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June 12, 2025 - Louder with Crowder
59:56
Abu Dhabi Disney, Confused AI and Other Jokes That Should Never Make Air
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Time Text
Well, you'd think Nick was running this.
Not today.
Wow.
Welcome to the host.
I've got to adjust my headphones here.
Sometimes, some of these shows, or I should say some of these stories in these shows, it's ones that you don't see, because they did not make air, and they absolutely should not have made air.
There are jokes, there are stories, there are bits, I know.
And then sometimes you end up with two.
There's a seven plus one.
And just so you can see how often there's a seven minus one because we couldn't even get to the seven, let alone the plus one.
And sometimes it's because it's too offensive.
Sometimes it's because it's not good.
Sometimes it's just because we don't want to deal with the backlash.
And so instead, we put it all in one show for a concentrated dose of offense.
It's time for a scrapyard.
All right.
See, you can see the intro.
Like, that's how much work we put into it.
Please, lower your expectations.
Now.
But it is 11 a.m. Eastern, so we are still here.
Captain Morgan, CEO, how are you, sir?
I'm blinded by the light.
I'm good.
How are you?
Oh, you have a new light?
No, I just had one turned on.
Well, didn't you always have that light?
Well, no.
One of them was just turned on that wasn't on.
The key is, Gerald, specifically for you, walk toward it.
And when you hear him, you know him, you love him.
He's not on X because it's...
Not underscore Firestein.
It's not your X. It's not technically me.
Yeah, it's not you.
But it is a good page.
Yep.
Sometimes things get put up.
Sometimes things get put up and you don't even know.
I have no control, but I enjoy following it.
Yeah, me too.
It's one of my favorites, but I'm as surprised as you are.
We've got to get to the bottom of this.
Who is he?
We're also going to get to some BTS a little bit later on.
BTS means behind the scenes.
Did you guys know that?
I thought it was back to scooters.
That doesn't make sense.
Put the handlebars back on the skateboards, is what I say.
It's not as tough of a song.
I can push my scooter with no handlebars.
No handlebars.
Alright, we don't often show some of these, like, you know, we do like a quick watch and react.
And by the way, sometimes I hate doing watch and reacts because so many people online just watch and there's no way to even react.
They just play something and go like, mmm, that's true.
Five million plays, you're like, oh, it's just, that's because you didn't put yourself in the thumbnail.
And then you injected yourself and then I'm like, oh, this person's doing it?
So, we still have one here.
I don't know why this didn't make air, but this is the Breakfast World Restaurant in Chiang Mai.
Thailand.
I guess it has a unique way for guests to get discounts on meals.
I don't think you tried hard enough.
I'm paying full price.
Is that your friend?
Yeah, I told him oatmeal.
So if they can fit through the bars, they get a discount.
You need some butter.
Yes.
I think I have to pay double.
We butter you up here.
Can you do ten?
Hold on, he's doing it.
Oh my gosh.
What if he gets stuck?
He's gonna take the whole thing.
Stuck?
I'm rooting for him.
Stuck!
He's stuck!
Are you allowed to assist?
Can I get pushed through?
You're good for five, she already said.
Said you're good looking, five's good.
No, I have to do this.
And right after that, a tiny Thai lady just went over, under, and through.
By the way, can we also just acknowledge the fact that it's very cruel to laugh?
at Super Grover, who's clearly retarded.
He's got his leather helmet, and he just does...
I think it's fun.
I don't think that's retarded.
I think that's...
Okay.
And you can't control that.
Severe CTE.
Yeah, it's something different.
Either way, we shouldn't be laughing at him.
No, I think you can laugh at him.
I smell pennies!
I think you taste them, but either way.
You don't know.
You smell and you taste them.
You smell burnt toast because I think 70% of taste is smelling.
I don't know.
But Thailand, you get to those bars, you get a discount.
I now know why we didn't run this.
Some women may need to be careful when trying to take advantage of the offer.
I don't think your boobers are going to go through that.
Yeah, okay, you said what everyone said.
The whole restaurant's stinking.
I went for the...
What?
You did not...
15. Did you get through the 15?
Yeah, twice.
Did you get through?
I know.
Through the 15. After that, there was just a hanging cutlet.
Like, aye!
Aye!
You left your bitty!
It'd be fun if they put blades on those.
Like, you really gotta fit through.
Yeah, that would be murder, Gerald.
No, not really.
You're doing it to yourself.
Leave it to him.
You know what would be fun?
Would be first-degree murder.
He's arguing that it would be suicide.
Yeah, severe macerations at breakfast.
That's my whole point.
Yeah, well, you know, that'll be a good way for them to maintain.
They actually do a 4.5 out of 5 rating on TripAdvisor.
And here's the funny thing.
That reminds me of a place in Austin that had a patio, and I was going with Johnny Boy, because they allowed you to smoke cigars outside.
And they carded you when you get in.
So me and Johnny would go, hey, can we see your card?
And we had Jeff here.
You know, Jeff.
We love Jeff.
Sovereign citizen.
He has a little bit of a short fuse, though.
And it's funny, you wouldn't know, because he's super, super sweet.
But then when you see it, you're like, oh, no.
We get a card.
He goes, "Hey, would you like to see my card?" He goes, not unless it's an AARP.
Don't kill him!" And Jeff can fight.
Jeff's one of the original black belts under the Machado brothers in the United States.
And then he was still sitting there.
We're like, "Relax." And I'm in a cigar.
He's like, "You believe that?
We said AARP." We're like, "Jeff, it's okay." It was a joke.
You are getting older.
But the guy was incredibly disrespectful.
"You think you're a bouncer?" We're like, "Don't murder anybody!" Can we go back to Gerald's morbid adventures?
Yes.
I think it's completely reasonable.
He wants to put, what'd you say, razor blades on it?
Yeah.
What do you have, a slip and slide with circular saws on the sides?
You gotta stay within the lines or you lose a leg.
Final destination slip and slide edition.
If you know about it and voluntarily choose to do it, that's on you.
