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Feb. 26, 2016 - Louder with Crowder
02:22:47
#63 Dana Loesch, Gavin McInnes and @GayPatriot! | Louder With Crowder
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Time Text
You've found yourself at the junction where worlds meet.
Politics.
Civility?
How about honesty in this country, folks?
Entertainment.
I don't like entertainment.
And a whole bunch of other stuff.
It's about having a healthy body image.
If you have a very unhealthy body, you should have a horrible body image.
Not a big home improvement market in Detroit.
We are definitely going to get letters.
You're listening to Talk Radio's Strangest Animal.
You're a strange animal.
You're getting louder with Crowder.
But you're a strange animal I got to follow Oh, I'm in the speedy to sound Oh!
You know what that sound is?
That's the sound of the weekend.
I am your host, Steven Crowder, louder with Crowder, producing with me in studio, as always, is NotGayJarred.
You can follow him on Twitter at NotGayJarred.
I've fulfilled all my legal obligations.
Draw your own conclusions.
Are we good?
That was good.
A little Al Borland sign-off.
A little Al Borland?
That's horrible.
That's horrible.
But I feel strangely proud.
You're not doing your orientations...
Back to you.
Back to you, Steven.
You're not doing your orientations, reputation, any favors.
No.
For those obviously listening to Restfully, we are live streaming now, so you can watch us at ladderwithcrowder.com or the YouTubes, our wonderful affiliate list, New Hampshire, Florida, Michigan, several, Missouri, Alaska.
We're very grateful to everyone who's listening.
So listen, this has been a big week.
A lot of guests we have coming up, too.
Gavin McGinnis, Dana Lash, Gay Patriot.
Brodigan.
Pretty much an all-star cast.
I'm going into surgery this week, so we've had a really tough time trying to schedule everything and get all this done for you, but I appreciate it.
I've gotten a lot of tweets, Facebook messages that people are praying for me.
Listen, it's fine.
It's not that big of a surgery.
We're reattaching some ligaments and fixing some stuff in the knee, and I'm very grateful to be under the care of some fantastic doctors.
So that's not what's been frustrating me.
What's been frustrating me is we have these primaries.
I'm not going to get into it too much, the Trump deal, because we'll have guests who are...
We have Rubio guests on today.
We have a Trump guest on today.
A few people from different walks of life.
First thing I want to say is, you know, Bernie Sanders...
This is rigged against the guy.
I don't know if you've seen this.
With Bernie Sanders, there hasn't been a primary state for Democrats that has been won by as wide of a margin as Bernie won New Hampshire since JFK. He won it by like 22 points.
It doesn't matter with the superdelegates.
For people who don't understand the way this works, it's not about how many votes you get.
It's about the delegates you collect.
And Democrats effectively have these superdelegates that render everything else pretty much useless.
You get the superdelegates, you get the nomination.
And the superdelegates have all gone for Hillary Clinton.
Isn't it ironic, though?
I was sitting here talking about this.
People believe, for some reason, the Democratic Party.
Democrats!
So it's democracy!
And Republicans are not.
They're not for democracy.
It's like, listen.
I once had a guy go, well, actually, Democrats believe in electing through democracy, and Republicans get elected through...
I was going to come again, stupid.
You have to vote for a Republican or a Democrat.
Either way, it has to take place in the same election, dummy.
He didn't understand the difference.
But isn't it ironic that Democrats claim to be for the people and it's all about democracy, which of course I don't support.
I don't believe in democracy.
It's mob rule.
I believe in a constitutional republic.
But isn't it sort of funny?
That the thing with Trump, whether you like him or not, it's a populist approach right now.
He's saying what people want to hear, and he's winning the votes, and he's probably going to win the nomination.
But the Democrats, they don't trust it.
Uh-uh.
Uh-uh.
No.
But we're the people!
No.
No.
You're not going to get it.
That's not what's going to happen.
That's not how this works.
It's just about control, which is just so funny how it just goes over people's head.
They control it so much more than the Republican Party.
The Republican Party, and this has come back to bite them, they trust their voting contingency enough, or at least they believe that it's the moral thing they have to do.
Okay, let's leave it to the people.
They don't do the super delegate thing.
You can bitch about Jeb Bush getting all this money, and that's true.
Listen, I was on the show saying, I don't know, it's not going to be Jeb Bush.
That's what I know.
And what I did say was I thought it was going to be someone we weren't talking about.
Back then, everyone thought it was Ted Cruz or Rubio, for sure.
And I said, I think it's going to be someone we're not talking about.
I never expected Trump.
But...
At least it's left to the voters in a Republican primary.
It's just such a big irony to me that Democrats do not trust their own voters to pick their nominee.
Because if they did, it'd be Bernie.
This is what you want.
No, this is what you want.
Right.
You want this lovely gal right here.
Now, speaking of Bernie, and here's something I wanted to talk about.
By the way, Donald Trump's probably going to get the nomination, and he's going to out-Bernie Bernie in a general election.
Watch.
He's going to become super liberal, and he's going to just say Hillary Clinton is the Goldman Sachs candidate on Wall Street.
He's going to out-Bernie Bernie Sanders in a general.
Even though Donald Trump has stakes in Goldman Sachs, he's received giant business loans from George Soros.
Listen, he wants to attack other people for doing exactly what he does himself.
I am against Wall Street bailouts.
I am against the big banks.
But that's what Donald Trump's playbook will be.
If it's Hillary Donald Trump, he's going to out-liberal Bernie Sanders.
It's going to be total class warfare with the big banks.
Watch it, called it, move on.
The funny thing about Bernie Sanders is, I was just thinking about this, when people say, well, the Republicans are the party of the rich, the Democrats are the party of the poor.
Okay, let's go with that logic.
It would be in the Republicans' best interest, if they ever wanted to be elected again, to ensure that you are, what now?
I'm going to go with rich, Stephen.
That is correct.
You're going to go with rich.
So if Democrats are the party of the poor, they would have a vested interest in order to maintain a voter base to keep you...
I'm going to go with poor on that one, Stephen.
60% of the time, it works every time.
When I send it to NotKJarod.
That's just reality.
You can't have it both ways with that.
If you believe that, well then you have to believe.
And it's not a conspiracy.
It's not a 9-11 truth thing.
It's just, this is simple voting statistics.
You need a certain amount of poor people to vote for you.
Do you know what the worst thing would be for a Bernie Sanders candidacy?
The worst climate for Bernie Sanders to run for office.
You know what that would be?
What would that be, Stephen?
That would be...
The economy doing well, everyone has a job, and they're paying taxes.
In that kind of an economy, Bernie Sanders could not be elected.
He couldn't.
It'd be impossible.
If everyone had a little bit of skin in the game, Bernie Sanders is never elected.
The climate in which Bernie Sanders thrives, and the only climate in which he thrives, is if there is a bad economic climate, and there's this huge wealth disparity, and people want it.
If people actually believed that they could make it on their own, if people actually believed in individualism, if people actually believed that the cards weren't stacked against them, if they believed they could go out and get a job, or they tried to, if 47% of Americans who aren't paying federal income taxes paid just a little bit, Bernie Sanders would never be elected.
And I'm even talking about the poor person who's only making $25,000 a year, right below the American poverty line, and they have to pay $500, $600 in taxes.
All of a sudden, it would change everything.
It would change everything.
If you say, everyone pays something, and you're going to raise their taxes with the free schooling.
You just raise it by $100.
That person would go, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hold on a second.
And that's what Ben Carson said, too.
They start adding up, okay, what can I do with $100?
Where else could that go?
Where else could that go?
Who else could that feed?
Do I believe that I would be better with that $100 than Bernie Sanders?
Hmm, interesting question to ponder.
It's just one of those things that so many people miss.
If Democrats are the party of the poor, they need to keep you poor.
Right?
They have to.
Black Americans have been voting Democrat for decades.
They're not doing much better.
It hasn't worked.
Okay?
Bill Clinton was the first black president.
Remember that?
Oh, gosh.
Now that's backfired.
It's so funny to see all the social justice warrior Bernie fans go after Hillary for all that stuff.
And even Bernie said that.
And then she implied that Bernie was...
Gloria Aldred said you're a self-loathing woman if you want Bernie.
You're fantasizing about Bernie.
It's just imploding on itself.
And the problem with someone like a Donald Trump is there's not enough of a contrast because he plays those same games.
I know I'm being young and I'm being an ideologue.
I just wish we could have an actual election and not a circus.
I'm just at that point.
I don't really care.
Listen, if you want to vote Trump, if you want to vote Hillary, I don't really think it's all that different.
I really don't.
I don't think there's a whole bunch...
I mean, they've been at each other's weddings, for crying out loud.
They hang out, they have cocktail parties together, and I'm supposed to believe that there's going to be this stark contrast?
No, I don't.
I do believe that, as a general, the Democratic Party has to keep you poor.
And I just find that really funny.
I was sitting there going, okay, what's the best political climate for Bernie Sanders?
Well, listen to his rhetoric.
He's always telling poor people that there's no way they can make it, if not for him.
What if poor people are already making it?
What if the job participation rate is at an all-time high?
What if everyone is paying something in taxes?
As Dr.
Ben Carson says, nobody pays nothing.
Everybody pays something because everyone has to have a little bit of skin in the game.
Think of when you were a kid and it was your first job and you saw those taxes coming out, right?
Or the first time you got a raise.
Think of anyone out there.
I know a lot of people watching have never done this.
But when you moved up to that next marginal tax rate and you said, whoa, whoa, whoa, what's happening?
This can't be right.
And someone said, oh, no, you're more successful now.
They're going to tax you more.
Anyone who's ever moved up beyond the lowest marginal tax rate has had that experience, and it was a kick to the balls, and they said, okay, I see what's going on here.
I understand this house of cards.
But you have so many people who've just never done it, and they don't even try.
They don't even try to.
People haven't tried, and you're only going to see that trend continue when you realize the punishments are more severe under a Bernie presidency, you know?
People are going to see that.
It's going to be a line they don't want to cross, I think.
Keep that talking going.
Keep that talking going.
Bernie Sanders.
Oh, there you go.
There we go.
Have you got it?
I missed it.
You were trying to cue me up for it.
I wasn't, actually.
You weren't?
That was fantastic.
All right.
We're synced.
We're synced mentally.
Just like our administration cycles.
Can I say that on air?
It just happened.
You said administration, right?
Sure, we'll go with that.
You're going to have so much work to do on this show.
We're going to need to have people hit those buttons.
Um...
Okay, we have to go to a break relatively soon.
Are we bringing on Dana right out of the chute?
Dana Lash is going to come on and we're going to play Gender Pronouns.
Because listen, it's been a rough week for a lot of people.
I'm having surgery.
I'm not going to lie to you.
It's been a hard week for me.
And so I don't want to just sit here and stew over elections and politics.
So we are going to play a couple games.
We're going to play Newest Gender Pronouns with Dana Lash.
We're going to play Spot the Tranny with Gavin McGinnis later on.
And we'll talk more about Bernie.
When does Jared get fired?
Somewhere.
That's not really it.
This isn't leaving much suspense.
You know what nobody ever said regarding that game?
What's that?
The suspense is killing me.
It's true.
I think they all kind of knew where that was going.
I'm pretty sure they knew where it was going.
So we'll talk about all those things.
And you know what?
Tweet me, Ed S. Crowder, what you think about the Trump situation and Ted Cruz and Marco Rubio.
It's just been a dirty week in politics.
It's just been a dirty week all around.
And I don't know if I'm the only one.
I just don't really care enough anymore.
You gotta keep kicking, but at this point it kind of feels like you're trying to kick your way out of a brown paper bag, so I'm just gonna get knee surgery and call it a day.
See you after this.
Everybody was kung fu fighting Those kids were fast as lightning In fact, it was a little bit frightening But they fought with expert timing Hey,
if you're listening to or watching this podcast, there's a strong chance that you are not yet following me on Twitter, where I'm tweeting all day long.
I'm ticking off the social justice warriors.
You should see the amount of hate I get on there.
Far, far, far worse than any Fat Sports Illustrated model or Black Lives Matter charlatan.
So listen, it's free.
You get to be entertained and you can chime in.
Also, if you're following me on Twitter, you can send me your tweets and maybe you'll be lucky enough.
And I mean lucky enough because I have a lot of followers, okay, that they call me the follower machine to have your tweet to me or not Gay Jared included in our rockinest tweet of the week.
So follow me on Twitter at S Crowder.
If not, I don't want to say I have sights on your mother, but...
Oh, she's dead?
You're just saying that because I made a mom joke.
No, she's really dead?
well, you kind of walked into it.
We'll see you next time.
I'm Perry Matheson.
We now take you to a hot microphone on Donald Trump, of which he is unaware.
Uh, yeah.
No, thanks.
Just put that right there.
Yeah.
Okay, the microphone?
Let me pull my neck back.
Oh, did you put it right here?
Uh-huh.
No, put it right under the chin there.
Which one?
Yeah, the third one.
Oh, okay.
Okay, thank you.
Yeah.
No, Joe?
Yeah.
Yeah.
No questions, though.
Okay.
All right.
No questions about how I'm going to get Mexico to pay for the wall.
No questions on that.
I want to tell people I'm going to make...
Listen.
I'm going to tell people I'm going to pay for the wall, but I don't have a good idea of how to pay for the wall, so I don't want you to ask me frankly...
No questions on how to pay for the wall.
...on how to pay for the wall.
Okay.
Not yet.
Okay.
I won't ask those.
Thanks.
You're great.
We'll keep you abreast as the story unfolds with a hot mic on Donald Trump, of which he is unaware.
All right.
So glad to bring this next guest.
I do her show every Friday, which you can find all over the country, syndicated everywhere.
You can see it on the Blaze TV. DanaRadio.com.
Dana Lesh, what are you doing?
You can't come on here laughing.
That's not allowed.
Let me do my resting bitch face.
Hold up.
This is my everyday look.
That is pretty bitchy.
I'm not going to lie about it.
Nailed it.
Nailed it!
It's just my everyday...
Oh, geez.
That is pretty...
That's pretty tough.
That's not easy.
Okay, so Dana, obviously you talk about this stuff every day.
Okay, let's go into the other stuff first.
Let's talk about the election first.
So we had Bratigan on, we had Gavin on, who's Mr.
Trump.
Oh, yes.
I still like him.
I still like Gavin, too.
And none of it is based on consistency.
It's based on sticking it to social justice warriors, which, as long as he's honest about that and he doesn't care anymore, fine.
Where are you with this election?
I'm at this point.
If it's Trump versus Hillary, there's just not enough of a contrast for me to care anymore.
I'm not saying I for sure won't vote, depending on the VP. Right now, I probably won't.
But I'm certainly not going to canvas or show up, or this show will no longer deal with the election.
I don't care.
I was thinking of taking up cutting as a hobby.
That's kind of where I am with it right now.
It's dark really fast.
This got dark really quick for the first hour.
That's really where I am.
This is how crabby I am about the election.
I hate everything about it.
I hate everything.
I trolled my own Facebook page last night.
