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Sept. 12, 2019 - Jimmy Dore Show
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20190912_TJDS_20190912_Podcast
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Get ready for an outstanding entertainment program.
The Jimmy Dore show.
So we haven't heard from our friend of the show, Vince Vaughan, in a while.
So let's check in and give him a ring.
Hello.
Vince?
Excuse me, who is calling, please?
Vince, it's Jimmy Dore.
Oh, okay.
Well, that explains it then.
I'm sorry.
Explains what?
It explains who would have the audacity to call me on the telephone on this, the highest of the high holidays.
Are you Jewish?
Wait, what day is this?
No, I am not Jewish.
I am an American patriot.
And we, like our Hebrew friends, have our own high holidays.
4th of July is one of them.
Memorial Day is one of them.
Labor Day is not one of them.
Nice try, Commi.
Stop put out that cigarette breaks over.
And Jimmy, September 11th is definitely one of them.
Oh, I see.
But you, not being a patriot, would not know of such dates, would you now?
Vince, I'm well aware what day it is.
Yes, but do you care what day it is?
What do you mean?
Do you feel 9-11 in your bones still to this day?
Vince, it was 18 years ago.
Never forget, Jimmy.
You never forget.
Yeah, okay, Vince.
I'm not going to forget 9-11.
I saw it.
I mean, I was as freaked out as everybody.
And yes, I see it as a day worthy of a little somber reflection, but I'm not going to dwell on the past.
And quite frankly, I think more about the horrible missteps that our country made in responding to 9-11 than the attack itself.
Well, I guess I shouldn't be shocked hearing such sacrilegious blasphemy from a picko such as yourself on this, the 9th of 11.
I bet you're not even cooking.
I bet you're not even commemorating this day properly, are you?
I mean, obviously not.
You're making non-emergency phone calls, first of all.
How are you supposed to commemorate 9-11?
Well, let's take a look around at this tableau that I have surrounding me right now at my home.
I've lit two very tall candles.
I'm wearing my 9-11 shroud.
I'm listening to the strokes because they were popular then.
I've never heard of any of this.
No one does this crap, Vince.
Honestly.
Each and every American Patriot is free to commemorate 9-11 in whatever manner they find appropriate, Jimmy Door.
I'm taking time and space to heal.
It's called self-care, and I will apologize to no one.
I mean, no one for doing so.
Okay, fine, Vince.
Geez, I mean, look, if it means that much to you, I guess there's no harm in taking a little reflection.
Go for it.
You do you, buddy.
Thank you.
It sounds very peaceful, actually.
Sorry to have disturbed you.
That's okay, Jimmy.
In the spirit of 9-11, I forgive you.
Okay, good.
It's good to remember, I suppose.
It is good to remember.
Yeah.
What fucking Muslims did to our country on September 11th, 2001.
Vince.
Oh, brother.
And we're doing getting a heartbeat the second we take our eyes off those shifty turban-wearing jabromis.
So that's what you really want to remember, Vince, about 9-11, the shameless bigotry towards Muslims that it unleashed in this country.
Yes.
Well, now I don't feel so bad for disturbing you.
I'm really sorry to hear that this is your take on a horrible tragedy, Vince.
I don't expect you to understand, you mealy mouth blib.
You can't be an American patriot until you can acknowledge and name the people and the groups that hate us and wish to do us harm.
9-11 is and forever will be Muslims blow shit up day in the USA.
Deal with it, dog.
So I guess the fact that most terrorism now comes from domestic sources, meaning white males.
I mean, I guess that doesn't really factor into your equation about who the enemy is, does it?
No, and that's why I'm yearning wistfully back towards the early 2000s, baby.
Tether times.
I see.
Besides, those dudes are losers who can't get laid.
They're not my kind of white male.
I'm not, you know, they're not a part of my group or whatever.
So you don't feel like you have to publicly disavow them like normal, peaceful Muslims are constantly told they need to condemn terrorism?
No, because quite honestly, these domestic terrorist losers, school shooters and shit, have totally perverted the teachings of white maleness into something evil.
They made an ideology of hate that goes counter to the spirit of white maleness, which is peaceful.
It's about love and wearing fedoras and calling women honey.
Okay, Vince, thanks for talking to us.
No problem, baby.
Happy 911.
Oh, crap, our USS coal candle just blew out.
It's dead luck.
Oh, my God.
It's the Jimmy Dore Show.
The show for...
...the kind of people that are...
It's the show that makes Anderson Cooper say.
It's hard to talk to you guys.
And now, here's a guy who sounds a lot like me.
It's Jimmy Dore.
Hi, everybody.
Welcome to this week's Jimmy Dore show.
Hey, we're doing a live Jimmy Doer show every Sunday in October in Hollywood at the Sycamore Tavern on Sunset Boulevard.
Go to JimmyDoorComedy.com for a link for all of our live shows every Sunday in October.
We'll see you there.
Hey, let's get to the jokes before we get to the jokes, shall we?
Did you hear John Bolton, John Bolton, got fired by the president?
Yep.
Yep.
And, well, John Bolton said he actually submitted his resignation because he wanted to leave the administration to spend more quality time with the wars he couldn't start.
I got to tell you, the 9-11, people handle it differently.
Like every 9-11 Eve, I like to leave out some cookies and milk for the Al-Qaeda, just like President Bush did on the first 9-11.
Even on the sacred date of 9-11, threats of another brutal, unprovoked attack on American soil have just been confirmed by the Washington Post.
Yep, Amazon is opening a new fulfillment Center in Ohio.
Here's a joke I wrote a few days after 9-11, and I don't know.
I think it still holds up.
Here it is.
Hey, what's the deal with airline food?
I don't know.
Maybe not.
Hey, did you hear?
