| Time | Text |
|---|---|
|
Whoopies and Smoke
00:04:35
|
|
| Good job, Atherton! | |
| Am I super expensive to go? | |
| I've loads of cigars, Mary, about £100 each. | |
| And one in there that cost me £600. | |
| And Andrew, who can't tell the difference, decided to smoke. | |
| I can't tell the difference, but it's exactly the same. | |
| It's exactly the same. I smoked it, but it's exactly the same. | |
| No, you like smoke. | |
| Clearly you like smoke. | |
| He challenged me to a fight. I mean, if you want some smoke, some top quality smoke, I've got plenty. | |
| Don't just steal from me because of fucking ass. | |
| He challenged me to a straightener. | |
| Now I'm interested in how to have a straightener over a cigar. | |
| Why'd you smoke it? Because you like smoke. | |
| It was very expensive. So now I'm getting ready to fight on your cigar. | |
| I was wearing my smart cigar, but I can't say no to a cigarette. | |
| Exactly. You like smoke. | |
| I've got some smoke for you right here. | |
| Come on, we'll see. So Andrew, | |
| Tristan just put us on this bus. | |
| Yeah, it's the surprise bus. | |
| There are a lot of whoopies. | |
| There are a lot of whoopies. | |
| Whoopies on the bus. It's all over the bus. | |
| The bus full of whoopies. That's me and you. | |
| It can't be that bad. Andrew, I think this has something to do with you right now. | |
| I don't know. What is it? Is this a birthday song? | |
| I'm not going to be able to sing this song. | |
| I'm going to be singing this song. | |
| Oh no, rules. Listen, I don't follow blind rules. | |
| These rules are not about safety. | |
| What happened is I went to a party and the virus is bullshit and I do what I want and nobody can control me. | |
| I have a 99.9% chance of surviving Corona. | |
| This is not a good enough reason for me to stay in my house and hide. | |
| So I do whatever I want. | |
| That's what happened. Yeah, but you know, in Romania here we have some rules about partying and this kind of stuff. | |
| Oh! Oh no! Rules! Oh no! | |
| Rules! Listen, I don't follow blind rules. | |
| These rules are not about safety. | |
| It's a 99.9% chance of survival, my friend. | |
| You think these rules are about safety? | |
| No! These rules are about controlling people. | |
| I'm more likely to die in a car crash than I am of corona. | |
| I'm more likely to die of palinka that I drank last night than I am of corona. | |
| It's bullshit. It's nothing to do with safety. | |
| It's doing with controlling people. | |
| They want everyone scared, and they tell everyone to be afraid, stay in their houses, and it's bullshit. | |
| I will not listen to the rules. | |
| Put me in jail. I will not listen. | |
| I don't give a fuck what anybody says. | |
| I do what I want. | |
| The End. | |
| Surprise party. Tristan's imagination. | |
| Yep. Let's see what happens. | |
|
Man Locked in a Room
00:07:57
|
|
| It feels Christmas. | |
| Have you seen my Christmas hat? | |
| I'm so happy to see you! | |
| Fore塗 Fore塗 Fore Woo Fore Super Fore Is the camera | |
| She's gonna buzz it over sing a little No, no, no I Thought you should be meanest You Know You Know You | |
| And my watch and there's a man locked in a room There's a man locked in a room. We found the key now. | |
| None of this makes sense. Found the key, but a man locked in the room. | |
| This is the aftermath of the party, which we recorded not enough of. | |
| I can't find my phone. | |
| And I can't find my watch. | |
| I never take my watch off. | |
| So if I can't find my watch, I have to buy another one. | |
| Shit. I mean, it was like, I don't know, 30 grand or something. | |
| So it got beyond fun. Where's my watch, Georgiana? | |
| Georgiana? My watch on my phone. | |
| Why are the shoes just outside the room? | |
| Freeing the prisoner. You're free. | |
| You're free! | |
| We freed you! | |
| How did you get locked in here? | |
| I don't know, where's my phone? | |
| I hate birthdays. | |
| They're shit. | |
| Birthday, do things. | |
| I do things every day of my life. | |
| Now it's because it's a day. | |
| I have to do things. | |
| What the fuck is this? You have to have fun. | |
| Andrew, people would kill to be in your shoes for one moment. | |
| Yesterday, I made about $15,000 on one coin. | |
| About $22,000. I made about 50 grand yesterday. | |
| I was really drunk. I didn't really check my phone. | |
| I checked this morning. I'm on track to make another 10 or 15 grand today. | |
| So the money's keeping me sane. | |
| Otherwise, I'll be really depressed. | |
| Yeah, you're supposed to kill yourself. I can tell. | |
| I see the depression. | |
| Get ready to cave in. You'll notice no one else has clothes on. | |
| You're out of my coat. You have shoes on. | |
| My coat. Yeah, who smokes a cigar in the sauna? | |
| Who doesn't? We hear my lungs. Sauna, cigar, Aikido? | |
| Yes. Sauna, cigar, Aikido. | |
| I need my coat. | |
| Coming back. Nice glass of booze. | |
| That's called booze. What's wrong with us, man? | |
| We sharp. Who is this interesting man who comes in? | |
| It's gonna be close! | |
| Ruben, close the door, close the door! | |
| Hey Ruben, get a picture, get a picture, ready? | |
| Ready? 3, 2, 1... | |
| So Tristan actually came back with his colors. | |
| I'm depressed. Chris is a man's not hot. | |
| He is a man's not hot. | |
| I tell a man's not hot. | |
| Luke, you look hot. | |
| He's never hot. Babe said, take off your jacket. | |
| The girl told me, take off your jacket. | |
| I said, babe, man's not hot. | |
| I tell a baby, man's not hot. | |
| Exactly. Exactly. | |
| This girl knows. Man's not hot. | |
| Man's not hot. How's he not hot? | |
| Perspiration ting. Perspiration ting. | |
| Link's effect. Where? | |
| I spent $10,000 driving the government of a small town to have a party, and you nerds are playing chess. | |
| Who's winning? Tristan, can you go chess for like $10? | |
| You didn't have to go for all this. | |
| You could've helped me with my shoulder! | |
| Lalala. | |
| Lalalah. | |
| Lalala. | |
| Lalalalah. | |
| What should we do these days? | |
| I'm a party, party, party, decked in bling. | |
| Why? We need to make sure he's never connecting to the speakers, ever. | |
| Fuckin' roll! Tristan, we're ha- There! | |
| Drink it! What do you mean? | |
| Drink the beer or it's hands. | |
| Why can't we just get gas like normal people? | |
| Fuck gas! Sorry, Andrew. | |
| Sorry. What'd you do? | |
| Andrew, I'm sorry. Andrew. | |
| Bro, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, okay? | |
| Tristan, no one knows what you're talking about. | |
| Sure you don't. I just told Georgiana to tell every single girl on the massive bus that there's a party at my house the moment it arrives at my house. | |
| And when I get home, I'm gonna crank up the fucking Minele and start pouring the booze. | |
| And you're drinking with me, Luke, you little fucking faggot. | |
| Tristan, it's been non-stop for two days. | |
| Luke, this, when you dance with the devil, you wait for the music to stop. | |
| The music has stopped. The music has never stopped. | |
| It never stops. There is no off-ramp to this. | |
| Welcome to big school, Luke. | |
| Where's my beer? Happy Birthday. | |
| I'm sorry. He's sorry. | |
| I'm sorry. Andrew, he's really sorry. | |
| I'm sorry. Happy Birthday. | |