I went to the ACDC concert last night, which was amazing!
It was so good.
Came back.
As I walked out of the concert, my phone, I didn't have reception inside, so as I walked out, my phone blew up.
And everyone was like, oh my gosh, are you seeing what's going on with Nevada?
It's crazy.
And I'm thinking, no.
I mean, it's Nevada.
Tremors, I think, happened there.
How bad could it be?
The worst part is they went back and made like six more.
I know.
So I looked and I asked one of my friends, I said, well, just cliff note it for me.
How bad was the Nevada caucus?
And he sent me this gif of Elmo and a fire.
Yeah, yeah, the jet flame.
Yeah, so that's when I figured, wow, this is...
You know that one, not KJ. I sent that to you.
It's very dark.
Oh, it's very dark.
This whole thing is dark.
All right, go ahead, Dave.
Sorry.
So, no, it was bad.
And so I was just mad all night.
I was mad.
And I really should have just walked back into the arena and asked one of the roadies, can I just go on tour with you?
Because I'm done.
I'm done with all of this.
It was frustrating.
It is frustrating.
And I was, you know, like I said, I could vote for...
I've talked about this on your show.
I could vote for anyone in clear conscience.
But Rubio really pissed me off this week with the dirty pool.
I think Ted Cruz has been a little slipperier than I'd like him to be.
Certainly not what they've said.
I'm just at the point where I'm like...
Okay.
Alright.
And you kind of get what you deserve.
And I know I sound like one of those silly little pot party or libertarian or green party college kids.
It's a two party system, man.
Your vote doesn't mean anything.
I've never been that guy, but I'm at this point where if it's Trump versus Hillary...
I mean, they're at each other's weddings.
You want to talk about establishment politics where they're both the same.
They have the same hair.
They have the same hair.
They are similar looking, except he doesn't wear the tunic.
He doesn't wear the Kim Jong-un tunic that she always wears.
There's a store that sells them in every color.
Yeah, I don't know.
It's funny, I never picked up on the variety of colors.
I assumed it was the same tunic.
I guess that's a woman's point.
That is not Photoshop, my friend.
Gosh.
I mean, there are some unfortunate body types in the world.
And it's just...
Listen, I'm just...
But you can just...
Hillary has a monopoly on it.
It's just...
It's tough.
It's tough.
You know what I mean?
And she's a big girl who's not going to be on a Sports Illustrated cover.
That's what bothers me about the big model thing.
I think...
Give it a couple years.
I don't know.
Give it a couple years.
We're getting there.
We're progressing.
I don't know.
Well, Dana works hard.
She stays in shape.
So I'm sure she's not thrilled about the Sports Illustrated thing that happened.
Oh, is that where the, is that, I don't know too much about it.
The giant girl size, the size 18.
And there are chunky girls on it?
Yeah, but my whole point is just like, it's still Photoshopped to high heaven.
So it's like, you're not proud of your body.
You're just using it as another marketing gimmick.
That's all.
I mean, there's nothing wrong with fat bottom girls, I guess.
I don't know why they're putting it on the cover of Sports Illustrated.
As long as you still have a perfect face, perfect skin, perfect teeth, and Photoshop.
Yeah, that's the thing.
I mean, if you, so that's the thing, real quick.
So if you're, and I'm just saying, because I was always told, my grandmother always said, when a woman gets to be a certain age, she has to pick between her face or her body.
And I've already made the decision, I'm just going to turn into a fat ass so I don't get wrinkly.
But when I look at the Sports Illustrated issue, because the fat will make the wrinkles go out.
So when I look at the Sports Illustrated issue, I don't know.
I haven't looked at it.
I just know that people are mad.
Like, there are some chicks mad, and there are some dudes mad, and I don't know.
I mean, I don't read Sports Illustrated.
Nobody reads Sports Illustrated.
That's not why you pick it up.
You know what actually works for the collagen thing?
Steroids, particularly steroids that they use, they give to burn victims and AIDS victims.
But I would avoid rage, and I'm kind of already there.
No, you wouldn't.
You'd be surprised.
There's actually something called, it's funny, I was talking about this with somebody, there's something out there called Anivar, and it's a steroid that the Russians used to take, and they give it to burn victims.
And they give it to AIDS victims so they don't waste away.
But it's not like a story that gets people really big, but what people found is it regenerates collagen.
It creates collagen synthesis.
And so all these female bodybuilders who would take it, all of a sudden their skin just looked great.
And that's what...
Yeah, I'll do that when I get older.
Just get juiced.
There's no shame.
Don't hate the game.
Yeah, you mix that up.
Okay.
A little bit of Sarah Palin going over there.
Oh, hold on.
I know what you want me to do.
I know.
When Jared talks about Sarah Palin, he wants me to always play.
Right, right, right.
Winging, bitter, clinging.
Can I get a hallelujah?
That's my jam.
That was Dr.
Jared's jam.
He went through all that effort to make that.
I did.
That was great.
It was pretty damn good.
Yeah, there's an anti-aging clinic on every corner there in Texas.
The ageless male.
So you don't like the chunky girl on the magazine cover?
No, what I don't like is it's throwing market forces to the wind.
And what I don't like is she is going to start selling fitness DVDs.
I did a whole video on it.
Oh, she is?
Yeah, and her thing, she was doing a single leg squat while doing a cable crossover, which basically lifts her.
It's a weightless squat.
So she's doing an entirely useless movement and selling fitness DVDs.
My whole thing is, it's just a new marketing gimmick to sell stuff to fat chicks.
None of them look like this photoshopped image.
So just don't lie to us.
Just say you're just trying to market it.
Yeah, I just, I think that that kind of works with other women as well.
When women look at a magazine cover, they want, women either want to think that that's someone that they would like to be like, or they want to be, they want to, they like that woman's appearance because they want to look like that, and I think that motivates them to, I mean, because women are very similar to men in that regard.
So, yeah, I wouldn't, I'd be like, what are they trying to do?
I don't know.
Look at this.
This is a woman who's on the cover of every gun magazine there's ever been.
Hypocrisy!
I'm tired of this.
I'm tired of this.
There's no hypocrisy there.
I know.
We have to go to...
Alright, Dana, we'll bring you back.
We're going to play Newest Gender Pronouns after the break.
Excellent.
I think I'm going to beat you.
Dana Lash after this.
Hypocrite magazine cover model.
I don't know what to say.
Stay tuned.
And now it's time for your dating advice minute.
with Bill Cosby.
Now this week's letter comes to us from Russell in Tallahassee, Florida.
It's fun to say, but it's not fun to live in Tallahassee because Russell says, I got a problem with my wife.
Got a great life and great kids, and they always did good kids and a good wife.
The problem with the wife is after she has some kids, she feels a little self-conscious about her body.
And I don't care about her body.
I still want to do the hippity-hop.
Okay, Russell, it's the problem with many women, okay?
They're going to have.
They're going to feel self-conscious after they have the baby.
So what you got to do is romance her so when she's putting the babies to bed, you're going to light some candles, you're going to offer her the coffee, and you're going to slip the pill in the coffee before you know it.
She don't care about the baby body because you're going...
This has been your Dating Advice Minute with Bill Cosby.
Oh my God.
All right, we're going to bring back, of course, our lovely guest.
You can find her at DanaRadio.com, Dana Lash.
And we'll let that bumper music, because we have more music to bring in.
It's time to play again.
So we played this last week.
And people liked it.
They wanted to bring it back.
So for those listening terrestrially, we live stream this now.
So there are all kinds of graphics and things that you don't get to hear on radio.
Of course, let me take this out.
You can't hear graphics on radio.
You can't hear graphics.
It's amazing.
It's unbelievable.
So, Naki, Jared, do you have a queued up?
We have a queued up.
It's time to play Newest Gender Pronouns.
Here we go.
Newest Gender Pronouns Newest Gender Pronouns Newest Gender Pronouns Crabbing all over science and stuff Newest Gender Pronouns Newest Gender Pronouns Okay.
So, this is the game.
Now, first, let me disclaimer.
They're not actually pronouns.
They're really just nouns.
But we needed an extra syllable for the song.
It was critical for the song.
It was critical for the song.
There's really only three gender pronouns.
But these are actual genders, Dana.
Not Gator just pulled these.
I've never seen these before.
So, I'm going to have to determine whether...
Wait a minute.
Yeah, he's going to list the pronoun, and then you and I... Not the pronoun, the gender.
And then both you and I are going to have a chance to guess.
You have three seconds to see the word, then you can guess.
Three seconds to see it.
If it's a dude or a chick?
No, no, no, no, no.
You have to get...
It's a total gender.
Like, it could be like...
Like, it could be aquagender.
There are hundreds of genders that they now claim exist on Tumblr.
Look how uneducated she looks right now.
I know.
She has no idea.
She's not living in 2016.
Look at her.
She looks young.
She's got the collagen in her face, but her brain is gone.
She can't even keep up with the gender trends.
She just can't keep up.
I'm ashamed to call her my friend.
So we don't classify it as being a chick or a dude because that's...
No.
It's a whole other gender.
So we're going to see the noun and then you have to guess and I have to guess and then it will be determined by gender Zordon.
What do we get if we win?
What do we get if we guess right?
Do we get not protested?
No, no.
Just go.
Okay, let's go.
You got the first one?
First one.
Okay.
Kale gender?
Kale gender.
Okay, Dana, you go first.
Is that like a vegetable?
Is that like kale?
No.
Like salad?
No.
Okay, is that your guess?
That's our guess.
My guess is C-A-E-L. Some sort of thing that has to do with elves and attraction.
Or they like to dress up like leafy greens.
There you go.
That's your guess.
And the answer is...
Kale gender, a gender which shares qualities with outer space, or has aesthetics similar to space, stars, nebulas, etc.
Okay, so who's the winner?
We need Zordon to...
We need, uh...
Yeah, I think we need a winner here, and I'm going to go with, uh...
And the chosen winner is...
Data.
Okay.
That seems biased.
That seems a little biased.
I don't know what Kale has to do with outer space, but I'll take it.
That's not a loyal Zordon at all.
No.
All right.
Okay, give us another gender.
Next one is...
You have three seconds.
Okay.
Jupiter gender.
Oh, I totally feel like Stefan on SNL. It's that thing when you have a total fat person and you can't tell.
Maybe it's back fat that you might think are breasts and you're not sure.
That's what I'm going with.
Well, see, the thing is, I would have guessed the previous gender that had to do with similarities with space, right?
Planets.
Jupiter.
Okay, hold on a second.
Jupiter gender.
I'm going to go with the gender of the model from Sports Illustrated.
It's Tess McNeil's, Tess Munster's gender of the orbit.
Her name is Tess Munster?
It's now Tess McNeil.
No, it's not.
Tess Holliday.
Munster was her stage name, right?
I don't know.
She's had so many names and so many tattoos and so many skin folds.
Okay, give us the answer.
Alright, here we are.
The answer is Jupiter gender.
A gender that is so large and present.
One is not quite sure what it is because it's so too big to see clearly.
But it is definitely there and no one knows and one knows that they're not cis.
That's it!
There's too many fat rolls and you can't tell.
I think I was closer.
Okay, so what's the tiebreaker?
Here we go.
Who wins that one?
And the chosen winner is...
Dana!
That's not...
That doesn't seem...
I don't think I'm going to win any of these.
I don't think...
It's not looking good for you.
Okay.
Alright.
These are real genders, Dana.
This isn't a joke.
I'm totally using that as a pejorative from here on out.
Jupiter gender?
Jupiter gender.
Alright, here we go.
Alright, let's go.
Let's rattle through these.
And...
Shell gender.
Okay.
I'll let Dana go.
That seems pretty obvious.
Dana?
It's that thing when there's nothing in your underpants.
Oh, like, okay.
I would say someone who wants to, you know, get freaky.
It's a pleasant term for a eunuch.
I would say someone who wants to get freaky with a hermit crab shell.
And the answer is shell gender.
A gender which is thin, though clearly identified, and yet feels hollow and unfelt.
These don't reflect the names at all.
I think it's rigged.
That's, like, not even a shell.
That's not even a shell.
That's just any kind of enclosed...
Alright, who's the winner?
We have to pick a winner, though, so...
That's not right.
That's not right at all.
That is not right.
Okay, do we have another one?
We do have another one.
You ready for another one?
These don't seem real.
These are real, Jared?
You're pulling these from Tumblr?
These are real.
You swear.
I swear.
Swear on your mother.
I swear.
She's picky about that.
She's funny about that.
Swear on your dad.
I'll swear all day on him.
Alright, here we go.
Next one is...
Heliogender.
Okay, well, Dana, you can go.
That's a person that loves gas.
They're made of gases.
I'm going to go with someone who is a fan of the Gracie lineage.
Specifically the Gracie Humayata, Helio Gracie.
The famous of all the Gracies.
Someone who has a fetish for Gracies.
Or they like to put a propeller on their butt and spin it.
I don't know.
They like that.
It is a gender that is warm and burning.
Oh!
That sounds like VD or something, as opposed to a gender.
You need to see a doctor about that.
You need to see a doctor.
Does a rash accompany it?
That sounds bad.
Alright, just for the...
I was off topic.
And the winner is...
Whoever gives hopper cheeses.
Cheeses?
No.
Okay, winner is that?
That's not...
That's not a loyal Zoran at all.
That's a really disloyal Zoran.
Okay, do we have one more?
We do have one more.
You ready for one more?
Let's go one more.
Yes.
Alright, here we are.
Next one is...
Flower Gender.
Well, come on.
Are you going to trick us with this?
This one seems relatively obvious.
I know.
Maybe it's like, what's the opposite of a flower?
I don't know.
It's a person who they identify as plant life and they are attracted asexually to things that grow on the ground.
Wait, wait, wait.
We have a message coming in.
Uh-oh.
My Megazord is showing up.
Oh, that's embarrassing.
That's embarrassing.
That's really embarrassing.
Sorry about that, Dana.
Um...
I think Dane has given the obvious answer.
I think it's a gender of someone who didn't truly blossom into their true gender until later in life.
Blossoming references.
All right.
Flower gender.
Flower gender, a gender that is more strongly felt during the daytime than at night.
Okay, that's just not even right.
That's based on photosynthesis?
It's some sort of science that we haven't quite identified even that science yet.
Gender synthesis.
Gender synthesis.
I don't know.
This doesn't seem...
Is this the last one?
This is the last one.
We have to award a winner for this round is...
And the chosen winner is...
Not Steven.
Oh, come on.
That is not a loyal steed.
Do we have to play us out for Dana?
We do have to play us out.
Dana, thank you so much for playing.
We're still going to keep you, but this has...
I've got to do it!
Newest gender pronouns!
Newest gender pronouns! Newest gender pronouns!
Reppings all over science and stuff.
No science.
There's none.
There's no science.
It's really a shame.
It's really a shame because it's really close.
I feel like they're almost there.
I should not be getting my blood pressure this high before surgery.
No.
This is not a good idea.
It's bad.
How much time do we have to actually have Dana discuss things that matter?
