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March 2, 2022 - Louder with Crowder

02:05:46

LIVE FACT-CHECK! Biden’s First State of the Union | Louder with Crowder

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	Do not attempt the training techniques you are about to see without consulting a professional.
	Previously on Crowder 911... I don't think Joe Biden knows what he's doing.
	A physically inappropriate politician... He's at the point where he gropes every person that walks by.
	This Joe Biden was clearly out of control.
	That's not good.
	Since Crowder last helped train former Vice President Joe Biden,
	he's fallen back into some bad habits.
	Yeah, the meth has worked at first, but former Vice President Joe Biden definitely regressed.
	He's sniffing people a whole lot less, but he's gotten more handsy, and recently he's been pooping on all the carpets.
	Sucks to clean up, it really does.
	And when you walk with no shoes, and you get it between your toes, it's the worst thing ever.
	When we last left Carter Black and his former Vice President Joe Biden, I taught them how to set boundaries in a calm, assertive state, and keep it from escalating.
	But it seems they haven't kept the rules of no talk, no touch, no eye contact, and so former Vice President Biden regressed into an aggressive state.
	Thanks for coming in.
	Doing good.
	Well, we've been working with the former vice president here, and he's been sniffing people a lot less, which is good.
	That's good.
	But since we made the decision to bring him inside, he's been just pooping on all of our carpets.
	Wow.
	We don't know what to do.
	Okay.
	That's the problem.
	He's making for the... Hey!
	Hey!
	Hey!
	Like that.
	Yes, just like that.
	On the carpet.
	He's not even doing it on the wood.
	No, he seems deliberate.
	Okay, that's right.
	Oh man, I needed to sit down with Coyote Black to get to the root cause of this negative behavior.
	Okay, so Coyote Black, how long has it been happening like that?
	Several months now.
	Actually, it's been a year.
	Okay.
	It's getting pretty bad.
	And that's the main problem, is the poop on the carpet.
	Yeah, we have small children around, so that's a concern.
	Yes, get serious.
	Now, how old is former Vice President Joe Biden now?
	He's 92.
	Okay, now sometimes with older former vice presidents, it's important to remember that pooping on the carpet
	is not always their fault.
	He's not have awareness of time or space.
	When he's escalate, he could be on the carpet or he could be on Mars.
	Right now he's saying, this is my carpet.
	I can poop on your carpet, that's make your carpet my carpet.
	So what you're saying is all these issues he's been having is...
	It's because of me.
	It's my fault.
	That's right.
	Does not feel good.
	No.
	The good news is I can help to fix Snap the Brain Auto.
	I hope so.
	I'm excited.
	I'm excited.
	I hope we can get it fixed.
	Good.
	If not, I'm going to put him down though.
	That's right.
	Okay, now I just need that behavior test.
	Hey! Hey! No! Hey!
	You have to go outside.
	You want some of that? Is that good?
	Joe?
	Hey, Joe?
	You did a good job out there.
	Alright.
	Here you go.
	Thank you.
	Yeah, that's right.
	Now, after some training, I felt like Quarter Black was going to be able to get calm, assertive
	control over the pooping on the carpet.
	But that's when I saw a whole bigger problem of fish in the bucket to cook.
	Coming up on Crowder 9-1-1.
	Guys, guys, guys, he's going to the shower.
	Joe?
	With Derek's daughter, she's nine.
	Hey, hey, hey, yo!
	Hey!
	Oh, yeah!
	♪ You're a stranger in my life
	That's what I know I know
	You're a stranger in my life I got to follow
	I'm just a bitch I'm just a bitch
	I'm just a bitch I usually don't do the slurp on the evening streams, but I
	have a little bit of cerveza here, so good to be with you here.
	Hey guys, look, really quickly, we're about to do the former Vice President Joe Biden fact check.
	State of the Union.
	I assume he'll be late, so live and real time we'll be fact-checking everything.
	You can use obviously the hashtag, I think it's SOTU State of the Union is the abbreviated version on Twitter, on TikTok, where we still have not been banned.
	Not yet, so far.
	Despite accusing Xi Jinping of having a micro wiener.
	I don't know what it takes.
	Let's keep just upping the ante.
	We're going to keep upping the ante.
	So we'll be live, and of course you can also use the promo code.
	We ask that you use hashtag Biden fact check, and that is a promo code as well, where you get $20 off.
	Boom!
	Join up tonight.
	$20 off MugClub.
	LiveWithCloud.com slash MugClub.
	And we'll be doing another half hour, at least tonight, wrapping up the evening's festivities.
	So we have Dave Landau here with me.
	How are you, sir?
	Ahoy!
	I'm good.
	How about you?
	You know, as good as I can be knowing that this is the state of affairs in our country and globally.
	And, uh, in this studio.
	I'm excited.
	I told you guys to use the bathroom before the stream.
	Well, hmm.
	I don't know, should my, well, the stream... Alright.
	That's why... Yeah, by the way, you don't have to walk in when I'm using the restroom to cross-stream.
	Well, I'm just saying.
	It's a joke once.
	I, well, I think it's a joke every day.
	Well.
	Twice.
	Yeah.
	It just gets to be grating, and I don't know, he's a tremendous lockpicker, and Gerald!
	How are you, Gerald A?
	I'm well, how are you, Stephen?
	I'm doing alright.
	Right now they're talking about, uh, on CNN, so we'll bring this up here, you guys, so we can have it, so we will have the stream on.
	So, this is the only stream you need to watch.
	I know before, we had to be careful.
	Sorry, I don't have a cough button, because of copyright.
	Tonight, we are going to try and just punch in and punch out so you can hear most of the State of the Union Address, and with these long applause breaks, where everyone, of course, will be getting standing O's.
	Really?
	Yes, long applause breaks, because he needs it.
	No, it's gonna be him long breathing breaks.
	Yes, long breathing breaks, and they will stand up and applaud.
	With stammering.
	It'll be like Tom Hanks on Punchline.
	He'll be sitting there going, Someone help me!
	Pretty much.
	You're supposed to applaud here.
	It says, hold for applause.
	Right.
	I'm just excited to see him come out.
	I don't know if Kamala has hidden the tennis balls from his walker.
	Right.
	Replace them with golf balls.
	Yes, there's a very good chance that she's already buttered the staircase.
	Why is there a banana on the podium?
	What's going on here?
	If you do take a shot every time he calls her the president, you will be dead in one hour.
	Yes, you will be dead.
	Which reminds us, we have a drinking game tonight where you can watch along with us.
	And Drake, can you bring them up there?
	And Tokunawa, explain to people, every time you hear this ding, Do you have the ding there?
	There we go.
	All right, Keegan, let's be faster to the draw on that.
	I'm not the ding man.
	I'm the ding man, it's just two separate things.
	Yeah, I was going to say more of a ding bat, right?
	Correct?
	That's good.
	All right, so token on, what are the rules?
	All right, so number one, if Biden has a moment, so he gaffes, he stutters, he forgets something.
	Oh lord.
	So alcohol poisoning.
	That's all we need.
	Number two, he's going to die?
	Yeah, he blames Russia for anything.
	Hit a ding every time he gives you the number there, Tim the Toolman.
	Number three!
	Number three, he promotes infrastructure or green energy.
	Commonly known as imaginary energy, yes.
	Uh, number four, he encourages the vaccine.
	Okay.
	Or number five, he mentions racism or white supremacy.
	Man, well if we have to drink like this for the entire stream, I'll be feeling like I got my fourth booster.
	Yes, well, you might hit your head and die.
	Right?
	Uh, not that you would.
	No, that doesn't happen.
	No, that doesn't happen.
	No, I'm not saying from a booster.
	He was talking about in the show.
	Yeah, from drinking.
	Oh, you were implying, you were speaking ill of the science.
	tell you also in a warren oh you were implying it's implying you're speaking
	you were speaking ill of the science no no no no no never we would never there's
	science is not a theory it's a fact yes fact it's mutually agreed and by science
	we mean what Foushee says depending on the day well yeah take a poll we go
	really quickly do you guys see this that Dr. Oz wanted to debate Fauci.
	Dr. Oz was running as a Republican and it was trending all over Twitter with people saying, oh Dr. Oz, maybe the MyPillow guy is more your speed.
	He's an active surgeon, a world-class surgeon.
	Dr. Fauci hasn't seen a patient in 40 years.
	Oh wow, I would take that.
	He's also answered every question anyone's ever asked him about healthcare.
	Right.
	That's his job.
	As a matter of fact, if you Google right now, Dr. Oz, real doctor, you will find all articles before he ran for office saying, actually, Dr. Oz is a totally legitimate doctor who's really good at what he does.
	Okay, so our predictions for tonight.
	Gerald, you first.
	Um, and this is not like a bold prediction on this first part, but I think he's going to try and find a way to blame the issue in Ukraine on Donald Trump's policies.
	I know there's a lot of people... Ooh, taking a risk.
	No, no, no.
	I know that's not a risk.
	Taking a flyer there, Gerald.
	I'm just saying that... Yeah, I don't know.
	He's definitely going to try to tie that because for some reason they can't get off of Trump, right?
	Yes.
	That's definitely going to be it.
	We will have some fact checks for that.
	We're ready for that one because we see it coming.
	But then I think he is also going to try and distract people from the economy.
	That is the third rail for them right now, going into midterms, and he's going to do everything that he can to blame the economy.
	So third rail, a Black Lives Matter recidivist pushed an Asian in front of him.
	That's true.
	But he's going to blame the economy on the Russia invasion, even though that just happened.
	Yes.
	And the economy has sucked for a while.
	That's a good point.
	OK.
	I think that.
	I think you'll also see him try and imply that Donald Trump weakened NATO.
	And this is going to be a big thing.
	You've seen this narrative going out.
	Well, first off, let me hear, Dave, what do you think?
	I think four mini-strokes, a grand mal seizure, and a partridge in a pear tree.
	Yes.
	How long do you think it will take him to realize he has crapped his pants?
	Don't be a jerk, bud.
	Well, he's already gonna walk out with it in his pants.
	It's a little squishy.
	So you're saying, well, I think tonight's show is sponsored by Imodium, by the way.
	Go out and get you some.
	I really do think he's going to blame most of it on Trump.
	He's probably not going to mention it.
	He's probably going to go, hey, don't look at your phones at the Dow today because, oh my goodness, I took one look at my Fidelity Investment account and I thought, well, there goes half of everything.
	I just heard we lost Imodium, but we do have Pepto-Bismol for upset stomach, nausea, former vice presidency, and diarrhea.
	Uncomfortable.
	Excellent.
	I'm excited.
	Larry, the cable guy is going to jet ski in with us.
	No, I think he's gonna blame the economy on Trump because clearly that was his fault.
	Wait, are they getting ready to come in now?
	No, no, they say four minutes.
	There's several other people.
	Yeah, they have to announce a bunch of people no one cares about.
	Who's the guy with the scarf?
	Why the blue scarf?
	That's a lady with a scarf.
	Oh, it's because they want to stand with Ukraine.
	Oh, okay, that makes sense.
	That's what it is.
	For the first time, good for them.
	Wow, that's great.
	There's Stephen King taking a stand.
	There's a Supreme Court.
	Serial rapist.
	Blames everyone but himself.
	What would have been great is if Kavanaugh walked in with a beer helmet.
	Oh, yeah.
	And just looked over at Cory Booker.
	Here's looking at you, kid.
	Just kidding, keep acting like you're straight.
	Inviting everyone to a pool party?
	I like beer!
	He will be talking about the Supreme Court nominee, probably trying to tout that as a victory with very little qualifications.
	Brown-Jackson, I never know how to pronounce the first name.
	So I do think this, look, I think he's going to try and, they've been trying to consistently blame Donald Trump for Russia.
	And here's, we can get into the minutia.
	And sometimes people will say that I'm being reductive.
	By the way, of course, Dave, as a former alcoholic, cannot drink.
	He'll be doing whippets.
	No.
	No.
	The drinking game.
	Not doing that either.
	He'll be doing a drug.
	Instead, yes.
	He'll be doing poppers.
	By the end of it, he has brain damage and AIDS.
	Liberace's son will be here, and Dave will be doing nitrate poppers.
	I'll be painted gold for some reason.
	By the end, Dave's just belly down on a piano.
	Scandalabra.
	I can play chopsticks on a typewriter!
	Look at me go!
	Oh, I'm getting weaker.
	So I do think, you know, they're really trying to blame Donald Trump for Russia.
	Now before I get into the minutiae here, let me ask you this, and you guys can comment, obviously not right now while we're live, and we'll be taking your chats on Mugglo, but many of you will be watching this probably tomorrow, or well, if you're watching it tomorrow, today.
	um so uh oh there's i'm sorry miss biden your husband's dumb i bet you think you're a doctor i never thought he'd shit his pants he laughed i think no i did that would be a lie she's a doctor what like is that she tells everybody she's a doctor she's a doctor of not love that's what it is yeah she's a doctor of frigid that's what i thought okay They call me, they call me Dr. No Love!
	I will say they want to avoid, of course, the approval ratings.
	Now, they've been trying to blame Donald Trump for Russia.
	Before I get into the details, does anyone here, and we've talked about the real problem with Russia, right?
	And two things can be true.
	Your heart can break for the people of the Ukraine, and you can also understand that it's not America's job to go out and police the world and to send Americans to die for this conflict in Russia.
	Both things can be true.
	I think these are reasonable positions to hold.
	You held one position.
	Lane holds another position.
	Because where does it stop with Russia?
	I do think, I lean towards the fact that they're not really capable of becoming this superpower they want to.
	It's a flex.
	However, the concern, of course, is Russia outlying itself with China.
	We did a segment on this.
	You can go to Thursday's, or was it Monday's show?
	Was it last week?
	This week.
	Monday's show.
	It was Monday's show.
	Let me ask you.
	Genuinely, you can comment.
	Does anyone out there, I know many of you watching, a lot of you are not necessarily conservatives, you might be more liberal.
	Does anyone actually believe that we're in a stronger position with China right now than with Donald Trump?
	Does anybody actually believe that Donald Trump was anything short of the only president in modern American history to be tough on China?
	Here's the thing.
	This guy can't talk about the alliance with China.
	This party can't talk about China.
	They can't talk tough with China.
	Why?
	Because they've been aligning themselves with China for a long time.
	Think about this.
	When Mitt Romney talked about the threat of Russia, Back in those debates in, I believe it was 2008?
	It was when he got re-elected.
	2012.
	So 2012, Barack Obama said, the 80's called, they want their foreign policy back.
	And then when Donald Trump talked about China, I believe he even had this former vice president, certainly there's Pete Buttgig, I don't know, oh I guess, I thought he was going to come out with a breast pump.
	I thought he was the designated survivor.
	Yeah, he's doing breast feed too.
	Looks like he just got off a horse.
