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Oct. 8, 2020 - Jimmy Dore Show
01:05:49
20201008_TJDS_20201008_Podcast
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Get ready for an outstanding entertainment program.
The Jimmy Dore Show.
Hello, this is Jimmy.
Who's this?
What the hell is going on?
Is this Al Pacito on the phone?
I don't even know anymore, Jimmy.
Up is down.
Down is up.
Am I Al Pacino or Frankie Valley?
Well, which one is it?
I'm going to go ahead and guess it's Al.
What's wrong, Mr. Pacino?
For my own mental health, I was taking a news break for about a month.
A break from the news.
Ever since I saw that dune horse shit, I said I can't handle this anymore.
And that's why I took a break.
But I finally turn on the news today.
What the hell is going on, Jimmy?
I gotta turn to you and Steph.
Okay, Al, we'll see.
The president got corona.
Yeah, yeah, he tested positive.
No!
No!
That's actually pretty funny, let's be honest.
Yes, yes, yes it is.
Fuck around and find out, as the kids say.
Just the thought of him quarantined alone in some hospital room.
No, no, no, he's back at the White House, Al.
What?
Why is he quarantined in a bunker down there somewhere?
No, he's walking around in the Oval Office and such.
What the fuck?
Yes.
Well, all right.
At least they hope no one else got sick.
Almost everyone has become sick.
Wait, because of the president?
Apparently, yes.
Holy shit.
Well, at least they can get back to work and get the stimulus passed before Congress adjourns.
No, actually.
No, actually, Al, he told Mitch McConnell to cease all efforts on stimulus negotiations until after the election and focus on getting his Supreme Court nomination approved.
Get the fuck out of here.
Stand up and walk the fuck out of your own garage, Jimmy.
I know, Al.
It's a lot to take.
Jimmy, I can't handle it.
Just try and calm down, Al.
Don't tell me to calm down.
I'm confused and frightened and hungry.
Mainly hungry.
I don't know if you know this about me or not, Jimmy.
I'm always hungry.
Right, right.
Do you have any pastrami?
No.
Son of a bitch.
Oh, well.
You know, I'm not really a conspiracy guy, but part of me is thinking maybe none of these people are sick at all.
They're creating a giant hoax because somebody's about to release damning financial information about Donald Trump.
Well, actually, just last week, the New York Times ran an article claiming that Trump has paid almost no personal income taxes the past 10 years and he's a hundred of millions of dollars in debt.
And the situation says some claim creates a national security threat.
Well, fuck me on top of old Smoky Mountain.
Whoa!
That was in the newspapers.
Yes.
Well, paint my entire new body in gold bait and lay me down on the hotel bed to die like that girl in Goldfinger.
And people are still, you know, they're still talking about this, I assume.
No.
Okay.
I can't do this anymore.
Too stressful?
No, I'm running out of outlandish ways to articulate shock and surprise.
I assume this could go on for a while.
Yeah, yeah, we could be here.
We could be at it for a while.
All right, I tell you what.
I'm going to go offline again for another four weeks.
So what would that be?
Wednesday, November 4th.
So just to pick a random date out of a half four weeks, we'll try this again.
And please, Jimmy, can you try not to blow my fucking mind, okay?
I can't really make any promises, Al.
November 4th.
Don't fuck this up.
Establishment media sets of August fighting.
So good luck.
Bullshit we can't afford.
Why is fomenting this?
Watch and see as the jack off.
The median speeds and jumps the medium.
And hits them head on.
It's the Chimitor Show.
Chimitor Show.
Hi, everybody.
Welcome to this week's Jimmy Door show.
Let's get to the jokes before we get to the jokes, shall we?
Hey, though, it's nice to know no matter how bad things get, there's always someone willing to go that extra mile and call you about your vehicle's extended warranty.
Hey, you know, Trump was released from the hospital Monday night.
This could only mean one thing.
That bastard Walter Reed was a Russian asset.
Waiting for Trump to leave a hospital has become the new empty podium.
The coronavirus, the coronavirus, could take out Trump's whole administration, and the Democrats would probably still lose.
Hey, you hear Kamala Harris is reassuring voters she'll handle a vice presidential debate like she would any prosecution by ignoring evidence and pinning everything on the poor yesterday.
President Trump agreed to sending every American another $1,200 stimulus check, but only if he gets to cough on it first.
True story.
Hey, I just endorsed your asking if there's anything more you can do for me after doing absolutely nothing for me skills on LinkedIn.
Hey, what's coming up on today's show?
Well, Donald Trump and Nancy Pelosi, who will work harder to not help the American people during the coronavirus pandemic?
The answer just may surprise you, or will it?
Hey, Obama shows his deep contempt for young voters once again.
And what are the reasons half of Americans don't vote?
Plus, Biden says we should believe science, and yet he still supports fracking.
A propaganda network funded by the U.S. and the U.K. has been exposed in leaked documents, plus phone calls from Al Pacino, Chris Christie, Liam Neeson, and Herman Kane.
Plus, a lot lot more.
That's today for the Jimmy Door show.
So, hey, here we go, everybody.
Hey, headline in Politico, half of Americans don't vote.
What are they thinking?
I don't know.
They're probably thinking whether they're going to pay rent or buy groceries.
That's what they're probably thinking, Politico.
Maybe that's our fake.
Maybe they're thinking that our fake democracy was bought and sold by special interests years ago.
Or honestly, it could be, I already voted an American idol, so I feel like I did my part.
I think that's probably what they're thinking.
Well, let's see why.
Let's see.
Let's look at it.
Let's take a dive.