After 31 years of being divorced from reality, Todd Palin is filing for divorce from his worst reality, his wife.
Sarah Palin suspected something was happening when she could see the divorce papers from her house.
Hey, did you hear, according to the Journal of Internal Medicine, there was a British teenager who went blind because for 10 years he only ate Pringles, French fries, and white bread.
Did you hear about this?
I did.
Yeah.
As a Catholic, I was brought up to believe that if you masturbated, you'd go blind.
Hey, did the teen, they don't tell you this, but he also went deaf.
Yeah, and that's because people kept shouting, dude, why are you only eating Pringle's French fries and white bread?
Hey, did you ever notice how Kamala Harris is the Jeb Bush of Hillary Clinton's?
Hey, what's coming up on today's show?
Pamela Anderson goes on the view and defends journalism from the view morons.
Plus, Elizabeth Warren says she's taking big money in the general after she says money influences everything.
Is that compatible?
The answer just may surprise you.
Or will it?
Plus, John Bolton gets fired by the president just for wanting to turn the rest of the world into Libya.
Plus, we got phone calls today from Chris Christie, Vince Vaughan, David Axelrod, and Chuck Schumer, Master of the Senate.
Plus, a lot lot more.
That's today on the Jimmy Door show.
So that's the Chris Christie phone now.
Hello.
Hey, you see me on Primetime?
Chris Cuomo, primetime, huh?
No, I did not.
Well, I was on it.
Primetime.
Me and Cuomo, one-on-one.
Mano Imano.
Before that, I was on this week.
But I'm talking about primetime now.
This week was last week.
Tipsqueak, get it.
Yeah, I get it, Chris.
Well, well, what?
Ask me why four I called you, Shribble Puss.
Why did you call me?
Because I'll tell you why.
I'm calling to decry how political discourse has got more vicious in recent years.
I said it on Primetime 101.
Right into that no-net, Euler Browse, dumb, phony, fucking face, dad.
You said that to Chris Cuomo.
Yes, right.
What we're missing in today's environment is: A, we're not willing to sit down with the other side and those conniving power grabbers and snakes.
And two, we're not willing to take the risk of developing personal relationships.
And as a result, C, compromise can never happen with these fucks.
I see, but what's the solution?
The only solution is falsely trust each other.
For example, I could never trust you because you think you're some sort of tough guy, which you're not, because I'm the tough guy, you understand?
Then under what conditions could you ever trust me?
By admitting you ain't so tough, tough guy.
Okay, I'm not so tough.
Well, maybe I don't trust you saying that, right?
But don't despair, for I got a solution to that crap.
Number five, apologize.
Apologize for what, Chris?
Whatever.
What I found out is we've lost the ability to apologize.
Ability to what?
Apologize.
You're fucking deaf.
What's your freaking problem, huh?
I apologize.
Apologize, not accepted.
Apologize, not accepted.
No why?
Because I don't trust you.
When was the last time you apologized to someone, Chris?
Just this week on prime time.
For what?
Remember seven years ago when I called that jerk idiot Navy SEAL a jerk idiot?
Yeah, because he asked you a question.
Right.
And then somebody discovered me apologizing.
It didn't make me a lesser person.
Understand?
It made me more of a person.
More than that fucking jerk idiot.
And that's the whole reason to say, I'm sorry you're such a jerk idiot, you prick.
We are right now.
Because if it ain't, I'll stick my face three inches in yours and eat your fucking lunch for you.
We happy.
So you're all right with apologizing.
Oh, yeah.
But on the other hand, if some jerkbrick idiot Navy SEAL asks you some wise-ass question at a town hall meeting, then I'll publicly humiliate the punk.
And he can cry his crocodile tears all he wants to his punk punk mommy punk.
That happened seven years ago, and this is your apology now?
Oh, yeah.
You're going to apologize for dumb shit.
Are you ever going to apologize to New Jersey for lounging on the beach after you close it to the public?
I had to club that baby whale.
He was coming for my nalabash.
Jesus.
Chris Christie.
So guess what?
John Bolton, the horrible warmongering maniac from the George Bush administration that Donald Trump put in his and has wanted to start wars ever since.
He's pushing Trump into war with Iran, pushing Trump to be more bellicose in North Korea.
And here's what Trump said about why he got rid of him.
Okay, so there's some conflicting reports of why Trump got rid of him.
I'll tell you my theory, but here's what Trump said.
Here's what he had to actually say.
But we were set back very badly when John Bolton talked about the Libyan model, and he made a mistake.
And as soon as he mentioned that, the Libyan model, what a disaster.
Take a look at what happened to Gaddafi with the Libyan model.
And he's using that to make a deal with North Korea.
And I don't blame Kim Jong-Orden for what he said after that.
And he wanted nothing to do with John Bolton.
And that's not a question of being tough.
That's a question of being not smart to say something like that.
So I wish John the best.
We actually got along very well.
I'm sure he'll, you know, do whatever he can do to, you know, spin it his way.
John came to see me the night before.
In fact, I think a lot of you people are out there waiting for me to get on the helicopter.
I'm sure you have a shot somewhere along the line.
And he sat right in that chair.
And I told him, John, you have too many people.
How does any of those details help the story?
He sat right there, Jersey Brown.
I was waiting to get on the helicopter.
The guy had just turned the key on the thing and the lights came up on the thing.
Then they had just put a placemat down because I like to have a little cookies when I get on.
And then, so all, what's all these?
Why is he doing all these details?
I don't know, man, but I'm totally convinced they got along great.
Yeah, sounds like he's saying bye to a friend.
Yeah.
He'll be like, yeah, he'll spin it this way.
He'll spin it his way.
Like a good buddy would.
We got along, Greg.
What he said was not smart.
And I don't blame the North Korean dictator for saying what he said after fucking Jackoff said that stuff.
