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April 19, 2009 - No Agenda
01:34:13
90: Lost Your Job? Eat More Fiber
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Adam Curry, John C. Dvorak.
Serving the fine upstanding citizens of Gitmo Nation from sea to shining sea.
It's Sunday, April 19th, 2009.
This is No Agenda.
Coming to you from the Command Line Crackpot Command Center, located in the southwest quadrant of London in Gitmo Nation East.
I'm Adam Curry.
And I am the DOS-based unit from Northern California.
I'm John C. Dvorak.
That stunk.
Well, that was alright.
It was different.
So, what's the...
We didn't Twitter our fan base, did we?
Oh, crap.
No, we did not.
Let me just do it now.
Noagenda...
He's now live.
Noagendastream.com Sorry about my tardiness, by the way.
Yeah?
Yes.
I've come to the harsh conclusion that my family, my wife certainly does not give a crap about this show.
Oh, well, why would she?
She's making like a fortune as a television star at the moment.
Well, that's exactly the point.
And so you're just a schmuck doing the show that's kind of nutty.
Exactly.
That's my point.
So the minute she's big and happening, then all of a sudden nothing else counts.
Well, that's the way it is with celebrity couples.
Oh, maybe.
Then I need to get myself a girlfriend, maybe.
Is that what celebrity couples do?
Either that, I've got to adopt a child from Africa.
Isn't that how we get with a march for a bull?
I think the thing to do is, you've got to let me come over there and take some candid photos, and then I can sell them.
We can put them, give them money to the show.
Oh, really?
That's the way we're going to do it, huh?
That'll get us.
That'll get us our income.
Those pictures, they really don't sell for a lot, none of us, in Holland.
The market's too small.
That's too bad.
Yeah, it's not big now.
It's the same two weeks ago.
I was like, I've got to go pick up the heavy stuff at Sainsbury's, which is heavy stuff.
Bottles and whatever crap.
And I said, well, as long as I can be back by 4, we can do it any time before that.
And, you know, it's like, she just leaves at 3.30.
She doesn't care.
I said, don't you care?
Yeah, I care.
No, you don't care!
Well, what do you want for free?
So this time it was my fault and my apologies, obviously.
Well, it's going to be next Sunday that's more challenging.
Yeah, because you're going to be in Amsterdam for the Queen's Day festivities.
Yes.
And is that actually Sunday, the 30th?
No, I think the 30th.
I don't know when the 30th is.
Let's see, the 30th is Thursday.
Queen's Day invites a lot of ridicule from the San Franciscans, I'm sure.
It's about the Queen of...
No Americans know, by the way, Queen's Day on the 30th looks like it'll be on Thursday.
It's not actually her birthday, by the way.
Well, I was just going to say, I don't think most Americans even know that there's a Queen.
Yeah.
Well, she's a part of the Uber lords that are controlling us, so...
For you to say.
Yeah, really.
You might as well make some acquaintance with her.
Oh, yeah.
Is she roaming around on Queen's Day?
Yeah, she does like one...
She'll do an appearance somewhere at some dorky village, and all the kids come out with a national color, which, of course, is orange.
It's about the ugliest color you can imagine to be national.
Well, that's interesting, because I have a...
I should bring my hoodie that I got from Findlay University, which won the Men's Division II Basketball Championship this year.
And I should get that and wear it because it's really orange.
Yeah, anything orange will do.
I have an orange shirt.
I'll just bring my orange shirt.
And the slogan is Oranje Bove, which means orange up, which I believe stems from the Second World War.
That was kind of the resistance motto, is orange will always come up.
It sounds kind of like a puke story when you say it that way, but...
Orange is the colour.
The House of Orange, from Willem of Orange.
Actually, it was interesting.
They had a Dutch day.
They had a Queen's Day in London yesterday in, I'm going to say, Trafalgar Square.
And there were little market stalls, people selling Dutch cheese, selling Dutch pancakes.
There were some Dutch bands playing music and, of course, a ton of Dutch people.
And the kids actually went and they brought back some cheese and they said it was pretty cool.
That the whole Dutch community in London gets together and celebrates a week before the actual Queens Day festivities in the hinterland.
Huh.
Yeah.
Well, there's a lot of Dutch in the U.S. Maybe we should do something like that here.
I'm sure they do.
I'm sure there is some kind of Queens...
Probably in Pennsylvania.
Seems to be a lot of Dutch people there.
Yeah, but there are...
Yeah, that's true.
As in Dutch Pennsylvania.
And...
I mean, New York, too.
I mean, it used to be New Amsterdam.
I'm bummed about it, because how stupid is it that you're coming this side of Gitmo Nation, and two days earlier I traveled to the west side of Gitmo Nation.
Yeah, the west side.
That's the way we can keep our world perspective.
So you're going to have to give me the world perspective from your drunken slumber in Amsterdam.
I don't drink.
So the problem...
The problem is not so much Sunday, the problem is going to be Thursday.
That's the problem, because that's Queens Day itself.
So I think we do it on Friday, and then we can either do a show on Sunday, or we could move that up one day to Monday.
When are you coming back?
I have that somewhere written down, actually.
I'm coming back on Saturday.
Yeah, the week after, though.
Oh, the Saturday after Queens Day?
Uh, yeah.
Then we'll figure it out.
Won't we?
Yeah, I'm a Saturday-to-Saturday trip.
Yeah.
But we'll have a regular Thursday this coming Thursday.
And I'm going to Miniature World.
Ah, Majuro Dam!
Well, whatever.
Is that all set up?
Are you good to go?
You got your tickets?
Boy, oh boy, John, you're going to enjoy a little Maduro Dom, my friend.
Well, I saw it once on a travel thing recently, like about a year ago, and I was in Amsterdam.
No, I guess it was two years ago, because I was in Amsterdam a couple years ago, and I wanted to go there, but it was like it's inconvenient if you just have a Eurail pass, because I guess it's out in the middle of nowhere.
So I never made it there.
But I've always wanted to go there because when I saw this travel, I think it's mostly for kids.
But it reminds me of a grand version of what's in Victoria, B.C. I would recommend this to people, by the way, as a tourist attraction.
They have a miniature world.
In Victoria, B.C., but it's indoors, and it's a museum.
Oh, this one's outside.
Majuro Dam is all weatherproof.
Yeah, no, I know the difference.
I mean, that's what drew me to it, because it looks like a photographer's dream come true for just weird pictures.
And, yeah, because in this one, you get to walk right through these cities, you know, and they're all miniature.
You look like a monster.
Yeah, that's how it was sold to me as a kid, too, John.
Yeah.
It's going to be really cool, kids.
You'll be like a monster.
Yeah.
Excellent.
So you think it's not worth going to?
Is that what you're saying?
No, I definitely think you should go.
I think that's a fine idea.
Take many, many pictures.
And Twitter them while you're at it.
And so anyway, but I do recommend this little museum of miniatures in Victoria, British Columbia.
It's actually worth going to.
We've gone to it a couple times.
So the Dutch are in the picture momentarily as former mayor of New York Rudy Giuliani is outraged at the Dutch.
No?
Yeah, it says a program, we didn't talk about this, I think it was on a week and a half or two weeks ago, called Devil's Advocate, direct translation of the show title.
And the Devil's Advocate is essentially looking at big issues from, you know, the side of the devil, and then making decisions in a mock court.
And the...
The issue at hand was...
Where's this show air?
It airs only in the Netherlands, of course.
Okay.
The issue at hand was, was there enough proof that Osama bin Laden was behind the 9-11 attacks in New York and Washington?
And so this is a live jury, and they have...
You know, prosecutors and defense, etc.
But it's a mock trial, obviously.
And the jury, which was made up of regular Dutch folk, said, yeah, not enough evidence.
And Giuliani is outraged.
Did Bin Laden ever come out and say he did it?
Well, not even that, but the FBI does not have him listed on their 10 most wanted list or any wanted list for the 9-11 attacks.
They have him on the list for being an accomplice in the World Trade Center bombing, but the FBI said repeatedly, and this has been underreported, of course, but it's quite official, the FBI says we can't put him on the 10 most wanted list because there's no proof that he did it.
So then why is Giuliani all bent out of shape?
Because he's a part of the game.
We have to believe.
But what's the point of being bent out of shape at all?
Why doesn't he just, like, let it slide?
Does he have to be in the news?
I'm sorry.
You need, like, buttons, you know.
No, I have buttons.
That's the whole problem.
It's just I have everything all set up now in a...
Are they big, giant buttons that you can pound at the drop of a hat?
They're big enough.
It's just they're in a new order.
So the one I wanted was...
Don't look over here!
Nothing to see here.
Ooh, look at that!
I got a couple more that were sent to me, so that's why.
No, I got a nice little controller, man.
I got a keypad with colored buttons.
And corresponding on my screen are the drops and jingles with colors and positions, so I should be able to do it.
So, no, Giuliani, I have to translate backwards now.
Oh, he's saying this is...
