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July 9, 2020 - Jimmy Dore Show
01:06:56
20200709_TJDS_20200708_Podcast
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Get ready for an outstanding entertainment program.
The Jimmy Dore Show.
Hello, this is Jimmy.
Who's this?
Jimmy, this is Herman Kane.
Oh, hi, Herman.
How are you?
Not good.
How is your vacation?
Our vacation, but it was good.
Herman, aren't you in the hospital with the coronavirus?
Yes.
Yes, I am.
And how are you holding up, Herman?
Jimmy, I don't want to die.
Herman, I'm sure that...
I have too much yet to do.
And you will do those things, I promise, Herman.
You do?
Yes.
Thank you, Jimmy.
That makes me feel better.
I don't understand how this happened to me.
All I did was go to a large indoor gathering without a mask after publicly downplaying the threat of COVID-19.
It just doesn't make any sense.
Well, well, look at it.
Look at this as an opportunity, Herman.
After you recover, do you think you will use your public voice to educate people about the very real threat of COVID-19?
No, I will absolutely not do that.
What?
Why not?
Because I am a conservative.
And conservatives live by a set of principles that cannot be altered.
And one of our new principles is that coronavirus is not a threat and that wearing masks is for pussies.
And like all conservative principles, I am willing to die for it.
Herman, do you think that makes any sense whatsoever?
Making sense is not a conservative principle.
So you are willing to die of COVID-19 in order to show that COVID-19 is not a threat.
Yes, I am.
Also, I don't want to die.
Herman, people are saying that you may have contracted the virus when you attended Trump's rally in Tulsa.
I mean, how was it?
Was it worth attending?
Oh, absolutely.
I do it over and over again.
Jimmy, it was beautiful.
All these patriotic conservative Americans gathered together to celebrate America and Donald Trump.
Just straight up not giving a shit about a life-threatening disease.
It brought a tear to my eye.
That's beautiful, Herman.
Yes.
And hopefully I will recuperate in time to attend a Republican National Convention in Houston.
You can't stop me.
Even after what you've been through?
Yes.
I want to sit there with all the other brave conservatives and watch as the speakers address the audience safely from their homes via a giant video screen.
You know, the mayor of Houston is currently trying to prevent the convention from even occurring.
That's outrageous.
That will not stand.
The federal government isn't going to sit around and take orders from local or state governments.
That's not the conservative way.
The federal government bosses local government around.
That's the principle of limited government.
Actually, conservatism takes the exact opposite stance, Herman.
And also, the federal government is not putting on the convention.
That's the Republican National Committee.
Ah, I see.
Well, in the face of your incontrovertible point, I am going to ascribe my muddled thinking to being in the throes of COVID-19.
My brain is boiling.
government.
I understand, Herman.
What other symptoms are you experiencing?
All the usual things you hear about.
Shortness of breath.
One foot is way bigger than the other one.
Snuffle Up Agus keeps bringing me sweet tea with his trunk.
Hallucinations.
Oh, my man, that sounds horrible.
It's not all bad.
Last night at 3 a.m., Lee Atwater came into my hospital room and did all my favorite raps from Hamilton.
I see.
Well, Herman, will you keep in touch and let us know how you're improving?
I will do that, Jimmy.
In the meantime, I give my best to you, Steph, your little dog, and the yellow submarine, which is slowly emerging from my navel.
Happy birthday, Wingo!
Establishment media sucks, all gaslighting, so good luck, bullshit we can't afford, he's fomenting this, whoa, watch and see as the jack off the median speeds, and jumps the medium, and hits them head on, it's the Chimitor Show.
Hi, everybody.
Welcome to this week's Jimmy Door show.
Just returned from our vacation, and nice to see the world is still messed up.
Let's get to those jokes before we get to those jokes.
You know, the best experience I ever had with a cop was when one of them told me to get the F out of Texas.
Come on.
I like Texas.
That's just a joke.
Hey, what's the best way to protect your pets from 4th of July trauma?
Overthrow the government and tear down the Pentagon.
That's what I'd say.
My post-baby body is unbelievable ever since I stopped eating babies.
Hey, here's a rundown on all the ways Democrats have helped with the coronavirus aid package.
There's now less paperwork, but in order to qualify for additional food stamps, seniors have to reinvade Normandy.
You know, I got a 3D printer, but it only prints 3Ds.
Hey, what's coming up on this week's show?
Well, Creepy Joe Biden has been busy being very creepy.
Democratic think tanks try to convince people that free college would be bad for poor people.
An Obama administration official doesn't understand what Medicare for All is, but does understand that people like her will never let it happen.
And the political class has been stoking a Cold War with China.
We're going to discuss it all.
We'll get two different perspectives about China from journalists at the Black Agenda report Danny Haifong and Corona Money Talks Dylan Radigan.
Plus, we have phone calls from Herman Kane, David Axelrod, Secretary of State Mike Pompeo, and lots, lots more.
That's this week of the Jimmy Dore Show.
The blue check Hollywood fucking drives me nuts.
So Judd Abatow, he makes all those good movies.
Didn't he did 40-year-old virgin, right?
Didn't he do that?
I'm sure he did.
He does lots of good movies.
He's still test me on tiles of movies.
He does very funny movies.
And I saw him do stand-up and his stand-up was also surprisingly good.
Why do you say surprisingly, Jimmy?
Because if you don't do comedy all the time, it's hard to be good at it.
You lose your fastball right away after a week.
Anyway, that's why.
Knocked up.
This is 40, the 40-year-old virgin.
Funny people, super bad, train wreck, heavyweights, anchorman, the legend.
Anchorman was hilarious.
Bridesmaids, stepbrothers.
Stepbrothers also.
Pineapple Express.
Saw it, loved it.
He makes lots of great movies.
Wow, damn.
He's got quite a bit.
Talladega Knights.
Fucking hilarious.
Also hilarious.
Okay, Talladega Knights were hardest laughs.
What is it?
