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June 27, 2019 - Jimmy Dore Show
01:00:30
20190627_TJDS_20190626_Podcast
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Get ready for an outstanding entertainment program.
The Jimmy Dore Show.
Hey, I thought I'd call up Bernie Sanders and ask about Joe Biden's fundraising appearance where he looked back nostalgically on his time with racist Democratic segregationists in Congress.
Oh my God.
Who the hell?
Why?
What for?
And when will it stop?
Hey, Senator Sanders, it's Jimmy Dore.
I know who this is.
I have caller ID, you nudge.
And for your information, most people do nowadays.
It's called modern technology.
Problem is, you keep interrupting me when I'm doing things like raising the minimum wage for Amazon workers.
You know, apparently unimportant and trivial stuff like that, you bulbous tick on my ass.
I'm sorry, Bernie.
I just wanted to ask you another question.
Look, I like you.
You're a friend of mine, but you apparently have a problem with boundaries.
What do you want?
I have a question, Bernie.
Who gave you this number?
I don't remember.
Well, guess what?
I don't remember wanting to talk to you.
Goodbye.
But my question.
My God, this better be faster.
I'm going to ram my fist through my landline and throttle your scrawny little neck like it belonged to a chicken.
And that's something I'd never do to a chicken, but for you?
Listen, I wanted your reaction to Biden waxing nostalgic about the old days when he could have lunch with racists like Senator Jim Eastland.
Waxing?
Did you just use the word waxing in a conversation?
Yes.
And people call me old.
What do you and the wife do for fun on a Saturday night?
Dance to Lindy Hop and yell 23 skiddoo.
But about Biden.
Look, I like Joe Biden.
Joe is a friend of mine.
But I think his hair plugs must be made out of lead.
Will you support him if he wins the nomination?
I have pledged to support the Democratic nominee.
Well, how can you, Bernie Sanders, keep saying you like the man when so much of what he's done is repellent?
Look, I like Bernie Sanders.
Bernie Sanders is a friend of mine.
But right now, Bernie Sanders is polling behind an idiot like Joe Biden, and that's unacceptable.
So you're saying Bernie Sanders should start attacking Biden harder?
Look, I like Joe Biden.
Joe Biden is a friend of mine.
Bernie Sanders has a real plan to help the American people.
And right now, the only thing Biden has on his website is a picture of a bouncy house.
Ha, ha, ha, ha.
And Elizabeth Warden, shouldn't Sanders push harder against her public option plan?
That's not single payer.
I like Bernie Sanders.
Bernie Sanders is a friend of mine.
He is the only real single payer plan of any candidate out there.
But he needs to make that important distinction during the debates.
The debates are about to happen.
I mean, how do you feel about the fact that 16 out of the 20 candidates running against you were Clinton super delegates?
Oh, go.
Look, I like Corey Poca, Willian Castro, Amy Klobucha, Jay Inslee, John Hickamupa, Michael Bennett, Eric Swalwell, Mary Ann Williamson, Pete Buttigich.
Ah, fuck it all.
I'm taking a nap.
I'm taking a nap.
It's the Jimmy Dore Show.
The show for...
...the up-minded, lowly-lovered lefties.
The kind of people that are...
It's the show that makes Anderson Cooper save.
It's hard to talk to you, KW.
And now, here's a guy who sounds a lot like me.
It's Jimmy Dore.
Everybody, welcome to this week's Jimmy Door show.
If you like that opening sketch we did, then go see the guy who does all the voices on this show.
That's Mike McRae.
Mike McRae is doing a stand-up comedy act this weekend in Austin, Texas at the Cap Cities Comedy Club, June 26th through 29th.
Check him out.
We'll see you July 21st in St. Louis at the funnybone.
Go to JimmyDoorComedy.com for a link for all tickets to all our live shows.
Hey, did you hear this week the Supreme Court struck down a law banning, quote, foul language trademarks, end quote.
That's true.
That's true.
So there was a law that banned foul language trademarks, but now it's got struck down.
So that's good news for my Supreme Court sucks, Donkey Dick Kombucha.
Look for it at your local groceries.
Hey, just hours before Donald Trump was set to release his deportation forces, did you hear Bernie Sanders used his massive email list to warn immigrants about ICE raids?
Yeah, it's true.
Speaker Pelosi criticized the move, saying Sanders should have given his list to the DNC so they could email them incrementally.
Hey, did you hear on Monday, Julia Luis Dreyfus, Mark Hamill, and Alyssa Milano performed a play based on the Mueller report?
I'm not making that up.
Early previews revealed at least seven instances where the audience found no evidence of a connection between the play and their interest.
Like its namesake, the play is too long, poorly acted out, and anti-climactic.
Hey, did you hear Bernie Sanders rolled out his new plan to cancel $1.6 trillion in student debt?
In response, Elizabeth Warren promised to increase student loan debt by another billion just so she could cancel more debt than Sanders.
Hey, did you know, do you know this?
According to biofuel experts, not only is hemp ethanol five times cheaper than gasoline, it's the only exhaust that'll heighten your orgasm.
True story.
Yes, that's right.
Hemp biofuel.
The mileage is great, but the car does tend to get lost, if you know what I'm talking about.
Hemp biofuel, and it's great for going on long head trips.
Am I right?
Come on, folks.
President Trump announced a new set of sanctions against Iran's Ayatollah Ali Khomeini.
Did you know this?
They prohibit him from entering America or doing business with American banks.
When the Supreme Leader heard about this, he said, great.
You mean even if I brought cash, they still won't let me into the pink berry?
Hey, when CBS News brings on a retired admiral as their war expert, what they don't tell you is who that war expert is currently being paid by.
The answer just may surprise you.
Or will it?
This week, we remember when the United States shot down an Iranian passenger jet and then covered it up.
Plus, Tucker Carlson stops war with Iran.
Get out of here.
