Who's The Biggest A-Hole? Episode 8
Who is the biggest A-hole? Matt Walsh decides between two reddit users who took to the subreddit Am I The A**hole. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
March 13, 2023 - The Matt Walsh Show
03:58
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| Time | Text |
|---|---|
| [MUSIC] | |
| I work a pretty standard day job and at night I help my friend at her restaurant, | |
| which serves an assortment of Thai cuisine. | |
| To be honest, I'm insanely picky, but I fell in love with this peanut sauce, so about once a week I take it on either noodles or stir-fry to my day job for lunch. | |
| Thursday, I took my noodles and my entire Tupperware was missing. | |
| Today, my boss confronted me and accused me of poisoning my noodles because his daughter, one of the new girls, borrowed my lunch and had to be hospitalized. | |
| Turns out she is severely allergic to nuts. | |
| And she ate some and boom, she went into anaphylactic shock and had to be hospitalized. | |
| Now her dad is trying to hold me accountable for her bills and condition. | |
| So am I the asshole? | |
| Well... | |
| Obviously, your co-worker and boss are a-holes here. | |
| Is that a thing people actually do? | |
| And I hear about this complaint a lot. | |
| Like, this is apparently a, it's a, it's a thing. | |
| You bring your food in and someone steals it. | |
| I can't even... My God, what have we become? | |
| Steal someone's lunch from the fridge? | |
| That's sociopath behavior. | |
| If someone did that to me, I'd probably, I'd like burn down their house. | |
| Burn it down! | |
| And then to do that when you have a food allergy. | |
| is just another level of stupid. | |
| Which is why, like, this is a good lesson here, if you're an adult | |
| "I'm listening." | |
| with fruit allergies. | |
| That is not something you can impose on other people. | |
| I'm sorry you have that problem, and it can be a serious problem, but it is yours. | |
| Younger kids are different. | |
| But with adults, we have this thing with food allergies now, where it's like, I'm allergic to peanuts, and so any room I walk into, there should be no peanuts anywhere. | |
| I should have a 50-mile radius, peanut-free. | |
| Doesn't work that way. | |
| You have to figure out, like, so many other problems we can have in life. | |
| Even when they're legitimate problems. | |
| You have to figure out how to navigate life with that problem. | |
| That's on you. | |
| All that said, the person who wrote this is also, I think, in another way, the a-hole as well. | |
| What a twist! | |
| Of course, you never steal your co-worker's lunch out of the fridge. | |
| But also, you never bring a lunch that has a pungent odor to it. | |
| If I'm walking in the break room, why should I have to smell your disgusting peanut sauce? | |
| So, another situation where everybody involved is the A-hole. | |
| [Intro] | |
| I am married to my husband and we have two kids. | |
| We are vegans. | |
| I am, for ethical reasons, my husband is allergic to dairy and so is my three-year-old. | |
| Okay, I'm gonna cut it off right there. | |
| You are the a**hole. | |
| I don't even need to know the entire story. | |
| Vegans on Thanksgiving are always the a**holes. | |
| Same with every other time of year, in fact. | |
| And I don't want to hear about ethical reasons. | |
| See, you won't eat dairy because of eth- You don't think we should get milk from cows? | |
| Why? | |
| What else should we do with the cow's milk? | |
| The cows exist. | |
| What are we going to do with the cows, first of all? | |
| Like, do you want us to just release them into the wild? | |
| What? | |
| All of these cows? | |
| I mean, I know you could say it's unethical that we have all the dairy farms and everything. | |
| It's so terrible that we've enslaved all these cows. | |
| What do you want us to do with them? | |
| Just release them into the Serengeti? | |
| I mean, bring them down to the Amazon? | |
| Just, like, release them into the neighborhoods? | |
| Kill them all? | |
| Dump them into the ocean? | |
| Like, we have them. | |
| They need to be milked. | |
| And then, what do you do with the milk? | |
| You might as well drink it. | |
| Why not drink it? | |
| Why not make cheese out of it? | |
| And also, what about the lives of the plants that you're eating? | |
| The lettuce that you're eating is a living thing, vegans. | |
| It has hopes and dreams and ambitions and feelings. | |
| And you ruthlessly chop it up and stick a fork in it and chomp on it while it screams silently in pain, which you ignore those screams. | |
| Take a head of iceberg lettuce, make sure the core is pointing down, and slam it. | |
| So don't come to me talking about ethical concerns. | |
| Especially on Thanksgiving. |
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