The world is ending. Opinionated, political piano men are responsible. We're documenting it. Billy Joel wants to crack Nazi skulls. People who totally aren't nazis don't like that. We get one of our most repulsive comment sections from Mediaite. "Men prefer debt-free virgins without tattoos": the meme that launched 50k laugh reacts. If God wanted you to have that many holes, he would've given them to you at birth, etc. Subscribe to Patreon.com/miniondeathcult for a bonus episode every week. Subscribe to our youtube account for a video version of the episode every week as soon as I can get my shit together.
The liberals are destroying California, and conservative humor gone awry... Conservative humor gone awry is going to fascistphonia today, so stay tuned.
We're going to take a few pictures of the desert and how their policies are actually messing it up.
It's not beautiful when you go across that border.
Stay tuned guys, we'll show you exactly what it looks like when you're in the deserts.
All there rebar in the post-dove.
Stay tuned.
Okay, I'm Alexander Edward.
And I'm Tony Boswell.
And we are Minion Death Cult.
The world is ending.
Opinionated political pianists are responsible.
We're documenting it.
The piano men are ruining everything.
So we have a guest today.
You might be familiar with this lovely lady.
It's Leigh-Anne Dieffendorf.
How you doing, Leigh?
Hi, guys.
I'm doing well.
Great, thank you so much for joining the show.
Of course.
So, we have another special thing to announce.
We're camming.
We are chatting online to you.
For free.
For now.
You can go to the YouTube channel that doesn't have an official URL yet.
We need 100 subscribers to get an official URL.
This is, uh, just search Minion Death Cult.
We're the first result.
Uh, subscribe!
Get us to 100 so we can get that custom domain name.
Uh, also just, you know, get notified about good new content.
We're gonna be doing this every week.
We will also be doing it for Patreon supporters, but those episodes will only be available on Patreon, of course.
Makes sense, right?
So, go over to YouTube, check out these videos we're putting up, let us know what you think.
We're brand new to this, so there might be some hiccups along the way.
But we did order a metric ton of floral foam, so between this and that, we should be fun to watch.
Right, get your kids in on the action.
Yeah.
It's fun for the whole family.
Your kids will be enamored with the, like, gooey, shiny substance, and you will be enamored with, like, the dick jokes and the ironic racism.
Yeah, exactly.
We're gonna be talking about bigots right here, and my kids are gonna be opening packages in the way back doing unboxing videos.
Yeah.
Will you be opening Kinder Eggs in these videos?
Absolutely.
Yeah, of course.
Oh, is that where children come from?
That's exactly where they come from.
I had no clue what the hell that was and we were walking through the Target and my daughter was like, I want this.
And I'm like, that looks European, so let's run it.
And she knew all about it, how to open it.
And I'm like, I have never seen this in my life.
And then she showed me the wonderful world of Kinder Eggs.
Yeah, they were banned in America for a while because Americans are so stupid that they would eat the toy inside of the egg and choke and die.
Hell yeah.
Well, you know, that's just Darwinism.
I don't know, you ever like something so much you want it inside of you?
Like that's kind of... It's kind of a universal feel.
Very true, very true.
So today we're talking first about fucking comrade Billy Joel.
Holy, holy shit.
Who knew we had an ally on the piano, man?
Billy Joel came out, so... Let's read from this interview he did with Vulture Magazine.
Last year you may or may not remember Billy Joel played the Madison Square Garden wearing a Star of David wearing wearing a Juden's mark or whatever, you know, they were called to you know mark the Jews back during the Nazi era and He did it right after the Charlottesville riots and right after specifically Trump Said that there were, uh, good people on both sides.
And he was like, oh no, no no.
And he's kind of known for being apolitical.
You know, when you have, like, that much money riding on, like, your... What's the word?
Like, your, your accessibility?
Yeah.
Uh, sure.
Be apolitical, I guess.
If, if, you know, if you want to be.
It's the way to make more money.
When your demographic is, you know, at least seems to be upper middle class white men, then yeah, you probably want to play it cool.
You can like resist, but just don't resist too hard.
Yeah.
His demographic is definitely more of the baby boomer era, I would say.
So you definitely do have to be careful.
Yeah.
If you're Billy Joel.
Right.
So if you're ever Billy Joel, be careful with that.
And, like, young conservatives.
It's weird, like, college-age conservatives, like, ironically, like stuff like him and Yacht Rock and stuff.
It goes good with their collars popped.
Yeah, Yacht Rock is like a, I don't know, sleeper cell of fascism.
I'm gonna do this for the episode.
I just popped my collar.
Oh, you guys can see that now because of YouTube.
Yeah, you're gonna have to go to YouTube to see that one, folks.
So, in this interview, uh, he's recalling, you know, this night that he played Madison Square Garden.
And he says, wearing the Star of David wasn't about politics.
Okay, well that's wrong, just immediately.
But he goes on, to me, what happened in Charlottesville was like war.
Because you know how war is, like, apolitical?
And, like, you don't take sides in a war.
You just... You always be on the right side.
When Trump said there were good people on both sides, there are no good Nazis.
There are no good Ku Klux Klan people.
Don't equivocate that shit.
I think about my old man.
Most of his family was murdered in Auschwitz.
He was able to get out, but then got drafted and went to the U.S.
Army.
He risked his life in Europe to defeat Nazism.
A lot of men from his generation did the same thing.
So when those guys see punks walking around with swastikas, how do they keep from taking a baseball bat and bashing those crypto-Nazis over the head?
Just bare Jew.
Yeah, love it.
Billy Joel.
Hard-bodied.
Taking nimes.
You know, Billy's not even his real name.
He got that nickname because they used to call him Billy Club Joel.
Oh, I bet.
Just take a swing at anybody with their laces out.
How do they keep from taking a baseball bat and bashing those crypto Nazis over the head?
Those creeps just like... Billy Joel... Singer of like... The Piano Man... Singer of like... Still rock and roll to me... Somehow...
More adamant in his opposition to Nazis than, like, Democratic leadership.
Yeah.
Yeah, definitely.
Pulling no punches, just keeping it super real.
Which is nice.
Like if Billy Joel were like, oh no, you have to talk to Nazis.
Like, I wouldn't be surprised at all.
Like, I wouldn't even be disappointed.
Did any of you guys take a minute to think where they're coming from?
That's fucking whack.
Like, fuck out of here.
No.
Bash them over the head with baseball bats.
No, that's cool.
That's great.
Those creeps are gonna march through the streets of my country?
Uh-uh.
No.
No, no.
I was personally offended.
That's why I wore that yellow star.
I had to do something.
And I didn't think speaking about it was going to be as impactful.
So yeah, he did that in 2017, there was like a big kerfuffle about it, and then he talked about it again today.
And that's when shit went off.
Yeah, and I have some Billy Joel jokes here, if you guys are ready for that part of the podcast.
Absolutely.
This one is, uh, I'm in Antifa state of mind.
This next one is, uh, you may be right, therefore you're crazy.
And then, punch out their lights, don't try to tase me.
That second half is like to the cops.
Yeah.
You know?
I kind of miss Don't Taze Me, Bro.
Because like now I wonder where he lands, you know?
Where does the tazed bro land?
Yeah.
That guy's definitely a proud boy of sorts, I'm sure.
Fuck, I hope not.
Yeah, I'm sure.
Yeah, because I think he was like making fun of people getting tased.
I don't know, it seemed like a pretty earnest bro.
It did.
No, yeah, I don't know, I mean like, how do you go from getting tased by campus police to like licking their boots later on, you know?
Because they were trying to stifle your voice.
Oh, I guess Adam Calhoun did that, didn't he?
Oh yeah, yeah.
Did you see that one female police officer?
I think she was a sheriff?
She's a sheriff who got fired for wearing Proud Boys shirts?
And it was like the lamest shirt.
It was like, Girl of Proud Boys.
Yeah, it's like, how are you a real cop and you get fired for pretending to be a cop?
Like, how do you get fired for impersonating an officer as an officer?
Yeah, if you're a cop, you get to do cop cosplay.
That you should.
You should be able to do that.
It's like a step down.
Honestly, like, I wish all cops just became Proud Boys.
Oh, yeah.
They'd be, like, easier to, like, they're not even allowed to carry sticks.
That would be much more convenient for all of us.
Yeah.
Okay.
I'm down.
So, uh... Cops to, like... Cops, Cops for Boys program.
