All Episodes
March 3, 2022 - Louder with Crowder
01:18:17
CANCEL Russia?! Not So Fast... | Louder with Crowder
| Copy link to current segment

Time Text
🎵 I'm just not ready to have to take care of another human
being.
It's not your fault.
It's the man's fault.
It's not my responsibility.
A baby is not the mother's responsibility, baby.
I just want to make sure that I'm making the right decision, you know?
Because I'm so young, and I've got my whole life ahead of me, and I wasn't trying to do this, and it's stupid.
Yeah, baby, it's not your fault that you let a man in you.
So, I should go back to being selfish?
Yes.
Be a selfish woman.
Get rid of your baby.
Plus, it's kind of... not... cute.
Yeah, you got an ugly, preemie bearded baby.
It doesn't cry.
I think it has Asperger's.
That's gonna be even more expensive.
Right.
Special schools?
You gotta get rid of it.
Just throw it in the stupid baby river.
Alright.
You're right.
Yeah, there you go.
He doesn't even cry.
I think he has Asperger's.
Kick it!
Just kick the baby.
Kick the baby basket.
See, puppy?
It's having a great time going down the river.
He's not even scared.
Right.
This was the right choice.
No, it was the right choice.
I wouldn't steer you wrong.
If he sees wrong, he's dead.
Thanks for watching! Please subscribe!
Oh Oh
You Oh
Nobody's a movie. They are Well
Go Oh
Oh, I bet it's hell you'd run Oh boy...
Oh, well.
Come over to see, over to y'all.
Well.
Oh, oh, oh.
Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho.
Oh!
Yeah!
One man's trash.
Got a new slave, everybody.
Oh.
Got a new slave.
You ever catch a slave this big, Frank?
No, you didn't.
New slave, right here.
Oh well.
Oh well.
Let's get out of here.
Why don't you cry?
You have aspergers?
Drop a scop! Dot com!
You're a stranger in love, that's what I know You're a stranger in love, I can't afford
I'm gonna swing this thing You're a stranger in love, I can't afford
Bye.
That's called, I just realized that I forgot something, Sip, but... Hey, you got those eyedrops there, Vug?
Whenever I'm here in the studio, it's all bright and my eyes get all dry.
And then everyone thinks, he's on the cocaine!
The Colombian gold!
Nose candy!
But really, it's just drying lights.
So, we have a lot to get to today.
Russia, Ukraine, still going on.
Still?
Still going on.
I thought we were past this.
I thought Joe Biden's strong words helped.
You know what, Russia?
You have a lot of growing up to do, Russia.
I'll tell you that right now.
You have a lot of growing up to do.
You know what really hurts the most is the lack of respect, Dave.
Well, and the invasion.
Well, yeah, but what hurts the second most is the lack of respect.
Well, in the killings.
Yes.
What hurts the third most is a lack of respect.
Grow up, Russia.
And name that movie line for people right off the bat.
We have a lot to get to.
So, by the way, if we're never on YouTube, and we have no idea because they're never going after TikTok, we're talking about the CDC, we're talking about masks, we're talking about Russia, these things can become a problem.
We are live Monday through Thursday, 10 a.m.
Eastern, on Rumble, or MugClub.
LettuceCrow.com slash MugClub.
We'll have an extra, like, 45 minutes to an hour today.
It's Chat Thursday, my favorite day of the week.
Let me introduce Gerald A. How are you?
I am well, sir.
How are you?
I was so tired yesterday after the stream.
Recovering from that is tough.
Well, it's because you don't sleep for hours.
You're amped.
Exactly.
That's why, like, Dave has a problem, you know, going from, like, when he's doing the gigs on the weekends back when he used to have to do more, like, you know, five shows in a weekend and then coming back to doing stuff in the morning.
You know, I thought he had narcolepsy for a while.
Asperger's?
No.
No.
It was Moses.
Oh, wow.
Yeah, it was Moses.
You know him.
You love him.
Dave Landau, how are you?
Ahoy.
Good.
How about you?
Good.
Were you tired yesterday?
A little bit.
We came and did some stuff.
Yep.
We have some sketches that we're going to be showing you today.
Here's my question.
My question before anything else is, we'll be talking about Russia and now the censoring of Russian media.
You see this on Apple.
You see this on... Is it still called the App Store?
Because they switched iTunes to just Apple.
Well, it's App Store.
Okay, it's still the App Store.
Comment below.
That's the best thing, again, you can do for the YouTube algorithm, but it also helps us kind of get a good idea, because people are torn on this.
Do you support censoring the Russian media?
Do you think that's a good idea right now to try and squeeze them and get rid of Russian media on social platforms right now?
Or do you think that just ends up again driving them into the arms of people who could be more evil, creating the idea as maybe we want to revolt and dissent against the Russian government from the Russian people, but...
Does it just make them hate America more, like we've seen in the past?
So I think you know where I line up, but maybe you don't.
Before we move on to that, I think we'll also be talking about, by the way, I don't know if you know this, Sam Elliott joined the Westboro Baptist Church.
Did he?
Did he really?
Member number nine.
Yes, member number nine.
Handing out toe tags for certain types.
I'm the only one in this church that doesn't have flippers.
Oh boy.
So we'll be talking about Sam Elliott quite a bit.
I'm excited about that.
Also Russia, Ukraine.
But first, Pittsburgh.
Their Channel 4 Action News.
It proves, you know, because we're national.
Yeah.
This is a national show.
Yeah.
I call it international, really.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's on the internets.
Yep.
And we have some fans in Japan until we get copied.
Do you realize every Colbert segment we do gets copyright struck and it's not available in Japan?
Really?
I don't know why.
Deprived.
I don't know why you cannot watch our segments on Stephen Colbert in Japan specifically.
I think it's Colbert they have a problem with and not so much us.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Oh, no?
They love Colbert.
Huge in Japan.
He has like a 90 million dollar contract with Centauri Times.
You can get his underwear out of a vending machine.
Yes, you can.
Yes, you can.
Right in Tokyo.
I want your panties with more intensity.
It's not clear what may have been taken and no arrests have been made.
A 71-year-old man is accused of inappropriately touching a 12-year-old girl at the Walmart in West Mifflin Sunday afternoon.
Not a joke!
The best is the other anchor.
Hold on a second.
I just want to make sure.
This is 100% real, Tocanowan?
This is real.
We're sure this is real?
It's on the internet.
It is real.
Must be real.
Total flub.
So is Putin riding a unicorn with a scythe.
Look, even if it's not real, it's funny.
Even if it's not real, it's also real.
Yes, exactly.
Alright, let's play this again because I want to see that guy's reaction.
It's worse than Boom Goes the Dynamite Kid.
It's really good.
It's not clear what may have been taken and no arrests have been made.
A 71 year old man is accused of an appropriate...
She has no idea.
12 year old girl at the Walmart in West Mifflin.
He's actually just glad it's not his picture.
Oh man, that was close.
It was a relief.
It's like when you think your report card is coming home and you accidentally get someone else's.
You're like, this is Shane Bramden.
I'm Sean Brumter.
Just bring it to my parents.
You just dodged a bullet.
That's a $20 bill right there.
Wow, she has no idea what's going on.
That's the problem with green screen.
You should have a monitor though, right?
Yeah, but it's not really her fault.
She's not controlling it.
It's still her fault.
Someone who's hilarious is.
She's on air and she has a picture of Joseph Biden.
I would have ran with it.
Hold on, time out.
If they fire you for that, call us.
Yes, call us.
We're not saying you'll be on air.
But call us.
But, you know, look, we need janitors too.
Well, she's run that burgundy.
Whatever's in front of her.
Go screw yourself, Pittsburgh.
Oh my gosh.
Yeah, that one was sent to us from our very own Bradigan, and it is real.
Wow.
Yep.
What is it, Keep It Trashy Pittsburgh?
Yeah, Keep It Trashy Pittsburgh.
I love Pittsburgh.
Squirrel Hill Pittsburgh.
All right.
Here's something else we have to talk about.
I don't know if you know this, but we all know that masks, of course... I shouldn't say I don't know if you know this.
We all know that masks are 1 billion percent effective against COVID.
Yes.
That's our percentage of particles.
Apparently now they're nuke-proof.
Oh really?
Did you know this?
I've heard.
Yeah.
Maybe?
From the CDC.
The new CDC guidelines encourage everyone to mask up in the event of a nuclear explosion.
It says, when you have reached a part of your household, if possible, wear a mask if you're sheltering with people who are not a part of your household.
So if there's a nuclear explosion occurring... This is the science, by the way, just to be clear.
Let me ask you this.
Do you think there's... We can't find one legitimate scientist outside the CDC who's like, oh yeah, your N95 is not gonna stop a nuke.