Sweet baby Jesus.
I pray to the baby Jesus.
That would be the time.
That would be like the movie that I like to play.
Like when I have a projector, I would play a movie outside and my friends would just go, we saw that one already.
I'm like, that is so funny.
That's so funny.
Why wouldn't you want to laugh?
So he tweeted out.
Remember when that other president talked about all the models he slept with at a press conference about a pandemic?
Oh, that never happened because we've never had such a craven freak in charge before.
Register to vote.
When we all vote, we can make him go away.
So now, you know, my big peef is, hey, why don't you tweet at the goddamn shitty Democrat politicians who sold us out, the workers, not you?
He's a gazillionaire, sold out the country to fucking Wall Street, Big Pharma, and oil and military industrial company.
Why don't you tweet at those to get better so people vote for someone besides him?
Like, that's the problem.
Like, I don't mind you hating on Trump and wanting to replace him, but that's all you do.
You don't ever pressure your politicians to be fucking better.
Hey, Nancy Pelosi, why don't you quit being corrupt?
Hey, why don't Chuck Schumer and Nancy Pelosi?
Why didn't you guys do something for people in the fucking stimulus bill?
So I don't have to tell people to register to vote because people want to come out and vote for someone because you're doing something for them.
Never.
You'll never see that tweet.
Because that never crosses his mind because he doesn't have any problems.
He needs government to solve.
He just doesn't like that Trump's an asshole.
That's it.
He just doesn't like that Trump's an asshole.
It bothers him personally.
But then he can't 2-2.
Oh, how did we get Trump?
Oh, it's because Barack Obama governed like a Republican.
That's not me talking.
That's Barack Obama talking.
Barack Obama.
Can you imagine if a Republican got elected over Brock?
Let's say John McCain beat Brock.
Let's just say.
And then, do you think John McCain would have been allowed to make the banks bigger during that crisis?
Do you think he would have been allowed to take us from two wars to seven?
Do you think he would have been allowed to open the Arctic to drilling twice?
Do you think he would have been allowed to repeal the regulation that said we can't export fossil fuels, which has led to fracking pipes underneath this all over this country?
Do you think McCain would have been allowed?
No.
Barack Obama was uniquely positioned to get that shit done because nobody was watching.
He puts the left to sleep.
Just like when Bill Clinton ran against George Bush I, Bill Clinton was not the lesser of two evils.
Bill Clinton was the more evil guy.
What do you mean, Jimmy?
Because George Bush I tried to pass NAFTA and he couldn't.
Bill Clinton could.
He gave the blue dog Democrats cover to vote for a bill that everybody in the unions know was cutting them off at the knees.
They couldn't do that.
They all stood up against George Bush.
They didn't stand up against Bill Clinton just like fucking Barack Obama.
Now are you starting to get it?
That the lesser of two evils, the lesser of two evils probably would have been John McCain because we wouldn't have let him do all that shit, Barack Obama.
Do you think we would have let John McCain kick 5.1 million families out of their house in the middle of a depression?
Do you think we would have let him do that?
No.
But Barack Obama, black guy with a Muslim name, was doing it and he sweet talked us and we thought that's how it had to be.
It's not how it has to be.
They're proving it right now.
They just gave $4.2 trillion to the richest thousand.
They could have saved everybody's house.
They're giving the banks a trillion dollars a day right now.
Barack Obama just didn't feel like fucking helping you.
He just didn't feel like it.
Judd Abatow has no idea about any of that.
I guarantee you has no idea.
He walks around going, Barack Obama, best president of my lifetime.
I'll guarantee you that's what he does.
So that's what drives me.
This is the people in Hollywood.
That's what drives me fucking nuts.
And even my friends who I started with who made it now, they think like this.
People who used to write me notes when my show started encouraged me.
This is your people need now.
They all think like this.
And not one of them ever does a tweet or a joke or anything aimed at the politicians who were so horrible that people got so desperate they voted for a game show host.
They'll never think to tweet at fucking Chuck Schumer and Nancy Pelosi.
Hey, what the fuck?
Never.
So what I said, yeah, vote for it.
And he'll never tweet at the Democratic Party.
Why are you putting up a I said, yes, vote for a demented, 100% corrupt, sociopathic, lying, warmongering sex harasser who is a complete puppet of Wall Street and has screwed workers for decades and promises to veto healthcare in the middle of a pandemic.
Brilliant.
FYI, that is not a solution.
Thank you.
Like, why doesn't he say this?
Why isn't he screaming that this is who the Democrats want you to fucking vote for?
How dare you make fucking morons out of all of us?
Why doesn't he say that?
No, what does he fucking tell you?
Go fucking vote.
Make sure you register.
We got our guy.
Isn't that stupid?
Yeah, it is.
And how do I know it's stupid?
Because a dumb guy like me knows it.
That's stupid.
God, I would love to be that out of touch.
Imagine having all that power.
No one ever tells you no.
Oh, all the money in the world.
Everybody's sucking your dick.
Imagine that life that Judd Abentow lived.
Everywhere he goes, oh, fuck.
You think the mafia people have, oh my God.
Imagine all the doors that are open.
Can I get you anything, Mr. Appentow?
Why don't you come up and see me?
Oh, I would definitely have sex with him.
Hey, David Axelrod is calling me.
Hello.
Hello, Jimmy.
This is David Axelrod, passionate observer of public policy, stalwart defender of the truth, and I like big buttons.
They drive me nuts.
Why is that so funny?
Hi, David Axelrod.
What can I do for you?
First, I'd like to give a big shout out to all the fans of my podcast, The Act Files.
Ah!
Ha ha ha ha ha!
*sniffing* Thank you.
Hey, how's that going, by the way?
Surprisingly bad.
Oh, yeah.
I'm sorry to hear that.
Almost as bad as my companion podcast called Suds with Buds.
That's why I drink Suds or beer with my buds with friends while we cover the issue as only David Axelrod and his buds can.