	Walking bowlegged, are we, Pete?
	Strange.
	Here's your seatless bike.
	They went after Donald Trump saying, well, you can't speak this way about China, one of our most valuable partners in a global economy, because they want to push this idea of a global economy, and who do they want to align themselves with?
	The Democratic Party.
	China.
	So they really are kneecapped.
	They cannot address the actual threat that most Americans are concerned with.
	Not only China, of course, with Taiwan, which is more international.
	A lot of Americans aren't following that.
	I believe that it's scorched earth if China moves at all on Taiwan, and they've been insinuating that they would.
	But we need to worry about the alliance with Russia and with China.
	That's something that they cannot address.
	So they have to start dancing circles around this.
	That's why they're going to have to go to Green Energy.
	That's why they're going to have to talk about COVID.
	By the way, more COVID deaths under former Vice President Joe Biden than Donald Trump while we're talking about NATO.
	Donald Trump was the first president to actually strengthen NATO.
	What they meant when they tried to say that Donald Trump weakened NATO, is Donald Trump was tough with NATO.
	Where, of course NATO, for those of you who don't know, once NATO was basically created, these countries that signed on to NATO were supposed to spend 2% of their GDP on military spending toward NATO, right?
	That was the agreement.
	We paid, the United States I believe was 3.4%, the average from other countries was well under 2%, I believe it might have been 1.5%.
	There were many countries that paid less than 1%.
	So, Donald Trump said, you better start paying your fair share, or oops, maybe Putin's gonna march through here and hear the lamentations of your women.
	See you driven before them.
	Oh, that sounds terrible.
	Terrible.
	I would hate for that to happen.
	That's what other people say would happen.
	I would never say that.
	And for the first time, there was an increase in spending.
	The country started finally paying their fair share.
	NATO spending went up under Donald Trump.
	What the left means when they say we need to strengthen NATO is the United States needs to foot the bill.
	And this is my question, and again, you guys can probably respond if you're watching this live on Twitter.
	We'll read some of those tweets and we'll read your chats with the hashtag Biden fact check.
	That's also the promo code, $20 off.
	If people went years, decades, not spending their 2% with NATO, okay?
	Because that's the agreement, right?
	All of us are aligned to protect each other.
	Is it morally right for them to benefit from the United States military?
	To defend them?
	And when you have places, you have countries, for example, use Germany as an example, where they've said, oh, the internet is a human right, we're able to provide all of these rights, and people saying, socialized healthcare for our citizens, when you Americans, blah blah blah blah blah, Yeah, because you don't spend money on your own defense, let alone the international defense that you promised.
	You guys get to service your country with free shit at the expense of us protecting the free world.
	That's the important component with NATO, because guess what?
	If other people aren't doing it, and I think they should have to pay back all the money they didn't pay, or guess what?
	You're out!
	Or at the very least, you don't get any defense from NATO or any other allied country, certainly the United States, until you pay your amount.
	That's a fair agreement, right?
	I think so.
	I think, honestly, you're just saying we want to strengthen these countries so that they can defend themselves.
	How many times does another country, or as Kamala Harris put it, a large country, have to march through a small country that's next door before you guys realize, hey, we probably ought to spend some money on defense so we don't get our butts kicked.
	That's all Donald Trump was trying to do, and they're trying to spin that on him.
	I think it's better to occupy a country for two decades, and then just leave all our stuff there.
	Yes, exactly.
	Well, pallets of cash that we could not possibly... Do you mean like leave Blackhawk helicopters?
	Yeah, like billions of dollars worth of... I was pissed off about the workout equipment, honestly, that was left.
	Yeah, exactly.
	Although I don't know how many ISIS members will really take advantage of that total gym.
	Oh look, it's a good contract!
	Oh yes, a Peloton!
	It's what I've always wanted!
	It was just the bikes that Lindsay Lohan used on the commercials, and we wanted to get them out of America as quickly as possible.
	You're on your Peloton course, you see a little icon for Abdul Baghdadi, who's a Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, his times are fantastic!
	What's he, on EPO?
	I think what you're both saying is pretty spot on.
	I mean, they're going to push division about the wrong things.
	They're going to push fear about the wrong things instead of having you focus on what we should really be worried about because that's what they've spent the last two years doing.
	That's what they spent the last year of Trump's presidency doing.
	It's what they spent the last year doing.
	And when was the last time we were this bad?
	The United States?
	About four years ago.
	Yeah, roughly.
	Roughly?
	Maybe five?
	I don't know if I'm... I'm just ballparking it.
	Yeah.
	I mean, even a little, like, longer than that.
	Yeah.
	I would, I mean, this bad.
	Yeah.
	By the way, he's four minutes late, so I just wonder if he's still, they're, like, knocking on the stall right now.
	Mr. Trump looks like the Muppet, sorry, Mr. Biden.
	Mr. Biden, they're looking, it's like the Muppet Show where it has his name, but they put his star on the toilet.
	I think what you mean is on time?
	Yes.
	Yeah.
	Yes, exactly.
	Really quickly, though, he prepared for tonight, and he actually brought in the big guns.
	We do actually have footage, I believe.
	Is this correct, Tokenal?
	We have footage of former Vice President Joe Biden.
	Almost.
	Oh, one second.
	We almost have it.
	We're going to queue it up here in just a second here.
	Look at this!
	These people are acting like it's a wine mixer.
	Yeah, they are.
	It really is amazing.
	And they're all looking at, what's the guy, Kavanaugh, like nothing happened.
	Right.
	Kavanaugh's standing back there.
	He's just standing there, like, by himself.
	Like, we all know.
	Remember that whole rape thing?
	It wasn't real.
	Yeah, it wasn't real.
	We're sorry about that.
	We just tried to destroy your life and reputation for all time.
	But you know what?
	Let bygones be bygones.
	It's almost like when people after a fight, you know, whether it's like Lennox... Oh wait, is this him?
	No, not him.
	Who is that lady?
	That looks like the witch from Robin Hood.
	That looks like a Biden back there, though.
	Is that Biden back there?
	I think that could be Biden back there.
	Let's see who this is.
	Here we go.
	Alright, now let's hear who it is there, Keegan.
	Ladies and gentlemen, the former Vice President of the United States.
	Alright.
	Alright Keegan, you can probably feather it.
	Is that the Secret Service lady right there?
	Is that his body man?
	Is that his bodyguard?
	He's like, yeah, I want equity in bodyguards.
	What does that mean?
	I want the lady from the Hoverround commercial with osteoporosis.
	Follow the lady that smells like her grandmother.
	She will lead you to the podium.
	You really just need someone stronger.
	Yeah.
	I bet you if you grabbed former Vice President Biden's wrist and just tweaked it the wrong way.
	Hey, look, Eric Swalwell, the guy who was banging a Chinese spy.
	How is that man still allowed to be a representative in government?
	Is that not, like, close to treason?
	I mean, he'd be, like, shaking an old broom from the 50s.
	It's dust?
	You know what?
	Maybe let's say he goes with his left hand.
	It's a dustpan.
	What is this?
	This is a weird... I'm the six dollar man!
	Go have a good speech.
	Am I the president?
	Oh lord.
	Oh, did you see that pat?
	That pat was like a... You're doing okay, big guy.
	That wasn't a confident pat.
	Nobody pats him hard.
	Except there's going to be a bruise the size of a melon on his head.
	He's got a cab of blood clot.
	Looks like he's been in a fight.
	No, former Vice President Biden's never been in a fight.
	He always claims that he likes to take people out behind the bike rack.
	So this is a problem for me right here.
	He's shaking some hands and not others on the Supreme Court.
	It's like he walked right past Kavanaugh and Amy Coney Barrett and he's like, I'll go shake these guys' hands.
	That's fine.
	Look at how he's walking.
	Look at how he's walking.
	This is the representative of the free world for crying out loud.
	And I know it shouldn't matter, I don't know if you can bring up the hashtag too on the screen so people can see it's the Biden fact check.
	We'll be fact checking everything live here as much as we can.
	Look, look, he has to use, he has to use the podium to get up there.
	I'm surprised they didn't install a ramp.
	Alright, let's hear it.
	By the way, expect a lot of long claps because these people are all going to... Is he looking at his cards?
	They've been trained.
	Or he's handing them out.
	I'm here!
	I'm here to hand out diplomas!
	Yeah, she's gonna rip up her copy of the speech just like she did last time with Trump.
	Expect them to clap.
	They're just a yes man.
	Like, you're doing great, kid!
	Your speech, your soto's perfect!
	It's a perfect soto!
	I don't wanna cut ya!
	Your soto's perfect!
	He thinks he's handing out menus?
	Yes.
	He's like, here you go, you can sit here.
	His has a maze on the back of it.
	Do you want a bread basket?
	Oh, look at this.
	Did you see that?
	That is significantly closer.
	I don't know if we can get people to bring it up from the control room.
	Looks like those prompters are significantly closer than they've been in the past.
	Could just be an optical illusion.
	Who else is coming in now?
	Except that they're right there.
	Yes.
	Alright, okay.
	Hey, look, I love that one guy's wearing a mask.
	He's gonna die on that hill.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, why are there three people wearing masks in the rest of the places?
	Nah, we're fine.
	They just made him wear it because he has bad breath.
	No, it's like something else will kill you.
	Maybe let's double mask it.
	Why me?
	Why me?
	Because you smell like you've been in a truck stall with George Michael.
	I hate your face.
	Pick one.
	Whatever it is.
	I just don't want your face.
	Look, he's pointing like he's Babe Ruth, except he's pointing to where he's going to bungle it.
	Okay, all right.
	Everyone, Biden fact.
	Hashtag Biden fact.
	Hashtag SOTU.
	Madam Speaker, Madam Vice President, our First Lady and Second Gentleman, Members of Congress in the Cabinet, Justices of the Supreme Court, my fellow Americans.
	Last year, COVID-19 kept us apart.
	This year, we're finally together again.
	Tonight... Yeah, why is that?
	Tonight, we meet as Democrats, Republicans, Independents, but most importantly, as Americans.
	With the duty to one another, to America, to the American people, to the Constitution.
	And an unwavering resolve that freedom will always triumph over tyranny.
	Another slur.
	We're sorry, folks.
	We did this to you.
	Thank you.
	We're sorry, folks.
	We did this to you.
	Thank you.
	We did this to you.
	Thank you.
	We did this to you.
	Thank you.
	No.
	A clap already?
	That's a standing O?
	Because of freedom triumphing over turning.
	His wife's like, I haven't had a standing O in years.
	Three days ago, Russia's Vladimir Putin sought to shake the very foundations of the free world,
	thinking he could make it bend to his menacing ways.
	No, that's Kamala.
	But he badly miscalculated.
	He thought he could roll into Ukraine and the world would roll over.
	That's Kamala.
	Instead, he met with a wall of strength he never anticipated or imagined.
	He met Ukrainian people.
	Good thing Janet has a drink for every one of her necklines.
	What'd you think he was gonna meet?
	Other people?
	I don't know.
	Invaded Ukraine?
	Georgians?
	That's the Ukrainian ambassador?
	I thought she was part of a caravan.
	I thought she was a gypsy.
	She's pointed at him and said, thinner.
	Older.
	How'd they do that?
	With guns?
	It's thinner, older.
	It literally inspires the world.
	Groups of citizens blocking tanks with their bodies.
	Everyone from students to retirees to teachers turn soldiers defending their homeland.
	How'd they do that? With guns?
	In this struggle, President Zelensky said in his speech to the European Parliament,
	Light will win over darkness.
	Ukrainian Ambassador to the United States.
	Oh, what?
	He said Ukrainian Bastard.
	I wish she was out there.
	Oh, was that supposed to be ambassador drink?
	Oh, what?
	He said Ukrainian bastard.
	I wish she was out there.
	Thank God she got out.
	Look at how Jill is standing six feet away from the ambassador.
	Not because of COVID, she just thinks she's gross.
	I know.
	You should just hug her.
	If Russia hadn't invaded you, we never would have met.
	Right.
	She's bright, she's strong, she's resolved.
	I mean, brave, sure, strong.
	I don't know that she could deadlift 250.
	Stop trying to sell me turquoise jewelry.
	I do not need another mood ring.
	Please stop.
	Do you see the United States of America stand with the Ukrainian people?
	Throughout our history, we've learned this lesson.
	When dictators do not pay a price for their aggression, they cause more chaos.
	They keep moving.
	And the cost, the threats to the America and America to the world keeps rising.
	That's why the NATO alliance was created to secure peace and stability in Europe after World War II.
	The United States is a member, along with 29 other nations.
	It matters.
	American diplomacy matters.
	American resolve matters.
	Putin's latest attack on Ukraine was premeditated and totally unprovoked.
	He rejected repeated, repeated efforts at diplomacy.
	He thought the West and NATO wouldn't respond.
	Why's that?
	He thought he could divide us at home, in this chamber, in this nation.
	He thought he could divide us in Europe as well.
	But Putin was wrong.
	We are ready.
	We are united and that's what we did.
	We stayed united.
	We prepared extensively and carefully.
	We spent months building coalitions of other freedom-loving nations in Europe and the Americas.
	What?
	Months?
	Alright, that's pretty good.
	Freedom-loving nations.
	You spent months?
	Like many of you, I spent countless hours unifying your European allies.
	Yeah.
	An hour fifteen before your afternoon nap.
	in advance.
	But he said mumps.
	Putin was planning.
	He has them.
	And precisely how we would try to falsify and justify his aggression.
	What?
	We countered Russia's lies with the truth.
	And now, now that he's acted, the free world is holding him accountable.
	Oh, jeez.
	Come on, man.
	I don't even remember any of the other drinking rules.
	Can you guys bring them up?
	Okay, alright, that's enough.
	We get it.
	Putin is now isolated from the world more than he has ever been.
	to blame Russia for anything, promote superstructure.
	Okay, all right, that's enough.
	We get it.
	In Russia and supporting the people of Ukraine.
	Putin is now isolated from the world more than he has ever been.
	No, he's not.
	Together.
	He actually has more real estate.
	It's true.
	It's like someone widening your backyard.
	Are you feeling isolated yet?
	What?
	I've got you right where I want you.
	We're also putting a golf course in back, which will be municipal.
	You'll have access to it.
	We're squeezing the vice.
	Putting a privacy fence up to your deck?
	Have you stopped buying oil?
	Just asking.
	Preventing Russia's Central Bank from defending the Russian Ruble.
	What the f**k?
	Sorry.
	Drink?
	Defending the Russian Rubu?
	Uh-oh.
	Make sure you guys intersperse some water in this drinking game.
	Man.
	Mine's just ginger ale.
	I can't do it.
	They just show someone who looks aggravated to be there.
	I say to the Russian oligarchs and the corrupt leaders who built billions of dollars off this violent disease, no more.
