Subscribe at Patreon.com/miniondeathcult for every episode of Minion Death Cult. The world is ending. Sidewalk-Slammin' Socialists are responsible. We're documenting it. In one of the wildest, most MDC episodes ever, the Daily Caller has a story about a harrowing DSA rally, wherein the author nearly found her humanity. The comments section reacts to this news with nazi comparisons, ACDC references, and the threat of shooting civilians. Plus, Donald Trump gets his Hollywood star absolutely crushed, and facebook will NOT "fuhgiddaboutit"
The liberals are destroying California, and conservative humor gone awry... conservative humor gone awry is going to fascistphonia today.
So stay tuned.
We're going to take a few pictures of the desert and how their policies are actually messing it up.
It's not beautiful when you go across that border.
Stay tuned guys.
I'm Alexander Edward and And I'm Tony Boswell.
And we are Minion Death Cult.
The world is ending.
Sidewalk Slammin' Socialists are responsible.
We're documenting it.
This is your Patreon episode.
Thank you so much for subscribing via Patreon.
I know we said last time that we should do this on Thursday, and then we just didn't this week.
Eh, you know, it happens.
We got the main episode out late, and then we got it out even later.
We're humans is what we're saying, okay?
More human than other people are sometimes.
More human than humans?
Yeah.
We recorded Monday instead of Sunday, and then we had a problem sending the audio to me Monday night, and so we didn't get it out until Wednesday.
That's what happened there.
And then we had to spend all Thursday thinking of this excuse to tell you.
And it doesn't matter now, because we've got a great show for you.
We're talking about a Daily Caller article about a harrowing experience a conservative woman had attending an Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez rally, or a rally that she was there in support of, for Democratic Congressional candidate Cori Bush.
And this is an amazing article, you probably saw it online, tweeted about.
Very, very thrilling stuff.
And, uh, we're also talking about Donald Trump getting his Hollywood star fucked up again.
Yeah.
Just wrecked.
Someone literally slam-danced on it, I think is what happened, right?
Right.
Yeah.
That was all, that was all boot that did that?
Mm-hmm.
Sick.
Yeah.
Breaking, literally.
So, let's read from this Daily Caller article, uh, cause it's something.
The headline goes, I'm a conservative, and I went to an Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez rally.
So, cool story so far.
Except for it could have just been called, um, I went to a Alexander Ocasio-Cortez rally because it's on the Daily Caller, so we know that you're conservative.
Right, you gotta just fill that space though, I guess.
I guess.
Um, yeah, uh, it was a rally for Cori Bush, uh, held in celebration of her birthday, and it was at, like, a bar, I guess.
Um, second paragraph here.
Over the years, I have attended my share of political events.
Tea party protests, a Rick Perry speech on tax cuts, a Ted Cruz rally.
Holy shit.
Slow the fuck down.
You been to all of those things?
Chill out.
I think I saw that documentary.
Wasn't it called, like, Party Monster?
I remember that.
I've seen it all, from Rick Perry forgetting what taxes are live on stage to Ted Cruz talking about how taxes are bad.
I've seen it all, folks.
It's not so much they're bad, they're just theft.
I've seen so many candidates give rousing speeches and shout out invigorating slogans like, jobs are great!
Jobs are great.
Which is something that somebody literally tweeted at me today.
We had a DSA tweet about my workplace go a little viral, which is a new experience for me.
And basically what happened, if you didn't see the tweet, You know, it's like 110 out here in Southern California, and I work outside, as you probably know, delivering packages and no AC.
And I got this message in my dyad that was like, Stay hydrated!
We got Gatorades for you guys when you come back to the building!
You know, after your work shift is over, and I was like, okay, like that's weird that it's after we get back, but that's fine.
I'll take a free Gatorade, whatever.
Yeah.
Get back, walk in, there's like two ice chests by where I put my dyad, my scanner back, and on top of the ice chest is a handwritten, you know, letter-size blank page, handwritten on it, says, uh, What did it say?
It said, uh, please only take one Gatorade.
No, there was no please.
Oh, no please.
Sorry.
There was no please, dude.
Only take one Gatorade.
It was drivers only take one Gatorade.
Yeah.
Uh, we are watching.
We are watching.
I think I said please because it was almost QT writing.
Yeah, people were comparing it to like a high school note.
Yeah.
Like the handwriting you would see in a girl's note to her crush.
And yeah, it said, we are watching.
Yeah.
Happy face.
And I was like, what the fuck is this?
Like, now I just, I don't want your Gatorade.