That's the dumbest thing I've heard.
I got bigger problems than if I have a mask on, fellas.
Yeah, you would think so, but this is more, to me, more so this highlights the idea of the science.
Well, yeah.
Where are the actual, there's not one doctor who will speak up?
I mean, are we at Sodom and Gomorrah with the science?
Like, are there not 10 good scientists left?
I think that's fair.
Is it Hiroshima?
I think a few people made it who were wearing masks.
Yes, only the masks.
If I recall correctly.
Yeah, absolutely.
Just Rip Van Winkle came out with his N95.
Ooh, what happened here?
Seems they laid waste.
Oh, thank Lord for my cotton mask!
Something happened?
Thanks to heavens above that I had my neck gaiter!
My wife had triplets with one body.
And if this worked, then nukes are irrelevant!
Yeah, nukes are irrelevant.
We've been trying to figure out how to stop a nuclear holocaust.
We've been trying to figure out how to avoid nuclear war.
Just wear a few masks.
If a nuke goes off, we're all just done, right?
No, no, no.
Well, you would be, but not if you have a mask.
Not if you have a mask.
Oh, right.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's almost as effective as getting under your table, people from the 50s who are still here.
Yeah.
Plywood'll take care of you.
Yeah, exactly.
That's all you need?
In the event of a nuke, just get under soft pine.
Yeah, that's all it takes.
It's not even a hard wood!
It's not even a fruit wood!
Stupid.
So we actually obtained footage from a PSA from the CDC, of course now the propaganda comes, giving instructions on how to stay safe.
You may be in your schoolyard playing when the signal comes.
That signal means to stop whatever you're doing and get to the nearest safe place fast.
If Putin aligns with China, an atomic bomb can come at any time, no matter where you may be.
If you're at school, get in a single fire line and crouch underneath a desk.
And if you're a smart kid, apply your mask.
Because a mask is the most important line of defense between you and nuclear annihilation
Good job alive kids!
Oh, oh, oh.
Bye, maskless dead ones.
It's like it all could have been stopped with just one trip over to the quick trip, grab a few masks.
Well, the kid had a pinwheel hat on.
How long was he going to live?
Maybe 19?
You'd still have your brother.
I know.
Well, it's his fault.
You have triplets, there's always one goofball.
Something about the placenta.
There's not enough to go around.
We like to think there is enough for everybody.
There isn't.
Triple number three.
Sorry.
There's one thing that I noticed when I watched that is I really missed dresses that ladies used to wear.
A little different?
Yeah, a little different.
What if they went above the ankle?
You got whacked with a ruler?
Yeah, exactly.
But that's the whole thing.
It leaves a little bit to the... You know how I like turtlenecks?
I like the dresses.
It leaves everything to the imagination.
It leaves everything to the imagination, which is usually better than reality.
I like a... What's the word?
Whore.
Well, I mean, I'm just saying, sooner or later, you'll want a professional.
Well, sure.
I mean, that one time, that was very suitable.
Yes.
Like, that's the one you bring home to your parents.
You're like, look at this.
Right.
This one that's not garbage.
Yeah.
She looks like garbage, but... Just don't look in the trunk.
Yep.
DeSantis, Ron DeSantis.
Here's one thing too, I just want to talk about it with Russia before we go in.
This is something that's been really bothering me, is you either need to be all in or all out with war.
And if you look at the actions that we're taking, we have the economic sanctions and now the censoring that's taking place of Russian media, and also other actions that will harm Russian citizens, we're basically We're basically committing acts of war without waging war.
Either go into war or don't.
This is a problem with modern society.
We're so removed from the cruelty of humanity.
We're so removed from the reality of war that we just think, oh, you know what?
If we starve people, if we make sure that economically they're crippled, they won't do it.
Do you realize that wars were fought for exactly that throughout history?
I know someone right there in the comments is going to look, oh, religion.
No, dummy.
No.
All wars are fought over land, over resources, over the ability to survive, and we're at this... Anyway, okay, we'll get to it.
We'll get to it, yeah.
I'm just frustrated.
I'm just angry.
You gotta take a breath.
I gotta take a breath.
Well, if you're gonna do something, you should go all in, especially with, I don't know, war?
I thought you said whores.
No.
So, Ron... Well, that would apply.
Yeah.
The point is, it's a multifaceted... Yeah.
I mean, if you're gonna pay for it.
Idiom.
Idiom?
It's your money's worth.
Zang!
I don't know.
I'd buy that for a dollar.
Yes.
To a bird in the hand and something in the trees.
The point is we're gonna nuke you.
So, Ron DeSantis, this is something too that I absolutely love.
He made news this week.
World of Masks News.
He was at an event, right?
Was it USF?
USF.
USF.
Okay.
So he was at this event.
I always forget the event.
I always forget the event names.
USF.
It's abbreviations.
I don't do well with it.
But I do know exactly what it is that he did.
And Thank God.
You know what?
I know he didn't come in first in the straw poll at CPAC, which is almost entirely irrelevant, but I want this guy in our corner.
See if you can tell why.
You do not have to wear those masks.
I mean, please take them off.
Honestly, it's not doing anything, and we've got to stop with this COVID theater.
So if you want to wear it, fine, but this is ridiculous.
Oh, baby!
Boom!
I love that he didn't, you know, sometimes you have people like, look, I just, you know, I think some people should wear masks and then just say, no, it's stupid.
It's stupid and you look stupid.
Yeah.
Well, these are University of South Florida, so USF South Florida, right?
So there are students sitting there and they're like, oh, you got to wear masks.
There was no nuke threat.
No, there was no desk to get under either.
Where's the plywood?
Well, I don't know.
I'm sure some interns.
You can get under a podium.
Yeah.
I've done it.
I've seen Police Academy.
That's a podium for one, Dave.
Selfish.
He's missing the point.
Yeah, you find the most important guy in the room and he gets under the podium.
Yes.
That's who lives.
Then you become Kamala Harris.
The most important man in the room.
We'll talk about the science, we'll talk about some of the new updates that have taken place, but what's funny is most of the kids obviously you saw were stoked, they were excited, probably because they've read the science, or the anti-science, however you want to refer to it.
But there still was one mom who apparently hasn't gotten the memo, and this is the problem with the country right now.
When people say, oh, we're divided ideologically.
No, we're not divided ideologically.
We really are at this point divided by the informed and the dogmatic.
That's where we are on COVID, the informed and the dogmatic.
And here is a dogmatic mother who was just beside herself.
I'm responsible for him.
And I told him to wear that mask.
And Governor DeSantis, he's looking at this adult authority and he's telling them, oh, you don't have to wear the mask.
What was your reaction when you heard the governor tell you and your classmates, remove your masks?
Um, a bit of surprise and shock.
More of, okay, this authority figure is asking me to do something that I know is probably going to end up being controversial.
He has to answer that way because she'll beat his ass as soon as the camera stops rolling.
She knows she's not wearing a mask.
Take off your mask.
He pretty much said take off your mask is stupid.
And take off your mask, your parents don't matter.
Correct.
Even though I'm telling you parents matter.
And he's telling my minor child to take off his mask?
He's putting us at risk?
Oh lord.
So, oh yeah, I was upset.
Very upset.
Yeah, well I think that you just live to be... I wish that I loved anything as much as you love being upset.
You never will.
You'll never have a hobby like that.
She's like Jamie Foxx with a violin in that movie with Robert Downey Jr.
She lives to be upset.
Everything she just said, not to mention she was redundant with, my minor child will we get it.
But she is sitting there saying, you know, it's wrong and is saying that you shouldn't wear masks and we're putting us at risk.
Your teenager is at risk from Omicron?
This is somebody who is not, again, it's the The informed and the dogmatic.
I know you're saying, shouldn't it be informed and uninformed?
Well, no, it goes without saying.
The informed, but then the dogmatic.
There is a religion now of fear and of COVID, and there are certain people who, no matter how much it changes, they have to hold on to it like this mother, and they have to try and make it miserable for everybody else.
By the way, while you're saying that you're frustrated that as a parent, an authority figure, you're saying is doing your job for you, where are you on critical race theory?
Where are you on public schools teaching morality issues to kids?
Are you upset?
Do you believe that those issues should be left to the parents to teach?
Or do you want to put that in the hands of public education?
Again, it requires inconsistency to maintain the current position.
Well, whatever gets a lawsuit.
Right.
I mean, that's what that is.
It's just setting up for an ability to get a lawsuit.
It's like a slip and fall, but the mask slips.
Right.
Exactly.
By the way, your kid is in college, right?
When would you like them to start making decisions for themselves?
I'm sorry, he's growing up and learning to be an adult.
When the check clears, bitch!
And by the way, he didn't say anything about parents not mattering.
He said, if you want to wear these, go for it.
