Stone Cold Loser
00:02:29
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Good shot there from Tate!
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A lot of people say girls love money and that's not entirely true.
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I am a star.
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I'm a stone cold loser.
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You're not. Look.
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Stone cold.
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You've been saying this all day. It doesn't make sense.
► 00:00:49
It makes sense.
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Yesterday, in the spirit of having my party full of girls, I invited all the girls I know, and they started talking to each other.
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I'm a stone cold loser.
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Kristen accidentally created the worst mental disaster in the history of humanity.
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Basically, it was like an avalanche.
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All the anger and hatred for me piled up throughout the night until I was relaxing in the jacuzzi with my 60th drink.
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And then it all exploded.
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Do you remember the tsunami?
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I remember part of the tsunami.
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I remember the end. That's what happened yesterday.
► 00:01:26
That's what happened yesterday, but worse.
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First to create the worst natural disaster in the history of humanity with girls.
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They were all mad at me.
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We were having sex with all these girls.
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Why did you invite me? And I was like, well, you're all equally as invited as the other one.
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Anyway, it was a disaster.
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I'm a stone-cold loser. Stop filming me.
► 00:01:45
I'm too depressed. You're not.
► 00:01:48
Hello? What do you mean we're not going?
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We're not going where? Say the name.
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I've got ten girls at the beach sitting in Miami.
► 00:01:56
Maybe we should go. I think we should go.
► 00:01:59
Tristan, Amaya. Doesn't it sound good?
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Amaya. Amaya.
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Mamaya. Tristan, we can go there and stop boozing.
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You've been drinking for three days.
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Yes! Three days of non-stop boozing.
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Non-stop. Stop it. When you dance with the devil, you wait for the music to stop.
► 00:02:24
There's no music. Listen, let's go to Mamaya.
► 00:02:26
There might be music for Mamaya. Exactly.
Keep Telling Andrew
00:02:32
► 00:02:30
Find out who invited you to the movies.
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I'm going to Alabama.
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I keep telling Andrew, by the way.
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You can record or not.
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I keep telling Andrew I'm going to Alabama.
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I feel like my troubles will be alleviated.
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You're not going out, though.
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I'm going to smile. There's nothing for you.
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There's not.
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That'd be very boring.
► 00:03:02
It's probably horrible.
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Knew it. Probably can't go on take confidential, can it?
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No, I think they can blur it out.
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Oh, yeah, well if anyone knows what it is, I don't.
► 00:03:32
So Rob...
► 00:03:39
Amazing.
► 00:03:40
This is from a sister of Kanye, one of my colleagues.
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Rory, who was it?
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This is Oprah.
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Uh, they think I'm mean to them.
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Absolutely terrible.
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Rory. Why do you do this?
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No. What?
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What now? Oh, not allowed a bit of pizza on a Friday night.
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You have Domino's every single day.
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Well, I was going to have it yesterday. Tristan beat me and took it off.
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That's what I mean. We're trying to stop this.
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Who's trying to stop what?
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We're trying to stop the Domino's inflow into this house.
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We! We, everybody!
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Why do you think you got kicked out yesterday?
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Get in the fuck out!
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Get in the fuck out of my party!
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Get him out! Get him out!
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Get him out! Get the fuck out!
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You! You! And your fucking Domino's!
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You're fucking stupid!
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Get the fuck out! Why are you trying to ruin my party?
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Are you out of your fucking mind?
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Fuck off! Fuck off!
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Come on guys, get in! Fuck this guy!
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Yeah, Rory's a cunt, isn't he?
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Yeah, what are you doing?
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Order fucking dominoes!
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That was yesterday. The party's on, Vars, and I'm allowed now.
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I'm really interested. Anyway, enough.
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Do you want a cookie? Yeah, I'll have a cookie.
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Well, that's that.
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Rory owns the house. Rory owns the house, doesn't he?
Fucked Up Party Guests
00:09:13
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Come and tuck in, boys.
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There's enough for everyone.
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I've got to remember what you've owned in that house.
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Doesn't it look delicious? It does smell good.
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Does it not look delicious?
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Tell me it doesn't look delicious.
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It does look quite good.
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Look at this. Look how many ingredients are on it.
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Look at the stuffed crust. Jesus, get in there.
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Get right inside there.
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Rory, it's actually every day though.
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It's literally every single day.
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Every day. Someone said, It's going to kill you one day, but isn't life going to kill me one day anyway?
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Yep. So you may as well eat your fucking pizza.
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I may as well enjoy it. I think we can all conclude this is Luke's fault.
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Yeah. How is this my fault?
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It's Luke's fault. Kind of your fault, Luke.
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May the Innocent be given the gift of eternal life.
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Is Andrew going to suggest going to Mamiya?
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Yes. That is his plan.
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Yes, that's the plan. We're all going to Mamiya.
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I'm not going. We are.
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No, I'm not. Hours and hours and hours of traffic to sit in the LDSC sign.
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I'd rather go to Brash, Hawaii, or other places I need to be.
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But it'll be fun. Nope.
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But Mamiya, that's where everyone wants to go.
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Have fun. But that's where everyone wants to go.
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Good. Go. Have fun. No, but you're a part of everybody.
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No, I'm not. You are.
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Are you a person? Are you part of the human race?
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No. Are you a human?
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No. Alright, he might actually not be human, but everybody, including non-humans, wants to go to Mamiya.
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Everyone watching this right now would love to go to Mamiya.
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They all would love to go.
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You can't make me.
