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Feb. 20, 2016 - Louder with Crowder

02:44:58

#62 Larry Elder, Karen Straughan and Mrs. Crowder! | Louder With Crowder

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	You've found yourself at the junction where worlds meet.
	Politics.
	Civility?
	How about honesty in this country, folks?
	Entertainment.
	I don't like entertainment!
	And a whole bunch of other stuff.
	It's about having a healthy body image.
	If you have a very unhealthy body, you should have a horrible body image.
	Not a big home improvement market in Detroit.
	We are definitely going to get letters.
	You're listening to Talk Radio's Strangest Animal.
	You're a strange animal.
	That's what I know.
	You're getting louder with Crowder.
	But you're a strange animal.
	I've got to follow.
	Oh, I'm in this speedy to sound.
	And you know what that means.
	It's about the weekend.
	Depending when you're listening to this, it could be the weekend.
	I am your host, Steven Kreider-Latter.
	With Kreider Producing with me in video studio, as always, is Jared, who is not gay.
	You can follow him at NotGayJarred on Twitter.
	I've fulfilled all my legal obligations, and you can draw your own conclusions.
	We good?
	Fair enough.
	People are wondering why you're back.
	I've been wondering the same thing, honestly.
	He just walked back in.
	And I said, okay.
	And that was about it.
	No.
	Okay.
	We will get to the Pope.
	Everyone's favorite Oompa Loompa Donald Trump in a little bit.
	And we will get to a man who dropped trow in a Seattle bathroom setting gender rules.
	We have great guests.
	Larry Elder, Karen Strawn, Mrs.
	Crowder will come on to tell a story about me arguing with my doctor.
	So that leads me to it.
	I actually owe Jared, not gay Jared, who, by the way, has never had...
	HIV of any kind.
	Ever.
	I'm obligated to say.
	I owe him a thank you, and I owe a thank you to Courtney, because I had an emergency room.
	Basically, I was doing Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu.
	For those of you who know, I've trained for a long time.
	I've done the mixed martial arts.
	Yeah, right now, I know.
	People are going, look, you look like a fat SOB. I do.
	I'm not in the best shape right now, because I had an emergency, not this Saturday, but last Saturday, where I blew my knee out.
	It sounded like a paper shredder.
	We talked about this briefly in the only podcast exclusive version last week.
	And what are you doing under your desk there?
	Not good, Jared?
	Pay no mind.
	Okay.
	And I was going to doctor after doctor.
	It took a long time.
	MRIs.
	So, long story short, Jared and Courtney completely handled the site, louderwithcrowder.com, last week, Friday through Sunday.
	It was the first time since I've known Jared.
	Since I've been doing this show, I've actually taken a weekend off.
	And next week, Thursday, I'll be going into surgery for some reconstruction on my knee.
	I won't go into the details, but pretty ugly.
	And I had a first doctor who was entirely wrong, who gave me wrong information.
	I thought he was wrong.
	I argued with him for an hour.
	And so he said, you can get a second opinion.
	He gave me his referral.
	I threw it in the trash.
	I found this fantastic doctor of...
	Michigan Orthopedics& Associates, is what they're called, this guy, Dr.
	Hedlund.
	He's the head doctor for, I don't know if I can talk about this, but some very high-end sports teams in Michigan.
	There are only so many high-end sports teams.
	And my gosh, he was so helpful, so it's changed my life.
	So, with all of this, just for you people, I am destroying my body.
	We'll be undergoing surgery next week, but don't worry, because guess what?
	There's still going to be a show, whether I'm doped up or not.
	Are you not entertained?!
	I hope they are, Jared.
	I think they will be.
	I will be.
	Okay, so we want to get to the Pope and Trump.
	Gosh, that's a tough one.
	You know, Courtney, one of our main writers at Courtney's Cost is Catholic, and she wrote a letter to the Vatican, shut up about immigration.
	And people got really mad at me.
	Sometimes they don't read the bylines.
	And we put up that meme today about the Pope saying, you shouldn't be building walls, you should be building bridges, parading Donald Trump, and the Vatican is covered by a wall, surrounded by a wall.
	We put this up.
	Of course, all the Catholics get mad.
	Listen, I don't hate Catholics, okay?
	Catholic works for me.
	I give her crap, she gives me crap.
	But I will say this.
	Catholics are often the worst offenders of being totally cool with mockery and comedy until it becomes their thing.
	And then it's not okay!
	How dare you see they're about to poop!
	I feel like that's just a common thing with a lot of people, though.
	It's okay with everyone.
	Catholics are really bad.
	Yeah, and Muslims.
	Like, you know, I can make fun of the gay stuff, and you never give me guff.
	I can make fun of, um, I don't know, I'm trying to think.
	You can make fun of the, you know, the studly stuff, and I'm like, you know, it's okay.
	I'll let you go along the trail.
	You know, you really can't take a joke.
	It's those gosh darn Chech.
	The Chech.
	Well, it goes without saying, the Chech are a serious problem.
	Oh, by the way, we also have ISIS's official PR spokesperson.
	Abdulrahman later on in the program.
	So that's nice.
	So this is what happened.
	Listen, people respond with, well, the Pope was being figurative.
	Yeah, well, so is Donald Trump in the sense that he's not talking about...
	They were saying Donald Trump is building up a wall with Mexicans.
	He needs to be building bridges.
	That he's treating them poorly.
	Donald Trump is actually not treating Mexicans poorly, okay?
	By deporting people who are illegal.
	They're treating American taxpayers poorly.
	Anyone who watches this show or listens to this program knows that I'm not a big Donald Trump fan, okay?
	And I'll get into that for a second.
	But in this situation, in spirit, he's not wrong.
	Can you deport all Mexicans?
	No, of course not.
	Is there anything wrong or immoral with saying, listen, we're going to put up our borders, we're going to strengthen our borders, put up a wall, and we're going to get rid of the people who've broken the law to get here.
	There is nothing morally wrong about that.
	And the Pope needs to shut his mouth.
	And people, I understand, the Pope is only infallible on matters of spirituality, right, as it relates to the Bible and doctrine.
	Not politics.
	Let me put this as simply as I can, okay?
	For people who are fighting about this, Christians and non-Christians and Trump supporters and non-Trump supporters and Pope fans and non-Pope fans, Trump knows about as much regarding the Bible as the Pope does regarding American immigration policy.
	Is that fair?
	I think that's pretty fair.
	You're not paying attention at all.
	I'm paying attention.
	Fixing problems.
	What problems do we have?
	Just some audio problems.
	Is there anything I need to know?
	No, they're good.
	Audio problems for the listener?
	Yeah, just a little bit, but we're good.
	Well, what are they hearing?
	Do I sound like Fran Drescher to them?
	That's what they're calling for.
	They wish that were so...
	But it's not...
	Hold on to your butt.
	This is how the show's gonna go today.
	So, that being said, no, I'm not a Trump fan.
	He's not my guy.
	And this is one person who goes, you're going to endorse Donald Trump?
	This is kind of the problem with politics nowadays.
	No, I'm not endorsing Donald Trump.
	I can agree with him on this issue and disagree with the Pope.
	It doesn't mean I endorse Donald Trump, just like it doesn't mean that I hate the Pope.
	Though if I had to lean a certain way, I'm not a big fan of this Pope.
	I'm not Catholic.
	I don't subscribe to Catholic theology.
	I have a lot of problems with it.
	I think plenty of people out there are Catholics and are good and fine.
	We can disagree on that.
	It's not okay to tell people they can't speak poorly of the Pope.
	Pope is not Christ.
	Pope is not a deity.
	And I will say it is completely and entirely unchristian of you to say that the Pope is anything like Christ or to say that speaking against the Pope in any way is blasphemy.
	If you say that, you really don't really understand Christianity or the main tenets of its faith.
	To say it's blasphemy to say, nah, the Pope's wrong in immigration.
	You're an idiot and you're very likely not a Christian.
	So, there you go.
	You can send your hate mail to at escrowder.
	As it comes to Donald Trump, this is something I've wanted to talk about for a while.
	I was talking with Jared about this today.
	Donald Trump versus Hillary Clinton, right?
	Everyone's talking about that.
	That's very entertaining.
	That's a reality show.
	I understand that.
	Now, Donald Trump, when you add up the national polls, he's the one candidate who loses to Hillary Clinton.
	He says there's one poll today from USA Today where he beats Hillary Clinton.
	Still, that's one poll.
	Nationally, Donald Trump loses to Hillary Clinton.
	Rubio wins.
	Cruz wins.
	Even Kasich wins.
	We don't really have a lot of data, so you can't entirely make that judgment.
	Donald Trump has the least chance of winning.
	And then Jeb Bush.
	Cruz wins.
	Rubio wins.
	Against Bernie Sanders, it's tighter.
	Cruz and Rubio, I think, probably would win.
	Trump still loses.
	So, this is important to note.
	Trump vs.
	Hillary Clinton is a reality show.
	One that Republicans probably lose.
	Just talking about numbers here.
	Now, what do I think is a very hard election would be, let's say, the candidate ends up being Cruz versus Bernie Sanders.
	Bernie Sanders is a more difficult opponent.
	I know everyone on radio is telling you the opposite.
	Bernie Sanders is a more difficult opponent because so many people hate Hillary Clinton.
	But Bernie Sanders versus Ted Cruz, in contrast with Hillary Clinton versus Donald Trump, would probably be...
	The most beautiful election in recent American history, certainly the last hundred years, to simply showcase the stark contrast socialism and the Constitution.
	My fear is socialism might win.
	If we were to ask this question, I don't know, ten years ago, maybe even eight years ago, I would say, well, of course no self-avowed socialist would win.
	You have an entire generation of people who don't even think it's a dirty word anymore.
	But...
	Say what you want about Bernie Sanders.
	Whoever runs against Hillary, it's going to be attack ads.
	It's going to be bringing up the past.
	It's going to be people having their brakes go out on their car and planes going down over the Great Lakes.
	That's what's going to happen to whoever runs against Hillary Clinton.
	And they'll probably return in kind.
	Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton, they're both friends personally, but it's going to be personal attacks.
	There's not enough contrast.
	Bernie Sanders, say what you want about Bernie Sanders.
	The guy has had the ability to go dirty attacking Hillary Clinton.
	And he hasn't.
	He stayed on policy.
	He stayed on ideas.
	Now, I think his ideas are terrible.
	He's a self-avowed socialist.
	That's bad.
	I come from socialism.
	It's bad.
	But he's been consistent.
	Ted Cruz is remarkably consistent as a constitutionalist.
	Listen, of any candidates that you would take, Ted Cruz is by far the most consistent constitutionalist.
	Certainly compared to Donald Trump or Marco Rubio.
	And I like Marco Rubio.
	It would be the closest thing to Smith vs.
	Marx or Keynes vs.
	Hayek that we would have in our lifetime.
	For the first time, I think, in American history, you would have socialism, constitutionalism, boom, all the cards on the table and Americans would get to pick.
	That, to me, is so beautiful.
	And is it a harder election to win?
	Yeah.
	But I think it would be great to see that.
	It would be a great barometer as to where we are as a country.
	And at least we'd know where we stand.
	Listen, Romney versus Barack Obama, two people in the history of the world have ever signed a health care mandate into law.
	Two.
	Ever.
	History of the world.
	Barack Obama, Mitt Romney, John McCain, no one considers John McCain to be a conservative, and Barack Obama was a liar.
	He never claimed to be a socialist.
	They said if you called him a socialist, you really wanted to use the N-word.
	Here, this could be amazing and really beautiful in the sense of its purity, just seeing Bernie Sanders full-on socialism, free college, free everything, and Ted Cruz constitutionalism.
	Gosh, I'm not saying it'd be an easy fight.
	I'm not even saying that socialism would lose.
	But I just think it's a fight we need to see.
	Lotter with Crowder.
	We'll be back.
	Everybody was kung fu fighting Those kids were fast as lightning In fact, it was a little bit frightening But they fought with expert timing This
	is Breaking News on Louder with Crowder.
	I'm Perry Matheson.
	We bring you now to the Donald Trump Town Hall on CNN with Anderson Cooper, who is queer.
	Mr.
	Trump, I want to know where you stand on Israel.
	Okay, frankly, thank you for that question.
	Okay, truthfully, I love these questions.
	You people ask such fantastic questions.
	People, they say, what do you love about South Carolina?
	All the Carolinas.
	I love so many Carolinas.
	There's no Carolina I don't love.
	Okay?
	I see what I love about the people.
	It's just so curious.
	They ask so many questions.
	When it comes to Israel and Palestine, okay?
	How many people here?
	Love Israel, okay?
	Okay, Palestine?
	Okay, so you're kind of split.
	Listen, I'm going to remain neutral on Israel-Palestine, okay?
	I would remain neutral because I need to remain unpredictable, okay, to make a deal.
	Frankly, I don't know if we can make this deal, right?
	How many hands here for Israel?
	Exactly.
	We're going to make a deal, but I'm going to remain neutral until we find out.
	Show of hands with the Palestine.
	Look at that man.
	Do you see that, Anderson?
	Do you see that?
	That man has a great head.
	You have got a fantastic head.
	That's one thing that I love.
	It's a hand of a working man.
	And I will fight for the...
	Oh, you working man, you're going to win so much.
	This has been the Town Hall on CNN with Queer Anderson Cooper and Donald Trump.
	I'm Perry Mahalong.
	And now it's time for your Dating Advice Minute with Bill Cosby.
	Amen.
	Now, this week's letter comes to me from Russell.
	It's coming out of White Settlement, Texas.
	White Settlement, Texas.
	We'll move on without discussing the name that's his actual place.
	He says to me, I've got a problem with my girlfriend.
	We both travel a lot from work, and when we get back, we're both too tired, but she is more tired than me, and I want to get some of my loving on, and sometimes she doesn't want to do the same.
	Okay, who else?
	This is a problem that has plagued a lot of Americans, particularly the executive types, who are always doing the traveling and being important.
	So what you gotta do is make sure you take some time, see, for both of yourself when you're not traveling.
	So the next time you're both crossed paths, let's say in a layover, maybe you're both going to across the country, but you're stopping in Chicago.
	Take her to one of the airport lounges.
	You can get a day pass, and you can go in, and they got free white and food.
	When she goes to take some of the free white and food, you're going to slip some drugs in the white and maybe the food all around as much as you can get in the system, because then she's going to lay over on the airport lounge, and you go to the hippity-bop-bop-ba-doop-ba-doop.
	This has been Your Dating Advice Minute.
	With Bill Cosby Whoa, Jared, what are you doing?
	Shoot bad guys!
	With what?
	AR-15!
	Where'd you get it?
	AR-15.com!
	Oh, there's another one!
	Kaboom!
	You got him!
	Yeah!
	Thank God for AR-15.com!
	They have AR-15 and accessories for sale and the best advice there is on the web!
	Oh no, there's another one!
	Kaboom!
	You got him!
	Yeah!
	With your what?
	AR-15!
	From where?
	AR-15.com!
	That's the best place to go, and that's the takeaway, because this commercial's about to stop!
	Thank you.
	All right, we are back.
	Not Gay Jared had some problems.
	You think you got him fixed?
	Time will tell, Stephen.
	What do you mean time will tell?
	Wasn't the time before the program to tell?
	As in, if I'm fired later, we'll know.
	Is it working?
	Can people hear me fine?
	I think so.
	Okay, good lord.
	Alright, we're going to bring up Larry Elder after the break to talk about Clarence Thomas, Justice Scalia, and he also was talking about Donald Trump, and he claimed that George Bush lied about WMDs and should have been impeached.
	So, Larry Elder has some opinions about that, and my gosh, I just loved his mustache.
	He got rid of it, I don't know why.
	Bad move.
	Bad move.
	Poor choice.
	I want to talk about this story.
	I love it.
	It was our biggest story on ladderwithcrowder.com this week.
	Guy in Seattle, in a park.
	Let me set the stage for you.
	The Marlies were dead to begin with.
	Goes into the women's locker room, okay, and just starts changing.
	And anytime someone calls him on it, he just cites their new gender rule in Washington.
	I don't know if it's Seattle or Washington.
	We have it up on the website.
	I think it's a municipal thing.
	Seattle.
	And he keeps doing it.
	And the funniest part is the city has...
	They don't know what to do.
	When they were asked about it, and we will rule it for you, they were talking about how they're still figuring out the problem.
	They can't do crap.
	This guy just goes in, and when they say, hey, you're a man, you're not supposed to be in here, he goes, oh, this is the new gender rule.
	I'm a woman.
	So this guy is my hero, and let's play a little bit.
	Do we have that ready?
	Yep.
	Okay, let's bring this up.
	Based on gender identity.
	It happened at Evans Pool, located on the northwest side of Green Lake, a busy area right in the heart of Seattle.
	The man's actions are exactly why one group of protesters gathered outside the Capitol yesterday.
	King 5's Allison Morrow shows us why Seattle officials say they're still not sure how to handle it.
	Still not sure how to handle it.
	He's not even trying.
	He's wearing board shorts.
	I love how this lady...
	That's my favorite part.
	We have the whole video up at the website.
	I can't imagine why a man would want to be in the woman's locker room.
	Okay, for reference, see every single middle school boy's fantasy ever.
	It doesn't take a lot of brain work to figure that one out.
	I don't know what the problem is.
	That woman can't fathom why a man would want to go into a changing room with naked women?
	Doesn't anyone notice this?
	I feel like I'm taking crazy pills!
	And then the city is just saying, well, you know, we're working on it, and we're getting to a problem.
	No, no, they're not getting to the bottom.
