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Rumble's Friday Lineup
00:08:45
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| Welcome. | |
| It is Friday. | |
| Welcome, Vince viewers. | |
| One word, Vince. | |
| I believe in Latin that comes from the word Vincente, which means one who's thin, but he wears it well. | |
| Now, we're glad to have you. | |
| And the lineup here, Rumble exclusive. | |
| No more YouTube. | |
| Rumble is the one that did YouTube in 9 a.m. to 4 p.m. Eastern. | |
| If you are not a Rumble Premier member, you just keep watching and it goes right into the next show. | |
| This is the future of live streaming. | |
| And by the way, Rumble has been number one across all categories consistently. | |
| I don't even know if there have been any exceptions for weeks. | |
| And that's because of you. | |
| So we appreciate it. | |
| Today is Friday, which means there could be anything back here. | |
| I'm saying it figuratively. | |
| Back here could be the show because you're there. | |
| And I'm going to take you on a journey. | |
| Let's see what we got. | |
| It's the Taste of Friday. | |
| And by that, I mean plain water. | |
| Let's say. | |
| Yeah. | |
| It's not tasty. | |
| No, it's not very celebratory, is it? | |
| Mm-mm. | |
| Can someone get some Everclear in here? | |
| Can we call Mission Control? | |
| Champagne, maybe? | |
| By the way, I'm sure people think I'm an alky. | |
| I've told people, for emergencies, I always have some water, some obviously of prepared-with-crowder food, and I always have a few bottles of Everclear. | |
| Because you can use it as fuel, you can dilute it, use it as a sanitizer, but people come in like, why do you have so much Everclear? | |
| You can just have a good time. | |
| And I say, I explain it, but then they see the equal amount of jugs of orange juice. | |
| Well, and I say, well, I don't have an excuse. | |
| I don't really have an explanation for that. | |
| You're a one-to-one man, huh? | |
| Don't judge me. | |
| So, today could be anything. | |
| It's Friday, and sometimes it's a slow news day, which means we want to serve you better. | |
| And so, you know, the best way that we can serve you is with our qualifications. | |
| And you all well know that I am a guru certified. | |
| It's time for Tough Love. | |
| Tough Love! | |
| With Guru Crowder. | |
| you I wear it proudly. | |
| I went through the course. | |
| It was a multi-part questionnaire. | |
| Five parts. | |
| Five questions. | |
| And I didn't even have to wrap my John Thomas around one of those bo staffs. | |
| Yeah, but you did have to hit yourself in the junk a number of times. | |
| No, I let other men kick me in the junk to prove my pain tolerance. | |
| Because that's how you know they're really good fighters, those monks in Tibet. | |
| I mean, granted, they never actually challenge themselves. | |
| They just get kicked in the nuts by other equally small weak monks. | |
| What if you get hit in the face, though? | |
| Like, I get you can take one to the balls, but can you... | |
| Well, I don't think my pain tolerance has anything to do with the mineral density of my teeth. | |
| The point is, the Asians are silly with the martial arts, and they largely don't work. | |
| So you can send in your requests, of course, for life advice, relationship advice. | |
| Be careful. | |
| Yeah, I mean, but you know what you're signing up for. | |
| Tough love at louderwithcrowder.com. | |
| It's sort of, you know, they have anti-heroes. | |
| This is the anti-feel-good advice. | |
| We're going to roast you a little bit. | |
| A little bit. | |
| You have to. | |
| Yeah. | |
| In some cases, more than others. | |
| Yeah, of course. | |
| Yeah, in some cases, you really deserve it. | |
| So let's go to our first letter, writer, emailer? | |
| What do we say? | |
| Thing. | |
| Okay. | |
| It's been a long week. | |
| Hi, Guru Crowder. | |
| Okay. | |
| Good start. | |
| I appreciate it. | |
| I've been struggling with loneliness and the associated feelings of worthlessness. | |
| I'm 24, have never gone on a date. | |
| Alright, hold on a second. | |
| Stop. | |
| First off, you left off my name, so good. | |
| Yeah. | |
| Wow. | |
| It's tough love. | |
| This is why I say it's an evil mean man wrapped in a veneer of Christendom. | |
| And he's like, ah, Gerald is really nice. | |
| I'm like, you don't really watch it. | |
| There is a simmering beneath the surface. | |
| No, you're 24. So look, lonely, worthless. | |
| I mean, I wasn't even shaving really until I want to say I was like 25. I just had peach fuzz. | |
| So you have a long way to go. | |
| A lot of people have gotten to your age and haven't necessarily been Casanova. | |
| So don't be too hard on yourself, but we'll get to the rest of it. | |
| I know many, but I'm sure they're out there. | |
| Yeah, I've never gone on a date. | |
| Meanwhile, several of the people I went to school with are engaged or married. | |
| I've been trying to make myself more desirable by getting a better job, going to the gym, and taking better care of myself. | |
| Well, you should do that for yourself anyway. | |
| This used to be called being a man, a complete man. | |
| And you should do this whether you are seeking a mate or taking a vow of celibacy. | |