On this week's Suds with Buds, I call out the president on the disturbing Afghan bounty story.
Sorry, POTUS.
That dog won't hunt.
Do you have any idea what the problem might be with the Axe Files?
My tech guy won't even tell me what the numbers are anymore.
I have no idea what the problem could be.
Anyway, on the latest Axe Files, join myself, the great John Heilman, and the exciting, enervating, loin-quivering Steve Schmidt as we ruminate over the latest Bellway developments.
Speaking of the Bellway, love handles.
Are they making a comeback?
That's this week on the Axe Files.
Fastener seatbelts for Heilerman and Schmidt.
You know what?
Maybe it's your guests.
Maybe that's why your show's not doing well.
I adore Steve Schmidt.
It is always a great honor to have him as a guest on the Axe Files.
What did you and Steve Schmidt discuss exactly?
Trauma bonding during the era of COVID-19.
Webinar with my Zoom therapist, Rick.
He thought Steve Schmidt and I had a neuro-linguistic programming technique of fractionation.
That's where you learn how to enforce boundaries, even in these times of great passion and inescapable intimacy.
Maybe that would be more suited to Suds with Buds.
I see your point, Jimmy.
The up close and personal Steve Schmidt does have crossover appeal in the sphere of intersectional content branding.
I'll consult my brand coach about it.
Brand coach.
Hey, how did you spend the July 4th, David?
I devoted an entire episode of the Axe Files to reading selected passages from the Declaration of Independence.
We hold these troops to be self-edent, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their creator with certain inalienable rights, and so on.
What did you think of the president's appearance at Mount Rushmore?
It was a serious super spreader.
Hey, please don't say super spreader on my show.
Consulting.
Why, Jimmy?
Why?
What about me using the phrase super spreader does not appeal to your sensibilities?
Just watch your mouth.
I don't know, but please stop.
Super spreader.
No, just stop.
Okay, but I'm just saying, Jimmy, you don't want to venture into a super spreader.
I implore people to wear a mask if they feel they must attend a super spreader event.
Who's going to be on your next Suds with Buds podcast?
The exciting and dynamic James Carville talks about eyebrows, eyebrows.
When is it time to stop caring and embrace the Mark Twain look?
We also talk about love handles making a comeback.
Good talk.
Do it up.
Catch the pod.
The axe pod.
Tell your special lady, Jimmy.
Bye for now.
Oh.
That was funny.
Here's an Obama official.
This is Stephanie Cutter.
She's from the Obama official appearing.
She appeared last week before health savings account investors.
And here's what she said.
You ready?
She said, House Democrats are having a hearing on Medicare for All.
Most of the candidates on the Democratic side have either commented on Medicare for all or have signed on to it.
But what does that really mean?
Well, I bet we could figure it out.
Let's take it one word at a time.
Medicare for all.
It seems kind of self-explanatory.
Jimmy, can you repeat that?
Medicare?
For all.
You know, like the healthcare your grandparents have for all.
There you go.
It's not that hard, but apparently, Miss Smarty Pants doesn't get it.
She doesn't know what it means.
That's a really good question because nobody knows exactly what Medicare for All means.
Okay.
I just explained it.
I'll do it again.
Medicare for all.
Holy shit.
Everybody got it here.
Everybody has it.
Everybody's got it.
Okay.
There we go.
Even guess who else gets it?
The Obama official doesn't get it, but guess who does?
Trump voters.
Trump voters get it.
51% of fucking Trump voters are for Medicare for all.
She's fucking not.
Obama officials are to the right of Trump voters.
Isn't that fucked up?
That's how fucked up this country is that people who voted for Trump are more lefty than fucking Obama officials.
You want to beat Trump?
Hey, this resonates.
Medicare for all, $15 an hour minimum wage, student debt forgiveness, free college education, and the wars.
Ending wars.
That resonates with red state voters, too.
You will fucking have an electoral sweep if you run on that platform.
That's the big one.
Thank you.
So she's got a little bit more to say.
Let's listen to it.
a very distinct Medicare for All plan out there is Bernie Sanders.
And he wants to replace the entire healthcare system, including Medicare, and put a universal plan.
That's not going to happen.
First of all, I don't.
That's not going to happen.
That's not going to happen.
You're not going to get health care.
So just fucking get that out of your minds and get ready to die when you're sick, okay?
Because oligarchy, okay?
Bernie will be president.
Don't tweet that because there'll be a lot of hate on my Twitter.
Almost as much hate as you're going to get after I drop this fucking video.
Thank you.
I'm sorry.
Does she look completely evil while doing this?
It's already on it.
So it wasn't long ago that Democrats routinely derided health savings accounts as wasteful giveaways to the upper middle class and insurance industry, health savings accounts with high deductible plans with the linchpin of the Trump-Ryan health care plan.
And there's an Obama official fucking advocating for it while she shits on the solution to our problems, which is Bernie Sanders and real progressivism, which is why I fucking attack these motherfuckers.
So the third way, you know what the third way are?
They're Democrats who pretend that the best way to win is to not, you know, represent the will of the people and to represent Wall Street.
In fact, they're funded by Wall Street, third way Democrats.
They come out with a new thing.
Free college for all is regressive.
What the fuck?
Blanket debt forgiveness could actually increase inequality.
I can't wait for their next article.
Why drinking water actually increases thirst next week?
The third way justifies fracking.
When it comes to spouting propaganda for donors, we have cable news politician, and it turns out we have the fucking third way also.
And if you follow the third way, you end up in a ditch.
So here's what they say.
They try to, they list, look, the low-income student and the wealthy student.
And at the end of the day, they're both, I don't know how they do this math, but it's, I don't, I'm not a math surgeon.
You know me.
This is what they say.
They go, the crowding out effect could push out 20% of low-income students of these public institutions if free college was enacted.
What the fuck are they talking about?
Like, this is the craziest fucking thing I've ever heard.
Like, they're saying rich people are now going to stop going to private colleges and they're going to go to state colleges because it's free.