The sheer size of the group, approximately 92 million eligible voters, make it potential, make it a potential wildcard in the 2020 presidential election.
So that's what we always hear us saying: 100 million people don't vote.
So I guess the exact number is 92, according to Politico.
We round up here at the Jimmy Dore show.
So there are 92 million people who are eligible to vote in America that don't vote.
Oh, my God.
And what did the Democrats do at their convention?
Did they reach out to those people?
No.
Who did they reach out to?
They reached out to Republicans, people who are already voting Republican.
That's what they're trying to get to vote for them, not the 92 million people who don't vote.
But remember, if Biden loses, it's the Green Party's fault.
Just remember that.
So, and the political world understood what keeps them away from the polls.
And more importantly, what might lure them to the polls in the first place?
In other words, if the political world was actually interested in governing, that's non-voters are an eclectic faction with distaked blocks that support Democrats and Republicans, but don't show up to cast their ballots.
And an even larger group that is alienated from a political system, it finds bewildering, corrupt, irrelevant, or some combination thereof.
Those are all nicer words than I use.
Those bewildering, corrupt, and irrelevant, I use irredeemably shitty.
These voting blocks are so large that when a campaign is able to motivate even a portion of one, it can swing an election, which may have been what allowed Trump to bust through the blue wall in the Great Lakes region in 2016 and Barack Obama to flip North Carolina, Virginia, and Florida and Indiana in 2008.
Boy, that blue wall, that must have been what kept Hillary out of those places too, the blue wall, right?
Remember?
Is that the real reason Hillary didn't go to Wisconsin?
She didn't have a boat that could cross Lake Michigan.
She didn't have a boat that could cross Lake Michigan.
The disconnected voter are less informed, intentionally not informed.
They're turned off from politics.
So in other words, it's a good chance they watch cable news.
Jimmy, don't you, though, completely understand being intentionally uninformed now?
Yes.
Like, I don't want to know what's happening.
I get it.
Half the time I these are people who are generally below the poverty line with a lot of job turnover and family disruption whose lives are busy living paycheck to paycheck.
You don't really have a lot of time to watch the news or to vote.
It's almost like this is by design or something.
It is justified cynicism and entirely rational distrust of participating.
Oh, come on.
What contemporary political system hasn't screwed working people over for 40 years straight and counting?
Come on.
When they have engaged with the system, when these non-voters have engaged with the system, it's screwed them.
Well, it's kind of screwed them over.
You go to the DMV to get your driver's license and you find out you have an old speeding ticket you can't pay.
You get hurt and go to the hospital and you get a really big bill.
You vote and your name will be on file somewhere and you're called up for jury duty.
Every interaction with the machine brings a hardship.
I like how they go, when they've engaged with the system, it kind of screwed them over.
Kind of?
Kind of screwed them over.
Yeah.
If you do vote, it might not be counted.
Or the candidate more people voted for doesn't win anyway.
Or there's super delegates.
They can hijack the vote.
Or somebody randomly flips a coin.
You know, any number of things could go wrong.
So when they engage in the system, the person who gets the most votes doesn't win.
Oh.
When they engage in the system, the person who gets the most votes loses on a coin toss.
Ugh.
When they engage in the system, the person who gets the most votes loses because of super delegates.
Ah!
Thank you.
I wonder why they don't engage more in this system.
Joe Biden, the rich donors, nothing would fundamentally change if he was elected.
Now, here's a message that folks can really get behind.
Can't say he's not just being honest.
Along with praise for the civility of racists, Biden assures donors no one's standard of living will change.
So if you wanted your standard of living to change, why would you vote for that guy?
You're going to be part of the intentionally uninformed.
If you can turn an 18-year-old on to voting, that person becomes a voter for life, says David Tharnborough.
The game the campaigns don't play, that's a game the campaigns don't play because it's a long-term payoff, not a short-term one.
If you can turn an 18-year-old on to voting, that person becomes a voter for life.
But we'd rather send them to the Middle East to go fight a war for oil.
We could turn them on to killing.
Hey, Just, what is it about Bernie Sanders that young voters love?
I don't know.
He offers them things.
The sheer quantity of information out there now is making it hard to be informed, according to Politico.
With the internet age, it's hard to tell what's the truth.
Even on television During the election season, there's one commercial after another, and they go back and forth, contradicting each other completely.
Unless you want to make it your life's mission to sort it all out, it's really hard to get a good opinion.
Okay, this is not a new phenomenon because of the internet.
We've never, it's always been hard to tell what the truth is because of the regular fucking news.
Do you ever read Manufacturing Consent?
Do any of these people who write who are journalists in America?
Have you ever read the seminal work on journalism in America called Manufacturing Consent?
No.
Who wrote this damn article at Politico?
Before the how about the Iraq War?
Was it easy to get clear information on the run-up to the Iraq war?
How was it easy to get information about Libya?
How about was it easy to get information about Syria and the gas attacks?
How about Venezuela?
No, you guys do the fucking bidding of the military-industrial complex every time.
It's not new.
This isn't new.
This is what you know what this is.
We need to start censoring stuff.
That's what that is.
It's so hard for me to figure out what's right and wrong.
Everybody gets to write anything they want.
Some of the reasons that people weren't voting was because they weren't being asked to vote, says Indiana University political scientist Bernard Fraga.
Campaign's job, campaign's job, is to convince people their vote matters and that they are part of something.
Well, how can my vote matter when there's no policy?
Well, how can your vote matter when you tell the guy that's asking for your vote to do something for you and he tells you, go vote for Trump?
That's what Joe Biden does repeatedly.
Go vote for Trump.
But my vote matters.
Go vote for Trump.