Let's do it.
Turn in your cop, and you get a boy.
You get a fresh boy.
You get a fresh, uh, Fred Perry.
Uh, yeah, I think that's the last, uh, Billy Joel joke I had here.
Didn't you have something, Lee?
You said you prepared something massive for this episode.
While I was preparing dinner, I wrote a We Didn't Start the Fire parody.
Those, I mean, like, those things kind of write themselves.
Like, if you leave a notebook unattended for too long... Like, I'm not trying to, like, play down your contribution here, Leigh, but it's just, you know... It's literally on a notepad that I had next to me while I was, like, chopping onions.
Perfect.
You, like, looked over for a couple minutes and you looked back and you're like, holy shit, there's a- we didn't start the fire parody here.
It's like a- it's like a Mad Libs, right?
It's- Yeah, pretty much.
Yeah.
Well, I'm so stoked you did this.
Okay.
I'm really embarrassed now.
Hell yeah.
So this is- this is, um, this is my minion death cult.
We Didn't Start the Fire parody.
I'm like bright red right now.
Okay.
Webcams, front face, make sure profile frame's my place.
Fake a troop, love my pug, bless the USA.
Not all men, save my guns, nobody have any fun.
Liberal tears, Isis fears, blame millennials.
Sarah Sanders sent by God, smokey eyes and banging butt, killery lies, Russian spies and the Bernie Bros.
Cousin Kevin and Diane, my old boss, Uncle Sam, people I should love the most, why will no one like my post?
This comment thread's on fire.
Because I just can't stop giving my uninformed opinion.
This comment thread's on fire.
Facebook's a perfect venue to put my hate in full view.
Okay, that's all I have.
That fucking rule.
Amazing.
Thank you so much on behalf of everyone who got to hear that.
Yeah, yeah, that was amazing.
Holy shit.
Should've saved that for last.
I did not see that coming.
I expected something decent, but I didn't expect that masterpiece.
Legit better than the original.
Alright, well we could do it again with some real production behind it later.
I think so.
Please.
Please.
Okay, so let's get into, uh, lots of people had feelings about, uh, about, uh, Billy, Billy over here, Billy Club Joel, um, Bear Jew Joel.
Well, it was just like, everything, all the comments I saw was like, how dare he speak out against Nazism?
I'm gonna say something so terribly anti-Semitic right now.
It's, it was baffling.
Well, it was like that video I shared on the Minion Death Cult Facebook.
It was like the Tommy Robinson supporters, like the guy who got arrested for shouting the word pedophile over and over in public, you know?
Yeah.
His supporters are like super far right like he's been part of like nationalist fascist parties and uh his supporters are you know white genocide people and my favorite people yeah they're like the people who actually like go out in boats and try to kill immigrants you know coming by coming by sea um And they were, like, marching and, uh, you know, counter-protesters came out and dwarfed them, you know, by the thousands.
But, you know, people were recording them and they were like, oh, so I can't even stand here without being called a racist.
Literally two minutes later, Sig Heiling.
Oh.
Same guy.
And yeah, there were at least three of them.
They were like, I'm not a racist, I'm a fucking gangster.
And then, like, two minutes later, Sig Heil.
Sig Heil.
So, they don't get to take gangster, man.
Like, fuck outta here.
Fuck, I can't do the, like, illustrative Sig Heil on camera, huh?
Oh, nope, yeah, you officially have, like, a document of you.
Someone will screenshot that, yeah.
No, look, your hand was never in there, so it could've been a fist the whole time.
Oh, okay, I was doing, yeah, yeah, no, I was doing the David, uh, what's his name?
David Hogg.
The David Hogg lame fist.
I was doing the David Hogg fist.
I was doing the communist fist.
Oh, yes.
Yes, that one.
Yeah, okay.
Yeah, no, it's like that.
It's like... God, he needs to keep his opinion to himself, that fucking Jew!
All right, let's get into it.
Oh, by the way, this headline about the topic was super funny.
It was from some local ABC affiliate, and the headline was, Billy Joel may wear his heart on his sleeve in his songs, but during one performance, he wore the Star of David to make a statement.
So close.
They almost nailed that and they just weren't good.
These people get paid for these headlines and they just did not do a good job.
And the picture they used is not flattering.
We've all seen Billy Joel look much better.
He looks like he's been raging all night and he is so red.
His eyes look like they're falling off of his face.
He looks like he's groaning in pain, not singing.
It looks like he's dying.
It doesn't even look like he's dying.
It looks like he's coming back to life.
Yeah.
No, I love that.
Billy Joel may wear his heart on his sleeve, but tonight he's wearing a star on his sleeve.
That would have worked way better.
Yeah.
Well, it would have been funnier.
The only way you're doing this is a joke.
You can't, like, try to serious up this pun.
Um, okay.
So, uh, this was from the Noisy article about this news interview.
This is from the Facebook comments section.
Jeremy Mac Donald.
I'm assuming Mac is his nickname.
The.
So I voted for Trump.
That means I'm a KKK member or Nazi.
People need to learn how to use words a lot better.
All the people crying about hate, but take a step back and look what they are calling for.
Again, so close, but once you put the words, words out there, it blows it.
I mean, to be fair, this guy can't be a Nazi because he just doesn't know how to spell it.
Yeah.
That's like how you get out of that one?
Well, you can hear the tea though, so I don't understand that.
I don't, I don't acknowledge silent letters.
And then, uh, Noisy responded, my favorite comment probably in this whole thing, um, We're calling the elimination of bigotry, Jeremy.
Yeah, I like that little, that little poke at the end.
I don't think that was intentional.
It's beautiful.
I think somebody is super high or drunk at Noisy.
I feel like that's some weird internet-y joke.
Some weird, like, web talk thing that people do.
I mean, it could be.
It's funny.
It's genuinely funny.
But it's also, we're calling the elimination- Not, we're calling for the elimination of bigotry.
And, like, the we're isn't even capitalized.
So, like, they hit a space accidentally before they started typing.
Definitely high on, like, some undiscovered herbal opiate.
We'll be able to watch the documentary of, we took mushrooms and did Facebook comments on Billy Joel post.
Exactly.
On Vice.
Exactly.
And then they brought in a bunch of puppies.
We got the three people who are still taking government prescribed heroin in Sweden to work our Facebook for a day.
Okay, next comment.
Also from the noisy article.
This is, uh, Paul Pino.
What a name.
Who says, Yes, but we are all not Nazis or Klansmen.
We are families with values.
Period.
And, uh, I feel like in his mind this might have been like a Family Values Tour joke.
You know?
Like, that's what he really wanted.
Oh, no, I think we should have made the Family Values Tour joke.
Like, that's definitely, like, the closest thing he's gotten to a family is, like, the Wicked Clown family.
Oh, yeah, the Carnival folk, yeah.
No, don't say that.
They would accept me because they accept everybody.
Right.
But they would be, like, not stoked on this.
No, not on this post.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I feel like if anybody backs Billy Joel, it's probably Juggalos and Juggalettes.
I feel like that's not far off base.
They love Billy Joel and they hate racism.
Yo, I fucking love that piano man, Ninja!
It is still rock and roll!
Yeah, and then he's got a profile picture of him looking into the camera, but you can see the Heath Ledger Joker poster behind him.
Which is just great.
It's definitely indicative of family values.
And a skew Heath Ledger Joker poster tacked up above your bed.
The Heath Ledger Joker thing is the worst thing.
We've talked about it before, but recently I heard a lyric, a Chance the Rapper lyric, he put out these songs over the weekend, and one of his lyrics was like, you're not even, you're like the Joker, not even scary, you're like Jack Nicholson.
Oh, you're not the real twisted Joker.
You're not Heath Ledger Joker.
But I'm like, no, Jack Nicholson Joker was fucking terrifying.
Yeah, he was cool.
Yeah, he was way cool.
Yeah, seriously.
Like, remember he had that sweet song playing in the background?
Like, he was coming in, like, that hip-hop song?
When he was, like, spraying all the art?
Yeah.
Yeah, that was cool.
And that was so much cooler than, you know, I don't know, people that love Heath Ledger like that.
Like, spoiler alert for Batman, but at the end, when his, like, little laugh voice box is stuck, and he does that, like, ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
Oh, that's ominous!
That's fucking terrifying.
Yeah, absolutely.
So creepy.
That, like, haunted my childhood.