	The United States...
	I want to get up again.
	Oh my gosh. Shouldn't have done leg day this morning.
	They're looking around at each other like, really?
	Okay, I guess we're standing.
	Did you guys hear that?
	What the hell are we clapping for?
	Rufus!
	Rufus!
	To go after the crimes of the Russian oligarchs.
	We're joining with European allies to find and seize their yachts, their luxury apartments, their private jets.
	Oh, come on!
	We're coming for you, ill-begotten gangs.
	And tonight, I'm announcing that we will join our allies in closing the door.
	Hold on, hold on.
	You mean they can't fly over here?
	We're not exactly on the way to Ukraine.
	There's one WNBA team from Russia like, son of a bitch!
	I was really looking forward to pulling off weave.
	I like the woman to the right who's just like, I'm not moving.
	This is not what I'm saying.
	I'm not doing this.
	And trading remains suspended.
	The Russian economy is reeling and Putin alone is the one to blame.
	Together with our allies, we're providing support to the Ukrainians in their fight for freedom.
	Military assistance, economic assistance, humanitarian assistance.
	Which, by the way, to be clear, Donald Trump provided in 2017 $47 million in arms, 210 anti-tank missiles, 35 launchers.
	In 2019, he approved another $39 million of 150 Javelin missiles and two launchers.
	He increased the overall spending and troop deployment in Europe.
	So just to be clear, he did this before there was a war with Russia.
	Donald Trump did.
	Whereas Biden just said he's been working for months after these attacks.
	Our forces are not...
	She just rolled her eyes.
	She's like, no.
	Conflict?
	Dang it.
	You mean the allies who spent less than 1% of the GDP?
	Guess what?
	They should not be defended at all.
	Enjoy your socialized healthcare.
	We're not going to Europe to fight Ukraine, but to defend our NATO allies in the event
	that Putin decides to keep moving west.
	For that purpose, we've mobilized American ground forces, and we've shipped them to
	protect NATO countries, including Poland, Romania, Latvia, Lithuania, and Estonia.
	And as I've made crystal clear, the United States and our allies will defend every inch
	of territory that is NATO territory with the full force of our collective power.
	Hey, how about NATO protects every inch of NATO?
	How about the rest of the NATO nations protect?
	Their own nation.
	How about when the Ukraine gave up... Ah, I said it.
	How about Ukraine giving up their nuclear missiles and we were like, hey, don't worry, we'll be there.
	So under Trump, NATO allies increased their spending by $50 billion.
	Just to be clear.
	Only two other countries even paid 2% of the promised amount.
	That was Greece and the UK.
	And who cares about Greece?
	That's just a few lesbians on an island with rocket launchers.
	It's true.
	He'll pay a continuing high price over the long run.
	And a pound of Ukrainian people.
	Proud, proud people.
	Pound for pound ready to fight with every inch of energy they have.
	They've known 30 years of independence.
	A pound of Ukrainian people, yes.
	A pound of Ukrainian people in the hand is three Russians in a bush.
	Yep.
	I'll be honest with you, as I always promised I would be.
	A pound for pound of a pound of hand.
	I can kill two birds and I'm always stoned.
	Has cost around the world.
	Huh?
	And I'm taking robust action to make sure the pain of our sanctions is targeted at Russia's economy.
	And that we use every tool at our disposal to protect American businesses and consumers.
	Tonight, I can announce the United States has worked with 30 other countries to release 60 million barrels of oil from reserves around the world.
	How about oil in the United States?
	Why do we need any oil from around the world?
	Keep in mind, he's the one who shut down the Keystone Pipeline immediately for the first time ever in modern American history.
	Under Donald Trump, we were a net exporter of oil in 2016.
	It was 2016, maybe it was 2019, and then we went right back.
	He's the one who approved the Nord Stream 2 pipeline going through Russia.
	Why do we need anyone else's oil?
	It's clear that we don't.
	Well, I feel like everybody there drives gas cars because nobody stood for this.
	The Ukraine will have left Russia weaker and the rest of the world stronger.
	Guys, check in his phone.
	He's like, ah, shit. He got some text from his wife. Can you bring home eggs?
	Ah, shit. Bitch won't leave me alone.
	Hey, by the way, they just said that the 60 million barrels of oil had been released
	That sounds like a lot.
	We use 20.6 million barrels a day in the United States.
	So that's three days, Joe, thanks.
	By the way, keep in mind, if we drilled and fracked more here, guess what?
	We could provide people in Europe, including the Ukraine, with more oil.
	Hey, America first helps the country first.
	Unbelievable.
	Put your oxygen mask on first, and he should know about that with his CPAC.
	I have a CPAC.
	I didn't die six months ago.
	I have a C-bad throat.
	For different reasons.
	I didn't die six months ago.
	What?
	Do they have time?
	They're being attacked right now.
	What's that?
	Burisma?
	Yes, that was Stephen King.
	towards the deep bond that connects our two nations.
	We stand with you.
	What's that, Burisma?
	We stand with you.
	That was Stephen King.
	Putin may circle Kiev with tanks, but he'll never gain the hearts and souls
	of the Iranian people.
	The Iranian people?
	He'll never, he'll never destroy the soul of a free nation.
	Did he just say Iranian?
	Yes.
	He will never, never weaken the.
	Yes.
	That's like finish your beer.
	We can't, but you should.
	He just said Iranian.
	Well, you know that we don't go to enough countries when you just throw it.
	Next he calls them the Yemen people.
	Oh, shoot.
	Don't tip your hand, Joe.
	Why are you giving a standing ovation?
	Swalwell's like waving the flag.
	Yes.
	Yes.
	He's just waving the Chinese spy's panties.
	Yes, because you're here.
	Or the Iraqis.
	It's because of you!
	You're the Iraqis.
	And so many families are living paycheck to paycheck, struggling to keep up with the rising
	cost of food, gas, housing, and so much more.
	I understand, like many of you did.
	My dad had to leave his home in Scranton, Pennsylvania to find work.
	So like many of you, I grew up in a family where the price of food went up.
	It was felt throughout the family.
	Yeah, 7.5% inflation in the first quarter, I believe, by 2021.
	That's one of the first things I did as president, was fight to pass the American Rescue Plan.
	Because people were hurting.
	I think it's this year, yeah.
	We needed to act, and we did.
	Few pieces of legislation have done more at a critical moment in our history to lift us out of a crisis.
	It fueled our efforts to vaccinate the nation and combat COVID-19.
	Delivered immediate economic relief to tens of millions of Americans.
	It helped put food on the table.
	Remember those long lines of cars waiting for hours just to get a box of food put in their trunk?
	It cut the cost of health care insurance.
	And as my dad used to say, it gave the people just a little bit of breathing room.
	He used to say that?
	About COVID?
	About what?
	Is he talking about Jimmy Carter gas lines?
	the previous administration.
	The benefits of the top 100% of America's American rescue plan.
	I don't know.
	I don't know.
	Oh, tax cuts.
	Oh, look at him.
	Help working people and left no one behind.
	Oh my gosh.
	He's basically saying the tax cuts under Trump were bad.
	Right, yeah.
	Even though they worked.
	Yeah, even though we had record low unemployment, we had crazy high labor force participation.
	Apparently it benefited black Americans more than your former buddy over there.
	And right now we have record high inflation.
	We have no new net added jobs.
	Keep in mind, zero.
	Zero jobs have been added since the high of 2019 before the Democrats decided to ensure that a pandemic was thrust upon the world and of course it was covered up.
	China might have known more than they did.
	So less than one?
	Yeah.
	Less than one.
	More jobs!
	Yes, if you fire everybody, and then hire 8 people, it's an 8% increase.
	Good God.
	Alright, it's the goldfish from Penn's Labyrinth.
	The strongest growth rate in 40 years. Good God. The first step in bringing fundamental change to our economy.
	Alright, it's the goldfish from Penn's Labyrinth.
	It hasn't worked for working people in this nation for too long.
	For the past 40 years, we were told that tax break for those at the top and benefits would trickle down and
	everyone would benefit.
	But that trickle-down theory led to a weaker economic growth, lower wages, bigger deficits, and a widening gap between the top and everyone else.
	The average household income in the first three years of Donald Trump was over $5,000 a year.
	I'm going by road was over five thousand dollars a year under eight years of Obama
	It was about eleven hundred three years of Donald Trump.
	You've never seen those kinds of that's across the board.
	Okay Just to be clear, when he talks about how it didn't trickle down, when he talks about how there was a widening gap between the wealthy- no, the gap widened between the wealthy and the rest of you with COVID!
	The top five companies in the world added over two trillion dollars!
	To their- to their ledgers.
	When the middle class grows, the poor have a way up and the wealthy do very well.
	America used to have the best roads, bridges, and airports on Earth.
	And now, our infrastructure is ranked 13th in the world.
	We won't be able to compete for the jobs of the 21st century if we don't fix it.
	That's why it was so important to pass the bipartisan infrastructure law.
	He wears that badge with honor.
	He should be called Dottie in fixing people their lunch cocktails.
	Could I have a softer chair?
	Could I have an inner tube?
	It's a bipartisan effort and I want to thank the members of both parties who worked to make it happen.
	We're done talking about infrastructure weeks.
	We're now talking about an infrastructure decade.
	Infrastructure. Drink. Bring back up the drinking rules for people who haven't seen them yet. Again,
	use the promo code Biden fact check or the hashtag Biden fact check hashtag SOTU, state of the union.
	To put us in a path to win the economic competition of the 21st century
	that we face with the rest of the world, particularly China.
	Oh.
	I've told Xi Jinping it's never been a good bet to bet against the American people.
	Really?
	He's still laughing.
	He looks like he's farting.
	No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Just bet against you. Not American people. No, no, no, no, no. Just you.
	To withstand the devastating effects of climate change and promote environmental justice. He looks like he's farting.
	He might be.
	We'll build a national network of 500,000 electric vehicle charging stations. Begin to replace the poisonous lead
	pipes so every child, every American has clean water to drink at home and at school.
	Yeah, he just said, he just talked about building electric vehicle charging stations.
	Hey, hey, hold on.
	Former Vice President Joe Biden, how are you going to charge them, dick?
	Hey, remember when you visited Flint?
	That's still a problem.
	What?
	Consumers?
	Look, Pelosi does a tooth smile, it's the stuff that gets children like me.
	And Kamala does that smile.
	She's mean right there.
	You should have announced them in your districts.
	And tonight, I'm announcing that this year, we will start fixing over 65,000 miles of
	highways and 1,500 bridges in disrepair.
	I'm sorry, but talking about infrastructure when the world is on fire, I get that it's
	important, but maybe not tonight.
	No, let's be honest.
	Pipes aren't that important.
	And private companies can do it better.
	That was green energy and infrastructure.
	Oh, shut up!
	I need another beer.
	Somebody in the studio.
	By the way, the America Competes bill, just to give you some quick facts, just so you know, the main focus of the bill is engineering biology.
	This is from congress.gov.
	$50 billion in subsidies for the semiconductor industry with no guardrails to prevent any funding actually going to China.
	$78 billion to the National Science Foundation that is completely unrelated to China.
	$8 billion for the UN Green Climate Fund.
	It expands the federal government into education, creates apprenticeship programs to edge out private businesses.
	It calls for more federal money to K-12 education.
	There's just so much in here that has nothing to do with making America more competitive.
	At all.
	Everything from the deck of an aircraft carrier to the steel on highway guardrails is made in America from beginning to end.
	All of it.
	All of it.
	Two ways to do that.
	Make this a more business-friendly economy, Donald Trump.
	Or number two, force American companies to do it, which just ends up resulting with more of them shuttered.
	We also need to level the playing field with China and other competitors.
	How do we do that, Joe?
	That's why it's so important to pass the Bipartisan Innovation Act sitting in Congress that will make record investments in emerging technologies and American manufacturing.
	Another slur.
	He meant to say, we is to invest, because he was looking at Clarence Thomas.
	Where's to invest we don't know you meant to say we is to invest because he's looking at Clarence Thomas we used
	Hell.
	We don't know if you travel 20 miles east of Columbus, Ohio You'll find a thousand acres of land
	It won't look like much it isn't stop and look closely You'll see a field of dreams
	The ground in which America's future will be built.
	And if you build it, they'll come.
	That's where Intel, the American company that's up close to Silicon Valley, is going to build a $20 billion semiconductor megasite.
	Up to 8 state-of-the-art factories in one place.
	10,000 new jobs.
	Why is old Kevin Kline there?
	You mean old Greg Kinnear?
	Yes!
	Sitting behind old Tina Fey.
	Kevin Kleinman.
	You mean Old Greg Kinnear?
	Yes!
	Sitting behind old Tina Fey.
	The power of the world in everyday lives.
	From smart phones, technology, the internet, technology is yet to be invented.
	But that's just the beginning.
	Intel CEO Pat Gelsinger, who is here tonight.
	I don't know where Pat is.
	Pat, there you go.
	You looked right to him.
	You had no idea where he was, did you?
	That's like baby geniuses.
	Thank you for coming, Harry.
	This fucking Serrano broom.
	Thank you, I came from Hogwarts.
	Hey, Pat, say hello.
	I wasn't expecting to speak.
	He's that guy from Short Circuit.
	Yes.
	Shouldn't you be filming a Shriners commercial?
	That would be the biggest investment in manufacturing in American history.
	They accidentally cut to a makeover.
	Forty dames.
	Oh, yes.
	Let's not wait any longer.
	You could have fooled me.
	Send it to my desk.
	I'll sign it.
	And we'll really take off in a big way.
	Really?
	By the way, his desk is Fisher Price.
	No, he just got one from Putin.
	It's really long now.
	It sticks out into the West Wing.
	That guy was actually 60.
	No, no, the guy on the Shriners commercial.
	It's 140 yards.
	It's 140 yards.
	Football lines.
	No, they're not.
	You're trying to force them to.
	American manufacturing boomed under Donald Trump.
	How are you going to power the electric vehicles?
	When the government forces modern electric vehicles, guess what?
	Green energy companies don't work when they're forced in by the government.
	Look at Elon Musk get to leave California.
	You're talking about millions of jobs and businesses that have had to leave California.
	Not to mention the Toyota headquarters.
	They're doing electric vehicles.
	Why wouldn't they be doing that in California?
	Eco-friendly.
	Elon Musk went to Texas.
	Texas is more friendly to environmentally friendly jobs than California.
	We all want cleaner energy.
	Yours just doesn't work.
	Who's here tonight?
	Where are you, Jojo?
	There you go.
	Thanks, buddy.
	There's Ohio.
	He's like, I'm just the postman.
	He's a trainer, not that kind of trainer though.
	He's the janitor from Rudy's?
	Oh look, he's sitting next to the guy they showed earlier.
	Rust Belt! It's time to sign the what used to be called...