But I'm sure he's going to be fine.
We got along.
So what is he talking about, the Libya model?
So what he means by the Libya model is when we talked Libya into giving up their weapons.
in 2002, three, and we're like, hey, we'll do, and he gave up his weapons.
And what did we do?
A couple years later, we invaded his country and killed him and turned his country, which was one of the leading countries in all of Africa, turned it into a failed state.
Pretty sad.
That's what he means.
And so that's the, well, here, we'll just break it down a little bit more.
North Korea released a statement basically citing NSA John Bolton as the reason for hesitation in the upcoming meeting with the United States.
Bolton publicly announced that the U.S. would be using the Libya model, where Qaddafi was ultimately overthrown and assassinated by rebel forces.
I wouldn't say rebel forces.
I would say the United States, France, and England did that.
So here, let me read you the part that's, and this is from the New York Times.
This is from North Korea.
North Korea said, high-ranking officials of the White House and the Department of State, including John Bolton, White House National Security Advisor, are letting loose the assertions of so-called Libya mode of nuclear abandonment.
Complete, verifiable, and irreversible denuclearization, total decommissioning of nuclear weapons, missiles and biochemical weapons, etc., while talking about a formula of abandoning nuclear weapons first and compensating them afterwards.
This is not an expression of intention to address the issue through dialogue.
It is essentially a manifestation of awfully sin, of awfully sinister move to impose on our dignified state the destiny of Libya or Iraq, which had been collapsed due to yielding the whole of their countries to big powers.
So that's North Korea saying, you guys want to do to us what you did to Libya?
That's what you guys want to do?
Yes, that's what John Bolton was saying.
And that's why Trump was saying that was a dumb thing to say.
And I don't blame Kim Jong for saying back what he said.
Also, it goes on.
The world knows too well that our country is neither Libya nor Iraq, which have met miserable fate.
So that's from Kim Jong-un.
And here's what S. Jill Stein tweeted out at the, so this is back in May.
So this is what she tweeted out at the time.
Trump cancels North Korea summit.
Actually, John Bolton already torpedoed it by telling North Korea to self-destruct with the Libya model.
This was perfect warmonger strategy to stop the threat of peace breaking out on the peninsula.
South Korea police stayed the course.
And Trump was actually, in my opinion, was close to getting Kim Jong-un to some kind of a deal.
And then all of a sudden, John Bolton went and put the kibosh on it.
He torpedoed it on purpose by saying that.
Don't you think, Ron?
Probably.
Hey, hey, do you want the Libya model?
Yeah, I'll take a pass on that.
I think I'm a hard pass there.
How about the Iraq model?
Do you want the Iraq model?
Oh, no, no.
No, I don't think I want the Iraq.
How about the Honduras model?
Would you like the Honduras model?
What's the price on the Honduras model?
Well, what are you putting down?
I have a feeling the Democrats will support it.
I bet they will.
Here is, as the Iranian expatriate journalist Bahaman Kalbiasi noted, Bolton concluded his address to the exiles with a rousing promise.
Oh, so this was him.
He was giving to the people who were going to be the rebels in Iran that they were going to back to have regime change in Iran.
And he's given a speech to them.
And here's how John Bolton concludes his speech.
And that's why before 2019, we here will celebrate in Tehran.
Thank you, man.
We will celebrate in Tehran.
Meaning, we're going to overthrow their country and take over their government.
That's what he means.
I love how Nancy Pelosi says John Bolton's sudden departure is a symbol of the disarray that has unnerved our allies since day one of the Trump administration.
Steady leadership and strategic foreign policy is key to ensuring America's national security.
You mean the steady leadership of going into Iraq, which you were for?
You mean the steady leadership of not prosecuting war criminals because you are one?
You mean the steady stream of leadership that led us into Libya after we did Iraq that turned Libya into a failed state?
You mean that steady stream that you guys all did again?
I bet how about the 26,000 bombs we dropped on Syria?
You mean that steady stream?
Or how about when you guys were all together for overthrowing Venezuela because they have more oil than Saudi Arabia?
You mean that steady stream of leadership?
You fucking warmongering, lying.
What's wrong with the country is Nancy goddamn Pelosi.
We're always going to have criminals.
What you need to have is a cop.
And when Nancy Pelosi is pretending she's a cop, she's a criminal.
She's a war criminal because she knew about torture and did nothing about it.
But Jimmy, did Torcher just start under Trump?
Oh, wait a minute.
Torture started under George Bush and Nancy Pelosi signed off for it.
So I signed off on it.
So is that the kind of steady leadership you're talking about?
Do you see where the country is so effed?
Do you see why this is our leader of the opposition party is also in bed with war.
And now it's all pretend that Trump is somehow worse than George Bush is somehow worse than what we did in Libya.
Trump hasn't done that yet.
You mean the kind of leadership that took us from two wars to seven, even though he was elected to end those wars?
You mean that kind of steady leadership?
This pretend that Barack Obama and everything was good.
Everything was great before Trump.
It's not going away, and it still drives me nuts.
And if it drives you nuts, you're right.
It should drive you nuts.
Just like the whole goddamn country and mainstream news media and Independent went nuts over a hoax, Russia gate, that was a hoax, 100% a hoax.
Now they're doing the same thing.
They're doing the same thing that somehow Trump's foreign policy is worse than George Bush's or Barack Obama's.
Remember, Barack Obama took us from two wars to seven.
And yes, Trump ramped up the drone.
He is bombing more than Obama did.
You know why?
Because Barack Obama didn't end any of those wars, did he?
No, he started them, expanded the surveillance state, and then handed them all over to Trump.
The guy who everyone says is working for another government who's hostile to us.
He's really a traitor to our own country.
Let's give him 80 more billion to run our military.