Yeah, no, and then, you know, him, like, distorting other people's faces was super creepy.
Okay, so this is your comment, Leigh.
Do you want to read this one?
Yeah, and this comment... And when I say this was your comment, I mean you typed this out in the comments section of Noisy.
Right, this is from my brain.
This comment is response to him saying that basically he... Billy Joel saying that the reason why he decided to take this stance is because he needed to do something about the fact that his family suffered.
at the hands of Nazis.
So this is Chris Corbin and he said, I'd have no problem suffering if I had Billy Joel's money.
Give me a break, Billy.
So he would rather be rich and, you know, die at Auschwitz than be poor and be alive in 2018.
That's just part of, like, the whole, like, temporarily inconvenienced millionaire theory that, like, all Americans ascribe to.
And now he's just literally extending it to victims of the Holocaust.
Right.
Like, sure, you might get tossed in an oven, but some people don't, and they go on to make millions of dollars.
They go on to have kids that make millions of dollars.
That's the best thing, too.
He wasn't even doing anything outrageous.
He wasn't, like, not outrageous, but he wasn't taking up time from your Precious Awards ceremony, or taking a billboard.
He just wore a badge on his shirt.
That's it and then when asked about it he gave an honest answer and it wasn't crazy it wasn't like it all made sense and it was it's not even that distant from him it was his dad who was there.
Well, you can tell, like, all these people didn't read the article, because none of them are commenting on the fact that he called for the murder of Nazis.
Yeah, yeah.
You know?
Like, he actually called for, like, physically harming... Head-bashing.
Yeah, head-bashing Nazis, but everybody just is, like, referring to the one blurb they probably put in the description of the article.
Well if you click the article, then you're like acknowledging a Jew's opinion.
So they can't actually read it.
You're giving them the ad revenue.
Yeah.
If you click on that article.
Okay, so this was from a group that I'm not familiar with, but goddammit, I wish I were.
Hang on just one second, because I need the name of this group.
It's called, like, Ultimate Classic Rock.
Yeah, it's UCR.
That's what it was, and...
Is it right next to the ultimate classic rock?
I've got it.
David Pruitt says, too political.
I'm done.
Music is supposed to be fun.
Most artists think they are educated philosophical gods, when in reality, they should just sing.
Dance, puppet boy.
Yes.
It's like the opposite, where they get to talk down to these millionaires.
And also, who can dance at a piano?
Uh, lots of people?
Little Richard?
That's like one.
Sorry, what white guys can dance at a piano?
Little Richard counts as more than one people, I see.
Like I said, I reiterated, how many white guys can dance behind a piano?
I don't know, Elton John kinda like rocks on butt cheeks back and forth.
Other jokes, but yeah.
Uh, read that last sentence again, Lee?
Dance, puppet boy.
Yes.
Sing us a song, you're the puppet boy.
Dance for us all tonight.
Cause you're just a clapping monkey.
Who doesn't like the alt-right.
I'm done.
He was totally going to go see Billy Joel next week, but now he's not going to.
He was going to buy the new box set, but now he's done with them.
He was going to go to one of the 52 Madison Square Garden performances that Billy Joel is doing this year.
Literally a weekly residency at Madison Square Garden.
That's insane.
He's played Madison Square Garden a hundred times.
And he's on a run now of, like, a 47-week residency or something crazy like that.
You hear that, Dane Cook?
You ain't shit.
Fuck Dane Cook.
Fuck Dane Cook.
Yeah, seriously.
So the top comment in Ultimate Classic Rock, which is just a great place to go for, like... I was actually genuinely surprised how many people, like, weren't Trump fans in this comment section.
It was like more than half were not down with Trump.
Very refreshing for ultimate classic rock.
I mean, that's rock and roll though.
You would think.
You would hope.
It's still rock and roll to me.
Regardless of how, you know, jewy it is.
Matt D Maloof.
This is the top comment though, so take back everything I just said.
Breaking news Trump washed his hands with cold water and soap and Democrats are crying It's like I mean, yeah, like you're supposed to use warm water like I probably wouldn't cry about it, but But I mean, he's also like reserving resources.
That's kind of cool.
Like he's preserving resources Sorry, how by not using gas and like hot water like that's cool.
I'm good with that, you know, yeah, but then he might get ill Could he get any more ill?
Uh, no.
You're right.
Breaking news, Trump decides to use warm water to wash his hands, and Democrats feel he's wasting warm water and should be using cold water.
Roll eyes emoji, twisted laughter emoji.
Spare me politics, please.
Fuck, he really served me up right there.
I love, spare me your politics about hand washing, please.
I mean, if anything, it doesn't happen enough.
Trump doesn't go peepee in the toilet and liberals lose their minds.
Trump doesn't go pee-pee in the toilet, and liberals lose their minds.
How can you make up your mind when you keep losing it, Libs? - How gross do you think the area around Trump's toilet is?
I feel like he never makes it in the toilet.
I feel like he just pees all over the seat, all over the sides of the seat, with no regard.
Do you think Trump touches his own dick?
No.
Yeah, I don't think so either.
But I also feel like he might just pee anywhere he wants.
I can see that too, just peeing all over the place.
Spare me your politics, Tony.
I don't even want to talk about how us men pee in urinals and how inefficient all of it is and how tall people like us, if you're wearing shorts, you're going to get piss on your shins when you're using the urinal.
Everything sucks, but we just keep on standing because we're full of shit and we're guys who don't want to sit.
Uh, speaking of piss-filled urinals, the reason this episode is late is because I was seeing My Bloody Valentine last night, and Tony had work during the day, so like, we both had really important engagements, and neither of us could break it off to record the episode Sunday night.
Yeah, also, I spent all night peeing last night, so... So yeah, sorry about that, guys.
And gals.
And non-binary folks.
Steven Wise says...
Yes, Mr. Joel.
You do have the right to protest Donald Trump if that is your choice.
But you don't have the right to be immune from the consequences of your choice!
54.
54 reacts.
Someone gets it.
That's actually very true.
You don't have the right to be denied this Facebook comment!
How cool is it that Billy Joel gets to perform now knowing that no one in their audience is like a shitty racist?
Sorry, knowing that a lot less people in the audience are shitty racists.
Yeah.
Or at least like knowing the audience members that are there are uncomfortable enough with their own racism that they haven't vocalized it.
Yeah.
I like this comment because it's like three steps ahead of this news item.
It's like three steps ahead in the news cycle.
Like, normally the way this news cycle goes is... I guess it's only two steps.
So like, somebody says something politically charged, right?
People criticize that person for saying something politically charged.
That person defends the politically charged thing they said by saying, oh, I have a right to free speech.
Then the initial criticizers say, you have a right to free speech, but you do not have freedom of consequences for that speech.
So we're like, this is just the pace of the news cycle now.
Like, Stephen Wise is like two steps ahead of all of us.
It's smart, gotta beat it to him, you know?
Like, what are the consequences to this choice?
Like you said, like two less people buy tickets to Madison Square Garden.
Yeah.
That he already has a residency and a guarantee for, I'm sure.
And the best part, I mean, joke's on them.
He's not gonna, like, lose his record contract.
We all know who runs that stuff.
He doesn't even write new records.
He literally hasn't written a new record in, like, 25 years.
He doesn't write rhymes.
He writes checks.
Just, the question is whether or not his butt can cash them.
Absolutely.
Remains to be seen.
Absolutely.
I feel good about it.
Next week, Billy Joel smashes Hanatsi over the head and we're back.
Billy Joel drops grand piano on alt-right marshers.
So this article, back when it originally happened in 2017, I found a post in one of the deplorables groups that I'm in, and it got shared.
It was a post that was shared into the deplorables group, and the original caption on the post says, Billy Joel made a strong statement against the growing neo-Nazi and white nationalism movement on Monday night, taking the stage at New York's Madison Square Garden, wearing a yellow Star of David.
And then we have the comments here in the deplorables group.
Michael Whitaker says, The thing that is growing is Antifa, Black Lives Matters, and liberalism.
Those are much bigger problems than a couple of neo-Nazi white supremacists. - Yes.
Nick Ryan says, he will most likely get beaten by Antifa or liberals.
Yep.
Yep.
Totally.
And you're like, okay, Nick Ryan, I think you got some weird wires crossed in your head, dude.
This is like a very interesting thing to take away.