Plus, we got phone calls from Vince Vaughan, Bernie Sanders, and Chris Christie, plus a lot lot more.
That's today on The Jimmy Dore Show.
The Jimmy Dore Show.
Okay, this is Jimmy.
Who's this?
Jimmy baby, it's Double V. Oh, hello.
It's conservative actor Vince Vaughan.
How are you?
Actor, director, producer, auteur, other words.
Let's not forget the full resume, Chachi.
What if I just called you a podcaster?
Then I would have to correct you.
And you would be right to do so, Jimmy Doerr.
Mad respect, my friend.
Thanks, Vince.
Why are you calling?
I'm calling you to tell you to buy some stock at Raytheon because we're going to war with Iran, baby.
Are you excited?
Are you kidding me?
Am I excited?
Real Americans have been waiting for this moment since 1979.
We killed Disco.
Now it's time to finally fucking kill Iran.
Take that, Jimmy Carter.
You building houses for poor people, Jabroni.
Why are you so certain that we're going to go to war with Iran?
They called the president retarded.
Vince, you can't see that.
I'm not saying it.
It's not me saying it.
The Ayatollah Komani or whatever said it on Twitter.
All right.
And that will not stand.
Also, Vince, that was a mistranslation of Farsi, from what I understand.
Whatever.
It's good enough for me.
You know what?
You may find it's hard to believe, James, but I'm not necessarily a giant stickler for English Farsi translation accuracy.
I never have been, and I've been consistent on that for decades now.
Check the record.
And now Trump threatens to obliterate Iran.
I mean, real great foreign policy we have.
He's a real castle ray, isn't he?
I don't know what that means, but I'm just going to say, fuck you.
Okay.
Where are you right now, Vince?
I'm in Austin, Texas, shooting a movie.
Oh, are you working with Terrence Malik?
No, it's a UT student film.
The crash service table is just a pile of funions.
I see.
Hey, you know what?
You should go see Mike McRae at Cap City Comedy Club this weekend.
He's actually there June 26th to the 29th.
What?
No, Mike McRae, he's a stand-up comic from our show.
Fuck you for even saying that to me.
What?
No, no, he's the guy who does all the call-ins on our show.
What call-ins?
Well, when we have famous people or politicians calling to the show, that's Mike McRae.
He does all the voices and he...
No, they're impressions.
Holy shit, I thought it was actually those guys.
I thought those guys were literally calling it.
I'd be completely honest here.
Is it stand-up good?
He's the best stand-up comic I've ever seen, and I've seen them all from Tim Buck 2 to John O'Groats.
Okay, well, well, that was a weird thing to say.
Who's opening for him?
I assume he's headlining.
Lisa Frederick and Pat Dean.
Holy shit, Lisa Friedrich and Pat Dean.
Why didn't you just say so?
How do I get tickets?
Well, Vince, thanks for asking.
All you have to do is go to capcitycomedy.com and you buy them online.
Oh, hey, thanks, brother.
This is going to make this shit trip all the worth.
You stay safe over at Pasadena, baby, and don't forget to buy Raytheon.
Double V out!
So Iran is happening again.
All right, so they said we shot down a drone.
I mean, they said that Iran shot down one of the United States drones.
What are our fucking drones doing over by Iran again?
Can someone tell me what we're doing over there?
Oh, that's right.
We're trying to provoke another war, just like because we're occupying Afghanistan, right?
Just to the east, northeast of Iran and Iraq.
So here is the, here's CBS.
We go to CBS Morning News.
We go to the CBS Morning News to get our news about the latest attack.
So that's the CTM.
People are like, what does CTM stand for?
And that stands for.
CBS This Morning.
That's right.
CBS This Morning.
People are like, CTM.
I was like, CTM, what is that?
Seems like Canadian.
But here we go.
Here's how they reported this.
You ready?
Buckle up.
Now, we showed you the last time there was a supposed attack by the Iranians on a Japanese oil tanker.
We showed you how that was complete bull, but yet CBS News reports it as if it's credible.
And let's watch how they report this.
But we're going to begin with this as you wake up in the West.
President Trump says the military was, quote, in his words, cocked and loaded to carry out airstrikes against Iran overnight when he suddenly decided not to do it.
This morning, Iranian state TV broadcast what it claimed are the first remnants of the American surveillance drone they shot down.
The U.S. says the aircraft with a wingspan bigger than a 737 was flying over international waters.
Iran says it has, quote, indisputable evidence that the drone entered Iran's airspace.
What do we do?
We're in international waters, you know, right off the coast of Iran, the country we're trying to provoke in a war.
What are we doing over there?
What are we doing?
Okay.
And again, the newsman will never ask that question.
He'll never ask, well, what the hell are we doing there in the first place?
He'll never ask that question.
The president said he called off retaliatory strikes because the estimated death toll of 150 people was too high.
David Martin at the Pentagon, what do we know about this planned attack?
Good morning.
The president's tweet describes what would have been a very limited strike against just three sites that were involved in the shootdown of the American drone.
It was a go.
So right off the bat, he's like, it was very limited strike, just the three places that he He called it off the three places we knew were attacking us, attacking us off the coast of Iran.
They're not off the coast of Alabama or Georgia or Florida, but off the coast of Iran.
Okay.
So said, and then it wasn't.
Another official said simply, cold feet.
The stand down came 24 hours after this.
An Iranian missile knocking an American drone out of the sky, sending it corkscrewing down into Iran.
They missed, they leave that part out.
An Iranian missile knocking down a U.S. drone over Iran.
That's the part they miss out.
They leave out.
The ocean.
The shootdown was celebrated on Iranian state television with a video purportedly showing the missile on its way to the target.
But President Trump seemed inclined to write it off as just an accident.
I find it hard to believe it was intentional, if you want to know the truth.
I think that it could have been somebody who was loose and stupid that did it.
That didn't sound right to CBS News analyst and retired Admiral Sandy Winnefell.
Wow.
So that didn't sound right.
