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July 16, 2020 - Jimmy Dore Show
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20200716_TJDS_20200716_Podcast
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Get ready for an outstanding entertainment program.
The Jimmy Dore Show.
Well, Jeff Sessions didn't have a good night last night.
Let's check in and see how he's doing.
Greetings and salutations.
Hello.
Attorney General Sessions.
That is indeed ipso facto.
I priorit my identity.
Who may ask is calling me on my homeline?
Mr. Sessions, this is Jimmy.
Ah, yes, Jimmy Dore with the computer show.
Now, I forget.
Remind me again.
Are you a gentleman of the Jewish persuasion?
Uh...
No, I'm not.
My background is.
Oh, my God.
My background is Irish and Polish Catholic.
Do you have any officially issued documents to verify that particular assertion, sir?
No.
This is America.
I don't think you need papers to prove that sort of thing.
Yes.
I suppose we didn't get to that one before I got fired.
How may I be of assistance to you on this Wednesday afternoon, sir?
Well, I just wanted to see how you're holding up after your defeat last night.
Jimmy, I tell you what.
I am plumb flabbergasted.
Really?
Oh, yes.
Flummoxed.
Bewildered.
More turned around than a pole cat caught in a cotton gin.
And I got the vapors.
I simply cannot see how aligning myself with Donald Trump politically in such a public and aggressive manner and then refusing to be his toady will blow up in my face to this degree.
I simply could not have foreseen these occurrences.
You know, to make it clear to our listeners, I guess I should point out that you lost.
You, Jeff Sessions, lost the Republican primary for Senate yesterday.
Football coach Tommy Tuberville defeats southern lawyer Jefferson Beauregard Sessions for the Alabama Senate seat.
Have you ever heard of such a ridiculous sentence, Jimmy Dore?
Of course not.
It should be the other way around.
Well, what do you think went wrong, Jeff?
Well, I suppose my primary misstep was to appeal to Southern Republicans who were not rabid supporters of Donald Trump.
Little did I realize that no such person, living or dead, in fact exists.
We probably should have done a little more on-the-ground research to ascertain that our campaign was geared towards a volume block that does not, in fact, inhabit this mortal plane and whose very corporeal existence could not be conceived of by any mind, either celestial or earthbound.
Yeah, it's sort of amusing to me that you thought those people were out there or that any non-pro-Trump Republicans get elected at all.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Hold on now.
You got at least two Republican senators who are not locked step with Trump.
Mitt Romney, that Mormon fella, and Lisa McKowski, that Jewish lady.
Lisa Makowski isn't Jewish either.
Well, then she better return that last name of hers to the dry goods store.
Besides, they don't represent states in the deep south like Alabama.
Well, all the more reason to have voted for me.
Like I said, my full name is Jefferson Beauregard Sessions.
How much more of a Confederate dog whistle name do you need to have?
Stonewall Jackson Lynch?
Robert E. Lee Segregationson?
James Crowe III?
Call now.
Do you think that your law should be a warning to other Republicans about crossing or defying President Trump?
Do I?
Does a Muskrat look both ways before crossing the train tracks?
You better believe I do.
My fellow GOP better look after themselves.
If you aren't with Trump, then you ain't with the Republican Party no more.
It's as simple as that.
That's just how the flapjack's done flapped.
Well, what happens to the GOP lawmakers left in the House and Senate if Trump loses this November?
They're still going to have to support him.
Even when he's not the president anymore?
Especially when he's not the president anymore.
If he loses, it's going to damage his ego.
And that's when Trump is the most dangerous, the most likely to lash out at them, his political enemies.
He will still demand loyalty even after he loses.
Loyalty for what?
Who knows what?
He doesn't take that far ahead.
Opening a mall in New Jersey.
Riding around in a tank, blowing stuff up at Mar-a-Lago.
Who gives a monkeys behind?
They all gotta be there supporting him or he'll leak all that blackmail stuff he's got on half of them.
Well, what are you gonna do now?
Oh, I'm gonna take this time and slide into retirement.
Maybe drink a little more than I should.
Catch up with old friends.
Work on this life-size chessboard in my backyard of toppled Confederate monuments I've been collecting.