Joe Biden told me to go vote for Trump.
Or the other Biden.
Guess what Joe Biden's not doing?
Campaigning.
Guess who is?
Trump's campaign knocks on a million doors a week.
Biden knocks on zero.
Wow.
The diverging responses to COVID-19 could be a wild card in November, especially in close races up and down the ballot.
Is that a black person knocking at a door for Trump?
Is that what that is?
That's what they're alluding to.
You could see that Trump had gotten all these people who had never voted before and made them really feel like part of the process.
If you're the only person you know who's voting, you're not going to do it.
But at the Trump rallies, there was this forum where they were welcomed in and he didn't sneer at them or ask anything of them and they felt like a member or something.
Member of something.
They felt like a member of something.
Thank you.
Remember the enthusiasm?
This is what's called enthusiasm.
Thank you.
You think Joe Biden, that's going to happen for Joe Biden?
Hillary Clinton?
Kamala Harris?
Or any other walking death rattle that the Democrats throw on stage?
So that's why people don't vote.
Every time they engage in the system, they get screwed.
And if you read the article, which I wish I had handy, after 2016, the New York Times went to Wisconsin barbershops and asked minority voters how they voted.
They didn't vote for Hillary Clinton.
Of the people who voted for Barack Obama, none of them voted for Hillary Clinton.
Only half of them voted, and they wrote in their own names or somebody else's.
Oh, wow, Chris Christie's calling.
Hello?
You think you're sick?
Well, you ain't sick.
You don't know nothing about sick, understand me.
I got the Crowlerona virus thingy.
What do you got?
Nothing.
The coronavirus, not the Crowlearona.
What's the freaking difference?
I got it all control.
No worries, no problems, no case.
Then why'd they check you into a hospital, Chris?
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, fella.
Back up there, Mario and Ready.
Nobody checked me in.
I checked myself in.
Understand?
Nobody checks in Chris Christie.
Okay, but why?
I was experiencing mild symptoms and shit.
So the fuck what?
So the virus got you.
Although that tip squeaked, the virus didn't get Chris Christie.
Chris Christie gets a virus.
Understand?
Yeah, but the virus is attacking your body, right?
Wrong.
I'm attacking it.
I'm bearing down on that virus like he was coming from my nachos.
He doesn't stand a chance.
Fuck a virus punk with his weird, puffy hair.
Get the fuck out of my face.
I'm going to kick that virus's ass.
You don't sound so good.
No, you don't sound so good.
I'm fine.
Just got some MM stuck in my throat.
Don't you worry your short self about me.
I'm just waiting for a special precaution because I got the asthma.
You didn't have asthma.
I do.
You don't.
Were you wearing a concealed oxygen cylinder when you left for the hospital?
Nah, nah, completely wrong.
That was my strap-on Velveeta pump.
I wear it on my left side to look semitical with the role of popping fresh muffin dough tape to my right side.
So with that rare occasional when I'm trapped somewhere without proper egress to stacks, I prepare for the worst.
Jesus Christ.
It's just that we're all worried about you, Chris.
Oh, that's funny.
Because I'm worried about you.
Because you have the best medical minds of Jersey catering to every needs.
You've been hospitalized four days now.
Are you improving?
Initially, we had a setback.
I was forced to demand a battery of new tests after testing positive for broccoli.
Are you currently on any special medications?
I don't want to get into personal details, but I'm currently getting administered one of them experimental fruit cocktails.
I'll be out of here with no time and back coaching Donald Trump for the next debate.
I thought Trump, how to keep interrupting Biden to make him look even more like a doddering ambecile than he already is.
What was your technique?
I'm not at liberty to tell you my technique, but I can tell you exactly how I did it.
Okay, you try to tell me what my problem is, and I'll interrupt you like you was a dumb old man and shit.
Go ahead.
Okay, your problem is you never tell the truth.
That's what you think.
I'll tell you what your problem is.
Your problem is I ain't got no problem.
You think you know my problem?
I'll tell you what your problem is, and you'll sit there and listen.
And you'll take it, and you'll like it.
And then I lean into the podium, and it's going to fall down and spray my fucker virus all over him like I'm an infected lawn sprinkler.
And then what happens?
This is where he starts stuttering, saying weird shit.
And I go, now you stutter and say weird shit now.
What's the deal with that?
Vote for me.
Next thing you know, I'm Donald Trump's new external general.
I put your ass in jail and hit the local cause junior for a congratulatorial double western bacon burger with cheese.
Case closed, end of story decade later.
Hey, burst, I asked for extra oxygen in my nachos.
Speaking of voting, Barack Obama urges Americans to vote, worries about deep divisions in the country.
Barack Obama worries about deep divisions in the country.
Barack Obama worries about deep divisions in the country.
Do you see this what it says here?
It says Obama praises young generation, urges voting.
It's weird because the young generation made their choice.
Overwhelmingly, they voted for Bernie Sanders.
It says here, Barack Obama praises young generation, urges voting.
In Iowa and New Hampshire, Bernie proved the pundits wrong.
Remember, over the past four decades, no candidate has won both Iowa and New Hampshire and then failed to win the nomination.
Well, there's a first.
Hey, Charles Gasparino says, Scoop, Democratic Party sources who have spoken with Barack Obama say former president is growing increasingly anxious about Bernie Sanders' rise in the national polls and where the avowed socialists would take the country.
So let me just go back here.
Former President Obama urges Americans to vote, worries about deep divisions in the country.
You know, you can't see much from his mansion, I guess.
I think it's funny that he's on ABC News talking about young voters.
They're not watching network news.
And he can't even make a bunch of fake promises now.
Already did that.
