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I'm a policy wonk.
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Hey everybody, Dan here.
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Hi, I'm Jordan.
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Hey, how's it going, buddy?
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I am also here.
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I just wanted to take a quick little moment to give you a little bit of a heads up that we are taking this Friday off from an episode, but we will be back on Monday.
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There's just so much to get handled in terms of the move.
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Moving is nuts.
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Yeah, I mean, a lot of it I was able to take care of and gradually do, but there's, you know, you always get blindsided by various things, like so much...
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So many accounts to move over, like utilities and stuff.
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It's a lot.
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So I'm just going to take a one-off me day here, but we'll be back.
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Absolutely.
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I think that's a great idea.
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You should definitely take the day off.
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It pains me.
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And for God's sakes, clean off your soundboard.
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For God's sakes, get that compressed air for once.
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You're a dick!
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Damn it!
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Tell me what to do with my soundboard, because if you do...
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Damn it!
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Don't tell me what to do.
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In the move, I'll dust that stuff off.
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It pains me.
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I wish we could do a stupid episode.
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We'll be back on Monday and everything.
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Thank you to everybody who's been so supportive and kind about...
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Telling me to take a week off.
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And just people being excited for the new place and the new pet.
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Yes, we are all very excited.
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The new animal friend.
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Which I think I've made a decision on which will be forthcoming.
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Ooh, now you're teasing?
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I'm not teasing because I haven't fully made this decision, but I'm leaning very heavily in one direction that will actually shock the world.
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The announcement will come.
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Shock the world.
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Yes.
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Anyway, the Seltzer website has been updated.
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Ooh!
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Here's something we can do.
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What's that?
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What's that?
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I know people love my food reviews, so let's do a little bit of a food conversation.
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Okay.
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All right.
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What do you got?
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I had two foods.
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Two foods.
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I tried this last week or so.
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Good and bad.
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No.
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Well, I don't know.
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Maybe.
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I expected both to be terrible.
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Sure.
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One.
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Yes.
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Pop-Tarts.
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Pop-Tarts.
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Which kind?
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Fruit Loops.
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Fruit Loops?
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Get the fuck out of here.
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I found a single pack at the corner store.
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There shouldn't even have been that many.
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I agreed.
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I don't like Pop-Tarts to begin with.
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I think they're trash.
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I hate them.
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I think they're a bad way to have food delivered to your mouth.
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I think most of them are glorified candy or whatever.
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Those ones that are like fucking hot fudge sundae.
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Yeah, I know.
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They're bananas.
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Although I will eat those for dessert, maybe.
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Cinnamon brown sugar is the only way to go.
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As a breakfast, no good.
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Maybe a s'more.
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Fruit punch.
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Fruit loops.
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Super crazy, though.
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I can't resist the call of that.
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Yeah, your addiction to novelty is beyond me.
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So I grabbed them and I heated them up.
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I expected it to be terrible.
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How'd you heat them up?
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Toaster?
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Toaster oven.
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Toaster oven?
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Toaster oven.
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And then I did what I always do with Pop-Tart to just cut off the edges because it's too much of the pastry and it's gross.
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So got rid of those edges.
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That's a detail I didn't know about you.
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What?
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Did I cut the edges off of Pop-Tart?
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It's too much of that gross pastry.
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No.
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No.
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Not eat that.
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So I cut the edges off.
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Really good.
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Really good.
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I hate to say it.
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Really good.
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Well, I mean, not really good.
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I don't want it for breakfast, but it was shockingly close to Froot Loops.
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Yeah.
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Really?
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Because the flavor of the inside, the filling...
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Was gooey?
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Yeah, but it tasted like a Froot Loop.
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Right.
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And then because of the frosting on top, that recreated the sort of sugary vibe of the Froot Loop.
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I thought it was very accurate to a Froot Loop.
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Really?
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And I felt really ashamed afterwards because I was like...
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Oh, you guys nailed it.
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You sat out to make a Fruit Loop Pop-Tart and you did.
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Gotta give it to you.
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I gotta give it up to those Somali pirates.