Not only is this...
Wait, wait.
Do you have to translate backwards because it's a show about the devil and everything goes backwards?
Yes.
It's fun to smoke marijuana.
No, it's because it's in Dutch.
And, of course, Giuliani responded in English, I'm sure.
So now I'm translating back into something that might sound like him.
It's a bizarre and unfounded judgment...
And I think that it will not mean much to most sane-thinking people, except for those, of course, who love conspiracy theories.
Well, that's us.
Yeah, exactly!
So we love it when you do that, Rudy.
We love it.
Of course, the EU... Trump claims now that there were over 500 terrorist preparation attacks in 2008 that they thwarted.
500 of them.
Count them.
If that was true, they'd be in the news more.
Of course.
You know, it's total crap.
Total, total crap.
And where are the arrests?
Which arrests?
Well, there's no arrests.
Well, there's no arrests.
Wait a minute, let me get this straight.
There's a terrorist plot afoot.
You figure it out, and then you stop it.
And then you don't arrest anybody.
And then you don't arrest anybody.
Well, they might arrest people, but we're trying to keep cool and calm and not to alert to...
Well, before they, in fact, when they had all those sweeps here in the United States, they were arresting people left and right and making a big scene about it.
They arrested some guy who used to work for Intel up in Oregon, and then, you know, because he went and visited, you know, some madrasa or something like that.
And then they arrested those guys up in New England.
They got some guys in Virginia, and they arrested some people in the middle of the state of California for, I don't know what day.
They were just plotting.
They weren't even putting anything in play.
And they were arrested and it was a big deal.
So what changed that made us stop publicizing the arrests, if this is true?
Well, I don't think they...
Where's the logic here?
I'm not getting it.
Is the news media just dropping the ball and they refuse to report what they're told to report?
Is that what you're saying?
No, I think it's a combination.
On top of everything, this is an EU report coming out of the European Union, and they just want to say, hey, we're doing a good job.
And so you scratch your head and you say, 500?
You know, I heard of maybe two, one of which is still responsible for us not being allowed to carry more than 100 milliliters of liquids on the plane because these guys were supposed to be blowing them up with liquids.
No, it's just a part of the show.
I mean, as Simon Cowell continues to produce the show world that we live in, that we believe is reality, sometimes he lets it slip, you know?
It's a hard job.
It's not easy producing this big show.
If there were 500 incidents that should have been reported.
Well, then the media is lame.
Well, somebody's lame.
This is bogus.
You can't say there's 500 things we thwarted, and then they don't tell us what they are, when they were, who did them, or anything in between.
What kind of thing is that?
What is that bull?
They should fire the people who claim this.
They categorized them.
Well, it's the EU themselves.
Let me see if I can find it.
They categorized these 500.
I think it was 515 total.
So this is Europol.
They said they counted a total of 515 terrorist attacks carried out or planned in the Union in 2008.
This is like jobs saved.
Yes.
Created or saved.
The threat to EU member states of Islamist as well as ethno-nationalist and separatist terrorism remains high.
Deputy Director of Europe.
Oh, they've now included separatist terrorists.
What is that?
Well, first of all, they're saying ethno-nationalist.
Ethno.
So that could be...
Shit, that would be me here, I guess.
Am I not an ethno-terrorist?
I'm sorry, ethno-nationalist.
What is that, an ethno-ethno?
I can't even say it.
I think what it means is that you're somebody that's within a region that would like to split off into two countries, like Canadians, Quebecois, and probably the Irish.
So, despite the dominance of nationalist and separatist groups in the EU... Oh, but also the Basques.
How about the Armenians?
Maybe.
Yeah.
Mr.
Simankas said Islamist terrorism considered to be the greatest threat at the global level.
Can you believe what these guys are saying?
I mean, please, just say, Arabs, just get them all in there while you're at it.
There's a major concern in Europe with Islamist terror cells remaining active within the EU. One attack by this type of group was perpetrated in 2008 with only the terrorists dying at a restaurant in Britain when the bomb exploded too early.
I don't even know about that one.
You'd think you would.
And he died in a restaurant?
Many other attempts were foiled.
Citing examples in Germany and Italy, and 187 arrests in France, Britain, and Spain.
187 arrests?
Where were these arrests?
Amazing.
Yeah, you'd think that they'd be getting some publicity here.
That's amazing.
I mean, they were getting publicity for every two-bit arrest that they were making a few years ago.
Now we hear nothing?
It was still at the top of the list?
Why is it being suppressed that this is true?
It's just not true, then.
I'll tell you what is getting out of control, because every day there's a new report about Border Patrol abuse within the United States.
Did you see the video we have on the blog?
Was it about the pastor?
It was about the guy that's like 100 miles inland, so Border Patrol, you know, they feel that there's a...
Yeah, but that happens in all the cases, but there's two cases that I saw in the past few days.
One was a pastor who was beaten on the head, beaten, a pastor.
And the other one was a guy, and he's filming the whole thing, and the Border Patrol agent pulls out a pair of nunchucks.
Yeah!
Can you believe that?
He, like, flashes his nunchucks at the guy, and then the guy, you know, he's like, I've got the Constitution in my knapsack.
Wrong guy to flash your nunchucks at.
You threaten me by brandishing a weapon.
Oh, man, it just goes on and on and on and on.
What was the one that you had on the blog?
I'll have to go look at it.
It's one among many.
But this just keeps happening.
It's just the guy, you know, reading him the riot act.
It just keeps on happening, though.
And this is completely unconstitutional and illegal.
Where is the lawyers?
Where are the lawyers that are so, you know, that are adept at...
The lawyers are running the White House, my friend.
And why is the White House not doing so?
This is idiotic.
You know, who's telling these guys to go out and do this stuff?
And then, of course, we have this Napolitano, whatever her name is.
She's being targeted by the right-wing talk show people as a...
There's a bad person trying to get her fired because she's, you know, made it so that if you have any right-wing ideology, in other words, if you believe anything out of a huge laundry list from being anti-abortion to thinking Ron Paul's a good guy, you are, you know, up for being on the terrorist watch list.
Yeah.
Well, they're trying to downplay that here and there, but this is what gets me is...
It's like, people push back on something.
Oh, okay, don't worry, we'll change that.
We'll fix that for you.
And then nothing changes.
Nothing gets fixed, and it just keeps on moving.
Do you even hear about the deficit anymore?
I mean, that's like...
You don't hear about this stuff anymore.
It's news for about a week, and then it goes away, and we're all just happy little suckers.
Yeah, well, that's just the way it goes.
We got a nice review once again.
Oh, yeah?
For who?
I think his name is James.
Either it's Cool or Cola.
I'm not sure.
And he actually had quite a thoughtful review.
The title of the blog post is The Real Daily Show, Not More of the Same, which I thought was quite a compliment there.
And goes into really a comparison between The Daily Show and No Agenda.
And of course, otherwise, why bother with reading the review?
We come out on top smelling like a rose.
No, it's good.
He recalls our discussion about the pirates and says, of course, we always drop in the real news about Madonna adopting a baby.
Yeah, it's good.
It was very, very nice.
Yeah, the one that we have, by the way, the video we have is the Nunchucks one.
It is the Nunchucks one, yeah.
Yeah.
There's a couple others I'd like to get on here too.
These guys are, you know, people...
I realize, you know, that E71 phone I have has a couple interesting features.
And it does seem to have a limitless recording capability.
I told you.
Yeah, just as long as you got...
Yeah, so you start the recording and you drop the thing in your vest or your pocket in your shirt because the thing is so light, it doesn't even drag your shirt down.
And you can pretty much record anything.
Yeah.
You know what I saw on the plane, the in-flight magazine on EasyJet when we came back from Portugal, and of course I wasn't one of the selected flights which had this item available, was a pen.
You put the pen in your pocket, and it's actually a miniature camera.
And so you can pretty much aim it, angle it, because the lens is right on the clip there, right above the clip, and it records it.
I think there's a 2 meg...
Memory chip inside, and then you just unscrew the back, and you plug it right into your USB, and you can drag the video off.
Two gig, probably more like two gigs.
Two gig, yeah, two gig, I'm sorry.
I need that.
That's really cool.
That would be cool.
For you especially, since you're, you know...
Yeah, but I've had good luck.
Confrontational.
You mean because I stand up for my rights?
Because I don't take shit from people?
I'm confrontational?
You sound like a Border Patrol agent, Mr.
Dvorak.
Maybe.
I think, you know, I've decided that what we've got from Neapolitano, whatever the heck your name is.
Neapolitano?
I don't know.
So I think is that when she gave us the list there, you know, you can't be anti-abortion, you can't care about what Mexicans crossing the border, you can't care about NAFTA. You can't use Linux with a black screen with white prompts.
You can't do all these different things.
That was not meant for anybody, but it was marching orders for the public.
Well, and there's a lot of that, and this is probably a good time to get into the one bit of agenda we have for today's No Agenda.
Was it your son who sent that email that you forwarded to me about the pirates?
