| Time | Text |
|---|---|
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No Return to Normal
00:04:47
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|
| Okay, so you are a female, right? | |
| No. | |
| Um. | |
| What is it? | |
| I don't know what healing means in this context. | |
| So healing, right? | |
| Healing is something that we generally get from the body, right? | |
| The physical realm, right? | |
| You break your arm. | |
| And your arm heals. | |
| Like, I have this little finger here. | |
| I was playing volleyball, and a guy spiked it straight into my finger and bent it backwards, and I could barely move it for weeks. | |
| Like, now it's, like, 99% back to normal, right? | |
| So it's healed, right? | |
| It's back to normal. | |
| I could stretch it a little bit more, but it doesn't really matter, right? | |
| So, but yeah, it was sore for, like, a long time. | |
| I mean, when I moved it too much, right? | |
| So that's healing. | |
| It's back to normal. | |
| Break your arm. | |
| Put it in a cast. | |
| It heals back to normal, right? | |
| So healing is a return to a pre-functioning state. | |
| There is no healing in abused childhood because you cannot get to a pre-functioning state because you never had that in the first place. | |
| If you grew up in a very violent, abusive, neglectful, dysfunctional environment, there's no healing, right? | |
| I mean, because there is no, you know, pre-functional state. | |
| That you can get back to. | |
| There wasn't like a you that got damaged and then you can heal and go back to the you that was not damaged because you were damaged from the beginning. | |
| And I don't say this to give you despair. | |
| I say this to give you hope. | |
| There is no return. | |
| I do not think there'll be a return journey, Mr. Frodo. | |
| There is no return journey. | |
| There is no going back and being whole. | |
| There is no going back and being undamaged. | |
| You have to work with what is and that can be a great strength for you. | |
| It can turn you into a very powerful person, but healing, from what I understand, and correct me, of course, if I've got something wrong, but there is no healing. | |
| There is no healing in the way that it would happen with the body, where you have something functional, and then you return back to that. | |
| Because there wasn't, if you grew up in a toxic, dysfunctional family, there was no functional you, because you were just surviving that from the very beginning, right? | |
| There was no functional you that you can return to. | |
| There is no circling back and making whole. | |
| There is only pressing on. | |
| And finding strength. | |
| Finding strength in the suffering. | |
| There is no going back and undoing the suffering. | |
| There is no healing. | |
| There is only pressing on and finding strength through the suffering. | |
| I was told by a crazy German woman, don't think. | |
| Okay, when a crazy person tells you not to think, probably the best thing you can do is think. | |
| I was raised... | |
| With an entire group of people who believed in subjective morality and lived pretty terrible lives. | |
| So, if your fat uncle tells you what he eats, you don't follow that diet, right? | |
| If your drunken uncle tells you, well, you know, alcohol technically is a solution. | |
| It's how you deal with things. | |
| Go out, party, have fun, drink, right? | |
| And then he dies of liver failure or something. | |
| And don't do that. | |
| So, I was raised with a bunch of people who gave me massive examples of everything not to do, and I've lived my life in reaction to that insanity and found deep sanity. | |
| you But I can't return to some sane thing that I had because I was raised by crazy people. | |
| I can't return to some sane stuff that's... | |
| Somehow back there, I can only press on to the same step that I get by judoing the trauma into deep and robust health, right? | |
| There's no healing. | |
| There's only health. | |
| There's only pressing onto health. | |
| No circling back. | |
| There's no undo. | |
| There's no original you that was not harmed, and I'm sorry for that. | |
| I really am, and I'm not trying to give you any despair. | |
| I'm trying to have you not wallow and circle back, trying to achieve something that can't be achieved called healing. | |
| You can't heal yourself. | |
| But you can press on and find strength in the suffering, find robustness and sanity, Like, I can't go back and be raised by sane people, but I can use the lessons of the insane people and become super sane myself. | |
| There is no return to healing. | |