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I suppose we go to Vamabeche.
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No. Everyone I've ever asked...
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You have to go get to get a fair trial.
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If you don't go on a Saturday, I mean everywhere is shit.
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Saturday is not real. But Tristan, we need you.
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We do. You don't make me drive down to the fucking...
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I was gonna say Mamaya, but that's even worse.
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I'd rather go to Mamaya, and your chances of convincing you to go to Mamaya are zero percent.
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We had a rule. Don't say Mamaya to each other.
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I'm not saying Mamaya, I'm saying Bamabecha.
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Oh, the crappier one. I don't know, is it crappier one?
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Yeah, it's families. It's Black Sea for families.
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It is. It's Black Sea for families.
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I don't know what stories you've been watching.
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All the clubs, all the stuff for the young people, or anyone with monies in Mamaya.
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It's like fucking...
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Well in that case...
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Like for families and shit.
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Like, less to ask.
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Same call.
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Shit.
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Maybe it's not. Maybe it's a secret gem.
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Like...
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Bye.
► 00:08:21
So it could be the secret gem.
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I'm gonna buy us more cookies while you convince Tristan.
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Convince Tristan. I'm unconvincible. Fuck you.
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Tristan. Why?
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It might be the best place in the world.
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Happiness might be there. It's also the party I had in my own house.
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Yes. Yeah. Yep.
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But maybe. Maybe just maybe.
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That is where happiness is.
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If you don't, we're going to sit at home with all the shutters up and the gates open.
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Tristan, there genuinely might be happiness there.
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We can't know for certain until we've been.
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Yes, I can't. No, you can't.
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I know this country better than all you motherfuckers from this table.
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I'm not going to. But have you been there before?
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No. So, there could be a secret pool of happiness hidden.
► 00:09:02
Nope. It could be, though.
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It's very possible. So you're going to live your life behind the gate?
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Yep. He's scared of happiness.
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I'm under siege. He's scared of happiness.
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So we need to flee the town.
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See ya. With you.
► 00:09:15
We need to flee the town with you.
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Yeah, now. I know Tristan's thinking it now.
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It would be fun. Come on, go in.
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We could leave. Stand between your toes.
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Yeah, stand between your toes.
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Sand's shit. An ugly beach.
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We're going. Is the beach actually ugly?
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It's called the Black Sea.
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Alright, don't be racist. Yeah.
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Come on, Tristan. Or Tristan, what if we could rename it The White Sea?
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You can't put that on YouTube.
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A few moments later...
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Tristan!
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Where are we? Amaya.
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Wait. What? What do you mean?
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I thought I would never see you here.
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You tricked me. What do you mean tricked you?
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By giving me a bunch of crappier options and making me drive past Mamaya.
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So here I am.
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I know it was a trick.
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Zoe for Moosem.
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I want to go to the other one.
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I actually do.
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I've been sitting here for an hour listening about how terrible it is.
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Is it shit? Is Vamavete shit?
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Is shit? It's like men with long hair who smoke weed.
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Nice.
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By you.
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Tristan!
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Tristan, can you pass me some Doritos?
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Yes!
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I almost blew my brains out.
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Can I have some?
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What do you mean, have some?
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Well, if you don't give me some Doritos.
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It's can you pass me the Doritos.
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Can you pass me the Doritos?
► 00:11:04
Rory wants us to pass some Doritos.
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No, fuck Rory. Nah, that's how I was digging.
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I'm going to blow my fucking brains out.
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Alright. They are fucking good.
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This is the only reason I'm not dead yet.
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You think? Yeah. Yeah, bro.
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Shit. I can only imagine if he didn't pass me those Doritos right there.
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Yeah, I think I'd just jump out the car.
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I'm probably burning. Yeah, going 120.
► 00:11:35
This looks nice.
► 00:11:54
It does look nice, doesn't it? It does.
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The police cars look very nice.
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Yeah, the police don't look very nice, but they never did really look that nice.
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Although the Rachel police are very nice.
► 00:12:06
Tristan, the ocean looks the same as any other ocean.
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It does. It's the exact same.
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Black sea my ass, it's not black at all.
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🎵
► 00:12:22
Yeah, so...
► 00:12:24
I don't know how much is being filmed.
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We went to Mamiya, Tristan...
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We were supposed to come here and drive home.
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Tristan overtook me, went to the expensive park, the expensive beach.
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And then we fucked off when we came here because I wanted to see it anyway.
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And it's about as shit as I thought it would be.
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Yeah. Yeah.
► 00:12:40
Well, let's get some food. Where's Tristan?
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He abandoned us.
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What do you mean? He ran away.
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We convinced him to come here eventually.
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He came. He had some tea.
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He left. This.
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We're about to start boozing.
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It's about, look, exactly. The moon is hot.
► 00:13:34
It's a full moon, too. Which means we must booze.
► 00:13:38
It's a sign. It's a sign.
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We must drink copious amounts of alcohol.
► 00:13:43
We must poison ourselves.
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To the limit. We'll start now.
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We'll start now. Shit.
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It's off. Where's the talisman?
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I don't know. This makes no sense.
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He's gone. Booze.
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No. What? I know.
► 00:13:57
I don't think I've ever boozed without him.
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This might be my first time.
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Rory. Shit. I don't want to talk about it.
► 00:14:06
I need a drink. Is this how normal people drink?
► 00:14:08
I need a drink. This must be how normal people drink.
► 00:14:11
No talisman.
► 00:14:13
Works. He'd be perfect right there.