We have about four minutes.
Okay, Dana.
All right.
Dana, you're a big...
Now, you're not a hunter, though, but you're a Second Amendment activist.
Have you been following the Cecil the Lion debacle?
Yes, yes.
Not as much of a hunter as I would like to be, but no, I have been.
The Cecil Cecil, I don't even know how you say it.
I don't care.
It's a lion.
I don't care.
But apparently what?
But like now in Zimbabwe, because all of the hipsters at Starbucks, they thought it would be really cool if they decided to meddle into all this country's ecosystem and decided to screw with their way of life and their conservation.
So now the lions have to have like 200 now killed because they're overrunning everything.
They've decimated the elk population.
I forgot all the listed populations.
Wait, are there elk in Zimbabwe?
I don't know.
Some kind of stupid deer.
I'm like meat with horns.
That's all you need to know.
So the meat that has the mane is going after all the other meat.
Well, it's also going after the human meat.
That's a big problem.
Yeah, for people who don't know, Sisal the Lion was a dentist who killed him.
That's what it is.
It's all about culling the herd, and it's about herd health, and it's about also making sure that the populations of these different herds, that they stay in balance, that everything's copacetic, and that nothing's overrunning anything else, and now it's all completely out of whack because of hippies.
Well, you're exactly right.
And people are dying.
Do you have any idea how many lion attacks there were in Zimbabwe last year?
I'm sure there were tons.
If there's four shark attacks in a year, it's like the summer of the shark.
We freak out.
Take a guess how many people died from lion attacks in Zimbabwe.
Like 90.
250-something.
Oh, I knew I was being really wrong.
You were being really conservative.
These are monsters.
They're killing machines.
It's the year of the lion.
Oh, well, every year is the year of the lion.
Little Jimmy goes down to the market.
Lion.
I don't think there are many Zimbabweans named Jimmy.
Well, you know, that's how we say his name in America.
Maybe once they come to New York and they put that on their cabbie sticker.
I am Jimmy!
No, you're not.
That's not Jimmy.
I know Jimmy.
You're not him.
Yeah, I just thought this was a perfect example because I know you've hunted before.
You're more of a second.
You're not like a huge hunter like obviously.
No, I'm not anything like Ted is, although I would love someday to go on a safari.
But one of the things that people don't understand is that, particularly in countries like Zimbabwe, one of the reasons that you have these communities that are able to actually get money and to get medicines and to get fresh water and running water and all of this other stuff is because they are Even in parts of different countries in Africa where it's not necessarily the touristy destinations,
they get a lot of money by hosting these hunters who come in, and then they go out, they go to these nature reserves, they go to these other places, and what they do is they identify which animals are actually okay for them to hunt and which nature.
Which ones aren't.
They don't give them the healthiest male in the pride and say, okay, you can take this one out.
No, they give them the old elderly ones that are barely creeping along and cannot produce anymore.
They're not going to have any more progeny.
And so those are the ones that get to get picked off, and it contributes to herd health, and you don't have this overrunning of the lion population like you're seeing now in Zimbabwe.
No, you're absolutely right.
Well, yeah, they're not exactly hosting Comic-Cons, right?
There's not a huge tourist industry outside of looking at these animals.
There's no Disney World there or anything like that.
Freedom.
Yeah.
None of that.
There's not a lot of freedom.
These are luxuries, not considered necessities in Zimbabwe.
Even freedom from being eaten by a lion.
Yeah, they overrun deer here in the Midwest, in Michigan, and they have to do the culling.
But I can only imagine with lions.
All right, we have to get going.
Dana, where's the best place for people to find you?
Danaradio.com.
Danaradio.com.
She's everywhere.
She's all over the magazine covers.
She's got the Twitter.
She's got the Blaze TV. So there's so many places, but I think that's the main portal.
And I have another book coming out in June.
Yeah.
So people can go get it.
You'll come.
You'll put me on your PR list and we'll do the book.
We'll be back.
Dana Lash, everybody.
She will be with us soon when she has her book.
Stay tuned.
Louder with Crowder.
Or we'll kill a lion.
We now take you back to the hot mic on Donald Trump.
you you Still unaware.
How long for the break?
Two minutes.
Two minutes, okay.
Yeah, that's about what you mean.
Hey, can you say fag anymore?
Is that allowed to even say?
What's the word?
You can't say queer, right?
No, you're not.
But I guess the LGBT... What's the Q? Questioning.
What are they...
Can you guys tell me by air?
What's the Q? It's for questioning.
It's for questioning.
Is it for queer?
No, it's questioning now.
Questioning.
Okay, it's for questioning.
What is that?
Everyone's always questioning now.
Okay, so it's for LGBTQ questioning.
Yes.
Tell you what, after this, I'm going to give people answers.
There's not going to be any more questioning.
Oh, you're the best.
What are you supposed to say with the Hispanics?
Latinos?
I think it's Latinos.
I'm so happy about that, Joe.
We have so many other Latino votes.
What do we say?
Latinos, I think.
Latinos, okay.
And what are we supposed to say now for blacks?
Yeah, for the black people.
Can we say that?
We'll keep you abreast as the story unfolds with a hot mic on Donald Trump, of which he is unaware.
Whoa, Jared, what are you doing?
Shoot bad guys!
With what?
AR-15!
Where'd you get it?
AR-15.com!
Oh, there's another one!
Kaboom!
You got him!
Yeah!
Thank God for AR-15.com!
They have AR-15 and accessories for sale and the best advice there is on the web!
Oh no, there's another one!
Kaboom!
You got him!
Yeah!
With your what?
AR-15!
From where?
AR-15.com!
That's the best place to go, and that's the takeaway, because this commercial's about to stop!
You're a strange animal, that's what I know You're a strange animal, that's what I know But you're a strange animal, I get to follow.
Oh, I mean the speedy to sound.
All right, closing out the hour.
We will be back.
We have Brodigan, Gavin, and Gay Patriot.
Gavin and Gay Patriot coming up.
We have an all-star lineup before I go under the knife here this week.
I wanted to continue on that.
For people who may not know, the Cecil the Lion.
You've heard the story, not Kate Jarrett.
Yeah, you're talking about the backstory of it.
Yeah, the backstory.
Was it Cecil or Cecil?
I don't think anybody cares.
It's a line.
He doesn't really pay that much attention.
And he's dead, so he really has less reason to be concerned.
Pushing up daisies.
I don't think they have daisies in the mob.
No, it's just tumbleweeds and dead people.
I don't know why you have to go so dark.
Because Dana took a dark, and now we have to continue the trend of darkness.
Here's a Cecil the Lion segment.
Worse?
How could they get any worse?
Take a look around you, Ellen!
We're at the threshold of hell!
Okay.
Cecil the lion, this dentist killed him.
For those of you who, a lot of you have short memories, right?
I get it.
Hence the weird voting patterns.
So you have short memories.
Cecil the lion, to refresh, was a lion, unfortunately, had a name.
And this dentist hunted, killed Cecil the lion.
All these animal rights activists got furious.
Jimmy Kimmel went on TV and was crying.
And all the celebrities, how dare you kill Cecil the lion?
Well, there was one contingency of people who actually didn't care at all about Cecil the lion.
The people who were being eaten by Cecil the lion and his friends.
At an astonishing rate.
In Zimbabwe.
I think it was 256 last year in Zimbabwe.
It was over 200, and I want to say 250-something.
So we have it up at louderwithcrowder.com.
You can read the original article.
Because they were going, we want you to come and kill these lions.
Please.
Please.
There's petitions over there to kill.
They want you to kill.
Said Cecil, the lion.
So now this happened, and because of that, all the hunters are shy.
Think about it.
If you're a hunter, I'm not going to Zimbabwe.
I'm not going to Zimbabwe.
There's no way.
I accidentally shoot a leopard with a name.
I accidentally shoot a panther with a resume.
They're going to come from my head.
I saw what they did to that poor dentist.
They do the same thing with the same animal rights people.
They do the same thing with farm-raised chickens and ducks.
I just don't get it.
I just don't get it.
I mean, be humane, but we're not denying them education in a lifetime of, I don't know.
Well, if you would hear Bernie Sanders tell it, Republicans are denying humans education.
Humans education, that's true.
What's happened now?
Lion hunters are gun-shy.
And now there's an epidemic of lions.
The population is not in check.
People are dying left and right.
They're going to cull 200 lions in AFGRA. This is true.
Dana and I weren't joking about it.
This is true.
Because of all the problems.
I mean, in Michigan, they have to do deer cullings.
Because there are so many.
And what's the worst case scenario, right?
A deer jumps out and you have to replace the windshield on your CRV. Over there, your child gets eaten when it goes down to the watering well.
Little, little, it's missing.
And that's just really, it's not good business.
Tom Shoes comes in one week, puts a well in, next week you go on down to get water from the well, and you don't come back.
These dumb social justice warriors send these things over.
I love how useless even the Tom's shoes and all that stuff are.
Everything they do is wrong.
I had a friend who sent microwave TV dinners.
They sent microwave TV dinners?
To Zimbabwe?
Is this real?
In his defense, he's a little slow.
Look!
He tried!
Hungry man!
I have swanson fish dinner!
Poor Chad is trying...
Chad's generosity knows no bounds, and he's trying to figure it out.
This is just a perfect example of leftists, and we've covered this when I went to Mexico for the Cancun Climate Summit.
They are anti-people.
They are anti-human at every turn.
The Lions is just the latest thing, right?
Okay, anything that would help people in these countries.
GMOs to feed these countries.
No.
No.
No way.
Okay?
So we don't get to end starvation.
DDT to stop them from an area.
No!
It's bad for bird's eggs.
No DDT. There's actually a charity, Nothing But Net.
People go, that's nice.
You're providing nets to people in these African countries who are getting malaria.
Well, what do they do for the other 18 hours of the day when they're not in their bed surrounded by a net?
And my problem is not with nets.
It's Nothing But Net.
That's my problem with it.
DDT works.
So nothing but nets.
So DDT, no.
Okay, fossil fuels for energy and warmth.
No, no way.
It's bad for the environment.
Yeah, but these people are dying.
No.
Okay, hunting.
It's a tourist industry.
No.
No hunting.
Okay, so these people can't have GMOs.
They can't eat.
These people cannot save themselves from malaria.
They cannot have an industrial revolution as we had because it's bad for the environment and you want to have these agreements like the Kyoto Protocol.
And you don't want them to have hunting either, which allows them to have jobs and sustain themselves.
None of these things.
At every opportunity, you've placed the environment above humans.
You've placed the lions above humans.
You've placed Mother Earth above humans.
You've placed mosquitoes above humans, really.
At that point, you've placed bird eggs above humans.
DDT isn't even proven to be bad for the environment.
There was one study that said it might warp bird eggs.
They're lions.
These are man killers.
They kill men.
And women.
And Zs.
And your guess is as good as mine, Genders.
And Xurs.
And Xurs.
The left is unequivocally anti-human.
So when people say, well, why do you deny climate science?
Well, okay, I spent time at the Cancun Climate Summit.
Not only, within the same day, did Ted Turner propose China's one-child policy.
Okay, go to the website, loudwithcreditor.com.
I was there at the Cancun Climate Summit.
He got...
He got in front of these UN representatives to thunderous applause saying we need to effectively enforce abortion and allow people to only have one child.
In the same day, they talked about the Kyoto Protocol, which they talk about how great it would reduce emissions.
That would put people who live in Mexico, people who live in Africa, they would never be allowed to have an industrial revolution.
All of these things that these people need, rich, white, privileged American social justice warriors tell them no, march them on off into the desert to die, and then tell me to check my privilege because I scored off the charts in the SATs and I took their black spot in the engineering program.
Not me, specifically Asians, because Asians are the engineers.
I wouldn't trust me to build a plane.
There's no way.
Guy has a last name Fong?
I'm gonna feel secure.
Even if it's a puddle jumper.
So you want to talk about checking your privilege?
How about you stop telling these African nations, Zimbabwe, what to do, whether it's lions, mosquitoes, or coal.
Just check your privilege.
And shut up.
Lotta with Crowder.
We'll be back.
Loser in his, her, or Z's mother's basement watching this on the YouTube live stream.
Listen, YouTube is great, but it's not always super convenient if you're on the go.
That's why this show, which is actually syndicated as a radio show, is available on iTunes, SoundCloud, or any kind of podcatcher that you Android users can.
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Just search Louder with Crowder, find it, subscribe, you get the full show and some exclusive content that you actually won't hear on YouTube, including giveaways, extra commercials, me beating Not Gay Jerry within an inch of his life, but it's okay, he always comes back into work so I can fire him.
So iTunes, SoundCloud, or Podcatcher, get the full show and listen to Louder with Crowder on the go.
If you don't, you're probably a racist rapist.
I'm Bernie Sanders, and I approve this message!
In my travels across this country, I hear too many stories from Americans whom the system has failed.
Thank you very much, Mr.
Sanders.
I really...
I think what you're doing is an inspiration to America.
And this may surprise some people, but I am in fact black.
I was born Sean King to a...
Well, I don't know my father, but I do know that I identify as black.
And I was at one point making a lot of money for being black and raising money for black causes.
And when it was alleged that I was not black and I... I didn't have...
I refused to refute the claims because I don't feel that I should have to justify my race.
I threw my mom under the bus.
I called her a whore.
I said she could have slept with any black man, and that's who my father likely was.
But I was charged with fraud for raising money for being black and getting a scholarship, and the problem is the money's gone.
I don't have money anymore, and people are asking for their money back, and I need you to pay for it.
In a Bernie Sanders presidency, these Americans will be heard, and Bernie Sanders will help them!
Not good enough, America!
You've found yourself at the junction where worlds meet.
Politics.
Civility.
How about honesty in this country, folks?
Entertainment.
I don't like entertainment.
And a whole bunch of other stuff.
It's about having a healthy body image.
You have a very unhealthy body.
You should have a horrible body image.
Not a big home improvement market in Detroit.
We are definitely going to get letters.
You're listening to Talk Radio's Strangest Animal.
You're a strange animal.
That's what I know.
You're getting louder with Crowder.
But you're a strange animal.
I've got to follow.
Oh, I'm in the speedy to sound.
All right, we are back.
Glad to be back.
Producing with me in studio, the second hour, of course, is Jared, who is not gay.
Follow him at Not Gay Jared.
I fulfill all my legal obligations.
Draw your own conclusions.
Are we good?
We're good.
We're good.
We have an all-star cast this week, so we have another guest coming in here, Andy.
And, of course, anyone who works with the Ladder with Crowder radio show, podcast, entertainment extravaganza, is how I prefer to...
Refer to it.
Gets their own theme song.
Fair enough.
I think you know who this is.
I'm motioning to not get Jared to fade it, and he's too into this.
It's too good.
That's how unprofessional it is.
It's too good.
It's the world's biggest self-loathing Mick.
Mick Brody Brodigan, are you with us, sir?
I'm a little dizzy because I haven't head-banged in a while, but yes, hi, I'm here.