Yeah, yeah.
It's the entrance to the restaurant.
It's not the entrance to the restaurant.
I'm really worried that he's not.
I'm worried that he's CEO.
He has a terrible business sense.
Not at all.
Kill off your customer base.
I just said it'd be more entertaining.
You want to have the cutlery booby trap so it's just some rebar?
You're the one that said there was a cutlet left on there.
You started this.
He wants the entrance to the zoo to go through the tiger pit.
If you make it past the tigers, you get him for free.
You can choose not to try.
You just walk into the gorilla exhibit and it automatically expels pheromones.
What the?
Can you take Harambee?
You get on an elevator.
And it slowly compacts as you go up.
Do you want to go to the 20th floor?
No!
At your own peril.
Yeah.
Listen, you get to make your own choices in life.
Yeah.
Well, he also did, his idea was the clock tower, you know, that ride at Disney World that drops into the shark aquarium.
He likes the escalator that the steps kind of flatten out if you don't make any time.
Yeah, exactly.
Your shoelaces don't get caught.
It's actual blades.
All of these things make perfect sense to me.
That's our Gerald!
Not to do them.
Well, maybe it would apply to these next folks we didn't get to this.
I don't know why, but one of our favorite segments that we do here and one of YouTube's favorite segments to take down...
The rebuttals to John Oliver, debunking some of the crap that he says.
So a little while back, and there must have been something breaking in the news, he was talking about trans athletes, and he made this claim in real life, in real time.
There's a big number that you tend to hear a lot.
Listen to this.
A shocking report from the United Nations states over 600 female athletes have lost close to 900 medals to transgender opponents.
We got curious about that number.
So we looked at that report and it turns out first it wasn't produced by the UN.
It was submitted to it by a special rapporteur who herself said its findings do not necessarily represent those of the UN.
And if you go online to the footnote that it cites and click on it, you get sent to this website.
She won.
Where anyone could submit an instance of a cis woman losing to a trans woman anywhere in the world, in any competition, big or small and as if that weren't enough the way they got to that 900 that just seems accurate has to do with how they counted the wins because on the list one trans woman finishing first counters three denied medals right the logic the second place finisher should have come first the That's also true.
Yes, said every person who's ever competed in organized sports ever.
Did you hear the boos from all the losers in the audience?
Boo!
Boo!
That bitch deserved bronze!
Okay.
So, we had a whole rebuttal, but obviously we didn't go through that, and I guess it came down to, as part of the segment, we had a Photoshop that John Oliver was, he was replaced by Eddie Izzard, and it just didn't hit the mark.
Oh!
I think it hits the mark.
It's actually a pretty good Photoshop.
We just didn't have the right setup for it.
Yeah, that is on me.
I'm sorry.
I mean...
There's a scrapyard, people, like I told you.
Oh, you almost made it.
I am a pussy.
And that is frankly a wild thing to say.
I'm telling you, I am a pussy.
Sorry if this is how you found out, but I'm telling you that I am a pussy god.
That's my favorite stinger ever.
It is.
I love the end where his little nose is kind of on the edge.
Yeah, as if he wasn't such a piece of shit, he'd be cute.
Yeah, I still think he's cute.
He's rabbit-like.
Give me a carrot.
He's like a little koala.
And if he were my rabbit, I'd starve him.
Let's play the song again, that parody of So Why Anyone Watches John Oliver.
I like it.
It is fun to blame people.
Just want to play sports with their friends.
Just cut your d *cks off.
What did I do to deserve this?
I'm mediocre at best.
I really like that.
It's very good.
The funny thing is, every now and then in a scrapyard, I realize, oh, wait a second.
This was good, in my opinion.
You can comment and let us know.
In my opinion, it's just we didn't have time, and then at a certain point, it kind of...
It happens.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's exactly right.
Full, just like your heart with the hatred.
Stop.
I want people to make better choices.
But you want to kill them if it enters to a restaurant.
What are you, the bad guy from Saw?
Yeah, exactly.
I don't want to play a game.
Yeah, we're going to wake up, make the right decision.
Hey, first off, you're eating at a restaurant in Thailand.
You're taking your life in your own hands.
It's the greatest food on Earth.
What are you supposed to do, not eat when you're in Thailand?
The greatest food on Earth?
Thai food?
Yes.
That's definitely wrong.
Thai food is some of the greatest food on Earth.
It's not China, dude.
It's not China.
Oh, yeah, why don't you pound that chicken as hard as you can, then overcook it and throw it in some shitty noodles.
Thank you very much.
But it is, I do, it's all right.
Why don't you throw a spicy one through five?
How about twelve?
Yeah, yeah.
I'm sorry, Guy Fieri.
Continue.
Oh, really?
What this means is some vodka.
Pow!
You're not going to find any Thai food at a diner driving or...
Whatever the hell.
You'll just find frosted tips littering.
Yeah, that's what they do.
It's like eating half of the milk and cookies.
You know, Guy Fieri's actually the chef here.
Look at the frosted tips.
Would you like frosted tips on your fries?
What I think is, Guy Fieri actually really does know food.
People see him as a gimmick.
He also knows cigars.
He's actually a really cool guy.
I went to one of his restaurants, I think, and I can't even remember where I was now.
I'll think of it in a minute.
He is cool.
It was actually very good.
I like that.
I think it's cool.
Dude, I also really love Smash Mouth.
At his restaurants, you know what he should do?
He should make chocolate french fries with frosted tips.
Yes, he should.
Wouldn't that be delicious?
Yeah.
He should, because Smash Mouth, the guy is dead.
He should take on that one.
Somebody once told me, hey, try the macaroni.
Craft just isn't the best.
Try the macaroni.
We mixed it in with some burnt ends.
That's true.
Take your barbecue sauce and your napkin.
That's like a whole song here.
You're feeling kind of dumb.
How about you try our damn yum sum and we got it.
We need extra napkins.
Is this a theme restaurant?
It's not.
I just can't help it.
Somebody once told me the eggs were gonna roll me.