Now, which son is this?
Yeah, he says he also has followed up with a bunch of other stuff that he sent.
Which son is this?
This wasn't Eric.
No, no, this is John.
He's the one at Evergreen.
Well, how old is John?
22, I think.
You think?
You've got so many kids, you don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know what their fucking birthdays are.
I don't care.
He's 23.
I know what year he was.
I know the year everyone was born in, because each one has a...
Like, Eric is, you know...
Okay, John, let's go.
How old is Eric?
And Eric, he was born in 77.
How old is he?
Come on, he doesn't roll off your tongue?
But 32, I guess.
32.
Okay, and then we have John Jr.
Well, it's not Jr.
because he's got a different middle name.
Oh, okay.
And he's 22.
He was born in 85.
So he's 24.
Geez, he's 24.
Or he's going to be 24 this year.
He's 23.
This is no agenda.
I'm so baked.
I just remember the tees.
You and those buttons.
You're hitting the wrong one.
No, I like that one.
I just remember the la-di-da-di-da one.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I just remember the years they were born.
I don't sit around calculating it.
Oh, God, now they're this age.
You know, I don't care.
So he sent a very thoughtful email about the pirate situation, which really is a media story more than anything, but there were some conclusions to be...
Oh, wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
I have...
Oh, it rang once, and then the machine hung it up.
Huh.
You've reached John Z. Devorak during the broadcast of No Agenda.
Please leave your mystery caller details at the sound of the tone.
Oh, you had that ready to go.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
I was ready for you.
The guy always calls.
Who the hell is it?
It's probably my wife calling your phone just to mess up the show some more.
Are you done with him?
Did you hang him up?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Give him a call at his number in London.
Hey, it's some joker calling about the show.
No, you're kidding me.
No.
Who was it?
It's probably that guy who did the jingle.
And he has your home phone number.
He wanted to get the jingle on.
He's like, quick, let me call, let me call.
That's funny.
That's funny.
All right, don't do that again.
Damn it.
I always have somebody call me up, you know, that's got my number.
I've had more than a few calls.
There's not a lot.
I mean, I get called...
I call them all crank calls about maybe twice a year.
It's not like a nuisance.
But it's usually some drunk...
You know, teenager.
I swear to God.
It's like, always like, it's, you know, it's like, they're back east, and so it's like, two in the morning, and the guy, oh, is this John Zvorak, the columnist?
Yeah.
Hey, dude!
Hey, dude!
Das rules, dude!
And then they want to chat, but they have nothing to talk about.
I've always told people, you know, if you're going to go to, if you like going to concert, the big thing is to get the backstage pass.
Yeah.
And you go back there, you don't have anything in common with any of these people.
In fact, you're in the way all the time.
You're in the way.
You're in the way.
Backstage.
Access all areas.
Oh, yeah, that's what you want, baby.
That's what you need if you want to be with the cool kids.
I will say this.
If you can get a backstage pass and you can get back there, there's only one reason and one reason alone to do it.
There's usually a good buffet in the backstage area.
Cold cuts.
Cold cuts.
Cold cuts are great.
And potato salad.
That is truly the best part of the backstage experience.
And if you've got some band or artist that is up there and is really rocking, then they always have a rider with all kinds of crazy shit.
So you'll have only a specific type of Evian or tons of toilet paper or no brown M&M's.
Something like that.
So anyway, it's just not worth the trouble.
So let's get back to your son John's...
Oh, here, someone sent me the link for the pen cam.
That thing is cool.
No, send it to me.
I'm going to Skype it to you right now.
So...
The way I read his email, which is too lengthy to read on the show, is this is really like the perfect storm of a story because on the one hand, it conditions the masses to think, yeah, let's go kill those bastards, those damn pirates, Johnny Depp on the high seas, let's go kill them!
And on the other hand, it gives people, some people, some selected people, the thinking of, hey, you know, we're not safe.
We need more spending on anti-terrorism.
And then, of course, you have other people who are saying, oh, poor pirates, we're screwing them, it's our fault, which is kind of what I said last time.
And I think I might have to revisit, after reading the email, I might have to revisit my opinion.
Yeah, he basically summarizes saying the whole thing is just a fractal.
Well, it's like the perfect media storm, isn't it?
Yeah, and it's just a bunch of, you know, it's just to get people.
He gets the, that fractal thing doesn't work.
Yeah, it does.
I don't think so.
It's too hard to hear it.
Well, if you hear it twice, then it makes sense.
Yeah, but then you're asking too much of an audience.
You're making demands on the audience.
All right, we need a new one.
So, yeah, he believes it's a fractal of the left liberal agenda to always break it down to these people are not doing anything more than what we do, which is we're a bunch of criminals as a culture.
Which is exactly what I did on the last show, by the way.
This is exactly how I categorized it, exactly the message I sent.
And I have to say, I've got to think about it now.
Right, yeah.
As soon as he read that, I was thinking of you.
I was thinking, oh, that's interesting.
He's very analytical.
You know what it is, is he and a bunch of this generation, not all of them, but a lot of them, they read these specific popular philosophers of the era, namely Lacan, and mainly as interpreted by this character named Zizek, His name's hard to pronounce, and Zizek writes, and he's actually got a lot of YouTube videos.
He's fascinating.
Zizek?
Yeah, Z-I-S-E-K, something like that.
Zizek.
Like the Great Karnak?
And his stuff is quite good, but he's extremely, the politics are very unique.
Zizek, I don't know, maybe somebody will...
So the thing that is kind of...
Yeah, Slavosh, Z-I-S-E-K. And he's one of the philosophers of our era, huh?
Well, no, Lacan is, and Zizek is his mouthpiece.
I mean, nobody can understand this guy Lacan.
Oh, okay, so Zizek speaks for Lacan.
Yeah.
That's what I need.
I need someone to speak for me.
You do.
Now, the way I see it is, but the funny thing is, if you start listening to Zizek, his thoughts are so unique and interesting and extremely blunt about what's going on, that in and of himself, it's fascinating.
The Lacan part is actually kind of tedious.
Yeah.
So anyway, that's kind of what we're...
This is a fractal.
I don't have to talk anymore.
Mr.
Roboto!
Dormigato!
I like that guy.
So anyway, yeah, we have to rethink some of this stuff.
I'm going to try to get him to...
Once I said, I'd like to run this on the blog, this long letter he sent.
Right.
Because it's not a bad essay.
It's kind of rambling.
And I said, I'll just edit it a little bit to tighten it up.
And then he sends me another note that you didn't get, where he says, well, you know, I think this is more of a thing about the media.
I'd like to redo it and talk about how today's media is a bunch of...
You know, and then he goes into criticizing the 140-character Twitter news distribution.
I did see that.
Well, let's just stop for a second, because the latest news, because there is something going on here, and I agree that partially the news loves this, because it's almost like...
It's got all the elements.
It has some romance, kind of mystique.
The whole pirate vibe is just fantastic.
Pirate movies, except if it stars Geena Davis, are blockbusters.
It's the days of Errol Flynn.
It's the romanticism, yet we've got to get these fuckers.
I think the media keeps dredging up stuff, but at the same time, there is actual stuff happening.
Did I read this just today?
A Belgian ship now has been nabbed by the pirates.
Which, of course, was not hard because they ran out of coal.
Exactly.
Pirates captured Belgian ship and were taken to the coast of Somalia after the vessel was reported missing early Saturday.
Now, a lot of these reports, by the way, are coming out of the UN and NATO, so that's why I'm always highly suspicious.
But, you know, so these ships that are being captured are five, six hundred miles from the coast, and it seems a little, you know, this is why they talk about the mothership and everything.
There's got to be something more behind this than just poor fishermen.
Yeah, well, poor fisherman is like the joke of it.
And here's the thing that gets me.
Why do we grab one of the head pirates and drag him to New York City, of all places, to put him on trial in New York?
Well, not just that.
France handed the pirates over to Kenya.
I don't know why they would be handed over to Kenya.
What's going on with these guys being used as like...
Like trading, like Monopoly pieces or something.
You can have one pirate.
Yeah, you can have a pirate.
Hey, matey.
They have 11 Somali pirates that they seized in a naval raid this week.
Did you hear about it?
All I hear about is our hero.
No.
Or our hero, the guy that was there when they shot everybody standing around him.
Yeah, because they had sharpshooters on board.
I had to, by the way, give a mea culpa because I was ridiculing the sharpshooters being on board when, of course, that's about 10 people pointed out with emails.
They were parachuted in from a nearby location.
How does that work?
So you just parachute onto the ship?
You're not like a target?
I guess.
I guess they parachuted onto the ship.
I mean, these guys are Navy SEALs, so they can do it.
I mean, Navy SEALs are obviously, you know, adept at everything.
Is it possible, John, that this is just being used as a ruse to build up an incredible naval force in the region?
I don't think we can afford that.
Yes, we can.
In fact, yes, we can.
We can't afford it.