He didn't say, your mom and dad may have told you to wear these.
There's more to this story, and I absolutely adore it.
Because the mother and the son is there, and you know that he's responding.
It's almost like, you know, he's a little senior Wences.
Isn't that right?
That's right, mom!
You always right!
You right!
But the thing is, this is my mom, she used to cripple me with beatings if I grabbed a candy bar.
Please don't make me pick my own switch!
Not again!
So the CDC eased mask restrictions, as you well know.
Even Fauci talked about this.
And its location, its risk base, you can bring up the overlay.
Also there's this Danish study and a Bloomberg article, both of which said that masks Basically make little to no difference, okay?
Now here's my... I can't make that point.
We can't make this point because on YouTube you can be removed.
So in other words, if you're a scientist and you actually say, well, you know what, if we look at masks and we look at the way that people are wearing them, they're not really effective.
So Bloomberg, in a Danish study, Daneland, wrote these articles, which were very compelling.
Hey, you know who else must have read these articles?
The sun!
Oh!
Yeah!
Got that loot, man.
Give me what you got.
Oh my gosh.
Please send this to that mother.
Like, what?
You were smiling?
What?
I can't believe it.
You were happy to take your mask off?
What?
It was the governor mom.
That ear-to-ear grin of just like, oh thank god it's so hot in here.
Now I can breathe.
Oh, thank you governor.
You made a fool of me on local news, bitch!
She's gonna be furious with her.
I was shocked and upset and happy.
All at the same time.
Can we find that kid and have him on the show?
Oh, that'd be great.
Just not his mom.
I'd like to talk to his mom, though, because everything she said was a giant contradiction because she's not wearing a mask.
That's my point, though.
She can't say any of it.
It doesn't matter.
Son of a bitch, I'm 19 time boosted!
Yeah, and also, why is he bringing it home to you?
Oh.
You live at home?
I thought it was a college.
You should be quarantining.
I did not want to pay for dormitories.
Well, that's true.
He stays at home.
It's expensive.
Yeah, that's the worst thing he's gonna catch.
Ever heard of in-state tuition, mother- I don't think he's transmitting the other things to his mom, though.
Oh, I hope not.
Or maybe they share a glass.
If he's wearing his mask, how can he engage in four years of glorified alcoholism for $200,000?
Well, right, exactly.
Strainer, yeah.
Yeah, that's true.
You can leave with a degree that people go, uh... Right, yeah.
All right.
You know what?
I saw your mom on the news.
Okay, we'll give you an internship.
Get out of here.
Go bring me coffees.
Now, here's something that I just love, this story from Sam Elliott.
I'm a Sam Elliott fan.
I know he's not necessarily on our side of the political spectrum, but he is partially.
I was about to say.
You know that Benedict Cumberbatch film when it's the power of the dog?
Yeah.
It's certified fresh, which is a stupid term.
94% of critics gave it a positive review on Rotten Tomatoes, but Sam Elliott is actually, he's really not a fan, he was asked about it recently on a podcast, and some of the comments are hysterical, but you had a point that you wanted to make.
Yeah, well, I mean, look, I think Hollywood is totally missing the boat here.
If you've watched Yellowstone, if you've watched, what is it, 1883 or whatever, the other one after that, they're thinking, alright, let's just make as many westerns as we can make, but when I watch that, when my wife watches that, We look at it and we're like, oh man, they're saying stuff that we agree with.
There's scenes where they're talking about tough love for kids and making them into pets because you're giving them too many things and it's not gonna be a good thing.
And then there's just the toughness of being a man and having to go out and be a cowboy and work hard for a living.
And Hollywood is like, oh, well let's just make more westerns with none of those elements involved in it at all.
And instead what they should be doing is going, huh, there's this giant segment of America that's being missed.
And I think you were making the point that Sheridan, the guy who wrote it, is basically what he has tapped into is that through line through all of his stuff is that there is a segment of America that's been left behind that these movies really do speak to and these shows really do speak to and it makes him feel like oh you know what that's right there are some bad things that we have to get rid of in society for sure but these things are great these things are conservative values and some of the tough love that we don't have anymore he was also in Tombstone which is my money my favorite Western
It is.
Whatever, but it was also considered kind of a dead medium.
Well, that's true, but Tombstone brought it back.
Yes, and so did Unforgiven.
Sam Elliott.
Sam Elliott was in Tombstone, yeah, that's right.
I thought you meant Sheridan.
He's here.
What the heck?
Sam?
Sam Elliott?
So I actually decided to take some time to read.
Son of a bitch.
You should have got him the big cowboy hat headphones.
The New York Post.
Took my ass out of context.
I'd like to read my thoughts on Benedict Cumberbatch.
These are the exact quotes and all references are available at linerwithgrunner.com in the pinned comment.
That's what all these fucking cowboys in that movie looked like.
Chippendales dancers.
They're all running around in chaps and no shirts.
There's all these allusions to homosexuality throughout the whole fucking film.
Where's the western in this western?
I mean, Cumberbatch never got out of his fucking chaps.
He had two pairs of chaps.
A woolly pair and a leather pair.
And every fucking time he would walk in from somewhere, he never once was on a horse.
He'd walk into the fucking house, storming up the fucking stairs to go lay in his bed and his chaps and play his banjo.
It's like, what the fuck?
I just think there's a problem with modern westerns.
A lot of homosexual undertones and overtones in this movie.
And I made my living.
You know that, Gerald and Dave, right?
You did, at Tombstone.
Like I just mentioned, you were great in that.
Well, I have to say, for my own job security, I'm a little concerned.
I used to make films with greats like Kurt Russell and Bill Paxton.
Now if I want to work out there in the range, I have to get pegged by Brian Stelter.
Oh, geez.
I don't give a rat's ass what the union says, you're gonna have to pay my sorry ass more than fuckin' Skatehole.
I wouldn't even let my dog watch this movie.
Matter of fact, I'd rather watch Magic Mike with an unpeeled banana in my mouth.
Why does the woman leave?
This is for people who've watched the actual fuckin' movie.
Why did that woman leave?
Oh, because you like him better.
Look, I'm not one to protest a funeral and say that God hates... Can't say the F word.
Right, no, no.
No, Sam, don't do that.
But just because it's no longer unlawful doesn't mean it's not immoral and disgusting.
I hate Hollywood and I hate its liberal queerness.
I also hate that Confersican podcast that made this a story.
You know, we're getting some comments.
Maybe if 15,000 of you hit like in the next five minutes, I'll have to host the rest of this show.
Here is Sam Elliott.
I really hope it's an unattainable goal.
It might be, uh, I don't know, Sam.
I think you could do it.
I think Sam Elliott could do anything.
He can.
He was a cowboy.
He actually worked.
Just because you can do something doesn't mean you should.
Like making a film with Benedict Cumberbatch and chapless ass pants getting pegged by whoever won't even get a second look for Best Supporting Actor.
More like Best Supporting Queer.
Did you like him in Doctor Strange?
Are you a big Doctor Strange fan?
I'm not a huge fan of the Marvel Universe.
No?
Mainly because it's surrounded with queers.
Ah, same thing.
Mainly, yeah.
Which one do you think is the most gay?
Well, I think you'd have to take into account that the Hulk, when he switches from Bruce Banner, a wimpy-ass queer scientist, into the world's most powerful superhero, all his clothes rip off except his pants.
How convenient.
I think it's remarkably inconsistent.
I also think that we never see him from behind because those are assless purple pants.
Are you sure about that?
I'm not sure I'm making an inference, by God.
Have you seen any of these movies?
Well, the problem now is I'm about 85 with my cataracts.
I can't see much.
I think you're 77.
But that doesn't mean I can't tell right from wrong, goddammit.
Do you still like Marlboros?
I'm actually a Chesterfield man.
They don't make them anymore, which makes them hard to come by.
What was that?
I was just wondering if you saved the cartons.
Why would I save the cartons?
This is the guy you have here.
This is what I'm talking about.
Don't put him in some new western along Kevin Costner.
No, I'd be very gay.
He does his new show out there, supposed to be on the range, like we don't know that he's faking his voice.
We all saw you in the Postman.
I got a question.
I mean, what do you think about... I'm not Kevin Costner.
Great, great movie.
Great movie.
Brokeback Mountain.
What were your thoughts?
Son of a bitch.
Did you see what you did there?
And that's the problem with our society.
I mean, could you quit him?
Not everything is required to be an undertone, or in your case, overtone of homosexuality.
I think that one's blatant.
I don't even know if it's a tone.
Can we just go back to the days where... I remember we had... One Miss Anne Margaret.
Raquel Welch.
They've been replaced with... One Direction.
One Direction and... New Kids on the Block.
Your references seem a little dated.
I don't care how many times Backstreet's back.
