Louder with Crowder - Guru Crowder Takes on Looksmaxxing, The Friend Zone, and Getting Cold Feet
Aired: 2025-05-16
Duration: 10:19


=== Rumble's Friday Lineup (08:45) ===

[00:00:59]  Welcome.
[00:01:00]  It is Friday.
[00:01:01]  Welcome, Vince viewers.
[00:01:02]  One word, Vince.
[00:01:04]  I believe in Latin that comes from the word Vincente, which means one who's thin, but he wears it well.
[00:01:15]  Now, we're glad to have you.
[00:01:17]  And the lineup here, Rumble exclusive.
[00:01:19]  No more YouTube.
[00:01:20]  Rumble is the one that did YouTube in 9 a.m. to 4 p.m. Eastern.
[00:01:24]  If you are not a Rumble Premier member, you just keep watching and it goes right into the next show.
[00:01:27]  This is the future of live streaming.
[00:01:29]  And by the way, Rumble has been number one across all categories consistently.
[00:01:33]  I don't even know if there have been any exceptions for weeks.
[00:01:35]  And that's because of you.
[00:01:37]  So we appreciate it.
[00:01:38]  Today is Friday, which means there could be anything back here.
[00:01:42]  I'm saying it figuratively.
[00:01:42]  Back here could be the show because you're there.
[00:01:45]  And I'm going to take you on a journey.
[00:01:48]  Let's see what we got.
[00:02:26]  It's the Taste of Friday.
[00:02:28]  And by that, I mean plain water.
[00:02:30]  Let's say.
[00:02:31]  Yeah.
[00:02:32]  It's not tasty.
[00:02:33]  No, it's not very celebratory, is it?
[00:02:35]  Mm-mm.
[00:02:35]  Can someone get some Everclear in here?
[00:02:37]  Can we call Mission Control?
[00:02:38]  Champagne, maybe?
[00:02:39]  By the way, I'm sure people think I'm an alky.
[00:02:40]  I've told people, for emergencies, I always have some water, some obviously of prepared-with-crowder food, and I always have a few bottles of Everclear.
[00:02:48]  Because you can use it as fuel, you can dilute it, use it as a sanitizer, but people come in like, why do you have so much Everclear?
[00:02:53]  You can just have a good time.
[00:02:54]  And I say, I explain it, but then they see the equal amount of jugs of orange juice.
[00:03:01]  Well, and I say, well, I don't have an excuse.
[00:03:03]  I don't really have an explanation for that.
[00:03:04]  You're a one-to-one man, huh?
[00:03:05]  Don't judge me.
[00:03:06]  So, today could be anything.
[00:03:08]  It's Friday, and sometimes it's a slow news day, which means we want to serve you better.
[00:03:12]  And so, you know, the best way that we can serve you is with our qualifications.
[00:03:17]  And you all well know that I am a guru certified.
[00:03:21]  It's time for Tough Love.
[00:03:22]  Tough Love!
[00:03:27]  With Guru Crowder.
[00:03:29]  you I wear it proudly.
[00:03:33]  I went through the course.
[00:03:35]  It was a multi-part questionnaire.
[00:03:38]  Five parts.
[00:03:39]  Five questions.
[00:03:40]  And I didn't even have to wrap my John Thomas around one of those bo staffs.
[00:03:44]  Yeah, but you did have to hit yourself in the junk a number of times.
[00:03:47]  No, I let other men kick me in the junk to prove my pain tolerance.
[00:03:50]  Because that's how you know they're really good fighters, those monks in Tibet.
[00:03:54]  I mean, granted, they never actually challenge themselves.
[00:03:56]  They just get kicked in the nuts by other equally small weak monks.
[00:03:59]  What if you get hit in the face, though?
[00:04:00]  Like, I get you can take one to the balls, but can you...
[00:04:02]  Well, I don't think my pain tolerance has anything to do with the mineral density of my teeth.
[00:04:08]  The point is, the Asians are silly with the martial arts, and they largely don't work.
[00:04:14]  So you can send in your requests, of course, for life advice, relationship advice.
[00:04:18]  Be careful.
[00:04:18]  Yeah, I mean, but you know what you're signing up for.
[00:04:21]  Tough love at louderwithcrowder.com.
[00:04:23]  It's sort of, you know, they have anti-heroes.