I got an Albert Sidney Johnston statue getting shipped in right now for Birmingham.
All right.
Sounds good, Mr. Sessions.
You take care now.
You take care too, Jimmy, you slick-talking Yankee weasel.
You, you never call me again.
Outro Music Hi, everybody.
Welcome to this week's Jimmy Door show.
Guess what?
We're going to get right to the jokes.
Gonna skip the jokes.
What's on today's show?
Surprise, surprise.
According to the polls, young black voters do not want Joe Biden.
Shocker.
All right, spoiler alert, I guess.
What else is coming up?
Nancy Pelosi won't bail out working people, but she will bail out her husband instead.
Corruption is fun.
Plus, Democrats got together to prevent Donald Trump from withdrawing troops from Afghanistan.
Both the Democrats and Republicans are parties of endless war.
We talk about that today.
Plus, a disabled veteran is arrested for possession of medical marijuana, and his life is turning into a living hell.
All thanks to living in Joe Biden's America.
And we have phone calls today from Bernie Sanders, Harrison Ford, Mitt Romney, and Jeff Sessions.
What's a lot lot more?
That's today on the Jimmy Door Show.
Hey, what did Congressional Democrats do this week?
Well, they prevented Trump from withdrawing troops from Afghanistan.
What did Congressional Democrats do last week?
They increased Trump's military spending.
What gets bipartisan support in Washington, D.C.?
Endless war.
There it is.
House committee votes to put roadblocks on President Trump's ability to withdraw troops from Afghanistan.
Yeah, the House Armed Services Committee voted last Wednesday to put roadblocks on President Trump's ability to withdraw from Afghanistan.
The National Defense Authorization Act amendment would require several certifications before the U.S. military can further draw down in Afghanistan.
The amendment was approved 45 to 11.
Let me read that to you again.
The National Defense Authorization Act amendment would require several certifications before the U.S. military can further withdraw down in Afghanistan.
They're saying we can't get out of Afghanistan.
That's what they're saying.
They're putting roadblocks into doing that.
We've been in Afghanistan for 19 years.
We have kids fighting in Afghanistan that weren't even born when this war started.
Remember when we voted for Barack Obama to end the wars in the Middle East?
Do you remember that?
Do you remember this image?
Do you remember him tweeting, thinking we're only one signature away from ending the war in Iraq?
That's what he tweeted April 29th, 2007.
Our top generals openly admit they don't have a clue why we're even in Afghanistan.
Resistance grifters are trying to convince people that we have to stay in Afghanistan forever because Russia.
What better way to be a resistance to Trump, the commander-in-chief, than giving him more power and more military and more war.
In the Senate, they also voted against withdrawing troops and ending the Afghanistan war.
The Senate on Wednesday rejected an attempt by Senator Rand Paul to include a proposal on withdrawing U.S. troops from Afghanistan in a mammoth defense policy bill.
The proposal would remove troops from Afghanistan within a year and give them a $2,500 bonus.
It would also repeal the 2001 authorization for the use of military force once you have U.S. troops have left the country.
Senators voted 60 to 33 against the amendment to the National Defense Authorization Act.
And here are the 16 Democrats who voted with the GOP to kill the amendment to withdraw U.S. troops and end the Afghanistan war.
Here they are.
You want to see what their names are?
Senator Dianne Feinstein voted to keep the Afghan war going indefinitely.
Richard Blumenthal, Tom Carper, Chris Koons, Maggie Hassan, Doug Jones from Alabama.
Remember how important it was we got him elected?
Remember that?
Angus King, Joe Manchin, of course, Bob Menendez of New Jersey, one of the most corrupt people in the world.
Chris Murphy of Connecticut, Jack Reed of Rhode Island, Jackie Rosen.
These are all Democrats in the Senate who voted to keep the Afghanistan war going forever.
Gene Shaheen from New Hampshire, Kristen Senema from Arizona, Mark Warner from Virginia, and Sheldon Whitehouse from Rhode Island.
Do you see your senator's name on this list?
If you do, go protest at their house.
You think it wasn't an accident that the entire Democratic Party establishment coalesced around warmonger Joe Biden to stop a progressive anti-war insurgency into their party?