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Very accurate.
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See, I don't like that.
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I don't like transforming texture.
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I don't like the same taste turning into a different texture.
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I need the taste and the texture to match up.
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If I taste a Fruit Loop, it better be crunchy.
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I can't have it turn into chewy.
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I don't disagree with you as a whole, but I went in expecting garbage and it wasn't that bad, so I applaud them.
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Perfect.
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Second thing.
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Second thing.
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New Oreo on the scene that I found.
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Tiramisu.
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Tiramisu Oreo?
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Who are these people?
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They're crazy.
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Where are we coming from?
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So here's what happened.
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I thought this was very exciting.
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Yes.
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I got it home.
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Grabbed one of these Oreos out.
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Yeah.
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As I was eating it, I realized I don't think I've ever had Tiramisu.
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You don't think you've ever had Tiramisu?
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No.
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I don't think so.
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Really?
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I thought that I had.
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Never?
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Not at a wedding?
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I don't think so.
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Not at somewhere?
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Not that I can remember.
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Okay.
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Did it taste like a tiramisu?
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That's the question I can't answer.
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Did it taste good?
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Not great.
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Tastes fine.
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Well, that's about what a tiramisu tastes like.
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Kind of coffee-ish?
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Yeah.
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Is that the vibe of a tiramisu?
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Basically.
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Yeah, okay.
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It's not great.
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No.
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No.
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Nobody's ever been like, God, I need a tiramisu right now.
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I have heard that from people before.
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When?
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It's been a while.
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Yeah.
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God, I need a tiramisu.
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It's 4 a.m.
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I just got out of the bar.
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I just need a tiramisu right now, guys.
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For a cannoli.
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Yeah, it was a really interesting experience for me to have that realization mid-Oreo that I haven't had what this is pretending to be.
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You have no frame of reference for it.
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No, certainly not.
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Could be dead on, could be alive.
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I could give the middle finger to the Swedish Fish Oreo because I've had Swedish Fish before.
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I'm aware of what that's going to be.
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There's a Swedish Fish Oreo.
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Oreo?
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Yeah, I made you eat one.
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Oh, that's right.
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It was a ways back.
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Wow, yeah, no, you're right.
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Or what was the other one?
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The one that had like Pop Rocks in it.
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Oh, that one was gross.
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I enjoyed that.
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You liked that one?
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I like Pop Rocks.
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I don't like Pop Rocks.
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Okay.
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I don't like Pop Rocks alone.
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Right.
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Incorporated into something like an Oreo, it's pretty exciting.
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No.
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Pretty exciting.
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Pop Rocks is just a sprinkle that pisses me off.
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Okay.
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It's an aggressive sprinkle.
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It's an aggressive sprinkle.
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So here's the deal.
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Yes.
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Fruit Loop Pop-Tart.
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I don't even know how to rate these.
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I would say what it is is it exceeded my expectations and pleasantly surprised me.
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And if I were giving advice to people who are trying to find like weird novelty food.
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Sure.
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If you're interested in that, give it a shot because it does not disappoint.
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Okay, good.
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If you really like tiramisu.
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Uh-huh.
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I don't know.
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Try one.
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Maybe it's like tiramisu.
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I couldn't tell you.
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If you don't like tiramisu, maybe try one.
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It doesn't taste like tiramisu.
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Who knows?
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I have no idea.
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Maybe it tastes like a regular Oreo with a little bit of coffee.
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Maybe.
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I don't know.
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Anyway, this has been my novelty food review.
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And Jordan, if you didn't enjoy that...
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You're a jerk!
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We've got to get out of here.
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Yeah, we do.
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So we'll be back, but thanks for your patience, everyone out there.
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We really appreciate it, and once we're all settled in, everything will be so spectacular, and there will be a new pet, and we'll talk to you soon.
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Right?
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Yes, we will.
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Okay.
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Andy in Kansas, you're on the air.
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Thanks for holding.
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Hello, Alex.
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I'm a first-time caller.
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I'm a huge fan.
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I love your work.