This is a direct response to Trump in defiance of Trump.
And you're like, oh, well, he's probably going to get killed by the left for defying Trump.
Uh, so that's kinda weird.
But then also William Hawkins replies, uh, I'm sure he pissed off Antifa, liberals, and their racist, treasonous, terrorist brethren!
Are they, like, trying to paint Antifa and Black Lives Matter as anti-semitic?
Yes.
That's a really interesting approach.
It's because of the BDS movement.
Like, this is what tipped me off, the William Hawkins thing, the second comment here, because he says terrorist brethren.
He's referring to Palestinians.
Oh, oh, yep, okay.
And maybe, like, Iran, too, you know?
Maybe like Iran a little bit, but it's definitely, like, Anybody who's against, like, the ethnostate of Israel is anti-semitic.
It's a very old argument.
What a whack stretch.
It's like, fuck outta here.
But it's like, you know, Billy Joel isn't wearing, like, the Israeli flag.
No.
He's wearing a Jewish star in opposition of fascists.
He's literally anti-fascist.
He's literally being Antifa at Madison Square Garden.
When I saw the picture, I was super offended at first because I thought that somebody had photoshopped the star of David on him, calling him like, you know, second class.
And then I realized, oh no, he's actually being hard bodied about it.
Yeah, he was like, God, being a gun owner nowadays is like being a Jew during the Holocaust.
What if that was what this story was about?
What if that's why he wore the Star of David?
That comment exists.
Yeah, the gun owner story.
That comment definitely exists.
Yeah, and then Kevin Short says, uh, Soros may round him up and steal his wealth.
That's such a great comment.
I fucking love this comment.
Because, okay, so George Soros, like, the lore around George Soros is that he was, like, a Jew who sold out his own people, like, during the Holocaust and, like, rounded up other Jews to give to Nazis.
And so that's wrapped up in here.
Soros may round him up and steal his wealth.
That sounds like an interesting bit of antisemitism to me.
Yeah, it's like, they almost double down on it.
Yeah.
Like, don't worry, they'll take care of their own because that's how they roll.
Like, he's one of those bad Jews who steals the wealth of other people, other hard-working musicians like Billy Joel.
Gross.
Not just like capitalists, you know.
This racism thing, like I said, it still blows my mind how, like, Complex it can be These people hate on such a weird way But what it really is is I'm just overthinking about it and they're giving them too much credit because they're just lame Yeah, it's it is complex.
It's complex when you try to parse it out.
Mm-hmm.
It's not like the thought process isn't complex because everything has already been like suppressed or compartmentalized or like Inextricably associated in their mind, so they don't have to do all the different little computations to write a thing like this, but we have to, like, reverse-engineer this person's natural state of being.
Right.
The further we go on these comments, the harder they're going to be to decipher and the more complex they're going to be, because, you know, they like to spin a web of, you know, mythos behind the racism.
So we'll see if I can understand the last few comments.
They're gonna need to step their game up, Affil, because we're on to- I just mean in general, not even in this episode, but just in general as this show progresses, like, we're getting pretty good at figuring them out, you know?
Figuring out how they're racist.
Like, you know, you look at something and be like, oh, you know, that's racist, but how?
But how?
Well, let me tell you exactly how.
Okay, so now, speaking of racist, we get to Mediaite, which is a site that we've never gotten comments from for this show before.
It's a site that I've been, like, vaguely aware of, but I've never actually gone there, because why would you ever go to the internet for your news, you know?
I need the feel of paper in my hand.
I need the feel of a remote in my hand.
I need the feel of paper in my hand so I know that I'm looking at actual Ron Paul facts.
That little pamphlet he sends to me every month.
The Smithsonian came to L.A.
when I was a kid and I remember we went to the Oh my god, the goodie place.
What's it called?
Tasty Goodie?
No, the place you buy merchandise.
Oh, the gift shop?
The gift shop.
The place you exit through?
The goodie place?
There's like another word I'm looking for.
Souvenir shop?
Souvenir shop, there you go.
And me and my cousins all elected to buy astronaut ice cream.
I just remember it sucking.
It does suck.
It sucked.
It was not good.
It's not good.
It's very weird.
This is not ice cream.
This is like chalky and lame.
It's a fucking scam.
And they don't actually- astronauts don't actually eat that.
No.
Yeah, I remember I went to the theater and I was like, you know what?
This time I'm gonna try the astronaut's wife.
It's just- it's just gross.
It's just- yeah, and the astronauts don't even eat that either.
Is the picture of the astro- the picture of the astronaut holding a big old bag of weed, is that a real picture?
I don't know if I've seen that picture.
Yeah!
I don't know, I haven't seen that either.
Yeah, I wonder, because I just feel like NASA has the dopest way to smoke weed.
Yeah, but you can't gravity bong in orbit.
True, very true.
Yeah, anti-gravity bong.
Anti-gravity bong, hell yeah.
That just like fucking crushes your lungs.
Yeah, no, that picture of the astronaut holding the full diaper of shit is real, though.
That's real?
I've never seen that.
Oh, jeez.
You don't remember that story about that woman who was, like, stalking that man?
Oh, yes, yep, yep, yep, yep.
Talking about astronauts in space.
The astronaut was in space with a full bag of weed.
Oh, okay.
Was it that Kelly guy?
Yeah, I think so.
The guy who did all the videos.
The guy with the twin that nobody cares about?
Apparently not me, because I don't know who it is.
He's got a twin who's, like, just totally overshadowed.
Could you imagine having a twin brother who's an astronaut?
I think they did it to, like, specifically measure the impact of space on the human body.
Oh, that's crazy.
Like, they have twins sign up for the program.
Oh, so it's like a prestige thing where if the twin dies they just pretend that it's just the other guy?
Yeah, and then it turns out that the Kremlin actually has body double technology, so the space race was all just, like, fruitless and pointless.
Okay, ready to get back into it?
Ugh, these comments make me so sad.
Yeah, these ones are bad.
Yes.
Bo Jenkums.
Who, uh, his avatar was probably a racist picture of Barack Obama.
Like, it's definitely Obama, but I can't see it closely enough to see how it's racist.
Uh, but it is.
Uh, Bo Jankums, it's a funny joke, says about... About Billy Joel, Oy vey!
Enough with the Jew shtick already.
Yet.
Ugh.
So I think that's, like, him, like, joking.
Like, that's not even him, like, being genuine.
Like, he's trying to affect, like, a Jewish speaking pattern.
Enough with the Jewish schtick already yet.
Ah, man.
Like, he's just doing a Seinfeld bit right here, I think.
I... probably.
Probably.
Yeah, that makes sense.
By which I mean that Jerry Seinfeld is extremely anti-semitic.
I mean, we're still giving this guy way too much credit.
They're like, hey Billy Joel, no soup for you.
These pretzels are making me thirsty.
Those two are like both food-based Seinfeld quotes.
You can make an argument that all Seinfeld quotes are food-based.
Yeah.
Can't spare a square?
See?
There you go.
Like eating toilet paper?
Yeah.
Well, why do you think we need toilet paper?
That's a good point.
That's right.
Very good point.
Rico Suave says, About Billy Joel.
He was cool when he was married to Christie Brinkley.
Now he's got that Joe Cocker alcoholic thing going.
And I love, like... Like, Billy Joel was cool when he had that hot wife.
Says Rico Suave.
Well, remember, these are Trump supporters.
So that's a huge thing.
I mean, you can't suck if you have a hot wife.
No, you're the one who doesn't suck.
Yeah, and she had blonde hair and blue eyes, so...
Yeah.
Uh, yeah, no, I love that.
Like, no, he was cool when he had that smoking wife.
Yeah.
It was real cool.
Okay, this one's... Was Joe Cocker a big alcoholic?
Like, I don't even... I... I don't know.
Is that a thing?
I kind of looked up that combination of words and nothing happened.
Yeah.
Yeah, no, uh, with a little help of my friends was a reference to the 12-step program, I guess.
Oh, yeah.
That makes sense.
Get by asking for forgiveness from my friends.
By accepting a higher power from my friends.
Now this next one's real bad.
This person's username on Mediaite is thugvonsdead with four or five exclamation points and then the twisted crying laughing emoji.
And yeah, thugvon is a reference to Trayvon.
This is the right-wing imagination at work here.
I hate people as much as they hate black people.
This website is fucking gross.
Yeah, this is- this is bad.