Oh, he's the commander-in-chief.
Yeah.
Hey, this guy is working for a foreign enemy.
He's a traitor to our country, Donald Trump.
That's why I say we give him $80 billion more, and we don't impeach him.
So there you go.
So now you know why.
So Donald Trump gave that as a reason why he fired John Bolton was because of something he did in May.
But what everyone else is saying, the real reason is, was that Donald Trump invited the Taliban to Camp David to have a conversation, which is what we should be doing, which is what we should be doing.
We've been in Afghanistan for 18 years.
The Taliban did not attack us.
The Taliban did not attack us.
A bunch of Saudi Arabians financed by Saudi Arabia attacked us.
And if you're not sure about that, ask Tim Ryan.
He'll clear it up.
And so we should be meeting with them.
And John Bolton, of course, is a maniac.
I'll still never know exactly why Trump put him in his cabinet, even though Trump promised to drain the swamp.
And then, of course, he drained the swamp.
And what was at the bottom of that swamp?
His whole cabinet.
His whole cabinet.
Guys like Elliot Abrams and John Bolton.
Yeah, a symbol of the disarray in our politics isn't the fact that John Bolton's gone.
A symbol of our disarray is the fact that he was there in the front.
That's right.
That's right.
After draining the swamp.
Yes.
After draining the swamp.
So again, so again, Trump, it seems like, how crazy is it that Trump is the guy who wants to have a meeting with the Taliban?
That Trump is the guy who gets North Korea into a position of negotiation.
And it's Gann, an old neocon, who fucks it up.
Yeah.
He's the uncontrollable factor in all of this is Donald Trump.
That's right.
And he doesn't make enemies.
I mean, he makes enemies all the time.
And I was just watching other people's take on this whole thing.
And a lot of them are just making this up like, oh, they broke up Trump and Bolton.
And I'm like, it couldn't be a better 9-11 gift to America than to kick John Bolton to the curb.
Oh, wow.
What a great 9-11 president.
I didn't even think about that.
Well, it happened yesterday.
So it's 9-10.
But it was like a gift.
Here, here's your Christmas Eve.
Here's your 9-11 Eve present.
So, by the way, this will win a lot of people back on the right who were supportive of Trump because he's anti-war or because of his anti-intervention rhetoric that he ran on.
And this will people will, and then he didn't, but, you know, then he fills his cabinet with generals, and then he goes to guys like John Bolton and Elliot Abrams.
He does the exact opposite of what he planned.
But now it seems like he's trying to go back to who knows.
Well, yeah, I mean, you wonder who the replacement's going to be.
Right.
I mean, so Trump was saber-rattling with Iran.
He definitely wanted to do something in Venezuela.
But the Democrats were for him.
I mean, the Democrats, again, they're behind Trump on this stuff.
They want him to bomb Syria more.
Do you realize that?
Democrats want him to bomb more.
The guy who they say is a traitor to our country.
They want him to overthrow other governments in South America that have more oil than Saudi Arabia.
Donald Trump, a guy who's supposed to be a traitor to our country.
That's how you know Nancy Pelosi and the Democrats are a failed party and they're full of shit.
A, they can't even oppose Trump effectively.
B, you know why?
Because they don't want to.
And they love having him there because he helps raise funds.
And he's the perfect foible because they never have to change or get any better or do anything to serve the people.
They can always go, but Trump, and you're a bad person if you don't vote for me.
Well, I'm not voting for Democrats unless it's somebody I believe in.
How about, I don't know, how about our panel?
That is also my plan.
Okay.
Yeah, I concur with that.
But again, it goes back to really you can't beat Donald Trump.
Honest.
No, they can't.
They lost to him already.
And if they nominate Joe Biden, they will lose again.
And if they nominate Elizabeth Warren, it will be a nail biter because Trump will wipe the floor with her in a debate.
Agree.
He got her to take a goddamn DNA test for F's sake.
Yeah, I don't see her beating him.
I mean, Joe Biden, I think, would lose by the most, but.
Well, we certainly know that Bernie could challenge him.
We already know that.
And we certainly know that Tulsi Gabbard could challenge him.
And we won't be hearing from Tulsi Gabbard on the next debate.
How convenient for the Democrats because they so desperately want to run a candidate that can beat Trump, except they don't.
So do you think this is going to beat Trump on a debate stage?
I am not a person of color.
I am not a citizen of a tribe.
I am not a person of color.
I am not a citizen of a tribe.
So this is, that's the person we're going to put up against Donald Trump because he's a big liar.
And Joe Biden, who can't stop lying.
Every day he lies about something else.
He lies about the war.
He lies about his role and thing.
He lies about whether he was for the Iraq war or when he was against it.
He lies about when he gave somebody a medal.
He lies about who wrote the speech he's giving.
He lies about marching in the civil rights movement.
He lied about it.
His campaign tells him that's not true.
He keeps lying about it.
People forget he had to drop out before because he got plagiarizing so much.
These other guys are going to put up against Trump.
Why don't you just put up somebody with a comb over against Trump?
But just not as shitty.
Give them ideas.
Right?
No kidding.
No kidding.
Tonight on CNN, Anderson Cooper examines a nation in turmoil with a giant panel of ill-informed dumb people talking over each other from behind an enormous gleaming glass and stainless steel horseshoe-shaped desk, while swirling graphics you can't quite read float in the background behind their yammering, gape-jawed heads.
Find out what our panelists are thinking all at once as the occasional good point gets drowned out by a cacophony of paid partisan pundits.
Plus, Anderson takes us behind the scenes with a tour inside Gloria Borger's massive mouth.
Anderson Cooper presents a clamor of conflicting opinions and insipid interjected analysis from a cabal of cadawall incognicente tonight at nine following CNN tonight with drunk Don Lemon.