Huh.
I won't be there for it.
And I certainly won't put them in a Western.
Alright, look, I'm gonna take one moment, even though I'm not happy to have to do it, but I'm contractually obligated to push this queer shit.
Apparently, Steven Crowder and Dave Lando are on tour, because that's still allowed in this country.
Dave's gonna be at the Funny Bone in Hartford, Connecticut, March 18th through 19th.
Then in Tulsa, Oklahoma on May 14th, Colorado Springs, June 18th.
Gonna have both Crowder and Dave.
Where you can bet that you'll probably have a few at least sub-closeted homosexuals in the audience.
Oh, here we go.
So long as you're comfortable with it.
I don't know if you're comfortable with yourself, Sam.
Are you good with you?
Who you are?
It's neither here nor there.
I don't have to be comfortable with myself to not be comfortable with a couple of queers on the range who have never ridden a horse in their life.
They wouldn't know what to do with a saddle if it was pegged up their own asses.
I don't think it can fit.
I think they'd know not to do that.
Well, I don't know if they know there's some from their picker wood.
You don't get tired of riding fences, Sam?
Riding horses?
Is that a reference?
Was that you trying to be clever?
Were you two lines from the song Desperado?
This man is doing songs from the...
Is that what you just did?
He's doing lines.
But almost.
That was uncomfortable.
You know, just because it's not against the law doesn't mean that your attempt at comedy... Doesn't get lonely out there?
...is not offensive to the sensibilities.
I need someone to take the camera so that I can get out of this.
Where's the host?
Isn't being a cowboy kind of like prison, Dave?
Where you're just surrounded by other guys and you're like, well...
This is now life, I guess.
I don't think it's an excuse, I'm just saying.
For God's sakes, thanks for letting me have to... I can't do it!
Sam has to leave!
He does, we gotta give, you know... I can't believe you got him on the show.
We did pretty well.
You got him to promote our stand-up dates.
That's exciting.
He was not happy about it.
I mean, he didn't have to call us names.
What were you about to say, Tim?
We didn't hit the 15,000.
Perfect, good.
Actually, I was watching the number go up, and then it went down.
It went down?
It hit 15,700 likes, and then it got tacked down to 15,100 likes.
Oh, wow.
They are not Sam Elliott fans.
That's pretty good, though.
You actually did hit the mark.
Yeah.
Well, no, no, no, this was just a... No, no, we were at 9,000.
It went to 15,000.
I think that's a limited time only kind of thing.
Okay.
I'm really trying to push it as if it wasn't.
We did a show where Bernie Sanders hosted the entire show and Donald Trump, and people didn't realize that they weren't real.
Got very upset, yes.
Why does he have Bernie hosting his show?
Why is he roast?
Why is he making fun of Trump?
He's like, nah man, it's Bernie.
Alright.
Here's another thing.
So this is something that just happened and it's unbelievable to me because I heard Bill Gates say this.
And I thought, well, he can't say that.
No, no, no.
Because I was just... But he's Bill Gates.
Yeah, he's Bill Gates.
So he can say that.
But there's a silver lining.
For me.
Playbook.
So Bill Gates, this is about Omicron.
Bill Gates just said recently that Omicron has worked better as a vaccine than actual vaccines.
This is Bill Gates, the vaccine guy.
Listen.
Where would you assess where we are today in beating COVID-19?
Well, sadly, the virus itself, particularly the variant called Omicron, is a type of vaccine.
That is, it creates both B-cell and T-cell immunity.
And it's done a better job of getting out to the world population than we have with vaccines.
First off, get a comb.
Second, who else It just seems weird to me.
It's a billionaire with a bowl cut.
Who else said this?
We now have a variant, Omicron, okay?
Yeah.
We have a variant which is significantly more transmissible, okay?
Communicable, whatever term you want to use.
It has outcompeted Delta and the original variant.
It is the primary variant, right?
It has overtaken all the other variants.
If you're catching COVID now, You're very likely catching Omicron.
Okay, so now it's taken over all the more deadly forms of COVID.
It's become the form of COVID that everyone catches and the vast majority of people have very little symptoms.
According to the CDC.
According to them, not us.
You could argue that Omicron is responsible for reducing deaths more than the vaccines.
So, wait a second.
If Bill Gates said it and I said it, but I was raked over the... I was in trouble for saying the exact same thing.
I'm trying to... I own Microsoft!
Yeah, sell.
Okay, good.
Yeah, go ahead and sell.
Cash out.
Sell.
All right.
Good news.
Big day.
This is exactly what we were talking about.
Yesterday's banned content is today's sound science.
Well, Steven, you're not a scientist.
I am not a scientist.
You're not a doctor of Microsoft.
No, I'm not a doctor of Microsoft.
I didn't go and smash all of my competitors' tables with baseball bats.
Hey, my bowl cut.
It was effective.
It's always tough, like, they have to put his lower third because, like, is that the second richest, or whatever, richest man in the world?
Or is it a lesbian librarian?
I'm not... Oh.
I'm going librarian.
It's the rich guy.
Yeah.
It's like a Batman villain, but you can go all the way.
Right, yes, and his superpower would be to go, shh!
Yeah.
I'm the librarian.
I'm the librarian!
I'll charge you late fees for books you never knew you had!
I won't pay him.
You know, it's frustrating to only be right three months later.
Yeah.
Well, here's the thing.
You know what?
If you guys can comment, again, best thing for the algorithm, but if you guys have experienced Omicron.
We did this poll a long time ago, and a lot of you had had Omicron, and they were very mild symptoms.
People in this office, most people here had Omicron.
I had Omicron.
Uh, and it was actually less severe than when I had a sinus infection a couple weeks after that.
I wish people would say, that came from the Omicron.
No, it didn't.
I tested negative for a long time.
Here's the issue, and Trevor Noah, who, by the way, do we know, is Trevor Noah going to be on the show there at Token Island?
Because he reached out to us, and then we reached back out to Trevor Noah.
Yeah, he's, we haven't heard back yet.
Oh, okay, so he's- Yo, Trev!
Don't say that.
Why not?
Nobody calls him Trev, that's the short for Trevor.
To who?
What?
Yeah, to white guys.
This isn't Family Matters, Gerald.
No, this is 90s names.
There's no fresh prints.
But he made this argument.
He said, you know, that these people now who are claiming that they're right, these people now who are claiming that they're right, well, sure, but you were wrong 15 times.
No, here's the thing.
It's not like a psychic who just says, oh, your husband is Barry, Bob, Bruce, and gets it right finally.
What matters is, Did this science exist at the time where the people you trusted were making those claims?
For example, Fauci.
When Fauci said that AIDS was airborne and kids could catch it in their home at their breakfast nook, were there other scientists at that time saying it's wrong?
We didn't just make some wild prediction here on this show, and I'm not a scientist.
We did make an inference based on all the data available.
So when people try and say, oh, well, you're right now because Bill Gates says it, Apparently he's a scientist.
They say, well, you're right now, but it doesn't mean that you were right then.
You were just guessing at random.
Hold on a second.
You were trusting people simply because they were authority figures and you've decided now that you believe in authoritarianism as it relates to science because it's not a...
It's not a practice.
It's not a theory.
It's a religion.
But at that time, was there scientific data and were there dissenting scientists saying, actually it's probably a better idea to let Omicron spread at this point because it's the best we can hope for with a variant?
That did exist at that time.
You chose to dismiss them.
So it's not guessing at random.
We, in January, didn't just say that.
We didn't say it willy-nilly.
Yeah.
We did a lot of research and it was dismissed and it was attacked as radical when there were many, many scientists.
Where do you think we got it?
Scientists!
The ones who use silence.
Now Bill Gates is saying they're right.
Doesn't it feel embarrassing to be wrong always?
What do you mean?
Lockdowns.
Masks.
Vaccines.
You can't spread it.
The booster.
Had another booster.
Omicron.
I mean, shutting down schools.
Take your- you've been wrong about- from a lab!
That had it in the title!
The best one.
It was the COVID-19 research lab.
Nobody saw that coming.
No, it was the COVID-19 generating lab.
I'm sorry.
Yes, yes.
Potentially.
It was the bat sandwich COVID-19 lab.
Right.
For crying out loud, bats had nothing to do with it.
Do you have any idea how many bats I killed?
Poor bats.
But they were actually vampires.
Well, I assume so.
That's what I do.
One of them was making Bela Lugosi eyes at me.
Seriously though, this is the danger!
I should just kill people hoping that they're bats.
But, in a serious, take the bats, swap them out for humans.
Swap them out for the unvaccinated, right?
We blame bats.
Had nothing to do, it wasn't bats!
Wasn't, it wasn't a bat problem!
They couldn't find it in bats in nature.