And they're done that, huh?
Can't even make fake promises.
Can't even make fake promises.
Hey, Democratic Party sources who have spoken with Barack Obama say former president is growing increasingly anxious about Bernie Sanders' rise in the national polls and where the avowed socialist would take the country.
You wouldn't want somebody who actually wants to do the things I was lying about wanting to do.
That's what you wouldn't.
You don't want somebody who's going to actually do the stuff I lied about doing.
You don't want someone who's actually going to give you health care, right?
So stop Sanders.
Democrats are agonizing over his momentum.
So do you see what the reason I'm showing this is because Barack Obama urges you to vote, except, and he worries about tells young people you should vote.
And then when they do show up to vote, he jumps in to make sure that their guy they chose gets screwed over.
You see where we're going with this?
Some members of the Democratic establishment, resentful over 2016 and worried about a divided 2020 primary, are beginning to ask how to thwart Senator Bernie Sanders.
Isn't that being divisive?
Trying to come together to thwart the person that the young people chose?
Isn't that being divisive?
Well, of course it is.
Stop Sanders.
Democrats are agonizing over his momentum.
All these people might get health care.
The agony.
Imagine feeling pain over the idea that everybody gets to go to college.
You know, if Bernie Sanders was president, you'd have universal health care, so it'd be cheaper to get your agony treated.
Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama want to stop Bernie Sanders.
Can they actually do it?
Who's being divisive, K?
Who's being divisive, Kay?
Urging the young people to vote.
I urge you to come out and vote so then we can band together that the neoliberals and squash you.
Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama want to stop Bernie Sanders.
Can they actually do it?
Well, they need help from a crop of 2020 candidates, the DNC, and the media.
But to quote good old Obama, yes, they can.
Hey, Barack Obama wins the Democratic primary.
And just like the last two times he won the Democratic primary, you ain't getting jacked shit.
Released from his self-imposed neutrality, the former president will soon make the case for Biden that Biden has trouble making himself.
Who's being divisive, Kay?
Joe Biden to rich donors, nothing would fundamentally change if he's elected.
Along with praise for civility of racists, Biden assures donors no one's standard of living will change.
See, told you nothing's going to change.
But you got to make sure you vote.
Harmon Kane is calling me again from the afterlife.
This has got to stop.
Hi, I'm Herman Kane.
Will somebody please tell Herman Kane what in the heck happened?
Herman, you have to stop calling me.
You're dead.
I am not dead.
I'm getting better, just like the president.
Well, your life ended.
It's over, Herman.
I got a blue check.
You can't be dead and have a blue check.
Read your Bible.
A person can't be dead if they got a blue check and they keep on tweeting.
I refuse to accept it.
It's a hoax.
Just like wearing a mask.
All right, really?
Then where are you?
Herman Kane is everywhere.
I can see and hear everything.
Side note: Herman Kane might be God.
Okay, if you're God, then why is there so much pain and suffering in the world?
Because people eat too many potatoes.
Stop eating so many darn potatoes.
It's really that simple.
What do you think about the president's condition?
The man looks and sounds great.
I fully expect a complete recovery.
Didn't you see him the other night on the Truman balcony?
Yeah, he looked terrible, and you're dead.
Oh, my goodness.
Stop playing politics with science.
I can't die.
I am immortal.
That means I'm neither dead nor alive.
I'm Herman Kane.
I'll always be a part of your life.
Please know.
Seriously, Herman, what's it like being in an empty void?
It's a lot like riding for Helen.
Or maybe now hear me out.
It's like you have a second chance to assess your whole life in detail from a whole new point of reverence.
And what did you learn?
The more vegetables you put on a pizza, the bigger sissy you are.
Don't eat sissy pizza.
So not a damn thing.
That's right.
I haven't learned a damn thing and I'm proud of it.
I'm Urban Kane and Urban Kane is getting better.
Do you think Trump's infection will make his followers take this disease seriously?
Herman says no.
I encourage all Trump supporters to hold regular prayer rallies.
Loud ones where they speak in tongues and twirl around on the floor with snakes.
You can quote me on that.
Before you go, what are your plans for the future?
After much soul searching, I've decided to suspend my presidential campaign and spend my time making homemade salsa.
Mmm, how do you say delicious in Cuban?
Hey, you know, we no longer have an Amazon link because we're not doing that.
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Thanks for your support.
So I have a theory that Trump, his advisors secretly are trying to make him lose.
Oh, no kidding.
All right.
And I'll show you why.
Trump halts coronavirus relief talks until after the election.
Why wouldn't you give relief to people before the election so they voted for you?
Whoever is advising him wants him to lose.
And Trump is a chump.
Nancy Pelosi is asking for $2.4 trillion to bail out poorly run, high-crime Democratic states.
Money that is in no way related to COVID-19.
We made a very generous offer of $1.6 trillion.
And as usual, she is not negotiating in good faith.
And I am rejecting their request and looking to the future of our country.
I have instructed my representatives to stop negotiating until after the election, when immediately after I win, we will pass a major stimulus bill that focuses it on hardworking Americans and small business.
Why wouldn't you do it now?
Gotta go guys.
You guys got to wait till after November.
You guys aren't getting kicked out of your houses?
Yeah.
You got to wait till after November.
It's kind of bogus to want more money for the states where more people live in.
That's what he says they're going to send money to Democratic states.
That's where the people live.
New York, California.
That's where people live, actually.
You know, California has the fifth largest economy in the world.
California by itself.
It's got Silicon Valley.
It's got Hollywood.
It's got the military industrial complex up to yin-yang, baby.
I love this.
He goes, and I'm looking forward to the future of our country.