Why don't you try our Southwest Ranch sauce?
There's some guy who's had a napkin.
He's like, I said over easy!
Oh, whoa, easy.
Hey, take it over easy.
All right, okay.
We have to make this song now, by the way.
Yeah, we do.
I think so.
We have to make this commercial?
Like, careful, it's, uh, careful, uh, dish number three is so spicy.
You might as well be walking on the sunset.
All right, Guy Fieri.
I think I would kill my- Guy Fieri, you are ruining your legacy.
Check, please.
All right, ghost of Guy Fieri.
He wants to check.
Check the method.
All right, what are you doing?
I want to leave.
Spicy biscuits and call them.
Walking on the sun buns.
Alright, alright, alright.
See, this is better than Scrapyard.
This is Scrapyard.
Okay, here's the next story.
Sometimes it's kind of tough to write comedy for all the stories that we cover, and sometimes we have some ideas that are funnier on the page than they end up being in the show, or in real life, or to average human beings who are not us, who are Sensibilities.
Yes, souls.
Yes, souls.
Empathetic sensibilities.
So they can't all be gems, as we found out when covering President Trump's order to have the IRS review Harvard's tax-exempt status.
And this was one of the jokes we had.
It's been reported that students are now referring to the president as the Grinch who stole their funding.
And it's like, it's okay.
Well, there's a whole backstory.
We were tired.
We were tired that morning.
Is that mostly the backstory?
Yeah.
What happened was we were looking up Harvard stuff.
We're like, okay, Trump's taking away this, he's taking away that, he's taking away that.
What else does Harvard have that he can take away?
We found out that Harvard hosts the Dr. Seuss birthday party in the Harvard Square.
And so we're like, oh, we should do a Dr. Seuss thing.
And then we forgot to link it.
Yeah.
Does it sound as dumb coming out of your mouth?
It's kind of...
No, that's what happened.
I end up making all these connections, and then you go, how did we get to this?
I don't know.
I remember we went through run-through that day.
You were like, yeah, I don't know.
Maybe, maybe a scrapyard.
I was like, yep.
Yep.
Sorry, I forgot that.
One of those kids' necks was unnaturally snapped backwards, too.
Can we see it?
Let me see it.
Really?
Look on the right.
That's because he went to Gerald's pool party.
Yeah, Gerald, if you hit the hot tub jets, an anvil drops on you.
At Gerald's pool party, you have to wash before you get in the pool, but it's a car wash.
Yes, exactly.
And he goes, alright guys, who wants to play Marco Polo, hair dryer edition?
I told you the rules beforehand.
It's true, you do.
Don't make a bad choice.
I saw the ride, I bought a ticket anyway.
I thought, by the way, you can't outfox the hair dryer in the pool.
I learned that.
Less than the hard way.
Here's another one.
Okay, we talked about Trump's tariffs.
And sometimes it can be tough to pack all the info that we want to present into an hour show.
Two hours, of course, if you're here on Rumble Premium or an hour 45. Just so you guys know, this show was always supposed to be 45 minutes and then 45 minutes.
And then we've always done an hour.
And it was supposed to be an hour and 45 minutes, but we often go an hour and two.
So the actual length of the show is supposed to be one hour and 45 minutes tops.
But we can't help ourselves.
Recently, we talked about this instance.
It was the courts were blocking President Trump's tariffs, and we didn't have time to set up some of the bits.
So here's one.
All right.
I didn't realize that we were going late.
We have more.
We do have more.
Really quickly, just, I don't know how this, show the Photoshop of Donald Trump as a pirate with Chinese pirates.
Don't even set it up.
Just go.
That turned out okay.
Yeah, he's seizing their fentanyl.
Pull it back up really quick.
I know we have to raid, but pull it up.
He's taking their booty.
Look at the bags!
Those are like the cheap Chinese food carry-out bags.
Look at me!
That's not fentanyl, it's MSG.
Same thing.
And by the way, that's the one that beat out the Grinch Photoshop, and it's still...
You know, some days are harder than others.
But here's the context for it.
The court's problem was with, you know, Trump having the solution to the...
And the court said a dam deals with flooding by holding back a river, but there is no such association between the act of imposing a tariff and the unusual, extraordinary threats that the fentanyl trafficking orders purport to combat.
So the translation, the tariffs are leveraged, but they aren't directly addressing fentanyl.
And so the setup was supposed to be this.
To meet the court standards, Trump would essentially need to stop the boats carrying fentanyl precursors himself.
That's enough.
Hey, that makes sense.
I like it better.
Sure.
I don't like it.
I like it better.
Do we have a stinger for medium old practice?
I thought we did.
Do we not?
Yeah, we do.
Do you have it there?
I can get it.
All right.
So, this next one is going to be something that Tim is finding the stinger for right now.
Okay, great.
You want to alley-oop that trash to me?
Okay, I'll alley you oop.
I don't know if I can do it, but...
I just looked straight into the light.
Now you're a halo.
Just, yeah.
Alright, ready?
Yeah.
No, that was bad.
That was pretty weak.
I missed the alley and you missed the oop.
Hey!
Wait, you missed?
Hold on a second.
Let me grab the mug and I'm going to do behind it.
We'll scrap it.
I'll catch it with my mouth.
We'll scrap it?
There you go.
Let's watch the show.
Do you have the stinger?
Yeah, I got the stinger.
Media malpractice.
Media malpractice.
So we're often testing out new tools here for creating content, different software, new equipment, as you guys have seen sometimes live on air.
That was a rough day.
Lately, we've been trying to use AI.
And to be clear, our policy is we only use it to take some of the minutiae out of it.
For example, like translating things to Portuguese.
Or if there's equalizing audio levels.
Because it still doesn't really have the same human touch.
But it can help you become more efficient so that you don't want to blow your brains out.
And a few months ago, we did touch on Greg Abbott and Colony Ridge.
I don't know if you remember that.
We came up for a song with it, but we just didn't have enough time.
To make a video for it.