And you know how rich people don't like to pay for shit and they like to go to school with poor people.
You know what?
Enhancing free college could make limited public institutions even more selective, putting students who would normally attend them at risk of not being admitted because more Hayek.
Look at the fucking double CK if I ever fucking heard a double CK.
Hey, how can something that's free for everyone bring about inequality?
It's freer for some.
I don't know.
There's people paying inequal amount of zero dollars.
And you know how this ends up in the press?
Here's Washington Post.
Bernie Sanders is running on a plan to bail out rich kids.
Do you see how that works?
So you get that fucking Wall Street-funded third way to write a bullshit article and the Washington Post fucking repeats it.
And it's again, they'd rather have Donald Trump than fucking Bernie Sanders, and you goddamn know that.
Third Way senior vice president admits majority of think tanks funding comes from Wall Street.
What the fuck else do you need to know?
What the fuck else do you need?
So then we should start charging for like free public parks because that'll be better for everybody.
The free parks?
If you make parks free, then just rich people will crowd out everybody else.
Yeah, that's what they do.
I went to the park today.
I'm like, who are these fuckers in suits?
That's what they do.
The rich people are like, well, I'm going to leave my massive backyard and my gated fucking community in my private country club and I'm going to go down to a park and shove away all these poor people and working class people.
I want to set up a Weber in the park and barbecue with my bow tie on.
By the way, Mr. Morality likes to use kids as a prop, by the way.
By the way, he gave me permission to touch him.
Could you ever see a scenario in your life where you're on stage in front of a bunch of people and you have a 10-year-old kid and you go, he said I could touch him?
Huh?
Those Republicans are creepy.
He said I could touch him.
Yeah.
But did you see what the kid's wearing?
Well, he actually has no pants on.
You can't see it, but there's no pants on at all.
He's bottomless.
By the way, he gave me permission to touch him.
Can you imagine if you're that kid standing there like, what the fuck is he saying?
I can't consent to 10.
They're going to have to buy like longer than 30 second ad blocks for the length of attack ads they're going to cut together with this kind of stuff.
If he gets in the general election with Donald Trump, they're going to need three minute attack ads just for the hits.
I mean, let's remember how bad Joe Biden is.
Here he is trying to, he seems clever when he says this.
Paul Ryan was correct when he did the tax code.
What's the first thing he decided we had to go after?
Social Security and Medicare.
Yeah, kind of hit you in the gut, right?
Paul Ryan was correct.
You have to go after Social Security and Medicare.
That's the guy who's going to bring morality back to America.
I mean, how are we going to get ourselves out of this hole if we don't push a bunch of old people in it, right?
He's got the right idea.
You got to fuck them over.
I mean, how are we going to get out?
You think I'm kidding?
No, we need to do something about Social Security and Medicare.
That's the only way we can find room to pay for it.
By the way, he's at the Brooking Institute there, acting like he's talking to four-year-olds.
Like, what the fuck is he doing?
Whispering like a fucking idiot.
It's Brookings assholes.
He makes his sit loud.
And he's giddy about, we got it.
I got it.
I'm telling you, we're going to have to do it.
Ain't it great?
Isn't this great?
Now bring me a boy.
You know, I'm losing my shit, Jimmy, right now.
I am just losing it.
Where everybody, like, they're acting like Joe Biden is like this nice fucking grandfather who will touch you at any minute, but it's okay, right?
And is finger banging you.
No problem.
And then he says, he says that he likes Dick Cheney.
And then he says he quotes Ryan, Paul Ryan.
Is he a GOP fucking candidate?
God damn it.
I'm with you.
By the way, he gave me permission to touch him.
Steph, grandpas are going to have friends that they sit with down at the old guy places out in front of a store on a box on a crate or something.
You don't need to criticize My friends, don't ask what they do.
Some of them are going to be rough guys.
By the way, he gave me permission to touch.
And nobody, grandpa never goes down for it.
Grandpa never gets in trouble.
If you're an uncle, you might get in trouble for it, but grandpa never does because it would rip the family apart.
By the way, he gave me permission to touch.
Well, I mean, they all loved George H.W. Bush when he died, and he was fucking happy, too.
There's a theater near Kennedy Bunkport where all the actresses would be told: if George Bush comes in and we all take a picture afterwards, just make sure you don't stand near him.
Because he would fucking cop a feel.
Yeah.
Hey, who's your favorite magician?
David Coppafield.
That was the junkie thing.
And then he'd grab them while the picture is being taken.
Huh?
Sorry, Dave.
So here's all Joe Biden has to offer us.
He has nothing.
This is what he has to offer us.
And correct me if I'm wrong.
This is exactly what Hillary Clinton offered us.
Here it is.
If we give Donald Trump eight years in the White House, he will forever and fundamentally alter the character of this nation.
We are.
And I cannot stand by and watch that happen.
If we give Donald, that's it.
That's all he has to say.
I'm going to be not as big a sick as him.
I'm going to be slightly less shitty.
But we will continue the wars.
He's on board for Venezuela.
He's on board for Syria.
He was on board for Libya.
He was on board for Iraq.
He's on board for cutting Social Security and Medicare.
He was on board for the crime bill.
He's on board for the surveillance state.
The guy is fucking Henry Kissinger, and everyone's acting like he's the antidote to Donald Trump.
Thank you.
The anecdote is basically a bottle of the same stuff that's just you spin it out.
Yeah.
I'm just looking forward to slave markets in Venezuela.
And so I know it's sad.
That's a Libya crack, right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
After our war there.
Yeah, we're good.
You know, yeah.
Hey, when I knew, when I found out that Saudi Arabia had twice the amount of oil, I mean, had when Venezuela had fucked the stroke.
Venezuela was the most oil.
That's what you want to say.
Venezuela had the most oil, and then you had a punchline.
Can you go back to the part about slaves?
You'd love this.
There's open slave markets in Libya now because that's freedom.