	That guy just says, bulls**t.
	Completely.
	But here's the truth.
	And this is why we're going to be playing, later on in the show, newest gender pronouns.
	There are actually hundreds of genders that you don't know about, so we pull them from Tumblr, and we're going to explain new genders to you every week.
	Listen.
	People say this is absurd.
	This is absurd.
	This is a guy in the woman's changing room.
	Right?
	Because he looks like a man.
	So let me just change it.
	A man has no business being in a woman's changing room.
	This is ridiculous.
	It makes women uncomfortable.
	This is a man.
	Just change that word, man, with transgender, Who has a penis.
	And for some reason it's acceptable.
	There is nothing different in the biological makeup of Bruce Jenner, Caitlyn Jenner, and this guy.
	They're just mad at this guy.
	They just can't handle it.
	I want this guy to get a trophy so bad.
	I just want to award him with something.
	I don't know what that would be, but it's just hero of the year.
	Hero of the year.
	We did this obviously with Planet Fitness.
	I want him on the program.
	I want him on the program.
	Because this is a guy who's just bold.
	And what's so funny is, you know, he's been inoculated after the first few times.
	Now it's just old hat.
	Probably the first time he went in in board shorts and got changed.
	And by the way, board shorts are not necessarily something that an old guy wears.
	So I'm guessing this is probably a younger guy who's causing trouble.
	He just walked in, dropped him, got changed.
	And I bet you the first time he was a little nervous.
	But this has been going on now for a while.
	And so I think now, when he's going in and changing the ladies' room, before someone even starts, hey, what are you...
	Ah, it's a new gender role.
	What do you...
	I know.
	What can you do?
	It's not fair.
	It's not fair.
	And what's so funny is everyone said this was never going to happen.
	I mean, when you started working on this program, right?
	Fundip used to be on this program.
	When you replaced him.
	So this was...
	When did you start working?
	Last...
	On the program?
	Okay, you started working for me October.
	Full-time in January of last year.
	Okay, so a year full-time on the program.
	Yeah, the program that's coming in probably around March maybe.
	Okay, but you were working before that freelance.
	Anyway, remember back then how we were like, oh man, I wonder where this transgender thing is going to go.
	How far do you think they'll take it?
	So in just this amount of time, Seattle doesn't know how to handle a man in a woman's changing room?
	All of these things.
	Remember we said this is a slippery slope?
	What's to stop a man from simply coming in?
	What's to stop predators?
	Oh, you...
	Remember we even had this argument with, gosh, what was that psychopath's name?
	That narrows it down for the show.
	J.J. Marie.
	The psychopath.
	The psychopath.
	The psychopath transgender.
	There's also, you know, E-Mom.
	There's E-Mom.
	No, but this was a psychopath because she was on to argue with conservative lesbian Cynthia Yaki.
	Well, he was on to argue and kept emailing us.
	Remember afterward, after the show?
	Oh, gosh.
	All the live, all the Twitter messages and stuff.
	But also, like, five-paragraph emails.
	And none of it's scientific.
	None of it valid.
	Like, emailing YouTube videos of him, her, singing about wanting to go to the bathroom at a nightclub.
	Remember, just weird stuff.
	Really weird stuff.
	Really weird dark poetry of sorts.
	And we talked, if you go back and listen to that, it was, you really think some guy is going to use this to just go in the woman's changing room?
	Yes.
	Why not?
	It's perfect.
	We knew a guy whose last name was Man in high school, ironically enough, and everyone knew or thought he was gay.
	And it was a front.
	This guy was just constantly surrounded by gorgeous women and fashion tips.
	And then I found out he was just getting a second base with all of them.
	It was all a show.
	This guy was just swimming in it.
	And you know they were trying to convert him.
	And do you think you could ever?
	Oh, I don't think so.
	I've just never thought of it that way.
	But maybe you could change me.
	You know that's what happened.
	And this guy was brilliant.
	You know, we just thought he was some sprite prancing around wanting to do gymnastics class.
	The guy was yoga.
	The guy was constantly surrounded by women.
	Yes, so here is where we are, okay?
	This is where we have...
	This is the point we've reached.
	You say that you just think people are...
	Yes, they will, and they are abusing it.
	Men are using women changing rooms.
	And there's nothing you can do about it.
	What's so funny is the city can do nothing.
	Now just imagine an entire country, and your schools, and your daughter, and a guy walks in?
	George Michael?
	Sorry!
	Hands are tied!
	Be back with Larry Elder after this.
	Maybe you'll find him in a stall.
	We'll be right back.
	We now return you to the town hall on CNN with Donald Trump and Anderson Cooper, who is clear.
	Mr.
	Trump, you said that you believed President George W. Bush lied and was deserving of impeachment, bringing us into Iraq.
	Do you stand by that statement, or are you continuing to walk it back as you've done in the previous weeks?
	Okay, listen, truthfully, I don't like that.
	That's the question.
	Anderson, what are you doing?
	I don't know what you're doing.
	I'm just having people with questions like that coming in here.
	We know that's a loaded question.
	I never actually said impeach.
	Okay?
	That's something that...
	I didn't mean to say impeach.
	Listen, I don't know.
	Maybe I did.
	Maybe I didn't say impeach.
	The point is, okay, that George W. Bush was really...
	Listen, that 11 happened, okay?
	It happened under his watch.
	He was president, okay?
	So frankly, that's disgusting.
	That's disgusting.
	All of you should be...
	I will tell you this, okay?
	No 9-11 is going to happen under my watch.
	Not a 9-11.
	Okay?
	No 9-12.
	Not even a 9-13.
	Okay?
	There isn't even going to be...
	Listen.
	One more thing.
	There isn't even going to be a 7-24.
	There's not going to be a 1-26.
	There's not going to be a 7-29.
	Ever.
	Okay?
	Under a Donald Trump presidency.
	Donald Trump.
	Okay?
	If I am president...
	I'm going to do away with leap year.
	Leap year has made things so complex, okay?
	We've been losing so much to leap year.
	Okay, when you think about it, it's hard to schedule.
	You have Valentine's Day sometimes.
	What about people on birthdays?
	Do they age at four years?
	We are going to stop losing to leap year.
	We are going to start winning.
	This has been the Town Hall on CNN with Queer Anderson Cooper and Donald Trump.
	I'm Perry Mahalan.
	I'm Bernie Sanders, and I approve this message!
	In my travels across this country, I hear too many stories from Americans whom the system has failed!
	Thank you, Mr.
	Sanders.
	I was walking to work the other day, and I fell on a peppermint latte grande, and it went in my mouth, and I drank it, And I did that for about four more months.
	Every time I would walk, I would chip on the sidewalk and I would fall on this latte and it would go in my mouth.
	And now my doctor says that I have diabetes and I need you to pay for it.
	In a Bernie Sanders presidency, these Americans will be heard and Bernie Sanders will help them.
	Not good enough, America!
	Not good enough, America! America!
	I'm ticking off the social justice warriors.
	You should see the amount of hate I get on there.
	Far, far, far worse than any Fat Sports Illustrated model or Black Lives Matter charlatan.
	So listen, it's free, you get to be entertained, and you can chime in.
	Also, if you're following me on Twitter, you can send me your tweets, and maybe you'll be lucky enough, and I mean lucky enough, because I have a lot of followers, okay, that they call me the follower machine, to have your tweet to me, or not Gay Jared, included in our rockinest tweet of the week.
	So follow me on Twitter, at escrowder.
	If not...
	I don't want to say I have sights on your mother, but...
	Oh, she's dead?
	You're just saying that because I made a mom joke.
	No, she's really dead?
	then, well, you kind of walked into it.
	nice to dance to a All right, we're dancing, we're happy, and I'm so glad to have our next guest.
	We had him on a while ago, and then we've had computer crashes.
	Let me preface this.
	I watched this gentleman as I grew up in Canada.
	I didn't have conservative radio.
	I didn't have any of those things, and he was on television.
	So to me, he was an actual celebrity.
	We didn't get Fox News.
	He was on television with that glorious mustache.
	That glorious mustache.
	Which I still am trying to convince him to get back, but you can follow him at Larry Elder.
	Larry Elder, thanks for being on the show, good sir.
	My pleasure.
	No, the stash is gone.
	Long gone.
	Gone but not forgotten.
	No moths.
	Why?
	Why?
	Well, it's a long story, but I use the depilatory on my face like a lot of black men because I have ingrown hairs.
	And one morning I get up, and I put it on too deeply on one side, and it burned that side.
	So I did the other side, it burned that side.
	Finally, I ended up having a little thing like Hitler.
	So I got rid of it, and I found out that nobody even noticed.
	All these years, I was 19 years old, I think, when I first had this bash.
	All these years, Stephen, I find out nobody even noticed.
	So I didn't take the time anymore.
	Black Hitler.
	I noticed.
	You know why?
	Because I can't grow one.
	So I think it's one of those things, if you don't have it, you notice it.
	And maybe, did all your friends have Gloria's stashes, so it was just kind of, you know, run of the mill?
	I think it's a black man thing.
	If you notice, black men, by proportion, have a lot more mustaches than white guys do.
	I'm not quite sure why.
	My dad never did, but most of the guys in my neighborhood did.
	You know, growing hair was a cool thing, so I always had it, and...
	When I got rid of it, I found out nobody noticed, so now I save about 15 minutes a day.
	Multiply that out.
	Why did he have to go straight to the racial thing?
	Move this man!
	Move!
	Goes right to the racial thing.
	Well, because we got a Supreme Court nomination happening, and that's gone racial.
	You hear about that?
	Lawrence Tribe is a Harvard professor.
	He says the reason the Republicans are throwing sand in the gears is because Obama's black.
	Yeah.
	Now, never mind.
	Obama wanted to filibuster Sam Alito.
	Well, back to the mustaches, too, if you're talking about Italian-Americans.
	Listen, forgive me as a layman.
	You're obviously a much more informed and well-read gentleman than me.
	If it's not the Senate's job to sort of assist in this vetting, I'm a little confused as to their role.
	What's unconstitutional about this?
	Well, the Senate's role is advise and consent.
	They also have to vote on the nominee, but there's no rule that requires them to vote on the nominee, let alone vote on the nominee in a president's lame duck year.
	And Chuck Schumer in 2007 and Bush's last year said he wasn't going to approve any nominees whatsoever.
	Barack Obama, as I mentioned, joined a filibuster to stop Sam Alito from even coming to the floor for a vote.
	So when the shoes on the other foot These guys have no problem whatsoever trying to get their guys to know.
	When it's not, then they yell and scream.
	It's all politics.
	The bottom line is there will be no Supreme Court nominee until Obama is gone.
	It'll be up to the next president because the Republicans won't have it over their dead body.
	And the other way around, the Democrats will be doing the same thing as they've done in the past.
	Over your dead body.
	Well, if you're talking about running against the Hillary Clinton...
	Your punishment must be mastered.
	It's quite possible.
	So, okay, Mr.
	Elder, this is important, but I also sort of wanted to talk, because you were really obviously with the Clarence Thomas thing at the forefront, and that is interesting to sort of go back to.
	about how politically correct we've gotten.
	What was this big controversy?
	Because it was on Twitter, and there's an entire generation I know about this, and the Coke can, and the short and curly.
	There's an entire generation who doesn't know, and so they believe that Clarence Thomas is a horrible womanizer and sexual harasser who still is sitting on the court.
	As briefly as you can, for those dumbasses listening, let them know what the big scandal was about with Clarence Thomas.
	Well, first you have to go back to the prior nominee, and that was Robert Bork.
	Robert Bork in 1987 was nominated by Ronald Reagan.
	Now, normally these things don't make any real difference, but Bork was going to replace a liberal, and the court would have then shifted 5-4 in favor of the conservatives.
	Believe it or not, Antonin Scalia, arguably the most conservative justice who's serving right now, or was serving, Got confirmed unanimously, not a single vote against him.
	Ruth Brady Ginsburg, very liberal, not a single vote against her.
	Nobody cared until all of a sudden the court was going to shift from liberal to conservative, and then Robert Bork was nominated, and he was called everything but a child of God.
	He was defeated on the floor, so Bush submitted, excuse me, Reagan submitted another conservative, a black one, hoping that even the Democrats weren't going to stop this guy because he would have been the second black guy to be on the Supreme Court.
	But it turns out that a woman surfaced named Anita Hill, who used to work for him, who claims he sexually harassed her.
	What did he do?
	He apparently hit on her, not physically, just made moves on her, didn't touch her.
	And apparently said, for some reason, there's a pubic hair on my coat.
	All of a sudden, he's a serial racist.
	Hold on.
	It's just because you run through such a serious series of events.
	Just got to toss out one in there.
	Just toss out in there with a straight face.
	And that was what it was.
	It was something like he was kind of in a break room.
	I was telling Not Gay Jared about this.
	He's younger.
	And he didn't really know the story.
	I said, yeah, his big sin was he said, ah, look at this.
	So someone's pubic hair in my Coke can and kept on walking.
	And that was the big thing.
	He'd just gotten divorced.
	He was apparently lonely.
	He was hitting on this woman at work.
	And this is his clumsy way of doing it.
	But he didn't touch her.
	He didn't harass her.
	He didn't assault her.
	He certainly didn't rape her.
	And why this was a big deal only was because of the politics.
	Anyway, Clarence Thomas is there and apparently has not put a public care on anybody's cult since then.
	So he's reformed.
	Well, I wonder if that's a problem with when you had the mustache.
	You know, that can be confused if you leave it there, and you're burning it off, and you have the half-Hitler, and you're leaving hairs everywhere.
	So what's this on the Coke hand?
	Larry, I hope, as a matter of fact, they would hope Larry had taken a sip of your Coke.
	Wouldn't you?
	Well, it's another thing I'm going to have to worry about, since I don't have the stache.
	That's a high-ticket eBay item.
	He doesn't drink Cokes anymore.
	Well, I just wanted to briefly touch on that because he was trending, I'm sure you saw, on Twitter, where people were praising the death of Scalia.
	They were thrilled with it.
	Listen, and I will tell you, I made fun of Ted Kennedy when he died because he killed somebody.
	So I don't begrudge people for that.
	I just point out the hypocrisy that the left demands respect when their people pass, and of course they show none.
	Well, here's another level of hypocrisy.
	When Scalia died, there are a whole bunch of tweets saying, what is Clarence Thomas going to do now that his puppet master is dead?
	Because they typically vote the same.
	What people are saying is that Clarence Thomas is so stupid, he doesn't know what he's doing until Scalia tells him what to do.
	Now, if that's not racist, I don't know what it is.
	What is your problem, you insensitive a**hole?
	That's what I say to those people.
	There is a magazine, Stephen, that came out a few years ago.
	It's now called Emerge Magazine.
	Yeah.
	The caricature of Clarence Thomas on the cover of the magazine with him holding a lantern.
	And the graphic said, Justice Clarence Thomas, lawn jockey to the far right.
	Inside the magazine, this is a black magazine now, coming out once a month.
	It was published by Ebony.
	Inside the magazine is a caricature of Clarence Thomas on his knees, shining...
	Antonin Scalia's shoes.
	Yeah, well, I mean...
	This is how these guys roll.
	Yeah.
	Open-minded, empathetic, non-racist, caring.
	We care about black people, left-wing, until there's a black conservative who, of course, refutes the whole narrative that blacks are oppressed, that the man is still holding his back.
	And so somebody like Clarence Thomas, and if I may say Larry Elder, are a direct breath of that narrative, and therefore we have to be maligned as Uncle Toms and sellouts.
	And also, that character is inaccurate, because the one time I've seen Antonin Scalia with a full shot, which I'm sure no doubt thrilled Dick Morris, he was wearing brushed suede shoes.
	You don't need to shine those.
	So the left does not care about accuracy.
	I won't be questioned on my accuracy.
	No, they don't.
	They couldn't care less.
	No, they couldn't.
	No, it's funny that you talk about that.
	And, you know, then there was this article where people got really mad this week, I don't know if you read it, where Bill Clinton...
	He effectively said, you know, he was colorblind.
	And I didn't think there was anything wrong with it.
	I think it was disingenuous.
	But then the left attacked him for saying, when you're colorblind, you're erasing all the accomplishments of black Americans.
	So if you recognize racial difference, you're racist.
	And if you don't, you're racist.
	It seems, listen, we're screwed.
	That's not how I took what Bill Clinton said.
	What he said was that most people are not 100% black.
	And he said that Barack Obama was 100% black.
	So what's the big deal about him being, quote, the first black president?
	Essentially saying that Obama's historic presidency was not all that big a deal.
	My wife will be the first female, which is 100% female, would be a bigger deal.
	That's kind of what he said.
	Yeah, but that's just sort of the social justice class competing for the biggest victim status.
	That wasn't what the left was upset about.
	They were upset about him claiming to be colorblind, that we're all African, essentially.
	Meryl Streep was that we're all African.
	And it's like...
	It's not entirely accurate, firstly, but who really cares?
	I mean, Meryl Streep, people get so up in arms about it.
	Have you noticed, as a black American, oh gosh, there's a spider on my monitor.
	This is a nightmare.
	Jared, this is a nightmare.
	I'm serious.
	I don't know if we get it.
	I see it.
	I'm glad it's over there.
	Oh my gosh.
	I'm flicking this thing off.
	I hate spiders.
	I've talked about this on it.
	I'm sorry, Larry.
	My girlfriend is a huge arachnophobic.
	She cannot stand spiders.
	And so naturally, whenever there's one around, I pick it up and chase her with it.
	Well, that's horrible.
	Okay, there we go.