He's looking forward to the future of the country.
He plans to play the violin while it burns.
I'm looking forward to the future where we don't even have to give you a one-time $1,200 check.
Fuck you.
This is definitely believable, by the way.
He'll do something for the American people after he's re-elected.
That's when politicians do something for you after they've already gotten what they want from you.
Right?
Why won't he just do it right now?
I don't know if President Trump is going to give me anything, but you know what?
I'm still going to vote for him because maybe he said he's going to do something later.
He could do it right now, but he won't.
I cannot believe that he is letting the Kudlow McConnell establishment that he dispatched in the primary talk him into this.
A massive unforced error.
2016, Trump would have said, make it $3 trillion and put my face on all the checks.
That's what he should have done.
So instead of him bitching that Nancy Pelosi wants 2.4 and he's only going to give people 1.6, in 2016, Trump would have said, fucking, give him $3 trillion and put my name on the checks.
But he's listening to Mitch McConnell and Larry Kudlow.
And he's saying, use this to, oh, they're saying, fuck over the people to get them to vote for you.
That's not how it works.
You don't fuck the people over so they have to vote for you.
You try to give them something so they vote for you.
Jesus Christ.
And Trump is so dumb, he's taking their advice.
He's doing the exact opposite of what Trump would have done in 2016.
Trump listens to the people who surround him, and he surrounded himself with horrible people for four years straight.
That's how it's been.
That's how it will always be.
He's not a leader.
He's not an outsider.
He's just another oligarch.
Just so you know, he's not an outsider.
He's not a leader.
He's not in opposition to the oligarchs.
He is one.
And that's why he's not doing anything for you during COVID.
Mitch McConnell, not to delay, but to instead focus full-time on approving my outstanding nominee, the United States Supreme Court, Amy Coney Barrett.
Our economy is doing very well.
The stock market is at record levels, jobs and unemployment.
Who the fuck is he talking to?
Again, this is just bullshit, people.
Do you think people who don't have jobs look at that and go, oh, I guess everything's okay with me?
I don't know what.
Who did they?
Who did they?
I don't know.
This is Donald Trump trying to lose.
This is not Donald Trump trying to win.
So we have two candidates trying to lose.
We have Joe Biden offering you absolutely nothing, and we have Trump offering you even less, promising to not do anything for you, to get your vote.
You know how we should have taken care of you with this coronavirus starting in March?
You know how we should have done that?
And we didn't?
And we didn't do it in April.
And we didn't take care of you in May.
We didn't take care of you in June.
We didn't take care of you in July.
And we didn't take care of you in August.
And we didn't take care of you in September.
And we're not taking care of you in August, October.
But we're going to take care of you later.
You're fucking president right now.
Take care of us right now.
Trump isn't going to do that.
Why?
Because he's not an outsider.
He's not a reformer.
He's a corrupt, evil oligarch.
He doesn't just serve them.
is one.
Joe Biden says, listen to the scientists.
Talking about science.
He says, listen to the scientists, but don't actually do what they say.
And why do I say that?
Because here's what, because the scientists say fracking is bad.
And what does Joe Biden say?
I am not banning fracking.
Let me say that again.
I am not banning fracking.
Let me just say that again in case you're having an earthquake that you normally wouldn't have because of fracking and you can't hear me.
I'll say it again.
I'm not banning that fracking that's causing that earthquake that's making you not be able to hear me.
Fracking in Pennsylvania, not worth it, unless you're an oil CEO or a government stooge being paid by an oil CEO.
Economy.
I mean, the Green New Deal and the idea of what your environmental Chinese deal does.
The Green New Deal will pay for itself as we move forward.
You're not going to build plants that, in fact, are great polluting plants.
Pardon me?
You support?
No, I don't support the Green New Deal.
Hey, it would help the people on our planet.
That's what the scientists say.
Of course, I'm not for it.
That's one of the most remarkable pieces of political tape I've ever seen in my life.
He came that close to offering people something, and he didn't.
He came that close.
The Green New Deal pays for itself, saves our planet.
Are you for it?
Hell no.
Not for that shit.
The Green New Deal, finally, climate policy informed by science.
Turns out Joe Biden's against it.
But remember, Joe Biden tells you to follow the science.
Here's what Joe Biden says about climate change.
Here's what he says.
Not a single solitary scientist thinks it would work.
You cannot get to zero emissions by 2030.
you Thank you.
There you go.
There's Joe.
You just forgot to listen to them, Joe.
See how you're supposed to listen to scientists?
And he's not.
You can't do it.
We can't get there.
The thing we need to do, we can't do it.
They say we need to act now.
That's what the scientists say, Joe.
What does Joe say?
Joe says this.
Not a single solitary scientist thinks it'll work.
Joe, I got news for you.
There's not a single solitary scientist who thinks we have the luxury of waiting until 2050.
Not a single solitary scientist.
There's Joe Biden telling you to listen to the science.
So this is it.
I could do this every day.
It's easy.
And if he wins the election, it'll be even easier.
Oh, get ready for President Kamala the cop, Harris.
And then you're a racist if you don't like her.
Get ready.
Get ready.
Get ready for, oh, they're going to use that.
Oh, they're going to use that.
Oh, to protect her neoliberal corporatism and warmongering and jail packing and worker screwing.
They're going to hide behind that the whole time.
Well, she already loves exploiting prison.
Yeah, that's her groove.
She loves to exploit prison labor, Kamala Harris, and Barack Obama.
And Joe Biden.
He created the prison explosion with the crime bill, which he still doesn't apologize for.
But he wants black people to vote for him.
Okay.
They didn't vote for Hillary Clinton.
