Premium Episode 59: The Rockatansky Files (Jake's Tampa QAnon Rally) Sample
Alone, desperate and undercover at the QAnon rally, Jake crashes and burns in an attempt to fit in with the other attendees. He rants about underground alien bases, gets ignored by influencers and blows his cover with the organizers.
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Pleasant lighting and large stalls made for a surprisingly comfortable experience, and I was grateful for it.
As I sat there, I couldn't keep my brain from tilting back into the same thought I'd been mulling over for weeks.
How the fuck was I going to play this?
At first I had considered going as a moderately red-pilled man, someone who was maybe open to the idea of QAnon, and hoping to be further pilled at the rally.
But then why was I recording?
It was fishy.
It would be tough to pull one over on the Anons.
I decided the move was to return to my roots and attend the rally as a fully red-pilled man, one who was carefully documenting every element of the Great Awakening so as to avoid being memory-holed when QAnon turned out to be real.
It was just stupid enough to work.
My name would be John Kevin, A combination of my two friends' names, which I thought would be funny later if they ever heard the episode.
I ended up bungling this immediately as you'll see in a moment.
I emerged from the bathroom with the confidence of a man who knew his stomach would be good for at least a couple hours.
Through the buildings I could see the merch tents lining the park.
It was real.
We were here.
And we were going to capture the whole thing.
It was at this exact moment I switched on my recorder, checked my levels, and began recording.
You are now listening to... The Rakitansky Files.
And we're recording.
Walking to the Q Rally right fucking now, bitches.
Let's go.
It's your boy, Jay Rockatansky, going undercover as a fully red-pilled man.
Let's see how it works.
I've got a couple backstories, a couple aliases.
Let's see how many of them I remember.
Almost immediately, I ran into QAnon people.
They were standing at a stoplight, pulling a wagon, waiting for the light to change.
At first, I wasn't sure if they were patriots or not, as the woman was dressed fairly normally.
But a quick once-over revealed a golden Q-pin fastened to a headband.
Well, it's now or never, I thought.
And just like that, I took the plunge.
A couple fellow Patriots.
Hey, how's it going man?
Kevin, nice to meet you guys.
Hi, I'm Jay.
Where are you from?
Chicago.
Chicago, from Indianapolis.
Oh nice, okay.
Notice how I immediately blow my cover and have to stop myself from introducing myself as Jake to the woman at the end of the clip.
I was nervous.
Everyone was.
In the back of every QAnon believer's mind, they have an inkling that the entire world is making fun of them behind their backs.
I wasn't wearing any Trump or Q gear.
I could potentially be an op, but I did have one advantage.
I was a man of the people, and the three of us quickly found common ground.
Yeah, he came up from Corpus Christi, is that right?
South Padre.
Oh, nice, nice, nice.
An hour drive to get to Tampa, but they have other things going on, too.
Yeah, I flew.
It just so happened that one of my good buddies, his parents live here, so he was coming out.
I figured there was a rally, there was another reason to go, so I just pulled the trigger, man.
Yeah, I got a flight for $100.
What?!
Yeah, round trip.
What?!
Yeah.
from Indianapolis? It was unclear what items he was referring to,
And as we reached the edge of the park, more Patriots began to saunter in.
I did my best to fit in.
Like, I'm so used to just everybody being online.
I have one other person in mind.
Oh, I have one other friend.
I would say he's, like, moderately red-pilled, you know?
Like, he's a little, you know, but not full-on.
Like, he's still kind of a skeptic, which is totally fine.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, this is gonna roll around hard.
Yeah.
That's a you were referencing Travis I attempted to convey a delicate balance between fully pilled but not in an annoying way I could see these new friends slowly drifting away Very out of breath and incredibly enthusiastic I don't know what's happening over here, but he's like his small talk has the level of intensity small talk up to 11 The weather!
How's the fucking weather there, buddy?
I fucking cranked it.
I cranked it.
I didn't know what else to do.
I didn't know what else to do.
I could see these new friends slowly drifting away.
They were looking for a shady spot to set up shop.
In fact, you can actually hear me actively losing control of the conversation.
Not wanting to lose the only connection I made, I desperately tried to talk about anything to keep the conversation going.
I was reading something that was like... There was some statistic that said 30% of people are open.
30% of people are open to it.
And that's all you need.
There was some statistic that said 30% of people are open.
Well 10% of people think it's alright.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's a tipping point.
I know. And 30% open to it.
And that's all you need. Just the door open.
Oh yeah. Well, the American Revolution was done by 3% of the people.
Yeah, yeah, that's true.
Yeah, there you go.
I did not buy- It's just gonna be you going around trying to pill people and then being like, okay man, that's cool, alright.
Yeah.
I hope that's what you wanted.
That is what we told you to do.
We sent you there for that.
That's what you're going to get.
I didn't bother to fact check whether the American Revolution was done by 3%, but this man was larger than me and I didn't want to push it.
I began to wander aimlessly towards the merch tents where people would be forced to interact with me because they wanted my money.
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