Well, that's the free market at work.
What does a flight there cost?
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Wow, getting a call from Saudi Arabia.
This has got to be important.
Hello, this is Jimmy.
Who's this?
Hello, Jimmy.
This is Secretary of State, Mike Buffalo.
Oh, hi there, Mr. Secretary.
How's your state visit to Saudi Arabia going?
Very well.
We are having some extremely productive meetings, especially and most importantly, with the Saudi crown prince, Mohammed bin Salman.
Oh, yes, the despot who ordered the murder of Washington Post journalist Jamal Khashoggi.
Right, exactly.
He, well, wait, no, shit.
Look, that situation, as President Trump has stated in the past, we are looking into that.
We are waiting for all the facts to come in.
This happened almost a year ago.
We're waiting for all the facts to come in, and once they are in, we will make an assessment of the situation and a decision.
But in the B type, we have to operate and coordinate with the Saudi royal family, who remain steadfast allies of the United States, especially with regard to Iranian aggression in the region.
Oh, thank you for lying to me.
My pleasure.
Hey, look, speaking of Iran, the reason for your visit that a Saudi Saudi oil field was bombed, correct?
Jimmy, as a good writer yourself, I'm sure you're aware of the advice to avoid the passive voice.
Therefore, we don't say the Saudi oil field was bombed.
We say Iran bombed a Saudi automobile because that is what happened.
And how do we know this is what happened?
I mean, come on.
Come on.
Yeah, I mean, come on.
Dude, it's our rant.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Ha ha ha ha.
Oh, that's some bulletproof logic you got there, Mr. Secretary.
Very interesting.
Especially since the Houthis, the Yemeni faction that the Saudis are trying to bomb and starve out of existence, claim that they, in fact, sent the drones that blew up the Saudi oil field.
They have taken credit.
Well, we know they're lying.
And how do we know that?
The Houthis are well-known liars.
As I said to CNN the other day, they've lied about many things on many occasions.
And how did we know they were lies?
because of their reputations as liars.
laughter laughter laughter So, So everything Houthis say at all about anything are lies.
Some of their statements I would categorize more as fibs.
Fibs might be more accurate.
But generally speaking, yes, they are a coalition of liars and fibers, yes.
I see, fibers.
And besides, we are aware of the fact that the Houthi coalition does not have access to the type of drone weaponry that caused the destruction of that Saudi oil field.
And we know this because of satellite imagery and other intelligence gathering by various agencies.
So this drone or drones came from Iran?
Yes, unequivocally, yes.
I suppose you have some evidence of this.
What do you mean?
You know, drones or missiles flying from Iran to Saudi Arabia would have had to cross over the Persian Gulf, probably the most militarily surveilled body of water on earth.
Were those detected by either U.S. or Saudi radar or perhaps these all-knowing satellites you just mentioned?
Well.
Iran poses an existential threat to the state of Israel, our ally.
Secretary Pompeo, the guy From the band Blink182 just released Navy footage of a UFO.
But you're telling me the United States government doesn't have footage or other evidence of these drones?
Okay.
Look, I'm sure at some point this footage will be found and analyzed.
Will you show the public when it's found?
But at the base time, we can all be assured that Iran is the culprit here.
Why?
Because Iran does all the bad things.
That's why.
Quite frankly, I wish you'd stop asking questions.
Ha ha ha ha ha!
Yeah, I bet you do, because the last thing you need is for people to realize that Houthis bombed Saudi Arabia, meaning this is just another action in the pre-existing proxy war between the United States and the Saudis on one side and Iran on the other.
You do not want that scrutinized or defunded.
So you have to make Iran the boogeyman who launched a new attack.
Am I right?
Am I close?
Hey, did you see that Blake 182 UFO footage?
I mean, who knows what that was, dude?
Wow.
It's crazy.
Okay, Secretary Pompeo.
Thanks for obfuscating with us today.
Please keep us posted with what's not going to be going on over there.
Sure.
Thank you, we'll do our best.
Hey, hey, new concept here.
I radiated UFOs.
Give me your opinion on how do you see this confrontation that's ramping up between the West and China.
How do you see it playing out?
It's difficult to say.
You know, it's definitely clear that the pandemic is changing the global calculus.
And what has already been a trend, which is the U.S.'s decline on the world stage as a global leader, as a hegemon, that was already happening economically, especially.
But the U.S. is really walking a very dangerous tightrope.
And I believe that there's going to be a lot of conversation trying to pull the Trump administration off of the ledge with China because the danger of a war with China is probably higher now than it has been in a very long time.
Diplomatic relations are at their worst.
And this is what is coming out of China at their worst since normalization.
So that is very troubling.
So how this will play out, I'm not sure.
Do I predict an outright military confrontation?
Not necessarily.
I definitely don't necessarily see that in the cards.
But does the potential for that happening increase because of all the Trump administration's actions, because of the way that the China hawks are really pressing and advancing their agenda right now to exploit the pandemic?
I do see that as continuing.
And where it will go, I don't think we can have a crystal ball for that, but we do have to be vigilant in opposing it because right now, the number one task, I think, for the world is to figure out how to control, how to contain this pandemic.
China right now is in a race to try to figure out a vaccine and make it accessible.
China was at the World Health Assembly, pledging all sorts of investments in a pandemic response around the world.
And that should be really where the priority is.
So right now, the U.S. is peddling conspiracy theories about the virus.
It's getting into all sort of hawkish and militaristic operations in the South China Sea.
And it's not just China.
It's also Iran, Venezuela.
There's so many points of aggression that the U.S. is totally focused on right now.
And this is troubling.
But we also know that we're in an election season and wars really do fuel politics in the United States.
And so there are conversations, I'm sure, in the Trump administration about, well, which foreign policy point will be most effective for re-election.
And it is China because U.S. public opinion on China is at an all-time low.
Partly because the Trump administration has been so effective in its anti-China messaging.
But this is a long-standing policy.