And so since this is Scrapyard and we're not going to put a ton of effort into it, we just asked AI to do it.
You're paralyzed.
Is this rumor right?
I will check out.
Should we call ICE?
Were you in on this illegal hub?
I loved it.
That's the first time I saw that.
That's amazing.
You don't like it?
Don't look at me like you liked it.
That whole thing reminded me of the Toy Story octopus baby head.
Yes.
The end kind of reminded me of Team America World Police.
Yeah.
The animation.
Just so you know, we did the lyrics.
The song is a real person, but the video is AI.
So we put in a lyric and said, hey, can you make a video for this?
Let's watch it again so you understand.
This was just done by the lyrics.
So AI is going to overtake us all.
Because they can do this.
*Music*
Wait, I don't understand it.
Now that I watch it a second time, it makes no sense.
The only thing that makes sense is should we call ice and it's an old landline with a block of ice on it.
Hold on, but there's a tranny in the second scene.
Of the people on the couch, there's a guy in the middle with boobs and a mustache.
Really?
Wait, what?
You see, none of us noticed that.
Guys, okay, I'm sorry.
We have to watch it again.
We have to learn how to serve our great AI overlords.
Are we going to play pause this?
Yeah, let's play positive.
I could be wrong, but it looked like...
Alright, he's breakdancing.
He's not paralyzed at all.
He just was laying down.
And he's smiling.
He's having a good time.
That's a completely able-bodied man.
He's awfully happy about it.
He's wearing sandals with pants, which, by the way, we know somebody who does this.
Yes, we do.
One time we were at Costco and he goes, "Watch all the Indians with the sandals." Yeah, I know.
And where's my watch?
It's different.
Anyways, yeah.
I guess it's totally different.
Okay, all right.
Let's go to the next one.
Okay.
Oh, I see.
Okay.
I don't know if that's a trans person.
I think that might be just...
Look at the guy next to him.
Why does that look like Marv?
Like, post going downstairs.
It does, yeah.
And then Ben Affleck from Google Hunting.
There's James Franco all the way over on our left.
He's like, why does this guy have boobs and a mustache?
I'm telling you, it put a tranny in our video.
AI put a tranny in our video.
This is the best AI can do for this movie?
It's about the tranny live.
All right.
And I was the only one who could.
Well done.
Let's continue.
Not sure I like that.
Why is he a magician?
This is the Toy Story Spider Baby.
Yeah, the one that people are surprised, he's scared of.
Why is he throwing cards?
He's a magician of some sort.
Governor Abbott, wheelchair gov.
I don't understand where it got the...
It's very thin.
It's like the body exhibit.
Yes, it is.
Yeah, that's what I was thinking of.
Alright, let's see where AI got this.
Nightmares.
Should we go?
That one makes sense.
Perfect.
That one makes sense.
It's like a German sense of humor.
Look, we understand play on words very well, so what we'll do is we'll put the block of ice on the telephone.
Why is it in a kitchen?
No, but it understands what you're saying, because it's a kitchen full of Hispanics running.
That is true.
Why does the kitchen have a cassette player voicemail machine?
AI is like, I get you, but I'm going to do a little zag.
Okay, that makes me respect AI's game a little more.
It's a little better.
It's a little racist to play.
Okay.
Okay, so I get hub, hubcap.
But why is a cat eating salad?
It makes no sense.
You don't eat salad?
Have you seen a cat?
Yeah.
I like that it makes the cops, like, seeing that scene, they're like, we're just going to shoot each other.
AI said, okay, were you in on this illegal hub?
Clearly we need a cat eating salad and the cops will be California raisins.
Yeah.
And there's a hub in the middle of the wheel.
Yeah.
It's very literal.
Also, that wheel doesn't fit that car.
It doesn't.
No, it doesn't.
Also, if you're doing a car like that, that's usually on the back of those old cars where they had the wheel.
Right.
Yeah, everything about this is just...
Overlord.
Artificial intelligence.
I don't want to serve this master.
No.
They're like, well, wait until they can self-code.
Well, yeah, it's going to self-code into retardation.
What kind of salad do you think that is?
It looks like a garden salad.
Yeah, a garden salad with a vinaigrette on it.
Yeah, you know what?
Look, my problem here, my main gripe is not with the salad.
No!
The salad is blameless.
It's all of it.
Are these cops all brothers?
They look alike.
Yeah, I don't know.
It's like the California Raisins, but they just...
They were like, let's make this the stuff of children's nightmares.
Like brisk commercials.
Yes.
Remember those?
Remember when it was Spencer Stallone?
Get in there!
This is my team, mate.
What is it, break into a brisk or what is it?
It was a brisk.
They had a tagline.
That's brisk, baby!
That's it.
That's brisk, baby.
That wasn't bad.
Get in there.
It sucked.
Gosh, that was terrible.
Brisk?
Oh, it was just, it was like sugar.
Sugar and citric acid.
That's all it was.
I still drink it every morning.
Oh, I'm sorry.
That's a problem.
Well, they don't call me old Sir Josh for nothing.
That's fair.
Who calls you?
None of that is fair.
It makes no sense.
It has about as much connectivity as AI.
Billy calls me that.
Trying to stay on brand.
Yeah, well, he does drugs.
They don't call him meth-ed Billy for no reason.
It's a term of endearment.
We're never getting him help.
We like him just the way he is.
Just like Gerald said, you make your own decisions.
Yes, you do.
Yeah, what do you do if your friends don't get you help?
Because you're better on drugs.
Yeah, you ever know somebody that's like, they're a total drag when they're not drinking?
Yeah.
You're not yourself when you're not high.
Yes.
Try a bowl of meth.
All right.
So here's the next one.
Shortly following the 2024 election, we found out that former Vice President Biden, of course, respect the office, signed with CAA, the Creative Artists Agency, and we thought, hey, we can't imagine what project CAA would be pitching to Joe Biden.
Or can we?
And so that brings us to our first 7 plus 1. This is 7 plus 1 CAA, the talent agency, pitches to Joe Biden.