[00:04:24]  This is the anti-feel-good advice.
[00:04:28]  We're going to roast you a little bit.
[00:04:29]  A little bit.
[00:04:30]  You have to.
[00:04:30]  Yeah.
[00:04:31]  In some cases, more than others.
[00:04:32]  Yeah, of course.
[00:04:33]  Yeah, in some cases, you really deserve it.
[00:04:34]  So let's go to our first letter, writer, emailer?
[00:04:39]  What do we say?
[00:04:40]  Thing.
[00:04:40]  Okay.
[00:04:41]  It's been a long week.
[00:04:45]  Hi, Guru Crowder.
[00:04:48]  Okay.
[00:04:48]  Good start.
[00:04:49]  I appreciate it.
[00:04:51]  I've been struggling with loneliness and the associated feelings of worthlessness.
[00:04:56]  I'm 24, have never gone on a date.
[00:04:58]  Alright, hold on a second.
[00:04:59]  Stop.
[00:05:00]  First off, you left off my name, so good.
[00:05:02]  Yeah.
[00:05:03]  Wow.
[00:05:05]  It's tough love.
[00:05:06]  This is why I say it's an evil mean man wrapped in a veneer of Christendom.
[00:05:15]  And he's like, ah, Gerald is really nice.
[00:05:17]  I'm like, you don't really watch it.
[00:05:18]  There is a simmering beneath the surface.
[00:05:22]  No, you're 24. So look, lonely, worthless.
[00:05:25]  I mean, I wasn't even shaving really until I want to say I was like 25. I just had peach fuzz.
[00:05:29]  So you have a long way to go.
[00:05:31]  A lot of people have gotten to your age and haven't necessarily been Casanova.
[00:05:35]  So don't be too hard on yourself, but we'll get to the rest of it.
[00:05:39]  I know many, but I'm sure they're out there.
[00:05:41]  Yeah, I've never gone on a date.
[00:05:43]  Meanwhile, several of the people I went to school with are engaged or married.
[00:05:47]  I've been trying to make myself more desirable by getting a better job, going to the gym, and taking better care of myself.
[00:05:52]  Well, you should do that for yourself anyway.
[00:05:54]  This used to be called being a man, a complete man.
[00:05:58]  And you should do this whether you are seeking a mate or taking a vow of celibacy.
[00:06:04]  Whatever it is that you do to improve yourself, people now call it looks-maxing.
[00:06:08]  You mean brushing your hair?
[00:06:10]  And teeth.
[00:06:11]  You mean exercising and eating semi-right?
[00:06:15]  It's not looks-maxing.
[00:06:17]  You think Cary Grant was like, I think I'm going to be looks-maxing.
[00:06:20]  No, he was just a good-looking guy.
[00:06:21]  He probably took a salad every now and then.
[00:06:25]  I've started going to a good church in my area and have gone to some other events where I should be able to meet some respectable women.
[00:06:31]  Okay, good.
[00:06:32]  You're looking to find some places where they'd be available.
[00:06:35]  Despite all this, I haven't had any success trying to get a date.
[00:06:38]  Is there something I'm missing?
[00:06:40]  I haven't seen a picture.
[00:06:44]  Could factor in.
[00:06:46]  I mean, I don't know.
[00:06:47]  Are you missing a tooth?
[00:06:49]  Hey.
[00:06:50]  Are you...
[00:06:51]  Whoa!
[00:06:52]  A little too close to our home.
[00:06:54]  Do you have a pig nose?
[00:06:55]  I mean, the point is there are a multitude of reasons, but the good news is...
[00:06:59]  There's a style for every type of lady out there.
[00:07:02]  Everyone has their different flavors.
[00:07:03]  And however freakish you may or may not be, there's someone out there where you just do it for them.
[00:07:09]  You just haven't met them yet.
[00:07:10]  Well, and as they get older, they get more desperate.
[00:07:12]  Yeah, that's absolutely true.
[00:07:13]  Use that to your advantage.
[00:07:13]  I knew a retarded couple.
[00:07:16]  Both he and she were retarded who live in the basement apartment.
[00:07:20]  That my grandfather and my father used to manage.
[00:07:22]  And it was a huge liability.
[00:07:24]  Like, I don't think they should have been allowed to live there by themselves.
