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May 16, 2025 - Louder with Crowder
10:19
Guru Crowder Takes on Looksmaxxing, The Friend Zone, and Getting Cold Feet
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Welcome.
It is Friday.
Welcome, Vince viewers.
One word, Vince.
I believe in Latin that comes from the word Vincente, which means one who's thin, but he wears it well.
Now, we're glad to have you.
And the lineup here, Rumble exclusive.
No more YouTube.
Rumble is the one that did YouTube in 9 a.m. to 4 p.m. Eastern.
If you are not a Rumble Premier member, you just keep watching and it goes right into the next show.
This is the future of live streaming.
And by the way, Rumble has been number one across all categories consistently.
I don't even know if there have been any exceptions for weeks.
And that's because of you.
So we appreciate it.
Today is Friday, which means there could be anything back here.
I'm saying it figuratively.
Back here could be the show because you're there.
And I'm going to take you on a journey.
Let's see what we got.
It's the Taste of Friday.
And by that, I mean plain water.
Let's say.
Yeah.
It's not tasty.
No, it's not very celebratory, is it?
Mm-mm.
Can someone get some Everclear in here?
Can we call Mission Control?
Champagne, maybe?
By the way, I'm sure people think I'm an alky.
I've told people, for emergencies, I always have some water, some obviously of prepared-with-crowder food, and I always have a few bottles of Everclear.
Because you can use it as fuel, you can dilute it, use it as a sanitizer, but people come in like, why do you have so much Everclear?
You can just have a good time.
And I say, I explain it, but then they see the equal amount of jugs of orange juice.
Well, and I say, well, I don't have an excuse.
I don't really have an explanation for that.
You're a one-to-one man, huh?
Don't judge me.
So, today could be anything.
It's Friday, and sometimes it's a slow news day, which means we want to serve you better.
And so, you know, the best way that we can serve you is with our qualifications.
And you all well know that I am a guru certified.
It's time for Tough Love.
Tough Love!
With Guru Crowder.
you I wear it proudly.
I went through the course.
It was a multi-part questionnaire.
Five parts.
Five questions.
And I didn't even have to wrap my John Thomas around one of those bo staffs.
Yeah, but you did have to hit yourself in the junk a number of times.
No, I let other men kick me in the junk to prove my pain tolerance.
Because that's how you know they're really good fighters, those monks in Tibet.
I mean, granted, they never actually challenge themselves.
They just get kicked in the nuts by other equally small weak monks.
What if you get hit in the face, though?
Like, I get you can take one to the balls, but can you...
Well, I don't think my pain tolerance has anything to do with the mineral density of my teeth.
The point is, the Asians are silly with the martial arts, and they largely don't work.
So you can send in your requests, of course, for life advice, relationship advice.
Be careful.
Yeah, I mean, but you know what you're signing up for.
Tough love at louderwithcrowder.com.
It's sort of, you know, they have anti-heroes.
This is the anti-feel-good advice.
We're going to roast you a little bit.
A little bit.
You have to.
Yeah.
In some cases, more than others.
Yeah, of course.
Yeah, in some cases, you really deserve it.
So let's go to our first letter, writer, emailer?
What do we say?
Thing.
Okay.
It's been a long week.
Hi, Guru Crowder.
Okay.
Good start.
I appreciate it.
I've been struggling with loneliness and the associated feelings of worthlessness.
I'm 24, have never gone on a date.
Alright, hold on a second.
Stop.
First off, you left off my name, so good.
Yeah.
Wow.
It's tough love.
This is why I say it's an evil mean man wrapped in a veneer of Christendom.
And he's like, ah, Gerald is really nice.
I'm like, you don't really watch it.
There is a simmering beneath the surface.
No, you're 24. So look, lonely, worthless.
I mean, I wasn't even shaving really until I want to say I was like 25. I just had peach fuzz.
So you have a long way to go.
A lot of people have gotten to your age and haven't necessarily been Casanova.
So don't be too hard on yourself, but we'll get to the rest of it.
I know many, but I'm sure they're out there.
Yeah, I've never gone on a date.
Meanwhile, several of the people I went to school with are engaged or married.
I've been trying to make myself more desirable by getting a better job, going to the gym, and taking better care of myself.