It wasn't an accident.
Democrats are the party of war.
Democrats are the party of the military-industrial complex.
Democrats will send your children to die overseas as your family dies without health care right here at home.
Democrats will give trillions to an industry of death while you can't pay rent during an economic depression.
Vote war no matter who.
You know what this photo is?
This is Democrats bowing to the war machine.
Great job, Democrats.
Hey, guess what?
Representative Matt Goetz from Florida, he's a staunch Trump ally.
He argued that the amendment would unfairly tie the administration's hands.
He said a great nation does not force the next generation to fight their wars.
And that's what we've done in Afghanistan, Goetz says.
I think the best day to have not had that war in Afghanistan was when we started it.
And the next best day is tomorrow.
I don't think there's ever a bad day to end the war in Afghanistan, he added.
Our generation is wary of this and tired of this.
Great job, Democrats.
You made Matt Goetz the voice of reason.
You know, in a civilized society, we would openly be calling these people war criminals.
You know, Trump dropped more bombs on Afghanistan last year than any other year since the war started.
Why?
Nancy Pelosi's working with Liz fucking Cheney to prevent Trump from leaving Afghanistan.
Why?
Why?
These people are murderers.
That's why.
And that's not hyperbole.
these people are literal murderers.
America has only one political party.
It's one party of war.
It's one party of oligarchy, and everything else is theater.
Hello.
Hello, this is Bernie Sanders calling on behalf of the Bernie Sanders Unity Task Force Task Force.
A task force fielding ideas on how to best implement the uniting ideas already proposed by the six previous task forces.
I fucking want to hang myself.
Can I just do that now?
Can I just jump off a goddamn cliff already and get over with fucking task forces?
I got a better one.
Fantastic fox.
Fantastic fox.
Hello.
Hello.
Do I have the privilege of speaking to the presumed idiot of the house?
What?
I'm sorry.
I mean, am I speaking to the current head of the household who doesn't have a clue, but still decides how everyone else votes will live there?
I don't think anyone here meets that description, Bernie.
Why do I care?
I'm calling you and yours to meet the challenge and unite behind the only person who can save this country from complete hell.
God, I hate myself for what has happened to me.
Don't be that way, Bernie.
You had a lot of great ideas.
And I still do asshole.
Like what?
Well, those task forces, for instance.
I'm very proud of the progress my task forces have made.
How?
After communicating with Joe Biden to a number of people who swear they talked to him personally, I'm very confident.
We're well on the way to implementing a bold new progressive vision somewhere deep within the dream center of our brains.
In other words, I've moved Joe Biden to the left.
He still refuses to legalize pot for F's sake.
I'm talking stage left.
A lot of people don't get that distinction.
What happened to our revolution?
Read my Twitter page.
Our revolution is now the change we need will not happen tomorrow.
Yeah.
Could you be more specific?
Yes, Jane and I are still going to have dinner with the Bidens this Sunday.
But Biden says he won't eliminate qualified immunity.
Does anybody even know what that is?
Yeah.
It's a big part of what all these protests are actually about.
Okay, look, I made a pledge to the American people to put stuff like Medicare for all and qualified immunity, whatever that is, on the back barner.
I know.
Why?
To keep my committee assignment.
I know.
Oh.
And to defeat the worst man in human history, blah, blah, blah.
I'm talking worst man from the early Stone Age on up.
And you can't argue with that.
Yeah, why can't I?
Why not?
Because then you'd be saying he isn't the worst man in human history since the early Stone Age.
See what a trap that is?
Yeah.
The Bidens always served those crutchy raw vegetable appetizers before dinner.
Why?
Because he cares about my ideas.
Hey, if Biden really cared about your ideas, wouldn't he have embraced them from the beginning?
Let me answer that question with another question.
Shut the fuck up.
But people are still asking that.
You should be asking yourself this.
Would you rather vote to defeat the most dangerous man in human history than occupy the White House?
Or would you rather vote for the guy who helped put him there?
See?
Well, what happened to not me, us?
It's now not just me.
All of us matter.
You pretty much abandon everybody, haven't you, Bernie?
Hey, I'm the idea guy, not the guy who does stuff with his ideas, guys.