Joe, former Vice President Biden.
Number 7, The Big Guy's Apprentice.
Oh, okay.
I get it.
A little derivative.
Number 6, Gerald.
Napping with the stars.
Because he sleeps.
He's old.
Are the stars?
Yeah, he sleeps a lot.
7 plus 1, CAA pitches to Biden.
Number 5, Josh.
Mr. Biden's Neighborhood.
Oh.
Oh, God.
At least it's diverse.
Well, here's the thing.
Number 4 follows in that same vein, but we realized we couldn't take the Photoshop any further.
Number 4, how to catch a president.
It's true.
I was just getting something to eat.
Instead of bringing pizza, they bring ice cream.
Yes.
Take a seat.
Number three, Gerald.
Freaky Friday.
Yeah.
Oh!
Oh, that is freaky.
Actually, I would pay to watch that.
You would?
Yeah, I would.
Oh, boy.
That would work for me.
I would wait until it was on Netflix.
Yeah, I'd wait until it's on Redbox.
You still have those?
They went out of business now.
Yeah, they're gone.
Yeah, and immediately before, like, right before they went out of business, there were commercials pitching people on investing in Redboxes.
Oh, man, that's messed up.
It's basically mailbox money.
I know a bunch of people got fired because they went out of business and didn't get the last page.
I think there's a lot of people who also rented a hell of a lot of movies right before they went out of business to keep.
Yeah, we know you did, Gerald.
I said people, not me.
How many times are you going to watch The Land Before Time 4?
More than once.
Number two, Josh.
Are you smarter than a dementia patient?
Hey, I'm betting no.
Oh, we could have changed that to a different kind of patient.
Number one, number one CAA pitch to former Vice President Joe Biden.
Is it cake?
Is that Mikey?
Why is Mikey Day in it?
Because he's the host of Is It Cake?
Oh, is it?
Yeah.
The plus one pitches to Joe Biden.
The Walking Dead.
Well, that's just very literal.
That's been this week's 7 plus 1. You forgot Stefan in the chamber!
Now, sometimes...
What?
Is that a real show?
Yeah!
You don't know this?
Well, they just put something in someone's mouth and they ask them, do you think it's cake?
No, no, no, no.
I don't know it.
No.
Oh my gosh, it's...
But they have objects that look like cake.
These bakers make these things and they have judges come on and they have to choose.
They go, which one is cake?
And they have to decide which one's cake.
This is a network show?
And if your cake is good enough that they don't identify it as cake, you win.
So you try to make your cake look like the object you're supposed to model it after.
And if the judges can't decide which one...
Yes, that's how they do it.
Is it cake?
And then they slice through it.
See, Gerald's version, he'd put a human hand in the cake.
Like, is it?
I would win.
I would put like a real dead body.
Yes, I know.
Oh my god, what?
Of course.
Yeah, you just go find one.
And they're laying around in some cases.
You put that there and they're like, there's no way that that's a real dead body.
That's the cake.
And I'm like, haha, joke's on you.
That's one way to get a discount on your Penang curry.
So, sometimes we start at 7 plus 1, and then after a few minutes, we Well, I was just saying, because he's killing people.
It was a callback.
Sometimes we realize we don't have enough ideas, and so then we just ditch it, which brings us to this week's 7 minus 1. And, uh, wait, hold on a second.
This is, uh, oh yeah, 7 plus 1 Arabian, because they were doing a Disneyland in, uh, where was it?
Saudi Arabia?
No, I think it was Saudi Arabia.
No, it's Abu Dhabi.
It's UAE.
Are we sure?
Yes, I'm positive.
Alright, so 7 plus 1. It says Arabian Disneyland attractions, whatever.
Number 7. It's another Muslim call to prayer after all.
No, you have to sing it.
It's another Muslim call to prayer after all.
It's harder, I get it.
Gerald made the show better.
It started you with your intro.
It's okay.
I'm not faring any better.
It's a scrapyard show.
Go with it.
Number six, Mr. Not Firestein.
Space Mountain.
I feel like that's already a ride.
Oh, I see, I see.
Different Space Mountain.
Okay.
But I'm an ally!
You know what?
Just because this one's going to be hard to say.
Seven minus one Arabian Disney World Attractions.
Number five, Gerald.
Thank you.
Sheikh Mohammed Al-Mohamed bin Ziggiri's Toontown.
I actually really like that one.
It's Sheikh.
It's very popular.
It's Sheikh.
Number four.
Baraka Hadi Bawadi Boutique.
It's easier with you.
Just a little area to focus on.
I'd show her a street rat like she's never seen.
The caricature artist is probably terrible.
Street rat.
Tap ass.
All right.
Whoa.
Number three.
I got it.
Number three.
I don't think we ran out.
I think we said this is, like, This is too far.
Now it's dawning on me.
I remember we're like, oh, we can't do this.
No, I know what happened.
There's three more.
We put three more into the show.
And then one during run-through, you were like, Never.
Never.
Is it here?
Do we have that here?
No.
No, it's not in here.
Okay.
I bet they consented it.
No, it's bad.
Come on, we have to have it.
What was it again?
Just give me a hint.
Oh, dude.
You know what?
I don't even remember, but it was bad.
I remember we were like, that's just sad.
It was offensive.
Yeah.
It was really offensive.
It was like one of those things that rattled your head.
I remember that.
Yeah, I remember that.
And then one of them...
Oh.
Oh, you saw it?
Oh, no, but I...
Do you remember?
Do we show people?
Do we show people so that it shows a redeeming value in us where it's like, we didn't run it.
We get credit, don't we?
I'm not sure it works that way with clipping things.
Alright, here's what we'll do.
We'll finish this, and then really fast, we'll just flash it, show people what it is.
We don't have a visual of it, but I mean, it'll be easy for people to make one in their heads.
Okay, hold on, we'll do it after, and Noodles, I'll let you say it, but you'll say it really, really fast.
Okay.
Noodles gets to take this one?
Alright.