I'm going to guess.
I'm going to guess retired Admiral Sandy Winnefell is going to advocate for war.
Because let's remember, you don't get to become an admiral if you're questioning war.
You only get to become an admiral or general if you're like, yeah, I can, I'll do that.
I'll go kill some MFers for you.
No problem.
And I know how to do it quick and bad.
We're going to win.
You don't get to be the head of a military organization if you're shy about military operations.
So let's hear what he has to say.
And let's also look up who he's working for.
Because you know what they do a lot of times?
They bring on these retired generals and admirals and colonels and captains, and they don't tell you that they're actually, they have a contract with a military industrial complex manufacturer.
So what Brian Williams would do during the Iraq war, he'd bring on these people who are being paid by all these military contractors to advocate for more war because they would make more money.
And lots of times they would not only advocate for more war, but for specific weapons to be used that they were being paid to advocate for.
So let's see what this.
So let's get this guy's name, Sandy Winnefeld.
Let's see if he let's see while we're watching this in real time.
You look up and see if he has any contracts with the military industrial complex.
I don't think it was a rogue attack.
I think it was premeditated.
And I do think it was a great mistake on Iran's part.
When asked about retaliatory strikes, the president.
I think it was a great, it was, it was probably, it was a private time, and it was a great mistake on Iran's file.
It's not a mistake for us to Iraq, Afghanistan, and now we're trying to start a war in Iran.
That's not a mistake.
The mistake is Iran actually defending itself from our aggression.
Let's go.
There's a little bit more of this.
It was non-committal.
You'll find out.
You'll find out.
But at an afternoon briefing, Democratic congressional leaders warned the president of the unintended consequences of even a limited strike.
The president may not intend to go to war here, but we're worried that he and the administration may bumble into a war.
The U.S. military spent much of the day declassifying intelligence to show the $110 million surveillance drone had not violated Iranian airspace as Iran's foreign minister claimed it had.
The U.S. called it an unprovoked attack, which raised the question: would the U.S. be seen as weak if it did not retaliate against an attack on one of its aircraft?
That raises the question in whose mind the Jagoff doing this report for CBS, which raises the question: is America weak?
Are we going to let this happen?
That's the news guide.
Not the question is, what the F are we doing there in the first place?
Aren't we in enough foreign wars?
He doesn't even tell you how many countries we're bombing right now.
He doesn't even tell you that.
Libya, I forgot Libya.
Iraq, Libya, Syria.
Look at our track record over there.
But it's us who's going to look weak if we don't go and bomb another country.
That's the CBS newsman.
That's their newsman.
And now you know why that guy's been groomed to have that job since he was in kindergarten.
Because if that guy had an original thought in his head, he would have been, he would have been found out and bought first or second grade, and he would have been considered a troublemaker.
And those people don't get into those jobs.
Okay.
So here we go.
Administration is going to have to respond to this or lose a lot of credibility.
He just said, we're going to have to go to war with Iran or else we're going to lose credibility.
Did you look around the Middle East and see how much credibility we have?
Do you look at our 20-year occupation in Afghanistan?
You look at what we did to Libya.
Turned it into a failed state, a haven for terrorists right now.
ISIS and has opened slave trading.
Libya, which was one of the most advanced countries in the entire continent, we did that.
Turn it into a failed state, haven for terrorists.
Look what we did to Iraq.
But this guy, this warmongering maniac, and that's how you get to be where he is, because you're a war-wongering maniac.
And that's how he got this job, too.
Do you think if he advocated against war, they would allow him to even have this job?
And he said, if we don't go to war with the, he just said it, that we're going to look.
So now the same people have been telling you that Trump is under the thumb of Vladimir Putin and is a Manchurian candidate.
He's a traitor to our country.
They go, oh, but let him run our military.
That's exactly what's happening right now.
They'll go, oh, but Trump's got to go run our military and start another war.
The guy who's working for Putin, yeah, that guy.
The guy who said is a traitor to our country.
Yeah, let's have him run our military.
Yeah, yeah, let's let him do that.
With a straight face.
Because that guy's a maniac.
That guy's a freaking warmongering maniac.
Dawa Jay says pure gangster mentality.
Yeah, this is a gangster.
This is like, what do you, is he a crip?
Oh, Ben, you disrespected me.
I'm going to have to go kill some people now on your side.
You disrespected me.
We might lose credibility.
You think Trump might lose credibility?
Trump, the guy who half the countries and every fucking person in the media has been running around saying he's a traitor to our country.
Somehow he's going to lose credibility if he doesn't fucking bomb another country, you maniac.
And standing in the region and around the rest of the world.
Let me play that again for you.
This is like a comedy bit that I could.
If I could write this, if I could write this good, I wouldn't be in my garage.
Back on one of its aircraft.
Administration is going to have to respond to this or lose a lot of credibility and standing in the region and around the rest of the world.
Trump is going to lose.
Trump is going to lose credibility in the region and around the world.
Trump.
That's what that guy's saying.
And now you know how you get to be an admiral in the military.
Advocate for war all the time, every day.
Republicans like Senator Lindsey Graham agree Iran cannot be allowed to attack a U.S. aircraft without paying a price.
Secretary of State Pompeo is expected to visit Saudi Arabia and the United Arab Emirates to discuss what the U.S. should do next.
Anthony?
Again, we're going to go meet with the murderous Saudi Arabia regime that killed a journalist for the Washington Post.
We all know.
We're going to go figure, we're going to go meet with those guys.
See what we could do about these guys.
And he just with a straight face, as if he's serious.
I mean, honest to fucking God.
These people are the ones bringing you the news.
And now you know why people get their news from YouTube.
And now you know why they want to shut us down.
Do you see what they do?
This guy puts on a suit to go give that report.
Mr. Magoo says these motherfuckers won't be happy until the doomsday clock hits midnight.
You find it?
Yes.
Go ahead.