Yeah.
I gotta go.
Jeff Weaver's at the door and he wants my mailing list.
What's in the living baby?
Jesus, fuck am I doing?
The power of Satan compels me.
Oh, look.
Black voters say they aren't enthusiastic about a Joe Biden presidency.
Why are young black voters not enthusiastic about Joe Biden?
You mean the guy who wrote the crime bill and the Patriot Act?
You mean the guy who pushed for every war in the Middle East ever?
You mean the guy who was on board with NAFTA, the TPP?
The guy who's still against legalizing marijuana and locking young black guys up for it?
The guy who's still against Medicare for all in the middle of a pandemic?
The guy who's still against student debt forgiveness in the middle of the largest upward transfer of wealth in human history.
You mean the guy who's still against a Green New Deal in the middle of unbelievable climate change?
You mean young voters are not enthusiastic about that guy?
Next thing you're going to tell me is they don't watch reruns of murder, she wrote, or enjoy a good catheter commercial.
Here's from USA Today.
With the November election four months away, polling shows Biden's support with younger black voters trailing significantly behind that of older black voters.
Young black voters support for Joe Biden is unenthusiastic at best or hesitant at worst.
Young black voters are going to have some reservations about Joe Biden, some reservations.
That's what Cheryl Laird says.
She's the professor of government at Bowden College or Bowdoin College, adding that Biden represents a very clear image of a status quo politician within the Democratic Party.
Boy, the status quo.
Isn't that what we all need more of right now?
Biden has had moments of problematic commentary or statements.
Problematic?
Problematic.
And they don't see him as the direction that takes the party in a more progressive lean.
Still voting for the Democratic candidate is the norm within the black community, Lard said.
And young black voters will likely fall in line.
She added they will likely vote for Biden, but not be happy about it.
So young black voters are not enthusiastic about a Joe Biden presidency.
I wonder why.
Well, maybe it's because he brags about incarcerating them.
Maybe it's because he brags about he wrote the goddamn 1994 crime bill, which led to mass incarceration, more prisons, longer sentencing, escalated the war, escalated the war on drugs, and targeted African Americans.
Joe Biden has done more harm to the black community the last 40 years than almost any other American.
In Washington, D.C., Paul Talbert, a young black man, Was among hundreds of protesters who marched to the U.S. Capitol in June.
Talbert said he still believed Sanders was the correct choice for black folks for younger black voters like myself.
I won't vote for Donald Trump, Talbert28 said.
He criticized Biden as trying to ride on Obama's coattails.
I think the whole Obama thing, it got the older generation really going, he said.
He noted he was going to vote in November, but he would not say if he was going to vote for Biden.
You know, there was another candidate that had this exact same problem.
That candidate's name was, let me guess, Hillary Clinton.
Did the Democrats learn from Hillary Clinton's failure?
Do Democrats even care?
This shows how irredeemable the Democratic Party is.
The Democratic Party establishment did everything imaginable to make this man their nominee.
This Delaware Dixiecrat who wrote the racist crime bill, who pushed the Patriot Act, smeared Anita Hill, put Clarence Thomas and Antonin Scalia on the Supreme Court, voted for the Iraq war, and has credible sexual assault accusations against him.
The weakest and least inspiring candidate who is promising as president to veto Medicare for all in the middle of an effing pandemic.
That's the Democrats' nominee.
That's who they're giving you.
And the Democratic Party pretends to be moral.
They pretend they're not corrupt.
They pretend they're not the biggest frauds and hypocrites in the world.
Choosing Joe Biden is proof the Democrats don't care.
It's proof they don't care if you live or die without health care.
It's proof that black lives don't matter.
It's proof that they don't care about peace.
It's proof they don't care if you can pay rent at the end of the month.
It's proof they don't care if your children drink poison water.
They don't care about you.
They act like they got your vote.
Their arrogance is sickening.
Stop being dupes.
Stop being passive.
You're not bystanders.
Make demands.
Make them come get your vote.
Don't listen to them.
Don't listen to Bernie.
Don't listen to those party apologists.
You tell Joe Biden if he wants your vote, you want health care, student debt forgiveness, a living wage, and you want to defund the police.