You didn't even bring him in because we didn't even see you head-banged because Not-Get-Jerry was too busy doing it himself.
So you head-banged for nothing.
Ah, gosh.
Okay, so this is a bit of a crazy week, and we have a few people coming in.
I've said there is a list of people for whom I could vote in this election.
And I will tell you, I'm just getting a little exasperated with all of it now.
Not Gay Jared actually went to a Rubio rally.
Now, McBrody, your guy is Rubio right now, right?
Yes.
Okay.
He's your preferred gentleman in the race.
Yes.
Were you getting a little bit tired of him this week, though, with the dirty pool a little bit?
You know what it is?
I'm not really...
I guess it's different for me because a lot of this stuff is stuff I do in my day job.
Right.
I had said, even before the South Carolina primary, because I knew what's going to happen.
Anytime Cruz or Rubio or Jeb when he was still in the race or Trump does anything the slightest bit mean, their supporters were just going to come out of the world like, oh, this has never happened in the history of politics and blah, blah, blah.
So, I mean, my entire thing was, I chalk it up to don't hate the play, I hate the game.
This is the game.
All campaigns do this.
We go through this every year.
So, you know, whatever mean or shitty things they do to each other, I just, I don't care.
Exactly.
That's you.
That's me.
If you are a conservative, or even just a Republican, right, let's say you're a conservative, okay, as Rubio claims to be, and you've got a stage with Kasich and Trump, and you choose to go after Ted Cruz as the inconsistent conservative, don't you feel at a certain point you've got to go, okay, what are the motivations here?
Maybe a little, but I think the other thing there is, and this also, this goes into a lot of people saying, well, why aren't they hitting Trump, and why isn't whoever hitting Trump?
Cruz is the only one he'd get attacked because Cruz is the only one where attacks actually stick.
It's no point attacking Kasich because why take Kasich's campaign more seriously than Kasich's taking it?
Fair.
That's fair.
There's nothing you can say to Trump that sticks.
I mean...
Yeah, I think there is.
You can talk to Trump supporters who have been sharing those Planned Parenthood videos for months and months and months, and we have to defund Planned Parenthood, and Planned Parenthood is the worst thing ever.
Point out to him that, well, I'm sorry, Donald Trump supports Planned Parenthood.
No, he doesn't!
You're disparaging him.
No, see, look, here are all these examples of him supporting Planned Parenthood.
Oh, well, he evolved on it just like Ronald Reagan did.
Really?
So, here he is on Meet the Press last Sunday saying he supports Planned Parenthood.
Uh, your last name sounds Jewish.
Get back in the oven.
I mean, that's the basic argument.
Whoa!
What is your problem, you insensitive a**holes?
Okay, no, no, no, no.
That's not me saying that.
That's me, like, role-playing as a Trump supporter online.
I still, still...
How dare you!
How dare you?
I'm surprised.
I'm surprised.
McBrody's supposed to be a nice man.
I thought we knew him better.
I thought we knew him better.
In Rubio's case, go ahead.
In Rubio's case, and even in Cruz's case, why, I mean...
What's the point of 11 attacks when no one seems to care?
I disagree.
You can if you're not spineless.
And I think both Cruz and Rubio have been a little bit spineless when they're dealing with Trump.
You know, Trump comes out and says, He's a liar.
He's sick.
He's a sick person.
He's horrible.
And Ted Cruz goes, I'm not going to get down in the mud.
And Rubio repeats some chalk line.
You know what you say?
He's sick.
Listen.
Everyone knows I'm tough.
You know what Rubio should say?
All right.
Give me 15 push-ups.
No?
Okay, 10.
Okay, 10.
And start getting down and repping him out like Jack LaLanne or Theodore Roosevelt and just challenge him on the BS. If Trump's going to make a circus of it, these other people should just go, alright, listen, they want a reality show?
Give it to them.
And just challenge him on the absolute fakery.
That's what I think.
And I don't think anyone's even tried it.
So when Rubio goes after Cruz and it's all really...
I'm just sort of disenchanted with all of it at this point.
I'll give you a perfect example of what I'm disenchanted by, because even as a Rubio supporter, you tweeted something that you were angry about.
Concerning Rubio yesterday.
Which I say was in haste.
I did say I'm done with Rubio, which I'm not.
If I have to vote for Rubio, I'll vote for Rubio.
But again, it's like, okay, big deal.
Someone who's got a radio show or someone on Twitter said something that I disagreed with.
The people coming out of the woodwork, I'm never going to listen to you again.
You've always been in the tank for Cruz.
No, actually, because...
And then today, the Cruz people said I was in the tank for Rubio.
Yeah.
Here is 15 pages of positive Marco Rubio pieces of us saying he's exactly what the party needs.
We may disagree with a couple issues, but this is exactly what we need, you know, the way he could relate to the culture, the way he could turn a taxi around back in the mainstream media.
In all honesty, with the exception of the New Hampshire debate, which was brutal, I mean, he doesn't get tripped up as easily as pretty much every other candidate with the exception of maybe Cruz.
Yeah.
But it's just, you know, you said something mean, therefore you're dead to me.
I mean, me simply admitting, his response to the Rick Tyler fight It wasn't the end of the world.
I thought it was a dick move.
I thought it was a dick move.
It's like, listen, you want a guy fired, he was fired, and then you kick...
That's the thing.
I'm going like, listen, if you disagree, you want to win an election, that's fine.
But you don't have to call someone a liar and bring character into it if you...
Who did every single conservative love?
If you were to name, if you were to say, name me someone in office who conservatives love, who would it have been?
Sarah Palin.
No, it would have been Ted Cruz.
Ted Cruz, yes.
Okay, fair.
I see what you did there.
But, exactly.
And now this is a guy, whether you like him or not, his name is dragged through the mud, and it'll ever be the same again.
A 97% consistency rating.
My point is, if you're going to attack him on something, some specific issue on the campaign, but just saying, oh, he's a liar and echoing the Trump thing, I feel like maybe there's a backroom deal with Trump there.
You don't think there's a possibility?
I definitely don't think a backroom deal with Trump.
I don't think there's been a backroom deal with anyone.
I don't think Rubio and Cruz met out in the middle of the desert, as was rumored.
But the thing with Tyler, it was a dick move.
It was something that I thought was a dick move and said he should have handled that better.
And then I moved on to thinking about something else.
But that one tweet...
People are like, why are you attacking him?
Why are you turning on him?
I'm not turning on him!
He did one thing that I thought was wrong.
I expressed that I thought it was wrong, and then I thought about something else.
Right.
Yeah.
Well, you actually have 26% of people who don't believe I'm an American.
I don't know if you saw that poll.
I didn't say that.
Good for you.
Yeah, because I was born in Detroit to a father from Detroit, but I have a Canadian mother.
So, like, you would not be eligible to run for president.
So this is the Trump thing now.
Rubio is ineligible.
I mean, and we knew it was coming.
Well, Nadia, Jared, you went to the Rubio rally.
We haven't talked about that yet.
I did.
I did.
It wasn't bad.
I mean, it was kind of what I expected it to be.
I just wish someone would have told me that last night's episode of Marco Rubio was a rerun because I didn't know that.
And I walked out about, I don't know, probably at least 15 minutes before it was actually over, just because it was boring.
I just, you know, and Jared made this point, Brody, and tell me if you agree.
He was just saying, he just gets, and I get really uncomfortable with this too, when you're in an audience and someone just says, you know, and Hillary's a liar, and everyone goes, ah!
They're like cheering, you know, and then they go, and America's great, ah!
I just, I just, even though I agree with the statements, I just get really uncomfortable.
The boos and the claps and the howls.
It's like a last track.
Yeah, it's just embarrassing.
I actually, I have that same problem when you go to conferences, because it's always the same speakers giving the exact same things.
I equate it to like, it's almost when, and this is a, even someone like Rubio, someone who I like, it's almost like when you've seen the same classic rock band one too many times.
Yeah.
You know, you've already heard the Eagles play Hotel California every possible way that they can.
It gets to the point where, like, alright, yeah, we've heard this.
Right.
Or, like, when it's the cheap pop of, like, if you're on stage and you make a reference in a song about smoking pot, oh my god, he said drugs!
Woo!
Woo!
Pot!
Pot!
I like pot!
Those guys are people who's like...
There's no one else, though, who's just such an advocate for any...
It's just pot.
Like, no one else is like, Ah!
Penicillin!
You know, even though it does so much more.
It's just people just go nuts for it.
And they buy the pot hat and the pot belt buckle and the pot t-shirt.
And they don't have any pot because they don't have any money left.
They spend it all on the merch.
Um...
What did I just...
Look at this.
I got this cane.
I almost dropped my cane, Brody.
Okay, so you're still a Rubio guy.
Um...
But listen, the writing's on the wall, right?
Trump, you think, wins the nomination, or do you think we're not there yet?
I think we're mostly there.
It depends on...
I mean, yes, it looks like we're there, but also it looked like Rubio should have dropped out right after New Hampshire and that he came back.
It was starting to look like...
Every day it looks like someone else is done and dead.
Like, today it just came out that all of the conservatives...
Which, by the way...
You've got 20 seconds.
Then we have to kick you.
There was a group of conservatives who had supported Cruz, who apparently, it's in the National Review, decided that if he does badly on March 1st, they're dumping him for Marco Rubio, which is, if you're a group of conservatives, you should just assume that someone's going to leak what you say because they're douchebags.
This...
Okay.
McBrody, Brody, we don't have time for his exit theme song.
So, thank you so much for joining us.
We will bring you back soon.
Okay.
Stay tuned, everybody.
We now take you back to the hot mic on Donald Trump.
you Still unaware.
Ah.
Ah, this is good.
I needed this.
We'll keep you abreast as the story unfolds with a hot mic on Donald Trump, of which he is unaware.
Hey, Crowderheads, if you're listening to this on iTunes or SoundCloud, or maybe on the YouTube livestream, because that's a thing now, you're missing so much content at louderwithcrowder.com.
That's actually the bulk of what me and my glorious team, not Gay Jared notwithstanding, do.
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Go check it every day.
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Just bookmark it.
And we'll give it to you.
That's a promise.
All right, we are having a we are having a good time.
We are dancing to Happy Songs, and I'm so glad to bring on my next guest, because we're going to play a game that I love to play, but we haven't played it with any great guests, so first, let's bring him out.
Gavin McGinnis!
Thank you so much.
McGinnis!
Good sir.
Oh my god!
Alright, I'm not hearing Gavin there, Jared.
You can't hear me?
I can, yeah.
Were you just moving your mouth and not saying anything?
No, I went, hey-o, hi!
Oh, well now I can hear you.
This is incredibly disturbing.
And this, Gavin, is what we call foreshadowing, because we are about to play Jared Hit It.
Hit it.
Hit it.
And now, live from Transylvania, it's time to play Spot the Track.
Okay, so Gavin, are you pretty...
It's pretty self-explanatory.
First off, am I calling you Gavin today?
Yeah, you can call me Gavin.
I'm still going by that name.
It's a weird enough name where you don't have to change it when you transition or even just redefine your gender, but I don't really like the sound of this game, to be frank, unless it's about the front of cars.
It is not about the front of cars.
It is exactly what you expected.
Are you going by gender-neutral pronouns?
I don't even know why we have to get into gender.
Okay, alright.
Well, listen, we're going to play it, and yes, we are going to have to spot.
So Not Gay Jared is going to show us images.
You and I can play this right now, and the listener can play along.
And we're going to see who wins this game.
I have said I haven't been stumped before.
I think I'm pretty good at this.
So Not Gay Jared is going to show us images, and you and I have to bet if it is, in fact, a transsexual or not.
Not Gay Jared, do we have the first one?
Yeah, I'm going to give this one to Stephen.
We're going to do it that way.
You can't give it to both of us?
I have enough to give both of you, because otherwise, if you get the same answer, then I can't make fun of one of you or the other.
Well, just show it to both of us.
Okay.
Show it to both of us.
Yeah, let's show it to both of us.
Here we go.
And the first one is up.
Okay.
I'm going to say...
No, hold on.
You just went two.
Show us the first one.
The first person you showed is unequivocally a human being with feelings.
But if you want to get into genitalia, I would say that it is, unfortunately for them, male genitalia.
They are yet to pass.
But, you know, this could be a long process.
You're seeing someone at the beginning of their process, right when they're not passing...
Alright, okay.
Save it for right now, Gavin.
We need the answer.
Okay, I say man.
Gavin says man.
What's the answer?
Not gay, Jared.
It is!
Okay, so that's number one.
One down, Gavin.
We're going to go on to number two.
Keep it up for a little bit there, Not Gay Jared.
You're screwing this whole game up.
Here we go.
By the way, why do people have to take gender studies?
Shouldn't someone with a degree be the only ones who can figure this out?
Well, that's a good point there, Gavin.
Okay, here's the thing, Gavin.
I think the obvious answer is that's a woman.
But it seems so obvious, so that I would go with it's probably a transgender.
What would you say?
I'm familiar with the tricky ones, and this is not one of those.
So this is a cis female with a vagina from birth till now.
Okay.
Oh, okay.
I thought you were going to try and pull a fast one on us.
You could try.
How are you so familiar with it, Gavin?
How do you say you know the tricky ones?
In my straight days, I was very familiar with ladies, and I unfortunately had sex using my disgusting penis with hundreds of them.
So I'm pretty familiar with how they go.
And I've seen ugly dudes dress up as chicks for a laugh.
So have I. Alright, let's go to number three.
What was that supposed to mean?
Let's go to number three.
Boom.
Okay.
I feel like this is just one big trick question.
Because obviously the other one was I was going to say no.
This one is clearly, I would say, yes.
So I would say yes, this is a transgender.
I'm trying to be as dubious as possible because you got me paranoid and you got me thinking defensively.
It's mental tranny chess.
This is a dude...
Wait, no, no.
I don't want you in the shot, John.
Get out of here.
I don't want you.
That's a dude dressed as a chick.
Okay, that's a dude dressed as a chick.
What was your answer?
I said the same thing, so not gay Jerry.
It's not right.
Okay, there we go.
This is very disturbing for a child to be around.
It is, isn't it?
Number four.
Number four.
I thought I locked the door.
Boom.
No, that's a celebrity picture.
That's a she.
But then again, the lines.
You know what?
See, the problem is chicks work out like crazy.
Sorry, cis women work out like crazy these days.
So you're seeing muscles we've never seen before.
A normal lady wouldn't have those tones.
So that is a chick who works out way too much.
It's a she.
Okay.
This is easy, Steven.
Well, I guess, you know, because last time he threw a bunch of curveballs, and so I thought he was going to do it, but Nakajir's just been slacking.
I mean, so I guess now just go with the obvious answer.
All right.
These balls are straighter than you.
Okay.
Here we go.
All right, let's do.
Boom.
Okay.
Yawn.
That's obviously a man.
That's a transgender.
Both Gavin and I agree.
Yeah, I mean, I bet my life.
Okay.
This game sucks.
No, you're just...
Look at this.
Is this a male or a female dog?
