| Time | Text |
|---|---|
|
Stone Cold Loser
00:02:29
|
|
| Good shot there from Tate! | |
| A lot of people say girls love money and that's not entirely true. | |
| I am a star. | |
| I'm a stone cold loser. | |
| You're not. Look. | |
| Stone cold. | |
| You've been saying this all day. It doesn't make sense. | |
| It makes sense. | |
| Yesterday, in the spirit of having my party full of girls, I invited all the girls I know, and they started talking to each other. | |
| I'm a stone cold loser. | |
| Kristen accidentally created the worst mental disaster in the history of humanity. | |
| Basically, it was like an avalanche. | |
| All the anger and hatred for me piled up throughout the night until I was relaxing in the jacuzzi with my 60th drink. | |
| And then it all exploded. | |
| Do you remember the tsunami? | |
| I remember part of the tsunami. | |
| I remember the end. That's what happened yesterday. | |
| That's what happened yesterday, but worse. | |
| First to create the worst natural disaster in the history of humanity with girls. | |
| They were all mad at me. | |
| We were having sex with all these girls. | |
| Why did you invite me? And I was like, well, you're all equally as invited as the other one. | |
| Anyway, it was a disaster. | |
| I'm a stone-cold loser. Stop filming me. | |
| I'm too depressed. You're not. | |
| Hello? What do you mean we're not going? | |
| We're not going where? Say the name. | |
| I've got ten girls at the beach sitting in Miami. | |
| Maybe we should go. I think we should go. | |
| Tristan, Amaya. Doesn't it sound good? | |
| Amaya. Amaya. | |
| Mamaya. Tristan, we can go there and stop boozing. | |
| You've been drinking for three days. | |
| Yes! Three days of non-stop boozing. | |
| Non-stop. Stop it. When you dance with the devil, you wait for the music to stop. | |
| There's no music. Listen, let's go to Mamaya. | |
| There might be music for Mamaya. Exactly. | |
|
Keep Telling Andrew
00:02:32
|
|
| Find out who invited you to the movies. | |
| I'm going to Alabama. | |
| I keep telling Andrew, by the way. | |
| You can record or not. | |
| I keep telling Andrew I'm going to Alabama. | |
| I feel like my troubles will be alleviated. | |
| You're not going out, though. | |
| I'm going to smile. There's nothing for you. | |
| There's not. | |
| That'd be very boring. | |
| It's probably horrible. | |
| Knew it. Probably can't go on take confidential, can it? | |
| No, I think they can blur it out. | |
| Oh, yeah, well if anyone knows what it is, I don't. | |
| So Rob... | |
| Amazing. | |
| This is from a sister of Kanye, one of my colleagues. | |
| Rory, who was it? | |
| This is Oprah. | |
| Uh, they think I'm mean to them. | |
| Absolutely terrible. | |
| Rory. Why do you do this? | |
| No. What? | |
| What now? Oh, not allowed a bit of pizza on a Friday night. | |
| You have Domino's every single day. | |
| Well, I was going to have it yesterday. Tristan beat me and took it off. | |
| That's what I mean. We're trying to stop this. | |
| Who's trying to stop what? | |
| We're trying to stop the Domino's inflow into this house. | |
| We! We, everybody! | |
| Why do you think you got kicked out yesterday? | |
| Get in the fuck out! | |
| Get in the fuck out of my party! | |
| Get him out! Get him out! | |
| Get him out! Get the fuck out! | |
| You! You! And your fucking Domino's! | |
| You're fucking stupid! | |
| Get the fuck out! Why are you trying to ruin my party? | |
| Are you out of your fucking mind? | |
| Fuck off! Fuck off! | |
| Come on guys, get in! Fuck this guy! | |
| Yeah, Rory's a cunt, isn't he? | |
| Yeah, what are you doing? | |
| Order fucking dominoes! | |
| That was yesterday. The party's on, Vars, and I'm allowed now. | |
| I'm really interested. Anyway, enough. | |