Yeah, come on, no one's after Noodles.
There you go.
Not yet.
Give it time.
Number three.
Arabian Disney World.
Ariel's undersea stoning.
They have rights for all ages.
And that means there's something worse than that.
And I'm forgetting it.
And the number two is Allah's in Wonderland.
Yeah, Allah's in Wonderland.
And we couldn't do a, you can't do a picture because you can't show Allah or something.
What was the one that we had that we didn't run?
What was it called?
Twin Towers of Terror.
Oh!
Twin Towers of Terror, that's right.
You forgot the van in the chamber!
You have to understand how Noodles did this to me.
He just goes...
LAUGHTER Yeah, but we did do one time, we just said, because nothing's ever, I remember in a show, we said, because nothing's ever gone wrong with Muslim pilots, and we just showed 9-11 footage.
Remember that?
And I was like, that's just a sad historical event.
Yeah, we were all like, whoa.
We were all like, whoa, and then Johnny Boy's losing his mind.
Yeah, he's losing his mind.
Yeah.
Oh, jeez.
But you know what?
It makes the point.
It does?
It makes the point.
All right.
I think that's about enough for Scrapyard.
So now we're going to move on to behind-the-scenes BTS.
Hold on.
Do we want to stinger out?
I want to see the stinger again.
What stinger?
Oh, Gerald, I didn't plan.
There's a stinger?
I don't think there's a stinger.
For what?
What stinger?
Do it.
Oh.
Oh, right.
By the way, Ariel's Under Seastoning, that one beat out The Little Martyr.
Oh, that's right.
That's right.
That was a good seven plus four.
Honestly, Ariel's undersea stoning, that's A-level material as far as I'm concerned.
We can actually say, let's do this, refresh a couple of them, and let's put it on the show.
No.
No.
Absolutely.
Hard no.
Pass.
But if we can find a way to fit in, and you guys will know this, so don't be like, oh, you're recycling it, so it's going to be an Easter egg.
If we can find a way to somehow fit in Ariel's undersea stoning, I promise you we'll do that with the show.
Yes.
I'll find it.
Yeah.
All right, now, speaking of which, there's a lot of work that goes on behind the scenes.
And this is also a reason, too, that Friday, because two hours is very different from just doing, you know, And on Friday, that's usually when we tape some of these sketches, and sometimes it takes hours to get into makeup, to go to location.
So there's a lot that goes on behind the scenes.
It's time for B.T.S.
*music*
All right.
Now, we're not going to have time to do all of these today, so you guys let me know which ones we think we really want to do.
But let me give you this first one.
So when we announced that YouTube is dead and Rumble did it, people all started canceling their live streams to YouTube.
Naturally, we had to do a parody.
It's the place where you go first of the Royal Tenenbaums suicide scene of Richie Tenenbaum, but with a mascot costume.
And what's funny is this thing, I thought, like, you know, every now and then you just take a risk.
And so many people liked it because they knew the movie.
Every now and then something works that you don't really expect, but it is hard to maneuver in those mascot costumes, as you can see.
Alright, I'm going to go ahead and roll camera.
Your subscription bell is shot to hell.
There's no turning back.
Censored and dull.
Fighting some hard, trying to try and debate.
But YouTube sucks.
That's what you've come to expect.
YouTube is gay.
YouTube is gay.
That's as close as we're going to get here, huh?
I'm going to cancel YouTube.
24th.
YouTube is gay.
Action.
I got shit.
Cut.
What?
I got shit.
Cut.
What?
I got shit.
Cut.
What?
I got shit.
I got shit.
Cut.
What?
I got shit.
Yeah, and by the way, hats off to, of course, the team that we have that actually made those mascot costumes.
To be clear, and Chris Pawlowski is the CEO of Rumble, great guy.
I was like, well, what are you going to do to advertise this?
He's like, I don't know.
What do you want to do?
I said, I have a few ideas.
He said, go nuts.
And then I sent him a picture.
He said, well, where'd you get those done?
I'm like, we did it here.
He's like, what?
I'm like, yeah, we're going to send you like 8 to 12 ads.
I'm also going to do a parody of the suicide scene from Royal Tenenbaums, but that's kind of, you know, do whatever you want with it.
He's like, okay.
So we have some new announcements that will be coming as far as adding to the lineup, and I'm sure we'll probably have to do some...
Oh, great.
Yours is a little easier to use because of the shape.
It's more symmetrical.
Yeah, it's easier to put on.
Yeah.
Although it's wider, so it's harder for me to...
I can't even get...
You know.
Yeah, that's true.
And I get my ass kicked in it.
Well, yeah, and I will say Josh is such a trooper with that because— Like when I had to do the mallet thing, you know, we had an actual mallet, and I'm like, Josh, okay, I'm going to do this on your shoulder I'm like, I don't think you understand.
Once it goes past this axis point, like this axial point, I cannot stop the momentum.
And then you hit me on the shoulder, and I was like, oh, God.
Yeah, maybe a good thing you didn't make you.
And we had a lady in there who was like, oh, come on, you're being a baby, because my arm was getting tired, right?
Because I have to hold it out.
She said, you're being a baby.
I go, okay, I can hold it.
I go, now lower it slowly without hurting anyone.
Oh, God!
There you go.
She fell.
She killed one.
This is men's work.
Got 15% off.
It's fine, though.
This is a men's.
Tight costume.
Oh, wait.
It just got removed here.
But anyway, you have the Blur thing.
So when we did the Blur parody too, we did the parody of Blur announcing the cancellation of YouTube stream and this lineup on Rumble, It's no small undertaking.
No one has ever done it.
And we knew that it would either work or fail miserably.
And we're glad that you guys really seem to enjoy it.
Appreciate it.
And, of course, Rumble is still working out some minor bugs because the increase in viewership and users has been unbelievable.
And if you're watching right now, please do.
If you haven't yet, download the Rumble app.
Update it on your phone.
And follow us there.
It really is the best app going and it's the best way to stay in touch.
So this is behind the scenes a lot of the work that went into the Blur music parody.