Thank you, Vista Trista 7 for the link, but Sandy Winnefeld is on the Raytheon.
Board of Directors.
He's on the Raytheon Board of Directors.
And CBS News doesn't bother to tell you that.
CBS News doesn't think that's important for you to know that he makes money off of war.
That's exactly what I'm talking about.
Do you see how these people have no integrity?
They're the worst people in the world.
That's why they're on TV giving you the news.
You think they'd have someone like me give you the news or fucking Ralph Nader or Aaron Matei or Glenn Greenwald or Max Blumenthal or anybody with a conscience?
You think they'd have them giving you the news about the wars?
No.
No.
This is unbelievable.
This guy's not going to be hurt by the war.
He doesn't give a shit.
So I'm going to, I'm going to, they, this central casting, give me an old guy with a serious face who can sell the war for us.
You got him?
All right, now get that get that admiral who's retired who's on the board of Raytheon to make it seem real.
And they all talk very stir.
Well, we got to do this.
This is fucking maniacs.
On the board of Raytheon, is he, huh?
Let's see how they end this.
David, thank you.
That's it.
There you go.
David, thank you.
That was great news.
You had to go.
He had to go stand somewhere outside to give that report to make it look like he's doing something.
But they all look so reliable, these dudes, right?
Yes.
They're clean cut.
Central casting.
They're scaring the shit out of me.
Just like Robert Mueller looks like he looks central casting.
Give me a guy who looks like the guy you're supposed to trust.
But they're all liars.
They're all paid for by the people they're supposed to be investigating and exposing.
That guy works for Raytheon.
That's your expert.
You notice they didn't bring in Medea Benjamin or anybody with a counter narrative to war.
Isn't that interesting?
The most they could do is ask Chuck Schumer.
Yeah, they're definitely not going to have anybody from Code Pink on.
James A. Sandy Winnefeld Jr. elected to Raytheon Board of Directors.
The board of Raytheon Company has elected Sandy James Sandy Winnefeld Jr. as director, effectively.
He's the freaking director.
That's this guy.
He's a retired United States Admiral who served in the...
This is the guy.
His commands included serving as commander of the U.S. 6th Fleet and commander of the Allied Command Lisbon, Allied Joint Command, Lisbon.
Yep.
He retired from the Navy in 2015 after 37 years of service, and now he's making a shit ton of money working for us.
Oh, that's weird if they put that in there.
Sandy brings significant expertise to our board, including deep knowledge of how to start wars in the Middle East.
No, I didn't say that either.
His strong understanding of the evolving international environment, as well as his critical...
You mean that?
and then CBS ain't gonna tell you he's getting paid by Raytheon.
Those pieces of it over at...
So, Jimmy, can I ask you, why do you think Trump didn't move forward?
I don't know.
I don't know.
I think, well, you know, who is that intervening voice?
I think Trump is not sure if a war in Iran will secure his reelection or if it will hurt his re-election.
I think it would hurt his re-election.
Because he didn't campaign on that.
Well, he campaigned on the opposite, but he also did campaign on bombing the shit out of terrorists.
And you know, once you go to war, it's hard to get people to not be for it, right?
You just, we live through Iraq.
You saw people, I mean, the 2004 election was John Kerry trying to be a tougher fucking guy on the rack than George Bush.
That's what we were offered.
And now you know why he lost.
And there you go.
Marin Gaines says here, the military industrial complex has a stranglehold on the American foreign policy.
Yeah, no doubt about it.
So there you go.
That's your corporate news.
They're all sitting around.
Look at him.
Look at these fucking jackasses.
They're all sitting around in suits and $3,000 dresses with the necklace.
And he's got cufflinks, I'm sure.
Cufflinks and collar bars and tie clips.
And nobody's wearing a kerchief.
Nobody's wearing a pocket square, though, given the news with the pocket square.
So when people advocate for war with a pocket square, it's kind of funny to me.
It's just kind of funny.
Or somebody with an ass cot advocating for war.
It's funny.
So here they are.
They're all sitting around, sitting around a glass table in a TV studio.
And I'm going to guess that's in New York.
Good for them.
Good for them.
These are all our military bases.
These are all.
Why is Iran in the middle of all of our military bases?
What is Iran doing in the middle of our military bases?
Rude.
So that's kind of a...
So...
There's Iraq.
We turned that into a failed state.
There's Syria right next to it.
We effed up Syria really good.
That's awesome.
That's amazing.
There you go.
And that's something they'll never show you on the news either.
I mean, on the corporate news.
They'll never show you this map.
They're never going to go, hey, by the way, if Trump, if Trump doesn't retaliate, he's going to lose credibility in the region.
He's going to lose credibility in the fucking region.
Now you know why they want to shut YouTube down and they want you to get your news from those pieces of it over at CBS News and NBC and ABC and CNN.
Now you know why?
Hey, you know, we no longer have an Amazon link because we're not doing that.
We're not playing that game.
But here's another great way you can help support the show is you become a premium member.
We give you a couple of hours of premium bonus content every week.
And it's a great way to help support the show.
You can do it by going to jimmydoorcomedy.com, clicking on join premium.
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And it's a great way to help put your thumb back in the eye of the bastards.
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We give you lots of bonus content.
Thanks for your support.
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And now back to the Jimmy Dore show, already in progress.
Okay, I'm calling Chris Christie because I just heard he and his wife are pitching a syndicated television talk show like Oprah has.
Hello?
Yeah.
If you scumbags, look under your seats, you'll find some knickknacks and shit I accidentally by chance found in an abandoned warehouse.
Or maybe even a big truck that mysteriously broke down on the highway.
And maybe the driver was looking the other way while the door's open because he doesn't want to get hurt.
And so forth.
Got it?
Hey, Governor Christie, are you really pitching a talk show?
That's completely false.
It's more like a shit the fuck down and shut the fuck up show.
Brought to you by Chubb Hub.
Chubb Hub.