Well, I... It would belong only to a homosexual male is the only valid answer.
Alright, final one.
It identifies as female, but look.
Penis!
Oh, gosh.
This is FCC radio, Kevin.
Although it's most, you know, people listening on...
Okay, we have one more.
Let's go for one more.
Last one.
You can't show a dog penis?
Fine.
Boom.
Oh, well, that's a curveball.
That's a remarkably castrated male, but that is a male.
Still has the penis.
Still has most of the genitalia, just not the two bottom parts.
And doesn't have these two bottom parts.
Okay.
I don't know after Alex Trebek took them with Celebrity Jeopardy.
That is Wolf's lowest score ever on Celebrity Jeopardy Blitzer.
That's a man.
I think so.
I think so.
Well, somebody says, I'm not you.
How long do we have, like 10 seconds?
We've got like 10 seconds or so.
Alright, listen, Gavin, we'll bring you back and talk about more after this.
Stay tuned, everybody.
We'll be right back.
We'll be right back.
We now take you back to the hot mic on Donald Trump.
Still unaware.
I frankly needed that.
I really needed that.
It's a beautiful shake, yeah?
Beautiful.
Great shake.
We'll keep you abreast as the story unfolds with a hot mic on Donald Trump, of which he is unaware.
We'll keep you abreast as the story unfolds with a hot mic on Donald Trump, of which he is aware.
We'll keep you abreast as the story unfolds with a hot mic on Donald Trump, of which he is aware.
We'll keep you abreast as the story unfolds with a hot mic on Donald Trump, of which he is aware.
Gavin McInnes, you can find...
Well, what's the best place?
You're everywhere now, Gavin.
I guess the best place is Twitter, Gavin underscore McInnes, but I'm on the Anthony Cumia network, anthonycumia.com, and...
And Rebel.media, of course.
You guys are setting the internet on fire with the Anthony Camilla Network.
Going very well.
Okay, so we were going to get into the elections and the Kesha story this week was a big story, but you said you had a theory you wanted to run by me, and I'm assuming it's FCC safe.
It is FCC safe.
Okay.
And we did a segment about trannies, so I'm dressed up and I feel bad.
You know what?
I'm not going to wear this for this theory.
It's a very serious theory.
It doesn't.
That's so much better.
Thank you.
That's much more normal.
What is normal anymore?
Who determines?
Okay, you ready for this one?
Okay, let me hear it.
Okay, hold on.
Gosh, he's disrobing.
You know, apparently, I said to Gavin, dress like a woman, and he heard dress like Jack Sparrow.
And I can see the next nominee for the Supreme Court, and it is, you ready?
Ted Cruz.
Yeah, I don't, well, you know, I disagree.
I don't think he would ever be confirmed.
I did say, listen, if Cruz and Rubio actually want to beat Trump, they either join somehow.
No, no, you're not listening to me.
There's a vacuum here for the next SCOTUS since Scalia died, right?
Yeah.
Obama has to nominate one.
He's going to nominate Ted Cruz for Supreme Court judge.
You think Obama would have to take him out of the race?
Yes.
Really?
Because he wants to get Trump alone, because like ISIS, he has too much hubris and thinks, oh, I'll get Trump alone, I'll knock Cruz out, and then I'll get either Hillary or Bernie, and both of those guys preserve my legacy.
Maybe.
You know what?
That's pretty interesting.
You think, Naki, Jared?
I think so, but then that would set up a possibility of a Rubio primary candidate, wouldn't it?
Which would be the hardest to beat.
So that's my thoughts.
Rubio has the strongest chance to win in a general.
And so I think if he were to take out Cruz, he would have to do it after when Rubio is no longer relevant.
Yes.
He's got time.
He's got until November.
Well, yeah, he's got until November, unless it gets to the point where they're sure that Trump is the nominee.
You know, if the rest of the vote keeps getting split, Trump will just pick up states like crazy.
And then at that point, there's no reason to nominate Ted Cruz.
So it would have to happen soon, right?
Well, I guess, let me adjust my theory then, since you guys brought in the Rubio thing I never actually thought of.
This is great lighting, isn't it?
It's fantastic mood lighting.
I think that if it comes down to Cruz and Trump, then Obama will knock out Cruz by giving him this sweet deal, because everyone wants to be a Supreme Court judge.
It lasts forever.
And Cruz has the chops.
He's got the legal chops to do it.
So he'll put Cruz there, get Cruz out of the way, because Obama's obsessed with his legacy, right?
And he knows I can try to pass stuff through the SCOTUS, but nothing beats a legacy like having a Dem on.
That'll preserve Obamacare.
I don't think so, though.
That'll get my EPA crap going through.
No, I don't think so, because Obamacare could be struck down, even with a Democrat president, if it goes to SCOTUS. Obama could be struck down.
Obamacare.
Obamacare.
A lot of those things, you know, now considering the power that Obama's given the courts.
And I don't think Republicans would confirm Ted Cruz.
You know, there's this whole myth that Trump is anti-establishment.
He is Mr.
Establishment.
And the fact is, the reason there's an opening is because Republicans, I mean, you know, you were a big Ted Cruz supporter for a long time.
I still love Cruz, by the way.
Okay, you still love Cruz.
I just want some guns in the mix.
Good Lord.
Why do we go from tranny to shirtless?
This is a very creepy order.
I love this.
We were discussing important stuff, and I didn't want to be a drag when I'm talking about SCOTUS. Okay, well, that's fair.
I don't think Republicans would confirm Ted Cruz.
Really?
Yeah, I don't.
Why not?
Because they hate him.
You think Republicans hate Ted Cruz?
Yeah, well, I mean, he got on there and called, did he call him Mitch McConnell?
Or was it Lindsey Graham?
Mitch McConnell a liar.
I mean, the Republican establishment, they've been, listen, Bob Dole, all these Republicans, there's a reason Donald Trump is getting endorsements from Republicans and Democrats.
They've all said he's malleable.
They've all said, listen, he's not a threat because he's an unprincipled person.
We can get him to do whatever we want.
The person they are afraid of is Ted Cruz.
I think Ted Cruz would take apart the Republican establishment piece by piece.
I don't think they'd confirm him.
You know, it's funny.
Every time it's been a while since I spoke to you, I get stronger and stronger in my Trump.
And then I talk to you, and you start chipping away at my Trump, and I can feel my Cruz tumor growing again on my shoulder.
Like in how to get ahead in advertising.
It just becomes this, like, cyst.
Well, I just don't think...
I just don't...
I mean...
I don't understand if you're a Cruz guy.
Here's the one thing, too.
Let's talk about this with Donald Trump, okay?
I was just talking about this with Rodigan.
We were talking about this off air.
Who was the Republican who all the actual conservatives, right, T-Party, if you ask people, not people in office, but if you ask conservatives who they loved before this election, what was the name you always inevitably heard?
Ted Cruz.
Really?
Yeah, everyone loved Ted.
The posters in L.A. with him and the tattoos and the cigarette.
Yeah, but you said before the election.
That was like hours before the election.
No, no, no.
That was like a year before the election.
Really?
Yes.
When I was speaking and doing stand-up performances and doing Q&A, everyone loved Ted Cruz.
And now you have everyone hating him, believing he's an inconsistent liar, and the guy's name will never be the same.
He'll probably never be able to work in politics again because of this election.
I mean...
How do we point to, if Ted Cruz is not, whether you like him or not, if he's not a consistent conservative, who is?
Yeah, it's funny when they try to come up with all this amnesty crap of him screwing up his pedigree over time, they can't really come up with any examples.
And the amnesty thing was a complete lie.
Yeah, right, exactly.
Well, it was a lie started by Trump.
Yeah.
Who supported amnesty and dream for a long time, like until months ago.
Yeah.
Every time you say this s***, I go back and check it, and it turns out to be not true at all.
That's not true at all.
Okay, what about the fact that he was coming down on the...
Do we disagree that he came down on Pam Geller for that anti-Mohammed cartoon contest saying that it was terrible and they shouldn't be doing that?
And then he was pro-Syrian refugee until after Thanksgiving when he was anti-Syrian refugee.
Yeah, you see...
You always do this, you go pro-Syrian refugee.
He said, oh, maybe we should take in a few.
I feel like maybe we should take in a few.
And then with the Pamela Geller thing, it was generally like, oh, that's a tragedy, people doing this kind of thing.
Oh, that's horrible.
And then you said that...
Said she was sick and it was wrong and they're provoking and they get what they deserve.
That's what it was.
He said Pamela Geller is sick.
Yeah.
They're talking about this whole event is sick, it is twisted.
See, that's different.
Provoke.
I'm pretty sure he called her sick.
One was sick and one was twisted.
Ted Cruz is sick.
Ted Cruz is twisted.
Nasty guy.
I don't understand how people abandon all these.
How old are you, Gavin?
Let me ask you this.
45.
45.
Okay.
Now, how long have you been more conservative?
Since Pat Buchanan's death of the West, which I think is 2001.
Okay.
So, 15 years.
Yeah.
Okay.
How do you get to 70 years old and not have one solid principle?
See, Stephen, I don't like all this fracturing in the left.
You've been a victim of it yourself.
No, no, but how do you get to 69?
You're a guy who's lived a full life in 15 years, right?
You have your stuff together.
How do you get to 69 and you switch positions five times in the span of a year?
I mean, have you had any grandfather who switched his entire worldview?
What position did he switch on?
The last time I talked to you, you said, oh, he had his fortune.
He's done nothing but kill his fortune since his dad died.
No, I didn't say that.
I didn't say that.
I never said that.
That's not what I said.
He would have done better in an S&P index fund.
He would have been better according to the random walk theory or a monkey throwing darts at stocks.
But when I checked that out, that's only like a 45-degree angle.
Okay, let me ask you this, because Donald Trump has a discrepancy of $3 billion, actually $5 billion when he names his net worth.
The closest thing we have to a third-party auditing is Deutsche Bank.
They said at most he's worth $750 million, and everyone said that's generous.
He claims $10 billion or $7 billion, depending on where he is.
What a loser.
$750?
No, but my point is, you talk about consistency.
See, you switch from technicality to character.
What's true?
How do you even know what he's worth?
I don't know what he's worth, but I'm confident that he has doubled and tripled his money since his father died.
You double your money every 10 years if you simply invest it in a diversified portfolio.
I'm not saying there's anything wrong with it, but I'm saying let's not act like it's magnificently impressive.
This is a guy who's never taken a risk.
Sorry, I have not run the exact numbers on that, but as I say, every time we have these fights, I go on my little computer machine and I go, wait a minute, that's not true.
So, okay, so Donald Trump was never pro-planned parenthood.
He was never pro-amnesty.
He was never anti-Second Amendment.
I was pro-planned parenthood for a while.
Yeah, I know, but you've not been for 15 years, is my point.
How do all of these principles change?
Not, I'm talking about a year ago, I'm talking about they've changed back and forth several times.
He's pro-single-payer.
Just said that.
Here's the deal with Trump.
How does that not matter to you anymore, single payer, as a Canadian?
We just talked about that.
How do we just throw that out the window?
To be totally frank, I don't even understand healthcare and how to fix it.
I don't understand if we just implement the Canadian system here, will that work?
The British system, the system here is a mess, but here I know that I can get a f***ing liver replacement if I'm dying way faster than I could in Canada.
Right.
But single-payer is moving toward Canada.
And you praise the Canadian system.
Did you read the 1,500-page health care bill?
Have you got it all figured out?
Do you know how to solve health care?
I know that I don't believe that a Republican should be up there praising Canada and saying that's where we should go.
Well, is it that much worse than here?
I mean, there's so many pros and cons for both.
No.
And that's not what you were saying six months ago.
You were talking about how awful Canadian healthcare was.
Just terrible.
And now it doesn't matter.
That's my point.
None of these things that matter do matter anymore.
That's the only problem I have.
It's called evolving and being able to take in different angles of an argument.
So Canadian healthcare is okay now and Obamacare doesn't necessarily...
We're kind of okay.
Canadian health care and British health care have huge...
Sorry, they have huge, massive problems.
They're horrible.
But I have so many problems with the American system too, and I don't know the solution.
I don't know what's better.
All I know about Trump is he hates this new...
Sorry, what's the correct word?
Wimp culture.
And he hates immigration.
He's recognizing that immigration is chipping away at not just our economy, but our culture.
Trump is the biggest wimp, I think, on that stage.
How do you go for being a star athlete in high school?
I was the best to two bone spur deferments in the military, and you're the only person in the history of medical literature who doesn't have that problem anymore.
That's a pussy.
Is there a politician that has not avoided the draft?
Yes!
There are plenty of politicians that have not avoided the draft.
But my point is you don't get to go and say, I was a star athlete in high school, deferments, and I don't have the bone spurs.
Like, if we're going to say he hates this culture, he hates it when he plays it up as an angle.
I just want people to be honest.
I just hate fakery.
And that's why I'm getting tired of the Rubio thing.
I don't know.
I just don't see enough of a contrast anymore.
I just don't see enough of a contrast to even care.
You're not getting to that point?
With Rubio, I see nothing but immigration.
Oh, my dad was a bartender.
Oh, my maid mom, again and again and again.
From Cuba, the shittiest country in the world.
You're giving Jared so much work to do.
Sorry about that.
And then with Cruz is wonderful, and I would be very happy if he wins, but Trump is balls, and America is in desperate need of balls.
And what we're really in need of is slapping social justice warriors in the face Because these kids are going to grow up and be our economy, be our media, and they're idiots.
They're not just idiots.
They're insane.
Right.
Well, that's why I hate that you have a reality show host who pandered to them and their charities for several years.
We have more footage than you can ever watch in a lifetime, and never once did he stand up for any of the principles that we've talked about.
And he had so many opportunities.
He stood for them with social justice warriors.
That's such a brave thing, Cyndi Lauper.
You're so brave.
I love you.
And frankly, I would defend you from anyone who says anything bad.
Terrible.
Terrible stuff.
I think he's a social justice warrior in disguise.
I could be wrong.
I could be wrong.
Look, I don't understand how you can ignore the fact that the guy is the only one courageous enough to say, first of all, to bring immigration to the table.
No one was talking about it before.
Wait, hold on, we have to go.
Can we do Gavin for another segment or no?
We could.
Okay, Gavin, you want to do one more segment?
Sure.
Alright, let's keep, Gavin, one more segment.
Do we have ten seconds?
Ten.
Nine.
You got it right this time?
We're going.
We'll be back.
back, Gavin McInnes.
This Week in Feminism.
This Week in Feminism.
So yeah, no, I was just walking to class.
Oh my god!
Penis!
I'm a little penis!
Get away!
When it's time to party, we will party hard.
Alright.
All right.
We are back with our guest.
He stayed for another segment.
This time, hopefully Naki Jared won't have to bleep everything out.
You can follow him on the Twitter or the Anthony Kumiya Podcast Network.
Gavin McInnes.
How's it going?
Let me get out my Cuban links.
Cuban links.
Is that what they're called?
That is what they're called.
