. | |
| This is all just fake. | |
| It's all just me. I'm not even recording anything. | |
| I'm probably staring at this wall. | |
| The Rolls Royce guy gave me an email this morning. | |
| We need to collect a car. And I'm like, maybe January. | |
| I'm busy. I don't even want it. | |
| I'm too busy. It's your fault. | |
| Luke, it's not my fault. | |
| So what happens? | |
| Why do you have the lamp? Because I went to buy a phone charger. | |
| A bitch. A French bitch. | |
|
Exempt But Not Welcome
00:00:07
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|
| Your mate. Yeah. Your mask's here. | |
| So I don't wear a mask. Why? | |
| I'm exempt. You don't accept exempt people. | |
| How do you not accept being exempt? | |