But when your hump needs some grub for his chub.
Hey, that was the good one, right?
See, like that.
I'm pretty good at this shit.
I haven't even started yet.
You really think this might work out?
You think you're better at this than me?
It's hard work, Chris, and it takes practice.
You think you're better at a talk show with them, me?
You dig that.
Well, guess what?
What?
We'll be right back after a word from Kent Cigarettes.
Kent cigarettes there with the new microdype filter.
You ain't tasted shit like this before.
Because it's full of asbestos.
See, I got this shit pound so good it feels like that second pound of nachos are just anxiety gulped I don't know Chris I could do what you do and better you know why why because I'd like to welcome a new sponsor so sit down and listen or I'll rip your fucking testicles out of your pants vantage six it's a cigarette with the filter that's got a big hole down the middle just like the hole I'm gonna put down your middle if you don't stop buying this shit follow me shut up who told
anywhere you could leave.
You might as well get yourself comfy, because the doors are locked and you ain't going nowhere.
Who's crying?
Stop the crying.
Fucking babies with their mommies?
Is that it?
You want to talk to your mommy?
Well, I got her on the phone.
Hi, honey, do what he says.
I'm alright.
Just do what he says.
And so forth.
Pretty good, huh?
I'm going to be like a cross between Oprah and Dr. Phil.
I'm going to make people sick and then cure them.
And what role is your wife going to play?
She's going to pretend like she didn't hear or see nothing.
It's better that way.
You think she's like that?
You think she'll like that, Chris?
You're saying something about my wife?
Because I'm saying you're saying something about my wife, and I like that.
What kind of subjects will you have on your show?
Subjects.
Subjects about issues.
Yeah, what kind of issues?
Things.
Issue-oriented things.
Subjects there.
We're going to shoot the shit and so forth.
Why, what's it to you?
What's with all the questions?
Stop sticking your snoot where it don't belong, you scumbag lowlife.
With this kind of demeanor, I really don't see your show turning into a success, Chris.
Whoa.
We ain't good to be nobody.
It's going to be an uplifting, feel-good show.
We're going to celebrate life and shit.
And we're going to solve problems and help people.
And when the show's over, the audience goes back to the parking lot to find a dead pony in their Range Rover.
Case closed.
See you next week.
This portion of the Jimmy Dore Show is brought to you by the Malibu Center for Despair.
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Now back to the Jimmy Dore Show, already in progress.
So Trump didn't attack Iran.
Now, a lot of people wanted to attack it.
This is from the New York Times.
Trump urged to launch an attack.
Trump listened to the skeptics who said it would be a costly mistake.
He heard from the generals and his diplomats.
Lawmakers weighed in, and so did his advisors.
But among the voices that rang powerfully for President Trump was that of one of his favorite Fox News hosts, Tucker Carlson.
We made a joke on this show that, hey, maybe Trump watched Tucker Carlson.
We made a joke.
That's exactly what happened.
And Tucker Carlson, who likes to say he's not a powerful person, just stopped a war.
Whoa.
Guess who didn't stop that war?
Jake Tapper, Anderson Cooper, Rachel Maddow, Chris Hayes.
Guess who stopped the war?
Tucker Carlson.
Why?
Because for some fucking reason, Tucker Carlson is the only one in establishment news who's allowed to tell the truth about our wars.
Isn't that weird?
But he's doing it.
Rachel Maddow's not doing it.
Chris fucking Hayes ain't going to do it.
Jake Tapper's certainly not going to do it.
Anderson Cooper ain't going to do it unless you can print it on a t-shirt.
Here is Tucker Carlson doing it and stopping a war.
Oh my God.
While national security advisors were urging a military strike against Iran, Mr. Carlson in recent days had told Mr. Trump that responding to Tehran's provocations with force was crazy.
It's also crazy for the Times to use the term Tehran's provocations.
Yes.
What does that mean?
Tehran basically responding to American provocations.
That's what that means.
Yes.
You mean Iran shooting down a drone that's flying in their country?
Yeah.
Yeah.
And by the way, they warned the drone, they warned America twice about the drone being in their airspace.
And they just kept flying.
And then they finally...
Yeah.
However much weight however much weight that advice may or may not have had, the sentiment certainly reinforced the doubts that Mr. Trump himself harbored.
As he navigated his way through one of the most consequential foreign policy decisions of his presidency, belligerent and confrontational as he is in public persona, in his public persona, Mr. Trump has at times pulled back from the use of force,
that america has wasted too many lives and too much money in pointless middle east wars and wary of repeating what he considers the mistakes of his predecessors it's amazing that the new york times even printed that it's amazing they even printed that that much uh As Mr. Carlson and other skeptics have argued, a strike against Iran could easily spiral into a full-fledged war without easy victory.
That Mr. Trump was told what that, Mr. Trump was told, was everything he ran against.
And so that's true.
And guess who has the air of the president?
A non-interventionist Tucker Carlson.
Thank God Trump doesn't watch MSNBC or CNN or CBS News or ABC News because they're all beating the drum for war right now.
Thank God he doesn't watch Brian Williams.
That's for goddamn sure.
Here is Adam Schiff.
Now, Adam Schiff is lamenting that the problem with Trump is that we can't go to war now because people in the Middle East don't trust him.
He says the evidence of Iran's attack on the ships is strong.
So that's a guy lying.
It is not strong.
It's the exact opposite of that.
In fact, it's obvious that that was made-up propaganda.
So Adam Schiff is a war propagandist.
He's a lying war propagandist.
He's a shill.
He's not a truth teller.
He doesn't have integrity.
And he is the moral superior of no one.
Adam Schiff is the moral superior of fucking no one.
In fact, he's one of the worst type of people in the world.
He'll lie to the people who vote for him about a war.
That's who Adam Schiff is, just like most of the Democrats.
And that's why we have Trump.
That's why we have Trump.
So he lies.
He says the evidence of Iran's attack on the ships is strong.