| Whatever it is that you do to improve yourself, people now call it looks-maxing. | |
| You mean brushing your hair? | |
| And teeth. | |
| You mean exercising and eating semi-right? | |
| It's not looks-maxing. | |
| You think Cary Grant was like, I think I'm going to be looks-maxing. | |
| No, he was just a good-looking guy. | |
| He probably took a salad every now and then. | |
| I've started going to a good church in my area and have gone to some other events where I should be able to meet some respectable women. | |
| Okay, good. | |
| You're looking to find some places where they'd be available. | |
| Despite all this, I haven't had any success trying to get a date. | |
| Is there something I'm missing? | |
| I haven't seen a picture. | |
| Could factor in. | |
| I mean, I don't know. | |
| Are you missing a tooth? | |
| Hey. | |
| Are you... | |
| Whoa! | |
| A little too close to our home. | |
| Do you have a pig nose? | |
| I mean, the point is there are a multitude of reasons, but the good news is... | |
| There's a style for every type of lady out there. | |
| Everyone has their different flavors. | |
| And however freakish you may or may not be, there's someone out there where you just do it for them. | |
| You just haven't met them yet. | |
| Well, and as they get older, they get more desperate. | |
| Yeah, that's absolutely true. | |
| Use that to your advantage. | |
| I knew a retarded couple. | |
| Both he and she were retarded who live in the basement apartment. | |
| That my grandfather and my father used to manage. | |
| And it was a huge liability. | |
| Like, I don't think they should have been allowed to live there by themselves. | |
| They burned the whole building. | |
| They came close. | |
| But by God, they loved each other. | |
| There you go. | |
| And the moans that you heard from that basement apartment on Victoria Street. | |
| We would genuinely have to make our best estimate. | |
| Is someone being hurt and in need of medical attention? | |
| Or is this just how retarded people bone? | |
| They're making more retarded. | |
| No, I think... | |
| I don't know. | |
| Alright. | |
| If it matters at all, I'm 6 '2", weigh 230 pounds, can bench over 200, squat over 300, and deadlift over 400. | |
| That's not bad. | |
| Okay, that's not bad. | |
| Those are respectable numbers. | |
| In other words, you're probably within striking distance. | |
| You're not wildly out of shape at all. | |
| You're actually in shape. | |
| Yeah, it seems like you're in decent shape. | |
| You're tall. | |
| That's a huge plus. | |
| So even if you're very ugly, if you're tall and you're funny, you can find somebody. | |
| Tall and funny, that's about all. | |
| Throw a few bucks on top of it, you are on easy street. | |
| Sorry, Noodles, not to throw the hype thing in there, but you all have many qualities that Gerald doesn't have, you know, like a soul. | |
| I have blue eyes and brown hair. | |
| Funny enough, I found this out. | |
| There are some women who really don't like blue eyes. | |
| Did you know that? | |
| No. | |
| Yeah, there are some women who find them lifeless. | |
| Babies are born with blue eyes. | |
| If you don't like that, then, you know. | |
| I'm just saying, I realize it, because I always thought I had boring eyes. | |
| They're like hazel green. | |
| They're not all Jews, are they? | |
| I didn't just advocate. | |
| Whoa, whoa. | |
| See what I'm talking about? | |
| He didn't skip a beat. | |
| He didn't have to think about it, did he? | |
| He said it in a way of like, I want to pull it back if they are. | |
| If it's like, oh, this is like specifically amongst the Jewish population. | |
| I'm like, well, I did say eradicate, and I don't want that to happen. | |
| Way to retrieve your soul from the depths of hell by crapping all over God's chosen people. | |
| Well, actually, I was protected. | |
| Protecting them. | |
| You picked a fight with the viewer and then decided, this isn't enough. | |
| I'm going to pick a fight with the Lord. | |
| That's great. | |
| All right. | |
| What happened? | |
| Blue eyes, brown hair. | |
| I have very strong Christian beliefs, which generally translates to politically conservative beliefs. | |
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Cooking Classes Attract Women
00:00:49
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| My main hobbies are hunting, fishing, reading, basically anything gun-related. | |
| I will tell you this. | |
| Most women, there are not a lot of women who are into the gun-related hobbies. | |
| Some of them will often, like, fake it and be like, yeah, I am! | |
| But they're not. | |
| Now, there are women who are pro-gun and who will go shooting every now and then, but as far as being really into the hobby, there just aren't many. | |
| Pretty much all of these are largely male-exclusive. | |
| So, outside of those... | |
| You may be running into fewer opportunities than the average bear to meet a woman. | |
| You know, if a guy is into going to the gym, it's a 50-50 shot. | |
| Who he runs into could be a man, could be a woman. | |
| If a guy is into, I mean, I don't know whatever else it is, a cycling. | |
| If a guy is into dance class. | |
| If a guy is into cooking and he goes to a cooking class or down to the local rec center, there's a good chance he runs into women. | |