	Rust Belt become the home of significant resurgence of manufacturing.
	And with all the bright spots in our economy, record job growth, higher wages.
	Too many families are struggling to keep up with their bills.
	Inflation is robbing them of gains they would be able to feel.
	That's why my top priority is getting prices under control.
	Our economy roared back faster than almost anyone predicted.
	But the pandemic meant that businesses had a hard time hiring new people because of the pandemic to keep up production in their factories.
	So you didn't have people making those beams that went into buildings because they were out.
	He just said beams that went into buildings.
	Beams?
	Yeah, he said beams, Frank.
	Does he get a point for not saying jumping beams?
	Are these beams all beams?
	When that happens, it takes longer to make goods and get them to the warehouses, to the stores, and the prices go up.
	He's making an observative argument now.
	Inflation affects everything, including Americans at the pump, and including everything that needs to be shipped, right?
	Something that we've talked about in the past.
	That's why we should be more dependent on our own oil and natural gas reserves.
	He's making that case, and then he's going to say, by the way, that means that the government who printed more money, the government who devalued the dollar, the government decided to create record-high unemployment and current inflation, which is an inflation scenario.
	We're gonna fix it.
	How?
	Mandates.
	I think I have a better idea to fight inflation.
	Yeah, let's hear it.
	Lower your costs, not your wages.
	I'm sorry?
	You know what happens when you lower costs?
	More profit.
	right now have been shuddering in record levels.
	You think restaurants right now who are coming, yeah, let's just lower our costs.
	There's some Iranian who he supports, like, I am still sitting on, like,
	five pounds of shrimp that hasn't been used.
	You know what happens when you lower costs?
	More profit.
	You don't typically lower your price as well, you idiot.
	Well, we're paying more for cheese and pepperoni and such.
	What do you think we should do?
	Lower prices.
	That makes sense.
	What do you want to do after that?
	I don't know.
	Shoot myself and my whole family?
	I got time on my hands.
	Starting with you, Jill.
	She's just like, oh boy!
	I quit my corporate job in 2019 to follow this dream.
	Hey, Jill, what happens when you mix red and blue?
	You're gonna be looking turquoise after tonight.
	What?
	Philadelphia Shotgun.
	Well, and you, by the way, you're right.
	7.5% inflation at the end of 2021 carried over into January 2022.
	I think overall it's been over 6% under his presidency.
	What are we going into March?
	Nine.
	Nine?!
	Are we nine?
	For real?
	No, I'm just kidding.
	We'll see.
	Alright, let's see.
	Seventeen Nobel laureates in economics said my plan will ease long-term inflationary pressures.
	Top business leaders, and I believe most Americans, support the plan.
	And here's the plan.
	That's wrong.
	First, cut the cost of prescription drugs.
	Hey, didn't Donald Trump, wasn't he the first president in modern history, let's fact check this, to actually cut the cost of prescription drugs?
	He was the first president to do that.
	They've all run on it.
	They've all run on it.
	Donald Trump did it.
	Just look at insulin.
	1 in 10 Americans has diabetes.
	Virginia, I met a 13-year-old boy, the handsome young man standing up there, Joshua Davis.
	He and his dad both have type 1 diabetes, which means they need insulin every single day.
	Insulin costs about $10 a vial to make.
	That's what it costs the pharmaceutical company.
	But drug companies charge families like Joshua and his dad up to 30 times that amount.
	Hey, how much did you give to Pfizer?
	We have that number?
	How many hundreds of millions of dollars were given from this government to pharmaceutical companies?
	By the way, with carte blanche, no requirement to pay back the American people for footing the bill.
	And by the way, reduce liabilities so you can't sue them when damage is done.
	Oh, now we're back to vilifying pharmaceutical companies that are making money on other drugs.
	Okay, I understand.
	I just want to make sure I understand the rulebook.
	See?
	Remember I talked about this money this Monday.
	This is what happened with already drinking the drinking game.
	I'm sounding like former Vice President Joe Biden.
	Talked about this Monday.
	It is entirely inconsistent to vilify pharmaceutical companies and then support
	the course of action that you've seen from this presidency and former vice presidency
	with the vaccines.
	And 200,000 other young people with type 1 diabetes.
	It's disgusting.
	You allow people to invest in buying that at $10 so then they can sell it to people that are sick and need it to live at 300 times the cost because of him and because of, really, Clinton who lacks the drug laws to begin with.
	And insurance companies.
	Yes.
	Because now there's so much red tape they have to charge you so much because they have to have so many people on staff.
	Who, by the way, got the biggest kickback in the history of mankind.
	Insurance companies.
	In the history of insurance companies under Obamacare.
	Are you going to throw up?
	Oh, for premiums.
	What happened?
	drugs. Oh goodness. Look, the American Rescue Plan is helping millions of families with
	Affordable Care Act plans to save them $2,400 a year on their health premiums. Let's close
	the coverage gap and make these savings permanent. What happened? He said, premium. Hey, by the
	way, Pelosi there. I'm just glad I have this family.
	An average of $500 a year by combating climate change.
	Let's provide an investment tax credit to weatherize your home and your business.
	To be energy efficient and get a tax credit for it.
	I thought you were just upset about tax breaks!
	I will say this though, credit to her makeup artist.
	They definitely made her eyes look less googly.
	That's true.
	Gee, I sure hope her boyfriends feed her there.
	You just want to have sex with me.
	The only thing we can do to change the standard of living for hardworking folks
	is cut the cost of child care.
	Hey, how about you make it so they don't have to pay for child care
	because everything's so expensive and they have to work double, triple shifts, dummy.
	Thank you.
	Let the government raise your kids forever.
	Hey guys out there, I've run out.
	Give me a devil's backbone.
	I'll need something stiffer.
	I was a single dad for five years raising two kids.
	I had a lot of help though.
	What?
	What?
	He was a single dad?
	I didn't know that.
	Hey, by the way, do you know where that money comes from?
	middle class and working folks shouldn't have to pay more than 7% of their income to care
	for the young children.
	My plan...
	I mean Hunter killed it.
	Hey, by the way, do you know where that money comes from?
	They're going to take all of your money and use that.
	Yeah, that's nasty.
	Didn't win.
	Couldn't have given him that float in Portia.
	I couldn't have done it.
	I thought it was tough enough.
	I don't know.
	to give him the afforded child care to be able to get back to work.
	Wrong one, dad.
	Generating economic growth.
	But my plan doesn't stop there.
	It also includes home and long-term care.
	You wouldn't know economic growth if it bit you on the sterile scrotum.
	Or in the dead left hemisphere of your brain.
	Hey, by the way, can we fact check?
	What is the exact presidential salary?
	Nobody, let me say this again, nobody earning less than $400,000 a year will pay an additional
	penny in new taxes.
	Hey, by the way, can we fact check?
	What is the exact presidential salary?
	Yeah.
	Don't you love that?
	400,000!
	Yeah, that's the magic number.
	Like, hey, maybe we should make it so only people under over 300,000 should pay more.
	No!
	Does that include bonuses?
	No?
	Gifts?
	How about insider trading?
	That's why he's going into Russia to get jets.
	Let's make corporations and wealthy Americans start paying their fair share.
	Oh, the fair share argument!
	Ah, okay, okay, okay.
	Wealthy Americans pay 27 times.
	Hey, there's a Pocahontas.
	Oh.
	It's an old stat, so it's probably more now.
	Define fair share, Joe.
	He's thinking my golden retriever could give a better speech than this.
	Oh, yeah.
	We come from the land of corporate America.
	There you go, salary.
	There's a $400,000.
	Every other state in America combined.
	And I still won 36 years in a row.
	The point is, even they understand you should pay just a fair share.
	What's that?
	Last year, 55 of the Fortune 500 companies earned $40 billion in profit and paid zero in federal taxes.
	Can we bring up that fact check, guys?
	Under the pandemic, the top 5 or top 10 wealthiest Americans or the top companies, what their net worth, I believe it was, or their assets, increased $2 billion.
	You don't need to do that, give it, have them send it to the control room to you.
	That's the problem, right?
	When you have a fundamentally Controlled economy.
	Right, a manipulated economy.
	Guess what?
	The big guys went, why do you think big banks support Democrats?
	Why do you think Apple, Amazon, Google, YouTube, Twitter, Facebook, all of these companies support Democrats?
	Again, it's inconsistent to try and say, oh, corporate interests, but then not recognize that the most powerful companies that have ever existed, oil companies, no!
	Not even close.
	Support what he's saying.
	Because they make more money.
	It hurts middle-sized businesses.
	It hurts small businesses and everybody knows it.
	You can look at the numbers.
	All references available at lottocreditor.com.
	Bring it up.
	We all know we've got to make changes.
	Changes!
	Who has to make changes?
	He has to get changed.
	Go to an intermission and just a bunch of depends.
	Let's all go to the lobby!
	What do you mean?
	Get off Xanax and alcohol and everything else people have been afraid of for two years?
	Worried about everything?
	Losing their lives?
	Yeah, we only need a change.
	I think this administration not only ballooned the deficit with those tax cuts for the very
	wealthy corporations...
	Oh, he's going to lower it.
	Speaking of which, is your dog still biting everybody who takes a White House tour?
	Frick?
	being wasted. Remember we had those debates?
	Speaking of which, is your dog still biting everybody who takes a White House tour?
	Pricks.
	How much money was being spent? Where was it going to the right place?
	According to my administration, the watchdogs are back.
	We're going to go out and criminalize yourself.
	Billions of relief money meant for small business and millions of Americans.
	Tonight I'm announcing that the Justice Department will soon name a chief prosecutor for pandemic fraud.
	So how about this, former vice president, you first.
	Hey, is Fauci on that list when he said it occurred in nature, it did not come from the Wuhan lab?
	Is that?
	This year the deficit will be down to less than half of what it was before I took office.
	Really?
	Yeah.
	The only president ever to cut the deficit by more than one trillion dollars in a single year.
	That's not true at all.
	Lowering your cost also meant demanding more competition.
	Did he just claim he lowered the deficit by one trillion?
	He says he will by the end of this year.
	Oh, okay.
	Capitalism.
	Capitalism without competition.
	No, he said billion!
	One billion!
	Joe, that's not the number we discussed.
	What was the number we discussed?
	Negative trillion.
	They're profits go up and your prices go up and they don't have to compete.
	Look, small businesses in fact- Am I not turtley enough for the Turtles Club?
	I need to talk to some of my Republican friends.
	That is a lot of beer there.
	Guess what?
	You got four basic meatpacking facilities.
	That's it.
	You play with them, you don't get to play at all.
	You pay a hell of a lot more.
	A hell of a lot more because there's only four.
	See what's happening with ocean carriers and moving goods in and out of America.
	During the pandemic, Show him with me hacking!
	with me back in half.
	Your own companies raised prices by as much as 1,000%
	and made record profits.
	Tonight, I'm announcing a crackdown on those companies overcharging American
	businesses and consumers.
	Hey, don't you see this?
	All of this is punishing American businesses who he's harmed and accepting no responsibility.
	You're just deciding nebulously they're overcharging?
	Yeah.
	Why did prices all of a sudden go up and why did it happen to coincide with record inflation, gas prices, unemployment?
	You think it's just because they decided they could screw people who, by the way, couldn't pay those fees anyway?
	It's as stupid as the idea of predatory lending.
	You think people are going to restaurants because the prices are too high?
	That's what happened for two years?
	me going strong and giving workers a fair shot.
	So in other words, New York wasn't because you put the tables out in the street and people
	were getting hit by taxi cabs?
	Let's pass the Paycheck Fairness Act and pay leave.
	It's already $15.
	Dunkin' Donuts right down the street right now is paying $15 an hour to start.
	No one has to raise a family in poverty.
	Oh, because $15 an hour is not poverty?
	$30k is all it takes for you to raise a family, Joe?
	It's McDonald's down the street that paid more than Hitmen made in the 80s.
	Well, the best Hitmen.
	Accepted.
	It wasn't Timothy Olyphant.
	Yeah, I'm not saying it's the best.
	I was proud of the crumb, but they got the job done.
	Here's what he's saying.
	I'll sum it up for you.
	The government knows best and we're going to send money from your paycheck to everybody we vote for.
	By the way, have you seen the fight for $15 an hour?
	Now they've got a plan to strike for $25 an hour.
	Guys, bring that up.
	There was a flyer being passed out for all McDonald's workers to strike until they got $25 an hour.
	Because guess what happens with inflation?
	You just need to pay more.
	$15 an hour is not what it would have been last year.
	Who sit at a dining room table or a kitchen table and look at an empty chair.
	Yeah, yours.
	Because they lost somebody.
	Is he fake now?
	But I also know this.
	Because of the progress we've made, because of your resilience, and the tools that we have been
	provided by this Congress, the vaccine that you said you wouldn't take, that one, I think we're
	moving forward safely, back to a more normal routine. Thank you on the prompt and a new movement.
	TripAdvisor's commercials with the lawn gnomes.
	What a pacemaker shot.
	Two days ago, the Center for Disease Control and Prevention issued a new mask guideline.
	Under new guidelines, most Americans and most of the country can now go mask-free.
	We've been doing that for a couple of years now, Joe.
	Based on projections.
	Wait, you say that like it's a good thing.
	Based on projections.
	Hey, it is!
	You're the assholes who want- You have guys in masks there!
	So you're gonna say, how are we mask-free?
	Look to your right and left.
	Based on progress we've made in the past year, COVID-19 no longer needs to control our lives.
	I know some are talking about living with COVID-19.
	But tonight, I say that we never will just accept living with COVID-19.
	Oh, please, double down.
	We'll continue to combat the virus as we do other diseases.
	And because this virus mutates and spreads, we have to stay on guard.
	Which means you live with it.
	Yes!
	Now you're back.
	Right.
	I love it.
	Oh, sure.
	I shouldn't have taken that circular logic course in college.
	Here's his vaccine promo.
	Oh, it's double.
	We'll never give up on vaccinating more Americans.
	All right, Frank.
	Now, I know parents of kids under five are eager to see their vaccines authorized by the way.
	No, we're not!
	Kids under five, no!
	Scientists are working hard to get that done.
	By the way, the CDC withheld the vaccine effectiveness, the data on it with the boosters, ages 18 to 40, let alone what we don't know anything with people who are five years old.
	When the CDC first published a significant, we have this from the New York Times overlay, Significant data on the effectiveness of boosters in adults younger than 65 two weeks ago.
	It left out the numbers for a huge portion of that population.
	18 to 49 year olds, the group least likely to benefit from extra shots.
	And by the way, there's a curve where people who are least likely to benefit from the shots, people who get younger.
	We don't even have the data on five-year-olds because it's retarded!
	So people can get tested at a pharmacy and if they prove positive, receive the antiviral pills on the spot at no cost.
	Hey, who's generating the testing kits, Joe?