We need a jingle that says, yes, we can.
Nah.
Yeah.
Nah.
It's a fractal of Obama's yes, we can.
It has to be different somehow.
While I'm kind of wanting you to do this, can you play that little intro that that guy did that you're running on the stream?
Oh, yeah, sure.
This was awesome.
Well, there's actually two things.
We have the No Agenda Countdown.
This is the No Agenda Countdown.
Today is April 19th, 2009, informing you that today is a live broadcast of No Agenda, covering the real news that could change the world.
Featuring Adam Curry from Gitmo Nation East, radiating from the southwest corner of London.
And from Gitmo Nation West, a man who finally waits to announce his name at the end of the introduction, John C. Dvorak.
Bringing you needlessly sensational voiceovers for no agenda in a fully armed and operational battle station above Gitmo Nation South, I'm Parker R. Snyder.
In the morning, crackpot and buzzkill discuss the earth-shattering news that is important to you.
Tune in today at NoAgendaStream.com.
Remember, No Agenda is brought to you by Adam Curry, John C. Dvorak, and viewers like you.
Head to NoAgendaLibrary.com or Dvorak.org slash NA to make your donation today.
For Hyperbolic Voiceovers, I'm Parker R. Snyder.
Now, on with the countdown.
I'll play the other one before we're done with the show.
Yeah, that's the typical thing where the announcement is longer than the show.
It's exactly right.
Now, I think he did a pretty good job, but I... I'm sorry.
I do think he said library.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Did he say library?
No.
I think he did.
Tell me it ain't so.
I don't even want to go back and listen to it.
Well, Parker, I think the guy who phoned.
Yeah.
Oh, is that him?
There we go.
And now, back to real news.
Well, some just fantastic real news, John, that I almost can't believe how fortunate we are to be able to have a mainstream media that discusses these very important stories.
And I have one that's trending that I guarantee you will be top of the news.
I like trending.
I like us picking up on the trending stories.
Well, unfortunately, it's real news.
Here's a trending real news story.
The Twitter-enabled cat flap.
The what?
The Twitter-enabled cat flap.
So this, you're going to see this everywhere.
This guy, he had like stray cats coming into his house, and he wanted to catch them.
So he set this thing up.
His own cats have RFID tags, chips embedded in them.
It's a very New World Order type thing.
That's why I'm sure it's going to get picked up.
So when they come up to the cat flap, the RFID tag identifies them, then takes a TwitPic and posts it on Twitter as they're coming through the cat flap.
And if they have the wrong RFID chip or no chip, then the door stays locked.
But still, a twit pic is taken and posted to Twitter.
This is definitely something you will be hearing about over and over again.
Oh, brother.
So, yeah, well, Twitter's become the big news thing, you know?
Now that Oprah, I guess, she joined Twitter and she got 250,000 followers, like, instantly.
Which I'm surprised is that low.
It was, uh...
I think it wasn't Ashton Kutcher, didn't he send the first Oprah Twitter?
Say that again.
I've got to work on the buttons.
So I'm looking at the...
Oh, you're just going to continue with real news?
Is there anything else?
Well, I was just going to say that I think Twitter is real news.
Yeah.
But it is real, real news.
Yeah, yeah, no, there's something about it.
I mean, right now, I'm going to see the trending topics on Twitter.
Number one, what do you guess?
Oprah.
No, Oprah is about number eight.
Okay, I don't know what.
Pirates.
No, it's still Susan Boyle.
Oh, please.
This is how shallow we are as a human race.
I thought that would be a quickie.
It's interesting.
There's ASCOT 400.
See, what's cool about this is you see those trends, right?
And then you do a search.
On that trend, and then I can see...
English and Dutch are actually quite close.
This is...
So there's these little pockets of people who just are Twittering like crazy, and they use a hashtag, and then it shows up as a trend.
Half the time, you don't know what the hell it's about.
But, yeah.
Easter is still high.
FA Cup.
Jesus.
Earth Day.
Pussycat Island.
Ha, ha, ha, ha!
That sounds interesting.
Let's see what's happening in the world of Pussycat Island.
Hold on.
It's almost noon here.
It's time for mojitos.
Anyone need one?
What the hell is that?
So there must be some people hanging out in Pussycat Island.
Okay, quite boring actually.
I guess there's nothing to that Twitter.
So, talking back to, let's say, memes, since we're talking about Twitter.
I wanted to, before we left the pirate topic, I had to go to the printer, because I printed something out because I thought it was funny.
I was looking at the news rundown on Google News, because they have, you know, all these redundant stories.
Yep.
So, I looked up Abduwali Muse, who is the pirate that we dragged over to New York City.
Okay.
Okay.
And it's interesting that they...
I'm just going to read just a variety of stories.
And they're not all like, you know, AP stories, but they all say the following.
19-year-old Abdul Wally Moose, or Moose, believed to be the ringleader of the four...
And then just...
The ringleader.
Next one.
Next story from kangoo.com.
The pirate was identified as 19-year-old Abdul Wally Moose, believed to be the ringleader...
Here's one that's...
But that in itself, the ringleader, it puts some weight on what, you know, hey man, this is like a ring of pirates.
Now this is serious shit.
Here's the Times Online in the UK. Abduwali Moose, 19, instead of saying 19-year-old Abduwali Moose.
Abduwali Moose, this is how they changed it.
19 is believed to be the ringleader.
Oh man, how lame.
So it's like, yeah, no, the ringleader, it's like, you know, it's like a ring.
It's a ring.
So what do we know about these guys?
Do we know anything?
Is anyone doing any reporting?
I mean, why are we not revolting?
You know, you shouldn't revolt against bankers.
You should revolt against your news media.
That's what you should revolt against.
In fact, I guess we're doing it already, but not buying your stupid, lame, empty-ass newspapers.
And watching your stupid, lame BS television news die.
Die, die, die, die, die.
Already.
Because, yeah, we've got to go through this shit, John.
We're not even halfway through the car wash.
There's no light at the end of the tunnel yet, but I think we have to go through this.
We've got to go through the real nasty.
So there's one here I just noticed.
This is the news carrier that is getting busted, all headline news.
I don't know where they got this one from.
But it says...
Abduwali Moose will be brought to New York.
He's in Kenya under the custody of American authorities.
So there's another Kenya connection.
Why Kenya?
I have no idea.
I'm telling you, John, is Kenya poised?
Where's Kenya on the map?
It's in the middle of the country.
Centrally located.
But is it centrally located in beautiful downtown Africa?
Kenya is the place for you to visit.
Somalia is on the coast, but does it border on Somalia?
I don't know.
Look on the map.
All I know is it's a shithole.
We were in Nairobi at the airport.
Wait a minute.
Come to Kenya, John C. Dvorak says.
It's a shithole.
That's your endorsement right there.
So we're in the airport, and the military is in the airport.
Shaking down the tourists that are passing through.
Literally.
Like taking their shit away from them.
Yeah, and stealing their money.
Now, Kenya's on the opposite coast, I think.
No, no, no.
It's over on the east.
It's kind of in the middle toward the east.
It's on the east coast.
Right.
Right.
So it borders on Somalia.
So we have...
There you go.
Somalia is on the coast.
It has kind of like that hook going up.
And then you have Ethiopia, another fine place to visit.
And we have...
And Kenya.
So maybe Kenya is staging a takeover with help of...
Because Somalia is a mess.
So maybe that's what this is about.
Maybe that's why they're being sent to Kenya.
They're probably in cahoots.
Well, let's look at this map here.
Look at it, man.
I mean, Ethiopia's got to be easy.
Those guys will do anything for some parts.
Kenya does have some parts.
Nairobi's where I was.
See what I mean?
By the way, I would not recommend anyone going there for any reason.
Unless you're escorted by the military.
But of course, if you look at where it's strategically located, Somali has a nice flap of land which is across the water from Saudi Arabia.
I mean, if you're taking a look...
Well, yeah, because it flips around.
If you're taking a look at Somalia and you want to say to yourself...
What could I do with that?
What could we do with that deep-front property?
Come to Somalia.
You know the place that used to be a shithole?
Well, we've changed all that!
I mean, it's got a shoreline that goes on forever.
It's beautiful.
Let me zoom in on Google Earth and let me take a look at our new beachfront property.
Where would you like to have our house, John?
Well, you know, look at the issues where we've had trouble in the past.
No, no, no.
And that's where they ran Clinton.
You know, he sent some troops there and then they butchered him and then we ran like kids out of there instead of bombing the place.
Yeah.
So that place is kind of obviously out of control, and I guess a lot of the pirates are using it as a...
I don't know what they're going to do.
Maybe if they incited a war, I'm just thinking in some sort of global uberlord kind of thing.
Yes, in they talk, yes.
They, we don't know who they are, well, you do, but I don't.
Of course I do.
Yeah, that's what I said.
They decide, okay, we're using...
In other words, the only reason we have Americans in Kenya in the first place is because we've got our people, our economic hitmen, already there.