The TPP, the Asia Pivot, as you said.
You know, this did not begin with Trump, and it's been kind of a slow descent into a very confrontational posture militarily, especially where we're now in this great power competition saga of the U.S. imperial aggression towards China,
which should really give us pause given that China is nuclear-armed, Russia is also nuclear armed, and the U.S. has used nuclear weapons and is now discussing testing nuclear weapons again as of just yesterday that was reported.
So, you know, it's a difficult situation, but I think our principal position should be we need to defend China from aggression.
We need to tell our government they should not be ratcheting up these tensions with China.
It doesn't serve any effective purpose.
China doesn't want it.
China has repeatedly wanted warm relations with the United States.
On that level alone, people in the United States who are anti-war, who consider themselves against the neoliberal and neocon establishment, should be opposed to any aggression towards China.
So why is China?
I mean, if China, if they got, if they know what's happening and they're down with their socialism and they get it and everybody's on board, and why are they so afraid of information?
Why can't I have, why, would I be able to do a show like this in China?
Well, it's complicated.
You know, I think, you know, in terms of your show, that's a difficult question.
The reason why there is so much censorship in China around U.S.-based media, especially, you know, Facebook, Google, that sort of thing, it's because the CIA acts as a conduit through all of those things.
And, you know, it was WikiLeaks that revealed that.
And it was a Chinese cybersecurity firm that used some WikiLeaks documents to show that the CIA had been hacking and doing all sorts of things for 11 straight years in China.
There's an actual war going on.
And I think that we need to talk about censorship from the perspective of China not necessarily being some equal power to the United States that has similar interests.
It's just like the United States in censorship.
It tries to squash political messaging in the same way, but that China is really in a defensive position from the fact that since 1949, it has been under heavy diplomatic, international, and military pressure, economic pressure, military pressure to basically fall, to be destroyed.
And under those conditions, you need a centralized state and you do need some censorship to ensure that your territorial integrity is maintained and that your national integrity is maintained.
Now, that doesn't mean that there aren't excesses.
That doesn't mean that there aren't mistakes that are made.
But what it means is that we have to understand the context for why there is hostility towards things like allowing U.S. social media, allowing U.S. search engines to exist in China, because a lot of times military activity happens through those things around in foreign countries that the U.S. doesn't like.
It was just, it's just, you know, at my reflex when I hear you say, you know, you're going to need some censorship to maintain your nationality.
It's just, you know, I'm allergic to that.
So it's like, hey, you can have all this stuff, but you don't get to have freedom and liberty and freedom of thought and stuff like that.
It just, that seems scary to people.
You know, to me, that's scary, right?
You can understand that, right?
Well, I would say, yeah.
I mean, I can understand why, you know, especially from the context, you know, I think it's important to really think about, you know, in the United States, we live in a very censored society.
I mean, when we're talking about Hong Kong, for example, these protesters are celebrated and they're, you know, the media is enamored.
The corporate media is enamored by them.
Washington is enamored by them.
The Guardian is enamored by them.
But yet, you know, the Jilei Jean in France or for example, Chelsea Manning or, you know, we're talking about Julian Assange, you know, screw them.
So in the United States, you have these freedoms so long as you don't challenge the establishment.
We have political prisoners, Mumiya Bujamal, Sunni Ada Koli.
You know, we can go download black political prisoners who are rotting in prison because they were just organizing for a better life for black Americans in the United States.
No, America is the largest penal colony in the world.
Exactly.
We claim that you have lock up more people than China.
There's no, I mean, so it's crazy, right?
So you have a situation where, you know, even though we have the freedom to use these tools, you know, we're giving these bourgeois frames to use, like Google and all that.
We know that our content is suppressed on them heavily.
You know, Black Agenda Report has experienced this.
Russia Gate was a big part of that.
Yes, we're a big, we're a victim of the algorithm too, the Google algorithm.
Right, right.
So I think it's important to look at censorship in China as being a struggle that's a little different, much different, actually.
While we are, you know, anti-establishment and we're trying to fight the establishment here in China, they have been under 70 years of aggression from the United States, imperialist aggression, where there had to be certain things done to ensure that China remained an independent government dictated by socialism, not capitalism, not imperialism.
And so censorship in that sense, in that form of class struggle, right?
Because if we're talking about class struggle under socialism, there's still class struggle.
There's still a struggle to make sure that the old order doesn't come back, that you're not controlled once again by brutal nationalists that hacked up peasants like it was their day job.
The conditions that existed prior to 1949 are things that the United States really wants.
It wants China to be a subservient country, a country that serves its interests entirely.
It doesn't care that China wants to work with it, wants to cooperate with it, wants to be economically integrated with it.
No, it's because China has a government that is not capitalist, that is not subservient, that doesn't ultimately answer to Washington.
At that level, the U.S. has big issues.
And Wall Street also has big issues.
I don't know if you remember this in 2019 during all this Hong Kong stuff.
George Soros wrote an op-ed in the Washington, not Washington Post, Wall Street Journal saying that the defeat of China is bigger than national security interests.
And what he really said in that article was, it's about ensuring that Wall Street is predominant around the world.
And this is despite the fact that, you know, China is not trying to undermine Wall Street.
Wall Street is trying to undermine China and China's trying to figure out a way to do things on its own, especially around the realms of finance.
Okay, well, all right.
So I think we could, because this conversation is not over.
We're going to keep talking a lot more about China going forward.
And I'll keep bringing on people like Danny and people who disagree with him.
So people keep getting angry at this show because I bring on people with different points of view.
I think that's good.
And especially since I'm no expert on China.
So I bring on people who know more about it.
I bring on Danny.
I bring on Matt Stollard, Dylan Raggan.
I'm going to try and bring on Ben Norton from the gray zone coming up this week.
So you're going to get a lot of perspectives.
And then you, you know, you also can, and then you, so you can choose what you think is your perspective.
How about that?
I think China's, you know, just commune evil and then we should probably go to war.