Now we switch it out to the unvaccinated are the problem, that are spreading it.
No!
You just heard Bill Gates say that Omicron is more effective than the vaccine.
Omicron penetrates the vaccine.
So swap out bats for human beings.
And what do you do when you're dishonest and you don't allow voices of multiple voices, dissenting voices, differing opinions at the table?
You end up scapegoating someone or something that doesn't deserve to be scapegoated.
That's how it happens.
Not saying Fauci's a Nazi.
What I am saying is, how does it start?
A beagle would, for crying out loud.
It's like Auschwitz.
It is.
It's worse.
For beagles.
But what I am saying is, anytime you decide, you decide for some reason, especially when it's arbitrary, on an authority figure who you will follow blindly, or in this case, a group of authoritative figures who you will follow blindly.
That's how it becomes very easy to other people, meaning to create a class of others.
And by the way, isn't this an irony that the left is so obsessed with diversity, you know?
We have to have enough people with afros on this board of ethnobotany.
I thought ethnobotany was a ficus and a fro.
Turns out there's a whole thing.
But the point is, they have to have all the different colors and shapes and if someone's 350 pounds, they get some kind of a Pell Grant.
But when it comes to science, Which is supposed to be the practice of testing a hypothesis every which possible way to come to the most accurate conclusion.
We don't care about the intellectual diversity at all.
If intellectual diversity in science is not a- then don't act- then diversity is not a thing.
It doesn't matter.
There's a- it's the only place where diversity actually is a strength.
They care about visual diversity, and that's about it.
But here's the other thing.
You told the whole world to trust China.
And for the first time in history, most of them were like, well, they said it.
OK, I guess we have WHO says that didn't happen like that in China because China said it didn't.
Yeah, judging by their own citizens, China has always had your best interest at heart.
Well they do, especially as they're peeling you out of your apartment to take you to a place where you're going to totally recover.
Dave just made an excellent point.
That is the nail on the head and I want to highlight.
You said judging by its citizens.
When people try to say that we're not pushing Asians in front of a subway train, by the way, run the numbers.
See who is committing the vast majority of anti-Asian hate crimes in this country.
But you said if you look at the citizens.
Why are we trusting?
When we are trusting That COVID came from a bat, it occurred in nature.
We are trusting the government, the same government, who runs their citizens over with tanks, who commits genocide.
If you care about the Chinese people, you should hate whatever!
Your natural set point should be despise anything coming from the Chinese government.
A lot of people try and say they're one and the same.
That's a great example.
You know who suffers most?
The Chinese citizens when Americans trust the Chinese labs, government funded.
Of course, because they look at it as if it's racist because they don't understand that the Chinese government and Chinese citizens are two different things.
They just go, oh, you hate Asians, and they leave it as a blanket statement.
Right.
It just shows more of the ignorance of this country.
Yeah.
And how everything has become a racial topic.
I'm not a big fan of the Mongols.
I'll say it.
The Mongolians.
The Lloyds.
How many of them do you know?
Well, I know enough that they had to build a wall to keep them out.
Well, I think that was... Is that Genghis Khan?
Keep them in.
Yeah, they were just like, alright.
I knew he wasn't nice.
That's enough out of you impregnating the entire Asian continent.
I think everybody in this room has a little bit of Khan in them.
Yeah, I think so too.
The wall was basically the world's first giant... it was a prophylactic.
Yep.
Didn't work.
Genghis Khan's like, I can't put in the wall of stone!
I'm almost not comfortable!
Yeah, that guy just killed people and made love.
Make love is an awfully kind way to put it.
Yeah, that's true.
Rape.
Who say I leave her with a smile on her face?
I don't care!
Get me!
Oh no!
More stone wall!
People are awful.
And the Chinese government, the people in charge, so corrupt, do you know how the Great Wall of China was breached?
How?
They paid someone at the gate to let them through.
That's always how it happens.
Yeah, that's what happens when you have people working for the government.
Guess what?
It's corrupt.
You spend so much time building something beautiful and keeping up appearances and lying to the world.
Lying to the world, whether it's, you know, about the fact that kung fu actually, I don't know, works, or that COVID came from a bat in nature.
Kung Fu works, just doesn't help you get out of a noose.
Right.
That's true.
Or it helps you get in the news.
Yes.
Google David Carradine.
Yes, for people who don't know.
And the show Kung Fu.
Also watch Life is a House.
Now, let's get into Russia here, because we're talking about China, and this does matter.
You know, Russia, China, this is my concern.
Russia, who cares?
Russia with China?
Ooh, that's worst case scenario.
That's World War III type stuff, especially if China starts moving on Taiwan.
But a lot of groups now have been pushing back really hard.
Have you seen this with Russia?
Bans on things like Russian products, services, organizations.
So there's been a proactive approach now across the board from the world's biggest companies to publicly try and stifle Russia's ability to do commerce, right?
And also embarrass them on the world's... We've almost seen this in history before, and it not working out well.
Ever.
But this is what they're doing, the most powerful companies and organizations in the world.
So here's what Apple is doing specifically in terms of actions in response.
Pausing all product sales in Russia.
Also Apple says last week we stopped all exports into our sales channel into the country.
Apple Pay and other services have been limited.
Russia Today News and Sputnik News are no longer available for download on the App Store outside of Russia.
Google said on Tuesday that it had blocked mobile apps connected to Russian news outlets RT and Sputnik.
from its Play Store. It comes after the company confirmed that it had removed Russian state-funded
publishers, including RT, from its news-related features, including the Google News search tool.
The European Union also banned RT and Sputnik with immediate effect for systematic disinformation
over Russia's invasion of Ukraine on Wednesday.
We have just learned that the U.S.
Olympic and Paralympic Committee is now joining the IOC and Global Olympic Community in calling for a complete ban on all Russian athletes competing because of the invasion of Ukraine.
This would be effective immediately.
But I've been doping!
Open a can with her chin.
Because they were going to compete anyway.
So hold on, let me just make sure that makes sense.
When you're talking about Apple, you're talking about Google.
So the Russian government finally became As offensive as Donald Trump and Parler were, just for existing.
Just to be clear, they were removed from these places a long time ago.
It took this long for Russia to be removed.
My point is, do I think it's silly?
Yeah, I don't think that any of them should be removed.
Done?
But removing Donald, yeah.
I mean, do we need to do a segment?
Period.
Well, especially when you helped, I don't know, build them?
Right.
Yeah, exactly.
It's not like Frankenstein's monster at this point.
Well, let's also talk about another point here, right?
Google, YouTube.
Hey, hold on a second.
Is TikTok still available in the App Store?
By the way, the actual Chinese Communist Party has a stake in TikTok.
It actually has, not Just to say, they can tell you what to upload and determine what is to be banned.
Which, by the way, we still have not been banned from TikTok, but we're gonna do another Trash TikTok segment at the end of this.
I'm going to try my hardest.
Yeah.
Well I know that the NBA has probably cancelled all their promotions, China broadcasting deals, merchandise deals, all of that, right?
Yes.
Because of them killing Uyghurs.
To use Google as an example, Google, YouTube, not only doesn't ban propaganda from the Communist Chinese government, they will actually adhere to the rules of the Communist Chinese government and not allow certain content to be viewable in those countries.
This is a country that commits genocide!
I just, again, the whole idea, this is grandstanding.
This is virtue signaling on the international stage.
Look, look, we're banning Russia.
Alright, TikTok's gone.
Why would you want to silence people, though, when you want to know what they're doing?
Just on top of it.
Exactly.
Keep an eye on them.
On top of it, that's stupid.
It's that whole point that you are allowing misinformation and disinformation, and so now you get to just say, well, this side doesn't get to get their point out.
And look, I am pro-Ukraine in all of this.
We've had these conversations before.
But the information coming out of Ukraine is not necessarily reliable either.
We've seen like four or five stories that have been put out that have been like, well, that's not quite what happened, or that didn't actually happen at all the way that they said it.
And so I don't know that Ukraine is trying to put out misinformation or disinformation, but I guarantee you there is a war for hearts and minds of people around the world right now, and it would be stupid of them not to highlight some of these cases and go, see what the Russians are doing, it's bad, come to our aid.
And it would be stupid for Russia not to say, see, here's what we're doing.
If their goal is to go in and take over the country, Just let people see it.
People can go back and watch the State of the Union stream that we did.
What did former Vice President Biden, what did he spend, a minute and a half on China?
Well, he, you know.
He cured cancer.
He's going to.
He's going to cure cancer.
He'll get around to it.
He's doing Alzheimer's first, so, you know, gotta knock the big ones out.
That's like the kid running for class president.
And free ice cream sandwiches in the cafeteria.
Hey!
That's Tracy working on dementia, irritable bowel.
Strong, strong, yes.
You know, Omicron.