Not much in the Muslim.
How many times have you been to Iraq?
How many times have you been to Afghanistan?
Wow, it's senior CNN political firebrand David Axelrod.
Hello.
Hi, Jimmy.
Have you ever noticed how I commonly use such words as foment and lugubrious?
I guess, yeah.
Well, thank you for asking.
For now you can improve your speaking ability with my new masterclass, David Axelrod's The Power of Language.
My goal is to teach ordinary people the pow-pow power of language through list or collection of words and phrases, usually alphabetically arranged, explained, or defined.
You mean a vocabulary?
What?
What?
A vocabulary.
That's what a list or a collection of words is.
I see, Jimmy.
You feel that for the language of social intercourse, he is the first practice.
How wrong can you be?
My course, you will learn how language is the lifeblood of our nation.
As essential as the sweet nectar from which we all once imbibed at the source itself.
The nipples.
The nipples of our beloved mother's ample and welcoming bosoms.
What do you mean by that?
Any pottle-headed loud who in a moment of exuberance strikes on a new sordid metaphor for any occurrence in the beaten round of lubricity drunkenness and music halls and thence into the street can secure applause and numerous sodden discipleship as a result.
So what you're saying is you mean anybody can pander?
What?
You used to work with Rob Emmanuel, right?
I affirm your interrogative manifesting objective inquiry designed to address a specific gap in our collective knowledge.
Wow, I don't remember eating that.
Note to self, lay off Swiss cheese.
Well, Rob Emmanuel just said supporting Medicare for all is reckless and would eliminate 150 million people's health care.
Using the power of language, how would you react to his statement?
While particularly lugubrious in nature, it does, however, fall into the realm of reality politics.
Meaning Rob biked around Lake Michigan nearly 1,000 miles through Michigan and Wisconsin.
Two really important states.
But I forget why.
He's a very fit man with a body like a coyote.
Anyway, he said nobody at a dinner ran towards him and said, take my health care away.
Any reaction?
Not surprising, Jimmy.
You ever seen Ram in a tight spandex bike suit?
Talk about your moose knuckle.
That guy's a felony plum smuggler, if you know what I mean.
Plum smuggler.
Yeah, he was smuggling plums.
He's got ox hoof.
You can see his lady gaga.
Lugubrious.
So do you sell any supplemental reading materials for your course?
No, but my students are required to buy muscle relaxants from the trunk of my DeLorean.
All right, that was great.
Julian Assange.
This is such a great point.
Julian Assange says, our beliefs about the world and each other have been created by the same system that has led us into repeated wars that have killed millions.
So maybe the system that creates our beliefs is fucked up and we should throw it overboard and create our own beliefs.
That's what I think.
Okay.
Yes.
Your culture, your religion, your government are not your friend.
Okay.
Here is Assange in the 2016 election.
He says it's like choosing between cholera and gonorrhea.
Right.
And this is what everyone chooses to forget when they say he was in bed with Trump or something.
It's quotes like that.
Those get left behind.
Personally, I would prefer neither, said the Wikileaks founder.
That's who Julian Assange is.
And so now here is Pamela Anderson.
And by the way, you know whatever after a relationship with you, someone turns gay, happens to me many times.
You then question, like, what did I do?
Well, Kid Rock's got to be like, what did I?
Because after Kid Rock, she became fucking awesome.
She became way more awesome than Kid Rock, that's for sure.
Kid Rock, I'm a rebel.
Kang, did the dang the dang vote Republican.
Dang, dang, dee dang the dang.
The fuck?
You're the opposite of a rock star, you fucking idiot.
Here's a real rock star, Pamela Anderson.
And who knew?
Who knew, right?
Who knew?
So she went on the view.
And of course, Megan McCain, who's very accomplished, she'd be, she it wasn't like she was handed a job by an ABC producer for nothing.
She was one of John McCain's sperm.
That's a great accomplishment.
And so here she is going to give her shit about Julian Assange because Pamela Anderson is a big supporter of Julian Assange because I don't know, maybe she isn't an idiot, maybe because she reads the news, maybe because she knows the fucked up world we live in and the price that truth tellers have to pay.
Maybe that's why she's a fan of his.
I don't know why, but she's a fan of his and she cares about him.
And here's what Megan McCain said to him.
When you were visiting him, he was allegedly kicked out of the Ecuadorian embassy because he was defecating everywhere and creating medical.
This is your thing.
Hey, the guy's pooping.
I don't like Julian Assange.
Why?
He's a pooper.
Can you think of a dumber, more shallow reason?
Nope, that's it.
That's the most.
There you go.
And they're not true.
There was video of things that happened.
I mean, what would you do if you were locked in a room for just really quick?
Sears.
Well, I wouldn't be a cyber terrorist, which he is.
He hacked information.
First of all, let me say about Megan McCain, where she comes from.
And this is exactly a privileged person who's never had a her father was so rich, her father forgot how many houses he owned.
That's a fact.
He forgot how many.
He thought maybe it was 12, but he wasn't sure.
He wasn't sure.
Folks, I smoke a lot of pot.
But I can tell you, I could smoke a pound of the chronic.
You asked me how many houses I own.
I would know.
*cough*
I own half a house.
And if I forget to clear my browser history, I'll own zero houses.
Techniques included classified documents that put our national security at risk or military.
You know how lies and dizzy men.
in 15 seconds of this video Meghan McCain has admitted she likes to watch scat video.
And she's going to call watch this.
The military.
How many people have the American government killed innocently and how many has WikiLeaks?
I love it.
I love it when a bombshell drops truth bombs.
Yeah.
Wait, who else is going to come on the view and tell the truth about the wars we're in?
Kathy Ireland?
So you think the military is putting the government rap.
The military.