This has, like, been worse than a lot of the stuff I've seen on Breitbart.
Like, at least at Breitbart, they're... more sophisticated about it?
And, like, everything's just in triple parentheses, you know?
But, uh... No, this is- this is just dumb and, uh... wretched.
And their avatar is what's supposed to be, uh... the face of a dead, young black man, uh, lying on the grass.
It's so bizarre because of all the innocent black men who have been murdered by police over the past few years, they choose to hang up on Trayvon.
There's nothing to pick on.
There's nothing to pick from.
Loose crime, you know, there was like nothing as they just they just want to hate him.
No, he was a pothead, remember?
Oh, yep, the marijuana.
I forgot about the marijuana.
You know why I forgot about the marijuana?
Short-term memory loss?
Because of all the marijuana.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Son of a bitch.
Don't worry, dude.
I'll clean out your dresser drawer.
Oh, thank you.
If anything ever happens.
I appreciate you.
Yeah, no, and that's this, this dude's fucking name.
That's not the comment.
That's this person's avatar.
Like... I didn't, like, like... It just, that's like having your avatar be lynching!
Yep.
Seven exclamation points.
Tongue out emoji.
It's not even bringing back slavery, it's like, kill him!
And it's like, not even aesthetically, like, please, it's not a pun?
I mean, I guess Thugvon is a pun?
I don't know, anyway, it's... I think the Trayvon Martin thing is like, resonates with people because it was one of the early parts of the Black Lives Matter movement.
It was like, one of the first, if not...
And it was like a citizen who did it.
Yeah.
So they could also do it.
Yes, exactly.
It's accessible.
Stand your ground.
It's like an accessible hero, yeah.
No, you're totally right.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, he was a wanted... Want to get into that recent stand your ground case, because that's insane.
The one in the parking lot.
I didn't hear about this one.
We'll talk about it later.
It's insane.
It's probably a whole episode coming up.
Yeah, no, no, you're totally right because he was a wannabe cop with like mental health aka anger problems who had grievances against his ex-girlfriend, his neighbors, and black people.
Just like the total embodiment of the right wing in this country.
And yeah, he got to murder somebody.
He got to murder a kid.
Yeah, so definitely that's why.
Were you gonna say something, Leigh?
I think I talked over you.
No, I just- I don't- I- Can we get through these awful, awful comments and move on to the next topic?
It's making me really angry.
Yeah, the comment- the comment from this person goes, Right, because anybody who objects to tearing down Confederate statues is a Nazi.
What?
Coming from, uh, Thugvon's Dead.
They totally missed the whole thing.
What are you talking about?
It's a reference to the, uh, there are good sides- Oh my god, I read it wrong.
There are good people on, yeah, both sides of the- it's like going all the way back to the like legit- like they're still trying to deny that Trump said white supremacists were good.
And it's like, even in your most charitable, even in the most charitable interpretation of the argument that there were good people on both sides, your good person in this instance is like a loser historical revisionist who thinks the South should rise again.
That's like the best person who was part of the Unite the Right rally.
Even the person who might not be a Nazi is still a real piece of shit.
Just total, like, scum.
No redeeming value.
No positive, like... No positive personal characteristics.
So you have to fucking cling to the idea of your state winning a war 200 years ago.
No, how long?
400 years ago?
Like, that's what you have to fill your life.
Wild.
But yeah, no.
Thug Von's Dead is a great spokesperson for the not racist among that crowd.
And this is the problem with anonymity on the internet.
Just kidding.
Slippery slope.
Last comment from Mediaite is from Gefelta Fisherman.
So this is a pun!
This is like, I mean, it's anti-semitic and their avatar is extremely anti-semitic.
But this is like an actual, it makes sense as a username.
I mean, it doesn't make sense because you can't fish for kefilte fish.
You can't fish for pickled fish.
Okay.
You know, fucking idiot.
This guy's a fucking idiot.
They say, Billy Joel is a nasty Jew.
Okay, I'm all for using, um, non-gendering nouns.
Like, I'm good for that.
But this is a dude who sucks.
And you know it.
We know it.
This person is a dude who sucks.
I thought you were gonna say, like, the good thing about calling someone Jew is that it's gender neutral.
Oh, no.
I was gonna say, let's not call this person they.
Yeah, okay.
This fuckin' shithead bro dude.
This guy.
This person with a penis.
Sucks.
Like, go fuck yourself.
Like, I'm picturing the idea of somebody saying, like, fuck you, you stingy Jew-ess.
And then, like, the SJW lib coming in and saying, excuse me, please use the gender-neutral Jew.
That's not a statement against gender-neutral pronouns.
They're good, but yeah.
No, I love, yeah, Billy Joel is a nasty Jew and, like, I'm picturing the next step in this is, like, Billy Joel buys a, buys a t-shirt that says, I'm that nasty Jew that Donald warned you about.
I'm gonna, I'm gonna, uh, do a meme that only we'll get.
It's gonna be Billy Joel wearing the Janet Jackson Rhythm Nation hat and it's gonna say Mr. Joel if you're nasty.
Nasty, nasty Jews make me feel so good.
I know I can count on you, Lee.
Yeah, okay, let's move on to the next topic of this podcast.
This was, uh... This was a thing that, uh... that got some traction online.
It's a Facebook account called The Transformed Wife.
And, uh, they post just utter drivel and nonsense that's, like, cutely hand-drawn into a notebook and then, you know, a photograph taken of it and then posted to a digital medium.
Right, because penliness is closer to godliness.
Totally.
I just recently heard the term foligraphy.
Which they've embraced, by the way.
And I'm kind of mad that they've embraced it because I want to use it.
Like, foligraphers?
Yeah, foligraphists.
It's just like somebody who's not good at calligraphy.
No, no, they're like Pinterest's calligraphy classes.
Like paintbrush, brush pen, look at how you swoop and whoop it.
So those are like the people who aren't active in the community and they're faking it?
Yeah, they're fucking bullshit.
They're not using actual, they're not using quill tips, they're not using fountain pens, they're using fucking brush tips.
Fucking bullshit.
Sounds like gatekeeping to me.
Sounds like calligraphy gatekeeping.
Sorry man, I just like to keep it real, you know.
It's like, can you really gatekeep art?
You know, I just want to keep a standard alive.
Sure.
If you're not dipping that tip every so many letters, does it even count?
So what does it say?
So, one meme in particular by the transformed wife Went viral!
Uh, you've probably seen this.
We posted it in- somebody posted it in the, uh, Minion Death Cult group.
Sorry, I don't have credit to give to you.
Um, but thank you for doing that.
It's a meme.
It's a- it's a... It's like a Pinterest meme.
You know, it's- it's a...
It's an infographic, but like F-A-U-X.
Right, Tony?
That's how you do it?
Yep, yep.
Infographic?
Okay, alright.
I like it.
And it says, it's a picture of a comely blonde lass, definitely a virgin, At like 40?
She looks old as shit.
No, she does.
Yeah, she does.
She looks like 25.
Nope, nope, nope.
She's late, late 20s.
Nope, she's like late 20s, early 30s.
So we're just like owning this woman who probably has nothing to do with... Nah, man, she made it.
You can't prove us wrong.
She doesn't have tattoos.
Okay, so this meme... That you can see... Oh, true.
This meme, it's got this photo of this woman, and then the meme underneath the text says, men prefer debt-free virgins without tattoos.
It goes crazy, because like, at first I'm like, men prefer debt-free, and I was like, oh, Sure, like it's good to be frugal and like good with your money and then it was like versions and I was like oh oh okay no what like that's a weird thing to do and then without tattoos which is a total third act.
It's a third act in this short play.
That's a big ask.
I know a lot of versions that are debt free, but they are covered in tattoos.
Yeah, no, you just want one that hasn't been penetrated at all.
Sure, by anything.
By anything.
I love this because it's like, A, like I said in the Facebook group, any account that decries tattooing in general, like it's automatically fake, like it's automatically satire.
Yeah, right?
Yeah.
Like, any account in 2018 that is, like, anti-tattoo is just... I can't possibly believe that that's a real thing somebody cares about.
Like, there's been, like, satire accounts that are, like, specifically devoted to how, like, we should execute people with tattoos.
That gnarly?
Yeah, no, it was great.
It was from like three or four years ago.
I'm sure it's shut down now.
But you know, they got a point though.