Nancy Pelosi's just rubbing her cologne.
Elderflower.
Whenever she hears about bodies burned, she turns into the gopher from Caddyshack.
Burn pit.
I'm alright.
Nobody worry about me.
I've got vodka in my blood.
I like to eat ice cream.
I'm alright.
She is a drunken floozy.
She really is a complete mess of a human being.
If my aunt did that at a party, I'd hit her.
What a gross person.
You mean you'd kick her out?
Yes.
Yeah.
Kick her out.
I'd kick her out.
Yes.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You would kick her out.
I'd walk her to her car and be like, oh did you trip?
Right into the hood.
I just saved you.
BAM!
Hold on, this door seems to be clicking.
You're such a klutz with those shoes.
Can you check the handle?
I'm gonna make this pencil disappear.
Oh, Auntie Pelosi, you fell.
Looks like you took a trip.
Looks like your little software company competing with Microsoft won't be getting off the ground.
Be a shame if something was to happen.
They are all bullies and thugs when you think about it.
Look at Pelosi's history.
Look at Kamala Harris, what she did when she jailed people.
She extended their sentences for non-violent drug offenses.
Look at former Vice President Joe Biden, who talked about what he was going to do with Ukraine.
It's like, you're not going to get this money.
It's just unreal.
You guys talk about racketeering.
Felonies have been committed and my point here is look don't think it's always funny to me like we've talked about with Pfizer and we heard in the Biden speech it was oh great vaccines and then oh horrible big pharma and then you have to go back to great vaccines.
For some reason now people who talk about campaign finance law and Citizens United and people complain about corporate interests Don't see the card game with Google, with Apple, with Twitter, with Facebook?
Do you really think that these same people who let the Ayatollah and Hamas and the Communist Chinese Party... By the way, the ambassador from China who said that the United States military created COVID.
In case you've forgotten that, these companies who allow that and ban Parler, a conservative app, and ban the sitting president of the United States, they do nothing with Communist China.
And right now they want you to go, oh, wow, look, well, they're really taking a stand, you know, really taking a stand here with Russia.
It's bold and brave.
It's about as brave as Benedict Cumberbatch's chaps.
Now... They're pretty brave.
And bold.
Well, the name brand was brave, but I thought they were Buffalo, turns out they were brave.
The wooly ones were bold, Grant.
The little ones were brave.
What is the net effect of this?
And we'll get to how this affects, unfortunately, the everyday Russian citizen.
But of course, one of the effects is people do stupid things.
Here's a bar owner pouring out Russian, not really, vodka.
So the Naughty Parrot Oasis owner says he did this.
We pulled any bottle that would have any tie to Russia.
So we pulled Smirnoff, Stoli, a couple Smirnoff flavors.
What if someone would say, like, Smirnoff is made in USA?
It is, but it's more of a symbolic gesture.
I'm kind of retarded.
From his beard to that, he has no original thoughts.
He wanted to pull anything that would have any kind of Russian tie to it.
I'm surprised he doesn't have dangly earlobes after the spacers, the dangly ones.
He's never just followed a trend in his life.
It's the naughty parrot bar.
It's so original.
How's that vampire weekend tattoo aging, you prick?
Can we get covered?
What?
We're of Montreal, but hey, what'd you do?
I'm sensitive about it!
Three years from now in the bar with his buddies.
What's that Imagine Dragons neck tattoo?
I can't get a job, it's bad enough!
It's purple and yellow now, it's for Ukraine.
I love Ukraine.
I'm in international studies now.
Do me a favor, point it out on a map.
If someone told you to be on Russia's side, you would have been.
Yes, exactly!
Also, he got rid of all Rocky IV DVDs.
Yes, he did.
That was made in America.
Yeah, but it had features.
There's a Russian guy in it.
Do you know your beard balm comes from Russia?
Yeah, but I can't be without.
Look, I'm making sacrifices, but I'm human.
Yeah, what about the six or seven hundred thousand barrels of oil we buy a day?
Well, I thought that we were getting green energy.
I don't need to worry about energy.
I drive a Tesla.
Oh, how do you charge it?
Son of a bitch!
So, I plug my car in and tell everyone how great I am.
Yes, and wait for four hours so I can go tell other people how great I am.
Yeah, and I tell everyone to do it, and if everyone actually followed my advice, we would have no electrical grid left.
Ah, yeah.
Did I say glid?
Grid.
I don't know.
I don't know what I said.
Yeah, your air conditioning and heat would go out every five minutes.
Right.
It'd be like Texas in an ice storm, only always.
Yes.
This is great, though.
The planet's not dying.
Ted Cruz just has a one-way to Cancun that time.
Joking!
Smart man!
Here are some other consequences.
The World Athletic Council, they didn't just ban Russian athletes.
You can understand that.
I think we should have banned Russian athletes, you know, for steroids.
Sorry, I mean government-assisted rampant steroid programs.
Systematic doping.
Yes, exactly.
It's almost like the Jetsons, you know, where the little duster comes out, only it's a syringe into a Russian athlete.
Now, they've also banned Belarusian athletes.
And here's the thing, the Ukrainian parliament, they tried to report that Belarusian troops invaded the Ukraine.
That's what they said.
And just like you've been talking about, there's misinformation on all sides.
Doesn't mean that our hearts are not with the people of the Ukraine.
Any innocent life lost is awful.
But it doesn't mean that the Ukrainian...
The Ukrainian government.
Yeah, because it's Ukraine, not the Ukraine, but the Ukrainian government.
Okay, don't get... Hold your comments.
You don't know the rules?
I mean, comment, because, you know, I always want you guys to comment, but I know people have said that I've said the Ukraine in the past.
I don't know why I've said that, but the Ukrainian government.
So, the Ukrainian government... Yeah.
Yes.
They reported that Belarusian troops invaded, right?
The U.S.
intelligence said no.
No evidence of that.
And then the Belarusian president said no.
So we don't necessarily know, but I'm going with probably no.
I mean, it's likely that that could happen and will happen, so that's the thing.
I don't know who to trust here.
I have no idea.
My own government right now, I'm like, I don't know, you guys said Russia collusion doc was A-OK.
And here's the real problem with this, too, is, well, there are quite a few problems.
But there's misinformation, yes.
And then Google, Facebook, Twitter, Apple, they're going to determine what is misinformation.
Hey, that's worked like a charm with, I mean, ever.
Point to any example.
Elections.
COVID.
The Russia story with Donald Trump.
The Hunter Biden story.
Right?
It's always been fantastic when you put the power of what information is allowed in the hands of, I don't know, four companies.
And Jen Psaki threatens them on the stage.
She's like, I'm not trying to affect private companies, but if you want to come to our wine mixer, looking at you, looking at you, whatever the guy's name is at Apple who's not Steve Jobs.
What's his name?
I always forget his name.
The new guys.
Tim Cook.
Ah, the one without the... The soulless prostate.
The one who they're hiring for that new godforsaken western.
It's just Tim Cook and Brian Stelter on a waterbed.
Pete Buttigieg is ready to sign on.
That's the Secretary of Transportation.
That's the kind of secretary you don't want bringing your coffee in the morning.
Very loud on the western back.
No creamer.
Very sticky.
Now, they've also had bans on Russian businesses.
And let me get to kind of the danger here.
So, Nike online sales, Disney film releases, UPS and FedEx shipments, Visa, MasterCard, network access.
That's kind of a big one.
Apple and Google Pay.
It may not seem like a big deal, but a lot of services in Russia, for example, the Moscow Metro, runs on these services.
Wait a minute, but how will Nike make a profit from slaves?
Well, they'll do it everywhere else.
Oh no, Dave, they still have their stuff made in China.
They're fine.
Oh, good.
Exactly.
As long as children are still making my shoes, I'm gonna sleep well tonight.
And your phones, so that people can be banned from the App Store on it.
Yes, I just want to make sure that childs... How about this?
I got an idea.
U.S.
company.
If you're making stuff in Russia right now, you really want to show us that you care.
If you're making stuff in Russia, I don't think you should do this, but don't go halfway.
We'll talk about it in a second.
Close your plant in Russia.
Yeah.
You're not going to do that.
You're just going to keep doing stuff in China and be like, well, we're not going to sell to Russia.
That plant would be converted into making AKs so fast it'll make your head spin.
So fast, yes.
It's like, oh, I see.
This used to make bouncy hop for children parties.
Now it is ammo.
Yes, we have guns with 23 on them.
That's true.
Yes, we shoot.
Our guns are not made to tie tolerances, but they are good for killing children.
Fires two, three times.
Being on a wire hurts hands.
These laces are kind of nice.
Some sanctions make sense, okay?
Right?
It makes it hard to finance war.
I understand that.
But why?