| Do you want a cookie? Yeah, I'll have a cookie. | |
| Well, that's that. | |
| Rory owns the house. Rory owns the house, doesn't he? | |
|
Fucked Up Party Guests
00:09:13
|
|
| Come and tuck in, boys. | |
| There's enough for everyone. | |
| I've got to remember what you've owned in that house. | |
| Doesn't it look delicious? It does smell good. | |
| Does it not look delicious? | |
| Tell me it doesn't look delicious. | |
| It does look quite good. | |
| Look at this. Look how many ingredients are on it. | |
| Look at the stuffed crust. Jesus, get in there. | |
| Get right inside there. | |
| Rory, it's actually every day though. | |
| It's literally every single day. | |
| Every day. Someone said, It's going to kill you one day, but isn't life going to kill me one day anyway? | |
| Yep. So you may as well eat your fucking pizza. | |
| I may as well enjoy it. I think we can all conclude this is Luke's fault. | |
| Yeah. How is this my fault? | |
| It's Luke's fault. Kind of your fault, Luke. | |
| May the Innocent be given the gift of eternal life. | |
| Is Andrew going to suggest going to Mamiya? | |
| Yes. That is his plan. | |
| Yes, that's the plan. We're all going to Mamiya. | |
| I'm not going. We are. | |
| No, I'm not. Hours and hours and hours of traffic to sit in the LDSC sign. | |
| I'd rather go to Brash, Hawaii, or other places I need to be. | |
| But it'll be fun. Nope. | |
| But Mamiya, that's where everyone wants to go. | |
| Have fun. But that's where everyone wants to go. | |
| Good. Go. Have fun. No, but you're a part of everybody. | |
| No, I'm not. You are. | |
| Are you a person? Are you part of the human race? | |
| No. Are you a human? | |
| No. Alright, he might actually not be human, but everybody, including non-humans, wants to go to Mamiya. | |
| Everyone watching this right now would love to go to Mamiya. | |
| They all would love to go. | |
| You can't make me. | |
| I suppose we go to Vamabeche. | |
| No. Everyone I've ever asked... | |
| You have to go get to get a fair trial. | |
| If you don't go on a Saturday, I mean everywhere is shit. | |
| Saturday is not real. But Tristan, we need you. | |
| We do. You don't make me drive down to the fucking... | |
| I was gonna say Mamaya, but that's even worse. | |
| I'd rather go to Mamaya, and your chances of convincing you to go to Mamaya are zero percent. | |
| We had a rule. Don't say Mamaya to each other. | |
| I'm not saying Mamaya, I'm saying Bamabecha. | |
| Oh, the crappier one. I don't know, is it crappier one? | |
| Yeah, it's families. It's Black Sea for families. | |
| It is. It's Black Sea for families. | |
| I don't know what stories you've been watching. | |
| All the clubs, all the stuff for the young people, or anyone with monies in Mamaya. | |
| It's like fucking... | |
| Well in that case... | |
| Like for families and shit. | |
| Like, less to ask. | |
| Same call. | |
| Shit. | |
| Maybe it's not. Maybe it's a secret gem. | |
| Like... | |
| Bye. | |
| So it could be the secret gem. | |
| I'm gonna buy us more cookies while you convince Tristan. | |
| Convince Tristan. I'm unconvincible. Fuck you. | |
| Tristan. Why? | |
| It might be the best place in the world. | |
| Happiness might be there. It's also the party I had in my own house. | |
| Yes. Yeah. Yep. | |
| But maybe. Maybe just maybe. | |
| That is where happiness is. | |
| If you don't, we're going to sit at home with all the shutters up and the gates open. | |
| Tristan, there genuinely might be happiness there. | |
| We can't know for certain until we've been. | |
| Yes, I can't. No, you can't. | |
| I know this country better than all you motherfuckers from this table. | |
| I'm not going to. But have you been there before? | |
| No. So, there could be a secret pool of happiness hidden. | |