But no, it's certainly a much more complicated story than you would think.
And yeah, I mean, the Hong Kong protests, would you say that?
So what do you account for the discrepancy, Danny, between you saying 35,000 people and the Western media saying 2 million people that protested in Hong Kong?
I think it's the same discrepancy of jihadists in Syria being labeled freedom fighters, right?
It's a propaganda ploy.
It's a way of making a so-called opposition movement, which is really just a movement created by the NED, heavily sponsored by the NED with obvious prerogatives of the U.S. foreign policy establishment.
And it's a way to make that look like a grassroots indigenous movement that represents the interests of people in Hong Kong, which it obviously does not if it is being peddled and literally controlled by U.S. forces.
I mean, that is the principal issue here is that we have this so-called movement, which is holding up American flags, singing the Star-Spangled Banner and saying how much they love Trump and want Trump to intervene.
That doesn't sound like a progressive movement to me.
It sounds like one that is trying to strengthen the U.S.'s hand in that region.
And it's one that doesn't care about Hong Kong.
It cares more about how close it can cuddle with the imperialists.
Okay.
Danny Haifong, Black Agenda Report.
Thank you so much for coming on.
I appreciate it.
We'll have you back for sure.
And anything you want to say before you go?
I'll just say that, you know, with Hong Kong and just with everything that's going on right now, with China, we're going to hear a lot more because as I said before, China is holding its two sessions.
A lot of policies are going to be rolled out in China.
And this pandemic that has ravaged the United States, both economically and politically, as well as just cost so many lives, there is such a material interest of the United States' ruling class across the board, but especially the Trump administration, which is trying to win another election in November, to scapegoat China.
And I think a lot of the reaction to what's going on in Hong Kong is part of this larger agenda.
It's part of the scapegoating China agenda to secure Trump's position, but also to strengthen a long-standing policy of military aggression towards China in order to contain it.
This is all about weakening China's position in the world.
I don't think it's going to work, but it is dangerous and it will be costly, right?
Not only are taxpayer dollars going to the millions of dollars these Hong Kong protesters are receiving, but also these protests are violent.
They threaten civil distress and strife, and it could lead to a very bloody situation, which nobody wants.
Nobody who has any real interest in peace, in stability, in prosperity, in anything that matters to the lives of working people.
Nobody wants that.
So we have to be very vigilant.
And even if we don't know much about China, even if we are in disagreement about how they organize themselves and how they politically organize themselves, our principal role is to defeat and stop U.S. imperialism.
That is our number one goal.
It should be our number one goal.
And it's going to have to be our number one goal going into this election because I sense from everything that's going on right now, all the innuendo that's being spewed by the media by the Trump administration, by the Democrats, it's going to get more intense.
What they did in Hong Kong was spectacular.
Millions of people organized spontaneously, but in an intuitive system using digital coordination, capable of overwhelming a city with 3 million people on 10 minutes' notice.
Made the French look like amateurs.
And the French are the best in the world at this.
I did not, you know, I did not, that is a story I did not cover.
Now, I was just over there in December, so I'm very familiar and I met with a bunch of them.
So I was just had more exposure to it.
What were they protesting?
They're protesting China trying to take over Hong Kong and take away their liberty.
Right.
They were protesting China's encroachment.
Basically, the fundamentals of it were there are two court systems.
One is a court system in Hong Kong that basically is based on British law because of the legacy colonial system.
And then there's Chinese law.
And then Chinese were moving to basically eliminate the second jurisdiction so that they could extradite and charge people in Hong Kong, where Hong Kong has been for decades a safe haven for political opponents of Beijing.
And that sparked, and that was seen as the sort of the final breaking point for the liberty in Hong Kong, which it was and it is.
But what was spectacular about what they did in Hong Kong was they were able to again organize this concept where there was enough awareness and coordination.
I mean, did you read all that be water stuff they were doing?
No.
Yeah, so they just broke.
So the French basically have a thing where they make an appointment to meet every Saturday in the middle of town and raise hell, right?
That's the every Saturday morning.
Until this is over, we're going to shut this place down, right?
They shut down Paris every Saturday for months until Macron finally is like, no tax, whatever you want, I'll do it, right?
Hong Kong was even more sophisticated where they basically just took four metaphors for water.
So vapor, ice, liquid, and I forget the whatever the fourth inclination incarnation was.
Steam?
Steam?
Steam, yeah.
And so, and they, and they basically would literally text each other with these different formations, and they would either dissipate rapidly, accumulate immediately, freeze and lock a situation, lock up a situation.
And so those behaviors, which were intuitive and known within the, again, millions of young people, I mean, three million people ago.
It's crazy.
And they could organize and shift immediately from the sort of locked cubes where they could shut anything down to complete an immediate, everybody would scatter to the accumulation of dew, basically, where they would start to build.
And it was just remarkable.
So, you know, we don't have time to get into this, but I do.
So I had a guest on the show recently from the Black Agenda report, Danny Haifong, and he said that their government is very responsive to their people.
And I said, how could that be?
They have one-party rule.
Why would they ever be responsive to their people?
What did you find when you were there?
Well, again, I've only been, I was in Beijing a couple of times and I've been in Western China once.
I don't think I'm really qualified to have an opinion.
I lived in Japan for a long time and there's a saying over there where, you know, you visit one of the, you visit any country, but certainly an Asian country, but it's really not unique to Asia.
But you visit a foreign country for a day and you think you can write a book and you visit for a week and you think you can write a short story.
And the longer you stay, the less you have to say, because it really becomes the complexity starts to reveal itself.
I will say that Hong Kong is the front lines for freedom.
In other words, if the agenda is to not have a single one-party rule, that the front lines relative to the encroachment of China on the world, and as much as I would, I am happy to indict the American system.
I view the Chinese, at least the Chinese government, as by far the greatest enemy of the West.
I mean, the fact that they knew that virus was in their country, shut down the domestic flights, locked up their city, and allowed international flights to continue to fly, knowing the virus is on it, is one of the most horrendous things I've ever seen done.