These kinds of sanctions go after the average Russian citizen.
So who's affected by it?
Well, we know here in the United States, who's affected by these energy, just absolute quagmires?
When we're talking about Nord Stream 2, we're talking about shutting down our own pipelines here, right?
Fracking.
When we're talking about the, I keep forgetting the name of that pipeline.
Keystone?
Keystone.
Just think of terrible beer.
Think of Keith Stone!
Excuse me?
Who's affected?
Americans.
Former Vice President Joe Biden, he even said that!
He even said that in his speech.
It affects you, the Americans, when you look at a lot of these sanctions, when you look at a lot of these policies.
Well, who does this affect?
Joe Biden said he was going after oligarchs!
By shutting out Apple and Google Pay and Visa and MasterCard access?
Do any of you actually believe that that only affects the multi-billionaire oligarchs?
No!
It affects the average day Russian citizen.
And here is my worry.
You either need to... This is basically an act of war without declaring war.
This is an act of war without declaring war.
And I think you either go into war or you have nothing to do with it.
I do think it's pretty black and... This is where a gray area is counterproductive.
Creating sanctions?
Okay, I understand creating sanctions, so maybe it makes it tougher to fight, but creating crippling economic sanctions for the government and for its people while, by the way, doing nothing, nothing to curtail the relationship that's growing with Russia and China?
So you're not going after the head of the beast.
You're not even going after the beast.
You're going after the citizens who have nothing to do with it.
So I don't know what the play is here.
Maybe you can fill me in.
You can comment below.
It's very hard for me to see the point of view.
I guess maybe they're hoping that the Russian citizens, or that there will be dissent, that they'll rise up against their government.
Obviously very unlikely because they could be killed, but there's also another possibility.
They just hate the American West.
We've seen this happen before.
This is the problem sometimes with wanting to spread democracy to places that don't really want it.
That power vacuum by Saddam Hussein, that was filled like a charm!
Oh yeah, it worked out well.
Look, sanctions can sometimes work if they're done thoughtfully and not when you're dealing with a madman like Putin.
And I say madman because he's a madman and everybody's thinking like, oh, he's just acting reasonably based on what he's trying to do.
And I get that, but what he's trying to do is mad.
That's my point.
Pranking more.
A little upset sometimes.
So if you sanction somebody like that, you have to understand, one, they've probably thought, OK, when I do this, they're going to do that.
They play chess in Russia.
Have you ever heard of it?
Then he's going to prepare for that.
And like we've said, China all too willing to try and pick up the slack.
All too willing.
And so all you're going to do is push him to a point where he has to make a decision.
Citizens are going to come to him at some point and be upset and try to topple him.
He knows that.
What do they typically do?
Send more police forces into the streets to make sure you quell any dissenters.
I don't know if that's the case, though.
I think they might be upset with the Americans.
They might become upset with the American West.
Because he might go to them and say, look, the American West won't let, because of former Vice President Biden, your diners club no longer work.
Yeah, but he'll make that argument and it'll work for a minute.
But then people will just get pissed off that life sucks now and that the government isn't making the payments that they're supposed to make and take care of you with those bread lines that we know are so fantastic.
That's a good thing.
They're not going to be able to do it and then eventually they're going to come for his head.
That's what happens.
Not always.
Sometimes they don't.
Sometimes before they come for his head, they see it as a benevolent authoritarian government, and they think that he'll protect them.
And right now, especially when he's sort of presenting that he's looking out for Russia's national interest, which, by the way, to a degree he is.
I understand his perspective.
They might say, okay, this is our champion.
This is the problem when you have the United States meddling.
When the United States is going in, and these sanctions do not affect Putin.
These sanctions do not affect his rich buddies.
These sanctions affect the average day Russians who are trying to get on the subway.
They're trying to get on their metro.
That's a problem.
That's a problem because not only does it drive the Russian government into the arms of China, which is a problem internationally, just to keep... Again, keep your eye on China and Taiwan.
Just so you know, if I seem like I'm a non-interventionist, I believe if a single missile is fired at Taiwan from China, it needs to be the most swift and violent military action from the United States that, well, It's not been seen since World War II and our Navy needs to be right on their shores.
Completely.
It needs to be 100% all in with Taiwan and China.
And I think that we're going that way.
My worry is not Russia.
My worry is China.
But we've done nothing!
We've done nothing to make them less powerful on the world stage.
If anything, we've made them more powerful by allowing them to be on all of these social media apps.
They're so emboldened right now that they're doing the heavy lifting for the Russian government, right?
They're the ones going out condemning Americans for sanctions.
So Russia says, oh, our Russia Today can't have a YouTube channel.
Meanwhile, the Chinese ambassador, ambassador is whatever the role is, Xi Jinping, they can go out and say whatever they want, condemning the United States, supporting Russia and the Russian citizens.
That's what they have access to, is that information.
This is not a good situation.
You either need to go in, war is, go in, break shit, take the shit that you didn't break.
That's the only reason to go into war.
And usually, that person should be an undesirable person.
But that's not always how it's been.
Sometimes it's just because you want to take their stuff.
Just to be clear, we're the first world superpower.
Do you know that?
Do you think the English Empire, do you think the Ottomans would have stood for Canada's shit?
They were the Ottomans.
They didn't stand.
The English only became an empire because they did take all of the other stuff.
Right!
And if the French had won a war in the last 9,000 years, they'd do the same thing.
Look at the English Empire.
Look at the Turks.
Look at any empire.
Look at Genghis Khan.
Any of them.
The Show Empire.
Well, they were growing until Jussie Smollett.
That's what I mean.
But if you look at any empire, you can look at a map, and it grows very quickly.
And I mean monthly.
Certainly yearly.
How long has the United States pretty much been the same border?
And I know you guys can talk about continental United States.
Canada's a bigger landmass than the United States.
It is unlike any other empire that's ever existed.
By the way, we also have the ability to go take over stuff overseas.
Do you know that?
You think Russia would actually stand a chance?
Think about this for a second.
You think Italy?
Ireland?
No, we don't do that because we're not the kind of empire that, by the way, established these other countries.
This is something people don't understand.
And this is, for me, not only war, but I would like to hear you, because the stream was really long on the night of the State of the Union, but this is something I feel very strongly about.
And I know people will say it's harsh.
Some of you might disagree with me.
I'd like to hear your comments below.
NATO.
I think the NATO spending increased $50 billion under Trump for the first time.
The reason why is NATO, right, the promise if you join NATO, is you spend 2% of your GDP on effectively, you know, military that's available to NATO.
That's a simplified version.
All references are available at lateralscouter.com.
The United States, I believe, I'm going by rote, put in 3.4% and there were only two other countries, I believe it was Greece and one other country that put in more than 2%.
A lot of people were under 1%.
Now the whole idea of NATO, Is everybody saying, OK, we all agree, right?
We want to make sure that we stop this threat.
So we're in this collectively.
We all agree that this is the amount that we will pay in.
OK, that's fair.
They didn't pay in!
As far as I'm concerned, because you talked about when they attack another NATO country, that's my line with Russia.
That's your line.
That's a lot of people's line.
Yeah.
That was Lane's line with Russia.
You know what my line is?
If they attack another country whose tab is 100% paid in full in NATO, you don't get to say that you're a part of NATO, which is really just by proxy going to the United States saying, please, please, please help us if you didn't pay for your shit.
How about that?
You talk about how internet is a human right in Germany and all these European countries socialize healthcare.
Well, I'm really glad that you're able to pay for your frivolities because the United States pays more than all of you combined.
We should not be protecting any NATO country.
And I don't mean starts paying 2% from here on out.
No.
Pay your tab from all of history!
Or you're out.
Are you starting to get the picture?
You mean you're okay if they take over Latvia?
Yep!
I'm okay if they take over any country that has not paid their share.
No, I think that's a fair point.
That basically means that we'll only go in to protect Greece.
Yeah.
I mean, when the other country in the world that's a superpower is picking up the heavy tabs and you're just like, oh, we're just going to take care of our citizens and make sure that they get all the free stuff they want.
Listen, we're not the people with the problem with Russia.
We weren't the people with the problem with Germany.
There's a reason that we came to your aid.
Yes, we don't want these things to happen.
Well, eventually.
I mean, we let it happen for a minute.
Germany by way of Japan!
Well, we were going that way anyway.
We were just super isolationist at the time.
Does it feel familiar right now?
We're getting very, very, very isolationist in what we should get involved in and what we shouldn't.
And I get it.
I understand why.
But that's not the world that we live in.
The world that we can just sit on the sidelines and let stuff happen anywhere.
You're right, though.
If we do form these agreements, you gotta live up to them or we're not coming.
Sorry.
If you're not doing your job, I'm not doing mine.
How beneficial is NATO to the United States?