I haven't seen this.
Hey.
How's it going?
We're just here at the studio for a normal day.
Nothing going on here.
Right, Nick?
Nice to meet you.
All right, ready?
Yeah.
Action.
Okay, hold, Jack.
Riley, stop there.
Jack, come on.
It's a combination room.
I mean it might be good too if you kind of get like you know some of them kind of starting to zoom into the TV and you maybe see kind of over someone's shoulder where you know the sound of the room is going to drown out and be kind of muffled where it kind of becomes between Josh and T. What we have on YouTube now?
Steven Crowder, by the way.
This is why he's on Rumble, not on YouTube.
First thing you need to know about me, I take smoke breaks four times an hour, okay?
No, that shot's great.
Rolling.
Speeding.
And action.
Get YouTube back on there.
That's what we want.
I want YouTube.
Yeah, yeah, yeah?
Turn it back to YouTube.
Smash me.
Next time it comes up.
YouTube.
YouTube!
Do I have to take those stethoscope things and struggle around your back?
What is this bull****?
I don't even know.
You talk to your mother that way, you fat bastard.
Give me my YouTube.
That's a wrap.
That's it's gross.
Samantha Bee's not even on the air anymore.
I'm going to get one of those three.
That would be great.
We'll come back to be on the music video.
I love Rumble.
Roll sound.
Roll camera.
I am rolling on the flash looks.
Keep the music.
I love Rumble.
We're filming Blur Song 2 parody.
And am I supposed to be pretending this is a bass?
So now you guys at least have your working light set.
Is it super like, sad or you know, you're like Play around a little bit.
They kinda do like the plant for it.
Kinda like they're like moshing by themselves.
You're like looking down the whole time.
Yeah, you're too cold.
A lot of street gazing.
What about food gazing?
Food gazing.
We just had a...
That's the right one's right.
That's right.
We just had a...
All this love I can't believe is what I have in You're looking good at all!
All this love I can't believe is what I have in Thank you so much.
Now I know why I pulled my calf doing that.
We need a close-up of just the feet stomping.
I'm like, okay, so just keep stomping.
Keep stomping.
I'm like, yeah, go crazy with it.
So I'm stomping, stomping, stomping.
Harder!
Harder!
More stomping, dammit!
I'm like, how much of this do we need to do?
Right.
The guy Gerald locked in the basement and was like, what's going on up there?
I know.
Well, that's willingly, by the way, because that's where he keeps his customers.
Oh, that's what he calls them?
That's where he actually keeps his customers.
Yeah.
It's like, yeah, yeah, you want to sponsor the show?
Walk through this razor wire.
Like, we've heard that you do this, Gerald.
We're not doing it.
Every single time.
We know.
We have heard the rumors.
Turns out they're not rumors.
Also, it's weird.
Sometimes we're always a little nervous because when you show the music video, just so you know, one of the biggest tells is if you don't actually make sounds.
So if you go, people can tell.
There's so much sound, we can't hear ourselves.
And I'm like, oh no, what do we sound like?
And it turns out we do sound a little bit like Super Grover.
So, you know, that's kind of how it ended.
That's been Scrapyard and Behind the Scenes.
*Music*
Protests continue across the country this evening, and we want you to know, of course, that though there are some individual protesters who are agitated, it is not the norm.
These protests are largely peaceful.
Many people look back at the demonstrations at Selma and wonder, what would I have done?
Would I have marched across that bridge?
Would I be standing on the other side?
Well, I have an answer for you, and my answer is a question.
What are you doing now?
Now, Tanya, how would you describe the attitude on the ground there?
We go now live to our woman in the field, Tanya Franks.
Tanya?
Well, Chris, first I want to say that was inspiring.
As far as the attitude on the ground, you know, folks are entirely peaceful, but far from happy.
Just imagine if every day when you left home, you didn't know whether you'd be coming back.
You might be a little upset, too.
Well, Tanya, in my line of work, that's always a possibility, but I know that many in the audience might not understand what that's like.
No.
Tanya, was that a man on fire?
Hard to tell with the flames, Chris.
Might have been a really muscular lady.
So, Tanya, um...
What are the people on the ground saying there?
Yeah, we gonna burn this mother f*** down, 313, b***h.
That's right, CBS is up for business, y'all.
Take what you need, motherf***ers.
A fitting tribute to the memory of George Floyd, Chris.
Yeah.
Yo, who dat?
Yo, that's a motherf***er with a grill.
Charged evening, to be certain.
Now, some people are asking, why is this happening now?
Haven't things gotten better?
But there are still persistent and pervasive inequities in this country.
And these protests are a reaction to that.
And aside from a string of isolated incidents, very small, things have been pretty peaceful, very tame.
Any final thoughts, Tanya?
Oh, uh, hello, sir.
Uh, what's your name?
I'm sorry, that was unfair.
Allow me to reframe the question.
Good, sir.
Where, might I ask, is Tanya?
Oh, she dead?
Oh!
Yo!
Yo, I got an Apple Watch, dog!
Yeah!
Yeah!
The language of the unheard.
We'll be right back.
*Sk* Sh*t!
*Bing, bing, bing*
So, how can I help you?
Doctor, my husband and I have tried everything to try and get pregnant.
Do you have any suggestions?
I do have something that's worked in the past.
Oh, oh, okay.
I think I feel something.
Wow.
Thank you, doctor.
You're very welcome.
Every time.
Paid for by the greatest president in the history of the world.
Side effects, frankly, may include being fantastic.
And now for Barely Legal with Bill Richmond.
Sponsored by Mug Club.
Hi.
I'm half-Asian lawyer Bill Richman for Louder with Crowder, here with some education and tips on the terms we use in the legal world.
Our question today comes from Dan McGovern in that hellhole known as East St. Louis, Illinois.
Dan's question is, what is the deal with the court names like Supreme Court, Circuit Court, District Court, and Justice Court?
And who in this is in charge of who gets to be a judge in each one of those?