So, you know, there's no reason to hold your breath waiting for the Chinese to do anything nice for anybody.
But I really was impressed by the young people that I met in Hong Kong who were more engaged and more active and more conscious about their position relative to China and relative to the ideas of liberty and freedom than any group of people that I've ever met in my life.
What do you say to the people who say that China's so they don't do capitalism?
I mean, they do, Mark, they have a market economy.
They don't call it capitalism, but that they've that their system, as opposed to our system or any others, has brought 500 million, probably more out of poverty.
Isn't their system the greatest anti-poverty program in the history of the world?
That's what they would say.
And I never know what to say back to that.
I mean, sure, but they also do a lot of isolation of minority races and killing them, whether it's the Uighurs or the Tibetans.
I mean, an authoritarian can tell you a great story about sections of the society that have benefited from their investment, but they don't tell you about the sections of society that they've either enslaved, put into containment camps or killed.
Right.
I mean, the same way I could tell you a great story about American entrepreneurialism and the development of Google and Tesla and the glories of Hollywood and, you know, the bootstrapping of the small businesses in Nebraska.
And those are all true stories.
Those are real things.
And they're good things.
And they have happened and they do happen.
And the ability for a young comedian from Los Angeles to have a really popular web show using this technology and hang around And talk to his friends and other smart people and make a living.
I mean, that's a great story, excuse me.
But it doesn't dispel the other story that we just told.
So I can tell you lovely stories about some of the benefits of the Chinese investment in their infrastructure and their very deliberate planning, which is impressive, to say the least, relative to their development.
But I can also tell you the stories of their brutal murder, containment, and destruction of huge sections of their population.
And they are the only country in the world that rivals America for its imperial instinct.
Russia doesn't exist as an imperial force at this point in the world.
No.
There are only two imperial forces on this planet right now.
And one of them is China.
And you could even argue China may be the most aggressive imperial force in the world right now.
So we spread our imperialism at the point of a gun and a bomb.
How are they spreading their imperialism?
The Belt and Road Initiative, my friend.
I mean, they are the greatest creditor and financier.
They have been building a global transportation network, basically.
So the Italians are bankrupt after the financial crisis, and they need to rebuild the port in Trieste in northeastern Italy in order to be able to bring imports on shore.
They don't have the money, so the Chinese come in and say, we'll give you $30 billion.
And now we control your port.
But you get a brand new super state-of-the-art Shanghai port.
And so they have been doing it with money globally for decades, and they continue to do it.
The endgame gives them total control of the global transportation and infrastructure network and total dependence of all of these countries on them as their creditor, which gives China incredible political leverage, whether it's in Africa, South America, or in Europe.
So how...
So how this is called the Belt and Road Initiative.
When you do some reading, you'll be deeply horrified.
The Belt and Road Initiative.
Okay, so.
BRI.
Okay.
So now there's a military pivot happening to the Pacific, which because of China.
How the hell do we fight against them lending money to other countries to build their transportation infrastructure with a battleship?
We don't.
We used to fight against them doing it because we used to be the financier of choice for those countries.
Right?
Yeah.
Part of what America did after World War II was the exact thing China is doing now, which is be the financier of choice for core infrastructure for distressed or developing nations in order to win fealty and access to their mineral rights.
And the Chinese are now the primary practitioner of that practice, which is why they control not only all the onshore production that they have in their country for the world, whether it's rare minerals and the sorts that people talk about, but also their influence and control over much of the mineral rights in Africa, much of the mineral rights in South America.
And then they'll go and do things like they'll build free roads and hospitals, all these really actually great social benefits that then create goodwill for them with the people, with the politicians, I should say, in the country where they're financing, but ultimately give them the ability to do what they will with that country relative to Eddie Western.
It basically extends their basic influence and their basic policy in direct opposition to the United States.
Okay, so now I know, okay, so now I understand it way more than I did before.
Now I understand why there's a trade war.
By the way, I heard today that the Chinese, because of the global economic distress because of the coronavirus, they've made overtures to renegotiate trade deals with the United States, but Trump has said he doesn't have any interest in doing that.
Is that true?
Do you know if that is true?
Because I understand that I know that the first trade deal that the Trump that just made with China, they're supposed to buy $200 billion worth of stuff.
It really was in the benefit of China.
And there's supposed to be a phase two coming, which is never coming.
Trump says it's going to come after the election.
And that's because it's never coming because China, there's really nothing in it for China to renegotiate.
Do you know anything about any of that?
I just don't.
I don't have any meaningful insight into that at all.
I do know that China is by far America's greatest geopolitical foe.
China is arguably better positioned than the United States at this point relative to their geopolitical ambitions.
And it's almost an inevitability that by 2050, China will be by far the most dominant economy on the earth by a factor of double the United States.
Hey, Herman Kane's calling me again.
Hello.
Jimmy, guess what?
What, buddy?
I got the COVID-19.
That's bad.
How did you get it?
I have no idea.
That part of science hasn't been figured out yet.
It's just one of life's mysteries, I guess.
Anyway, stop wearing masks.
They just make you look dumb.
Yeah, but I heard they helped stop the transmission of the virus.
You're crazy.
It's just like a cold, so shut up.
Oh, God, my chest.
I don't fear anything is my middle name.
Oh, my God, this hurts.
Hey, you know, there's a lot more to that phone call, but we don't have time in today's podcast.
How do you hear the entire phone call?
You got to become a premium member.
Go to JimmyDoorComedy.com, sign up.
It's the most affordable premium program in the business.
Today's show was written by Ron Placone, Mark Van Landowitz, Steph Zamorano, Jim Earl, Mike McRae, and Roger Rittenhouse.
All the voices performed today by the one and the only of the inimitable, Mike McRae, who can be found at MikeMcRae.com.
That's it for this week.
You be the best you can be, and I'll keep being me.
Don't freak out.
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