	I flicked it off.
	It is horrible.
	Hopper, my dog, is in the studio.
	He'll bite it.
	Well, I don't think it's a logical...
	No, it's a logical fear.
	You know why?
	They're the world's littlest murderers.
	So it's like saying, why are you afraid of murderers, Stephen?
	Why are you afraid of O.J. Simpson?
	I'm afraid because they kill people.
	That's why I don't like murderers.
	Well, what I mean is picking them up, though, and chasing people with them is immaturity.
	That's true.
	But on the other hand, it allows me to park in handicapped parking.
	So...
	This is very true.
	Well, all you have to do is gain a whole lot of weight, and you can park in handicapped parking.
	That's all you have to do now.
	I've never tried that.
	Well, you know, you might want to consider it.
	I got out of the car one time, and a cop said, what's your handicap?
	And I said, I have low self-esteem.
	And he said, great.
	So I was able to stay there.
	Really?
	Is that a true story?
	He let you go?
	No, it's not a true story.
	I made it up.
	Okay.
	I don't know.
	It sounds like it could be a true story.
	You started lying, so I thought I was lying, too.
	Well, I wasn't lying about spiders.
	They are murderers.
	You ever seen what a brown recluse does?
	All right, let me bring you back to the social...
	Have you seen this as a black American?
	So you've talked about this.
	You've always been big on personal responsibility.
	You're more of a libertarian.
	After the break, I want to give you more of the floor so we can talk about your column on Donald Trump.
	And Iraq, because I thought it was important and interesting, but we can't do that in the next two minutes.
	But, staying on this frame with sort of Clarence Thomas, do you feel that in 2016, after our Barack Obama presidency, we are more racially divided or united than, say, in 2001 or 1999?
	We are less racist now than ever before, but we're still walking on eggshells because if you criticize Obama, Jimmy Carter, the former president, said about Obamacare that he wouldn't have gotten the same criticism Had he been a white president, which is bull, because Hillary Care, which was done by Hillary, who's white, was also criticized.
	The point is, people are walking on eggshells.
	If you criticize Obama too harshly and you're white, you're perceived to be racist.
	You criticize him too harshly and you're black, you're an Uncle Tom.
	But we get along better than ever before.
	The number one way of telling whether or not a society is working out is interracial marriage.
	In 1954, only 5% supported it.
	Now it's about 90%.
	And there are more interracial marriages than ever before.
	So we are a more open-minded, tolerant society than ever before.
	But there is a political correctness kind of thing that people are perceiving as racist, which I don't think it's racism at all.
	I think you're going to see that go back.
	I think you're going to see...
	I think you're going to see that go back because you've heard the term, no doubt, cuck-servative.
	And I've been called one because I was talking on Twitter.
	I said, well, yeah, I would adopt an African child if we were to adopt.
	I wouldn't care where I came from.
	And I will say the racist tweets that come out of – certainly not – I've listened.
	I was there at the first Tea Party with Andrew Breitbart, Michelle Malkin at Dallas South Fork Ranch.
	But I will say some of the tweets now that come out of the alternative right or the Donald Trump camp, I've never seen this before.
	And I think some of it is showmanship.
	But I think there's a rejection, like you said, of political correctness.
	And we have one minute, real quick, and then we'll bring you back up and talk about Donald Trump.
	Do you worry that the pendulum can go too far the other way in the face of political correctness?
	No, I really don't.
	Look, there are 300 million Americans.
	10% of them think Elvis is still alive.
	8% believe if you send him a letter, you're going to get it.
	He's going to get it.
	So you've got to write off 10% of the people.
	They're just morons.
	But most people, I think, evaluate people based upon the content of their character, not the color of their skin.
	skin.
	That's pretty much where we are right now in society.
	Well, okay.
	I think those are wise words to go to a break with.
	To go to a break with which will be horribly immature with our filled commercial breaks.
	But, yeah, it's funny that you mention that.
	10% believe Elvis is alive?
	Is that an actual number?
	Yeah, yeah.
	And 8% believe if you send him a letter, he'll get it.
	Well, is it 8% of that 10% or 8% of the American populace?
	8% of the American public.
	I don't believe that.
	Okay, we'll come back after this with Larry Elder.
	We're going to fact check that during the break.
	Loud or with Crowder.
	Look it up.
	Stay tuned.
	I'm Barry Matheson.
	We'll now take you to Town Hall with Ben Carson and CNN's Anderson Cooper, who is a queer.
	Dr.
	Ben Carson, what I admire most about you is your integrity, and I wanted to know your thoughts on how your opponent Mr.
	Donald Trump said that he would support the good things that Planned Parenthood does.
	Well, thank you for your question.
	And I'm very grateful to be here at the town hall discussing these issues that matter with you people in the United States.
	I think division has been a very serious problem in this country.
	And coming together in a place like this is emblematic of the power The American people still have in themselves.
	On the issue of life, I firmly believe that we must either determine to be a culture of life or of death, and as it relates to abortion and plan...
	Wait, is Donald Trump actually saying that?
	We'll keep you updated when we return to Dr.
	Ben Carson's Town Hall on CNN with Anderson Cooper who likes the film.
	You're a strange animal That's what I know But you're a strange animal I got to follow Oh, I'm in the speedy
	So glad to be back.
	Hopefully that spider in the studio is gone.
	That will haunt my dreams forever.
	Back with Larry Elder.
	Mr.
	Elder, where's the best place for people to find you, by the way?
	They can go to my website, LarryElder.com, or my blog, ElderStatement.com, and I'm very active on Twitter, at Larry Elder.
	This is true.
	And you do the podcasting as well, right?
	Well, I have a show that I do on KRLA Salem, and I'll be having some big news in a couple of days, Stephen.
	My show is going to be expanding, and I can't talk about it right now, but it's going to be...
	A really, really huge, something I say deal.
	Okay.
	I'm glad to hear it for her.
	I'm glad to see that happening.
	By the way, also, not to steal your thunder, we have to thank KLID Missouri for picking us up.
	We're just being picked up with these affiliates, and thank you.
	We never expect it.
	Very grateful.
	So, Mr.
	Elder.
	Now, I want to set the stage.
	You seem to have been...
	Is Trump your guy, or are you just...
	Who do you like?
	No.
	No.
	Trump is a populist.
	He's not a conservative, not a fiscal conservative.
	I am.
	I'm a libertarian, as you pointed out.
	Trump is not that.
	He's an economic populist.
	But an economic populist beats those two socialists on the other side.
	And both of them are socialists.
	Bernie's just an admitted one.
	Hillary's just one on layaway.
	You don't think Hillary's a populist as well?
	Any one of these guys would be better than Hillary.
	I'm an ABC guy.
	Anybody but Hillary.
	But I like Ted Cruz a lot.
	I think Ted Cruz is probably the most consistent.
	Marco Rubio might be the most electable, but I'm bothered by the Gang of Eight business.
	Right.
	Yeah, I think almost everybody shares your sentiment who isn't in the Donald Trump sort of, you know, cult, if you look at it reasonably.
	I will say...
	I don't believe Donald Trump is anything.
	You were raised, you had Reagan, you even had Nixon before scandal before that, certainly as far as contrasting economies and policies.
	I come from a generation of people who've never seen actual conservatism.
	The closest they've seen is George Bush, and you know there are problems there.
	So I'm just at a point...
	Where I believe unless there is a stark contrast, if a Republican is put in there who's effectively a leftist, I do think that you'll never see another conservative elected because they'll say, well, we tried both sides, they're all the same.
	And that's where, don't you think that Bernie Sanders versus Ted Cruz would be as far as, you know, you're interested in ideas?
	Don't you think that would be the most beautiful election as far as purity and contrasting true ideas?
	I hadn't thought about it, but probably so.
	Bernie Sanders is obviously a socialist, but I think the entire party is a socialist party.
	That's where the base is.
	Look at what he wants.
	He wants paid tuition, so does Hillary.
	He wants paid family leave, so does Hillary.
	He wants to take from the rich, give from the poor, so does Hillary.
	He wants to tax the rich even more, so does Hillary.
	They both have an anti-free trade policy now.
	So there really isn't a whole lot of difference between the two of them, other than Bernie Sanders has been saying the same kind of stuff a longer time.
	But if you look at the mandatory, the payroll taxes and the mandatory health insurance sort of premium tax, I think Bernie does go, and he wants to start the higher taxes a little bit further down.
	My point is he's more open and honest about it.
	To the general American public...
	You know, you have a guy who says...
	And listen, I think we can both say this about Bernie Sanders.
	He's crazy, but I believe he's genuine, and I respect that he has not run a dirty campaign against Hillary when he could have.
	So I do think in a general, I don't think he's going to be slinging as much mud as a Clinton.
	So tell me if you think I'm wrong.
	I think you're right, but I also think the reason he hasn't...
	been slinging the mud is, I don't really think Bernie Sanders thought he had a ghost of a chance of winning.
	I think he was a message guy and wanted to push the party to the left.
	I think he's a shock of anybody who's a front-runner.
	That's why he didn't get Henry on the email.
	He could have.
	That's why he's not brought up campaign contributions to the Clinton Foundation.
	That's not why he brought up the women that Hillary apparently was blind.
	Anita Broderick, a woman that claimed she was raped by Bill Clinton, says two weeks after the election, Hillary came up to her and verbally intimidated her.
	Anybody else running for president trying to really get elected would bring that kind of stuff up.
	The fact that he is not It suggests to me that he really was there to have a good time.
	He's 74 years old.
	Be a nice little period at the end of the paragraph of my career.
	And he's shocked that he's now arguably the frontrunner.
	I would disagree.
	And Jared could say this.
	You know, since the beginning of this program, I said, don't look past, I think Bernie Sanders could be the nominee.
	Now, I still don't think he probably will.
	I think it's about a 40% chance.
	But I've always said...
	I think if it were completely up to the voter, he would be.
	If it were up to the voter...
	I think the superdelegates are really...
	The only way Bernie Sanders could be the nomination is if the Justice Department indicts Hillary...
	And they're not going to do that.
	So Hillary is damaged goods.
	She's got this email scandal hanging over her head.
	But there's no way they're going to nominate somebody who's an out-and-out, blatant socialist.
	Yeah, well, you know, you may be right.
	I think four years ago that would have been entirely correct.
	I think now they're letting their freak flag fly, but we'll see what happens.
	I wanted to talk about, you know, Donald Trump.
	You did write this piece on Donald Trump saying that George Bush lied to take us to Iraq.
	I posted out, you know, there's this big lie that we never found WMDs.
	That's, of course, false.
	The New York Times admitted said it was false.
	Now, if people want to then narrow it and say, well, we didn't find active nukes, okay.
	So you wrote a piece about this.
	Explain it for the listener, because I thought it was really well done and important.
	Well, to believe that George W. Bush lied into Iraq is to believe that the CIA did 9-11, or that O.J. Simpson did not murder two people.
	The evidence is overwhelming that George W. Bush did not lie.
	There's a commission that was set up by Congress to look into the intel.
	It's called the Rahab Silverman Commission.
	The guy named Lawrence Silverman wrote a piece in the Wall Street Journal, and the headline was, The Dangerous Lie That Bush Lied.
	And he took the task, a reporter for the Associated Press, Who publicly said that George W. Bush lied.
	He said we spent a whole bunch of time looking at it, but while the intel was wrong and we didn't find the stockpiles, nobody lied.
	Bob Woodward, the famous Woodward Bernstein guy, spent 18 months writing a book about all of this.
	He said nobody lied.
	Indeed, George W. Bush was more skeptical about the intel that was brought to him by George Tenet, the CIA director, who served, by the way, both under Bill Clinton and George W. Bush, gave them both the same intel.
	He said it was a slam dunk that the intel was there.
	We have 16 intelligence agencies that do investigations on the intel, 16.
	All 16 said at the highest level of probability, there's no such thing as 100% certainty, all 16 said that Saddam Hussein had WMD.
	The only quarrel was over how far along he was getting a nuke.
	So nobody lied.
	It's a lie that he lied.
	And I'm shocked because even Hillary, who voted for the war and then later on turned against it, never said he lied.
	Obama gave a speech in October of 2002, his famous speech when he was running for Centive, and called the Iraq war a dumb war.
	He didn't say anybody lied.
	Bernie Sanders brags about his vote against the Iraq war.
	He never said anybody lied.
	No, I know.
	Did I have a Republican saying it?
	Well, it's basically a Republican using code pink talking points, who also was a borderline truther.
	I think it's important to note, and I think, listen, it's also important to note that you can disagree with the war in Iraq, as many libertarians do, and not necessarily accuse George Bush of lying.
	Before we go, Larry Elder, where can people find you one last time, real quick?
	At Larry Elder, larryelder.com.
	My blog is elderstatement.com.
	I'm on KRLA from 9 p.m.
	until 11 p.m.
	every night.
	We have to go!
	I gotta let you go!
	I love you, Larry Elder!
	We'll be back!
	Love you.
	This is breaking news on Water with Crawler.
	I'm Perry Matheson.
	We now return to you to Dr.
	Ben Carson's Town Hall on CNN with Anderson Cooper, who likes me.
	Yes, Dr.
	Carson, thank you for taking my question.
	I would like to know...
	As someone who is a neurosurgeon with a high educational pedigree, like myself, how you could be so misled into believing that the pyramids had oatmeal in them?
	Well, listen, I think that's an unfair characterization of what I put forward.
	I believe that there are many different theories about what's going on in the pyramids.
	Don't you want to know?
	The reason I ask that question is because I want to go!
	Just like about Barack Obama's college records, I want to go!
	Don't you want it?
	I want to go!
	I don't even want to go!
	We'll keep you updated when we return to Dr.
	Ben Carson's Town Hall on CNN with Anderson Cooper, who likes...
	- This week in feminism. - Oh my God, I can't believe here in Seattle this guy is just using the women's room Just using it.
	Gender rule, bitch.
	Deal with it.
	Oh my god, you're not even transgender.
	It's so obvious.
	Yeah, I am.
	No.
	Yeah, prove I'm not.
	I'm a tranny.
	That's so unfair.
	You're marginalizing...
	Hands are coming down!
	Welcome to Cool News.
	News with a super cool approach.
	I am your host, Phil Cool.
	This week, at the DNC debate...
	My computer just went blank, P. Ray.
	Updating.
	You know anything about no update, man?
	Yeah.
	Why is it updating?
	It's got a little bar moving along.
	What's going on?
	Man, I didn't update my ass.
	I was supposed to have this updated.
	You knew about this update last night?
	That's your job as a production engineer to update this.
	You didn't do no update?
	No.
	Okay, this is the real point, man.
	I want you to be straight with me, man.
	Did you do this deliberately to embarrass me where I would be on air reading copy with a blank computer?
	Hey, be right!
	Oh, hey, loud.
	Didn't see you there.
	What are you doing?
	Hell, I'm just relaxing and enjoying my 1978 Baldo, a fine beverage after a fine game of racquetball at the Wimbledon.
	There's no more quality establishment than the Wimbledon, you know.
	That sounds fun.
	I don't really know a whole lot about wine.
	That's why I go to simplifiedwine.com, or I just call their number.
	What's that number, Jared?
	844-297-WINE. Oh, where'd he come from?
	His voice aggravates me.
	I have him chained to a caravan.
	For simpletons like me who don't know a whole lot about wine, just what I like, it makes it easy.
	I either get to call, go to the website, talk with a sommelier, list what I like, what I don't like, my budget, and can have it shipped directly to my door, or gift-wrapped and sent to a friend.
	It doesn't get any simpler than that.
	Simplified wine, you say?
	I prefer more of a barrier to entry.
	I know you do, Lyle, but you're an elitist bastard.
	That's why for simpletons like me, I prefer simplifiedwine.com or just calling 844-297-WINE. You've
	found yourself at the junction where worlds meet.
	Politics.
	Civility.
	How about honesty in this country, folks?
	Entertainment.
	I don't like entertainment.
	And a whole bunch of other stuff.
	It's about having a healthy body image.
	If you have a very unhealthy body, you should have a horrible body image.
	Not a big home improvement market in Detroit.
	We are definitely going to get letters.
	You're listening to Talk Radio's Strangest Animal.
	You're a strange animal.
	That's what I know.
	You're getting louder with Crowder.
	But you're a strange animal.
	I got to follow.
	Oh, I'm in the speedy to sound.
	Wow!
	Oh, oh, oh.
	You're the strange animal!
	That's what we all know.
	You're all strange animals if you're listening to this show.
	Is it corny?
	Yeah, it's a little bit off the wall.
	Yeah.
	Producing with me in the video studio, as always, is NotGayJared.
	You can follow him at NotGayJared and me at SCrowder.
	Legally, I've fulfilled my obligations.
	Draw your own conclusions.
	We good?
	We are good.
	We are good.
	Proceed.
	What was it that you said during the break?
	You said there was something you wanted to...
	Oh, I thought it was so funny.
	Right before I came here, I was watching the news to educate myself, kind of.
	And why did you say it in a 20s newsboy?
	Because I just...
	I don't know.
	It just seems so inappropriate.
	You know, I still have stacks and stacks of Wall Street journals laying around that.
	Literally, literally, at least like 400 copies.
	Never read one.
	I just didn't bother canceling the subscription.
	Pardon my French, but you're an a**hole.
	Poorly timed, but I get the point.
	A**hole!
	Go ahead.
	Surprise.
	President Obama is not attending Scalia's funeral.
	No, no, of course not.
	Citing complications and expense of sending the old Secret Service routine.
	Didn't he go to Trayvon's funeral?
	Yes.