Well, you should do that for yourself anyway.
This used to be called being a man, a complete man.
And you should do this whether you are seeking a mate or taking a vow of celibacy.
Whatever it is that you do to improve yourself, people now call it looks-maxing.
You mean brushing your hair?
And teeth.
You mean exercising and eating semi-right?
It's not looks-maxing.
You think Cary Grant was like, I think I'm going to be looks-maxing.
No, he was just a good-looking guy.
He probably took a salad every now and then.
I've started going to a good church in my area and have gone to some other events where I should be able to meet some respectable women.
Okay, good.
You're looking to find some places where they'd be available.
Despite all this, I haven't had any success trying to get a date.
Is there something I'm missing?
I haven't seen a picture.
Could factor in.
I mean, I don't know.
Are you missing a tooth?
Hey.
Are you...
Whoa!
A little too close to our home.
Do you have a pig nose?
I mean, the point is there are a multitude of reasons, but the good news is...
There's a style for every type of lady out there.
Everyone has their different flavors.
And however freakish you may or may not be, there's someone out there where you just do it for them.
You just haven't met them yet.
Well, and as they get older, they get more desperate.
Yeah, that's absolutely true.
Use that to your advantage.
I knew a retarded couple.
Both he and she were retarded who live in the basement apartment.
That my grandfather and my father used to manage.
And it was a huge liability.
Like, I don't think they should have been allowed to live there by themselves.
They burned the whole building.
They came close.
But by God, they loved each other.
There you go.
And the moans that you heard from that basement apartment on Victoria Street.
We would genuinely have to make our best estimate.
Is someone being hurt and in need of medical attention?
Or is this just how retarded people bone?
They're making more retarded.
No, I think...
I don't know.
Alright.
If it matters at all, I'm 6 '2", weigh 230 pounds, can bench over 200, squat over 300, and deadlift over 400.
That's not bad.
Okay, that's not bad.
Those are respectable numbers.
In other words, you're probably within striking distance.
You're not wildly out of shape at all.
You're actually in shape.
Yeah, it seems like you're in decent shape.
You're tall.
That's a huge plus.
So even if you're very ugly, if you're tall and you're funny, you can find somebody.
Tall and funny, that's about all.
Throw a few bucks on top of it, you are on easy street.
Sorry, Noodles, not to throw the hype thing in there, but you all have many qualities that Gerald doesn't have, you know, like a soul.
I have blue eyes and brown hair.
Funny enough, I found this out.
There are some women who really don't like blue eyes.
Did you know that?
No.
Yeah, there are some women who find them lifeless.
Babies are born with blue eyes.
If you don't like that, then, you know.
I'm just saying, I realize it, because I always thought I had boring eyes.
They're like hazel green.
They're not all Jews, are they?
I didn't just advocate.
Whoa, whoa.
See what I'm talking about?
He didn't skip a beat.
He didn't have to think about it, did he?
He said it in a way of like, I want to pull it back if they are.
If it's like, oh, this is like specifically amongst the Jewish population.
I'm like, well, I did say eradicate, and I don't want that to happen.
Way to retrieve your soul from the depths of hell by crapping all over God's chosen people.
Well, actually, I was protected.
Protecting them.
You picked a fight with the viewer and then decided, this isn't enough.
I'm going to pick a fight with the Lord.
That's great.
All right.
What happened?
Blue eyes, brown hair.
I have very strong Christian beliefs, which generally translates to politically conservative beliefs.
My main hobbies are hunting, fishing, reading, basically anything gun-related.
I will tell you this.
Most women, there are not a lot of women who are into the gun-related hobbies.
Some of them will often, like, fake it and be like, yeah, I am!
But they're not.
Now, there are women who are pro-gun and who will go shooting every now and then, but as far as being really into the hobby, there just aren't many.
Pretty much all of these are largely male-exclusive.
So, outside of those...
You may be running into fewer opportunities than the average bear to meet a woman.
You know, if a guy is into going to the gym, it's a 50-50 shot.
Who he runs into could be a man, could be a woman.
If a guy is into, I mean, I don't know whatever else it is, a cycling.
If a guy is into dance class.
If a guy is into cooking and he goes to a cooking class or down to the local rec center, there's a good chance he runs into women.
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