If tattoos, you know, tattoos were a wholesome thing, why would they call it a tramp stamp?
It's true.
You only get that after a certain number of sex acts.
They only give it to you after that.
Also just, men prefer debt-free virgins.
Also this use of virgins like all of these words have been like skewed in my mind like they all have specific meanings outside of like the date like virgin if you call somebody a virgin like that's like an insult in in a in a weird in a weird way yeah it's like jew it's like like you don't say hey virgin yeah You don't say it in an endearing way?
Yeah.
My virgin!
Because it's not like women who are virgins.
It's just, hey, men want virgins.
It's a very weird way to talk.
And then also just men prefer... When men are making their selection, they prefer debt-free virgins.
Yeah.
If I see a woman with some fiscal responsibility, I fucking destroy my pants.
It's true.
It's ruined forever.
Throw them away.
Well, I like to see women with really nice tattoos, because I'm like, they must spend a lot of money on that.
They must be heavily in debt.
Say it again?
Tattoos cost a lot of money.
Tattoos aren't cheap.
So automatically if you have tattoos, you're in debt.
And neither are prostitutes.
So that's how you know that the virgins are also more frugal.
Not spending money on prostitutes.
Right.
Right.
Not going into debt from paying sex workers, yeah.
To tattoo them.
Leigh, you had a comment about this, didn't you, in the Facebook group?
Oh, I think I said that I had my very high credit score tattooed on my inner thigh.
It's quite a conundrum.
Yeah.
No, I mean, like, I don't have tattoos.
Um, just because I'm fickle and I could never really decide on anything that I wanted to have permanently put on me, but... Oh, well you sound like a perfect candidate to, uh, pledge your eternal soul to an invisible being.
Somebody who can't decide on whether they want a tattoo.
But I definitely did have student loans.
I love the idea of, like, Like just there's there's like this uh there's like this whole group of debt-free people out there somewhere.
So it's literally just like 16 year olds who have never bought anything.
Well yeah like like this girl this debt-free virgin without tattoos like is going to get married at like 18 or younger because she still lives in her house with her parents where they don't allow her to go out and get tattoos or have sex and still pay for everything.
No, yeah, like you, like, this is somebody who doesn't have a car.
Right.
Like, if you, if you have a car, you're in debt.
Like, literally this, this mythical debt-free virgin's first car is gonna be the one her dad gives to her husband as dowry.
But don't worry about it, though.
Their fiancé is going to paramedic school and is going to be able to take care of them entirely.
No, not when fast food workers get $15 an hour.
That'll somehow mean that he'll make less money.
That'll somehow mean that other people can get houses, too.
Yeah.
Well, they don't get paid much.
They need a raise.
I love, like, it's kind of ironic how the, uh, the account name is TheTransformedWife, yet totally against body modification.
Like, TheTransformedWife literally just sounds like Hellraiser or, like, human centipede body horror.
Like, she, she has been transformed.
They didn't, they said tattoos.
They didn't say body modification.
Oh.
That's, that is body mod.
True.
She's been transformed.
Do you see?
She serves her husband.
Do you see?
She prostrates herself before the Lord.
Do you see?
The whole, the whole thing is just perfect.
It's like, who could care about this shit now?
I- You know what's funny is, uh... I might choose to edit this out later, but I actually, like, totally got that.
Like, I- I- I, like, am seeing someone who is this exact person.
Um... And, uh, it was an accident, and I've been trying to get her to, like, get tattoos and have sex with me.
But, uh, and also buy me stuff to, like, get the debt up.
Yeah, right.
But, um, it's not working, so she's really sticking to this, and this meme is just empowering her.
I love, like, the font on this meme.
You referred to it as, uh, Fauxlegraphy, right?
Fauxlegraphy, yes, yes.
Yeah, it's like... It's, it's like, you know, Pen- Pentrist Penmanship, like you said.
It's, it's like... It's like Tim Burton's Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
Yeah, it's Tim Burton's Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, or it's Marilyn Manson's, like, Alice in Wonderland font... Yeah.
...crossed with, like, Wes Anderson or something.
It's- it's "Pray like your husband is watching" font.
Okay, let's get to the second meme.
So this got us, this got a ton of backlash.
Like this, all their other posts, all, all the Transformed Wife's other posts had like a few hundred likes, you know, like a few hundred reactions, you know, like, Couple dozen comments or so.
This post with this meme, 50,000 reactions.
Yes.
It went viral.
There were blog posts about it.
They talked about it on, like, the radio and stuff.
So, this, like, old lady who runs this account was not prepared for the amount of backlash she got for talking shit on people's super sick tattoos.
And she got real defensive about it and she made, like, she made, like, rebuttal memes.
To the backlash?
And I have one of them here that's just like, God, so good.
So, it's the meme where it's a boardroom meeting, it's like a cartoon, three-paneled cartoon, and it's a board meeting, and they're discussing strategy.
And the leader of the board meeting says, What can we do to prepare women for marriage?
Just like, already, already so fucking, like, ham-fisted.
And it's also a man asking this?
What can we do to prepare women for marriage?
It's a guy asking this?
They don't seem ready.
What are we doing?
They're not prepared.
First person says, tattoos and sex.
Second person says, encouraged debt.
Third person casually.
The cool one.
Hair slightly tousled.
Sleeves rolled up.
Elbow on the table.
You can tell he's no-nonsense kind of guy.
Be virgins.
Debt free.
And no tattoos.
And then the meeting leader gives him a death stare.
And then throws him out the window of the board meeting.
Again, just to illustrate this point here, this is a board meeting with, I can count, uh, at least, at least three men.
I think four, um, at least four men and just one woman.
I love this, like, straw man.
She's, these straw men she's, she's constructed, like, Well, if you have a problem with my meme, that means that you want to prepare women for marriage by tattooing them and having sex with them and encouraging debt.
Yeah, all of that.
How can we prepare women for marriage?
Go out on the weekends and get drunk?
Drive with your seatbelt off?
Do both of those things at the same time?
Um... Study the Bible and don't have sex?
You're outta here.
You're outta here.
Thinking too clearly.
Banned.
Banned.
You're outta here.
I love it.
This is like literally a... We live in a society meme?
Yeah.
This is like... This is how the world works now.
We live in a society where we encourage debt and tattoos and sex.
Again, none of that is actually people's fault.
I blame capitalism and all that.
You think people would have all these tattoos if Miami Inc.
never happened?
Hey, Kat Von D, directly influenced by a white supremacist, we know of.
Facts.
Facts.
No, I love this meme.
I love a meme in support of a traditional lifestyle.
Split your tongue so that it resembles that of a snake's.
Nobody bats an eye.
Prepare a woman for marriage, and everybody loses their minds!
Oh, man.
Yeah, I do wonder what this person would think, the woman who runs this, what she would think if she met, like, one of these, um, wholesome, like, Alt-Christian women who are heavily tattooed and have body mod and were virgins until marriage.
Or at least that's what they said.
And did all the things she wanted except for the tattoo part.
She's like, nope.
Bad wife.
Nope.
Well, the whole thing is, like, she backtracked throughout all this.
She was like, no, you can still, like, come to the- come to the Lord, but we should be encouraging women to never stray from the Lord.
So.
It just, like, doesn't mean anything.
You don't have to come back if you never leave.
It's true.
Let's get into, uh, some comments here.
I think we're running a little long.
Yeah, we're at about an hour.
We're fine.
We got a bit- we can go an hour and a half or something.
Go ahead with your first comment, Lee.
Okay, this is Brandy Hatcher.
It's a stripper name.
Cool story, Brandy.
She says, hmm, I was tattoo and debt free, but my boyfriend, now husband, took my virginity before marriage, but he wasn't a virgin.
Hold on, can I stop you there?
Yes.
I love this.
If you say it the right way, you get... So you get a little rhyme there.
and debt free, but my boyfriend, now husband, took my virginity.
So you had a little rhyme there.
And then, yeah, just the phrase took my, he fucking ganked my virginity from me.
He stole it, yeah.
Well, it was like a trade, but then when his hymen didn't burst, she realized that he wasn't a virgin, so it was officially a take.
Well, maybe he was just an avid horseback rider.
True, true.
Now we both have tattoos, have a mortgage, two expensive kids, and a wonderful marriage.
I like how the kids are the expensive part.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Uh, I absolutely believe in abstinence and waiting until marriage.
Your husband didn't.