We'll see.
Maybe they'll vote for you.
So, you know, we've talked about the way the military-industrial complex and the media push war.
And in Syria, they did the same thing.
So they started.
So I don't know if you know.
So in the Iraq war, it was a false flag.
Iraq had nothing to do with 9-11.
They didn't have weapons of mass destruction.
The government said they did.
They lied.
That's how we got ran into that war.
The media pushed it, the whole thing.
Dan Rather pushed it.
Dan Rather is such a fucking pro-warmongering chump.
Was there one mainstream media show that wasn't for the war?
No.
They were all for it, including Dan Rather, which was a heartbreaker when he got hired at the Young Turks.
Like you bring on its pro-war piece of shit out of your fucking anyway.
So Syria, we've been telling you the truth about Syria, even though Wikipedia lies to you about Syria still.
Wikipedia is like listening to CNN or New York Times or MSNBC.
Wikipedia is full of shit.
They still, if you go to my Wikipedia, they still say that I got the Syria gas attacks wrong when we got it right.
When we got it right.
Leaked docs.
This is new reporting from the gray zone.
New leaked docs expose a massive Syria propaganda operation waged by the Western government contractors and the media, just like we said.
And you remember the MSNBC hosts who said we were wrong about Syria?
And we were right.
You remember the people who have the contracts with MSNBC who say we were wrong about Syria?
They were pushing pro-war propaganda at the top of their lungs.
We were sticking our chin out, getting it right, and being smeared by those people.
What is it about having an MSNBC contract that makes you get almost everything wrong?
The media is the MSNBC is pro-war.
If you have a contract with MSNBC, you are also pro-war.
Oh, really?
You're not?
Let me see it.
Let's see your coverage of Syria.
Wow, Western government contractors and the media, who could have predicted they would be the culprits in the bullshit Syrian war.
Virtually everything Westerners saw and heard about the Syrian proxy war was the product of a regime change echo chamber carefully managed by the U.S., UK intelligence assets, and public relations firms.
You know, all the entities that belong in the news.
Western government-funded intelligence cutouts trained Syrian opposition leaders.
So Western government-funded people, Western government intelligence-funded people, trained terrorists in Syria.
They planted stories in their media outlets from the BBC to Al Jazeera and ran a cadre of journalists.
A trove of leaked documents exposes the propaganda network, the propaganda network that would probably win some kind of bogus award before 2020 is over.
Here it is.
By the way, here's CNN covering, this is how they covered.
This is how you know it was a real gas attack.
They sent a reporter there, and to prove it was a real gas attack, she sniffed some of the poison.
Except she didn't, because if she did, she would be dead.
And if you're a reporter and you think something has poisoned, well, here, I'll show you.
There's definitely something that stings.
So that's CNN sending a reporter, she happens to be the granddaughter of the former prime minister of Syria.
They send her there to do the reporting.
And she's going to tell you that they did gas attacks there because she's sniffing poison.
If you were somewhere and someone said, hey, there's poison on this, you would go, let me smell it.
She knows there's not poison on there.
She's lying.
She's paid to do propaganda.
So the United States will send the military into Syria, overthrow it, so they can put a gas pipeline through it.
That's what this is about.
And my impression of her is this.
I think I smell a false flag.
Yep.
Smells like a false flag.
Smells like a false flag.
Chemical weapons, you know, they're really, they're just like scented candles.
Just go ahead and take a whiff and see what happens.
The Western government contractors, this is real.
Western government contractors crafted a strategy to rebrand Syria's Salafi jihadist armed opposition by softening its image, boasting it provided opposition propaganda that aired almost every day on TV networks.
The leaked documents consist mainly of material produced under the auspices of the UK Foreign and Commonwealth Office.
All of the firms named in the files were contracted by the British government, but many also were running multi-donor projects that received funding from the governments of the United States and other Western European countries.
Because we can come together as one world to manufacture war, but not to stop one.
Isn't that great?
In the leaked documents, another UK government contractor called Innovative Communication Strategies, IncoStrat, boasted of building a massive network of over 1,600 journalists and key influencers with an interest in Syria.
Wow.
So here's from that leaked document.
So here's their own words.
This is the contractors being paid by the American government.
Here's what they're saying.
We're going to do a guerrilla campaign.
2014.
We exploited the concentrated presence of journalists to put pressure on the regime and to support a humanitarian effect in Homs.
ISIS and Assad, two sides of the same coin.
This is what they say, ISIS and Assad, two sides of the same coin, ISIS and Assad.
The guerrilla campaign fueled the emerging debate around the relationship between the regime and ISIS, drawing particular attention to crimes against humanity.
A action.
Ready?
We produced postcards, posters, and reports to draw behavioral parallels between the regime and ISIS, playing to the commonly held belief that a latent relationship exists between the two.
So they're just laying you out.
This is how we're doing our propaganda.
We're playing into the commonly held belief.
It's not true.
They're trying to smear the Assad regime saying that they're in bed with ISIS.
They're the ones fighting ISIS.
Who was the one in bed with ISIS?
The United States.
We were funding ISIS in Syria.
And this is the document from that Western contractor showing you how they do propaganda to start a war.
We debunked it.
And of course, anybody with an MSNBC contract attacked us for debunking it.
We provided a credible Arabic-English-speaking Syrian spokesperson to engage the media.
The effect of these actions, what was the effect of them doing this propaganda?
Well, the effect was major news outlets such as El Jazeera, pro-war Al Jazeera, and the National published our posters.
Al Jazeera America and the National published their posters.