	Who's generating the boosters?
	The pharmaceutical companies you just vilified for insulin.
	There's nothing consistent about it.
	You can't be consistent.
	Do they have to release the data 75 years from now still, or can we get it maybe next week?
	I don't know.
	He's planning on all of us being beholden to Skynet.
	We're leaving no one behind or ignoring anyone's needs as we move forward.
	On testing, we've made hundreds of millions of tests available and you can order them for free to your doorstep.
	And we've already ordered free tests.
	If you've already ordered free tests tonight, I'm announcing that you can order another group of tests.
	Go to covidtest.gov.
	Start it next week and you can get more tests.
	Just stumble through them.
	If you order them tonight you can get them eight years after we cure the virus.
	It's very exciting.
	Over the past we've gotten much better at detecting new variants.
	What's this guy?
	What the hell is this?
	I couldn't have worn that Ukrainian scarf.
	That's it with cheap scarves.
	I thought it looks good.
	Those Duke LaGrosse players were innocent.
	We'll have new stockpiles of tests, masks, pills, ready if needed.
	I can't promise a new variant won't come, but I can promise you... What?
	We'll do everything within our power to be ready if it does.
	So you mean you won't have more than 100,000 people killed on top of Trump?
	So Donald Trump was what, like 420-something thousand and his was 520-something thousand people dying under his watch?
	Under, keep in mind, the least deadly variant, Omicron.
	Bill Gates said what I said.
	He said that Omicron is responsible for saving more lives than the vaccine.
	He said it, not us.
	No, I said it, then Bill Gates said it.
	We're doing that here in the federal government.
	The vast majority of federal workers once again work in person.
	Our schools are open.
	Let's keep it that way.
	Our kids need to be in school.
	Hey!
	Hey!
	Who's been saying that for several years?
	Everyone's now standing and clapping?
	Yes!
	Schools should stay open!
	Oh, really?
	Okay.
	By the way, I just see that one lady in red.
	She's wearing a tarp.
	Yes.
	And 75% of adult Americans are fully vaccinated.
	He reached in the wrong pocket.
	HE REACHED IN HIS POCKET FOR A MASK!
	DID YOU SEE THAT?
	HE REACHED IN ONE POCKET, THE OTHER POCKET!
	BRINK!
	THAT'S CERTAINLY A FLUB!
	HE THOUGHT HE HAD A MASK!
	It's like if Gallagher didn't bring out his watermelon!
	Where's my mouth?
	This is the COVID-O-Matic.
	I'm gonna crush it.
	No, they said Jews in these tools.
	majority of Americans have used these tools may want again.
	Why?!
	No they said use any tool. I expect Congress I hope you'll pass that quickly.
	What? Fourth, huh? We'll continue vaccinating the world. And B. Jews indeed. We've
	sent 475 million vaccine doses to a hundred and twelve countries. Why? Any nation on earth.
	Why?
	Pelosi's so strong.
	And by the way, don't you love that we sent?
	No, you gave that money to a private company who developed it.
	By the way, a vaccine that you said you wouldn't trust and you wouldn't take.
	All three of them on that stage.
	That there's no way we would get a vaccine within two years that they wouldn't trust if it was developed under Donald Trump and they wouldn't take it.
	You gave that money to a private company, by the way, privatizing profits because the American taxpayers don't get a share of those profits.
	And then that company sent it overseas.
	Oh, shut up.
	That was great in the lab.
	There's a partisan dividing line.
	Really?
	Oh, shut up.
	See it for what it is.
	A god awful disease.
	It was created in the last...
	Let's stop seeing each other as enemies.
	Really?
	Let's start seeing each other for who we are.
	Enemies.
	Fellow Americans.
	No, you sold that to the Americans.
	No, they pushed that for a year and a half, and they have said everything they can to make you hate somebody who doesn't wear a mask.
	Here's the problem.
	No, we have enemies.
	It's called China.
	They lied about it.
	Fauci knew about it.
	Fauci also hid it.
	And Fauci also threatened other doctors who tried to point out his lies.
	We have these emails.
	We have enemies.
	Look, we have plenty of friends.
	We could use a few enemies.
	We're looking at you, Wuhan COVID-19 generating lab.
	I recently visited New York City Police Department days after the funerals of Officer... Is that before or after you supported the people who threw a Molotov cocktail through their precinct?
	He just said Ossoffer like he was talking himself out of the DUI.
	Officer Moore was 27 years old.
	Officer Rivera was 22 years old.
	Both Dominican Americans who grew up in the same streets that they later chose to patrol as police officers.
	Son of a... They were Dominican.
	It's related.
	I told them they were forever in debt for their sacrifices and will carry on their mission to restore the trust and safety in every community deserves.
	What?
	Like some of you that have been around for a while.
	I've worked with you on these issues for a long time.
	You worked with the party who said defund the police, you son of a bitch!
	The one behind you said to keep doing it.
	This is raised money for serial rapists and felons and their GoFundMe!
	And she banged the mayor!
	Let's come together and protect our communities, restore trust, and hold law enforcement accountable.
	That's why the Justice Department has required body cameras, ban chokeholds, and restricted no-knocks warrants for its officers.
	That's why the American Rescue Plan that you all provided, $350 billion, That cities, states, and counties can use to hire more police, invest in more proven strategies.
	Well, Pelosi's praying to George Floyd right now, too.
	Yes, that's true.
	Thank you, George Floyd!
	He's looking down at the clap break.
	Yes.
	Where do I clap again?
	She also has a peppermint schnapps IV going into her leg.
	Just has a triple sec patch. Awful mom from Arrested Development.
	Oh, really?
	It's to fund the police.
	Whoa, whoa, whoa!
	What did he just say?
	The answer is not to defund the police.
	The answer is to fund the police.
	And Kamala Harris just stood for that?
	Yeah.
	Hold on a second.
	You have someone who encouraged people to continue rioting behind him, and you have a lady who prayed to the deity of George Floyd stand for funding the police more.
	Screw you all!
	Are you starting to get the picture?
	Democrats and Republicans alike, to pass my budget and keep our neighborhoods safe.
	Kamala's pissed.
	She's like, I can't believe you made me stand for that shit.
	Joe!
	Joe!
	I'm looking forward to defunding the police ice cream.
	Assemble at home.
	I'm just waiting for Kamala to blow her leg like, hey Joe, shut the fuck up!
	Do you know what we said?
	It wasn't that long ago.
	It's on tape.
	You're making us look like assholes, Joe.
	This is in the Tupac in the 70s.
	That's a weird clap.
	You think if you get it closer to him he can hear?
	He's going after the Second Amendment.
	Okay, here we go.
	He's using it.
	He's acting like he's in church.
	Thank you, thank you.
	Watching us are speaking in tongues.
	I believe the ball fell off her nose.
	You think the deer are wearing Kevlar vests?
	No, I think that Russia might invade, Joe!
	That's not true.
	Vaccine companies, dumbass!
	is the only industry in America that can't be sued. The only one. That's not true. That's
	vaccine companies dumbass. Imagine had we done that with the tobacco manufacturers.
	Tobacco lied. Hold on a second guys. I have to fact remind me to come back to the suing of gun
	companies and comparing it to the vaccine companies because yeah he lied. Vaccine companies can't be
	sued. The manufacturers of vaccines and the difference is those can cause direct harm.
	Gun companies can be sued if a guy purchased a gun from a local gun shop and then sue Walther, Smith & Wesson, Ruger, even though that's not what it was designed for.
	Whereas a vaccine can be designed to be injected into someone's body, cause direct damage, and they can't be sued.
	Okay, let's go.
	President Michael Moore blames Kmart for Columbine?
	Right.
	Yeah, yeah, you know what?
	You first.
	Teacher's unions.
	Pfizer?
	So Americans know who's funding our election.
	Look.
	Yeah, yeah, you know what?
	You first.
	Tonight, Teachers Union.
	I mean, Pfizer, a pharmaceutical company.
	Someone who dedicated his life to serving this country.
	Justice Breyer, an Army veteran.
	His ice cream sucked.
	Constitutional scholar.
	Very bad.
	Retiring Justice of the United States Supreme Court.
	Karma's pretty good.
	Justice Breyer, thank you for your service.
	This is Nick Gunn in color.
	We're gonna have somebody just like you, except not at all like you, replace you.
	He looks like a ladybug who lost her shell.
	Oh, thank you so much.
	It's been great!
	Oh, I love it!
	Oh my god!
	I had no idea Brian was gay!
	This has been inconceivable!
	You just see Pete Buttigieg's head pop up?
	What?
	Huh?
	What?
	Here we go.
	Here we go.
	Katanji!
	I've nominated someone to serve on the United States Supreme Court.
	I'm sitting next to him now.
	As I did four days ago, I've nominated a Circuit Court of Appeals, Ketanji Brown Jackson.
	Ketanji Brown!
	One of our nation's top legal minds.
	Is that Jackson Brown?
	I'm sorry, Jackson Brown.
	Is that Jackson Brown?
	I'm sorry, hold on.
	You said top legal mind.
	I thought you said you were going to nominate a black female.
	Well, that can be a top legal mind.
	Yeah, but he didn't say that when he said he was going to nominate somebody.
	Well, I know.
	He should have said both.
	He didn't.
	Sorry.
	They left for other reasons.
	That's so stupid.
	Including the Fraternal Order of Police.
	By the way, this broad he's talking about, 2001, Jackson co-authored an amicus briefing in support of a law that would actually stop pro-life activists from speaking to women outside of abortion clinics.
	Oh, really?
	From speaking to women outside of abortion clinics.
	And they sign?
	Right.
	That's it?
	No, just talking signs.
	So, this is someone who actively has fought against First Amendment rights.
	If you don't like people who are pro-life, fine.
	If you actually believe that you should ban people from speaking outside of abortion clinics, then you don't believe in the First Amendment.
	This is the broad he chose.
	We've installed new technology like cutting-edge scanners.
	Oh, he moved on quickly from the Supreme Court nominee.
	Want to know why?
	Because that's all he could read on her resume.
	We set up a toy patrol in Mexico and Guatemala to catch more human traffickers.
	We're putting in place dedicated immigration judges, a significant larger number, so families fleeing persecution and violence can have their cases heard faster than those who don't legitimately represent them.
	We're securing commitments and supporting partners in South and Central America to host more refugees and secure their own borders.
	We can do all this while keeping lit the torch of liberty that has led the generation of immigrants to this land.
	My four bearers and many of yours.
	I love how he's treating the Statue of Liberty like it's a bug zapper.
	Farm workers.
	Essential workers, I mean.
	Did you hear him?
	He called immigrants farm workers.
	That's all they are to you, Joe!
	Which I guess is 112.
	Yeah.
	They use the N-word like 9 times if they're Clarence Thomas.
	Oh, in the context you don't want to.
	And he used the N-word like nine times in Clarence Thomas.
	...labor unions, the religious leaders, to the U.S. Chamber of Commerce.
	In the context you don't want to.
	Let's get it done once and for all.
	But context doesn't matter unless it's for anyone else.
	Folks...
	We've already done this before, Jay.
	By the way, that's his cue.
	Folks, it's for them to stand.
	The diabetes kid is like, my foot hurts!
	The constitutional right affirmed by Roe v. Wade, standing precedent for half a century, is under attack as never before.
	Damn straight it is.
	If you want to go forward, not backwards, you must protect access to healthcare.
	Preserve a woman's right to choose.
	What does Roe v. Wade have to do with healthcare or the right to choose?
	It's about some arbitrary interpretation of the right to privacy.
	Ruth Bader Ginsburg said that, and that's why she didn't support it.
	Dummy.
	I thought you were going to say that's why she died.
	LGBTQ plus Americans, let's finally get the Bipartisan Equality Act to my desk.
	Yes, yes.
	Right now in this economy, the most important thing is that a man and a mustache and moo-moo can take a shit at a target.
	I said last year, especially to our younger transgender Americans, I'll always have your back as your president, so you can be yourself and reach your God-given potential.
	It's not God-given, it's surgeon-given.
	You took away what God gave you, and you put a strap on there.
	They sent it back.
	Yeah, you signed for us.
	He didn't answer the door.
	We do agree on a lot more things than we acknowledge.
	Nope.
	No.
	We don't.
	I signed 80 bipartisan bills into law last year.
	Didn't read a one.
	From preventing government shutdowns, protecting Asian-Americans from... Asian?
	Still too common hate crime.
	Did you say Asian?
	I thought you said Asian-Americans.
	I heard a mix of Asian and Haitian, I think.
	We heard Asian-Americans and you're thinking Asian-Americans.
	The bill he wrote three decades ago, they'll take out the n-word that he used several times.
	Right.
	Use whiteout.
	Which is in fact the name of the bill.
	Tonight I'm offering a unity agenda for the nation.
	Okay, let's see this.
	Four big things we can do together in my view.
	First, beat the opioid epidemic.
	You'll have to talk to your son.
	He's hoarding them.
	Start with your own family, Joe.
	And now pharmaceuticals are bad, yeah.
	are bad. And now pharmaceuticals are bad. Back to being bad.
	Yeah.
	Reduction in recovery. Get rid of outdated rules and stop doctors and stop doctors from
	prescribing drugs. Prescribe them to the people that need it and prescribe them the amount
	they actually need. Stop the flow of illicit drugs by working with state and local law
	enforcement to go after the traffickers. Stop letting illegal immigrants in. Good luck.
	And if you're suffering from addiction, you know you're not alone. With the pills that
	are filled with fentanyl that aren't even the drugs that they're supposed to be.
	It worked like a charm for your brother.
	23 million.
	It worked like a charm for your brother.
	It worked like a charm for his son, sorry.
	Yeah.
	Unreal.
	Let's take on mental health, especially among our children.
	Especially among our vice presidents.
	Especially among our children who we masked and scared the shit out of for two years.
	And threat nuclear war.
	I'd threaten nuclear war.
	That'll work.
	I urge every parent to make sure your school, your school does just that.
	Have the money.
	We can all play a part.
	Sign up to be a tutor or mentor.
	You shut down the schools and we had a record number of teen suicides in the history of the United States, by the way, and depression and generalized anxiety disorders.
	So, okay, all right, let's continue.
	Haugen, who is here tonight with us, has shown We must hold social media platforms accountable for the national experiment they're conducting on our children for profit.
	Oh, don't you love this?
	This is someone who worked at Facebook and now what, she's working with the government?
	Oh, okay.
	Yeah, she was a whistleblower.
	But not the way you'd think.
	We're not doing enough to silence voices they don't like.
	That's literally the point.
	Ban targeted advertising to children.
	Demand tech companies stop collecting personal data on our children.
	And let's get all Americans the mental health services they need.
	More people.
	Start with you and some levodopa.
	And full parity between physical and mental health care if we treat it that way in our insurance.