That's right.
And if he isn't going to meet you on one of those things, he doesn't get your vote.
That's how politics works.
This is who the Democrats are fighting Donald Trump with.
You know, the racist guy who doesn't care about minorities.
Make Joe Biden and the Democrats come get your vote.
They don't have my vote and they shouldn't have yours.
They should be promising you something.
They should be giving you health care in the middle of a pandemic.
They should be giving you a UBI when they shut down the goddamn economy and give $5 trillion to their richest donors.
The Democrats and Joe Biden have to come get your vote, and he ain't going to come get it.
Hey, it's Harrison's Ford's birthday, so I thought I'd wish him well.
I'd give him a call.
Hello.
Whoa, what the fuck?
Is this Harrison Ford?
No, this is Harrison Dord.
With a D. There is no Harrison Ford here.
You got the wrong guy.
Leave me alone.
I'm pretty sure this is Harrison Ford.
I'm pretty sure you're a chunk.
I'm Harrison Dord.
I'll get the hell off my phone before I have my wife, Molesta, call the cops on you.
I just wanted to call wish you well, Harrison.
Holy moly.
My name is trending on Twitter.
The hell happened.
It's your birthday.
That's a relief.
I thought I was dead.
No, buddy.
It's your 78th birthday.
Happy birthday.
But where?
And why?
Everywhere, because it's your birthday.
Will there be ice cream?
I cannot answer that.
So you're saying I'm not dead, but there might not be ice cream.
Interesting.
But how can you be so sure?
Is any of this real?
Are you real?
I've never even met you.
Well, happy birthday anyway.
If time is linear, is free will even possible?
Are we just an inert collection of chemicals or is all life affective dissipation of mechanical energy from one state to another?
I don't know, Harrison.
I spend most of the day cooped up in my kitchen smoking dope and watching Match Game 74.
Oh, I would love to watch that.
I hear you, Harrison.
This pandemic is really affecting all of us.
Pandemic.
You may have been cooped up in my kitchen smoking dope and watching Match Game 74 and there's a pandemic going on.
Yes.
Good.
Now I got an excuse.
Ever notice how Richard Dawson looks pretty sharp with sideburns in 1974?
But then his lapels got real wide.
Yeah.
And the whole show went to hell.
I don't remember that.
I grossed over 10 billion worldwide.
Remember that.
Really?
You can be damn certain my son's Ben Ford, Fred Ford, Bern Ford, Ford Ford, and Fargo Ford do.
What's the plot of your new Indiana Jones film?
It's been 40 years since the first installment of this franchise.
I was 40 years old then.
Yeah.
So in this episode, I robbed my own two.
Match Game 76 is on, and I need to light up an Epic Hooner.
Fucking wide lapels, man.
Hey, you know, we no longer have an Amazon link because we're not doing that.
We're not playing that game.
But here's another great way you can help support the show: you become a premium member.
We give you a couple of hours of premium bonus content every week, and it's a great way to help support the show.
You can do it by going to jimmydoorcomedy.com, clicking on join premium.
It's the most affordable premium program in the business, and it's a great way to help put your thumb back in the eye of the bastards.
Thanks for everybody who was already a premium member.
And if you haven't, you're missing out.
We give you lots of bonus content.
Thanks for your support.
So your entire government is bought and corrupt.
That includes every single Democrat and independent in the Congress.
And here is Nancy Pelosi two and a half months ago when they passed the CARES Act.
That was the largest upward transfer of wealth in the history of humankind.
When they passed the CARES Act, there was nothing in it for the states or local governments or anything for people.
And here's what Andrew Cuomo said about it at the time.
We've been talking about funding for state and local governments.
And it was not in the bill that the House is going to pass today.
They said, don't worry, don't worry, don't worry.
The next bill.
I said to my colleagues in Washington, I would have insisted that state and local funding was in this current bill because I don't believe they want to fund state and local governments.
They don't want to fund state and local governments.
This is two and a half months ago.
And watch what Jake Tapper says to Nancy Pelosi.
So Cuomo says he would have insisted on state funding in the last bill.
And now Senator McConnell is saying he wants to push the pause button.
Was this a tactical mistake by you and Senator Schumer?