	But to redeem himself.
	He is sending Biden.
	No word if he's sending a security detail for Biden or not.
	You don't need to send a security detail for Biden.
	It's just Boo and Cooter with a shotgun and some Chinese Death Stars.
	Yes.
	You mean ninja stars?
	Ninja stars.
	Chinese death stars?
	It's like the Asian Star Wars.
	You combine the Chinese flag with the Star Wars analogy, and you were nowhere close to the actual terminology of ninja stars.
	It's all the same thing.
	I think ninjas were Japanese, too.
	I don't think they were Chinese.
	I can just imagine the look on his face, though.
	Totally confused if he's getting a security detail or not.
	Okay.
	That is funny.
	Well, listen, this is a guy who takes time to go to Trayvon's funeral.
	This is a guy who takes time...
	Didn't he go to Mike Brown's, too?
	I forget which ones he went to.
	Tamir Rice, I think?
	Maybe Eric Garner's.
	I don't know.
	They're all...
	Didn't he go to the symbolic funeral of Sean King's blackness?
	No, no, no, no.
	Sean King, his black identity...
	I missed my invitation.
	...deserves a funeral.
	No, no, no.
	I can't think.
	Let me think straight.
	I think Barack Obama's a gay alcoholic.
	Can we just say it?
	I think he's a homosexual alcoholic.
	I cannot substantiate this in any way, shape, or form.
	Somewhere Yosemite Owl is just cheering right now.
	And he looks like he's always just had a purple popsicle.
	You notice that about Barack Obama?
	I know people are going, no, it's not a racist thing.
	Not all black people look that way.
	He has oddly shaded lips for his skin.
	Now that you say that...
	It's not like Bill Cosby.
	It's not like Tate Diggs.
	It's not like Bron James.
	Barack Obama, for some reason, looks like he got into the stash of blue popsicles.
	You know what I mean?
	Like that kid whose face has never gotten a wet nap?
	Maybe he's just been having a good time with a guy from McDonald's kids' covers.
	I don't remember his name.
	The purple potato guy.
	This is disrespectful.
	This is our president.
	You don't talk about the president this way.
	How dare you!
	How dare you!
	You are everything that's gone wrong in this world!
	You are self-consuming, no-talent, mediocre piece of s**t!
	I'll just keep playing this.
	I love everything about this.
	Jared just can't hold it.
	There's one more.
	There's one more.
	I know there's one more, but I'm not ready to bring it up yet.
	I just want you to stop disrespecting the president.
	I mean, I don't understand what you...
	I knew the Grateful Dead from 1966!
	Who the f**k are you?!
	That is the gift that keeps on giving, Clark.
	That is the gift that keeps on giving.
	For those of you who don't know, it's just this guy in New York who goes absolutely nuts on a guy playing a trombone.
	So, yeah, listen.
	Tweet me at S. Crowder what you think about Barack Obama missing Scalia's funeral.
	What's funny is everyone seemed to like Scalia in the Supreme Court and in the legal system, except Barack Obama.
	At a certain point, it's you.
	I mean, kind of like Gerald Ford.
	Everyone actually, there aren't many people who had a lot of negative things to say about Gerald Ford.
	You know what you haven't heard anyone say in a long time?
	I freaking hate Gerald Ford!
	I freaking hate him!
	You've never heard that?
	No, most people talk to you like, oh, is that a president or something?
	Is that a president?
	What's that?
	That was a president.
	That was a president.
	Have you seen the Gerald Ford Museum?
	It looks like the most boring place on earth.
	Well, what's funny about the Gerald Ford Museum, for those of you who don't know, people watching the live stream.
	So, if you look at it from an aerial shot, the front looks really big and impressive.
	He's buried there.
	Did you know that?
	I didn't know that until recently.
	I don't know.
	He's buried there.
	His body's just sitting over there.
	Well, he was actually a good man, Gerald Ford.
	He didn't do a whole lot.
	And actually, a lot of people now realize that his pardoning of Nixon was the right thing to do at the time.
	Whether you liked Nixon or not, it was what the country needed to move forward and progress.
	And he'll...
	The Gerald Ford Museum has this really wide entrance, and then it narrows.
	It's like a pizza slice.
	So I swear to you, the Gerald Ford Museum, you walk in, it's got the Gerald Ford stuff, I think like his old football uniform, a few things.
	I'm not joking.
	Once you go further back towards the end of the triangle, it's got an Elvis exhibit.
	And stuff that has nothing to do with Gerald Ford whatsoever.
	They ran out of material.
	They just ran out of stuff.
	I've been to the Reagan Library, and you're like, wow, this is just unbelievably impressive.
	The Gerald Ford Museum is a triangle to fool you.
	Listen, I want to talk about one thing that a lot of people, I think, right now, you know, Donald Trump, when asked about Israel, said, okay, who in the audience is, yeah, I'm going to stay neutral on Israel-Palestine.
	Maybe we can make a deal.
	I would make a good deal, such a good deal, but I want to stay neutral.
	You know, keep my element of surprise.
	Again, because element of surprise is more important than principles.
	I've been called a conservative for supporting Israel.
	Here's the deal.
	I understand, you know, for people who don't understand the Israel sort of complicated thing, a lot of people say, why are we giving them so much money?
	And a lot of people say, well, Ron Paul is an anti-Semite because he doesn't want to give Israel any money.
	I don't think he's an anti-Semite.
	What Ron Paul is basically saying is, yes, we give Israel more funding than any individual country.
	But if you combine all of the countries around them that we work with, like Saudi Arabia, Egypt, well, at one time, I don't know what our relationships are like with Egypt.
	Now, if you collectively said no money to the Middle East and the United States, Israel would probably be better off.
	Because at that point, everyone around them doesn't have our business camaraderie relationship.
	So that's the argument.
	I understand that.
	I also think it's perfectly acceptable to say, okay, no more money to anyone else, but still a little bit to Israel.
	Why?
	People say, oh, so you're just, you believe in big government with Israel?
	No, you do need to understand something.
	And we had Ted Kennedy on this program.
	Israel is, pound for pound, the most formidable military force in the world.
	Their intel is unbelievable.
	We rely on them for a lot of intelligence.
	Listen, nearly every relationship in the Middle East that the United States has had at one point, and this is important because a Saudi Arabian prince just came out who, yes, was friends with the Bushes, and now he's basically advocating genocide against the Sunnis.
	I don't know if you saw that.
	For the longest time, we thought, if you had to simplify Islam, you're like, ah, the Sunnis are the good ones, the Muslims are the bad ones.
	Absolutely.
	That's what I was taught.
	Yeah, well now ISIS is a subset of Sunni.
	Yeah.
	So that blows your whole thing to hell right there.
	So nearly everyone we've had a relationship with at some point has screwed us, almost proactively, except for Israel.
	There's one place in there where people are allowed to be any religion, they're allowed to be any ethnicity, they're allowed to be any sexual orientation and not die.
	You may hate the Jews, but that's reality.
	And there's one place in the world where we have launching pads, we have landing areas, we have safe haven, and that entire dark cesspool of filth and sadness where dreams go to die that is the Middle East.
	There's one shining light.
	Israel.
	Okay?
	So it's not just giving money to Israel.
	When people send these memes, oh, you want American soldiers to die for Israel, there'd be a lot more American soldiers dying if we didn't have an ally in Israel.
	Okay?
	They're a very, very important ally.
	And if you believe that the world would be safer for the United States having a worse relationship with Israel, you're just someone who doesn't understand how things work militarily.
	Listen, I can understand you from a libertarian standpoint not being a non-interventionist.
	I can understand it.
	But you can't argue, you can't substantiate that having no relationship with Israel would make us safer.
	So when people say, well listen, it's a mutually beneficial relationship with Israel.
	Something else I find very funny, we've talked about this, you know.
	George Bush lied.
	People died.
	War for oil.
	War for oil.
	Oil.
	I'm going, okay.
	Here's something else that's crazy.
	Who's our biggest ally in the Middle East?
	Jared?
	Probably not Egypt.
	Probably not Syria.
	I'm going to go with Israel.
	You're going to go with Israel?
	Absolutely.
	Because that's what these same people complain about.
	We have too much financial ties with Israel.
	What's the one country there, in that godless, forsaken area of the planet, that doesn't have any oil?
	There's only one.
	And it's Israel.
	So if we're going to talk about war for oil, and we're going to talk about, oh, Cheney and Halliburton, the last ally we would pick would be Israel!
	We'd be fighting against them!
	We wouldn't care less about Israel if it was all about...
	By the way, when people say war for oil, you have no idea what a war for oil looks like.
	Think about Desert Storm.
	We have the oil fields.
	There's nothing they can do.
	Take it!
	We packed our crap and left!
	You don't know what a war for territory looks like.
	And the reason people don't know what a war for territory looks like is because they've actually been fortunate enough to live in a time where the world's first anti-evil empire, the world's greatest superpower that's ever existed, the United States, is an anti-empire.
	As opposed to taking all the territory that we could, like Canada, by, I don't know, midnight tonight.
	Oh, we want to take Canada?
	We take it.
	As opposed to that, oh, we pay people for their goods and services, and we forge alliances, and we're friends with certain people.
	Other people, you know, if you get on our crop list, we're going to blow you up.
	That's relatively fair.
	So when people say war for oil, it's because these people have never actually seen an evil empire in a war for land at work.
	They've only seen the United States, which they accuse of being an evil empire, and then they turn around, of course, and say it's too expensive with our nation building.
	Are we an evil empire or are we nation building?
	It's one or the other.
	That's a big irony for me.
	Building an empire is not costly.
	It's profitable.
	Nation building is very costly.
	So we're either nation building or we're an empire.
	Pick one.
	We'll be back with actually the PR spokesperson for ISIS. We now return
	you to the town hall on CNN with Donald Trump and Anderson Cooper, who is clear.
	Yes, Mr.
	Trump, thank you for taking my question.
	I would like to ask you, as someone who has clearly been so successful, what would you say?
	Is your greatest shortcoming in this election or obstacle to overcome?
	Well, listen, you're right about the first half, okay?
	But I don't even think I need...
	Listen, everyone here knows, okay, I've built a worth $10 billion industry, okay?
	I employ people.
	I'm so good at winning.
	That's why people want Donald Trump, okay?
	I'm so good at winning.
	All I do is win.
	Everywhere I go, I win.
	Well, you did lose Iowa.
	Okay, yeah, that was rigged because Ted Cruz lied, okay?
	And every other poll, every other state, I'm going to win.
	I have one, okay?
	So, my thing is, listen, a lot of people have obstacles.
	A lot of people have shortcomings, okay?
	I don't have them.
	That's why I'm so good at winning.
	Frankly, they call me the winning machine at how much I'm winning all the time.
	What about that every measurable national poll has you losing to Hillary Clinton in a general election?
	Okay, listen, you ungrateful little mother f***er.
	I am going to f* your mother and suck on her c*.
	With a pitchfork.
	And then I'm going to make orphans of your children.
	I am going to hire a lawyer, okay?
	A lawyer with a lot of f***ing vowels in his name.
	And I am going to make your life a living f***ing hell.
	This has been the Town Hall on CNN with Queer Anderson Cooper and Donald Trump.
	I'm Perry Mothelan.
	Whoa, Jared, what are you doing?
	Shoot bad guys.
	With what?
	AR-15.
	Where'd you get it?
	AR-15.com.
	Oh, there's another one.
	You got him.
	Thank God for AR-15.com.
	They have AR-15 and accessories for sale and the best advice there is on the web.
	Oh no, there's another one.
	You got him.
	With your what?
	AR-15.
	From where?
	AR-15.com.
	That's the best place to go, and that's the takeaway, because this commercial's about to stop!
	Thank you.
	Gosh, I love the sound of rancid when we're doing the Lauder with Crudder.
	Glad to bring on this next guest, an exclusive, a scoop, not gay, Jared.
	We had this guy on before you were working with the program.
	I heard about that.
	I miss those days.
	I can't even find those podcasts.
	They're like ghosts.
	They're ghosts.
	I can't find them anywhere.
	Like a ghost.
	So this is, I want to make sure I get the name right, the official PR spokesperson for ISIS, Abdul Rachman.
	Are you there, Abdul?
	Yes, Stephen.
	Stephen, I am here.
	Thank you for having me on your program.
	No, I'm so glad.
	Now, did I get that right?
	Abdul Rachman?
	You have to put a little more into it.
	Rachman.
	Rachman.
	Better.
	Better.
	Far for the course, Stephen.
	Pretty good.
	Rachman.
	I like it.
	You're coming along very good.
	Well, thank you.
	I appreciate it.
	It's been a while since you've been on the show.
	I assume you've been pretty busy.
	I know.
	I thought I got blacklisted.
	I was like, first the TSA, now Steven.
	This is not good.
	No, you weren't blacklisted.
	You don't worry about that.
	You're always welcome here.
	Even Imam Chaudhry, who personally has requested my death, he's been on here, so you're in good company.
	I'm sorry to hear about that for you, Steven.
	Well, that's okay.
	It's kind of par for the course with Imam Chaudhry.
	So listen, Reuters has reported today that radioactive material has gone missing In Iraq.
	And that's a big reason why we wanted to have you on.
	So first question, have you had anything to do with it?
	See, Stephen, this is exactly why people do not trust the liberal media like you.
	You know, you are so quick to assume that it happened to be the international network of terrorists hellbent on destroying that entire region.
	I mean, can you say bias?
	I think maybe you are guilty of a little bit of bias.
	I would listen.
	I wouldn't argue that, but I don't think it's the kind of bias you're thinking.
	Are you scared?
	Listen, with this going around right now, a lot of unrest, are you scared of the United States retaliating with this or responding?
	Scared of what, Stephen?
	Scared of President Obama?
	Scared of your drones?
	Please, there is no single weapon Obama has that can cripple our organization, except for maybe Obamacare.
	Maybe Obamacare.
	Okay, well, touche.
	But I did there, Stephen.
	I see what you did there.
	You insulted our healthcare system, so you're not impressed.
	Do you have good dental there at ISIS? Yes.
	I don't know what that is.
	I promise I will Google it later.
	You guys have Google?
	It's Google.sy or something.
	I don't know.
	I mean, I don't know where I am.
	At least you don't have Bing.
	I mean, you're ahead of the curve if you have any form of Google.
	Oh, thank Allah.
	Okay, speaking of which, what do you think about President Obama?
	You know, I hate to dwell on the negative, but we do have a lot in common.
	You know, we both play golf.
	We are both left-handed.
	We would both like to destroy the Keystone XL pipeline.
	So we do have some common ground that we could find before, you know, we kill you all.
	Right.
	Okay.
	That kind of took a dark turn.
	Let me ask you, there's a lot going on with U.S. politics.
	Have you been following the U.S. political race at all?
	I've been following it a little bit.
	Do you have anyone who specifically, if you were obviously, I would imagine you're not getting citizenship.
	I don't know.
	How hard would it be for someone like you to get citizenship in the United States?
	I don't know.
	I don't know.
	I have not looked into it.
	I don't know if...
	You know, our whole thing is death to America, so it was not high on my list of priorities.
	But, you know, things change.
	Things change.
	Things change.
	You know, we do have...
	Funnily enough, we probably have better Middle Eastern cuisine than you have in your ISIS huts.
	That is absolutely true, man.
	I... I hear, you know, Dearborn has a lot of nice restaurants.
	That is near you.
	You should, you know, try some out.
	You know, you might like it.
	You might want to come live here.
	I might get an explosion of flavor.
	Is that what you're talking about?
	I see what you did there, Steve.
	See?
	Because you bombed people.
	That's pretty good.
	Not to go back to a serious note.
	So, okay, if you were American, no.
	Let's assume it was on your list of priorities.
	Is there anyone in the race who you'd be looking at, who you'd be supporting right now?
	You know, I like John Kasich.
	We have problems with it, too.
	I know it's a tough name.
	It is tough.
	I mean, I thought we had the tough names, but that is a pretty tough one.
	John.
	I like John.
	He seems like he can appeal to both sides.
	I mean, between you and me, Stephen, a lot of these guys are pretty extreme, if you know what I'm saying.
	Plus, I've actually been to Ohio.
	Really?
	Yes.
	You've been to Ohio?
	Unfortunately, yes.
	I was in Ohio.
	Well, that's not fair.
	Not Gay Jared is from Ohio.
	Oh, I am so sorry for you, Not Gay Jared.
	Terrible place.
	Terrible place.
	Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, though.
	Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.
	That's true.
	See, there is a lot that we have in Ohio.
	And this was shocking to me.
	There was a restaurant, Stephen, dedicated entirely to Chicken Fingers.
	Like, it only served chicken fingers.
	How you allow this state with the chicken finger place to determine your elections, I will never understand.
	I tell you what, that's where we can find some common ground.
	I don't understand it either.
	I also saw today you're trimming your budgets and have even resorted to releasing detainees for $500 a person.
	Is that true?
	Oh...
	Yes, unfortunately, Stephen, that is true.
	We here at ISIS are more broke than Kanye.
	We are actually going to have to try to do something soon.
	I don't know, maybe a Kickstarter.
	A Kickstarter?
	Like an online fundraiser?
	No, no, no, no.
	We are going to start kicking people until they give us more money.
	Oh.
	Okay.
	It's hard to believe you're broke.
	All you do is plunder and kill.
	Right?
	I mean, it's pretty embarrassing.
	You don't have to tell me.
	I mean, while we are quick to display them, we are not ourselves the sharpest knives in the world.
	I mean, we invested in Twitter, for God's sake.
	Oh, geez.
	Okay, one more question.