| Nope. It could be, though. | |
| It's very possible. So you're going to live your life behind the gate? | |
| Yep. He's scared of happiness. | |
| I'm under siege. He's scared of happiness. | |
| So we need to flee the town. | |
| See ya. With you. | |
| We need to flee the town with you. | |
| Yeah, now. I know Tristan's thinking it now. | |
| It would be fun. Come on, go in. | |
| We could leave. Stand between your toes. | |
| Yeah, stand between your toes. | |
| Sand's shit. An ugly beach. | |
| We're going. Is the beach actually ugly? | |
| It's called the Black Sea. | |
| Alright, don't be racist. Yeah. | |
| Come on, Tristan. Or Tristan, what if we could rename it The White Sea? | |
| You can't put that on YouTube. | |
| A few moments later... | |
| Tristan! | |
| Where are we? Amaya. | |
| Wait. What? What do you mean? | |
| I thought I would never see you here. | |
| You tricked me. What do you mean tricked you? | |
| By giving me a bunch of crappier options and making me drive past Mamaya. | |
| So here I am. | |
| I know it was a trick. | |
| Zoe for Moosem. | |
| I want to go to the other one. | |
| I actually do. | |
| I've been sitting here for an hour listening about how terrible it is. | |
| Is it shit? Is Vamavete shit? | |
| Is shit? It's like men with long hair who smoke weed. | |
| Nice. | |
| By you. | |
| Tristan! | |
| Tristan, can you pass me some Doritos? | |
| Yes! | |
| I almost blew my brains out. | |
| Can I have some? | |
| What do you mean, have some? | |
| Well, if you don't give me some Doritos. | |
| It's can you pass me the Doritos. | |
| Can you pass me the Doritos? | |
| Rory wants us to pass some Doritos. | |
| No, fuck Rory. Nah, that's how I was digging. | |
| I'm going to blow my fucking brains out. | |
| Alright. They are fucking good. | |
| This is the only reason I'm not dead yet. | |
| You think? Yeah. Yeah, bro. | |
| Shit. I can only imagine if he didn't pass me those Doritos right there. | |
| Yeah, I think I'd just jump out the car. | |
| I'm probably burning. Yeah, going 120. | |
| This looks nice. | |
| It does look nice, doesn't it? It does. | |
| The police cars look very nice. | |
| Yeah, the police don't look very nice, but they never did really look that nice. | |
| Although the Rachel police are very nice. | |
| Tristan, the ocean looks the same as any other ocean. | |
| It does. It's the exact same. | |
| Black sea my ass, it's not black at all. | |
| 🎵 | |
| Yeah, so... | |
| I don't know how much is being filmed. | |
| We went to Mamiya, Tristan... | |
| We were supposed to come here and drive home. | |
| Tristan overtook me, went to the expensive park, the expensive beach. | |
| And then we fucked off when we came here because I wanted to see it anyway. | |
| And it's about as shit as I thought it would be. | |
| Yeah. Yeah. | |
| Well, let's get some food. Where's Tristan? | |
| He abandoned us. | |
| What do you mean? He ran away. | |
| We convinced him to come here eventually. | |
| He came. He had some tea. | |
| He left. This. | |
| We're about to start boozing. | |
| It's about, look, exactly. The moon is hot. | |
| It's a full moon, too. Which means we must booze. | |
| It's a sign. It's a sign. | |
| We must drink copious amounts of alcohol. | |
| We must poison ourselves. | |
| To the limit. We'll start now. | |
| We'll start now. Shit. | |
| It's off. Where's the talisman? | |
| I don't know. This makes no sense. | |
| He's gone. Booze. | |
| No. What? I know. | |
| I don't think I've ever boozed without him. | |
| This might be my first time. | |
| Rory. Shit. I don't want to talk about it. | |
| I need a drink. Is this how normal people drink? | |
| I need a drink. This must be how normal people drink. | |
| No talisman. | |
| Works. He'd be perfect right there. | |