Yeah.
Like, either give me a Gatorade or don't give me a Gatorade, but don't give me a fucking lecture about how you're giving me a free, one free Gatorade.
It's so fucking lame.
And I was like, looking at the sign, before I even opened up the ice chest, around the corner I hear, you can have one Gatorade!
And I was like, yeah, I read the sign.
Read the sign.
And then she started saying like, yeah, because like, people will take them all and then you won't have- And I just like, tuned her out and started thinking about like, my life, and like, the series of events that had led to this point.
Were you so mad that you didn't actually have like a big thing full of Gatorade?
And then you can pour it over her like she's your coach?
But then like tell her good game so you don't get in trouble?
Yeah!
That's good, yeah.
You can do a lot of stuff to a supervisor if you just say good game afterward.
Hey, we won.
Good game.
Also, doing it that way with the giant thing of it would have been way more efficient.
And they could have gotten more Gatorade.
It would have cost them less.
You guys would have had more Gatorade.
I mean... Yeah, we need to go back to that big orange jug thing.
It's tight.
It's tight.
Yeah, so like... Oh, and they were the little Gatorades too.
They were like the little fun-sized Gatorades.
You forgot that you're actually, like, you don't, um, you don't have your actual job, you're just a, uh, AYSO soccer player?
No, because you would have gotten oranges, you didn't even get fucking oranges.
No, no.
Uh, and, yeah, I was just like, well, this is amazing.
This is like when, uh, when Capital, when Capital is concerned about the health of labor, they say, You may take one Gatorade!
One and one only!
Actually, two of these makes one Gatorade.
It's, it's like insane.
It's like, I tweeted this out, but it's like, it's like, oh you want to come over for dinner?
Oh yeah, sure man.
You get one entree!
You get one scoop of potatoes.
It's like, okay, okay, I don't want the dinner now.
Not even that, you don't get, you don't get refills on your drink.
You get, you get one glass.
Wait for the ice to melt, you have another drink.
And so yeah, somebody replied, they were like, oh well, it's nice of them to give you one Gatorade.
And I was like, yeah, it's also nice of them to give me money, right?
Yeah.
Like, it's nice of them to pay me for the work I'm doing, right?
And they were like, yeah, jobs are great!
You socialists should look into it.
I was like, we're talking about my job right now.
The job that you have.
Like I, like I'm, you know, I'm typing this to you after having carried a 130 pound weight set to somebody's door in like the 110 degree heat, you know, but you're going to type at me about getting a job.
And yeah, I was just thinking about like that phrase that jobs are great.
That like mind numbing, meaningless phrase.
Jobs are great.
I remember when I was hitting the tail end of my longest string of unemployment, not getting unemployment, making no money at all, right?
And people would start telling me things like, it's just, you know, not even about the money.
It's about, you know, like, it's good for you.
And I'm like, fuck all of you.
Shut the fuck up.
I'll take a dollar for anything right now.
Fuck you.
I'm not doing this for my mental health.
I'm doing this so I can fucking survive.
Not doing this so you think I'm a better person.
Yeah.
I was just so depressed and then I started working and getting underpaid.
Now I'm not.
Hell yeah.
It's cool.
Hell yeah.
That's the dream, right?
Getting paid for the job you do?
That's all we can aspire to?
Yeah.
Jobs are good.
Like, this is like, you know, I'm sort of wishy-washy on the definition of neoliberalism, you know what I mean?
Like, it's kind of this nebulous phrase.
I don't think I've ever heard anything that more encapsulates neoliberalism than the phrase, jobs are great.
Jobs are great.
Do me a little thought experiment here, Tony.
Picture Hillary Clinton saying jobs are great.
Uh-huh.
Seeing it.
Seeing it.
Easily.
Yeah.
Easily.
Now picture Jeb Bush saying, Jobs are great.
Oh.
Jobs are great.
It looks very similar, but I see it.
Picture Donald Trump saying, Jobs are great, folks.
Jobs.
Yeah.
Any one of these stuffed fucking shirts would say this phrase and it would mean nothing.
Even Bernie Sanders.
I could hear Bernie Sanders saying this phrase.
Yeah, absolutely.
It's probably like the The least among them, but I could still hear any, like, this is what neoliberalism has done to us.
It's fried our fucking brains to where somebody can type out the phrase, jobs are great.
He's going to say that when someone says, so you know, what do you think about jobs?
And then he's just gonna go, jobs are great.
Yeah, no, no, no, jobs are great, brother.