Just calm down.
We will have state and local, and we will have it in a very significant way.
It's no use going on.
She lied.
He called her out.
She lied and he took a spanking.
He didn't push back on her after that.
And so state and local, we got no money.
We got no money to help our own people.
We got no money.
They didn't give people health care in a pandemic.
They didn't give people a UBI after they closed down their economy.
They did nothing for people.
And when asked about it, she said, calm down.
It's two and a half months later, and there ain't nothing coming your way.
You want to know who did get money?
Nancy Pelosi's husband.
This is what corruption looks like, ladies and gentlemen.
A firm owned by House Speaker Nancy Pelosi's husband was among the businesses linked with Congress members.
That guy got paycheck protection program loans.
Nancy Pelosi is worth over $100 million.
Her congressional salary is $170,000.
Harry Truman once said, Show me someone who gets rich being a politician, and I'll show you a crook.
The company invests in the El Dorado Hotel in Sonoma, California.
Pelosi's stake is worth between a quarter million and a half million dollars, according to official disclosures.
But because Pelosi's husband makes shitty investments into hotels during a pandemic, we, the taxpayer, have to bail him out.
These are all the comp the congresspeople associated with companies who got bailout money.
Nancy Pelosi's husband got bailout money.
Mitch McConnell's wife got bailout money.
Their profiteering off this pandemic is brazen.
They don't even pretend not to have an appearance of corruption.
States are closing down because they can't get federal funds.
Pelosi says, calm down and she'll get to it.
Congress still hasn't done anything.
Local mob and pop stores are closing down left and right.
Workers are losing their jobs left and right.
People are losing their health care.
People can't pay their rent.
32% of homeowners missed their house payment July 1st, but Wall Street is getting trillions of dollars.
The system is rigged.
During a pandemic, Congress won't get people health care, but they will bail out themselves and their big money donors.
The political leadership of this country is corrupt.
We have one party in this country, one party of Wall Street, one party of war, one party screwing over the people.
The entire system must be overturned.
Don't calm down.
So now, here's an article from Mother Jones.
I don't know if you know anything about Mother Jones, but Mother Jones, super liberal, lefty, progressive.
And then something happened.
I think they got bought.
And now they're neoliberal corporate trash.
I have no idea why Mother Jones exists.
Here's Kevin Drum from Mother Jones.
And he says, we really, really, two really's, we really, really don't need to mail out $1,000 checks.
Here's a better idea.
Do you think it's a better idea?
It's coming from Mother Jones.
I think it's going to be a shitty neoliberal idea.
Let's take a look.
This is his plan.
The IRS or whoever puts up a website.
You know how good the government is at putting up websites, especially at a body like the IRS.
They'll probably spend $5 billion to some third-party company.
Bunch of people will get super rich and the thing won't fucking work.
That's what we need right now.
We need the IRS to go hire a company to set up a website.
So his big idea is the IRS or whoever puts up a website.
It asks for your name, your address, your social security number.
Oh, that sounds good.
That sounds good.
It then asks under penalty of perjury for you to swear that you really did lose your job for coronavirus-related reasons.
So do you see what this is?
This is trying to target the help.
This is now what he's doing.
Well, you will be audited about this at the end of the year.
But in the meantime, we will send you a $500 check every week for 20 weeks.
If Congress sustains the program, the checks will keep coming.
That's it.
Yeah, that's what we need.
Some more bureaucracy run by the IRS trying to means test in the middle of a fucking pandemic.
It would be better to use that $300 billion.
Well, now it's $500 billion to target the people and businesses most affected by government-mandated measures like restaurant closures or social distancing and so forth.
So he wants to mean test this now in the middle of a unbelievable crisis.
He wants to mean test this.
He wants you to get, then you're going to get audited at the end of the year and we'll figure out if you're lying.
And there'll be some court cases and people, we'll have to get some more police on this and then people will investigate you.
And then, what the fuck?
Just send everybody A goddamn check, you moron.
And people called him out in the comments.
He tweeted this out, his stupid article.
We really, really need, we really, really don't need to beat Trump in November.
Here's a better idea.