We conducted interviews with a wide range of prominent newspapers and major international and Syrian news channels, among them The Times, The Guardian, CNN, The New York Times, The Washington Post, BuzzFeed, Al Jazeera, Syria, El Sham, and The Orient.
So what they're telling you is like, we get propaganda in all these news organizations.
We push propaganda.
They repeated it.
This is being funded by the U.S. government to start wars.
This is a Western contractor telling you how they run propaganda to start a war for oil.
And then when people like me come along and tell you the truth, they smear us.
They say, oh, they're running conspiracy theories.
You mean the fact that the United States government is paying the media to fucking lie us into a war?
Update.
A few days after we published this expose, the authenticity of these leaked documents was indirectly confirmed by the UK government.
Britain said foreign office reports detailing its Syria propaganda ops had allegedly been hacked and posted online.
So they just confirmed that those hacks happened and those documents are real.
Gee, I wonder why the UK government isn't supporting Julian Assange.
Oh, it's because they're actually in bed trying to start wars over lies for natural resources.
Your government is not your government.
The United States government, the UK government, they're not your governments.
They work for Wall Street and the military industrial complex and fossil fuel companies.
And that's it.
Thank you.
So there you go.
All the reporting we did on Syria proven to be 100% correct.
There's now been four OPCW whistleblowers saying that the gas attacks were false flags.
They were created by the people trying to get the United States to enter that war.
And now we see how they do the propaganda to start the war in the media.
Government-funded propaganda to start a war.
The United States government.
That's not ISIS.
That's not crazy Muslims.
Sam Harris, he's always afraid of crazy Muslims.
Even though it's the United States that is setting the world on fire as we speak.
If there's a dumber, smart guy than Sam Harris, I'll fucking, I'd like to see it.
How you can read that many books and still be that fucking dumb, dumber than me.
Sam Harris is on a daily basis dumber than me.
And he's read 10 times more books than I've read.
And he's dumber than me every fucking day.
Isn't that amazing?
Does it take much to see through Sam Harris's fucking propaganda racism?
It doesn't take much.
I can do it.
I don't know.
Sam Harris for the war in Syria.
I'm going to guess he is.
I mean, it's just a guess.
I'm just going to guess.
I'm going to guess he's going to repeat every piece of propaganda and he'll go on Bill Maher and repeat that propaganda.
And Bill Maher will say, yeah, you're right.
Muslims are bad.
We're the good guys.
We're the terrorists, you fucking assholes.
We've always been the terrorists.
So here's what doesn't work to get people to vote.
You want to see what doesn't work?
Here's, here's, you know what works to get people to vote?
Offer them something.
Like if most of the people who don't vote in America are in the poverty line, you offer them health care.
You offer them a job.
You offer to end the wars.
You offer to make marijuana legal so they don't have to rest their families.
Don't have to be in prison.
You offer them something to vote.
That's how it works.
What Michelle Obama is going to do here is the opposite of voter outrage.
Okay.
Ignorance and hatred keep me from doing my duty as a citizen because I know we don't have the luxury to assume that things are going to turn out okay.
We cannot afford to withhold our votes or waste them on a protest candidate.
You can't waste your vote on a protest candidate.
You can't waste your vote on a protest candidate.
You don't get to vote for who you want to vote for.
So instead of telling.
Well, here's what I said.
100 million people don't vote.
They are not rich or privileged.
This is not how to get their vote.
Maybe tell Biden to offer those people health care or legalized pot or end fracking or anything at all.
But he can't because he's not allowed to by his owners.
Just like you have owners, Michelle.
Your owners are the oligarchs.
That's why you live on a 48-acre estate on Martha's Vineyard while the people in Flint who were poisoned during your husband's administration are still poisoned.
And you don't give a shit.
80% of workers live paycheck to paycheck when you left the White House and you don't give a shit.
What have you done since you left the White House to help people?
What did you do while you were in the White House to help people?
Nothing.
That's why those people don't vote.
And now you're saying you can't waste your vote.
You know what a wasted vote was?
A vote for Barack Obama.
Because Barack Obama took us from two wars to seven.
He dropped more bombs than George Bush.
He made the banks bigger while he kicked 5.1 million families out of their house during an economic downturn similar to this.
He didn't help those people.
He kicked them out of their house.
There's fracking pipes underneath this country because Barack Obama.
He opened the Arctic to drilling twice whenever Shell Oil asked.
He didn't prosecute fucking torturers.
He built those cages and put immigrant children in cages.
You did that and your husband.
That's why those 100 million people don't vote.
And telling them you can't waste your vote.
Things didn't turn out fine with you, Michelle.
Things turned out horrible for working people.
Horrible.
Let's see what other bullshit she says.
Is that it?
That's it.
Okay.
Ignorance and hatred keep me from doing my duty as a citizen because I know we don't have the luxury to assume that things are going to turn out okay.
We cannot afford to withhold our votes or waste them on a protest candidate.
One of these two men will be president.
And only if we vote for Joe Biden with power and with passion will our voices even have a chance at being heard.
If you vote for Joe Biden, that means your voice is being heard.
Have you ever heard a dumber thing in your life?
If you vote for Joe Biden, your voice is being heard.
This is all they do every four years.
This is all they do.
You've got to vote for this guy you don't like.
You got to vote for the guy promising to screw you.
You got to vote for the guy promising to deny you health care in the middle of a pandemic.
You got to deny.
You got to vote for the guy who's promising to increase the military budget as he promises to deny you health care.
That's your savior.
That's that concern.
Look, she's got a concerned look on her face.
But Jimmy, I'm always convinced when they kind of whisper.
Yeah, yeah.
When they finally tell you, you can't do that.
Protesters.
They're criminals.
