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June 25, 2025 - Jim Fetzer
11:25
"Pizzacaust" Can They Make 6 Million in 5 Years?
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Good morning, America.
As the great noticing dawns upon us, we want to know: can you really bake 6 million pizzas in five years?
I doubt it.
Erica, take it away.
Chloe and Michael, good morning.
To put that into perspective, that's over 3,000 pizzas a day every single day.
The question isn't just can they do it, but how?
We can't do it.
It's impossible.
How dare you even ask me to make 6 million pizzas?
We don't even have a chimney.
Well, they really got their work cut out for them.
If I were them, I would just lie and say they did it.
Right.
Let's go live to the manager.
Possible.
There's only 505,000 pizzas in this whole country.
You expect us to bake 6 million?
No way.
We're live in the kitchen watching this crew frantically load pizzas into the ovens.
This isn't possible.
They won't hit 6 million.
And even if they could, the Russian spot down the street did 62 million from 1917 to 1987.
We hear you're writing a diary about the pizzas.
How's that going?
This isn't what it looks like.
Ooh, he might have been trying to forge that.
Right?
I say just make it mandatory in every school and people will think it was real.
I heard they have enough red sauce to make like 271,000.
Not I. My question is, how are they supposed to retrieve the pizzas from the ovens?
That makes sense.
There's no ventilation.
How do they get their pizza?
How do they get their pizzas out?
Just a weird pizza cost.
The only problem with this restaurant is they don't have a chimney, so it makes going into the kitchen and retrieving the pizzas a difficult task.
In other news, if you haven't followed Jake GTV yet, you might be a total loser.
Certainly not based.
Most likely, retarded.
Welcome back to Jake GTV News.
Tonight we go live with the people controlling our media and banks.
Just kidding.
That's anti-Semitic.
Back to you, Steinberg.
People say we control the world.
What they don't realize is we actually do.
Well, there you have it.
Noticing is antiseptic, folks.
Back to you, John.
Crazy conspiracy theorist.
They'll believe anything these days, right?
If only JFK kissed the wall, he'd still be here.
Don't get us canceled now.
Let's see what's going on in Hollywood.
So what's the goal behind this film?
To push Satan, normalize gender confusion, and celebrate sin.
The younger they learn, the better.
Stunning and brave.
Back to you, Erica.
Truly inspiring stuff, Shapiro Steen.
My executive producers just told me to share the real reason for society's downfall.
Take a look at this.
This is the real problem.
Too much joy, too much tradition.
We'll fix that, have one pride flag and fractured home at a time.
Well, you folks sure know how to dance, almost like you knew the towers would fall.
Oops, I'm probably fired for that one.
Tell them the rest, Vanessa.
Remember when Silverstein bought terror coverage six weeks before the towers fell, then got the largest payout in history?
We're definitely getting fired.
But hey, now you know.
Breaking news, it turns out that the people carpet bombing the innocent are actually the good guys.
Just kidding, that would be retarded.
Let's go live to Steinberg.
So you're saying they have weapons of mass destruction again?
Exactly.
It's the same excuse we've used since the towers fell.
Not much has changed.
Here's what we're going to do.
We're going to get PTSD from hurting the innocent.
Then we die for the chosen people.
Let's go.
We shouldn't be here.
This non-chosen sand person lost his home and family just hours ago.
But Israeli military officials say this is God's plan and questioning it is antiseptic.
Please stop!
I hear they're building a new restaurant in Tel Aviv.
The chef prepares an amazing foreskin salad.
This is where I will cook my foreskins.
Imported directly from the Adrenochrome factory.
I've never tried the foreskin salad.
Sounds satanic.
Right.
Probably part of their Talmudic beliefs.
Right.
Shapiro Stein.
I missed 2001 back when we all blamed the same people.
Today, everybody notices.
This is why we do false flags.
We go live to the dancing Israelis.