So the difference between Pamela Anderson and Megan McCain is that Pamela Anderson doesn't have to read what she's saying off a fucking note sheet.
Okay.
So you think the military is putting the government wreck.
The military has put many innocent lives at risk.
Oh, calm down, sir.
Oh, calm down, sir.
We're only talking about innocent people being fucking murdered.
Calm down.
What's your problem?
Okay, here we go.
Actually, genuinely crazy.
And Megan McCain is indignant in the way only a rich girl who's never had to work for anything and had the world given to her on a platter.
That's who fucking Megan McCain is, by the way.
And she only has five houses, so, you know, she's poor.
Hard times.
She's, yeah, okay.
War crimes need to be punished, and they haven't.
The war crimes that he's exposed, no one's done anything about it, but they put him in jail to shut him up.
Are you seeing that the 210 video of the helicopter fire killing civilians in Iraq?
Yeah, well, that's one thing, but there's so many other things that he's exposed.
And it's not just America.
He's exposed.
He's exposed Russia.
He's exposed all sorts of different countries.
That's a controversial area of Russia.
A lot of people say that.
So here comes Joy Behar, the good progressive on the view.
I also love the let's surround an attack model of a talk show.
Let's fucking pile seven people onto one person who came to defend a political prisoner.
Well, that's why they call it the View, Lee, because all the women on it have the exact same fucking point of view.
It's just one point of view.
It's the pro-corporate, pro-war point of view.
Show me one piece of evidence.
This is actually the perfect example of how our media will act like there's legitimate debate on a subject, but they're all pro-war, right?
They're all pro-business.
They're all pro-corporate.
They're all pro-Wall Street.
So you act like, yo, wow, they're yelling at each other a lot.
That must be the entirety of human thought right there.
It's like, no, you can be for peace.
You can be for ending the bombing around the world.
You can be for not a bomb being dropped every 12 minutes.
But they won't allow that on our media channels.
Judge, the Mueller report, that Assange interfered in the 2016 election by conspiring with Russia by releasing hack emails, hacked emails.
You know, that document produced by a fucking piece of shit liar, a guy who lied us into the Iraq war.
He also wrote another document that implicated Julian Assange.
What do you fucking think about that?
I think you're a fucking dunce, Joy Behar, and you don't have a fucking lick of fucking skepticism about the shit the government says.
And if you were really a good progressive, you'd fucking walk off that show and take your million dollars and start a new show that debunks this fucking bullshit show.
And if she knew anything about what the Mueller report actually said, it actually didn't prove that.
It didn't.
And Aaron Monte did a brilliant takedown of the terminology used to say, like, maybe, like, there's multiple points where it's like, a Russian guy may have brought something to Julian Assange.
And it's like, why would you say may have if you're proving collusion?
Because you don't fucking know.
You don't actually know.
And in fact, most of the evidence that's come forward has shown it was a leak from the DNC, not a fucking hack.
And one more point.
One more point.
I love that the DNC, Donna Brazil, said after the supposed hack, the DNC destroyed the servers before ever giving them to the FBI, before even giving them to CrowdStrike, the DNC hired fucking analysts.
They destroyed the servers because, you know, that's what you do when you walk on a scene of a crime.
You fucking destroy the evidence, and then if I come across a dead body, I chop it up, throw it in a river, and then I call the police, and I'm like, some shit went down here.
Well said.
Which hurt Hillary Clinton.
It's almost like, is he responsible for giving us Trump?
I mean.
Yeah, is Julian Assange responsible?
That's Joy Behar, the good progressive.
No, again, it wasn't Hillary Clinton, her shitty campaign, 50 years of neoliberalism that threw fucking workers overboard.
No, no, no.
It was Julian Assange and Susan Sarano.
I'm pretty sure those are the two most popular people.
This is literally what's being said.
Okay, it's a lot of times.
Timing and the way the timing.
The timing, but you know, Hillary Clinton is responsible for Trump.
Yes!
And it turns out I've been so wrong my whole life.
It turns out the most attractive blonde is the most informed, smartest person in the fucking room.
I'd also love to know the word count between the two sides.
It's like 700 to 4.
And yet she's destroying them.
This is like when the two guys are with karate and one of them's like, the other guy's just like, dah!
It's kind of like when Harrison Ford just pulled out the gun with that guy there.
She's the one that's a trial information.
But you know, I was telling him.
Why do people think that?
Why would he help Trump?
Well, he wasn't helping Trump.
He was trying to tell the American people true information that Hillary Clinton was doing.
Why would Daniel Ellsberg not help Nixon?
I understand.
This is ridiculous.
This is on TV.
These are people who are paid millions of dollars to talk about the news.
It's called The View.
Joy Behar has access to the internet just like the rest of us.
And she's sitting here and said, why is Julian Assange helping Trump?
I don't get name, name, name, name, name.
But Jim Acosta.
That's how fucking ridiculous these people are on TV.
That's why you get put on TV because you're not a deep thinker.
You don't actually know what's going on.
You can only repeat corporate talking points.
And that's who fucking Joy Behar is.
She's not a good fucking progressive.
And I'm not going to apologize for her.
She's a corporatist and she's pushing bullshit.
I apologized to her once before and fucking never again after this.
Never again.
Make an educated choice.
And I think FBI kind of put the nail in that coffin.
But do you mean to tell me that he had nothing on Trump?
Come on.
And that didn't get released.
I don't know.
I don't know if he had something on Trump, he would have put it out there.
So can I just ask you, what do you, what does my panel say about that stupid bullshit charge that why didn't Trump put out something on Trump?
Why didn't Julian Assange put out something on Trump?
Well, Julian Assange, I know for a fucking fact, put out a ton of shit on Russia.
Right?
Right.