	That's terrible.
	One more question, though, before you go.
	I know you're a fan.
	Do you have any predictions on who's going to win the Bachelor this season?
	Who told him?
	Who told him about it?
	Come on, Abdul.
	You know, I know.
	We have a leak.
	We have a leak.
	It's actually very serious.
	I shouldn't be laughing about it.
	Look, I'll tell you this.
	Ben is a total dreamboat.
	And whoever he picks for the final 72 Roses is going to be one lucky group of women.
	That is, well, I can't argue with you there.
	Hey, listen, we have to go.
	Abdul Rahman, thank you so much for speaking with us.
	We'll have you back on soon.
	Hey, thank you, Stephen.
	Stay safe out there in Detroit.
	I hear it's pretty dangerous out there.
	Yeah, well, you're not mistaken.
	That was Abdul Rahman, official PR spokesperson for ISIS. We'll be back.
	louder with Crowder.
	And now it's time for Huffer, the anti-social justice warrior doggo doing you a public service.
	laughs Oh my god, I am just so happy that finally those sports...
	Oh my god, he's fighting my fat!
	My arm fat is fighting against me!
	America thanks you, Hopper!
	This has been Hopper, the anti-social justice warrior doggo, doing you, America, a public service.
	We now return you to the town hall on CNN with Donald Trump and Anderson Cooper, who is clear.
	Mr.
	Trump, many of your critics have said there has been a startling trend of you abusing the courts to advance your business and carrying that mindset into this campaign threatening to sue your opponents.
	Is that how you believe a president should conduct himself?
	Listen, I don't abuse the courts.
	Okay, people talk about that.
	I don't abuse the courts.
	I use the system.
	Okay, frankly, the system, as all successful people have used, the system that is available to them.
	Of course, I'm going to use the system, not the system.
	They call me the system using machine, and I win.
	I win with systems, okay?
	I win with machines.
	I'm not the kind of guy who looks at a system and says, what's this new operating system?
	I don't know how to operate it, okay?
	In updates, I know how to use it.
	I don't go to a system.
	I'm not the guy who's getting my wedding ring.
	Okay?
	Attached into a machine, and I'm losing all the way up to my forearm because I don't know how to use it.
	I know how to use systems, frankly, so good that I'm not abusing the system.
	But I do think that question was slanderous, and I hope you have a good lawyer, you stupid c**t, because I am...
	This has been the Town Hall on CNN with queer Anderson Cooper and Donald Trump.
	I'm Harry Mothiland.
	Loser in his, her, or Z's mother's basement watching this on the YouTube live stream.
	Listen, YouTube is great, but it's not always super convenient if you're on the go.
	That's why this show, which is actually syndicated as a radio show, is available on iTunes, SoundCloud, or any kind of podcatcher that you Android users...
	For free!
	Just search Louder with Crowder, find it, subscribe, you get the full show and some exclusive content that you actually won't hear on YouTube, including giveaways, extra commercials, me beating Not Gay Jerry within an inch of his life, but it's okay, he always comes back into work so I can fire him.
	So iTunes, SoundCloud, or Podcatcher, get the full show and listen to Louder with Crowder on the go.
	If you don't, you're probably a racist rapist.
	I'm out.
	Oh, geez, I forgot we had to come back with an actual show here.
	We are back with one of my favorite guests.
	She was on a while ago.
	We need to have her back more regularly.
	You can watch her YouTube channel at Girl Writes What.
	I don't like to use the term men's rights activist.
	She's just a sort of counterculture.
	We can call her a disturber of the fecal matter.
	Karen Strawn, thanks for being on.
	I am.
	I am a disturber of the fecal matter, and thank you for having me again.
	Yeah, no, I try to sort of not go so much by the men's rights activist label lately.
	I'm more sort of just focused on anti-feminism and anti-SJW culture.
	This is true.
	Well, it's a winning battle right now.
	That's the thing.
	There's a noticeable shift to the point where whenever I get a tweet to the opposite, I'm like, ah.
	Are you serious about this?
	So the reason, actually, I forgot, I reached out to you last week, and then I had all this whole kerfuffle, see, that happened with my knee, so we moved you over, was Ted Cruz and the draft.
	Now, I know you're not even necessarily a conservative, but he was the one guy who said, like, no, I don't think women should be in the draft.
	I think it's ridiculous.
	I understand that's a double standard, but where do you line up on this now?
	Because it's become a little bit of a complex issue.
	You know, first female combatant in the United States military went AWOL. I just thought that was hysterical.
	I think the whole women being allowed into combat question is irrelevant.
	I think women should have been subjected to the draft the moment that they got the vote, just as men were.
	When a nation goes to war, it's not just a matter of putting men in boots with rifles and bayonets to charge hills.
	Right.
	Right.
	There is an entire support staff behind that.
	There are people sitting in rooms behind computers.
	There are people piloting drones.
	There are people changing tires on military vehicles.
	There are people cooking French toast for guys in barracks.
	There are all kinds of positions there that are not combat positions that don't require the kind of training, don't require putting our daughters in, you know, in a foxhole, you know, being bombed and being shelled.
	Right.
	And frankly, when you look at the responsibilities that men have had through history and how that balanced out the extra rights that they had on top of what women had.
	Sure.
	And you even look at the female anti-suffragists, and there were lots of them.
	The majority of women opposed the draft, right?
	Almost right up until the same afternoon it was granted the vote.
	Right.
	Well, both.
	That's why the two are one and the same at that point.
	Right?
	But the reason why they opposed it was because they didn't want the responsibilities that came with citizenship for men.
	And those responsibilities were not just military conscription.
	It was being part of bucket brigades, being part of posses, if ordered to do so, assisting police officers, assisting fire marshals, hue and cry laws that required...
	Hugh and Crylaw would hold a man as responsible as the perpetrator if he failed to intervene.
	Did you, real quick, because I brought this up after having an interview with you.
	I looked into it even more.
	I had kind of a cursory knowledge, and I've looked up a lot of your speeches.
	And I was actually at a movie theater, and they were showcasing suffragettes, you know, with Meryl Streep, who's now in hot water for her African comments.
	And I told the lady there, who was clearly a feminist, you know, listen, I just thought she looked like a feminist.
	It's not that And I said, well, do you know why a majority of women opposed, actually, the right to vote?
	And I talked, like I said, Bucket Brigade, the draft.
	And she's like, I'm not sure if that's true.
	Actually, she said, I'm not sure if that's true.
	And then she went and bought a plaid shirt at Orbis.
	But I said, actually, there's a great girl you should look up.
	Dame.
	See?
	Broad.
	Karen Strawn.
	Girl writes what?
	And she said, I don't think so.
	I don't think that's correct.
	So all of this is verifiable.
	Do you feel like you're beating your head against a wall?
	Because nobody believes me when I say it.
	They're just like, well, you just don't want women to vote.
	Oh, like, don't get me wrong.
	It's not like I'm arguing against women having the vote.
	What I'm arguing for is for women to...
	And we have seen this sort of steadily over time.
	Women, they gained the rights that men had while maintaining their privileges and their exemptions from the obligations that typically went along with those for men.
	And they have slowly but surely over time, you know, sometimes it's 50 years, sometimes it's 75 years.
	five years, sometimes it's 100 years, right, before women are forced to take on the obligations that went along with those rights for men back when women got the same rights as men.
	So, I mean, you have this sort of move towards an equalization of responsibility, and that's a really good thing, right?
	And that's not necessarily saying that...
	Sorry if there's noise in the background.
	There is.
	My boyfriend's on the phone talking work or something like that, and he's just wandering around.
	How dare you!
	How dare you!
	You know, it's 7.35 in the evening and he's on the phone talking to you.
	This is true.
	You're not on God's time.
	You're over there in Canada.
	Well, it brings up, though, an interesting sort of dilemma now because you have people like Ted Cruz, who are more conservative, who said, no, I don't think women should be in combat.
	They can serve in the military.
	They can serve as part of the support structure.
	I absolutely don't think women should be in combat.
	Right.
	But now he's opposing the draft because we've gone far along that trail.
	So where do you line up here now?
	Do you think draft put women in combat?
	Or Ted Cruz thinks, yeah, women not in combat, so let's support the draft and no women in combat.
	We're kind of stuck between a rock and a hard place because of how far along the trail we've gone.
	Well, no, I would actually, and I'm going to seem very, very odd in this sort of cluster of beliefs.
	We've got 30 seconds, so give it and then we'll come back to it.
	Women do not belong in combat.
	Women will just make, they will just put people's lives at risk.
	Particularly men's lives at risk.
	They do not belong in combat.
	They should be kept out of combat.
	They should not be offered any positions that require them to be in combat as their first...
	Train them if they have to be in combat on a situational basis, but not their first purpose.
	When you're out there sniping and a woman comes in your foxhole, men are looking at her.
	Why don't you go back to your home on Whore Island?
	We have to go to a break.
	I want to bring you back because I just figured we had to bookend that.
	Girl writes what?
	Karen Strawn.
	Brilliant and not what you would expect coming out of the very lovely lips of a woman.
	We'll be back.
	Ladder with Crowder.
	Stay tuned.
	I'm Bernie Sanders, and I approve this message.
	In my travels across this country, I hear too many stories from Americans whom the system has failed!
	Thank you, Mr.
	Sanders.
	I appreciate what you do.
	I really do.
	So, I... My story is I was born a man, but now I don't want to be a man anymore.
	And so I want to get my twigs and berries removed.
	And so I went to the doctor and I didn't pay for health insurance.
	I was on my way to pay for health insurance at one time, but then what happened was I fell on a sidewalk and I fell on a heroin, you know, and then I had a problem and I had to sustain it, but I never ended up getting health insurance.
	And then now the doctors say that the sexual reassignment surgery is...
	It's an elective that it's not covered and that I could technically still function with a penis that I was born with, but I don't want to function with the penis that I was born with.
	I want a non-functioning vagina and a catheter and I need you to pay for it!
	In a Bernie Sanders presidency, these Americans will be heard and Bernie Sanders will help them!
	Not good enough, America!
	This is breaking news on Water with Crawler.
	I'm Perry Matheson.
	We now return to you to Dr.
	Ben Carson's Town Hall on CNN with Anderson Cooper, who likes me.
	Thank you, Dr.
	Ben Carson, for taking my question.
	I just wanted to ask you, as someone who has no real experience with government...
	Do you think that that might prove to be an obstacle for you to overcome considering how Washington is filled with career politicians?
	I appreciate your question and I think it's indicative of how many Americans feel right now.
	And I would like to answer your question with a song.
	Everyone's American.
	All of us.
	Have gifts.
	Each of us is intrinsically valuable.
	And we have spirits.
	We are all valuable in the eyes of God.
	And I'm sorry, I believe that I forgot your question.
	We'll keep you updated when we return to Dr.
	Ben Carson's Town Hall on CNN with Anderson Cooper who likes to...
	This is a urinal checklist warning.
	You know how sometimes when your underpants twist your wiener into weird shapes where it's kind of like the super soaker that could go around corners because you sat funny?
	Please be sure to check your apparatus before use to avoid public embarrassment.
	This has been a urinal warning.
	Whoa, Jared, what are you doing?
	Shoot bad guys.
	With what?
	AR-15.
	Where'd you get it?
	AR-15.com.
	Oh, there's another one!
	Kaboom!
	You got him!
	Yeah.
	Thank God for AR-15.com.
	They have AR-15 and accessories for sale and the best advice there is on the web.
	Oh no, there's another one!
	Kaboom!
	You got him!
	Yeah.
	With your what?
	AR-15.
	From where?
	AR-15.com.
	That's the best place to go, and that's the takeaway, because this commercial's about to stop!
	You've found yourself at the junction where worlds meet.
	Politics.
	Civility?
	How about honesty in this country, folks?
	Entertainment.
	I don't like entertainment.
	And a whole bunch of other stuff.
	It's about having a healthy body image.
	You have a very unhealthy body.
	You should have a horrible body in it.
	Not a big home improvement market in Detroit.
	You're listening to Talk Radio's Strangest Animal.
	You're a strange animal!
	You're getting louder with Crowder.
	All right, we're at the top.
	Hold on, I didn't...
	We went from Andrew W.K. To Gowan.
	Gowan, I know.
	Well, you're a Canadian, so you, well, you...
	What has been going on here?
	I know.
	Well, listen, this is just, and we've been picked up by seven networks.
	I don't know what.
	This whole podcast just gone downhill.
	This is, well, listen, it went downhill the moment it started, and now it's just expanding like a cancerous growth on AM radio.
	Are you on Vicodin right now?
	I am not on Vicodin right now.
	And I will tell you what, I have a super liver because I don't get affected by that stuff so much.
	Hold on, hold on.
	Let me introduce you.
	First off, producing with me in studio, as always, is NotGayJarred.
	Follow him at NotGayJarred.
	He is not gay.
	I've fulfilled all my legal obligations.
	Draw your own conclusions.
	Top of the hour, we are back with Karen Straughan of GirlWritesWhat, YouTube.com slash GirlWritesWhat, or follow her on Twitter, GirlWritesWhat.
	I think we've covered all of it.
	Okay, Karen, you can come in now.
	Now, before we were leaving...
	We were talking about the draft.
	Yeah.
	Okay.
	So, I mean, we had Mark Riptoe talking about, like, listen, women just aren't as good at combat.
	It's just reality.
	And you'll find an outlier.
	But I think what's more interesting, and you've talked about this so much, is why women opposed voting, and it was because of the draft.
	And now we're so far down the trail to something that really should just seem to be a given.
	When people earned the right to vote back in the day, the draft was a part of it.
	Yeah.
	So how do you try to convince people or educate them with something like this, with a Ted Cruz situation where it's an uproar, everyone's offended?
	How do you react and how do you try and coach people?
	Well, I think I would tell someone like Ted Cruz that there's absolutely no way women belong in combat.
	That they just, they absolutely don't.
	And there's multiple reasons for it.
	Even women who meet all of the standards and can do all of the tasks, right?
	They have, like, even just in infantry, particularly in elite forces, There is permanent damage to your body from what your body is being put through.
	Not just in training, but actually out in the field.
	And that damage is going to be much, much worse for a woman.
	Right.
	You will end up with women who will permanently lose their fertility because they have been in very, very, very intense physical labor in, say, the Marine Corps or something like that.
	They will lose their fertility permanently.
	They will suffer, like, extreme bone loss, right?
	So this is...
	This is not something that women should be doing.
	Is there someone playing video games in your house?
	Is that what I'm hearing?
	Sorry?
	Is there someone playing video games in your house?
	Is that what I'm hearing?
	It's totally silent here.
	Is that you, Jared?
	Be honest.
	Is that you?
	It's not me.
	Get off your Game Boy, Jared.
	Yeah, his is the old grayscale.
	Hold on a second.
	Everyone go silent for a second.
	It's not there anymore.
	I guarantee you it was Jared.
	He was screwing around on his phone, Karen.
	This is what he does, and he gets called on it, and he says he wasn't doing anything.
	That's why we fired him last week.
	If you missed it, we fired him.
	We did it to les miserables.
	He was begging for one more day, and he was let go against my marriage.
	When my lover calls, Stephen, love must answer.
	This is the first time, Jared, this is the first time I've actually seen you, and now I can see what Stephen was talking about when he said that gay guys hit on you.
	Well, it goes a little further than hitting.
	I'm not allowed to talk about it.
	There's a gag order, not unlike the gags this man prefers.
	No, it's because you're an extremely attractive man in a very particular way that would very much appeal to a certain type of gay man.
	You know what's kind of funny?
	Good recovery, Karen.
	Good recovery.
	You realize I have the power to shut this whole program down.
	What's funny is you both kind of could probably switch a little bit because her hair is shorter than yours.
	Oh, yeah, no.
	I go into any bar and I talk five seconds of dirt into anybody's ear and I can take somebody home.
	It doesn't matter.
	Oh, geez.
	Well, that's the privilege of being a woman.
	It doesn't quite work that way with a man.
	So, okay, you were talking about, yeah, Ted Cruz.
	So here we are.
	So Ted Cruz says, no, no drafts, because women are in combat.
	So do you support him in spirit because he's saying women shouldn't be in combat?
	Or do you support the more liberal people who say women should be in combat, and then you say, okay, then you need to have the draft?
	No, that's totally not my...
	Neither of those are my position.
	Women do not belong in combat.
	Combat has nothing to do with it.
	When...
	Right.
	It is, you know, so conscription is not just about putting men in foxholes.
	It is about putting support staff behind them.
	It is even about putting women behind typewriters to write letters of condolence to the bereaved parents of the men, the conscripted men.
	Little known fact, we were using a typewriter for this podcast until last week.
	There you go.
	But you know what I mean, right?
	There are a multitude of...
	When Canada pulled its CF-18s out of Iraq, the fight against ISIS, when we pulled those planes, everybody thought, oh, we're pulling...
	14 planes and 14 pilots out of that region.
	No, we weren't.
	We were probably pulling a staff of about 400 people because even just for the maintenance on those planes and keeping them flying, keeping them in the air, you're looking at a team of 10 to 12 people per plane, right?
	There's no shortage of positions in the military that are perfectly doable by women, right?
	And the whole thing really boils down, this resistance to women being drafted, in my opinion.
	Because it's not like we're just going to shoot...
	We're not going to just like...
	Her opinion.
	You hear that, not gay Jared?
	Her opinion.
	She's a bitch!
	Sorry?
	Nothing.
	It's not like they're going to just pool everybody and they're just going to randomly pick people.
