| Time | Text |
|---|---|
|
Putting It On Instagram
00:10:09
|
|
| Good shot there from Tate! | |
| A lot of people say girls love money and that's not entirely true. | |
| But I'm not saying that's true. | |
| I'm just saying that's not true. | |
| How many of you have ever seen a ghost? | |
| you So I had some friends over last night, sitting, having a few drinks, about to my bedroom, and they're fucking naked taking super pictures. | |
| So I sit in my bed, and they take a picture of them in the background. | |
| I liked it. It's two naked girls and me. | |
| I had my pants on, whatever. It's just a picture. | |
| So I put it on Instagram. Let me tell you motherfuckers about Instagram. | |
| All these girls are just like... | |
| Oh, why would you put something like that on Instagram? | |
| Let me tell you why. I'm gonna tell you why right now. | |
| You hoes put pictures of your ass and your tits and your bikinis and stuff and you get thousands and thousands of likes. | |
| I can put up a photo of a million dollars worth of cars with me, and I get about four likes. | |
| No one likes pictures of men. | |
| No one shares them. | |
| No one fucking interacts with them. | |
| You can't build your profile. I have 40,000 followers. | |
| I know 18-year-old girls with double the followers I have. | |
| Double. And what do they do? | |
| Just blow kisses and shake their ass. | |
| Literally, that's how pathetic this world is. | |
| But the photo I put up last night, which we're going to cut to... | |
| With me, with two chicks, has over five and a half thousand likes. | |
| That's more than you get, and you have 80,000 followers. | |
| I'm telling you, I'm putting a girl in every Instagram picture from now on. | |
| Every single time I've got a girl around me, I'm on a date, I'm fucking, I'm smoking, I'm getting my dick self, whatever, I'm going to dress up in a bikini and take a cool picture. | |
| Every one of my pictures on Instagram from now on is going to have hoes. | |
| Why are you pretending to be so gross? | |
| I don't, yeah. | |
| I don't, no I don't want to. | |
| So exciting! 1am. | |
| It's 1am and we're depressed. | |
| We're depressed because we're super rich. | |
| We're depressed. Why are we depressed? | |
| We can't do anything. Because we're rich. | |
| It's like our rich. We're drinking cans. | |
| We're talking about how cans help you go to sleep. | |
| And then we decided to drink loads of Red Bulls and then go to sleep. | |
| So we can sleep faster. | |
| Sleep with more energy. | |
| Yeah. We're gonna start with two ripples each. | |
| This will allow us to sleep for as much of the day as possible. Super sleep. | |
| Is this super sleep? | |
| It's not even fondowning. | |
| Why are we doing this? This isn't gonna work. | |
| It will work Why did we do that It was random, so I didn't know. | |
| It was Andrew's idea. | |
| It's a terrible idea. | |
| Every time I go up to piss, I was tossing and turning, and my brain was on. | |
| Yeah! I was trying to sleep, and then my eyes were open, and I kept trying to close it, and then I burped, and I had a pretty bad heartburn. | |
| Why does anyone do drink that stuff? | |
| It was absolutely just impossible for me to sleep. | |
| Why don't we make a one-week challenge? | |
| No No, I'm gonna say it's a bad idea now Why? Because last night you said if you had real friends they would have told you it's a bad idea. | |
| I'm not your real friend mate. | |
| I'm your cousin. I'm a millionaire stuck in his house. | |
| Fuck that's what I'm going to do. What else I'm going to do? | |
| Watch TV go to bed now. | |
| Red Bull challenge for one week. | |
| Alright, I'm down. You in? | |
| You got no choice. Shit. | |
| Alright, Red Bull challenge. | |
| Alright, let's conclude. | |
| We interrupt this program for a special news bulletin. | |
| For once in your life, stop being a dickhead. | |
| You, watching this, you're a dickhead. | |
| Stop it. And here's what you're gonna do. | |
| Finish watching the episode, Go to CobraTape.com, message the live chat agent, and say, I'm finished being a dickhead. | |
| That's it. If you do that, your life's going to change. | |
| If not, you're going to stay a dickhead. | |
| So I've invented a business ritual for us to get richer than ever before. | |
| We're already very rich when we get richer. | |
| And what we do is we all light a candle in unison. | |
| Down a Red Bull as fast as possible. | |
| Very gay. It's not gay. | |
| It works! It works! | |
| Last time we did this we made money. | |
| Yep. Forex trade came in. | |
| Down a Red Bull as fast as possible and then you sniff smelling salts as hard as you can. | |
| You invented this yesterday and we've been making money for five years. | |
| It brings the money spirits to life. | |