But it doesn't disqualify you as a good wife if you aren't a virgin.
So, So I guess we did it kinda right because it says men want to marry debt-free, untatted virgins.
We just waited for the debt and the tats until after the I do part.
Yeah, cool.
Great.
Cool.
Yeah, thank you.
Good for you, Brenny.
Good input there.
When I read untatted virgins, I thought it said untapped virgins.
That's how ubiquitous tattoos are now.
Everyone has tattoos.
Tattoos are so common that people with tattoos call them tats and say, let me see your ink.
That used to be the thing that would separate other people.
Yeah, those people are still posers.
Yeah, but they just happen to have some You know like this person used to see but now they Now they can get like the sweet You know infinity sign tattoo behind their ear Okay, I was I always go for the inner wrist when I was giving them a little more credit a little more street cred What does it say to say love or hope or I can't read it actually looks like shit Okay next comment Uh, this is from Audrey Kelly.
Love it, Lori!
Women are angry because you called them out exactly for what they are.
Loud, demanding, selfish, greedy, and immoral.
You know how you go into debt because you're so greedy?
You know how you, like, have negative money because of how greedy you are?
Well, like, men go into debt because of, like, you know, they need things, right?
Women go into debt over, like, designer purses and shoes.
We all know this.
Well, I think women go into debt over purses and shoes.
Men go into debt over women.
Oh.
Oh.
And they're always loudly demanding sex from you.
And then I go, no pig.
And then I flush the toilet.
It's like not in the same room as me.
Keep bringing the truth.
I'm sure men do prefer modest, beautiful, sincere women with respect for themselves.
I also love his optimism.
So now we're adding beautiful.
Now you have to find a debt-free version without tattoos that's beautiful.
Well, what's more beautiful than an untattooed woman with no debt?
Well, this is like how Tina Fey got in trouble.
Tina Fey was like...
Yeah, give me the bank statements of Beyonce.
Nowadays, women gotta have the bank statements of Beyonce, the fair skin of Heidi Klum, and the virginity of Miranda Cosgrove.
I don't remember this.
I don't know.
She was like, she was like saying, she was like objectifying women, but trying to say that like, it was, she was talking about like asses, and waists, and hips, and lips.
She talked about it on that Letterman Show.
Yeah.
It was an interesting comment, because she was saying like, women are held to these unreasonable standards, which is true, but then she like called out a bunch of very specific women while she did it.
You just can't win with these liberals.
Did I interrupt something you were saying, Leigh, while I was trying to lift women up?
No, you were... Just double-checking.
I love the optimism that they have about men.
No, men are good.
They want good things.
They want pure women who are chaste and untattooed and debt-free.
What men are they hanging out with?
What sweet, sweet boys are they hanging out with?
Well, they just prefer that stuff.
I mean, before they get married, they prefer, they, you know, they can go for the ones that they don't exactly prefer.
Babe, how could I appreciate your sweet, sweet virginity if it wasn't for all the whores?
Right, right.
You know?
This last sentence is, it's just a tautology.
I'm sure men do prefer attractive women.
You ever notice how men are attracted to attractive women?
It's weird.
Right?
You ever notice how men like women who are good?
You ever notice that?
Next comment here, it's a doozy.
Go for it, Liam.
Is this the reply here?
Oh, I didn't include that.
Yeah, go.
Oh, no, that's fine.
That's fine.
So this is from Jennifer Jorgensen.
Professional chef, probably.
It's so crazy to me to see all the hateful, judgmental, ridiculous comments on here.
You know how when you judge like 80% of the female population and then people come back and judge you for it?
It's crazy!
I do believe the article is flawed, but she has some very good points for Christian women.
I believe with all my heart every woman and man should try their best to be celibate until marriage, not mark their bodies, and have a ton of debt.
But honestly, a tattoo isn't a sin in my eyes.
In my eyes it's not.
It's just not a sin in my eyes.
And if you do have to go into debt to, let's say, become a doctor and save lives, then I'm all for that debt.
Not all women marry.
And if they sit around at mom and dad's house waiting for a godly husband, he might not ever come.
And she will be an uneducated, inexperienced 30-year-old.
Oh, gross!
A 30-year-old.
A decrepit 30-year-old.
Yeah, I haven't said anything, but my jaw is literally, like, becoming detached throughout this, just from talking.
Yeah.
Like, I'm 30.
Yeah, yeah.
You know?
Like, you're gonna have some trouble uncrossing those legs at the end of this.
Oh, for sure.
It's gonna be achy.
Luckily, we're experienced, though.
Yeah.
God is love, mercy, grace- Shut the fuck up.
We are simply human doing the best we can.
As long as you're under 30.
Some people make these choices before ever becoming Christian and I know men who would never hold that woman's past against her because of who she is today.
If God judged us the way some men judge their future wife, none of us would ever get into heaven because we are all sinners.
Wait, what?
Didn't she just say that men were less judgmental than God?
And then now she's saying if God judged women the way their future husbands did, then they'd go straight to hell.
It's just a... Oh, it's just a hodgepodge of... Yeah, what's funny is like half of this comment is... Christian platitudes.
Half of this comment is totally cool and like accepting and like listen like it's not all that big of a deal like these things happen people are humans but the rest of it's just like backing the shittiness of it.
Yeah.
This could have been a quarter of as long and had the same effect they wanted.
I just like the idea of like oh that one's not a sin in my eyes.
That's cause they have a tattoo in their eye.
Just got the red, the red, uh, white area filled in.
Yeah.
Totally.
Um, no, yeah.
It's just like fucking American Christianity in a nutshell.
Just like, no, that thing, that thing's not a sin.
That one thing that I like and not a sin.
I got a real question.
Like what if, uh, what if the tattoo is of Jesus?
It depends on how big it is.
Can it fit through the eye of a needle?
That's the hard part.
No, it costs too much.
No way it could.
Can it be contained within a grain of sand?
Or wait, what is the metaphor?
It's like a peach pit or something?
I don't know.
The whole universe is contained within this tattoo on my small back.
Can you put two of those tattoos in a boat and then save it from all the rain?
Two of every, yeah, two of every tattoo.
Did that tattoo come with a plague?
Okay.
Stephanie May says, Tattoos and piercings.
It's a good kind of pain that God can't take away.
It's like, this is the best part of this section is the opposite.
They're like, no, don't take away my old culture.
It makes me hurt feel so good.
Like I love that your grievance with God is that one day he's going to make it all, make it all like heal all your wounds.
Like, Like no, one day God is gonna close up that septum.
One day God is gonna heal that hole in your heart and the gauge in your ears.
One day you won't have that telltale eyebrow scar.
Like your grief with God is that one day you're gonna be free of pain.
All sad.
I need it to feel alive!
That's my favorite kind of person, because the thing is, when you have tattoos, people like to talk to you about the tattoos, and it's never a fun conversation.
It's never a good conversation.
It's always like, hey, where'd you get your work done?
And it's like, you don't actually care where I got my work done.
You're not going to go there.
You're not going to support my artist.
Don't even ask about it.
Also, I don't know who did yours.
Also, I don't care who did yours.
Well, they want you to ask about who did theirs.
Also, I don't care about your hypothetical tattoo you're gonna get one day, and I don't want to hear about how it didn't hurt, and then a second later, you talk about how much you love how it hurts.
Uh-huh.
All those things happen, and it's annoying.
I love the conversations about stuff you're gonna do.
Oh, yeah.
Those are my favorite.
Like, I love it when I find myself doing that, because I just hate myself.
Like, you know, I don't broadcast this shit, I guess technically I do now, because I'm gonna reiterate it on...
On the podcast.
You ready, folks?
No, we were having a conversation about Spanish and I was just like, I really need to learn Spanish.
I really want to learn Spanish.
And I was like, what a cool thing to say.
What a great conversation.
Hey, I want to better myself.
I want to learn something.
But think about how much cooler saying, like, I want to learn Spanish is than saying, like, yeah, so, like, I want to get on my forearm, I want to get, like, a cross, and then I'm going to get, like, um, a cancer ribbon with wings, um, and then it's going to say, uh, the dates of, um, of my mom's, um, but she's not dead yet, so I'm going to leave it open-ended.
Right, right.
Uh, but yeah, it's just going to be, I'm going to get all that on my forearm.
Uh.
I want to get the cancer ribbon but it's like on its side and then it says FU cancer ribbon on its side and then cancer.