	This group of people on the left side of the room are going to go into the foxholes, and this group of people are going to go into support positions.
	They aren't going to do that.
	They're going to overwhelmingly put women into support positions, and they're probably going to put next to no women in combat.
	The only women who are going to go into combat are probably going to be the women who wanted to be there anyway.
	Right.
	So you're looking at, the whole question is, how dare we inconvenience women?
	That's really all it is.
	No, you're absolutely right.
	I hope that people hear this and they educate themselves a little bit more.
	On why this is the case, because you have these films that come out in Suffragette, and you leftists are great at drawing this sort of emotional connection to paint a story that just isn't accurate.
	And I think Ted Cruz would actually share your position.
	Everyone hears him saying no draft.
	He's actually saying no draft, but women should be in the military, just not in combat.
	And now the draft is problematic because we've allowed women in combat.
	Did you, by the way, did you follow the story of the first female combatant going AWOL? I looked into it.
	Yeah, she disappeared.
	She didn't even complete basic training, did she?
	No.
	Well, the thing is, we wrote about it and we laughed so hard and then we realized she could be dead.
	And we're like, oh, we're already along this trail and we have no breadcrumbs to follow back.
	I don't think so.
	She took like, she was like partway through basic training and she took a medical leave or something like that.
	But yeah, but she just left.
	I mean, it wasn't an official medical leave.
	She was just gone.
	And I know not all women will do that, but every now and then you get one straight down center plate.
	It's a well-known but never spoken of secret in...
	The U.S. military.
	You know that if you're in the military, that if you allow yourself to be sunburned, you can actually be prosecuted for that because you've damaged U.S. property.
	Your body belongs to the military.
	And so, I mean, if you actually do something stupid that makes it impossible for you to actually perform your duties...
	that you can you can be charged with a crime for that you can be you can be court-martialed for that right but it's it's a well-known very not very uh much spoken of secret in the military that when women are deployed um they have a very high rate of becoming pregnant within a very brief period of time well it could just be because of all those stud muffins in the military they They look at you when you get pregnant.
	They're all on contraception.
	They're all on long-term contraception.
	And somehow, somehow they forget to take their birth control.
	Somehow.
	And what happens then?
	They've damaged government property.
	They've put a piece of government property out of commission through their carelessness.
	And what happens to them?
	They just get sent back stateside.
	And then they get put into some cushy job on U.S. military base in the United States.
	They just send them home.
	Can you get those stats up on your Twitter so when people go look it up?
	I don't think there are stats.
	This is just word of mouth from men who I have talked to.
	I've heard it from women.
	I heard it from a female sergeant when I was in Guantanamo Bay, and she said that actually the only place that'll matter anymore will be the Marines.
	She said because in the Army they send her girls, and in basic training they cry because she yells at them, and so now they don't allow sergeants to yell at them.
	So the classic Lee Ernie scene from Full Metal Jacket doesn't happen anymore because...
	What is your major malfunction, soldier?
	Well, hold on.
	Hold on, we're FCC. If your parent's not home...
	I know, it's classic.
	And he was actually just a consultant, and the guy they paid to be the real drill sergeant just couldn't cut it.
	They said, okay, Lee, you go in there and do it.
	Karen, let people know, the best place to find you, because I really want people to read up on your stuff.
	It's one of those things, and at surface, people say, there's no way.
	And they read it more, and they go, okay, maybe.
	So where can they find you?
	Maybe there is.
	My channel is...
	Just YouTube user slash girlwriteswhat.
	I have a blog.
	It's got a bad name.
	That's right.
	It's called Own Your S Word.
	Owning Your S Word.
	But I don't post much there.
	I mostly just stick to my channel.
	And I also am a co-host with a team of people on a podcast called Honey Badger Radio.
	This is true.
	It's true.
	And that's available through YouTube as well.
	Okay, we have to go.
	But Karen, we want to have you back sooner than later.
	Last time it was too long.
	Because there's just always so much in the realm of feminism.
	And if you're going to talk about it, someone like Karen is probably the most informative and disarming person out there.
	Because she's abroad!
	Who expects abroad to say this?
	Louder with Crowder.
	We will be back with my wife to berate me for arguing with my doctor.
	Oh, hey, loud.
	Didn't see you there.
	What are you doing?
	Oh, I'm just relaxing and enjoying my 1978 Baldo, a fine beverage after a fine game of racquetball at the Wimbledon.
	There's no more quality establishment than the Wimbledon, you know.
	That sounds fun.
	I don't really know a whole lot about wine.
	That's why I go to simplifiedwine.com, or I just call their number.
	What's that number, Jared?
	844-297-WINE. Oh, where'd he come from?
	His voice aggravates me.
	I have him chained to a caravan.
	For simpletons like me who don't know a whole lot about wine, just what I like, it makes it easy.
	I either get to call, go to the website, talk with a sommelier, list what I like, what I don't like, my budget, and can have it shipped directly to my door, or gift-wrapped and sent to a friend.
	It doesn't get any simpler than that.
	Simplified wine, you say?
	I prefer more of a barrier to entry.
	I know you do, Lyle, but you're an elitist bastard.
	That's why for simpletons like me, I prefer simplifiedwine.com or just calling 844-297-WINE. Hey, Jesse Ventura here, former governor of Minnesota.
	The bot.
	People are talking about the debates as though they're the central issue of today's election.
	Where people are getting on stage and talking about foreign policy and talking about the economy and how many people are in the workforce.
	But this is all designed to be a distraction.
	To take your mind off the issues that really matter.
	Like fluoride in your cap. .
	Know the facts.
	I ain't got a thing to prove to you.
	I ain't gonna wear the clothes that you like.
	I don't give a hoot about what you think.
	Everyone likes to dance to a happy song.
	We are back.
	We're dancing to happy songs.
	Of course, excited.
	Good time.
	Let me tell you a story really quickly before we're going to play a new game and Jared's going to play it with me.
	Newest gender pronouns after this.
	We're going to educate you.
	My wife's going to be on after.
	And I want to tell the story.
	So this week with my knee, I had a bad knee problem.
	Emergency room, okay?
	Emergency room wasn't able to...
	Jared knows.
	And truthfully, thanks to Not Gay Jared and Courtney, because they allowed me...
	They actually planned ahead for me to have time off, but it came at a time when I needed it with this emergency.
	I mean, you saw me hobbling around.
	I was like Willow.
	What is it with midgets walking like that?
	I mean, can't they walk normally?
	I'm not sure what that is.
	I don't know.
	You know, it disturbs the rest of us.
	Things are like, it's like when rubber bands are a little bit too tight, like their muscles are just a little bit like...
	I don't know.
	If they gotta snip a couple so that we don't have to be uncomfortable at the jack-in-the-box, so be it.
	There's a pandemic of midgets, though.
	There's a pandemic of midgets.
	And yet you can't find one when you really need one.
	We tried to rent a midget for a video.
	And the place that was rentamidget.com or rentadwarf.com?
	I think it was dwarf.
	Well, they said we were going to use it for illicit purposes.
	Something like that.
	What else do you use?
	They turned us down.
	What else do you use one for?
	Their image...
	I don't know if we can bring this...
	Their image was a midget with a shamrock and a pipe dressed as a...
	As a leprechaun.
	A red-headed midget.
	A red-headed midget.
	That's the four-leaf clover of four-leaf clovers right there.
	I'm saying, if this is what you put forward, clearly they're not having him there to teach kids to stay off drugs.
	Drunk guys are having the midget around to yell leprechaun and have him dance.
	Unless you get the one with the cop uniform.
	Do they have a midget with a cop uniform?
	I don't know, but I'm sure they can come in, talk about...
	What was that campaign when we were kids?
	That's not a believable character.
	It is.
	I mean, certain birthday parties.
	But what was that campaign?
	Was it Matt?
	What was it when we were little?
	The cops would come in with the four-letter word.
	Was it MASH? No, what was it?
	DARE. DARE. Yeah.
	DARE. I forgot about it.
	Yeah, DARE. Do they have it anymore?
	That was under Reagan.
	I think that maybe they do.
	I remember in Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 2, a video game, he used to collect the dare, D-A-R-E, when he would play the game.
	It was a great game.
	It was a great game.
	Yeah, I remember that now.
	Kids just don't really believe that there's anything wrong with drugs.
	Anyways, it is a problem with midgets.
	What was I talking about before?
	Oh, so the doctor.
	So Jared knows I was hobbling around.
	And it took me...
	Tell me, tweet me at S. Crowder if this seems long to you.
	Emergency room, blow out of the knee.
	Sounds like a paper shredder.
	My coach is actually laughing because he thinks my pants have been ripped.
	And he walks over.
	Can't walk in the emergency room that Saturday.
	Okay?
	They can't get an MRI on me.
	They can't send me to get an MRI. They tell me to try and call some random orthopedic and hopefully I can get in.
	Thankfully, we had a screw-up where I was being sent to a shoulder doctor that I never needed anyway.
	We had some appointments.
	So I called them and said, hey, you're a shoulder doctor.
	Do you have a knee person?
	They said, yeah.
	So we were fortunate enough to have someone that Tuesday.
	Okay?
	So we go in.
	They say, okay, we'll send you to go get an MRI on your knee.
	So then they send me the following Saturday to get an MRI. So basically, between the total blowout of my knee, which I now know requires immediate surgery as soon as possible, to diagnosis for that knee was 11 days.
	Doesn't that seem pretty long?
	I mean, in Canada, that would be the six items or less.
	Fast food drive-thru.
	Yeah.
	But in the United States, that just seems really long.
	And so the first doctor I went back to, and Mark Ripeteau, Coach Mark Ripeteau, who wrote Starting Strength, sent me in with specific instructions.
	And he said, listen, if you have any ligament tears, don't leave there without surgery.
	Because if you can repair a ligament, you have to do it quickly.
	That way you don't need to.
	It's not going to heal properly with scar tissue.
	That way when you go down the line, you're going to have to get a cadaver.
	You don't want to do that.
	So go in.
	If there's a tear, do not leave without a form sending you to surgery, like, within the week.
	And I go in, and there is a tear.
	And there's a bunch of tissue for the doctor.
	And I say, what's all this gray matter on the MRI? Ah, you know, we don't really know.
	I think it's inflammation or something.
	I'm going, well, shouldn't that be something?
	He goes, well, here's what I know.
	I see your LCL ligament here, and I see it here.
	But I don't see it here, but there's all this gray matter.
	And he goes, and when I'm feeling your knee, I'm not feeling it there.
	So I think it's gone.
	I said, okay, so shouldn't we reattach it?
	He's like, no.
	Basically, he told me, do nothing.
	Okay?
	And I've had a bad knee since I was 19.
	He said, do nothing.
	And best case scenario, your knee might get back to where it was crappy to when this blew out happened in the first place.
	And so I started asking him all these, like, I was like, okay, this doctor is wrong.
	I knew he was wrong, because I said, what is this gray matter here?
	I don't know.
	He just told me he was puzzling over my MRI. He literally, no one had looked at that MRI until I was sitting on the, as Seinfeld calls it, the deli paper in the doctor's office in the waiting room.
	No one had looked at it, and he was just, and every time I asked him a question, he basically responded with, well, I'm a doctor, if you want to go with your friend's advice.
	So, and then before I leave, I go, hey doc, I go, hey doc, what's this?
	For those people watching, I have a ligament here in my clavicle that I don't have on my left side.
	Okay, so I just go, what's this?
	And he goes, oh, I don't know.
	I said, what's this?
	Here's a muscle on this side.
	There's not on this side.
	He goes, yeah, yeah, I see it.
	I have no idea.
	I've never seen it.
	I said, okay, that's right.
	Take a walk, doctor.
	Okay, you can't even tell me what this is.
	You can't tell me what the gray matter is.
	So, it turns out, I go to a different doctor.
	Thank God for my dad.
	We find this fantastic doctor.
	He brings me and he does all kinds of manual manipulation.
	Everything that Coach Mark Ripto told me, this doctor reiterated.
	He said, actually, you tore this ligament.
	The connective tissue is damaged.
	Here, that's the gray matter.
	I go, that's the gray matter?
	He said, that's the gray matter.
	I said, the gray matter is torn muscle tissue there, the papatias.
	I said, yeah.
	He said, and your PCL is damaged.
	I said, really?
	Because I asked the other doctor if their PCL was damaged.
	He said, yeah, it is.
	I said, okay, is there anything that I can do other than nothing?
	He said, yeah, we could reattach it.
	We could reattach it?!
	Literally everything the other doctor told me was wrong.
	Now the problem is with a ligament to reattach it, you've got two four weeks tops.
	Otherwise it heals with scar tissue and you can't reattach it.
	I have scar surgery.
	Scar tissue is rough stuff.
	Well, especially with a ligament.
	Especially, yeah.
	So anyway, long story short, thank you so much to Dr.
	Hedlund, but a second opinion sometimes is so important and you need to argue with your doctor.
	If you don't argue with your doctor, you're not equipped to seek treatment.
	The guy was wrong.
	Simply put, he was wrong.
	I'm the one who actually told my doctor, when I was like, I wasn't feeling well, I said, well, listen, I want you to run these tests.
	And he was running like, I don't know what he was testing for.
	I think he was testing for like cortisol.
	And I said, test my thyroid, test my testosterone.
	And that was what was wrong.
	He wouldn't have even thought to test it.
	So, do your education, get a good doctor, do your due diligence, and sometimes your doctors are wrong, just like someone gets it wrong on your car, right?
	How many times do you have a clanking, you go to repair it, and it doesn't get repaired, and then you go back in, some other mechanic says, no, this is what's wrong.
	Well, that's what happened with doctors, only it's your body.
	They're not always right.
	So, my wife was in the room, however, and she was very upset that I was arguing with the doctor.
	So, we'll bring her on after this segment to talk about it, and she can sort of speak her piece as to why she thought I was out of line.
	I don't think I'm out of line because I was right, but it's time to play a game.
	Game time!
	It's time to play a new installment in Lotter with Crowder.
	New agenda pronoun. New agenda pronoun. New agenda pronoun.
	Prepping all over my intense love.
	No science.
	None.
	So, Jared is going to take this.
	These are actual genders now.
	I guess technically they're not pronouns, but we had to make the song work.
	These are genders that you can find today.
	These are officially recognized by the feminist and social justice warrior community, the LGBTQAAIP community.
	That is the actual acronym.
	Tumblr's everywhere.
	Tumblr's everywhere.
	Jared, not gay Jared, is going to read me a gender from this list, and I need to guess it.
	It has to be a real one from the list.
	This list...
	I don't even need to make these up.
	Just for people to say, oh, you're being absurd.
	Remember how people got, oh, bestiality, you're just getting really silly.
	Listen, you're marginalizing people.
	This is a list of actual pronouns, of actual genders that will be recognized if you go to a Bernie Sanders rally.
	So...
	Alright, let's hit me with it.
	Alright, so, number one.
	Are we doing several?
	We're doing several.
	Okay, let's do several.
	Feelisgender.
	Feelisgender?
	Fellisgender.
	Fellisgender?
	F-E-L-I-S. S? Gender?
	Gender.
	Someone who has an uncharacteristically strong love for the show Felicity.
	No, a small cat-like gender, actually.
	A small cat?
	Oh, that makes sense.
	The feline.
	I should have known that.
	Okay.
	And we got...
	Number two.
	Media gender.
	Media?
	Media gender.
	M-E-D-I-A? M-E-D-E-I. M-E-D-E-I. Yep.
	Medegender, I think.
	Where do you get media from that?
	Are you dyslexic, too?
	Yeah, I do.
	Let's add that to your list of chronic problems.
	Oh, gosh.
	Medegender.
	No cheating, so you can tweet me at escrowder.
	Play along as we do this, if you're listening live.
	Medegender.
	Mayday.
	Someone who has a fetish for going down with the ship.
	Close.
	A magical, whimsical gender.
	We don't really know what it means.
	Well, it's Willow.
	It goes back to the midgets who hobble.
	Well, there we go.
	It's just a gender.
	People, they just like Willow.
	Now, here, this one would probably sound more like it's Seagender.
	Well, how long is this list?
	Because we don't want it.
	I just got like four.
	I got four.
	Okay, but how long is the actual list?
	Because we want to make sure we can continue to do this.
	Oh, the actual list can go on.
	We can keep going.
	For several installments?
	Several installments.
	We can just keep live streaming until next week.
	Okay, give me one.
	Seagender.
	S-E-A? S-E-A. Oh, well, that's easy.
	That's someone who wants to get freaky with a fish.
	No.
	A gender that is so deep and unknown as the ocean itself.
	It's a gender that is mostly incomprehensible, but slightly familiar in human terms.
	You learn something every day.
	That's not true.
	That's not real gender.
	That's right there.
	That's not a real gender.
	Tumblr said so.
	You know what that is?
	That's some kid who wants to sound important, or some chick who's not attractive who's trying to make guys interested in her, or a guy trying to make girls think he's complex.
	Well, it made the cut.
	Well, it didn't make the cut.
	I don't know.
	I think you're lying to me.
	Nope, nope, nope.
	You swear you're not putting me on with this.
	These are all real.
	Vapogender.
	Vapogender.
	Well, vaporizing is very popular now.
	E-cigarettes, vaporizing.
	Somebody who wants to be sexually stimulated by vapors, be they water vapors, or I guess water is the only vapor.
	A gender that sort of feels like smoke.
	I've been there.
	You've been there?
	One can see it and understand it on a shallow level, but if one tried to go deeper, it disappears.
	And one is left with no gender, only tiny whispers of the gender once thought it was.
	These are real genders?
	These are real genders.