Most of you have heard about a Supreme Court, which is the final appellate courts in both our federal and state systems.
At the very top in the federal system, above all the courts, is the United States Supreme Court.
You can end up here whether you start in a state court or a federal court.
It is the true court of law.
highest court.
Stay tuned for more Barely Legal with half-Asian lawyer Bill Richmond.
My little Tupac, my little Tupac, grab your piece and do rap.
My little Tupac, my little Tupac, we know you used to be a theater f***y.
My little Tupac, my little Tupac, we'll kick it with blunts and crystal.
My little Tupac, my little Tupac.
I love you, my little Tupac.
My little Tupac.
Each sold separately.
Each sold separately.
Brian Stelter, there it is.
Oh my God.
I see you enemy.
I see you, enemy!
Enemy!
Enemy!
You are my enemy!
You will pay.
Yeah, you think I don't see your face, scum?
You don't think I don't see you, Stelter?
Stelter.
You will fall!
You will not bring humanity down!
God is going to destroy you!
Get him off the screen.
Get ready for Now That's What I Call Trump.
In this compilation, your favorite president makes these hits his own.
Don't go chasing GDP.
The median income is a better metric.
And who can forget the Pete Buttigieg song?
Splish splash, they were taking a bath.
And it was a couple of f**ks.
Voted on by the attendees at the weekly White House talent show, this collection is sure to make you want to get up and dance.
Nicky, don't lose my number.
Might replace pets with someone else.
I might.
I haven't decided.
Support the police, because they work really, really hard.
News.
It's all fake news.
P-I-G-C.
That's how you spell Hillary.
B-I-G-C.
Send it in for Hillary.
Welcome to the sh**hole called California.
There's a homeless face.
Poop all over the place.
Lots of poop.
Now that's what I call Trump.
Now that's what I call Trump.
It's available on TV and cassette.
Call 1-800-MAGA-2020 for details.
You just don't know the struggle of being...
I told you, you stupid b****.
Sean Rumble now.
We're a rumble house, especially louder with Crowder, 11 a.m.
Eastern weekdays.
We're a rumble house, damn it.
No.
It's because you wouldn't stop talking about blaming the people in the tiny hats.
Damn it, Josephine, they only run the banks.
They said that about Cooja!
What do you do, you dark man?
*Dramatic music* *Dramatic
music* You need my way to make me oh so bad And I'm the only one to make it happen And if I tell you what I'm gonna do Don't you know it's really frankly true?
They call me...
Dr. Trump They call me Dr. Trump They call me Dr. Trump I've got the words you're dreaming of They call me Dr. Trump *Dramatic music* And even though I'm full of sin In the end you know I'll win They'll piss and
moan, yeah you know it's true But we all know it's cause they're just fake news So gubba please get on your knees Grab some pillows baby if you please Baby get ready if you're feeling chest And get ready to kiss And get ready to kiss My ass They call me Dr. Trump They call me Dr. Trump I've got the words you're dreaming of I've got the words you're
dreaming of I've got the words you're dreaming of I've got the words you're dreaming of I've got the words you're dreaming of I've got the words you're dreaming of I've got the words you're dreaming of I've got the words you're dreaming of I've got the words you're dreaming of I've got the words you're dreaming of I've got the words you're dreaming of I've got the words you're dreaming of I've got the words you're dreaming of I've got the words you're dreaming of I've got the words you're dreaming of I've got the words you're dreaming of I've got the words you're dreaming of I've got the words you're dreaming of I've got the words you're dreaming of I've got the words you're dreaming of I've got the words you're dreaming of I've got the words you're dreaming of I've got the words you're dreaming of I've got the words you're dreaming of I've got the words you're dreaming of I've got the words you're dreaming of I've got the words you're dreaming of I've got the words you're dreaming of I've got the words you're dreaming of I've got the
words you're dreaming of I've got the words you're dreaming of I've got the words you're dreaming of I've got the words you're dreaming of I've got the words you're dreaming of I've got the words you're dreaming of I've got the words you're dreaming of I've got the words you're dreaming of I've got the words you're dreaming of I've got the words you're dreaming of I've got the words you're dreaming of I've got the words you're dreaming of I've got the words you're dreaming of I've got the words you're dreaming of I've got the words you're dreaming of I've got the words you're dreaming of I've got the words you're dreaming of I've got the words you're dreaming of I've got the words you're dreaming of I've got the words you're dreaming of I've got the words you're dreaming of I've got the words you're dreaming of I've got the words you're dreaming of I've got the words you're dreaming of I've got the words you're dreaming of I've got the words you're dreaming of I've got the words you're dreaming of I've got the words you're dreaming of I've got the words you're dreaming of I've got the words you're dreaming of
Stay tuned for more No Cops With benefits such as increased flexibility, added muscle tone, and improved energy and vitality, yoga is a great way to start your day.
Yoga can help you maintain a balanced metabolism, reduce your weight, and attain mystical union with Hanuman the Monkey King.
Tired of worrying about poor heart health, subpar athletic performance, and whether you and Hanuman the Monkey King are really, you know, okay?
Yoga can help!
Since earning his path to deification by performing feats of strength, devotion, and courage while helping Rama, the avatar of Vishnu, in countless exciting incidents, Hanuman the Monkey King has been quite the popular fellow, and you and he can attain true oneness with yoga.
Yoga.
Stretch your mind.
Bernard Sanders, a man of humble beginnings from Brooklyn, New York.
A University of Chicago graduate, noted communist, and perennial unemployed couch surfer until his early 40s.
You know him today as a champion for human rights, income equality, and as the esteemed Senator Sanders.
Help care, human rights.
But Senator Sanders holds a dark secret.
For when he consumes his devious transformation potion, he turns into Mr. Bernie.
Unimpeded by logic, critical thinking, or basic Impulse control.
Mr. Bernie is an animal of pure instinct, privy to his most primal, carnal, and selfish urges.
Human right.
And a one percent!
Fair share!
Income equality!
And this month, Mr. Bernie has but one mission.
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