I don't know if you're familiar with Raekwon, but he popularized them in the black community, but they've been a staple for blue-collar genos for centuries.
Well, you know, I think both Ted Cruz and Marco Rubio are Cuban.
Yeah, Ted Cruz is a good Cuban.
Neither one of them is American, though.
Neither one of them is eligible.
You know that, right?
God, you have a really patronizing tone, you know?
No, I took a poll.
You're like the Ezra Klein of the right.
You should work with him.
You should work for him.
You want to voxplain everything?
You know that, right?
You know they're not eligible, right?
Well, I'm not eligible.
That's what people told me on the tweeters.
Ergo, Rubio and Cruz are not eligible.
No, no, that's the actual argument from the Trump camp.
He just wants to give him the nomination, because neither of them are eligible.
Right.
I have heard that argument many times.
I don't agree with it.
And I love Trump.
I don't understand why we have to have this perfect cohesion with everything the candidate says.
And that candidate has to have been perfectly consistent throughout history.
America...
No, how about two issues?
The past two years have been totally insane.
Two issues.
Consistent on two issues.
Why?
Why?
Why do you have to be consistent on two issues?
I'm just saying let's just start with two.
I don't have to be consistent with every issue.
I'm saying you don't have to have been consistent about any issues.
Okay, I would respectfully disagree.
And I think that you, a few months before Trump, would have disagreed.
Well, that was the old me, the ancient me.
Look, here's the big picture with Trump.
We've just had an incompetent boob who doesn't understand the economy, and he sees something happen, he goes, you didn't build that.
So he doesn't understand business, and that hurt us, because that has him blowing hundreds of millions on the EPA and saying no to the Keystone Pipeline.
He doesn't get money.
He's never cleaned a pool, so he doesn't have the basics of money.
And that also...
It means open borders because he doesn't get that when teens don't do jobs, they don't have an economic libido because he's never done that.
He's never had an economic libido.
He doesn't see how damaging it is for young people.
I'll tell you what, they'd have a lot less student debt if they understood what money was.
Where was I when Trump was cleaning pools?
Trump was pouring cement.
God, you're so worried about every facet of his life.
No, I'm not.
I said, listen, I said, give me two, anything.
I just need to trust someone a little bit.
Believe anything they say.
I don't believe anything he says.
Trump was doing brutal blue-collar work as a young man.
His dad insisted that he got in there, poured cement, was with the boys with the hearts.
And this was before the bone spurs.
Yes, I'm sorry.
He didn't fight in a war.
He was not brave enough to fight in a war.
No, the point is not the war.
The point is the lying all the time.
He's no better than Hillary Clinton.
That's my point.
I just don't trust either of them.
There's not enough of a contrast for me.
There's a difference.
Jonah Goldberg brought this up recently in the New York Post.
He said...
Hillary is lies.
It's who she is.
Like, Barney is a kid dinosaur.
He's into kids and stuff.
That's him.
Like, he is kids.
It's not like he plays with the kids, then he has pizza and stuff and goes bowling.
He's 100% kids.
Hillary is 100% lies.
That's all she is.
She lies when she doesn't have to.
She exaggerates lies.
She'll be like, hey, you like those peppered farm cookies?
You know, I know the woman who works, so I can get them cheap.
And she doesn't.
Yeah.
I think Trump, I would put him in that same camp.
He's the only person, I think, I would put him in that same camp before Bernie.
Okay, well, why don't you go vote for Bernie?
Now you're doing it!
Now you're doing it with the patronizing tone.
I'm not saying I'm going to vote for Bernie, but at least Bernie is open about you know where he stands.
Stop saying that, righties.
Conservatives keep saying, you know, I've got to hand it to Bernie.
He's won real deal.
And the left keeps using that.
Even conservatives admit that Bernie is a balls-out real deal.
He's a socialist.
Okay, I'm done with compliments for Bernie for one lifetime.
No, you save your compliments for the Democrat that is Trump.
Lifelong Democrat, you can thank the current SCOTUS, Pelosi, Reid, because of Trump.
In pivotal, pivotal races, supported Democrats against Republicans to beat them.
Huge, huge race.
You should be like me.
But slightly reversed.
So where I go, I love Trump, but I'm not going to cry if it's Cruz.
You go, I love Cruz, but I'm not going to cry if it's Cruz.
I don't love Cruz.
I can vote for anybody.
My position is I can vote for anybody in clear conscience outside of Trump.
So, who does that mean?
Hillary?
No, it means I don't know.
I don't know.
And this is genuine here for a second.
I've talked about this.
If Hillary wins and I had nothing to do with it, I can live with myself if I didn't vote for her and she wins.
And if she wins against Trump, the measurable data we have says there's a strong chance she wins.
I'm not saying it's a guarantee.
There's a strong chance she wins.
The best chance the Democrats have is Bernie versus Trump, but Hillary versus Trump is their next best.
I have a problem with all of those polls, by the way.
Well, I'm not going by, because we only have a couple minutes.
But my point is, if I vote for Trump and he becomes as tyrannical as I know he can be because he said so in several different statements, I can't live with that on my head.
So it would depend on the VP choice.
It really would.
If I thought there was a VP who would keep him accountable, who I believe was a moral person, maybe.
Otherwise, I just, I don't care.
There's not enough of a contrast.
Really, there isn't enough of a contrast.
So you're not voting for Trump because you don't have big enough balls, is basically what you're saying.
I don't know where...
What are you...
What is a ball thing from a five-niner?
I'm just confused.
I mean, to be more like you, I'd have to cut what?
I mean, I'd have to saw off my left leg to make your weight division.
That's what you're going to do tomorrow.
That is what they're going to do.
What's so funny is, like, Jared asked me, are you scared about the surgery?
I'm like, I'm not at all about that.
It's the work that's associated.
You know that as an entrepreneur.
Like, when people say 40-hour work week, as a business owner, you go, what do you do after Tuesday?
I mean, it's crazy.
Look, let's not talk about your ailment again.
We're not in Boca Raton yet.
But the thing about Trump is he's going to get dads off the couch.
Dads haven't been voting.
Dads haven't been voting since Reagan days because they hate the whole system.
They think it sucks.
And now they go, wait, who's this guy?
And all of a sudden, Archie is getting up off the couch, taking off his slippers, putting on his boots and going to the voting booth.
Right.
An unprincipled dad, of course, who none of that means anything to him.
And all of those things have been abandoned.
And that's fine if people want to do that.
I'm just not...
I'm not there yet to reduce it to simplified populism.
That's just me.
It's an opinion.
And I don't begrudge people who can make a salient argument for Trump as you can.
Immigration and culture.
That's what it comes down to.
Trump is the worst offender when it comes to leftist culture.
As seen by the celebrity apprentice, Gavin McGinnis.
Thank you so much.
We must go.
We'll bring him back.
And next time, we won't make him go through the whole dog and pony show of Dressing Up Like a Woman.
Light it with Crowder.
Stay tuned.
Hey, if you're listening to or watching this podcast, there's a strong chance that you are not yet following me on Twitter, at S Crowder, where I'm tweeting all day long
I'm ticking off the social justice warriors.
You should see the amount of hate I get on there.
Far, far, far worse than any Fat Sports Illustrated model or Black Lives Matter charlatan.
So listen, it's free.
You get to be entertained and you can chime in.
Also, if you're following me on Twitter, you can send me your tweets and maybe you'll be lucky enough.
And I mean lucky enough because I have a lot of followers, okay, that they call me the follower machine to have your tweet to me or not gay Jared included in our rockinest tweet of the week.
So follow me on Twitter at escrowder.
If not, I don't want to say I have sights on your mother, but...
Oh, she's dead?
You're just saying that because I made a mom joke.
No, she's really dead?
well, you kind of walked into it.
Former governor of Minnesota and professional wrestler here, Jesse Ventura, the bod.
Before you get distracted in your tabloids and your cable news programs that run on 24-hour news cycles, it's important to know that the American government is willingly lying to its people about issues that truly matter.
Like the fact that Hitler is still alive and Argentina playing patty-cake with Sean Penn.
Know the facts.
You've found yourself at the junction where worlds meet.
Politics.
Civility.
How about honesty in this country, folks?
Entertainment.
I don't like entertainment.
And a whole bunch of other stuff.
It's about having a healthy body image.
You have a very unhealthy body.
You should have a horrible body image.
Not a big home improvement market in Detroit.
We are definitely going to get letters.
You're listening to Talk Radio's Strangest Animal.
You're a strange animal.
That's what I know.
You're getting louder with Crowder.
But you're a strange animal.
I've got to follow.
Oh, I'm in the speedy to sound.
Alright, we are back.
I didn't even realize we were back and then Jared had the cameras going.
Of course, live stream, not gay, Jared, on Twitter.
I fulfill my legal obligations.
Draw your own conclusions.
I'm not even going to ask you if we are good.
Third hour, Gay Patriot coming up next.
Man, this has been a whirlwind show!
It's been a really big show, see?
Been a big show.
A really big shrew.
Big show with our stuff.
Really big shrew.
A lot of things going on.
So we've been talking politics, and we'll talk politics with Gay Patriot.
The problem is that's what everyone's talking about this week in Nevada and Trump.
I just want to shoot myself in the face if we keep talking about it.
Another story that happened, Kesha.
For those of you who don't know, let's be honest, many of you don't know if you're listening terrestrially.
Kesha is a worldwide phenomenon.
Extraordinaire.
Extraordinaire!
She's a walking extravaganza.
She's a singer who had a couple...
She only had two songs that I know of.
I mean, two, three.
She's not a huge...
No, but she spells her name with the dollar sign, so she's pretty fly.
She does spell her name with her dollar sign.
And she accused her music producer of raping her.
Now, why is that funny?
I've seen her.
That's why it's funny.
You can't joke about that on air.
Don't joke about this.
Are you mental?
Don't joke about it on air.
Oh, my gosh.
Seriously, modern day gypsy.
She's a bitch!
Okay, we can go there too.
So Kesha has a few songs.
All of her songs are about getting drunk and that's her whole shtick.
Anyways, nothing has anything to do with being raped by a producer, but she accused her producer of being raped.
Now, here's the scoop.
She wants to get out of her record contract, okay?
So that's well known.
She wants to get out of her record contract.
She has some kind of an exclusivity clause with her current record label under this producer.
So she accused him of rape, she has no proof whatsoever, and a judge struck it down.
That's what I understand.
I could be getting some of the timeline wrong, but a judge basically said no.
An impartial judge.
Here's why this matters.
Lady Gaga said, I don't want to live in a country where the government gets to decide if you've been raped.
Are you crazy those guys are retards?
Anyone who believes that You don't want the government to decide if you've been raped.
You mean you don't believe in any kind of a trial or due process?
This is the problem with feminists, right?
You see the story and it's horrible.
And that's why people have abused it.
Why?
Not because women hate rape, but men hate rapists.
Everybody hates rapists.
If someone reads woman raped by a music producer, they get mad and they immediately hate that person.
It's not like feminism where people are like, you know, I can kind of get on board with feminism a little bit and kind of get on board with socialism or some parts of it.
No one says...
Rapists.
Rapists.
I can see myself buying a bumper sticker somewhere down the road.
For rapists.
Rapists.
For rapists.
Proud father of a rapist.
My other vehicle is a rape van.
You wouldn't see that.
No.
Co-eg rape.
Co-eg.
Co-eg rape.
You wouldn't see that.
No, that's the thing.
Men hate rapists just as much as women hate rapists.
Otherwise, a jury of your peers could never include men in a rape trial.
Because they'd be like, well, that guy's not going to convict.
Why?
Because he's a guy.
They all love rape.
That's what they all do.
That's what feminists want you to believe.
So the real issue is they simply want Kesha, and she was sobbing, right?
If she was raped, then I'm going to look like a jerk.
But there's no proof.
What they're sobbing about is due process, is any kind of a legal system.
They want to be able to simply lob the accusation of rape.
And you see this with Anita Sarkeesian of Gamergate in front of the UN. They simply want to be able to make the accusation And be right.
And that's what really bothers me.
Listen, any time we have, the reason I'm skeptical, and this is terrible, any time we have a high-profile rape allegation, right, it's almost always wrong.
The Virginia, was it University of Virginia?
The Rolling Stone article.
I think so.
Something Virginia.
I'm pretty sure it's University of Virginia.
The Rolling Stone article.
Yeah, UVA. It was false.
It was a false story that ran with Rolling Stone.
There was no rape that occurred.
Doesn't matter.
At that point, it was already front page everywhere because it sold magazines, right?
Mattress Girl at Columbia, that's the most famous.
She carried around her mattress like she was Peter with a cross, right?
Carrying around her mattress because she had been raped.
Because when you're raped, you carry around a mattress and you want everyone to know that you're raped because you fight it through information.
Well, it turned out she was never raped.
There were texts of her asking the guy to rape her, and he was uncomfortable.
It got to a point where she was such a sex fiend and so demanding, that's why she accused rape, because the guy cut it off.
But this guy has this girl showing up at his graduation with a mattress, and everyone knows she's accusing him of rape, and it's picked up by every single mainstream media outlet, and they run with rape culture.
So UVA, false.
Mattress girl, false.
Elena Dunham claims some guy named Barry, who was treasurer of the College Republicans, raped her.
I was the first one to make those phone calls, okay?
And I won't disclose.
I spoke with some people who didn't want me to disclose anything.
Nobody raped Lena Dunham, if you could have guessed.
That did not happen.
And if someone had, it would have been some 89-year-old man named Barry, because those are the only people left.
Baby Barry.
You would not have been smiling.
There is no Baby Barry.
No.
So she lied about that.
She also lied about not molesting her little sister.
She did that.
So, UVA, Mattress Girl, Lana Denham, all these high-profile cases that were, and they claim to be rape survivors, which does a huge disservice to actual rape survivors, and these cases are verifiably false.
Still, do these guys get their reputations back?
Do they get their honor restored?
No, of course not.
Of course they don't.
None of that comes back.
Everyone knows that if you simply have the accusation of rape, it follows you around for the rest of your life.
Similar to the accusation of racism.
That's why leftists use it so much, right?
Conservatives are racist.
There's a culture of rape.
That's what feminists do.
And, frankly, it's a lot like what Donald Trump tries to do.
He doesn't try to argue the ideas.
Feminists don't try and argue ideas.
Liberals don't try and argue ideas.
They try and paint you as racist, right?
Feminists don't try and argue ideas.
They just try and paint you as rapists.
Donald Trump doesn't want to argue ideas.
He just wants to say that everyone else is ineligible.
That's what bullies do.
They avoid fights.
I can't think of anything for a candidate to do that would exhibit being a bully More than avoiding a fight by literally, well, figuratively saying, but literally on two separate occasions, but the overarching sentiment is, listen, none of these people are eligible.
Give it to me.
Ted Cruz is not eligible.
Marco Rubio is not eligible.
Might as well just give it to Trump.
That's not something a brave person does.
A brave person doesn't lie about citizenship so they can completely avoid a fight.
That's not what a brave person does.
Same thing, if you're a brave woman, you don't believe that simply using the accusation of rape should be enough.