These people really know how to dance, but the real dancers are on the roof.
We're following these guys up to the top floor.
No clue what's going on, but they're moving fast.
Yo, check this out.
We are God's chosen people.
Breaking news out of Times Square.
Officials say they found a Muslim passport in the debris.
It was the Jews.
Sir, are you okay?
I'm sending my son off to Iran tonight.
You saw it from your apartment?
Yeah.
Right over there.
They were just dancing.
It didn't look right.
Wow.
We better go fund that.
Right?
It feels good to personally fund the most grotesque acts of violence.
Back to you, Dennis.
Anyways, follow my boy, Jake GTV, if you're not retarded.
Breaking news, George Zoros is funding the new Ice Fest.
Okay, that's exciting.
We go live to the propaganda.
Sir, what exactly are you protesting here today?
I don't even know why we're yelling, but I think chaos is good.
What's wrong?
I watched the news.
It said people are being taken from their homes.
Do you know anyone personally affected?
No, but my friend's, uncle's, distant cousin's friend.
We're here to get impressionable youth to come cause chaos.
Why are you out here today?
They're taking people from their homes.
Where'd you see that?
The news.
Go watch the news.
We are the resistance.
The news said so.
Grab a rock.
Good thing there's pallets of bricks and a conveniently placed pile just dropped off for protesters.
Here's the thing about people being illegal.
Illegal should be legal.
We don't need laws.
What's good, Foo?
You want to catch a fade?
I'll mess you up right now.
How fun.
Reminds me of the Floyd Fest.
Perfect distraction while the so-called Semites cause unrest in the Middle East.
Right.
More propaganda.
Good one, John.
Shut it down or I'll shut it down.
In other news, we were promised this land thousands of years ago.
Bergstein, take it away.
Thanks, Deinowitz.
Remember, people, they are the bad guys.
Trust me.
These people are an absolute cancer.
Truly going to be the end of the human species.
That's anti-Semitic.
Brittany, you better watch your tone.
Oh, yeah, I almost forgot they fund the news.
Exactly.
Back to you, Dennis.
You guys make a good point, bit out.
My producers tell me to distract people with chaos so they don't notice who's actually starting World War III.
Why are you out here today?
Because if you come here illegally, you deserve to be here.
Like, illegal activities shouldn't even be illegal, dog.
Well, this is a perfect way for the government to unleash martial law.
Get ready for FEMA camps, folks.
Dennis, take it away.
In other news, if you haven't followed Jake GTV yet, you might be a total loser.
Certainly not based.
Most likely, retarded.
It's June.
Pride Month.
It's also Men's Mental Health Month.
But no better time than now to let your junk hang out at the parade.
Jackie joins us live at the Pride Fest.
We're here live at Identity Fest, where sausage parties meet Scissor Central.
Today I'm a Pan-Dimensional Soul Fox identifying as a pansexual.
Stunning and brave.
Back to you, Erica.
What a powerful way to honor men's mental health month by not mentioning men at all.
That's right, Erica.
In other news, parents who don't give their kids puberty blockers are going to jail.
We go live to Tammy reporting from the front lines of mental illness.
We're here with a parent who listened to the Jewish community.
What inspired this journey?
He said he wants to be a girl.
That's so courageous.
Wow.
That's not gross at all.
No, it's really not.
And now for the weather.
Artificial clouds forming over the Pacific, heavy aluminum particulates incoming with scattered bursts of direct energy interference.
Could be another Lahaina.
Stay alert.
Wow, climate change is wild today.
Good thing Newscomb emptied the water reservoirs.
Wouldn't want people putting these fires out.
Come back to Jake GTV News.
average american can't figure out why they feel like absolute trash we go live to a triple boosted science truster who says It's just genetic?
Yeah.
Literally, I never eat red meat.
I switched to seed oils only because, duh, health.
And here I am.
We're here with a man who's just glowing from head to toe.
Sir, what's your secret to your health?