	I thought there were like two.
	Well, I thought there were two unless you have a medical condition.
	Medical condition?
	There's male, female, you might be born with both.
	You've got a rough decision to make, my heart goes out to you.
	Alright, last one.
	Okay.
	This one goes a lot of ways.
	Video gender.
	Video gender.
	Well, okay.
	This one would seem obvious.
	How much time do we have left in this segment?
	We've got about one and a half.
	Okay, so we've got one and a half.
	Video gender.
	I really want to try and...
	Give me a couple of...
	So, the obvious one is someone who wants to get it on with a video.
	No.
	Okay, let me give it.
	So someone who is only interested in video chatting.
	That is the only way they want to have relationships.
	Video chats, webcam, not human relationships.
	I can understand that, actually.
	That's far too articulated.
	Agenda that feels too robotic technological to be classified in human standards notes.
	The common theme here is they just say anything and they say you don't know what it is.
	I think you're catching on.
	You're learning.
	You're learning.
	We're learning together.
	I'm sick of this game.
	This has been playing...
	Newest gender pronouns Newest gender pronouns Sweeping all over science and stuff We're getting really good with the music here at Lotter with Crowder.
	We are...
	We are a one-stop shop.
	I don't want to toot my own horn.
	Is it toot or tout?
	No one knows.
	I hear both.
	Alright, anyway, you said a minute and a half.
	How long do I have with this now?
	You've got about 20 seconds.
	Alright, well listen, anyways, we play that game to point out some absurdity to you, but the truth is this is reality.
	This is the world your kid is living in.
	And if you speak out against it, it's hate speech.
	You think it's hate speech today?
	Give it a few months.
	We'll be back after.
	With women.
	Real women.
	Stay tuned.
	We now return you to the town hall on CNN with Donald Trump and Anderson Cooper, who is clear.
	Yes, Mr.
	Trump, you never quite answered that question on Israel and Palestine.
	How would you handle that conflict?
	Okay, listen, like I said, how many people here are big on Israel or big on them?
	Right.
	I'm remaining neutral, okay?
	But let me tell you why.
	Okay?
	It's because I have so many people from both sides who love me.
	Okay?
	The Hebs, they love me.
	Listen, I work in New York, okay, right?
	We work with the Hebs all the time there in New York.
	They love me.
	I'm all the time.
	I'm out there.
	I'm buying Ganesh.
	Right?
	Everyone here know Ganesh.
	They come with a Ganesh eating machine.
	I'm buying latkes.
	Okay?
	I'm drinking their coffee.
	I'm buying their...
	You have to.
	If you're in New York, you have to do business with the heaps.
	But the one thing that nobody talks about, everyone knows how much the Jews love me.
	Okay?
	But the ragheads love me too.
	Okay?
	Nobody wants to bring that up because everybody else, listen, they're hated.
	Okay?
	Frankly, Ted Cruz, he's a nasty guy.
	He's a nasty guy.
	None of those towel-wearing, okay, browdies are going to like Ted Cruz.
	They're not going to work with them.
	They will cut a deal.
	I will tell you this, okay?
	If Donald Trump is president, the heaps, okay, and the ragheads, they're going to come together.
	They're going to make a deal.
	They're going to make a deal so great.
	You're going to say, why were the heaps and the ragheads ever fighting?
	Because I'm going to get along with everybody, okay?
	I'm going to get along with the heaps.
	I'm going to get along with the ragheads.
	I'm going to get along with the Packies and the Negroes.
	They all love me.
	Everyone loves me.
	I get along.
	This has been the Town Hall on CNN with Queer Anderson Cooper and Donald Trump.
	I'm Perry Mahalan.
	I'm Bernie Sanders, and I approve this message!
	In my travels across this country, I hear too many stories from Americans whom the system has failed!
	Thank you so much, Mr.
	Sanders.
	I love what you do so much.
	I was walking to my friend's house, and I fell on the sidewalk, and there was this guy there, and I accidentally fell in the sky, and his penis went inside of me, and so I got pregnant, and this mean Republican in my state wouldn't let me get a late-term abortion, and so now I'm pregnant, and I need you to pay for it!
	In a Bernie Sanders presidency, these Americans will be heard and Bernie Sanders will help them.
	Not good enough, America!
	And now it's time for your Dating Advice Minute with Bill Cosby.
	Thank you.
	Now this week's letter comes to me from Russell in Syracuse, New York.
	And he says, I got myself a woman and she wants to be with me.
	But when it comes to the boudoir, she doesn't want to do some of the weirdest stuff that I would like to do.
	Oh man, Russell, had this problem at one time or another.
	Sometimes you're jealous because you're just doing the same old vanilla and the person down the block has a Vietnamese sex addict and you're getting jealous like a jealous bee.
	Here's what you're going to do.
	You're going to light some candles.
	You're going to make a romantic outfit.
	You're going to make a romantic atmosphere.
	You got the women need to feel like it's an event.
	Create the event of the drugger and then you're going to move.
	This has been your Dating Advice Minute with Bill Cosby.
	I'm going to do the things that I want to do.
	I ain't got a thing to prove to you.
	I ain't going to wear the clothes that you like.
	I don't give a hood about what you think.
	Everyone likes to dance too.
	All right, I won't say that I'm thrilled with this next segment because I don't necessarily know where it goes.
	I love this woman with all my being, but she's coming on.
	Sometimes it's tough.
	Jared, you know this.
	He knows that two passionate people together, it's not quite the fairy tale that people think it is, but in some ways it's better, and then in some ways it's far worse.
	So, what does that mean?
	That means it is time to bring on...
	So, that means Mrs.
	Crowder.
	Mrs.
	Crowder, thank you for being in the studio.
	Hi, honey.
	Okay, good.
	And I can't believe you just introduced me with saying, and sometimes it's far worse.
	It is sometimes far worse.
	Okay, I talked about it, my knee.
	Well, first I have to tell you something, okay?
	I just gave Hopper a little chardonnay and he loved it.
	No, you didn't.
	Just a little sip.
	If you do that, they're going to come after us and say it's abusive animals.
	Okay.
	So don't.
	It was only one sip.
	Don't.
	Stop speaking.
	Okay.
	Stop speaking.
	That means my wife has also partaken.
	Hopper loves beer, for those that don't know.
	He licked the can of my beer thing one time.
	We can't leave it around him.
	He'll just go nuts.
	He'll tip it over and try and drink it for some reason.
	Hates blueberries, though.
	So, okay.
	I told you about the knee situation earlier in the program.
	And I went to a doctor, and I argued with him, and I was right.
	Mrs.
	Crowder, you take a different position, whereas I think that was a victory, because now I'm going to get my body fixed, and I went to a good doctor who took care of me.
	What's the problem?
	Well, here's the thing.
	I think that on one level it is a victory, because you are getting your body fixed, and I'm really happy for you.
	And I'm really happy for me, too, because I won't have a gimp husband.
	That's hate speech.
	So that's good.
	But I felt like I was prepping you.
	And I don't know if you kind of realized I was kind of like fluffing you.
	Okay, that's not what I meant to say.
	I was prepping you.
	I was prepping you.
	Do you want to go for something?
	I can't believe this is live.
	We can't go to commercial.
	We're syndicated.
	They're hard breaks.
	I was prepping you a couple hours before we went in by trying to suddenly say, you know, if you're really positive and really nice to them, I think they'll want to give you the best care possible and don't complain and go and be really positive about the care you think they're going to give you.
	The spider's back.
	The spider is back right now on my monitor.
	Do you see this?
	Can you see it?
	I can see it.
	I'm actually the spider killer in our household.
	They don't phase me.
	On occasion.
	We both share spider killing duties.
	Yeah, Stephen kills them sometimes.
	He hates them, but I'm friends to spiders.
	If I flick it, do you think Hopper will eat it?
	No!
	You're flicking it towards me!
	No, I'm going to flick it down towards his bed.
	Hopper will eat it.
	There you go.
	Okay.
	Now it's crawling towards Hopper.
	Ooh, his tail's wagging.
	So, yeah, we walked into the office, and I knew that my attempts had failed because...
	We walk over and the first person you start talking to is the receptionist and you're complaining about how long it took for them to see you.
	And I'm like, well, this isn't in her control.
	No, I asked her if it seemed like a long time, 11 days, to see a doctor and get a diagnosis on something that should have been operated on within that time.
	But then you also told, like, the waiting room nurse that.
	And then...
	And I think...
	I mean, I don't think you were wrong.
	Here's the thing.
	I don't think you were wrong at all.
	But I think you were setting yourself up for failure.
	Because I think that she then went in and whispered to the doctor, He's difficult.
	Because when the PA came in, I don't know if you picked up on this.
	I was already squirming with awkwardness in the corner.
	But the PA came in with the doctor and her face was beet red when she came in before they even said anything.
	So I felt almost as if she knew something we didn't.
	Do you mean when she walked in and said, yeah, we were just puzzling over your MRI? Because the first time I ever even glanced at it was before I came in there, which is why I was upset to begin with?
	Correct.
	I'm still not hearing at any point where I was wrong.
	No, no, no, you weren't wrong.
	But it was just a really...
	It was a really awkward experience if you're the wife or the onlooker because we sat there and Stephen debated with the doctor in a heated manner for, I'm not kidding you, probably 45 minutes as if the doctor was a Democrat.
	That's how intense you were in your debate.
	And there were moments there where I'm like, okay, maybe I need to step in.
	Maybe I should say something because I'm worried that the doctor is going to run for his life scared of Stephen because you're just so...
	You're so quick-witted.
	And then I'm like, all right, doctor's a grown man.
	Don't agree with it.
	But he didn't answer my questions.
	You're right.
	He didn't answer your questions.
	You saw it.
	He goes, this is healthy tissue.
	And then I go, what's all that crap?
	It's this giant gray mass, which we now know is torn everything.
	And he just said, I think it's probably fluid and ruptured tissue.
	I said, ruptured tissue?
	What's ruptured tissue?
	And he goes, and I said, well, what about reattaching the ligament?
	He goes, no.
	He goes, listen, I am a doctor.
	You can believe what your friend says.
	Or you can believe me.
	I'm going, well, I don't believe you.
	You're far more calm than you were in the doctor's office.
	Well, that's not true.
	I'm just saying he was wrong.
	I have every right to be pissed when it's my body.
	And the guy kept answering.
	He didn't give me an answer.
	He just said, well, I'm a doctor.
	No, but he was friendly.
	He was friendly, but he was a dumbass.
	No, you're right.
	But here's the thing.
	Dr.
	H, we'll call him.
	He could sense that you knew he was a dumbass, and that was the part that made my heart want to leave out of my chest.
	I wanted to jump out that window.
	Well, that wouldn't be completely ill-timed.
	You shouldn't do it.
	I want that doctor to jump out the window.
	He was a wrong guy.
	He gave me no hope.
	He actually said, I don't want to give you any hope because I don't believe in hope.
	That's what this doctor said.
	The doctor told his patient, I don't want to sell hope.
	No, but the way you said it was very poetic and not totally accurate.
	He didn't say, I don't believe in hope.
	He said, I don't want to sell you hope.
	Yes, he didn't want to.
	No, that was when you were talking about the...
	I was talking about all the other treatments.
	There are all the treatments.
	There's prolotherapy, plasma.
	I was saying, listen, Doc, I'm not saying that all of these work, but there's got to be something out there that works.
	And it turns out there's a lot that works.
	All right, we have to go to...
	Do you want to stay for one more break?
	I do.
	I want to tell everyone about your pimp cane.
	Can you say that one?
	Yeah, you can say pimp cane.
	Okay, we'll be back with Mrs.
	Crowder.
	Louder with Crowder.
	Stay tuned.
	We'll see you next
	time. . .
	Former Governor of Minnesota here, Jesse Ventura.
	The bod.
	You know, this left-right paradigm that's been fed to the American public, and this pop culture for profit, media-driven entity is designed to keep you in the sand.
	So that you don't focus on what's really mattering to Americans.
	Which Kardashians on which magazine cover with which ass.
	I'll tell you who the ass is.
	It's you, the American public, for letting the strings still being pulled on your ass.
	Know the facts.
	Hey, if you're listening to or watching this podcast, there's a strong chance that you are not yet following me on Twitter, at SCrowder, where I'm tweeting all day long.
	I'm ticking off the social justice warriors.
	You should see the amount of hate I get on there.
	Far, far, far worse than any Fat Sports Illustrated model or Black Lives Matter charlatan.
	So listen, it's free.
	You get to be entertained and you can chime in.
	Also, if you're following me on Twitter, you can send me your tweets and maybe you'll be lucky enough.
	And I mean lucky enough because I have a lot of followers, okay, that they call me the follower machine to have your tweet to me or not gay Jared included in our rockinest tweet of the week.
	So follow me on Twitter at SCrowder.
	If not, I don't want to say I have sights on your mother, but...
	Oh, she's dead?
	You're just saying that because I made a mom joke.
	No, she's really dead?
	well, you kind of walked into it.
	I'm Bernie Sanders, and I approve this message!
	In my travels across this country, I hear too many stories from Americans whom the system has failed.
	Thank you so much, Matthew Sanders.
	You are such an inspiration.
	I have been going to college, and I got in because I was 115th Cherokee.
	I failed all my applications.
	When I got in, I had a grant, and I went to college, but I was supposed to maintain a certain grade point average.
	And then what happened when I was going to take my test, I fell on a heroin needle, and so it went inside me, and I had heroin, and it caused a problem, and then they also, they said that I wasn't 115 Cherokee, which I didn't know when I filled out the application, and that combined with my GPA was a 1.4, but it was because of the heroin needle that I fell out on the sidewalk, and now they want to kick me out of school, and I can't be, and they're saying that because it was fraudulent, I actually need to pay student loans, and I don't want to pay student loans, and I need you to pay for it!
	In a Bernie Sanders presidency, these Americans will be heard, and Bernie Sanders will help them.
	Not good enough, America! America! America!
	All right.
	We have one more segment now.
	It's the wife with Not Gay Jared.
	Well, hold on a second.
	Let me introduce.
	She deserves her own music.
	Not Gay Jared doesn't ever get music because we get into the home stretch of this show.
	Whenever you hear this sound, you're about to hear the voice of an extremely tolerant person.
	She's a lady.
	Oh, oh, oh.
	She's a lady.
	Talking about that little lady And the lady is mine Mrs.
	Crowder!
	Mrs.
	Crowder!
	Mrs.
	Crowder!
	Crowder Mrs., thanks for being back.
	You're welcome for being back.
	Okay, this is what's happening with the Chardonnay.
	So I don't know if Stephen's told the audience, but tell them what you're using to walk around with.
	It's hardly a pimp cane.
	It's a pretty medical-looking device, but I'm walking around with a cane, yes.
	Well, first of all, I wanted to decorate the pimp cane for Valentine's Day, but, well, both lazy.
	We didn't do anything.
	Didn't happen.
	Yeah, that's true.
	But I will say, so we're at the movie theater the other day, and Stephen sees an old, like an 82-year-old man.
	It's not that I'm lazy.
	It's that I just don't care.
	Ooh, then I have to tell them about that nasty 82-year-old man on the airplane.
	Oh, that's a hilarious story.
	Okay, let's get this quick.
	Okay, so real quick, Stephen sees an 82-year-old man walking with a cane, and Stephen's hobbling with his cane, and he makes sure he hobbles extra fast so he can run up to the old man and tell them that they're brothers.
	That's not true, Jade.
	Or what did you say?
	Band of brothers.
	No.
	No.
	I said the brotherhood of the cane.
	You know this, Jared.
	You probably felt this when you were in some kind of, you know, your weird not-gay surgery and you had met someone else who shared common ground.
	No, I've never run up somebody and said I'm their brother.
	He had a cane.
	Because I really dig their cane.
	He had a cane and I had a cane.
	Truth is, he was faking it.
	He was walking.
	There was no tension on the cane.
	Like, you know, you can tell.
	Kind of like when a pimp is just walking.
	It's just for decoration.
	He was old and you knew he was just doing it to get sympathy.
	But maybe that's why he didn't respond.
	I didn't say brothers of Cain.
	I said brotherhood of the Cain.
	So it's been funny because as Steven's been a gimp, people don't know.
	They kind of think because they can't see an Inger.
	They just see him hobbling along with a cane.
	Most of them probably think this is some type of permanent ailment.
	And so I kind of think I'm getting one of two responses.
	If we're out somewhere and Steven happens to open the door for me with his gimp leg and I walk through the door, they think that I'm Satan's girlfriend incarnate.
	Not that Steven's Satan, but I'm a terrible woman because I'm letting this gimp open the door for me.
	I love how her negative comment about her is still an indictment on me.
	No, or...
	It's not she's Satan.
	She's Satan's girlfriend.
	Or if they just see us walking along on the street, they probably think I'm your girlfriend and that I'm a true saint for dating a cripple.
	Well, remember that guy at the brewery when we went there and I was just walking through?
	This is a true story, Jared.
	I know you usually think I'm in the wrong, but Hillary was there.
	And I just said, excuse me.
	And I just tapped him on the shoulder and he had a big winter jacket.
	And so he didn't do anything.
	So I just kind of walked around him.
	But the people who were out with us, they said that his wife said, sweetie, that guy was trying to get around you with the cane.
	And he said, well, that's his problem.
	It's like, how horrible do you have to be?
	America.
	Yeah, I would have just...
	I mean, listen, here's the thing.
	The cane is incredibly painful when I have the immobilizer, but when the adrenaline's pumping, you can make one go of it.
	And that jacket was just like a hook could have grabbed him.