Well, first of all, why would he need to put out anything on Trump?
They're already putting it out every day.
Yes.
Like, you know about the grab him by the pussy, right?
That didn't stop him.
And all the shit they know about Trump, at the end of the day, they still hate Hillary Moore.
So fuck it.
It had nothing to do with it.
And if he had it, he would have released it.
I'm sure.
Why don't you put out some bad information on the guy who shoots himself in the cock before he gets out of bed?
It's like, hey, I'm going to tweet.
I mean, Central Park 5, we got not letting black people rent the apartments in New York or whatever.
Like, everyone knew all this shit about Trump.
Nothing was hidden.
Everything he did, we knew.
And the stuff that we didn't know, like his tax returns, Assange didn't fucking have them.
So it's like, why didn't you put out his tax return?
He doesn't just have all the information.
That shit wouldn't have mattered anyway.
What are you talking about?
It wouldn't have mattered.
It wouldn't have mattered, right?
And the one contact with Trump Jr. that he had, they tried to use that against him like he was colluding with the Trump campaign.
Actually, he was saying to Trump Jr., hey, I think you should give me your dad's tax returns so I can release them.
So literally, he was trying to get more information on Trump, and it just didn't work.
That's exactly right.
That is the point.
Like, he has all the information.
Like, Julian Assange.
Should I release the Trump information?
No.
And look at how effectively the media buries what is actually the scandal here.
And that is that there's one political party that did unequivocally proven rig an American election in 2016.
And there's like, there's evidence, there's confessions, there's documentation.
And it's not the Republican Party, and it's not the Russians.
It's the Democrats.
And what Julian Assange and WikiLeaks did is that they exposed that.
And that's what we call, that's what the media calls rigging the election in favor of Trump.
Exposing that other people rigged the election.
Exactly.
I know.
It's crazy.
Thank you, Nick.
Fantastic.
And there's also been court cases.
In New York, they had to plead guilty to wiping 200,000 Bernie voters from the fucking rolls in Brooklyn, all right?
That was in court.
But it's not just.
But Lee, they got punished for that.
They had to promise not to do it again.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's true.
It's true.
And in court, they admitted that they have a right to rig the primary.
That was their proud statement.
We have a right to rig the primary.
Had to release her emails.
The question I have to emails, she wrote.
What would you say to, I know, but that doesn't mean everything should be.
The question I have, though, is like spies that go out and put their lives at risk, like Congressman Will Hurt, who we were just talking about, who's dedicated decades of his life to helping fight terrorism.
Classified information, I believe, is classified for a reason.
I do have some faith in the U.S. government, although as a conservative, I have less faith.
I have faith in them to bomb poor people in other countries.
I don't have faith in them to give us health care.
That's who she is.
Okay, that's a fucking great joke, and it went right past everyone in here faith normally than liberals do.
So what would you say to the spies who are putting themselves at risk for our national security?
I would say don't fucking put yourself at risk for bullshit wars.
That's what I would say.
I would say stop doing that.
I would say stop allowing yourself to be used as a cog in an evil wheel of fucking destruction and murder around the world for corporate profits when we invade another country and steal their natural.
I would tell them to stop fucking doing that.
Maybe start spying on behalf of the people against the fucking corporation.
That's what I would tell them to do.
Maybe start exposing the military industrial complex.
Spy on them.
That's what I would say.
And what would you say?
Well, and by the way, that idea that, oh, I have respect for my government, everything that's classified is classified for a reason.
Talk to former CIA agent John Keriaku.
He said, they fucking classify everything.
They classify that they had lunch that day.
He's like, no, there's so much shit that's not classified for a reason.
So that's bullshit.
And secondly, he can tell you, fucking no one has died based on what WikiLeaks did.
No one.
No one has died.
No one has died because of what Julian Assange has done.
No one.
In fact, he saved lots of lives.
That's a fact.
That's a fact.
They have this whole thing of that.
What about the spies he's putting?
He's putting no one at risk.
They can never say that Chelsea Manning put anybody at risk, Edward Snowden put any at risk, or Julian Assange.
And they want to fucking kill all of them.
And Chelsea Manning's in jail right fucking now.
And does Megan McCain care about her?
No.
Frank Drake, NSA executive, who was a whistleblower before Snowden, and who actually is the reason that Snowden actually left the country and chose to go public instead of going through the prescribed mechanisms like going to the congressional committees and going to the omsbudmen of the NSA.
What happened to him is that the NSA and the government retroactively classified documents that he was pointing out to journalists, speaking about overclassification.
And speaking of going through the legitimate channels, that's what they always get on Snowden about.
He didn't go through the legitimate channels.
You know how many, it was in a fucking Pentagon report.
It was buried in the tiny print.
You know how many whistleblowers have come forward to the Inspector General at the Pentagon over the past few years?
Nearly 100,000 whistleblower complaints.
Less than 1% are even investigated.
And most of those are fucking shut down.
So the idea that you can go through legitimate channels is laughable.
It's bullshit.
Right.
It's almost as laughable.
Yes.
It's almost as laughable as the ideas that Megan McCain earned her way onto that show.
Your relationship with Hat.
Well, I don't think he, there's nothing proving that he's actually put anybody at risk.
They've gone through this over and over again.
And I just, I think that people like Edward Snowden, Chelsea Manning are heroes.
and Julian Song is a publisher.
Thank you.
I disagree with that, though.
I think he is putting people at risk.
He's putting the war criminals and the government at risk.
He's putting big corporations.
He's putting Big banks at risk.
I think he's putting the right people at risk.
Exactly.
Thanks, that.
But you know, also, he put people in danger by refusing to redact sensitive information, including social security numbers and other products.
She's fucking reached.
But I got to tell you this from my heart.
He's redacted several centimeters.
I'm the progressive.