	Look, folks.
	You notice he says that every time there's a clap?
	There's a cue.
	It's either look or folks.
	Support our veterans.
	What, did Pelosi just fall forward?
	Did she have to post?
	Did she have to post?
	Can we drink a little?
	Yeah.
	That was an exciting clap.
	Too much rum in the rum raisin.
	By the way, also, no raisin.
	I'll take rum balls, minus the balls.
	No ice cream.
	I'll take rumbles minus the balls.
	And then Pete Buttigieg said, save them for me.
	I'll take a mimosa just in case anyone wants juice.
	Yeah they did.
	stationed at bases breathing in toxic smoke from burn pits.
	Why is he clapping for that?
	What the fuck?
	What is this?
	Did you see that shit?
	Nancy Pelosi goes, burn pits!
	They have black lung?
	Because they have black lung?
	The waste of war, medical, drunk, and hazardous materials, jet fuel, and so much more.
	Did she what?
	Play ball!
	Yeah, like she did it like she was a fly on shit.
	She's the lady from Christmas Vacation right now.
	She wraps up her cat.
	It's fine.
	Just go in the other room.
	How much you want to bet she brought a jello mold to this?
	What did he just say?
	I don't know for sure if the burn pit that he lived near, that his hooch was near, in Iraq and earlier than that in Kosovo.
	Did he just say that his hooch was near?
	I still don't know what that means.
	But I am committed to find out everything we can.
	Committed to military families like Danielle Robinson from Ohio, the widow of Sergeant First Class Heath Robinson.
	He was born a soldier, Army National Guard, combat medic in Kosovo and Iraq, stationed near Baghdad just yards from burn pits the size of football fields.
	Danielle is here with us tonight.
	They love going to Ohio State football games.
	Look, obviously your heart goes out to any veteran who was killed.
	God bless your husband for serving.
	God bless your husband for serving, but the fact that he's now talking about burn pits and Ohio State football games tells you how paper thin.
	He spent less than, maybe we can bring it, 20 seconds on the Supreme Court nominee, and he spent less than two minutes on the actual economy.
	Well, speaking from someone whose family is still waiting on that check, good luck.
	I'm kidding.
	And I mean that wholeheartedly to that family and the person who served.
	Yeah, you should pay her.
	Yeah, you should pay her.
	She found purpose to demand that we do better.
	Tonight, Danielle, we are going to do better.
	The VA is firing new ways of linking toxic disclosure disease, already helping more veterans
	And tonight, I'm announcing we're expanding eligibility to veterans suffering from nine respiratory cancers.
	I'm also calling on Congress to pass a law to make sure veterans devastated by toxic exposure in Iraq and Afghanistan finally get the benefits of the comprehensive health care.
	How about Vietnam, Joe?
	Yeah.
	Maybe you want to go back to that one?
	Because there's still people waiting.
	A lot of people.
	Yeah.
	I'd be for that.
	Sign that bill tomorrow, baby.
	Yeah, there's one.
	You should know, you're in politics then.
	Yes!
	He could have done something about it then and now.
	Right.
	Let's end cancer as we know it.
	Oh, wait, this is... Let's end cancer as we know it.
	Look, they just looked down!
	It's here.
	It says clap.
	Is cancer bad?
	I think so.
	Is it in Ukraine?
	Sorry, I wasn't as excited as I was to stand up for the burn panel.
	Cancer just doesn't get me as enthused.
	So many of you have lost someone you love.
	Husband, wife, son, daughter, mom, dad.
	Didn't have eaten the pea soup.
	Cancer is the number two cause of death in America, second only to heart disease.
	Last month, I announced the plan to supercharge the cancer moonshot that President Obama asked me to lead six years ago.
	Our goal is to cut cancer death rates by at least 50% over the next 25 years.
	I think we can do better than that.
	Turn cancers from death sentences into treatable diseases.
	More support for patients and their families.
	Who's going to do that?
	Pharmaceutical companies?
	I just want to make sure I called ARPA-H.
	Advanced Advanced Research Projects Agency for Health.
	Pattern after DARPA in the Defense Department.
	Here's the thing, this sounds good.
	Do you really believe the government's going- They couldn't figure out that COVID came from the COVID-named lab.
	Jon Stewart had to tell them.
	Well, that second one has certainly been a rush order for you.
	We have a singular purpose to drive breakthroughs in cancer, Alzheimer's and diabetes.
	Well, that second one has certainly been a rush order for you.
	We can do these things.
	It's within our power.
	And I don't see a partisan edge to any one of those four things.
	Really?
	My fellow Americans, tonight...
	How much you want to bet he walked into that office and was like, I want to care for Alzheimer's!
	Rather than a sacred space, a citadel of democracy, in this Capitol, generation after generation
	Americans have debated great questions, made great strife, and have done great things.
	Did he say make great strife?
	He meant to say make great strife.
	He said strife.
	In fairness, that was a Freudian slip.
	Right.
	We built the strongest, freest, and most prosperous nation the world has ever known.
	And you're trying to tear it down.
	Did he just say we broke the most prosperous nation?
	Built.
	Our moment of responsibility.
	Our test of resolve and conscience.
	Of history itself.
	It is in this moment that our character of this generation is formed.
	Our purpose is found.
	Our future is forged.
	Well, I know this nation.
	I have no neck.
	Save democracy?
	You said it was the freest and fairest election ever!
	and opportunity and we will save democracy. As hard as those times have been, I'm more
	optimistic about America today than I've been my whole life.
	Because I see the future that's within our grasp. Because I know there's simply nothing
	beyond our capacity. We're the only nation on earth that has overturned every crisis we've
	faced. Beyond our mask is our bright light.
	The only nation that can be defined by a single word.
	Possibilities.
	So on this night, on our 245th year as a nation, I've come to report on the state of the nation.
	The state of the union.
	And my report is this.
	The state of the union is strong because you, the American people, are strong.
	And I am not.
	Exactly.
	Our government's not doing us any favors.
	Thank God you are strong.
	Yes.
	Thank God you're strong, because I'm very feeble, and my heart is run by wires and bent-back paperclips.
	I have pool hues on each side of my shoes, duct tape to keep my knees in.
	And we will, as one people, one America, the United States of America, God bless you all, and may God protect our troops.
	Thank you.
	Go get him.
	Huh?
	Go get him?
	He said go get him.
	By the way, he didn't say God bless America.
	He said God bless you and God protect our troops.
	The liver spots back there.
	I really want to hear what Tapper says.
	Okay, let's hear what Tapper says.
	It should be suck.
	It's a very strong beginning.
	Several bipartisan moments of standing ovations.
	No.
	No.
	Seven times he forgot who he was.
	people of Ukraine against the invasion of Russia.
	Lots of applause for holding Putin and Russian oligarchs accountable, followed by a call
	for his domestic agenda, including traditional Biden calls for infrastructure, changes to
	the tax code, a made in America agenda.
	There was the traditional laundry list.
	Right, so hold on really quickly.
	Before we go to CNN's commentary, actually, again, the promo code is BIDENFACTCHECK.
	It's available tonight for the next 24 hours.
	You get $20 off at Mug Club, where we'll be doing another 45 minutes of show tonight.
	$45 off.
	You go to lotto.com.
	And we also have footage, actually.
	So some of you are wondering, how did he prepare for this debate?
	And we actually got exclusive footage.
	just to his debate prep actually and this is two beers in and um turns out he he brought in
	not the big he brought in the second big guy so here vice president dad are you okay
	He didn't even smoke any, Hunter.
	Maybe it's a contact high.
	I mean, Finna Gangster, this is some grade A genre.
	Maybe his dementia medicine's wearing off.
	What do you think, Posacky Jawea?
	Circle back.
	He's gotta do the State of the Union in a little bit and he's full retard.
	Have you tried hitting him?
	Nah, we're not supposed to hit him anymore.
	One more good bump on the noggin and it's hello President Kamala and goodbye America.
	Didn't you already sell our secrets to the Chinese?
	Dude, shut up.
	Not in front of my dad.
	Sacky doesn't even know about that.
	Circle back.
	Circle back.
	Give him his pills then.
	Oh damn, those are my dad's pills?
	That's why I got the Hershey sports.
	I thought it was an STI from my dead brother's wife.
	Ha ha ha.
	Oh.
	Don't circle back, Hummer.
	Don't.
	I saw you looking down her shirt while she lay over both casket weeping.
	Nice work, Jackrabbit.
	I knew you'd wake the former vice president up.
	And now the cheese is all ours.
	Well, it doesn't seem like the most...
	It doesn't seem like the most prudent debate prep.
	Whatever works.
	Right.
	We'll be taking your chats and also giving a full wrap-up, of course, on Mug Club.
	But we'll be doing a wrap-up here, then taking your chats.
	Lateralscreditor.com slash Mug Club.
	Before we do that, go to CNN really quickly.
	We've got some dates coming up for you guys.
	That's right.
	Dave and I will be on tour.
	Lots of these shows are already sold out, so you've really got to jump on these.
	May 14, Tulsa Ballroom in Tulsa, Oklahoma.
	June 18th, Pikes Peak Center in Colorado Springs.
	Oh, okay, in Colorado Springs.
	Okay, great, yeah.
	Go to the website, ladderwithcrowder.com slash tour.
	Alright, right now, let's go see how CNN is kissing his ass.
	As we all know, he thinks about unity, but tonight he made it functional.
	As we all know.
	This idea of a unity agenda.
	These are not wildly controversial ideas.
	Combating opioids.
	Getting rid of the Second Amendment.
	These are the kinds of things that are going to be very hard for people to argue against.
	I think that's the phase they're trying to get into now.
	Yeah, unless you sit them across from you.
	Actually, unless you've spent the last two, I'm sorry, five years destroying unity in this country, it's easy to argue that you don't give a shit, pardon me, about unity.
	I know, I'm pissed.
	My heaven.
	That guy is so gay.
	Breyer is... Look at that.
	Right now he's like... Oh, stop.
	Stop.
	Stop.
	Next to Anderson Cooper, Justice Breyer looks gayer.
	Even Anderson Cooper's like, this is making me uncomfortable.
	This is excessive.
	And what he said, I think, showed resolution, showed determination.
	I do wonder, Anderson, whether there should have been more on foreign policy, more on Ukraine.
	Maybe.
	Not so much for the allies, for whom he has been supporting and reassuring.
	Did you hear when I said I was gonna stop cancer?
	Yeah, I'm not.
	Why do they have the black guy from the Allstate commercials lying in there?
	Let me smell you and see.
	A hunter just drove into nine people.
	Swalwell's, like, nosing in.
	for a little bit. Let me smell you and see a hunter just drove into nine people. This
	is Walwell's like nosing in. Can you sign my badge? Yeah. Prices that have to be Eric
	Swalwell was banging a Chinese spy.
	This man is still walking amongst you.
	He's still representing you.
	He was banging a Chinese spy.
	Just to be clear, there's no Snopes, there's no PolitiFact that even says kinda true.
	It's 100% true and he is within a hair's distance of the former Vice President of the United States.
	For crying out loud, I don't even know if he last wiped himself on the curtains since his most recent session.
	With a Chinese spy!
	It's fine now, he's dating a new Russian girl, I hear she's very nice.
	Loves him for him.
	That's only because the Ukrainian girls were just, there was a shortage.
	What have you cared about freedom?
	Let's be clear about this.
	Ukrainian girls were just, there was a shortage.
	Freedom versus tyranny as democracy versus autocracy which is something that President
	Zelensky...
	When have you cared about freedom?
	Let's be clear about this.
	He's talking about a Supreme Court nominee, right, Brown Jackson, who signed an amicus
	brief in 2001 that banned people from discussing pro-life options in front of Planned Parenthood.
	I can't think of a more blatant violation of the First Amendment!
	Well, Steven, she's... Who's that man?
	I don't know.
	Looks like he's wearing Hulk Hogan's outfit from Tropic Down... Was it Tropic Down Under?
	Thunder Down Under?
	Oh, Thunder... In Paradise.
	Thunder in Paradise.
	That's so sick!
	Is that only two of us know this?
	How in the world?
	Is that what we're talking about?
	Dave's like, I don't remember other things but that.
	No, I don't remember most of my childhood.
	Well, the beatings, Dave.
	Yeah, I do remember the beatings.
	Wait, you heard powerful?
	Yeah, you heard powerful?
	Really?
	Putin's like, aha!
	Wait, you heard powerful?
	Yeah, you heard powerful?
	Really?
	Putin's like, ah ha ha ha!
	Look at that guy!
	Putin is going to have a sore hand from smacking his 190-yard table.
	Do you have any idea as to the throbbing vascularity of Putin's erection right now?
	Oh, it's massive.
	He's not deterred.
	Where are you outside?
	I don't believe you're outside.
	There's no breath.
	Oh, really?
	Oh, tilting it.
	I love it.
	You can't lift it.
	Yeah, right.
	Unless one can get inside the head of Vladimir Putin and events on the ground will determine
	it.
	But this could be a very long and boring out conversation.
	He's not deterred.
	How about, where are you outside?
	I don't believe you're outside.
	There's no breath.
	That's right.
	When Dr. Fauci was asked about the timeline for ending various measures, he said, you
	don't make the timeline.
	The virus makes the timeline.
	This walks into two dead beagles.
	Well, it's not quite comparable, but we don't make the timeline here.
	It's a very complicated international crisis.
	I'm trying to do my sandfly experiments.
	Bring in the beagles.
	Yes, I'm Dr. Fauci by day, but by night, I am Mr. Sandfly!
	Oh, Mr. Sandfly.
	How does that cure COVID?
	It doesn't.
	It doesn't?
	Bring me a dog.
	Bring me more beagles!
	So opens his mouth, it's like Candyman farewell to the flesh, but sandflies.
	I said sandflies, not bees!
	Michael Clarke Douglas?
	What?
	Duncan.
	Hey, Edmont, drink!
	Gerald is slurring.
	I didn't slur, I just got the name wrong.
	In fairness, it was the least dumb slurring.
	Michael Clarke Duncan, 380 pound black guy, Michael Douglas, guy who got HPV going down on Catherine Zeta-Jones.
	That's true.
	The best way.
	100% true.
	Before he was married to Catherine Zeta-Jones, he sounded like his dad, Kirk and Spartacus.
	After, he sounded like Willem Dafoe in Spider-Man.
	I should have never munched on that, Spider-Man!
	No, after he's like, I'm much happier now.
	He just said, worth it.
	Worth it!
	Yes.
	Worth it!
	...required any sacrifices on the part of Americans.
	What he did say is that, I want you to know that we're going to be okay.
	Oh, well that's nice.
	How are we going to be okay with weak foreign policy?
	Because he's going... He doesn't... They're going to take more of your money.
	Well that doesn't make me... Stupid son of a bitch!
