QAA - Premium Episode 59: The Rockatansky Files (Jake's Tampa QAnon Rally) Sample
Aired: 2020-01-23
Duration: 06:23


=== Moderately Red-Pilled Man (06:07) ===

[00:00:00]  The restrooms were nice.
[00:00:01]  Pleasant lighting and large stalls made for a surprisingly comfortable experience, and I was grateful for it.
[00:00:07]  As I sat there, I couldn't keep my brain from tilting back into the same thought I'd been mulling over for weeks.
[00:00:13]  How the fuck was I going to play this?
[00:00:15]  At first I had considered going as a moderately red-pilled man, someone who was maybe open to the idea of QAnon, and hoping to be further pilled at the rally.
[00:00:24]  But then why was I recording?
[00:00:25]  It was fishy.
[00:00:26]  It would be tough to pull one over on the Anons.
[00:00:29]  I decided the move was to return to my roots and attend the rally as a fully red-pilled man, one who was carefully documenting every element of the Great Awakening so as to avoid being memory-holed when QAnon turned out to be real.
[00:00:41]  It was just stupid enough to work.
[00:00:43]  My name would be John Kevin, A combination of my two friends' names, which I thought would be funny later if they ever heard the episode.
[00:00:50]  I ended up bungling this immediately as you'll see in a moment.
[00:00:52]  I emerged from the bathroom with the confidence of a man who knew his stomach would be good for at least a couple hours.
[00:00:57]  Through the buildings I could see the merch tents lining the park.
[00:01:00]  It was real.
[00:01:01]  We were here.
[00:01:03]  And we were going to capture the whole thing.
[00:01:05]  It was at this exact moment I switched on my recorder, checked my levels, and began recording.
[00:01:12]  You are now listening to... The Rakitansky Files.
[00:01:17]  And we're recording.
[00:01:18]  Walking to the Q Rally right fucking now, bitches.
[00:01:22]  Let's go.
[00:01:23]  It's your boy, Jay Rockatansky, going undercover as a fully red-pilled man.
[00:01:30]  Let's see how it works.
[00:01:31]  I've got a couple backstories, a couple aliases.
[00:01:35]  Let's see how many of them I remember.
[00:01:38]  Almost immediately, I ran into QAnon people.
[00:01:41]  They were standing at a stoplight, pulling a wagon, waiting for the light to change.
[00:01:45]  At first, I wasn't sure if they were patriots or not, as the woman was dressed fairly normally.
[00:01:49]  But a quick once-over revealed a golden Q-pin fastened to a headband.
[00:01:54]  Well, it's now or never, I thought.
[00:01:56]  And just like that, I took the plunge.
[00:01:59]  A couple fellow Patriots.
[00:02:01]  Hey, how's it going man?
[00:02:02]  Kevin, nice to meet you guys.
[00:02:03]  Hi, I'm Jay.
[00:02:04]  Where are you from?
[00:02:05]  Chicago.
[00:02:06]  Chicago, from Indianapolis.
[00:02:08]  Oh nice, okay.
[00:02:09]  Notice how I immediately blow my cover and have to stop myself from introducing myself as Jake to the woman at the end of the clip.
[00:02:16]  I was nervous.
[00:02:17]  Everyone was.
[00:02:18]  In the back of every QAnon believer's mind, they have an inkling that the entire world is making fun of them behind their backs.
[00:02:24]  I wasn't wearing any Trump or Q gear.
[00:02:26]  I could potentially be an op, but I did have one advantage.
[00:02:30]  I was a man of the people, and the three of us quickly found common ground.
[00:02:34]  Yeah, he came up from Corpus Christi, is that right?
[00:02:38]  South Padre.
[00:02:38]  Oh, nice, nice, nice.
[00:02:40]  An hour drive to get to Tampa, but they have other things going on, too.
[00:02:44]  Yeah, I flew.
[00:02:46]  It just so happened that one of my good buddies, his parents live here, so he was coming out.
[00:02:51]  I figured there was a rally, there was another reason to go, so I just pulled the trigger, man.
[00:02:54]  Yeah, I got a flight for $100.
[00:02:57]  What?!
[00:02:57]  Yeah, round trip.
[00:02:59]  What?!
[00:02:59]  Yeah.
[00:03:00]  from Indianapolis? It was unclear what items he was referring to,
[00:03:28]  And as we reached the edge of the park, more Patriots began to saunter in.
[00:03:32]  I did my best to fit in.
[00:03:43]  Like, I'm so used to just everybody being online.
[00:03:45]  I have one other person in mind.
[00:03:48]  Oh, I have one other friend.
[00:03:50]  I would say he's, like, moderately red-pilled, you know?
[00:03:53]  Like, he's a little, you know, but not full-on.
[00:03:57]  Like, he's still kind of a skeptic, which is totally fine.
[00:04:00]  Yeah, yeah.
[00:04:01]  Yeah, this is gonna roll around hard.
[00:04:03]  Yeah.
[00:04:05]  That's a you were referencing Travis I attempted to convey a delicate balance between fully pilled but not in an annoying way I could see these new friends slowly drifting away Very out of breath and incredibly enthusiastic I don't know what's happening over here, but he's like his small talk has the level of intensity small talk up to 11 The weather!
[00:04:32]  How's the fucking weather there, buddy?
[00:04:34]  I fucking cranked it.
[00:04:35]  I cranked it.
[00:04:36]  I didn't know what else to do.
[00:04:38]  I didn't know what else to do.
[00:04:42]  I could see these new friends slowly drifting away.
[00:04:44]  They were looking for a shady spot to set up shop.
[00:04:47]  In fact, you can actually hear me actively losing control of the conversation.
[00:04:51]  Not wanting to lose the only connection I made, I desperately tried to talk about anything to keep the conversation going.
[00:04:58]  I was reading something that was like... There was some statistic that said 30% of people are open.
[00:05:02]  30% of people are open to it.
[00:05:04]  And that's all you need.
[00:05:04]  There was some statistic that said 30% of people are open.
[00:05:09]  Well 10% of people think it's alright.
[00:05:12]  Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[00:05:13]  That's a tipping point.
[00:05:14]  I know. And 30% open to it.
[00:05:16]  And that's all you need. Just the door open.
[00:05:18]  Oh yeah. Well, the American Revolution was done by 3% of the people.
[00:05:23]  Yeah, yeah, that's true.
[00:05:25]  Yeah, there you go.
[00:05:26]  I did not buy- It's just gonna be you going around trying to pill people and then being like, okay man, that's cool, alright.
[00:05:32]  Yeah.
[00:05:36]  I hope that's what you wanted.
[00:05:38]  That is what we told you to do.
[00:05:40]  We sent you there for that.
[00:05:41]  That's what you're going to get.
[00:05:42]  I didn't bother to fact check whether the American Revolution was done by 3%, but this man was larger than me and I didn't want to push it.
[00:05:49]  I began to wander aimlessly towards the merch tents where people would be forced to interact with me because they wanted my money.

=== Five Bucks a Month (00:29) ===

[00:06:00]  You have been listening to a sample of a premium episode of QAnon Anonymous.
[00:06:04]  We don't run any advertising on the show, and we'd like to keep it that way.
[00:06:08]  For five bucks a month, you'll get access to this episode, a new one each week, and our entire library of premium episodes.
[00:06:16]  So head on over to patreon.com slash QAnonAnonymous and subscribe.
[00:06:20]  Thank you.
[00:06:21]  Thanks.
[00:06:21]  I love you.
[00:06:22]  Jake loves you.