I want to get that one tattooed on me because like I already have it on the front windshield of my car but like that's not going to last forever.
It's fun because, like, don't get mad at you.
Like, I had mine that said, like, fuck the police, and people were all mad, and they got all stoked on yours.
They were like, oh, I was like, what's, how come he can say fuck and I can't?
I really want to get a tattoo that says I want to be a virgin when I get married.
Future virgin.
Yeah.
Man, remember Save the Tatas?
I don't think he's remembering.
I think it's still happening.
Why is everything associated with breast cancer just fucking awful?
Oh yeah, yeah.
Breast cancer is not about cancer at all.
It's about boobs.
Everything about saving... treating breast cancer is just more awful than breast cancer itself.
Because they hire a ton of men to take care of it.
It's insane.
It has nothing to do with women's health.
It has everything to do with like, but what about those sweet boobs?
What am I gonna suck on?
It's because you have to go into debt in order to become a non-profit advertising agency.
It's because you have to go into debt to survive cancer.
Yep.
John Williams, uh, just creating a masterpiece here, says, Absolutely agree with you.
I searched for a non-tattooed debtless virgin for a bride.
Got a debtless virgin.
Just like the most scummy phrase possible that doesn't include any actual epithets.
Yeah.
You know?
I was hanging out with this debtless virgin.
Totally got this debtless virgin's number last night.
I searched for a non-tattooed debtless virgin for a bride, but she came with a $27,000 debt.
She came with it.
It's part of the package deal.
Small price to pay for the love of your life.
Why would you follow this site if you disagree with her?
It's like Christian commenting on an atheist site everyday arguing.
It accomplishes nothing.
So like... Only comment on things you agree with, you stupid motherfuckers.
They're also not wrong there, you know?
Yeah.
This is futile.
You're not gonna change this woman's opinion.
This page will be up tomorrow.
And then last, oh no, we got two more here.
Anthony Morocco says, this is a good one that I liked.
Anthony Morocco says, if you get a tattoo, piercing, or any other body modification, you are telling God that he did not make you good enough for you.
That would be a sin, and there is no way to justify it before God.
This shouldn't even be a question.
Fellas, is it blasphemy to get taller?
Are they thinking about getting your shin stretched?
I mean, I guess it's like, it's like, uh, blasphemy to shave your face in certain religions, right?
Yeah.
I remember back when I used to be a self-righteous Christian, one of my favorite jokes was pointing out how calling something blasphemy that's not blasphemy is in turn blasphemy.
Yeah.
I thought I was so fucking smart.
It's pretty woke.
Can I do you one better?
I think it's blasphemy to call anything blasphemy because you're judging.
You're taking on the role of God and deciding what's blasphemous and what's not.
I like that a lot more.
How could we ever know what's blasphemous and what's not?
I like that a lot more.
Are we gonna start like a theology spinoff of this?
Minion Life Cult?
Minion Life Cult?
Minion Light... Minion Light Cult.
Yeah, let's do it.
We'll do it right after this one, okay?
Yes, perfect.
Yeah, what did you say about this one, Lee?
God didn't make me with enough holes.
She needs some more holes in this bad boy.
Gonna lighten the load.
I distinctly remember like some... My uncle had a girlfriend who had like... Lots of holes.
Who had very stretched ears.
And she came over and my uncle made some joke about sticking a dick through it.
And it's like, what's wrong with you, man?
And it's funny, because I didn't even think about, like, my age.
It's like, don't talk about dicks around here, man.
That's weird.
I was also, like, 18.
Yeah.
That makes it even weirder.
But it's just, like, fucking... That's how they think, yeah.
Yeah.
Why would you do that?
Is it supposed to be, like, a sexy thing?
Is it a sex thing?
Why would you do this?
This doesn't make you attractive to me at all.
Yeah.
I'm not into this.
Unless I can fuck this, I don't care about it.
Yeah.
Uh, I remember my, like, I had an estranged aunt who came to visit, like, exactly one time, and I was, like, 12.
She was much younger than my dad.
She was, like, I think, like, halfway between me and my dad.
I was, like, 12, and she's probably, like, 25 or something, 24.
And, uh, she was, like, kind of... I don't remember well enough, but my impression of her was that she was, like, a cool, like, edgy, like, hippie or rocker or something.
And she had one of her fingernails pierced.
Oh, fuck yeah.
I was just like, whoa, that's crazy.
Yeah, that was very of the time.
Yeah, I was like, imagining how this happened.
Like, I was like, they drill through it for like a while, or they like, scrape it, you know, to get in there.
And yeah, that's just an extra hole you don't need.
Yep.
You know?
Yep.
God would have made you with holes in your fingernails.
God, that would be so much fun to play with all day long if you had that.
Yeah, absolutely.
I'm gonna do it.
I'm gonna grab my pinky nail out just for that.
A lot of people know it's not for cocaine because there's a hole in it.
Well maybe it's like cocaine for two.
One gets the top and the other gets the bottom.
You guys like Spider-Man kiss the cocaine?
You guys?
You mean us?
Yeah, we like Spider-Man and Mary Jane the cocaine.
Lastly, Becky Pender says, uh, my tattoos and my scars remind me that my past was real.
So just like straight up like Papa Roach lyrics in this fucking comment.
And then it goes on, and not a dream, and I have asked for repentance for the things I've done.
But yeah, literally, my scar, my tattoos and my scars remind me that my past was real.
Literally a Jacoby Shaddix lyric.
But wasn't that also off the soundtrack of Memento?
No, the Polaroids remind me.
Wasn't that song the inspiration for the film Memento?
I guess he did have tattoos, huh?
Yeah.
Yeah, you're right.
Yeah, do not trust this account.
She transforms.
Alright, that's the episode, folks.
Go to the YouTube page.
Go to MinionDeathCult on YouTube.
Just search out MinionDeathCult on YouTube.
You'll find it.
There is a 15-minute clip of our last bonus Patreon episode.
So if you're not a Patreon subscriber, that is all new content for you.
If you would like to be a Patreon subscriber, go to patreon.com slash MinionDeathCult.
P-A-T-R-E-O-N dot com slash MinionDeathCult for $3.11 a month.
You get a bonus episode every week.
And last month, with the help of our patrons, We were able to donate $150 to the Immigrant Defenders Law Center that are helping to provide undocumented folks with legal assistance that they desperately, desperately need right now.
If you're in a position to donate money, don't do it to races.
R-A-I-C-E-S.
They already have enough money and they're talking about giving it back to the Department of Homeland Security because they don't know what to do with it, which is fucking crazy.
Insane.
Don't give it to them.
There are other immigrant advocacy groups you can give it to, including Immigrant Defenders Law Center.
I believe the website is mdef.org.
And to donate, there's a link at the top, or you can try mdef.org.
They are in California, which we have a high immigrant population here.
Folks, they're extremely at risk.
There are cities that are opting out of the California Sanctuary State Law and still cooperating with federal government about ICE.
This is something we can't forget about.
I know Trump's, like, doing stupid shit with Russia and Twitter in general.
Do not forget about undocumented immigrants.
They really need our help.
Thank you so much, Leigh, for doing the episode.
Thanks for having me.
It's always wonderful.
Thank you for your fucking original content.
Holy shit.
Yeah, that shit was golden.
This comment section is on fire.
You can download the ringtone very soon.
No, I legit want to produce a version of this song.
That could be the intro if we do it right.
I'm not opposed.
Patreon needs to step it up because we need to pay Lee for this.
That's right.
I need to become debt free so I can be on the video calls.
So go to the new YouTube channel, subscribe, help us get to 100 subscribers, sign up for the Patreon, rate and review the show if you haven't done so already.
We did get a new rating and review from a soy girl.
I can't remember their name.
Okay, Jesse Squash, thank you so much for rating and reviewing the show.
I greatly appreciate it.
And Jesse says at the bottom, P.S.
and become a Patreon stat because then you get double the content.
So thank you for that shoutout.
Thank you for trying to get us some money, Jesse.
We really appreciate it.
Also, thanks to William for a five-star rating and review.
We really appreciate it.
Yeah, shoutouts to William.
This helps us look good, so it takes 10 seconds.
We'd really appreciate it.
That's it for the show.
Write to us at MinionDeathCult at gmail.com, MinionDeathCult on social media, and MinionDeathCommando's on Facebook for that Facebook group.