	He doesn't get it!
	Guys, he doesn't get it!
	Admonish him!
	I was going to make it better!
	He's going to take more of your money!
	It's not... He's going to print more money, leave weapons in places we shouldn't.
	Come on!
	What, did you skip Keynesian economics or Kenyan-Asian?
	I don't care.
	Kenyan-Asian?
	This is kind of funny.
	He left a bunch of weapons in the Middle East and his son left weapons in a trash can instead of elementary school.
	They're just good at leaving weapons.
	They just leave them wherever they are.
	It just makes common sense.
	His son left a handgun in a dumpster instead of elementary school and then his dad said, hold my schnapps and he left ten Blackhawks in Afghanistan.
	Hold my lactaid.
	Can we bring up that tweet you were showing me?
	You knew it was really distasteful when they used the fighter jets that were left to spell out, Joe Rogan is short in the sky.
	You're like, come on ISIS.
	One of the people that I hate the most on this topic, I'm going to have him bring it up real quick.
	Robert Reich!
	You usually shouldn't express any controversial opinions if your name is Reich.
	He shouldn't, right?
	Perhaps his entire first term will be remembered for the measured and powerful way he has dealt with Putin's aggression?
	Whoever imagined this would be a significant part of Biden's legacy?
	Are you kidding me?
	By the way, his middle name's Third.
	Well, I wanted to know if he was the Third or not, just to be safe.
	How can you view that speech and go, this is powerful, this is measured, right?
	No!
	You have stopped Putin from doing nothing.
	You've stopped him from doing nothing?
	And now you are driving him into the arms of China by implementing economic sanctions.
	Look, I don't believe... I just don't think that economic sanctions like that work if it is not combined with severe military action.
	You either need to be all in or all out.
	It's just like a fight.
	You have no business fighting.
	When people talk about getting into bar fights on the street...
	It's so silly because the amount of damage that can be done, the unintended consequences, maybe you just think you're going to slap somebody around.
	He's out cold, he hits his head in the concrete.
	If you ever get into a physical altercation, you either need to completely avoid it and de-escalate, or be as swift and as violent as possible.
	There should be no in-between.
	Economic sanctions without swift military action is foolish because, just as we've seen with the drug war, they are going to find an ally somewhere.
	And like the point you made about Germany and Russia, you go from World War I to Allies again in World War II until Germany decided they were going to say, uh, no, just kidding!
	I had my fingers crossed!
	That's what's happening with China and Russia.
	They're not natural allies, but you're seeing what's happening with the embargo on wheat being removed.
	You're seeing what's happening with the hundreds of billions of dollars in increases in trade.
	You're seeing what's happening with China now supporting Russia, or at least condemning the United States diplomatically.
	Not calling it an invasion.
	Well, if it was a bar fight, this is kind of like him intervening and threatening to pay Putin's bar tab.
	Yes.
	No, what he's doing is he's saying, here are sanctions, they'll take a month to take effect and really hit them.
	And Ducey asked this question to Jen Psaki.
	Well, it's good when you're in another country.
	Do you think that the Ukrainians have a month?
	Because I think they're dying right now.
	Maybe if we just stop buying their oil today, it'll make a difference.
	Supplies have been shut off.
	The Klitschko's just made welterweight.
	But when he brought up them burning, what's her face?
	Oh, yeah, she's like, baby, burn, baby, burn!
	No, no, no, it's worse than that.
	Nancy Pelosi, I don't know if we can bring that back up, but that is a clip when he said, people who have lung damage from breathing in toxic fumes and burn pits.
	She tripped over the desk, trying to clap, and went, ah!
	Like if she were a superhero, she would just be the fly, but this is her only power.
	Ah!
	I am, I am the cricket!
	Ah!
	Tell me she didn't look like Christmas Vacation Lady.
	Tell me she didn't!
	This is what happens when you have people who fear no accountability.
	You know why?
	Look, that was absolutely insane.
	What do you think would happen if Mike Pence, if during a speech Donald Trump said something like, I don't know, and the China virus, they don't like the Chinese, which he never said, and Mike Pence went...
	And started doing like a Justin Bieber heart or some shit.
	Guess what?
	It would be everywhere.
	They know!
	They're not even concerned about anyone on CNN, ABC, NBC, CBS.
	I'm sure we can flip around to see their reactions saying, this was pretty rough.
	Yeah.
	No.
	That's not healthcare.
	It's the light from the sewage treatment plant.
	Clark!
	Well, I will say, actually, it's not... I think that Cousin Eddie had it perfectly right.
	This speech, the shitter was full.
	Tons of... Hey, got it all out, though.
	Don't worry.
	Toxic smoke.
	Okay, here we go.
	Burn pitch.
	What is she doing?
	Is she trying to throw her voice?
	She heard clapping and she wasn't paying attention so she stood up giddy and smiling for people's death.
	Not to mention, when he mentioned cancer, she started twerking.
	Which she really can't do with that app.
	No she can't.
	It sounds like one of those noise clackers that you get at Chuck E. Cheese when your kid was like your 90 Tokens.
	Just clack clack clack clack clack clack clack clack CLACK MY HIT!
	Tomorrow she's on a commercial with Sally Field.
	I have osteoporosis.
	Horrific twerking accident.
	Right now there's homeless people crabbing on my driveway.
	I'm watching through my ring doorbell camera.
	Please, please look at the bottom of this.
	Tapping oil.
	Ah, they just moved it.
	Tapping oil supplies to kind of blunt the price increase.
	Three days.
	Yeah.
	People from around the world have released 60 million barrels of oil.
	Three days of supply in the United States.
	Three days of supply in the United States.
	What are we doing on day four, Joe?
	Look, here's also something we need to talk about.
	Look, it's very easy to solve the... Not to solve.
	But to mitigate the damage being done to the American people.
	Now what did he say?
	We're going to force companies to pay $15 an hour.
	By the way, the same companies that they forced to close.
	That worked like a charm, didn't it?
	Just look at the economic results of red states and blue states.
	For example, compare New York to Texas or Florida.
	You can debate about the spread of the virus even though it looks like red states did relatively Better than blue states.
	Though you can say, okay, maybe it's a wash.
	There can be no debate at all.
	None.
	Just to be clear.
	None.
	There's no both sides of the issue as far as the economic, the disastrous economic ramifications that happen with shutting down businesses.
	His remedy now is to, what?
	Force businesses to pay more.
	Okay, there are things that we can do right now to solve this issue as it relates to the average American, which he doesn't want to discuss.
	By the way, use the hashtag BidenFactCheck.
	That's the promo code $20 off at ladderwithcredit.com slash MugClub.
	We're doing this stream live tonight, live fact-checking a lot that goes into producing it.
	We make no money on YouTube.
	Here's what we can do.
	Open up our own oil reserves.
	Now, not only does that help the United States, right, open up not only our own oil reserves, but open up, as opposed to shutting down the Keystone pipeline, open up our own natural gas, oil reserves, and even clean coal technology.
	Not only does it allow us to help our own citizens as it deals with gas prices, not only does it allow us to be independent, Yeah, like we saw in 2016, under Donald Trump, for the first time in modern American history, allows us to be a net exporter of oil.
	What does that mean, being a net exporter of oil?
	It means that we can send out more oil than we bring in.
	Hey, who would we be sending that to?
	Could that benefit people in the Ukraine?
	Could that benefit people in Europe, particularly people who might be dependent on oil supplies, like the Nord Stream Pipeline?
	Right, this is the Nord Stream 2.
	I'm assuming there's a 1.
	I have no idea.
	Yeah, by the way, I have no idea.
	Uh, what is it, Russia is responsible for, is it 10%, is it 1%?
	10% of the oil, uh, world's oil supply, but they're one of the single biggest producers of oil, uh, for all of Europe.
	I can find this any second.
	Uh, you guys can break it up.
	I don't exactly know what the number is, but the point is...
	We're now at $100 a barrel for oil per day.
	Yeah.
	And they're talking about three-day supply of oil.
	And we were already at a high gas price anyway.
	We were already at a high gas price.
	Oil was going up.
	This wasn't just a Russia thing.
	When the United States focuses on its own interests, it can benefit the rest of the world.
	And you know what?
	It's a perfect analogy.
	People say you need to put on your own oxygen mask before you help the person next to you, right in the plane.
	That's you as a passenger.
	Okay.
	There is no more clear-cut example of the pilot than the United States.
	So if you're a passenger, you need to put on your own oxygen mask first so you can help the person next to you.
	The pilot, certainly, should put his own oxygen mask on first.
	How do you know that we're the pilot?
	Well, we're the most powerful country in the world, not only the free world.
	We were paying All of NATO, more than the rest of the countries combined.
	Four years.
	How do you know that the United States is the pilot?
	Because when shit goes wrong in the Ukraine or across Europe, they look to the United States, the pilot.
	So guess what?
	Open our own energy reserves here so we can help ourselves and that allows us to help nations overseas.
	Also, when we're talking about energy, so we open up our own resources.
	And this is the key.
	You can't say wars for oil, right, no effects, rock against Bush, and now act like that's not a huge component here with Russia and Ukraine.
	Of course it has to do with energy.
	Something else that we need to be doing is looking at the most effective forms of energy.
	He won't talk about this because the Democratic Party has maligned it for years.
	Nuclear energy is not only zero, Carbon emissions, just to be clear.
	Entirely clean, but there have been three accidents, and this is what the media decided to, of course, sexify, glorify.
	Three Mile Island, right, Chernobyl, and Fukushima.
	And in those cases, particularly Fukushima, almost all the deaths came from the actual evacuation plan.
	There is no form of energy.
	that has a lower amount of deaths per kilowatt hour produced of energy than nuclear energy.
	And it is something that we can use. It is something that is effectively renewable.
	It is something that actually creates very little waste.
	And it is something that is available to us right now with no carbon emissions. To see more clear-cut
	examples, look at the difference between France and Germany. Look who
	cut their carbon emissions.
	France, primarily nuclear energy, versus Germany, who went to renewables, wind and solar. And
	not only did they increase their carbon emissions, they would have brownouts.
	They would have to sell energy at a net negative cost.
	So, no one is saying, we wouldn't like to move to all electric everything, but right now it needs to be powered by something.
	And right now, we're powered by oil that comes from places overseas, as you have seen, by the way, up until last week, Well, this week, former Vice President Joe Biden supported, signed off on the North Stream Pipeline going through Russia when one of the first actions he had taken as President was shutting down the Keystone Pipeline here in North America.
	So up until last week, he supported us being dependent on foreign oil.
	So, if we want to go electric in the future and you believe that it runs on sunshine and farts, except reality now, it requires energy.
	Well, where does that come from?
	Do you want it coming from the United States?
	Or do you want it coming from Russia?
	Do you want it coming from Saudi Arabia?
	Then, do you want it coming from zero carbon emission nuclear energy that we can use here in a safe, reliable manner?
	Or, do you want nothing?
	Because that's what you'll get with wind and solar when you're dealing with that kind of infrastructure.
	Just look at Solyndra.
	Look at these companies that the government has tried to shove down your throat.
	There are things we can do right now to make us less dependent on the rest of the world.
	And tyrants, as former Vice President Joe Biden put it, like Vladimir Putin, right now.
	But he doesn't want to do that.
	Up until last week, he supported buying more oil from Putin!
	Absolutely.
	And you know how I know that nuclear is totally safe?
	They put it in things that are getting shot at.
	The entire point, put it on a sub, put it on a carrier.
	Those things are targets.
	If it was so dangerous.
	Wasn't Chernobyl like one guy's arrogance anyway?
	It was the Russian system.
	But it was like, wasn't it just like one guy?
	Yeah, like horrible oversight to begin with.
	Terrible oversight.
	Yeah, which basically started with, you know, measuring contest.
	The domino effect.
	Lots of vodka.
	Yeah.
	Lots of vodka.
	And then people had three testicles.
	We don't know why.
	Well, I don't know if they necessarily had three testicles.
	Some of them were starting off with two and a half.
	Actually, the button to shut it down was at the other end of Putin's table, and so it took a while to get there.
	He's like, oh, why did they have 250-yard table?
	I can't reach easy button.
	They were in a meeting, and they were like, the button's at the end.
	Somebody go get it.
	Can you slide button like Heinz Ketchup in Jim Carrey commercials from the 80s?
	This is actually a fact.
	Before Chernobyl, they had regular-sized tables.
	Oh my gosh.
	He just walked in, he's like, WHAT HAPPENED TO MY PINEWOOD?
	Right after the meltdown, just... Long tables, really long.
	Russian response from the governor of Iowa.
	Republican response.
	You just said Russian response, you son of a bitch.
	Well, hell, she's wearing red.
	it looked like all drink fine i think i saw in the island rego montage hammering
	families of violent crime wave was crashing our cities
	and the soviet army was trying to redraw the world map even before taking the oath of office the president told us
	that he wanted to make america respected around the world again
	and to unite us here at home as a weekly he's failed on both fronts
	the disastrous Afghanistan withdrawal.
	Yeah, I know.
	more than cost American lives. It betrayed our allies and emboldened our enemies. North
	Korea is testing missiles again at an alarming rate. The Speaker of the House recently warned
	our Olympic athletes not to speak out against China. And now Russia has launched an unprovoked,
	full-scale military invasion of Ukraine. An attack on democracy, freedom, and freedom
	I'd be good with that.
	Now all Americans must stand united in solidarity with the brave people of Ukraine as they courageously fend their country against Putin's tyranny and fight for their freedom.
	For sure.
	No, yeah, I mean I would...
	This is a good crippling backhand.
	I would kill every person in this room if that would allow me to see that.
	Might let you kill them.
	Yeah.
	I would.
	Because he's a killjoy.
	But it will bring you back to life.
	Yeah.
	It's a profit.
	Yeah, it'll bring you back to life.
	I'm not sure that's one of his jobs.
	Who just goes, boop, fentanyl.
	Yeah.
	He might have used it already if it were day.
	He'll just go, boop, eight ball.
	He hasn't resurrected yet.
	Eight ball.
	It's like the smelling salts of cup foods.
	Heal thyself, physician.
	Alright.
	Let's stay out of this one.
	By the way, this is one thing when people ask why don't I more regularly support Republicans.
	It's because it's pretty tough to get behind this.
	I know.
	It's a little lackluster.
	Here's the thing.
	You watched us fact check this in real time, and we'll do more fact checking.
	This obviously had to be written beforehand.
	It's almost like when they do rap battles.
	I'm like, oh, I have this cipher.
	You're like, you just rapped about a place where I've never lived and never even been, and my mother's name is not Ethel.
	They're like, well it was prepared beforehand.
	This is prepared beforehand and they try to make minor changes.
	This isn't real.
	It's why I do Change My Mind.
	It's why we do things like Man on the Street where it's unedited and you just discuss with people.