Oh, yeah, dude, the IRS will get right on building a website after bidding out the contract to a third-party web developer.
And nine months from now, we can get a barely functioning web platform that accidentally leaks everyone's Social Security.
Great idea.
First of all, I bet in a week, Florida, Illinois, and Arizona are going to have massive outbreaks of coronavirus.
That's what I, that's, that's my prediction.
And but still, dementia beats socialism.
Isn't that nice?
This guy says, Matt, Matt Darling, what a great name, huh, darling?
Adorable.
That's like, I should be Jimmy Adorable.
If you could be Matt Darling, I should be able to be Jimmy Adorable.
Yes, absolutely.
He said this is, he says this is just a bad idea.
It's just unemployment insurance with extra steps.
That's what this guy's doing.
You're right.
Exactly right.
There's already employment insurance for people who lose their fucking jobs.
It's just employment insurance with extra steps.
So he adds bureaucracy on top of it.
We got to build a whole new website.
We already have unemployment insurance.
Plenty of people will be suffering who don't lose their jobs.
People who lose hours or people who are self-employed.
Everyone go to a website is not a reliable solution.
I like what this person says underneath the tweet.
have no good ideas.
Ha ha ha ha ha.
Hey, so here's a feel-good story from Joe Biden's America.
You know, Joe Biden, the guy who still won't legalize marijuana because he's bought and paid for by big pharma, because he's corrupt, because he's your enemy.
Well, here's a story right out of Joe Biden's America.
A black disabled veteran sentenced to spend 60 months in prison for medical marijuana.
Sean was wounded in Iraq.
The 33-year-old veteran is disabled with a traumatic brain injury and post-traumatic stress disorder from his service in Joe Biden's war in Iraq.
He uses medical marijuana to calm his nightmares and soothe his back pain.
His medical marijuana was prescribed and purchased in Arizona, where it has been legal since 2011.
While traveling through Alabama, a police officer approached Sean and his wife, Ibani, in their car at a gas station.
The officer said that he smelled marijuana and asked the couple about it.
Sean told him he was a disabled veteran and had a medical marijuana card.
Ibani told the officer that the marijuana was behind the seat.
The pills weren't in the original bottle, which the officer said constituted a felony.
The couple were both charged and spent six days in jail, but that was just the beginning of their Alabama legal saga.
Once the Worsleys were released on bond, they paid $400 to get their car out of impound.
When they returned to Arizona, they found the charges made it difficult for them to maintain housing and stability.
They moved to Nevada and leased a house.
Almost a year later, the Alabama judge was revoked bonds on all the cases managed by Sean's bail bondsmen.
They had to rush back or he would lose the money they had put up for their bond and they would be charged with failing to appear in court.
They borrowed money to return to Alabama.
Prosecutors told Sean that if he didn't sign a plea agreement, the couple would have to stay incarcerated until December and that they would charge her with the same charges.
Rather than see his wife go to jail, he signed the agreement.
Ibani, a certified nursing assistant who works with traumatized children, lost her job offer due to the felony charge in Alabama.
For a while, the Worsleys slept in their car or lived with family.
In January 2019, they were homeless.
Sean lost his homeless veteran benefits with the VA because Alabama had issued a fugitive warrant for his arrest after Sean had missed a February court date in Pickens County.
Ibani's health failed and she needed heart surgery.
Sean stopped taking on extra gigs to help her recover.
To cover costs, the couple took out a title loan and lost Ibani's truck when they could not keep up with the payments.
With no transportation, they lost their home.
Pickens County extradited Sean back to Alabama at a cost to the state of $4,345.
That was added to the $3,833 he already owed in fines, fees, and court costs.
On April 28th, the Pickens County judge sentenced Mr. Worsley to 60 months in prison.
This is Joe Biden's America.
The sentence would already have begun if it were not for the chronic prison overcrowding at the COVID-19 crisis that has gripped the prison system, killing five inmates and two ADOC employees thus far.
Sean has been at the Pickens County Jail since early 2020.
On April 28th, the judge revoked his probation and sentenced him to 60 months in the Alabama Department of Corrections.
I feel like I'm being thrown away by a country I went and served for, Sean wrote in a letter to Alabama Appleseed.