That's a lie.
We should be leading an international effort to protect the seas and reduce the risk of conflict.
That's also a lie.
Instead, Trump policies have left us isolated and the region unstable.
That is also a lie.
The maximum pressure campaign has failed maximally.
No, you have failed, Adam Schiff.
And here's what Adam Schiff has to say.
You want to hear him?
This is exactly what you were talking about, right, Aaron?
Watch this.
Is there any question in your mind that it is Iran and its revolutionary guard that is behind these attacks?
There's no question that Iran is behind the attacks.
I think the evidence.
So what would you say if you were interviewing him and he said that?
Well, I mean, you'd have to ask him what his evidence is in the same way that you'd have to ask him, which people really failed to do when he said that he had seen more than circumstantial evidence of collusion, right?
And he never produced it.
He never produced it.
He still hasn't.
We're still waiting for it.
And then we could also ask him: well, is perhaps the fact that you've gotten more than $70,000 from Raytheon over the course of your political career to the point where Raytheon even hosted fundraisers for you at Beyonce concerts where you can see Beyonce with Adam Schiff, sponsored by Raytheon.
Has that money and other money from weapons manufacturers, has that contributed to your consistently pro-war stance over the course of his career here and everywhere?
So he's doing this interview on CBS News.
CBS News, their expert on the war is a guy in Admiral.
What was his name?
Sandy.
You texted it to me, right?
That link?
Sandy Winnefeld.
So their expert at CBS News is a retired admiral named Sandy Winnefeld.
And I'm like, I got a feeling when an admiral retires, he just doesn't stop getting income.
And we found out, oh, he just won an election to the board of Raytheon.
Guess who didn't tell you that their military expert was on the board of Raytheon?
CBS motherfucking news didn't tell you that.
Ridiculous.
They did not tell you that the guy that they brought on to give you the straight dope about the war in Iran is a war profiteer who stands to make millions and billions of dollars on a war with Iran.
They don't tell you that.
That's why people get their news from YouTube.
That's why people have to go to the Gray Zone Project to watch pushback.
That's why, because CBS News is part of the problem.
They're fake news.
People aren't worried about fake news.
The worst fake news in the world appears on CBS News and the front page of the New York Times and the Washington Post.
Nobody ever went to war over a fucking YouTube video.
So let's listen to what else some more shit this guy says.
And you tell me if you want me to stop at any point, Aaron.
This is very strong and compelling.
In fact, I think this was a class A screw-up by Iran to insert a mine on the ship.
It didn't detonate.
They had to go back and retrieve it.
I can imagine there are some Iranian heads rolling for that botched operation.
But nonetheless, the problem is that we are struggling, even in the midst of this solid evidence, to persuade our allies to join us in any kind of a response.
And it shows just how isolated the United States has become.
Our allies warned the United States.
I think our intelligence agencies warned policymakers that this kind of Iranian reaction was likely a result of a policy of withdrawing from the nuclear agreement.
And so what we see is a split of the U.S. from our allies, and we see Russia and China coming together and having Iran's back.
This is, I think, the worst of all situations.
And the maximalist pressure campaign has maximally failed and only heightened the risk of conflict for my colleague, Senator Cotton, to advocate that we attack Iran and provoke a war, that there's no congressional authorization necessary, I think is exactly the wrong answer on both levels.
That's his opposition.
That's it.
He's opposed to Cotton because he wants to go to war without congressional authorization.
That's it.
So if only Trump could ask for congressional authorization, well, maybe we'll give it to him.
And then he talks about we're not working with our allies.
It's exactly like John Kerry's failed presidential campaign against George Bush when they've launched the Iraq war, this murderous catastrophe, which Kerry voted for.
And Kerry's opposition to Bush is that, you know, you're not working close enough with our allies.
You don't have a plan.
You haven't given our soldiers the right equipment.
That's our opposition.
It's people who assume the legitimacy of using force and bombing countries that we're provoking.
And by the way, and criticizing our way of going about that, not questioning the underlying right that we assert to attack people.
And he mentions that this results from Trump's withdrawal from the Iran deal, which I'm glad he's acknowledging.
But then the follow-up there is, okay, so then why haven't the Democrats been forcefully advocating and making that an issue?
Why haven't there been protests trying to get the U.S. back in the Iran deal?
Because this was Obama's thing.
And it was a very positive development.
Now, there are some cynical reasons behind it in terms of Obama tried to collapse Iran's economy with awful sanctions.
It didn't work.
And because of that, we got the Iran deal.
But still, it's still, it was a good thing that it happened and it reduced tensions and it helped reduce the suffering of the Iranian people or it had the potential to.
But Schiff isn't talking about restoring that.
He's just talking about the superficial tactical issues with how Trump is going about it.
Yeah, he's upset that we're losing credibility in the region.
That's the term they like to use.
Trump is losing credibility.
We're losing credibility in the region.
You know what?
And go ahead.
Adam Schiff has lost credibility here in California.
Yes.
Why do I want him in California?
Well, here's also the very, I'm so sorry.
But the whole point is, why?
I thought Democrats were freaked out about Donald Trump having control of the military.
What?
I thought they were freaking out.
I thought the whole thing is, you want that guy able to, you know, push that button and get us into a nuclear holocaust?
Do you want that?
They're okay with it.
Turns out they are because they're all paid by the same people.
Donor.
Raytheon.
Just talk to us first.
Just go ahead, Mr. Trump.
Go ahead and bomb them, but just talk to us.
Yeah.
Come on.
Let us give you a little bit.
So Adam Schiff, who's Adam Schiff, who's been running around for three years saying that Donald Trump is a Russian asset, that Donald Trump is being controlled by Vladimir Putin and is a traitor to our own country.
He's okay with him running our military.
He's okay with that.
Well, if he comes and asks us, we'll let him go.
So that's how you know these guys.
And that's what a guy looks like when he's fucking lying you into a war.