Working it, working the land, stealing the minerals.
To get them to go to war with Somalia.
If you look at how surrounded everything is, because of course we've got Iraq, so we're surrounding Saudi Arabia, essentially.
What else is on the other coast?
What else can we look for in the news?
Eritrea, Djibouti?
Djibouti?
What the hell is Djibouti?
That's a country, Djibouti?
I don't know.
Eritrea used to be called something else.
There's a bunch of people that know it.
They change all those names just to confuse us.
Well, yeah.
It's working.
Can't keep up.
I mean, it's like we don't look at the African map that much as it is.
And most people, especially in the United States, they can't find Chicago.
Seriously, it's unbelievable.
So we should be on the lookout for weird stuff coming out of Kenya, because you're right, our people are there already.
They're probably going to take over running of Somalia.
And then, of course, we have...
It's just a lot of, you know...
Well, we have to do it in such a way...
Obviously, we don't want to get involved in Somalia as a USA, because that's not going to fly.
I mean, we couldn't do it before.
We have to incite some sort of a situation.
Okay.
Where's Djibouti?
Hey, how's your Djibouti going?
Hey, did you check the Djibouti on that girl, man?
How did that one get by me?
Djibouti is rocking.
They might say, you know, Djibouti is a really small country with the capital Djibouti.
So the mailing address would be Djibouti, Djibouti.
Djibouti, Djibouti.
Excuse me, John.
I've got to make a Djibouti call.
I'll be right back.
It seems to me that since where it's located and the rest of it, it's got to be sitting on some oil fields.
Oh, of course.
Of course there's something important there.
Yeah, that's why it's so small.
Let me just type into Google G-B-O-U-T-I. Well, you do that and I'll take us a little bit westwards towards Israel because there is some interesting stuff coming up.
The US is going to participate in a missile shield war game exercise with Israel.
Yeah, great.
Well, you know what that's about.
That's about Iran.
Yeah.
Yeah, just a saber-rattling.
Yeah, saber-rattling.
We're looking at this pirate stuff.
Think about it, John.
Why wouldn't we want to have a whole bunch of destroyers, and of course it's NATO forces, the Dutch are sending a ship, or the Belgians, their only ship, of course, got captured.
Shit happens.
The one running on coal.
There was no wind.
They were in irons.
There was no wind, so it's done dead.
They were in irons, so they were able to get them.
Uh...
I think it's to build up a force there.
I think they're just using this.
And they're probably paying some Zay guys, formerly known as Blackwater, or maybe three mountaintops Obama's boys from Chicago, or whatever it was.
Three tent tops.
What was the name of the new Blackwater there?
Yeah, I can't remember the name.
It's like Prince changing his name.
You get...
You get these pirates out there five, six hundred miles from the coast, they can't find a mothership, and you've got to think it might be Navy SEALs!
Or some other consultant-type guys helping out.
Yeah.
Anyway.
They could have said they were Navy SEALs and they may not have been.
Who knows?
We don't get the facts and the military is not talking to anybody and there's nobody on the ships that's going to say anything.
They're fairly good at being quiet.
So here's a background on Djibouti.
Djibouti.
The French territory of the Afars and the Isas became Djibouti in 1977.
Hassan Gouled Aptadon installed an authoritarian one-party state and proceeded to serve as president until 1999.
Unrest among the Afars minority during the 1990s led to a civil war.
Gee, that's unusual in Africa.
That ended in 2001 following the conclusion of a peace accord between the Afar rebels and the Issa-dominated government.
This is from the CIA effect book.
Yeah.
Take that with a grain of salt.
No, I think the CIA Factbook is actually pretty decent.
Yeah, when it comes to the script.
Well, yeah, but still the information's good.
Here's one for you.
U.S. Bank, J.P. Morgan Chase...
Has said to the Dutch Rijksmuseum, John, you can maybe still make it before it's gone.
Said, hey, we really like that expo that you've got up there.
But that one painting, the bend in the Gentleman's Canal, that's the translated title, the Bocht van de Heeregracht, painted by Rembrandt in 1672, we're going to have to take that away from you.
because uh the guy who uh whose collection it belongs to had put it up as collateral for a 50 million dollar loan he then sold the painting to the rikes museum and now jp morgan chase is saying uh-uh we had a lien against it we're coming to take it from you well that's interesting and I've seen that painting, by the way, because I went to the Rijksmuseum.
It's a beautiful painting.
Yeah, well, there's a lot of good...
That's a nice museum.
Which has been completely screwed.
Half of it's been closed for two years for some quick repairs they were going to do.
That's pretty outrageous.
The bank is just going to take it right out of the museum.
Sorry, it's ours.
I think the country, Holland, should nationalize the painting and tell the bank to screw itself.
That's what I wanted to talk to you about.
What is all this talk of nationalizing news?
It's only started to crop up about nationalizing news.
I have no idea what it means.
Okay, so what I understand is...
It wouldn't be a true nationalization, but it's really the next step in kind of the Ministry of Truth Orwellian feel to what seems to be happening.
The first step is there would be no corporate taxes on news media because they're all dying, right?
Everyone's going down the tubes.
And so, you know, I'm not quite sure what the steps are after that.
I really don't know, but I keep seeing this nationalizing the news media and I'm thinking, this is really, really, really bad that it's even being discussed in this manner.
I haven't been able to catch up to it.
Well, that kind of kills that topic, doesn't it?
I've been able to catch up to it.
I've been seeing it crop up as a meme, you know, nationalize the news, nationalize the news, but I'm not seeing what anybody's talking about.
I have no idea.
I mean, if they want to give the guys a tax break, what do they need a tax break for?
They're losing their ass.
That's a tax break in and of itself.
They're not paying any taxes.
So how does that make any sense?
If you're losing a million dollars a week at the San Francisco Chronicle, what's your tax?
Yeah, that's a good point.
So there is no tax break when you're broke.
Maybe it's a setup for a bailout.
Well, I think that's a possibility, but what kind of a bailout would these guys expect or want, and what good will it do them?
They're going down to choose because their product sucks.
But that didn't stop us from giving General Motors money.
Well, yeah, but they're going to still go bankrupt.
Well, here's what the irony to all this is, and people keep pointing it out.
Why are we giving them money when they're just going to go bankrupt anyway?
It's like, here's money, money, money, money, bankrupt.
It's like, what did you just give all this money for?
They're going to have to go bankrupt.
But General Motors, if we were thinking about this clearly, we had to realize that the real problem here with General Motors going bankrupt is obviously these old farts.
Well, not necessarily some of them are as old as I am, but these old farts.
These old guy, these retirees from General Motors who bought into the proposal that, look, you work for us for 25, 30 years, and we just give you money for the rest of your life until you drop dead.
And so there's thousands and thousands and thousands of these people, and it's something like...
I think something on the price of $200 or $300 a car or some outrageous amount of money goes into paying, I mean in terms of the price you pay for an American car, is really paying the welfare for these retirees, which of course, America's not being a generous sort, would rather buy a Honda or a Toyota for less money and it's a better car on top of it.
So you have this situation where what can we do to be more competitive?
Well, we've got to get out from under this ridiculous pension.
But why are we having this conversation now after we already spent $20 billion on them fully?
Everyone was aware that it wasn't going to work.
Everyone's like laughing about this.
And now it's happened.
Now General Motors is saying, yeah, we're going to go bankrupt.
And that was really just how are we going to do it?
When are we going to do it?
Have we become so...
Numb to the numbers so that they don't matter anymore?
What is going on?
I wonder about that myself, about why, if we knew it.
I mean, maybe somebody actually didn't know that this was going to have to happen.
Or maybe they're just trying to stall, because here's what the real problem is.
You pull the rug out from under all these retirees, And you've got a horrible situation.
Maybe this is why you need the Border Patrol cracking heads.
Thank you, John.
Finally, you're starting to see the light.
Not only that with the retirees, but in general, the pension fund, of course, the biggest Ponzi scheme that we own.
That's why there's FEMA camps, John.
I do believe that where we're headed is total mayhem on the street, and it'll be the Border Patrol will say, why don't you just come on right over here, we'll take care of you, ma'am.
Oh, Mr.
Dvorak, please, nothing to see here, just have a seat.
The barbed wire turned on the inside is for your protection, not to keep you from escaping.
Whatever.
Now, you're always going in that direction.
I think there's a concern, but I think it's an economic concern.
I don't think that these guys, this particular group of people, I think there are pockets of people, or maybe the government thinks the way you do, which is a possibility, which is frightening, which is that there's going to be riots and blood in the streets if these guys have their money taken away from them.
Because they were guaranteed this money.
I didn't go to work for this company for 25 years to be given a bunch of bull crap and then have my pension taken away.
Now what am I supposed to do?
There's no jobs for me.
There's nothing to do.
I can't pay my mortgage.
I can't get another loan.
My house is worth less than it was two years ago.
I mean, this is a formula for...
Riots.
This is exactly what was discussed in the secret meeting in Congress.
