| Time | Text |
|---|---|
|
Engine Performance Limited
00:01:38
|
|
| Good shot there from Tate! | |
| A lot of people say girls love money and that's not entirely true. | |
| But I'm not a girl. | |
| I'm a girl. | |
| You Oh So what's happened? Luke broke his Ferrari, so he got a straightener. | |
| Luke, why did you break your Ferrari? | |
| I bought a car and he broke it. | |
| I was driving on the highway, and all of a sudden it just said, the engine performance is limited. | |
| So you broke the engine? I think if I buy someone a Ferrari, they should look after it. | |
| Don't you? Yes, I agree. | |
| Great. Come. | |
| You're going to have to straighten this out. | |
| It's going to have to be a straightener. | |
| I'm going to do it quick. | |
| Go. | |
| Look for an offhand. | |
| Look for a tackle power and a cross-court attack. | |
| Go. | |
| I'm going to do it quick. | |
| Come on Luke, what's that footwork? | |
| Plant your feet more, don't just walk backwards. | |
|
Throw With Intent
00:11:26
|
|
| And body. | |
| And once again, we're going to do a plank. | |
| One more time. | |
| And one more time. | |
| I look... I look... | |
| compose yourself. Throw those punches properly. | |
| You're throwing to miss. | |
| Throw with intent or don't throw. | |
| One and a half minutes. | |
| Now, no one realizes this because we haven't been recording it, but Rory is addicted to Domino's cookies. | |
| He's ordered them twice today. | |
| Here we go. One box, two box, three box, four boxes of Domino's cookies. | |
| And there are more. | |
| Now, he's just gone to answer the door. | |
| I wonder what he... | |
| He has no friends here. | |
| He has no girlfriend here. | |
| Who do you think's at the door, Luke? | |
| Is it Domino's again? I hope not. | |
| Bro, they come here like three times a day now. | |
| He needs to stop this. | |
| Why does he do it? He does it to get us. | |
| That's why he does it. And he's also dating to Domino's. | |
| It's a two-pronged attack. | |
| Who is at the door? Why Rory? | |
| Why do you keep doing this? | |
| Every day, why do you do this? | |
| Yes, but what? | |
| This is the second, third time today. | |
| 20 cookies, 2 large pizzas Nice Having some? | |
| I don't like you Why not? | |
| I don't like you anymore Why not? | |
| You need to stop doing this Look, twice a day is okay, you know? | |
| It's not. It is, but what is the harm? | |
| We train, I can eat pizza. | |
| It's not that bad for me. | |
| I'm not talking to you. Enjoy. | |
| One more. | |
| I'm not talking to you. Enjoy. | |
| So | |
| a few moments later what's happened go flat tire Driving was boring anyway because it was fucking raining. | |
| Mountain roads in the rain are no fun, and now we have a flat tire. | |
| But there's a town, ten minute walk that way. | |
| And what are we gonna do when we go to the town? | |
| Start drinking? Get a taxi. | |
| A taxi? A taxi? | |
| And what are we gonna do with this car? | |
| Your ideas... | |
| suck. Who's Chipman? | |
| Chipman is the man that me and Luke know, who works on the trains and sells people chips. | |
| Then we should go see Chipman. You're saying we get a train. | |
| Maybe we can leave the car here. | |
| If we get stolen, get stolen. | |
| We have more. But we can get a train and we can eat chips from Chipman and I'll feel better inside. | |
| Alright. Get us some train tickets. | |
| Let's go walk down there. | |
| You walk. I'll wait in the car. | |
| No, my camera lens is not dirty. | |
| Cough, cough. | |
| Tsk. | |
| We're sorry. | |
| Right, so let me give you a breakdown. | |
| What happened is this. I'm a multi-millionaire. | |
| I decided to go on a little road trip. | |
| A few pretty hotels. Some nice beautiful roads. | |
| Convinced Tristan to come with me in the M5. Got a flat tire. | |
| Now I want to become the train man. | |
| And in the meantime, Tristan decided to kill us all. | |
| Saying we need to die with that thing you do in cars. | |
| With the exhaust. We don't have a hose pipe. | |
| So we're trying to do it with Cubans. Why do we need to die again? | |
| Why are you trying to kill us? Because I'm depressed. | |
