| Time | Text |
|---|---|
|
Admit Your Shit Money
00:09:02
|
|
| Tristan, we have an urge to meet him. | |
| Can you open the door? Yeah, why can't you open the door? | |
| Yeah. Access denied. | |
| What happened? You've taken my fingerprint off of the thing. | |
| Someone's deleted your fingerprint. | |
| obviously someone so in your own house | |
| I | |
| A booze emergency. Tristan, it's been two days of non-stop booze. | |
| A booze emergency, bro. There's ten girls outside. | |
| I know, and I'm hiding. | |
| You're not hiding. I'm hiding from the booze. | |
| You're not hiding. There's booze out there. | |
| I'm hiding. With me, the booze comes to find you. | |
| I know. I've been hidden. | |
| Ah, shit. Got you. Let's booze. | |
| Ah. Tristan, actually, though, why is there a party going on? | |
| Because I had a bus filled with women from the party. | |
| I know. And the bus stopped here. | |
| I know. So I afforded some booze. | |
| But no, but yeah, that's what, why, why did we do that step? | |
| All the other steps I... Why'd you say, come inside the house, we're gonna have a huge party again, and then start pouring booze? | |
| Because that's what I did. Why does anyone do the things that they do? | |
| I don't have free will. | |
| The universe dictates my movements. | |
| Oh, there's a bunch of girls here, let me just send them home. | |
| Is that what you want? Tristan, it's been- What am I, gay? | |
| It's been two days of hard boozing, and here- Like drinking. | |
| You keep pouring me shots and a fucking vodka. | |
| It's evil. If you don't like it, you're free to wrestle me. | |
| You're a wrestler. I don't want to wrestle a wrestler. | |
| Yeah, I'm a wrestler. Andrew Boos. | |
| Andrew, why is he doing this to us? | |
| Let's go. There's two, there's so many. | |
| How do you, and there's more, Tristan, I only just saw some walk in. | |
| Yes, I know. I'm a wrestler. | |
| You said it was just the bus people. | |
| It's more than one bus. | |
| More than one bus. | |
| What's happened? How? | |
| It was supposed to be two days. | |
| We said two days. We'll have fun. | |
| But now, I want to work. | |
| I know you do. Tristan doesn't know when to start. | |
| I'm trying to be in my computer. How much is the water in this house? | |
| How? | |
| He's been doing this forever. | |
| I'm trying to be in my computer. How much is the water in this house? | |
| How much is the water in this house? | |
| I'm hot. | |
| So Andrew's still playing with God. | |
| He's pregnant. My life is a disaster. | |
| A beautiful life. | |
| And a beautiful family. | |
| Maybe it's good money, maybe it's not all that we need. | |
| We are open, we are open, we are open. | |
| We are open, we are open, we are open. | |
| Andrew. | |
| Andrew. | |
| I'm Andrew. | |
| Happy birthday. | |
| I'm sorry. | |
| He's sorry. I'm sorry. | |
| Andrew, he's really sorry. | |
| I'm sorry. Happy birthday. | |
| I'm sorry. Tristan, we have an order to meet him. Can you open the door? | |
| Can you please? You know I can't open the door. | |
| Why can't you open the door? Yeah, why can't you open the door? | |
| You can open the door to your own house. | |
| Yeah. Access denied. | |
| What happened? You've taken my fingerprint off of the thing. | |
| Someone's deleted your fingerprint. Obviously someone. | |
| So in your own house, Have you believed in my fingerprint? | |
| No, you haven't. Ha! | |
| You are the only loser who can't open the door. | |
| But I don't want to talk to you guys anyway. Emergency meeting, you have to. | |
| Yeah, you do. It's an emergency. | |
| It's an emergency meeting and you can't open the door. | |
| Admit it. Admit your shit money. | |
| Access granted. Yeah, that's a good sound. | |
| Access granted. Driss has the darkness spoken to you like that. | |
| You said access granted. You have the longest cesar in the world. | |
| Body and orange. No. | |
| Who wants to know the longest cigar in the world? | |
| I spoke about literally 5 million cigars in my life. | |
| Yep. Yep. Too many. | |
| What's this booze? This extremely expensive booze. | |
| I didn't buy this. You didn't buy this. | |
| It was given to me as a birthday present. | |
| Yeah, I didn't buy this. This was not... | |
| Let me take a look at what it is. It's fucking the Jeep. | |
| We should. I already worked down. | |
| Yeah, because I did not purchase this. | |
| No, I didn't. I do buy plenty of expensive booze. | |
| This booze does look very nice. | |
| And it's very cold. Does the box insulate or something? | |
| Hennessy Paradis. Hennessy Paradis. | |
| Three shots? No. | |
| No, it's been non-stop booze for three days. | |
| I would like to show you. | |
| Nobody likes you, but you don't care. | |
| That's the problem. You guys don't care. | |
| Haha! How's that feel? | |
| How's what feel? How's it feel? | |
| To what? Nah, admit it. | |
| Wait, what? Wait, what? Where'd you meet? | |
| When did this happen? Shit, if he removed my fingerprint, that wouldn't fucking get me. | |
| Ah, that's pretty good. Close it. | |