I feel like I've lost parts of me in Iraq, parts of my spirit and soul that I can't ever get back.
That's Joe Biden.
Joe Biden wrote the goddamn crime bill.
He's proud that he's in jail.
Joe Biden's proud that that service member is in jail right now for marijuana.
Joe Biden is proud of that to the point where Joe Biden ain't going to change it even now.
Don't let them tell you that this is Trump's America.
This is America.
This is your country.
This is the broken system we live in.
This is the world Joe Biden created.
Thanks to Joe Biden, we have disabled veterans from the Iraq war.
Thanks to Joe Biden, we have more prisons.
Thanks to Joe Biden, we have endless war on drugs.
Thanks to Joe Biden, the state targets African-American communities for profit.
It's 2020 and Joe Biden still opposes legalizing marijuana.
We're in the middle of a pandemic and Joe Biden still opposes Medicare for all.
It doesn't matter how many lies Joe Biden tells you about the NAACP endorsing him.
They have never endorsed him.
Joe Biden is a textbook sociopathic liar.
The prison industrial complex endorses Joe Biden.
The military industrial complex endorses Joe Biden.
Wall Street endorses Joe Biden.
Biden and Obama oversaw the militarization of local police forces.
Biden and Obama gave billions to the people taking away your house during an economic collapse.
Biden and Obama gave the okay for police to crack the heads of peaceful protesters from coast to coast during Occupy Wall Street.
Biden and Obama propped up the surveillance state to now serve the police state.
Joe Biden was the establishment choice for a reason.
Joe Biden is not going to save you.
Joe Biden is going to serve you.
Joe Biden is going to continue the wars.
Joe Biden is going to let the banks take your home.
Joe Biden is going to frack your water.
Joe Biden is going to let you die without health care.
He's already promised you this.
And yet, he and every other blue check motherfucker on Twitter expects me to vote for him.
I'm not voting for him.
He's not going to save us.
I'm going to oppose the system that Joe Biden set up, and I ain't going to wait until after November to do it.
You know who's going to save us?
We are.
Solidarity is the only way out of this.
Remember, remember when the New York PD were using public buses for transferring arrested protesters to prison?
The bus drivers refused to drive the protesters to prison.
Solidarity is the only way out of this.
We have to stand together.
We have to stand together together.
The system has failed.
The system is collapsing.
It's time for us to stand together in revolution.
Hello?
Jimmy, Senator Mittens mitt the Mitt Romney here.
And oh boy, is Mittens ever miffed?
Mitt's miffed.
What's wrong, Mitt?
I'm talking about this unprecedented historic corruption of commuting the sentence of Roger Stone.
I am so steamed this time.
Don't get near me, or I may blow my top, I tell you.
Didn't both Bush presidents do the same damn thing?
Who's that again?
George H.W. Bush and his son, George W. They don't ring a bell, sorry.
Oh, wait, I remember something about that.
What's that again?
They commuted Scooter to Libby's sentence, and they also pardoned Casper Weinberger.
Oh, you're going to compare a Roger to a Scoot and a Cap?
Come on now, really?
Scoot and a cap?
These guys were so made they had nicknames for their nicknames.
Scooter and Casper were swell eggs from good families.
Roger isn't even a nickname for anything.
Case closed.
Well, it's not.
Look, we'll never agree on this, Jimmy.
So let's move on to something we can both agree on.
Trump is wrong.
We can't take our 30,000 soldiers out of Germany, Jimmy.
We won that country, fair and square.
Hey, you know, there's a lot more to that phone call, but we don't have time in today's podcast.
How do you hear the entire phone call?
You got to become a premium member.
Go to JimmyDorrComedy.com, sign up.
It's the most affordable premium program in the business.
Today's show was written by Ron Placone, Mark Van Landowitz, Steph Zamarano, Jim Earl, Mike McRae, and Roger Rittenhouse.
All the voices performed today by the one and the only of the inimitable, Mike McRae, who can be found at mikemcray.com.
That's it for this week.
You be the best you can be, and I'll keep being me.
Don't freak out!
I'm not kidding.
Don't freak out!
Don't freak out.
Do not freak.
Do not freak out.
Don't bring out.
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