If you're a brave woman, you believe that your accusation should stand the test of legal scrutiny.
That's what you should believe if you're a brave woman.
If not, you're not a brave woman.
So when Lady Gaga says, I don't want to live in a place where the government gets to decide if you've been raped, well, who decides it?
Just the woman.
Just the woman.
What if a woman has...
Like, Lena Dunham just has regretful sex.
They don't like it.
The sex wasn't good.
That's rape now.
That's what they're teaching in college.
When words don't mean anything anymore...
And this is...
You can follow me on Twitter at S. Crowder.
I've literally had...
Liberals say you can't ever go to Merriam-Webster.
You can't use the dictionary.
That's debate 101.
You never use the dictionary to back up your argument if you're trying to say the word means something.
They said that when I was talking about socialism and talking about Nazis, where socialism is in the name of the party.
Well, it's just so hack to use Merriam-Webster.
Use a dictionary if you want to go by definitions.
So when you say that words don't matter, when you say that definitions don't matter, And you say that now the legal system doesn't matter, the legal precedent we have doesn't matter, legal processes that are put in place to determine whether someone is guilty or not doesn't matter.
Okay, you're left with, okay, Lady Gaga, okay, Kesha, okay, Lena Dunham, what does matter?
What is the final say?
And invariably, it's their opinion.
It's their claim.
And that's what worries me so much about Donald Trump.
That's, you know, when someone ever says, believe me, okay, listen, let me be honest with you, okay, truthfully, okay, frankly, whenever someone says it, I go, well, what were you being before?
If you go to a mechanic and you say, listen, can you level with me?
What's wrong with my car?
And the mechanic says, all right, I'm going to be honest with you.
You go, aha, okay, what were you being before?
How do we not see these flags?
How do they miss it?
It may not sound like a big deal, but this is all over Us Weekly, People Magazine, is just Kesha and the rape claim.
And rape is terrible.
But you know who hates this?
You know who really hates this kind of a situation, this circus?
Actual rape victims.
Just like my mom hates the illegal immigration, the whole false sympathy for illegal aliens.
Oh, these people!
They're coming!
You want to send them back?
Yes.
Oh, they just want a better life!
I don't care.
What?
It's not an argument.
It is a weird sound.
I believe the word you're looking for is...
That was the word I was...
I just took it by a tongue.
It's not an argument.
No.
Build a wall!
It's not an argument.
But I want him to be convicted for rape!
That's not an argument.
But I want it!
No, that's not an argument.
And I'm tired of...
Of course you expect to see it from leftists.
Of course you expect to see it from feminists.
But to see it from self-professed conservatives now, it is just...
I've just lost faith, I hate to say it, in the human race.
And a significant portion of the American populace.
If you are not able to reason your...
You don't necessarily have to be right.
There may be someone who can argue with you and make you think that you're wrong, but if you're not even willing to start...
Down the rationalization trail.
To substantiate your argument, you have no business holding that argument.
Ladder with Crowder.
We'll be back.
We now take you back to the hot mic on Donald Trump. .
Still unaware.
Okay, now yeah, Mika, listen, I don't want any questions, okay, on the alleged rape with my wife.
All right, listen, we put the gag order.
I don't want to be asking that.
I know that's an October surprise from Hillary.
We'll deal with it when we get...
Hey, where's my black guy?
I want my black guy...
Okay, no, I want my black guy seated here right next to me, okay, because Nevada's got...
We got some black guys here.
Good.
We'll keep you abreast as the story unfolds with a hot mic on Donald Trump, of which he is unaware.
Whoa, Jared, what are you doing?
Shoot bad guys!
With what?
AR-15!
Where'd you get it?
AR-15.com!
Oh, there's another one!
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You got him!
Yeah!
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From where?
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That's the best place to go, and that's the takeaway, because this commercial's about to stop!
All right.
Glad to bring on our last guest of the program.
I've not had him on yet.
His name is Bruce, but of course his Twitter handle is GayPatriot, so I think the cat's out of the bag.
He's gay, but he's conservative.
He's also the CrazyPatriot.
He's also a crazy patriot.
He's also crazily gay.
GayPatriot, thanks for being with us, sir.
My pleasure, Stephen.
How are you?
I am good.
Now, you're not offended by crazily gay.
I think that's pretty self-explanatory.
No, I'd be offended if you didn't call me that.
Okay, that's fine.
Alright, so we've talked with Dana.
We've talked with Dana's Cruz.
Gavin is Trump.
And then we had Brodigan, who's kind of Rubio.
Now, I know you're big on Rubio right now.
Was he always your guy, or did you have someone else, and now you're down to Rubio?
So yeah, I've gone through a series of evolving.
I probably started with Rubio, and then he kind of took me off about the gang of bait and some other things.
And then I kind of drifted to Rand Paul.
Right.
And I liked his personality.
He's kind of scrappy and ornery and, you know...
Bitchy.
Yeah, kind of bitchy, kind of annoying.
Everything I always said would be talking about the other candidates.
Yeah, that's very good, very good.
And, you know, I got really excited when he did his first filibuster on the drone policy.
I was kind of psyched up about that.
Right.
And then, you know, he just...
He just disappeared, it seemed like.
Then I moved to Scott Walker, who was actually the only candidate that I saw in South Carolina before we voted.
Of course, this was months ago now that Walker was here.
Sounds to me like if you bet on a horse, we're going to go the opposite.
Oh, trust me, I've refrained from giving anyone money because I'm petrified they'll drop out.
I gave Jeb Bush 20 cents last week, so that worked.
That's what I was going to say.
Yeah, that was fascinating to me, Jeb Bush.
I remember talking with Ben Howe on The Blaze, and they were talking about how it was going to be Jeb Bush.
And I remember just saying, you people are so out of touch.
There's no way it's ever going to be Jeb Bush.
That's not going to happen.
I've never known anyone who said, you know what, I love Jeb Bush.
Where they dig me some Jeb.
Not a single person.
Exclamation point.
Even people in Florida didn't really, you know, they forgot he was their governor, I think.
He actually wasn't a bad governor, from what I understand.
People are just tired of Bushes in the office.
I do not like Bush.
Well, yeah, I see what you're saying.
I bet you've been using that joke for years.
Yeah, I'm upset that it's over now.
Well, it's not entirely.
I mean, they can always pop their head out and make a joke about it.
Rand Paul.
So, Marco Rubio this week.
I voted for him in South Carolina on Saturday.
Okay.
Are you a little bit annoyed with some of his dirty pool this week?
You know, I think it's politics.
And here's my perspective on that.
I've been involved in politics since I was 14 in the early 80s.
And, you know, the whole thing with the Ben Carson thing at the Iowa caucus.
Right.
You know, get some grown-up man pants on this one.
I mean, it's a thing.
It was a CNN report.
You know, if I was Cruz, I would have fired the staff had they not...
Have they not circulated?
Compare that to Nevada, where Trump flat out said, Cruz left, he's God, he abandoned you, and at that exact moment, Cruz was speaking somewhere else in Nevada.
You've read about that, right?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Which is just a flat out lie.
It's not like it was a CNN report, or it was Fox News, and then it was circulated.
I mean, what happened there, and it was actually, to be fair, it was the Rubio campaign, too, who gave it some momentum.
Of course.
Yeah, people want to acknowledge it.
Listen, it was a story from CNN. It was accurate that Ben Carson had gone to Florida, and so people had speculated that he might be dropping out, and so it was circulated by the Rubio people and picked up by the Cruz people.
But that wasn't inaccurate, whereas it's a flat-out lie for Donald Trump to say, Ted Cruz left.
He's not here.
He doesn't care about Nevada.
And at that very moment, he's giving a speech in Nevada.
I know.
So I kind of view all this in relative terms.
And, you know, if you're going to lie about someone's wife or, you know, bring up really awful stuff that just isn't true, then, you know, that's probably a line that is unacceptable.
But up to that, I mean, come on, you know, whoever is elected president is going to be You know, they're going to pick on every single thing, no matter who it is, they're going to be the devil.
And that's why I'm concerned with Donald Trump.
You want to talk about an October surprise?
The Clintons will always have a bomb.
And I just think they can have something huge that's a game-changer on Trump.
I don't really think they can have anything that big on Cruz.
Rubio, they can point to hypocrisy on the illegal immigration thing, and that's kind of already out of the bag.
Cruz, what are they going to say?
He's so consistent.
I mean, you can dislike his personality.
I just don't think there's going to be a bomb that would drop on him in October.
Like, oh, he was for the flak tax!
You know what I mean?
Like, there's nothing that's going to come out that people don't know.
He's been remarkably consistent.
Yeah, and he's kind of boring.
Right, he is boring.
That videotape of him as an 18-year-old being an ass is probably the most exciting thing that we've seen from him, but...
And I just saw a picture of Rubio, of course I've seen it, of him looking like a male stripper at some high school event.
Well, yeah, there is the rumors, obviously, about Rubio, and I think Trump just said something along the lines of, like, Rubio, what did he say, billionaire's boy toy?
He said something that I was sitting there like, the verbiage, it wasn't boy toy billionaire, it was like billionaire's boy toy.
Billionaire's boy toy.
Yeah, and you know, it could be just Trump misspeaking, he does that all the time, but I heard it and I was going to hurt us.
Because, you know, everyone has heard those kind of rumblings, you know, people that circulate those things that, you know, Marco Rubio says.
My...
My gay mafia has not confirmed those stories.
I would imagine you'd be in the loop on that.
I always thought Rand Paul came across as very feminine sometimes when the way he would throw his hands and get mad about wiretapping on the NSA, but I wouldn't do it, not me.
Okay, we will bring GayPatriot, at GayPatriot, back for another segment.
When we come back from this, how long am I going to break?
Okay, because the thing is with the surgery and the pain pills, I can't keep track of time all that well.
But I want to get into some personal questions that are borderline inappropriate with Gay Patriot.
Excellent.
Regarding his personal life and how it relates to Markup.
Let me put it this way.
I've got an October surprise for Gay Patriot.
After the break.
Lotter with Crowder.
Stay tuned.
It's going to be a doozy.
It only takes a time.
Oh, hey, loud.
Didn't see you there.
What are you doing?
Hey, Lyle, I'm just relaxing and enjoying my 1978 Bordeaux, a fine beverage after a fine game of racquetball at the Wimbledon.
There's no more quality establishment than the Wimbledon, you know.
That sounds fun.
I don't really know a whole lot about wine.
That's why I go to simplifiedwine.com, or I just call their number.
What's that number, Jared?
844-297-WINE. Oh, where'd he come from?
His voice aggravates me.
I have him chained to a caravan.
For simpletons like me who don't know a whole lot about wine, just what I like, it makes it easy.
I either get to call, go to the website, talk with a sommelier, list what I like, what I don't like, my budget, and can have it shipped directly to my door, or gift wrapped and sent to a friend.
It doesn't get any simpler than that.
Simplified wine, you say?
I prefer more of a barrier to entry.
I know you do, Lyle, but you're an elitist bastard.
That's why for simpletons like me, I prefer simplifiedwine.com or just calling 844-297-WINE. This is a Reese Witherspoon film warning.
There is a Reese Witherspoon film to be released in theaters in the following two weeks.
Avoid theaters at all costs.
I repeat, this is a Reese Witherspoon film warning.
Beep.
Jared, with Gay Patriot, and this is my pimple.
I brought it with me as a 28-year-old man.
Can you believe this?
We're rocking them together, buddy.
Whenever I get really stressed, and I think this week qualifies, I always get at least one-third eye going on.
Speaking of adjusting chakras, Gay Patriot, so you are gay, and you are a patriot, and you're conservative.
Have you always been conservative, or did you come to that later on in life?
No, I've actually always been conservative.
I wasn't always gay, but yeah, I grew up conservative, Republican.
Did you live as a straight man?
For a time, yeah.
That must have been awful.
Everyone is speechless.
Like, everything got silent.
Well, I just...
I understand where you're coming from.
Okay, so...
Listen, we've had plenty of gay conservatives on, so it's not new to this show.
But it's new to other people, a lot of people who may be picking it up and listening for the first time.
How does that happen?
And do you have problems with someone like Marco Rubio, who's against same-sex marriage?
Is that just not really a big deal for you?
You don't really care because you understand federalism and sort of the appropriation of rights to the states?
Yeah, you know, I mean, I'm kind of getting a little bit tired of it being an issue at all.
You know, I... My partner and I are actually getting married under South Carolina law in the next few months.
How dare you!
How dare you!
That was horrible.
So, you know, to me, the whole thing is over.
And, you know, I actually felt like the Republicans blew it on this topic.
I think I was writing like 10 years ago that the Republicans really should have taken a civil union stance with Do you think there's some validity now,
since we're here now with the marriage argument, and now that transgenderism is sort of just drafted in behind you, that it's going to get really weird?
Yeah, and you know, another thing I've kind of been warning about from my unique voice is that I'm convinced that the gay left is going to sue churches and synagogues, never a mosque, but churches and synagogues.
Well, it's happened in Canada.
It's happened a lot in Canada.
Yeah, to force marriage.
Yep.
In a religious ceremony.
So I'm convinced that that's happening.
You know, we've already seen the wedding cakes and the private industry.
So why not the churches?
That's, you know, they hate religion.
So wait, they hate Christians and Jews on the left.
Yes, exactly.
Any religion from, sorry, the deepest, darkest crap holes of the world, like Saudi Arabia and China, and there's Eastern mysticism and Islam, where every single country that's been under its rule commits gross violations of human rights so they can slap this crap on a bumper sticker.
They love that, right?
Just call it tantric yogi, or whatever the hell it is.
But it's the Christian thing they have a problem with.
Islam...
I mean, look, if I talk to Mark and Ruby about marriage, we probably have a lot more in common than we do apart.
And I'm confident that he will not throw me over a building because he doesn't like me.
Well, what's funny is Donald Trump would certainly be the most gay-friendly.
I mean, he was pro-gay marriage.
He was, you know, everything.
I was talking about this, like, on The Apprentice.
I mean, you know.
I was talking about this with Gavin McGinnis.
Like, you have more footage than you can watch in a lifetime.
And he's praising all these LGBTQ, AAIP, all these charities that Cyndi Lauper and these people bring in.
I think you're very brave.
I think she's very brave.
Don't you think?
I think you're brave.
And so supportive.
And never once has he even shown an inkling of being a conservative until he felled out the form.
So a lot of people would say, as a gay conservative, it would seem like Trump would be up your alley if you were going to go on the social side.
So you break ranks there, too.
Yeah, I break ranks.
You know, I'm not sure I believe...
I don't think he...
Sorry.
I don't know what he believes in.
That's why I'm so confused.
I don't know what his principles are.
So, you know, I don't trust anyone like that.
And, you know, the other thing that's kind of funny about this topic is he's winning among evangelicals.
So...
You know, they're allegedly the ones that are hating the gays the most.
So I just can't figure what's going on this year.
And, you know, my whole view is I want someone that can beat Hillary Clinton, assuming she's not in jail.