Honestly.
Genuinely, what does the United States get out of NATO?
You think we need you?
Think about this for a second.
No.
They entirely benefit from the United States.
Really, there doesn't need to be a NATO if we're going to go into every country every time there's a war that you guys don't like.
Just have the United States military!
You know what?
Just pay us directly then.
How about that?
Pay us!
Like we're a sole proprietorship, we're an independent contractor, we're the Suge Knight of the world and we'll dangle Putin over a balcony like vanilla ice.
Just pay us!
Don't create this house of cards, this shell game like, oh, NATO, international defense.
It's bullshit!
The only reason that these other countries in the modern world, anytime you point to an example of a successful socialist model, which by the way isn't actually socialist like Denmark or the Nordic model, it only exists because of the veil of protection provided by the United States.
And I think that veil of protection needs to be removed because guess what?
We'll be fine.
We will be fine.
Some of these other countries won't be, and it's time for you guys to start picking up the tab.
It's time for you guys to start paying for your own defense.
It's time for you guys to stop mocking the United States and looking down your nose when you provide a bunch of free shit to your citizens because your military is just a bunch of guys in tugboats with shotguns.
How about that?
Speaking of this, here's a clip from Sean Hannity who just said something that I think is very silly about the Russian convoy that's approaching Kiev.
This is the kind of, and I don't think Sean Hannity's a bad guy, don't get me wrong, but it's the kind of mindset that gets us into Iraq.
You know, if we can see on satellite imagery where the convoy is, I don't know, maybe some smart country, maybe NATO might take some of their fighter jets, or maybe they can use some drone strikes and take out the whole damn convoy.
And then nobody takes credit for it.
So then Putin won't know who to hit.
Yeah, I'm sure Putin will leave it at that.
It'll be a mystery.
He won't know who takes credit for it.
Yeah, nobody will have any idea in this day and age who did it.
I don't know.
They just blew up.
Like Jackson Pollock not putting his signature on it?
I guess we'll never know.
No clue.
No idea.
You foo-pooed in the game.
Well, I'll go back to my very long table in Seoul for crying out loud.
Do you have any idea how misguided that is?
No.
Just commit an act of war, commit an act of war, and don't take credit for it, and I'm pretty sure that tomorrow will be a better day.
No, no, no, no, no.
That just pisses people off more.
Don't go into war unless you plan to win.
Has anyone asked, what does a win look like?
And I know where you're, but even you, Gerald, because you're not as non-interventionist as I am, what does a win look like if we get involved in this conflict?
Because to me, the only win is we have Russia's oil, And they start speaking English and we convert them to
Christianity.
And I know they're technically not a Christian nation, but not really.
Oh, a win. You know, the hard part is that you don't know what long term this country would look
like, Russia, right? So a win for me is that they know that if they get aggressive with any of those
countries and just try to take over another country, that NATO will stand up and keep them back.
That's a win for me.
Not America getting involved, but NATO.
Look, Sean Hannity's point is not without merit.
That if there's a convoy coming, somebody needs to take them out.
That needs to be Ukraine in this situation.
Or, if NATO is prepared and ready to go, and I know we're a part of it, then yes, NATO, go take it out, but don't stop there.
Get all of their forces out of Ukraine and show Putin this is not going to happen.
Otherwise you're just gonna piss him off more and Ukraine's citizens are gonna die.
Which is what's happening right now.
I think it's better to just starve out Ukraine's citizens.
And then see if we can wait for as long as possible for them to build a super duper power.
Ah!
Yep.
Yes.
See how long it takes for them to make a cup foods.
Well, you never know if this is the first step towards, like, something bigger, or if this is just the extent of the action.
I think that's the hard part here, too.
Oh, I think it's bigger.
It usually is, but they've gone into Georgia.
But here's the thing, if it is bigger, the people in power right now don't give a shit, because what does bigger mean?
It means China and Taiwan.
They can't address that.
Biden can't address that.
Google, Facebook, YouTube, Apple cannot address that.
They can't address it.
So if this is bigger, fine.
But then tell us what bigger is, and tell us what a win is.
This is where I think Americans have a problem with this sort of foreign policy.
People say policing the world, and I know we're not really doing any.
We haven't taken military action against Russia yet.
But it's basically a declaration of war without declaring war when you're starving out citizens, you're squeezing them from daily life.
And then, if we're a part of NATO that basically only benefits from our membership, and you attack a convoy and not take credit for it, as Sean Hannity says... Well, what did you think happened, my top oligarch advisors?
We don't know.
Good enough for me?
They didn't call and say they were coming.
Yes, you normally do.
Well, that's rude.
Was that you?
Could have been you.
I've heard of fashionably late, but lots of people are dying!
Ah, they knocked and ran.
This is not how international diplomacy should be handled.
I killed that person, my tea was cold.
A win to me is Russia no longer exists as Russia.
They are no longer powerful, period, okay?
And China stepped down and we basically eliminate any kind of a threat with Taiwan.
That's a win.
Break their shit, take what we want.
The oil is ours.
Why are we shutting down our own oil reserves?
And I know now Nord Stream 2 was shut down after Europe decided to do it and Biden was like, yeah, put my name on there.
There's no reason for war unless it benefits this country.
And by the way, there's no reason for us to be in NATO unless it benefits this country.
NATO is great in practice.
I certainly don't think we should be in the UN.
But I think we put a pause on all our NATO spending until everybody else catches up.
Certainly if they want to do stupid things like fire a missile at a convoy and not take credit for it and act like they're Patton.
I think there's no perfect solution.
That's the hard part here.
No, there was actually.
It was going over and talking to the guy, letting him know where you stood and letting him know there were eyes on him.
Yeah, but it's true though.
I mean, there was a solution in the sense of at least you were able to keep business as usual.
Yes.
Instead, this guy comes out, completely ignores him, which is going to piss off any megalomaniac.
Yeah.
And then, every way that he handled this is wrong.
He turned his back to a guy who was completely insane, and this is the result of it.
You don't back someone into a corner unless you're going to eliminate them.
Exactly.
If you back them into a corner, and then you're just like, huh?
Huh?
Huh?
Eventually... I like that corner!
Exactly!
I don't!
I don't!
Yeah?
How do you like that corner?
Stop!
Why do you keep saying this?
I don't like corner!
I can't sit at long tables!
I told you!
Corner is unpleasant!
Do you like it?
No!
Stop saying that!
I already said I don't like it!
You're saying the opposite of what I say!
Hey!
Why you do?
Why are you hitting yourself, Putin?
I'm not!
I'm not!
You're using my hand!
This is not!
This is you!
Ah!
Stop it!
That's not me!
Everyone for record, he is hitting me with my own hand!
Got your nose.
You give them back my nose!
Yeah, he at least felt some level of dignity and power, and I'm not saying that he deserves that, but you kind of want that in another leader.
Exactly.
So they don't go crazy and start murdering people.
Why back him into a corner in the international theater?
Think about that for a second.
I mean, I hate to use this because everyone acts as though there's somehow this brilliant military strategist when they quote Sun Tzu, but he's not wrong.
Says, build your opponent a golden bridge to retreat across, right?
That's one of the tenets of wars.
You need to give them an out.
And I think if our goal here is ending the conflict while minimizing the amount of life lost to as little as possible.
And sometimes that's unpleasant.
For example, do you know what minimized lost life in World War II?
Dropping the A-bomb.
A lot of people don't like that.
It was going to go to a land war.
So if minimizing the loss of life here means wiping out someone who you think is a genuine international threat, then wipe them out.
But, if it's not, I get it, our heart all breaks for people of the Ukraine.
However, You have to decide.
You really do have to decide if you are all in or all out, because life will be lost no matter what.
You have to look at how can we minimize the amounts of life lost.
And by the way, going forward, we absolutely need to tear a page from... That's one thing I noticed from the State of the Union address.
He did not want to do the Trump's fault, Trump's fault, Trump's fault.
You know why?
Because no one would buy it.
Would anyone actually buy it for a second?
That former Vice President Joe Biden is tougher on China?
Would anyone actually buy for a second that Russia was acting up more under Trump than they are right now?
Would anybody actually believe for a second that Trump weakened NATO?
Of course not!
And that's what we need to do going forward.
We need to be firm going forward.
We need to make sure that people in NATO pay their fair share.
Oh, but that's mean!
You're paying 0.6% of your GDP while we pay 3.4%.
Now you start getting your ass kicked and we're supposed to come in and save you?
You're lucky we don't break your thumbs!
That's just mean.
Right, but the point... It would, though.
Vinny would.
The point would be made.
Alright, you know what?
We have a lot to get to here on Chat Thursday.
Go to lotto.com slash tour.
Dave and I are on tour and he's going to be at Hartford Funnybone.
Export Selection