That's the look Adam Schiff has on his face when he's trying to lie you into a war.
See that look?
That's Adam Schiff lying you into a war.
That's the look he gets.
And that's how I can tell he's lying us into a war.
But oh, he's got his warlike face on.
That's Adam Schiff.
That's exactly what he looks like when he's lying you into a war.
And that's why we have Trump, because both parties are bought by the same goddamn people.
And I know a lot of people don't like it in the Democratic Party.
I'm very unpopular with the Democratic Party, and I wear that as a badge of honor.
And I'm not going to sheepdog progressives into a party that actively cheats them and works against them.
That is fucking a fool's errand.
And anybody doing that should stop.
What do you think about that?
What do you think about that?
Well, listen, I think the Democratic Party is fundamentally corrupt.
And I don't, you know, I don't want to make absolute conclusions that it's impossible to be redeemed, although I think that's probably the case.
But yeah.
You don't think it's going to happen?
I don't think if I had to bet, I don't think, I don't think that.
I think Narutan will quit and the Democratic Party and just go join the Republicans like they're supposed to.
Yeah.
I mean, that's the problem.
People like Narutan, Debbie Watson, and Schultz, Corey, these are Republicans in any other era.
Yeah.
I do think that they are the, you know, the primary obstacles to actually a just and humane world because they're the ones standing in the way of creating a real left that could actually challenge the far right and you know win back all the people who've been duped by Trump and his gang into thinking that they're going to take on you know powerful interests when they're really not they're serving powerful interests but the problem is you have Democrats who are like Adam Schiff who are presented as the alternative well they're never going to win anybody over
Because they're ultimately, as you say, pursuing the same policies just in a friendlier way.
And in a more dishonest way, really, because they pretend to be progressive and liberals.
And this really puts them in a quandary because they have to still look on their face as they're opposing Trump.
Yeah.
As they still support a war with Iran.
Exactly right.
That's very hard for them to do.
And I love Chuck Schumer said, well, I'm afraid he's going to bunder us into a war.
As opposed to the well-laid-out planned wars you guys did in Iraq and Libya.
Yeah.
You mean unlike those?
You fucking.
Yeah.
Yeah.
In Afghanistan, which we're still there for no reason whatsoever.
Nobody could tell you why we're.
No one can tell you why we're in Afghanistan.
Well, you know what I think is also interesting is that people forget that there are real sociopaths and psychopaths in government.
That's one.
Right?
Like, they don't really.
Like, you can bitch and complain about your boss at work or maybe family members.
But it seems like people forget that you might see a movie with a sociopath and you're like, oh, my God.
Or a pathological psychopath.
They're in positions of power in our country.
Yeah.
And that's why we're here.
Mostly president and vice president.
Mostly that's where they reside.
The sociopaths are usually the head of banks on Wall Street, the head of fossil fuel companies, and the head of our political organizations.
If you don't think Naira Tanden is a sociopath, then you need to go look up that word again.
Because I showed you how she advocated for stealing the oil of Libya so that people don't get upset and maybe won't want to do our next foreign war like Syria.
That was her.
That's what she said.
And Julian Assange revealed that.
And so that's why she wants him in prison.
And if you want a journalist in prison for revealing the crimes of the powerful, then you're a fascist.
And that's what Naira Tanden is.
She's a fascist.
And she wants to invade other countries, steal their natural resources, and she wants to put the people in prison who want to tell people about that.
That's called a fascist.
And so she's one of the most powerful Democrats in Washington, D.C. She's the head of the Center for American Progress, which is one of the most powerful and well-moneyed think tanks in the entire country.
That's Naira Tanden.
She knows the guy who's the president of Google.
They're on first-name basis.
They could shut me down any time they want.
And Naira Tanden has come at me publicly on Twitter saying that she wants to shut us down.
So that's the world we're living in.
So that's why there is no Democratic Party.
There's a Democratic Party, but it's not a Democratic Party.
We have two Republican parties.
And then we have people like me who keep trying to tell people we have two Republican parties.
And they keep saying, why don't you make fun of the Republicans?
I am.
of the republicans they just call themselves democrats boom yeah um and we'll be right back so there's more to this so here's so watch how they're so here's how the hill here's how the hill covered this right so the hill says u.s finds itself isolated in the iran conflict imagine that we're why wouldn't the everyone want to go along with another fucking war in the middle east that we want to do why wouldn't they it's because of trump i bet yeah
Goddamn Trump.
Goddamn Trump.
Here it is.
As for the tanker attacks, one need not be a Trump supporter or a hardline Iran critic to believe that Tehran was behind them.
This is the hill.
For one thing, such attacks would signal a return to Iran's maritime mischief.
Maritime mischief.
Maritime mischief, yes.
Mischief.
Axis of evil.
Maritime mischief.
The maritime mischief of decades earlier
which prompted the u.s navy to destroy half of iran's fleet in 1988 they leave off that part where they we took down a an airliner passenger airliner passenger airline and we're also supporting saddam hussein as he was as he was gassing iranians and and murders and the kurds yeah yeah yeah yeah but again like basically every time one of these pieces invokes a historical claim like that it's false it's just false but everything we're such a propagandized culture that all these things that are taking
to be uh that all these things that that paint us in a benign light or in a positive light are just taken to be truth that's just truth like you don't question that right and then and the problem is there's only a few there's so few of us who who are challenging propaganda so you know like you see claims like This and it takes a research effort to go back and correct everything.
And that's that's how, but they get away with it because they just lie and they assert that they can just repeat historical lies by virtue of the fact that it serves it serves the ruling class.
So this is this is how to me, this is what Orwell talked about when they would go and rewrite the past in the history books.
So that's what this is.
So they don't literally take out a history book and rewrite it, but when you go and they present history, it's whitewashed.
And so this is the history that the establishment is presenting you.
Iran has been up to mischief all the time, maritime mischief.
And they leave out that participate.