You'll recall this happened in the last quarter of 2008, just before everything started to really hit the shitter.
There was a secret, secret meeting off the record.
Only House members were allowed to attend.
No one's allowed to talk about it.
And we now know that in that meeting specifically was discussed that martial law would have to be invoked in the United States because we were tanking.
I mean, it's not like these guys don't see it.
Why do you think that Goldman Sachs is stealing all of our money, taking it right from their buddies in the Treasury?
Because they know it's happening.
It's unavoidable.
Might as well benefit while we can.
And yes, that's why the camps were set up.
Conveniently, they already had them set up, but they conveniently introduced the bill just about the time when we're going to actually need them, where they can be for all kinds of disasters and anything else Homeland Security deems appropriate.
No, the camps aren't going to be used for anything.
I'm not buying the camps.
This is exactly what they said 50 years ago.
Ah, these camps are not going to be used for anything.
Don't worry about it.
I bet you they've got nice showers there, too.
Yeah, well, I mean, from your perspective, I can see, especially when you're overseas and you're not actually here.
John, they already literally said, the government said, it'll be the summer of rage.
They're already putting it into people's heads.
Oh, there's going to be fighting in the streets.
It's going to be the summer of rage.
We have extra forces now that we need because the economy...
The people are so meek and sheeplish here that they need the actual command.
It's like a command line.
They type in the command.
You must riot.
Please riot so we can implement our scheme.
Yes, that's exactly what it is.
It's that simple.
I used to think it was so complicated, but it's really, really simple.
And I'm sure that...
You're going to put money on these riots?
Yes.
Yeah.
Not riots.
I'm putting money on people being detained in camps for sure.
Sure.
Detained.
They'll be living there.
Peacefully.
So they're going to call one giant homeless shelter.
These tent camps are all over the country now.
They're growing like crazy.
People have to go somewhere.
And in the United Kingdom, it's already cultural to sleep rough.
Did you know that?
No.
What does sleep rough mean?
That means you sleep outside, on the street or wherever.
That's what I meant without your underwear.
No, it's commando.
So, by the way, just as an aside, that Italian town, a bunch of these Italian towns that were devastated by that earthquake, they set up these tent communities all over the place.
Yeah, they're run by the mob.
Well, the funny thing is, somebody was doing a walkthrough in this tent community.
It looks like anything else in Italy.
A bunch of people sitting around drinking cappuccinos.
No, no, John.
A lot of people died.
Let's not be so kindly about it.
No, I'm sorry about that, but I'm just saying the fact that the Italians can relax into any situation as Italians, you know, without...
If this was like an American thing, you'd have...
Of course, the news media propagates this.
They find some woman crying her eyes out, and all she does is sob, and they put her on the camera, and then they put a voiceover.
This woman lost her entire family, her home, and everything that she ever possessed.
How do you feel about that?
What is wrong with you people?
Leave the woman alone.
It's the same guy who asked Madonna the question when her child adoption plans are thwarted.
It's the same guy.
How do you feel about that?
The secret memos, I think, is worth mentioning.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Please tell me you've heard about this.
I've heard about secret memos, but I don't know which ones to which you refer.
Well, these would be the Bush interrogation memos.
Oh, yeah.
This is the one where they can write.
Go ahead.
Well, I mean, this is the one where they said, you know, they're about to, you know, kind of promoting the torture.
Kind of.
Kind of promoting.
Like, waterboarding.
Totally okay.
Good to go, kids.
Torturing children by putting them in a confined space with bugs.
Come on, man.
I know it's sick.
It's like, when did these, you know, when did we get a...
When did these people who should have probably been washed out of community or, you know, national service for being probably perverted and sick, you know, how did they get into positions of power where they could, like, promote this sort of thing?
I mean, this is like out-and-out sick.
Yep, and it's stamped with an American flag, amigo.
And so Obama's administration says, well, we won't prosecute anyone who participated because they were just following orders.
My God, another throwback to WW2. We were just following orders.
Yeah, see, the problem with going along with it, what they should do is, of course, prosecute, because that will keep other people from making the same stupid mistakes.
Exactly.
So what they do is, by not prosecuting, it's kind of like wink-wink, nudge-nudge.
It's okay, but we're saying it's not because our followers demand it, but we're going to just, you know, you guys, you're off the hook.
How does that work?
It only works in the land of Oz, my friend.
There's a judge in Spain who for a year now has been trying and he's gaining a little bit of ground.
He's certainly gaining some PR. He's desperately trying to bring six leading Bush administration officials to justice, including...
Attorney General Gonzalez, Undersecretary of Defense, Assistant Attorney General Jay Bybee, John Yeo, the Deputy Assistant Attorney General, and William Haynes II, Defense Department General Counsel.
I mean, this is like lawyer war going on.
Yeah, lawyer war.
Well, you know, the lawyer war is going on with the new Attorney General and that Ted Stevens case.
Yeah, that's still lingering, isn't it?
Yeah, because they're thinking of prosecuting, for malicious prosecution, the government officials that went after Stevens.
So there's a lot of weird stuff going on like that.
I think it's out of control.
There's just no control.
No one's running the show.
Everyone's got their little fiefdom.
Everyone's responsible for one little thing they're supposed to fuck us with.
And they're just out of control.
It's like, here's your papers.
Border Patrol, go screw with everyone.
Lawyers, let's go sue each other.
Goldman Sachs, keep stealing money from us.
Okay.
We need to implement the bird flu.
Hey, you guys, don't let that story get out.
That was bad.
So the...
Talking about these guys trying to prosecute Bush officials, I think there's a certain irony that's at play with all the people in the New World Order and internationalism.
Because at some point, if you're going to go in that direction, you're asking for an international court...
That actually has power over Americans, which is something we don't want because we'd rather bring people to New York City and try them there because we are the international court.
I mean, we drug Noriega out of Panama.
You know, just go in there, grab him, bring him to Florida, try him, throw him in jail.
Excuse me, who owns the country?
Owners' rights.
Hey, dude, we told you what to do.
We put you on the payroll.
You didn't do your job in the brink.
That's how it works.
But if you're going to go toward internationalism, the potential exists that these guys that are being indicted on some international court, because they were in the Bush administration, are at great risk of not being able to ever leave the United States.
Because they'll be picked up and thrown in court, subsequently jail.
Yeah, they could be picked up anywhere pretty much around the world.
You know, somebody could grab them.
And the thing is, most of these guys would, you know, they seem to have plans to get to Paraguay, which I think is, you know, immune to Paraguay, in particular, is immune to extradition from the U.S. or to the U.S. I guess if you can somehow get to Paraguay in a private jet, perhaps, you could escape, but...
I don't know.
It's like people are scrambling.
It's kind of interesting to observe.
The rats are leaving the ship?
Yeah, well...
I think that China is on to something.
They're really quite smart about, you know...
So, the U.S., our government basically kicks us into shape with intimidation and all kinds of crazy Gitmo nation-like rules.
But in China, they've gone on a whole different track, which I really like.
Apparently, the government has employed Jackie Chan.
I kid you not.
And he's coming out and saying stuff like, the Chinese people, they really need to be controlled.
I'm not sure if it's good to have freedom or not.
This is the way to do it.
If we're not being controlled, we'll just do what we want.
That's wrong, says Jackie Chan.
Just do what we want?
I didn't catch this.
This is funny.
Yeah, this is on Yahoo, actually, from the AP. Yeah, it's a good story.
It was a panel discussion titled, Tapping into Asia's Creative Industry Potential.
Ah, good old Jackie.
Jackie Chan, doing his stuff, man.
I love it.
I'm always reminded of all these companies back in the 90s and 80s that were relocating, putting a lot of their offices in Singapore, which is the fascist state.
I mean, it's an actual, real, honest-to-God fascist state that actually functions very well.
And it's a place worth visiting.
Americans are always real comfortable there, by the way.
Especially American companies, because this, you know, is essentially fascist.
Oh, the uncomfortable, yeah.
No, they're very comfortable.
They're comfortable.
Oh, because the government, of course, it's corporatism.
So, yeah, so it works perfectly.
Yeah, and if you go, I've been there, and it's a very comfortable place to go.
I mean, it's like there's a lot of people around, but you don't feel, you know, it's just, and everybody speaks, not everybody, but a good portion of the population speaks English because it's, and you find that in that part of the world because of the British, and there was a British colony.
But it's interesting how relaxing...
They like to joke about themselves, the Singaporeans.
And one of their gags is, you know, oh yes, we think Singapore is a very fine city.
You get fined for jaywalking, you get fined for bubblegum chewing, you get fined...
By the way, it is illegal to chew gum.
No, you can't spit it out on the street.
That's when you get arrested.
No, you can have gum, but you also can't sell it.
Nobody sells gum in Singapore.
Check it out.
No loss, no loss.
Anyway, it's just that it's...
I don't know why...
Shadow Puppet Theater!
So there we go.
I got one for you from the Shadow Puppet Theater Files.