Like, even if we're Even if we're doing the work for this phrase, like, having a job is great, you know, that's a different thing than the weird abstract concept of jobs being great.
Even if we're sort of being charitable and saying, oh, having a job is great.
No, it's not.
You fucking nerd.
The fuck is wrong with you?
No.
That's literally like the defining human character.
The experience we share among everybody is that your job sucks.
You don't wake up in the morning and think to yourself, I can't wait to work.
What you do say is, I can't wait to secure that bag.
That's different.
Secure that bag?
Getting paid.
Oh, yeah.
But, like, you know, getting paid, working... I thought you were, like, your job was, like, a TSA agent or something.
Nah, nah, getting that bag.
Securing that bag.
Gotcha.
Getting paid.
Yeah.
I'd make nothing close to what would be considered a bag, like, ever, so.
But, you know, it's fun to rap about.
Right.
So that was, that's my idea of all these rallies that, uh, conservative writer Virginia Cruda She went to see Ted Cruz.
Jobs are great.
In the IRS, they take the money from your job.
Can you imagine how much cooler jobs would be if it wasn't for the IRS?
So, she's attended all these rallies, but nothing prepared me for the stark difference in tone.
Just get ready to have your mind fucking blown.
Bush's rally packed a few hundred friends and activists into a bar called The Ready Room in St.
Louis, and almost from the moment I walked through the door, I was surrounded by a group of women who were discussing, over drinks, the reason they had gotten involved in politics.
The two things they all had in common were anger and fear.
One even said, I just couldn't stand being angry and afraid all the time.
As the rally kicked off, a series of invited guests took the stage.
Several mentioned the Ferguson protests, which began after police officer Darren Wilson shot Michael Brown and recalled being tear-gassed and arrested alongside Bush, the woman running.
Others invoked the, quote, Israeli occupation of Palestine, unquote.
That's not a real thing that's happening.
While still others told stories of, quote, woke grandchildren who asked over pancakes whether ICE was going to come and arrest them.
This is a dig at you, Tony, and your woke granddaughter.
My woke granddaughter?
My woke-ass daughter?
Yeah, it's... That's what they think.
Like, they think that I'm fucking up because she handed out pamphlets to the people in the kitchen at her mom's work.
Like, they think I'm fucking up for that.
No, that fucking rules.
Tell the listener what your daughter did.
Oh yeah, we got these pamphlets that are basically like, um, how to respond if ICE comes to your door.
This is for people, this is for the people who we're worried for.
This is the people that need it.
Yeah, it's like legal information for undocumented citizens.
Um, the whole thing is all in Spanish and she's like, oh, this is like my homegirls in the back, where my mom works, they all work at a restaurant, you know, She recognized that's what we're talking about.
It's not hypothetical people, it's her friends.
Yeah.
You know?
Although she's five, these are her friends.
These are her homegirls.
She took them back there and gave them all to them.
The whole fat stack of them, so I kind of lost more than I needed to.
But they distributed them amongst their friends, which is more than I can do.
No, that's great.
That's beautiful.
And she was like, we need more.
Dude, you could get away with handing out so much radical material if you just get your five-year-old daughter to do it.
Yeah.
I'm trying to teach her how to use a lighter so she can start burning flags, but her little fingers just don't do it right.
Yeah, got to build up those calluses.
I don't want her to use one of those barbecue lighters, the long ones with the red handles.
That just doesn't look as cool.
No, it doesn't, but then that way you don't have to touch the flag.
You can do it from a distance.
Oh, that's true.
That's true.
Maybe she should just spit fire.
Uh, I love this, though.
Uh, woke gran- quote, woke grandchildren who asked over pa- like, this is her using the word woke incorrectly.
Like, if your grandchildren are asking whether or not ICE is gonna come and arrest them, then they're, like, still pretty naive.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
Like, they're not, like, they're not woke.
They're, like, dumb kids.
Like, but, you know.
Also, how old are these people at the rally?
They're your grandma, and your aunt, and your sister.
All ages.
One even praised the strength and dedication of convicted cop killer Asada Shakur, while Ocasio-Cortez, who was waiting in the wings, and Bush nodded along.
But then, Ocasio-Cortez spoke, followed by Bush, and I saw something truly terrifying.
I saw just how easy it would be, were I less involved and less certain of our nation's founding and its history, to fall for the populist lines they were shouting from that stage.
Then there's a bulleted list of the things that she's fucking mortally terrified of.
I saw how easy it would be, as a parent, to accept the idea that my children deserve healthcare and education.