And that was after we had overthrown their democratically elected president and put in a puppet, which was an oppressive guy named the Shah.
And they got so sick of him.
What happened?
Oh, they got a right-wing-wing theocrat to be their leader.
Oh, that seems like when that's what happens when people are desperate, they're vulnerable to right-wing despots, demagogues, theocracies.
That's how we got Trump.
People are desperate.
In 2008, people voted for open change.
In 2016, they did the same goddamn thing.
For another, even House Intelligence Committee Chairman Adam Schiff, a fierce Trump critic, acknowledged the overwhelming evidence that Iran is to blame.
See, so everybody agrees.
Everybody, even Adam Schiff says so.
And there's Adam Schiff.
Today, a group of us met with the president of Iran.
We urged him to de-escalate tensions and avoid miscalculation.
Iran wants to drive a wedge between the U.S. and our allies.
Iran's the bad guy still.
Iran's the bad guy.
Iran's the bad guy.
We got to stand with Trump.
Should we stand with Trump?
Is that what you're saying, Adam?
I also reminded him there's no congressional authorization for war with Iran.
Even the way he writes his tweets are just so annoying.
It's annoying.
He's the most like smug.
He's programmed.
Yeah, and of course, again, we so the issue here is that Iran wants to drive away.
Like, what is he talking about?
Iran just wants to not be suffocated.
And it wants the U.S. to respect the nuclear deal that it pulled out of and to stop trying to make life miserable for its people.
Leave it alone.
And again, there's no congressional authorization.
Yeah.
Okay, great, Adam.
Thanks.
Thank you, Adam.
So that's like when he says that, that's like a bone to his Democratic base.
Like, we still have the power over Trump.
That's what that is.
So here's the New York Times.
Here's what they say.
President Trump's last-minute decision to pull back from a retaliatory strike on Iran underscored a lack of appealing options to counter Tehran's nuclear program.
What the again, Iran's the problem, and we got to do something.
How can you not do anything?
You have to do something.
That's what they're saying, right?
Exactly.
Because respecting the agreement that you entered into that would totally restrict Iran's nuclear program, that's not an appealing option.
It's not appealing to respect your own agreements.
So what else is there?
Geez, like, what else can I do?
I don't know.
I guess I got a bomb.
And by the way, there is no nuclear program.
I mean, under the deal, they're allowed to do some enrichment.
But in terms of power, because that's what countries do.
And, you know, they had this, they negotiated for many years to work out the scheme for that, and everybody was on board.
You know, Russia took part.
Everybody's had.
And when they talk about a nuclear program, they often conflate that and try to suggest that Iran has a nuclear weapons program, which they don't, which they don't.
U.S. intelligence concluded a long time ago that Iran has no nuclear weapons program because they calculated that there's no point for them trying to get one and they just it wasn't worth their their energy.
So they haven't even been working on one.
They don't even have a nuclear weapons program.
But again, it's assumed that they want one and it's assumed that we have the right to just withdraw from a deal that restricted a possible nuclear program in the future and then mull bombing because we don't have any other appealing options.
Well, look, I love the headline here.
If you can't read it, I'll read it to you.
It says, facing intensifying confrontation with Iran, Trump has few appealing options.
Facing intensifying confrontation with you mean the U.S. is ramping up military action with Iran.
Where are we doing that?
In fucking Iran.
They're not here in the Gulf of Mexico.
Iran's not over here.
We're over there.
So this is called radicalizing people for war.
YouTube doesn't radicalize people for war.
The New York Times radicalizes people for war.
This is how you do it.
So now everybody's afraid of fake news and people getting radicalized by the right on YouTube.
There was no YouTube video that ever led us into a fucking war.
You know what does?
The New York Times front page every goddamn time.
Here's another one.
The New York Times, Republicans lost no time comparing President Trump's decision to call off a missile strike on Iran to Barack Obama shelving a strike against Syria in 2013.
But the comparison overlooks important differences.
No, Brock was right, but Trump shouldn't have called this one off.
This is fucked up.
I mean, this is Iran.
I mean, they did something to us, and now we're going to lose our street cred.
What the fuck?
We got to kill some motherfuckers or else we're going to lose credibility in the region.
And if you want to come join the Crips, we'll take you.
That's what this is.
You know, it's funny there, too, is they mentioned Clinton in 98 backing off of bombing Iraq.
Okay, yeah, he did, but then he bombed it like, you know, not that long after that.
Right.
You know, so maybe the New York Times will get their bombing just like Clinton did.
It's just amazing how they can twist, just like Chomsky says, the facts are in there, but you got to hold it sideways and up to the light and shake it a little because the way they present it always radicalizes people for war.
And New York Times will never lose their YouTube channel or their social or Twitter account or their Facebook page.
No.
They can radicalize people for war all day long.
And they do.
Not making it up.
It's right there.
We don't radicalize people for war, but we're dangerous.
Hey, this is Jimmy.
Who's this?
Hey, Jimmy, it's Joe Biden.
Wow.
How are you?
I'm fine, Mr. Vice President.
Thanks for asking.
Call me Joe.
How's everybody doing?
Hey, you know, there's a lot more to that phone call, but we don't have time in today's podcast.
How do you hear the entire phone call?
You got to become a premium member.
Go to JimmyDorkComedy.com.
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Today's show was written.
That's right.
It was written by Frank Connoff, Jim Earl, Ron Placone, Step Semerano, and Mark Van Landowick.
All the voices today performed by the one and the only, the inimitable Mike McRae, who can be found at mikemcray.com.
That's it for this week.
you be the best you can be and I'll keep being me.
Don't break out.
Don't, don't, don't, don't break out.
Don't break out.
Don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't don't Don't freak out.
Don't freak out.
I'm not getting it.
Don't don't.
Do not freak.
Don't freak out.
Do not, do not, do not.
Do not freak.
Do not freak.
Do not freak out.
Don't break out.
Don't break out.
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