Stephen Ratner, who was an advisor to the auto industry bailout, is now under investigation.
He's an advisor to the Treasury, by the way, and the President.
This is the LA Times, who do some interesting work from time to time.
Investment banker Stephen Ratner came to Washington in February to help the Obama administration bail out General Motors, Corp., and Chrysler, and maybe even find a larger role in government for himself.
But any larger ambitions are now clouded by a pay-for-play scandal that links the New York State Pension Fund, a low-budget movie called Chooch, and Ratner's former private equity firm.
This is the stuff that dreams are made of when it comes to news.
Wow.
It's a movie in and of itself.
The movie named Chooch.
Shoot.
But I guess he leveraged the New York State Pension Fund.
These are the guys who are in there trying to save the auto industry we just spent $20 billion on.
And if you look at the guy, you just want to hit him in the face.
You're just like, ugh.
Let me send you a picture.
You know what I mean, those guys when you just know that they're screwing you?
It's just the kind of guy you just want to slap around.
Look at him.
Steven Ratner.
Let's see.
Oh.
Know what I mean?
He looks like a weasel.
Co-founded the Quadrangle Group.
Yeah.
It's a whoop-de-doo.
He's got that same haircut, a bunch of these.
It's like an Ivy League look.
You know, where you got the William F. Buckley kind of haircut.
Yeah, yeah.
That's exactly it.
Nicholas Sarkozy Napoleon.
We'll just call him Nicholas Napoleon from now on.
Sarkozy the Great.
This guy keeps coming out with amazing quotes.
He's better than Berlusconi.
Of course, they're both in the same wood.
And I think he offended three world leaders in one lunch.
I'm looking for...
Three for one!
Here it goes.
Mr.
Sarkozy, not known for his tact, said U.S. President Barack Obama was, quote, not always up to standard on decision-making or efficiency.
Jose Luis Rodriguez Zapatero of Spain was, quote, perhaps not very intelligent, while Angela Merkel, quote, had no choice but to come round to my position when she saw the state of the German had no choice but to come round to my position when This guy.
This is the guy you gotta watch out for.
Oh, yeah.
This guy's dangerous.
Yeah, he's very dangerous.
And the more I look at Carla Bruni, the more I'm convinced that she must be an MKUltra experiment.
She must be one of the presidential models that are hypnotized and are just robotic.
Why else would she be with this man?
Well, maybe she likes the trappings of power.
Talking about trappings of power, so I forgot to mention that one of our contributors last week, which I want to mention, because he gave us an interesting number.
And by the way, I want people out there, we didn't get a lot of contributions last week, I guess the show wasn't that good, but send us some help here at Dvorak.org slash NA. Anyway, so this guy sent us $51.50.
5150 is...
No, I know 5250 is Van Halen's studio address.
5150.
I give up.
It's the...
Specifically, I think it's in California, but I think it might be elsewhere.
It refers to a section of the law that defines insanity.
Ah, I like it, yes.
So when he came in with this number, I immediately caught it, because I used to work for an enforcement agent.
Because you used to be insane.
Because we used to have these people that were like, oh, you can't go visit them, they're 51, or actually we called them 50-50s.
And that meant that they were nut jobs, and they had aluminum foil hats and that kind of thing.
You know, like you...
And that's another one for the Armory.
We appreciate it.
So anyway, the thing that's about this character is his name.
It's like, when I saw his name, I go, my God, this is like one of the world's greatest names.
Because it could be any kind of person.
So his name is Johnny Green.
Ooh.
That's like a good DJ name.
So I'm thinking Johnny Green.
Hey, Johnny Green with everybody.
Hey, how you doing?
In the morning.
Yeah.
Johnny Green bringing it to the ladies.
He could be like a pimp, or he could be like a broadcaster, or he could be a baseball player.
Johnny Green!
Oh, Johnny Green, center field!
It's one-legged Johnny Green out there, and he's going to steal second!
So he's got this universal name, but the thing that's really interesting about it is that in this day and age, having the last name Green is actually pretty trendy.
Oh, right.
Okay, I see where you're coming from.
This is the green thing, you know what I'm saying?
Anyway, I was kind of impressed.
We talked about a...
Let me finish some more of these numbers.
We talked about someone who made a donation last week, and we thought it was a hot babe from Italy.
Andrea?
Yeah, it turns out Andrea is a guy's name in Italy.
Oh.
So...
There you go.
I thought I'd link to her...
I still want to know if he's hot.
You don't know that it's not...
Well, okay.
Maybe Andre actually let us know.
So here's a couple other numbers.
2012, of course, we get that.
And 9-11, which is surprising.
We haven't gotten that more.
Was that $9.11 or $911?
Yeah, it would have been better if it was $911, but that's okay.
Yeah, for sure.
666 again.
Here's one I couldn't fathom.
It's the only one.
There's a 1984.
There's a 2001.
You know, based on the movie, a guy had to write me a note.
Yeah, it's from the movie.
This one I don't get.
2674.
2674, no.
It means nothing to me.
I got nothing there.
I got nothing.
And maybe, who knows, something in there.
2674, did you Google it?
Did you try that?
Oh, no, I didn't do that.
We have RFC 2674.
What's that?
Something about printers.
Oh, no.
This guy likes the printer.
He likes a certain HP printer.
So...
You know, people should...
There's a lot of things you could do.
You could do house resolutions.
835 is a good one.
Which, of course, is the re-education program of America.
Which will send your children to camp.
And they get a nice armband.
2674...
No, I... Oh, Pandarus.
Okay, hold on a second.
2674 Pandarus...
A Jupiter Trojan.
Discovered on January 27th, 1982.
I don't know what that is.
It's like an asteroid?
I don't know.
Maybe that's the one headed our way.
What else did we get?
That's pretty much it.
I mean, there's just a lot of subscriptions, and that's about two bucks here and there.
But we don't have anything spectacular.
We don't have any new nights.
You know what the problem is, John?
The problem is we don't have enough.
And now, back to real news.
Pop star Madonna has suffered minor injuries and bruises after falling from a startled horse on New York's Long Island on Saturday.
According to her spokeswoman, the 50-year-old singer fell when her horse was startled by paparazzi who jumped out of the bushes to photograph her.
Madonna was treated at a hospital in Southampton and was later released.
Wow, she could have been killed.
That actually makes like the BBC News.
I'm reading it from a BBC News report.
It's just...
Idiots.
We are...
That's pretty bad.
Like, you know, somebody falls off a horse.
I mean, let's say she breaks her neck or something.
It's not news.
She did.
She hurt herself pretty bad a couple years ago.
On a horse?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
She broke her arm and I think maybe her collarbone.
Yeah, she got pretty bad.
Hey, um...
I didn't know.
And most people, when you think of Iran, you don't think about that they have this problem or even these facilities.
But the Iranian authorities have arrested 26 men and women who were involved in producing and distributing through the Internet child and other forms of pornography.
They've got a whole cyber team over there.
Well, Iran's not, you know, a backwards country by any means.
Oh, I know, but I believe most people think Iran and you think, you know, people with towels and camels.
I don't even think there are any camels in Iran.
They got iPods.
You know, and they're Persians, not Arabs.
Do Persians not wear towels on their head?
No, not that I know of.
It's not a towel.
Really?
They're not coming out of the shower.
What is that garment called then, John?
It's got a lot of different names.
Oh, you so knowledgeable.
I need a tinfoil towel.
That's what I need.
Ah, okay.
Hey, by the way, so last week I went on, I got a nasty note from one of our producers.
And by the way, that's what we call anyone who contributes to the show.
Dvorak.org slash NA or noagendalibrary.com, please.
Anyway, he's saying that, you know, you told a stupid cork story in Portugal once already, you know, six months ago.
And why are you telling it again?
It was boring, and it was long-winded, and you can't, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
And I said, well, Adam's supposed to call me on these when I'm being repetitious, because I don't know.
I think it's a fascinating...
I like the Cork story.
Okay, so we have to have an agreement, because from time to time, I think, oh, shit, man, you've told that before, but I just let it go, because I don't want to be rude.
Maybe...
Since when?
No, I don't want to say, oh, we already heard that before, but I guess I should.
Well, I think you should do it in some sensible way.
Okay.
Let's try it.
Hey, dude, this is the second time.
Okay, here we go.
Ready?
Yeah, okay, go.
So, you know, dude, finish up with you.
You were in Portugal, and, you know, you really like them.
Oh, yeah, so, yeah, it was the Cliff Richard wine, and there were some nice oak trees.
Yeah, well, you know, the funny thing, I was in Portugal in that same area, and the funny thing was, you know, I had this, like, fascination with cork trees, so I wanted to take a look at a cork factory.
Wait.
John, you've already mentioned that to us before.
10, time to take your meds, and let's continue with the show.
From Gitmo Nation.
Go ahead.
You have to come up with something better.
I like the horn, though.
That's pretty good.
From Gitmo Nation.
But you could be honking that half the time.