	This isn't real.
	It's not designed to reach the American people.
	This speech right now is designed to reach the Republican donors who will say, I really like that Kim Reynolds because he seems to be a good governor plus she has breasts so we really need to put her up on the ticket.
	Yeah, she's definitely the wild and out politics.
	Yes!
	Just Nick Cannon winning everything.
	Listen, you have Joe Biden.
	You couldn't have put, like, a young, like, well-spoken person in there?
	Like, to be the juxtaposition?
	You had to match it?
	For crying out loud, you could have put Bobby Jindal on.
	I'd feel like I'm on Molly.
	Do any of them have their own teeth?
	Anybody in politics?
	I'm not entirely sure.
	Those aren't hers.
	It's old.
	I don't know what she's talking about, but I like that sentence.
	It's all big fixident.
	Add it again.
	We need to grow more corn.
	I was pulling teeth out of my neighbor's faces.
	Let's get the most mousy-sounding governor.
	Speaking of corn, let's go overseas for more of that as well.
	She decided tonight to go with Handmaid's Tale chic.
	Handmaid or Handmaidens?
	Did anyone know what the Ukrainian flag looked like five days ago?
	Probably not.
	I actually knew because I knew a girl in high school who lent me Chrono Trigger for my Super Nintendo and I never gave it back.
	Sorry, Cecilia.
	And then he had the Ukrainian frag when we did the cultural fair.
	Ah.
	Yeah.
	At least that didn't end with HPV.
	No.
	Not as far as I know.
	Sorry, Cecilia.
	It was a great RPG.
	Chrono Trigger is rare now.
	It goes for $400 on eBay.
	Remember her lower back and going, what flag is that?
	But I guess you have the last laugh.
	And I can tell you what's not on that list.
	Tell us.
	They won't tell you that spending trillions more and bankrupting their children is the answer to their problems.
	Do you really have to wear the team colors?
	They won't tell you that we should be paying people not to work.
	I thought it was a fashion thing.
	I thought Red was in.
	And they certainly won't tell you that we should give billions in tax giveaways to millionaires and billionaires.
	All right, okay, let's do this.
	Let's give our wrap-up and then we'll go to take some chat on Mug Club because, you know what, I'd be more interested to hear Ben Shapiro's rebuttal.
	No, no, we're not on Mug Club right now.
	Oh, what'd you say?
	Nothing bad.
	All right, what do you think there, Gerald?
	Your wrap-up.
	It'll be more interesting than Governor Kim Reynolds.
	Yes, so I think he did all the things we thought he would do, right?
	He didn't specifically blame Donald Trump for the NATO thing, so I was a little surprised by that.
	I thought he was going to at least hint at that, like, the former administration policies.
	That tells me they had a focus group and they realized it was an impossible sell.
	Exactly, like, they're like, ah, you can't do that.
	I was a little surprised that he stumbled as much as he did.
	Like, I thought he would actually be able to string a few more sentences together.
	We were drinking!
	You kept hitting the damn button, Tim!
	You're a little bit too on top of that.
	And so he stumbled through this, and I'm not surprised at all.
	This is something that I thought obviously would happen, that the water would be carried by every analyst on CNN, no problem.
	Of course.
	He's powerful.
	He's strong.
	Robert Reich, you absolute moron, measured, powerful response that did nothing to keep Putin from invading Ukraine and killing its citizens as you wrote that?
	That's powerful to you?
	I think powerful means somebody stays out of their neighboring country.
	You know, Kamala?
	The small country next to the big country, and the big country invaded the small country?
	That place?
	That's power.
	Right.
	And he didn't address that.
	And then he blamed the economy on all kinds of things.
	But here's what you needed to hear.
	The government knows best.
	We're going to take your money and spend it on everybody else.
	By the way, while completely...
	Refusing to acknowledge that the government-knows-best policies, which led us here, play to any hand in where we are right now.
	And it was government-knows-best.
	You mean government-knows-best like shut down businesses?
	Government-knows-best like hand out checks indefinitely?
	Government-knows-best like shut down schools and go to Zoom calls?
	And by the way, the only reason they ever opened up was because of the gnashing of teeth and wailing from conservative moms who, by the way, Had a huge wins in Virginia and almost in New Jersey.
	So the same turnover that happened that you fought, now you're trying to take as a win and saying, by the way, government knows best.
	Government, absolutely.
	I don't think there's ever been a more clear-cut example.
	Created the mess that we're in, and now he's trying to say, but don't worry, government can fix it.
	We'll get you out.
	Yeah.
	Just give us more money.
	Give us more power.
	Do what we ask, and we will get you out of this mess that we put you in.
	They don't ask.
	Well, that's true.
	Come on.
	Ask.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	It's a suggestion.
	Right, yeah.
	And rape is just, you know, it's just a suggestion.
	I wouldn't even say suggestion.
	I mean, it's forward.
	Yes.
	It just makes common sense.
	I'd say bold.
	Assertive.
	Dominant.
	How do you trust a guy like that, though?
	He's proven that he can- A rapist?
	In one year, the president- I mean, it's close.
	He smells people and touches them in weird ways.
	By people, you mean children.
	How do you trust a guy that in one year has done nothing good?
	In one year he has shown you every single measure.
	Nobody trusts this guy and he's like, just give me more power.
	Give me more money.
	That's all I need.
	Yeah.
	I'll fix it this year.
	Right.
	We're going to cut a trillion dollars out of the debt.
	Really?
	Yeah.
	How are you going to do that?
	You know what our budget is?
	But we're going to end all the burn pits.
	And they're supposed to be like, yes!
	Yes, burn pits!
	Yes!
	Burn, baby, burn!
	Burn pits!
	This is a good time to release my song.
	It's a burn pit!
	From burn pit.
	Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, it's a burn pit.
	Yes, burn!
	Talking about my little burn pit.
	I just don't know where this came from.
	Did she go to clap and she was like, I don't have fingers that move right now.
	I think she just wanted to feel.
	She just got so confused, yeah.
	She was high as hell.
	She was really drunk.
	I think she was literally drunk.
	She was biting on her lips.
	Or on benzos, yeah.
	She tractor-beamed one too many puddling souls.
	Just chewing on her Coke mouth.
	Just right behind her there's a Jim Henson puddling muppet who just looks all dehydrated.
	How much Adderall can I mix with vodka?
	That diabetes boy looks nice and tasty.
	That threatened.
	He promised to cure cancer.
	Well, no, he said... Yeah, I don't think much more needs to be said than that.
	I mean, it's really... It was lie after lie, and then he promised to cure cancer.
	That's where I stand on it.
	You can't say that's a lie.
	That's just a bold statement.
	Hold on, Dave.
	One of your favorite things...
	He said the VA was going to be efficient and make payments.
	And take care of that woman's husband and families the same way they did with the Vietnam veterans who across the country have died and left their families with absolutely nothing.
	I know exactly what that feels like.
	Yeah, he's gonna be right on top of it just like he has been since the war in Vietnam, since Desert Storm, since we've been in Afghanistan.
	How many countries did he flub?
	Tonight alone?
	I think Iran was one of them.
	What was the Iran thing?
	Well one he made up, he didn't say Ukrainians, he said Iranians.
	I think he said Uranians.
	Uraniums!
	What?
	It was just statement after statement of just lies and nonsense.
	More division.
	And I'll be honest, I'm surprised he didn't stumble as much.
	Really?
	Yeah.
	You expected more?
	I thought more.
	Wow.
	So they really gave him a good amount of B12.
	Can I, and real stuff, maybe the cure?
	You're saying you don't think he'll cure cancer?
	Oh no, I obviously think he will.
	Can we take a poll?
	Can we put a poll up on Twitter?
	How many of you, you know, considering how brave and powerful they're claiming this speech to be, how many of you out there believe that former Vice President Joe Biden will end cancer as we know it?
	By the way, you know what you do when you're confident on something?
	Claim to end cancer?
	By the end of this decade, we will put a man on the moon and return him safely to Earth.
	That's what you say.
	You don't say, we need to get rid of cancer and be tougher, we're gonna do a better job.
	He didn't say, here's a deadline, go do it.
	He didn't marshal the resources of the United States and give us a goal and say, let's go achieve it.
	Well, it's like a bad psychic, right?
	It's like a bad palm reading.
	If at any point in human history, cancer is cured.
	It was Joe Biden.
	Yeah.
	Oh yeah.
	Oh my gosh.
	We knew it.
	What?
	We had an Oracle amongst us.
	40 years ago.
	We had no idea.
	It was a long game.
	We need to consult the Biden lineage.
	He just rays up like Dune.
	I just like that he yelled at the end of the speech like Bill Pullman in Independence Day.
	Yeah, he's like, HA!
	Let's go!
	Or attempted to, I should say.
	Yeah, he sounded more like Bill Pullman in Casper.
	Yeah, he sounded... Ouch.
	I'll tell you what.
	No, I appreciate that, too, because I was very clear.
	You always say, folks, listen.
	Yeah.
	Hey, come on.
	Cancer cure's coming.
	Yeah, cancer cure.
	You can't cure COVID.
	I'm sorry.
	And the only tool you have against COVID is one that developed under Donald Trump, and you said you wouldn't take.
	I killed more people with COVID than Donald Trump.
	I'm better.
	Now I'm going to cure a dude with cancer.
	Oh, please don't.
	Go get him!
	Woo!
	Go get him!
	Killer T-cells!
	Yeah.
	He's like the coach in varsity football.
	They start giving you chemo in advance.
	He's jogging out of the huddle, okay, or the locker room.
	Let's go, go!
	But nobody's following him.
	We call it our new advanced chemo plan.
	Everyone next speech comes in looking like Justice Breyer.
	Yeah.
	It's great because when you get it, you won't lose as much hair.
	Hold on, hold on, Justice Breyer.
	Do I have any left?
	Yeah, Justice Breyer.
	Oh my, what?
	I didn't even, ah!
	It's like Chris Kattan in a gay sketch.
	Was that Mango?
	Was that Mango?
	Was that Justice Mango?
	He was laying it on pretty thick.
	Oh yeah.
	He likes it laid on thick.
	I mean, look, come on.
	I couldn't help it.
	I do respect his commitment.
	Is he out of the closet?
	Is Breyer openly gay?
	Or is he like a stelter who's still claiming he's straight?
	Under that robe, not a thing.
	Not a thing.
	He just turned around and he just mooned Pelosi.
	Boop!
	Look at this!
	Oh my gosh!
	They love me!
	They really love me.
	He's talking about Pete Buttigieg.
	He p****d me.
	He really p****d me.
	Or Jeffrey Tambor in Transamerica.
	Whatever that is.
	Transparent.
	I will say this, and we're going to go take your chat here on Mug Club and hear what you guys think.
	And again, the promo code is BIDENFACTCHECK.
	You get $20 off Mug Club.
	It's about what I expected.
	I was shocked that he spent little to no time on the Supreme Court nominee.
	He went right past it.
	He spent very little time.
	On the economy.
	If that.
	And he also, it was very clear, especially when you hear, when you compare it to the rhetoric that we have heard from Psaki and from former Vice President Joe Biden about Putin and Donald Trump emboldening Russia.
	Of course if they meant it they would say it right now when all eyes and by all eyes I mean however many Americans decided to accidentally stumble across this channel um or any channel right now because they broadcast it on every single channel like the Indian head in the 1950s and that would have been more entertaining if Biden just sort of we just tuned in and Elizabeth Warren was going So I will say it was very interesting.
	You know, you've heard me say this.
	It's like you see this a lot where people make claims and then they're in a deposition or they're under oath, right?
	They're under the penalty of perjury and they don't make those same claims.
	Right now when there were more severe consequences, Biden realized, I'm not going to be able to sell the American public on this idea that Donald Trump emboldened and created a problem with Putin.
	I'm not going to be able to sell the American people on the idea that Donald Trump weakened our position with China.
	So that's a very stark contrast.
	I also think the reason why Is not only because it's a tough sell to the American people, but they know what they're in for with midterms and the red wave.
	Big time.
	And so that's why he tried to play up the whole bipartisan, look how many bipartisan bills I've passed.
	He's trying to sort of ingratiate himself with Republicans because he knows that Democrats, they're in for a massacre and he's hoping to at least lessen the portions of that massacre that are seen to be on his hands.
	So I did see a stark, to me it was surprising to see that stark of a contrast From everything he's been saying when he's dictating the questions, when he's out there and these are press conferences that nobody really watches, right?
	And then the media clips and gives highlights, but when he knows this is sort of like our show, right?
	We do this live.
	This is done without a net.
	They don't do that a whole lot on YouTube, especially now with the community guidelines and the advertiser-friendly guidelines and, sorry, the borderline content, what's known as the Crowder Rule.
	Apologize for that.
	We do this live, and so what we say is of consequence, and we try to make sure that we say what we mean, and that it's accurate, and that's why we make all references available at lightearthcracker.com.
	By the way, best thing you can do if you're watching this, uh, is smash the like button if you're watching live, and if you're watching the archive, just leave a comment with your thoughts.
	And here's why it's important, too, for you to leave comments.
	And I don't, this is the biggest conservative channel that's ever existed on YouTube, okay?
	Bar none.
	And I'm incredibly grateful that you guys have come in.
	So this is the place, you will have more people right now, more of you will comment below this video giving feedback with your actual thoughts on this address than on any other mainstream website comment section.
	It's something that we are able to generate that is undeniable where people can read your organic, it's the same reason they got rid of the dislike button.
	Yeah.
	Although we can see behind the scenes with our tools, and by the way, still not going well for the White House.
	But I really would love to see what you guys thought about this.
	To me it was shocking, just because I thought I guess it's not that shocking.
	When someone is under the limelight, let's think about it at a press conference.
	I don't know what the average ratings would be for a press conference when Psaki's there.
	You're talking maybe in the hundreds of thousands, right, if you're lucky.
	Maybe a couple million.
	I don't know how many millions of people are watching tonight, but he's going, OK, the stakes are high.
	I can't just use the same old tired, shitty arguments.
	Well, the world was watching, hoping for a strong response to Putin.
	They didn't get it.
	Yeah, I mean, there's so much on the table right now, I would assume there had to be a large viewership.
	I would assume it has to be a Russian oligarch's table.
	Well, it's a large table to have, it's in Gulag!
	You see the table, it's like, this looks like the Ghost of Christmas Presents.
	Come in and know me better, man!
	Alright, let's go and take your chats here on Mug Club, and of course thank you if you're watching on Rumble.
	The more of you who can switch from YouTube to Rumble, the free show is always available on Rumble.
	We'll be back on Thursday, 10 a.m.
	10 a.m.
	Eastern.
	Right now we're gonna go and take your chats, your feedback, and Let Dave Landau say whatever it is that he wants to say.
	Of course, on the mug.
	Mmm, whatcha say?

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