| Exactly. It brings the money spirits to life. | |
| Oh Tristan, I know everything! | |
| And because it's such a holy weekend of Easter, the spirits are around. | |
| Are you ready? I'm too great. | |
| Jesus is not going to have too many money to buy porn. | |
| Jesus is him! He is! | |
| That's not his deal. | |
| Are you ready to lock it? Get ready for Richard. | |
| You can lock my camera. No, no! | |
| You guys are ready. | |
| Ready? Three, two, one, go. | |
| Fucking nerds. | |
| I can feel his gear already. | |
| Just like angels we have wings. | |
| I'm stronger than you! | |
| We're actually rich! | |
| This is how you do it! | |
| Tristan doesn't know shit! | |
| The more money we make, the more we can keep from Tristan. | |
| They're out of the company! | |
| See you later. | |
| I'm playing a video game. | |
| I'm going to the bathroom. | |
| Meet-ins? We're in quarantine, Tristan. | |
| Drink Red Bull, let's go. | |
| Double whammy. | |
| You asleep? | |
| This is starting to get horrible. | |
| This is my 15th today, maybe. | |
| Red Bull's a sponsor of us. | |
| We've got 15 Red Bulls. | |
| Red Bull's not a sponsor of us. | |
| We're not allowed to go out of the meeting before the time we get out, that's sad. | |
| Yeah. Why do we do this? | |
| We can all share it soon. | |
| Alright, put on some of this. | |
| Why did we just do this? | |
| Why do I do any of the things we do? | |
| No tires. Do you have weights? | |
| So you need weights. | |
| The berm on my hand still is not healed. | |
| From that fucking tire you burnt my bike. | |
| Tristan? It's not my fault. | |
| Play with fire. I know what they're saying. | |
| Anyway, this morning the police came and said, quarantine expert out. | |
| So we are free. We no longer have to stay in the house for two weeks because we went to Sweden. | |
| We're free. I say we get in the car, so I'll go drive. | |
| Okay. But didn't you get arrested yesterday for breaking quarantine? | |
| Exactly. So I went out driving yesterday while I was on quarantine and got arrested. | |
| But now I'm not in quarantine, so I'm glad I drive it. | |
| Yeah, but don't you have to go to court for breaking quarantine? | |
| Romanian courts. Oh no, not a court in Romania. | |
| The internationally respected Romanian courts. | |
| What do we do? They're corruption-free, as we all know. | |
| Put me in jail? Put me in jail. | |
| You put me in jail. | |
| I'm going to walk in there with a pile of money like this. | |
| Guards. Boom, boom, boom, boom. | |
| Get some hoes. This cell's mine. | |
| I'll be chilling. | |
| It'll be the best quarantine ever. | |
| I'm ready. Put me in jail. | |
| I don't give a fuck. Yesterday I just didn't put me in jail. | |
| Today they told me I'm not in quarantine, going out driving again. | |
| They can take their court case, shove it up with papadosh. | |
| We're hitting the streets. Alright. | |
| Where's my wallet, by the way? | |
| Every time I ask where it is, Luke pulls a stupid face. | |
| What have you done with my wallet? | |
| You weren't using it. | |
| No clue. | |
| No idea. | |
| Don't know. | |
| Where are we going? | |
| So we're in quarantine. | |
| We're going to the airport. | |
| Or no, we're in lockdown. | |
| We're in lockdown. Yeah, we're not allowed. | |
| Well, today they told me my quarantine's ended, but I've got a penal case with the judge for breaking yesterday, so am I still in quarantine? | |
| Who knows? Who knows? | |
| And we're in the 992, and we're trying to keep up with the M8 and the Curriculum. | |
| It looks like a pretty fair race so far, but I think the M8's quicker. | |
| The M8's a little bit faster. | |
|
Close Yes, Last Round
00:03:08
|
|
| Yeah, really? Yeah. | |
| That makes faster, bro. Yep. | |
| Fucking BMW. How do they do it? | |
| I don't know how they do it, bro. | |
| The Lambo looks faster. | |
| Looks much faster. But... | |
| Yeah, but... | |
| So we got the slowest car. | |
| Luckily, it was the most crazy time. | |
| Yeah. So we'll keep on. | |
| No way. Not like this. | |
| 2.9 | |
| Yeah | |
| Yeah, this is super close. | |
| Yes. | |
| What are you doing? | |
| Look at this guy. | |
| Okay. | |
| What? | |
| I'm done. | |
| Real world pain. | |
| This is church. Only one universal understanding across humankind. | |
| Force. Violence. | |
| Not lightning through the world. Let's understand. | |
| Punch in the face. This is your God. | |
| This right here. I pray to Jesus, I will punch the fuck out of you. | |
| I will punch the fuck out of you. | |
| I will beat the fuck out of you. | |
| Who cares? It doesn't mean anything. | |
| This means something. | |
| Woo! Last round. | |
| Let's go. Last round. | |
| Hold on. Three minutes. | |
| Three minutes. Yeah. | |
| One point. We got the face pulled over. | |
| Let's see here. Yeah, | |