I'm the one with the alternative point of view, which happens to line up perfectly with Megan McCain.
If you are Joy Behar and you're the progressive on the view, and you line up perfectly with Megan fucking McCain, why don't you go fucking put a bullet in your head?
Because you're fucking dead already.
Oh, this will get demonetized if I put that in.
This will get demonetized.
She's like, yeah, I just spoke with the CIA agent who came to allow us to do this segment.
And he said, and what did he say?
I think the New York Times and everybody else put out the same information.
I think they actually put it out even before him.
I think he redacted more than they did.
So actually, oh, that's not written down here.
I don't know.
She's like, I was supposed to ask that question and you were supposed to short circuit and fall over.
I don't know what to do now.
I didn't prepare for this.
I fucking hate these women so much.
Well, it's not a conversation.
It's on an inquisition.
This is an inquisition.
This isn't an interview.
This isn't a conversation to help bring out ideas and thoughts.
This isn't Joy Behar going, no, you have an interesting point because you say this.
She doesn't do that.
She doesn't fucking do any of that.
All she does, she sounds like Chris Cuomo.
She sounds like Jake Tapper.
She sounds as bad as Rachel Maddow and Chris Hayes.
She sounds fucking horrible.
She is a tool of a fucking corporation, an evil wheel of death, which is the military-industrial complex, which is persecuting fucking journalists right now.
And she's doing it.
Joy Behar is fucking doing it as loud as anybody.
Fuck her and her fucking ridiculous shit.
As he sips out of his martini glass.
That was a great punchline.
This is made by Sustainable Workforce.
And I think that, you know, he's obviously, he's gone where no man has gone before.
So I guess we're putting him.
He's the man in the whale's mouth.
He's, you know, trying to set up it so other people can make sense of it because it's a new thing.
It's a new thing.
We're used to business as usual.
What I'd love to know is what was he trying to do?
Okay.
All right.
Hand it over to me.
Now I'm going to say some stupid bullshit.
I wouldn't want you guys to have all the stupid time.
Let me jump right in and say something really fucked up.
No facts at all.
Here we go.
What was his point?
Because he really.
What was his point?
Leave it to Whoopi to miss the fucking entire boy.
When you prove the U.S. government is committing war crimes, Whoopee is searching her head wondering, what is he fucking?
What is his point?
Okay.
He actually did hurt quite a few people.
He actually did.
Yeah, again, the people he hurt were bankers, the fucking military-industrial complex, warmongers, assholes, fascists.
That's who he hurt.
He didn't hurt regular people.
So when Whoopee says that, she's just full of shit.
She's factually incorrect.
She's reading from a talking point written by a guy being paid by the fucking military industrial complex.
And that's who Whippa Goldberg is.
Doesn't make she's not a good person.
She's not smarter than you.
She's not better than you.
She's fucking worse than you because she's doing the bidding of evil fucking death warming corporations.
Am I right about this, my panel?
You're right, but it's also worse than that because Whoopee is a black woman, man.
She represents something to the black community.
I mean, I remember growing up watching her comedy shit.
My mom know it.
People, they respect her.
They look up to her.
And when she's given a privileged position to be there, one of the few black people on the stage, and you just fucking cave in, man.
You just go along with it.
It's like you lie, spread that propaganda to people who are not going to be educated, who actually believe in her.
Like, I don't know how many people really trust Joy Behar, but there are a lot of black folks who really fucking trust Whoopi Goldberg.
So, and that's the thing when it's not just Whoopi, it's like when Spike Lee or these other people, these people are icons in my community.
Fuck them all, right?
Fuck them all.
But that's why I go so hard at them because they notice they know they are betraying their community in a way that's just astronomically different than just when Jay Bo Jay Boyhar Behar.
What a fuck.
What a fucking last thing, Jimmy.
And when Megan McCain is talking this shit, I'm also thinking, you know, she's also a horrible Republican.
I mean, Jillian Dassons, he really hurt the Democrats inadvertently.
Like, he put this information out.
She's not even supporting the fact it showed how corrupt her opposition party is.
That's how corrupt she is.
That she doesn't give a fuck that this makes the DNC look horrible.
She's still against Julie.
Because it's one party, Tim.
It's one party.
One party.
One party.
And it's the party of war.
And it's a war party.
You're right, Steph.
Great point.
Hello.
Hello.
Good greetings and pleasant wishes to you, Jimmy Door.
And might I add a happy September 11th to you and yours?
Senator Chuck Schumer.
Call me Chaz, will you?
Senator sounds so formal.
Chaz.
Anyway, I hope you and your loved ones had an enjoyable September 11th.
What?
What with all the grilling of the wiener pups and Cool Slaw and the potato races and all that stuff you people do on this wonderful day of celebration and rest?
Are you sure you're not thinking about Labor Day, Jazz?
Oh, God, no.
Labor Day is a sad day of reflection and self-examination.
How did management lose the weekend?
What can we learn from the mistakes of too many fire exits?
Things like that.
Hey, you know there's a lot more to that phone call, but we don't have time in today's podcast.
How do you hear the entire phone call?
You got to become a premium member.
Go to JimmyDorkComedy.com, sign up.
It's the most affordable premium program in the business.
Don't freak out.
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Today's show was written.
That's right.
It was written by Frank Connoff, Jim Earl, Ron Placone, Steph Semerano, and Mark Van Landowick.
All the voices today performed by the one and the only the inimitable Mike McRae, who can be found at mikemcrae.com.
That's it for this week.
You be the best you can be, and I'll keep being me.
Don't bring out.
Don't freak out.
Don't freak out.
I'm not kidding.
Don't don't.
Do not program.
Do not freak.
Don't freak out.
Do not do not.
Do not freak.
Do not freak.
Do not freak out.
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