	I had no idea that he even said...
	What a horrible person.
	Speaking of horrible people...
	My wife, Mrs.
	Crowder, came and told me this story.
	Have you heard this story?
	I heard it briefly from the other room, but I'm eager to hear it in the flesh.
	This is a true story.
	Honest to God.
	True story.
	Okay, Hillary, let's lay the groundwork here.
	Well...
	Why you're already laughing by the time the mic gets to you.
	Because I feel like you just set it up in a very dramatic manner.
	Well, listen.
	I've set a standard.
	Okay.
	Perform to that standard.
	Don't feel pressure.
	Rise above it.
	I'm going to perform to that standard.
	I'm going to perform to that standard.
	Just think of it like a sandwich.
	All right.
	So, I'm a good sandwich maker.
	It'll be excellent.
	It'll be excellent, just like my sandwiches.
	So, I'm traveling back from Phoenix last Thursday, and I'm in one of those dinky little planes where you have to walk outside and walk up a terrifying ladder.
	You can't say dink anymore.
	Peter Dinklage.
	It's a protected class.
	A midget-like plane.
	How's that?
	Hard.
	And you have to walk up a large ladder to get into the plane.
	And there's this girl that's about my age behind me.
	She's got a baby strapped to her.
	She's got all this luggage.
	So just wanting to be a decent human being, I offered to carry her bag and my bag.
	I'm carrying up the plane for her and just trying to do my best to help her out.
	So get up to the plane and opening up all of the luggage bins, trying to place both her bag and my bag, I notice that these geriatrics have filled the bins with their coats.
	So I say in a chipper voice, not sure who these coats are, but I'm just going to move them right across the aisle so I can make room for this young lady's bag.
	Move the coats.
	Three hours later...
	Here's the thing.
	The fact that what happens next is three hours later is pivotal.
	Three hours?
	Some 83-year-old man was chewing on this the entire flight.
	And for some reason, I find satisfaction in that.
	That's not normal.
	That's not healthy.
	Wait, wait, hold on.
	But go ahead.
	Hold on.
	Satisfaction for him or for me?
	No, no.
	Satisfaction for me to know how angry this man was.
	Oh, gosh.
	All right.
	Considering how horrible he is, at least I have considered a small moral victory that he had to live in his own personal hell in a flight.
	So go ahead and tell them what happened.
	So three hours later...
	We are exiting the flight.
	We've landed.
	You're getting exiting?
	We're getting off the flight.
	We're exiting the flight.
	And I'm grabbing this young lady's bag.
	And this 82-year-old man taps me on the shoulder.
	And he goes, you moved my coat.
	If you touch my coat again, I'm going to knock you to the ground.
	And so I start to like laugh a little and repeat what he's saying because I'm like surely he must be doing that weird old people thing where he's trying to joke and it's not funny.
	And he wasn't!
	He looked at me with a stone face and I knew in that moment that I was in danger.
	What did he do?
	He threatened to knock you to the ground.
	He threatened to commit a serious crime.
	This is what he did because he was too weak to knock me to the ground.
	He turned to this random woman next to me who he had barely no interaction with and he started telling her what a kind person she was and how great her children were on the flight.
	I think because he wanted to rub in my face what an evil person I was for touching his coat.
	Even though that lady hadn't done anything for the poor pregnant woman.
	Well, this comes down to the battle of the victimized classes.
	Is it the 82-year-old man or the pregnant woman who takes priority?
	Oh, gosh.
	I'm going to say everyone has to be old at some point.
	I'm going to say it's the woman because she has to be old.
	Pregnant woman.
	She has to be a woman, pregnant.
	She'll eventually have to be old, too.
	Hopefully not old and pregnant.
	No.
	That's like smoking and pregnant.
	You're talking about birth defects if you're getting old and pregnant.
	At that point you're just rolling the dice and it's just not a smart gamble.
	That was my cane falling.
	That's usually the sign of you beating me with your cane.
	Those wounds won't heal.
	She actually pointed at me with his cane today, and I felt like I was married to 82-year-old Steven.
	I pointed at you with my cane?
	Yeah, you were gesturing very adamantly.
	I don't believe that.
	Get over there!
	Sandwich!
	That being said, it's basically a glorified pointing device.
	It's perfectly functional for that.
	Is that what you're doing when you beat me down the stairs?
	Were you pointing me?
	When I beat you down the stairs...
	I have no idea what you're talking about.
	I would say pregnant woman.
	Still, this is a problem.
	Old people get a free pass sometimes, and sometimes they can be just as horrible and disrespectful.
	What does that mean?
	Five minutes?
	No, okay, we've got five minutes left.
	Alright, so, Mrs.
	Crowder, okay.
	In parting, and then we're going to send you off here.
	This happened.
	I'm glad you're fine.
	No old man pushed you to the ground.
	Oh, and then my Uber driver was smoking weed.
	No, he wasn't smoking weed.
	That's not a big deal.
	What it was was he was actually hotboxing when he picked you up.
	And I had a moment.
	Can I just tell you my moment?
	It was one of those moments, you only get a few of them in life, where you say, I've got 10 seconds to decide.
	What am I going to do?
	Am I going to sit with this driver and put my life in danger and probably be kidnapped and taken to his drug lair?
	Or do I offend him and say, sir, you smell like marijuana.
	I'm going to leave your car.
	No, he didn't smell like marijuana.
	The smoke was leaving the car.
	If a guy smelled like marijuana, you're in the wrong.
	If the guy was hotboxing the car as you originally told the story, he's in the wrong.
	I don't care what anybody says.
	They're like, oh, it doesn't impair your driving.
	Listen, I would not trust my life to someone who is currently smoking in a car.
	And I didn't.
	And I made the right decision.
	You got another Uber driver.
	Yes.
	Yes.
	Oh, I was going to say, why didn't I pick you up?
	Because I was a gimp.
	Yeah.
	Otherwise, I would pick you up.
	You know I always pick you up at the airport.
	Yeah.
	What do you mean, yeah?
	No, I'm just teasing you.
	Yeah, you do.
	Of course I do.
	Of course you do.
	No, Stephen actually is a really great husband.
	That's what I have to say to everyone that's listening.
	Why would you even say that?
	You come from a family who doesn't pick you up from the airport, and I always go out of my way to do so.
	I'm teasing you.
	That's just not fair.
	No, he does.
	He always picks me up from the airport, and that's something I really appreciate.
	And I'll pick my kid you up from the airport if yes.
	That's kind of the ultimate sign.
	That is true.
	All right, so you think I was right with the doctor.
	Again, it's a thing about tone.
	And I guess we can all agree at the end of the day that I was right.
	And I'm glad you were.
	You were wrong.
	I was right.
	And now my body will get fixed.
	And if I listened to you...
	I would be walking around with a damaged posterior collateral corner for the rest of my life.
	I am glad you went with your gut.
	Did you hear that?
	That's as close to an admission of being right.
	Give that mic to KJR. Thank you, sweetheart.
	Savor those moments.
	You heard that, right?
	The good thing is we have it logged as proof.
	That was...
	Of course...
	Oh, gosh.
	It's always hard to navigate this whole soundboard.
	She's a lady Oh, oh, oh She's a lady Bye, sweetheart.
	Love you.
	So, that was Mrs.
	Crowder.
	She's supposed to come on with a book review, but she's been reading really uninteresting books lately.
	You've heard her book review.
	It's usually like Chinese prison camps or like, you know, Scientology cult stuff.
	Lately, she's been reading about, I don't know.
	I don't even know what she's been reading about.
	It's not been worth reviewing.
	Well, we intend to not read about good things.
	She usually does, though.
	She really does.
	So just back to the normal, though.
	At least you're not in debt of good books.
	It's just being herself.
	Get back around to it.
	You know, one thing I like having a woman who has an opinion.
	I don't know why people...
	That's a big irony of feminism.
	They claim to be strong women.
	They wouldn't be able to handle my wife.
	Speaking of feminism, Fat Chicks and Sports Illustrated, we were talking about that this week.
	I got so much hate mail.
	Anytime you even question the health of a woman who's a size 18, 5'7", and say, listen, you know, maybe that's not the best life choice...
	People get mad and they tell you that they're big and beautiful.
	My problem is not with the plus size models in Sports Illustrated.
	It's the rejection of the market, of the free market, of what people want in order to push an agenda, an agenda that ultimately leads to a lot of problems.
	I mean, listen, obesity is a huge problem in the United States.
	Michelle Obama said that it's a bigger threat than terrorism.
	I don't know if I'd go that far.
	The only bigger threat than terrorism that I see is possibly your husband.
	Or Hillary Clinton.
	Well, I guess, you know, Hillary Clinton.
	Terrorism.
	At this point, who's to tell?
	You'd be surprised.
	So, we talked about that.
	There's a video up at ladderwithcreder.com.
	I don't think we have a whole bunch of time to get into it, but gosh, I can't believe this is the end of the show.
	Getting close.
	We're getting close.
	Gosh, Larry Elder, Karen Strawn, my wife, the head PR person for ISIS. I can't believe we snagged that guess.
	That was an impressive snack.
	Well, you know what?
	He won't admit to it, but he's actually kind of a fan.
	Oh, okay.
	It's kind of like when I used to watch...
	He was kind of eager to get on, kind of connect with the tweets.
	It's kind of like when you and I used to grab the popcorn and laugh at Al Jazeera.
	You don't really agree with it, but you're going, my gosh, this is entertaining.
	Yes.
	And that's really what this program is about.
	Keeping you entertained.
	Keeping you informed.
	Loving you.
	Caressing your eardrums.
	We're not trying to assault it.
	We're not trying to blitz you with information and pomposity.
	We're trying to make love to your cerebellum.
	And educate you in a way that leaves you feeling good about yourself.
	Because you know what?
	You deserve it.
	And we give it to you.
	We're going to wrap this up in a nice bow.
	Lotto with Crowder.
	Stay tuned.
	Okay, business time. business time.
	Really simple.
	Some of you don't know where to find me.
	LouderWithCrowder.com.
	Half a dozen to ten articles every single day.
	Twitter.
	Follow me at SCrowder.
	LouderWithCrowder podcast on iTunes, SoundCloud, or any other podcatching device.
	YouTube.com slash Steven Crowder.
	Or you can type in Steven Crowder on Facebook and be one of the million plus fans.
	Or join the mailing list.
	There are so many ways for you to stay connected.
	You have no excuse.
	You have no excuse, just like you have no excuse for those roles that are just cascading over your belt buckle, you should be ashamed.
	Unless you're a lady, then you deserve a medal.
	Get her a medal.
	And now it's time for Hopper, the anti-social justice warrior doggo doing you a public service. - the anti-social justice warrior doggo doing you a public service. - You need to check your sex privilege stump!
	America thanks you, Hopper!
	This has been Hopper, the anti-social justice warrior doggo, doing you, America, a public service.
	All right.
	We were pantomiming that for those not watching the video live stream.
	You should, you should, or you should be ashamed of yourself.
	We're pulling into that home stretch, the end of the show, and we have this week some town halls going on.
	Donald Trump, Ted Cruz coming down to Marco Rubio.
	I guess by the next time we'll talk...
	South Carolina will have been determined.
	Will have been determined.
	I wonder, you can only wonder who will be dropping out next week as a result.
	Maybe?
	Who do you predict?
	Who do I think will drop out?
	Did Christy drop out?
	Yes.
	Yeah, right after he demolished Rubio on stage, dropped out.
	So the only people left, obviously, have Cruz, Trump, Rubio, Jeb, Kasich.
	Are those the only ones left?
	There's six.
	Is that six?
	Cruz, Trump, Rubio, Kasich, Jeb.
	That's five.
	Carson.
	Oh, Carson.
	Carson.
	I think Carson will drop out.
	I think Carson will drop out.
	Jeb is still going.
	I think it's just because he has the money.
	He has the money.
	Going and going and going.
	Him and Kasich.
	I don't think Kasich is going to drop out because he sees what he has now as momentum.
	Which is good for him.
	I think this is the most momentum.
	I think even he's probably pretty surprised at the momentum he has now.
	I want to see everyone dropped out except for Cruz, Trump, and Rubio.
	Even then, I feel like we're going to have to see Cruz or Rubio drop out in order to not nominate Trump.
	Yeah, but we're not there yet.
	They're not there yet.
	They're still battling for that spot.
	They legitimately could lay claim to, listen, I'm not dropping out.
	You first.
	And I don't blame them.
	It's not like a lot of these candidates who stayed in way too long and they knew there was no path to victory.
	I think a lot of Republicans have gotten greedy.
	I really do.
	I think it's a problem.
	And it's disappointing.
	You know, it really is disappointing.
	We talked about it.
	I would love to see Sanders versus Cruz just because I'd love to see that contrast.
	I do think that, like I said, I didn't go out.
	I was never going to canvas for McCain, for Romney.
	I certainly wouldn't for Trump.
	Probably not for Rubio.
	And I will say, you know, I can vote for a multitude of people on that stage.
	Cruz is the one person who, if you actually look into his record, though, You know if someone would attack you if you had a cruise bumper sticker, it would be because of something conservative.
	What about the fact that he doesn't want to attack the rich more?
	Yes.
	What about what he said about Social Security?
	Yes.
	What about what he said about same-sex marriage?
	Yes.
	Whereas with Romney, they could bring up and say, well, he's inconsistent.
	He's a flip-flopper.
	You know, if it's Rubio, they're going to say, well, what about the Gang of Eight?
	See, they don't even believe it.
	If it's Trump, they'll say anything Trump's ever said.
	I feel like half people throwing out Gang of Eight don't actually really understand anything about it.
	No, I think on the Republican side they do.
	On the Republican side, but I'm talking about people on the other side, though.
	It's one of the things I feel like if you're not really informed on it, you could still kind of not really understand it, but kind of use it as a talking point that you're not really sure where the heads and tails of it is at.
	I don't know.
	The grammar that you just used was so offensive.
	It's all good.
	It's the internet.
	It says YouTube.
	I'm connecting with YouTubers.
	You're connecting with YouTubers, but we have radio stations that syndicate us, of course, at our wonderful home station, Wham!, and they're going to hear this, and it's going to be like nails on a chalkboard.
	It's okay, because they like me more than you.
	You know you don't end a phrase with that.
	They like me more than you.
	No, they don't.
	Everyone likes you more than me.
	What does that mean?
	Everyone in Germany liked Hitler more than the other guy.
	It's a horrible argument.
	Where do we get from me to Hitler so fast?
	Well, it's an easy parallel.
	So fast.
	It's not an unexpected parallel.
	You're short.
	You got any German in you?
	You have any German in you?
	No, not recently.
	Not recently.
	That's going to start some rumors.
	So, listen, here's my problem this week.
	Same thing with the Pope.
	Same thing with the Sports Illustrated fat issue.
	Same thing with the draft issue.
	What's the takeaway?
	My problem isn't with any individual person.
	My problem is with being told exactly what to think.
	You should find all people beautiful.
	I don't.
	You shouldn't talk this way about the Pope.
	I will.
	You shouldn't speak that way about the draft.
	You should support women in combat.
	I don't.
	You know, as Woody Allen said, I just have a general problem with authority.
	There's nothing wrong with that.
	Look, having a problem with authority, you have to be respectful of authority.
	That doesn't mean that you don't fight authority.
	It doesn't mean that you don't question authority.
	And that's a big defining difference between the ideas of conservatism versus liberalism.
	Now, I know it's funny to joke about how I'm a jackass and not gay Jared and my wife call me Larry David, but look at that with a doctor.
	Good example.
	I went in and I thought he was wrong.
	Now, I don't do this all the time with a doctor.
	I have a good family doctor.
	I usually go in and most of the time I've done what they've said.
	But when I went in and this doctor...
	I clearly wasn't very interested to hear what I had to say when I said, what's this on the MRI? And he said, it's probably this.
	Shouldn't you know?
	He said, well, listen, I'm a doctor.
	I do this all the time.
	I said, well, if there's a tear in the ligament, shouldn't you know how bad it is?
	It doesn't really matter because we're not going to do anything anyway.
	And then I go, I didn't trust him.
	There should be a mistrust of authority.
	Now, was I a little bit of a jerk?
	Maybe.
	Maybe.
	The point is, because of my inherent distrust for blanket authority, now if he'd have said, hey, listen, you know what, I can't answer that question, but let me send you to someone who can.
	That's where I really have a lot of respect for someone.
	Someone who recognizes where they are not an expert and they're willing to delegate.
	I mean, that's what Henry Ford talked about.
	That is a sign of somebody, not necessarily of the utmost intelligence, but certainly leadership.
	And you saw that with George W. Bush.
	He made a lot of scripts, but he appointed brilliant people.
	Because of my distrust of authority.
	I went to another doctor.
	I went for a second opinion.
	And guess what?
	He said, you should have been in surgery like yesterday.
	We're rushing me next week into surgery.
	I'm going to have a knee that I've probably not had since I was 19 when I first injured it.
	We've talked about that injury.
	And you know what?
	I came home.
	I was really happy because I finally had hope.
	And that all came from not being told what to think.
	You don't have to be right.
	You just have to be questioning.
	You just have to be thinking and finding the right people.
	And that's what happened.
	And that's what the vetting process should be with anyone running for president, with anyone who's currently in office.
	Don't allow them to tell you what to think.
	You should find this woman beautiful on this Sports Illustrated cover.
	No.
	You shouldn't talk this way about the Pope.
	No.
	You shouldn't disrespect the president.
	No.
	Think for yourself.
	Avoid the groupthink.
	Sometimes you get great results.

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