[00:07:26]  They burned the whole building.
[00:07:27]  They came close.
[00:07:29]  But by God, they loved each other.
[00:07:30]  There you go.
[00:07:31]  And the moans that you heard from that basement apartment on Victoria Street.
[00:07:36]  We would genuinely have to make our best estimate.
[00:07:41]  Is someone being hurt and in need of medical attention?
[00:07:44]  Or is this just how retarded people bone?
[00:07:47]  They're making more retarded.
[00:07:49]  No, I think...
[00:07:51]  I don't know.
[00:07:53]  Alright.
[00:07:54]  If it matters at all, I'm 6 '2", weigh 230 pounds, can bench over 200, squat over 300, and deadlift over 400.
[00:08:01]  That's not bad.
[00:08:02]  Okay, that's not bad.
[00:08:03]  Those are respectable numbers.
[00:08:04]  In other words, you're probably within striking distance.
[00:08:07]  You're not wildly out of shape at all.
[00:08:08]  You're actually in shape.
[00:08:09]  Yeah, it seems like you're in decent shape.
[00:08:10]  You're tall.
[00:08:11]  That's a huge plus.
[00:08:12]  So even if you're very ugly, if you're tall and you're funny, you can find somebody.
[00:08:21]  Tall and funny, that's about all.
[00:08:23]  Throw a few bucks on top of it, you are on easy street.
[00:08:28]  Sorry, Noodles, not to throw the hype thing in there, but you all have many qualities that Gerald doesn't have, you know, like a soul.
[00:08:37]  I have blue eyes and brown hair.
[00:08:40]  Funny enough, I found this out.
[00:08:41]  There are some women who really don't like blue eyes.
[00:08:44]  Did you know that?
[00:08:44]  No.
[00:08:45]  Yeah, there are some women who find them lifeless.
[00:08:49]  Babies are born with blue eyes.
[00:08:50]  If you don't like that, then, you know.
[00:08:52]  I'm just saying, I realize it, because I always thought I had boring eyes.
[00:08:54]  They're like hazel green.
[00:08:56]  They're not all Jews, are they?
[00:08:57]  I didn't just advocate.
[00:08:58]  Whoa, whoa.
[00:08:59]  See what I'm talking about?
[00:09:00]  He didn't skip a beat.
[00:09:03]  He didn't have to think about it, did he?
[00:09:05]  He said it in a way of like, I want to pull it back if they are.
[00:09:07]  If it's like, oh, this is like specifically amongst the Jewish population.
[00:09:10]  I'm like, well, I did say eradicate, and I don't want that to happen.
[00:09:12]  Way to retrieve your soul from the depths of hell by crapping all over God's chosen people.
[00:09:16]  Well, actually, I was protected.
[00:09:18]  Protecting them.
[00:09:18]  You picked a fight with the viewer and then decided, this isn't enough.
[00:09:21]  I'm going to pick a fight with the Lord.
[00:09:23]  That's great.
[00:09:25]  All right.
[00:09:26]  What happened?
[00:09:27]  Blue eyes, brown hair.
[00:09:28]  I have very strong Christian beliefs, which generally translates to politically conservative beliefs.

=== Cooking Classes Attract Women (00:49) ===

[00:09:32]  My main hobbies are hunting, fishing, reading, basically anything gun-related.
[00:09:36]  I will tell you this.
[00:09:37]  Most women, there are not a lot of women who are into the gun-related hobbies.
[00:09:40]  Some of them will often, like, fake it and be like, yeah, I am!
[00:09:44]  But they're not.
[00:09:45]  Now, there are women who are pro-gun and who will go shooting every now and then, but as far as being really into the hobby, there just aren't many.
[00:09:51]  Pretty much all of these are largely male-exclusive.
[00:09:55]  So, outside of those...
[00:09:57]  You may be running into fewer opportunities than the average bear to meet a woman.
[00:10:02]  You know, if a guy is into going to the gym, it's a 50-50 shot.
[00:10:05]  Who he runs into could be a man, could be a woman.
[00:10:07]  If a guy is into, I mean, I don't know whatever else it is, a cycling.
[00:10:11]  If a guy is into dance class.
[00:10:13]  If a guy is into cooking and he goes to a cooking class or down to the local rec center, there's a good chance he runs into women.