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March 6, 2025 - Freedomain Radio - Stefan Molyneux

05:49

Why Men Ask Women Out

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	Now, if you want to know why men ask women out and women say yes or say no, it's because the man, and why do men pay?
	So the reason that a man asks a woman out is the man is showing that he is proactive and the woman is showing how she reacts, right?
	Because the man being a career guy, even if you're just a hunter or a farmer, you've got to be very proactive.
	You can't just be reactive, right?
	You've got to go hunt.
	You can't just be reactive.
	So when a man asks a woman out, He's saying, I am proactive, I pursue what I want, and the woman is reactive.
	She chooses yes or no if the man asks her out.
	And of course, if the man asks her out and the man pays for the date, he's showing, obviously, resources and so on.
	And she's showing, hopefully, grace and looking good and putting effort into conversation and being a good conversationalist and polite and grateful.
	Because if a man is providing, if the woman is not grateful, it's a bad situation.
	It's a bad relationship.
	So that's why men ask women out.
	Because men are showing how proactive they are and women are showing how graciously reactive they are because parenting is mostly reaction.
	Definitely when you're young, it's mostly reaction.
	I mean, you may say to your kids, it would be good if you learned a musical instrument, but if you're a peaceful parent, for sure, you have to be reactive.
	Do they have any interest in music?
	And also, what kind of musical instrument do they want to play?
	They might try, obviously, guitar or piano or, heaven help you, drums or trombone.
	So, you are reactive because it depends upon what your children are into, what they're focused on, what they're pursuing, and whether you can maintain their enthusiasm because kids can start off very enthusiastic about something and then that enthusiasm can fade away.
	I mean, when my daughter was young, she...
	She's composed on the piano.
	She wrote, like, tons of stuff on the piano.
	I thought it was actually pretty good and pretty nice.
	But then she lost interest in the piano and got into other things.
	Then she was really into writing stories.
	She was really into, she animated a bunch of movies and wrote and animated, wrote, directed and animated a bunch of movies.
	And then she became less interested in that.
	She's going through a writing phase at the moment, which hopefully will last.
	But we'll see, right?
	So you're just kind of reactive.
	So, if a woman wants to be a primary caregiver, then she needs to signal that she's assertive, maybe even aggressive, and absolutely proactive, right?
	She needs to signal that.
	And the man needs to signal that he's gracious in his reactions, that he will look good for her, that he will be a good conversationalist, that will be very grateful for her generosity, and all of that kind of stuff to signal that they're going to be A good team.
	So, if women want to be the primary caregivers, then women need to start selecting for reactive, somewhat passive relative to the aggression or assertion that's needed to pursue a career.
	They have to start selecting for more passive men and they have to start being more proactive in selecting for more passive men, which means, of course, women need to ask men out and women need to pay for the dates.
	Because that's how you select.
	The person who's best at staying home and raising the children.
	You can plan your career, you can be proactive in your career, you can manage your career, but you can't plan for much when it comes to kids.
	I remember taking a bunch of kids for pizza and just trying to get the kids to agree what should go on the pizza was a crazy complex negotiation.
	So you just have to be kind of...
	Reactive and manage all of that.
	So then women need to select for reactive men.
	Proactive women need to select for reactive men, which means women need to ask the men out.
	And the men need to look pretty for the women and be good at conversation and be grateful for the...
	But women don't want to do that.
	Still, 90% of dates are the man asking out and the woman has the expectation that the man pays.
	Now, again, this is sort of pointing out that this is kind of hypocritical.
	It's kind of inevitable.
	It feels kind of inevitable.
	But nonetheless, this is where you see things really occurring.
	This is where you see things, what is really going on for people.
	Like I watched the movie Baby Girl because I'm kind of fascinated about what women find attractive and appealing these days.
	And of course, this is a hard-driving female CEO of an Amazon-style company.
	And then she...
	Can only have sexual gratification by being ordered around by a tatted-up intern, like being ordered to lick milk off a bowl on the floor to be ordered around.
	That's the only way that she can get sexual satisfaction.
	And then she has one daughter who's hyper-masculine, one daughter who's hyper-feminine.
	And this is just how it seems to go, that she has all of this dominance, but deep down she's yearning for it.
	Now, we can argue, is this right or wrong, good or bad?
	But, I mean, trust me, man, they don't sink tens of millions of dollars into a movie and get, you know, genuine movie stars like Antonio Manderas and Nicole Kidman.
	They don't do that without doing a lot of research and figuring out what is attractive for women.
	Of course, they're a little bit.
	They're chasing the Fifty Shades of Grey stuff.
	But that's just reality.
	That's just the reality.
	So, yeah, men are working hard for their families.
	Yeah.
	And women are choosing a job over their own children.
	Well, they are.
	Because somebody's got to raise the kids.

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