And at this point, I think it's Rubio.
I think Rubio, too.
If it comes down to that.
God only knows.
Yeah, I made this in the first hour of the show.
My prediction is it's looking more and more like it's Hillary Trump, the world's greatest reality show.
If it's Trump-Hillary, I think Trump out-Bernie's Bernie.
I think he out-liberals Bernie in the general and plays up the Goldman Sachs angle that Hillary is the big banker and the big business friend, and Trump plays up he's a man of the people.
So I think he out-Bernie's own strategy.
Do you think there might be some truth to that?
Yeah, I don't.
You know, I don't think it's unreasonable that he might beat her, but that's not the kind of president that I want to vote for, and I'm not sure that's how I want to beat her, but she's very beatable, I think.
Would you vote for Trump if he wins?
You said she's very beautiful?
He said beatable.
Like with a stick.
Well, I won't be up there.
Beautiful!
Good lord.
If someone's going to turn you back to our team, it's not going to be Hillary Clinton.
It's not going to be the one to convert you.
If it's Trump, will you vote?
If Trump's the nominee?
No, I won't vote for the first time in my life.
You know, I hear that a lot from a lot of people.
What if it's a stellar VP choice?
Could that change the name?
No.
I've been saying all along as we got narrower that I couldn't vote for Jeb in the November election, I couldn't vote for Kasich, and I won't vote for Trump if that's the case.
Yeah, I felt that way, too.
I don't think I could vote for Kasich.
Such a douche.
I know.
I probably could have.
It's so funny.
He's such a nice guy, it seems like, but it's just...
Nobody likes you, Kasich.
Get out of here.
I probably could have held my nose and begrudgingly voted for Jeb, knowing that he wouldn't win.
I wouldn't be happy about it, but I don't think he's a bad man.
I just think it's time for them to go away.
You know, I don't...
Once I made that decision, I just couldn't land on a bush anymore.
Oh, geez.
Let's see what we did there.
All right.
Well, listen, you're not the only one here.
So I think that's a real problem for Trump, that a lot of people just won't pull that lever for him.
Yeah.
That's a first.
That's a first for a lot of people.
And the thing that keeps coming back is people who don't trust him.
And the thing that comes back from Trump supporters like Gavin is they trust him entirely and none of that matters as long as he's sticking it to political correctness.
Is it all about the wall?
Because that's what I... I don't know what's left after you...
If you believe that he's building a wall, fine.
But after that, there's nothing left.
Well, there's also no way to deport all those immigrants.
They crunched the numbers.
I think it was ricochet.com crunched the numbers.
And it was like, you would have to send out like 3,000 something per day on average.
And they averaged out like the amount of buses that it would take to bus them out to get rid of all the illegal immigrants.
Well, I love when they try all these numbers that like, oh, this president did that.
This president deported a certain amount that...
Not a fraction.
Not even a fraction.
Close, but they inflate the numbers.
It doesn't mean it's right.
It doesn't mean it's right.
I agree with Donald Trump on the immigration issue.
My mom does.
My mom hates Donald Trump.
But she agrees with him on the immigration thing.
Legal immigrants can't stand illegal immigrants.
It doesn't change how unrealistic you're...
And I don't even think it's unrealistic.
I think it's a lie.
It is.
He knows.
What are you going to do?
Get Mexico to pay for it?
Tariffs.
Okay.
And then once those go away, threaten them?
What do you do?
And most of our manufacturing is done in Mexico.
They'll just rescind the permits and suddenly American business is stuck with, you know, no manufacturing within 5,000 miles.
Right, yeah.
It's just absurd.
No, exactly.
My mom voted for Trump, by the way.
Oh, was that a fun dinner conversation?
I... I can't.
I do see a lot of old...
I think they're scared.
And I think, you know, Trump panders to them.
Remember, like, the one thing that I actually really liked about...
Well, not the one thing.
I liked a lot of things about Rick Perry.
But in that last one, he basically said, well, Social Security is a Ponzi scheme.
It's something all conservatives know.
Everyone knows, right?
Anyone with a basic understanding of economics knows that that's true, that the numbers don't add up for Social Security.
And all the conservatives jumped on them.
Why?
Because they want to keep old people scared.
And they want to tell old people who are a big portion of their voting base, we're not going to take your Social Security.
And so Donald Trump is the worst.
He just tells every individual group what they want to hear.
Sure.
So old people are like, oh, he's not going to take my social security?
And we're the ones signing the check.
I know.
You know, it's just, actually, Rick Perry, I'm hoping, might come in on a white horse at a broker convention now.
Really?
That's my new wish.
Well, you know the rumors about Governor Rick Perry, too.
Is that why?
Every person you pick has a rumor of them being gay somewhere down the line.
I didn't know that about Rick Perry.
Oh, really?
Let me check with my sources.
No, no, no.
I was in a meeting room with MSNBC at one point.
Thank God that stuff didn't go through.
And I remember they were sitting there and they were talking about it.
They go, so yeah, we've been hearing the rumblings.
You know, Rick Perry.
I think Rick Perry might be gay.
And they were sitting there and I said, well, what do you have to substantiate that?
And they said, well, you know, I heard a lot of people.
And I just sat there.
So they went on with the meeting about five minutes later.
I didn't say a word.
And I said, well, that settles it.
Hillary Clinton's a lesbian.
And I said, what?
I said, I know someone who said it.
Yeah.
No, she is.
Yeah, well, honestly.
Okay, you're Gaydar.
I am not out of line to think that's a possibility.
No.
Okay.
I joke about it all the time on Twitter.
I post really horrible pictures of her in uncompromising positions.
I mean, it's just...
I'm a horrible person, Steven.
Yeah.
This assumes there are decent photos of her, though, in non-compromising positions.
I don't know if I'd buy that either.
If you can find the photographer who takes a flattering Hillary picture...
First off, I mean, it's probably a selfie.
I would give that person...
So, okay, remember the vine from Hillary with iced tea or something that went...
She was in Iowa and she said, I'm here in Iowa and Des Moines and drinking iced tea or something.
It was a real quick vine.
I actually think that was the best flattering image of her.
And she looked like a normal, you know, elderly woman.
On her best day!
I love how it's so rare there's actually one specific one that sticks in your head.
You insensitive a**hole!
It is just like, the best case scenario is she looks like a normal, elderly woman.
In her best...
That's how far along we are.
Jane Seymour, she looks great for her age.
She looks 50 and she's probably pushing 70 or whatever she is.
Hillary's 70 and she looks 150.
Gosh, it is.
Listen, when you're carrying around that weight at that age, I was talking about this.
What's with the...
The weight of sin?
The collar thing going on with her.
Dana was talking about that Kim Jong-un thing she's going with?
Is she hiding, like, medical tubes in her back or something?
I think there are strings pulling her neck fat back.
There are rumors that she has some sort of, like, crazy illness or something like that.
Oh, really?
Yeah, there are rumors of that.
She had to, like, leave certain debates, like, for strange periods of time.
Yeah, there actually are rumors that she has some sort of, like, crazy ailment, which is fantastic.
She's suffering from lesbianism.
It'll get you.
It'll sneak up on you.
I haven't heard those rumors.
This is what happens.
We get a gay guy on, and we fill all the stereotypes where it's nothing but bitchy rumors.
What does this show mean?
Nothing but gossip.
It's true.
She's practically dead.
She's practically dead.
I tell you what we'll do next time.
We'll have gay patriot on.
We'll just all be bitches.
I can't believe it went this way.
You sucked us into it.
I know.
Well, with the Rubio thing, okay, you think the nominee is Trump, or do you think Rubio has a chance?
I think I tweeted a couple times today that if something dramatic doesn't happen and the trajectory isn't altered, I think Trump is probably the nominee at this point.
Yeah, I think you might be right, but...
I don't know.
Maybe I'll have an enemy gay list.
We have to let you go!
At GayPatriot.
Thank you so much for being on.
We'll have you back for more, let's be honest, gossip fest.
Louder with Crowder.
We'll wrap this show up after the break.
We now take you back to the hot mic on Donald Trump.
you Still unaware.
Hey, okay, how much longer are the break here?
How much longer to this commercial?
About two minutes.
Two minutes?
Two minutes, yeah.
Thanks.
You're great.
You're the best, okay?
I will never forget this.
Thank you.
Well, thank you.
Two minutes.
Two minutes.
Jimmy Cracker, a Ted Cruz.
Let's just call his wife a whore.
We'll keep you abreast as the story unfolds with a hot mic on Donald Trump, of which he is unaware.
The End
Oh, that's a new bump.
I love that one.
It's a good one.
I think that's better than all the lights.
It is better.
You know why?
Because it's a lot less work for Sir Noggy Jerry to go and fix later on because someone wants their copyright or something.
Someone wants their copyright.
We've had problems with the copyright.
Hey, here's my...
We're going to wrap this all up in a bow.
You know what?
I'm just...
Do you ever reach a point in your life, maybe with working with me...
Yes.
I'm just tired of the fakery.
Oh.
No, I'm getting there, though.
I'm just at that point where I'm just tired of people faking.
And when people say, like a good example, we talk about feminists, we talk about liberals, Hillary's fake.
I think Rubio was a little bit fake this week, but I can still vote for him.
I think Chris Christie's a big fake.
We're from New Jersey.
He is a big something.
He's a big everything.
You just laid that one right up for me.
We're from New Jersey, therefore we're tough.
You get that a lot with Donald Trump and Chris Christie.
That's one thing I've never...
When people say, oh, I'm from this place, so you know we're tough.
I love how he just ate Rubio's lunch and then bailed their whole race.
Just crushed the one guy who can beat the Democrats and then bailed.
Who?
Christie.
Oh, Christie, yeah, yeah.
I mean, he ate a lot more than just Rubio's lunch.
He ate everybody's lunch backstage.
Between the commercial breaks, they were calling him out.
It's like a Veruca Salt and the blueberry.
You've got to roll her out.
You're too young to know the Willy Wonka reference.
You've only seen the crappy Johnny Depp version where he plays a gay Willy Wonka.
No, you're only like two years older than me.
You kidding me?
I guess it's just because you're sheltered because you were homeschooled because half the time you don't know what you're talking about.
I did watch a lot of...
McGee and Me.
McGee and Me.
But that's something that really bothers me.
Let's talk about fakery.
Crappy show, Arthur.
Go on.
Oh, jeez, how dare you.
That's something that bothers me, is the fakery.
I'm from New York, so we're tougher in New York.
Listen, I've lived in New York, I've lived in Montreal, I've lived in several cities in Michigan, Texas, California.
It's a stupid thing to say.
Firstly, if you are identifying yourself as your geographical location, you're a loser.
You're an absolute loser.
You can be proud of your city.
If you ever said things, let's say, about a sports team, we won last night!
We really did it.
You're pathetic.
You're a pathetic human being.
You can support a sports team.
You can support, and I absolutely should, a hometown athlete.
I get it.
But if you somehow think that you, sitting on the couch with a bag of ringdings, had any kind of an impact on the outcome of that sports activity, You're a pathetic person.
So when people, we did this, they like to identify with a city and it allows them to hide.
We're tough because we're from New York.
I have met so many pushovers from New York and tough people from polite Texas, from the polite South.
I have met really, really tough people from Los Angeles, namely down there at the Gracie Academy.
World beaters!
And I've met some foppish people in New York.
It's really silly.
And for people to buy into it, it's just that groupthink.
Again, that's the fake.
Listen, in New Jersey, right?
Trump is in New York, you're going to punch in the nose.
Or Chris Christie in New Jersey.
What are you going to do?
Like, that's the big thing with Trump, too.
Chris Christie talks tough, right?
Oh, I'm tough in my day.
In your day what?
In your day what, Christy?
We're supposed to believe you were some kind of a He-Man and this just happened.
You looked in the mirror one day and went, what the hell happened?
In his defense, he may have eaten the He-Man.
This is what happened.
He was just eating all his...
Every time they bought him an action figure, here you go, little Chris.
It's like a reverse Pez dispenser.
Gosh.
Or Donald Trump, right?
In my day, he goes, I love that EY would have punched that protester in the face.
Back in my day, don't you love it when back in the day, you know, you didn't get an illegal setup, but you punched him in the face.
Well, the only reason people don't do that now is because people are like, you!
You sue for everything, Donald.
But you punch him in the face.
Donald, okay, you want to punch someone in the face?
Let's start with this.
Fifteen push-ups.
If this is going to be a circus, let's go full circus.
If Donald wants to call people weak, if he wants to do this fakery thing and act like he's tough because he's from New York, just call him on it.
Okay, fifteen push-ups.
You want to knock someone out?
Here, Donald.
Here are some boxing gloves.
Of course, no one else can do this because Marco Rubio is, I'm just amazed at his age, is a guy whose waist is wider than his shoulders with buggy whip arms.
I don't know how guys let themselves go.
I'm not just talking about physically, but I'm talking about, this is the reason Trump is surging.
No, no, I'm talking about everybody.
But people think Trump has balls.
He doesn't, but he's faking it.
So, even if you don't, Ted, Marco, fake like you have balls.
Just pretend like you have balls.
For just a little bit.
Right?
If Trump says, I could knock him out, I would give him boxing gloves.
I would say, okay, Trump.
You want to do the circus?
I'm weak.
He's sick.
Pedophile.
You want to do all this?
Okay, let's make it a circus.
Here are boxing gloves.
$100,000 to your campaign.
Okay?
Or, if I win, um...
I don't know.
I don't know what I would ask if I win.
I would say, you know what?
If I win, nothing.
If I win, nothing.
It's all for you to win, Trump, Mr.
Tough Guy.
So no risk, because we know you're averse to taking risks.
You just spend daddy's money.
$100,000 your campaign if you win.
Give him two boxing gloves.
Tape your head.
Tape your hands behind your sides.
And say, you have one minute to knock me down.
Go.
Boom.
And just put a little bit of head movement on him.
And just mock him.
Huh?
Huh, punk?
Huh, punk?
And then punk him.
And walk off the podium.
And watch that gelatinous puscut, who got two deferments for bone spurs, and somehow miraculously was healed, watch him wilt.
It would take about 30 seconds of girl punching that would look worse than Ronda Rousey's jab.
It would look so pathetic, and he would get tired after 30 seconds.
Listen, I'm not saying you have to be a tough guy.
The point is when you go out and you talk tough, and you talk about it in the literal sense, I'm just tired of the fakery in everything.
In politics, with people.
Some people think that they have a tattoo makes them tough.
Or facial hair.
Go Google Marcelo Garcia.
I have rolled with people who look like bikers and wrapped them up like pretzels.
And Marcelo Garcia is a character in New York City, one of the best combat athletes ever.
Just moved me around like a child.
And no one would think to look at him.
Ah, I'm from New York, I'm tough, I'm gonna punch you in the face.
It's just the fakery.
I'm just really tired of everything being so disingenuous.
And I feel like that's everything.
I think that is all across the board with this election.
And I'm just exasperated with it.
And we won't do that here.
We may be wrong, but we won't fake.
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