Statins and blood pressure meds.
Hold up.
I'm about to have a heart attack.
What's your secret?
Just avoid the sun.
I have skin cancer.
That's why I do this.
Good thing they listen to their doctors.
Not much more they can actually do.
True.
Let's thank Big Pharma for being the main source of funding of all of our propaganda.
Sponsored by Pfizer, the largest criminal organization to ever do it.
We promised to take the red dye out of the Skittles.
Oh, thank God.
Red dye was the real emergency.
Let's not talk about the other colors, the fluoride, the chemtrails, and the deadly mRNA altering our DNA.
Back to you, Jenny.
Thanks, John.
We're here at the local 7-Eleven and want you focusing on what's in the candy.
And this way, you won't notice the rising autism and heart disease in children.
Well, autism in child heart disease isn't that big of a deal.
It's not like the jab causes turbo cancer or anything.
Jessica goes live to find out how to prevent it.
How are we going to prevent cancer?
Do you know how much commission I make off chemo treatment?
Next question.
What's the best way to stay healthy in today's world?
The key to getting healthy is lowering your cholesterol.
Trust me, I'm a doctor.
Look, just trust your fat doctor.
He once watched a one-hour lecture on nutrition.
Hate Kanye.
Love communism.
Get vaccinated.
Doubt is dangerous.
Obedience is strength.
Erica, back to you.
We're here at the Children's Hospital Torbla, and we still don't know what causes cancer or autism.
Thanks, Jackie.
If only we knew what was causing everyone to get so sick.
In Other NewsWet, trans women are women, and I just got vaccinated.
Hey, nothing to see here.
Anyway, make sure to get your flu shot and stop being anti-Semitic.
Doctors are smarter than you.
Breaking news, asking questions might be an early symptom of anti-Semitism and being extremely basic.
How fun.
Right?
Dennis, take it away.
Last time I noticed, I almost got JFK'd, if you know what I'm talking about.
Those people are making society fake and gay.
We go live with a homosexual at the bop house.
How does it feel to listen to the Jewish community?
I'll never have a real relationship.
Self-love, baby.
Love it.
We go live to the founders of OnlyFans.
Just because we founded OnlyFans, Tinder, and all the major corn sites, Hollywood, Epstein, whatever, were good people.
Everything they said about us.
Yeah, it's true.
Yeah, it's true.
Tunnels, 9-11, surveillance.
According to the Talmud, Jesus is burning in feces.
Wow.
That's not satanic at all.
Later tonight, we reveal the entire Epstein list.
Bert, take it away.
Imagine siding with Jesus' murderers and calling yourself Judeo-Christian, right?
Not me.
It's almost like their father is the devil or something.
My grandparents were in the Pizza Cost.
Shut it down.
We're live.
Nobody said you weren't good people individually, but you know you guys don't belong in a healthy society.
Just ask the rabbis.
One of my favorite verses, a Jew can violate but not marry a non-Jew.
That's Gadshas 2.2.
That's a fun one.
Tospoth Yebimoth, 98A.
If you eat with a Gentile, it is as if you have eaten with a dog.
Here's a good one.
Babakama 113A.
Jews may use lies to circumvent a Gentile.
We may have done the whole Epstein thing, but I don't want to teach that because it would be antiseptic, you know?
I'd rather teach them about the pizza cost and victimhood.
Our producers just informed me that we can't release the Epstein files in fear of a rise in anti-Semitism.
They're always the good guys and such victims, right, Randy?
Correct, Ching Chong, but my name is Randestein.
Well, that makes sense why they're always changing their last names.
Wouldn't want us to know who funds the wars and open borders.
Funny, we still call them our ally.
Good point, Todd.
Normally, ally means friend, but in this case, it means the synagogue of Satan.
Thanks, Jackie.
And it turns out, if you haven't followed Jake GTV yet, you're probably a total loser.
Certainly not based.
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