That's what psychopaths and sociopaths do when they're lying to you, what Michelle Obama's doing.
These are sociopaths.
Go ahead.
Let me just add to this the pathology of the Democratic Party right now.
I signed up for the Democratic newsletters.
Like, I want to know what they're asking.
Every time I get something three times a day, this is what I get from Kamala.
I humbly ask you, Barack Obama, humbly we come to you.
And what they're doing every single time is asking for $25.
And there's not one policy that's they don't say anybody.
Anything.
There's no policy written anywhere.
She has no policy policy.
Because folks who are perfectly content with the status quo, who are quite happy with what's been going on these past four years, trust me, whether they say it out loud or not, they will vote too.
Is she talking about the folks that tortured some people?
I know.
That's what she's talking about.
How about are you talking about the folks are the Republicans you invited to your, you know, the architects of the Iraq war that you invited to your convention?
Are those the folks you're talking about?
So we can expect that this election will be won by the slimmest of margins, just like four years ago.
Because you have no policy.
Because you are not trying to get the 100 million people who don't vote to vote.
You guys are going to win by a slim margin over a guy you say is a fucking racist white nationalist, traitor to our country, game show host.
And you're only going to beat that guy by the slimmest of margins?
Does you know what that tells me?
That tells me you guys are so unbelievably fucking corrupt that it's not worth voting.
Because if I vote for Joe Biden, he's just going to start punching me with the left fist, denying me health care with his left hand instead of his right.
He's going to be giving me right-wing judges with his left hand instead of his right.
He's going to be ramping up military budgets with his left hand instead of his right.
Can you believe with a straight face?
We're going to win.
We can't beat Donald Trump.
We can't beat fucking Donald Trump.
That's what that stupid look on her face means.
They have no shame.
They have no integrity.
They have no dignity.
They have no dignity.
That's all pretend dignity.
If you had actual integrity, you would be screaming at Joe Biden to offer people something, but you don't have integrity because Michelle Obama, just like her husband, is a sellout, 100% corrupted neoliberal who doesn't care about you at all.
At all.
I mean, really, if you have any loyalty to the Democratic Party, you're a chucker.
You need therapy.
I mean, honestly, if you can look at this first lady and think that she's really, really requiring, really in earnest here, it's such a show.
It's all this theatrics.
And all they're doing is making my life worse.
Let me tell you something.
I live in California.
I live in the Southland, as they say on the weather and car commercials.
So I live in the Los Angeles area.
Los Angeles is a Democratic.
I live in a Democratic state.
Super majority in the state legislature, Democrats.
So they can do whatever they want.
I have a Democratic governor.
I have a Democratic mayor.
I have a Democratic city council.
There are people sleeping under every bridge in this city.
Every bridge.
It looks like Brazil.
So I got to vote Democrat for fucking what?
The Democrats run the whole state, every city.
And what are they doing?
Nothing.
They're doing nothing.
And I want to just say one more thing, Jimmy.
When somebody says a protest vote, there's no such thing as a protest vote.
You're voting.
You're voting.
It's called voting.
It's called voting.
So don't let them go ahead and put that in a little box for you that it's a protest vote.
You're voting.
That's all she has.
That's all they have is voter shaming and scaring you about how bad the other guy is.
That's all they have.
They don't say we're going to have greater peace.
We're going to have health care.
We're going to have access to higher education.
We're going to do Wi-Fi in cities so everybody has access.
Green New Deal.
Job guaranteed.
Make marijuana league nothing.
A handful of votes per precinct in Pennsylvania.
And you're not embarrassed.
You're not embarrassed that it's you're you're that the Democrat is in a neck and neck race with Donald Trump.
You're not embarrassed that Barack Obama's handpicked successor lost to Donald Trump.
No, they're not embarrassed.
You know why?
Because they don't have a shame button.
Because their whole life revolves around money and selling you out to the highest bidder like Wall Street.
That's what the Obamas do.
The Obama are screwing over the south side of Chicago right now to build his fucking library.
Do you know that?
The neighborhood doesn't want it.
And the way he's doing it is fucked up.
And the neighborhood told him so.
And you know what Michelle Obama told them?
Go fuck yourself.
That's what she said.
That's what Barack Obama said to their own people on the south side of Chicago.
They don't care about you.
They don't care about anybody.
They are megalomaniac fucking psychopaths who are attracted to power.
They're not good people.
Hello.
Jimmy, this is Liam Beason.
Do you know who that is?
Of course.
You're the famous star of Schindler's List.
And hard powder.
But Schindler's List is your most famous film.
Why must you always disparage hard powder?
Jimmy, I need you to listen very carefully to this question.
Who do you think was just voted the world's third sexiest actor over 60?
You don't have much time.
Tom Hanks.
No.
This is very important.
I need you to think very, very clearly.
Well, who are the first and second?
I don't know who they are, but I will find them.
I do.
I will ask them.
Am I getting fat?
I've been losing my hair.
Stuff like that.
Hey, you know there's a lot more to that phone call, but we don't have time in today's podcast.
How do you hear the entire phone call?
You got to become a premium member.
Go to JimmyDorrickComedy.com, sign up.
It's the most affordable premium program in the business.
Today's show was written by Ron Placone, Mark Van Landowitz, Steph Zamarano, Jim Earl, Mike McRae, and Roger Rittenhouse.
All the voices performed today by the one and the only of the inimitable, Mike McRae, who can be found at MikeMcRae.com.
That's it for this week.
You be the best you can be, and I'll keep being me.
Don't freak out!
I'm not kidding.
Don't freak out!
Don't freak out.
Do not, do not, do not.
Do not freak.
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