| Close it before Andrew. Ah. | |
| I might remove your fingerprint. | |
| Access to the knife. Ooh! | |
| Access to the knife! How's it feel? | |
| Access to the knife. He's removed my fingerprint. | |
| See that, loser. Nice. | |
| Nice. So what have we decided? | |
| Retired is just what we're going to talk about. | |
| So we're going to dice and we miss the sidebar. | |
| Dice? We all want different things. | |
| He wants expensive Japanese food. | |
| I've got stakes. You won't talk about it. | |
| It makes me powerful. So they're deciding this. | |
| Yeah, but I'm going to win. Tristan, you can't win. | |
| The gods can't win. He is super good at dice. | |
| But also, your back's not against the wall. | |
| It is. Tuckabell's make or break. | |
| And he's going to get two. Three. | |
| Okay. All right. Luke, go on. | |
| All right. Three. | |
| Okay. Three. Shit. | |
| Shit. That's bad. | |
| Come on. No. | |
| No way. Can't happen. | |
| Two. Two. Ha! We're gonna roll. | |
| We're gonna move. Oh no. | |
| Steak. That's gonna hurt me. | |
| Six. Six. | |
| Okay. I'm fine with steak. | |
| I can live with steak. Six. | |
| No way! How the fuck? | |
| Okay. So what are we gonna eat? | |
| The dice gods are deciding. | |
| Four. Four. Luke's first. | |
| Could it be possible? Four! | |
| What is going on? What is this? | |
| The dice gods do not want me and Luke. | |
| They don't want us to eat. They just don't want us to eat. | |
| They want us to play those forever. | |
| All right. This is it. | |
| Just get three, and I'm here too. | |
| Three. Three. That's predicted. | |
| The dice won't spoil it. You can get the reaction to your Tristan, Taco Bell. | |
| Woo! Woo! | |
| Woo! Why? Taco Bell. | |
| Why? Woo! | |
| Why? We can have nice days. | |
| That's the way it goes. I thought there was no pressure. | |
| Welcome to big school. Welcome to big school. | |
| I would have rolled with more conviction. | |
| Woo! Oh, you think we can handle our secret work against a team. | |
|
Why We're Always Hungry
00:03:34
|
|
| Do your tacos in New York. | |
| What in Mexico? The exact same thing happened. | |
| Ah, actually Andrew, this was you. | |
| The exact same thing happened. | |
| I'm very hungry. I eat two tacos. | |
| And I'm still hungry, but I feel super sick and I don't want to eat anymore. | |
| This is what happens every time you guys order tacos. | |
| Seems like maybe we need to straighten this out. | |
| Shit, I don't want a straightener. | |
| Straightener? No. Get over and eat your fucking taco now. | |
| Yeah, where's the nacho cheese... | |
| Because it's nacho cheese. | |
| Got it, didn't he, loser? | |
| You're a fucking loser. | |
| Fucking dice gods. | |
| They fucked me. Aha! | |
| I told you! You're on the news! | |
| Tristan! I told you guys! | |
| On the news? Yeah. You know what I'm hearing when you can stop? | |
| Are you fucking cracking me? | |
| Why don't they have an option? | |
| Wait, wait, wait. | |
| Let me hear this. | |
| Wait, let me hear this. | |
| No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I don't care. I'm sick of this. I'm sick of this. I don't care. | |
| Wait, didn't the cops... Wait, didn't the cops tell us not to throw the party? | |
| Oh my god, I look like a wimp. | |
| You do know they know exactly where we live. | |
| The Romanian government. | |
| Andrew, we're on the news! | |
| Andrew, we're on the news! | |
| Why do we have to go through? | |
| It should be a fully loaded button. | |
| Why do we have a fully loaded button? | |
| Andrew, do you not remember the small party we had? | |
| This country is. | |
| This koozie did look good. | |
| It did look fucking good. Hey, top off. | |
| Ooh, please come and arrest me. | |
| All right, man, it's all inside here. | |
| Please come, all right? What is my idea? | |
| You know, I'm a serious lover. No idea. | |
| The fact that I have to take every single option on the 911 Turbo S makes me not even want to fucking buy one. | |
| There should be, I'm not a broke boy, take every option. | |
| Boom, fully loaded, bang, done, buy, debit card. | |
| Andrew, you do realize that we are on the Romanian news for throwing a party during COVID after they specifically told us not to. | |
| Oh, here we go. | |
| So, now the government knows I'm disobeying no one purpose. | |
| Nice. We're in trouble. | |
| So, we'll call them. I want a tech car. | |
| I want to put a new body kit on it. | |
| Titanium exhaust system. Obviously upgrade the sound system. | |
| Absolutely everything. But the fact I can't just tick everything. | |
| Everything I need. What do you mean? | |
| What am I doing? New Turbo S. It won the drag race against the 720S. I'm not going to fucking buy one. | |
| You think I'm a little shit muncher? | |
| Do I look broke to you? Are you not interested in the news? | |
| Do you see the TV though? | |
| Do we look broke on TV? Do I look broke on TV? So why do I have to go through and manually select each option? | |
| He looks broke now. Ticking those boxes. | |
| Doesn't he, Luke? Where are we going? | |