It's certainly good.
There's a new leaflet out, John, in the UK.
Remember, we were just talking about conditioning of the people.
The leaflet is titled, Coping with the Stress of Job Loss.
And so there's many tips in there.
Can you guess what the main tip is?
Drink a lot.
It's close.
Eat more fiber.
You're kidding, though.
Do you have a copy of this?
You've got to scan it.
I don't have a copy of it, but I will get it.
Get it and scan it, because that is too funny.
I'll blog it.
At Leaflet, on coping with the stress of job loss, includes advice on maintaining well-being by eating healthily, including concentrating on fiber-rich foods like wholemeal bread, fruit, and vegetables.
And here it is, John.
Drink plenty of water and get enough rest and sleep.
I mean, how...
How degrading is this?
These grains, these complex sugars, that's what they really are, are the bane of people with blood sugar issues.
They want you to have a lot of excess satiating and make you kind of slow-witted.
You make dumb, you get kind of stupid.
If you just eat fish, you're going to get too...
Too smart and active.
Yeah, you'll be prepared to go riot and stuff.
And so you want to have a lot of that.
And then, of course, drinking...
Of course, I'm not a total believer in this one, but drinking a lot of fluoridated water on top of that.
That'll keep you calm.
Exactly.
That'll keep you calm so you won't go throwing rocks at the parliament.
It's not quite as bad as in Thailand, though, where...
The government has classified 13 plants as hazardous substances.
They include ginger.
Wow.
Turmeric.
Neem.
You're kidding.
Neem?
I don't know what neem is.
Neem is an herb used in Indian medicine.
And chili.
Chili?
Yes.
That's like the staple in Thailand.
Yeah.
Well, the ministry has labeled these as hazardous substances type 1, which, quote, requires all manufacturers, growers, importers, or exporters of any products made from the plants to follow strict safety and quality control rules or face up to six months in jail and a 50,000 baht fine.
Which, of course, is like 10 years' wages for these guys.
Chili grows wild.
You just pick it.
You have to adhere to the strict safety and quality control rules.
This is how these guys get squeezed out.
Because who is the company that is going to come in and do this for us?
Monsanto.
Exactly.
Monsanto.
Actually, we need to do it to count down.
We should do one, two, three.
Monsanto.
You know, we can do it together.
See if we can harmonize.
Okay.
Actually, never mind, because we've got a lag here.
It's impossible to harmonize.
No, I can harmonize with you.
You can't, but it will sound unharmonized on your end.
Oh, yes, it would.
So anyway, yeah, obviously this is a way to screw the regular farmers that grow this stuff.
Especially, I mean, ginger.
None of these things are harmful.
No, no, they're extremely dangerous to your health if you don't follow the strict health and safety guidelines.
Poor shit.
It's bull.
What is it with a hot chili pepper?
You pick it and put it in the food and cook it.
I mean, what's the deal?
I mean, what's the fear?
There should be riots in the street.
That I would advocate.
Thai food is delicious.
I love Thai food.
And why don't they call out basil while they're at it?
Who says they won't?
We still have a show on Thursday.
Anything can happen.
But there is an outrage.
I would do real news, except it is kind of an outrage.
Gordon Ramsay, the guy who, of course, always says everything has to be fresh, fresh, fresh, fresh, fresh, has been busted.
Uh-oh.
Busted, yeah, that he makes stuff up the day before and then heats them up in baggies in hot water before serving them.
Well, who busted him for this?
This is...
What's the guy's name?
Too bad we didn't have a Gordon Ramsay doppelganger who could come in when Ramsay's doing this and then just berate him.
Israel Pons.
He's one of the guys...
I guess Ramsay came in to save his restaurant, but he had to close it.
It didn't work out.
Oops.
And so he's done a tell-all with The Sun in the UK. And he's talking about the boil-in-the-bag type food that Ramsay is serving in his restaurants.
Headline, Ramsay serves up cock-o-van, V-A-N. He just rolls up the meals pre-made in his van to the restaurants.
That's not a good thing to have people say about your food.
No, but there's obviously a publicity campaign targeting him, I think.
He did not respond at all to the allegations about his philandering.
He never responded once, and it went away.
It just went away.
Maybe that's why they're back at him.
He must have pissed somebody off.
I'm sure he pissed a lot of people off, now to think about it.
Yeah.
Well, you know, the real kicker there, of course, is that his partner that really made him who he is today was his father-in-law.
I didn't know that.
Yeah.
His father-in-law is his backer.
And his father-in-law, obviously, wasn't too pleased about finding out that he was, you know, screwing over his daughter by philandering.
And then the next thing you know, all the shit starts hitting the fan.
You know, restaurants are closing.
He's losing stars.
And now you got this.
Gary, I know what's next.
If he really pissed someone off, here's what always comes next.
Tax.
The next story is big tax day.
And if he gets through that, then it's two to the head and put the gun in his hand.
That's how they do it.
And in the United Kingdom, the health services, finally, they've figured out a way to kill people.
Free flu shots if you're over 60.
Come and get them.
Come and get your formaldehyde.
Come and get your mercury.
It's particularly good if you're over 60.
You die quicker from it.
Beautiful.
It's a little late in the game to be giving flu shots out.
Well, it's a big deal.
That's kind of suspicious.
I mean, the flu season ended in March.
Duh!
Oh, no, this is the new one-shot-does-all.
John, do you read...
Oh, the one-shot-does-all.
So there's 61 people in Britain.
I didn't even know this thing was released yet.
As far as I know, it's not available in the United States.
I know what this is.
I don't think it's been approved.
I'm reading through it if I can see anything.
Well, it could be just stupidity.
First of all, it's pharma.
There's a tie-in right there.
So if they're giving away free flu shots, who's paying for it?
The taxpayers are going to wind up paying for this, obviously.
You know what I bet you this is?
I'm just guessing.
Surplus flu shots from this last season that they can't get rid of.
That's an interesting theory.
And so they give them away and then they stick to government because it is such a nice thing for some tax break or who knows what.
I am of a different opinion, but I don't want to bore you with it.
Well, we already know what it is.
Well, but it is true that we do have a problem with world population.
So, it's true.
Let's get rid of it.
No, it's true.
And what we're doing is we're saving ourselves from every...
You're protected everywhere you go.
You can't fall off a bike and die anymore because you've got to wear the damn helmet.
There's just no easy way to go anymore.
Except the bathroom.
Surprising amount of people who die in their bathroom.
But, you know, we are growing out of control.
And it's...
What is it?
Logarithmic or exponential?
We need to have some sort of a famine.
Yeah.
Usually what happens is pestilences.
The population of the world is self-controlling because it either has a famine because they can't make enough food for everybody, or they have a war because everybody's bumping into each other too much and you get kind of annoyed by that.
Or we get the plague.
Or you have a plague, some pestilence.
Spanish flu, which was the last time you had a big one.
And that has to do with, you know, people, again, being too many people.
You get too many people in a confined area, and then something takes off.
I mean, if you had Ebola in New York, Manhattan, can you imagine how long that was?
I mean, you'd have the population of the city be dead in 24 hours.
Right.
Just on the subway.
I mean, just, you know, so that's so follow my logic.
You get the free flu shots, which, of course, is just think about the Spanish flu.
They dug that guy up, by the way.
They took his DNA so they could find out what that flu virus was.
They've injected it into service people.
Lots of people are dying in the military from injections that are documented.
They're experimenting all over the place.
And now it's time.
Hey, it's actually 60 to 64, 65 and over, don't get it.
Because they'll just...
Why waste a good flu shot on killing that person?
They're going to die anyway.
Let's just get the 60 to 64-year-olds.
I guarantee you this is a part of a eugenesis death program.
Yeah.
This is good that you have this kind of material, though.
It's a lifesaver, the way I see it.
Because otherwise...
Well, otherwise, people would be taking the show seriously, and then we'd have, you know, the two shots of the head.
And the gun in your hand.
But remember, I'm right-handed.
So if they put it in my left hand, I didn't fire those two shots at my own head, okay?
So I hear the music coming in.
Dvorak.org slash N-A. He's like, I hear the music coming in.
We've been on for what?
How long?
One hour, 33 minutes.
That's about right.
That's about right.
I don't know.
I had a weird feeling about this show.
What do you mean?
I don't know.
It felt kind of discombobulated.
I don't think it was that much different than the last show, which was kind of all over the map.
True.
Hey, do you like the new format for the show notes?
I was surprised.
I thought it was shit and people liked it.
People like different things.
It's weird, because I just did a redesign on the...
Some like chili peppers that are natural and grow in the wild.
Some like them from Monsanto.
We just did a redesign of the blog and it's got people up in arms.
The comment thing doesn't work right is the problem.
You can't take away features, man.
People really hate it when features go.
Well, they didn't go.
It's just that it's funky.
Coming to you from the Command Line Crackpot Command Center in the southwest quadrant of London and Gitmo Nation East, I'm Adam Curry.
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