| Because he's depressed. I'm depressed. | |
| I'm trying to kill us both. With cigar smoke. | |
| If we finish these, there'll be about $150 worth of smoke in here. | |
| This car's going to stink forever. | |
| So? We're effectively ruining one of our cars. | |
| It's our car. What are we going to do? | |
| Call Amnesty. BMW is going to call us and tell us off. | |
| Bunch of German cunts. | |
| Cunts. Okay, can we go get the train now? | |
| Can we smoke on trains? I don't know. | |
| Yeah, probably. Let's go get the train, man. | |
| Something's going to go wrong if we go get the train. | |
| How can anything go wrong on a train? | |
| Things go wrong. Something's going wrong. | |
| Mark my words, something's going wrong. | |
| Andrew can't take the smoke. Nothing goes wrong on trains. | |
| Get the fuck out of here. We want a train in Romania, | |
| and the train made an emergency stop, and they asked us to come help them, and it turns out it's the train captain. | |
| It turns out that during the storm last night, a tree has blocked the train. | |
| A big tree. A big fucking tree. | |
| A tree so big, even you and me cannot move this tree. | |
| No one's moving this tree. But they obviously went down the train and asked all the big G's to come out. | |
| Big G's come out, let's move this train. | |
| This is a big train. | |
| Four or five tons at least. | |
| Tons. | |
| Solid. | |
| I need a chainsaw to move this. | |
| Peace. | |
| Chop it up. Hours work with the chainsaw. | |
| Give me a few Red Bulls, I'll be okay. | |
| Can't do it without Red Bull. We never take the train. | |
| We always take supercars. | |
| First time ever we thought, you know what? | |
| The train will be a scenic route. | |
| We've never taken the train in Romania before. | |
| And now, we're stuck. | |
| And now, this is hour three. | |
| That tree was too big to move. | |
| No one has signal. They've called the Emergency Romanian Training Authority Backup, which is probably some 65-year-old man who sleeps all day. | |
| What problem? | |
| What? He's walking here. | |
| I guess. Three hours. | |
| And the world's worst train. | |
| No drinks. No food. | |
| Wooden seats. And I've ripped my $2,000 shoes walking through the forest. | |
| Me and you should have tried harder to move that tree. | |
| But it must have weighed 10 tons. | |
| It's huge. Yeah, I don't want to show off. | |
| I don't want to let the Romanians know how powerful I am. | |
| I don't want to flex my true powers. | |
| If they were fucking superheroes, they'd ram the fucking tree with the train. | |
| We've already established by asking them that the train would move the tree if they rammed it. | |
| This procedure. I have a procedure. | |
| Get me there on fucking time. | |
| Nerds. Dark territory! | |
| That's all! Here we are, three hours later. | |
| Three and a half hours later. | |
| Some guys walked. | |
| I can't see any vehicle behind the train, so they must not have driven here. | |
| They fucking walked. | |
| Walked here with a chainsaw. | |
| From the nearest station, I guess. | |
| I don't know how they got the message to them. | |
| I think one of the conductors walked back. | |
| I know these guys have walked here with the chainsaw. | |
| Could just keep a chainsaw on the train, but I guess it doesn't cross their minds. | |
| Time hit moving, I think. | |
| Saved by the yellow jackets. | |
| So we saved the day. | |
| The train arrived on time. | |
| I got out of the train. | |
| I was a little bit tired. I'd been up drinking the night before, but the tree was in the middle. | |
| So I gave the tree an expertly timed sidekick, split it in half. | |
| You took both pieces, threw them left and the right. | |
| Everyone was super impressed. | |
| But because I was throwing the kick, I couldn't record on the phone. | |
| I already recorded the guys with the chainsaws. | |
| Fuck you. | |
| It's a nonsense episode. | |
| Where are we? We're in a salt mine. | |
| This is a nonsense episode. Nothing makes sense. | |
| So we're in a salt mine half a mile underground. | |
| We were on a mountain and now we're underground. | |